All language subtitles for Animal.control.S01E02.CAKES.English-WWW.MY-SUBS.CO

af Afrikaans
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bn Bengali
bs Bosnian
bg Bulgarian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
km Khmer
ko Korean
ku Kurdish (Kurmanji)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Lao
la Latin
lv Latvian
lt Lithuanian
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
ne Nepali
no Norwegian
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt Portuguese Download
pa Punjabi
ro Romanian
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
st Sesotho
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhala
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
te Telugu
th Thai
tr Turkish
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
or Odia (Oriya)
rw Kinyarwanda
tk Turkmen
tt Tatar
ug Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,162 WWW.MY-SUBS.CO 1 00:00:01,420 --> 00:00:03,101 ♪ 2 00:00:03,126 --> 00:00:04,203 What is gout? 3 00:00:04,228 --> 00:00:06,211 Are you a 15th century British monarch? 4 00:00:06,236 --> 00:00:08,094 - No. - You don't have it. 5 00:00:08,119 --> 00:00:09,382 Hmm. 6 00:00:09,407 --> 00:00:11,424 God, there's like 5,000 questions. 7 00:00:11,449 --> 00:00:12,873 You're a city employee now. 8 00:00:12,898 --> 00:00:15,474 Half your life is gonna be paperwork, congrats. 9 00:00:15,499 --> 00:00:19,085 Hey, is it okay if I put you down as my emergency contact? 10 00:00:19,110 --> 00:00:20,992 Well, since I'm the guy most likely to harm you, 11 00:00:21,017 --> 00:00:22,625 it seems like a conflict of interest. 12 00:00:22,650 --> 00:00:25,734 [DISPATCH] Truck 12. Resident reporting problem with rabbits. 13 00:00:25,759 --> 00:00:27,167 907 Maple Lane. 14 00:00:28,412 --> 00:00:32,210 Question, have subjects been observed as... wascaly? 15 00:00:32,235 --> 00:00:33,601 [CHUCKLES] 16 00:00:33,626 --> 00:00:35,367 [DISPATCH] Are you going or not? 17 00:00:35,392 --> 00:00:38,651 Yes. We'll hop right on over. 18 00:00:38,811 --> 00:00:39,960 That's it, get out. 19 00:00:40,088 --> 00:00:41,265 What? 20 00:00:41,290 --> 00:00:43,559 We talked about this, two lame jokes before coffee, get out. 21 00:00:43,584 --> 00:00:45,726 [SHRED] Wait, really? You were serious about that? 22 00:00:45,751 --> 00:00:47,342 As a heart attack. 23 00:00:47,367 --> 00:00:49,810 Hey. Come on. 24 00:00:49,835 --> 00:00:51,417 You're taking this too far, Frank. 25 00:00:52,943 --> 00:00:56,286 You can come back! I learned my lesson! 26 00:00:57,305 --> 00:00:59,379 No jokes before coffee! 27 00:00:59,785 --> 00:01:03,211 [THEME SONG] 28 00:01:22,055 --> 00:01:26,055 - Synced and corrected by synk - - www.MY-SUBS.com - 29 00:01:29,573 --> 00:01:32,816 So, I've been micro-dosing mushrooms for anxiety 30 00:01:32,818 --> 00:01:36,486 but my rabbits have gotten into my special chocolate bars. 31 00:01:36,488 --> 00:01:39,156 Oh, that was faster than I thought. 32 00:01:39,158 --> 00:01:41,117 This gentleman's bunnies ate his drugs. 33 00:01:41,142 --> 00:01:42,951 They've been acting really aggressive. 34 00:01:45,013 --> 00:01:46,663 They look pretty chill to me. 35 00:01:46,665 --> 00:01:51,359 Yeah, but in a circling the wagon conspiratorial sort of way. 36 00:01:51,946 --> 00:01:54,947 Look at them. Plotting something evil. 37 00:01:54,949 --> 00:01:57,707 Okay. So the rabbits are handling their high 38 00:01:57,709 --> 00:01:59,006 better than their owner, 39 00:01:59,031 --> 00:02:01,655 but sure, we'll take them in for observation. 40 00:02:01,680 --> 00:02:04,348 Hey hippies! Sorry, summer of love is over. 41 00:02:04,350 --> 00:02:05,999 Time to sleep it off downtown. 42 00:02:07,703 --> 00:02:09,421 [FRANK] What is happening? 43 00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:12,022 - Hey! Ow! - [RABBITS SQUEALING] 44 00:02:12,024 --> 00:02:14,858 Jeez! My God! Come on! Ow! 45 00:02:14,860 --> 00:02:17,527 Retreat, retreat! Jeez! 46 00:02:17,529 --> 00:02:19,880 I told you, they're in a very bad headspace. 47 00:02:19,882 --> 00:02:22,532 [FRANK] What the hell did you put in that chocolate? 48 00:02:22,551 --> 00:02:23,654 I used to be a cop. 49 00:02:23,679 --> 00:02:26,383 I busted international crime rings. And I'm getting... 50 00:02:26,408 --> 00:02:27,640 - Hey. - I thought you were brave. 51 00:02:27,665 --> 00:02:29,441 You guys know about this taco truck up the street? 52 00:02:29,466 --> 00:02:31,783 The breakfast burritos... four stars. 53 00:02:32,060 --> 00:02:33,520 What's up with the first-aid kit? 54 00:02:33,545 --> 00:02:36,360 It's, uh, killer bunnies on recreational drugs, bro. 55 00:02:36,385 --> 00:02:37,826 Really? What kind? 56 00:02:37,851 --> 00:02:39,641 You know, like, basic, floppy-eared, fluffy. 57 00:02:39,718 --> 00:02:41,809 No, no, the drugs. What kinds of drugs? 58 00:02:41,811 --> 00:02:44,479 It's like psychedelic mushrooms. 59 00:02:44,556 --> 00:02:46,556 The homeowner makes his own chocolates. 60 00:02:46,558 --> 00:02:48,742 Really? Did he mention if it was straight 61 00:02:48,744 --> 00:02:50,911 or if it was cut with purity-tested MDMA? 62 00:02:50,944 --> 00:02:52,039 Did he mention that? 63 00:02:52,064 --> 00:02:53,563 Look, this isn't Bonnaroo. 64 00:02:53,565 --> 00:02:55,749 These rabbits are higher than my uncle at Thanksgiving 65 00:02:55,825 --> 00:02:57,417 and they're calling the shots. 66 00:02:57,419 --> 00:03:00,737 Everybody relax, okay? I got a couple rabbits at home. 67 00:03:00,739 --> 00:03:02,014 I speak fluent bunny. 68 00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:05,714 I mean, you might wanna film this. 69 00:03:05,739 --> 00:03:07,739 Could be a valuable teaching tool. 70 00:03:08,096 --> 00:03:10,764 Hey guys. How are you doing? 71 00:03:10,840 --> 00:03:14,935 You know I have two rabbits at home, Snowball and Batman. 72 00:03:15,011 --> 00:03:17,587 Yeah, we let the kids name them. 73 00:03:17,589 --> 00:03:21,325 And they are just as cute and adorable... 74 00:03:22,536 --> 00:03:23,927 ...as you, uh-huh. 75 00:03:23,929 --> 00:03:26,187 That Phyllis, she's the mama. 76 00:03:26,265 --> 00:03:28,856 Oh, aren't you a little love muffin? 77 00:03:28,858 --> 00:03:30,375 [CHITTERS] 78 00:03:30,452 --> 00:03:31,859 [SCREAMS] 79 00:03:31,861 --> 00:03:33,545 Oh! Get off me, you mangy bitch! 80 00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:35,498 Hey Shred, you're always trying to be smarter. 81 00:03:35,523 --> 00:03:37,584 Look up "hoisted on one's own petard" 82 00:03:37,662 --> 00:03:39,920 and it will literally be a picture of this. 83 00:03:39,945 --> 00:03:41,328 Argh! 84 00:03:42,729 --> 00:03:44,336 Uh, should we call for backup? 85 00:03:44,361 --> 00:03:45,367 Bunny backup? 86 00:03:45,392 --> 00:03:46,975 Dude, do you have any idea of the ridicule 87 00:03:47,000 --> 00:03:48,166 that will come our way? 88 00:03:48,168 --> 00:03:49,860 No. We got this. 89 00:03:51,004 --> 00:03:54,531 Cuddle time is over. 90 00:03:57,360 --> 00:03:59,953 [HEROIC MUSIC PLAYING] 91 00:03:59,955 --> 00:04:03,257 ♪ 92 00:04:07,946 --> 00:04:11,447 Hey. So, we're gonna need to collect the medicated chocolate 93 00:04:11,525 --> 00:04:15,376 for our vet so she can calibrate an overdose treatment. 94 00:04:15,453 --> 00:04:17,620 Right, of course. Anything to help. 95 00:04:17,698 --> 00:04:20,640 And, um, look, I know I shouldn't be messing around with drugs. 96 00:04:20,642 --> 00:04:23,459 I'm gonna turn over a new leaf right now. 97 00:04:23,537 --> 00:04:25,829 Yeah. Drugs are bad. 98 00:04:25,854 --> 00:04:27,754 Uh, make sure you get all of them. 99 00:04:29,710 --> 00:04:31,634 You should be ashamed of yourself. 100 00:04:31,712 --> 00:04:33,810 No, I'm not. Not even a little bit. 101 00:04:33,835 --> 00:04:37,491 I suspect his bars contain psilocybin and 2CB. 102 00:04:37,567 --> 00:04:39,671 That combination is known to give you orgasms 103 00:04:39,696 --> 00:04:41,842 and make you feel like you've been launched into outer space. 104 00:04:41,867 --> 00:04:44,739 And rabbits have no business experiencing pleasure like that. 105 00:04:44,741 --> 00:04:48,030 Okay. Just remember, you promised to watch the kids this weekend, okay? 106 00:04:48,055 --> 00:04:49,221 And they're very excited, 107 00:04:49,246 --> 00:04:51,153 they picked out a movie and everything, Freaky Friday. 108 00:04:51,155 --> 00:04:53,664 It's a silly premise but, uh, the emotion really sneaks up on you. 109 00:04:53,689 --> 00:04:54,771 - Yeah. I... - It does. 110 00:04:54,796 --> 00:04:56,067 - I will be there. - Okay. 111 00:04:56,069 --> 00:04:57,396 The chocolates are for tonight. 112 00:04:57,421 --> 00:04:59,201 Do you remember that guy I met in Costa Rica? 113 00:04:59,226 --> 00:05:00,841 Yeah. The... the yogi or the surfer? 114 00:05:00,866 --> 00:05:03,674 The yogi. So, he's in town, but he's only free for one night. 115 00:05:03,699 --> 00:05:04,714 Mmhmm. 116 00:05:04,739 --> 00:05:07,739 He's really flexible. Just, like... not with his time. 117 00:05:07,764 --> 00:05:08,838 Right. 118 00:05:08,863 --> 00:05:10,501 Anyway, what are you guys up to for your big date? 119 00:05:10,526 --> 00:05:12,760 Oh, we're actually gonna go eat Swedish meatballs at Ikea. 120 00:05:12,785 --> 00:05:13,893 And test out futons. 121 00:05:13,918 --> 00:05:15,826 I know it sounds pathetic but I'm actually really excited. 122 00:05:15,851 --> 00:05:17,927 Maya and I, we haven't been alone together in, like, months. 123 00:05:17,952 --> 00:05:19,176 - Yeah. - Yeah. 124 00:05:19,201 --> 00:05:21,943 Don't be insulted but I'm so glad I don't have your life. 125 00:05:21,945 --> 00:05:24,763 Well, you're tempting fate 'cause we could end up 126 00:05:24,765 --> 00:05:27,087 accidentally eating magic fortune cookies 127 00:05:27,112 --> 00:05:28,870 and end up switching places. 128 00:05:29,452 --> 00:05:31,193 Is that what happens in the movie? 129 00:05:31,271 --> 00:05:32,615 I don't wanna ruin it for you. 130 00:05:32,640 --> 00:05:35,455 You just did like... like you told me the ending. 131 00:05:35,480 --> 00:05:36,890 Maybe I didn't though. 132 00:05:37,719 --> 00:05:39,261 - Or maybe I did. - Huh. 133 00:05:43,450 --> 00:05:45,642 Oh, at least it's donut Wednesday. 134 00:05:49,380 --> 00:05:51,139 What abomination is this? 135 00:05:51,215 --> 00:05:53,549 Who's day is it? I want answers. 136 00:05:53,627 --> 00:05:55,029 I want revenge. 137 00:05:55,054 --> 00:05:57,146 Okay. But is it okay if I have some jicama? 138 00:05:57,171 --> 00:05:58,313 'Cause I love jicama. 139 00:05:58,389 --> 00:06:00,907 No. I want revenge. Shout it with me. 140 00:06:00,961 --> 00:06:02,603 - Revenge! - Revenge! 141 00:06:02,628 --> 00:06:03,703 Revenge! 142 00:06:03,728 --> 00:06:05,197 You make it sound playful. Put some fury behind it. 143 00:06:05,222 --> 00:06:06,464 - Revenge! - Revenge! 144 00:06:06,489 --> 00:06:07,942 - Revenge! - Revenge! 145 00:06:07,967 --> 00:06:09,208 Revenge! 146 00:06:09,233 --> 00:06:12,502 [WHISPERS] Shh! I'm on the phone with my daughter's teacher. 147 00:06:14,238 --> 00:06:16,796 There's been a horrible accident, I gotta call you back. 148 00:06:16,821 --> 00:06:17,907 Revenge. 149 00:06:17,909 --> 00:06:18,983 - Revenge! - Revenge! 150 00:06:18,985 --> 00:06:20,168 - Revenge! - Revenge! 151 00:06:20,170 --> 00:06:21,761 Okay, I proudly take responsibility. 152 00:06:21,838 --> 00:06:24,580 Donut Wednesday, Delores. It's a sacred tradition. 153 00:06:24,658 --> 00:06:26,920 Handed down to us by the Romans. 154 00:06:26,945 --> 00:06:29,344 You defiled this holy tabernacle with your cru d'été. 155 00:06:29,420 --> 00:06:31,912 This is our tabernacle, Delores. 156 00:06:31,937 --> 00:06:33,828 Okay. This office has a serious case 157 00:06:33,853 --> 00:06:35,428 of the late morning sugar blues 158 00:06:35,453 --> 00:06:37,295 and someone had to intervene. 159 00:06:37,320 --> 00:06:39,929 How dare you act unilaterally. 160 00:06:39,931 --> 00:06:42,465 It's America. It's donuts. 161 00:06:42,542 --> 00:06:43,623 Shred, throw that away. 162 00:06:43,648 --> 00:06:44,745 - Oh, come on. - Throw it away. 163 00:06:44,770 --> 00:06:46,906 - It's just a jicama stick. - Throw it away. Spit it out. 164 00:06:46,931 --> 00:06:48,271 This is very disappointing. 165 00:06:48,296 --> 00:06:51,358 How's my favorite under-performing precinct doing? 166 00:06:51,383 --> 00:06:53,537 Oh, you sad, sad man. 167 00:06:53,562 --> 00:06:55,977 You drove across town just to make fun of us for the rabbits. 168 00:06:56,054 --> 00:06:58,307 What rabbits? I didn't hear anything about rabbits. 169 00:06:58,332 --> 00:07:01,257 Ha! Because there were no rabbits. 170 00:07:01,577 --> 00:07:03,318 Hey Emily. Got your speech ready? 171 00:07:03,320 --> 00:07:04,780 Who told you about that? 172 00:07:04,805 --> 00:07:07,230 She's giving the keynote at the AACL luncheon today. 173 00:07:07,232 --> 00:07:10,325 Whoa. I don't know what it stands for but congrats. 174 00:07:10,327 --> 00:07:11,568 Why didn't you tell us? 175 00:07:11,645 --> 00:07:13,225 I... I just get a little nervous 176 00:07:13,250 --> 00:07:14,904 so I just wanted to keep it under the radar. 177 00:07:14,929 --> 00:07:16,141 That's why I'm here. 178 00:07:16,166 --> 00:07:19,351 I spoke last year and, whoo... stressful. 179 00:07:19,353 --> 00:07:21,411 And I know how much you hate public speaking, so... 180 00:07:21,488 --> 00:07:25,277 Yeah, but I've been practicing so I think I'll be good. 181 00:07:25,302 --> 00:07:26,468 Of course. 182 00:07:26,493 --> 00:07:28,102 No worry, it's just a couple hundred people in the audience. 183 00:07:28,178 --> 00:07:29,252 - And, uh... - Uh-huh. 184 00:07:29,254 --> 00:07:31,254 They film it and post it on their website 185 00:07:31,332 --> 00:07:32,803 and it's up there forever. 186 00:07:32,828 --> 00:07:34,942 So, nobody looks at it. [WHISPERS] Yes, they do. 187 00:07:34,944 --> 00:07:36,944 I watched your speech, Templeton. 188 00:07:36,946 --> 00:07:39,446 - Several times, so funny. - Big fan. 189 00:07:39,523 --> 00:07:42,341 What kind of truck does a pig drive? 190 00:07:42,343 --> 00:07:43,450 A hambulance. 191 00:07:43,452 --> 00:07:44,601 Ah, that line killed. 192 00:07:44,678 --> 00:07:46,102 [LAUGHS] 193 00:07:46,180 --> 00:07:48,132 Anyway, uh, happy to step in for you 194 00:07:48,157 --> 00:07:50,917 and I promise you the audience will not be disappointed. 195 00:07:50,942 --> 00:07:52,200 Thank you so much. 196 00:07:52,202 --> 00:07:54,444 Uh, but shouldn't you be on patrol or something? 197 00:07:54,521 --> 00:07:55,854 Heading out now. 198 00:07:55,856 --> 00:07:57,873 Oh! What's that? 199 00:07:58,467 --> 00:08:02,719 Looks like I have an email that is stuck in my outbox. 200 00:08:03,973 --> 00:08:05,973 - Boom! - [PHONE ALERTS CHIMING] 201 00:08:06,049 --> 00:08:07,866 Fixed it. Enjoy. 202 00:08:08,293 --> 00:08:12,312 A gleefully vindictive message from Officer Templeton Dutch. 203 00:08:12,389 --> 00:08:14,631 That jerk got a hold of our body-cam footage. 204 00:08:14,633 --> 00:08:16,558 Oh, he did know about the rabbits. 205 00:08:16,583 --> 00:08:17,651 [FRANK] Ugh. 206 00:08:17,676 --> 00:08:18,959 [DELORES] Look at you guys running away 207 00:08:18,984 --> 00:08:20,379 from the li'l rabbits! 208 00:08:20,381 --> 00:08:21,907 We were regrouping! 209 00:08:21,932 --> 00:08:23,373 Are you... are you... are you kidding me?! 210 00:08:23,398 --> 00:08:25,642 What... what are these, green peppers?! 211 00:08:25,644 --> 00:08:27,815 Okay. I support healthy choices, Delores, 212 00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:29,523 but it is donut Wednesday. 213 00:08:29,548 --> 00:08:33,442 I am stressed and I need sugar so you need to fix this. 214 00:08:34,296 --> 00:08:35,560 Revenge! 215 00:08:35,562 --> 00:08:36,920 [ALL IN UNISON] Revenge! 216 00:08:38,507 --> 00:08:41,175 [EMILY ATTEMPTING TO BREATHE CALMLY] 217 00:08:41,251 --> 00:08:43,068 Hey. Hey. 218 00:08:43,070 --> 00:08:44,912 Try not to let Templeton get in your head. 219 00:08:44,937 --> 00:08:48,331 Oh yeah, uh, too late. Uh, he is... he is in there. 220 00:08:48,409 --> 00:08:49,660 Okay, listen. 221 00:08:49,685 --> 00:08:52,397 I used to get really nervous before big competitions. 222 00:08:52,422 --> 00:08:53,664 Like, it got bad. 223 00:08:53,689 --> 00:08:56,404 So I remember my coach hooked me up with this sports psychologist 224 00:08:56,429 --> 00:08:58,341 who gave me some cool relaxation techniques. 225 00:08:58,419 --> 00:09:00,027 If you wanna try. 226 00:09:00,029 --> 00:09:01,177 Okay. 227 00:09:01,202 --> 00:09:02,443 - Yeah? - Yeah, okay. 228 00:09:02,468 --> 00:09:04,326 'Cause my heart is um... really pounding. 229 00:09:04,351 --> 00:09:06,326 Okay. Um, so, close your eyes. 230 00:09:06,429 --> 00:09:07,445 Yeah. 231 00:09:07,470 --> 00:09:11,138 Take a deep breath and imagine yourself on a mountain. 232 00:09:11,523 --> 00:09:14,756 Now, you're about to start a race against this big-ass Swiss dude. 233 00:09:14,781 --> 00:09:16,859 Wait. No. Sorry. 234 00:09:16,861 --> 00:09:19,213 Visualize yourself giving the speech. 235 00:09:19,289 --> 00:09:23,366 Confident, calm, looking super fly in your business suit 236 00:09:23,368 --> 00:09:25,944 and the crowd is loving it. 237 00:09:26,257 --> 00:09:31,058 They're chanting your name. Emily! Emily! Emily! 238 00:09:31,134 --> 00:09:33,330 Well, it's a professional conference 239 00:09:33,355 --> 00:09:35,873 so there's not really a whole lot of chanting. 240 00:09:35,898 --> 00:09:36,949 No chanting? 241 00:09:36,974 --> 00:09:39,140 - No. - That's too bad. 242 00:09:39,142 --> 00:09:43,553 Okay. Then just visualize yourself absolutely crushing the speech. 243 00:09:43,630 --> 00:09:44,738 Okay. 244 00:09:46,483 --> 00:09:47,991 How's your heart rate? 245 00:09:50,412 --> 00:09:53,413 It is actually better. [LAUGHS] 246 00:09:53,490 --> 00:09:56,328 You're gonna medal for sure. 247 00:09:59,588 --> 00:10:01,997 Oh, um... remind me. 248 00:10:01,999 --> 00:10:05,074 In my outfit you said I looked, um... 249 00:10:05,099 --> 00:10:06,125 Super fly. 250 00:10:06,150 --> 00:10:08,217 Super fly. Right, okay. 251 00:10:14,161 --> 00:10:16,011 ♪ 252 00:10:16,087 --> 00:10:18,818 [SHRED] Okay. Only one big question left. 253 00:10:18,843 --> 00:10:22,776 Who's going to step up and be my emergency contact? 254 00:10:22,853 --> 00:10:24,669 Don't you have family you can ask? 255 00:10:24,671 --> 00:10:26,947 My dad died and my mom moved to Florida. 256 00:10:27,024 --> 00:10:29,341 But she's got a sweet condo on the beach 257 00:10:29,343 --> 00:10:32,436 and she says any time I wanna bring down my emergency contact 258 00:10:32,461 --> 00:10:34,778 for a little sand and sea, she has a room waiting. 259 00:10:34,780 --> 00:10:37,222 Oh. Well, I hope you and that guy without boundaries 260 00:10:37,299 --> 00:10:38,949 have fun with your mom. 261 00:10:38,951 --> 00:10:41,968 No! No, no, no, no, no, no, no! 262 00:10:42,045 --> 00:10:45,546 Guys, who ate one of my chocolate bars? 263 00:10:45,624 --> 00:10:47,307 There were three and now there's two. 264 00:10:47,309 --> 00:10:49,142 And they were hidden way at the back 265 00:10:49,167 --> 00:10:50,614 with my frickin' name on it. 266 00:10:50,639 --> 00:10:52,530 If your name's on it, that's sacrosanct. 267 00:10:52,555 --> 00:10:53,739 You can look that word up, Shred. 268 00:10:53,741 --> 00:10:54,883 [WHISPERS] Sacrosanct... 269 00:10:54,908 --> 00:10:56,575 Although I did eat Patel's ice cream bar. 270 00:10:56,651 --> 00:10:59,911 What? I was saving that for my end of the week treat! 271 00:10:59,988 --> 00:11:02,966 Oh, you were intolerable yesterday. It demanded a response. 272 00:11:02,991 --> 00:11:05,642 Why? Because I said the Mariners don't have a shot this year? 273 00:11:05,644 --> 00:11:07,621 Say it again and you can kiss your tuna sandwich goodbye. 274 00:11:07,646 --> 00:11:08,795 The Mariners don't have a shot this year. 275 00:11:08,820 --> 00:11:10,330 Oh, that tuna sandwich is gonna taste... 276 00:11:10,355 --> 00:11:12,832 The Mariners don't have a shot. The Mariners don't have a shot... 277 00:11:12,834 --> 00:11:15,835 Okay, I think we're done here. I need to know who ate my chocolate bar. 278 00:11:15,860 --> 00:11:17,631 Shred, check the waste baskets now. 279 00:11:17,656 --> 00:11:20,100 Thanks. Great. Uh, those chocolate bars were laced 280 00:11:20,125 --> 00:11:21,933 with high-grade hallucinogenics. 281 00:11:21,935 --> 00:11:23,510 Have you seen double rainbow? 282 00:11:23,586 --> 00:11:25,604 Someone's about to be 10 times more like that guy 283 00:11:25,680 --> 00:11:26,754 than that guy was. 284 00:11:26,779 --> 00:11:29,012 Hey. Did Emily make it back? 285 00:11:30,352 --> 00:11:31,518 Uh... I'm not sure. 286 00:11:31,594 --> 00:11:34,815 I was gonna give her a ride but she ran off after her presentation. 287 00:11:34,840 --> 00:11:36,091 Um... can this wait? 288 00:11:36,116 --> 00:11:38,450 It's just, we're in the middle of a bit of a crisis. 289 00:11:38,475 --> 00:11:41,292 It's just weird because her speech went so well. 290 00:11:41,346 --> 00:11:43,847 She was funny, talking off the cuff... 291 00:11:43,865 --> 00:11:46,533 she even sang at one point. 292 00:11:46,609 --> 00:11:48,201 Oh God. 293 00:11:48,278 --> 00:11:49,911 Emily ate the chocolate. 294 00:11:49,936 --> 00:11:50,985 All of it? 295 00:11:51,039 --> 00:11:53,015 It looks that way, yeah. 296 00:11:53,040 --> 00:11:54,312 Code red. 297 00:11:54,337 --> 00:11:55,944 My thin mints are missing, gone without a trace. 298 00:11:55,969 --> 00:11:57,210 She's binging. 299 00:11:57,287 --> 00:11:59,029 Actually, I threw the cookies out. 300 00:11:59,031 --> 00:12:00,449 You'll thank me later. 301 00:12:00,474 --> 00:12:03,457 Actually, I will not thank you. I will not thank you, Delores! 302 00:12:03,535 --> 00:12:07,387 I want my own refrigerator. 'Kay? 303 00:12:07,463 --> 00:12:09,481 Delores, I want my own refrigerator! 304 00:12:13,061 --> 00:12:14,711 So, who's your emergency contact? 305 00:12:14,713 --> 00:12:15,803 My father. 306 00:12:15,828 --> 00:12:17,881 Aww, I didn't know you were close with your dad. 307 00:12:17,906 --> 00:12:19,473 We're not. I hate that son of a bitch. 308 00:12:19,551 --> 00:12:20,884 Then why did you choose him? 309 00:12:20,886 --> 00:12:22,977 Well, if something happens to me, he's on the hook. 310 00:12:23,002 --> 00:12:26,832 With any luck, I'll be a vegetable requiring 24-hour care. 311 00:12:26,834 --> 00:12:29,742 That makes me sad, bro. My dad was my best friend. 312 00:12:29,767 --> 00:12:31,054 Yeah, of course he was. 313 00:12:31,079 --> 00:12:34,172 My only regret is I never got to tell him how much he meant to me. 314 00:12:34,249 --> 00:12:36,623 I mean, he probably knew because I told him I loved him every day. 315 00:12:36,677 --> 00:12:38,112 Except when my phone died, 316 00:12:38,137 --> 00:12:39,896 which happened a lot when I was competing in Europe 317 00:12:39,921 --> 00:12:42,238 'cause I didn't have the right plugs. 318 00:12:42,240 --> 00:12:44,832 Point is... don't leave things unsaid. 319 00:12:44,834 --> 00:12:46,393 Call your dad. 320 00:12:48,338 --> 00:12:51,672 You know, they make those three-in-one adapters. They have for years. 321 00:12:51,674 --> 00:12:52,953 Really? 322 00:12:54,419 --> 00:12:55,861 Now I have two regrets. 323 00:12:55,937 --> 00:12:58,605 [DISPATCH] Truck 12. Pet python escaped its enclosure. 324 00:12:58,681 --> 00:13:00,514 7276 South Kenwood. 325 00:13:00,592 --> 00:13:02,942 And get this. It's JT Wallace's house. 326 00:13:03,019 --> 00:13:04,928 Holy crap. JT Wallace. 327 00:13:04,930 --> 00:13:06,096 Oh, who's that? 328 00:13:06,098 --> 00:13:09,541 Are you serious? The wide receiver for the Seahawks? 329 00:13:09,618 --> 00:13:12,360 In what world could I have been your emergency contact? 330 00:13:12,385 --> 00:13:13,545 Get out. 331 00:13:13,570 --> 00:13:15,005 [SHRED] What, really? We're doing this again? 332 00:13:15,030 --> 00:13:16,738 I'm not... I can't even look at you. 333 00:13:22,038 --> 00:13:23,513 Don't look at me! 334 00:13:26,086 --> 00:13:27,944 [VICTORIA] How the hell are we gonna find her? 335 00:13:27,969 --> 00:13:30,706 I don't know. It's just like looking for someone's lost mutt. 336 00:13:30,731 --> 00:13:34,290 Oh, so we put out some beef strips and stand behind a bush? 337 00:13:34,292 --> 00:13:35,763 I know you're kidding but do you have beef strips? 338 00:13:35,788 --> 00:13:37,787 Everything I was gonna eat today got senselessly ripped away from me. 339 00:13:37,812 --> 00:13:40,405 No. I don't eat gassy foods on sex days. 340 00:13:40,482 --> 00:13:41,907 Ooh, how's it going with the yogi by the way? 341 00:13:41,932 --> 00:13:43,006 Do you like him? 342 00:13:43,031 --> 00:13:44,338 As a person? 343 00:13:44,519 --> 00:13:46,244 He's done so much healing 344 00:13:46,321 --> 00:13:48,229 he's healed himself right out of an actual personality. 345 00:13:48,306 --> 00:13:50,731 But in bed, and I say this as someone 346 00:13:50,809 --> 00:13:53,084 with a sufficiently large sample pool, 347 00:13:53,086 --> 00:13:54,753 - Mmmhmm. - Uh, he's detail-oriented. 348 00:13:54,755 --> 00:13:56,312 Hmm. 349 00:13:56,314 --> 00:13:57,756 I used to be detail-oriented. 350 00:13:57,832 --> 00:14:00,241 That was before I was tired all the time. 351 00:14:00,318 --> 00:14:03,486 Maybe you should try some of this. 352 00:14:03,488 --> 00:14:04,515 - No. - I'll give you a little. 353 00:14:04,540 --> 00:14:05,556 No. I can't eat that. 354 00:14:05,581 --> 00:14:08,491 Yes, you can. Give it a shot. It makes everything feel amazing 355 00:14:08,493 --> 00:14:09,937 and you're not really doing anything different. 356 00:14:09,962 --> 00:14:11,312 It's almost like cheating. 357 00:14:11,496 --> 00:14:12,975 My life's not built for that. 358 00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:15,440 Every night I'm taking a kid to the ER. 359 00:14:15,517 --> 00:14:17,500 Or talking another one down from a nightmare. 360 00:14:17,502 --> 00:14:19,427 Last night it was global warming. 361 00:14:19,429 --> 00:14:22,096 I can't discuss polar ice caps all high and horny. 362 00:14:22,174 --> 00:14:24,449 Oh, my God. Is that Emily? 363 00:14:24,526 --> 00:14:26,434 [CHEERING] 364 00:14:26,511 --> 00:14:31,429 [CHANTING] Emily! Emily! Emily! Emily! 365 00:14:38,023 --> 00:14:39,506 Even Seahawk colors. 366 00:14:42,452 --> 00:14:43,693 Sheesh. You almost beat me. 367 00:14:43,695 --> 00:14:45,637 Yeah. Asher knows all the shortcuts. 368 00:14:45,639 --> 00:14:48,364 Hey, good luck with your girlfriend, buddy. 369 00:14:48,366 --> 00:14:50,233 I sincerely hope everything works out. 370 00:14:50,258 --> 00:14:52,375 [GIRLFRIEND] Thank God you're here. Hurry! 371 00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:56,414 He was cleaning the cage. 372 00:14:56,943 --> 00:14:58,535 Holy crap. 373 00:14:58,560 --> 00:14:59,651 It's huge. 374 00:14:59,676 --> 00:15:01,342 Frank, have you ever dealt with something like this before? 375 00:15:01,367 --> 00:15:02,967 No. And I can't tell you how much, 376 00:15:02,992 --> 00:15:04,638 but something that's not nothing just slipped out of me 377 00:15:04,716 --> 00:15:05,882 and into my underwear. 378 00:15:05,884 --> 00:15:07,475 It's getting tighter. 379 00:15:07,552 --> 00:15:09,477 Just remain calm, we're gonna unwind it from you. 380 00:15:09,479 --> 00:15:11,123 Shred, grab the head. 381 00:15:11,148 --> 00:15:13,314 I'm not grabbing the head, man. It's scary and gross. 382 00:15:13,316 --> 00:15:15,149 The Seahawks have a very shallow depth chart, 383 00:15:15,174 --> 00:15:17,007 - now grab the head. - I'm not touching that thing. 384 00:15:17,032 --> 00:15:19,039 I was led to believe this job was mostly dogs. 385 00:15:19,064 --> 00:15:20,315 Help him! 386 00:15:20,340 --> 00:15:22,749 This thing is super strong. Grab something, Shred. 387 00:15:22,825 --> 00:15:24,417 Okay. But I'm closing my eyes. 388 00:15:24,494 --> 00:15:26,660 Is this a bad time to tell you that I'm a big fan? 389 00:15:26,662 --> 00:15:27,737 [JT] Yes. 390 00:15:27,739 --> 00:15:29,572 Okay. Well, it would just seem phony 391 00:15:29,597 --> 00:15:31,310 if I didn't say anything, right? 392 00:15:31,335 --> 00:15:32,851 Listen, man, you get this thing off me, 393 00:15:32,853 --> 00:15:33,903 I'll sign anything you want. 394 00:15:33,928 --> 00:15:35,520 Really? How about a football? 395 00:15:35,545 --> 00:15:36,639 - Yes. - How about a jersey? 396 00:15:36,664 --> 00:15:37,718 - Yes. - A helmet? 397 00:15:37,743 --> 00:15:38,834 Yes. 398 00:15:38,917 --> 00:15:40,416 What about one of those breast cancer awareness hats... 399 00:15:40,418 --> 00:15:41,934 - Anything! - That are collectible. 400 00:15:42,011 --> 00:15:43,528 [GASPS] 401 00:15:44,364 --> 00:15:46,573 Yeah. I thought I was gonna die. 402 00:15:48,201 --> 00:15:50,276 [GROANING] Okay, yeah, yeah... 403 00:15:50,353 --> 00:15:53,521 Oh, my God. It's on me now. 404 00:15:53,598 --> 00:15:57,375 If I don't make it... beat the Rams. 405 00:15:59,656 --> 00:16:00,861 [VICTORIA] Oh, my god. 406 00:16:00,886 --> 00:16:03,600 Emily! Hey! How's it going, girl? 407 00:16:03,625 --> 00:16:05,383 Oh, man. You are really good out there. 408 00:16:05,460 --> 00:16:06,609 What'd you play in high school? 409 00:16:06,611 --> 00:16:08,536 - Yeah. - What are you guys doing here? 410 00:16:08,613 --> 00:16:09,779 Uh, we, we just, uh... 411 00:16:09,781 --> 00:16:11,798 we just came to take you back to the office. 412 00:16:11,823 --> 00:16:12,942 To the office. 413 00:16:12,967 --> 00:16:17,453 Oh. No. I'm not going back. 414 00:16:17,455 --> 00:16:19,972 Yeah. I'm... I'm never going back. 415 00:16:20,049 --> 00:16:21,566 Bye! 416 00:16:21,568 --> 00:16:23,234 Oh, I hate running. 417 00:16:23,311 --> 00:16:25,478 - Emily! Emily! - Emily! 418 00:16:25,480 --> 00:16:26,697 My god, she's out of control. 419 00:16:26,722 --> 00:16:28,239 [PATEL] Hello! Emily! Slow down! Stop guys! 420 00:16:28,274 --> 00:16:29,362 Guys, guys, stop her! 421 00:16:29,387 --> 00:16:31,035 Whoo! My whole body's buzzing. 422 00:16:31,060 --> 00:16:32,652 I've never felt more alive! 423 00:16:32,728 --> 00:16:34,637 Dude, that snake had plans for you. 424 00:16:34,639 --> 00:16:38,232 A brush with death and an encounter with a world-class athlete. 425 00:16:38,310 --> 00:16:40,706 Okay. That's obviously a little bit hurtful. 426 00:16:40,731 --> 00:16:43,957 I came in 7th at Pyeongchang but I know it's a niche sport. 427 00:16:43,959 --> 00:16:46,977 Listen, don't get needy but you were pretty good back there. 428 00:16:46,979 --> 00:16:48,760 - Really? - You're already being needy. 429 00:16:48,785 --> 00:16:51,108 I won't say another word. Except that after this, 430 00:16:51,133 --> 00:16:53,984 I can't imagine being in battle with anyone else. 431 00:16:54,060 --> 00:16:55,577 Snake brothers forever! 432 00:16:55,602 --> 00:16:57,402 Oh, 100 percent did this to myself. 433 00:16:58,474 --> 00:16:59,901 - Again? - Give me those forms. 434 00:16:59,926 --> 00:17:02,159 - What? What did I do? - Give me those forms. 435 00:17:02,235 --> 00:17:04,753 - You'll be my emergency contact? - Give them to me. 436 00:17:04,830 --> 00:17:08,331 Don't get hurt 'cause I'm pulling the plug for anything. 437 00:17:08,356 --> 00:17:09,623 Ooooh! 438 00:17:11,114 --> 00:17:12,220 Alright! 439 00:17:12,245 --> 00:17:13,929 - Whoo! - Whoo! 440 00:17:13,954 --> 00:17:16,800 [EMILY] I'm finally coming out of my cocoon! 441 00:17:16,825 --> 00:17:18,100 [VICTORIA] You're high on drugs! 442 00:17:18,177 --> 00:17:20,184 No, I'm high on life! 443 00:17:20,209 --> 00:17:23,140 [VICTORIA] Life can't do that, that's why we have drugs. 444 00:17:23,165 --> 00:17:24,255 - [EMILY] Ah! - [VICTORIA] Yes! 445 00:17:24,333 --> 00:17:25,849 [VICTORIA] No, No. 446 00:17:25,874 --> 00:17:27,543 Oh, here we go. 447 00:17:29,728 --> 00:17:33,840 I mean, I went to Vienna once but I mostly just stayed in the hotel. 448 00:17:33,842 --> 00:17:35,784 Like, what was I afraid of? 449 00:17:35,861 --> 00:17:38,787 Mmhmm. I can't do this anymore. 450 00:17:38,864 --> 00:17:41,290 I am afraid of so many things. 451 00:17:41,366 --> 00:17:43,080 - What does that mean? - You can go. 452 00:17:43,105 --> 00:17:45,370 This is my fault anyway and I've done this, like, a hundred times. 453 00:17:45,395 --> 00:17:49,298 Listen, if you need anything, anything at all, 454 00:17:49,374 --> 00:17:50,799 just don't call me. 455 00:17:51,694 --> 00:17:52,823 Bye Emily. 456 00:17:52,848 --> 00:17:56,120 Oh, bye-whoa, you have gorgeous teeth. 457 00:17:56,122 --> 00:17:59,700 [LAUGHING] Thank you. Okay. 458 00:17:59,934 --> 00:18:04,871 Wait. Did you know I can name every country in South America? 459 00:18:04,896 --> 00:18:05,918 No, I didn't. 460 00:18:05,943 --> 00:18:08,702 - Okay. Um, I can. - Okay. 461 00:18:08,727 --> 00:18:09,967 - Venezuela. - Yeah. 462 00:18:09,992 --> 00:18:11,343 - Ecuador. - I deserve this. 463 00:18:11,368 --> 00:18:13,023 Colombia, Paraguay. 464 00:18:13,048 --> 00:18:14,364 [KNOCKING] 465 00:18:18,554 --> 00:18:20,496 Oh, look what the cat dragged in. 466 00:18:20,572 --> 00:18:22,814 It's nice to see you too, Dad. 467 00:18:22,891 --> 00:18:26,409 Look, um... I had a near-death experience today 468 00:18:26,486 --> 00:18:31,155 and, I don't know, I don't wanna die with things left unsaid. 469 00:18:31,233 --> 00:18:32,899 I'm listening. 470 00:18:32,901 --> 00:18:36,096 Anyway, I just wanted you to know that you're a terrible father 471 00:18:36,121 --> 00:18:39,840 who never had my back and I want you to rot in hell. 472 00:18:43,746 --> 00:18:47,080 So that's it. Those are the two items. 473 00:18:47,082 --> 00:18:51,175 Well look, uh... you came this far, at least come in and have a beer. 474 00:18:51,200 --> 00:18:52,487 Did you just hear what I said? 475 00:18:52,512 --> 00:18:56,106 Yeah. Bad father and, uh... the rotting thing. 476 00:18:56,182 --> 00:18:57,783 You want a beer or not? 477 00:18:58,683 --> 00:18:59,924 What kind you got? 478 00:18:59,949 --> 00:19:03,208 Rainier. I've been drinking the same beer since I was 12. 479 00:19:03,932 --> 00:19:05,766 You too good for Rainier now? 480 00:19:05,768 --> 00:19:08,210 I've always been too good for Rainier. 481 00:19:08,287 --> 00:19:09,694 What are you, like, 100 now? 482 00:19:10,439 --> 00:19:13,364 French Guyana. Regular Guyana. Chile. 483 00:19:13,366 --> 00:19:14,624 [KNOCKING ON DOOR] 484 00:19:14,649 --> 00:19:16,534 - Argentina. - Hang on, I have to get that. 485 00:19:16,559 --> 00:19:17,604 Wait. No, please don't leave me. 486 00:19:17,629 --> 00:19:19,871 No, you'll be fine. You'll be fine. Eat your cereal. 487 00:19:19,896 --> 00:19:21,696 Sorry, I don't have any milk. I know it's dry. 488 00:19:22,785 --> 00:19:23,842 Hi. 489 00:19:23,867 --> 00:19:25,095 I'm so happy to see you. 490 00:19:25,120 --> 00:19:26,453 Yeah, you too. 491 00:19:26,455 --> 00:19:29,616 As a tantric exercise I've abstained from sex for three months. 492 00:19:29,641 --> 00:19:32,809 I intend to focus all that stored-up energy on you. 493 00:19:32,886 --> 00:19:35,645 [EMILY] Suriname! I forgot Suriname. 494 00:19:35,670 --> 00:19:36,957 - Uh... - Who's that? 495 00:19:36,982 --> 00:19:39,966 Is she going to participate or... just watch? 496 00:19:39,968 --> 00:19:41,635 No. There was an office fridge mix up 497 00:19:41,637 --> 00:19:43,637 and now she's in another dimension. 498 00:19:43,639 --> 00:19:46,489 Uh... I'm gonna have to stay here and take care of her. 499 00:19:46,566 --> 00:19:50,586 But when she comes down I could text you. 500 00:19:50,662 --> 00:19:52,829 Three months is a really long time 501 00:19:52,906 --> 00:19:55,665 and I have a few other friends in Seattle. 502 00:19:55,818 --> 00:19:57,426 But I'll be back in August. 503 00:19:58,095 --> 00:19:59,243 Bye Victoria. 504 00:19:59,245 --> 00:20:00,887 'Kay. Bye. Cool. 505 00:20:02,582 --> 00:20:05,225 - Can I tell you something? - Yeah. Of course. 506 00:20:06,231 --> 00:20:10,772 I only got my job because of connections in the mayor's office, so... 507 00:20:10,774 --> 00:20:13,956 I don't deserve it, I'm a fraud. 508 00:20:13,981 --> 00:20:15,685 That's not true. That's the drugs talking. 509 00:20:15,762 --> 00:20:17,687 Everyone thinks you're great. 510 00:20:17,764 --> 00:20:20,949 - Really? - Yeah. You're great. 511 00:20:20,974 --> 00:20:22,169 You're my best friend. 512 00:20:22,194 --> 00:20:25,120 Oh, okay. That's... that's really nice. 513 00:20:25,145 --> 00:20:26,192 [PHONE RINGING] 514 00:20:26,217 --> 00:20:27,582 Hang on. 515 00:20:27,791 --> 00:20:29,654 - Hello? - Oh, you were right. 516 00:20:29,679 --> 00:20:31,920 These chocolates are a game-changer. 517 00:20:31,945 --> 00:20:33,870 Maya called her mom, she picked up the kids, 518 00:20:33,872 --> 00:20:35,872 we got the whole night to ourselves. 519 00:20:35,874 --> 00:20:39,042 Wait. Are you seriously calling me post sex? 520 00:20:39,119 --> 00:20:41,153 Yeah, post. Pre. Pre-pre. 521 00:20:41,155 --> 00:20:42,192 You never know. 522 00:20:42,217 --> 00:20:44,156 Oh, Victoria, you're gonna need to hold me. 523 00:20:44,181 --> 00:20:46,248 I'm starting to panic about climate change. 524 00:20:47,369 --> 00:20:50,720 Oh, my God. We ate the fortune cookies. 525 00:20:50,797 --> 00:20:53,373 Oh, and they were mighty delicious. 526 00:20:53,392 --> 00:20:55,150 Freaky Friday baby! 527 00:20:56,071 --> 00:20:58,350 - [EMILY] ♪ Always count on me ♪ - Oh boy. 528 00:20:58,375 --> 00:20:59,684 [EMILY] Hello Mister Mayor. 529 00:20:59,709 --> 00:21:03,302 ♪ Keep turning, oh, keep smiling, ♪ 530 00:21:03,643 --> 00:21:06,778 ♪ Knowing you can always count on me ♪ 531 00:21:06,803 --> 00:21:08,377 ♪ Everybody! For sure! ♪ 532 00:21:08,402 --> 00:21:10,419 Oh, I'm going really, really wide with this. 533 00:21:10,444 --> 00:21:12,427 ♪ That's what friends are for ♪ 534 00:21:12,452 --> 00:21:14,061 Adopt these dogs! 535 00:21:14,086 --> 00:21:17,686 - Synced and corrected by synk - - www.MY-SUBS.com - 40306

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.