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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,044 --> 00:00:03,754 The Sad Lady Book Club 2 00:00:03,838 --> 00:00:06,508 is reading "Fifty Shades of Grey" again. 3 00:00:08,259 --> 00:00:11,299 There's not a dry seat in the house. 4 00:00:13,096 --> 00:00:15,716 If those ladies are that into light torture, 5 00:00:15,807 --> 00:00:17,767 they should just apply for our jobs. 6 00:00:19,228 --> 00:00:20,978 -(RINGS BELL) -Hey. 7 00:00:21,062 --> 00:00:23,272 You two are so adorable. 8 00:00:23,356 --> 00:00:28,106 Like Romeo and Juliet, but without the bright future. 9 00:00:28,195 --> 00:00:30,065 Yeah. 10 00:00:30,155 --> 00:00:31,905 I want him out of the diner. 11 00:00:31,990 --> 00:00:33,990 What are you talking about? 12 00:00:34,076 --> 00:00:35,576 Anyone who works in this diner is like a 13 00:00:35,661 --> 00:00:36,831 fat guy in a smart car. 14 00:00:36,911 --> 00:00:39,411 You can never get out. 15 00:00:39,497 --> 00:00:40,707 It's true. 16 00:00:40,875 --> 00:00:44,295 I came in here in 1962 for a cup of coffee. 17 00:00:44,378 --> 00:00:47,418 Someone asked me to break a dollar, and I never left. 18 00:00:48,506 --> 00:00:49,966 Look, living, working, 19 00:00:50,049 --> 00:00:53,219 and sleeping with the same guy is never a good idea. 20 00:00:53,637 --> 00:00:56,267 Just talk to Hillary Clinton. 21 00:00:56,848 --> 00:00:58,848 I guess I can get a dishwasher fired. 22 00:00:59,058 --> 00:01:02,268 When I was rich, I got Wolfgang Puck fired from Wolfgang Puck. 23 00:01:03,021 --> 00:01:07,361 Get yours, Max! Hit it, then quit it. 24 00:01:07,442 --> 00:01:11,072 That strategy served me well in my 20s and 30s. 25 00:01:12,156 --> 00:01:14,866 Evening, ladies. 26 00:01:16,034 --> 00:01:18,294 Also, my 70s. 27 00:01:19,162 --> 00:01:22,082 (THEME MUSIC PLAYS) 28 00:01:22,165 --> 00:01:23,455 (CASH REGISTER RINGS) 29 00:01:30,549 --> 00:01:31,589 (RINGS BELL) 30 00:01:31,674 --> 00:01:34,684 Pick up. Or don't. Who gives a crap? 31 00:01:35,679 --> 00:01:38,179 Well, someone's in a bad mood. What's wrong, Oleg? 32 00:01:38,265 --> 00:01:41,595 Did they discontinue making Axe body spray? 33 00:01:42,645 --> 00:01:43,595 Don't even kid. 34 00:01:45,063 --> 00:01:47,733 No, I'm cranky because I'm not having sex right now. 35 00:01:47,817 --> 00:01:49,147 Yeah, I thought it was weird 36 00:01:49,317 --> 00:01:51,857 seeing both your hands while you were talking. 37 00:01:51,945 --> 00:01:55,195 Sophie's idea. It's some old Polish ritual. 38 00:01:55,281 --> 00:01:56,831 The bride and groom remain chaste 39 00:01:56,908 --> 00:01:58,988 for 30 days before the wedding. 40 00:01:59,078 --> 00:02:00,998 Apparently, the "something blue" at the wedding 41 00:02:01,079 --> 00:02:03,169 has got to be my balls. 42 00:02:04,457 --> 00:02:06,377 So, you're practicing celibacy. 43 00:02:06,459 --> 00:02:08,629 I'm trying, but there are women everywhere. 44 00:02:08,711 --> 00:02:12,221 I feel like a bull in a vagina shop. 45 00:02:13,634 --> 00:02:15,014 Hear ye, hear ye! 46 00:02:15,093 --> 00:02:17,933 I'm unveiling a major improvement to the diner! 47 00:02:18,013 --> 00:02:20,683 Well, we'll miss you, Han. 48 00:02:20,765 --> 00:02:22,385 Nice try, Max. 49 00:02:22,475 --> 00:02:25,805 But like Ryan Seacrest, I'll be here forever. 50 00:02:27,021 --> 00:02:28,821 Now, will you all please do 51 00:02:28,899 --> 00:02:31,359 what you have yet to do on Twitter and follow me? 52 00:02:33,194 --> 00:02:34,114 You too, Earl. 53 00:02:34,195 --> 00:02:35,735 Hell, this better be good. 54 00:02:35,823 --> 00:02:38,373 Every step I take could be my last. 55 00:02:42,704 --> 00:02:45,464 -And now... -Without further a-douche. 56 00:02:45,540 --> 00:02:47,960 Ready to have your minds blown? 57 00:02:48,043 --> 00:02:51,003 At this point, I'm ready to have anything blown. 58 00:02:52,338 --> 00:02:53,798 Ta-da! 59 00:02:54,049 --> 00:02:56,179 That is the worst gift I ever received 60 00:02:56,259 --> 00:02:59,929 and last year, my son bought me a coffin. 61 00:03:02,765 --> 00:03:05,185 This works out great then because it's not for you. 62 00:03:05,352 --> 00:03:06,312 It's for Nash. 63 00:03:06,812 --> 00:03:09,112 Oh, well, that's real nice. 64 00:03:09,314 --> 00:03:12,654 Because the shower at Max's place doesn't work at all. 65 00:03:12,735 --> 00:03:16,405 You better believe it's nice. That's the Spritzy 5000. 66 00:03:16,487 --> 00:03:20,277 Dishwasher Weekly gave it four out of four Dishes. 67 00:03:20,366 --> 00:03:23,246 You know our oven doesn't work, right? 68 00:03:23,329 --> 00:03:28,039 Hey, boss lady, if we work hard, do we get a gift? 69 00:03:28,125 --> 00:03:30,455 If you work hard, I'll die childless 70 00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:32,344 with my mouth frozen open in shock. 71 00:03:32,420 --> 00:03:34,760 Yeah, I went there! 72 00:03:35,257 --> 00:03:38,887 Nash works hard, so only he may handle my beautiful hose! 73 00:03:39,802 --> 00:03:41,892 Well, if he's handling Han's hose, 74 00:03:41,972 --> 00:03:44,182 he's never getting fired. 75 00:03:44,265 --> 00:03:45,845 Okay. Step up here, Nash. 76 00:03:45,935 --> 00:03:47,935 I'll show you what this puppy can do. 77 00:03:52,524 --> 00:03:55,494 So far the puppy can't reach the hose. 78 00:03:55,985 --> 00:03:58,235 A little help. 79 00:04:01,407 --> 00:04:04,947 Aw, there's nothing cuter than a hot guy holding a baby. 80 00:04:07,622 --> 00:04:10,632 Now just grab that thing and squeeze it till it sprays. 81 00:04:11,710 --> 00:04:13,380 Move to call a moratorium 82 00:04:13,544 --> 00:04:17,634 on the words "grab," "squeeze," and "sprays" till the wedding. 83 00:04:25,348 --> 00:04:26,428 Damn, that's hot. 84 00:04:28,018 --> 00:04:31,478 And me without any singles to stuff down his pants. 85 00:04:31,562 --> 00:04:33,312 Well, I better go dry off in the men's room. 86 00:04:34,899 --> 00:04:36,399 Don't be too long in that stall. 87 00:04:36,485 --> 00:04:39,145 I've got a date with the Land O'Lakes butter package lady 88 00:04:39,237 --> 00:04:40,737 on my next break. 89 00:04:44,784 --> 00:04:46,204 (ALL GASP) 90 00:04:48,872 --> 00:04:52,212 Oh, pardon me, ladies. I'm all wet. 91 00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:53,882 (ALL GASP) 92 00:04:54,670 --> 00:04:56,750 Max? Are you seeing what I'm seeing? 93 00:04:56,838 --> 00:04:58,468 Those ladies looking at him 94 00:04:58,548 --> 00:05:01,718 like a senior special at Sizzler's? 95 00:05:03,428 --> 00:05:04,348 We might not be able to get Nash fired, 96 00:05:04,430 --> 00:05:07,520 but we can get him hired as a fashion model. 97 00:05:08,016 --> 00:05:09,596 Look at their faces. 98 00:05:09,685 --> 00:05:12,305 He could be the future bulge of Calvin Klein. 99 00:05:12,396 --> 00:05:14,056 Now you're talking about the future? 100 00:05:14,148 --> 00:05:16,148 Why can't you accept we are stuck 101 00:05:16,233 --> 00:05:18,153 with a really crappy present? 102 00:05:18,235 --> 00:05:21,695 Quit trash-talking the Spritzy 5000! 103 00:05:27,286 --> 00:05:29,446 Good afternoon. Welcome to The High. 104 00:05:29,538 --> 00:05:31,418 I'll have somebody get you some water. 105 00:05:31,497 --> 00:05:34,037 Not me, 'cause I'm past that. 106 00:05:34,375 --> 00:05:35,995 You know, here. 107 00:05:36,086 --> 00:05:37,956 I think I sat another one of those 108 00:05:38,047 --> 00:05:40,167 lesbian blind-dates for our boss. 109 00:05:40,257 --> 00:05:42,587 It's hard out there for a pimp. 110 00:05:42,675 --> 00:05:45,135 Why do you think I got out of pimping? 111 00:05:45,220 --> 00:05:48,010 That and someone broke a beer bottle over my head. 112 00:05:48,098 --> 00:05:49,808 So, did you get Nash a modeling job yet? 113 00:05:49,891 --> 00:05:53,641 I'm working on it. It's not like I can just call Tyra Banks. 114 00:05:54,021 --> 00:05:56,401 Well, that's what her people said when I called. 115 00:05:56,481 --> 00:05:59,821 (SIGHS) Phone therapy ran long. 116 00:05:59,901 --> 00:06:02,821 Apparently, I have more issues than I realized 117 00:06:02,904 --> 00:06:06,074 about Rosie leaving The View. 118 00:06:06,158 --> 00:06:07,698 Are my dates here yet? 119 00:06:08,535 --> 00:06:11,245 Please don't tell me it's her, her, or her. 120 00:06:11,329 --> 00:06:14,079 It's her, her, and her. 121 00:06:15,334 --> 00:06:16,424 Lose them. 122 00:06:16,502 --> 00:06:18,382 How am I supposed to get rid of them? 123 00:06:18,461 --> 00:06:19,551 Just say what anyone says 124 00:06:19,629 --> 00:06:21,009 when they want a lesbian to leave. 125 00:06:21,173 --> 00:06:24,723 "There's a Subaru outside that's about to get a ticket." 126 00:06:24,802 --> 00:06:26,222 If you had you told me, 10 years ago, 127 00:06:26,302 --> 00:06:30,472 I'd be on a dating site called "Lez Meet Up," 128 00:06:30,557 --> 00:06:33,557 I would've told the youth pastor I was married to, 129 00:06:33,644 --> 00:06:36,024 "You've lost your mind." 130 00:06:40,192 --> 00:06:41,652 Oh! I just got some interest 131 00:06:41,735 --> 00:06:43,685 from the Del Monaco Modeling Agency. 132 00:06:43,778 --> 00:06:45,568 But for the interview, he needs photos. 133 00:06:45,656 --> 00:06:48,736 And, not just the pictures of his butt on your phone. 134 00:06:48,826 --> 00:06:50,406 Fine, you handle it. 135 00:06:50,661 --> 00:06:52,001 The only thing I know about modeling 136 00:06:52,079 --> 00:06:53,119 is a couple of years ago, 137 00:06:53,204 --> 00:06:56,084 I was the face of shingles on WebMD. 138 00:06:59,377 --> 00:07:02,377 Girls, perfect timing to ask me to do this photo shoot. 139 00:07:02,463 --> 00:07:05,683 The FBI just gave me my camera back last week. 140 00:07:06,134 --> 00:07:07,974 Oh, so you get your camera back, 141 00:07:08,052 --> 00:07:09,812 but I'm still waiting on that kilo of coke 142 00:07:09,887 --> 00:07:13,637 that I spent hours carefully filling my butt with? 143 00:07:14,685 --> 00:07:16,185 Let me just change the settings. 144 00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:20,439 This camera is used to taking pictures from 800 feet away. 145 00:07:22,024 --> 00:07:24,944 And we want those pictures back, Oleg! 146 00:07:25,028 --> 00:07:26,948 Hey, everybody! 147 00:07:27,447 --> 00:07:31,657 Just call me "rush hour traffic" 'cause I sure am horny. 148 00:07:32,536 --> 00:07:34,156 Oh, Caroline. 149 00:07:34,370 --> 00:07:38,790 I do not know how you go years, and years, and years, and years, 150 00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:43,050 and years, and years without doing the nasty. 151 00:07:43,129 --> 00:07:46,629 It's only been years and years. 152 00:07:46,716 --> 00:07:49,006 -Come on. -And years. 153 00:07:49,093 --> 00:07:51,513 I could go for a brisket sandwich. 154 00:07:51,596 --> 00:07:52,596 We're closed, Sophie. 155 00:07:52,680 --> 00:07:55,810 I know. I got one in my purse. 156 00:07:55,893 --> 00:07:57,693 Why are you doing the photo shoot 157 00:07:57,769 --> 00:07:59,689 in this skanky dish room? 158 00:07:59,771 --> 00:08:03,271 Because we're going with the "hot dishwasher" angle. 159 00:08:03,358 --> 00:08:05,318 The agency said every model needs a hook. 160 00:08:05,401 --> 00:08:07,401 Yeah, like how Cindy Crawford has a beauty mark 161 00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:09,657 and Anna Nicole Smith is dead. 162 00:08:09,740 --> 00:08:12,580 Yeah, yeah, my sister is a model in Poland 163 00:08:12,658 --> 00:08:14,288 and she has a hook. 164 00:08:14,369 --> 00:08:18,749 It's her left hand, yeah. It's also great for kabobs. 165 00:08:18,831 --> 00:08:20,421 Come on, Nash! 166 00:08:20,500 --> 00:08:23,000 Put a little Irish Spring in your step. 167 00:08:23,086 --> 00:08:24,376 I'm a little nervous. 168 00:08:24,463 --> 00:08:27,263 The only time I had my picture taken was at school. 169 00:08:27,591 --> 00:08:30,801 The priest said he needed a shirtless one for the roll call. 170 00:08:31,928 --> 00:08:35,718 Where did he go to school, Our Lady of To Catch a Predator? 171 00:08:35,807 --> 00:08:37,177 Wow. 172 00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:39,600 You sure look hot. 173 00:08:39,686 --> 00:08:42,266 Careful, Sophie. That's my brisket. 174 00:08:42,355 --> 00:08:46,185 I'm not talking about Daniel Day-Loser here. 175 00:08:46,275 --> 00:08:48,065 I'm talking about Oleg. 176 00:08:49,028 --> 00:08:54,578 Oh. You are sweating like an old knockwurst 177 00:08:54,784 --> 00:08:58,544 that has been left out in the sun. 178 00:08:58,956 --> 00:09:03,286 Oh. It's really breathtaking. 179 00:09:04,253 --> 00:09:07,553 Okay, Nash, stand over here near the hose 180 00:09:07,630 --> 00:09:10,380 and give me hot face, dead eyes. 181 00:09:10,466 --> 00:09:12,586 You know, like me when I mix NyQuil and DayQuil. 182 00:09:12,677 --> 00:09:14,597 I call it AfternoonQuil. 183 00:09:14,679 --> 00:09:16,929 Okay. Now I'm gonna start shooting. 184 00:09:17,014 --> 00:09:19,104 Yeah. Shoot, baby! Shoot! 185 00:09:20,686 --> 00:09:22,056 CAROLINE: What do you think? 186 00:09:22,144 --> 00:09:24,944 Well, he's stiff, but not in the good way. 187 00:09:25,481 --> 00:09:26,771 This is painful. 188 00:09:26,857 --> 00:09:30,067 He's like Susan Boyle without the star quality. 189 00:09:30,153 --> 00:09:32,283 We need a little of what he had the other day. 190 00:09:32,364 --> 00:09:34,374 You'll thank me for this later. 191 00:09:37,119 --> 00:09:40,079 Yes, Nash, yes! Tear your shirt! 192 00:09:42,415 --> 00:09:46,085 -Yeah, yeah. -Oh, yeah, yeah. 193 00:09:49,380 --> 00:09:50,840 Stop! 194 00:09:53,092 --> 00:09:55,642 What the hell is happening in here? 195 00:09:55,721 --> 00:09:57,261 I didn't give anyone permission 196 00:09:57,346 --> 00:09:59,136 to use my diner for a photo shoot. 197 00:09:59,349 --> 00:10:00,479 Calm down. 198 00:10:00,558 --> 00:10:02,688 We are trying to get him a modeling job. 199 00:10:02,769 --> 00:10:05,019 He has a job! He's my number one worker. 200 00:10:05,480 --> 00:10:07,570 Like the doctor said to your mother when you were born, 201 00:10:07,649 --> 00:10:09,689 "Tough break." 202 00:10:09,775 --> 00:10:12,525 You two crows don't let me have anything! 203 00:10:17,701 --> 00:10:19,911 Okay, Nash, part of the model audish 204 00:10:19,995 --> 00:10:21,705 is to see you as a performer 205 00:10:21,788 --> 00:10:23,288 in commercials, and movies, 206 00:10:23,373 --> 00:10:25,253 and other things people don't watch anymore. 207 00:10:25,333 --> 00:10:26,713 Now, obviously, right out of the gate, 208 00:10:26,793 --> 00:10:29,593 you're not gonna be as good as that duck who says "Aflac." 209 00:10:29,671 --> 00:10:32,801 But you've got to be at least as good as Ben Affleck. 210 00:10:33,466 --> 00:10:36,176 I can help. For a time, I had a rich acting career. 211 00:10:36,510 --> 00:10:38,430 It started with a starring role in Annie, 212 00:10:38,513 --> 00:10:39,933 and ended when I portrayed Rosa Parks 213 00:10:40,014 --> 00:10:41,394 in an ill-advised school production 214 00:10:41,475 --> 00:10:44,185 that led to an investigation by the NAACP. 215 00:10:44,269 --> 00:10:48,069 Ooh! This is a commercial for breakfast cereal! 216 00:10:48,148 --> 00:10:50,568 Every actor's dream! 217 00:10:50,649 --> 00:10:53,359 Hey, Nash, read this. Think James Dean. 218 00:10:53,445 --> 00:10:56,985 But alive and eating Cocoa Puffs. 219 00:10:57,783 --> 00:10:59,703 "Cocoa Puffs are a delicious part 220 00:10:59,784 --> 00:11:02,914 of any well-balanced breakfast." 221 00:11:04,706 --> 00:11:06,496 -I'm trying to find a nice way-- -You suck, bro. 222 00:11:09,503 --> 00:11:11,133 You... You get it. 223 00:11:11,337 --> 00:11:13,417 You know the thrill of eating chocolate 224 00:11:13,506 --> 00:11:16,836 at a traditionally non-chocolatey time of day. 225 00:11:17,094 --> 00:11:18,474 Let's tap into that. 226 00:11:19,428 --> 00:11:23,268 Okay, take it from the top. And this time, go cuckoo. 227 00:11:23,350 --> 00:11:25,850 Go cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. 228 00:11:26,436 --> 00:11:29,686 -"Cocoa Puffs are a delicious--" -Stop. 229 00:11:29,773 --> 00:11:33,493 Don't phone this in. It's not Raisin Bran. 230 00:11:33,567 --> 00:11:35,357 "Pocoa Cuffs are a delicious--" 231 00:11:35,445 --> 00:11:40,195 "Pocoa Cuffs"? Pocoa Cuffs? 232 00:11:40,283 --> 00:11:43,333 I just can't with these rank amateurs, Caroline. 233 00:11:43,495 --> 00:11:44,955 Max, calm down. 234 00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:47,288 It's a fake tryout for a cereal commercial, 235 00:11:47,374 --> 00:11:50,214 not Dance Moms. 236 00:11:50,293 --> 00:11:53,303 I'm nervous. I'm not an actor. 237 00:11:53,379 --> 00:11:56,549 Ah hah! No, you are not. Give me that. 238 00:11:57,259 --> 00:12:00,259 Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh. Got it. 239 00:12:02,806 --> 00:12:06,226 Cocoa Puffs are a delicious part of any well-balanced breakfast! 240 00:12:06,308 --> 00:12:07,768 They're good for you, which parents love, 241 00:12:07,852 --> 00:12:09,732 and they taste like candy, which I love! 242 00:12:09,812 --> 00:12:13,272 (CHUCKLING) I can't help it! I'm cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs! 243 00:12:13,357 --> 00:12:14,437 Cuckoo! 244 00:12:16,735 --> 00:12:17,985 I'm tearing up, 245 00:12:18,071 --> 00:12:21,531 and it's not just the black mold in here. 246 00:12:21,615 --> 00:12:23,235 Max, I think you may have just set 247 00:12:23,326 --> 00:12:25,576 the acting bar too high. 248 00:12:25,662 --> 00:12:26,832 -Oh! -(KNOCKING) 249 00:12:26,913 --> 00:12:29,123 I've never set a bar too high before. 250 00:12:29,916 --> 00:12:32,536 I've set a bar on fire and I've left a bar too high. 251 00:12:33,503 --> 00:12:35,133 Oh, hey, girls. 252 00:12:35,212 --> 00:12:38,302 Oh, do you mind if I hang down here with you for a while? 253 00:12:38,383 --> 00:12:39,883 Oleg is up there, he's 254 00:12:39,967 --> 00:12:42,387 trying to seduce me by cleaning the apartment. 255 00:12:42,471 --> 00:12:46,221 And it's, oh, oh, so dirty. 256 00:12:46,307 --> 00:12:48,727 -(VACUUMING) -Oh! 257 00:12:48,976 --> 00:12:53,106 Oh, he's vacuuming now, which means he's naked. 258 00:12:53,190 --> 00:12:56,690 Oh, and me and my Polish values. 259 00:12:57,903 --> 00:12:59,153 Polish Values? 260 00:12:59,446 --> 00:13:02,156 That's the name of my favorite dollar store in Brooklyn. 261 00:13:02,240 --> 00:13:04,490 -(VACUUMING CONTINUES) -(MOANS) 262 00:13:05,869 --> 00:13:08,999 Oh, he's deep-cleaning the shag. Oh, my God. 263 00:13:09,080 --> 00:13:12,130 Somebody, do something to make me not want sex. 264 00:13:12,208 --> 00:13:15,538 All right. Nash, why don't you show us your runway walk? 265 00:13:18,965 --> 00:13:20,295 That was it. 266 00:13:20,383 --> 00:13:23,263 Oh. I thought you were going to pick up a pen. 267 00:13:23,345 --> 00:13:25,755 Oh, thanks, perfect. 268 00:13:25,846 --> 00:13:29,476 Now I'm completely turned off. 269 00:13:29,558 --> 00:13:31,518 Oh, watching that potato walk across the room, 270 00:13:31,602 --> 00:13:33,482 really did the trick. 271 00:13:34,272 --> 00:13:36,982 Nash, concentrate. Follow my lead. 272 00:13:37,067 --> 00:13:39,237 Bam. Pow. Bam. Pow. 273 00:13:39,318 --> 00:13:40,448 And step and bam, and step and pow, 274 00:13:40,528 --> 00:13:42,198 and step and bam! 275 00:13:42,279 --> 00:13:44,819 Oh, even better! 276 00:13:45,115 --> 00:13:47,405 I mean, after that, 277 00:13:47,494 --> 00:13:51,914 they could film the sequel to Frozen on my lady parts. 278 00:13:55,043 --> 00:13:56,793 Yeah, me too. 279 00:13:57,044 --> 00:14:00,804 But just 'cause I "Let It Go" down there. 280 00:14:00,881 --> 00:14:04,681 -(VACUUMING CONTINUES) -(MOANING) 281 00:14:05,386 --> 00:14:08,346 Oh, now he's using the wand attachment. 282 00:14:08,682 --> 00:14:12,812 Oh, and he's getting real deep between the cushions. 283 00:14:12,977 --> 00:14:15,557 Oh, my God, just screw it! 284 00:14:15,730 --> 00:14:18,070 I'm never gonna make it to the wedding! 285 00:14:18,149 --> 00:14:20,899 (MOANING) 286 00:14:20,985 --> 00:14:22,195 Oh, Grandma Kachinsky, 287 00:14:22,278 --> 00:14:24,488 please forgive me for what I'm about to do. 288 00:14:24,572 --> 00:14:26,372 I... 289 00:14:26,740 --> 00:14:29,700 You were no White Lily yourself! 290 00:14:34,249 --> 00:14:36,329 (GASPS) Wow! 291 00:14:36,418 --> 00:14:38,958 He's bamming and powing up a storm. 292 00:14:39,044 --> 00:14:41,464 When he's famous, I hope he remembers us. 293 00:14:41,548 --> 00:14:45,468 I like to think I did some things he will never forget. 294 00:14:45,552 --> 00:14:46,852 How's that? 295 00:14:46,927 --> 00:14:48,887 Great, you can walk. 296 00:14:48,971 --> 00:14:52,271 If you can read, too, I'll treat myself to a Snapple. 297 00:14:52,350 --> 00:14:56,020 -Let's get to the copy. -Actually, we came prepared. 298 00:14:56,104 --> 00:14:57,814 Nash rehearsed the Cocoa Puffs commercial. 299 00:14:57,897 --> 00:14:59,977 -I think you'll be quite moved. -Oh, yeah. 300 00:15:00,066 --> 00:15:03,736 Well, we'll be reading something a little different today. 301 00:15:04,946 --> 00:15:06,866 Don't panic. They do this all the time. 302 00:15:06,947 --> 00:15:08,697 They want to make sure you're flexible. 303 00:15:09,241 --> 00:15:13,291 Go ahead. Whatever cereal it is, act like it's delicious. 304 00:15:13,370 --> 00:15:15,710 Unless it's Rice Krispies. A-boring! 305 00:15:16,750 --> 00:15:18,420 Okay, here goes. 306 00:15:19,501 --> 00:15:22,921 "You know you like it. Bend over, bitch." 307 00:15:23,005 --> 00:15:26,835 (GROANS) Are we missing a page? 308 00:15:27,302 --> 00:15:29,972 Cereals have changed since I was a kid. 309 00:15:30,054 --> 00:15:31,474 Should I read the part 310 00:15:31,556 --> 00:15:33,136 where I notice the teacher is not wearing any panties? 311 00:15:33,224 --> 00:15:35,184 Oh, my God. This is porn! 312 00:15:35,268 --> 00:15:37,648 No wonder all those people out there were freaks. 313 00:15:37,729 --> 00:15:41,479 No wonder I recognized so many of them! 314 00:15:42,107 --> 00:15:43,607 Don't act so surprised. 315 00:15:43,692 --> 00:15:46,202 Everyone knows Cocoa Puffs is code for porn. 316 00:15:47,864 --> 00:15:48,994 Also, you sent us some pictures 317 00:15:49,448 --> 00:15:53,118 taken by someone very experienced in erotica. 318 00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:56,410 We can't let him do this. 319 00:15:56,498 --> 00:15:58,418 I have a movie that starts shooting tomorrow 320 00:15:58,500 --> 00:16:00,290 that pays $1,000 a day. 321 00:16:01,043 --> 00:16:04,763 -Can we? -Maybe we can't. 322 00:16:04,839 --> 00:16:08,129 It's the lead in Sorest Rump. 323 00:16:12,429 --> 00:16:14,059 Maybe we can. 324 00:16:15,100 --> 00:16:17,390 I think we need a little sidebar, Delores. 325 00:16:18,186 --> 00:16:20,766 -Should I come with you? -No, we're good. 326 00:16:20,855 --> 00:16:22,565 I have a couple of questions for the actor. 327 00:16:22,649 --> 00:16:25,649 Can you swim, and are you circumcised? 328 00:16:26,695 --> 00:16:28,355 Max, this has gone too far. 329 00:16:28,446 --> 00:16:30,316 I know, I was expecting you to crash with me 330 00:16:30,407 --> 00:16:31,277 for a couple of days 331 00:16:31,365 --> 00:16:32,615 and get your own place. 332 00:16:34,244 --> 00:16:36,084 Are we really gonna let Nash do porn 333 00:16:36,162 --> 00:16:38,162 just so he doesn't work at the diner? 334 00:16:38,248 --> 00:16:42,208 Hey, ladies, what's it gonna be? I got other talent to see. 335 00:16:42,293 --> 00:16:44,253 I got a guy named Lustin Beaver 336 00:16:44,336 --> 00:16:47,216 taking the Amtrak in from Philly. 337 00:16:49,926 --> 00:16:54,346 Max, if you're really keen on me being a porn actor, I'll do it. 338 00:16:54,431 --> 00:16:56,271 She says tomorrow they start filming 339 00:16:56,349 --> 00:16:59,729 The Grand Booty Fest Hotel. 340 00:17:00,102 --> 00:17:02,482 And they'll pay me more for my accent. 341 00:17:02,730 --> 00:17:06,900 Also, what does "gay for pay" mean? 342 00:17:07,943 --> 00:17:09,113 (GROANS) 343 00:17:09,194 --> 00:17:10,864 I guess it means we got to go. 344 00:17:17,412 --> 00:17:18,622 Look at him, Max. 345 00:17:18,704 --> 00:17:22,254 A cute guy, eaten up and spat out by show business 346 00:17:22,333 --> 00:17:25,503 like so many Baldwin brothers before him. 347 00:17:26,546 --> 00:17:28,126 Nash doesn't care about modeling. 348 00:17:28,213 --> 00:17:30,513 He's 21. He doesn't care about anything. 349 00:17:30,592 --> 00:17:33,262 His biggest concern is playing with the Xbox. 350 00:17:33,344 --> 00:17:36,264 Mine and, also, the popular video game system. 351 00:17:36,346 --> 00:17:37,926 He cares about you. 352 00:17:38,016 --> 00:17:39,976 He was willing to do "gay for pay." 353 00:17:40,058 --> 00:17:44,648 (CHUCKLING) Did I hear Nash is going "gay for pay"? 354 00:17:45,064 --> 00:17:47,944 'Cause I've got $4 burning a hole in my pocket. 355 00:17:48,609 --> 00:17:50,489 Oh, a customer. 356 00:17:50,694 --> 00:17:52,824 Hi, welcome to The High. Here for dessert? 357 00:17:53,323 --> 00:17:55,913 Oh, thanks, but I haven't had cake since my Sweet 16. 358 00:17:55,991 --> 00:17:58,331 And even then, I made myself throw it up. 359 00:17:59,621 --> 00:18:02,411 I'm meeting someone here and my phone's about to die. 360 00:18:02,499 --> 00:18:04,919 And if it dies, I will too. Do you have an outlet? 361 00:18:05,000 --> 00:18:07,170 Screaming in the shower really works for me. 362 00:18:07,252 --> 00:18:09,212 Like, right into the water. 363 00:18:09,923 --> 00:18:12,723 Super cute. But I do need a phone outlet. 364 00:18:12,800 --> 00:18:14,130 I'll plug you in, honey. 365 00:18:14,219 --> 00:18:17,139 And I'll take care of your phone, too. 366 00:18:17,638 --> 00:18:20,018 -Girls, meet Marie. -Hi. 367 00:18:20,098 --> 00:18:21,888 Seriously, down to 10 percent. 368 00:18:21,976 --> 00:18:24,306 Oh, did you two meet on "Lez Meet Up"? 369 00:18:24,394 --> 00:18:27,154 No, honey, I've never been on "Lez Meet Up." 370 00:18:28,232 --> 00:18:30,942 Oh, you're thinking of me, Caroline. 371 00:18:31,027 --> 00:18:33,947 You know how much I love lady tail. 372 00:18:34,029 --> 00:18:36,489 This place is amazing. 373 00:18:36,574 --> 00:18:38,744 Isn't it amazing? 374 00:18:38,826 --> 00:18:41,326 I had the decorator redo it nine times. 375 00:18:41,578 --> 00:18:45,288 You can feel his anger in the walls. It's electric. 376 00:18:45,375 --> 00:18:46,285 We're electric. 377 00:18:46,375 --> 00:18:48,745 -Who is this miracle? -That's Nash. 378 00:18:48,836 --> 00:18:52,256 I found him in the Bowery next to a pile of burning trash. 379 00:18:53,173 --> 00:18:54,133 Go say hi. 380 00:18:54,509 --> 00:18:57,679 He's even creamier and more delicious up close. 381 00:18:58,971 --> 00:19:01,221 You're eating? That is so punk rock. 382 00:19:01,307 --> 00:19:03,427 Tell me everything right now. 383 00:19:03,518 --> 00:19:07,398 Uh, well, I'm a dishwasher. I'm from Ireland. 384 00:19:07,564 --> 00:19:08,904 Oh, I was trying to become a model 385 00:19:08,981 --> 00:19:11,441 and I almost did porn an hour ago. 386 00:19:11,526 --> 00:19:13,606 That is the best story I ever heard. 387 00:19:13,694 --> 00:19:17,124 Tell it to me again standing up. But this time, don't talk. 388 00:19:18,490 --> 00:19:21,120 I see face, I see ass, I see model. 389 00:19:21,201 --> 00:19:22,371 Do you have a manager? 390 00:19:22,912 --> 00:19:25,662 I guess that'd be Caroline, the blonde one over there. 391 00:19:25,748 --> 00:19:27,998 Blonde one, come over here 392 00:19:28,084 --> 00:19:29,634 and talk to me about your client. 393 00:19:29,711 --> 00:19:31,341 I am in love. He's perfection. 394 00:19:31,837 --> 00:19:34,207 Marie Prower, Senior VP of Marketing. 395 00:19:34,298 --> 00:19:36,008 -Sweet, what company? -Guess. 396 00:19:36,092 --> 00:19:38,512 Tommy Hilfinger. 397 00:19:38,595 --> 00:19:41,095 I work for Guess, darling. 398 00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:43,220 No more words. Listen. 399 00:19:43,391 --> 00:19:44,981 He's amazing. 400 00:19:45,476 --> 00:19:46,726 I would tweet about him right now, 401 00:19:46,810 --> 00:19:47,810 but my phone is dead. 402 00:19:47,895 --> 00:19:49,895 So bring him into my office on Monday. 403 00:19:49,980 --> 00:19:51,020 You heard her, Caroline. 404 00:19:51,106 --> 00:19:54,276 Bring him into her office tomorrow. 405 00:19:54,527 --> 00:19:56,187 She's obsessed with me. 406 00:19:57,654 --> 00:20:00,034 Max, I was right. He is a model. 407 00:20:00,616 --> 00:20:03,406 Get me a hot wife and a hotter woman to cheat on with 408 00:20:03,493 --> 00:20:05,043 'cause I'm a big-time talent manager. 409 00:20:06,914 --> 00:20:08,634 Congratulations, dude. 410 00:20:09,125 --> 00:20:10,455 Well, I guess if this works out, 411 00:20:10,542 --> 00:20:12,712 I'm gonna have to quit the diner. 412 00:20:13,003 --> 00:20:14,093 Will you be mad at me? 413 00:20:16,465 --> 00:20:18,675 I'll be really sad. 414 00:20:18,843 --> 00:20:20,763 I'm gonna miss you a lot, you know? 415 00:20:20,970 --> 00:20:22,810 Not seeing you 24/7. 416 00:20:22,888 --> 00:20:25,178 But I would hate myself 417 00:20:25,432 --> 00:20:27,892 if I didn't let you follow your dreams. 418 00:20:27,977 --> 00:20:32,317 Even if it means you moving out of the apartment, too. 419 00:20:32,397 --> 00:20:33,777 Now go. 420 00:20:36,318 --> 00:20:40,158 Here comes that tear again. I'm all choked up. 421 00:20:40,239 --> 00:20:44,119 Max, you would have made a great Rosa Parks. 422 00:20:44,201 --> 00:20:46,121 If you had been black. 423 00:20:46,371 --> 00:20:48,291 Which I guess is what they insist on. 424 00:20:50,540 --> 00:20:53,000 But you got him to move out! You are good. 425 00:20:53,086 --> 00:20:55,836 Yeah, well, I mean, he is cute, 426 00:20:55,922 --> 00:20:58,882 but I'm not all that coo-coo for his Cocoa Puffs. 427 00:21:02,804 --> 00:21:04,144 (CASH REGISTER RINGS) 428 00:21:05,306 --> 00:21:07,216 (THEME MUSIC PLAYS) 429 00:21:27,369 --> 00:21:29,369 (English US - SDH) 430 00:21:29,419 --> 00:21:33,969 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 32159

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