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1
00:00:06,005 --> 00:00:10,844
(CROWD SCREAMING AND SHOUTING)
2
00:00:17,058 --> 00:00:19,519
HERMAN JUDD:
What the actual fuck?
3
00:00:19,602 --> 00:00:21,146
You need to stop them!
4
00:00:21,229 --> 00:00:22,772
How? With magic beans?
5
00:00:22,856 --> 00:00:25,900
I-- I don't know. Uh, tear gas.
Rubber bullets. Bullet bullets!
6
00:00:25,984 --> 00:00:27,152
Do we have any of that?
7
00:00:27,235 --> 00:00:28,194
It's a cruise ship.
8
00:00:28,278 --> 00:00:30,697
We have a scented candle shop
and a spa.
9
00:00:30,780 --> 00:00:31,781
We used to.
10
00:00:32,574 --> 00:00:34,576
(LAUGHS)
11
00:00:34,659 --> 00:00:37,996
Let it burn, baby. Let it burn.
12
00:00:38,079 --> 00:00:41,207
♪ ("AVENUE 5"
THEME MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
13
00:00:48,089 --> 00:00:49,382
(SCREAMING
AND SHOUTING CONTINUES)
14
00:00:49,466 --> 00:00:50,633
PASSENGER:
Everybody to the bridge!
15
00:00:52,969 --> 00:00:54,137
CLINT: Where's Ryan?
16
00:00:54,220 --> 00:00:55,555
Let's smash down the doors!
17
00:00:55,638 --> 00:00:57,390
Let's use her
as a battering ram!
18
00:00:57,474 --> 00:00:58,808
No! Hey! Hey!
19
00:00:58,892 --> 00:00:59,726
I just ate.
20
00:00:59,809 --> 00:01:01,561
I'm gonna throw up
if you don't--
21
00:01:01,644 --> 00:01:03,980
What are you doing?
Oh, my God!
22
00:01:04,063 --> 00:01:05,774
-BILLIE MCEVOY:
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
-(CROWD SCREAMING)
23
00:01:05,857 --> 00:01:07,525
RYAN CLARK: No, no. No need!
24
00:01:08,026 --> 00:01:09,694
I'm right here.
25
00:01:09,778 --> 00:01:11,821
Oh, come on.
P-- put Karen down.
26
00:01:11,905 --> 00:01:13,615
She looks
even sadder horizontal.
27
00:01:13,698 --> 00:01:16,034
-(KAREN KELLY GRUNTS)
-RYAN: I'm sorry, again.
28
00:01:16,117 --> 00:01:19,579
But I know that
sorry is... is too small a word.
29
00:01:19,662 --> 00:01:22,707
-Here's a small word. Fuck you!
-ALL: Yeah!
30
00:01:22,791 --> 00:01:26,002
-Well that's actually two words.
-Oh, let's pull his teeth out!
31
00:01:26,085 --> 00:01:29,005
-No, no, no, no!
-Wait! Everyone, please stop!
32
00:01:29,088 --> 00:01:30,590
Okay, who's this talking to me?
33
00:01:30,673 --> 00:01:32,300
Can you patch me ship-wide?
34
00:01:32,383 --> 00:01:34,260
It's not allowed, but sure.
35
00:01:34,344 --> 00:01:35,762
It's your hearts that p--
36
00:01:35,845 --> 00:01:37,931
-(ALERT BEEPS)
-PASSENGER: Oh, what the...
37
00:01:38,014 --> 00:01:39,557
I hate to be presumptuous...
38
00:01:39,641 --> 00:01:40,683
Who's this prick?
39
00:01:40,767 --> 00:01:43,478
...but can I suggest
a more peaceful solution?
40
00:01:43,561 --> 00:01:45,730
-I like him.
-Let's not punish a guy
41
00:01:45,814 --> 00:01:47,482
who should never have been
put in charge.
42
00:01:47,565 --> 00:01:49,984
I mean, he's just one step up
from animatronic.
43
00:01:50,068 --> 00:01:51,027
-(CROWD LAUGHS)
-It's true.
44
00:01:51,110 --> 00:01:52,445
-Actually, I hate him.
-Hmm.
45
00:01:52,529 --> 00:01:54,989
I say maybe we take charge.
46
00:01:55,073 --> 00:01:56,783
-ALL: Yeah!
-Okay!
47
00:01:56,866 --> 00:01:58,201
-ISAAC DAVIS: Come on!
-MIA: Yeah!
48
00:01:58,284 --> 00:01:59,661
ISAAC: I can't hear you!
49
00:01:59,744 --> 00:02:01,538
I smell a shake-up, Iris.
50
00:02:01,621 --> 00:02:02,872
This might actually be
a good thing.
51
00:02:02,956 --> 00:02:04,541
-Yeah! Let's do it!
-(ALL CHEER)
52
00:02:04,624 --> 00:02:06,668
You do realize
this is an uprising?
53
00:02:06,751 --> 00:02:08,586
You are not seeing
the bigger picture.
54
00:02:08,670 --> 00:02:11,923
I am and it's called "Still life
of you being strung up."
55
00:02:12,006 --> 00:02:16,219
"Passengers" contains
the word "ass"
56
00:02:16,302 --> 00:02:18,763
-'cause that's how they see us.
-(ALL MUMBLE IN AGREEMENT)
57
00:02:18,847 --> 00:02:20,473
Well, not anymore.
58
00:02:20,557 --> 00:02:23,476
I see people with two eyes.
59
00:02:24,602 --> 00:02:25,979
You know what else has two I's?
60
00:02:27,438 --> 00:02:28,940
"Citizens."
61
00:02:29,023 --> 00:02:30,567
He means the spelling!
62
00:02:30,650 --> 00:02:31,860
(CROWD CHEERING)
63
00:02:31,943 --> 00:02:35,155
All right, opaque wordplay!
Never a bad time for it.
64
00:02:35,238 --> 00:02:36,990
You know what else has two I's?
65
00:02:37,073 --> 00:02:38,449
Whiskey on the rocks.
66
00:02:39,784 --> 00:02:42,662
-Yeah!
-We need ideas from everyone.
67
00:02:42,745 --> 00:02:44,038
Yeah!
68
00:02:44,122 --> 00:02:47,375
As citizens, I say
we form a citizens' assembly
69
00:02:47,458 --> 00:02:48,918
and run this ship!
70
00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:50,295
ALL: Yeah!
71
00:02:50,378 --> 00:02:51,880
Who's with me?
72
00:02:51,963 --> 00:02:54,841
Together there are more of us.
73
00:02:54,924 --> 00:02:56,050
ALL: Yeah!
74
00:02:56,134 --> 00:03:00,096
The twilight of the moron-tyrant
is upon us!
75
00:03:00,179 --> 00:03:04,517
-Sorry, Ryan. It's over.
-Oh, thank fuck for that.
76
00:03:04,601 --> 00:03:06,895
I mean,
obviously it'll be a loss,
77
00:03:06,978 --> 00:03:10,523
but snap my neck and bury me
in a shallow bog, what a relief.
78
00:03:10,607 --> 00:03:12,609
Security, take Ryan below decks.
79
00:03:12,692 --> 00:03:14,736
-Mm, smart move, Iris.
-Him too.
80
00:03:14,819 --> 00:03:16,112
Fuck you, Iris.
81
00:03:16,195 --> 00:03:18,281
This is treason,
that's what this is.
82
00:03:18,364 --> 00:03:20,116
This is for your own good.
So they don't chop off
83
00:03:20,199 --> 00:03:21,743
your hands
and turn them into soap dishes.
84
00:03:21,826 --> 00:03:23,369
There's a word
for people like you.
85
00:03:23,453 --> 00:03:24,787
-Treasoners.
-That's...
86
00:03:24,871 --> 00:03:26,456
Oh my God,
will they be tortured?
87
00:03:26,539 --> 00:03:29,751
No. They'll just be held
in the same room. So, yes.
88
00:03:29,834 --> 00:03:31,836
MATT SPENCER: Isaac Davis,
ladies and gentlemen!
89
00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:33,963
Because not all heroes
wear hats!
90
00:03:34,047 --> 00:03:35,882
Together there are more of us!
91
00:03:35,965 --> 00:03:37,634
ALL: Yeah!
92
00:03:37,717 --> 00:03:40,678
♪ (TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
93
00:03:40,762 --> 00:03:43,514
Then what's your least
favorite color?
94
00:03:43,598 --> 00:03:45,934
I don't know. Whatever color
you are, I suppose.
95
00:03:46,017 --> 00:03:48,770
No, stop that.
We're not gonna do this. (SIGHS)
96
00:03:48,853 --> 00:03:50,980
You understand
those fuckers want us
97
00:03:51,064 --> 00:03:52,315
to have a horrible time.
98
00:03:52,398 --> 00:03:55,276
Well, I say we prove them wrong
and get along out of spite.
99
00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:59,155
I say we sit here in silence
and wait for death.
100
00:03:59,697 --> 00:04:01,115
Pray for death.
101
00:04:01,199 --> 00:04:04,118
Some combination of sitting
and death, I say.
102
00:04:04,202 --> 00:04:05,286
JUDD: This is you.
103
00:04:05,370 --> 00:04:07,497
I want to show you
what you look like to me.
104
00:04:07,580 --> 00:04:11,417
(HIGH-PITCHED) "I'm Captain
Ryington Misery-ford.
105
00:04:11,501 --> 00:04:13,753
I'm-- I'm a British
space-gentleman..."
106
00:04:13,836 --> 00:04:15,421
-(LAUGHS)
-JUDD: "...and manic-depressive
107
00:04:15,505 --> 00:04:16,839
without the manic.
108
00:04:16,923 --> 00:04:19,425
All I wanna do is sit naked
109
00:04:20,385 --> 00:04:23,179
and suck up marmalade."
110
00:04:23,262 --> 00:04:24,263
(LAUGHS)
111
00:04:24,347 --> 00:04:25,640
(IN NORMAL VOICE)
There's that smile.
112
00:04:25,723 --> 00:04:27,392
There's that little
pretty laugh.
113
00:04:27,475 --> 00:04:28,601
See, we can do this.
114
00:04:28,685 --> 00:04:30,520
Oh, God.
I have to hand it to you.
115
00:04:30,603 --> 00:04:33,231
You are the most positive idiot
I have ever met.
116
00:04:33,314 --> 00:04:35,233
JUDD: That's sweet.
A lot of people tell me that.
117
00:04:35,316 --> 00:04:39,529
You know what?
I think you're ready to connect.
118
00:04:39,612 --> 00:04:41,406
PASSENGER 1: How about
we cover everything in glitter?
119
00:04:41,489 --> 00:04:42,824
PASSENGER 2:
Skipping ropes in every room!
120
00:04:42,907 --> 00:04:44,701
Ginger is not an ethnicity.
121
00:04:44,784 --> 00:04:49,163
I got three suggestions.
Gold, food tokens, or teeth.
122
00:04:49,247 --> 00:04:51,624
The Engineering Committee
has unanimously voted
123
00:04:51,708 --> 00:04:53,418
against allowing you to join.
124
00:04:53,501 --> 00:04:57,380
But I'm the ship's
chief engineer.
125
00:04:57,463 --> 00:04:59,173
And you're an aromatherapist.
126
00:04:59,257 --> 00:05:01,676
Okay. Next up is food shortages.
127
00:05:02,635 --> 00:05:03,803
Oh, the cannibal.
128
00:05:03,886 --> 00:05:05,930
Okay, go ahead, say it.
We all eat each other.
129
00:05:06,014 --> 00:05:08,224
No. We could use the arboretum
to grow vegetables.
130
00:05:08,307 --> 00:05:10,893
That's a... That's actually
a really good idea.
131
00:05:10,977 --> 00:05:13,396
It's perfect for when you have
a friend for dinner.
132
00:05:13,479 --> 00:05:14,772
(ALL LAUGHING)
133
00:05:14,856 --> 00:05:16,441
This fucking guy. (LAUGHS)
134
00:05:17,442 --> 00:05:18,651
When I was five,
135
00:05:18,735 --> 00:05:22,030
I stole my father's
ride-on lawnmower
136
00:05:22,113 --> 00:05:24,866
and drove it into our
compound's electrified fence.
137
00:05:24,949 --> 00:05:26,951
That was the first time
I ever saw him cry.
138
00:05:27,035 --> 00:05:28,202
He loved that fence.
139
00:05:28,870 --> 00:05:29,996
Okay, your turn.
140
00:05:30,079 --> 00:05:31,539
RYAN: When I was 27,
141
00:05:31,622 --> 00:05:34,042
I had this small vineyard
just outside Dundee
142
00:05:34,125 --> 00:05:35,460
with my best friend Phillip.
143
00:05:35,543 --> 00:05:37,462
And in the evening,
summer's evening,
144
00:05:37,545 --> 00:05:39,047
I would sit there
with a glass of wine
145
00:05:39,130 --> 00:05:40,214
and just look at the vines
146
00:05:40,298 --> 00:05:43,092
and think, "My God, these vines,
they just grow.
147
00:05:43,176 --> 00:05:45,261
I don't have to do anything.
That's the dream."
148
00:05:45,344 --> 00:05:49,182
(LAUGHING) Amazing.
You really are such a lazy fuck.
149
00:05:50,349 --> 00:05:51,476
And then the vineyard went bust
150
00:05:51,559 --> 00:05:55,063
and Phillip shot himself
in the head. But he missed,
151
00:05:55,146 --> 00:05:57,732
so he spent the next 20 years
as a vegetable.
152
00:05:57,815 --> 00:05:59,484
On Sundays,
I would take his kids
153
00:05:59,567 --> 00:06:02,195
to see him and they'd say,
"When will Daddy wake up?"
154
00:06:03,237 --> 00:06:04,280
Really?
155
00:06:05,114 --> 00:06:06,741
No. I just made it up.
156
00:06:06,824 --> 00:06:07,992
Why would you do that?
157
00:06:09,660 --> 00:06:10,828
Seemed like fun?
158
00:06:10,912 --> 00:06:13,664
Dude, there's something wrong
with your brain.
159
00:06:13,748 --> 00:06:15,416
You belong in the Museum
160
00:06:15,500 --> 00:06:18,544
of Depressed British
Fucking Assholes.
161
00:06:18,628 --> 00:06:19,962
That is my favorite museum.
162
00:06:20,046 --> 00:06:21,839
Why is that
your favorite museum?
163
00:06:21,923 --> 00:06:23,174
Because it's quiet.
164
00:06:23,257 --> 00:06:26,636
Uh, welcome to the first meeting
of the Education Committee.
165
00:06:26,719 --> 00:06:29,305
We think that the kids should be
grouped by ability.
166
00:06:29,388 --> 00:06:31,015
What if your kid isn't academic?
167
00:06:31,099 --> 00:06:33,184
Why would my kid
not be academic?
168
00:06:33,267 --> 00:06:34,310
Well...
169
00:06:35,019 --> 00:06:36,312
Excuse me?
170
00:06:36,395 --> 00:06:38,439
-What, you think I'm dumb?
-No.
171
00:06:38,523 --> 00:06:41,234
I think mixed ability sets
for all subjects.
172
00:06:41,317 --> 00:06:43,653
Well, why should my kid suffer
because your kid can't find
173
00:06:43,736 --> 00:06:45,696
-his ass in a sleeping bag?
-Thank you.
174
00:06:45,780 --> 00:06:48,157
Hey, don't talk about my kid
like that.
175
00:06:48,241 --> 00:06:50,076
Oh, I'm sorry. Do you want
to go to school right now?
176
00:06:50,159 --> 00:06:51,828
-'Cause I'll take you to school.
-MIA: Doug, no.
177
00:06:51,911 --> 00:06:54,330
You ready for lunch, buddy?
'Cause I got a sandwich for you!
I got two of them!
178
00:06:54,413 --> 00:06:55,623
-(GAVEL BANGING)
-Order!
179
00:06:55,706 --> 00:06:58,084
Here's the fucking playground.
And here's the fucking...
180
00:06:58,167 --> 00:07:01,337
Okay.
The safety committee are drunk.
181
00:07:01,420 --> 00:07:04,006
The logistics committee have
locked themselves out.
182
00:07:04,090 --> 00:07:07,009
And the crimes committee
want to outlaw pool shoes.
183
00:07:07,093 --> 00:07:09,512
Oh my God! Shut up!
184
00:07:09,595 --> 00:07:11,013
And that's
the welfare committee.
185
00:07:11,097 --> 00:07:15,685
People, can't you see
yelling diminishes us all!
186
00:07:15,768 --> 00:07:17,687
Can I swap my gavel
for a sledgehammer?
187
00:07:17,770 --> 00:07:18,938
My group is out of control.
188
00:07:19,021 --> 00:07:20,314
No, there's just
too much democracy.
189
00:07:20,398 --> 00:07:22,150
It's like fifth-century Athens.
190
00:07:22,233 --> 00:07:23,901
IRIS KIMURA:
We need a strong leader.
191
00:07:23,985 --> 00:07:26,279
-Yeah, true.
-We need a tough decision-maker.
192
00:07:26,362 --> 00:07:27,780
-Yes.
-We need a dictator.
193
00:07:27,864 --> 00:07:28,948
What?
194
00:07:29,031 --> 00:07:30,825
But a benign dictator.
195
00:07:30,908 --> 00:07:32,827
Yeah, let's play with matches.
196
00:07:32,910 --> 00:07:34,996
Did the ship just lurch
to the right?
197
00:07:35,079 --> 00:07:36,747
You'd think I'd hate bronze,
198
00:07:36,831 --> 00:07:38,416
but it's actually
a kick-ass color.
199
00:07:38,499 --> 00:07:42,545
I mean, it's essentially gold
with balls and a machete.
200
00:07:42,628 --> 00:07:43,963
-(DOOR THUDDING)
-Oh, people are coming!
201
00:07:44,046 --> 00:07:47,049
Quick, laugh, so they think
we're having a good time.
202
00:07:47,133 --> 00:07:49,302
And I said, "I'm hilarious."
203
00:07:49,385 --> 00:07:50,595
Which is hilarious!
204
00:07:50,678 --> 00:07:51,762
(BOTH LAUGHING)
205
00:07:51,846 --> 00:07:53,598
Oh, we didn't know you guys
were coming.
206
00:07:53,681 --> 00:07:55,224
Mi amor!
I've come to rescue you!
207
00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:56,934
-JUDD: Oh, great.
-No, not you.
208
00:07:57,018 --> 00:07:58,477
Well, I don't need
to be rescued.
209
00:07:58,561 --> 00:08:00,062
Wherever I am
is the best place to be.
210
00:08:00,146 --> 00:08:03,816
Oh my God, Elena,
you are a sight for sore ears.
211
00:08:03,900 --> 00:08:06,068
And Charles, what--
what are you, the muscle?
212
00:08:06,152 --> 00:08:07,069
(CHUCKLES) No,
213
00:08:07,153 --> 00:08:09,071
I'm-- I'm the horse you--
you ride off on.
214
00:08:09,155 --> 00:08:10,573
Giddyap. (NEIGHS)
215
00:08:10,656 --> 00:08:12,200
-(DISTANT BANGING)
-Oh Christ, what is this?
216
00:08:12,283 --> 00:08:14,577
It's chaos up there,
so you have to do something.
217
00:08:14,660 --> 00:08:16,454
Oh, so you're rescuing me
by taking me
218
00:08:16,537 --> 00:08:18,039
out of the panic room
and into the panic.
219
00:08:18,122 --> 00:08:19,874
A lot of people still see you
as the captain,
220
00:08:19,957 --> 00:08:21,125
especially when you wear
the hat.
221
00:08:21,209 --> 00:08:23,252
I'm not wearing the hat.
It's a stripper hat.
222
00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:24,795
All the more reason to wear it.
223
00:08:24,879 --> 00:08:26,881
Come on, just do something.
Be brave.
224
00:08:26,964 --> 00:08:29,175
Be a bit more like TV Ryan.
225
00:08:29,258 --> 00:08:30,676
Wait a minute, you--
226
00:08:30,760 --> 00:08:33,262
you don't like me just because
I'm the captain, do you?
227
00:08:33,346 --> 00:08:34,597
-ELENA: No. No!
-Course she does.
228
00:08:34,680 --> 00:08:36,224
ELENA: It's for the passengers.
229
00:08:38,100 --> 00:08:40,645
People,
the system isn't working.
230
00:08:40,728 --> 00:08:42,480
There's too many I's...
231
00:08:42,563 --> 00:08:44,065
in the citizens' assembly.
232
00:08:44,148 --> 00:08:48,069
Oh, he means the spelling
but also the number of people.
233
00:08:48,152 --> 00:08:49,362
RYAN: I agree.
234
00:08:51,989 --> 00:08:52,990
Hi.
235
00:08:53,074 --> 00:08:55,576
That exceptionally smart
passenger is correct.
236
00:08:55,660 --> 00:08:59,580
This ship needs
a strong singular voice.
237
00:08:59,664 --> 00:09:03,042
Yeah, that comes out of a mouth,
not from an asshole.
238
00:09:03,501 --> 00:09:04,794
Right. Yes.
239
00:09:04,877 --> 00:09:07,797
That is why we need an election.
240
00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:10,466
Yes, to elect our dictator.
241
00:09:10,549 --> 00:09:12,927
A benign dictator. Right, Isaac?
242
00:09:13,594 --> 00:09:14,845
-Yeah.
-RYAN: No.
243
00:09:14,929 --> 00:09:15,805
-Yeah.
-No.
244
00:09:15,888 --> 00:09:17,390
IRIS: The nominations are open!
245
00:09:17,473 --> 00:09:18,557
-No!
-IRIS: Yes.
246
00:09:18,641 --> 00:09:20,935
-♪ (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
-Engage thrusters!
247
00:09:21,018 --> 00:09:23,604
-Which thrusters, Captain?
-All the thrusters!
248
00:09:23,688 --> 00:09:25,273
-Any thrusters you can find!
-(ALERT BEEPS)
249
00:09:25,356 --> 00:09:26,649
PASSENGER 1: Oh, this again?
250
00:09:27,316 --> 00:09:28,943
PASSENGER 2: God's sake.
251
00:09:30,319 --> 00:09:32,280
Together there are more of us.
252
00:09:32,363 --> 00:09:35,574
But as I cannot nominate
all of you,
253
00:09:35,658 --> 00:09:37,201
I am nominating myself.
254
00:09:37,285 --> 00:09:40,830
I will be that "I"
in your benign.
255
00:09:40,913 --> 00:09:42,915
-This guy's a fucking wordsmith.
-Right?
256
00:09:42,999 --> 00:09:44,542
Okay, any, uh, any challengers?
257
00:09:44,625 --> 00:09:48,462
I don't want to,
but Isaac is the false prophet.
258
00:09:48,546 --> 00:09:51,757
And I will be your Jesus.
259
00:09:51,841 --> 00:09:53,509
But without
the abdominal strength.
260
00:09:53,592 --> 00:09:56,971
Well, okay. Well, obviously we
can't have a free jazz sociopath
261
00:09:57,054 --> 00:09:58,097
as the only other...
262
00:09:58,180 --> 00:09:59,307
Okay, is there anybody else?
263
00:09:59,390 --> 00:10:02,184
I'd prefer a warlord
to either of these two.
264
00:10:02,268 --> 00:10:03,686
-KAREN: I am honored...
-Hey!
265
00:10:03,769 --> 00:10:07,940
...to announce the candidacy
of Mr. Frank Kelly.
266
00:10:08,024 --> 00:10:10,443
RYAN: Kentucky Fried Bollocks.
267
00:10:10,526 --> 00:10:12,403
It's Mr. Fondue In A Pedal Bin.
268
00:10:12,486 --> 00:10:14,280
Who's next? The ship's cat?
269
00:10:14,363 --> 00:10:17,283
Isaac is weak.
I am strong.
270
00:10:17,366 --> 00:10:19,577
I will lead, you will follow.
271
00:10:19,660 --> 00:10:21,454
Iris!
272
00:10:21,537 --> 00:10:23,622
I can protect you
from a position of power.
273
00:10:23,706 --> 00:10:26,000
Oh, good. Okay. Got it. Got it.
274
00:10:26,083 --> 00:10:28,878
This woman supports child labor!
275
00:10:28,961 --> 00:10:30,963
I'm just pretending I don't want
you to be in charge.
276
00:10:31,047 --> 00:10:33,716
Um, Iris is
an inflexible power monger.
277
00:10:33,799 --> 00:10:35,885
I have a friendly,
human interface.
278
00:10:35,968 --> 00:10:38,220
Um, and I like tennis. Vote Rav!
279
00:10:38,304 --> 00:10:39,972
(CLEARS THROAT) I'm-- I'm Rav.
280
00:10:40,598 --> 00:10:41,974
Okay, anybody else?
281
00:10:42,058 --> 00:10:45,227
Yes, s-- um, so, I-- I'd like
to put myself forwards.
282
00:10:45,311 --> 00:10:48,898
-(CROWD GROANING)
-Literally anybody else?
283
00:10:48,981 --> 00:10:50,107
(BILLIE CLEARS THROAT)
284
00:10:51,859 --> 00:10:53,611
Yes. Me.
285
00:10:54,612 --> 00:10:55,863
I will stand.
286
00:10:55,946 --> 00:11:00,076
Billie, I like you. But you
are not universally loved.
287
00:11:00,159 --> 00:11:02,661
Yeah, but it's not
like it's a popularity contest.
288
00:11:02,745 --> 00:11:04,330
That is exactly what it is.
289
00:11:04,413 --> 00:11:05,706
So, I guess I'm the winner.
290
00:11:05,790 --> 00:11:07,375
Should I just declare me
the winner?
291
00:11:07,458 --> 00:11:09,418
Iris cannot be in charge of me.
292
00:11:10,711 --> 00:11:14,423
I'm six-foot-two, good-looking,
great complexion,
293
00:11:14,507 --> 00:11:17,510
and I've heard I'm about
to become a proud father.
294
00:11:17,593 --> 00:11:19,095
Thus, I will stand.
295
00:11:19,178 --> 00:11:22,431
Well, I am almost alarmed
296
00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:24,934
by the quality
of the candidates.
297
00:11:25,017 --> 00:11:26,227
All right, well, if that's it,
298
00:11:26,310 --> 00:11:28,771
then, uh,
I declare the polling is open.
299
00:11:28,854 --> 00:11:32,692
And may God have mercy
upon our souls.
300
00:11:32,775 --> 00:11:37,113
When God judges us for
what we've done here tonight,
301
00:11:37,697 --> 00:11:38,864
and he will,
302
00:11:40,366 --> 00:11:42,034
what will you say to him?
303
00:11:42,993 --> 00:11:44,829
Hmm?
304
00:11:44,912 --> 00:11:48,416
Will you bow down and grovel
like a child?
305
00:11:49,875 --> 00:11:53,587
Or will you stand up
and fight like a dog?
306
00:11:54,797 --> 00:11:56,340
Sometimes dogs grovel.
307
00:11:57,716 --> 00:11:59,677
And sometimes children fight.
308
00:12:00,928 --> 00:12:02,012
You know...
309
00:12:02,096 --> 00:12:03,722
(ALERT BEEPS)
310
00:12:03,806 --> 00:12:05,224
PASSENGER: Ugh,
I was enjoying that.
311
00:12:05,766 --> 00:12:06,809
If you elect me,
312
00:12:06,892 --> 00:12:09,603
I will tell you the truth
about everything, okay.
313
00:12:09,687 --> 00:12:11,856
World War II never happened.
314
00:12:11,939 --> 00:12:13,482
Mass media conspiracy.
315
00:12:13,566 --> 00:12:14,775
I have pamphlets.
316
00:12:14,859 --> 00:12:16,152
So why vote for me?
317
00:12:16,235 --> 00:12:19,071
Well, I'm newish here, so,
you know, fresh pair of eyes.
318
00:12:19,155 --> 00:12:20,698
-Yum, actually. (LAUGHS)
-(CROWD LAUGHS)
319
00:12:20,781 --> 00:12:23,117
Hi, everybody.
I'm Karen Kelly, not standing.
320
00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:26,620
But my husband is "Frank Kelly,
nobody's puppet." (CHUCKLES)
321
00:12:26,704 --> 00:12:28,122
What's your headline policy?
322
00:12:28,205 --> 00:12:30,082
-(WHISPERS) Oh,
tell them about the...
-Hey. (MUMBLES INDISTINCTLY)
323
00:12:30,166 --> 00:12:33,002
I'm just gonna
take the good we have
324
00:12:33,919 --> 00:12:35,546
and make it gooder.
325
00:12:35,629 --> 00:12:37,173
Engooden everyone!
326
00:12:37,256 --> 00:12:38,966
VAL: You have sad eyes.
327
00:12:39,049 --> 00:12:41,844
I'm intensely competent.
328
00:12:41,927 --> 00:12:45,014
So vote for me
unless you're incompetent.
329
00:12:45,097 --> 00:12:47,141
Swans breaking a human's arm?
330
00:12:47,224 --> 00:12:50,853
It's lies. They break your will,
not your arm.
331
00:12:50,936 --> 00:12:52,980
I've seen the videos, okay.
332
00:12:54,231 --> 00:12:55,566
How's it going?
333
00:12:55,649 --> 00:12:58,319
It's frankly a tsunami
of the subpar.
334
00:12:58,402 --> 00:13:00,321
We've scraped the bottom
of the barrel so hard
335
00:13:00,404 --> 00:13:02,865
we've clawed our way through it
into the first circle of hell.
336
00:13:02,948 --> 00:13:05,326
CHARLES: Wait, TV Ryan
is a candidate now?
337
00:13:05,409 --> 00:13:06,994
Surely that's a protest vote.
338
00:13:07,077 --> 00:13:09,163
Well, if we can vote
for fictional characters,
339
00:13:09,246 --> 00:13:10,664
I mean, that just throws it
wide open.
340
00:13:10,748 --> 00:13:13,292
I'm torn between Dumbledore
and Anna Karenina.
341
00:13:13,375 --> 00:13:15,878
There's not one good option.
342
00:13:15,961 --> 00:13:17,379
Basically I run the ship...
343
00:13:17,463 --> 00:13:21,800
Well, there is one person
who is smart, sane,
344
00:13:21,884 --> 00:13:23,719
unlikely to die in office.
345
00:13:23,802 --> 00:13:25,804
Yeah.
Packing a lot of sinews.
346
00:13:25,888 --> 00:13:26,972
Platelets too.
347
00:13:27,723 --> 00:13:30,309
You-- Oh, Billie.
348
00:13:30,392 --> 00:13:32,853
Why don't you go
and build Billie better?
349
00:13:33,771 --> 00:13:36,106
And so that's
why the four pillars
350
00:13:36,190 --> 00:13:41,695
of my campaign
are en-gin-eer-ing.
351
00:13:41,779 --> 00:13:44,073
-Engineering.
-I'll take the gin.
352
00:13:44,156 --> 00:13:46,033
Hmm? You'll what?
Take the what?
353
00:13:46,116 --> 00:13:48,327
Yeah, I-- can I have this?
Hey.
354
00:13:48,410 --> 00:13:50,913
I-- I'm actually talking
to my base right now. So I...
355
00:13:50,996 --> 00:13:53,541
SPIKE MARTIN:
Fuck those virgins.
We need to broaden your appeal
356
00:13:53,624 --> 00:13:55,459
to include literally
anyone else.
357
00:13:55,543 --> 00:13:58,879
-What?
-So you drink coconut water now.
358
00:13:58,963 --> 00:14:01,840
(CLEARS THROAT) Vote for me
and I promise you
359
00:14:01,924 --> 00:14:04,593
I will use proportionate force
when necessary.
360
00:14:04,677 --> 00:14:08,764
And by no means am I ruling out
disproportionate or unnecessary.
361
00:14:08,847 --> 00:14:11,100
She should use
proportionate force on herself,
362
00:14:11,183 --> 00:14:13,435
am I right?
(WHISPERS) This is fun.
363
00:14:13,519 --> 00:14:14,770
She should kill herself!
364
00:14:14,853 --> 00:14:16,939
I'm just running with it.
I'm running with it.
365
00:14:17,022 --> 00:14:18,899
Hello. (GIGGLES) Hello.
366
00:14:18,983 --> 00:14:20,234
Uh, I'm Rav.
367
00:14:20,317 --> 00:14:22,194
Wow, this is exciting, isn't it?
368
00:14:22,278 --> 00:14:23,487
-(GIGGLES)
-Not really.
369
00:14:23,571 --> 00:14:25,739
Well-- well, not exciting,
but obligatory.
370
00:14:25,823 --> 00:14:27,741
(LAUGHS) Ooh, that can be
my campaign slogan.
371
00:14:27,825 --> 00:14:29,577
"Not exciting, but obligatory."
372
00:14:29,660 --> 00:14:31,078
Only half of us
373
00:14:31,161 --> 00:14:34,790
will survive Ryan's litany
of terrible choices.
374
00:14:34,873 --> 00:14:38,669
This will be a series
of rolling tragedies
375
00:14:38,752 --> 00:14:41,922
in which each false glimmer
of hope is succeeded
376
00:14:42,006 --> 00:14:45,676
by a much more real
and crushing despair.
377
00:14:46,427 --> 00:14:47,511
I am Matt Spencer.
378
00:14:47,595 --> 00:14:50,055
I'm running on a ticket
of radical honesty.
379
00:14:50,139 --> 00:14:52,891
I think I preferred being
violently deposed.
380
00:14:52,975 --> 00:14:54,268
It was less stressful.
381
00:14:54,351 --> 00:14:55,769
-Hi.
-KRIS: Hi.
382
00:14:55,853 --> 00:14:59,023
So, uh, I want to talk
to you guys about engineering.
383
00:14:59,106 --> 00:15:00,399
I'll be honest,
384
00:15:00,482 --> 00:15:02,693
I am not interested
in engineering.
385
00:15:02,776 --> 00:15:04,153
Keep it-- keep it nice.
386
00:15:04,236 --> 00:15:08,198
Oh, what I wanted to say was,
do you have a child?
387
00:15:08,282 --> 00:15:09,783
Or more than one child?
388
00:15:09,867 --> 00:15:12,036
A daughter, yes. She's nine.
389
00:15:12,119 --> 00:15:13,579
And how much does it weigh?
390
00:15:14,663 --> 00:15:16,290
SPIKE: "I love
what you're wearing."
391
00:15:16,373 --> 00:15:21,170
And I love what you have
put your bodies in today.
392
00:15:21,253 --> 00:15:22,963
-Thank you.
-(CHUCKLES)
393
00:15:23,047 --> 00:15:24,673
-You've got my vote. Yeah.
-(CHUCKLES) Okay.
394
00:15:24,757 --> 00:15:26,091
-Great, thank you.
-KRIS: Thank you.
395
00:15:26,175 --> 00:15:27,092
Oh my God, is that it?
396
00:15:27,176 --> 00:15:28,552
You just say
what they want to hear
397
00:15:28,636 --> 00:15:30,179
and try and hide your contempt,
that's it?
398
00:15:30,262 --> 00:15:32,848
Yeah, that's politics.
And also dating.
399
00:15:32,931 --> 00:15:34,391
Together there are more of us.
400
00:15:34,475 --> 00:15:36,018
Well, together we want
less of you.
401
00:15:36,101 --> 00:15:37,478
RICH: Yeah, you--
you started this here.
402
00:15:37,561 --> 00:15:39,188
You-- you opened
some bitch's box!
403
00:15:39,271 --> 00:15:41,940
Pandora's box. She has a name.
404
00:15:42,024 --> 00:15:43,442
It's a shame about Isaac.
405
00:15:43,525 --> 00:15:46,945
But I gotta tell you,
I'm kind of into Nathan.
406
00:15:47,905 --> 00:15:50,824
Nathan, the man
who ate other men?
407
00:15:50,908 --> 00:15:52,868
That-- Hey, we all got baggage.
408
00:15:52,951 --> 00:15:54,328
You ate ostrich that time.
409
00:15:54,411 --> 00:15:55,537
He eats people.
410
00:15:55,621 --> 00:15:57,706
Okay, but if you didn't know
that about him,
411
00:15:57,790 --> 00:15:58,666
he'd be quite impressive.
412
00:15:58,749 --> 00:15:59,875
But I do know that about him.
413
00:15:59,958 --> 00:16:01,919
And I find it to be
his defining characteristic.
414
00:16:02,002 --> 00:16:04,046
-(SCOFFS)
-NATHAN: We need change.
415
00:16:04,129 --> 00:16:05,631
RIZ: I love you, Nathan! Eat me!
416
00:16:05,714 --> 00:16:07,341
-(CROWD LAUGHS)
-PASSENGER 2: Eat me too!
417
00:16:07,424 --> 00:16:09,385
Oh, no, no,
I'm watching my figure.
418
00:16:09,468 --> 00:16:11,303
And yours. I mean, it's lovely.
419
00:16:11,387 --> 00:16:13,597
But seriously,
there is an important issue
420
00:16:13,681 --> 00:16:15,599
I would like to raise.
Mental health.
421
00:16:15,683 --> 00:16:17,559
-(CROWD MURMURS APPROVINGLY)
-NATHAN: Yeah.
422
00:16:17,643 --> 00:16:21,897
♪ (INTENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
423
00:16:21,980 --> 00:16:23,065
ELENA: Who's left?
424
00:16:23,148 --> 00:16:25,984
Well, Rav's still hanging
about like an inert gas.
425
00:16:26,068 --> 00:16:27,486
Anybody else like tennis?
426
00:16:27,778 --> 00:16:28,862
No?
427
00:16:28,946 --> 00:16:30,739
RYAN: TV Me is forging ahead.
428
00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:33,867
Pity he's fictional.
God, I envy him.
429
00:16:33,951 --> 00:16:35,828
But it looks like we're
going to end up with someone
430
00:16:35,911 --> 00:16:37,413
who think that fingers
are finger food.
431
00:16:37,496 --> 00:16:39,039
Who we talking about?
Nathan?
432
00:16:39,123 --> 00:16:41,333
God, he's good.
Reminds me of my dad.
433
00:16:41,417 --> 00:16:43,502
Have you lost your fucking mind?
434
00:16:43,585 --> 00:16:44,753
Or has he eaten it?
435
00:16:44,837 --> 00:16:46,088
No, he has some good ideas.
436
00:16:46,171 --> 00:16:48,048
He thinks we should adopt
a corporate model,
437
00:16:48,132 --> 00:16:50,592
run the ship as
an employee-owned partnership.
438
00:16:50,676 --> 00:16:54,388
That is... That is--
Yeah, that's quite a good idea.
439
00:16:54,471 --> 00:16:57,266
No that's communism,
which is illegal.
440
00:16:57,349 --> 00:16:59,935
Okay, we need to discredit him
and start a rumor.
441
00:17:00,018 --> 00:17:01,145
Saying what?
442
00:17:01,228 --> 00:17:02,604
He's an alcoholic?
443
00:17:02,688 --> 00:17:04,148
He's already a fucking cannibal.
444
00:17:04,231 --> 00:17:05,899
Yes, sorry.
I forget that sometimes.
445
00:17:05,983 --> 00:17:07,901
-♪ (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
-ANNOUNCER: (OVER TV)
Formed in the wake
446
00:17:07,985 --> 00:17:09,486
of the third attack on Congress,
447
00:17:09,570 --> 00:17:10,988
the Office of
the Other President
448
00:17:11,071 --> 00:17:13,991
is a constellation of America's
brightest legacy CEOs.
449
00:17:14,616 --> 00:17:16,410
Beth Bezos, Amazon.
450
00:17:16,493 --> 00:17:18,495
Mike Zuckerberg, Reality Whack,
451
00:17:18,579 --> 00:17:20,706
formerly Meta,
formerly Facebook.
452
00:17:20,789 --> 00:17:22,708
And Dusty Musk, SpaceX.
453
00:17:22,791 --> 00:17:25,669
Together they ratify all
the President's key decisions
454
00:17:25,753 --> 00:17:27,296
along with this
quantum computer.
455
00:17:27,379 --> 00:17:29,131
QUANTUM COMPUTER:
My decision has been ratified.
456
00:17:29,214 --> 00:17:31,467
ANNOUNCER: The Office
of the Other President.
457
00:17:31,550 --> 00:17:33,302
-STAFFER: Mr. Sato?
-Yeah?
458
00:17:34,636 --> 00:17:36,472
We're here
to make challenging decisions.
459
00:17:36,555 --> 00:17:39,183
Like when we dropped
the word "book" from "Facebook"
460
00:17:39,266 --> 00:17:41,351
because people feel
like books look down on them.
461
00:17:41,435 --> 00:17:43,145
Yeah, you're really
making the tough calls.
462
00:17:43,228 --> 00:17:44,313
BETH BEZOS: Avenue 5.
463
00:17:44,396 --> 00:17:47,941
The lithium disinformation
has become problematic.
464
00:17:48,025 --> 00:17:51,987
We think it's time
to sunset the Avenue 5 project.
465
00:17:52,070 --> 00:17:54,907
Sure. Cut comms.
Don't prioritize them.
466
00:17:54,990 --> 00:17:57,117
Avenue 5 currently exists.
467
00:17:57,868 --> 00:18:00,662
We say let's 180 that reality.
468
00:18:00,746 --> 00:18:03,832
♪ (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
469
00:18:03,916 --> 00:18:06,335
What, you mean you want
to destroy Avenue 5?
470
00:18:07,669 --> 00:18:08,712
Okay, so this is where you say,
471
00:18:08,796 --> 00:18:10,255
"That's absolutely not
what we're saying."
472
00:18:10,339 --> 00:18:13,967
That is absolutely not
what we're saying.
473
00:18:14,051 --> 00:18:17,304
(QUANTUM COMPUTER BEEPING)
474
00:18:17,387 --> 00:18:19,515
I am gonna work my socks off
475
00:18:19,598 --> 00:18:22,684
to protect
this little guy's future. Yeah.
476
00:18:22,768 --> 00:18:24,770
Yeah. 'Cause I'm not a quitter.
477
00:18:24,853 --> 00:18:27,648
And there is no problem
that I won't sink my teeth into.
478
00:18:27,731 --> 00:18:28,774
(ALL LAUGHING)
479
00:18:28,857 --> 00:18:30,234
Don't eat the baby.
480
00:18:30,317 --> 00:18:32,194
Oh, no, I'm not going
to eat the baby.
481
00:18:32,277 --> 00:18:33,320
That would be a red line.
482
00:18:33,403 --> 00:18:35,280
-Now remember, keep it short.
-Short.
483
00:18:35,364 --> 00:18:37,282
Smile. And don't threaten them
with death.
484
00:18:37,366 --> 00:18:38,867
-Go. Go, go, go.
-Okay, I'm going.
485
00:18:39,243 --> 00:18:40,327
Ha!
486
00:18:40,410 --> 00:18:42,621
Hi, guys. So...
487
00:18:42,704 --> 00:18:45,082
-Why you?
-Why me? Well. (CHUCKLES)
488
00:18:45,165 --> 00:18:47,000
Training, uh,
intelligence, and--
489
00:18:47,084 --> 00:18:48,502
Okay, but if you're so good,
490
00:18:48,585 --> 00:18:50,337
then why haven't
we gotten home yet?
491
00:18:50,420 --> 00:18:52,047
Why haven't you used warp speed?
492
00:18:53,924 --> 00:18:55,884
(CHUCKLES)
Because it doesn't exist, babe.
493
00:18:55,968 --> 00:18:57,886
Then why can't you invent it?
494
00:18:57,970 --> 00:18:59,763
-CROWD: Yeah.
-Because even if it did,
495
00:18:59,847 --> 00:19:01,807
it would probably
smear everybody
496
00:19:01,890 --> 00:19:03,559
into a molecular paste.
497
00:19:03,642 --> 00:19:04,852
-(CROWD MUTTERING)
-Wow, are you--
498
00:19:04,935 --> 00:19:06,353
Are you threatening to kill us?
499
00:19:06,436 --> 00:19:09,273
This is the one thing
I told her not to do.
500
00:19:09,356 --> 00:19:11,233
-(CROWD BOOING)
-BILLIE: Guys, you are booing...
501
00:19:11,316 --> 00:19:13,527
You are booing physics.
So that's stupid.
502
00:19:13,610 --> 00:19:15,445
Am I the only one here
with half a brain?
503
00:19:15,529 --> 00:19:16,905
-Oh!
-(CROWD CONTINUES BOOING)
504
00:19:16,989 --> 00:19:18,949
Okay, now you're
booing competence?
505
00:19:19,032 --> 00:19:20,284
Okay, you know what?
506
00:19:20,367 --> 00:19:22,160
All of you morons
deserve everything
507
00:19:22,244 --> 00:19:23,328
that is coming to you.
508
00:19:23,412 --> 00:19:27,124
When death visits upon you,
may you see my face.
509
00:19:27,207 --> 00:19:28,709
-Okay.
-(CROWD CLAMORS)
510
00:19:28,792 --> 00:19:30,794
Okay, listen. I almost had it.
511
00:19:30,878 --> 00:19:32,004
SPIKE: Down she goes!
512
00:19:32,087 --> 00:19:34,882
Oh, Christ, we're gonna
get the cannibal, aren't we?
513
00:19:34,965 --> 00:19:36,425
"Here lies Ryan Clark.
514
00:19:36,508 --> 00:19:38,385
Freed a cannibal,
captured a cannibal,
515
00:19:38,468 --> 00:19:41,263
elected a cannibal,
was eaten by a cannibal.
516
00:19:41,346 --> 00:19:43,265
May he rest in a cannibal."
517
00:19:43,348 --> 00:19:45,434
-Who else have we got?
-Frank?
518
00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:48,562
Could we have Frank?
519
00:19:48,645 --> 00:19:50,105
♪ (TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
520
00:19:50,188 --> 00:19:51,523
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
521
00:19:51,607 --> 00:19:53,942
-No, it can't be Frank.
-No, he's a human
donkey sanctuary.
522
00:19:54,026 --> 00:19:56,194
Frank couldn't lead himself
down a one-way corridor.
523
00:19:56,278 --> 00:19:59,072
-CHARLES: Rav?
-People say that I'm cold.
524
00:19:59,156 --> 00:20:02,075
But does a body need a heart
to function?
525
00:20:02,159 --> 00:20:04,536
I mean, yes.
But does-- does it really?
526
00:20:04,620 --> 00:20:05,954
Um, okay, okay, still yes.
527
00:20:06,038 --> 00:20:08,165
But cold?
Do you know who else was cold?
528
00:20:09,333 --> 00:20:11,168
No, sorry, I started that
without anyone in mind
529
00:20:11,251 --> 00:20:12,669
and I just thought
it would come to me.
530
00:20:12,753 --> 00:20:14,463
-That was-- that was silly.
-No.
531
00:20:14,546 --> 00:20:18,133
Okay, it's time to reach
for the nuclear football
532
00:20:18,216 --> 00:20:20,636
and turn the... the twisty keys.
533
00:20:20,719 --> 00:20:22,054
Oh, please, God, no. Not Karen.
534
00:20:22,137 --> 00:20:23,388
-Please.
-No, don't feed the beast.
535
00:20:23,472 --> 00:20:24,765
That is a very
complicated issue and--
536
00:20:24,848 --> 00:20:26,183
and I don't have
an answer for you.
537
00:20:26,266 --> 00:20:27,309
Sorry, excuse me, Frank.
538
00:20:27,392 --> 00:20:30,646
Uh, Karen, we need you to run.
539
00:20:30,729 --> 00:20:32,314
-Oh, God. (SIGHS)
-(EXHALES)
540
00:20:33,106 --> 00:20:35,484
I knew it. You want me.
541
00:20:35,567 --> 00:20:37,069
Uh, well, we need you.
542
00:20:37,986 --> 00:20:39,071
Come on.
543
00:20:39,154 --> 00:20:42,074
It's okay to say you want me.
Say it. Say you want me.
544
00:20:43,700 --> 00:20:47,245
I... (HESITATES) ...want you.
545
00:20:47,329 --> 00:20:52,125
And, um, what exactly is it
that you want me to do, Captain?
546
00:20:52,209 --> 00:20:54,169
-Okay, is this really necessary?
-KAREN: Yes, it's necessary.
547
00:20:54,252 --> 00:20:55,504
I need clarity.
548
00:20:58,423 --> 00:21:04,096
Karen, I... want you to rule me.
549
00:21:04,930 --> 00:21:06,848
I want to be ruled by you.
550
00:21:06,932 --> 00:21:09,101
Governed by you. All of us do.
551
00:21:09,184 --> 00:21:11,645
We all want to be governed
by Karen.
552
00:21:11,728 --> 00:21:13,939
Not just today,
but for all time.
553
00:21:14,231 --> 00:21:15,273
I know.
554
00:21:16,525 --> 00:21:18,151
I guess I've always known.
555
00:21:18,235 --> 00:21:20,362
I just wanted
to hear you say it.
556
00:21:21,279 --> 00:21:22,280
Frank?
557
00:21:23,448 --> 00:21:24,700
Excuse me, people.
558
00:21:24,783 --> 00:21:26,243
-Excuse me. Excuse me.
-FRANK KELLY:
Make a hole, people.
559
00:21:29,621 --> 00:21:32,874
♪ (EPIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
560
00:21:36,503 --> 00:21:39,798
Ladies and gentlemen,
I am humbled...
561
00:21:39,881 --> 00:21:42,217
-♪ (MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY) ♪
-(CROWD BOOS)
562
00:21:42,300 --> 00:21:45,095
You know what, just eff off,
you effing eff-heads!
563
00:21:45,178 --> 00:21:49,266
No, we can't just be stuck
with Edward Eat-my-hands.
564
00:21:49,349 --> 00:21:51,351
Actually, I...
565
00:21:51,435 --> 00:21:52,894
Isaac. Yes.
566
00:21:52,978 --> 00:21:54,896
He's been right in front of us
all this time.
567
00:21:54,980 --> 00:21:56,857
I was the fifth Canadian
on Mars!
568
00:21:56,940 --> 00:21:58,317
What's that got to do
with anything?
569
00:21:59,443 --> 00:22:01,778
Isaac, bad news.
570
00:22:01,862 --> 00:22:03,905
-We need you to save us.
-No, I-- I can't.
571
00:22:03,989 --> 00:22:05,615
I'm not cut out for this.
572
00:22:05,699 --> 00:22:07,075
I'm just a patent attorney.
573
00:22:07,159 --> 00:22:08,577
RYAN: Oh, come now.
574
00:22:08,660 --> 00:22:11,955
There's no such thing
as "just" a patent attorney.
575
00:22:12,039 --> 00:22:13,665
Look at me,
I-- I can't handle this.
576
00:22:13,749 --> 00:22:15,375
These people scare
the shit out of me.
577
00:22:15,459 --> 00:22:17,044
It's like a nest
of vipers developed
578
00:22:17,127 --> 00:22:18,170
a sense of entitlement.
579
00:22:18,253 --> 00:22:20,172
Okay, take off your diapers
580
00:22:20,255 --> 00:22:23,592
and put on your big-boy panties
'cause Daddy's home!
581
00:22:23,675 --> 00:22:24,551
Vote me!
582
00:22:24,634 --> 00:22:25,969
-(CROWD BOOING)
-PASSENGER: No!
583
00:22:26,053 --> 00:22:28,388
Why are you booing?
Because I didn't stand earlier?
584
00:22:28,472 --> 00:22:30,432
No, 'cause we don't want you
to stand at all.
585
00:22:30,515 --> 00:22:33,018
Okay, I won't stand.
I'll just campaign manage Mads.
586
00:22:33,101 --> 00:22:34,311
(CROWD BOOING)
587
00:22:34,394 --> 00:22:36,021
I'll just tell you to vote
for Mads.
588
00:22:36,104 --> 00:22:37,981
-CROWD: No!
-I'll recommend Mads.
589
00:22:38,065 --> 00:22:39,024
CROWD: No!
590
00:22:39,107 --> 00:22:40,442
-I'll just say the word "Mads."
-CROWD: No!
591
00:22:40,525 --> 00:22:41,943
-I'll stay out of this.
-Thank you.
592
00:22:42,027 --> 00:22:43,570
(CROWD CHEERS)
593
00:22:43,653 --> 00:22:45,322
Wow. Wow, bud.
594
00:22:45,405 --> 00:22:47,824
They hate you so much
they took it out on me.
595
00:22:47,908 --> 00:22:49,409
Listen, I'm--
I-- I know, I'm sorry.
596
00:22:49,493 --> 00:22:51,119
Look, uh, you're a loser.
597
00:22:51,203 --> 00:22:52,913
And, um, I hate losers.
598
00:22:52,996 --> 00:22:55,248
So I'm gonna end this here.
599
00:22:55,332 --> 00:22:57,834
-Yeah.
-Uh... and, uh, yeah.
600
00:22:57,918 --> 00:22:59,961
I delete you. Boop!
601
00:23:00,045 --> 00:23:01,713
Look at it this way.
If you win,
602
00:23:01,797 --> 00:23:03,673
you get a lovely apartment
to cry in.
603
00:23:03,757 --> 00:23:05,509
And you'll probably be deposed
in a year.
604
00:23:05,592 --> 00:23:07,302
Come on, let's go.
Come on, Isaac.
605
00:23:07,385 --> 00:23:08,887
-No, I really don't--
-No, no, no, come on.
606
00:23:08,970 --> 00:23:10,180
-Please don't make me...
-It'll be fun.
607
00:23:10,263 --> 00:23:11,389
In four years' time,
608
00:23:11,473 --> 00:23:14,559
we will all be
at each other's throats, okay?
609
00:23:14,643 --> 00:23:16,144
That's just facts.
610
00:23:16,228 --> 00:23:18,605
And I will help you to survive.
611
00:23:18,688 --> 00:23:20,690
-I've made a crossbow...
-(CROWD GASPS)
612
00:23:20,774 --> 00:23:22,818
...um, out of, uh,
613
00:23:22,901 --> 00:23:24,236
-steam-pressed ply...
-(CROWD EXCLAIMS)
614
00:23:24,319 --> 00:23:26,113
MATT: ...and-- and eel gut.
615
00:23:26,196 --> 00:23:27,572
I'm gonna teach you to survive.
616
00:23:27,656 --> 00:23:29,282
I'm gonna teach you
how to make your own.
617
00:23:29,366 --> 00:23:31,868
And you'll be safe.
You'll all be safe with me.
618
00:23:31,952 --> 00:23:33,411
Except for Ryan Clark.
619
00:23:33,495 --> 00:23:36,456
He will suffer immensely
and be shown no mercy.
620
00:23:36,540 --> 00:23:39,251
The only question is,
how will we kill him?
621
00:23:39,334 --> 00:23:42,087
Will he be fried or eaten
or sexed?
622
00:23:42,170 --> 00:23:44,339
Well, yeah. Right now
it's unstable up there.
623
00:23:44,423 --> 00:23:45,674
But once they elect a president,
624
00:23:45,757 --> 00:23:47,676
then we'll have a clear line
of communication.
625
00:23:47,759 --> 00:23:50,720
Well, it looks like they're
about to elect a cannibal.
626
00:23:54,099 --> 00:23:56,059
Hello again, everyone. Uh...
627
00:23:56,143 --> 00:23:57,477
Um, look, I-- I realize
628
00:23:57,561 --> 00:23:59,354
that he's not
as exciting as someone
629
00:23:59,437 --> 00:24:01,731
who might kill you,
but we need someone
630
00:24:01,815 --> 00:24:04,651
with natural authority
and charisma.
631
00:24:04,734 --> 00:24:06,486
We need someone like TV Ryan.
632
00:24:06,570 --> 00:24:08,238
-ELENA: Yes!
-Absolutely!
633
00:24:08,321 --> 00:24:10,407
-(CROWD CHEERS)
-How is TV Ryan gonna work out?
634
00:24:11,408 --> 00:24:14,286
He's fictional,
and he's not on the ship.
635
00:24:14,369 --> 00:24:16,496
-Because he's fictional!
-This man.
636
00:24:17,873 --> 00:24:20,500
He can be our TV Ryan.
637
00:24:21,459 --> 00:24:23,170
He picked me up when I was down,
638
00:24:23,253 --> 00:24:26,006
and he can do
the same thing for this ship.
639
00:24:26,089 --> 00:24:27,757
-(CROWD APPLAUDS)
-No-- no, I can't.
640
00:24:27,841 --> 00:24:30,218
I've tried that
and I was shit at it.
641
00:24:30,302 --> 00:24:32,387
-That's why you deposed me.
-ISAAC: He was shit!
642
00:24:32,804 --> 00:24:34,347
So, so shit.
643
00:24:34,431 --> 00:24:36,766
And that's why he'll be
so great this time!
644
00:24:36,850 --> 00:24:37,893
(CROWD CHEERS)
645
00:24:37,976 --> 00:24:39,895
That is literally meaningless.
646
00:24:39,978 --> 00:24:41,980
He could be the best
of both worlds!
647
00:24:42,063 --> 00:24:45,192
Together there are more of him!
648
00:24:45,275 --> 00:24:46,526
-(CROWD CHEERS)
-No!
649
00:24:46,610 --> 00:24:47,777
This is insane!
650
00:24:47,861 --> 00:24:50,947
He brought a pedophile on board,
followed by a cannibal.
651
00:24:51,031 --> 00:24:52,240
ELENA: Vote for Ryan!
652
00:24:52,324 --> 00:24:55,368
He doesn't eat people
and he looks hot in a hat!
653
00:24:55,452 --> 00:24:57,871
-And without the hat! Whoo!
-(CROWD CHEERING)
654
00:24:57,954 --> 00:24:59,664
Okay, let's put it to a vote.
655
00:24:59,748 --> 00:25:02,000
No, Spike, let's not put it
to a vote.
656
00:25:02,083 --> 00:25:03,251
No, no, no, no. We are...
657
00:25:03,335 --> 00:25:07,005
Do not put it to a vote.
We are not voting on-- on this.
658
00:25:07,088 --> 00:25:09,382
-Don't--
-Eighty-six percent.
659
00:25:09,466 --> 00:25:11,218
That's more than
the Jonas Brothers got
660
00:25:11,301 --> 00:25:12,594
for their second term.
661
00:25:12,677 --> 00:25:14,179
-Oh...
-ELENA: Let's make Ryan
662
00:25:14,262 --> 00:25:16,056
president for life!
663
00:25:16,139 --> 00:25:19,059
-(CROWD CHEERING)
-No, no, no, no, no!
664
00:25:19,517 --> 00:25:21,186
Jesus Christ.
665
00:25:21,269 --> 00:25:24,105
-Ryan! TV Ryan!
-No! No!
666
00:25:24,189 --> 00:25:26,358
Let's make him look more
like TV Ryan!
667
00:25:26,441 --> 00:25:28,610
(CROWD CONTINUES CHEERING)
668
00:25:29,736 --> 00:25:30,737
RYAN: No!
669
00:25:33,323 --> 00:25:35,909
This makes
zero sense constitutionally.
670
00:25:35,992 --> 00:25:37,827
We literally just deposed him.
671
00:25:37,911 --> 00:25:39,621
My fucking chair.
672
00:25:39,704 --> 00:25:41,414
CROWD: TV Ryan! TV Ryan!
673
00:25:41,498 --> 00:25:45,961
-Guys, that's not me!
That's not me!
-TV Ryan! TV Ryan! TV Ryan!
674
00:25:46,044 --> 00:25:48,296
-That's not me!
-(CROWD CHEERS)
675
00:25:48,380 --> 00:25:50,006
RYAN: Oh, for fuck's sake.
676
00:25:50,507 --> 00:25:51,466
I lied.
677
00:25:51,549 --> 00:25:53,677
-I liked you being the captain.
-Oh, me too.
678
00:25:53,760 --> 00:25:55,136
MIA: We voted for you!
679
00:25:55,220 --> 00:25:56,721
Oh-- oh, actually I voted
for Nathan.
680
00:25:56,805 --> 00:25:57,931
I didn't vote.
681
00:25:58,014 --> 00:26:00,558
If you need a first lady,
you know where to find me.
682
00:26:00,642 --> 00:26:02,185
He already has a first lady.
683
00:26:02,269 --> 00:26:04,062
Well, I could be
the second first lady,
684
00:26:04,145 --> 00:26:06,898
-in case you get shot.
-Well, I would take a bullet.
685
00:26:06,982 --> 00:26:08,358
If it helps.
686
00:26:08,441 --> 00:26:10,318
I'm offering you my guidance
and support.
687
00:26:10,402 --> 00:26:12,904
And you'll need my advice to,
uh, counterbalance her advice.
688
00:26:12,988 --> 00:26:14,823
I like winners.
And you're a winner.
689
00:26:14,906 --> 00:26:17,117
I'm really sorry
about this whole...
690
00:26:18,118 --> 00:26:20,161
I will make your reign
a reign of blood.
691
00:26:20,245 --> 00:26:21,621
RYAN: Billie! Help me!
692
00:26:21,705 --> 00:26:23,331
Uh, for the first time
in my life,
693
00:26:23,415 --> 00:26:24,749
I have no idea what to do.
694
00:26:24,833 --> 00:26:26,710
KAREN: Okay, people, step away.
Step away.
695
00:26:29,212 --> 00:26:31,631
Our supreme leader.
696
00:26:31,715 --> 00:26:34,509
♪ (EPIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
697
00:26:34,592 --> 00:26:40,307
(CROWD CHEERING)
698
00:26:48,940 --> 00:26:51,860
And so it begins again.
699
00:26:53,737 --> 00:26:59,200
♪ (EPIC MUSIC CONTINUES) ♪
700
00:27:04,456 --> 00:27:07,292
(INHALES) Right.
What's first up?
701
00:27:12,213 --> 00:27:15,425
♪ (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
702
00:28:10,355 --> 00:28:11,981
♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪
49185
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