All language subtitles for 2 Broke Girls s04e22 Disappointing Unit

Girls, I need your attention.

You also need a booster seat
for most places.

No, I came out to tell you
some big news.

You also came out when you wore
that sweater to work today.

John Mayer wore this sweater
in Details.

Tonight, we are trying
family-style service.

I thought family-style service

was what I had to do
with my uncle.

Well, my family-style is more potluck.

Heavy on the pot,
not so heavy on the luck.

Why would a family come here?

If I see a child in here,
I'm calling the police.

It's like seeing a dog locked
in a hot car.

Chicken cacciatore, family-style.

Liver and onions, family-style.

Spaghetti and meatballs,
my family-style,

which means
the balls are kind of small

but the noodles are extra-long.

You bring out the food in large bowls

and the customers
serve themselves,

as they've been doing
since I hired you two.

Good idea, Han.

The diner food does belong
in a big bowl, the toilet bowl.

I don't know
what your uncle saw in you.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYS)

(CASH REGISTER RINGS)

Max, I just found something
very upsetting on my phone.

Another free U2 album?

Worse.

And worse than an e-vite
to a friend's improv show.

It's an e-mail
from the managing director

of all The High restaurants
saying he's seen our sales

and is disappointed
with my performance.

Duh-lete. Like I do

with all the "Disappointed
in your performance" texts

I get from guys after sex.

Sorry, gents.

My boobs make a promise
my bad back can't deliver.

Those bad sales numbers
are not our fault.

Our unit's out at the airport.

Well, I'm not taking ownership of this

because my unit is not at the airport.

It's in my bed table drawer.

I'm the manager.
It's on me.

As is this tartar stain.
It just refuses to come out.

You'd think its parents were Baptist.

Well, Manager, I need to get out
of there early tomorrow

to do Sophie's wedding cake.

And also because you're annoying
as a boss.

Hey, everybody.

(SINGS)
Me, me, me, me

Me, me, me, me

I love being a bride.

You don't even have to pretend
it's about anyone else.

Kind of like me, when I was rich.

Pretty much every single day still.

Good news, bad news.

The good news is the rash
is not spreading past my nuts.

And that's the good news.

Bad news,
the wedding donkey we booked

for the church service, died.

I'll ask the obvious question.

Did it have anything to do
with the rash?

I mean, what are we gonna do?

It's not a traditional
Polish wedding

without an ass
walking down the aisle.

I think Oleg's got that covered.

Girls, we need an ass,
you have a horse,

same family, but not related,
like the Jolie-Pitt kids.

No way.
Chestnut is my baby.

Well, the donkey was getting
a thousand bucks.

Baby's gotta work.

Wow, business is slower than the
third season of House of Cards.

You know
what's doing great business?

It's my new Grindr profile.

Changed my screen name
to "Suction Junction."

That damn Cinnabon next door
is taking all our business.

What kind of low lives
would prefer those

to these fine desserts?

I found a secret pathway
to the Cinnabon kitchen.

Move, bitch.

Really? You too?
I just don't get it.

It's an acquired taste,
like crystal meth.

-(CELL PHONE CHIMES)
-Oh.

Great.
My waiter's gonna be late again.

"Held up at the TSA line."

That's what I get
for hiring an airport waiter

named
Mohammed Machdinajihad.

Oh, look, Ronnie,
a new place.

I see it, Bonnie,
I'm right next to you.

Didn't this used to be the bar
we got wasted in

before our flights?

I can't remember.
I was wasted.

Welcome to The High.

The finest
in high quality desserts.

We also have yogurts,
cappuccinos,

lattes, coffee, herb teas
or smart waters.

And did I mention
we're a Boingo Hotspot?

Take it down a notch.

You're selling it harder
than Anne Hathaway

on The Tonight Show.

Oh, hi, I'm not here to buy,
just to look.

On a diet since 1998.

Oh, dear lord,
those look amazing.

-Can I just smell a piece?
-Bonnie, don't.

It'll get you going
and then halfway to Paris,

I'll find you in coach binging
on a bag of Sun Chips.

That's my favorite thing
about the job.

Oh, Paris reminds me.

I bought two first class tickets
to Paris on three credit cards

that will escalate
20 percent over six years.

Anyway,
I really need to return them.

What's the window on that
with your airline?

A month, about the same amount
of time I have

until this fake smile
finally falls off my face.

Lady, we're flight attendants.

If that smile falls off
your face,

you're gonna have to get a job
at Southwest.

So why are you returning them?
You don't like Paris?

J'adore Paris,
but long story short--

I'll make it short
because she's incapable

and will throw in lots more
of that fake French.

Bought the tickets
so that I could get to the gate

to see a guy I was banging.

I hear you.

I once hid in the luggage cart
for 12 hours

to do it with this cute guy
who works at Customs here.

Oh, right. Rick.
What's he doing now?

Me, every third Tuesday.

Don't leave me hanging, ladies.

If we hadn't just read
Lean In in our wine club,

I mean, book club,

we'd be real jealous
of you gals.

We always had a dream
to open a shop at the airport.

Well, whatever it is,
just don't open near a Cinnabon

because failure smells
a hell of a lot like cinnamon.

WOMAN: (ON P.A.) Final boarding
call for flight 24 to Paris.

Final boarding call.

"Final boarding call"?
We better hurry.

(HUMS)

Wow. Everything looks
so much smaller in here

than I remembered it.

Like returning
to your old high school

or your old
high school boyfriend's penis.

Not mine.
I went to an urban high school.

What's that weird smell?

Probably that milk.

It's been in here so long,
its own photo was on the carton.

No, it's over here.
Really pungent.

Yes!

Hmm... I might
owe you two some rent.

Unless you wanna settle in weed.

I always wanna settle in weed.
In fact, I plan to retire there.

Marijuana's in the closet?

This is more shocking
than Meredith Baxter-Birney.

Look, I figured since you two
abandoned the cupcake shop,

this space was available.

Also, I stopped asking
permission for stuff

when I turned 70.

We did not abandon it.

We just haven't paid attention
to it in three months,

like me with any hair
above my mid-thigh.

Tell me about it.

When you bend over
in that skirt,

it looks like you're giving
birth to Art Garfunkel.

Me, me, me, me

Me, me, me

Oh, good. Earl, you're here.

Yes, I am.
Don't tell any of my ex-wives.

Earl, would you do me the honor

and walk me
down the aisle tomorrow night?

Sophie, sorry.

I didn't know
your father was dead.

Did he die upon meeting Oleg?

Oh, he's not dead

but I'm not getting upstaged
by an iron lung.

Well, Earl, how could you say no
to such a heartfelt request?

I'd be honored, Sophie.

Like the wedding saying goes,
"Something old, something new,

something borrowed
and someone black."

Oh, Caroline, look.

Here are the pink ribbons
for Chestnut.

Chestnut has to be covered
in girly ribbons?

I can't do that to my boy.

I'll throw in another $50.

I guess there's a reason "horse"
sounds so much like "whore."

Now, we're all gonna leave
for the church at 6:00,

but I told Earl 4:00,
because, well, you know.

(RESUMES HUMMING)

What's happening over there?
Max, you're humming.

(SCOFFS) What?

(LAUGHS) Please,
I am not a hummer.

I mean, I'll drive in them,
I'll give them but I am not one.

(RESUMES HUMMING)

Oh, my God, I am humming.
What's wrong with me?

What am I gonna do next, smile?

That's right.
Today's special promotion,

in and out in five minutes
or your dessert is half off.

Eat it, Cinnabon!

Pear tart and a coffee.
Come on, I'm on a clock here!

Who had the damn pear tart
and a coffee?

Max, hurry.
Five minutes, in and out.

Yeah, the one thing
you don't have to explain to me

is "in and out."

I need help.
I never said I was fast.

All my high school guidance
counselors did, but I did not.

I'll go get John off break

because my waiter
still isn't here.

This whole Middle East situation

is just so inconvenient
for me.

Okay.
Now, we have a real situation.

You hit someone.
Damn it, Max!

It's not about me.
It's Sophie.

Her gown arrived from Poland

and it's stuck in customs
out here.

SOPHIE: My gown!
My beautiful gown!

Oh, my God! My gown!

Wow, she is really upset.

Really upset, because this
isn't even on speaker.

Yes, it's awful,
but look on the bright side.

Our certain-to-be-hideous
bridesmaids dresses

are stuck in customs too.

No, those arrived.

Damn it!

First, it's the Middle East,
now those dresses.

I cannot catch a break.

Wow, this place is packed.

Remember us?
Bonnie and Ronnie?

We knew you when.

Hey, wait, Ronnie,
didn't you say

that you boned a guy in customs?

That was Bonnie.
I have standards

and he didn't like me.

To be clear, I did have sex
with the customs guy,

but not in customs.

It was in one
of those family bathrooms.

Look, is there any way
you could help us

get a package out of customs?

Wait. What bra am I wearing?
Oh, done.

John, we're leaving.
You're in charge.

Max.
We can't leave right now.

The wedding's not until tonight

and we're in the middle
of a store promotion

and we're losing.

You know I'm gonna kill you,
right?

I just have to figure out how.

Top contender is hooking
your necklace on the front gate

and pushing up.

We'll stay as late as possible.

Just pick up Sophie's dress box
and hop on the subway.

Easy peasy.

MAN: (ON P.A.)
Watch the closing doors, please.

Why is nothing easy peasy?

MAN: (ON P.A.)
Watch the closing doors, please.

I am watching the doors!

It's hard not to!
They're about to eat my box!

-(MAN LAUGHS)
-(IMITATES LAUGH)

Yeah, real funny, sir.

A girl said, "Eat my box."
Grow up.

Jeez.
How could a dress be this big?

This is just the veil.

I have to get something out
of my bag.

Hold this by yourself
for a second.

(GROANING)

I can't find it.
Here, take this.

-What is this?
-A hundred dollars in change.

We need it for the wedding.
It's a Polish custom

to throw change at the bride.

Loose change?
Live animals?

Is this a wedding
or a cock fight?

Max, this is heavy.

What do you have to get
out of your bag?

-Something important.
-What is it?

The rest of my Cinnabon.

Max, that's our competition.

The reason for our failure
is that piece of crap.

I mean, I ca--

Oh, my God, this is delicious.

No!
Max, he's got the money bag!

No! No! No, no, no!

That is our Polish bride money!

Back off!

This is not the day
to screw with me.

I'm at the business bottom

and I've had nothing to lose
since 2011!

Queen's Plaza.

Yup.
That's what would happen next.

What's the hold-up back there?

People are placing bets
that I'm halfway to Reno

with a hooker
and the wedding cash.

Relax. After that subway,

Max and Caroline needed
some time to freshen up.

They came smelling
like that diner cheese

I tell you all is still good.

Hey, everybody.

We look just like Sophie.
I am so relieved.

I thought I'd be way overdressed
but I'm just under-boobed.

Yeah, we were in a hurry

or I would have loaned her
a cup of mine.

All right.

Oleg, stop looking at us
like that.

It's okay.
I'm marrying you.

You guys look like
the Four Tops.

Well, two tops and a bottom.

Oleg, Sophie doesn't want you
to see her.

Jump on Chestnut
and start down the aisle.

And Chestnut, I'm sorry, baby.

I know
you never wanted to do drag.

And, Han,
you're supposed to take this

in case something happens
in the aisle.

This just went from best man
to worst job.

(TRADITIONAL UKRAINIAN
MUSIC PLAYS)

Hi.
What do you think, girls?

Do I look like a virgin?

- (TUBA PLAYS)
-Listen!

I heard the tuba.
That's my cue. Go, girls. Go.

(TRADITIONAL POLISH
MUSIC PLAYS)

Oh, God!

Her dress almost killed us
and now it killed Earl.

(PANTING)

Thanks.
I thought I was a goner.

Time for the vows.

Bring the crowns!

(SINGS)
And crowned is married

With honor

Now...

raise the crowns to their heads.

Better go. This is as good as
it's gonna get without a ladder.

I, Sophie Kachinsky...

take you,
Oleg Golishevsky

to love and to cherish,
to have and to hold,

never to leave your side
'til death comes to take me.

(VOICE CRACKING)
I, Oleg Golishevsky,

take you, Sophie Kachinsky,

to love and to cherish,
to have and to hold,

never to leave your side
'til death comes to take me.

I pronounce you
husband and wife!

Max, now you throw the coins.

Long story.

Wow, girl, your fingers work fast.

Must be from years of opening
those 501 button-fly jeans.

Mine and others'.

Max, I'm done waiting.

I need that piece of cake
right now.

We just had a close call in the air.

So close,
we gave the finger to the pilot

in the plane next to us.

We almost crashed and I didn't
wanna go down screaming,

"I should have opened
a daycare center!"

I usually go down screaming,
"You didn't buy me dinner!"

Bonnie, let's admit it.

We're never gonna go
for our dream,

just like we never went
to get those colonics.

If we really wanted
our own business,

we would have done it already,
like Max and Caroline did.

Right, we did.

John, cut these two
the biggest piece

of coconut macadamia nut cake
we have.

Oh, my God.
I think I just climaxed.

Well, then pull your panties on

and slink the hell out
like you usually do.

Caroline, I need to talk to you.
What are you doing?

Working. I'm very sick.

Bonnie and Ronnie out there
just reminded me of something.

I mean, besides two drunk aunts
on vacation.

We have our own business.

The High isn't our failure.

We already have
our very own failure

called "Max's
Homemade Cupcakes."

And if we stay here, we're
building someone else's dream,

not ours.

Also, if we stay, your ass
will be the size of a house.

I mean, when was the last time
you felt happy here?

Like 30 seconds ago

when you said
this place wasn't our failure

and I remembered I was
holding another one of these

in my other hand.

Let's get out of this airport.

We never have to see another
Nicholas Sparks novel again.

But first, we have to get rid

of those
two plane tickets to Paris.

Do we?

I mean, if we're gonna fail

we can still do that
after a week in Paris, right?

Right. I'm so stoked.
I've never been in first class.

Except, Max, this is coach.

I got a refund on one ticket
and traded in the other

to buy two coach tickets
and to pay for a cheap hotel.

I'm so stoked.
I've never been in coach.

And also so we have money
to spend.

We should be able to do Paris
for a week on $12.

Of course, we can.

What's the difference
between coach and first, anyway?

The champagne.

We'll be back
with the good crackers,

and I don't mean us.

Well, partner, after all
we've been through this year,

whatever comes next,
I kind of feel ready for it.

BONNIE: (ON P.A.)
Flight crew, prepare for take-off.

(HUMMING)

-Hey, now you're humming.
-I am?

Hey, can I trade this in for a beer?

(CASH REGISTER RINGS)

(THEME MUSIC PLAYS)

(English - US - SDH)

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