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1
00:00:12,640 --> 00:00:17,600
Hey, check it out guys, it's
sergeant Crossin Guard.
2
00:00:19,080 --> 00:00:21,680
Rough day at the crosswalk sarge?
3
00:00:21,880 --> 00:00:26,000
I'm not a crossing guard, Hyde.
I'm a police officer in training.
Read the badge.
4
00:00:26,160 --> 00:00:29,880
You mean your paper name tag?
5
00:00:30,040 --> 00:00:35,600
No, I mean my badge.
This civilazes all the autority in the
Point Place police department.
6
00:00:35,760 --> 00:00:38,200
Oh, how'd it get ripped?
7
00:00:40,560 --> 00:00:42,720
Hey, your first case.
8
00:00:43,840 --> 00:00:50,000
Get this tomarrow I get to go on a ride along in a real police car.
I can see all the crimes that happens.
9
00:00:50,160 --> 00:00:53,400
Yeah, this town is a hot pit for a criminal activity.
10
00:00:53,560 --> 00:00:57,480
Hey lets not forget the great ten speed robery of '74.
11
00:00:57,640 --> 00:01:02,040
Yeah or that criminal mastermind who
stole my moms carton gnome.
12
00:01:03,200 --> 00:01:09,360
Guys I have very exciting news. I'm in a mentor program for little girls, kinda of like a big sister thing.
13
00:01:09,520 --> 00:01:12,560
And there's someone here who
is very anxious to meet you.
14
00:01:12,720 --> 00:01:14,400
Come here.
15
00:01:15,640 --> 00:01:19,360
Isn't she cute?
I call her Little Jackie.
16
00:01:20,440 --> 00:01:25,440
For the last freaking time,
my name is Colette.
17
00:01:25,600 --> 00:01:28,920
Try to like her, she's just a little mouthy.
18
00:01:29,120 --> 00:01:30,720
Jackie, why would you be a big sister?
19
00:01:30,880 --> 00:01:35,720
Oh, it's a community service project foe school.
It was either this or helping out at the senior center.
20
00:01:35,880 --> 00:01:39,120
And you know how grey hair gives me nightmares.
21
00:01:39,320 --> 00:01:42,440
Can I leave now? There's nothing to do.
22
00:01:43,400 --> 00:01:46,360
Here. Take theese pictures of me
and put them in order of cuteness.
23
00:01:46,520 --> 00:01:51,080
From "very cute" to
"it's just not fair she's so cute".
24
00:01:51,240 --> 00:01:54,880
Lame, lamer, lamest.
25
00:01:55,840 --> 00:01:58,000
I like her.
26
00:01:58,160 --> 00:02:01,480
Yeah, me too.
- She's feisty.
27
00:02:01,680 --> 00:02:05,240
Nice name tag. Are you a garbage man?
28
00:02:07,680 --> 00:02:10,280
It's a badge!
29
00:02:48,440 --> 00:02:51,400
Get away from me.
- I bet that's the first time you told that to a man.
30
00:02:51,560 --> 00:02:55,000
Don't you walk out that door!
31
00:02:55,920 --> 00:02:59,520
What the hell was that all about?
- Oh, they've been fighting like that all morning.
32
00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:03,400
Sometimes he even yells at her in his native language.
33
00:03:03,560 --> 00:03:08,080
I belive the main idea is, she gets around.
34
00:03:08,240 --> 00:03:11,920
Ahh, to be young and trapped in
a lovely scheme of a marriage.
35
00:03:12,080 --> 00:03:17,400
Kitty, where's the coffee?
- Oh, I'm sorry. I almost forgot.
36
00:03:21,240 --> 00:03:26,520
Since no one fixed my sink yet, today
instead of coffee we're having pipe sludge.
37
00:03:27,440 --> 00:03:30,760
You know the doctor told me not to do household chores.
38
00:03:30,920 --> 00:03:34,920
It's either a working sink or a dead husband,
it's your choice.
39
00:03:35,080 --> 00:03:39,720
Well Red somebody's gotta do something
around here, the garage needs to be
painted, the lawn mower won't start...
40
00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:44,280
and I'm getting tired of running to the
hose everytime I need bourbon and water.
41
00:03:45,640 --> 00:03:47,960
Fine, fine we'll let Eric do it.
42
00:03:48,120 --> 00:03:51,920
Maybe if I supervise him he'll
only screw up half as much.
43
00:03:52,080 --> 00:03:55,120
Yeah, thanks dad, you know what i got it.
44
00:03:55,280 --> 00:03:59,840
Yeah, this from the kid who gets sweaty
when he needs to change out toilet paper.
45
00:04:01,240 --> 00:04:05,600
Don't you walk back in to that house!
46
00:04:13,280 --> 00:04:17,800
Officer Kennedy, I want you to know even though it's my first ride along...
47
00:04:17,960 --> 00:04:21,480
I'm not afraid to kill a man.
48
00:04:21,640 --> 00:04:27,520
I just don't want to touch him after he's dead.
- Shut it cadet. Here take care of the radio.
49
00:04:27,680 --> 00:04:30,840
Oh cool, we each get our own walkie talkies.
50
00:04:31,000 --> 00:04:36,200
I'd like a pepperoni pizza.
Adress: Holland Assdown Central.
51
00:04:36,360 --> 00:04:40,600
Hey, hey if you wanna play games,
go join the highway patrol.
52
00:04:40,760 --> 00:04:45,800
Unit 10, we've got a 415 in progress.
- Cool. What's a 415?
53
00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:49,440
Why don't you look in your manual.
54
00:04:50,840 --> 00:04:54,800
A kenin deficating on a private property.
55
00:04:55,000 --> 00:05:00,000
Oh cool, it's a dog crapping on a lawn. Gun it.
56
00:05:00,160 --> 00:05:05,640
A 415 is a domestic disturbance you chowderhead.
57
00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:11,600
Dammit, I always wanted to put a dog in handcuffs.
58
00:05:14,660 --> 00:05:18,900
I want you out. Out I say
- It's my house.
59
00:05:19,060 --> 00:05:22,380
Oh really ,because you didn't sleep here last night.
60
00:05:22,540 --> 00:05:27,060
Or the night before that.
Or the night before that.
61
00:05:27,780 --> 00:05:31,340
To be fair Fez, her army buddies only got a 3 day pass.
62
00:05:32,660 --> 00:05:35,780
Listen to me...
- Quiet down, the neighbours are staring.
63
00:05:35,940 --> 00:05:41,060
Don't mind us.
Just practising for a show
64
00:05:41,220 --> 00:05:43,580
Take a bow and get in the house.
65
00:05:44,740 --> 00:05:48,060
Wow, it's a 50.
I need to go hide my stash...
66
00:05:49,900 --> 00:05:53,700
of comic books.
I'm a comic book paraphernalian.
67
00:05:58,380 --> 00:06:00,380
What seems to be the problem here?
68
00:06:00,580 --> 00:06:02,900
Put that down.
- Put that down.
69
00:06:03,060 --> 00:06:06,500
No, put that down.
- Put what down?
70
00:06:10,340 --> 00:06:15,340
What seems to be the problem here?
- I'll tell you what the problem is.
I am married to a whore.
71
00:06:18,100 --> 00:06:20,620
I am not a whore.
72
00:06:20,780 --> 00:06:23,780
I'm just a girl who likes a good time.
73
00:06:23,940 --> 00:06:27,340
I'm sorry.
I can't imagine who would've called the police.
74
00:06:27,500 --> 00:06:30,460
It's about time you showed up.
75
00:06:30,620 --> 00:06:34,340
These two are making so much noise
I couldn't enjoyed my programme.
76
00:06:34,540 --> 00:06:36,940
Bob, you really had to call the police?
77
00:06:37,100 --> 00:06:42,660
Sorry Kitty, but how am I suposed to name
that tune if I can't even hear the notes?
78
00:06:44,060 --> 00:06:49,860
Okay. Well, this kid seems to be harmless
but since you're training why
don't you frisk him anyway.
79
00:06:51,540 --> 00:06:54,540
Oh sure, frisk the foreign guy.
80
00:06:54,700 --> 00:06:57,900
The color of my skin is not a crime.
81
00:07:04,620 --> 00:07:07,780
Why do you have a frog in your pocket?
82
00:07:07,940 --> 00:07:10,820
It's a suprise for the ladies.
83
00:07:10,980 --> 00:07:14,500
Oh, he pied on me, that's resisting arrest.
84
00:07:14,660 --> 00:07:18,940
Well, I'm about to resist arest too.
85
00:07:23,860 --> 00:07:26,940
Hey dad, that was pretty cool how i shut
off all the water in the house.
86
00:07:27,140 --> 00:07:32,420
Yeah, you really installed a lot of condfidence,
muttering lefty-lucy, righty-tighty the whole time.
87
00:07:32,580 --> 00:07:40,020
Okay, lets get started.
Now this is a wrench.
88
00:07:40,180 --> 00:07:44,500
Dad i think I know what tools are.
- Good. Then grab the phillips head.
89
00:07:44,660 --> 00:07:48,260
Shoudn't I buy Phillip a drink first?
90
00:07:51,700 --> 00:07:55,860
C'mon were just a couple of guys
having some fun on a job. Lighten up.
91
00:07:56,020 --> 00:07:59,580
Get a little, lefty-lucy.
92
00:07:59,740 --> 00:08:02,900
Do you even know what a phillips head screwdriver is?
93
00:08:03,060 --> 00:08:05,620
I know it's a screwdriver.
94
00:08:05,780 --> 00:08:07,940
Now.
95
00:08:08,940 --> 00:08:12,340
The water's off.
- Why is the water off?
- We're gonna fix the pipes.
96
00:08:12,500 --> 00:08:15,340
But I have to use the bathroom.
- What?
97
00:08:15,500 --> 00:08:18,020
I have to use the bathroom!
98
00:08:18,180 --> 00:08:19,540
Well go ahead.
99
00:08:19,700 --> 00:08:23,300
But you only get one flush so make it count.
100
00:08:25,580 --> 00:08:30,020
Well I guess I can hold it.
I just hope I don't sneeze.
101
00:08:36,520 --> 00:08:39,440
Would you sit still.
- Jackie, she's not a doll.
102
00:08:39,600 --> 00:08:42,360
Well not a good one anyway.
103
00:08:43,040 --> 00:08:47,160
I don't want a makeover.
You're suppose to be helping me with my homework.
104
00:08:47,320 --> 00:08:50,400
Homework is for ugly girls.
105
00:08:51,760 --> 00:08:57,080
Okay. Pretty girls get geeky
boys to do their homework for them.
106
00:08:57,240 --> 00:09:03,840
Jackie, you're supposed to
do fun stuff like go roller-skating.
Not teach her to prostitute herself for geometry notes.
107
00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:07,320
She's cool.
Why can't she be my big sister?
108
00:09:07,520 --> 00:09:10,640
See, Donna already has a little sister.
109
00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:13,160
Her name is Eric.
110
00:09:20,280 --> 00:09:24,160
Okay. Get under the sink and loosen
that disposal so we can get to the pipes.
111
00:09:24,320 --> 00:09:26,440
Under there?
112
00:09:28,840 --> 00:09:31,360
But, it's all spidery.
113
00:09:32,360 --> 00:09:37,080
Get under there or you gonna get a spider
the size of my foot in your ass.
114
00:09:40,400 --> 00:09:43,400
I just realized something.
After all the years me helping you fix stuff...
115
00:09:43,560 --> 00:09:47,600
you finally have to hold flashlight for me.
116
00:09:47,760 --> 00:09:50,440
Lower dumbass.
117
00:09:53,640 --> 00:09:56,200
Alright, I'm in. I'm just gonna loosen...
118
00:09:56,360 --> 00:09:59,400
Spider, big one. Oh my god.
119
00:10:03,160 --> 00:10:05,440
A brillo pad?
120
00:10:06,480 --> 00:10:09,800
You were afraid of a brillo pad?
121
00:10:10,640 --> 00:10:12,880
It bit me.
122
00:10:13,040 --> 00:10:16,520
Boy, somewhere down the line I failed with you.
123
00:10:16,680 --> 00:10:22,040
You know, I think it was that one day when
you were ten and I cought you with those dolls.
124
00:10:22,240 --> 00:10:25,920
They were action figures.
125
00:10:29,640 --> 00:10:31,440
I wanna go to the movies.
126
00:10:31,600 --> 00:10:35,920
Why?
You're watching me live my life.
127
00:10:36,080 --> 00:10:38,560
It's better than any movie.
128
00:10:41,920 --> 00:10:44,680
Good afternoon, civilians.
129
00:10:44,840 --> 00:10:47,800
Where's my frog you son of a bitch?
130
00:10:49,920 --> 00:10:52,360
Well the good news is I let him loose.
131
00:10:52,520 --> 00:10:57,120
The bad news is he hopped
in front of an eighteen wheeler.
132
00:10:57,280 --> 00:11:01,920
He dodged the first wheel, but the
last seventeen got him.
133
00:11:02,080 --> 00:11:05,560
Did you show up in a cop car?
134
00:11:05,760 --> 00:11:08,600
My training officer let me take the cruiser out for a spin.
135
00:11:08,760 --> 00:11:12,640
Mind if we check it out?
- Fine, just don't touch anything.
136
00:11:12,800 --> 00:11:17,280
I'll be in the bathroom taking care of some police business,
or as the boys down at the station like to say
137
00:11:17,480 --> 00:11:20,280
I'll be taking the 10100.
138
00:11:22,560 --> 00:11:27,880
How'd you like to see a police car?
- I already saw one when the police took my daddy to jail.
139
00:11:28,080 --> 00:11:31,920
Alright, you know what, cheer up
or you're not getting lunch.
140
00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:37,280
Oh, Donna don't worry, you're getting lunch.
141
00:11:37,440 --> 00:11:41,600
Okay, you know what.
You don't have a clue when it comes deeling with kids.
142
00:11:41,760 --> 00:11:44,640
Well if you think you're so good at it,
why don't you give it a shot?
143
00:11:44,800 --> 00:11:46,320
Okay, I will.
144
00:11:46,480 --> 00:11:50,400
C'mon, Colette,
you've just been upgraded to Little Donna.
145
00:11:53,320 --> 00:11:58,480
You know what. It is your lose cause I was gonna let you give me a pedicure.
146
00:12:02,160 --> 00:12:05,560
I can't belive they trusted Kelso with a cop car.
147
00:12:05,720 --> 00:12:08,920
I can't belive he left the keys in it.
148
00:12:11,760 --> 00:12:14,000
Are you thinking what I'm thinking?
149
00:12:14,160 --> 00:12:16,800
Burn rubber, little buddy.
150
00:12:24,240 --> 00:12:26,920
You're out of soap in the mens room.
151
00:12:27,080 --> 00:12:30,040
My eagle eye catches everything.
152
00:12:37,460 --> 00:12:40,020
This is so exciting. What should we do next?
153
00:12:40,180 --> 00:12:45,140
Plant some evidence?
Bust some prostitutes?
154
00:12:45,340 --> 00:12:49,540
Plant some evidence in the bust of some prostitutes?
155
00:12:49,700 --> 00:12:53,340
Oh hey, check it out. Walkie talkie.
156
00:12:54,180 --> 00:12:57,500
Freeze, you're under arrest.
157
00:12:59,300 --> 00:13:02,460
Freeze, you're under arrest.
158
00:13:04,180 --> 00:13:06,780
Freeze, you're under arrest.
159
00:13:06,980 --> 00:13:08,820
Oh yeah, that's the one.
160
00:13:09,660 --> 00:13:14,860
This is officer Michael Kelso.
And I'm not wearing any pants.
161
00:13:15,900 --> 00:13:20,260
Am I supposed to be driving all over the road?
Cause I'm loaded .
162
00:13:22,900 --> 00:13:26,180
My car is gone. Somebody call the police.
163
00:13:35,900 --> 00:13:38,220
Okay that's it. I can't fix it.
I just, I can't do it.
164
00:13:38,420 --> 00:13:43,780
Oh, what's the problem now?
Did the fuzzy dish towel jumped out and attack you?
165
00:13:44,820 --> 00:13:47,300
I can belive you said you said you failed with me.
166
00:13:47,460 --> 00:13:49,500
Oh, c'mon that was a joke.
167
00:13:49,700 --> 00:13:55,540
You know like a "priest and a rabin walk in to a bar"
or "I've failed with you".
168
00:13:55,700 --> 00:13:59,420
Do you really think that?
- No, not completely.
169
00:14:00,100 --> 00:14:04,220
I mean, maybe you're not good at fixing stuff...
170
00:14:04,380 --> 00:14:08,300
but you stayed behind from school
to help the family out.
171
00:14:08,460 --> 00:14:10,780
And that's admirable.
172
00:14:11,580 --> 00:14:15,060
Yeah, yeah it is.
173
00:14:16,020 --> 00:14:20,860
Some might say it's the greatest gift
a son can give his father.
174
00:14:21,020 --> 00:14:25,340
No, the greatest gift a son could give
his father is a Heisman trophy.
175
00:14:26,140 --> 00:14:30,900
Look, you've tortured yourself enough for one day,
lets just pack it up and call the plumer.
176
00:14:31,060 --> 00:14:33,340
No, no. Look I can fix some things.
177
00:14:33,540 --> 00:14:37,700
Boba Fetts jet pack doesn't just glue itself back on.
178
00:14:38,620 --> 00:14:40,980
You know what, I'm gonna fix lawn mower.
Right now.
179
00:14:41,140 --> 00:14:44,580
No, why would you wanna embarass yourself like that?
180
00:14:44,780 --> 00:14:48,500
I mean, I'll be standing there, and you'll be standing there and the mower won't work...
181
00:14:48,660 --> 00:14:52,220
and I'll say something mean and claim it's a joke.
182
00:14:53,500 --> 00:14:58,220
I'm gonna fix that lawn mower.
I'm gonna fix the hell out of it
183
00:14:58,380 --> 00:15:02,020
And when I'm done,
you're be able to race that baby at the Indy 500.
184
00:15:02,180 --> 00:15:06,540
Look son, just so you know, the lawn
mower is the red thing with wheels on it.
185
00:15:06,740 --> 00:15:08,740
Yeah, well not for long.
186
00:15:15,100 --> 00:15:16,460
More news after this.
187
00:15:16,660 --> 00:15:19,940
You know if a white man has stolen
that car it would be all over that news.
188
00:15:20,100 --> 00:15:23,780
Fez, not having every cop in Wisconsin looking for us is probably a good thing.
189
00:15:23,940 --> 00:15:26,260
Shut up, whitey.
190
00:15:28,740 --> 00:15:32,540
Has anyone seen Little Jackie?
- No, why?
191
00:15:32,700 --> 00:15:34,700
Ahh, never mind.
192
00:15:35,980 --> 00:15:39,220
Oh my god, you lost Little Jackie?
193
00:15:39,420 --> 00:15:43,220
No, I didn't loose Little...
Jackie!
194
00:15:44,220 --> 00:15:46,540
We're playing hide and seek,
and she's really, relly good.
195
00:15:46,700 --> 00:15:52,060
Oh, so you look for her, but when you play with Fez you let him sit in a closet all day.
196
00:15:53,420 --> 00:15:57,780
I can not belive you Donna, you said I didn't know what I was doing, and look at what you did.
197
00:15:57,940 --> 00:16:02,260
Okay, are you gonna help me find her or not?
- Well I'm gonna have to. I mean this is serious.
198
00:16:02,460 --> 00:16:06,780
If we don't find that little girl,
I'm gonna get like half hour detention.
199
00:16:13,340 --> 00:16:15,940
Where is my cop car?
200
00:16:16,940 --> 00:16:21,820
You know what, I'm gonna count to three, and before I'm done you better tell me where it is.
201
00:16:22,020 --> 00:16:25,140
One, two...
202
00:16:25,300 --> 00:16:27,580
two and a half...
203
00:16:28,500 --> 00:16:30,580
Three.
204
00:16:30,740 --> 00:16:34,900
No, you can't say three.
That's not how it works.
205
00:16:35,060 --> 00:16:39,740
Did my frog know how it worked when he seen that tire coming?
206
00:16:42,660 --> 00:16:46,220
His tiny green life flashing before his eyes.
207
00:16:46,420 --> 00:16:53,580
Guys c'mon. You can't just take
somebodies car without asking permission...
208
00:16:53,740 --> 00:16:56,980
especialy since I kind of took it
without asking permission.
209
00:16:57,900 --> 00:16:59,940
What?
- You stole it?
210
00:17:00,100 --> 00:17:03,620
I was supposed to be watching it
while my training officer got a hair cut.
211
00:17:03,780 --> 00:17:07,180
They are gonna have my paper badge for this.
212
00:17:25,060 --> 00:17:28,780
Mom, dad come quick, I fixed it.
I fixed it.
213
00:17:30,740 --> 00:17:34,420
It was like God had control over my hands.
214
00:17:34,580 --> 00:17:36,860
Let me start it for you.
- Eric don't.
215
00:17:37,020 --> 00:17:42,540
I've seen you use a wrench.
If you went lefty-lucy instead of righty- tighty
we could all die.
216
00:17:42,700 --> 00:17:44,860
Let me just put this in a garage.
217
00:17:45,020 --> 00:17:47,980
But dad...
No,no honey, honey your father's right.
It's not safe.
218
00:17:48,140 --> 00:17:51,460
We'll let Bob start it later.
219
00:17:57,980 --> 00:18:00,660
What did you do?
220
00:18:01,500 --> 00:18:06,740
Why? Why, why is it always my house?
221
00:18:06,900 --> 00:18:11,620
You really wanna now or you wanna just keep yelling?
- I wanna keep yelling.
222
00:18:11,820 --> 00:18:15,780
I don't care whos fault it is, just get that thing out of here. Now!
- Yes sir.
223
00:18:16,620 --> 00:18:19,580
Alright everybody show's over.
Let's go in the house.
224
00:18:19,740 --> 00:18:22,900
Dad, the lawn mower, I fixed the lawn mower.
You gotta see.
225
00:18:23,100 --> 00:18:25,020
Kelso, wait...
226
00:18:28,980 --> 00:18:32,740
Hey look Fez, just like your frog.
227
00:18:35,420 --> 00:18:38,140
Oh well, it was broken anyway.
228
00:18:39,260 --> 00:18:42,860
No, it wasn't.
229
00:18:43,020 --> 00:18:44,940
I fixed it.
230
00:18:45,140 --> 00:18:48,460
Mom, you belive me, don't you?
- Of course I do honey.
231
00:18:48,620 --> 00:18:52,700
I belive that you belive you fixed it.
232
00:19:07,160 --> 00:19:11,960
Why are you on my seat?
- This automobile has not moved.
233
00:19:12,120 --> 00:19:15,320
Wait, you didn't ask me that.
234
00:19:21,600 --> 00:19:26,360
Did you touch anything?
Cause if you did, you are in big trouble.
235
00:19:26,520 --> 00:19:31,080
No, I can assure you, everything
is exactly as you left it.
236
00:19:31,240 --> 00:19:36,840
Hey Kelso, did you get the cop car back before you boss found out you stole it?
237
00:19:37,880 --> 00:19:41,040
Okay, that... I can explain that.
238
00:19:41,240 --> 00:19:43,680
Where am I?
239
00:19:44,880 --> 00:19:47,840
Yeah, I can't explain that.
240
00:19:51,480 --> 00:19:53,440
Socket wrench.
241
00:19:54,720 --> 00:19:58,200
Drives the spaceship,
sits next to the hairy guy.
242
00:20:00,360 --> 00:20:02,840
Han Solo.
243
00:20:03,040 --> 00:20:04,840
Flathead screwdriver.
244
00:20:05,000 --> 00:20:08,160
Oh, I know this.
Guy with the breathing problem.
245
00:20:09,920 --> 00:20:13,400
Guy with the breathing problem?
This is Darth freaking Vader.
246
00:20:13,560 --> 00:20:18,360
Seriously dad if you don't know the dark lord of the Sith,
the most hated enemy of the jedi warrior then...
247
00:20:18,520 --> 00:20:21,960
I guess somewhere down the line I failed with you.
248
00:20:27,988 --> 00:20:30,235
Oh, it peed on me. That's...
249
00:20:32,894 --> 00:20:34,182
That's ressisting the arrest.
250
00:20:35,440 --> 00:20:37,865
Put that down.
Okay, give it to me.
251
00:20:46,358 --> 00:20:47,371
Give me that.
22171
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