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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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♪
2
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What is gout?
3
00:00:04,228 --> 00:00:06,211
Are you a 15th century British monarch?
4
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- No.
- You don't have it.
5
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Hmm.
6
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God, there's like 5,000 questions.
7
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You're a city employee now.
8
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Half your life is gonna be
paperwork, congrats.
9
00:00:15,499 --> 00:00:19,085
Hey, is it okay if I put you
down as my emergency contact?
10
00:00:19,110 --> 00:00:20,992
Well, since I'm the guy
most likely to harm you,
11
00:00:21,017 --> 00:00:22,625
it seems like a conflict of interest.
12
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[DISPATCH] Truck 12. Resident
reporting problem with rabbits.
13
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907 Maple Lane.
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Question, have subjects
been observed as... wascaly?
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[CHUCKLES]
16
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[DISPATCH] Are you going or not?
17
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Yes. We'll hop right on over.
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That's it, get out.
19
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What?
20
00:00:41,290 --> 00:00:43,559
We talked about this,
two lame jokes before coffee, get out.
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[SHRED] Wait, really?
You were serious about that?
22
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As a heart attack.
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Hey. Come on.
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You're taking this too far, Frank.
25
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You can come back! I learned my lesson!
26
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No jokes before coffee!
27
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[THEME SONG]
28
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- Synced and corrected by synk -
- www.MY-SUBS.com -
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So, I've been micro-dosing
mushrooms for anxiety
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but my rabbits have gotten
into my special chocolate bars.
31
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Oh, that was faster than I thought.
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This gentleman's bunnies ate his drugs.
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They've been acting really aggressive.
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They look pretty chill to me.
35
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Yeah, but in a circling the
wagon conspiratorial sort of way.
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Look at them. Plotting something evil.
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Okay. So the rabbits
are handling their high
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better than their owner,
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but sure, we'll take them in
for observation.
40
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Hey hippies!
Sorry, summer of love is over.
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Time to sleep it off downtown.
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[FRANK] What is happening?
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- Hey! Ow!
- [RABBITS SQUEALING]
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Jeez! My God! Come on! Ow!
45
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Retreat, retreat! Jeez!
46
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I told you, they're in
a very bad headspace.
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[FRANK] What the hell did you
put in that chocolate?
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I used to be a cop.
49
00:02:23,679 --> 00:02:26,383
I busted international crime rings.
And I'm getting...
50
00:02:26,408 --> 00:02:27,640
- Hey.
- I thought you were brave.
51
00:02:27,665 --> 00:02:29,441
You guys know about this
taco truck up the street?
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The breakfast burritos... four stars.
53
00:02:32,060 --> 00:02:33,520
What's up with the first-aid kit?
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It's, uh, killer bunnies
on recreational drugs, bro.
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Really? What kind?
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You know, like, basic,
floppy-eared, fluffy.
57
00:02:39,718 --> 00:02:41,809
No, no, the drugs. What kinds of drugs?
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It's like psychedelic mushrooms.
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The homeowner makes his own chocolates.
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Really? Did he mention
if it was straight
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or if it was cut with
purity-tested MDMA?
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Did he mention that?
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Look, this isn't Bonnaroo.
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These rabbits are higher
than my uncle at Thanksgiving
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and they're calling the shots.
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00:02:57,419 --> 00:03:00,737
Everybody relax, okay?
I got a couple rabbits at home.
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I speak fluent bunny.
68
00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:05,714
I mean, you might wanna film this.
69
00:03:05,739 --> 00:03:07,739
Could be a valuable teaching tool.
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00:03:08,096 --> 00:03:10,764
Hey guys. How are you doing?
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You know I have two rabbits
at home, Snowball and Batman.
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Yeah, we let the kids name them.
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00:03:17,589 --> 00:03:21,325
And they are just as cute
and adorable...
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...as you, uh-huh.
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00:03:23,929 --> 00:03:26,187
That Phyllis, she's the mama.
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Oh, aren't you a little love muffin?
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[CHITTERS]
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[SCREAMS]
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Oh! Get off me, you mangy bitch!
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Hey Shred, you're always trying
to be smarter.
81
00:03:35,523 --> 00:03:37,584
Look up "hoisted on one's own petard"
82
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and it will literally be
a picture of this.
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Argh!
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Uh, should we call for backup?
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Bunny backup?
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Dude, do you have any idea
of the ridicule
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that will come our way?
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No. We got this.
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Cuddle time is over.
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[HEROIC MUSIC PLAYING]
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♪
92
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Hey. So, we're gonna need to
collect the medicated chocolate
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for our vet so she can calibrate
an overdose treatment.
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00:04:15,453 --> 00:04:17,620
Right, of course. Anything to help.
95
00:04:17,698 --> 00:04:20,640
And, um, look, I know I shouldn't
be messing around with drugs.
96
00:04:20,642 --> 00:04:23,459
I'm gonna turn over
a new leaf right now.
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00:04:23,537 --> 00:04:25,829
Yeah. Drugs are bad.
98
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Uh, make sure you get all of them.
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You should be ashamed of yourself.
100
00:04:31,712 --> 00:04:33,810
No, I'm not. Not even a little bit.
101
00:04:33,835 --> 00:04:37,491
I suspect his bars
contain psilocybin and 2CB.
102
00:04:37,567 --> 00:04:39,671
That combination is known
to give you orgasms
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and make you feel like you've
been launched into outer space.
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And rabbits have no business
experiencing pleasure like that.
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Okay. Just remember, you promised
to watch the kids this weekend, okay?
106
00:04:48,055 --> 00:04:49,221
And they're very excited,
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they picked out a movie
and everything, Freaky Friday.
108
00:04:51,155 --> 00:04:53,664
It's a silly premise but, uh, the
emotion really sneaks up on you.
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- Yeah. I...
- It does.
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- I will be there.
- Okay.
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The chocolates are for tonight.
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Do you remember that guy
I met in Costa Rica?
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Yeah. The... the yogi or the surfer?
114
00:05:00,866 --> 00:05:03,674
The yogi. So, he's in town,
but he's only free for one night.
115
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Mmhmm.
116
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He's really flexible.
Just, like... not with his time.
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Right.
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00:05:08,863 --> 00:05:10,501
Anyway, what are you guys up to
for your big date?
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Oh, we're actually gonna go eat
Swedish meatballs at Ikea.
120
00:05:12,785 --> 00:05:13,893
And test out futons.
121
00:05:13,918 --> 00:05:15,826
I know it sounds pathetic
but I'm actually really excited.
122
00:05:15,851 --> 00:05:17,927
Maya and I, we haven't been
alone together in, like, months.
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00:05:17,952 --> 00:05:19,176
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
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Don't be insulted but I'm so
glad I don't have your life.
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00:05:21,945 --> 00:05:24,763
Well, you're tempting fate
'cause we could end up
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accidentally eating
magic fortune cookies
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and end up switching places.
128
00:05:29,452 --> 00:05:31,193
Is that what happens in the movie?
129
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I don't wanna ruin it for you.
130
00:05:32,640 --> 00:05:35,455
You just did like... like you
told me the ending.
131
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Maybe I didn't though.
132
00:05:37,719 --> 00:05:39,261
- Or maybe I did.
- Huh.
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Oh, at least it's donut Wednesday.
134
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What abomination is this?
135
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Who's day is it? I want answers.
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I want revenge.
137
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Okay. But is it okay
if I have some jicama?
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'Cause I love jicama.
139
00:05:58,389 --> 00:06:00,907
No. I want revenge. Shout it with me.
140
00:06:00,961 --> 00:06:02,603
- Revenge!
- Revenge!
141
00:06:02,628 --> 00:06:03,703
Revenge!
142
00:06:03,728 --> 00:06:05,197
You make it sound playful.
Put some fury behind it.
143
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- Revenge!
- Revenge!
144
00:06:06,489 --> 00:06:07,942
- Revenge!
- Revenge!
145
00:06:07,967 --> 00:06:09,208
Revenge!
146
00:06:09,233 --> 00:06:12,502
[WHISPERS] Shh! I'm on the phone
with my daughter's teacher.
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There's been a horrible accident,
I gotta call you back.
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Revenge.
149
00:06:17,909 --> 00:06:18,983
- Revenge!
- Revenge!
150
00:06:18,985 --> 00:06:20,168
- Revenge!
- Revenge!
151
00:06:20,170 --> 00:06:21,761
Okay, I proudly take responsibility.
152
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Donut Wednesday, Delores.
It's a sacred tradition.
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Handed down to us by the Romans.
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You defiled this holy tabernacle
with your cru d'été.
155
00:06:29,420 --> 00:06:31,912
This is our tabernacle, Delores.
156
00:06:31,937 --> 00:06:33,828
Okay. This office has a serious case
157
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of the late morning sugar blues
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and someone had to intervene.
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How dare you act unilaterally.
160
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It's America. It's donuts.
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Shred, throw that away.
162
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- Oh, come on.
- Throw it away.
163
00:06:44,770 --> 00:06:46,906
- It's just a jicama stick.
- Throw it away. Spit it out.
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This is very disappointing.
165
00:06:48,296 --> 00:06:51,358
How's my favorite
under-performing precinct doing?
166
00:06:51,383 --> 00:06:53,537
Oh, you sad, sad man.
167
00:06:53,562 --> 00:06:55,977
You drove across town just to
make fun of us for the rabbits.
168
00:06:56,054 --> 00:06:58,307
What rabbits? I didn't
hear anything about rabbits.
169
00:06:58,332 --> 00:07:01,257
Ha! Because there were no rabbits.
170
00:07:01,577 --> 00:07:03,318
Hey Emily. Got your speech ready?
171
00:07:03,320 --> 00:07:04,780
Who told you about that?
172
00:07:04,805 --> 00:07:07,230
She's giving the keynote
at the AACL luncheon today.
173
00:07:07,232 --> 00:07:10,325
Whoa. I don't know what
it stands for but congrats.
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Why didn't you tell us?
175
00:07:11,645 --> 00:07:13,225
I... I just get a little nervous
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00:07:13,250 --> 00:07:14,904
so I just wanted to keep it
under the radar.
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That's why I'm here.
178
00:07:16,166 --> 00:07:19,351
I spoke last year and,
whoo... stressful.
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00:07:19,353 --> 00:07:21,411
And I know how much you hate
public speaking, so...
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00:07:21,488 --> 00:07:25,277
Yeah, but I've been practicing
so I think I'll be good.
181
00:07:25,302 --> 00:07:26,468
Of course.
182
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No worry, it's just a couple
hundred people in the audience.
183
00:07:28,178 --> 00:07:29,252
- And, uh...
- Uh-huh.
184
00:07:29,254 --> 00:07:31,254
They film it and post it
on their website
185
00:07:31,332 --> 00:07:32,803
and it's up there forever.
186
00:07:32,828 --> 00:07:34,942
So, nobody looks at it.
[WHISPERS] Yes, they do.
187
00:07:34,944 --> 00:07:36,944
I watched your speech, Templeton.
188
00:07:36,946 --> 00:07:39,446
- Several times, so funny.
- Big fan.
189
00:07:39,523 --> 00:07:42,341
What kind of truck does a pig drive?
190
00:07:42,343 --> 00:07:43,450
A hambulance.
191
00:07:43,452 --> 00:07:44,601
Ah, that line killed.
192
00:07:44,678 --> 00:07:46,102
[LAUGHS]
193
00:07:46,180 --> 00:07:48,132
Anyway, uh, happy to step in for you
194
00:07:48,157 --> 00:07:50,917
and I promise you the audience
will not be disappointed.
195
00:07:50,942 --> 00:07:52,200
Thank you so much.
196
00:07:52,202 --> 00:07:54,444
Uh, but shouldn't you be
on patrol or something?
197
00:07:54,521 --> 00:07:55,854
Heading out now.
198
00:07:55,856 --> 00:07:57,873
Oh! What's that?
199
00:07:58,467 --> 00:08:02,719
Looks like I have an email
that is stuck in my outbox.
200
00:08:03,973 --> 00:08:05,973
- Boom!
- [PHONE ALERTS CHIMING]
201
00:08:06,049 --> 00:08:07,866
Fixed it. Enjoy.
202
00:08:08,293 --> 00:08:12,312
A gleefully vindictive message
from Officer Templeton Dutch.
203
00:08:12,389 --> 00:08:14,631
That jerk got a hold of
our body-cam footage.
204
00:08:14,633 --> 00:08:16,558
Oh, he did know about the rabbits.
205
00:08:16,583 --> 00:08:17,651
[FRANK] Ugh.
206
00:08:17,676 --> 00:08:18,959
[DELORES] Look at you guys running away
207
00:08:18,984 --> 00:08:20,379
from the li'l rabbits!
208
00:08:20,381 --> 00:08:21,907
We were regrouping!
209
00:08:21,932 --> 00:08:23,373
Are you... are you...
are you kidding me?!
210
00:08:23,398 --> 00:08:25,642
What... what are these, green peppers?!
211
00:08:25,644 --> 00:08:27,815
Okay. I support healthy choices,
Delores,
212
00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:29,523
but it is donut Wednesday.
213
00:08:29,548 --> 00:08:33,442
I am stressed and I need sugar
so you need to fix this.
214
00:08:34,296 --> 00:08:35,560
Revenge!
215
00:08:35,562 --> 00:08:36,920
[ALL IN UNISON] Revenge!
216
00:08:38,507 --> 00:08:41,175
[EMILY ATTEMPTING TO BREATHE CALMLY]
217
00:08:41,251 --> 00:08:43,068
Hey. Hey.
218
00:08:43,070 --> 00:08:44,912
Try not to let Templeton
get in your head.
219
00:08:44,937 --> 00:08:48,331
Oh yeah, uh, too late.
Uh, he is... he is in there.
220
00:08:48,409 --> 00:08:49,660
Okay, listen.
221
00:08:49,685 --> 00:08:52,397
I used to get really nervous
before big competitions.
222
00:08:52,422 --> 00:08:53,664
Like, it got bad.
223
00:08:53,689 --> 00:08:56,404
So I remember my coach hooked me
up with this sports psychologist
224
00:08:56,429 --> 00:08:58,341
who gave me some cool
relaxation techniques.
225
00:08:58,419 --> 00:09:00,027
If you wanna try.
226
00:09:00,029 --> 00:09:01,177
Okay.
227
00:09:01,202 --> 00:09:02,443
- Yeah?
- Yeah, okay.
228
00:09:02,468 --> 00:09:04,326
'Cause my heart is um...
really pounding.
229
00:09:04,351 --> 00:09:06,326
Okay. Um, so, close your eyes.
230
00:09:06,429 --> 00:09:07,445
Yeah.
231
00:09:07,470 --> 00:09:11,138
Take a deep breath and imagine
yourself on a mountain.
232
00:09:11,523 --> 00:09:14,756
Now, you're about to start a race
against this big-ass Swiss dude.
233
00:09:14,781 --> 00:09:16,859
Wait. No. Sorry.
234
00:09:16,861 --> 00:09:19,213
Visualize yourself giving the speech.
235
00:09:19,289 --> 00:09:23,366
Confident, calm, looking
super fly in your business suit
236
00:09:23,368 --> 00:09:25,944
and the crowd is loving it.
237
00:09:26,257 --> 00:09:31,058
They're chanting your name.
Emily! Emily! Emily!
238
00:09:31,134 --> 00:09:33,330
Well, it's a professional conference
239
00:09:33,355 --> 00:09:35,873
so there's not really
a whole lot of chanting.
240
00:09:35,898 --> 00:09:36,949
No chanting?
241
00:09:36,974 --> 00:09:39,140
- No.
- That's too bad.
242
00:09:39,142 --> 00:09:43,553
Okay. Then just visualize yourself
absolutely crushing the speech.
243
00:09:43,630 --> 00:09:44,738
Okay.
244
00:09:46,483 --> 00:09:47,991
How's your heart rate?
245
00:09:50,412 --> 00:09:53,413
It is actually better. [LAUGHS]
246
00:09:53,490 --> 00:09:56,328
You're gonna medal for sure.
247
00:09:59,588 --> 00:10:01,997
Oh, um... remind me.
248
00:10:01,999 --> 00:10:05,074
In my outfit you said I looked, um...
249
00:10:05,099 --> 00:10:06,125
Super fly.
250
00:10:06,150 --> 00:10:08,217
Super fly. Right, okay.
251
00:10:14,161 --> 00:10:16,011
♪
252
00:10:16,087 --> 00:10:18,818
[SHRED] Okay. Only one
big question left.
253
00:10:18,843 --> 00:10:22,776
Who's going to step up
and be my emergency contact?
254
00:10:22,853 --> 00:10:24,669
Don't you have family you can ask?
255
00:10:24,671 --> 00:10:26,947
My dad died and my mom moved to Florida.
256
00:10:27,024 --> 00:10:29,341
But she's got a sweet condo on the beach
257
00:10:29,343 --> 00:10:32,436
and she says any time I wanna
bring down my emergency contact
258
00:10:32,461 --> 00:10:34,778
for a little sand and sea,
she has a room waiting.
259
00:10:34,780 --> 00:10:37,222
Oh. Well, I hope you and that
guy without boundaries
260
00:10:37,299 --> 00:10:38,949
have fun with your mom.
261
00:10:38,951 --> 00:10:41,968
No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
262
00:10:42,045 --> 00:10:45,546
Guys, who ate one of my chocolate bars?
263
00:10:45,624 --> 00:10:47,307
There were three and now there's two.
264
00:10:47,309 --> 00:10:49,142
And they were hidden way at the back
265
00:10:49,167 --> 00:10:50,614
with my frickin' name on it.
266
00:10:50,639 --> 00:10:52,530
If your name's on it, that's sacrosanct.
267
00:10:52,555 --> 00:10:53,739
You can look that word up, Shred.
268
00:10:53,741 --> 00:10:54,883
[WHISPERS] Sacrosanct...
269
00:10:54,908 --> 00:10:56,575
Although I did eat Patel's
ice cream bar.
270
00:10:56,651 --> 00:10:59,911
What? I was saving that
for my end of the week treat!
271
00:10:59,988 --> 00:11:02,966
Oh, you were intolerable yesterday.
It demanded a response.
272
00:11:02,991 --> 00:11:05,642
Why? Because I said the Mariners
don't have a shot this year?
273
00:11:05,644 --> 00:11:07,621
Say it again and you can kiss
your tuna sandwich goodbye.
274
00:11:07,646 --> 00:11:08,795
The Mariners don't have
a shot this year.
275
00:11:08,820 --> 00:11:10,330
Oh, that tuna sandwich is gonna taste...
276
00:11:10,355 --> 00:11:12,832
The Mariners don't have a shot.
The Mariners don't have a shot...
277
00:11:12,834 --> 00:11:15,835
Okay, I think we're done here.
I need to know who ate my chocolate bar.
278
00:11:15,860 --> 00:11:17,631
Shred, check the waste baskets now.
279
00:11:17,656 --> 00:11:20,100
Thanks. Great.
Uh, those chocolate bars were laced
280
00:11:20,125 --> 00:11:21,933
with high-grade hallucinogenics.
281
00:11:21,935 --> 00:11:23,510
Have you seen double rainbow?
282
00:11:23,586 --> 00:11:25,604
Someone's about to be 10 times
more like that guy
283
00:11:25,680 --> 00:11:26,754
than that guy was.
284
00:11:26,779 --> 00:11:29,012
Hey. Did Emily make it back?
285
00:11:30,352 --> 00:11:31,518
Uh... I'm not sure.
286
00:11:31,594 --> 00:11:34,815
I was gonna give her a ride
but she ran off after her presentation.
287
00:11:34,840 --> 00:11:36,091
Um... can this wait?
288
00:11:36,116 --> 00:11:38,450
It's just, we're in the middle
of a bit of a crisis.
289
00:11:38,475 --> 00:11:41,292
It's just weird because
her speech went so well.
290
00:11:41,346 --> 00:11:43,847
She was funny, talking off the cuff...
291
00:11:43,865 --> 00:11:46,533
she even sang at one point.
292
00:11:46,609 --> 00:11:48,201
Oh God.
293
00:11:48,278 --> 00:11:49,911
Emily ate the chocolate.
294
00:11:49,936 --> 00:11:50,985
All of it?
295
00:11:51,039 --> 00:11:53,015
It looks that way, yeah.
296
00:11:53,040 --> 00:11:54,312
Code red.
297
00:11:54,337 --> 00:11:55,944
My thin mints are missing,
gone without a trace.
298
00:11:55,969 --> 00:11:57,210
She's binging.
299
00:11:57,287 --> 00:11:59,029
Actually, I threw the cookies out.
300
00:11:59,031 --> 00:12:00,449
You'll thank me later.
301
00:12:00,474 --> 00:12:03,457
Actually, I will not thank you.
I will not thank you, Delores!
302
00:12:03,535 --> 00:12:07,387
I want my own refrigerator. 'Kay?
303
00:12:07,463 --> 00:12:09,481
Delores, I want my own refrigerator!
304
00:12:13,061 --> 00:12:14,711
So, who's your emergency contact?
305
00:12:14,713 --> 00:12:15,803
My father.
306
00:12:15,828 --> 00:12:17,881
Aww, I didn't know you were
close with your dad.
307
00:12:17,906 --> 00:12:19,473
We're not. I hate that son of a bitch.
308
00:12:19,551 --> 00:12:20,884
Then why did you choose him?
309
00:12:20,886 --> 00:12:22,977
Well, if something happens
to me, he's on the hook.
310
00:12:23,002 --> 00:12:26,832
With any luck, I'll be a
vegetable requiring 24-hour care.
311
00:12:26,834 --> 00:12:29,742
That makes me sad, bro.
My dad was my best friend.
312
00:12:29,767 --> 00:12:31,054
Yeah, of course he was.
313
00:12:31,079 --> 00:12:34,172
My only regret is I never got to
tell him how much he meant to me.
314
00:12:34,249 --> 00:12:36,623
I mean, he probably knew because
I told him I loved him every day.
315
00:12:36,677 --> 00:12:38,112
Except when my phone died,
316
00:12:38,137 --> 00:12:39,896
which happened a lot when I was
competing in Europe
317
00:12:39,921 --> 00:12:42,238
'cause I didn't have the right plugs.
318
00:12:42,240 --> 00:12:44,832
Point is... don't leave things unsaid.
319
00:12:44,834 --> 00:12:46,393
Call your dad.
320
00:12:48,338 --> 00:12:51,672
You know, they make those three-in-one
adapters. They have for years.
321
00:12:51,674 --> 00:12:52,953
Really?
322
00:12:54,419 --> 00:12:55,861
Now I have two regrets.
323
00:12:55,937 --> 00:12:58,605
[DISPATCH] Truck 12. Pet python
escaped its enclosure.
324
00:12:58,681 --> 00:13:00,514
7276 South Kenwood.
325
00:13:00,592 --> 00:13:02,942
And get this. It's JT Wallace's house.
326
00:13:03,019 --> 00:13:04,928
Holy crap. JT Wallace.
327
00:13:04,930 --> 00:13:06,096
Oh, who's that?
328
00:13:06,098 --> 00:13:09,541
Are you serious?
The wide receiver for the Seahawks?
329
00:13:09,618 --> 00:13:12,360
In what world could I have been
your emergency contact?
330
00:13:12,385 --> 00:13:13,545
Get out.
331
00:13:13,570 --> 00:13:15,005
[SHRED] What, really?
We're doing this again?
332
00:13:15,030 --> 00:13:16,738
I'm not... I can't even look at you.
333
00:13:22,038 --> 00:13:23,513
Don't look at me!
334
00:13:26,086 --> 00:13:27,944
[VICTORIA] How the hell
are we gonna find her?
335
00:13:27,969 --> 00:13:30,706
I don't know. It's just like
looking for someone's lost mutt.
336
00:13:30,731 --> 00:13:34,290
Oh, so we put out some beef
strips and stand behind a bush?
337
00:13:34,292 --> 00:13:35,763
I know you're kidding
but do you have beef strips?
338
00:13:35,788 --> 00:13:37,787
Everything I was gonna eat today
got senselessly ripped away from me.
339
00:13:37,812 --> 00:13:40,405
No. I don't eat gassy foods on sex days.
340
00:13:40,482 --> 00:13:41,907
Ooh, how's it going
with the yogi by the way?
341
00:13:41,932 --> 00:13:43,006
Do you like him?
342
00:13:43,031 --> 00:13:44,338
As a person?
343
00:13:44,519 --> 00:13:46,244
He's done so much healing
344
00:13:46,321 --> 00:13:48,229
he's healed himself right out of
an actual personality.
345
00:13:48,306 --> 00:13:50,731
But in bed, and I say this as someone
346
00:13:50,809 --> 00:13:53,084
with a sufficiently large sample pool,
347
00:13:53,086 --> 00:13:54,753
- Mmmhmm.
- Uh, he's detail-oriented.
348
00:13:54,755 --> 00:13:56,312
Hmm.
349
00:13:56,314 --> 00:13:57,756
I used to be detail-oriented.
350
00:13:57,832 --> 00:14:00,241
That was before I was tired
all the time.
351
00:14:00,318 --> 00:14:03,486
Maybe you should try some of this.
352
00:14:03,488 --> 00:14:04,515
- No.
- I'll give you a little.
353
00:14:04,540 --> 00:14:05,556
No. I can't eat that.
354
00:14:05,581 --> 00:14:08,491
Yes, you can. Give it a shot.
It makes everything feel amazing
355
00:14:08,493 --> 00:14:09,937
and you're not really doing
anything different.
356
00:14:09,962 --> 00:14:11,312
It's almost like cheating.
357
00:14:11,496 --> 00:14:12,975
My life's not built for that.
358
00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:15,440
Every night I'm taking a kid to the ER.
359
00:14:15,517 --> 00:14:17,500
Or talking another one down
from a nightmare.
360
00:14:17,502 --> 00:14:19,427
Last night it was global warming.
361
00:14:19,429 --> 00:14:22,096
I can't discuss polar ice caps
all high and horny.
362
00:14:22,174 --> 00:14:24,449
Oh, my God. Is that Emily?
363
00:14:24,526 --> 00:14:26,434
[CHEERING]
364
00:14:26,511 --> 00:14:31,429
[CHANTING] Emily! Emily! Emily! Emily!
365
00:14:38,023 --> 00:14:39,506
Even Seahawk colors.
366
00:14:42,452 --> 00:14:43,693
Sheesh. You almost beat me.
367
00:14:43,695 --> 00:14:45,637
Yeah. Asher knows all the shortcuts.
368
00:14:45,639 --> 00:14:48,364
Hey, good luck
with your girlfriend, buddy.
369
00:14:48,366 --> 00:14:50,233
I sincerely hope everything works out.
370
00:14:50,258 --> 00:14:52,375
[GIRLFRIEND] Thank God
you're here. Hurry!
371
00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:56,414
He was cleaning the cage.
372
00:14:56,943 --> 00:14:58,535
Holy crap.
373
00:14:58,560 --> 00:14:59,651
It's huge.
374
00:14:59,676 --> 00:15:01,342
Frank, have you ever dealt with
something like this before?
375
00:15:01,367 --> 00:15:02,967
No. And I can't tell you how much,
376
00:15:02,992 --> 00:15:04,638
but something that's not nothing
just slipped out of me
377
00:15:04,716 --> 00:15:05,882
and into my underwear.
378
00:15:05,884 --> 00:15:07,475
It's getting tighter.
379
00:15:07,552 --> 00:15:09,477
Just remain calm, we're gonna
unwind it from you.
380
00:15:09,479 --> 00:15:11,123
Shred, grab the head.
381
00:15:11,148 --> 00:15:13,314
I'm not grabbing the head, man.
It's scary and gross.
382
00:15:13,316 --> 00:15:15,149
The Seahawks have a very shallow
depth chart,
383
00:15:15,174 --> 00:15:17,007
- now grab the head.
- I'm not touching that thing.
384
00:15:17,032 --> 00:15:19,039
I was led to believe
this job was mostly dogs.
385
00:15:19,064 --> 00:15:20,315
Help him!
386
00:15:20,340 --> 00:15:22,749
This thing is super strong.
Grab something, Shred.
387
00:15:22,825 --> 00:15:24,417
Okay. But I'm closing my eyes.
388
00:15:24,494 --> 00:15:26,660
Is this a bad time to tell you
that I'm a big fan?
389
00:15:26,662 --> 00:15:27,737
[JT] Yes.
390
00:15:27,739 --> 00:15:29,572
Okay. Well, it would just seem phony
391
00:15:29,597 --> 00:15:31,310
if I didn't say anything, right?
392
00:15:31,335 --> 00:15:32,851
Listen, man, you get this thing off me,
393
00:15:32,853 --> 00:15:33,903
I'll sign anything you want.
394
00:15:33,928 --> 00:15:35,520
Really? How about a football?
395
00:15:35,545 --> 00:15:36,639
- Yes.
- How about a jersey?
396
00:15:36,664 --> 00:15:37,718
- Yes.
- A helmet?
397
00:15:37,743 --> 00:15:38,834
Yes.
398
00:15:38,917 --> 00:15:40,416
What about one of those
breast cancer awareness hats...
399
00:15:40,418 --> 00:15:41,934
- Anything!
- That are collectible.
400
00:15:42,011 --> 00:15:43,528
[GASPS]
401
00:15:44,364 --> 00:15:46,573
Yeah. I thought I was gonna die.
402
00:15:48,201 --> 00:15:50,276
[GROANING] Okay, yeah, yeah...
403
00:15:50,353 --> 00:15:53,521
Oh, my God. It's on me now.
404
00:15:53,598 --> 00:15:57,375
If I don't make it... beat the Rams.
405
00:15:59,656 --> 00:16:00,861
[VICTORIA] Oh, my god.
406
00:16:00,886 --> 00:16:03,600
Emily! Hey! How's it going, girl?
407
00:16:03,625 --> 00:16:05,383
Oh, man. You are really good out there.
408
00:16:05,460 --> 00:16:06,609
What'd you play in high school?
409
00:16:06,611 --> 00:16:08,536
- Yeah.
- What are you guys doing here?
410
00:16:08,613 --> 00:16:09,779
Uh, we, we just, uh...
411
00:16:09,781 --> 00:16:11,798
we just came to take you back
to the office.
412
00:16:11,823 --> 00:16:12,942
To the office.
413
00:16:12,967 --> 00:16:17,453
Oh. No. I'm not going back.
414
00:16:17,455 --> 00:16:19,972
Yeah. I'm... I'm never going back.
415
00:16:20,049 --> 00:16:21,566
Bye!
416
00:16:21,568 --> 00:16:23,234
Oh, I hate running.
417
00:16:23,311 --> 00:16:25,478
- Emily! Emily!
- Emily!
418
00:16:25,480 --> 00:16:26,697
My god, she's out of control.
419
00:16:26,722 --> 00:16:28,239
[PATEL] Hello! Emily! Slow down!
Stop guys!
420
00:16:28,274 --> 00:16:29,362
Guys, guys, stop her!
421
00:16:29,387 --> 00:16:31,035
Whoo! My whole body's buzzing.
422
00:16:31,060 --> 00:16:32,652
I've never felt more alive!
423
00:16:32,728 --> 00:16:34,637
Dude, that snake had plans for you.
424
00:16:34,639 --> 00:16:38,232
A brush with death and an
encounter with a world-class athlete.
425
00:16:38,310 --> 00:16:40,706
Okay. That's obviously
a little bit hurtful.
426
00:16:40,731 --> 00:16:43,957
I came in 7th at Pyeongchang
but I know it's a niche sport.
427
00:16:43,959 --> 00:16:46,977
Listen, don't get needy but
you were pretty good back there.
428
00:16:46,979 --> 00:16:48,760
- Really?
- You're already being needy.
429
00:16:48,785 --> 00:16:51,108
I won't say another word.
Except that after this,
430
00:16:51,133 --> 00:16:53,984
I can't imagine being in battle
with anyone else.
431
00:16:54,060 --> 00:16:55,577
Snake brothers forever!
432
00:16:55,602 --> 00:16:57,402
Oh, 100 percent did this to myself.
433
00:16:58,474 --> 00:16:59,901
- Again?
- Give me those forms.
434
00:16:59,926 --> 00:17:02,159
- What? What did I do?
- Give me those forms.
435
00:17:02,235 --> 00:17:04,753
- You'll be my emergency contact?
- Give them to me.
436
00:17:04,830 --> 00:17:08,331
Don't get hurt 'cause I'm
pulling the plug for anything.
437
00:17:08,356 --> 00:17:09,623
Ooooh!
438
00:17:11,114 --> 00:17:12,220
Alright!
439
00:17:12,245 --> 00:17:13,929
- Whoo!
- Whoo!
440
00:17:13,954 --> 00:17:16,800
[EMILY] I'm finally coming out
of my cocoon!
441
00:17:16,825 --> 00:17:18,100
[VICTORIA] You're high on drugs!
442
00:17:18,177 --> 00:17:20,184
No, I'm high on life!
443
00:17:20,209 --> 00:17:23,140
[VICTORIA] Life can't do that,
that's why we have drugs.
444
00:17:23,165 --> 00:17:24,255
- [EMILY] Ah!
- [VICTORIA] Yes!
445
00:17:24,333 --> 00:17:25,849
[VICTORIA] No, No.
446
00:17:25,874 --> 00:17:27,543
Oh, here we go.
447
00:17:29,728 --> 00:17:33,840
I mean, I went to Vienna once
but I mostly just stayed in the hotel.
448
00:17:33,842 --> 00:17:35,784
Like, what was I afraid of?
449
00:17:35,861 --> 00:17:38,787
Mmhmm. I can't do this anymore.
450
00:17:38,864 --> 00:17:41,290
I am afraid of so many things.
451
00:17:41,366 --> 00:17:43,080
- What does that mean?
- You can go.
452
00:17:43,105 --> 00:17:45,370
This is my fault anyway and I've
done this, like, a hundred times.
453
00:17:45,395 --> 00:17:49,298
Listen, if you need anything,
anything at all,
454
00:17:49,374 --> 00:17:50,799
just don't call me.
455
00:17:51,694 --> 00:17:52,823
Bye Emily.
456
00:17:52,848 --> 00:17:56,120
Oh, bye-whoa, you have gorgeous teeth.
457
00:17:56,122 --> 00:17:59,700
[LAUGHING] Thank you. Okay.
458
00:17:59,934 --> 00:18:04,871
Wait. Did you know I can name
every country in South America?
459
00:18:04,896 --> 00:18:05,918
No, I didn't.
460
00:18:05,943 --> 00:18:08,702
- Okay. Um, I can.
- Okay.
461
00:18:08,727 --> 00:18:09,967
- Venezuela.
- Yeah.
462
00:18:09,992 --> 00:18:11,343
- Ecuador.
- I deserve this.
463
00:18:11,368 --> 00:18:13,023
Colombia, Paraguay.
464
00:18:13,048 --> 00:18:14,364
[KNOCKING]
465
00:18:18,554 --> 00:18:20,496
Oh, look what the cat dragged in.
466
00:18:20,572 --> 00:18:22,814
It's nice to see you too, Dad.
467
00:18:22,891 --> 00:18:26,409
Look, um... I had a near-death
experience today
468
00:18:26,486 --> 00:18:31,155
and, I don't know, I don't wanna
die with things left unsaid.
469
00:18:31,233 --> 00:18:32,899
I'm listening.
470
00:18:32,901 --> 00:18:36,096
Anyway, I just wanted you to know
that you're a terrible father
471
00:18:36,121 --> 00:18:39,840
who never had my back and
I want you to rot in hell.
472
00:18:43,746 --> 00:18:47,080
So that's it. Those are the two items.
473
00:18:47,082 --> 00:18:51,175
Well look, uh... you came this far,
at least come in and have a beer.
474
00:18:51,200 --> 00:18:52,487
Did you just hear what I said?
475
00:18:52,512 --> 00:18:56,106
Yeah. Bad father and, uh...
the rotting thing.
476
00:18:56,182 --> 00:18:57,783
You want a beer or not?
477
00:18:58,683 --> 00:18:59,924
What kind you got?
478
00:18:59,949 --> 00:19:03,208
Rainier. I've been drinking
the same beer since I was 12.
479
00:19:03,932 --> 00:19:05,766
You too good for Rainier now?
480
00:19:05,768 --> 00:19:08,210
I've always been too good for Rainier.
481
00:19:08,287 --> 00:19:09,694
What are you, like, 100 now?
482
00:19:10,439 --> 00:19:13,364
French Guyana. Regular Guyana. Chile.
483
00:19:13,366 --> 00:19:14,624
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
484
00:19:14,649 --> 00:19:16,534
- Argentina.
- Hang on, I have to get that.
485
00:19:16,559 --> 00:19:17,604
Wait. No, please don't leave me.
486
00:19:17,629 --> 00:19:19,871
No, you'll be fine. You'll be fine.
Eat your cereal.
487
00:19:19,896 --> 00:19:21,696
Sorry, I don't have any milk.
I know it's dry.
488
00:19:22,785 --> 00:19:23,842
Hi.
489
00:19:23,867 --> 00:19:25,095
I'm so happy to see you.
490
00:19:25,120 --> 00:19:26,453
Yeah, you too.
491
00:19:26,455 --> 00:19:29,616
As a tantric exercise I've
abstained from sex for three months.
492
00:19:29,641 --> 00:19:32,809
I intend to focus all that
stored-up energy on you.
493
00:19:32,886 --> 00:19:35,645
[EMILY] Suriname! I forgot Suriname.
494
00:19:35,670 --> 00:19:36,957
- Uh...
- Who's that?
495
00:19:36,982 --> 00:19:39,966
Is she going to participate
or... just watch?
496
00:19:39,968 --> 00:19:41,635
No. There was an office fridge mix up
497
00:19:41,637 --> 00:19:43,637
and now she's in another dimension.
498
00:19:43,639 --> 00:19:46,489
Uh... I'm gonna have to stay
here and take care of her.
499
00:19:46,566 --> 00:19:50,586
But when she comes down
I could text you.
500
00:19:50,662 --> 00:19:52,829
Three months is a really long time
501
00:19:52,906 --> 00:19:55,665
and I have a few other friends
in Seattle.
502
00:19:55,818 --> 00:19:57,426
But I'll be back in August.
503
00:19:58,095 --> 00:19:59,243
Bye Victoria.
504
00:19:59,245 --> 00:20:00,887
'Kay. Bye. Cool.
505
00:20:02,582 --> 00:20:05,225
- Can I tell you something?
- Yeah. Of course.
506
00:20:06,231 --> 00:20:10,772
I only got my job because of
connections in the mayor's office, so...
507
00:20:10,774 --> 00:20:13,956
I don't deserve it, I'm a fraud.
508
00:20:13,981 --> 00:20:15,685
That's not true.
That's the drugs talking.
509
00:20:15,762 --> 00:20:17,687
Everyone thinks you're great.
510
00:20:17,764 --> 00:20:20,949
- Really?
- Yeah. You're great.
511
00:20:20,974 --> 00:20:22,169
You're my best friend.
512
00:20:22,194 --> 00:20:25,120
Oh, okay. That's... that's really nice.
513
00:20:25,145 --> 00:20:26,192
[PHONE RINGING]
514
00:20:26,217 --> 00:20:27,582
Hang on.
515
00:20:27,791 --> 00:20:29,654
- Hello?
- Oh, you were right.
516
00:20:29,679 --> 00:20:31,920
These chocolates are a game-changer.
517
00:20:31,945 --> 00:20:33,870
Maya called her mom,
she picked up the kids,
518
00:20:33,872 --> 00:20:35,872
we got the whole night to ourselves.
519
00:20:35,874 --> 00:20:39,042
Wait. Are you seriously
calling me post sex?
520
00:20:39,119 --> 00:20:41,153
Yeah, post. Pre. Pre-pre.
521
00:20:41,155 --> 00:20:42,192
You never know.
522
00:20:42,217 --> 00:20:44,156
Oh, Victoria, you're gonna need
to hold me.
523
00:20:44,181 --> 00:20:46,248
I'm starting to panic
about climate change.
524
00:20:47,369 --> 00:20:50,720
Oh, my God. We ate the fortune cookies.
525
00:20:50,797 --> 00:20:53,373
Oh, and they were mighty delicious.
526
00:20:53,392 --> 00:20:55,150
Freaky Friday baby!
527
00:20:56,071 --> 00:20:58,350
- [EMILY] ♪ Always count on me ♪
- Oh boy.
528
00:20:58,375 --> 00:20:59,684
[EMILY] Hello Mister Mayor.
529
00:20:59,709 --> 00:21:03,302
♪ Keep turning, oh, keep smiling, ♪
530
00:21:03,643 --> 00:21:06,778
♪ Knowing you can always count on me ♪
531
00:21:06,803 --> 00:21:08,377
♪ Everybody! For sure! ♪
532
00:21:08,402 --> 00:21:10,419
Oh, I'm going really,
really wide with this.
533
00:21:10,444 --> 00:21:12,427
♪ That's what friends are for ♪
534
00:21:12,452 --> 00:21:14,061
Adopt these dogs!
535
00:21:14,086 --> 00:21:17,686
- Synced and corrected by synk -
- www.MY-SUBS.com -
40306
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