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1
00:00:09,676 --> 00:00:12,804
But now, instead of
a janky-ass sticky magnet,
2
00:00:12,887 --> 00:00:15,014
imagine that
this is our spaceship.
3
00:00:15,098 --> 00:00:17,600
Since when can the ship
split in half?
4
00:00:17,684 --> 00:00:21,104
Also, why does it split in half?
Is it ease of cleaning?
5
00:00:21,187 --> 00:00:23,606
Making it in two parts meant
that I could classify Avenue 5
6
00:00:23,690 --> 00:00:24,899
as two half-mile vessels.
7
00:00:24,983 --> 00:00:26,735
Made me
a substantial tax saving.
8
00:00:26,818 --> 00:00:28,069
Jesus wept.
9
00:00:28,153 --> 00:00:30,947
No, Jesus beat the shit out of
the tax collectors. Look it up.
10
00:00:31,030 --> 00:00:33,408
Or have Iris
look it up for you, I guess.
11
00:00:33,491 --> 00:00:35,577
So, if the ship splits,
the missile can only hit
12
00:00:35,660 --> 00:00:37,245
-one half, is that right?
-(FINGERS SNAP)
13
00:00:37,328 --> 00:00:40,123
No, no, no. No.
We're talking about genocide.
14
00:00:40,206 --> 00:00:41,124
Again!
15
00:00:41,207 --> 00:00:43,001
It's not genocide
if half of us survive.
16
00:00:43,084 --> 00:00:44,419
All right, semi-cide then.
17
00:00:44,502 --> 00:00:46,087
The missile is a real asshole.
18
00:00:46,171 --> 00:00:47,964
It will go for
maximum devastation,
19
00:00:48,047 --> 00:00:50,759
so probably the back half
where the engines are.
20
00:00:50,842 --> 00:00:53,636
So, who decides
who goes in which half?
21
00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:56,639
(SCOFFS) No.
It's not a dictator's job
22
00:00:56,723 --> 00:00:59,309
to decide on a whim
who lives or dies.
23
00:01:01,060 --> 00:01:02,645
It absolutely is, isn't it?
24
00:01:02,729 --> 00:01:06,024
♪ ("AVENUE 5"
THEME MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
25
00:01:14,365 --> 00:01:15,575
♪ (MUSIC FADES) ♪
26
00:01:15,658 --> 00:01:17,619
MATT SPENCER: Okay, here's how
the algorithm works.
27
00:01:17,702 --> 00:01:21,790
So, the AI algorithm delivers
a rank for each passenger
28
00:01:21,873 --> 00:01:23,875
based on their perceived value
to the ship.
29
00:01:23,958 --> 00:01:26,753
Knock, knock. Hello?
Why was I summoned here?
30
00:01:26,836 --> 00:01:28,213
Yeah, and why wasn't I summoned?
31
00:01:28,296 --> 00:01:32,801
-Okay, so take Frank, right?
-Hey. That's me.
32
00:01:32,884 --> 00:01:34,677
The algorithm has tracked Frank
33
00:01:34,761 --> 00:01:36,471
from the moment that
he stepped on the ship
34
00:01:36,554 --> 00:01:39,182
and laughed at the very idea
of the complimentary slippers.
35
00:01:39,265 --> 00:01:41,059
They're basically free shoes.
36
00:01:41,142 --> 00:01:44,479
Okay, so Frank produces
two pounds of solid waste,
37
00:01:44,562 --> 00:01:46,022
four pints of urine every day.
38
00:01:46,105 --> 00:01:48,566
He laughs on average
twice a week.
39
00:01:48,650 --> 00:01:50,401
Ah, I laugh more than that.
40
00:01:50,485 --> 00:01:52,153
You do a lot
of nervous laughter.
41
00:01:52,237 --> 00:01:53,196
(CHUCKLES) Exactly.
42
00:01:53,279 --> 00:01:54,781
MATT: His testosterone levels
are normal
43
00:01:54,864 --> 00:01:56,157
for a woman in her seventies.
44
00:01:56,241 --> 00:01:59,786
He has a 51 percent
near-fatal embolism.
45
00:01:59,869 --> 00:02:03,122
He has hairless feet,
can't taste pears, etcetera,
etcetera. Okay.
46
00:02:03,206 --> 00:02:06,376
And Frank's overall ranking
is 832.
47
00:02:06,459 --> 00:02:08,294
Thank you, Frank.
You can go now.
48
00:02:09,420 --> 00:02:10,880
What was that about an embolism?
49
00:02:10,964 --> 00:02:12,841
KAREN KELLY: Don't stress
about the embolism, Frank.
50
00:02:12,924 --> 00:02:14,551
You'll give yourself
an embolism.
51
00:02:14,634 --> 00:02:17,387
Every single J on this ship
is embedded with a camera.
52
00:02:17,470 --> 00:02:19,597
It tracks, through our actions
and demeanor,
53
00:02:19,681 --> 00:02:21,558
our positive contributions
to the ship.
54
00:02:21,641 --> 00:02:25,186
It's my algorithm,
but I promise to keep it fair.
55
00:02:25,270 --> 00:02:26,896
I love judging people.
56
00:02:26,980 --> 00:02:30,024
So, we lure the lower-ranked
passengers to the back,
57
00:02:30,108 --> 00:02:32,610
then we split the ship
in two and... mm, mm, mm.
58
00:02:32,694 --> 00:02:33,862
RYAN CLARK: A passenger pogrom.
59
00:02:33,945 --> 00:02:36,531
There's gotta be a better way
of doing it than this.
60
00:02:36,614 --> 00:02:38,867
Look, we've always given
machines the tasks
61
00:02:38,950 --> 00:02:41,202
that we can't handle, right?
Defuse bombs,
62
00:02:41,286 --> 00:02:44,122
reset bowling pins,
provide reliable orgasms.
63
00:02:44,205 --> 00:02:46,082
This is another thing
that we should put
64
00:02:46,165 --> 00:02:48,793
in the hands of a machine
because ours are too shaky.
65
00:02:48,877 --> 00:02:49,961
Okay.
66
00:02:50,044 --> 00:02:53,673
To use what is rapidly becoming
our popular catchphrase,
67
00:02:53,756 --> 00:02:56,926
fuck it. Let us temporarily
suspend our humanity.
68
00:02:57,010 --> 00:02:58,303
IRIS KIMURA: Great.
69
00:02:58,386 --> 00:02:59,929
-♪ (WHIMSICAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
-(ANNOUNCEMENT BELL DINGS)
70
00:03:00,013 --> 00:03:02,599
RYAN: Passengers, today,
the ship's computer
71
00:03:02,682 --> 00:03:04,058
will be ranking all of us.
72
00:03:04,142 --> 00:03:06,603
And if you rank between one
and 3000,
73
00:03:06,686 --> 00:03:09,230
you will be rewarded
with a first-class cabin.
74
00:03:09,314 --> 00:03:12,191
Everyone else
will be well provided for,
75
00:03:12,275 --> 00:03:13,484
so don't worry about that.
76
00:03:13,568 --> 00:03:15,653
Keep on smiling
and you will win the day.
77
00:03:15,737 --> 00:03:18,907
-(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
-♪ (WHIMSICAL MUSIC FADES) ♪
78
00:03:18,990 --> 00:03:20,658
Well, at least half of you will.
79
00:03:20,742 --> 00:03:23,328
-(DEVICE PINGS)
-Did my ranking just go up?
80
00:03:23,411 --> 00:03:25,914
The algorithm rewards
cold-hearted decisions
81
00:03:25,997 --> 00:03:28,583
-clinically made.
-So it's a psychopath?
82
00:03:28,666 --> 00:03:30,627
Well, it has Judd in its coding.
83
00:03:30,710 --> 00:03:32,629
Well, if the algorithm
is in charge,
84
00:03:32,712 --> 00:03:34,422
I won't need the head warmer.
85
00:03:34,505 --> 00:03:37,425
So, my followers all rank low
because they follow me.
86
00:03:37,508 --> 00:03:40,720
So let's see how that's going.
Oh. They've unfollowed me.
87
00:03:40,803 --> 00:03:43,014
That was fast.
You have to respect that.
88
00:03:43,097 --> 00:03:45,266
-Fickle little bitches. (LAUGHS)
-(DEVICE BUZZES)
89
00:03:45,350 --> 00:03:46,726
How can my ranking be so low
90
00:03:46,809 --> 00:03:50,313
when I am 3D printing an actual
human baby in my cooch?
91
00:03:50,396 --> 00:03:51,898
We don't need
a bigger suite, though.
92
00:03:51,981 --> 00:03:53,191
Babies are famously small.
93
00:03:53,274 --> 00:03:56,110
Not in your family. You had
a head like a refrigerator.
94
00:03:56,194 --> 00:03:58,112
Honey, like I told you,
it was a bad angle.
95
00:03:58,196 --> 00:04:00,782
-In every single photo.
-Well, my love for you
96
00:04:00,865 --> 00:04:03,618
is even bigger
than your freakish skull, Doug.
97
00:04:03,701 --> 00:04:06,245
-(BOTH GIGGLE)
-(DEVICE PINGS)
98
00:04:06,329 --> 00:04:07,872
Wait. Were you saying that
'cause you meant it,
99
00:04:07,956 --> 00:04:09,207
or were you trying
to get a ping?
100
00:04:09,290 --> 00:04:11,501
-Of course I meant it.
-(DEVICE PINGS)
101
00:04:11,584 --> 00:04:13,503
MIA: Okay. That smile
is freaking me out,
102
00:04:13,586 --> 00:04:15,171
but I'm just gonna go with it.
103
00:04:15,254 --> 00:04:18,758
How can I be bottom half?
Doesn't make sense.
104
00:04:18,841 --> 00:04:21,344
-I'm a good person. Fact.
-(DEVICE BUZZES)
105
00:04:21,427 --> 00:04:23,262
KAREN: Frank?
Why have I gone down?
106
00:04:23,346 --> 00:04:25,640
FRANK KELLY: Sorry,
I'm making bathroom.
107
00:04:25,723 --> 00:04:28,017
Ryan compliments me
all the time.
108
00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:29,978
He says he never met
anyone like me.
109
00:04:30,061 --> 00:04:32,939
FRANK: That's a known
British insult, honey.
110
00:04:33,022 --> 00:04:35,066
-No, it's not.
-FRANK: No, I think it is.
111
00:04:35,149 --> 00:04:36,985
-(DEVICE PINGS)
-(FRANK LAUGHING)
112
00:04:37,068 --> 00:04:39,195
-Don't nervous laugh me, Frank.
-FRANK: Sorry.
113
00:04:40,989 --> 00:04:43,491
-I'm going out.
-FRANK: I'm almost done.
114
00:04:43,574 --> 00:04:46,619
♪ (INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
115
00:04:46,703 --> 00:04:50,248
-ELENA: Oh, wow, mi amor.
-(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
116
00:04:50,331 --> 00:04:52,917
Wow.
"A Traditional British Eelhouse.
117
00:04:53,001 --> 00:04:55,169
-Eel-sy does it, Guvnor."
-(CHUCKLES)
118
00:04:55,253 --> 00:04:56,546
Why are we eating here?
119
00:04:56,629 --> 00:04:58,965
The camera-to-customer ratio
is pretty high here.
120
00:04:59,048 --> 00:05:01,384
And you lot could use
a bit of a lift.
121
00:05:01,467 --> 00:05:02,552
Is the food all eels?
122
00:05:02,635 --> 00:05:04,220
(IN COCKNEY ACCENT)
Is it all eels?
123
00:05:04,303 --> 00:05:07,056
Eating eels is what won us
the Battle of Agincourt!
124
00:05:07,140 --> 00:05:09,767
We thrashed Hitler's anus
with a brace of eels.
125
00:05:09,851 --> 00:05:11,060
-I don't like eels.
-(DEVICE BUZZES)
126
00:05:11,144 --> 00:05:13,187
Oh, nobody like eels.
They're the celery of the sea.
127
00:05:13,271 --> 00:05:16,941
But just relax and embrace
the authentic British smell
128
00:05:17,025 --> 00:05:18,568
of abandoned phone boxes
129
00:05:18,651 --> 00:05:19,861
-and James Corden.
-(DEVICE PINGS)
130
00:05:19,944 --> 00:05:22,655
(IN BRITISH ACCENT) Hoity-ho
and scupper me bollocks!
131
00:05:22,739 --> 00:05:25,366
Let me show you luverly,
luverly cunts
132
00:05:25,450 --> 00:05:26,868
to your shit and stable.
133
00:05:26,951 --> 00:05:28,745
(IN AMERICAN ACCENT)
That means table. This way.
134
00:05:28,828 --> 00:05:31,789
I think the C-word is considered
affectionate in the UK, right?
135
00:05:31,873 --> 00:05:33,207
RYAN: Yes. Absolutely. Yeah.
136
00:05:33,291 --> 00:05:35,501
-Sometimes makes it
into the wedding vows.
-(DEVICE PINGS)
137
00:05:35,585 --> 00:05:38,880
(IN BRITISH ACCENT) Here we are,
the old cock and balls. (LAUGHS)
138
00:05:38,963 --> 00:05:41,758
We'll have, uh,
an "Eel-ivia Colman,"
139
00:05:41,841 --> 00:05:43,092
an "Idris Eel-ba,"
140
00:05:43,176 --> 00:05:45,928
and an "Eel-ementary,
My Dear Wats-eel"
141
00:05:46,012 --> 00:05:47,138
for the tab-eel.
142
00:05:47,221 --> 00:05:49,057
WAITER: (IN AMERICAN ACCENT)
Excellent choices, man.
143
00:05:49,849 --> 00:05:51,059
ELENA: Why are you acting weird?
144
00:05:51,142 --> 00:05:53,269
I thought the rankings
were just a bit of fun?
145
00:05:53,352 --> 00:05:56,731
Yeah, yeah. It's just--
it's just fun, cor blimey!
146
00:05:56,814 --> 00:05:57,982
-(CHUCKLES)
-(DEVICE BUZZES)
147
00:05:58,066 --> 00:05:59,859
Is that for your dreadful
cockney accent?
148
00:05:59,942 --> 00:06:01,277
Or 'cause you're lying?
149
00:06:01,360 --> 00:06:03,362
-No.
-(DEVICE BUZZES)
150
00:06:03,446 --> 00:06:06,449
-It goes down when he lies.
-(DEVICE PINGS)
151
00:06:06,532 --> 00:06:07,950
(IN BRITISH ACCENT)
Eel-ivia Colman.
152
00:06:08,034 --> 00:06:09,619
We deboned it for you.
153
00:06:09,702 --> 00:06:11,412
(IN AMERICAN ACCENT)
Means we took the bones out.
154
00:06:11,496 --> 00:06:14,165
-It looks like mashed up eyes.
-(DEVICE BUZZES)
155
00:06:14,248 --> 00:06:15,958
RYAN: Hold your nose.
Push on through.
156
00:06:16,042 --> 00:06:17,710
Or what'll happen?
157
00:06:17,794 --> 00:06:19,504
-Nothing.
-(DEVICE BUZZES)
158
00:06:19,587 --> 00:06:21,464
Just as long as they
don't force feed us.
159
00:06:21,547 --> 00:06:22,632
Do we die?
160
00:06:26,094 --> 00:06:30,264
-Of course... not.
-(DEVICE BUZZES)
161
00:06:30,348 --> 00:06:33,601
Okay. Ryan, you need to tell us
everything, right now.
162
00:06:35,394 --> 00:06:37,105
(DOOR CLOSING)
163
00:06:37,188 --> 00:06:38,439
COMPUTER MATT:
Welcome, Ryan Clark.
164
00:06:38,523 --> 00:06:41,442
KAREN: Huh. Knew this software
would be cheap.
165
00:06:41,526 --> 00:06:43,569
-Can you change your voice?
-COMPUTER MATT: No.
166
00:06:43,653 --> 00:06:47,031
Can you change yours? See?
(LAUGHS) I have a humor chip.
167
00:06:47,115 --> 00:06:51,661
Mm. Okay, so let momma see
what baby's been thinking.
168
00:06:51,744 --> 00:06:53,913
Ryan's most used words.
169
00:06:53,996 --> 00:06:56,541
RYAN: (OVER COMPUTER)
Karen. Karen. Karen...
170
00:06:56,624 --> 00:06:58,918
-(GASPS, CHUCKLES) Ryan!
-COMPUTER MATT: Hey, do you want
171
00:06:59,001 --> 00:07:00,837
-to expand context of...
-RYAN: Karen.
172
00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:02,547
-COMPUTER MATT: ...words?
-KAREN: Oh, yeah, baby.
173
00:07:02,630 --> 00:07:04,423
RYAN: I'm talking
about fucking Karen!
174
00:07:04,507 --> 00:07:06,008
-(GASPS)
-RYAN: Honestly?
175
00:07:06,092 --> 00:07:07,510
Being around Karen makes me feel
176
00:07:07,593 --> 00:07:09,178
-like a teenager again.
-Oh.
177
00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:10,638
RYAN: And I was
deeply uncomfortable
178
00:07:10,721 --> 00:07:13,432
as a teenager.
Borderline suicidal.
179
00:07:13,516 --> 00:07:15,726
Christ, that woman
is like a verruca
180
00:07:15,810 --> 00:07:18,688
-on my blinking anus!
-Well, that could be anyone.
181
00:07:18,771 --> 00:07:21,983
RYAN: I'm talking about Karen,
for fuck's sake.
182
00:07:22,066 --> 00:07:23,317
-Dull and draining.
-(GASPS)
183
00:07:23,401 --> 00:07:25,194
RYAN: Like a month
of fucking Wednesdays.
184
00:07:25,278 --> 00:07:27,238
I'll tell you who can
fuck along nicely.
185
00:07:27,321 --> 00:07:28,364
-Karen Kelly.
-(GASPS)
186
00:07:28,447 --> 00:07:30,283
RYAN: Karen Kelly.
I bet if you say that
187
00:07:30,366 --> 00:07:32,869
in the wrong pyramid,
your mouth fills with beetles.
188
00:07:32,952 --> 00:07:33,911
KAREN: You S-head.
189
00:07:33,995 --> 00:07:35,163
RYAN: Honestly, that woman
haunts me
190
00:07:35,246 --> 00:07:39,333
-like a perfumed plague pit.
-Shut the fuck up!
191
00:07:39,417 --> 00:07:40,793
-(DEVICE PINGS)
-PASSENGER: You deserve it.
192
00:07:40,877 --> 00:07:42,545
-(DEVICE PINGS)
-No, but I wanna buy this
for you.
193
00:07:42,628 --> 00:07:44,005
-(DEVICE PINGS)
-I wanna buy it for you.
194
00:07:44,088 --> 00:07:45,089
-(DEVICE PINGS)
-(LAUGHS)
195
00:07:45,173 --> 00:07:46,632
That's so cute. (CHUCKLES)
196
00:07:46,716 --> 00:07:49,427
I bet a beautiful couple
like you are ranking highly,
197
00:07:49,510 --> 00:07:51,596
-am I right?
-Uh, no. She's my sister.
198
00:07:51,679 --> 00:07:52,722
RAV MULCAIR: Oh, shame.
199
00:07:52,805 --> 00:07:54,390
-(DEVICE BUZZES)
-I mean, not a shame, a waste.
200
00:07:54,473 --> 00:07:56,100
-(DEVICE BUZZES)
-No. (LAUGHS) What I mean is,
201
00:07:56,184 --> 00:07:57,685
I was gonna say
you would have lovely children,
202
00:07:57,768 --> 00:08:00,438
but then, children of incest
are plain looking, aren't they?
203
00:08:00,521 --> 00:08:01,856
-(DEVICE BUZZES)
-Not that yours would be.
204
00:08:01,939 --> 00:08:03,232
-Yours would be lovely.
-(DEVICE BUZZES)
205
00:08:03,316 --> 00:08:04,400
If you're planning to have them.
206
00:08:04,483 --> 00:08:06,027
-(DEVICE BUZZES)
-Shit.
207
00:08:06,110 --> 00:08:08,112
Did you just tell them their
incest children would be plain?
208
00:08:08,196 --> 00:08:09,989
Yes. Yes,
that's what just happened.
209
00:08:10,072 --> 00:08:11,866
You know, Rav,
I think conversation
210
00:08:11,949 --> 00:08:13,201
isn't your natural medium.
211
00:08:13,284 --> 00:08:15,203
I think you'd do better
with a grand gesture.
212
00:08:15,286 --> 00:08:16,412
Like, a "you go girl" moment.
213
00:08:16,495 --> 00:08:18,414
Okay, yeah,
like 10,000 points for Rav.
214
00:08:18,497 --> 00:08:20,374
Yes. Yes. As long as
you're not talking,
215
00:08:20,458 --> 00:08:21,375
-I think you're-- Oh!
-Oh.
216
00:08:21,459 --> 00:08:22,543
-After you.
-(DEVICE PINGS)
217
00:08:22,627 --> 00:08:23,628
-Hurry up.
-(DEVICE BUZZES)
218
00:08:23,711 --> 00:08:24,754
I'm sorry. Oh, shit.
219
00:08:24,837 --> 00:08:25,922
(ANNOUNCEMENT BELL DINGS)
220
00:08:26,005 --> 00:08:28,257
RYAN: You have five hours
of ranking left.
221
00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:29,675
Five hours.
222
00:08:31,010 --> 00:08:33,346
(DEVICE PINGING)
223
00:08:35,973 --> 00:08:37,099
What are you doing?
224
00:08:37,183 --> 00:08:38,976
You just have to smile
for the cameras. It's easy.
225
00:08:39,060 --> 00:08:41,604
I know the intersection points
where I can hit multiple cameras
226
00:08:41,687 --> 00:08:44,273
at once. It's efficient
and avoids cheek fatigue.
227
00:08:44,815 --> 00:08:47,068
(DEVICE PINGING)
228
00:08:47,151 --> 00:08:49,195
Uh, is it okay if I join you?
229
00:08:49,278 --> 00:08:51,405
-Absolutely not.
-(DEVICE PINGING)
230
00:08:52,823 --> 00:08:53,824
(DEVICE PINGS)
231
00:08:57,411 --> 00:08:59,205
You know, I say
screw the rankings.
232
00:08:59,288 --> 00:09:00,998
-I am not looking.
-Yeah.
233
00:09:01,082 --> 00:09:02,291
I don't... (SCOFFS)
234
00:09:03,417 --> 00:09:04,585
(DEVICE PINGS)
235
00:09:06,379 --> 00:09:08,130
-Or maybe we should...
-Way ahead of you.
236
00:09:08,214 --> 00:09:10,383
Four thousand
four hundred seventy-two.
237
00:09:10,466 --> 00:09:12,051
Five thousand
three hundred and forty-seven.
238
00:09:12,134 --> 00:09:13,803
I can't-- I can't believe it.
I'm number two.
239
00:09:13,886 --> 00:09:16,639
How--? Really?
Oh, I'm so pleased for you.
240
00:09:16,722 --> 00:09:18,599
-(DEVICE PINGS)
-That makes me so happy.
241
00:09:18,683 --> 00:09:21,811
(CHUCKLES) Wait.
Who's number one?
242
00:09:21,894 --> 00:09:24,230
Who the fuck is better than me?
243
00:09:24,313 --> 00:09:26,774
She's a real number two,
all right.
244
00:09:26,857 --> 00:09:28,276
-(JAZZ CHUCKLES)
-(DEVICE PINGS)
245
00:09:28,359 --> 00:09:29,860
Looks like the algorithm
likes your joke.
246
00:09:29,944 --> 00:09:32,530
Does it find me attractive, too?
Maybe I could take it to dinner.
247
00:09:32,613 --> 00:09:33,948
-(JAZZ LAUGHS)
-(DEVICE PINGING)
248
00:09:34,031 --> 00:09:36,325
-You're on a roll.
-Yeah, I think I'm gonna
249
00:09:36,409 --> 00:09:37,660
head up to the bar.
250
00:09:37,743 --> 00:09:39,328
CHARLES: I don't believe this.
You told us
251
00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:42,039
it was about where we live,
not whether we live.
252
00:09:43,124 --> 00:09:46,002
-I really did love you, Ryan.
-(DEVICE PINGS)
253
00:09:47,253 --> 00:09:49,839
Oh, my God. You actually did.
254
00:09:49,922 --> 00:09:51,507
-I did, too.
-(DEVICE PINGS)
255
00:09:52,008 --> 00:09:53,551
I did wonder.
256
00:09:53,634 --> 00:09:55,011
You always seemed to be
two drinks short
257
00:09:55,094 --> 00:09:56,721
of curling up in my laundry.
258
00:09:57,763 --> 00:10:00,349
So, where do we go from here?
259
00:10:00,433 --> 00:10:03,936
-Uh, I don't know.
-(DEVICE BUZZES)
260
00:10:05,146 --> 00:10:07,690
Okay, por dios.
261
00:10:07,773 --> 00:10:11,652
I love you both equally,
but differently.
262
00:10:11,736 --> 00:10:12,778
(DEVICE PINGS)
263
00:10:14,030 --> 00:10:15,239
Well, this is a lot to take in.
264
00:10:15,323 --> 00:10:17,325
-(DEVICE BUZZING)
-What?
265
00:10:17,408 --> 00:10:19,994
(BOTH GRUNT)
266
00:10:20,077 --> 00:10:23,706
-(PASSENGER 1 YELPS)
-(PASSENGER 2 SCREAMS)
267
00:10:23,789 --> 00:10:26,000
-(DEVICE BUZZING)
-I-- I didn't do anything.
268
00:10:26,083 --> 00:10:28,502
Unless I'm being penalized
for existing.
269
00:10:28,586 --> 00:10:30,713
(SCREAMS)
270
00:10:30,796 --> 00:10:31,881
-(BABY CRIES)
-(SCREAMS)
271
00:10:31,964 --> 00:10:33,549
-(DEVICE BUZZES)
-See, this has just tipped over
272
00:10:33,632 --> 00:10:34,800
-into bullying.
-(DEVICE BUZZES)
273
00:10:34,884 --> 00:10:36,302
-I'm gonna have to
sort this out.
-(DEVICE BUZZING)
274
00:10:36,385 --> 00:10:38,179
Guys, you know,
I am getting so old.
275
00:10:38,262 --> 00:10:40,431
You know, when I go to
the toilet, I don't take a book.
276
00:10:40,514 --> 00:10:42,683
-I take an encyclopedia.
-(CROWD LAUGHS)
277
00:10:42,767 --> 00:10:44,727
-(DEVICE PINGS)
-Back in the game.
278
00:10:44,810 --> 00:10:46,729
Now let me tell you
about my brother, Larry.
279
00:10:46,812 --> 00:10:48,898
I don't wanna say
he's unhygienic, but my God,
280
00:10:48,981 --> 00:10:50,441
the only time he washes
behind his ears
281
00:10:50,524 --> 00:10:52,193
is when he's eating a slice
of watermelon.
282
00:10:52,276 --> 00:10:53,861
-(CROWD LAUGHS)
-(DEVICE PINGS)
283
00:10:53,944 --> 00:10:55,488
You ever wonder why
the word "monosyllabic"
284
00:10:55,571 --> 00:10:57,239
has five syllables?
285
00:10:57,323 --> 00:10:59,700
Huh? Boy, that kind
of split the room.
286
00:10:59,784 --> 00:11:02,870
Spike is gonna drop the mic
and I'll be back in five.
287
00:11:02,953 --> 00:11:04,372
Thank you.
288
00:11:04,455 --> 00:11:06,332
Uh, number one stuck
in your craw?
289
00:11:06,415 --> 00:11:09,168
You know that old folk song,
"Simply the Best"?
290
00:11:09,251 --> 00:11:11,796
That's my funeral song.
Not "Simply the Second Best."
291
00:11:11,879 --> 00:11:13,214
You know why?
'Cause that's not a song!
292
00:11:13,297 --> 00:11:16,759
-(COMMUNICATOR BEEPS)
-Message. It's from number one.
293
00:11:16,842 --> 00:11:19,720
"Meet me at Judd's statue."
294
00:11:20,346 --> 00:11:21,347
How are we looking?
295
00:11:21,430 --> 00:11:22,765
We're both trending
below cannibal.
296
00:11:22,848 --> 00:11:24,266
-(SCOFFS) What?
-(ANNOUNCEMENT BELL DINGS)
297
00:11:24,350 --> 00:11:28,354
RYAN: You have two hours
of ranking left. Two hours.
298
00:11:28,437 --> 00:11:30,398
Oh, God. Oh, God,
this is it, Doug.
299
00:11:30,481 --> 00:11:33,651
-No, I'll think of something.
-No, I think the baby's coming!
300
00:11:33,734 --> 00:11:36,112
-It's too early.
-It's not checking into a hotel.
301
00:11:36,195 --> 00:11:38,823
It's literally coming out
of my body right now!
302
00:11:38,906 --> 00:11:40,908
-Oh. All right. Towels!
Do we need towels?
-(GROANS)
303
00:11:40,991 --> 00:11:42,910
No, fuck towels!
I need drugs!
304
00:11:42,993 --> 00:11:44,912
Women want to be unconscious!
305
00:11:44,995 --> 00:11:46,831
(BABY CRIES)
306
00:11:47,456 --> 00:11:48,416
Hey, my hat!
307
00:11:48,499 --> 00:11:50,501
-(DEVICE BUZZES)
-Fuck.
308
00:11:50,584 --> 00:11:51,877
-(DEVICE BUZZES)
-Fuck.
309
00:11:51,961 --> 00:11:53,129
(DEVICE BUZZES)
310
00:11:53,212 --> 00:11:55,548
Judd's ranking advice.
Hi, how are ya?
311
00:11:55,631 --> 00:11:57,883
I was told if I kept smiling,
I'd be fine,
312
00:11:57,967 --> 00:11:59,927
um, but my ranking's lower
than snake shit.
313
00:12:00,010 --> 00:12:01,470
I think it's because
whatever's happening
314
00:12:01,554 --> 00:12:03,305
on your face right now
isn't a smile.
315
00:12:03,389 --> 00:12:04,432
-It's more like a smirk.
-Oh.
316
00:12:04,515 --> 00:12:06,684
I want you to watch me.
See this? See this?
317
00:12:06,767 --> 00:12:08,477
You see? You see what
I'm doing right now?
318
00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:10,479
That's a fucking
happy factory right there.
319
00:12:10,563 --> 00:12:12,106
There's thousands of people
working up there
320
00:12:12,189 --> 00:12:13,357
making nothing but joy.
321
00:12:13,441 --> 00:12:16,360
-I'm smiling.
-No. You maybe have
322
00:12:16,444 --> 00:12:18,362
-minor nerve damage
or something?
-No.
323
00:12:18,446 --> 00:12:20,197
I would maybe get your hands
on some Botox
324
00:12:20,281 --> 00:12:21,449
and a disgraced surgeon.
325
00:12:21,532 --> 00:12:24,869
Judd, your algorithm
inexplicably despises me.
326
00:12:24,952 --> 00:12:26,078
-(DEVICE BUZZES)
-See?
327
00:12:26,162 --> 00:12:28,497
It's actually
a very simple system.
328
00:12:28,581 --> 00:12:30,332
It's, um...
329
00:12:30,416 --> 00:12:32,501
-How do you turn it on?
-Don't you use it?
330
00:12:32,585 --> 00:12:34,170
No. I can't be in my own app
331
00:12:34,253 --> 00:12:35,838
because then
it would achieve singularity.
332
00:12:35,921 --> 00:12:38,299
-You just press that down there.
-Oh.
333
00:12:38,382 --> 00:12:39,967
And let's just...
334
00:12:40,050 --> 00:12:42,511
Fuck.
335
00:12:42,595 --> 00:12:44,889
-Are you low?
-(SCOFFS) As if.
336
00:12:44,972 --> 00:12:46,891
-(DEVICE BUZZES)
-RYAN: (LAUGHS)
That is very cheering.
337
00:12:46,974 --> 00:12:48,684
The German word
for what I'm feeling now
338
00:12:48,767 --> 00:12:50,519
is "Schitting Fantastiche."
339
00:12:50,603 --> 00:12:52,354
Okay, um, I could really use
your help right now.
340
00:12:52,438 --> 00:12:55,149
Could you maybe tell me some
of your problems or whatever?
341
00:12:55,232 --> 00:12:57,735
-I'd be doing you a favor.
-(DEVICE PINGS)
342
00:12:57,818 --> 00:13:00,988
-So, I'm in love with a woman.
-Which is great.
343
00:13:01,071 --> 00:13:03,866
-But she's married.
-Which is... bad?
344
00:13:03,949 --> 00:13:06,911
Well, y-- yeah. The marriage
is complicated. The thing is--
345
00:13:06,994 --> 00:13:08,329
Okay, I'm gonna stop you
right there.
346
00:13:08,412 --> 00:13:10,164
Is this a problem that I can
solve with either money
347
00:13:10,247 --> 00:13:12,583
-or aggressive legal action?
-Uh, probably not.
348
00:13:12,666 --> 00:13:14,001
Then this is not gonna
work for me.
349
00:13:14,084 --> 00:13:16,545
I need points, Ryan.
I am desperate for points.
350
00:13:16,629 --> 00:13:18,214
-I will pay for points.
-Christ. You're like
351
00:13:18,297 --> 00:13:20,466
an upturned turtle, aren't you?
352
00:13:20,549 --> 00:13:22,551
-(DEVICE BUZZES)
-I'll take the hit on that.
353
00:13:22,635 --> 00:13:24,011
-(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
-RAV: Excellent.
354
00:13:24,094 --> 00:13:25,221
Ooh, well done, you, sir.
355
00:13:25,304 --> 00:13:27,431
You-- you-- Oh, fantastic!
Everyone's a winner.
356
00:13:27,515 --> 00:13:29,099
-(DEVICE PINGS)
-No, soccer's the winner!
357
00:13:29,183 --> 00:13:31,101
-(COUGHING)
-Help! Somebody help!
358
00:13:31,185 --> 00:13:33,229
Oh, God, that man's choking!
He's choking! Somebody help him!
359
00:13:33,312 --> 00:13:34,480
-Somebody help him!
-Rav, look at me.
360
00:13:34,563 --> 00:13:35,898
Saving a life
is a rankings bonanza.
361
00:13:35,981 --> 00:13:37,650
-Oh, God.
-Come on.
362
00:13:37,733 --> 00:13:39,693
-I don't know what I'm doing!
What am I gonna do? Help me!
-Give him the Heimlich!
363
00:13:39,777 --> 00:13:40,903
-I don't know the Heimlich.
-I know the Heimlich.
364
00:13:40,986 --> 00:13:42,196
-No, no. She's got it.
-Do I just pump him?
365
00:13:42,279 --> 00:13:43,739
-Pump. Pump.
-I'm here to help you!
366
00:13:43,822 --> 00:13:44,990
You're helping each other.
367
00:13:45,074 --> 00:13:46,825
-I think you have to
do it harder!
-It's not work--
368
00:13:46,909 --> 00:13:47,868
He's bloody heavy!
369
00:13:47,952 --> 00:13:50,371
She's saving him!
She's saving him.
370
00:13:54,291 --> 00:13:55,292
Thanks.
371
00:13:56,293 --> 00:13:58,921
Well, it's an easy mistake
to make.
372
00:13:59,004 --> 00:14:01,757
You know, a heart attack
is often indistinguishable
373
00:14:01,840 --> 00:14:02,925
from choking.
374
00:14:03,008 --> 00:14:04,426
Hey. Hey, let me help you
with that.
375
00:14:04,510 --> 00:14:05,386
-No, thank you.
-(DEVICE BUZZES)
376
00:14:05,469 --> 00:14:06,720
-Let me help you with your bag.
-No.
377
00:14:06,804 --> 00:14:08,347
-(DEVICE BUZZING)
-Please, please!
378
00:14:08,430 --> 00:14:09,807
-No.
-HERMAN JUDD: Fuck.
379
00:14:10,516 --> 00:14:13,269
Hey, Iris. How are you?
380
00:14:13,352 --> 00:14:14,645
That's confidential information.
381
00:14:15,521 --> 00:14:17,356
-Damn it.
-Everything okay, Iris?
382
00:14:17,439 --> 00:14:20,442
The algorithm seems to have
figured out my smile hustle.
383
00:14:21,110 --> 00:14:22,653
Is the algo evolving?
384
00:14:22,736 --> 00:14:25,739
Well, if it is,
then we must evolve too.
385
00:14:25,823 --> 00:14:28,826
Like how bears learned to dance.
386
00:14:28,909 --> 00:14:32,746
Um, I would like you, Iris,
to be my friend
387
00:14:32,830 --> 00:14:35,916
slash employee again.
My friend-ployee.
388
00:14:36,000 --> 00:14:38,961
-(DEVICE PINGS)
-Did you say that for the rank?
389
00:14:39,044 --> 00:14:40,713
-No.
-(DEVICE BUZZES)
390
00:14:40,796 --> 00:14:43,507
Yes. Yes. I said
the friend thing for the rank.
391
00:14:43,591 --> 00:14:46,844
And then I said that I said it
for the rank for the rank, too.
392
00:14:46,927 --> 00:14:48,387
-(DEVICE PINGS)
-Okay.
393
00:14:48,470 --> 00:14:50,222
For this to happen,
you're gonna have to treat me
394
00:14:50,306 --> 00:14:51,473
like a human being,
because I am.
395
00:14:51,557 --> 00:14:52,683
You are like a human being.
396
00:14:52,766 --> 00:14:55,185
I am a human being, damn it,
and I want respect.
397
00:14:55,269 --> 00:14:57,396
-I respect you so much.
-(DEVICE BUZZES)
398
00:14:59,023 --> 00:15:03,652
Okay, I will do my best
to make the respect happen.
399
00:15:03,736 --> 00:15:07,114
-(DEVICE PINGS)
-You also need to drop
all the lawsuits against me.
400
00:15:07,197 --> 00:15:08,991
-Even the fun ones?
-Yes.
401
00:15:10,159 --> 00:15:11,910
Okay. Okay.
402
00:15:11,994 --> 00:15:14,788
-Oh, man. I missed you, Iris.
-(DEVICE PINGS)
403
00:15:14,872 --> 00:15:17,291
-I missed you, too.
-(DEVICE BUZZES)
404
00:15:17,374 --> 00:15:19,126
-You lying fuck.
-(DEVICE BUZZES)
405
00:15:19,209 --> 00:15:20,502
-Goddammit, Iris.
-(DEVICE BUZZES)
406
00:15:20,586 --> 00:15:22,588
-You're really fucking me here.
-(DEVICE BUZZES)
407
00:15:22,671 --> 00:15:24,715
♪ (SOFT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
408
00:15:24,798 --> 00:15:27,343
BILLIE MCEVOY:
Hello? Number one?
409
00:15:28,427 --> 00:15:29,762
Oh. (CHUCKLES)
410
00:15:32,389 --> 00:15:36,143
(CHUCKLES) So... oh.
411
00:15:38,270 --> 00:15:40,939
The cream has risen.
We are the cream.
412
00:15:42,107 --> 00:15:43,651
-Be the cream.
-(DEVICE PINGS)
413
00:15:43,734 --> 00:15:46,195
What the fuck? You?
414
00:15:46,278 --> 00:15:48,822
-The best of us is Mads.
-(DEVICE PINGS)
415
00:15:48,906 --> 00:15:53,661
You are two. I is one.
We are three. Pronounced "free."
416
00:15:53,744 --> 00:15:55,496
-(DEVICE PINGS)
-Oh.
417
00:15:55,579 --> 00:15:58,040
Oh, I see. No, no, no,
it doesn't understand you.
418
00:15:58,123 --> 00:16:00,751
You're just saying nonsense
confidently
419
00:16:00,834 --> 00:16:02,252
and you have cheekbones.
420
00:16:02,336 --> 00:16:04,672
Billie, don't overthink it.
It's a very,
421
00:16:04,755 --> 00:16:06,965
-very number two thing to do.
-(DEVICE PINGS)
422
00:16:07,049 --> 00:16:08,759
Just accept that
I am the king of this ship
423
00:16:08,842 --> 00:16:11,679
-and you are basically my--
-If you dare say queen,
424
00:16:11,762 --> 00:16:14,848
I will gouge out your tongue
with my thumbs.
425
00:16:14,932 --> 00:16:17,685
No. I was going to say
my jester.
426
00:16:17,768 --> 00:16:19,603
Your jester?
427
00:16:19,687 --> 00:16:22,940
Tongues are too slippery
to gouge, you silly jester.
428
00:16:23,023 --> 00:16:24,441
-(DEVICE PINGS)
-Ugh, this is ridiculous.
429
00:16:24,525 --> 00:16:25,526
-(DEVICE BUZZES)
-Oh!
430
00:16:25,609 --> 00:16:27,611
You are the stupidest computer
I've ever met.
431
00:16:27,695 --> 00:16:31,031
I'm gonna turn you off
before you make me hate numbers.
432
00:16:31,115 --> 00:16:33,867
-(CROWD LAUGHS, APPLAUDS)
-(DEVICE PINGS)
433
00:16:33,951 --> 00:16:38,038
I'm, uh, I'm actually bisexual.
I've had sex twice.
434
00:16:38,122 --> 00:16:38,956
(CROWD LAUGHS)
435
00:16:39,039 --> 00:16:41,500
-(DEVICE PINGS)
-Spike slam. (CHUCKLES)
436
00:16:41,583 --> 00:16:44,169
You know, people say to me,
they say, "Gosh, was it scary,
437
00:16:44,253 --> 00:16:46,338
walking on Mars?"
I say, "I don't know.
438
00:16:46,422 --> 00:16:48,257
I had my eyes closed
the whole time."
439
00:16:48,340 --> 00:16:50,551
-(CROWD LAUGHS)
-(DEVICE PINGS)
440
00:16:50,634 --> 00:16:52,177
You know, my, uh, fourth wife...
441
00:16:52,261 --> 00:16:53,303
-Fuck!
-(DEVICE BUZZES)
442
00:16:53,387 --> 00:16:55,097
Okay, this-- here--
There's nobody in here.
443
00:16:55,180 --> 00:16:57,433
-(DEVICE BUZZES)
-DOUG: See, that's not helping
our rankings, honey.
444
00:16:57,516 --> 00:16:59,560
Maybe you could just smile
through the pain?
445
00:16:59,643 --> 00:17:00,686
I hope your ass splits
446
00:17:00,769 --> 00:17:02,229
-and a bus falls out!
-(DEVICE BUZZES)
447
00:17:02,312 --> 00:17:03,731
I completely understand
your hatred, honey.
448
00:17:03,814 --> 00:17:05,065
-IRIS: I hear screaming.
-(DEVICE PINGS)
449
00:17:05,149 --> 00:17:06,400
MATT: No, no, no.
I can't get involved.
450
00:17:06,483 --> 00:17:08,485
God, we're so fucked.
Babe, can I hold-- I need to--
451
00:17:08,569 --> 00:17:09,945
What are you doing
with your hands?
452
00:17:10,028 --> 00:17:12,448
Oh, my God, the baby's coming.
I've never seen a real birth.
453
00:17:12,531 --> 00:17:13,741
I mean, aside from my own,
454
00:17:13,824 --> 00:17:16,577
but that was a cesarian,
so I missed the money shot.
455
00:17:16,660 --> 00:17:19,246
Sadly, I am a midwife only
to disaster.
456
00:17:19,329 --> 00:17:21,707
What is this, cervix tourism?
Two tickets to see
457
00:17:21,790 --> 00:17:23,709
-a woman being split in half?
-(DEVICE BUZZES)
458
00:17:23,792 --> 00:17:25,294
(CHUCKLES)
You mean like the ship?
459
00:17:25,377 --> 00:17:26,587
The ship is being split in half?
460
00:17:26,670 --> 00:17:27,963
-(DEVICE PINGS)
-Yeah, so the missile--
461
00:17:28,047 --> 00:17:28,964
-Missile?
-What?
462
00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:30,299
You know what?
If you push hard enough,
463
00:17:30,382 --> 00:17:32,301
you could suffocate Matt
with a flying placenta.
464
00:17:32,384 --> 00:17:34,303
-(DEVICE BUZZES)
-Wait, is that why
you're ranking us?
465
00:17:34,386 --> 00:17:35,888
-No! No.
-(DEVICE BUZZING)
466
00:17:35,971 --> 00:17:37,639
Right, stand back. Here I come.
467
00:17:37,723 --> 00:17:39,475
Auntie Iris gonna
land this baby.
468
00:17:39,558 --> 00:17:41,226
-I'm not shitting out a shuttle!
-(DEVICE BUZZES)
469
00:17:41,310 --> 00:17:42,853
-Just smile, like me.
-(DEVICE PINGS)
470
00:17:42,936 --> 00:17:44,480
I can't get involved
because last time
471
00:17:44,563 --> 00:17:46,148
I got involved
in a medical emergency,
472
00:17:46,231 --> 00:17:47,107
a bald man died.
473
00:17:47,191 --> 00:17:48,776
Be uninvolved
more quietly, please.
474
00:17:48,859 --> 00:17:50,110
MATT: But doesn't she
need a doctor?
475
00:17:50,194 --> 00:17:51,945
-Okay, baby. Smile!
-IRIS: Push!
476
00:17:52,029 --> 00:17:53,405
-Smile!
-Push!
477
00:17:53,489 --> 00:17:55,365
-(GROANS)
-(WHISPERING) Sound happy.
There are mics everywhere.
478
00:17:55,449 --> 00:17:57,326
Just picture stroking
her squidgy little cheeks
479
00:17:57,409 --> 00:17:59,453
-while she's sleeping.
-I can't! I can't!
480
00:17:59,536 --> 00:18:00,788
Fucking picture it!
481
00:18:00,871 --> 00:18:02,080
(ANNOUNCEMENT BELL DINGS)
482
00:18:02,164 --> 00:18:04,625
You have five minutes
of ranking left.
483
00:18:04,708 --> 00:18:06,543
-Five minutes.
-(BABY COOS)
484
00:18:06,627 --> 00:18:08,295
I stepped back
and you all flourished.
485
00:18:08,378 --> 00:18:11,006
-Isn't that interesting?
-If you said it, no.
486
00:18:11,089 --> 00:18:13,383
-♪ (SOFT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
-DOUG: Oh, wow.
487
00:18:13,467 --> 00:18:16,345
-You're a mother, Mia.
-(DEVICE PINGS)
488
00:18:16,428 --> 00:18:18,639
-And I'm a father.
-(DEVICE PINGS, BUZZES)
489
00:18:23,435 --> 00:18:25,145
(DEVICE BUZZES)
490
00:18:25,229 --> 00:18:26,897
-RYAN: Karen! Karen!
-(DEVICE BUZZES)
491
00:18:26,980 --> 00:18:27,940
What are you doing?
492
00:18:28,023 --> 00:18:30,192
KAREN: I'm fruit effing
your rank.
493
00:18:30,275 --> 00:18:33,779
You called me an anal verruca,
and it hurt.
494
00:18:33,862 --> 00:18:36,865
-You mind taking that off?
-KAREN: You said you hated me.
495
00:18:36,949 --> 00:18:39,827
(SCOFFS) The algorithm
was fooled by that?
496
00:18:39,910 --> 00:18:42,162
-Look, I don't hate you.
-(DEVICE BUZZES)
497
00:18:42,246 --> 00:18:43,539
-Yeah, I do hate you.
-(DEVICE PINGS)
498
00:18:43,622 --> 00:18:45,707
But there are tons of people
I hate more than you.
499
00:18:45,791 --> 00:18:47,584
Matt and Judd,
they're the top ten
500
00:18:47,668 --> 00:18:49,378
-all by themselves.
-(DEVICE PINGS)
501
00:18:49,461 --> 00:18:51,713
-Really?
-RYAN: Yes. Look at you.
502
00:18:51,797 --> 00:18:53,966
You're intelligent. Relentless.
503
00:18:54,049 --> 00:18:56,510
Not relentless.
You're-- you're consistent.
504
00:18:56,593 --> 00:18:57,886
And you get things done.
505
00:18:57,970 --> 00:18:59,513
Things that don't want
to be done.
506
00:18:59,596 --> 00:19:01,598
It's actually
annoyingly brilliant.
507
00:19:01,682 --> 00:19:02,724
♪ (SOFT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
508
00:19:02,808 --> 00:19:05,394
-But I-- I am sorry.
-(DEVICE PINGS)
509
00:19:05,477 --> 00:19:08,355
You know, we always hurt
the ones we love.
510
00:19:08,438 --> 00:19:10,482
Yeah, that's not
where this is headed.
511
00:19:11,775 --> 00:19:15,028
Hey. I'm your fruit monster.
I'm sorry.
512
00:19:15,112 --> 00:19:16,405
-(DEVICE PINGS)
-Oh.
513
00:19:16,488 --> 00:19:19,700
-(GASPS) Points for Karen. Ah!
-♪ (SOFT MUSIC FADES) ♪
514
00:19:19,783 --> 00:19:22,703
Can someone please explain to me
why she's shitting around
515
00:19:22,786 --> 00:19:23,871
and getting rewarded for it?
516
00:19:23,954 --> 00:19:25,914
What kind of
value system is that
517
00:19:25,998 --> 00:19:27,541
and how may I exploit it?
518
00:19:27,624 --> 00:19:29,501
No, it's rewarding
her apologizing.
519
00:19:29,585 --> 00:19:32,421
The algorithm is learning
to love a teachable moment.
520
00:19:32,504 --> 00:19:34,256
-(DEVICE PINGS)
-So, wait a minute. If I...
521
00:19:34,339 --> 00:19:37,384
If I were to call Matt,
as I have many times,
522
00:19:37,467 --> 00:19:40,220
a dead-eyed masturbating
parakeet,
523
00:19:40,304 --> 00:19:42,639
and then apologize for it,
"I'm sorry, Matt,"
524
00:19:42,723 --> 00:19:44,933
-I get points for that?
-(DEVICE PINGS)
525
00:19:45,017 --> 00:19:47,352
No need to apologize.
I mean, I-- I'm flattered
526
00:19:47,436 --> 00:19:49,354
you think I have
the vibrancy of a parakeet
527
00:19:49,438 --> 00:19:53,066
or the energy to feather
my cloaca to completion.
528
00:19:53,150 --> 00:19:54,276
(DEVICE PINGS)
529
00:19:54,359 --> 00:19:56,486
I'm gonna go prepare my nest
for impact.
530
00:19:56,570 --> 00:19:59,531
Doesn't that mean everybody's
just gonna go full metal asshole
531
00:19:59,615 --> 00:20:01,491
and then apologize
to each other right after?
532
00:20:02,326 --> 00:20:04,369
-Yeah? (GRUNTS)
-(DEVICE BUZZES)
533
00:20:04,453 --> 00:20:05,913
Uh, I-- I am so sorry, Spike.
534
00:20:05,996 --> 00:20:07,706
-That was an error in judgement.
-(DEVICE PINGS)
535
00:20:07,789 --> 00:20:09,082
-Fuck you!
-(DEVICE BUZZES)
536
00:20:09,166 --> 00:20:12,002
I'm so sorry I said that, Jaden.
I've grown so much since then.
537
00:20:12,085 --> 00:20:14,129
-(DEVICE PINGS)
-♪ (MID TEMPO MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
538
00:20:14,212 --> 00:20:16,632
FRANK: You are indistinguishable
from my mother.
539
00:20:16,715 --> 00:20:19,134
-I can't believe I married you.
-(DEVICE BUZZES)
540
00:20:19,217 --> 00:20:20,177
Not now, Frank.
541
00:20:20,260 --> 00:20:21,470
-See, I'm sorry. See?
-(DEVICE PINGS)
542
00:20:21,553 --> 00:20:23,722
-(GRUNTS) I'm sorry. So sorry.
-(DEVICES PINGING)
543
00:20:23,805 --> 00:20:25,974
-(DEVICES BUZZING)
-PASSENGER 1: Sorry!
544
00:20:26,058 --> 00:20:27,643
Another beautiful day
in the neighborhood.
545
00:20:27,726 --> 00:20:29,686
-PASSENGER 2: Sorry!
-PASSENGER 3:
(GRUNTS) Sorry, sorry.
546
00:20:29,770 --> 00:20:31,355
I think we should shut
the ranking off
547
00:20:31,438 --> 00:20:32,940
-for the good of mankind.
-(DEVICE PINGS)
548
00:20:33,023 --> 00:20:34,441
Not because you're
in the bottom half?
549
00:20:34,524 --> 00:20:37,110
No. No, 'cause actually,
because I just said
550
00:20:37,194 --> 00:20:38,779
that nice thing about mankind,
551
00:20:38,862 --> 00:20:40,489
I'm actually
in the safe zone again.
552
00:20:40,572 --> 00:20:42,115
IRIS: Okay. You still want
me to turn it off?
553
00:20:42,199 --> 00:20:43,951
-PASSENGER 4: Sorry!
-No. No.
554
00:20:44,034 --> 00:20:45,577
-(DEVICE PINGS)
-Because, for whatever reason,
555
00:20:45,661 --> 00:20:47,663
I don't feel very bothered
by it now.
556
00:20:47,746 --> 00:20:50,374
-(DEVICE BUZZES)
-Goddammit. Uh, yeah. Yeah.
557
00:20:50,457 --> 00:20:52,292
I should shut it off.
(SCREAMS)
558
00:20:52,376 --> 00:20:53,627
-(DEVICE BUZZES)
-PASSENGER 5: Sorry!
559
00:20:53,710 --> 00:20:55,170
I now believe your husband
may have been killed
560
00:20:55,253 --> 00:20:58,090
by his own heart whilst I was
trying to save him from choking
561
00:20:58,173 --> 00:21:01,176
on what turned out
to be nothing.
562
00:21:01,259 --> 00:21:04,137
-Um, but never the, uh, less...
-Let me be sorry!
563
00:21:04,221 --> 00:21:05,389
I-- I just wanted to say,
564
00:21:05,472 --> 00:21:07,432
he seemed like
the most wonderful,
565
00:21:08,183 --> 00:21:11,603
bulky man. I am so sorry.
566
00:21:11,687 --> 00:21:13,981
-(DEVICE PINGING)
-Oh, big upgrade!
567
00:21:14,064 --> 00:21:15,774
-(PASSENGERS SCREAMING)
-(DEVICE BUZZES)
568
00:21:15,857 --> 00:21:17,442
-PASSENGER 6: Sorry!
-(DEVICE PINGS)
569
00:21:17,526 --> 00:21:19,069
COMPUTER VOICE:
Ranking complete.
570
00:21:19,861 --> 00:21:21,196
Ranking complete.
571
00:21:23,865 --> 00:21:26,368
-♪ (MID TEMPO MUSIC FADES) ♪
-(ANNOUNCEMENT BELL DINGS)
572
00:21:26,451 --> 00:21:27,953
RYAN:
Uh, this is just a reminder,
573
00:21:28,036 --> 00:21:29,246
you only have a couple
of minutes left.
574
00:21:29,329 --> 00:21:32,082
If you ranked between one
and 3000,
575
00:21:32,165 --> 00:21:33,834
please head for the front
of the ship.
576
00:21:33,917 --> 00:21:36,003
Everyone else, head to the back.
577
00:21:37,212 --> 00:21:38,422
-RYAN: Elena.
-Ryan?
578
00:21:38,505 --> 00:21:41,216
I'm 3,942. What are...
579
00:21:41,299 --> 00:21:42,551
What are you doing?
580
00:21:42,634 --> 00:21:44,302
-Here.
-What is this?
581
00:21:46,680 --> 00:21:48,765
-I love you, Elena.
-I love you.
582
00:21:48,849 --> 00:21:52,269
Five thousand nine hundred
and sixty-three is...
583
00:21:52,352 --> 00:21:53,520
Yeah, sorry, Charles.
584
00:21:53,603 --> 00:21:55,188
Maybe I'll save you
in the next life.
585
00:21:56,398 --> 00:21:58,191
-ELENA: Mi amor.
-RYAN: Be safe, my darling.
586
00:21:58,275 --> 00:22:01,695
♪ (TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
587
00:22:03,780 --> 00:22:08,160
-Billie, you're joining us.
-But you're number two.
588
00:22:08,243 --> 00:22:11,496
Yeah, but we're engineers, so...
589
00:22:11,580 --> 00:22:13,206
we should be
with the engines, right?
590
00:22:13,290 --> 00:22:17,210
You're right. Yeah.
Grease and math, my two pillars.
591
00:22:19,087 --> 00:22:20,380
How did you do in the end?
592
00:22:20,464 --> 00:22:22,174
Uh, it was good, but then bad.
593
00:22:22,257 --> 00:22:23,925
Apparently,
my jokes are offensive.
594
00:22:24,009 --> 00:22:25,969
I got complaints from bisexuals,
595
00:22:26,053 --> 00:22:28,597
people who don't know
the meaning of the word
"monosyllabic,"
596
00:22:28,680 --> 00:22:31,224
folks who are allergic
to watermelon.
597
00:22:31,308 --> 00:22:33,435
DOUG: Looks like there's a dipes
to clean.
598
00:22:33,518 --> 00:22:35,062
-(CHUCKLES)
-You know, after this one,
599
00:22:35,145 --> 00:22:36,396
it gets all yellow and seedy.
600
00:22:36,480 --> 00:22:39,024
-Okay, well, that's unpleasant.
-I'll deal with those ones.
601
00:22:39,107 --> 00:22:41,276
Oh, I like Daddy Doug.
602
00:22:41,359 --> 00:22:43,236
That's why we got
in the top half, baby.
603
00:22:43,320 --> 00:22:44,863
-I'll get the wipes.
-(CHUCKLES) Okay.
604
00:22:44,946 --> 00:22:48,700
-AUTOMATED VOICE: Fifty seconds.
-Remember me.
605
00:22:49,659 --> 00:22:51,411
Tell my story.
606
00:22:51,495 --> 00:22:54,706
-Do not believe the accusers.
-AUTOMATED VOICE: Forty seconds.
607
00:22:54,790 --> 00:22:56,583
I've wished him away
in the past,
608
00:22:56,666 --> 00:22:58,627
but this is as sad
as a graveyard sunset.
609
00:23:01,046 --> 00:23:03,298
At least he'll live on
through all this branding.
610
00:23:03,381 --> 00:23:04,633
I'll give him three minutes.
611
00:23:04,716 --> 00:23:06,134
AUTOMATED VOICE: Thirty seconds.
612
00:23:06,218 --> 00:23:08,804
Make way for King Mads
of the front section.
613
00:23:08,887 --> 00:23:11,807
Happy birthday to everyone
who has a birthday.
614
00:23:11,890 --> 00:23:14,851
BILLIE: Hey, this is the back.
What are you doing here?
615
00:23:14,935 --> 00:23:16,061
What are you doing here?
616
00:23:16,144 --> 00:23:18,522
The algorithm peg you
as an engine jockey?
617
00:23:18,980 --> 00:23:20,148
Yeah.
618
00:23:20,232 --> 00:23:22,484
Slammed you
as an emotionally incontinent
619
00:23:22,567 --> 00:23:23,860
walking bald patch?
620
00:23:24,945 --> 00:23:26,696
-Exactly.
-AUTOMATED VOICE: Ten seconds.
621
00:23:26,780 --> 00:23:29,407
-Ready?
-(ANNOUNCEMENT BELL DINGS)
622
00:23:29,491 --> 00:23:35,080
Let bisection commence
in three, two, one.
623
00:23:35,705 --> 00:23:37,249
(WALLS RUMBLING)
624
00:23:37,332 --> 00:23:39,167
-PASSENGER 1: Wait!
-(INDISTINCT CLAMOR)
625
00:23:39,251 --> 00:23:40,752
PASSENGER 2:
There's a wall coming down!
626
00:23:40,836 --> 00:23:42,379
MIA: Oh, babe,
I put them over here.
627
00:23:42,462 --> 00:23:46,842
No, Doug! The doors! The doors!
Doug! Doug! Doug!
628
00:23:47,759 --> 00:23:51,429
-(DOG BARKS)
-Buddy! Buddy!
629
00:23:51,513 --> 00:23:54,599
There's a big-ass missile
locked onto this side!
630
00:23:54,683 --> 00:23:57,435
Lock onto me
if you wanna live! Ah!
631
00:23:57,519 --> 00:24:00,856
(PASSENGERS YELLING)
632
00:24:11,241 --> 00:24:14,411
(LAUGHS)
You can never thank me enough!
633
00:24:14,494 --> 00:24:16,705
I'm a space Moses!
634
00:24:16,788 --> 00:24:18,206
-(ANNOUNCEMENT BELL DINGS)
-Listen,
635
00:24:18,290 --> 00:24:21,209
there is indeed a missile
coming towards the ship,
636
00:24:21,293 --> 00:24:23,545
and I have to tell you now
that it is most probably
637
00:24:23,628 --> 00:24:25,130
aiming for the back of the ship.
638
00:24:25,213 --> 00:24:27,007
-(ALL GASP)
-RYAN: Where we are.
639
00:24:27,090 --> 00:24:28,884
AUTOMATED VOICE:
Sixty seconds to division.
640
00:24:28,967 --> 00:24:30,719
All the bodies
that Judd took over there
641
00:24:30,802 --> 00:24:32,137
means more body heat
in the front,
642
00:24:32,220 --> 00:24:33,889
so the missile probably
hits them now, right?
643
00:24:33,972 --> 00:24:35,974
-AUTOMATED VOICE: Fifty seconds.
-Yeah, I think so. I mean,
644
00:24:36,057 --> 00:24:37,642
it's programmed
for mass destruction.
645
00:24:37,726 --> 00:24:39,895
It's a real mass-hole.
646
00:24:39,978 --> 00:24:43,940
Right. I don't care
if the whole ship hears.
647
00:24:44,024 --> 00:24:45,275
I love you, Elena.
648
00:24:45,358 --> 00:24:47,485
-AUTOMATED VOICE: Forty seconds.
-I love you so much,
649
00:24:47,569 --> 00:24:49,988
and it's an honor, truly,
to lay down my life
650
00:24:50,071 --> 00:24:52,324
-for you and for--
-BILLIE: (WHISPERING) Ryan.
651
00:24:52,407 --> 00:24:53,658
Sorry, just one second.
652
00:24:55,160 --> 00:24:57,037
AUTOMATED VOICE: Thirty seconds.
653
00:24:58,955 --> 00:25:02,542
Judd! You... gurning hemorrhoid.
654
00:25:02,626 --> 00:25:07,589
You've just taken a giant
J-shaped shit on my sacrifice!
655
00:25:07,672 --> 00:25:09,132
AUTOMATED VOICE: Twenty seconds.
656
00:25:09,216 --> 00:25:10,467
Elena, I'm sorry
657
00:25:10,550 --> 00:25:13,094
that this is the last thing
you're gonna hear me say.
658
00:25:13,845 --> 00:25:14,763
AUTOMATED VOICE: Ten...
659
00:25:14,846 --> 00:25:16,598
I mean, there were
some really lovely bits
660
00:25:16,681 --> 00:25:18,975
for her to think about.
661
00:25:19,059 --> 00:25:22,771
AUTOMATED VOICE:
Five, four, three,
662
00:25:23,688 --> 00:25:25,899
two, one.
663
00:25:25,982 --> 00:25:27,692
(RUMBLING)
664
00:25:27,776 --> 00:25:31,404
♪ (SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
665
00:25:31,488 --> 00:25:34,824
-MIA: Doug! Doug!
-Mia?
666
00:25:36,034 --> 00:25:37,118
MIA: Support the head!
667
00:25:38,286 --> 00:25:39,287
Mia!
668
00:25:45,585 --> 00:25:46,670
PASSENGER: Buddy!
669
00:25:51,007 --> 00:25:52,842
MIA: What's going on?
670
00:25:58,223 --> 00:25:59,516
-RYAN: Elena!
-CHARLES: Elena!
671
00:26:01,559 --> 00:26:03,103
-RYAN: Elena!
-CHARLES: Elena!
672
00:26:09,693 --> 00:26:13,780
♪ (SOMBER MUSIC CONTINUES) ♪
673
00:27:02,829 --> 00:27:04,998
♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
49649
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