All language subtitles for Big-Freaking-Rat_2020_English

Provided by explosiveskull
https://twitter.com/kaboomskull

Yo, you finished
taking your piss?

Could use some help over here.

How many barrels of this crap

did they have us dump
here last summer?

Enough for us
to pays the bills,

so we do what we do, right?

Where we moving 'em to?

About three
miles down the freeway.

There's an old abandoned
park down there off the 15.

Story Book Land!

I used to love that place!

My dad had these home movies
of my younger brother and me

on the little firetrucks.

So cool.

This bitch is stuck.

Told those goombas from the
city this is where we part ways.

After this gig is finished,
we're done with 'em.

We shoulda be done with
them a long time ago.

We get caught, no money's
enough to save us from the feds.

Let's just open a weed shop.

No thanks.

How about a vintage VHS
store like the '80s?

You mean like VCR VHS?

Be kind.

Rewind.

That's right, mock the VCR!

Back when you could tell
what kind of person you were

by what kind of
movies you rented.

You were either a top-loader
or a front-loader.

What the hell are
you babbling about?

This is one tough SOB.

Here.

Try this.

Wedge it under the
bottom and rock it.

Great thinkin', Lincoln.

Where'd you get this from?

At the, um,

the video store.

Good one.

I think one more and we're good.

Kinda cradle it outta
the mud, you know?

Seriously!

You coulda put my
eye out with that.

Stop whining, you big baby.

Maybe not my eye,
but I coulda got hurt.

Safety first, dude!

Says the man who's been

dropping this shit in
the pond for years.

Good one.

Seriously, Jimmy, where the
hell you getting all this wood?

It's here.

It's nailed to this old

'no trespassing' thing.

What thing?

I don't know.

It's an old-looking
shack, I guess.

Maybe when this place
used to be jumping,

they used to use this
for storage for shit,

back when they used to
come up here for gold.

That was here?

You catch on quick.

Gonna use you as my partner

when I start Grover's Vintage
VHS and Head Shop Inc.

Hey, be careful over there.

You might lose your head.

What?

You don't watch horror movies?

This is where a guy jumps out
with a mask and a machete.

Dude, quit making so
much noise over there.

Maxine is here!

I'm leaving, Uncle Brody!

Coming, Max!

Hi.

Hey, love.

So, where's Dylan?

I couldn't get him up.

He was up all last night

working on his
livestreaming show.

That's okay, he'll just
have to drive in with Brody.

But we have a lot to do to
get the campgrounds ready

in just a few days.

I hope I don't
screw anything up.

Oh, you will.

But that's okay,
you're just a kid.

And besides, this is
your first real job!

Oh my god, high five, yeah!

It's my first job, bitches!

So, was your
uncle up when you left?

I heard him coughing earlier.

Oh my god, it's
because of all the drinking

and smoking that cigar.

He's got that old-man
morning cough.

Oh my gosh, no, wait,
that's so true.

It's so
gross, but I love him.

I know.

Aww!

He's a good guy.

He is a good guy.

I left his uniform?

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

I ironed it.

Oh!

He better get ready!

That's wife material!

I...

Have you said that to him?

Dylan, are you still here?

You were supposed to head
out with Maxine, your cousin.

I'm sorry, Uncle
Brody, I forgot.

You forgot?

You didn't forget that
video game at 2 AM.

Surprised you get
cell service up here.

Well, it's not a video
game, it's a livestream,

and, yeah, you are right.

The service is a bit spotty.

Can I stay home
today, Uncle Brody?

You sick, boy?

No.

You got the runs?

No.

I should after
dinner last night.

Then you're not staying home.

But,

I'm tired!

Can't I just relax,
like even a little bit?

Relax a bit?

No.

Get up, make your
bed, get washed up.

We're outta here in an hour.

Fine, I'll get ready.

Millennials.

Ah, thank you, Maxie.

I so love you.

And thank you, Lord, for
giving me another day.

I don't hear that
shower running yet!

Kiddo!

I'm going,
Uncle Brody, I'm going!

Chief Brody MacReady.

Sure, we'd love to
have you come down.

Can you call us
back in 20 minutes?

All right, thank you.

Camp Taghkanic Lake
State Park and Campground.

How can I help you?

Deanna, good morning, sweetie.

Oh, hey Chief.

Hey, can you take the phones
off night mode forwarding

and route them
back to the office?

Oh.

Are they still on night mode?

Hold on.

They are.

I'm sorry, I will take
care of it for you.

Yeah, great.

All right, I'll see you shortly.

Okay, no worries, see ya soon.

Thank you.

Oh God, the coffee.

Let's go!

Geez, I'm coming.

Let's go, Ranger Brody.

Ahem!

We're gonna be late, Smokey.

Millennials.

Who you texting?

I'm not
texting anyone.

I'm uploading a video.

Never mind.

Let's get in work mode.

It's the summer, Uncle B.

And what does that mean?

Doesn't mean you get a pass.

No, not with me.

Told your father I'd
take you for the summer

and teach you the
finer things in life.

Like getting laid.

What?

No.

I'm talking about
the outdoors, sports,

interacting with
kids your own age,

rather than sitting behind
a laptop all summer.

Maybe teach you some
survival skills?

Okay.

Then maybe you can
get yourself laid,

as long as you understand
what that means.

Protect yourself.

Use a con...

Are we seriously gonna
have this conversation?

I was just kidding, Uncle B.

We can, if you'd like.

Nah.

This is
ridiculous, I'm so tired.

Oh wait, here
we go, here we go.

Hey, hey.

Hey now.

Hey.

Hey.

Hello?

Hey, hey!

Aw, come on!

Jesus Christ!

Steve, how much longer?

I don't know.

A mile, maybe two.

Morning, Charlie.

Looking real good, nice job.

That dude is disturbing.

He's had a tough life.

Is Lenny still on schedule

for the final
inspection tomorrow?

What'd he go to
prison or something?

That's what I always
love about you, Charlie.

You always get things done.

Let's talk later.

No.

He lost everything he loved

to the Thomas wildfire
a few years ago.

I wanted to help.

Gave him a job and
a place to live.

He lives in one of the vacant
cabins down by the stables.

Oh, I didn't know that.

'Cause he's a real person,
not something you plug in.

Learn much more about people

once you pop the cartridge
outta the game console.

What's a cartridge?

Millennials.

Camp Taghkanic Lake
State Park and Campground.

How can I help you?

Oh sure, yeah, no
problem at all!

Okay, I'm gonna put you
on hold for one second.

Hey, Deanna.

Hey, you!

Oh, I have shirts
for you and Naomi.

We just got 'em in.

You a medium?

I'm a small, but I'll
take a medium for my cousin.

Okay, perfect.

All of the sizes
should be in the boxes.

Also, later on, these need
to go in the storage area

in the basement.

We got a small
delivery in as well.

Can you take those too?

- Yeah, sure.
- Perfect, okay.

Yes, I'm back.

Huh, okay, cabin one.

That's weird, it looks like
we have a Marion in cabin...

Oh, cabin four; I
gotcha, I gotcha.

No, thank you for
sticking around.

No problem at all, I'll get
somebody right over there.

Okay, thanks again.

Bye-bye now.

Morning, Chief.

Here you go.

Just wanna let you know

that we all can breathe
a little better now.

Everything is
perfect and in order.

PH levels are straight.

There's no negative readouts

or any toxins
surrounding the lake

to the beach to a three-mile
radius around the campground.

And I'll make sure I check
on the tunnels in the fall.

Deputy Jaeckel,
it sounds exciting.

What are you telling me?

I am saying
congratulations,

Chief Park Ranger
Brody MacReady.

Yes, sir!

After 27 years sitting dormant,

your park and campground is
officially open to the public.

Sir, you are official.

I mean, we did have the
temporary one hanging up,

but now we got the actual one.

Wow, this is exciting,
this new chapter in my life.

The land is officially ready!

Yes!

And congrats to all
you fine park rangers

for your hard work
and dedication.

This place was a dump.

Companies drove for miles to use

this place as
their own landfill.

Hundreds of animals died
from the various toxins

that were poured into the
lake and seeped into the soil.

But with you, several members
of Congress' hard work,

we were able to
clean this place up

and turn it back into
a state park again.

Now this is the beginning.

We have a lotta work
to finish this weekend

before we officially
reopen next week.

But thank you.

Let's keep this
thing going.

Chief, are we still offering
that early-bird special.

Yeah, we'll turn that till
the end of the weekend, yes.

How are the bookings going?

Almost at capacity.

- Which week?
- All of them.

Okay, yeah.

Okay, thank you.

Hey, again,
congratulations, Chief.

I'm gonna go out
and make some runs

and just wanted to let
you know I'm proud of you.

Matter of fact, let
me rephrase that.

I'm proud of all of us.

Yes, sir.

Ohhh.

Ohhhhhh.

I'm so proud of
you, Uncle Brody.

Thanks, honey.

You work so hard,
and you did it.

You do use it.

Oh, how would that look?

My niece stays with
me the whole summer

and I don't use her gift?

Wait, so you're only
using it because I'm here?

Ohhh.

No, no no no, he
uses it all the time.

Come here, come here, Naomi.

I wanna get you organized.

Okay, and look at you,
you're doing great.

Maxine, thanks for going
the extra mile with her.

Aww, you got it, babe.

I mean Chief Babe.

Yeah.

Okay, so listen, troops,
this what we're gonna do.

We're gonna go down
to the basement.

We're gonna take all the folders

and put them on
the shelves, okay?

Okay, so yesterday you
said that you wanted us

to file some in
the storage room.

Do you still want us to do
that since we'll be down there?

Naomi needs help putting up
the boxes in the storage room.

Okay, we'll
definitely do that,

but I need to tackle
that souvenir shop, okay?

That's right, well, I can
help clean up the basement

if Naomi helps me with that.

Okay, yeah,
that's a good idea.

So this is what we'll do.

We will clean up the
room, and then take care

of the paperwork, I'll
take you guys out to lunch,

and then we'll do the
souvenir shop, deal?

Yeah.

Good job, thank you.

Steve, how much longer?

I don't know, a
mile, maybe two.

You said that four miles ago.

I just don't get why
no one wants to pick up

hitchhikers anymore,
it's like everyone's

just out for themselves.

Because don't
wanna get kidnapped.

Kidnapped? Amy,
we're in the mountains,

not the fricking
third-world country.

Don't be so naive, Steve.

This is where the nut jobs
breed, in these mountains.

The Santa Maria
Mountains, are you kidding?

No, why are you
laughing at me?

Because, that was funny.

- Really?
- Really.

I think this is
the campground.

We just have to find
the lodge to check in.

I think I heard something.

It sounds like it's
moving around us.

Oooo, what's the matter?

Well I think
I heard something.

What, a car?

No, I think I heard like a...

A mass killer trying to
stalk us on the way to camp?

No, schmuck, I think I
heard a growl or something.

Like, as in an animal.

An animal?

Yes, we are in the mountains.

An animal growl, like a tiger?

A tiger, where do
you think we are?

I meant mountain
lion, not tiger.

You said tiger,
who even says that?

Help me, please.

Ooh, creepy.

Yeah, I'm good
carrying that big box.

Thank you for asking,
really appreciate it.

Oh, you're welcome.

This place gives me
the heeby jeebies.

Yeah.

I hate storage rooms with tools.

There are just too many bad
things that could happen.

Yeah, someone definitely
got killed here.

Why would you say that?

What's this?

Whooaaa.

I don't know what that is.

I wonder
what's in here.

Oh my gosh , it
smells really bad, though.

Come on, let's check this out.

It's windy in here.

I bet it leads to somewhere.

The outside?

Go on, Captain Obvious.

I know the wind is scary.

Actually, when I
was a little girl,

I always thought that
the howling of the wind

meant something bad
was gonna happen.

Huh.

Okay, cool theory there, loser.

Thanks.

Come on, let's check out
this part of the tunnel.

Yeah, like that's
gonna happen.

Come on, where's your
sense of adventure, Cuz?

I think it's a tunnel.

A hallway, something like that?

There's gotta be an exit,
because that's what's

trapping the wind,
right, there's a draft?

It's a mining shaft.

It hasn't been used in forever,

so it's probably
dangerous as hell.

No upkeep means craziness.

I heard my mom talking
about it with Uncle Brody.

You know that's the reason why
him and Aunt Linda broke up?

She didn't want him to do
this, but, it was his passion.

Yeah, I never really
liked Aunt Linda.

She had those really hairy
arms and that mustache.

Though, I do think
Maxine is pretty hot.

Okay, let's be respectful.

Come on, let's check this
section of the tunnel out.

Yo!

Pinocchio!

Okay, I'm pretty sure I
heard something back there.

Yo ho!

Uh.

I don't like this.

Yo, what's up, my
bitches?

Bitches?

I'm not a bitch.

I'm not a bitch!

We're here live in the tunnel,

checking out some creepy shit.

Dylan, seriously, stop.

Why?

I'm sorry, it's just

creeping me out,
okay, can we just go,

get lunch with Maxine, okay?

What was that?

Something you need
to go check out.

Don't, stop!

Octavia.

Oh, hey Marge.

Yeah yeah yeah, how are you?

How's the real estate business?

Yeah, okay.

Um, yeah.

Naw, when can I come
check out the property?

Tomorrow?

Today, no no no, I
can't do it today.

I'm off tomorrow.

Yeah yeah yeah, I can't do it.

Right.

Yeah, I understand.

Yeah, we're reopening next week.

Yeah,
Santa Maria Mountains.

Yeah but we definitely
cannot do it then.

It'd take me and
my wife two hours

to come to Los Angeles,
but look, Marge,

I definitely have to
get off the phone.

We'll talk about, talk
about the property later.

All right, all right,
take care, Marge, bye-bye.

Hello?

Is anybody out here?

Johnny, you see anybody?

Good boy, stay.

This is a park ranger.

What is going on?

Don't see anybody out here.

Hello?

Park ranger.

Hello?

Is any?

What the?

Shit?

Ohhhh.

This is insane.

I'm at the deluxe
cabin to see DiStefano.

Copy that, Chief.

DiStefanos?

Oh, he's probably checking
in on the scratch noises.

That makes sense.

Did I call the extermin,
did I call the exterminator?

I didn't call the exterminator.

He's in the back,
he's finishing off a couple of things.

Great, thank you.

Hey, Paulie, who was that?

Oh, you.

Yeah, come on in.

How are you?

So, can I get you
a drink or something?

We have water,
sparkling or flat.

Iced tea, beer and soda.

No, thank you, I
appreciate it, thanks.

How about you, Paulie,
you want something?

No, that's okay, I'm
good, thanks a lot.

Sorry to keep you waiting.

What can I do for you, Chief?

I'm sorry, did
you hurt yourself?

Do you need first-aid attention?

No, no, it's the
craziest thing.

What's that?

What?

You said it's
the craziest thing.

Yeah, it was.

What's that?

What can I do for you, Chief?

Well, Mr. DiStefano, you...

No, no, that's my father.

You call me Marco.

It's nice to meet you, Marco,

and welcome to Camp
Taghkanic Lake State Park.

I am chief Brody McReady, I
am the park ranger in charge.

Well, what can I do for
you, park ranger in charge?

You had called the office,

complaining about some
scratching noises.

Oh yeah yeah yeah,
that was Paulie.

He said there was some sorta
noise down in the basement.

That was no frigging raccoon.

That noise was loud, I'm
thinking like a bear.

Like a bear?

Yeah.

Like you know what a
bear sounds like, JoJo.

Did you hear a
scratching or a roar, bec...

Nah, it's scratching,
JoJo, scratching.

Look, Benny heard
it too, ask him.

Benny?

Yeah, Benny, he's a
little tied up right now.

Look, you're probably right,
it was probably just a coon.

You can't say that
anymore, Marco, it's racist.

What's the matter with
you, have you gone stupid?

I'm confused here.

What just happened?

Nothing, you're right, it
was probably just a raccoon.

How do we get this
raccoon to go away?

I have an exterminator
coming by tomorrow.

I can have him
stop by here first.

That works.

The exterminator's the
last thing to get done

before we officially
reopen next week.

What, reopen?

Reopen back to the public.

I have a few guests,
including yourself,

that took advantage of
the early-bird special.

We didn't even know
that was happening.

So how
long you guys with us?

We're trying to
sort that out now.

You know, couple
days, maybe more.

It just matters how
much Benny can take.

Okay, well, I'll
leave you guys

and coordinate with
the exterminator.

Yeah yeah.

Chief,
you got your ears on?

Yeah, Jaeckel.

Hey, can you meet me by
the lake crossing by TK421?

Sure, all good?

Affirmative.

All right, give me
15, I'm on my way.

Copy that.

Ohhh, I cannot believe this.

Well it was great
meeting you guys.

Oh, please fill out
our little rating card.

I would really appreciate your
feedback in staying with us.

Yeah, and you'll get that
exterminator over here tomorrow?

Yes, sir.

Thank you, Mr. DiSte...

Marco.

Yeah, yeah, get outta here.

What the hell's wrong with you?

Yeah, so, just matches exactly

like what Deputy Jaeckel says.

All right, thanks.

Of course, Chief.

Chief, so what now?

What now?

Let's get something
straight, this is my park.

I am responsible, I am
the chief park ranger.

I investigate first,
then I make the call.

You do not call the state
police, an ambulance

or even damn animal control,

or anyone else
before calling me.

Do you understand me?

Sorry, Chief, I was
just following protocol.

No, protocol
coulda stopped you

when you called dispatch,
which you did not do.

Now, I have a potential
frenzy, and we're back

under the microscope
before the season begins.

Jaeckel?

What's all over your uniform?

It's, um, it's shit, sir.

Yeah, smells like
rat shit actually.

How do you even know
what rat shit smells like?

I used to be an exterminator
back in the day, so

dealt with it otherwise.

All right, go get
yourself cleaned up.

Look, Chief, I'm
sorry, I guess...

No, I get it.

You're new at this.

It's totally different than
being a youth counselor.

But you can't sound the
alarm at everything you find.

That'll cause chaos,
people could get hurt.

Follow the standard
operating procedures.

All right, safety
first, all around.

Cool?

Yes, sir.

Come back when
you get cleaned up.

You're right, you
smell like shit.

Smell like rat shit.

Okay, so tomorrow,
what do you say you and I

have a girls' day together?

Yeah, yeah yeah yeah.

Yeah.

Well, does that
mean no work or like?

Well, tomorrow is Sunday,
so usually we only have

like a half a day, so I
was thinking we could go

to the lake, get our tans on,

you know, before the
season gets really busy.

Yeah, that sounds really fun.

Yeah.

Well, I don't know if Uncle
Brody's gonna let me go.

Hello, I got you, okay.

It's totally me
and you.

Did my mom play
with you guys growing up?

She did.

She was a bit older
than your uncle,

so she had her own friends.

She was very good at sports
like basketball, handball.

Really?

Yeah.

Huh.

I had no idea.

She never talked to
us about any of that.

Then again, she
never really talked

about her childhood at all.

We all had a great childhood.

Our parents weren't
rich, but we felt rich.

They bought us just enough
things for us to be happy.

Always showed us love.

That's what we continue
to do with you guys.

Yeah, the call
was made to him.

He just gave us orders
to prep the room.

When did he say
he was gonna come?

I don't know,
sometime tomorrow.

Where's Paulie?

You know Paulie,
he's on the shitter,

or he's on the phone,
who knows where he is?

Hey, Benny, just tell me why,
that's all we need to know.

Then this whole thing'll
be over quickly.

Come on, Benny.

I'll even personally
take care of your family.

I never sold you out, never.

This is wrong.

I took the oath for you guys.

Why would I do it?

I am not a rat.

Tell me, what did my dad
and you used to do again?

We used to challenge the
rest of the street kids

to good old bare-knuckle fights.

Why?

Because it's fun.

Two brothers against the
rest of the street kids?

It's exciting, created
a bond between us.

That's something your
generation doesn't really have.

Your generation doesn't
do anything in reality.

I get that, but

at least my generation has...

Lack of the real world.

Look, technology is amazing.

The ability to text and
video chat with your friends

is great, but your
generation shouldn't just do

sports in school
because it's a class.

Now I'm not saying
fighting is cool.

Thank you, or
everything that we did

growing up was all good.

But it created real-life
experiences like no other.

To physically hit a ball
or tackle your friends

in a football game?

Couple of fights here and
there, it's real life.

You piece of shit, rat.

We should just do him now,
never mind the cleaner.

I hate rats.

And you're gonna
tell us where you hid

the payoff money
the feds gave you.

Huh?

What did you promise the feds?

We vouched for you.

We may have to go on
the lam because of you!

How could you rat us out, huh?

Why would you rat us out?

All right, look at
all this delicious food.

Thank you, ladies.

Dylan, wanna say grace?

Sure.

Dear God, uh,

thank you for all of
us for being here.

Please nourish this
food to our bodies

and let's have a
good day tomorrow.

- Amen.
- Amen.

Hey, Dylan, did you tell
Uncle Brody about your new job?

You should tell him, Dylan.

It's awesome, and
very impressive.

Yeah?

I have a online channel
where I post videos

and make a little bit of money.

Oh, what kinda videos?

Just stuff that's
important to me.

Yeah, he has a whole
channel where he just talks

about rapping, movies and music.

That's kinda why I
always have my phone on me.

While you think I'm texting,

I'm actually getting
ideas for my show.

And you get paid?

Yes, sir, pretty good, too.

Last month, he made $15,000.

Wow.

That's like serious nest
egg, I mean, that's great.

And you know, his dad takes
the money, puts it in savings

so he can get it when
he graduates college?

My brother never mentioned
your little side business.

I'm proud of you.

Yeah, not all
millennials are lazy.

Still should get out
and play sports too.

Enjoy being a kid.

Okay, so tomorrow, I'm
gonna take Naomi and Deana,

and we're gonna go to the lake.

And I think that
maybe you and Dylan

should do some, bonding.

Aw, honey, I'm on
call all day tomorrow.

I gave Jaeckel the day off.

Oh.

Can I still hang out with
you anyways, Uncle Brody?

Sure, you can help me fill
the generators with gasoline.

Then maybe we can
take the boat out.

Oh.

You should do a
segment about it.

Can I be the topic?

Sure.

We can also get Dad involved

and you guys talk about
the good old days.

Now you're talking.

15,000?

Yeah.

Cheers, cheers to that.

Why would you rat us out?

Your father was a
rat too, wasn't he?

Huh, he was on the
witness protection.

I gotta go back and
talk to Jimmy Little.

You're gonna tell us right
now what the feds did!

You're gonna tell us right now!

I love you guys.

I'm not a rat.

You're a rat.

You are a rat, and Jimmy
Little told me to take care

of you now, and I am
taking care of you now.

You are a rat, tell
us where the money is!

Brody?

Jaeckel?

Hello?

Camp Taghkanic Lake State
Park and Campground,

how can I help you?

No, great, thank you.

All right.

I'm gonna grab
the marshmallows.

Thank you.

Yeah.

- Oh, I love s'mores.
- Who wants to roast?

Roasting here?

I think I need
to put my pants on.

Here.

Maybe this'll warm us up.

Be better if it was coffee.

Anyone?

Looks like you and me, babe.

Yeah, and a whole
group of friends.

Just make enough for everyone.

♪ Down the hill it came ♪

♪ Slow-rolling train ♪

Well, may I?

Oh no, what are you
gonna sing, Archie?

Something everyone
can join in on.

Oh please,
no Kumbaya, no Kumbaya.

Hey, it's campfire
karaoke Archie.

You think I can't do it.

I did not say.

I take the Fifth.

Gather round, friends.

Witness me proving
Zoe wrong yet again.

Should I take over?

Yes.

I think Archie
has stage fright.

Me?

Never.

You'll like this.

♪ Michael, row the boat ashore ♪

♪ Hallelujah ♪

♪ Michael, row the boat ashore ♪

♪ Hallelujah ♪

♪ Brother, lend a helping hand ♪

♪ Hallelujah ♪

♪ Brother, lend a helping hand ♪

Hm-mm, come on.

Let's go, I'm gonna
take a quick shower.

Can you pack up the car?

Uh-huh.

I would love to make my
sister's engagement party.

Amber, I will get you
home in time, relax.

Come here for a minute.

No.

No.

Come on, Steve, I
wanna get to the reunion.

You are still in the same
spot that I left you in.

I was waiting for you.

Come on, babe, you promised.

Hey, here, come
here, hey hey hey.

Just for a minute, just
for a minute, okay.

No, Timmy, twice
is fine for now.

One more round.

You said that the first time.

Okay.

You said after a
kiss, we're headed back.

Okay.

And then we kissed.

And then you wanted
to fool around.

So we fooled around.

Yeah, just for a
minute, come here.

Come here.

And then you said,
babe, let's make love,

so then we made love.

But what other guy
has Miss February

as his girlfriend to make
love to all the time?

You, Mister,
are truly amazing.

No, we're going, we are going.

I am so damn.

I hear, I agree.

Come to me, run, run!

Help, help me.

Hello?

What are you singing?

Oh no, come on.

This isn't a St.
Matthias retreat.

Sing something different.

No wonder why our group gets
smaller and smaller each year.

That wasn't fair.

All right, you
didn't like that one?

Understatement.

Okay, how about this one?

♪ Hang down your
head, Tom Dooley ♪

♪ Hang down your head and cry ♪

♪ Hang down your
head, Tom Dooley ♪

♪ Poor boy, you're
bound to die ♪

♪ Whoo hoo, yeah ♪

Hey, you're burning them.

Miles, you can't even roast,
what's wrong with you?

That bush.

It's getting closer.

Screw the bush, does
anyone have signal.

I'm pretty wasted.

Are you stoned?

What did you smoke
with Archie?

I might
be a little wasted.

Yeah, you think?

I wonder what's down there.

What's up, everybody, you're
back here with Dylan T.

And we're here to
check out this tunnel.

Lotta things I wanna
do here this summer,

but the first thing
we're gonna do

is go on a little adventure.

Come along with me, and
we'll discover it together.

Let me know in the comments
where you think this will end

or you think if
I'll find anything.

Can't read all your comments
right now, but I will

make sure that I respond to
each and every one of you.

Kinda smells bad,
kinda smells like shit.

Smells like rotting meat
or something like that.

Apparently, this used to be an
old mine, a goldmine at that.

Maxine told me to talk to
you about unpacking your mess.

She stated, oh, I'm sorry, I
didn't mean to make you jump.

That's okay.

I was thinking just that.

What's up?

I double checked on all
of our current occupancies,

and we don't have
anybody registered

for Plot 43 at the lake,
we don't have anybody

staying on this side of
the lake at all, actually,

but we have the reunion
group down by the canyon,

we have DiStefanos in Cabin
Four, and then we have

the bikers retreat
by Haven Ridge

as well as Charlie
over by the pond.

Okay, okay, I get it.

Has anyone needed anything
since they checked in?

Other than the DiStefanos?

No, everybody's been
great, no issues.

It's been pretty much dead.

Great.

Also, Jaeckel's
off today, right?

Yes, I believe he and his wife

are looking at some
property today.

That's what I
remember him saying.

His wife has called at
least three times today.

She said that he didn't
come home last night.

Really?

Maybe he fell asleep at the
stables, lost track of time.

I'll take a look in a bit.

Dylan?

All right, I'll check back
in with you here in a few.

Dylan?

Coming.

You really
have to clean these up.

Geez.

Where were
you all this time?

I was in the basement.

Did you know that there
are tunnels under here?

Tunnels? No.

What's with the bat?

Hey, stay outta the tunnels.

I'm not sure if they're safe.

That's my fall project,
and only if they're safe

are we allowed to
get back in there.

They seem pretty safe.

I mean, they smell really bad,

but I'm pretty sure
that they're safe.

I think the one under here
actually leads to the lake.

Hey, hey, hey, stay
outta the tunnels.

This is my last warning, kid.

I don't think they're safe.

Yes, sir.

All right, now, do me a favor.

Head down to the stables,
see if Jaeckel's there.

If he is, wake him up,

tell him to call his
wife and go home.

- Okay.
- Thanks.

Hey, checked your
channel out, it's nice.

Did you know that I sing too?

Hmm.

Can we go on the boat later?

Oh, yes.

I have to fill the
generators first, then we go.

Okay.

What time you closing up?

Would about now, but with
the exterminator being here,

I'll be here a while.

Who are you?

I hear you got
a rodent problem.

Rodent?

Oh yeah, you're
the guy that's here

to take care of the rat.

Hey, nice play on words.

Well, if there's a rat
that needs to go away,

I'm your guy.

Well, we got him isolated
in the back, come on in.

Hey, Marco, he's here!

Who are you, you're not MoMo.

I don't know no MoMo.

They sent me, Lenny,
Lenny Cusumano.

Where you from,
Lenny Cusumano?

Originally, or
where I live now?

No, you sound like
you're from back east.

You from Jersey?

I ain't no Jersey boy.

New York, Queens.

Cusumano?

Cusumano.

Cusumano from Flushing?

No, Cusumano from Whitestone.

Whitestone.

Whitestone, Cusumano.

Yeah, I heard
that name before.

Cusumano, used to
run the coffee shop

over at the Cross Island?

You mean Jackie's Place?

Yeah.

Oh, he's a nice
guy, how is Jackie?

I don't know no Jackie.

No coffee, Cusumano, I ran
the florist on 14th Avenue

and the pizza place
over on Parsons.

The shopping center.

Cusumano, hey listen, fellas,

I got a busy day ahead
of me, all right,

lotta calls to make.

Okay, lotta problems out here.

So, let's start with yours.

Where is this, um, rat?

The rat is in the back.

The rat's in the back?

Yeah, we were gonna
do it ourselves,

but Richie from Inglewood
said to call MoMo.

Yeah, we prepped
everything and all.

You prepped the stuff?

Yeah.

Well, let me
tell you something.

Rats, they can be tricky.

They're actually smart bastards.

Not this one.

Stupid ass walked
right into a trap,

never even saw it coming.

Wow.

Yous guys really know
how to camp, huh?

How you doing?

Just checking for droppings.

So this is, uh,

where you first learned
about the rat, huh?

This where you heard
the scratching?

No, no, that was
down in the basement.

Oh the basement.

Oh.

Sounded like a raccoon.

It was a bear.

It wasn't a bear.

Either way it's a simple job.

Listen, I'll go out in the
truck and get my tools and

be on my way.

What do you need
your tools for?

We got everything laid out.

Those are for amateurs.

Yeah, no, I got pro stuff,

you know, neck snappers,

poison, sticky pads.

Sometimes peanut butter.

Yeah.

Uh, is this okay to
take care of him here?

I don't see why not,
once I get started.

It'll do.

Yeah.

Hey, Lenny?

I don't wanna stop on your toes

or tell you how to do your job,

but, uh,

he's meant a lot to us.

You know, I don't
wanna see him suffer.

He won't.

I'll make it quick.

I'm part of the Humane Society.

Sticker's on my truck.

All right, I'll go get my tools
and start in the basement.

What the hell does that mean?

Peanut butter?

Hey, how the hell did he know

about the scratching
in the basement?

I don't know, how'd he
know about the raccoon

and the rat and all that stuff?

It's a freaking bear.

What the hell did
I get myself into?

Just get this job done.

He's the fricking
exterminator.

You mean he's
the exterminator?

He's not the cleaner?

What happened?

Cusumano, he's the
fricking exterminator.

He's not the cleaner.

Oh, for the scratching
problem, good.

He made us, he knows what
we're gonna do to Benny!

Shut up, you idiot!

I'm gonna tell you what to do.

You're gonna go down
in the basement,

you're gonna wait for him.

When he comes down and he
signs off that he's finished,

you're gonna whack
him, and we'll bury him

and Benny in the basement.

Now get the hell outta here!

Done.

All right.

Yeah.

Just get the job done.

Get in, get out.

You didn't see nothing.

That's what we need.

I didn't see nothing.

I didn't see nothing.

Just do this job
and get outta here.

I didn't see nothing.

Where you at, Mr. Rat, huh?

Come on out.

Come out, come out
wherever you are.

Come to Uncle Lenny, I got
some rat drink for you.

You want some rat drink?

Come on.

Where you at?

I smell your stinking
little ass, you little rat.

Where is that little
fella that's keeping up

those gangsters at night, huh?

Ooh, I can't sleep, I hear
some scratching sounds.

Yeah, like big
scratching sounds.

Maybe it's a raccoon.

Yeah, stinking raccoon, what
do you know, you goomba?

You ain't no professional.

Oh, I got you.

There you are, let me
get a better look at you.

Oh ho.

There we are.

Look at that.

Oh.

Come get some rat drink, fella.

Get Lenny's
proprietary rat drink.

You're gonna love
the way it tastes.

What's the matter, Lenny's rat
drink too cold for you, huh?

Oh that is a big freaking claw.

That's a big freaking mouse.

You are a big freaking rat.

Back.

Big freaking rat, run!

I want you to give me
one good reason, Benny.

Hit him, man, hit him!

Hit him!

One reason why I
shouldn't cap you right now.

Talk to him, Benny, talk.

Big freaking rat,
big freaking rat.

What's wrong with him?

Oh, you've got a rat
problem, all right.

I knew it.

No, not that, this rat!

We're gonna need a bigger trap.

Is that the coon?

That's no freaking raccoon!

It ain't a bear!

It's a big freaking.

Paulie.

Mmm, God.

I love girl time,
when it's just us.

Mm, girl time is the best.

I get to have a little
bit of it with my mom, but

she's just been
really busy, you know,

taking Nana to her chemo
treatments and all.

It's okay, Nana's
gonna be fine.

She's beat it once, and she's
gonna kick its ass again.

Yeah.

Nana is the strongest woman
I've ever met, even at 81.

And yeah, yeah, she
will kick cancer's ass.

- Mm-hmm.
- Because Nana don't play.

Yeah, I love that.

Oh my gosh.

Dylan, what are you doing
filming us like a creep?

I am adding you
both to the Glory Days

of Summer of Dylan T.

You're such a perv
with that camera.

Aren't you supposed to be
working with your uncle?

I am.

He sent me down to the
stables to wake up Jaeckel.

His wife probably called.

Yes, you need to
go to the stables,

they're down the hill that way.

Or, should I call your
uncle now, mm-hmm.

Oh ho ho.

Should I call your uncle now?

That was good, that was good.

You know what I
really wanted to say?

Listen, you little perv, I'm
gonna kick your freaking ass.

Oh, you guys are
gonna call me a pervert?

Ah, I'm gonna talk
to your uncle.

Ah, I'm just getting
footage for the show.

I don't know why everyone
gets mad at me for doing that.

It's just snippets
here, snippets there.

Camp Taghkanic Lake
State Park and Campground,

how can I help you?

Oh, Janice, it's good
to hear from you again.

Oh, yeah, no problem, it
gets really confusing.

Okay, so if you keep
going down, you'll see

a small gas station
on your right,

I think it's Old
Mill and Canyon Road.

Are you ever gonna
marry my uncle?

He really loves you, that's all.

I can't even, you're
like, you know what,

you are so digging right now
I'm gonna call you Shovels.

Shovels, good.

Well, honestly,

I really love your uncle.

He is an amazing man.

And you know, we have
been together long enough

where I know he's the right one.

Dylan, seriously, cut it out.

You are such a perv.

Naomi, run!

Naomi, run!

Run, Naomi, run!

Naomi, run!

Run!

Naomi, go on, run, baby, run!

Run, baby, run!

Naomi, Naomi!

Hey, hey, hey, hey,
hey, hey, what's going on?

You okay?

Oh shit.

Go, go!

Come on, I got it!

What is that thing?

Hey, hey, hey, this isn't
a pant-pissing contest, run!

Run, run!

Right behind you.

Did she make it?

I think so.

I think I know where she's at.

We just have to make it to it.

It's gone, we gotta get
inside and call for help.

Ready, go.

Go, go!

So I was a staring it right
in the face, mano y ratto.

Me and him, it was gonna be.

Hey, hey.

I need you to be strong
right now, all right?

It's gonna be all right.

What's your name?

Hey, look at me.

Listen to my voice.

I'm Lenny Cusumano,
how you doing?

What's your name?

What's your name?

Naomi, Naomi, Naomi.

There you go, Naomi, that's
a beautiful name, right.

Sounds like pudding,
I like pudding.

Now, stick with Lenny,
everything's gonna be all right.

All right.

These tunnels down here,
they run all around

this park underneath.

One ran from my cabin
and brought me here.

Somewhere, that's the good news.

What's the bad news, Lenny?

The bad news?

That big freaking rat, he
likes it down here too.

Yeah, you can smell him.

I think that, I think
that way leads to the lodge.

All right.

Let's go, come on!

Please, we're at
Camp Taghkanic Lake

State Park and Campground,
we're gonna have...

Are you crazy?

Now, they will come.

You start telling them
about some giant rat,

they're just gonna
hang up on you.

What do we do, what
do we do, what do we do?

I got it, I got it, I got it.

I got it.

I shut the door, yes,
I know I shut the door.

Maybe it came in
through the basement.

I can't believe that
thing killed my...

Hey hey hey, listen to me,
we have to get out of here.

We gotta get to my car, and
head straight down the mountain

to the sheriff's office, I
have another radio in the car.

But I need you to
be strong right now.

I am not gonna let that thing
get us, but I need you strong!

Because I can only get
us out of here as a team,

and a strong team at that, okay?

Okay.

Come on, I'm gonna look.

Is it safe?

Shh, shh.

Okay, all right, it's
clear, we're gonna go.

Okay, ready, on three.

One, two, three, go.

Wait, wait, I
can hear my cousin.

Yes, those
are my friends!

Help, help us!

Help, help!

Help, help!

Who the hell's that?

Those are my friends,
those are my friends,

let my friends in.

Get in here!

Hey, listen, this door
ain't gonna hold very long.

We gotta keep moving.

That tunnel, that gives us
better odds than this room.

You want us to go
down in the mineshaft?

Yeah.

That's where it came from.

I'm not going down there.

All I got is this bat, man.

Shut up!

Listen, I just saved all
your asses, all right,

and I don't even get
a thank you, Lenny?

Where did you come from?

The tunnel.

The tunnel goes all
the way from the cabin

over to the lodge.

What happened to you?

I was, we were attacked.

I was pulled in by the tunnel.

He pulled me into
the tunnel, the rat

and he looked right
at me like he was

gonna kill me, right,
and then all of a sudden,

he just took off and ran.

What is that,
is that a big rat?

Yeah, it's a big rat, what
do you think, it's your mom?

What kind of rat
even gets that big?

I ain't got no idea
what's this big, lady.

The biggest rat on
history, recorded,

is from China in '09,

and only that was like the
size of a dog, you know.

I mean, the bamboo Sumatra
rat, that can get up

to 19 inches, but
this freaking rat,

this freaking rat's a
freak of freaking nature.

Yeah, we're talking
like prehistoric

megaloratumus megasus
or something like that.

This thing ate my family.

Oh, it killed more than
just your family, girl.

I'm sorry, I got
sensitivity issues.

Hey, hey hey hey, don't
think about it right now

Don't think about it.

How are we gonna kill it?

I don't know, but you can
toss out traditional methods.

I threw a whole gallon of
my proprietary rat drink

down that throat,
and nothing, nada.

Yeah, we gotta think outside
the box, because if this

thing gets off the
mountain, ahhh.

Damn! I think he got me.

I saw my uncle toss a thing
of gasoline into its mouth.

Maybe we can use that.

Are you sure it's gasoline?

Yes, I'm sure it's gasoline!

- You're positive?
- Yes, I'm positive!

Hey,
what are you doing?

Just checking.

What, do you think I would
be carrying that empty?

I don't know you.

Chick.

Down in the tunnel, now, now!

Go, go!

Hey, hey, hey, if you see
a gold chain down there,

that's mine, keep it.

I want it.

All right, I hear you knocking
but you can't come in.

You want me, huh?

You wanna piece of Lenny?

Get what you want,
you dirty rat.

Come on, you dirty rat.

Oh ho, you are one mean mother.

Okay.

Come on and get me.

I see a light!

Let's keep going.

Where's Lenny, where's Lenny?

You wanna piece of Lenny?

Well guess what.

You've been exterminated.

Really, that's
your catchphrase?

Did you find my
gold chain or not?

No, but I woulda
came up with something

better than you've
been exterminated.

Yeah, well it's too late,

because I already
exterminated him,

and I'm a professional,
see the rat on the back?

Thank you.

It's okay,
it's okay, girls.

Lame.

Provided by explosiveskull
https://twitter.com/kaboomskull