All language subtitles for Stargate SG-1 - S08E15 REMUX.eng

How about Monday morning? No, I
have athing with someone from C.I.A,

uh, Johnson someone or other.

It's about
that whole Kinsey thing.

So, any big plans
for the weekend?

Oh, yeah. Big. Huge!

Yeah. Me neither.

What are you
talking about?

I just walked in with a
whole handful of ingredients

for my world famous
omelet.

World famous, huh?
What's in it?

Eggs.

I don't think that that
actually qualifies as a recipe.

Oh, don't kid yourself.

There's a secret ingredient.

I can't tell you what it is,
or I'd have to shoot you.

It's beer, isn't it?

Carter...

Let me call you back.
I knew it.

Hello.

You're Jack O'Neill.

Yes.

Here's a better question...
Who are you?

That doesn't matter...
To anyone.

All you need to know is...

You ruined my life.

We should have
gotten here earlier,

when the real deals
were still available.

Honey,
it's 7:00 A.M.

Joe,
start over there

and see if you can
find a lamp

that would work
in the TV room.

Oh, my lord, look!

They have those old
English tea tins.

Security breached.

They just got
corridor c9 open.

All right. Let's go.

Excuse me.

How much?

So, there's this fella
who walks into a bar,

and he sees an ape
sitting there...

Sorry, no, he sees a gorilla.
That's it. Right.

There's this gorilla
sitting there

drinking a coke.

So he says to the bartender,

"hey, what's with the gorilla
drinking that drink?"

Well, the bartender says, "yeah,
that ape usually orders a coke."

I mean, a beer.
He usually orders a beer.

Boss, is it an ape
or a gorilla?

'Cause they're completely
different species, you know.

It doesn't matter.

It could be a monkey.
The point is...

The point is, Joe,

it's a good thing
you can cut hair.

Are we
about done here?

All set.

Because someone
somewhere out there

needs themselves a new car...

Whether they know it or not,
you know what I mean?

I feel the power to sell
moving through me today!

Boys...
It's been a slice.

Thanks, Fred.

See you, Fred.

Bow down now.

Show your reverence
for my son...

The mighty warrior klorel.

Hail apophis.

Oh, we are reading
the best book

in book club this week.

It's called
the heart of a woman.

It is such a powerful story.

Oh, every time
I think about it...

You want to hear a story?

Oh, sure, dear. I'm sorry.

What happened to you
today at the shop?

No, it's not work related.

I have a story.
What do you mean?

You know, like in
those books you read,

only different.

Okay, sure.

It's about ateam of
adventurers known as SG-1.

They travel
to other planets

through an alien device
known as a Stargate.

Their leader is the
fearless colonel Jack o'...

O'Neill, prepare
yourself for...

...extreme deceleration.

Yeah. Thanks, Teal'c.

You get to see your home

one last time...

Before you

and everyone
on your planet

are destroyed,

and your kind

will disturb
the Goa'uld no more.

So who are the Goa'uld again?

The bad guys.

And this...
"Skaara" character?

Yeah, I thought
you said

his name was klorel.

I know
it's a little complicated.

Just wait.

I haven't gotten
to the good part yet.

Skaara!

Aw, skaara...

I'm sorry.

That's it?

I think so.

For now, anyways.

What happens to earth?

I don't know.

I mean, I haven't
figured that part out yet.

Well, you got to
finish it, dad.

You can't just end a story
in the middle.

I tell you what...

You get all your chores done,

and I'll finish the story
tomorrow.

Chores?

What are we, amish?

Andy!

Go do your homework.

He's gotten so precocious.

You hated it, didn't you?

Well, you know

I'm not the biggest
science-fiction fan,

but, no, no...

It was... It was just...
So detailed.

How did you come up with it?

Honestly, I don't know. I...

It just sort of
popped into my head.

That's amazing, really.

What didn't you like about it?

Don't get me wrong.
It was exciting.

It's just that personally,
I like stories

that are more about
interpersonal relations,

and a little lessto do
with things blowing up.

A giant fireball
in the night sky!

You say these folks
are a military unit?

Yeah, they're part of
the U.S. air force.

But they travel
to other planets.

Through the Stargate.

Which is
a time-travel machine?

It's an alien device that
creates a stable wormhole,

allowing instantaneous travel
to other worlds.

Time has nothing
to do with it.

Boss, a question.

Uh, these...

Goo-0old...

Goa'uld.

Goah-old.

Goa'uld.

Never mind.
The bad guys,

you said they've got
snakes in their heads?

Symbiotes, yes.

And what about the fellas
with the ones in their bellies?

They're different.
They're called Jaffa.

They incubate the symbiotes
till they're ready for implantation.

Now, you see, Joe,
that's confusing.

He's right,
boss.

I mean, why
can't there be

just one kind of bad guy?

You know, snake goes in the
head, makes them evil, the end.

You could call 'em
"the snake people."

Yeah, "snake people"
is good.

They're not called
"the snake people,"

they're called
the Goa'uld,

and the Jaffa aren't bad guys,

they're enslaved warriors

who mistakenly
believe

that the Goa'uld
are their gods,

and it's not confusing,
it's complex!

Edge of my seat.

The whole time.

United States air force.

How may I direct
your call?

Uh, hi, I'm trying to reach
one of your officers,

a colonel Jack O'Neill.

Two "ls.

May I have
your name, please,

and the nature
of your call?

My name?

Yes, please.

Uh, right, right, of course.

My name is Joe... Smith.

Listen, I realize
colonel O'Neill

is probably unavailable,

off on some important mission
somewhere, but...

I know this is an odd request.

I mean, I don't know

if you know colonel O'Neill
personally, but...

Could you describe him to me?

You know, height,
weight, shoe size,

sense of humor,
that sort of thing.

I really can't
do that, sir.

Oh. Of course. Sure.
National security.

Now, am I understanding
correctly

that there really is
a colonel Jack O'Neill

in the air force?

Is there a message you
would like to leave for him, sir?

That's fine. Thank you.

So, in the end,

rya'c was freed
from apophis' control.

Teal'c, drey'auc,
and rya'c

were once again
a family.

But Teal'c is still going back
to Stargate command

to fight for the freedom
of the Jaffa?

Yes, of course.

He's going to take
drey'auc and rya'c

to a place
where they'll be safe.

So, the Goa'uld won't put any
more bombs in rya'c's teeth?

That's right.

Now, go to sleep.

Cool story, dad.

Joe, where do you get
these ideas you've had lately?

I don't know.

Fully formed ideas, plots,
characters...

Just like that?

They just appear in your head?

Basically.

Why are you looking
at me like that?

I think you've gotten in touch
with your dormant creativity,

accessed your wellspring
of imagination.

What?

I've read about this
happening to other people.

You're opening yourself up
to your inner muse.

My inner muse?

It's your midlife crisis.

It is?

Except instead of
chasing your youth

by buying a sports car
or going hang gliding,

you're seeking immortality
through creativity.

We can't afford a sports car.

Honey, it's a good thing.

Especially if it means

you're not going to have an
affair with a younger woman.

Wait a second,
wait a second...

You said Teal'c
put his face

up to that
head-grabber thing

before O'Neill. Why
didn't he get grabbed first?

Guys, itold you.

Save your questions
until I finish.

Now, what was left
of colonel O'Neill's mind

managed to dial
a gate address...

One they had never
dialed before.

The asgard?

Those little
gray guys. Right.

Shut up
and let him finish, Bert.

And I don't want
to sound ungrateful,

because I really, really
appreciate

you getting all that stuff
out of my head...

But you folks
should understand...

That we're out there now.

We might not
be ready

for a lot
of this stuff,

but we're doing
the best we can.

You have already taken
the first steps

towards becoming
the fifth race.

Well, what about the furlings?

Are we ever going to hear
about them?

Oh, of course.

I'm sure we'll... we'll hear
lots of stories about them.

I mean, I'll make one up.

Furlings. They sound cute.

Like ewoks.

Andy, finish up,

or you're going to
miss your bus, sweetie.

Morning.
Good morning.

And want that lawn
done today, mister.

It looks like a wheat field's
growing in our back yard.

After school, mom,
I promise.

Son, you get
that lawn finished,

and I'll tell you
all about the ree'tou.

Cool!

See you, mom.
See you, dad.

The ree'tou?

Foothold situation
at the SGC.

Joe, don't take this
the wrong way,

but maybe you should cut
backon the storytelling a bit.

Why?
Nothing, it's just...

Well, I've heard a few
comments from people in town.

People? What people?

Not everyone wants to hear
about Jack O'Neill and SG-1

every time they come in
for a haircut.

They like hearing my stories.

Maybe they're just
being polite, dear,

and it's not just at the shop.

Sam
at the drugstore

said you talk
his ear off

every time you're there,
and marjory at the bank,

and Lenny
at the gas station.

Sharlene, you were the onewho
told me to follow my muse.

Now you want me
to stop?

What if you write them down?

You mean like a... Writer?

Put them on paper.

You can have them there in
the shop, like the magazines.

That way, if people want
to read them, they can.

Sir, the timing
has to be exact.

Just a few more
seconds.

It's going to have to
be close enough. Go!

"Young lieutenant Hammond...

"Faced a tough decision.

"Yet the strange foursome
hardly seemed

like Soviet spies."

Honey, it's 3:00 in the
morning. Come to bed.

Just let me
finish this story.

That's what you said last
night, and the night before that.

You've got to get up
in four hours.

How are you going to
cut people's hair

if you're dead
on your feet all day?

Joe?

In a minute.

"They embraced,

"and he looked into her eyes
one last time.

"He walked away
with sadness in his heart,

"and she watched him go,

"wondering if shewould
ever see him again.

The end."

That poor woman.

Do you think...

She was with child?

You'll just have to
wait until the sequel.

You got to
be kidding me.

What?
I got something in my eye.

Oh, you're such
a softy.

See you tonight,
honey.

Bye.

Bye, Cindy.

Morning, boys.
Hey, Calvin.

Joe, looks like you got
some letters

from those magazines
in New York.

"Thank you
for your submission.

Unfortunately..." blah,
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah...

"Thank you for your interest.
Best of luck in the future."

See, I'm not sure

you should've sent in
this one about Seth.

It wasn't one of your best.

They rejected "hathor?"

But it was gold!

Dad.
I'm writing!

Seriously, you've
got to see this.

Prepare for
an extreme adventure...

What?

Check it out.

Four excellent heroes

in an extraordinary
new Sci-Fi series,

starring Nick marlowe
as the wry colonel danning.

As a matter of fact, it does
say "colonel" on my uniform.

There's no such thing as
original thought anymore.

We're all just
regurgitating

the same old ideas
over and over again,

boiling them down

to a giant melting pot
of mediocrity.

Introducing Douglas Anders
as grell.

Wormhole x-treme...
Coming this fall.

They stole my idea.

Hey, whatever
happened to that lawsuit

you guys had
against, uh...

What was that show
called?

"Wormhole x-treme.

Nah, it was canceled
only after one episode.

Bad ratings.

I liked it. Not as much
as your stories, boss.

Actually,
I have a new one.

Just came to me
last night.

SG-1 finds out there's
a giant asteroid

headed toward earth...

I saw the movie.
Hits Paris.

Nah, this is different.

It starts when
this amateur astronomer...

Uh, actually, Joe,

if it's all right
with you,

I'm not really
in the mood.

Oh, come on, now.

Don't you want to know
how SG-1 stops it?

Here, I'll just tell you...

Major Carter is able to
expand the hyperspace window

from the cargo ship
until it surrounds...

Look, no offense,

but how many times
can these folks

save the world from apophis?

What's it up to now,
five, sixtimes?

This story is about Anubis.
Apophis is dead.

What's the diff?
You know what I'm saying?

It's getting
a little repetitive.

I mean, come on now.
There must be other things

we can talk about
besides SG-1.

You guys play golf?

Joe, need to talk to you.

Just a second,
honey. I'm in the zone.

Honey, stop typing.
Writing.

Please.

What's up?

I want you to stop.

I just did.

I mean permanently.

What?

I've been going over
our bills...

Sharlene...

Joe, you closed
the shop early

three times this week
to come home and write.

I closed the shop

because business
has been slow.

And you don't see
the connection?

Don't worry, once I get
a few stories published,

land an agent,
things'll get better.

326.

That's how many rejection
letters you've received.

You only need
one "yes."

They're not
reading them anymore.

Just sending them back
unopened.

Bert and gordie
like them.

They work for you.

What else are they
going to say?

You haven't even
read them all.

I read "holiday,"
"the light," "the sentinel."

Okay, I admit
those may have been

a few small missteps,

but on the whole, they're
getting better, aren't they?

I don't know.

Well, what do you think
the problem is? Tell me.

Maybe I can
fix it.

Well, for one, it seems to me

like the team interaction isn't
what it used to be in the beginning.

You hate them all?

No, I don't.

I hate what
this is doing to you.

You really want me to stop?

Joe, how can this
really be more important

than your livelihood?

Than your family?

Honestly, sharlene,
I don't think I can stop.

Why not?

These stories...

I think...

Think? You think what?

I think they're real,
sharlene.

I'm not making them up.

They're happening... Somewhere.

I can see them,
and it's because of the stone.

Oh, Joe.

I can't
explain it.

Somehow I think

it allows me to see
these incredible things.

That you believe
are really happening?

Yes. Here. Try it.

Where is it?

Joe...

Did you take it?

Sharlene...
What'd you do with it?

Sharlene!

What have you done
with my stone?

It was
for your own good!

Has he totally
lost it or what?

Joe, please...
You need help.

Son...

If you know where
it is, just tell me.

I'm not mad.
I just need my stone.

Mom?

You leave him
out of this.

Joe, please!

You're scaring us.

Yes!

Where are you going?

I don't know.

No!

He can't be gone.

He's dead.

Daniels dead.

He can't be gone.

Gordie, you're wearing out
the floor.

Calvin.

Gentlemen.

Slow day?

What have you got, Calvin?

Looks like a stack of bills

and a couple more letters
from those magazines.

Toss them.

There's, uh, also
another letter here

from the air force.

You read it.

"Dear Mr. Spencer...

"Regarding your request

"to meet with
colonel Jack O'Neill,

we regret to inform you
that...

Hey, Joe...

If you're so sure
this is all real,

then why don't you
follow it up

with more than
just letters?

Call them up.

Tell them what you
know. If it really is true...

Are you kidding?
I'd disappear in a heartbeat.

You think?
Believe me,

if the government didn't
get me, N.L.D. Is sure to.

I've seen it
happen.

Do you remember armin selig?

Dead.

Right.

Well, look,

I got to... Get back
to my route now.

You guys take care.

Thanks, Calvin.

Hi, Jack.

Daniel?

I leave, and look at the
mess you get yourself into.

Yes! Yeah!

Yes!

Sharlene!

You home?

Sharlene!

Sharlene,
you won't believe it.

Sharlene?

Oh, there you are.

Honey, it's incredible.

Daniels still alive.

I mean,
I know he ascended

to a higher plane
of existence, but he...

What are you
doing?

Andy and I are going
to my mother's for a while.

If you have even
the slightest interest

in saving our marriage,

you'll see someone
who can help you.

Sharlene,
I don't need a shrink.

Sharlene...

Honey,
don't do this.

Please. Come on!

Honey, come on.

We can
work things out.

Sharlene, look,

our problems are small
compared to...

Wait, just...
Let's talk.

Can we just
talk this out?

Goodbye, Joe.
I'll call you later.

Sharlene!

Wait! Sharlene!

Dear colonel O'Neill...

I understand
you are a very busy man,

however, I must wonder
if you are actually getting

each and every piece
of correspondence I send you.

I have written
you many letters

and left countless
messages for you

with the air force,

but I have yet to receive
any kind of response from you.

Because of this,
I realize I have no choice

but to take my life
into my own hands

and come clean with you.

I know everything.

Jeez, gordie!

You scared the hell
out of me.

Sorry. Sorry, I...

It's okay, gordie.

I'm just glad
it's you.

Boss, if it's
all right with you,

me and Bert
are going to head home.

It looks like nobody's
coming in again today.

Yeah.

Well, look, I know this is
kind of a bad time, but...

What is it, gordie?

Well, it's been really slow
around here, and...

I kind of dropped off
an application

at the piggly wiggly.

I understand.

You've got to do
what you've got to do.

Thanks, boss. Good night.

'Night.

Activating hyperdrive!

Standing straight up.

Come on, boys!

Sir!

Thanks
for seeing me.

You look great.

How are you?

Oh, I'm good.

Uh, very good.
Uh...

Sharlene, I'm...
I'm sorry

about everything
that's happened.

I drove you
and Andy away.

I understand that now.
Joe...

Just let me finish.

I was too wrapped up
in the stories

to realize
what was important.

I promise I will focus
on rebuilding my business,

on providing for my family,

if you'll give me
another chance.

It was never
about the money, Joe.

It was your obsession
with that stone.

I know, I know, and I owe
you both an explanation.

That's why I brought you proof
that my visions are real.

This is what Jack O'Neill
actually looks like.

Now, I know
what you're thinking,

but I swear I saw
this image in my mind

long before it was
in the paper. Joe...

And here,
this report about

massive solar flare activity
from six years ago.

It coincides with the time
SG-1 destroyed apophis' fleet,

and this, about the sinking
of a Russian submarine?

It happened
the same time.

Anubis' ship crashed
into the pacific ocean.

It just means that you're
using real people and events

and incorporating them
in your fantasies.

They're not fantasies.

Jack O'Neill is head
of Stargate command.

There is no Stargate command!

Listen to me.

I've been talking
to several doctors

about your symptoms,

and they seem to think that
you might be suffering from

something called
manic psychosis

combined with
grandiose delusions,

but with therapy
and medication,

you can probably
live a normal life.

Oh, my god...

They're fighting
in Antarctica

for earth's
very survival.

Anubis fleet is in orbit
above us right now.

Joe, stop it. It's not real.

You don't understand!

If Jack can't find a way

to use the ancients' technology
in time, we're all dead!

Goodbye, Joe.

It's happening,
sharlene!

You'll see!

It's real.

Okay, look.

This obviously
isn't your forte,

so why don't you just
put the gun down

before you get hurt?

Don't come any closer.

I know your gun isn't real.

However...
Mine is.

Oh, god! I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
You're right, it's just atoy.

Please don't shoot me.

I'm not going to shoot you.

I'm sorry.

I just thought
it was the only way

to make you listen to me.

Oh, where
you're going,

people will listen.

They've got nothing to do

but listen
to what you have to say.

They've got nice white coats,
padded walls, the whole nine yards.

Please, wait.

You're brigadier general
Jack O'Neill,

head of Stargate command
at Cheyenne mountain.

You used to command
SG-1,

which is now led

by lieutenant colonel
Samantha Carter.

You once visited a planet
called argos,

and nanites in your blood

caused you to age
artificially.

You've had
the entire repository

of the ancients'
knowledge

downloaded into your brain...
Twice.

You have a thing
for the Simpsons, fishing,

Mary steenburgen,
the color peridot,

and you're a terrible
ping-pong player.

Have we met?

My name is Joe Spencer.
I'm a barber.

It's all true,
isn't it?

Everything I've seen...

The Stargate, the Goa'uld,
the asgards.

It's all real.

Tell me it's real.

I need to know.

Well, first of all, Joe,

I'm not a terrible
ping-pong player.

Between you and me, I
totally see the analogy.

Burns as Goa'uld...

Thank you.

And don't worry.

I won't say aword
about your feelings for...

This is
such an honor.

I don't know
how to thank you

for all you've done
for our planet.

There are not enough words.

It's nice to meet you too.

Joe Spencer.

I was particularly
impressed

with the time
you blew up that sun.

Well, thank you.
I had a bit of help.

And as far as this whole
Pete shanahan thing goes...

Joe...

Dr. Jackson.

Can I just say
thank goodness you're back?

Not that Jonas
was a bad guy,

but after all you've
been through together,

you belong here with SG-1.

Thank you. Jack?

He's a barber.

Broke
into your house?

Yeah.

Second week in a row.

Alarm.

I'm thinking dog.

You could try locking
your front door.

Shel kek nem Ron.

Joe, the barber.

Please be seated.

What have you
got there, Carter?

Well, initial tests show

that Joe possesses the
same ancient gene as you do.

I just want you
to know,

if you ever need me to use
the chair device in Antarctica

in defense of the planet,
I'm there.

Thank you.

Other than that,

his physiology
is completely normal.

Are there not a great many people
who possess this ancient gene?

Yeah, I mean, how come I'm
the only one seeing these things?

Yes. Good question.
Pray tell?

Unfortunately, our knowledge
of ancient physiology

is fairly limited.

The only other thing
we know

is that Joe has
somehow managed

to gain access
to huge amounts

of classified information,

mainly in regard
to SG-1,

and that these visions
are somehow connected

to the stone he found.

Anything on that?

Daniels looking into it.

He did say there was
something familiar about it.

You claimto
receive these visions

only within the proximity
of the stone.

Perhaps there is a connection
between the stone

and your genetic
predispositions.

I know the hair

makes you look
different,

but didn't you used to
be more gold-colored?

I think I've got it.

It took me a while
to track it down, but...

You have one too?

They're a set.

Jack, you remember p3r-2337
the planet where I...

Where you found
the quantum mirror

that sent you
to an alternate reality,

where the Goa'uld
invaded earth.

Hey, fella.

Hey, Jack.

This all the stuff
we brought back from...

P3r-2337 yeah, you
want to help me catalog it?

You bet,
my favorite.

But it's all going to
have to wait.

Hammond called
a briefing.

We got some intel back

indicating that apophis

might not be
so dead as we thought.

Something about... Chulak.

I think
the stones were a kind of

ancient long-range
communication device,

allowing people to see
events over great distances

through some sort of
psychic connection.

Now, Jack must have activated
the link between the stones

by picking up
the second stone.

Now, after that, all
that would be required

is a certain proximity
to the stone

for the connection
to be activated.

Now, seeing as how the stone was
being stored in the base archives...

But that doesn't
explain how

the other stone got to
the... Where? Where was it?

A garage sale.

The person
who sold itto me

said his grandfather
found it

on a dig in Egypt.

But that still doesn't
explain the proximity issue.

I mean, if the stone general
O'Neill touched was kept here,

how was Joe able to see

everything that happened
to the general off-world?

I'm thinking he was
getting most of it

from when Jack was writing
his reports here on the base.

The stone was being stored
just a few levels above.

That's why the stories
were so easy to write.

It was like someone else had
done most of the work for me.

And... you say
they all got rejected?

Wait a second.

If the stones work
the way Daniel says,

shouldn't general O'Neill
have been able to see

elements of
Joe's life as well?

Theoretically,
yes, he would.

Bowling league
Thursday nights?

You saw that?

You got game, son.

Wait a minute.
Jack, you've been seeing

parts of the life of
a barber in Indiana

for seven years, and
you never mentioned it?

Yeah. Sure I did.

I know I did.

No. No, you didn't, sir.

I didn't?

You didn't find it
the least bit odd?

Actually, no.

I found it
quite... Relaxing.

Sharlene. I only have
about 10 minutes,

and I really need
to get right back to work.

Um, there's no easy way
to say this...

I want a divorce.

I know. I mean, you
have every right to,

but before we get to that,

there's someone
who'd like to meet you.

Here he comes now.

Sharlene, meet
general Jack O'Neill

of the United States
air force.

It's a pleasure
to meet you, ma'am.

I think we have some
things to talk about.