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1
00:00:04,175 --> 00:00:06,847
The name's Silver.
2
00:00:06,914 --> 00:00:09,051
Kat Silver.
3
00:00:10,822 --> 00:00:12,526
License to pack.
4
00:00:13,360 --> 00:00:16,600
I'm the king of apartment 4B!
5
00:00:16,700 --> 00:00:18,938
Yo, that truck says U-Haul,
6
00:00:19,038 --> 00:00:20,708
but, so far, this has been
a lot of Me-Haul.
7
00:00:20,775 --> 00:00:23,146
Look, man, if you want me
to call you "The Muscle,"
8
00:00:23,246 --> 00:00:24,917
you got to act like
"The Muscle."
9
00:00:24,983 --> 00:00:25,952
(scoffs)
10
00:00:26,152 --> 00:00:28,056
I can't believe this is our
last day living together.
11
00:00:28,123 --> 00:00:30,828
Yeah, the end of an era.
12
00:00:30,929 --> 00:00:33,266
-(sighs) Okay, bye.
-Oh.
13
00:00:33,366 --> 00:00:35,337
Wait, wait, this is
kind of a big deal.
14
00:00:35,437 --> 00:00:37,876
Just think of all the memories
that happened here.
15
00:00:37,943 --> 00:00:39,746
You two got engaged.
After 20 years,
16
00:00:39,813 --> 00:00:43,153
-Max finally gave into
his feelings for me. -(laughs)
17
00:00:43,220 --> 00:00:44,690
There were a lot
of good memories.
18
00:00:44,756 --> 00:00:46,627
There's not a room here that
Randi and I didn't have sex in.
19
00:00:46,694 --> 00:00:50,200
Wait, my room, too?
Dude, that's not cool.
20
00:00:50,267 --> 00:00:52,371
Actually, it's pretty cool.
21
00:00:52,438 --> 00:00:54,342
All right, Randi,
that's the last of your stuff.
22
00:00:54,408 --> 00:00:56,145
Oh, thanks. We'll meet you
at the elevator.
23
00:00:56,212 --> 00:00:57,716
You got an elevator?
24
00:00:57,782 --> 00:01:00,888
Dawg, I dragged your treadmill
down three flights of stairs.
25
00:01:00,955 --> 00:01:03,260
Sure did, Muscle.
26
00:01:04,730 --> 00:01:06,332
All right, I guess this is it.
27
00:01:06,432 --> 00:01:08,069
I'm really gonna miss
hanging out with you here.
28
00:01:08,136 --> 00:01:11,042
Girl, I'm gonna see you
every day this week at work
29
00:01:11,109 --> 00:01:12,879
and at your Super Bowl party,
30
00:01:12,946 --> 00:01:14,482
on my only day off.
31
00:01:14,549 --> 00:01:16,419
Are you sure you want
to throw a party this weekend?
32
00:01:16,486 --> 00:01:18,557
We already have so much
going on with me moving in.
33
00:01:18,624 --> 00:01:20,828
You know how much I love
throwing this party,
34
00:01:20,895 --> 00:01:23,501
and it'll be the first time
that we're doing it together.
35
00:01:23,567 --> 00:01:25,538
Plus, I'm pulling out
all the stops.
36
00:01:25,605 --> 00:01:27,943
Halftime show starring
Cat-y Perry. She's gonna sing
37
00:01:28,009 --> 00:01:30,314
"I Kissed a Cat,"
and, uh, spoiler alert,
38
00:01:30,380 --> 00:01:32,451
-she liked it. All right.
-(chuckles)
39
00:01:32,519 --> 00:01:34,690
Time for a huggle.
Let's do this.
40
00:01:34,790 --> 00:01:36,760
All right, whose house is this?
41
00:01:36,827 --> 00:01:39,131
-No longer our house!
-Whose house is this?
42
00:01:39,231 --> 00:01:40,367
ALL:
No longer our house!
43
00:01:40,434 --> 00:01:41,837
-Let's get up out of here.
-Let's go!
44
00:01:41,904 --> 00:01:45,210
-(cheering, yelling)
-Let's go! Yeah!
45
00:01:48,116 --> 00:01:49,920
Yeah, we should probably get
the rest of my stuff.
46
00:01:49,987 --> 00:01:51,255
Absolutely.
47
00:01:51,356 --> 00:01:52,792
♪ Me, oh, my, oh, my, oh, me ♪
48
00:01:52,859 --> 00:01:55,464
♪ Nothin' wrong with you
but I'd rather be me. ♪
49
00:01:56,132 --> 00:01:58,436
-Oh. (laughs)
-Morning.
50
00:01:58,537 --> 00:01:59,238
Good morning.
51
00:01:59,372 --> 00:02:00,541
Eat your heart out, Folgers,
52
00:02:00,608 --> 00:02:02,746
this is the best part
of waking up.
53
00:02:03,413 --> 00:02:05,718
Bet you never spanked
your other roommates like that.
54
00:02:05,785 --> 00:02:07,287
Actually, Randi once.
55
00:02:07,388 --> 00:02:08,991
It was dark.
I thought she was Carter.
56
00:02:09,058 --> 00:02:10,962
I never even saw
that right hook coming.
57
00:02:11,029 --> 00:02:13,466
-(both laugh)
-Getting ready for work?
58
00:02:13,534 --> 00:02:15,137
Yeah, just gonna
brush the ol' teeth,
59
00:02:15,237 --> 00:02:17,274
floss the ol' gums,
scrape the ol' tongue,
60
00:02:17,341 --> 00:02:20,247
and wish that I had
just said, "Yep."
61
00:02:20,280 --> 00:02:22,786
Look at us, living together,
62
00:02:22,886 --> 00:02:24,623
being the world's cutest couple.
63
00:02:24,723 --> 00:02:26,527
Whoa, whoa, hey, whoa.
64
00:02:26,627 --> 00:02:28,898
Yeah, I'm gonna
stop you right there.
65
00:02:28,998 --> 00:02:30,735
You know, we can use
the-the sink
66
00:02:30,802 --> 00:02:32,338
and the shower at the same time,
67
00:02:32,404 --> 00:02:34,776
but-but the toilet,
that's a solo act,
68
00:02:34,810 --> 00:02:37,916
and it always ends seat down,
and the crowd goes wild.
69
00:02:37,982 --> 00:02:38,784
(laughs)
70
00:02:38,884 --> 00:02:40,487
Um, where's my toothpaste?
71
00:02:40,588 --> 00:02:42,358
Oh, I finished yours last night.
72
00:02:42,458 --> 00:02:44,228
I brushed,
but then I had an Oreo,
73
00:02:44,328 --> 00:02:46,332
so I brushed again,
and then I had another Oreo.
74
00:02:46,432 --> 00:02:49,005
-It was a vicious
but delicious cycle. -(chuckles)
75
00:02:49,071 --> 00:02:50,307
Here, use mine.
76
00:02:50,374 --> 00:02:52,478
Wow, I, uh, never realized
77
00:02:52,545 --> 00:02:54,583
how much bathroom stuff
you have. (chuckles)
78
00:02:54,683 --> 00:02:58,390
Clear skin, full heart,
can't age.
79
00:02:58,456 --> 00:03:00,394
Here, let me
straighten up a bit.
80
00:03:01,229 --> 00:03:02,197
Uh, oh, oh, hang on.
81
00:03:02,264 --> 00:03:03,400
What's up?
82
00:03:03,466 --> 00:03:05,303
Well, I-I have
an organizing system.
83
00:03:05,370 --> 00:03:06,640
For your medicine cabinet?
84
00:03:06,740 --> 00:03:08,911
Yeah. I modeled it after
my favorite Walgreens.
85
00:03:08,978 --> 00:03:11,884
Their manager, Arlo,
may not know inventory control,
86
00:03:11,917 --> 00:03:14,556
but that redheaded son of
a biscuit's shelf arrangement?
87
00:03:14,656 --> 00:03:15,691
Mwah.
88
00:03:15,758 --> 00:03:17,061
Sure. So, uh,
89
00:03:17,161 --> 00:03:18,764
where should I
put my shaving cream?
90
00:03:18,831 --> 00:03:20,501
Huh. That's a good question
91
00:03:20,601 --> 00:03:22,037
'cause for me, that would
go with the leg stuff,
92
00:03:22,104 --> 00:03:24,041
but for you, it goes
with the face stuff,
93
00:03:24,141 --> 00:03:25,945
but those are
lotions and serums.
94
00:03:26,045 --> 00:03:27,181
You know, I'm gonna
have to text Arlo
95
00:03:27,281 --> 00:03:28,617
and get his thoughts on this.
96
00:03:28,718 --> 00:03:30,353
Uh, well, you know,
why don't I just
97
00:03:30,454 --> 00:03:32,224
put my stuff in this cabinet
with the cleaning products?
98
00:03:32,324 --> 00:03:34,261
Uh, unless you got
a system for that, too.
99
00:03:34,361 --> 00:03:36,667
-Uh...
-Of course you do.
100
00:03:37,267 --> 00:03:38,203
You know what?
101
00:03:38,269 --> 00:03:39,438
This is your place, too.
102
00:03:39,506 --> 00:03:41,175
Just put your stuff
wherever you want.
103
00:03:41,242 --> 00:03:42,612
Thank you.
104
00:03:44,750 --> 00:03:46,219
(gasps)
105
00:03:48,123 --> 00:03:49,726
Oh...
106
00:03:51,162 --> 00:03:52,464
Uh...
107
00:03:52,532 --> 00:03:54,135
That's nice. (laughs)
108
00:03:54,903 --> 00:03:57,842
I'm gonna move that
as soon as he leaves.
109
00:04:00,615 --> 00:04:02,952
I know you're in here, Randi.
110
00:04:03,954 --> 00:04:05,725
I checked every room.
111
00:04:05,825 --> 00:04:08,062
And remember, we called
112
00:04:08,129 --> 00:04:09,633
no under-bedsies.
113
00:04:13,339 --> 00:04:15,711
Oh well, I can't find you.
114
00:04:15,778 --> 00:04:18,383
I guess that means
I can't give you...
115
00:04:18,450 --> 00:04:20,320
foam to the dome!
116
00:04:22,725 --> 00:04:23,794
What are you doing?
117
00:04:23,861 --> 00:04:25,130
What are you doing?
118
00:04:25,197 --> 00:04:26,399
I've been looking
for you for 20 minutes.
119
00:04:26,499 --> 00:04:28,369
I went to get pizza. I told you.
120
00:04:28,470 --> 00:04:29,673
I got your favorite
toppings, see?
121
00:04:29,773 --> 00:04:32,111
Half cheese and
half "Freeze, bitch."
122
00:04:32,177 --> 00:04:32,979
(shrieks)
123
00:04:33,079 --> 00:04:35,585
(laughs) Say hello
to my little friend.
124
00:04:35,685 --> 00:04:37,755
(shrieking)
125
00:04:39,759 --> 00:04:41,095
(laughs)
126
00:04:41,162 --> 00:04:43,066
(both laugh)
127
00:04:43,701 --> 00:04:45,270
You know what?
What hurts the most
128
00:04:45,370 --> 00:04:47,542
is there's no pizza in that box.
129
00:04:47,642 --> 00:04:48,744
(laughs)
130
00:04:48,811 --> 00:04:49,880
I love living with you.
131
00:04:49,946 --> 00:04:51,449
It's like hanging with a buddy
132
00:04:51,517 --> 00:04:52,685
I also want to see naked.
133
00:04:52,752 --> 00:04:54,689
Well, I love
living with you, too.
134
00:04:54,789 --> 00:04:56,560
Speaking of which,
you still haven't told me
135
00:04:56,593 --> 00:04:57,996
how much I owe you
for the mortgage.
136
00:04:58,062 --> 00:05:00,300
Oh, don't worry about it, baby,
I got you covered.
137
00:05:00,367 --> 00:05:02,304
Uh-uh, I can pay my own way.
138
00:05:02,371 --> 00:05:03,607
I am not some trophy wife.
139
00:05:03,674 --> 00:05:05,010
But I will let you off the hook
140
00:05:05,076 --> 00:05:06,379
because I know I look like one.
141
00:05:06,445 --> 00:05:08,551
(chuckles) Well, I'm paying
whether you here or not.
142
00:05:08,617 --> 00:05:10,187
I know, but it's important to me
143
00:05:10,253 --> 00:05:12,424
that we're equal partners
in all things.
144
00:05:12,491 --> 00:05:14,729
Except killing spiders.
That's your job.
145
00:05:15,330 --> 00:05:17,167
But if it's important
to you, Cook family rules
146
00:05:17,267 --> 00:05:20,040
do say I can only reject
free money one time.
147
00:05:20,073 --> 00:05:21,442
Okay, well, what's the damage?
148
00:05:21,543 --> 00:05:22,645
A thousand dollars.
149
00:05:22,745 --> 00:05:24,048
Oh, cool, I'll Venmo you 500.
150
00:05:24,114 --> 00:05:26,553
Oh, no, no, a thousand dollars
would be your half.
151
00:05:26,687 --> 00:05:27,856
A thousand?
152
00:05:27,956 --> 00:05:29,425
Yeah, is that cool?
153
00:05:29,491 --> 00:05:31,663
Yeah. Yeah, no problem.
154
00:05:31,730 --> 00:05:34,936
'Cause, you know,
I got racks on racks on racks.
155
00:05:35,671 --> 00:05:37,407
-(doorbell rings)
-Oh, that's the real pizza.
156
00:05:37,474 --> 00:05:38,978
-Oh, okay.
-(chuckles)
157
00:05:41,249 --> 00:05:42,217
Darren?
158
00:05:42,317 --> 00:05:44,656
Yup, special delivery
from Randi.
159
00:05:44,723 --> 00:05:46,092
Extra foam!
160
00:05:50,066 --> 00:05:53,039
All right, Margot, one hot tea
161
00:05:53,106 --> 00:05:55,043
for a hottie. (giggles)
162
00:05:55,110 --> 00:05:56,078
Thank you.
163
00:05:56,212 --> 00:05:57,749
And I have never said this
to a white girl before,
164
00:05:57,815 --> 00:06:00,821
but, damn, I wish
I had an ass like that.
165
00:06:02,926 --> 00:06:05,798
Oh, thank you, girl.
Have a blessed day.
166
00:06:05,865 --> 00:06:09,238
Why are you being so weird
and nice to everyone?
167
00:06:09,371 --> 00:06:10,708
Please don't tell me
you're dying.
168
00:06:10,741 --> 00:06:12,946
You're the only
reason I come here.
169
00:06:13,012 --> 00:06:14,616
My half of Carter's mortgage
170
00:06:14,649 --> 00:06:15,818
is a little more
than I expected,
171
00:06:15,885 --> 00:06:17,689
so I need every
dollar I can get.
172
00:06:17,755 --> 00:06:19,291
I thought about
selling my clothes
173
00:06:19,391 --> 00:06:22,164
but I just look too damn good
in all of them.
174
00:06:22,264 --> 00:06:23,701
Wait, wait, wait.
There are certain things
175
00:06:23,767 --> 00:06:26,472
a woman should never do,
and at the top of that list
176
00:06:26,540 --> 00:06:28,376
is pay rent to her boyfriend.
177
00:06:28,409 --> 00:06:29,913
What else is on that list?
178
00:06:30,013 --> 00:06:31,182
Wrinkle her brow,
179
00:06:31,282 --> 00:06:32,785
cut her own hair,
180
00:06:32,852 --> 00:06:35,156
open a cat café.
181
00:06:35,791 --> 00:06:37,996
I just don't want to become
dependent on a man.
182
00:06:38,062 --> 00:06:39,198
What if I meet Beyoncé?
183
00:06:39,265 --> 00:06:41,870
She's not gonna
let me get in formation.
184
00:06:42,437 --> 00:06:43,574
I hear you.
185
00:06:43,674 --> 00:06:45,176
Sisters got to be doing it
186
00:06:45,243 --> 00:06:46,479
for theyselves.
187
00:06:47,014 --> 00:06:48,483
For theyselves.
188
00:06:48,550 --> 00:06:51,523
I'll let that slide if you
agree that I deserve a raise.
189
00:06:51,590 --> 00:06:54,128
Randi, you are a partner
in this business.
190
00:06:54,228 --> 00:06:56,098
We couldn't do it without you,
191
00:06:56,165 --> 00:06:57,467
which is why I can offer you
192
00:06:57,568 --> 00:06:59,305
a "raise-in" scone.
193
00:06:59,371 --> 00:07:00,641
What?
194
00:07:01,610 --> 00:07:04,950
That's the Randi I love.
Do it again.
195
00:07:05,618 --> 00:07:07,287
So, how are things
with you and Max?
196
00:07:07,354 --> 00:07:08,256
You guys all settled in?
197
00:07:08,389 --> 00:07:11,295
Oh, me and Max?
It's great. It's really great.
198
00:07:11,362 --> 00:07:12,999
He's got a lot of stuff.
199
00:07:13,066 --> 00:07:14,335
But it's really great!
200
00:07:14,368 --> 00:07:17,174
Very convincing.
Totally buying it.
201
00:07:17,240 --> 00:07:19,478
I'm just used to
having my own space,
202
00:07:19,546 --> 00:07:22,852
and he's just always there.
203
00:07:22,919 --> 00:07:24,021
With all his stuff.
204
00:07:24,088 --> 00:07:25,691
But it's really great!
205
00:07:25,758 --> 00:07:27,260
Look at it from his perspective,
206
00:07:27,327 --> 00:07:28,664
you're always there too,
207
00:07:28,731 --> 00:07:29,933
and he can't send you to camp
208
00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:32,572
while he summers
in the French Riviera.
209
00:07:32,639 --> 00:07:34,976
It was a day camp, Mother.
210
00:07:35,076 --> 00:07:39,819
I had to sleep in a canoe
and fight a raccoon for food.
211
00:07:40,487 --> 00:07:43,226
And I had to come home
early when she got rabies.
212
00:07:43,326 --> 00:07:46,065
It was a terrible
summer for both of us.
213
00:07:53,313 --> 00:07:55,584
Okay Cat-y Perry,
it's time to bring it.
214
00:07:55,651 --> 00:07:57,287
The halftime show
is in two days.
215
00:07:57,321 --> 00:07:58,289
You are not focused,
216
00:07:58,356 --> 00:07:59,024
you're not even close
217
00:07:59,058 --> 00:08:00,561
to knowing your choreography.
218
00:08:00,661 --> 00:08:02,464
Let's take it
from the top, okay?
219
00:08:02,565 --> 00:08:03,600
Six, seven, eight.
220
00:08:03,667 --> 00:08:05,971
You jump to the couch.
221
00:08:06,640 --> 00:08:07,775
You jump to the couch.
222
00:08:07,875 --> 00:08:09,345
You know, I think this is why
223
00:08:09,411 --> 00:08:12,184
John Meower broke up
with you. I just...
224
00:08:12,250 --> 00:08:14,989
Hey, I got a surprise for you.
225
00:08:15,090 --> 00:08:16,392
Ooh, is it boxer briefs?
226
00:08:16,492 --> 00:08:18,029
'Cause I accidentally put yours
on this morning,
227
00:08:18,096 --> 00:08:19,799
and I got to tell you,
that front opening
228
00:08:19,899 --> 00:08:21,970
is like driving with
the windows down.
229
00:08:22,070 --> 00:08:25,377
I got us a new TV
for Super Bowl Sunday.
230
00:08:25,477 --> 00:08:28,049
(chanting):
MVP, MVP!
231
00:08:28,149 --> 00:08:31,623
Oh, my gosh, look at
that thing, it's huge.
232
00:08:31,723 --> 00:08:33,393
That's what she said.
233
00:08:33,426 --> 00:08:35,363
That is what she said,
'cause she's
234
00:08:35,463 --> 00:08:37,000
very confused right now.
235
00:08:37,100 --> 00:08:37,869
What's wrong with my TV?
236
00:08:37,935 --> 00:08:39,371
We can't watch the Super Bowl
237
00:08:39,438 --> 00:08:41,108
on something that small.
238
00:08:41,175 --> 00:08:44,081
It would just be... the Bowl.
239
00:08:44,883 --> 00:08:46,185
Okay, well, I-I don't
really want my place
240
00:08:46,252 --> 00:08:47,522
to look like a sports bar.
241
00:08:47,655 --> 00:08:48,690
I thought it was our place.
242
00:08:48,791 --> 00:08:49,926
And if this was a sports bar,
243
00:08:49,993 --> 00:08:51,429
there would be
a TV in the bathroom,
244
00:08:51,563 --> 00:08:53,132
which... Hold on a second.
245
00:08:53,199 --> 00:08:56,105
No, this thing is way too big.
246
00:08:56,205 --> 00:08:57,842
We'd have to get a new TV stand.
247
00:08:57,909 --> 00:08:59,713
I'll mount the TV on the wall.
248
00:08:59,779 --> 00:09:00,848
Well, where am I going to hang
249
00:09:00,915 --> 00:09:02,719
the caricatures of the cats?
250
00:09:02,785 --> 00:09:04,288
I mean, Snowball as an astronaut
251
00:09:04,354 --> 00:09:05,591
is not only a subtle commentary
252
00:09:05,658 --> 00:09:06,993
on the lack
of female representation
253
00:09:07,094 --> 00:09:09,298
in the space program,
it's friggin' adorable.
254
00:09:11,469 --> 00:09:12,270
Why are you so upset?
255
00:09:12,337 --> 00:09:14,108
I got this to make
your party better.
256
00:09:14,208 --> 00:09:16,145
Yeah, but you didn't even
check with me first.
257
00:09:16,212 --> 00:09:17,915
Well, I didn't know
I needed to ask permission
258
00:09:17,982 --> 00:09:20,588
to buy something
for our apartment.
259
00:09:20,688 --> 00:09:21,957
We're low on toilet paper.
260
00:09:22,023 --> 00:09:23,961
Should we have a meeting
before I go get some?
261
00:09:24,027 --> 00:09:26,867
If the toilet paper's
the size of a bus, yes.
262
00:09:26,967 --> 00:09:28,102
You don't like where
I put my computer,
263
00:09:28,169 --> 00:09:29,706
you don't like
where I put my deodorant,
264
00:09:29,806 --> 00:09:30,908
you don't like where
I put my socks.
265
00:09:30,941 --> 00:09:33,045
They're in the refrigerator.
266
00:09:33,079 --> 00:09:34,281
I like them cool.
267
00:09:34,348 --> 00:09:36,285
I get hot feet. You know that.
268
00:09:38,724 --> 00:09:41,997
How much do you think I can
get for this ugly-ass scarf?
269
00:09:42,063 --> 00:09:42,999
Hey, that's mine.
270
00:09:43,132 --> 00:09:44,702
And you can have it back
for 20 bucks.
271
00:09:44,803 --> 00:09:47,975
Act now, and I'll throw in
your ugly-ass sunglasses, too.
272
00:09:48,075 --> 00:09:50,447
Randi, if you can't afford
your part of the mortgage,
273
00:09:50,514 --> 00:09:52,552
you've got to be
honest with Carter.
274
00:09:52,618 --> 00:09:53,954
No, no, I can pay my half.
275
00:09:54,021 --> 00:09:55,724
Between extra tips,
selling a few things,
276
00:09:55,791 --> 00:09:58,095
and, ooh, I'm not gonna be able
to make your Super Bowl party.
277
00:09:58,162 --> 00:10:01,469
Why? You're my hottest friend.
I like to show you off.
278
00:10:01,536 --> 00:10:03,607
Well, I have to
drive Uber that day.
279
00:10:03,740 --> 00:10:05,443
You took a second job?
280
00:10:05,511 --> 00:10:08,082
Randi, you've
just got to tell him.
281
00:10:08,149 --> 00:10:09,853
Beyoncé will understand.
282
00:10:09,919 --> 00:10:11,388
She wrote "Bills, Bills, Bills."
283
00:10:11,455 --> 00:10:13,192
I see you, Queen B.
284
00:10:14,094 --> 00:10:15,330
It's fine.
285
00:10:15,430 --> 00:10:17,668
By the way, have you
been working out?
286
00:10:17,768 --> 00:10:21,877
Because you are putting
the "ass" in fantastic.
287
00:10:21,943 --> 00:10:24,081
I know what you're doing.
288
00:10:24,148 --> 00:10:25,851
And it's working.
289
00:10:27,320 --> 00:10:28,891
Hey-hey, I bought booze
for your Super Bowl party.
290
00:10:28,991 --> 00:10:30,561
All from the top shelf...
291
00:10:30,628 --> 00:10:32,765
-of the storage room.
-(chuckles) Great.
292
00:10:32,832 --> 00:10:35,136
I'm making my
Reggie White Bean Salad,
293
00:10:35,236 --> 00:10:36,305
my Jerry Rice Pudding,
294
00:10:36,372 --> 00:10:38,877
and Bill "Belichicken" Fingers.
295
00:10:38,944 --> 00:10:39,913
Oh, cool.
296
00:10:40,013 --> 00:10:41,817
Remind me, we got to
eat before we go.
297
00:10:41,917 --> 00:10:43,887
Actually, I don't
think I'm gonna make it.
298
00:10:43,954 --> 00:10:46,292
What? How can you
miss the Super Bowl?
299
00:10:47,127 --> 00:10:48,262
Lady stuff.
300
00:10:48,329 --> 00:10:49,732
Say less.
301
00:10:52,070 --> 00:10:54,007
You know, I think this
entertainment center
302
00:10:54,074 --> 00:10:56,111
is the perfect solution
to our problem.
303
00:10:56,145 --> 00:10:57,047
It really is.
304
00:10:57,147 --> 00:10:58,917
I get a place to
put my sweet new TV,
305
00:10:58,984 --> 00:11:01,556
and you get four more
drawers for cat crap.
306
00:11:01,623 --> 00:11:03,426
(laughs) All right,
let's get to it.
307
00:11:03,527 --> 00:11:05,998
Time for my favorite
step: Inventory.
308
00:11:06,065 --> 00:11:09,572
Uh, looks like we've
got some long screws
309
00:11:09,639 --> 00:11:10,808
and a couple of nuts.
310
00:11:10,908 --> 00:11:11,910
That's what she said.
311
00:11:12,010 --> 00:11:15,116
Nailed it. Also what she said.
312
00:11:15,216 --> 00:11:18,790
Ooh, we've also got
an exciting array of dowels.
313
00:11:18,891 --> 00:11:20,661
Whoa, what are you doing?
314
00:11:20,728 --> 00:11:23,065
Manly things.
315
00:11:23,667 --> 00:11:25,203
No, but you've got to
follow the instructions.
316
00:11:25,303 --> 00:11:27,107
It says here right
on the instructions.
317
00:11:27,207 --> 00:11:28,977
It says,
"Follow the instructions."
318
00:11:29,044 --> 00:11:29,779
Huh.
319
00:11:29,846 --> 00:11:31,550
Let's see. Step one:
320
00:11:31,616 --> 00:11:32,552
Build the damn thing.
321
00:11:32,652 --> 00:11:34,989
Step two: Napalm
life-sized zombies
322
00:11:35,023 --> 00:11:37,127
on my giant, kick-ass TV.
323
00:11:39,131 --> 00:11:40,568
Wha...
324
00:11:40,634 --> 00:11:41,235
Are you out of your mind?
325
00:11:41,335 --> 00:11:43,372
The warranty card is in there.
326
00:11:46,713 --> 00:11:48,249
(groans) Damn it.
327
00:11:48,316 --> 00:11:50,588
You know, we could've
just paid the 75 bucks
328
00:11:50,654 --> 00:11:51,422
to have them build it.
329
00:11:51,523 --> 00:11:52,959
For reference,
that's the shipping cost
330
00:11:53,092 --> 00:11:55,230
of all of your moisturizers.
331
00:11:55,831 --> 00:11:57,868
Why isn't this fitting?
332
00:11:58,002 --> 00:11:59,371
Because you're doing it wrong,
333
00:11:59,438 --> 00:12:01,408
which you would know if you
had used the instructions.
334
00:12:01,475 --> 00:12:03,012
I did use the instructions.
335
00:12:03,112 --> 00:12:04,983
Yeah, as a plate for your pizza.
336
00:12:05,049 --> 00:12:07,588
While you wasted a paper plate.
337
00:12:07,655 --> 00:12:08,590
Sorry, Mother Earth,
338
00:12:08,690 --> 00:12:10,894
I guess only
one of us loves you.
339
00:12:10,961 --> 00:12:13,099
If I'm doing it wrong,
here, you do it.
340
00:12:13,165 --> 00:12:15,069
Oh, fine. You know what?
I will do it.
341
00:12:15,136 --> 00:12:17,140
And I'm gonna use
the instructions.
342
00:12:17,775 --> 00:12:19,311
Zucchini.
343
00:12:20,046 --> 00:12:22,484
All right, uh, step 42-C:
344
00:12:22,585 --> 00:12:24,989
Slide the upper
edge of the left door
345
00:12:25,056 --> 00:12:27,394
into the lower right track.
346
00:12:27,494 --> 00:12:29,364
Wait, so the left door
347
00:12:29,464 --> 00:12:31,068
into the right track?
348
00:12:31,168 --> 00:12:33,674
Well, is this the left door
or the right door?
349
00:12:33,740 --> 00:12:35,744
How's it going?
350
00:12:35,844 --> 00:12:37,815
Did you build it yet?
351
00:12:38,817 --> 00:12:40,386
I knew this party was a mistake.
352
00:12:40,453 --> 00:12:41,388
The party is not the problem.
353
00:12:41,488 --> 00:12:43,125
The problem is this big, dumb TV
354
00:12:43,192 --> 00:12:44,996
that you bought
without asking me.
355
00:12:45,063 --> 00:12:47,434
It's not a dumb TV,
it's a smart TV.
356
00:12:47,500 --> 00:12:49,338
It says so right on the box.
357
00:12:49,438 --> 00:12:51,108
Wait, I think I got it.
358
00:12:51,208 --> 00:12:52,310
Seriously?
359
00:12:52,377 --> 00:12:54,247
Yup, the door is attached.
360
00:12:54,348 --> 00:12:55,784
It opens and closes.
361
00:12:55,851 --> 00:12:57,253
Well, call me Jesus,
362
00:12:57,320 --> 00:13:00,761
because I am a highly
skilled Jewish carpenter.
363
00:13:01,596 --> 00:13:04,334
And it only took four hours,
two calls to customer service,
364
00:13:04,401 --> 00:13:05,971
and one trip to urgent care.
365
00:13:06,038 --> 00:13:08,342
I'm sorry, I really was just
tossing that mallet at you.
366
00:13:08,442 --> 00:13:10,614
I didn't know that you were
gonna catch it with your...
367
00:13:10,681 --> 00:13:11,750
(whistles)
368
00:13:11,783 --> 00:13:13,854
It's okay. It finally dropped.
369
00:13:13,920 --> 00:13:17,227
I think he was just scared
more than anything else.
370
00:13:17,327 --> 00:13:21,035
Well, it was not easy,
but we did it.
371
00:13:21,135 --> 00:13:22,170
Yeah.
372
00:13:22,237 --> 00:13:24,942
-(sighs)
-We made this together.
373
00:13:25,009 --> 00:13:27,581
This must be how parents feel.
374
00:13:27,648 --> 00:13:28,950
You know, proud.
375
00:13:29,051 --> 00:13:30,320
And very, very tired.
376
00:13:30,386 --> 00:13:33,459
Also wondering, like,
was it really worth it?
377
00:13:34,294 --> 00:13:36,231
Let's go to bed.
378
00:13:41,308 --> 00:13:44,114
I told you to use
the frickin' washers!
379
00:13:44,214 --> 00:13:46,018
It said they were optional!
380
00:13:46,085 --> 00:13:47,220
Oh, where'd it say that?
381
00:13:47,320 --> 00:13:48,957
In the instructions
you didn't read?
382
00:13:49,057 --> 00:13:51,128
I need my nighttime socks.
383
00:13:51,195 --> 00:13:52,865
Wha...
384
00:13:59,244 --> 00:14:01,382
All right, last call
for Super Bowl bets.
385
00:14:01,448 --> 00:14:02,752
Nothing's off limits,
386
00:14:02,818 --> 00:14:04,121
the winner, the score,
387
00:14:04,221 --> 00:14:05,456
how long it'll take for
Sheila to tell her story
388
00:14:05,524 --> 00:14:08,129
about how she hooked up
with Terry Bradshaw.
389
00:14:08,195 --> 00:14:11,201
I was just trying to make
Mean Joe Greene jealous.
390
00:14:11,235 --> 00:14:13,305
Yes! I had "before kickoff."
391
00:14:13,372 --> 00:14:14,474
Carter, let it ride on
392
00:14:14,575 --> 00:14:16,913
"my mother insulting
my outfit before halftime."
393
00:14:17,013 --> 00:14:18,550
It is hideous.
394
00:14:18,617 --> 00:14:19,886
And I win again!
395
00:14:19,952 --> 00:14:22,625
Carter, send that 40 bucks
straight to my therapist.
396
00:14:23,492 --> 00:14:25,731
Hey, real quick
we just want to make a toast.
397
00:14:25,798 --> 00:14:27,434
Hold on, I need a drink.
398
00:14:31,710 --> 00:14:32,945
Continue.
399
00:14:33,613 --> 00:14:35,483
Uh, I just wanted to...
400
00:14:35,584 --> 00:14:37,353
Oh, you're gonna talk?
401
00:14:40,861 --> 00:14:42,330
Um, I just want to thank you all
402
00:14:42,397 --> 00:14:45,971
for coming to my annual
Super Bowl party.
403
00:14:46,038 --> 00:14:47,040
I thought it was our party.
404
00:14:47,107 --> 00:14:48,409
I don't recall you
405
00:14:48,510 --> 00:14:51,081
making football-shaped meatballs
with mozzarella laces.
406
00:14:51,916 --> 00:14:54,054
Anyway, uh, enjoy yourselves,
407
00:14:54,154 --> 00:14:55,724
and don't forget
to try the guacamole
408
00:14:55,824 --> 00:14:57,928
'cause... it's good.
409
00:14:58,563 --> 00:15:00,500
And I just want to
give a special shout-out
410
00:15:00,567 --> 00:15:02,370
to my personal MVP.
411
00:15:02,470 --> 00:15:05,309
This sick-ass 70-inch
ultra-hi-def TV.
412
00:15:05,376 --> 00:15:07,615
Daddy loves you.
413
00:15:07,681 --> 00:15:08,550
Turn it up.
414
00:15:08,650 --> 00:15:09,919
Yeah, the national anthem's
415
00:15:10,019 --> 00:15:11,556
about to start.
416
00:15:13,058 --> 00:15:14,361
It's not working.
417
00:15:14,494 --> 00:15:16,398
Thanks, Kelly. Big help.
418
00:15:17,200 --> 00:15:18,737
Wait, that's the old remote.
419
00:15:18,770 --> 00:15:19,906
Are you kidding me?
420
00:15:19,972 --> 00:15:21,676
Did you take the new remote
to the Goodwill
421
00:15:21,709 --> 00:15:23,212
when you dropped off my old TV?
422
00:15:23,312 --> 00:15:25,617
Uh, maybe, because
you made me stay up all night
423
00:15:25,651 --> 00:15:26,786
rebuilding your stupid TV stand,
424
00:15:26,886 --> 00:15:28,456
and I only got
two hours of sleep.
425
00:15:28,523 --> 00:15:30,828
So we have to watch
the Super Bowl with no sound?
426
00:15:30,961 --> 00:15:32,698
This is why I hate charity.
427
00:15:33,633 --> 00:15:35,269
You know, when I
got my TV stand,
428
00:15:35,336 --> 00:15:36,539
I just paid a guy 75 bucks...
429
00:15:36,639 --> 00:15:38,075
-Thank you.
-Shut it.
430
00:15:38,142 --> 00:15:40,346
We can just use the volume
buttons on the side of the TV.
431
00:15:40,446 --> 00:15:43,820
There are no buttons,
it's too awesome and expensive.
432
00:15:43,887 --> 00:15:45,858
It's fine, everybody,
I'll do my play-by-play.
433
00:15:45,958 --> 00:15:49,231
Kat fumbles the party,
the crowd boos.
434
00:15:49,364 --> 00:15:51,803
Me? Max is the one
who gave away the remote
435
00:15:51,870 --> 00:15:54,575
to the giant TV
he just had to have.
436
00:15:54,675 --> 00:15:55,677
We don't have time for this.
437
00:15:55,744 --> 00:15:56,846
There was just a commercial
438
00:15:56,946 --> 00:15:58,249
with a monkey
riding a motorcycle,
439
00:15:58,349 --> 00:16:00,119
and I don't know
what I'm supposed to buy!
440
00:16:00,253 --> 00:16:01,556
You've got to
go back to the Goodwill
441
00:16:01,623 --> 00:16:02,825
and get the remote.
442
00:16:02,925 --> 00:16:05,296
Fine, but we wouldn't
even be in this mess
443
00:16:05,396 --> 00:16:06,833
if you'd have let me
have a bathroom TV.
444
00:16:06,933 --> 00:16:09,004
God, my feet are hot.
445
00:16:11,810 --> 00:16:13,179
Uh...
446
00:16:13,245 --> 00:16:15,349
Good news, everybody.
447
00:16:15,449 --> 00:16:17,220
I'm gonna move up
the halftime show.
448
00:16:17,253 --> 00:16:18,990
Cat-y Perry, you're on.
449
00:16:19,090 --> 00:16:20,059
You jump to the couch.
450
00:16:20,126 --> 00:16:21,963
You jump
to the couch.
451
00:16:22,030 --> 00:16:23,098
It's not working.
452
00:16:23,165 --> 00:16:25,102
Thanks, Kelly. Big help.
453
00:16:28,710 --> 00:16:29,745
Hey.
454
00:16:30,714 --> 00:16:31,448
Hey.
455
00:16:31,516 --> 00:16:32,885
Max texted Carter.
456
00:16:32,918 --> 00:16:34,622
Goodwill's still
looking for the remote.
457
00:16:34,722 --> 00:16:35,924
But, on the plus side,
458
00:16:35,991 --> 00:16:37,628
he found a pair
of corduroy bellbottoms
459
00:16:37,661 --> 00:16:41,168
that "are tight in
all the right places."
460
00:16:42,838 --> 00:16:44,441
Are you okay?
461
00:16:45,744 --> 00:16:47,380
It's me and Max.
462
00:16:47,982 --> 00:16:49,351
I don't know.
463
00:16:49,384 --> 00:16:51,221
Maybe moving in
together this soon
464
00:16:51,288 --> 00:16:54,027
-was not the best idea.
-Mmm.
465
00:16:54,127 --> 00:16:55,396
It's an adjustment.
466
00:16:55,496 --> 00:16:58,135
You've lived alone
most of your life.
467
00:16:58,202 --> 00:17:00,741
It's hard to learn to compromise
468
00:17:00,841 --> 00:17:03,580
for the first time
at the age of 45.
469
00:17:03,647 --> 00:17:05,951
Mother, I'm only 40.
470
00:17:06,051 --> 00:17:09,257
You are? Dear Lord.
471
00:17:12,130 --> 00:17:13,533
And I'm compromising.
472
00:17:13,600 --> 00:17:15,837
We bought his
brand of toilet paper.
473
00:17:15,904 --> 00:17:19,812
I haven't walked right in
two days, but I'm trying.
474
00:17:19,879 --> 00:17:21,114
Listen, I know.
475
00:17:21,215 --> 00:17:23,219
Changing your ways can feel like
476
00:17:23,319 --> 00:17:25,356
you're giving away
a little bit of yourself,
477
00:17:25,423 --> 00:17:26,559
but remember,
478
00:17:26,659 --> 00:17:29,765
you're getting something
wonderful in return.
479
00:17:30,767 --> 00:17:32,070
Max.
480
00:17:32,871 --> 00:17:34,107
Yeah.
481
00:17:35,276 --> 00:17:35,978
Max.
482
00:17:36,078 --> 00:17:37,915
Max, who has a 45-minute
483
00:17:37,982 --> 00:17:39,317
daily skin-care routine.
484
00:17:39,417 --> 00:17:41,088
I literally heard him say,
485
00:17:41,154 --> 00:17:44,227
"I just want to look better
than Paul Rudd."
486
00:17:45,296 --> 00:17:47,635
Look, in a lot of ways,
487
00:17:47,701 --> 00:17:50,507
men are impossible,
so you have two options:
488
00:17:50,574 --> 00:17:52,176
Learn to live with them,
489
00:17:52,243 --> 00:17:54,782
or wear that exact outfit
to a lesbian bar
490
00:17:54,849 --> 00:17:57,120
and get on with your life.
491
00:18:00,126 --> 00:18:01,930
Yeah, I'm parked
right out front.
492
00:18:02,030 --> 00:18:03,767
License plate "HURRYUP."
493
00:18:03,800 --> 00:18:05,704
(laughs) Just a coincidence.
494
00:18:05,771 --> 00:18:07,541
Yeah, see you soon.
495
00:18:08,977 --> 00:18:09,745
(knock on window)
496
00:18:09,812 --> 00:18:11,448
Wrong car, wrong night!
497
00:18:11,549 --> 00:18:13,118
Carter?
498
00:18:13,185 --> 00:18:14,387
What are you doing here?
499
00:18:14,421 --> 00:18:17,060
I had to pick up
a universal TV remote.
500
00:18:17,126 --> 00:18:20,499
Long story short, white friends.
501
00:18:21,234 --> 00:18:22,538
-Hey, are you Randi?
-Yes.
502
00:18:22,638 --> 00:18:23,405
Who the hell are you?
503
00:18:23,472 --> 00:18:24,642
Joel. Am I in the right car?
504
00:18:24,709 --> 00:18:25,911
-No.
-Yes.
505
00:18:25,978 --> 00:18:26,913
Should I get out?
506
00:18:26,980 --> 00:18:27,881
-Yes.
-No.
507
00:18:27,982 --> 00:18:29,518
BOTH:
Okay, what's going on?
508
00:18:30,252 --> 00:18:32,891
I started driving Uber
to make a little extra money.
509
00:18:32,992 --> 00:18:33,727
What?
510
00:18:33,827 --> 00:18:34,829
I have a flight to catch
511
00:18:34,895 --> 00:18:36,833
in an hour, so could we maybe...
512
00:18:37,835 --> 00:18:39,237
Ooh, bottled water.
513
00:18:39,839 --> 00:18:43,012
My half of the mortgage
was more than I thought.
514
00:18:43,112 --> 00:18:44,280
Like a lot more.
515
00:18:44,347 --> 00:18:45,483
Like, if you can afford that,
516
00:18:45,550 --> 00:18:47,286
why the hell was
my Valentine's gift
517
00:18:47,353 --> 00:18:48,690
a coupon to
unload the dishwasher?
518
00:18:48,790 --> 00:18:51,696
It was a series of coupons,
including a free hug
519
00:18:51,729 --> 00:18:52,865
and a free back rub.
520
00:18:52,965 --> 00:18:54,267
And they were all
for the same reason.
521
00:18:54,334 --> 00:18:55,537
I was hoping they
would lead to sex.
522
00:18:55,604 --> 00:18:57,140
I really do need to
get to the airport.
523
00:18:57,240 --> 00:18:59,277
Joel, you're a man traveling
on Super Bowl Sunday.
524
00:18:59,311 --> 00:19:01,281
Your needs mean nothing to me.
525
00:19:01,916 --> 00:19:04,254
Didn't I tell you I would cover
your part of the mortgage?
526
00:19:04,321 --> 00:19:06,291
No, no, I can
pay my fair share.
527
00:19:06,391 --> 00:19:07,895
I've never had to
rely on anybody,
528
00:19:07,995 --> 00:19:09,397
and I'm not about to start now.
529
00:19:09,497 --> 00:19:11,068
Baby, we about to be married.
530
00:19:11,134 --> 00:19:12,604
We're a team.
531
00:19:12,738 --> 00:19:14,107
Like Jay and Beyoncé.
532
00:19:14,174 --> 00:19:15,877
Barack and Michelle.
533
00:19:15,944 --> 00:19:16,946
Oprah and Gayle.
534
00:19:17,080 --> 00:19:19,885
You know, my mother and I
were in a similar situation.
535
00:19:19,952 --> 00:19:22,991
We agreed to pay our rent on a
sliding scale based on income.
536
00:19:23,058 --> 00:19:24,862
Damn it, would
you mind your own...
537
00:19:25,630 --> 00:19:28,369
Actually, Boy Kat
back here has a good idea.
538
00:19:28,469 --> 00:19:30,741
What do you think, baby?
539
00:19:31,509 --> 00:19:33,713
I just don't want you to
think I'm taking advantage.
540
00:19:33,780 --> 00:19:37,053
I don't. I think it's fair.
541
00:19:37,153 --> 00:19:40,259
Okay, then I'm in.
542
00:19:41,395 --> 00:19:43,399
You guys make
an adorable couple.
543
00:19:43,465 --> 00:19:44,935
Can I take a picture of you
544
00:19:45,002 --> 00:19:46,539
and tell my mom
that we're dating?
545
00:19:46,639 --> 00:19:47,373
Excuse me?
546
00:19:47,440 --> 00:19:49,612
And ride cancelled.
547
00:19:55,256 --> 00:19:56,559
(whistle blows on TV)
548
00:19:56,626 --> 00:19:58,195
All right, that's the end
of the third quarter,
549
00:19:58,262 --> 00:20:00,466
and Sheila won again?
550
00:20:00,534 --> 00:20:01,502
(laughs)
551
00:20:01,569 --> 00:20:04,174
I've got racks
on racks on racks.
552
00:20:04,240 --> 00:20:06,311
I hate that I taught you that.
553
00:20:11,221 --> 00:20:13,693
Everyone's having a good time
at your party.
554
00:20:13,760 --> 00:20:15,964
Our party.
555
00:20:16,733 --> 00:20:18,937
I think it's 'cause
they love your TV.
556
00:20:19,070 --> 00:20:20,841
Our TV.
557
00:20:21,709 --> 00:20:23,913
No, it's my TV. (laughs)
558
00:20:24,013 --> 00:20:26,351
But I should've talked
to you before I bought it.
559
00:20:26,451 --> 00:20:28,355
Yeah, you should've.
560
00:20:28,422 --> 00:20:31,027
But I got to be more flexible.
561
00:20:31,128 --> 00:20:32,998
BOTH:
That's what she said.
562
00:20:33,867 --> 00:20:35,136
And I've got to compromise.
563
00:20:35,202 --> 00:20:38,142
And I have definitely got to
go back to my old toilet paper.
564
00:20:38,208 --> 00:20:40,914
I've been to hell and back
with your one-ply.
565
00:20:41,616 --> 00:20:43,586
Listen, we're figuring it out.
566
00:20:43,653 --> 00:20:45,857
The good news is I think
I've finally gotten the hang
567
00:20:45,924 --> 00:20:47,861
of how you organize the fridge.
568
00:20:47,895 --> 00:20:48,997
(chuckling):
Oh.
569
00:20:49,097 --> 00:20:50,199
Not even close.
570
00:20:50,299 --> 00:20:52,604
Cheese and lettuce
in the same drawer?
571
00:20:52,704 --> 00:20:54,708
I had to sit down.
572
00:20:57,146 --> 00:20:59,652
Ow! One-ply!
573
00:21:02,123 --> 00:21:04,628
("Stick Together"
by Freedust plays)
574
00:21:06,164 --> 00:21:08,302
♪ I tried to
shake this bad dream ♪
575
00:21:08,335 --> 00:21:09,471
♪ All alone ♪
576
00:21:09,538 --> 00:21:10,874
♪ But I can't believe my eyes ♪
577
00:21:10,974 --> 00:21:12,376
♪ As I reach for my phone ♪
578
00:21:12,477 --> 00:21:14,882
♪ So I call up my mother,
call up my friends ♪
579
00:21:14,949 --> 00:21:18,255
♪ Is this the world
we have to live in? ♪
580
00:21:18,322 --> 00:21:20,259
♪ The city's on fire ♪
581
00:21:20,359 --> 00:21:21,562
♪ Everyone's tired ♪
582
00:21:21,662 --> 00:21:23,800
♪ We're walking on wires ♪
583
00:21:23,900 --> 00:21:25,269
♪ Just to keep quiet ♪
584
00:21:25,402 --> 00:21:27,574
♪ Counting the hours
down till the end ♪
585
00:21:27,641 --> 00:21:30,614
♪ Just trying to
make some sense ♪
586
00:21:30,680 --> 00:21:33,720
♪ We are all, we are all ♪
587
00:21:33,786 --> 00:21:35,624
♪ We need. ♪
588
00:21:35,690 --> 00:21:37,561
Captioning sponsored by
WARNER BROS. TELEVISION
589
00:21:37,594 --> 00:21:40,366
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org
590
00:21:40,416 --> 00:21:44,966
Repair and Synchronization by
Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0
41993
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