All language subtitles for 2 Broke Girls s02e13 Bear Truth
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1
00:00:00,543 --> 00:00:02,343
(MOANS)
2
00:00:02,503 --> 00:00:04,803
I like the lemon. So good.
3
00:00:05,004 --> 00:00:08,764
And with the vanilla frosting, it would
make a lovely cupcake wedding cake.
4
00:00:08,968 --> 00:00:10,008
(MOANS)
5
00:00:10,176 --> 00:00:12,346
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God!
6
00:00:12,512 --> 00:00:14,012
The chocolate.
7
00:00:14,473 --> 00:00:17,933
-You do realize you're not alone, right?
-I know.
8
00:00:18,102 --> 00:00:21,192
I'm gonna get some water,
then I'll be back to taste everything.
9
00:00:21,355 --> 00:00:22,435
Ha-ha-ha.
10
00:00:22,815 --> 00:00:24,815
There's no wedding.
11
00:00:26,609 --> 00:00:29,279
-What?
-It's a scam. I know her game.
12
00:00:29,446 --> 00:00:31,946
There isn't a Denny's
I haven't hit up...
13
00:00:32,115 --> 00:00:34,775
...and said "it's my birthday"
for a free sundae.
14
00:00:35,661 --> 00:00:38,201
But what if you're wrong
and she is the real deal?
15
00:00:38,371 --> 00:00:40,331
A cupcake wedding cake
could be money.
16
00:00:40,499 --> 00:00:43,249
We crack her BS before she
eats our cupcakes, then us.
17
00:00:43,418 --> 00:00:44,838
Follow my lead.
18
00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:48,045
-Oh, what are we tasting now?
-Coconut.
19
00:00:48,215 --> 00:00:50,545
-What's your fiancé's name?
-Doug Franklin.
20
00:00:50,759 --> 00:00:52,969
-Where'd you meet?
-He's a fireman. He rescued my cat.
21
00:00:53,137 --> 00:00:56,717
-Aw.
-No "aw." That's an insurance commercial.
22
00:00:56,973 --> 00:00:58,353
So where's the wedding?
23
00:00:58,558 --> 00:00:59,638
Barefoot on the beach.
24
00:00:59,810 --> 00:01:00,850
That's a tampon commercial.
25
00:01:01,520 --> 00:01:02,560
(HUMS EXCITEDLY)
26
00:01:02,729 --> 00:01:04,479
Hi, baby.
27
00:01:05,649 --> 00:01:07,649
Max, you're wrong. They're kissing.
28
00:01:07,817 --> 00:01:12,527
Nope. He's either an out-of-work actor
she hired or he has cake in his mouth.
29
00:01:23,834 --> 00:01:25,384
I have an announcement to make.
30
00:01:25,585 --> 00:01:27,995
You found your first
down-there hair?
31
00:01:28,463 --> 00:01:32,803
No, the last chance to put in your card
to win a luxury weekend vacation.
32
00:01:32,968 --> 00:01:34,428
It's Han's big promo.
33
00:01:34,637 --> 00:01:36,177
Well, he's finally announced it.
34
00:01:36,347 --> 00:01:37,637
Han's a big promo.
35
00:01:38,848 --> 00:01:40,938
Well, he's a little promo.
36
00:01:42,186 --> 00:01:46,016
Good luck. You now have a chance
to win a two-room suite in the country...
37
00:01:46,189 --> 00:01:49,689
...and there's a fireplace
because daddy don't skimp.
38
00:01:49,859 --> 00:01:52,529
Aw, I miss our fireplace in the country.
39
00:01:52,695 --> 00:01:55,365
My father and I'd sit together,
I'd roast marshmallows...
40
00:01:55,573 --> 00:02:00,203
...and then he'd burn what I now realize
must've been incriminating documents.
41
00:02:00,537 --> 00:02:03,957
Hey, everybody. The raffle girl is here.
42
00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:06,625
I get to pull the winner.
43
00:02:06,793 --> 00:02:10,383
She pulled me twice today
and I won both times.
44
00:02:10,548 --> 00:02:14,298
Sophie, the way you look tonight,
we are all winners.
45
00:02:14,509 --> 00:02:17,219
Oh, Earl, that is so sweet.
46
00:02:17,388 --> 00:02:21,308
I would kiss you if it was legal.
47
00:02:21,724 --> 00:02:24,104
Oh, okay.
48
00:02:24,645 --> 00:02:27,975
All right, I'm gonna put in one
of my cleaning company cards.
49
00:02:28,147 --> 00:02:31,237
All right.
Who's gonna be the winner?
50
00:02:31,401 --> 00:02:34,661
Yeah, yeah.
Shake it like a Polaroid picture, baby.
51
00:02:35,531 --> 00:02:36,571
Oh.
52
00:02:36,740 --> 00:02:39,450
Oh, no, that doesn't feel like my card.
53
00:02:39,617 --> 00:02:41,247
Sophie, that's cheating.
54
00:02:41,412 --> 00:02:43,912
Hey, keep out of it,
Glinda the Good Bitch.
55
00:02:45,582 --> 00:02:48,172
The winner is...
56
00:02:48,836 --> 00:02:51,246
...Max's Homemade Cupcakes?
57
00:02:51,421 --> 00:02:53,761
-Oh, my God! We won!
-Oh, my God! We won!
58
00:02:54,216 --> 00:02:55,336
Congratulations.
59
00:02:55,425 --> 00:02:58,845
I've never won anything in my life.
Except for that time I got stoned...
60
00:02:59,013 --> 00:03:01,763
...and accidentally won
that hot dog eating contest.
61
00:03:01,931 --> 00:03:04,771
Wait, how did this even happen?
Did you put our card in?
62
00:03:04,935 --> 00:03:07,515
Actually, I put your card in
and I took a few out.
63
00:03:07,979 --> 00:03:09,859
I figured
you girls could use a vacation.
64
00:03:10,024 --> 00:03:14,284
You girls have been working harder
than my liver on payday.
65
00:03:14,444 --> 00:03:18,374
Earl, you're like Santa
without the weird fixation on children.
66
00:03:19,283 --> 00:03:21,493
It was so nice of Earl to enter us.
67
00:03:21,659 --> 00:03:24,659
Stop, he's like my father.
68
00:03:25,622 --> 00:03:27,752
Wow, this place actually looks nice.
69
00:03:27,957 --> 00:03:29,627
Ooh, an outhouse!
70
00:03:29,793 --> 00:03:31,673
-Max, that's a sauna.
-Oh.
71
00:03:31,836 --> 00:03:34,126
Either way, I'm peeing in it.
72
00:03:34,506 --> 00:03:37,716
Wait, can we leave the shop?
Even though business has been slow...
73
00:03:37,884 --> 00:03:40,304
...what if Dottie orders cupcakes
for her wedding?
74
00:03:40,471 --> 00:03:42,351
First off, she ate them all.
75
00:03:42,514 --> 00:03:45,524
Second, there is no wedding.
She's a BS bride.
76
00:03:45,683 --> 00:03:47,773
I guarantee you,
right now she's crawling...
77
00:03:47,937 --> 00:03:50,857
...through an air-conditioning vent
at a Krispy Kreme.
78
00:03:51,022 --> 00:03:53,152
Andy in the house.
79
00:03:53,317 --> 00:03:56,647
Sorry, I was watching a Living Single
marathon before I came over.
80
00:03:58,155 --> 00:04:00,985
You are not gonna believe this.
We won a weekend getaway.
81
00:04:01,157 --> 00:04:03,487
Isn't that exciting?
We really needed this.
82
00:04:03,661 --> 00:04:04,701
That's great.
83
00:04:04,870 --> 00:04:06,500
We do need this.
Thanks, babe.
84
00:04:06,663 --> 00:04:10,173
I was hoping to get one-on-one time
with you. So when do we leave?
85
00:04:10,334 --> 00:04:11,384
Oh, "we"?
86
00:04:11,543 --> 00:04:12,713
We can leave tomorrow.
87
00:04:12,877 --> 00:04:15,707
We, we, we all the way there.
88
00:04:15,881 --> 00:04:18,511
Look, Han said it was a two-room suite.
Andy can come.
89
00:04:18,675 --> 00:04:21,845
It's still our trip. He doesn't have
to know he's the third wheel.
90
00:04:22,178 --> 00:04:25,848
Well, you know I'm always a fan of lying,
so I'm in.
91
00:04:26,182 --> 00:04:27,272
It's still our trip.
92
00:04:27,434 --> 00:04:30,234
She doesn't have to know
she's the third wheel.
93
00:04:30,396 --> 00:04:33,726
Well, you know I'm not a fan of lying,
but okay, I'm in.
94
00:04:36,526 --> 00:04:40,276
I love a road trip. My mom and I
took one in third grade for, like, a year...
95
00:04:40,447 --> 00:04:44,077
...but we'd just drive around locally
and-- Oh, my God, I lived in a car.
96
00:04:45,159 --> 00:04:47,079
Hey, let's play a car game.
97
00:04:47,245 --> 00:04:50,205
I spy something red.
98
00:04:50,374 --> 00:04:53,134
-Is it that gas station?
-No.
99
00:04:53,293 --> 00:04:54,633
-Is it that truck?
-Nope.
100
00:04:54,795 --> 00:04:56,955
Is it boring? Yes. My turn.
101
00:04:57,130 --> 00:04:59,550
I spy something annoying.
102
00:04:59,716 --> 00:05:00,756
-Is it me?
-Yes.
103
00:05:00,925 --> 00:05:03,505
I knew the joke was on me,
but I love to win.
104
00:05:03,678 --> 00:05:05,848
You are not annoying,
you're adorable.
105
00:05:06,014 --> 00:05:08,064
I spy a big man-gina.
106
00:05:08,225 --> 00:05:09,475
-Is it me?
-Yes.
107
00:05:09,643 --> 00:05:11,483
I like to win too.
108
00:05:13,480 --> 00:05:14,940
Max's Homemade Cupcakes.
109
00:05:15,606 --> 00:05:17,186
Hello?
110
00:05:17,401 --> 00:05:18,571
Bad cell area.
111
00:05:18,735 --> 00:05:21,025
Max, that might have been Dottie,
the BS bride.
112
00:05:21,196 --> 00:05:24,026
I couldn't hear words,
but she sounded unnaturally confident.
113
00:05:24,533 --> 00:05:27,333
Maybe the BS stands for Big Sale.
114
00:05:27,494 --> 00:05:30,334
No more business calls.
Thought we're getting away for fun.
115
00:05:30,497 --> 00:05:33,377
We are, but business is nowhere
near where we need it to be.
116
00:05:33,542 --> 00:05:35,882
When it comes to ignoring a call,
it's hard.
117
00:05:36,045 --> 00:05:39,085
Hey, you know what this area
of the mountains is known for?
118
00:05:39,255 --> 00:05:41,625
Wineries and incest?
119
00:05:41,800 --> 00:05:44,510
Alien abductions. I know all about it.
120
00:05:44,677 --> 00:05:46,597
People disappear from here
all the time.
121
00:05:46,764 --> 00:05:49,024
There's no such thing
as an extraterrestrial.
122
00:05:49,182 --> 00:05:53,142
Okay, first, that's something
an extraterrestrial would say.
123
00:05:53,312 --> 00:05:55,362
I've always wanted to be abducted.
124
00:05:55,521 --> 00:05:58,151
And my guidance counselor said
I had no goals.
125
00:06:01,069 --> 00:06:02,149
And here we go.
126
00:06:02,321 --> 00:06:05,741
Again, I don't believe in names,
but call me Roger if it helps you.
127
00:06:05,908 --> 00:06:07,908
Get out. Get out!
128
00:06:08,076 --> 00:06:10,366
The bed floats. This is awesome.
129
00:06:10,536 --> 00:06:12,706
Usually, you gotta bring the ropes
to the bed.
130
00:06:12,872 --> 00:06:15,792
This way,
you get to eliminate a whole step.
131
00:06:15,959 --> 00:06:19,589
The bed's sculptural beauty
is surpassed by the joy of resting in it.
132
00:06:19,754 --> 00:06:23,474
Some say it's like being rocked to sleep
in the arms of God.
133
00:06:23,634 --> 00:06:26,144
It's a sex bed, Roger.
134
00:06:26,302 --> 00:06:27,722
May I light the fire for you?
135
00:06:27,887 --> 00:06:30,137
No, thanks, I can do it.
I was an Eagle Scout.
136
00:06:30,307 --> 00:06:33,637
Man, there's just not enough occasions
when I can brag about that.
137
00:06:34,019 --> 00:06:36,229
The room is cute but really tiny.
138
00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:39,686
We're gonna need a bigger space,
unless we're hobbits.
139
00:06:40,983 --> 00:06:42,823
This the door
to the adjoining room?
140
00:06:42,985 --> 00:06:46,065
That is an adjoining room,
but it's not included in your package.
141
00:06:46,240 --> 00:06:47,700
Aw, damn it. We should have known...
142
00:06:47,865 --> 00:06:50,985
...Han's package was gonna be smaller
than he said it is.
143
00:06:55,624 --> 00:06:57,504
I'm sorry.
All other cabins are booked.
144
00:06:57,668 --> 00:07:02,168
I'll bring you some bedding
for the couch at an additional price.
145
00:07:02,338 --> 00:07:03,918
Om Shanti.
146
00:07:05,634 --> 00:07:10,014
Well, I guess you guys are the couple,
so I'll sleep on the couch.
147
00:07:10,180 --> 00:07:11,180
I can sleep anywhere.
148
00:07:11,348 --> 00:07:15,018
First two years of my life,
my bed was a pile of unopened mail.
149
00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:19,105
A big roaring fire
is gonna be so romantic.
150
00:07:19,273 --> 00:07:22,023
Come over here closer to me,
you big Eagle Scout.
151
00:07:22,192 --> 00:07:24,692
Well, now you sound
like my scoutmaster.
152
00:07:27,572 --> 00:07:30,952
Hey, don't start anything
you can't finish. Max will be right out.
153
00:07:31,117 --> 00:07:33,867
Something tells me
she's not a consistent hand-washer.
154
00:07:34,036 --> 00:07:38,036
You do your thing. I'll just sit right here
and watch my man build a fire.
155
00:07:38,417 --> 00:07:41,247
Oh, great. This is cedar.
It's gonna smell so awesome.
156
00:07:41,420 --> 00:07:43,880
I love falling asleep
to the sound of a fire.
157
00:07:44,047 --> 00:07:48,377
Oh, my God. I know, no business stuff,
but I just got a text about a big order.
158
00:07:48,552 --> 00:07:50,392
Fine. Just remember, this weekend--
159
00:07:50,553 --> 00:07:53,433
Oh, I know.
Me and you. Me and you.
160
00:07:53,598 --> 00:07:55,638
Me and you.
Max!
161
00:07:55,933 --> 00:08:00,653
Max, the BS bride isn't BS. She wants
pricing on a wedding cupcake cake...
162
00:08:00,814 --> 00:08:03,524
...and a groom's cupcake cake
for 300 guests.
163
00:08:03,692 --> 00:08:07,452
Oh, great. Almost as great
as these little fuzzy shoes.
164
00:08:07,612 --> 00:08:09,662
They were in a sealed plastic package.
165
00:08:09,822 --> 00:08:11,662
I'm the first one to ever open them.
166
00:08:11,824 --> 00:08:13,874
They're like condoms for your feet.
167
00:08:15,870 --> 00:08:17,750
New shoes. New shoes.
168
00:08:17,915 --> 00:08:18,995
Where are you going?
169
00:08:19,165 --> 00:08:21,625
The sauna.
Hopefully, I'll be abducted on my way...
170
00:08:21,793 --> 00:08:25,673
...but know that even though I'm gone,
I'm happier up there with my alien lover.
171
00:08:25,838 --> 00:08:29,838
True, they don't have lips,
but they do have crazy long fingers.
172
00:08:30,134 --> 00:08:31,854
I'll go with you.
173
00:08:32,011 --> 00:08:34,931
Not about work. But she can't go alone.
There might be bears.
174
00:08:35,097 --> 00:08:39,437
There were bears at my chalet in Aspen.
In the woods, on the floors. Everywhere.
175
00:08:39,602 --> 00:08:42,022
You know,
until PETA attacked the house.
176
00:08:43,523 --> 00:08:45,693
So this is a fancy sauna?
177
00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:47,069
Not impressed.
178
00:08:47,235 --> 00:08:51,655
People pay for the privilege
of sitting in decades of ass sweat?
179
00:08:51,822 --> 00:08:54,832
How come your towel's staying up
so much better than mine?
180
00:08:55,284 --> 00:08:57,124
I can think of two reasons.
181
00:08:57,955 --> 00:09:00,035
I'm gonna get some water,
then start peeing.
182
00:09:00,206 --> 00:09:02,376
We have to discuss
the BS bride's cake.
183
00:09:02,542 --> 00:09:04,962
We can't screw this up.
It's all we have.
184
00:09:05,128 --> 00:09:07,418
Oh, this heat is amazing.
185
00:09:07,630 --> 00:09:10,170
Mother of God! That's hot.
186
00:09:10,801 --> 00:09:12,801
There are bears.
They're coming this way.
187
00:09:12,970 --> 00:09:15,470
What? Max, get in here.
Close the door.
188
00:09:15,639 --> 00:09:18,139
Fine, but they'll just open it
and come in.
189
00:09:18,307 --> 00:09:20,557
Bears can't open doors and walk in.
190
00:09:20,726 --> 00:09:21,976
These ones can.
191
00:09:22,895 --> 00:09:26,355
-Oh, hi.
-Hey, girls, you mind if we join you?
192
00:09:26,857 --> 00:09:29,027
-You guys are gay bears, right?
-Max!
193
00:09:29,193 --> 00:09:31,823
It's cool. My prom date is big
in the bear scene now...
194
00:09:31,989 --> 00:09:35,329
...but in high school, they called him
a jock who cried sometimes.
195
00:09:35,491 --> 00:09:39,541
Yep, we're bears: big, hairy, not scary.
196
00:09:39,913 --> 00:09:41,253
I'm Deke, this is Dirk.
197
00:09:41,414 --> 00:09:45,004
Yup, we're Deke and Dirk.
Pause for reaction.
198
00:09:45,168 --> 00:09:47,128
I'm Caroline and this is Max.
199
00:09:47,296 --> 00:09:49,166
Are you girls lipstick lesbians?
200
00:09:49,338 --> 00:09:51,008
No, we're just friends.
201
00:09:51,173 --> 00:09:52,843
And we can't afford lipstick.
202
00:09:53,009 --> 00:09:55,259
Ugh, especially at this gift shop.
Seen the prices?
203
00:09:55,428 --> 00:09:59,348
Twenty five dollars for ChapStick.
Please, no one's lips are that chapped.
204
00:09:59,765 --> 00:10:04,015
And he would know.
This one's the king of face-creaming.
205
00:10:04,187 --> 00:10:08,227
Sounds a little bit dirtier than what it is.
I'm actually a dermatologist.
206
00:10:08,607 --> 00:10:12,317
Do not tell me I'm lucky enough to be
in a sauna with two dermatologists.
207
00:10:12,486 --> 00:10:15,026
Oh, no, no, no. I'm an astrophysicist.
208
00:10:15,197 --> 00:10:17,697
Oh, smarter than the average bear.
209
00:10:18,368 --> 00:10:19,948
Loving her.
210
00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:22,330
So you know about space stuff,
smarty bear.
211
00:10:22,496 --> 00:10:23,866
Do you believe in aliens?
212
00:10:24,041 --> 00:10:26,291
Oh, I do.
And I believe they're living among us.
213
00:10:26,460 --> 00:10:29,250
I'm looking at you, Christina Ricci.
214
00:10:29,712 --> 00:10:31,592
Talk to me, Deke.
What can you give me?
215
00:10:31,756 --> 00:10:34,336
He has plenty of free cream samples
back in our room.
216
00:10:34,509 --> 00:10:37,219
And it's the good stuff.
Come by. We are in Cabin 4.
217
00:10:37,386 --> 00:10:38,716
No way. We're in Cabin 3.
218
00:10:38,889 --> 00:10:40,009
Aah!
219
00:10:41,265 --> 00:10:42,845
How about those rope beds?
220
00:10:43,018 --> 00:10:46,058
You know it's kinky
when the bed is already tied up.
221
00:10:46,229 --> 00:10:48,979
At first we were all, "Um, we're gonna fall."
222
00:10:49,149 --> 00:10:51,819
But then we thought,
what the hell, it's our manniversary.
223
00:10:51,985 --> 00:10:54,235
Aw, you're married? Happy manniversary.
224
00:10:54,403 --> 00:10:56,493
Now, let's get back
to those free creams.
225
00:10:56,655 --> 00:11:00,405
And here's our card if you're ever
in the neighborhood or need a big order.
226
00:11:00,576 --> 00:11:02,446
You brought a business card
to a sauna?
227
00:11:02,620 --> 00:11:04,660
I don't wanna know
where you kept that.
228
00:11:04,831 --> 00:11:06,381
-"Max's Homemade Cupcakes."
-Mmm.
229
00:11:06,541 --> 00:11:08,751
Or in your case, cub cakes.
230
00:11:09,753 --> 00:11:11,303
-Loving her.
-Living for her.
231
00:11:11,462 --> 00:11:13,422
Wanna come back as her.
232
00:11:16,467 --> 00:11:19,847
Your dinner for two. Two soups,
two salads, two entrees, two desserts.
233
00:11:20,013 --> 00:11:22,183
I hope you three enjoy.
234
00:11:23,015 --> 00:11:25,015
Maybe could we order another meal?
235
00:11:25,184 --> 00:11:29,774
No problem. Just call.
Extra charge, of course. Om Shanti.
236
00:11:29,940 --> 00:11:33,280
"Om Shanti" means "screw you"
in yoga, right?
237
00:11:33,442 --> 00:11:36,782
I am so starving.
Oh, my God, this looks amazing.
238
00:11:36,947 --> 00:11:38,867
Oh, and the bread is still warm.
239
00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:41,492
And there's one
of those crazy-ass pretzel rolls.
240
00:11:41,659 --> 00:11:45,369
Is it a pretzel? Is it a roll?
No idea. It's crazy.
241
00:11:45,538 --> 00:11:49,078
-Max, put some of this butter on it.
-Try and stop me, bitch.
242
00:11:49,250 --> 00:11:51,540
-Here, take half.
-Thanks.
243
00:11:52,837 --> 00:11:53,917
Yo.
244
00:11:54,463 --> 00:11:56,723
Oh, my God, Andy! I totally forgot.
245
00:11:56,883 --> 00:11:58,763
Not about you. I forgot my manners.
246
00:11:58,927 --> 00:12:02,467
If my Danish governess were here,
she would hit me with her wooden spoon.
247
00:12:02,639 --> 00:12:03,809
I'm so sorry.
248
00:12:03,974 --> 00:12:06,814
Go, sit. You eat. Enjoy the pretzel roll.
249
00:12:06,976 --> 00:12:09,056
It's gone.
You snooze, you lose.
250
00:12:09,229 --> 00:12:11,649
No, you sit. I'm good.
I'll order more food.
251
00:12:11,815 --> 00:12:13,605
No. Sit, sit. I'm the bad one.
252
00:12:15,610 --> 00:12:18,900
This soup is duhmazing.
Just a word I made up.
253
00:12:19,072 --> 00:12:22,162
For when something is so amazing
and all you can say is "duh."
254
00:12:22,325 --> 00:12:24,235
Duhmazing.
255
00:12:24,411 --> 00:12:28,291
Yes, I'd like to order another--
Yes, I'll hold.
256
00:12:28,664 --> 00:12:32,424
I think the hold music
is just Roger singing.
257
00:12:32,586 --> 00:12:34,496
Okay. Hang up the phone.
Go sit and eat.
258
00:12:34,671 --> 00:12:36,671
Come on.
Hurry, before Max eats the table.
259
00:12:36,840 --> 00:12:40,340
No, you eat.
After all, it's our special weekend.
260
00:12:40,509 --> 00:12:41,849
I want you to enjoy it.
261
00:12:42,011 --> 00:12:44,851
Well, okay,
but only because it's a special occasion.
262
00:12:45,014 --> 00:12:46,814
Good.
I'm gonna go take a hot shower.
263
00:12:46,975 --> 00:12:49,595
It's always better to make love
on an empty stomach.
264
00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:52,439
That must be why
there are so many people in India.
265
00:12:53,355 --> 00:12:55,355
Max, I've got a favor to ask you.
266
00:12:55,524 --> 00:12:58,784
Think you could visit your bear friends?
Give us some private time?
267
00:12:58,945 --> 00:13:00,775
It'll be your birthday gift to me.
268
00:13:01,822 --> 00:13:07,502
Oh, it would be my birthday gift to you
because it's your birthday.
269
00:13:07,662 --> 00:13:09,292
Yeah. Just for, like, two hours.
270
00:13:09,456 --> 00:13:14,666
Okay, one hour. I'll skip the foreplay
and that'll be my birthday gift to myself.
271
00:13:15,169 --> 00:13:18,299
Cool. Then I'll just go do that then.
272
00:13:18,465 --> 00:13:22,295
Caroline went to all this trouble to get
you a trip for your birthday, I assume?
273
00:13:22,469 --> 00:13:25,219
I know. And I was looking forward
to some birthday sex.
274
00:13:25,388 --> 00:13:29,478
We haven't connected that way since the
shop started giving you guys trouble.
275
00:13:29,643 --> 00:13:31,643
But the shop's been in trouble
for weeks.
276
00:13:31,811 --> 00:13:35,481
Yeah. So maybe I'll only need,
like, a half hour with her.
277
00:13:35,649 --> 00:13:39,279
I need my book, I'm gonna take
a bath instead. That tub is so amazing.
278
00:13:39,485 --> 00:13:42,525
I'm just gonna soak in it
and blissfully forget all my problems.
279
00:13:42,697 --> 00:13:44,567
As well as some other things.
280
00:13:44,740 --> 00:13:48,080
Max is gonna go visit Yogi and Boo Boo
and give us some private time.
281
00:13:48,245 --> 00:13:51,825
She can't. It's their manniversary.
They need their private time.
282
00:13:51,998 --> 00:13:56,668
Yes, but you guys
are celebrating a special thing too.
283
00:13:56,836 --> 00:13:58,546
What? What are we celebrating?
284
00:13:58,712 --> 00:14:00,422
Andy's birthday. Oh, damn it!
285
00:14:00,590 --> 00:14:05,350
Now I went and spoiled all the special
sexual things you had planned for him.
286
00:14:06,011 --> 00:14:09,931
Oh, damn it, Max,
now you did give it all away.
287
00:14:10,100 --> 00:14:14,020
We were gonna do missionary and...
288
00:14:14,562 --> 00:14:16,942
...the other one.
289
00:14:19,525 --> 00:14:22,605
Okay. Okay, I'm sorry. I forgot.
290
00:14:22,778 --> 00:14:25,528
I don't know how.
I knew today was your birthday.
291
00:14:25,698 --> 00:14:26,908
It's tomorrow.
292
00:14:27,951 --> 00:14:32,961
So yippee! She hasn't missed it.
All is right with the world.
293
00:14:33,123 --> 00:14:35,253
I'm gonna go visit the Berenstains.
294
00:14:35,917 --> 00:14:38,707
This weekend wasn't about my birthday,
was it?
295
00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:40,378
Come on, come on.
296
00:14:40,547 --> 00:14:43,837
Get your hand out of his honey pot
and get over here.
297
00:14:44,717 --> 00:14:46,047
I'll be gone in a second...
298
00:14:46,219 --> 00:14:49,049
...and then you guys
can jump-start your sex life again.
299
00:14:49,221 --> 00:14:51,471
What do you mean, "jump-start"?
300
00:14:51,640 --> 00:14:53,770
How could you tell Max
that we haven't had sex?
301
00:14:53,934 --> 00:14:55,814
You haven't even
discussed that with me.
302
00:14:55,979 --> 00:15:00,609
Come on, aliens, if you're ever going
to abduct me, this would be the time.
303
00:15:00,774 --> 00:15:04,454
Don't take the attention off the fact
that you forgot my birthday.
304
00:15:04,988 --> 00:15:06,778
Oh, God, I wish I was a cartoon...
305
00:15:06,947 --> 00:15:10,947
...so I can run right through this door
and leave behind a body-shaped hole.
306
00:15:11,660 --> 00:15:14,580
-Hey, Max.
-Hey. Mind if I hibernate for a minute?
307
00:15:14,748 --> 00:15:17,958
Sure, come in. We were just
gonna eat and then dye our chest hair.
308
00:15:19,251 --> 00:15:21,091
Close that damn door now.
309
00:15:21,254 --> 00:15:24,724
Thanks. It was getting a little tense
in there. She forgot his birthday.
310
00:15:24,923 --> 00:15:29,263
Ouch. Well, he forgot mine once
and now it's his ankle tattoo.
311
00:15:29,638 --> 00:15:31,178
Max, please, I insist.
312
00:15:31,347 --> 00:15:34,387
You don't have to ask me twice.
You gonna eat the pretzel roll?
313
00:15:35,100 --> 00:15:36,810
Andy, I'm sorry about your birthday.
314
00:15:36,977 --> 00:15:39,187
It just went out of my head. I feel bad.
315
00:15:39,355 --> 00:15:42,105
And I feel sick.
Can you stop swinging the bed?
316
00:15:42,317 --> 00:15:43,737
Sorry, I'm nervous.
317
00:15:43,902 --> 00:15:47,742
Yeah, you're nervous a lot. Which is why
our other bed isn't moving at all.
318
00:15:47,905 --> 00:15:50,945
No, no, no, don't go. Come back.
Come back to the sex bed.
319
00:15:51,116 --> 00:15:52,526
Let's get some sex going.
320
00:15:52,701 --> 00:15:54,871
Come on.
We can get this bed moving now.
321
00:15:55,038 --> 00:15:58,248
See? See?
322
00:15:58,415 --> 00:16:00,625
Hi. Oh, hi.
323
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:03,630
Oh, it's your birthday,
it's your birthday.
324
00:16:03,797 --> 00:16:05,217
It's tomorrow.
325
00:16:05,381 --> 00:16:07,511
Okay, okay, I can do better.
326
00:16:07,676 --> 00:16:11,046
See? Here we go now. Here we go.
327
00:16:11,428 --> 00:16:14,848
Wanna see me twerk it?
Wanna see me twerk it?
328
00:16:16,475 --> 00:16:19,595
Oh, oh, oh.
329
00:16:19,770 --> 00:16:21,480
If I'd had any food, I'd throw up.
330
00:16:21,648 --> 00:16:25,148
Okay, yeah. Have a seat.
Let's have some bread.
331
00:16:26,735 --> 00:16:29,405
Has it really been that long
since we had sex?
332
00:16:29,572 --> 00:16:33,242
Sweetie, after that dance,
it's hard to believe you've ever had sex.
333
00:16:35,161 --> 00:16:38,661
It hasn't been that long.
The shop opened on the 12th, so it's--
334
00:16:40,250 --> 00:16:42,630
-What?
-No, it's just interesting...
335
00:16:42,793 --> 00:16:44,883
...you had no problem
remembering that date.
336
00:16:45,046 --> 00:16:48,376
Let me ask you a question.
Where do you think you're going?
337
00:16:48,674 --> 00:16:50,014
What do you mean?
I'm here.
338
00:16:50,176 --> 00:16:52,346
No, where do you think you're going?
339
00:16:52,511 --> 00:16:54,761
Like, where do you see your life
in a year?
340
00:16:54,931 --> 00:16:57,641
Pretty soon, Max and I
will be out of this rough patch...
341
00:16:57,808 --> 00:17:00,558
...and full-force with business,
weddings, big events...
342
00:17:00,729 --> 00:17:03,899
...and Max and I will open another store,
get a bigger apartment.
343
00:17:04,065 --> 00:17:06,775
Okay, and am I in there somewhere?
344
00:17:06,942 --> 00:17:09,192
Oh, come on, I was getting to you.
345
00:17:09,362 --> 00:17:12,662
Were you? When?
When were you getting to me?
346
00:17:12,824 --> 00:17:15,124
After your business is a success?
347
00:17:15,492 --> 00:17:20,752
No, now.
Come on, sex time in the sex bed. Oh!
348
00:17:23,585 --> 00:17:25,665
Wanna do it on the floor?
349
00:17:27,672 --> 00:17:30,512
This is so comfortable.
350
00:17:32,134 --> 00:17:35,224
You put a belt on this,
you can wear it out.
351
00:17:35,387 --> 00:17:38,887
Just don't try that at your in-laws' house
with a matching turban.
352
00:17:39,099 --> 00:17:42,849
Dirk, my father worked 40 years
in a factory before he lost his arm.
353
00:17:43,020 --> 00:17:45,230
-He doesn't get camp.
-Okay.
354
00:17:45,397 --> 00:17:47,187
Get up.
We're having cookies and milk.
355
00:17:47,357 --> 00:17:48,817
Oh, you guys rock.
356
00:17:48,984 --> 00:17:51,114
I promise I won't stay here all night.
357
00:17:51,278 --> 00:17:55,488
Don't wanna get trapped in the middle
of your country bear jamboree.
358
00:17:56,409 --> 00:17:58,949
Please, honey,
you are perfectly safe in this bed.
359
00:17:59,119 --> 00:18:01,249
We haven't had sex in a year.
360
00:18:01,663 --> 00:18:03,583
Why would you tell her that?
361
00:18:03,750 --> 00:18:06,750
She told us about her friends.
I thought it was on the table.
362
00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:08,760
But we haven't even discussed that.
363
00:18:08,922 --> 00:18:11,592
Mother ship, make it happen.
364
00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:15,552
This is the time to abduct me.
365
00:18:15,720 --> 00:18:17,100
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)
366
00:18:17,806 --> 00:18:19,386
Hi.
Max, you can come back.
367
00:18:19,557 --> 00:18:21,847
Andy left.
He said he'd find his own way home.
368
00:18:22,018 --> 00:18:24,768
-He left?
-Because you're not having sex?
369
00:18:25,438 --> 00:18:27,898
Max, you told the bears
we're not having sex?
370
00:18:28,066 --> 00:18:29,316
Why would you share that?
371
00:18:29,483 --> 00:18:30,693
Exactly, Caroline.
372
00:18:30,859 --> 00:18:34,489
And why tell Max that, when you never
brought it up in our gestalt therapy?
373
00:18:34,655 --> 00:18:37,235
I was planning on addressing it
with you this weekend.
374
00:18:37,407 --> 00:18:40,327
You think I spent $500 on this room
for milk and cookies?
375
00:18:40,494 --> 00:18:44,714
I think we're all forgetting
how good that soup was.
376
00:18:44,874 --> 00:18:47,004
Sorry if I haven't been
feeling attractive.
377
00:18:47,167 --> 00:18:49,547
I tell you how handsome
you are every day.
378
00:18:49,711 --> 00:18:51,461
Don't you guys look exactly alike?
379
00:18:54,092 --> 00:18:56,722
-Are you okay?
-I'm all right.
380
00:18:56,885 --> 00:18:58,885
Wanna get in bed
and cuddle for a while?
381
00:18:59,055 --> 00:19:00,805
No, it's-- Yeah.
382
00:19:00,973 --> 00:19:04,353
-Come here. Yeah.
-There you go.
383
00:19:07,855 --> 00:19:11,725
Good, you're alive. When I heard you left
and walked through woods, I wondered:
384
00:19:11,901 --> 00:19:13,941
Was there anal probing?
385
00:19:14,863 --> 00:19:16,913
By an alien, not a grifter.
386
00:19:17,824 --> 00:19:19,334
You texted you wanted to see me?
387
00:19:19,491 --> 00:19:21,451
Well, someone did.
388
00:19:21,952 --> 00:19:24,752
Happy birthday. Now, come on, blow.
389
00:19:24,913 --> 00:19:28,503
-I don't really feel like doing that.
-Welcome to our world.
390
00:19:31,921 --> 00:19:34,011
Andy, I'm so sorry about everything.
391
00:19:34,257 --> 00:19:37,257
It's okay. I had time to think
on the bus and the other bus...
392
00:19:37,426 --> 00:19:40,176
...and the bus I had to take
when that bus broke down.
393
00:19:40,430 --> 00:19:43,850
If it makes you feel any better,
I have rope burns all down my back.
394
00:19:44,433 --> 00:19:46,943
Andy, I'm sorry about your birthday.
395
00:19:47,103 --> 00:19:50,733
We told each other dates a month ago,
wouldn't expect you to remember mine.
396
00:19:50,898 --> 00:19:53,898
May 28th, 1987.
Ten thirty in the morning.
397
00:19:54,067 --> 00:19:57,567
Ten thirty at night.
So you're not perfect.
398
00:19:58,114 --> 00:20:00,034
Look, you have a really busy life...
399
00:20:00,199 --> 00:20:02,449
...and you're really ambitious,
which I admire.
400
00:20:02,618 --> 00:20:05,538
But I wanna be more than someone
you get to eventually.
401
00:20:05,704 --> 00:20:09,254
And you deserve that. It's-- I have
to put the business first right now--
402
00:20:09,416 --> 00:20:12,706
And I get that, I just--
I think we should take a break.
403
00:20:13,378 --> 00:20:15,048
You wanna take a break?
404
00:20:15,213 --> 00:20:17,553
Maybe, yeah.
405
00:20:18,050 --> 00:20:21,930
"Take a break" because you really mean
break up, but you're trying to be nice?
406
00:20:22,096 --> 00:20:24,306
Maybe, yeah.
407
00:20:24,473 --> 00:20:26,063
I'm sorry if this seems sudden.
408
00:20:26,224 --> 00:20:29,444
But I know me and maybe
it's better sooner than later.
409
00:20:29,895 --> 00:20:33,815
I'm back and
I brought my bridesmaids.
410
00:20:34,692 --> 00:20:36,742
Looks like business is picking up.
411
00:20:37,278 --> 00:20:39,398
It's gonna be hard not to see you.
412
00:20:39,572 --> 00:20:42,912
Yeah, it will be. I work 10 feet away.
413
00:20:43,534 --> 00:20:44,914
This way, ladies.
414
00:20:45,077 --> 00:20:47,577
We're gonna taste every cupcake
they have.
415
00:20:47,747 --> 00:20:49,787
This is the time to take me!
416
00:20:50,249 --> 00:20:55,759
Come on, final offer!
E.T.? ALF? Christina Ricci?
417
00:21:23,782 --> 00:21:25,792
English - US - SDH
418
00:21:25,842 --> 00:21:30,392
Repair and Synchronization by
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