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1
00:00:01,117 --> 00:00:02,784
- Ooh! Sorry.
- Excuse me.
2
00:00:02,820 --> 00:00:04,286
Yeah.
3
00:00:04,322 --> 00:00:08,422
So, Gregory Eddie, Mr. Eddie,
I see you're back from break.
4
00:00:08,458 --> 00:00:09,690
Yes, indeed.
5
00:00:09,726 --> 00:00:12,927
And I see you, Ms. Teagues,
are also back from break.
6
00:00:12,963 --> 00:00:14,795
- Yep.
- I need to just...
7
00:00:14,831 --> 00:00:15,964
- Ooh!
- Oh, no, I was, um...
8
00:00:15,999 --> 00:00:17,023
But we can... Yeah.
9
00:00:17,048 --> 00:00:18,053
- No?
- Mnh-mnh.
10
00:00:18,078 --> 00:00:19,500
- No.
- We don't have to.
11
00:00:19,535 --> 00:00:23,704
Funny how social skills just
atrophy when you never use them.
12
00:00:23,740 --> 00:00:26,225
They're just being weird 'cause
they danced at a club during break.
13
00:00:26,250 --> 00:00:28,142
Only club I go to is Bible Club.
14
00:00:28,178 --> 00:00:29,705
Do they play good music there?
15
00:00:29,730 --> 00:00:32,331
My favorite club just got shut down
'cause they let a horse in.
16
00:00:36,928 --> 00:00:40,928
- Synced and corrected by synk -
- www.addic7ed.com -
17
00:00:45,995 --> 00:00:49,029
It was a Disney Channel grind at best.
Grow up.
18
00:00:49,064 --> 00:00:50,197
Take these score sheets.
19
00:00:50,232 --> 00:00:52,132
- Uh, score sheets for what?
- Oh!
20
00:00:52,167 --> 00:00:53,901
This week is the Read-A-Thon!
21
00:00:53,936 --> 00:00:55,335
Sponsored by Dough Nuts Pizza.
22
00:00:55,371 --> 00:00:57,070
"Dough Nuts for Reading."
23
00:00:57,106 --> 00:00:58,839
Shut up, Janine.
24
00:00:58,875 --> 00:01:00,240
So, how does this work?
25
00:01:00,276 --> 00:01:02,309
The class that reads the most
gets a pizza party?
26
00:01:02,344 --> 00:01:04,812
And that's what the kids want?
27
00:01:04,847 --> 00:01:06,714
Kind of. Every kid gets pizza,
28
00:01:06,749 --> 00:01:09,550
but we track the class in each grade
that reads the most.
29
00:01:09,585 --> 00:01:11,018
It's mostly ceremonial,
30
00:01:11,053 --> 00:01:13,353
but some of us take it
more seriously than others.
31
00:01:13,389 --> 00:01:16,390
Clear the way! Two-time second-grade
32
00:01:16,426 --> 00:01:18,826
Read-A-Thon champion coming through!
33
00:01:18,861 --> 00:01:20,594
And this belt's staying with the champ.
34
00:01:21,898 --> 00:01:24,899
Yeah, well, who wants to wear
a big belt anyway?
35
00:01:28,870 --> 00:01:31,004
Either way, I'll be the one
wearing that,
36
00:01:31,040 --> 00:01:34,908
because my kids are gonna win
because they want to, not me.
37
00:01:34,944 --> 00:01:37,710
I believe in losing.
It builds character.
38
00:01:37,746 --> 00:01:40,280
I would never bet against
Melissa in a read-off.
39
00:01:40,316 --> 00:01:43,383
I have seen her inspire even
the most reluctant readers
40
00:01:43,419 --> 00:01:46,686
to devour a complete "Boxcar Children."
41
00:01:46,721 --> 00:01:49,722
Mm-hmm. I'm gonna mop the floor
with you, Teagues.
42
00:01:49,758 --> 00:01:51,124
You don't want to do that.
43
00:01:51,160 --> 00:01:52,960
It'll just spread the spill around.
44
00:01:55,230 --> 00:01:56,896
Yes, yes, yes!
45
00:01:56,921 --> 00:01:59,109
Janine! Did you see the big news?
46
00:01:59,134 --> 00:02:01,768
Oh, my God. Did the multi-color
pushpins come in?
47
00:02:01,803 --> 00:02:04,304
No. Well, I mean, yes, that is huge.
48
00:02:04,340 --> 00:02:06,973
But, uh, I got two sign-ups
for after-school podcast club.
49
00:02:07,008 --> 00:02:09,141
Oh! Two.
50
00:02:09,169 --> 00:02:11,102
Two? Wow!
That... That's enough to tango.
51
00:02:11,145 --> 00:02:12,778
I cannot wait to get started.
52
00:02:12,813 --> 00:02:15,881
I'm picturing "This American Life"
meets "Pod Save America"
53
00:02:15,916 --> 00:02:18,417
with the research of "The Daily,"
the storytelling of "The Moth,"
54
00:02:18,453 --> 00:02:21,620
all while, like, redefining
the form, à la "Radiolab."
55
00:02:21,655 --> 00:02:23,555
How many white podcasts
do you listen to?
56
00:02:23,591 --> 00:02:24,723
Hundreds.
57
00:02:24,758 --> 00:02:27,159
I listen at triple speed, though,
you know, to fit them all in.
58
00:02:27,195 --> 00:02:28,660
Actually, this conversation
kind of feels like
59
00:02:28,696 --> 00:02:29,795
it's in slow motion.
60
00:02:29,830 --> 00:02:33,099
- But I am so informed.
- Ah.
61
00:02:33,134 --> 00:02:34,666
- Gregory!
- Mm?
62
00:02:34,702 --> 00:02:36,135
We got two sign-ups.
63
00:02:36,170 --> 00:02:39,105
You ready to, uh, redefine
journalistic storytelling?
64
00:02:39,140 --> 00:02:41,673
Wait. You're doing the podcast club?
65
00:02:41,709 --> 00:02:43,575
You get paid a little more
when you do an extracurricular,
66
00:02:43,611 --> 00:02:46,612
and my financial status continues to be
67
00:02:46,647 --> 00:02:48,981
a source of tension in my romantic life.
68
00:02:51,018 --> 00:02:52,117
Yeah, you're gonna need a lot more
69
00:02:52,152 --> 00:02:54,352
than one cart of books to beat my kids.
70
00:02:54,388 --> 00:02:56,287
Yes, I'm well aware of that.
71
00:02:56,323 --> 00:02:59,124
This is my third trip back
from the library this morning.
72
00:02:59,159 --> 00:03:00,526
How are you doing that?
73
00:03:00,561 --> 00:03:04,129
Well, I didn't want to reveal
my secret earlier,
74
00:03:04,164 --> 00:03:05,831
but I figured out how to fit two weeks
75
00:03:05,866 --> 00:03:09,868
of math lessons into next week,
which means this week,
76
00:03:09,904 --> 00:03:14,888
my kids can devote their time to
reading and beating your class.
77
00:03:14,975 --> 00:03:17,108
Behold.
78
00:03:17,144 --> 00:03:19,377
Our reading wonderland.
79
00:03:20,915 --> 00:03:24,956
Figured if I come for the queen,
then I best not miss.
80
00:03:26,654 --> 00:03:28,219
Right, kids? Right?
81
00:03:28,255 --> 00:03:29,988
And, so, if you think...
82
00:03:32,926 --> 00:03:36,901
Alright, listen up, my little eagles...
83
00:03:36,926 --> 00:03:38,229
it's game time.
84
00:03:38,265 --> 00:03:40,498
I'm gonna need youse
reading nonstop, okay?
85
00:03:40,534 --> 00:03:42,733
That means if you're at recess,
you're reading.
86
00:03:42,769 --> 00:03:44,001
On the bus, reading.
87
00:03:44,037 --> 00:03:45,136
If you are at gym class,
88
00:03:45,172 --> 00:03:47,138
the sit-and-reach is now
the sit-and-read.
89
00:03:47,174 --> 00:03:48,540
Yes, Felicity?
90
00:03:48,575 --> 00:03:50,408
What about when I take a shower?
91
00:03:50,444 --> 00:03:52,043
Slide Babar into a Ziploc bag.
92
00:03:52,079 --> 00:03:55,980
Now, listen, Ms. Teagues thinks
that her class can outread you,
93
00:03:56,015 --> 00:03:59,317
but that ain't gonna happen.
So what time is it?
94
00:03:59,352 --> 00:04:01,086
Game time!
95
00:04:01,121 --> 00:04:03,221
That's right. Deja, Levi, Bryana,
96
00:04:03,256 --> 00:04:05,523
come on up here for a second.
97
00:04:05,559 --> 00:04:07,225
Alright, listen up.
98
00:04:07,260 --> 00:04:08,759
You three are very strong readers,
99
00:04:08,795 --> 00:04:11,262
so I'm gonna need a lot of
pages from you. Can you handle it?
100
00:04:11,298 --> 00:04:12,729
We got this, Ms. Schemmenti.
101
00:04:12,764 --> 00:04:14,231
Alright! That's my girl.
102
00:04:14,266 --> 00:04:15,765
Go get 'em, kids.
103
00:04:15,801 --> 00:04:18,102
I'm gonna read more books than anyone.
104
00:04:18,137 --> 00:04:20,904
Yeah, right.
105
00:04:20,939 --> 00:04:23,207
Levi, Mya's gonna do her best, alright?
106
00:04:23,242 --> 00:04:25,041
Just like everybody else.
107
00:04:25,077 --> 00:04:26,510
Mya's a great student.
108
00:04:26,545 --> 00:04:29,746
Just when it comes to reading...
109
00:04:29,781 --> 00:04:34,585
Hey, kids, like adults, all have
their strengths and weaknesses.
110
00:04:34,620 --> 00:04:37,254
As in, you know,
Janine's got lots of weaknesses,
111
00:04:37,289 --> 00:04:40,023
and my strength is exploiting them.
112
00:04:40,058 --> 00:04:44,294
Clarence, Raheem, it is an honor
to embark with you
113
00:04:44,330 --> 00:04:47,131
on the inaugural voyage
of "This Abbott Life."
114
00:04:47,166 --> 00:04:49,099
Producer Gregory and I... Mr. Eddie.
115
00:04:49,135 --> 00:04:52,736
We understand that the world
needs your stories,
116
00:04:52,771 --> 00:04:56,039
and this podcast is going to be a window
117
00:04:56,074 --> 00:04:57,941
into the very soul of Abbott.
118
00:04:57,976 --> 00:05:01,444
Soft, inviting intros,
rhetorical questions
119
00:05:01,479 --> 00:05:05,148
dripping with pregnant pauses,
the Ira Glass model.
120
00:05:05,183 --> 00:05:07,283
What type of pauses?
121
00:05:07,318 --> 00:05:08,451
What's an Ira Glass?
122
00:05:08,486 --> 00:05:11,054
Ira Glass? The godfather of podcasting,
123
00:05:11,089 --> 00:05:12,122
the podfather?
124
00:05:12,157 --> 00:05:13,757
Oh, you mean Joe Budden.
125
00:05:13,792 --> 00:05:15,725
Well, I-I think he pronounces it Biden,
126
00:05:15,761 --> 00:05:18,394
but we will work on diction
when the mics are hot.
127
00:05:18,429 --> 00:05:21,464
You've never heard of Joe Budden? Here.
128
00:05:27,773 --> 00:05:29,305
Whoa! Okay.
129
00:05:30,709 --> 00:05:32,608
I'm not sure how Mr. Budden's mother
130
00:05:32,644 --> 00:05:34,911
would feel about that podcast.
131
00:05:34,946 --> 00:05:38,314
Anyways, here is something
to go off of for Episode 1.
132
00:05:38,349 --> 00:05:40,349
But, you know, make it your own.
133
00:05:40,385 --> 00:05:43,319
Wherever the story takes you, go there.
134
00:05:43,354 --> 00:05:45,854
Y'all be careful.
That equipment ain't cheap.
135
00:05:45,890 --> 00:05:48,491
You think just anybody
can start a podcast? Please!
136
00:05:48,526 --> 00:05:50,626
Oh, you haven't heard
of the Coleman Podcast Network?
137
00:05:50,662 --> 00:05:53,296
It's a couple of "Housewife"
recaps, "Banana Mouth,"
138
00:05:53,331 --> 00:05:56,666
my screenwriting-advice podcast,
"Catch These Fade Ins,"
139
00:05:56,701 --> 00:05:59,535
not to mention my ASMR endeavors.
140
00:05:59,571 --> 00:06:02,037
But Spotify made me take those down.
141
00:06:05,176 --> 00:06:07,343
I'm telling you, Barb,
I've never had a class
142
00:06:07,378 --> 00:06:09,645
make this much
reading progress this fast.
143
00:06:09,681 --> 00:06:12,315
We're riding that Magic
School Bus straight to victory.
144
00:06:12,350 --> 00:06:14,383
I never cared for that Ms. Frizzle.
145
00:06:14,419 --> 00:06:16,051
Always wearing those kooky outfits,
146
00:06:16,087 --> 00:06:18,954
and that overzealous, can-do attitude.
147
00:06:18,989 --> 00:06:20,823
You guys talking about the Read-A-Thon?
148
00:06:20,858 --> 00:06:22,324
I am killing it.
149
00:06:22,359 --> 00:06:25,027
Yeah, my kids are behind
a few pages, but not for long.
150
00:06:25,062 --> 00:06:26,628
We are winning it to be in it.
151
00:06:26,663 --> 00:06:28,330
- No, that's not it.
- Mm.
152
00:06:28,365 --> 00:06:31,466
I just think it's cute
how you're still trying, Janine.
153
00:06:31,501 --> 00:06:32,868
You're not gonna catch us.
154
00:06:32,903 --> 00:06:35,670
That Wimpy Kid can't
crank out diaries fast enough.
155
00:06:37,574 --> 00:06:40,308
Whoa. Wait. Nurse Makiah, where
are you going with these three?
156
00:06:40,344 --> 00:06:42,762
They wouldn't stop rubbing
their eyes on the playground.
157
00:06:42,787 --> 00:06:44,787
One of them said they've been
reading this in the bathroom,
158
00:06:44,812 --> 00:06:46,478
then gave the book to the other two.
159
00:06:46,503 --> 00:06:49,136
It's pink eye. It's always pink eye.
160
00:06:49,161 --> 00:06:51,563
Oh, my three strongest readers!
161
00:06:51,588 --> 00:06:52,821
Why?!
162
00:06:52,857 --> 00:06:55,057
You told us to read at all times.
163
00:06:55,092 --> 00:06:56,168
I did. Aw.
164
00:06:56,193 --> 00:06:57,893
Come on. Come on, kids. Let's go.
165
00:06:57,928 --> 00:07:00,004
Hope you feel better, kids.
166
00:07:00,029 --> 00:07:02,651
Ugh! Your pizza's cooked, Schemmenti.
167
00:07:02,676 --> 00:07:05,811
I genuinely do hope your kids
feel better, but you're done.
168
00:07:05,836 --> 00:07:06,903
You know what, Janine?
169
00:07:06,928 --> 00:07:08,780
Oh, oh, oh, oh,
170
00:07:08,805 --> 00:07:10,872
you want to talk
about pink eyes, Janine?
171
00:07:10,907 --> 00:07:13,541
I'm gonna give you a black eye,
ya gabortz.
172
00:07:13,577 --> 00:07:15,577
Yeah. It was
gonna be something like that.
173
00:07:15,612 --> 00:07:16,978
Hmm?
174
00:07:17,748 --> 00:07:19,547
Mm.
175
00:07:27,072 --> 00:07:29,006
Oh, hello.
176
00:07:29,041 --> 00:07:30,708
How long you been sitting there?
177
00:07:30,743 --> 00:07:32,677
I'm standing, and a long time.
178
00:07:32,712 --> 00:07:35,379
Okay, well, you can just wipe
that smirk off your face.
179
00:07:35,415 --> 00:07:37,881
I know plenty of people who
have counted me out before.
180
00:07:37,917 --> 00:07:39,517
Mm-hmm. And while I have absolutely
181
00:07:39,552 --> 00:07:43,387
no way of confirming this,
I'm positive they're all dead.
182
00:07:43,423 --> 00:07:45,122
I hope not.
183
00:07:45,157 --> 00:07:49,527
But, uh, since you're so sure,
how about we raise...
184
00:07:49,562 --> 00:07:52,095
This is in the way.
185
00:07:52,131 --> 00:07:53,564
How about we raise the stakes?
186
00:07:53,599 --> 00:07:55,132
- Oh, okay, a side bet.
- Mm-hmm.
187
00:07:55,167 --> 00:07:56,767
Alright, what are you thinking?
188
00:07:56,803 --> 00:07:59,036
Hmm.
189
00:07:59,071 --> 00:08:00,904
I don't know. I'm confident I'm winning,
190
00:08:00,940 --> 00:08:02,973
but I don't have anything
of value or any money.
191
00:08:03,008 --> 00:08:05,542
Okay, how about we wager
something you can't possibly
192
00:08:05,577 --> 00:08:07,644
put a price on... Dignity?
193
00:08:07,679 --> 00:08:08,707
Oh.
194
00:08:08,732 --> 00:08:11,766
Loser has to streak at the Sixers game.
195
00:08:11,917 --> 00:08:14,584
Yeah. Yep. Mm-hmm.
196
00:08:14,619 --> 00:08:17,087
Definitely, I would do that,
but, also, um,
197
00:08:17,122 --> 00:08:21,725
something else
that could be just as bad is,
198
00:08:21,760 --> 00:08:24,995
loser has to be a guest
on Jacob's podcast.
199
00:08:25,030 --> 00:08:26,230
Equally as humiliating.
200
00:08:26,265 --> 00:08:28,198
Alright. Okay.
201
00:08:29,668 --> 00:08:32,602
Okay, listen up.
Y'all already heard the news.
202
00:08:32,637 --> 00:08:34,937
Levi, Deja, and Bryana have pink eye.
203
00:08:34,973 --> 00:08:37,006
Now, I know they were
leading the charge,
204
00:08:37,041 --> 00:08:39,976
but we are still in this. Right?
205
00:08:40,011 --> 00:08:41,911
We can come back from this setback,
206
00:08:41,946 --> 00:08:45,081
and when we do, it will make
the victory all the sweeter,
207
00:08:45,116 --> 00:08:47,984
because, my little eagles,
these are the moments
208
00:08:48,019 --> 00:08:51,153
that will define the rest of your lives.
209
00:08:51,189 --> 00:08:54,023
You don't want to look back on this week
when you're 35 and think,
210
00:08:54,058 --> 00:08:57,293
"Man, if I had only won
that reading thing."
211
00:08:57,328 --> 00:09:01,197
So, who is gonna step up
and lead this class
212
00:09:01,232 --> 00:09:03,032
to eternal glory?
213
00:09:03,067 --> 00:09:05,167
I'll read the class to eternal glory.
214
00:09:05,203 --> 00:09:06,870
That's right, Mya. Who else?
215
00:09:06,905 --> 00:09:09,138
I guess I can read while I watch TV.
216
00:09:09,173 --> 00:09:11,040
- Yeah.
- If I listen to an audiobook
217
00:09:11,075 --> 00:09:13,009
while I fall asleep, that counts, right?
218
00:09:13,044 --> 00:09:15,878
I don't need to know how you do
it, just get those books read.
219
00:09:15,914 --> 00:09:19,715
Alright, let's go! Crack those books!
220
00:09:19,750 --> 00:09:22,851
A skunk sat on a stump
and thunk the stump stunk.
221
00:09:22,887 --> 00:09:24,120
Stump. Thunk.
222
00:09:24,155 --> 00:09:25,187
- What are you doing?
- I'm checking levels.
223
00:09:25,223 --> 00:09:26,522
Can you hear me?
224
00:09:26,557 --> 00:09:28,857
I really wish I couldn't.
225
00:09:28,893 --> 00:09:31,560
Don't mind me. I'm just here
to make fun of you.
226
00:09:31,595 --> 00:09:32,962
Thank you for the honesty.
227
00:09:32,997 --> 00:09:34,997
Okay. Is everybody good on the theme?
228
00:09:35,033 --> 00:09:36,698
Yep. "Cafeteria Blues."
229
00:09:36,734 --> 00:09:37,967
We got plenty on that.
230
00:09:38,002 --> 00:09:39,335
Well, I knew you would.
231
00:09:39,370 --> 00:09:42,171
Okay, Producer Mr. Eddie,
roll that royalty-free music,
232
00:09:42,206 --> 00:09:44,673
and I will jump into my intro.
233
00:09:47,745 --> 00:09:49,478
Lunchtime can be so polarizing.
234
00:09:49,513 --> 00:09:51,480
For some, it's a well-earned
mid-day break.
235
00:09:51,515 --> 00:09:53,982
For others, a bit more complicated.
236
00:09:54,017 --> 00:09:56,051
In West Philadelphia, I'm Jacob Hill.
237
00:09:56,086 --> 00:09:58,854
Today on "This Abbott Life,"
two of our producers tell us
238
00:09:58,889 --> 00:10:01,924
about those cafeteria
complications firsthand.
239
00:10:01,959 --> 00:10:05,060
- Gentlemen?
- What's up, Mr. C?
240
00:10:05,095 --> 00:10:06,261
Man!
241
00:10:06,296 --> 00:10:08,263
The Abbott cafeteria is a whole movie.
242
00:10:08,298 --> 00:10:11,266
Right.
All the school baddies in one place.
243
00:10:11,301 --> 00:10:13,068
We're talking about the cafeteria,
244
00:10:13,103 --> 00:10:14,837
and you're talking about girls?
245
00:10:14,872 --> 00:10:16,538
Lunchtime's about starting rumors.
246
00:10:16,574 --> 00:10:20,608
Otherwise, the bus ride home
is going to be boring!
247
00:10:20,643 --> 00:10:23,345
Like the rumor that you pee in pools?
248
00:10:23,380 --> 00:10:25,080
Yo, that's a whole lie.
249
00:10:25,115 --> 00:10:26,214
Show some respect.
250
00:10:26,249 --> 00:10:28,616
I'm trying to respect these jawns,
but you're over there blocking me.
251
00:10:28,651 --> 00:10:31,786
Okay, alright.
Um, yeah, good, uh, energy,
252
00:10:31,821 --> 00:10:33,955
but maybe rein it in a tad.
253
00:10:33,991 --> 00:10:37,125
Remember, this is about
journalistic storytelling, okay?
254
00:10:37,160 --> 00:10:38,193
There's no need to argue.
255
00:10:38,228 --> 00:10:41,963
This is what podcasts are about.
We're just being ourselves.
256
00:10:41,999 --> 00:10:44,199
Yeah, I checked out
some of those podcasts
257
00:10:44,234 --> 00:10:45,900
you were telling us about.
258
00:10:45,935 --> 00:10:47,302
It's like listening to school.
259
00:10:47,337 --> 00:10:48,603
Don't waste your time.
260
00:10:48,645 --> 00:10:50,879
Those nerds speak like
a bow tie came to life.
261
00:10:50,907 --> 00:10:53,441
Well, we all know that
Michael Barbaro milks it a bit.
262
00:10:53,477 --> 00:10:55,643
But you have to master
the fundamentals of podcasting
263
00:10:55,678 --> 00:10:59,046
before you can break them,
right, Producer Mr. Eddie?
264
00:10:59,081 --> 00:11:00,447
Oh, I wasn't listening.
265
00:11:00,483 --> 00:11:01,882
But please don't feel
the need to repeat yourself.
266
00:11:01,917 --> 00:11:03,817
Can I at least tell the story
about that one time
267
00:11:03,844 --> 00:11:04,977
when I was spitting game to Emily?
268
00:11:05,021 --> 00:11:06,487
No, no. Sorry. That would be...
269
00:11:06,522 --> 00:11:08,088
Jacob, let that boy speak.
270
00:11:08,124 --> 00:11:10,891
Emily is top-10 popular,
and I need that tea.
271
00:11:10,926 --> 00:11:12,226
Come on, let's get it.
272
00:11:15,422 --> 00:11:17,631
Ooh, look, look, look, look! Hello.
273
00:11:17,666 --> 00:11:20,167
Okay. According to this chart, Janine,
274
00:11:20,202 --> 00:11:22,169
my class is way ahead of yours.
275
00:11:22,204 --> 00:11:23,670
Let me get this straight.
276
00:11:23,705 --> 00:11:26,173
Three of your best readers
go down with pink eye.
277
00:11:26,208 --> 00:11:28,409
And, yet, somehow, your class starts
278
00:11:28,444 --> 00:11:30,743
reading more books than everyone?
279
00:11:30,778 --> 00:11:33,312
Yeah, 'cause I give one hell
of an inspiring speech.
280
00:11:33,348 --> 00:11:37,316
You know, we Schemmentis pride ourselves
on our art of coercion.
281
00:11:37,352 --> 00:11:38,360
Motivation.
282
00:11:38,385 --> 00:11:40,051
You know, if it wasn't for
one of Melissa's speeches,
283
00:11:40,076 --> 00:11:41,964
I never would have watched
"The King's Speech."
284
00:11:41,989 --> 00:11:43,189
- Mm-hmm.
- But I tell you what.
285
00:11:43,224 --> 00:11:47,260
That Colin Powell sure can act. Mm!
286
00:11:47,295 --> 00:11:50,263
Yeah, well, speech or no speech,
something is off.
287
00:11:50,298 --> 00:11:52,198
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
288
00:11:52,233 --> 00:11:54,867
Are you accusing me
of cheating, Teagues?
289
00:11:54,902 --> 00:11:55,959
Uh, yeah.
290
00:11:55,984 --> 00:11:58,214
Only because you brag
about cheating all the time.
291
00:11:59,340 --> 00:12:00,473
Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!
292
00:12:00,508 --> 00:12:04,776
Now, now, Melissa does cheat
from time to time.
293
00:12:04,811 --> 00:12:06,311
Yeah, my first boyfriend.
294
00:12:06,346 --> 00:12:07,946
My... My second boyfriend.
295
00:12:07,981 --> 00:12:09,847
Keto diet 'cause
I ain't giving up carbs.
296
00:12:09,883 --> 00:12:12,551
But she would never cheat
on an actual competition.
297
00:12:12,586 --> 00:12:15,187
Yeah. What am I,
the USC athletic director?
298
00:12:15,222 --> 00:12:16,688
Okay, fine. You know what?
299
00:12:16,723 --> 00:12:18,890
I'm gonna go right now and check
my readers' reports
300
00:12:18,925 --> 00:12:20,342
just to make sure
we're on the level, alright?
301
00:12:20,367 --> 00:12:23,068
Look, listen, all I'm saying is,
I just want things to be fair.
302
00:12:23,093 --> 00:12:26,460
And I bet when you watch sports,
you root for the refs.
303
00:12:27,934 --> 00:12:29,367
- I do.
- You do?
304
00:12:29,403 --> 00:12:31,369
- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.
305
00:12:35,842 --> 00:12:39,711
Mya, could you bring that book
up to my desk, please?
306
00:12:39,737 --> 00:12:42,838
Great. What you reading, hon?
307
00:12:43,038 --> 00:12:47,007
"Rip Van Wi..."
308
00:12:47,386 --> 00:12:48,719
That's okay. That's a hard one.
309
00:12:48,754 --> 00:12:51,855
"Rip Van Winkle." How is it?
310
00:12:51,890 --> 00:12:54,024
It's good? Yeah?
311
00:12:54,059 --> 00:12:55,892
So, on this form your parents signed,
312
00:12:55,928 --> 00:12:59,062
it says that you read
like 25 books last night.
313
00:12:59,098 --> 00:13:01,499
I'm just checking... Is that the
number you meant to put down?
314
00:13:01,534 --> 00:13:04,401
Yes. I want to help the class
kick Ms. Teagues' butt.
315
00:13:04,437 --> 00:13:06,604
Yeah, you are.
316
00:13:06,639 --> 00:13:07,905
You sure are.
317
00:13:07,930 --> 00:13:11,384
Um, so, you said you, um,
read like 10 of those
318
00:13:11,409 --> 00:13:12,908
"Berenstain Bears" books.
319
00:13:12,944 --> 00:13:15,445
Just remind me, what's the name
of the sister bear again?
320
00:13:15,480 --> 00:13:17,880
Mm, Beyoncé?
321
00:13:20,120 --> 00:13:22,721
Hey! Here they are.
322
00:13:22,746 --> 00:13:26,614
The hosts of Abbott Elementary's
number-one podcast.
323
00:13:26,639 --> 00:13:28,472
What'd you think of
that first ep I dropped?
324
00:13:28,568 --> 00:13:29,667
Droll, right?
325
00:13:29,692 --> 00:13:31,192
This episode blows.
326
00:13:33,919 --> 00:13:35,009
Sorry.
327
00:13:35,034 --> 00:13:36,300
Whoa, what do you mean?
328
00:13:36,325 --> 00:13:38,158
You ruined our episode.
329
00:13:38,183 --> 00:13:41,051
The cafeteria staff say
negotiations with the district
330
00:13:41,076 --> 00:13:42,309
come down to one thing.
331
00:13:42,334 --> 00:13:44,567
- Respect.
- Respect.
332
00:13:44,592 --> 00:13:46,926
Respect. Chapter 3.
333
00:13:46,951 --> 00:13:49,051
The popular-kids' table
can be a daunting...
334
00:13:50,301 --> 00:13:52,334
This isn't what we recorded.
335
00:13:52,468 --> 00:13:53,566
This is your script.
336
00:13:53,591 --> 00:13:55,090
Producer Gregory and I thought...
337
00:13:55,115 --> 00:13:56,715
Uh, Mr. Eddie had nothing
to do with this.
338
00:13:56,740 --> 00:14:00,976
Okay, I thought that a more
school-appropriate version
339
00:14:01,001 --> 00:14:04,202
would be more appropriate for school.
340
00:14:04,227 --> 00:14:06,260
And, look, there's a learning
curve here, you know?
341
00:14:06,285 --> 00:14:08,519
- We are all...
- You censored us.
342
00:14:08,544 --> 00:14:10,845
Okay, do not say that.
343
00:14:10,870 --> 00:14:12,603
This isn't what we signed up for.
344
00:14:12,628 --> 00:14:15,920
Yeah, man. We quit.
345
00:14:15,945 --> 00:14:17,411
I was really excited for this, too.
346
00:14:17,709 --> 00:14:20,308
Um...
347
00:14:20,343 --> 00:14:22,010
Do we still get paid for the club
348
00:14:22,045 --> 00:14:24,793
if there are no students in the club?
349
00:14:24,818 --> 00:14:26,284
No.
350
00:14:33,398 --> 00:14:37,223
Hi, Mr. and Mrs. Okafor.
Hey. Come... Come sit down.
351
00:14:37,248 --> 00:14:39,982
Hey, Mya, why don't you go read
one of those books I put out.
352
00:14:40,027 --> 00:14:41,994
How about I read all the books?
353
00:14:42,029 --> 00:14:43,362
Okay.
354
00:14:43,397 --> 00:14:46,398
Listen, I just wanted to check
in with you guys about Mya.
355
00:14:46,434 --> 00:14:48,267
Is something wrong? Is she okay?
356
00:14:48,302 --> 00:14:49,400
Oh, no, no.
357
00:14:49,425 --> 00:14:51,203
She's fantastic. Are you kidding?
358
00:14:51,238 --> 00:14:54,273
She's got her math down to a science
and her science down to an art.
359
00:14:54,308 --> 00:14:57,042
Hey!
360
00:14:57,078 --> 00:15:00,245
Um, yeah, okay, so, the thing is
that she brought in her
361
00:15:00,281 --> 00:15:03,782
Read-A-Thon list this morning
that you guys signed off on.
362
00:15:03,817 --> 00:15:05,617
And I just don't see how it's possible
363
00:15:05,652 --> 00:15:08,187
she read all these books
just last night.
364
00:15:08,222 --> 00:15:10,055
Of course she did.
365
00:15:10,091 --> 00:15:12,124
Listen, she's fantastic,
366
00:15:12,159 --> 00:15:16,095
but none of the kids in the class
can read 25 books in one night.
367
00:15:16,130 --> 00:15:18,964
- She's still a fine reader.
- Okay.
368
00:15:19,000 --> 00:15:23,369
Mya, who is your favorite
character in "Curious George"?
369
00:15:23,404 --> 00:15:27,138
Um, George?
370
00:15:27,173 --> 00:15:28,640
- See?
- Here's the thing.
371
00:15:28,675 --> 00:15:32,210
Mya is just starting to show
some initial signs
372
00:15:32,245 --> 00:15:34,078
of struggling with reading.
373
00:15:34,114 --> 00:15:37,983
And the last thing that I want
is for her to get frustrated
374
00:15:38,018 --> 00:15:41,486
and then, you know, get annoyed
and give up on reading altogether.
375
00:15:41,522 --> 00:15:44,455
So I just thought, if we get her tested,
376
00:15:44,491 --> 00:15:46,491
we can eliminate any issues
she might have with reading...
377
00:15:46,527 --> 00:15:48,793
- Mnh-mnh-mnh.
- Mya doesn't need some tests.
378
00:15:48,829 --> 00:15:51,162
I know that the idea
of testing your child
379
00:15:51,197 --> 00:15:52,330
can be a little scary,
380
00:15:52,365 --> 00:15:54,933
but, listen, we just don't
want her to fall behind.
381
00:15:54,968 --> 00:15:56,334
There is nothing wrong with her.
382
00:15:56,369 --> 00:15:57,602
Oh, no, no, no.
383
00:15:57,638 --> 00:15:59,804
Mr. and Mrs. Okafor, I never
said she was falling behind.
384
00:15:59,840 --> 00:16:01,272
There's nothing wrong with her.
385
00:16:01,307 --> 00:16:02,507
- She's a fantastic student.
- Mya, let's go.
386
00:16:02,542 --> 00:16:05,309
She just needs a little extra
help just in the reading.
387
00:16:05,345 --> 00:16:06,810
Mr. and Mrs. Okafor.
388
00:16:06,846 --> 00:16:10,614
I just finished four more books,
Ms. Schemmenti.
389
00:16:10,650 --> 00:16:12,216
Four.
390
00:16:18,019 --> 00:16:21,135
Okay, guys, after re-running
the numbers,
391
00:16:21,160 --> 00:16:24,354
it appears that Ms. Teagues'
class read more books than us.
392
00:16:24,379 --> 00:16:27,379
Yeah, no, no. Don't get it twisted.
393
00:16:27,414 --> 00:16:28,441
Let's think about it.
394
00:16:28,481 --> 00:16:30,993
If you're in Ms. Teagues' class,
are you really a winner?
395
00:16:31,018 --> 00:16:32,484
Alright, don't repeat that.
396
00:16:32,519 --> 00:16:34,185
I just wanted to let you chipmunks know
397
00:16:34,221 --> 00:16:36,388
how proud I am of you,
all the books you read.
398
00:16:36,423 --> 00:16:38,689
And when you walk out of this classroom,
399
00:16:38,725 --> 00:16:41,726
you keep your heads held high,
'cause, at the end of the day,
400
00:16:41,761 --> 00:16:45,196
all that really matters is,
everyone's eating pizza.
401
00:16:45,232 --> 00:16:46,731
- Ms. Schemmenti?
- Yes?
402
00:16:46,766 --> 00:16:49,867
I really tried to help our class
read the most books,
403
00:16:49,903 --> 00:16:52,137
but can I be done with books now?
404
00:16:52,172 --> 00:16:54,039
I mean, the contest is over, right?
405
00:16:56,776 --> 00:16:59,077
Yeah, actually, Mya, can I get your help
406
00:16:59,112 --> 00:17:00,956
with something in the hall real quick?
407
00:17:00,981 --> 00:17:03,081
Great. You guys keep eating your pizza.
408
00:17:03,106 --> 00:17:04,238
Okay.
409
00:17:04,263 --> 00:17:07,164
So, Mya, I-I want to ask you something,
410
00:17:07,189 --> 00:17:10,231
and I want you to be honest
with me, okay?
411
00:17:10,256 --> 00:17:12,423
'Cause, remember, it's me,
Ms. Schemmenti.
412
00:17:12,458 --> 00:17:15,526
Remember when we trekked
through that snowstorm together?
413
00:17:15,562 --> 00:17:17,161
Stomp, stomp, stomp!
414
00:17:17,196 --> 00:17:19,329
Abominable! Abominable!
415
00:17:19,365 --> 00:17:20,456
Yeah.
416
00:17:20,481 --> 00:17:25,449
Um, can reading feel just, like,
a little tough sometimes?
417
00:17:25,474 --> 00:17:27,886
- A lot of tough.
- Oh, yeah.
418
00:17:27,911 --> 00:17:30,278
You know what? For me, too.
419
00:17:30,476 --> 00:17:32,376
- Really?
- Yeah, yeah.
420
00:17:32,411 --> 00:17:35,345
But I found some tricks over the years
421
00:17:35,381 --> 00:17:36,658
to help make it easier.
422
00:17:36,683 --> 00:17:38,355
Like, look.
423
00:17:38,397 --> 00:17:41,365
You see the beginning of each
of the words is highlighted?
424
00:17:41,390 --> 00:17:44,324
That helps make sense out of
the whole word "minestrone."
425
00:17:44,349 --> 00:17:47,783
See, the story's about
a little girl who, um,
426
00:17:47,808 --> 00:17:51,410
had to read things a few times
till they made sense.
427
00:17:51,435 --> 00:17:54,936
And, sometimes, some of the other kids
would make fun of her.
428
00:17:54,961 --> 00:17:57,127
But at the end, she figures out
429
00:17:57,152 --> 00:17:59,986
that it doesn't matter
how fast or slow you read.
430
00:18:00,011 --> 00:18:02,145
Reading's about having fun.
431
00:18:02,170 --> 00:18:06,739
See, my teacher gave this to me
when I was a little girl,
432
00:18:06,764 --> 00:18:08,531
just about your age,
433
00:18:08,556 --> 00:18:12,591
and I promise you,
I grew up to love reading.
434
00:18:15,481 --> 00:18:17,247
- Ms. Schemmenti?
- Yeah, hon?
435
00:18:17,272 --> 00:18:19,306
I still wish we would have won.
436
00:18:19,331 --> 00:18:22,299
Yeah, me, too, kiddo, but,
you know, what are you gonna do?
437
00:18:22,324 --> 00:18:23,336
The rules are the rules.
438
00:18:23,361 --> 00:18:24,661
Rules stink.
439
00:18:24,696 --> 00:18:27,764
Yeah, they do. Go have some pizza.
440
00:18:34,183 --> 00:18:36,199
What happened to
your little podcast club?
441
00:18:36,224 --> 00:18:38,024
Oh.
442
00:18:38,049 --> 00:18:39,816
Kids decided they didn't want
to do it anymore.
443
00:18:39,841 --> 00:18:40,917
Yeah, I don't blame them.
444
00:18:40,942 --> 00:18:42,674
I almost fell asleep listening
to the first episode.
445
00:18:42,699 --> 00:18:46,515
And I was driving.
Your podcast could have killed me.
446
00:18:46,550 --> 00:18:49,652
I just wanted to give the kids
something new
447
00:18:49,687 --> 00:18:51,153
and exciting to do, you know?
448
00:18:51,188 --> 00:18:52,886
New and exciting for them or for you?
449
00:18:52,911 --> 00:18:54,143
'Cause it sounds like you
were trying to force them
450
00:18:54,168 --> 00:18:56,730
to do something that you want to do.
451
00:18:56,755 --> 00:18:58,954
You're a bad teacher.
452
00:18:58,979 --> 00:19:00,746
Oh, my God.
453
00:19:00,771 --> 00:19:02,804
I've had this exact nightmare before.
454
00:19:02,829 --> 00:19:04,371
Yeah, people tell me that a lot.
455
00:19:04,396 --> 00:19:06,136
I call it "Ava vu."
456
00:19:06,161 --> 00:19:07,183
Now get out of here.
457
00:19:07,208 --> 00:19:08,354
There's a new episode of "Below Deck"
458
00:19:08,379 --> 00:19:10,166
that I got to review for my podcast,
459
00:19:10,191 --> 00:19:13,059
"Small Deck Energy."
460
00:19:13,084 --> 00:19:14,951
I wanted to be like Sarah Koenig,
461
00:19:14,976 --> 00:19:19,111
you know, a graceful hand to
hold through gripping stories.
462
00:19:19,136 --> 00:19:21,102
And, instead, I tried to force my agenda
463
00:19:21,127 --> 00:19:23,127
onto impressionable listeners.
464
00:19:25,401 --> 00:19:26,834
I Rogan'd.
465
00:19:27,842 --> 00:19:30,543
Melissa, I'm sorry you lost.
466
00:19:30,812 --> 00:19:33,312
What do you think Jacob's gonna
ask you on that podcast?
467
00:19:33,472 --> 00:19:35,406
Oh, I'm not doing that crap.
468
00:19:38,780 --> 00:19:40,527
See that?
469
00:19:40,552 --> 00:19:43,160
I'm like a tall Simone Biles.
470
00:19:43,185 --> 00:19:46,319
Times like these, I'm reminded
of Sir LeVar Burton,
471
00:19:46,344 --> 00:19:49,745
who taught us that reading
is like a rainbow,
472
00:19:49,770 --> 00:19:52,637
and the pot of gold is that I won.
473
00:19:52,662 --> 00:19:54,662
You know, Janine, I re-read the rules
474
00:19:54,687 --> 00:19:56,920
that Dough Nuts prints out
on their form.
475
00:19:56,945 --> 00:19:59,754
Um, you know, sometimes,
it takes me reading through things
476
00:19:59,789 --> 00:20:02,066
a couple of times
before I get everything.
477
00:20:02,091 --> 00:20:04,168
"The winning teacher is determined
478
00:20:04,193 --> 00:20:07,228
by whichever classroom
reads the most books."
479
00:20:07,253 --> 00:20:09,320
And since my
second-and-third-grade class
480
00:20:09,345 --> 00:20:12,212
are in one room, the classroom,
481
00:20:12,237 --> 00:20:14,003
I get to add their totals together,
482
00:20:14,028 --> 00:20:18,130
which, unfortunately for you,
means I won.
483
00:20:18,155 --> 00:20:19,933
Dough Nuts said whats?
484
00:20:26,343 --> 00:20:28,211
- I'm glad to be back, Mr. C.
- Yeah.
485
00:20:28,236 --> 00:20:30,479
Thanks for letting us make it our own.
486
00:20:30,504 --> 00:20:34,940
For "This Abbott Life,"
here's Clarence and Raheem.
487
00:20:34,975 --> 00:20:38,376
So, what questions do you little
reporters have for me today?
488
00:20:38,411 --> 00:20:41,314
My mama said she saw you
at the club grindin'
489
00:20:41,339 --> 00:20:44,815
all up on Producer Mr. Eddie.
490
00:20:44,851 --> 00:20:46,149
- Oh, uh...
- Uh...
491
00:20:46,185 --> 00:20:47,250
What kind of podcast is this?
492
00:20:47,286 --> 00:20:49,252
Okay, so you were grinding.
493
00:20:49,288 --> 00:20:50,955
No. No, no, no, no, no. I was not...
494
00:20:50,990 --> 00:20:54,224
We were dancing, you know, just
how normal people dance, right?
495
00:20:54,259 --> 00:20:55,926
- Like normal people.
- Yeah.
496
00:20:55,962 --> 00:20:57,988
Clarence's mom said
she saw you leave together.
497
00:20:58,013 --> 00:20:59,062
What?! That is not true.
498
00:20:59,098 --> 00:21:00,397
Hmm. Then what happened?
499
00:21:00,432 --> 00:21:02,466
I was outside talking
to his friend Maurice.
500
00:21:02,502 --> 00:21:04,001
What?
501
00:21:04,036 --> 00:21:06,636
Uh, Jacob, isn't this exactly
the kind of podcast
502
00:21:06,671 --> 00:21:09,006
you wanted to steer away from?
503
00:21:09,041 --> 00:21:11,408
Actually, I would love to hear,
if you have anything you'd like to add.
504
00:21:11,443 --> 00:21:13,943
You know, for journalistic purposes.
505
00:21:16,348 --> 00:21:19,016
This episode was brought to you
by the Coleman Podcast Network.
506
00:21:19,051 --> 00:21:20,750
Yeah, we're still waiting
for that answer.
507
00:21:22,527 --> 00:21:26,527
- Synced and corrected by synk -
- www.addic7ed.com -
38922
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