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1
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Well Miss Kitty, thank you so much for having lunch with me.
2
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Well I'm always up for a salad and a Martini in the middle of the day.
3
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You didn't have a salad.
4
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Well olives and onions are almost a salad.
5
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Well I am just glad I can come to you with all my problems.
6
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Well sure you can Fez. You can talk to me about anything.
7
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Just to double-check,
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are you sure it's normal for one of them to hang lower then the other?
9
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Well of course Fez!
10
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Nobody's earlobes are perfectly symmetrical.
11
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Kitty Forman?
12
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Marcia Sullivan?
13
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How are you?
14
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And how is that husband of yours?
15
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Great. He lost 3000 pounds...
16
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when I took his Mercedes in the divorce.
17
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Oh you are divorced, what a shame. And they say fourth time's a charm!
18
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Ahahaha!
19
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Well you know what, you should come over.
20
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It's sounds like we've got a lot of catching up to do.
21
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I'd love that! I'll bring a bottle of wine.
22
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Oh well that is terrific!
23
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I can't wait to see you!
24
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Slut!
25
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Tight-ass...
26
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Ah Mrs. Sullivan, hello.
27
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What can these magic hands do for you today?
28
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Actually...
29
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I was thinking of trying something new...
30
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Well... perhaps we should "rinse and repeat"...
31
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Donna, this is gonna be your first birthday since breaking up with Eric.
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You know what that means...
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no crappy gifts to return to the Science Fiction-store!
34
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Yeah,
35
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I mean guess it'll be kind of a relief not having to give him his birthday spanking.
36
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He made you spank HIM on YOUR birthday?
37
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Yeah
38
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and then he danced around in his underwear going:
39
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Happy Birthday to meee...
40
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Sorry to keep you from work.
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Oh don't worry, I already called in and said I was having sex.
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Oh.
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Hello.
44
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Oh my God. Fez just banged an old...
45
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...s mobile in the driveway with his bike...
46
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Marcia, I would like you to meet my friends,
47
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friends I would like you to meet the most ferocious lover on two legs.
48
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Which by the way, was new for me
49
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Oh... eeewww...
50
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It's like watching somebody kiss their grandmother.
51
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Ouhh, my nana don't kiss like that!
52
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Mrs. Sullivan, may I ask you something?
53
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Was I good?
54
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Good enough.
55
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YES!
56
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Nice job Fez.
57
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Combine two of your favourite passtimes.
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Sex...
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and antiquing.
60
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You know,
61
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for years older men have dated younger women.
62
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And now it's finally okay for a younger man to date an older woman.
63
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I guess what I'm trying to say is:
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GROSS!
65
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Say what you want, but Mrs. Sullivan is so much more passionate then girls your age.
66
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You kids just lie there.
67
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Mrs. Sullivan, she moves, she shakes, she makes noises.
68
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Are you sure she wasn't having a stroke?
69
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Hey, so I was thinking we could all go in together on a birthdaypresent for Donna?
70
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But I don't know what to get her...
71
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Oh cool, there's an echo inside my head!
72
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Hellooooww...
73
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Balls...
74
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Hohohoho! Awesome!
75
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You know I could give Donna make-up. But that would be a waste.
76
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Might as well just give a dog a snowblower.
77
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Oh. Kelso did that once.
78
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Oh no wait,
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he gave his snowblower a dog.
80
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That was when he was in his "Machines-Should-Have-Pets" phase.
81
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Bongoooooo's!
82
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Equadoooooor!
83
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Is there anybody in here?
84
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Oh my God,
85
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the echo just said yes.
86
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You know, I think I've had enough...
87
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You know once I caught Donna using lipliner on her eyebrows.
88
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Seriously, it's like being best friends with Phyllis Diller.
89
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How about, I get something and we can all give it to Donna together?
90
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Together.
91
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Man, I'm not getting the echo.
92
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Hello?
93
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There it is...
94
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Oh oh oh, my friend Marcia Sullivan is here!
95
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Your friend? I thought you hated her?
96
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I do!
97
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But she has the juciest gossip because she is a filthy, disgusting, piece of...
98
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Marcia!
99
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Hello Kitty. Hello Red.
100
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Here Kitty, I brought us some heavenly camomile tea.
101
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Oh yeah. Tea's nice...
102
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You said you were gonna bring wine.
103
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She also said "till death do us part",
104
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look how that worked out.
105
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Red, don't you have something to do in the garage?
106
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I can go to the garage?
107
00:06:11,320 --> 00:06:12,560
So Marcia...
108
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Tell me what is going on in that adventurous life of yours?
109
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Well actually Kitty, I have a wonderful new boyfriend.
110
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He's delicious. And quite young.
111
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Young?
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How young?
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40?
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Younger.
115
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39?
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Younger.
117
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Well for heaven's sake Marcia, what is younger then 39?
118
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Kitty I am not gonna tell you. I don't want to shock you.
119
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19.
120
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Well I just don't believe this.
121
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I have a son who is 19.
122
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Oh that's right.
123
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I forgot about Eric.
124
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Where is that handsome son of yours these days?
125
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Oh.
126
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Don't you even think about it. He is in Africa, with the lions, where he's safe.
127
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Well he's gotta come back sometime.
128
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Touch him and I'll kill you in your sleep!
129
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OH... Ahahahaha!
130
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Well
131
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another day, another romp with Mrs. Sullivan.
132
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Actually is was three romps, but who is counting?
133
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It was four.
134
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Hey guys, I got Donna's birthday present.
135
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It's a little wrinkled and musty but
136
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so is Fez' girlfriend and he seems to like her.
137
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"My parents went to Lake Michigan and all I got was this lousy t-shirt."
138
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I can relate too.
139
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My mom once went to Lake Michigan.
140
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All I got was a half-brother.
141
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T-shirt?
142
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What a lousy present.
143
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It even says so, right on the present.
144
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Hey,
145
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if you guys don't like the present, you can steal her something better.
146
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Okay well,
147
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what kind of stuff is Donna into anyway?
148
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I don't know.
149
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Beef?
150
00:08:06,800 --> 00:08:09,040
No, seriously, Donna is a cool girl.
151
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I think we should get her something cool.
152
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Why because you wanna have sex with her?
153
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No, I'd do the same thing for you if it were your birthday.
154
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Ah, so you wanna have sex with me?
155
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Yeah Fez,
156
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I wanna have sex with you!
157
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I rather have a sweater...
158
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and it's August 4th.
159
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If you can't find gift ideas for Donna in here,
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just give her what I do,
161
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coupons for 15 minutes of Bob-time.
162
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You know I...
163
00:08:47,480 --> 00:08:49,400
I always forget how big Donna's room is.
164
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It looks much smaller from the tree across the street.
165
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Hey look at this!
166
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Donna uses the same hairspray as...
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my sister.
168
00:09:03,680 --> 00:09:05,880
Ohhh look at this. Donna's diary.
169
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Oh I haven't looked in here in like a month.
170
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Ah damn, it's locked.
171
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Ah the keys are in one of the desk drawers.
172
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I'm not sure which.
173
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There's always a branch blocking my view.
174
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Eh okay, I'm heading out, but I think what Donna needs for her birthday.
175
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Thicker curtains and a restraining order
176
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Oh my God Fez,
177
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listen to what Donna wrote, it's from a few weeks ago:
178
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"Hyde hired this new guy Randy at the record-store. And he's really cute."
179
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Donna thinks Randy is cute!
180
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Can you believe this?
181
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Jackie you shouldn't be reading that!
182
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It's a complete invasion of privacy.
183
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Oh if I get just the right angle on this mirror... I can see Donna when she sleeps...
184
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Here Donna,
185
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I made you a coupon for your birthday.
186
00:10:06,240 --> 00:10:09,240
"Good for one Knock-Knock-joke. No Who's-there required".
187
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Wow, dreams can come true.
188
00:10:16,480 --> 00:10:17,040
See that Red?
189
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Kids love those.
190
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You should have made them for Eric.
191
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Yeah I suppose I could have given him a
192
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"Get My Foot Out Of Your Ass Free" card.
193
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Ladies and gentleman, I present to you
194
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a simply sweet confection and she is carrying a cake too!
195
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Oh my goodness stop it!
196
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Ahahahaha!
197
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Wow Randy, look at your shirt.
198
00:10:40,120 --> 00:10:42,600
Uhh Donna, how would you describe Randy's shirt?
199
00:10:44,160 --> 00:10:45,120
Uhm...
200
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well-buttoned?
201
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CUTE!
202
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You would say it's cute!
203
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I'm sorry, the answer we were looking for was "adorable".
204
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Marcia!
205
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Ahhh there's my lady!
206
00:11:11,680 --> 00:11:13,480
What in the world?
207
00:11:15,640 --> 00:11:16,840
Oh, you didn't know?
208
00:11:17,520 --> 00:11:18,760
Yeah, Fez is dating an older lady.
209
00:11:19,520 --> 00:11:22,280
Apparently, you taking him to all these PTA-meetings really payed off.
210
00:11:24,440 --> 00:11:26,680
Fez is your younger man? MY Fez?
211
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Isn't he gorgeous?
212
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I think I'll keep him for a couple of months.
213
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Did you hear that?
214
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I'm booked till March.
215
00:11:36,360 --> 00:11:37,480
Fez you can't date her.
216
00:11:37,960 --> 00:11:38,360
Why not?
217
00:11:38,680 --> 00:11:40,120
Well in the first place: she's so...
218
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old.
219
00:11:42,720 --> 00:11:44,520
Isn't she kind of the same age as Mrs. Forman?
220
00:11:47,360 --> 00:11:49,080
Yeah say that louder, that'll really help.
221
00:11:50,680 --> 00:11:53,160
How dare you dig your... your
222
00:11:53,360 --> 00:11:56,000
dirty claws into this innocent boy?
223
00:11:56,480 --> 00:11:58,840
Wow, it's like she was right in the room with us.
224
00:12:02,800 --> 00:12:04,960
Fez, this is an atrocity.
225
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You two have to stop seeing each other right now.
226
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You can't tell me what to do, your not my mother.
227
00:12:13,040 --> 00:12:13,640
You know what...
228
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Fine,
229
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then you just... you do whatever the hell you want
230
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Marcia!
231
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It's me, Bob Pinciotti.
232
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Ahhh.
233
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I asked you out last month.
234
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I thought you were moving to Costa Rica.
235
00:12:38,560 --> 00:12:39,120
Kitty?
236
00:12:40,040 --> 00:12:41,280
Oh no!
237
00:12:43,600 --> 00:12:44,240
What's wrong?
238
00:12:44,400 --> 00:12:44,920
Ice,
239
00:12:45,440 --> 00:12:46,040
Margarita-mix,
240
00:12:48,120 --> 00:12:49,680
the top from the bottle of tequila.
241
00:12:52,160 --> 00:12:53,480
Good Lord, she took the blender!
242
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She's in the dining room.
243
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I'll be in the garage. Save yourselves!
244
00:13:08,560 --> 00:13:12,800
I can't believe Fez was seduced by that cradle-robbing slut.
245
00:13:14,680 --> 00:13:18,080
You girls throw it around like footballplayers, couldn't one of you have slept with him?
246
00:13:21,960 --> 00:13:22,960
Mrs. Forman,
247
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you need to understand something.
248
00:13:25,640 --> 00:13:27,320
Fez is a deviant weirdo.
249
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We're just glad he is doing it with a person and not a couch
250
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a tree or my pillow.
251
00:13:33,520 --> 00:13:37,320
After all I have done for that boy, he has the nerve to say you're not my mother.
252
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If that's even what he said.
253
00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:40,560
Because...
254
00:13:40,920 --> 00:13:44,440
who can understand anything that comes out of that ungrateful marsh-mouth.
255
00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:47,320
Wow.
256
00:13:48,200 --> 00:13:49,760
Fez and an older divorced woman.
257
00:13:50,840 --> 00:13:51,280
You know,
258
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if I were a divorced older woman, I would take everything from my ex-husband.
259
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SUFFER YOU CHEATING BASTARD! Haa! Can't wait to be divorced.
260
00:14:02,040 --> 00:14:02,400
Well,
261
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if he doesn't want me mothering him, fine I'm done!
262
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Next Christmas,
263
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his stocking will not be hung by the chimney with care.
264
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It will be tossed in the garbage with...
265
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hair!
266
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This place uses too much ice!
267
00:14:26,520 --> 00:14:27,120
Here you go Donna.
268
00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:28,480
Happy birthday.
269
00:14:31,720 --> 00:14:33,400
I was gonna put a ribbon around it, but you know,
270
00:14:34,040 --> 00:14:34,600
I barely care.
271
00:14:36,080 --> 00:14:36,880
Wow Hyde,
272
00:14:37,760 --> 00:14:40,680
thanks! I have the same shirt from the other lakes but I needed this one.
273
00:14:41,400 --> 00:14:41,800
Wait.
274
00:14:43,080 --> 00:14:44,320
You collect these shirts?
275
00:14:44,880 --> 00:14:46,040
Steven how did you know that?
276
00:14:46,480 --> 00:14:48,080
Oh because one time I heard Donna say:
277
00:14:48,200 --> 00:14:49,240
I collect these shirts.
278
00:14:50,760 --> 00:14:52,720
I like when Donna wears shirts with writing on them.
279
00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:54,520
The words just pop out at you.
280
00:14:57,120 --> 00:14:57,520
Donna,
281
00:14:57,880 --> 00:14:59,800
for your birthday, I'm taking you on a journey.
282
00:15:00,240 --> 00:15:01,120
Where you ask?
283
00:15:01,640 --> 00:15:03,040
To a Journey-concert!
284
00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:04,760
Why you ask?
285
00:15:04,880 --> 00:15:06,840
Cause I saw you had a poster of them in your room.
286
00:15:07,240 --> 00:15:08,800
What was I doing in your room you ask?
287
00:15:08,960 --> 00:15:09,360
Hey,
288
00:15:09,520 --> 00:15:10,680
stop asking questions,
289
00:15:10,760 --> 00:15:12,000
we're going to see Journey!
290
00:15:13,440 --> 00:15:14,560
Oh thanks!
291
00:15:14,720 --> 00:15:16,560
Donna, I'm sorry I didn't get you a present.
292
00:15:16,920 --> 00:15:18,240
I was gonna go shopping, but
293
00:15:18,520 --> 00:15:20,320
Mrs. Sullivan is not gonna be around forever.
294
00:15:22,440 --> 00:15:23,960
I gotta make every moment count.
295
00:15:25,840 --> 00:15:27,440
Eh yeah Fez, about that.
296
00:15:28,040 --> 00:15:30,680
We just talked to Mrs. Forman and we learned a couple of things.
297
00:15:31,040 --> 00:15:34,600
First of all, you get a few Margarita's in her and she's a fairly decent tapdancer.
298
00:15:36,280 --> 00:15:37,200
And also,
299
00:15:37,760 --> 00:15:39,680
she is really upset about what you said.
300
00:15:40,360 --> 00:15:41,760
Yeah Fez, she thinks of you like a son.
301
00:15:42,680 --> 00:15:43,160
I mean,
302
00:15:43,480 --> 00:15:44,400
you know, think about it.
303
00:15:45,148 --> 00:15:48,934
(Eydie Gorme) Wherever we go,
whatever we do
304
00:15:49,134 --> 00:15:52,820
We're gonna go through it
together
305
00:15:54,037 --> 00:15:55,774
(Steve Lawrence)
We may not go far
306
00:15:55,974 --> 00:15:57,758
But sure as a star
307
00:15:58,387 --> 00:16:01,617
Wherever we are,
it's together
308
00:16:02,647 --> 00:16:06,129
Wherever I go,
I know he goes
309
00:16:07,051 --> 00:16:10,564
Wherever I go,
I know she goes
310
00:16:11,462 --> 00:16:14,625
No fits, no fights, no feuds
and no egos
311
00:16:15,705 --> 00:16:16,736
Amigos
312
00:16:17,933 --> 00:16:19,063
Together
313
00:16:20,244 --> 00:16:22,122
Through thick
and through thin
314
00:16:22,322 --> 00:16:23,926
All out or all in
315
00:16:24,588 --> 00:16:27,536
And whether it's win,
place or show
316
00:16:28,876 --> 00:16:30,270
With you for me
317
00:16:30,470 --> 00:16:31,470
And me for you
318
00:16:31,614 --> 00:16:33,306
We'll muddle through
whatever we do
319
00:16:33,506 --> 00:16:36,102
Together wherever we go
320
00:16:40,240 --> 00:16:40,880
You know,
321
00:16:41,360 --> 00:16:42,800
Miss Kitty has done a lot for me.
322
00:16:43,840 --> 00:16:44,840
Maybe I should go talk to her.
323
00:16:45,560 --> 00:16:47,040
And on the way I'll pick up a box of chocolates.
324
00:16:48,440 --> 00:16:48,880
Good.
325
00:16:49,160 --> 00:16:50,680
Yeah Fez, I think she'd really like that.
326
00:16:51,200 --> 00:16:52,400
Oh then I'll pick her up one too.
327
00:16:58,680 --> 00:17:00,840
Happy birthday. I got you a new diary.
328
00:17:03,400 --> 00:17:05,760
Well I noticed you needed a new one when I was reading your old one.
329
00:17:07,840 --> 00:17:09,280
YOU READ MY DIARY?
330
00:17:09,400 --> 00:17:10,120
I didn't say that!
331
00:17:10,200 --> 00:17:11,240
You just said that!
332
00:17:11,800 --> 00:17:13,560
Oh you don't know what I said.
333
00:17:15,280 --> 00:17:15,880
But,
334
00:17:16,240 --> 00:17:18,320
I also noticed you think Randy is cute.
335
00:17:19,320 --> 00:17:19,760
What?
336
00:17:20,840 --> 00:17:23,200
I do not, that was just something I wrote, I barely meant it.
337
00:17:23,400 --> 00:17:24,000
Oh uhuh!
338
00:17:24,200 --> 00:17:26,000
Then why are you going to the concert with him?
339
00:17:26,480 --> 00:17:27,720
You don't even like Journey!
340
00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:30,040
I love Journey.
341
00:17:30,680 --> 00:17:33,120
There the Beatles of our generation.
342
00:17:35,360 --> 00:17:37,600
Oh come on! Who are you kidding?
343
00:17:38,080 --> 00:17:42,120
The only reason you put up that poster is to cover the hole Fez was using to spy on you in the shower.
344
00:17:44,200 --> 00:17:44,600
Okay.
345
00:17:44,960 --> 00:17:45,240
Fine.
346
00:17:45,720 --> 00:17:46,680
I think Randy is cute.
347
00:17:47,640 --> 00:17:49,200
But it's not a big deal. Because...
348
00:17:49,400 --> 00:17:51,320
I have to go. Write in your diary, I'll read it tomorrow
349
00:17:54,640 --> 00:17:55,520
Miss Kitty?
350
00:17:56,560 --> 00:17:57,560
Oh hi Fez.
351
00:17:58,280 --> 00:18:01,840
I'd get up, but my back's still sore from that knife you stuck in it.
352
00:18:06,720 --> 00:18:08,040
Listen Tutankhamen,
353
00:18:10,200 --> 00:18:11,320
you need to fix this.
354
00:18:12,520 --> 00:18:16,120
My wife has been sitting there calm and quiet all day.
355
00:18:16,800 --> 00:18:19,160
I disarmed landmines in Korea.
356
00:18:21,880 --> 00:18:25,440
But I have never been this nervous that something's about to explode.
357
00:18:31,800 --> 00:18:32,440
Miss Kitty?
358
00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:37,920
I would like to apologize for saying that you were not my mother.
359
00:18:38,600 --> 00:18:39,720
Why? It's the truth.
360
00:18:40,160 --> 00:18:41,880
Why don't you just tell me I'm fat too!
361
00:18:44,440 --> 00:18:47,120
See, you treated me like a son, and I didn't mean to hurt you.
362
00:18:48,160 --> 00:18:48,520
So,
363
00:18:49,080 --> 00:18:50,200
if it will fix things,
364
00:18:51,600 --> 00:18:52,800
I would like to take your advice
365
00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:54,240
and stop seeing Mrs. Sullivan.
366
00:18:56,280 --> 00:18:57,280
Okay look Fez.
367
00:18:57,480 --> 00:18:58,000
It's your life.
368
00:18:58,560 --> 00:19:00,080
You can do whatever you wanna do.
369
00:19:00,600 --> 00:19:03,240
See but the problem is, that on the one hand I want your approval
370
00:19:03,400 --> 00:19:04,280
and on the other
371
00:19:04,320 --> 00:19:07,240
I wanna be with women in ways that frankly would turn your stomach.
372
00:19:09,400 --> 00:19:09,800
Okay.
373
00:19:11,360 --> 00:19:12,160
Okay Fez.
374
00:19:13,360 --> 00:19:15,440
If you really see me as your mother,
375
00:19:16,480 --> 00:19:19,680
then you need to do what any good son would do in this situation.
376
00:19:21,480 --> 00:19:22,200
Lie to me.
377
00:19:27,120 --> 00:19:27,760
What do you mean?
378
00:19:28,120 --> 00:19:28,600
Okay. Well.
379
00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:30,040
When Eric was still here,
380
00:19:30,280 --> 00:19:34,800
every friday night he would tell me he was going out with his friends to the movies.
381
00:19:34,960 --> 00:19:37,840
But we weren't at the movies, we were drinking beer and peeing from the top of the...
382
00:19:41,720 --> 00:19:43,160
oooooooooh!
383
00:19:45,480 --> 00:19:46,680
So you see?
384
00:19:47,400 --> 00:19:51,880
Not telling each other what they don't wanna hear is what being a family is all about.
385
00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:54,280
Thank you Miss Kitty.
386
00:19:58,080 --> 00:19:58,960
Now if you'll excuse me,
387
00:19:59,400 --> 00:20:01,280
I'm going to not have sex with Mrs. Sullivan
388
00:20:01,480 --> 00:20:02,440
on her washing machine.
389
00:20:04,960 --> 00:20:06,600
You have fun at the movies!
390
00:20:12,360 --> 00:20:13,200
Hey Dad.
391
00:20:13,520 --> 00:20:15,720
I was thinking of cashing in one of my birthday coupons.
392
00:20:16,360 --> 00:20:18,800
I'll take you up on one free game of "Boboboply".
393
00:20:21,200 --> 00:20:21,960
Listen Donna,
394
00:20:22,040 --> 00:20:25,400
I know those are just for laughs but I wanted to get you something serious too.
395
00:20:25,880 --> 00:20:26,520
So here.
396
00:20:27,560 --> 00:20:28,360
Peanut Brittle huh?
397
00:20:29,880 --> 00:20:31,600
Boy, I sure do love this stuff!
398
00:20:34,480 --> 00:20:36,200
You didn't even see it coming!
399
00:20:37,800 --> 00:20:39,640
Yeah, just like last year!
28608
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