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00:00:05,247 --> 00:00:06,832
Previously on Velma�
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00:00:07,583 --> 00:00:09,668
The last place
my mom's cell phone pinged
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00:00:09,752 --> 00:00:12,504
the night she went missing
was at Fred's house.
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00:00:13,631 --> 00:00:15,883
My name's Fred. Who are you?
5
00:00:15,966 --> 00:00:18,594
They call me The Thief.
6
00:00:20,554 --> 00:00:22,264
Oh God, my heart!
7
00:00:29,813 --> 00:00:32,399
- Did that work?
- Yeah.
8
00:00:44,411 --> 00:00:46,830
Well, good luck finding your mom.
9
00:00:51,001 --> 00:00:53,087
What the hell just happened?
10
00:00:55,881 --> 00:00:59,843
So, yeah, let's do this.
I've avoided it long enough
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00:00:59,927 --> 00:01:01,345
with winks and nods.
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00:01:01,428 --> 00:01:03,347
Let's finally talk about only thing
13
00:01:03,430 --> 00:01:06,225
you've ever really wanted
to know about me.
14
00:01:06,308 --> 00:01:08,602
Is Velma Dinkley�
15
00:01:08,686 --> 00:01:10,020
Velma, snap out of it!
16
00:01:10,104 --> 00:01:12,815
You fed the cat
Sophie's prenatal vitamins.
17
00:01:15,359 --> 00:01:19,405
Sorry. I was just thinking about mom,
and only mom.
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00:01:19,488 --> 00:01:21,573
She disappeared at Fred's house. Bye.
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00:01:31,458 --> 00:01:33,252
Norville.
Guess what Daphne gave me?
20
00:01:33,335 --> 00:01:35,045
Is it mononucleosis?
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00:01:35,129 --> 00:01:36,672
Because I saw
you two kiss last night.
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00:01:36,755 --> 00:01:40,509
Daphne and me kiss, what?
Her hands on my hips, what?
23
00:01:40,592 --> 00:01:43,095
The heat of a thousand suns
passing between us, what?
24
00:01:43,178 --> 00:01:46,265
Time both infinite and finite�
We kissed. But it's not a big deal.
25
00:01:46,348 --> 00:01:48,350
You possibly being gay
is a huge deal.
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00:01:48,434 --> 00:01:51,437
For one, it reduces me to a cliched
straight best friend.
27
00:01:51,520 --> 00:01:55,023
We only kissed because Daphne
was trying to stop a hallucination.
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00:01:55,107 --> 00:01:57,651
She gave me my mom's cold-case file.
And guess what?
29
00:01:57,734 --> 00:02:00,112
The last place her cellphone pinged,
was Fred's house.
30
00:02:00,195 --> 00:02:02,281
Wait, Fred. That's huge.
31
00:02:02,364 --> 00:02:03,949
Though not,
"you might be gay" huge.
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00:02:04,032 --> 00:02:06,326
Okay, stop. In this day and age,
you can't speculate
33
00:02:06,410 --> 00:02:08,370
about someone's sexuality
unless they're famous,
34
00:02:08,454 --> 00:02:11,582
or Peppermint Patty.
Wait, you didn't tell anyone, did you?
35
00:02:11,665 --> 00:02:14,001
Mazel on your first kiss, Velma.
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00:02:14,084 --> 00:02:16,378
- You told your dad?
- He's a therapist.
37
00:02:16,462 --> 00:02:18,297
I thought you might want
to talk to someone
38
00:02:18,380 --> 00:02:21,842
about whether you like women,
or maybe women and one cool guy?
39
00:02:21,925 --> 00:02:24,052
Your dad is a high school
guidance counselor,
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00:02:24,136 --> 00:02:25,888
the lowest form of therapist.
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00:02:25,971 --> 00:02:28,098
He's worse than the free therapy app
I downloaded
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00:02:28,182 --> 00:02:29,892
that's obviously Russian spyware.
43
00:02:33,604 --> 00:02:36,273
Okay, well, I think you're gonna have
a little more respect
44
00:02:36,356 --> 00:02:38,066
for my dad after this morning.
45
00:02:38,150 --> 00:02:39,943
He's running
a mental health assembly
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00:02:40,027 --> 00:02:41,445
to help students process
the murders.
47
00:02:41,528 --> 00:02:43,655
There's gonna be hella pamphlets.
48
00:02:47,242 --> 00:02:50,871
Welcome, kids! I'm Nutso,
The Mental Health Squirrel.
49
00:02:52,664 --> 00:02:55,500
Good morning, my students!
50
00:02:55,584 --> 00:02:58,462
- Good morning, Principal Rogers.
- Good morning, Mom.
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00:02:58,545 --> 00:03:03,175
And now my turn.
Good morning, my students!
52
00:03:04,218 --> 00:03:07,471
- Good morning, Dad!
- Good morning, my beautiful boy.
53
00:03:07,554 --> 00:03:10,974
And welcome to the Crystal Cove
High School Mental Health Assembly.
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00:03:11,058 --> 00:03:14,228
- How y'all doing, good?
- Bad, you idiot!
55
00:03:14,311 --> 00:03:17,648
Two of our friends had their brains
removed by Fred Jones.
56
00:03:17,731 --> 00:03:21,443
See, your dad is worse for teen
mental health than waist trainers.
57
00:03:21,526 --> 00:03:23,320
Well, you can talk to me
about your feelings.
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00:03:23,403 --> 00:03:25,113
My dad says
therapy is in my blood.
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00:03:25,197 --> 00:03:27,407
I just got my mom to admit
she never wanted kids.
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00:03:27,491 --> 00:03:29,952
Norville, I don't need to talk
to anyone about anything.
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00:03:30,035 --> 00:03:32,412
Daphne is looking
right at me. Hide!
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00:03:33,705 --> 00:03:37,834
So in sum, you can't spell
mental health without me.
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00:03:37,918 --> 00:03:40,629
You can't spell "kill me"
without me either.
64
00:03:41,922 --> 00:03:45,175
Okay, okay. That's enough.
65
00:03:45,258 --> 00:03:46,927
Unless someone has a topper?
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00:03:47,010 --> 00:03:51,556
No? Well, in addition to spending
three minutes on mental health,
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00:03:51,640 --> 00:03:53,976
the school board is requiring
that all girls attend
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00:03:54,059 --> 00:03:56,269
a women's self-defense class
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00:03:56,353 --> 00:03:59,606
to protect themselves
from any future serial killers.
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00:03:59,690 --> 00:04:03,485
Why don't the boys have to take
a "Don't Murder Girls" class?
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00:04:03,568 --> 00:04:06,279
Because I only have
50 dollars in the budget
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00:04:06,363 --> 00:04:09,282
to combat centuries
of toxic masculinity.
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00:04:09,366 --> 00:04:12,994
Now, please welcome your women's
self-defense class teachers.
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00:04:13,412 --> 00:04:16,415
- Moms?
- All right, ladies.
75
00:04:16,498 --> 00:04:17,958
Who's ready to grab
their friends
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00:04:18,041 --> 00:04:20,627
and roll around on the floor
for a little bit?
77
00:04:20,711 --> 00:04:23,463
- So hot.
- Oh, God. Get off your ass!
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00:04:23,547 --> 00:04:26,341
We're gonna talk to Fred
about my missing mom right now.
79
00:04:32,347 --> 00:04:33,682
Give me one of those tattoos
80
00:04:33,765 --> 00:04:36,435
that's actually secret clues
about how to escape prison.
81
00:04:36,518 --> 00:04:38,478
I learned how to do this
while at Ole Miss.
82
00:04:38,562 --> 00:04:41,064
I can do butterflies
and Confederate flags.
83
00:04:41,148 --> 00:04:44,067
Jones, there's, like, a talking meatloaf
here to see you.
84
00:04:44,151 --> 00:04:45,193
Velma?
85
00:04:46,570 --> 00:04:47,779
Norville. How do I look?
86
00:04:47,863 --> 00:04:50,240
Is it obvious I have
two bean bags in my bra?
87
00:04:50,323 --> 00:04:52,033
Wait. Are you still attracted
to Fred?
88
00:04:52,117 --> 00:04:54,286
He's a convicted serial killer
who might be connected
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00:04:54,369 --> 00:04:55,620
to your mom's disappearance.
90
00:04:55,704 --> 00:04:57,414
That's why I'm so confused
about Daphne.
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00:04:57,497 --> 00:05:00,500
She was my first kiss, but whenever
I used to make out with my hand,
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00:05:00,584 --> 00:05:01,626
I called it Fred.
93
00:05:01,710 --> 00:05:04,296
Okay, Velma, you have to talk about
this with someone.
94
00:05:04,379 --> 00:05:05,464
I don't have time.
95
00:05:05,547 --> 00:05:07,966
I have to focus on finding out
what happened to my mom.
96
00:05:08,049 --> 00:05:11,219
So many mysteries,
so little time.
97
00:05:11,595 --> 00:05:12,679
Daphne?
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00:05:12,762 --> 00:05:14,848
Maybe another kiss will help
clear things up.
99
00:05:16,308 --> 00:05:18,435
Oh, God. I'm hallucinating.
100
00:05:22,481 --> 00:05:23,732
Hi.
101
00:05:25,358 --> 00:05:26,985
Velma, what do I do?
102
00:05:30,155 --> 00:05:31,531
Should I kiss you
like Daphne did?
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00:05:31,615 --> 00:05:33,200
Without consent,
I'll remind you.
104
00:05:33,283 --> 00:05:35,327
No, don't kiss me.
I'm already confused.
105
00:05:35,410 --> 00:05:37,704
Kissing me would confuse you.
Wait, why?
106
00:05:37,787 --> 00:05:41,041
This isn't about you right now.
Just make me laugh like last time.
107
00:05:41,124 --> 00:05:44,252
But a kiss might awaken passions
we've been too scared to admit.
108
00:05:44,336 --> 00:05:46,254
Why deprive ourselves
that knowledge?
109
00:05:47,964 --> 00:05:51,134
Oh, my God, that was hilarious.
Thank you, Nor�
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00:05:52,594 --> 00:05:54,346
Hey, get your friends off me.
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00:05:55,222 --> 00:05:56,848
Great, if I'm banned from prison,
112
00:05:56,932 --> 00:05:59,392
how am I gonna question Fred
about my mom's disappearance?
113
00:05:59,476 --> 00:06:01,770
Let me question Fred.
I have a plan.
114
00:06:01,853 --> 00:06:03,980
You just need to figure out
your feelings for Daphne.
115
00:06:04,064 --> 00:06:06,066
Also, your bean bags
are leaking.
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00:06:10,070 --> 00:06:11,321
Okay, listen up.
117
00:06:11,404 --> 00:06:13,573
These are the skills
you need to survive.
118
00:06:13,657 --> 00:06:16,576
When a massive, burly man
springs up and attacks you�
119
00:06:16,660 --> 00:06:20,121
Notice, she said,
when you get attacked, not if.
120
00:06:20,205 --> 00:06:21,289
Don't fight.
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00:06:21,373 --> 00:06:24,459
Just make like a grown man
who lightly stubbed his toe.
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00:06:24,542 --> 00:06:26,878
Yell, fall down, and go limp.
123
00:06:26,962 --> 00:06:28,463
Now, to demonstrate.
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00:06:28,546 --> 00:06:31,258
We've pre-selected
our own daughter, Daphne
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00:06:31,341 --> 00:06:33,635
to play the beautiful,
but vulnerable victim,
126
00:06:33,718 --> 00:06:36,263
while the gruff assailant will be�
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00:06:36,680 --> 00:06:38,598
- Velma.
- Who's calling me gruff?
128
00:06:38,682 --> 00:06:40,558
I'm not gruff.
Wait, I'm with Daphne.
129
00:06:41,643 --> 00:06:43,311
I have to go to the bathroom.
130
00:06:44,437 --> 00:06:45,605
Me too.
131
00:06:53,613 --> 00:06:54,739
- Hey.
- Hey.
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00:06:55,240 --> 00:06:58,827
So, this is so stupid, but before
rolling around on each other,
133
00:06:58,910 --> 00:07:02,956
I thought maybe we should
talk about our kiss.
134
00:07:03,039 --> 00:07:05,583
- Just in case you're confused.
- I am.
135
00:07:06,459 --> 00:07:08,753
I mean, hanging out and dealing drugs
together yesterday
136
00:07:08,837 --> 00:07:11,423
made me realize how much
I've missed our friendship.
137
00:07:12,090 --> 00:07:16,428
So I guess my question is,
do you like me?
138
00:07:16,511 --> 00:07:19,264
Like you? I haven't really
thought about it.
139
00:07:19,347 --> 00:07:21,725
You were dating Fred,
until he went to prison.
140
00:07:21,808 --> 00:07:25,103
- Do you like me?
- I asked you first.
141
00:07:25,186 --> 00:07:27,355
Don't try to make me
the vulnerable one here.
142
00:07:27,439 --> 00:07:29,524
Well, I mean, you kissed me.
143
00:07:29,607 --> 00:07:33,194
To stop your hallucination.
But then you kissed me, like, whoa!
144
00:07:33,278 --> 00:07:34,946
Well, then let's just say
we kissed each other.
145
00:07:35,030 --> 00:07:37,866
Even though we both know
it was you who kissed me.
146
00:07:37,949 --> 00:07:40,827
Which is impossible
because I don't like you like that.
147
00:07:40,910 --> 00:07:42,454
I like Fred.
148
00:07:43,288 --> 00:07:47,375
Good. Because I don't like you
like that either.
149
00:07:47,459 --> 00:07:48,668
Perfect. We're on
the same page.
150
00:07:48,752 --> 00:07:51,004
Wow. I'm so glad
we resolved all our issues
151
00:07:51,087 --> 00:07:52,714
before we had to punch each other.
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00:07:52,797 --> 00:07:54,048
Me too.
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00:07:55,550 --> 00:07:57,635
And fight to see
who's less vulnerable.
154
00:08:03,308 --> 00:08:04,642
What the hell, Daphne?
155
00:08:04,726 --> 00:08:06,686
If I was a real attacker,
you could've hurt me.
156
00:08:06,770 --> 00:08:08,062
You're supposed to go limp.
157
00:08:08,146 --> 00:08:10,356
And potentially let myself
get hurt by you instead?
158
00:08:10,440 --> 00:08:12,066
My journal's
not gonna believe this.
159
00:08:13,526 --> 00:08:17,489
Cool it, ladies. There is no room
for personal beef in this class.
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00:08:17,572 --> 00:08:19,741
We are not here
to attack each other.
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00:08:19,824 --> 00:08:22,702
- At least not until tomorrow.
- What's tomorrow?
162
00:08:22,786 --> 00:08:24,829
Is it fajita day in the cafeteria?
163
00:08:24,913 --> 00:08:27,665
Last year some kid lost an eye
fighting for guac.
164
00:08:27,749 --> 00:08:30,418
No, after mastering
today's self-defense techniques,
165
00:08:30,502 --> 00:08:32,462
tomorrow you'll be competing
166
00:08:32,545 --> 00:08:36,049
in the All Crystal Cove Women's
Self Defense Class Tournament.
167
00:08:36,132 --> 00:08:40,595
How will fighting girls help us defend
ourselves against attacks from guys?
168
00:08:40,678 --> 00:08:44,557
- Is first prize a gun?
- It is now. Great idea!
169
00:08:44,641 --> 00:08:46,476
But the point of this
is to determine
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00:08:46,559 --> 00:08:49,771
who was the least
vulnerable girl in school.
171
00:08:49,854 --> 00:08:54,526
Is the best way to prevent an attacker
really just to become one?
172
00:08:54,609 --> 00:08:55,860
Works for Batman.
173
00:08:55,944 --> 00:08:59,948
Good luck tomorrow, girls.
And may the least vulnerable girl win.
174
00:09:08,122 --> 00:09:11,042
Wait. You wanna give me
therapy? I don't know.
175
00:09:11,125 --> 00:09:15,046
Jones men normally bury their emotions
until they explode on a family vacation,
176
00:09:15,129 --> 00:09:18,216
Sure, but therapy isn't just
a great way for therapists to remodel
177
00:09:18,299 --> 00:09:20,718
their kitchens.
It also helps people.
178
00:09:20,802 --> 00:09:22,679
And I thought there might be
some things in your past
179
00:09:22,762 --> 00:09:23,846
you'd want to discuss.
180
00:09:23,930 --> 00:09:26,516
Like, how Father stood me up
at my birthday party?
181
00:09:26,599 --> 00:09:30,228
I tried to steer the hot air balloon
myself, but I was only four.
182
00:09:30,311 --> 00:09:32,522
Yeah, you'd think
we should start there�
183
00:09:32,605 --> 00:09:34,857
But I'd actually
rather talk about moms.
184
00:09:35,566 --> 00:09:37,944
I do miss my mom.
Prison is cool,
185
00:09:38,027 --> 00:09:40,697
but nobody watches me pee
quite like Mother.
186
00:09:40,780 --> 00:09:43,199
Wow, another great place
to start,
187
00:09:43,283 --> 00:09:45,618
but what do you think
about Velma's mom?
188
00:09:45,702 --> 00:09:47,745
Diya Dinkley, she went missing
at your house.
189
00:09:48,871 --> 00:09:51,582
I think visiting time's over.
I should go.
190
00:09:51,666 --> 00:09:54,627
Everything okay over here,
with the guy who put me in prison?
191
00:09:54,711 --> 00:09:56,796
Look, pal.
I don't want any problems.
192
00:09:56,879 --> 00:09:59,257
I'm just talking to my friend
on behalf of a female friend
193
00:09:59,340 --> 00:10:01,634
who might become more than a friend
if I play my cards right.
194
00:10:01,718 --> 00:10:03,261
You're wasting your time, buddy.
195
00:10:03,344 --> 00:10:06,931
Romantic relationships between
old friends rarely work out.
196
00:10:07,015 --> 00:10:09,017
- It's always one-sided.
- That's not true!
197
00:10:31,706 --> 00:10:35,668
Okay, first girl to move the other
off the mat advances. Ready?
198
00:10:35,752 --> 00:10:38,671
I'm going to beat the Brazilian butt
lift out of you.
199
00:10:38,755 --> 00:10:40,673
You'll never undo
the work of Dr. Gross.
200
00:10:40,757 --> 00:10:42,341
I'm on the website.
201
00:10:42,925 --> 00:10:43,968
And fight!
202
00:10:51,768 --> 00:10:53,102
Pathetic.
203
00:10:53,186 --> 00:10:56,064
I can't believe I was gonna fake
a limp to get out of this.
204
00:10:57,231 --> 00:10:58,900
That's it. Go limp.
205
00:11:01,068 --> 00:11:04,530
Protect my butt.
Please throw me on my face.
206
00:11:04,614 --> 00:11:07,158
Sorry, I can't tell
which one's which.
207
00:11:14,999 --> 00:11:16,542
Where do you think
you're going?
208
00:11:16,626 --> 00:11:19,837
Kill her, honey.
I mean, go sportsmanship!
209
00:11:19,921 --> 00:11:22,882
Sportsmanship her up
and teamwork out the pieces.
210
00:11:49,283 --> 00:11:52,954
I am not vulnerable.
No one will ever hurt me.
211
00:11:57,041 --> 00:12:00,753
So he pushed me, and I said
classic transference
212
00:12:00,836 --> 00:12:02,129
and that's the last thing
I remember.
213
00:12:02,213 --> 00:12:03,756
Guess I'm not as great
a therapist as I thought.
214
00:12:03,839 --> 00:12:04,924
Norville, stop.
215
00:12:05,007 --> 00:12:08,636
First rule of therapy, you are as great
as you think you are.
216
00:12:08,719 --> 00:12:11,973
Unfortunately, no one will ever take
you seriously as a therapist
217
00:12:12,056 --> 00:12:13,724
without this one little thing.
218
00:12:13,808 --> 00:12:14,976
A PhD in psychology?
219
00:12:15,685 --> 00:12:19,063
Please. I never finished mine
and literally no one's checked. No.
220
00:12:19,146 --> 00:12:23,943
The only thing a therapist
really needs is a good cardigan.
221
00:12:24,026 --> 00:12:26,404
It makes you look so dumpy
and non-threatening,
222
00:12:26,487 --> 00:12:29,657
people instantly feel comfortable
opening up to you.
223
00:12:30,074 --> 00:12:31,409
How do I look?
224
00:12:32,076 --> 00:12:35,538
Like I want to scream
about how loud your mom chews.
225
00:12:35,621 --> 00:12:37,498
Hey, it's working already.
226
00:12:41,252 --> 00:12:42,753
Daphne, this is ridiculous.
227
00:12:42,837 --> 00:12:45,548
Are we really going to fight instead
of just talking about what happened?
228
00:12:45,631 --> 00:12:48,467
If memory serves,
I asked you a question.
229
00:12:48,551 --> 00:12:50,136
I'm still waiting for an answer.
230
00:12:50,219 --> 00:12:51,470
Fine. I'll admit it.
231
00:12:52,013 --> 00:12:53,723
I do like you like that.
232
00:12:55,266 --> 00:12:57,852
What, are you scared
of having feelings for a girl?
233
00:12:57,935 --> 00:13:00,229
Velma, please.
I have two moms.
234
00:13:00,313 --> 00:13:02,064
I was baptized
on the set of Ellen.
235
00:13:02,148 --> 00:13:05,526
It's just I have
a lot more at stake than you.
236
00:13:06,360 --> 00:13:09,780
Daphne.
Why are you talking to that?
237
00:13:09,864 --> 00:13:12,700
I get it.
You have more at stake,
238
00:13:12,783 --> 00:13:14,869
because I'm not as popular as you.
239
00:13:14,952 --> 00:13:16,412
What? You're not popular at all.
240
00:13:16,495 --> 00:13:18,205
Well, let's see how popular
you are,
241
00:13:18,289 --> 00:13:20,750
after I kick
your perfect ass, Daphne,
242
00:13:29,258 --> 00:13:31,093
I'll give you something
to journal about.
243
00:13:31,177 --> 00:13:33,471
Dear Diary,
gird your loins.
244
00:13:36,265 --> 00:13:38,726
Wait, they pulled me
out of mosque for you?
245
00:13:38,809 --> 00:13:41,979
Yes. I thought we could
continue your therapy.
246
00:13:42,063 --> 00:13:44,607
What? No way.
Why would I wanna�
247
00:13:47,151 --> 00:13:51,072
Whoa, I feel funny.
Did they drug our food again?
248
00:13:51,655 --> 00:13:53,532
So what were we
talking about, Doc?
249
00:13:53,616 --> 00:13:56,077
We were discussing
your feelings
250
00:13:56,160 --> 00:13:59,163
about the night Velma's mom,
Diya, went missing.
251
00:13:59,246 --> 00:14:01,499
Right, so Father had
just bought our house.
252
00:14:01,582 --> 00:14:04,251
It was a dump. And he had
this brilliant idea to burn it
253
00:14:04,335 --> 00:14:05,878
for the insurance money.
254
00:14:05,961 --> 00:14:08,005
But instead of fraud,
you committed murder.
255
00:14:08,881 --> 00:14:12,176
I wish. You can get over murder,
but this could ruin a man.
256
00:14:12,259 --> 00:14:13,552
I'll never tell.
257
00:14:15,554 --> 00:14:18,224
So unflattering
and disarming.
258
00:14:19,683 --> 00:14:21,977
The truth is, on the night
we were going to burn it down,
259
00:14:22,061 --> 00:14:24,605
my father stood me up,
just like on my birthday.
260
00:14:24,688 --> 00:14:28,567
Only this time, Bill Gates
didn't even jump out of a cake for me.
261
00:14:28,943 --> 00:14:31,654
Wait, that's it?
And that's worse than murder?
262
00:14:31,737 --> 00:14:33,739
Then some Indian lady pulled up.
263
00:14:33,823 --> 00:14:35,491
Yes. Tell me about her.
264
00:14:35,574 --> 00:14:37,493
Why, you into that? Respect.
265
00:14:37,576 --> 00:14:39,912
- No. What was she doing there?
- I don't know.
266
00:14:39,995 --> 00:14:43,666
My dad told me never
to pay attention to women over 35.
267
00:14:45,042 --> 00:14:46,293
Okay. This is useless.
268
00:14:46,377 --> 00:14:49,421
You clearly had nothing
to do with Diya's kidnapping.
269
00:14:49,964 --> 00:14:51,048
Sorry, Doc.
270
00:14:51,131 --> 00:14:53,467
You're not getting out of here
until you help me
271
00:14:53,551 --> 00:14:55,177
with my passive aggression.
272
00:14:55,261 --> 00:14:58,055
But if you really wanna leave,
I guess I can just go suffer
273
00:14:58,138 --> 00:15:00,641
with the other guys
waiting to talk to you.
274
00:15:03,435 --> 00:15:07,523
Welcome fans
of women's self-defense!
275
00:15:07,606 --> 00:15:12,403
Now who's ready for some
bone-crushing empowerment?
276
00:15:14,446 --> 00:15:17,950
In one corner,
weighing in at 110 pounds,
277
00:15:18,033 --> 00:15:21,870
and with a social media
reach of 12 300,
278
00:15:21,954 --> 00:15:25,291
Daphne,
"the Ginger Jack-Hammer" Blake.
279
00:15:27,835 --> 00:15:31,672
And in the other corner,
weighing in at "how-dare-you?"
280
00:15:31,755 --> 00:15:35,801
and with a social media reach of
"she says she's too good for it",
281
00:15:35,884 --> 00:15:39,054
Velma, Indian middle name,
Dinkley.
282
00:15:40,681 --> 00:15:41,849
Sit down.
283
00:15:41,932 --> 00:15:45,561
Now let's find out
which girl is less vulnerable.
284
00:15:46,103 --> 00:15:49,106
Hydrate up. You're gonna need it
when you're crying later.
285
00:15:49,189 --> 00:15:51,650
I haven't seen someone
this overly confident
286
00:15:51,734 --> 00:15:53,611
since my moms
on election day, 2016.
287
00:15:53,694 --> 00:15:57,239
Really thought Jill Stein had it.
Anyway. Fight!
288
00:15:59,700 --> 00:16:02,578
What? How's your stomach so hard?
Are you a robot?
289
00:16:02,661 --> 00:16:04,747
Is that why you never shower
after gym?
290
00:16:04,830 --> 00:16:06,623
No, my stomach's
like my lips,
291
00:16:06,707 --> 00:16:08,876
soft, and a lot of weird noises
come out of it.
292
00:16:08,959 --> 00:16:10,586
What you felt was�
293
00:16:10,961 --> 00:16:13,088
- Wait, that's my journal.
- Yeah.
294
00:16:13,172 --> 00:16:14,965
And I'm about to perform
the audiobook.
295
00:16:15,049 --> 00:16:16,967
With voices and everything.
296
00:16:17,051 --> 00:16:18,635
Velma, please don't do this.
297
00:16:18,719 --> 00:16:20,554
You hurt me. I hurt you.
298
00:16:21,388 --> 00:16:23,015
Hey, everyone. So you all think
299
00:16:23,098 --> 00:16:26,352
that Daphne is the perfect,
beautiful, girl-next-door, right?
300
00:16:26,435 --> 00:16:29,688
Well, it's a lie.
According to her own journal,
301
00:16:29,772 --> 00:16:32,858
Daphne is so messed up
that she has a daily session
302
00:16:32,941 --> 00:16:34,943
with our school
guidance counselor, Lamont.
303
00:16:35,027 --> 00:16:36,904
to discuss her issues.
304
00:16:45,579 --> 00:16:46,789
Guys, come on.
305
00:16:46,872 --> 00:16:49,708
I just made Daphne vulnerable.
I win.
306
00:16:49,792 --> 00:16:53,587
Now laugh as we watch
her precious popularity fade away.
307
00:16:53,670 --> 00:16:54,963
Why would we do that?
308
00:16:55,047 --> 00:16:59,843
Mental health is no joke,
no matter how lame Lamont is.
309
00:16:59,927 --> 00:17:02,387
Yeah. No matter how lame I am.
310
00:17:03,931 --> 00:17:06,183
Daphne, Daphne!
311
00:17:06,809 --> 00:17:07,935
Oh, no!
312
00:17:15,109 --> 00:17:18,195
Velma, the only way
you're going to avoid suspension
313
00:17:18,278 --> 00:17:20,155
is if you apologize to Daphne.
314
00:17:20,239 --> 00:17:21,907
I have to apologize?
315
00:17:21,990 --> 00:17:24,409
She kicked me so hard,
my tubes are now tied.
316
00:17:24,493 --> 00:17:28,539
Yes, but you hurt her feelings,
which is way worse these days.
317
00:17:28,622 --> 00:17:30,249
Now, would you care
to tell me why?
318
00:17:30,332 --> 00:17:32,376
No way. And good luck
trying to get in my head
319
00:17:32,459 --> 00:17:33,961
without your cardigan, sucker.
320
00:17:34,044 --> 00:17:36,255
Yeah, Norville told me
about your little trick.
321
00:17:42,928 --> 00:17:44,763
Fine. I know I have to talk
to someone
322
00:17:44,847 --> 00:17:47,224
about my feelings
for Daphne, but�
323
00:17:49,810 --> 00:17:52,604
But my mom is the person
I talk to when I'm confused.
324
00:17:53,188 --> 00:17:55,691
And talking to anyone else
feels like a betrayal,
325
00:17:55,774 --> 00:17:57,568
like I'm admitting
she's gone for good.
326
00:17:57,651 --> 00:18:00,487
I see that, but hasn't
not talking to someone else
327
00:18:00,571 --> 00:18:03,115
gotten you even further
from finding her?
328
00:18:05,492 --> 00:18:08,829
Okay. That feels smart,
but it's coming from you, so�
329
00:18:08,912 --> 00:18:11,498
Yeah. No,
I surprised myself there.
330
00:18:11,582 --> 00:18:13,834
I'm really just supposed
to talk to kids about college,
331
00:18:13,917 --> 00:18:15,669
but my point is�
332
00:18:17,170 --> 00:18:18,213
Nope. Lost it.
333
00:18:18,297 --> 00:18:20,048
I think you meant that
by refusing to figure out
334
00:18:20,132 --> 00:18:22,342
my feelings for Daphne
in the beginning,
335
00:18:22,426 --> 00:18:24,553
I just made this whole mess
with her instead.
336
00:18:24,636 --> 00:18:26,763
That's it. You know,
a smart girl like you
337
00:18:26,847 --> 00:18:28,807
would be real
Smith College material.
338
00:18:28,891 --> 00:18:31,351
Okay, but do I still have
to apologize to Daphne?
339
00:18:31,435 --> 00:18:34,688
I only read her journal because
she said she was too popular for me.
340
00:18:34,771 --> 00:18:36,189
Up to you, Velma.
341
00:18:36,273 --> 00:18:38,358
But sometimes
when you're being attacked,
342
00:18:38,442 --> 00:18:40,152
the best thing to do is�
343
00:18:40,235 --> 00:18:42,321
Go limp. You're right.
344
00:18:42,404 --> 00:18:44,698
I was going to say
go for the eyes!
345
00:18:46,491 --> 00:18:48,535
So it looks like Fred
isn't connected
346
00:18:48,619 --> 00:18:50,704
to your mom's disappearance.
Good news, right?
347
00:18:50,787 --> 00:18:52,080
No, it's terrible news.
348
00:18:52,164 --> 00:18:55,792
It means my big clue is a dead end,
and Fred is probably innocent.
349
00:18:55,876 --> 00:18:57,711
Yeah, but isn't it
a little comforting
350
00:18:57,794 --> 00:18:59,921
to see a rich white guy
get wrongly convicted for once?
351
00:19:00,005 --> 00:19:01,715
I'm too distracted to enjoy it.
352
00:19:01,798 --> 00:19:04,009
I need to make things right
with Daphne.
353
00:19:06,803 --> 00:19:07,971
Wait for me, okay?
354
00:19:08,055 --> 00:19:10,974
Unless you feel like getting me a snow
cone and immediately coming back.
355
00:19:11,058 --> 00:19:13,894
Sure. I don't have anything else
scheduled for right now. Crap!
356
00:19:25,822 --> 00:19:28,533
Well, 10-minute rule.
Norville is not coming.
357
00:19:28,617 --> 00:19:30,660
Guess I'll have to channel
my childhood trauma
358
00:19:30,744 --> 00:19:32,621
into becoming a lawyer
359
00:19:32,704 --> 00:19:35,415
and helping my imprisoned
brothers appeal their convictions.
360
00:19:35,499 --> 00:19:37,167
No, nobody leaves.
361
00:19:37,250 --> 00:19:39,461
Why does everyone think
they can stand me up?
362
00:19:42,089 --> 00:19:43,673
Okay. Riot it is.
363
00:20:05,612 --> 00:20:07,155
What do you want, Velma?
364
00:20:07,239 --> 00:20:08,407
I came to apologize.
365
00:20:08,907 --> 00:20:12,452
I'm sorry I read your journal
out loud to everyone in school.
366
00:20:12,536 --> 00:20:13,995
- Velma.
- Yes, I know, I know.
367
00:20:14,079 --> 00:20:16,498
- Now you want to apologize to me.
- For what?
368
00:20:16,581 --> 00:20:18,458
For saying I'm not popular enough
for you.
369
00:20:18,542 --> 00:20:20,710
- I never said that.
- Well, someone said it.
370
00:20:20,794 --> 00:20:22,671
- You said it
- And I meant it.
371
00:20:22,754 --> 00:20:25,423
This has nothing to do
with popularity, Velma.
372
00:20:25,507 --> 00:20:27,843
Do you even know
why I've been talking to Lamont?
373
00:20:27,926 --> 00:20:31,221
No, honestly, I just flipped through
your journal looking for sexy stuff.
374
00:20:31,304 --> 00:20:32,681
Bit of a snooze, IMHO.
375
00:20:32,764 --> 00:20:34,599
Okay, well, I'm talking to him
376
00:20:34,683 --> 00:20:36,434
because searching
for my birth parents
377
00:20:36,518 --> 00:20:38,520
has brought up a lot of feelings
of abandonment for me.
378
00:20:40,355 --> 00:20:41,773
I'm sorry.
379
00:20:41,857 --> 00:20:43,567
- When my mom�
- Exactly.
380
00:20:43,650 --> 00:20:46,361
When your mom went missing
you abandoned me too.
381
00:20:46,444 --> 00:20:48,238
What? Only after you got hot
and ditched me.
382
00:20:48,321 --> 00:20:49,990
That's not true.
You shut me out first.
383
00:20:50,073 --> 00:20:52,325
I shut everyone out.
I still haven't seen my dentist,
384
00:20:52,409 --> 00:20:53,952
nor do I intend to.
385
00:20:56,830 --> 00:20:59,875
Okay, so maybe a little fault
in our falling out lies with me.
386
00:20:59,958 --> 00:21:02,460
And then we kissed,
and it was amazing.
387
00:21:02,544 --> 00:21:05,463
But you said you didn't like me
like that and I freaked out.
388
00:21:05,547 --> 00:21:08,008
'Cause I thought you're going
to go away again.
389
00:21:08,383 --> 00:21:10,677
So wait, is this an apology?
390
00:21:11,011 --> 00:21:12,512
Well, do you like me?
391
00:21:12,596 --> 00:21:13,805
You know I do.
392
00:21:13,889 --> 00:21:16,725
But I'm also, kill me,
super attracted to Fred.
393
00:21:16,808 --> 00:21:18,602
You do need therapy.
394
00:21:18,685 --> 00:21:21,771
Honestly, I think
what I really need is a friend.
395
00:21:21,855 --> 00:21:22,898
Me too.
396
00:21:23,315 --> 00:21:25,317
But also,
maybe a friend who fu�
397
00:21:25,400 --> 00:21:28,695
No. Let's just keep it simple
and try and be friends again.
398
00:21:28,778 --> 00:21:29,863
Yeah, you're right.
399
00:21:29,946 --> 00:21:32,157
I can only obsess
over one woman at a time.
400
00:21:32,240 --> 00:21:34,159
And right now
it has to be my mom.
401
00:21:34,242 --> 00:21:35,285
So should we hug it out?
402
00:21:35,368 --> 00:21:37,120
Friends hug, boobs touch,
no crotch.
403
00:21:37,203 --> 00:21:38,705
Boobs touch, no crotch.
404
00:21:41,291 --> 00:21:44,002
- Maybe, let's just shake. Yeah?
- Yes, love a shake.
405
00:21:44,085 --> 00:21:46,630
Just two friends,
sharing a casual handshake.
406
00:21:48,340 --> 00:21:50,717
- Good night, friend.
- Good night, friend.
407
00:21:58,808 --> 00:22:01,394
Well, at least my hallucinations
are back to normal.
408
00:22:01,478 --> 00:22:04,147
What the hell, Norville?
You're supposed to drive me home.
409
00:22:04,230 --> 00:22:05,732
Now I have to walk.
410
00:22:06,232 --> 00:22:08,777
I have literally never been madder.
411
00:22:09,152 --> 00:22:10,487
Hi, Dad.
412
00:22:14,574 --> 00:22:17,744
Son, I hate to say it, but you're
not ready for the cardigan.
413
00:22:17,827 --> 00:22:20,372
With medium power
comes medium responsibility.
414
00:22:20,455 --> 00:22:21,748
I know. I'm sorry.
415
00:22:24,959 --> 00:22:28,880
Crystal Cove Insane Asylum?
Why is this in here?
416
00:22:28,963 --> 00:22:33,385
What? That.
I have a friend who works there.
417
00:22:33,718 --> 00:22:37,097
Doctor Bad Excuse.
418
00:22:40,892 --> 00:22:42,811
Why do you have this, Dad?
419
00:22:45,397 --> 00:22:49,401
Son, there's something
I need to tell you about your mother.
420
00:23:02,872 --> 00:23:04,040
Hey, stranger.
421
00:23:18,471 --> 00:23:21,891
Look, a cabin.
We can ask directions to town.
422
00:23:21,975 --> 00:23:23,268
Ask directions?
423
00:23:23,351 --> 00:23:26,187
I thought your nickname
was The Thief, not The Puss.
424
00:23:27,230 --> 00:23:29,274
Fine, suit yourselves.
425
00:23:29,816 --> 00:23:32,610
Okay, now who has a phone
so I can call my driver?
426
00:23:34,195 --> 00:23:36,364
You guys want to use
one of your drivers?
427
00:23:36,448 --> 00:23:37,866
Freeze! Police!
428
00:23:39,826 --> 00:23:41,786
You'll never take me alive.
429
00:23:42,912 --> 00:23:45,582
But why won't we take you alive,
Fred?
430
00:23:47,041 --> 00:23:50,128
Because I wanna look tough
to impress my father.
34625
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