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1
00:00:02,369 --> 00:00:06,306
♪
2
00:00:08,851 --> 00:00:11,586
Everything here
is made out of garbage.
3
00:00:11,591 --> 00:00:15,127
Upcycling is at the very core
of the modern maker movement.
4
00:00:15,134 --> 00:00:16,968
It's very responsible.
5
00:00:16,971 --> 00:00:19,439
Like these doggie chew toys
made out of...
6
00:00:19,444 --> 00:00:21,112
used retainers?
7
00:00:21,115 --> 00:00:23,082
Ugh! Too responsible!
8
00:00:23,086 --> 00:00:24,620
(laughing)
9
00:00:24,624 --> 00:00:27,226
Hey, guys.
You're craft fair fans, too?
10
00:00:27,230 --> 00:00:30,032
Ew, no. We're doing
a photo scavenger hunt
11
00:00:30,037 --> 00:00:31,837
for Francine's birthday party.
12
00:00:31,841 --> 00:00:33,876
We need a picture
of something sad.
13
00:00:33,880 --> 00:00:35,814
I wonder why I wasn't invited.
14
00:00:35,818 --> 00:00:39,921
'Cause you're a party narc
who ruins everybody's fun.
15
00:00:39,928 --> 00:00:42,597
What?
When have I ever done that?
16
00:00:42,602 --> 00:00:45,370
You once deflated a bouncy house
'cause you smelled mildew.
17
00:00:45,375 --> 00:00:46,508
You shut down a pool party
18
00:00:46,511 --> 00:00:48,312
'cause the diving board
wasn't code.
19
00:00:48,315 --> 00:00:49,549
You stopped a barbecue
20
00:00:49,552 --> 00:00:51,953
because the fire extinguishers
were expired.
21
00:00:51,957 --> 00:00:53,825
Okay, okay, I get it.
22
00:00:53,829 --> 00:00:55,696
Basically, you're a wet blanket.
23
00:00:55,700 --> 00:00:57,835
That's not true,
she's more like a blanket
24
00:00:57,839 --> 00:01:00,707
that tattles and kills all joy.
25
00:01:00,712 --> 00:01:02,413
Ooh, that's sad.
26
00:01:02,417 --> 00:01:03,550
(laughs)
27
00:01:03,552 --> 00:01:05,287
(groans)
28
00:01:05,291 --> 00:01:08,192
Oh, what a beautiful little box.
29
00:01:08,197 --> 00:01:09,631
I'll take this.
30
00:01:09,634 --> 00:01:11,201
You'll need this polish.
31
00:01:11,205 --> 00:01:13,373
It's my blend
of secret ingredients,
32
00:01:13,377 --> 00:01:17,080
including carnauba wax.
That-that one's not a secret.
33
00:01:17,086 --> 00:01:18,820
Okay, I'll take both.
34
00:01:18,824 --> 00:01:20,158
I have to explain to the box
35
00:01:20,161 --> 00:01:21,928
that it's going
to live with you now.
36
00:01:21,931 --> 00:01:23,865
Okay, baby, you're gonna go...
37
00:01:23,869 --> 00:01:26,137
Are you
seeing this?
38
00:01:26,141 --> 00:01:28,142
Are you seeing that?
39
00:01:28,146 --> 00:01:30,815
(chuckles) Man bun.
40
00:01:30,820 --> 00:01:33,455
Pathetic old dude
thinks death won't find him
41
00:01:33,460 --> 00:01:35,627
if he has a freaky hair lump.
42
00:01:35,631 --> 00:01:38,534
(chuckles) Stupid bun.
43
00:01:39,742 --> 00:01:40,808
(shrieks)
44
00:01:40,811 --> 00:01:42,178
Homer, Marge!
45
00:01:42,181 --> 00:01:45,050
You finally get
to meet my special lady.
46
00:01:45,055 --> 00:01:46,889
This is Blythe.
47
00:01:46,893 --> 00:01:49,528
Special lady? Since when?
48
00:01:49,533 --> 00:01:53,302
Oh. Oh, it's been
almost six months.
49
00:01:53,308 --> 00:01:55,209
And we're just
hearing about it now?
50
00:01:55,213 --> 00:01:58,482
What do you mean?
I left you tons of messages.
51
00:01:58,488 --> 00:02:00,656
I thought those were
all butt-dials.
52
00:02:00,660 --> 00:02:01,560
(beeps)
53
00:02:01,562 --> 00:02:03,496
GRAMPA:
Homer, I've met someone...
54
00:02:03,500 --> 00:02:05,234
- (beeps)
- I'm in lo...
55
00:02:05,238 --> 00:02:07,139
- (beeps)
- Blythe and I are getting seri...
56
00:02:07,142 --> 00:02:12,113
- (beeps)
- I fell out of the senior van and I'm lost...
57
00:02:12,122 --> 00:02:13,522
How did you two meet?
58
00:02:13,525 --> 00:02:15,927
I was hired by
the Retirement Castle
59
00:02:15,931 --> 00:02:20,501
to cleanse auras with
a therapeutic sound bath.
60
00:02:20,509 --> 00:02:22,577
But I don't want inner peace.
61
00:02:22,581 --> 00:02:23,381
(grunts)
62
00:02:23,383 --> 00:02:26,351
(chiming harmoniously)
63
00:02:26,356 --> 00:02:29,592
GRAMPA:
But when she started gongin' her gongs,
64
00:02:29,598 --> 00:02:34,101
it felt like I stuck my tongue
in love's power outlet.
65
00:02:34,109 --> 00:02:37,345
(moaning):
Oh, wow.
66
00:02:37,351 --> 00:02:39,886
BLYTHE:
As Abe vibrated past,
67
00:02:39,890 --> 00:02:43,692
there was something inside him
that called to me.
68
00:02:43,699 --> 00:02:46,902
GRAMPA:
It was the bullet I fired into my foot during the war
69
00:02:46,907 --> 00:02:48,774
to get out of KP duty.
70
00:02:48,778 --> 00:02:51,547
(gasps)
71
00:02:51,552 --> 00:02:53,352
(sighs)
72
00:02:53,356 --> 00:02:55,592
(both moaning)
73
00:02:56,430 --> 00:02:59,199
We're not wasting
any more time.
74
00:02:59,204 --> 00:03:01,171
I'm moving in with her.
75
00:03:01,175 --> 00:03:04,311
I finally found true love.
76
00:03:04,317 --> 00:03:06,651
And I finally won't have to pay
77
00:03:06,655 --> 00:03:10,191
for your retirement home.
(cries happily)
78
00:03:10,198 --> 00:03:12,766
(chimes ringing)
79
00:03:12,770 --> 00:03:15,139
You have so many chimes.
80
00:03:15,144 --> 00:03:17,345
You're not going
to miss any wind.
81
00:03:17,349 --> 00:03:19,617
Ooh, this is my son Calvin.
82
00:03:19,621 --> 00:03:21,789
Felicitous greetings
on this day to you.
83
00:03:21,793 --> 00:03:23,727
That's how this one guy talked
in Star Trek
84
00:03:23,731 --> 00:03:25,298
when they went
to a Shakespeare planet.
85
00:03:25,302 --> 00:03:27,003
It's how I'm saying hello
these days.
86
00:03:27,006 --> 00:03:29,674
Oh, uh, hello-eth to you.
87
00:03:29,679 --> 00:03:31,413
What a charmer.
88
00:03:31,417 --> 00:03:33,752
- How old is Calvin?
- 11.
89
00:03:33,756 --> 00:03:36,024
Hmm, so you had him
when you were...
90
00:03:36,028 --> 00:03:38,396
Oh, he's adopted.
91
00:03:38,401 --> 00:03:42,705
Cute kid, but, man,
my dad's gonna eat him alive.
92
00:03:45,117 --> 00:03:47,252
Hey, there's my guy.
93
00:03:47,256 --> 00:03:48,556
Wha?
94
00:03:48,559 --> 00:03:50,561
Uppies!
95
00:03:52,568 --> 00:03:53,935
(gasps)
96
00:03:53,938 --> 00:03:56,173
He never gave me uppies.
97
00:03:56,178 --> 00:03:58,313
(groaning)
98
00:04:00,421 --> 00:04:04,224
Abe and Calvin
love to cook for company.
99
00:04:04,230 --> 00:04:05,964
Final looks on
the plating, chef.
100
00:04:05,968 --> 00:04:09,137
That one needs a sweep
of balsamic, chef.
101
00:04:09,143 --> 00:04:11,578
Nobody's refilled
my water glass.
102
00:04:11,582 --> 00:04:14,350
This restaurant
would get zero Michelin tires.
103
00:04:14,355 --> 00:04:17,024
Tonight we've made for you
a roasted chicken
104
00:04:17,029 --> 00:04:18,563
with apricot and fennel.
105
00:04:18,566 --> 00:04:21,100
- MARGE: Mmm.
- How are we enjoying the first bites?
106
00:04:21,105 --> 00:04:22,573
Hmm...
107
00:04:22,576 --> 00:04:25,544
Well, I'm not
getting fennel at all.
108
00:04:25,550 --> 00:04:27,117
So that's a fail.
109
00:04:27,120 --> 00:04:28,421
(whispering):
Don't be rude.
110
00:04:28,424 --> 00:04:29,958
(shrieks) Shelf rat!
111
00:04:29,961 --> 00:04:33,396
Well, they're both rodents,
but this little dude
112
00:04:33,402 --> 00:04:36,771
is a Sciuridae, or squirrel,
if you prefer.
113
00:04:36,777 --> 00:04:39,412
I'd prefer that it not
stare into my soul
114
00:04:39,417 --> 00:04:40,851
like it knows my sins.
115
00:04:40,854 --> 00:04:44,690
Calvin does taxidermy.
That's one of his pieces.
116
00:04:44,697 --> 00:04:49,167
He's a rising star in the field.
He takes classes with adults.
117
00:04:49,174 --> 00:04:50,808
You can't even see
the tire tracks
118
00:04:50,812 --> 00:04:52,713
- on this guy anymore.
- (alarm beeps)
119
00:04:52,716 --> 00:04:54,851
Uhp, time for your
glocky-drops, Abe.
120
00:04:54,855 --> 00:04:59,091
Aw, that stuff makes me blinder
than an umpire in a mineshaft.
121
00:04:59,099 --> 00:05:03,236
You know the drill, commodore.
Head back, eyes open.
122
00:05:03,243 --> 00:05:06,512
BOTH:
Rain, rain.
123
00:05:06,518 --> 00:05:08,485
Windshield wipers!
124
00:05:08,488 --> 00:05:10,724
(Calvin hums happily)
125
00:05:11,930 --> 00:05:14,131
Here you go, sweetie.
126
00:05:14,136 --> 00:05:18,506
We made that chestnut stuffing
I know you love.
127
00:05:18,513 --> 00:05:22,116
BLYTHE:
Abe, you're feeding the thermostat again.
128
00:05:22,122 --> 00:05:24,825
D'oh! Damn glocky-drops!
129
00:05:25,965 --> 00:05:29,434
Yo, our grandfather
Abe Simpson moved out,
130
00:05:29,440 --> 00:05:31,808
but left his...
(shudders) denture cup.
131
00:05:31,812 --> 00:05:33,113
Do you have a lost and found?
132
00:05:33,116 --> 00:05:34,950
Please say you don't have
a lost and found.
133
00:05:34,954 --> 00:05:36,221
Oh, Abe's moved out?
134
00:05:36,224 --> 00:05:38,692
Well, his room is paid up
for the next two weeks.
135
00:05:38,697 --> 00:05:41,032
Uh, actually, I misspoke.
136
00:05:41,036 --> 00:05:45,406
Um, Abe is still using the room.
Using it like crazy.
137
00:05:45,413 --> 00:05:46,513
(Lisa exclaims)
138
00:05:46,516 --> 00:05:49,451
We own this place
for two whole weeks.
139
00:05:49,456 --> 00:05:51,557
- Hmm.
- We can take a shower in a chair,
140
00:05:51,561 --> 00:05:53,796
- flush the toilet
a million times... - Interesting.
141
00:05:53,801 --> 00:05:57,170
Oh, you're gonna tell Mom and
Dad about this, aren't you?
142
00:05:57,176 --> 00:06:01,312
Nope, this is one whistle
I'm not gonna blow.
143
00:06:01,319 --> 00:06:05,723
Instead,
what if we used this room
144
00:06:05,730 --> 00:06:09,032
to throw the greatest
slumber party ever?
145
00:06:09,038 --> 00:06:10,939
No rules, no limits,
146
00:06:10,943 --> 00:06:14,746
and, dare I say it,
no slumbering.
147
00:06:14,752 --> 00:06:16,754
(straining):
Tell me more.
148
00:06:18,862 --> 00:06:21,830
Also, that kid
is not that good of a cook.
149
00:06:21,836 --> 00:06:23,604
There's such a thing
as chicken being
150
00:06:23,607 --> 00:06:25,574
too tender and juicy, you know?
151
00:06:25,578 --> 00:06:29,114
Our wood is really loving
this carnauba stuff.
152
00:06:29,120 --> 00:06:32,356
And what kind of kid
does taxidermy?
153
00:06:32,362 --> 00:06:33,862
Dead animals are meant to be
154
00:06:33,865 --> 00:06:36,000
poked with a stick,
end of story.
155
00:06:36,004 --> 00:06:39,406
Homer, you've been complaining
about Calvin for three days.
156
00:06:39,412 --> 00:06:41,814
Why are you
so obsessed with him?
157
00:06:41,819 --> 00:06:44,120
What? I don't
think about him at all.
158
00:06:44,124 --> 00:06:47,560
But did you notice
how he asked to be excused?
159
00:06:47,566 --> 00:06:50,000
That speaks to
a guilty conscience.
160
00:06:50,005 --> 00:06:50,972
And another thing.
161
00:06:50,974 --> 00:06:52,875
(lisping):
Why is my tongue swelling up?
162
00:06:52,879 --> 00:06:55,114
- (gasps)
- What is this rash?
163
00:06:55,118 --> 00:06:56,985
Oh, my gosh.
164
00:06:56,989 --> 00:07:00,725
You must be having an allergic
reaction to the carnauba wax.
165
00:07:00,731 --> 00:07:02,999
Well, stop using it!
166
00:07:03,004 --> 00:07:06,373
I-I've rubbed it
into the floors, the windows.
167
00:07:06,379 --> 00:07:09,648
Every wood surface in the house
has been carnauba'd!
168
00:07:09,653 --> 00:07:11,754
It'll take weeks to dissipate!
169
00:07:11,759 --> 00:07:14,094
But where do I go to breathe?
170
00:07:14,098 --> 00:07:16,432
(groans)
171
00:07:16,436 --> 00:07:18,638
Yay, you're here.
172
00:07:18,643 --> 00:07:20,911
I was putting up
glow-in-the-dark stars.
173
00:07:20,915 --> 00:07:22,615
I'll let you
distribute the other half,
174
00:07:22,618 --> 00:07:24,920
since you're
kind of like my brother now.
175
00:07:24,925 --> 00:07:27,827
Brother? (scoffs)
I'm a grown man.
176
00:07:27,832 --> 00:07:31,067
Half?
This is barely a third. No fair!
177
00:07:31,073 --> 00:07:32,107
Dad!
178
00:07:36,687 --> 00:07:39,989
Okay, Harry Potter
chapter read, pillow fluffed...
179
00:07:39,995 --> 00:07:43,130
Scary German puppet
turned to face the wall.
180
00:07:43,135 --> 00:07:44,569
GRAMPA:
Uh-huh.
181
00:07:44,573 --> 00:07:48,109
And now, a good-night kiss.
182
00:07:48,115 --> 00:07:49,582
Mmm...
183
00:07:49,585 --> 00:07:50,952
Watch your feet!
184
00:07:50,955 --> 00:07:53,790
(both grunting, groaning)
185
00:07:53,795 --> 00:07:55,596
- Night, Calvin.
- (light switch clicks)
186
00:07:55,600 --> 00:07:59,670
Psst. Homer.
Want to play 20 questions?
187
00:07:59,677 --> 00:08:03,413
Okay.
Question number one: Shut up.
188
00:08:03,419 --> 00:08:05,120
(laughs) You're funny.
189
00:08:05,124 --> 00:08:06,658
We should go out
on our bikes tomorrow.
190
00:08:06,661 --> 00:08:09,963
I know this place by the nuclear
plant that has the best jumps.
191
00:08:09,969 --> 00:08:11,703
Oh, wait.
Did you bring your bike?
192
00:08:11,706 --> 00:08:14,007
I don't have a bike,
I have a car.
193
00:08:14,012 --> 00:08:16,113
And I don't play
at the nuclear plant,
194
00:08:16,117 --> 00:08:20,721
I work there
because I am a grown-up.
195
00:08:20,728 --> 00:08:22,729
Abe says I'm mature for my age.
196
00:08:22,733 --> 00:08:24,434
When we check in
at a restaurant,
197
00:08:24,438 --> 00:08:25,705
he gives the host my name,
198
00:08:25,708 --> 00:08:27,976
so I'm practically
a grown-up, too.
199
00:08:27,980 --> 00:08:30,081
No, you're not.
You're a pants-wetting baby.
200
00:08:30,085 --> 00:08:32,853
(sputters)
That is patently untrue.
201
00:08:32,858 --> 00:08:34,759
I have
excellent bladder control.
202
00:08:34,763 --> 00:08:37,632
If anything,
I hold it in too long.
203
00:08:37,637 --> 00:08:38,803
Pants-wetting baby!
204
00:08:38,806 --> 00:08:41,174
Stop lying! (grunts)
205
00:08:41,178 --> 00:08:44,247
(gasps)
You threw that zipper-first!
206
00:08:44,253 --> 00:08:45,186
(grunts)
207
00:08:45,188 --> 00:08:48,958
(gasps) My orrery!
Eat gas giants!
208
00:08:48,965 --> 00:08:52,267
I'll give you a gas giant!
209
00:08:52,272 --> 00:08:53,105
(both grunting)
210
00:08:53,108 --> 00:08:56,544
Stop squirming
and let me fart...
211
00:08:56,550 --> 00:08:58,818
- No!
- ...on your head!
212
00:08:58,822 --> 00:09:00,923
Never! (grunts)
213
00:09:00,927 --> 00:09:02,061
- Ow!
- (shouts)
214
00:09:02,064 --> 00:09:06,033
I welcomed you into my home,
215
00:09:06,040 --> 00:09:09,776
my room,
where I keep my artifacts.
216
00:09:09,782 --> 00:09:13,552
But you, sir, are a butt brain!
217
00:09:13,559 --> 00:09:17,095
From here on out, it's war.
218
00:09:17,101 --> 00:09:18,468
(groans)
219
00:09:18,471 --> 00:09:20,805
♪
220
00:09:20,809 --> 00:09:22,511
- (toilet flushes)
- (Calvin shrieks)
221
00:09:23,416 --> 00:09:24,416
(Homer shouts)
222
00:09:24,418 --> 00:09:25,452
(laughs)
223
00:09:26,456 --> 00:09:28,991
(stammers, grunts)
224
00:09:28,996 --> 00:09:30,464
♪
225
00:09:31,536 --> 00:09:33,538
(whimpers)
226
00:09:38,486 --> 00:09:40,087
(gasps)
227
00:09:40,090 --> 00:09:41,524
(groans)
228
00:09:41,527 --> 00:09:42,660
(Homer chuckles)
229
00:09:42,663 --> 00:09:44,130
♪
230
00:09:44,133 --> 00:09:46,735
- (Calvin laughs)
- (screaming)
231
00:09:46,740 --> 00:09:49,176
(yelling)
232
00:09:50,215 --> 00:09:52,050
(chuckles)
233
00:09:53,490 --> 00:09:56,759
Thank you, Mother.
Pickup is noon tomorrow.
234
00:09:56,765 --> 00:09:59,601
Don't be early.
Bye, now.
235
00:10:01,109 --> 00:10:04,312
Drive away. Don't look back.
236
00:10:06,087 --> 00:10:07,821
(muffled music playing)
237
00:10:07,825 --> 00:10:10,260
♪
238
00:10:10,264 --> 00:10:13,133
Welcome to our pop-up sleepover.
239
00:10:13,139 --> 00:10:15,607
Do you have the "birthday gift"?
240
00:10:15,611 --> 00:10:18,379
One $25 gift card.
241
00:10:18,384 --> 00:10:20,319
(Bart chuckles)
242
00:10:21,426 --> 00:10:25,162
Take off your shoes,
we have unlimited bed-jumping.
243
00:10:25,168 --> 00:10:27,669
(laughing hysterically)
244
00:10:27,674 --> 00:10:29,942
I've never felt so alive!
245
00:10:29,946 --> 00:10:34,016
We got PG-13 movies,
rated "M" videogames.
246
00:10:34,023 --> 00:10:35,590
What if Mother calls?
247
00:10:35,593 --> 00:10:39,229
We got Milhouse in the closet
standing by. Guy's a pro.
248
00:10:39,236 --> 00:10:41,904
(imitating adult):
Oh, hello, Wendell's mom.
249
00:10:41,909 --> 00:10:44,978
Yes, I will remind him
to wear his night guard,
250
00:10:44,983 --> 00:10:48,386
because I am another parent.
(normal voice): Love you.
251
00:10:49,461 --> 00:10:54,732
Lis, take a moment.
We did this. You did this.
252
00:10:54,740 --> 00:10:57,142
(clamoring, laughter)
253
00:10:57,147 --> 00:10:59,348
- ♪
- (Nelson grunts)
254
00:10:59,352 --> 00:11:01,020
(laughing)
255
00:11:02,727 --> 00:11:05,862
I am Lisa, bringer of fun.
256
00:11:05,868 --> 00:11:08,638
Driest of blankets.
257
00:11:09,644 --> 00:11:11,044
(car rattles)
258
00:11:11,047 --> 00:11:12,948
Must you hit every bump?
259
00:11:12,952 --> 00:11:13,952
(tires screech)
260
00:11:13,955 --> 00:11:14,955
- Oh!
- (car rattles)
261
00:11:14,957 --> 00:11:16,257
Oops.
262
00:11:16,260 --> 00:11:18,762
I make a million dollars a year.
Did you know that?
263
00:11:18,767 --> 00:11:20,501
- No, you don't.
- Oh, yeah?
264
00:11:20,504 --> 00:11:22,738
Then why do
I have a ton of DVDs?
265
00:11:22,742 --> 00:11:24,678
What's a DVD?
266
00:11:25,516 --> 00:11:28,151
Ugh, your car smells like
fried chicken.
267
00:11:28,156 --> 00:11:30,858
No, I smell like fried chicken.
268
00:11:30,863 --> 00:11:33,898
Can you breathe
through your mouth?
269
00:11:33,904 --> 00:11:36,005
Your nose is squeaky.
270
00:11:36,009 --> 00:11:39,078
(breathes loudly)
271
00:11:39,083 --> 00:11:40,750
(breathes louder)
272
00:11:40,754 --> 00:11:42,054
Yeah?
273
00:11:42,057 --> 00:11:44,759
(both breathing loudly)
274
00:11:44,764 --> 00:11:47,666
(both wheezing)
275
00:11:47,671 --> 00:11:49,706
(both straining and wheezing)
276
00:11:51,480 --> 00:11:52,813
(Calvin coughs)
277
00:11:52,816 --> 00:11:54,685
(Homer whimpers)
278
00:12:02,006 --> 00:12:05,742
Wow, Calvin, what a great start.
279
00:12:05,748 --> 00:12:09,351
But how would a pelican have
access to a freshwater fish?
280
00:12:09,358 --> 00:12:12,660
(laughs) Well, that's the joke!
281
00:12:12,665 --> 00:12:14,266
(sarcastic laughter)
282
00:12:14,270 --> 00:12:17,606
Oh, so funny to murder
innocent water birds.
283
00:12:17,612 --> 00:12:20,981
Uh, it died
of natural causes, ding-dong.
284
00:12:20,987 --> 00:12:23,088
I have a network
of park ranger friends
285
00:12:23,092 --> 00:12:24,626
who save dead animals for me.
286
00:12:24,629 --> 00:12:28,431
So you're not a psychopath,
just a weirdo. Got it.
287
00:12:28,437 --> 00:12:30,839
It's always sad
when an animal dies,
288
00:12:30,844 --> 00:12:34,980
but this pelican gets to
speak to the world as art.
289
00:12:34,987 --> 00:12:37,222
I was inspired to make this
290
00:12:37,226 --> 00:12:39,694
after Abe told me about
his time in the war.
291
00:12:39,699 --> 00:12:43,735
His stories are so cool,
but disturbing.
292
00:12:43,742 --> 00:12:44,776
I will not sit here
293
00:12:44,778 --> 00:12:48,213
and have you call
my father's stories cool!
294
00:12:48,219 --> 00:12:50,187
They're meandering and endless.
295
00:12:50,191 --> 00:12:53,827
I'm going to Moe's,
where people know what's boring.
296
00:12:53,834 --> 00:12:55,234
(scoffs)
297
00:12:55,237 --> 00:12:57,005
And it's not just taxidermy,
298
00:12:57,008 --> 00:12:59,409
Calvin's got
a million creepy hobbies.
299
00:12:59,414 --> 00:13:01,916
And my dad
thinks they're all great.
300
00:13:01,920 --> 00:13:05,823
When I was his age, I was
cleaning pool covers from below.
301
00:13:05,830 --> 00:13:09,432
Yeah, going house to house
with my scrub brush and Speedo.
302
00:13:09,438 --> 00:13:12,440
I stuck googly eyes on shells
and sold them at the beach.
303
00:13:12,446 --> 00:13:14,714
Till my dad
told me to knock it off
304
00:13:14,718 --> 00:13:16,953
because people would think
I was a freak.
305
00:13:16,957 --> 00:13:19,925
Yeah, my pop also
told me to lay low.
306
00:13:19,931 --> 00:13:21,732
Literally.
We were gravediggers.
307
00:13:21,735 --> 00:13:24,337
We took turns
sleeping in open graves.
308
00:13:24,342 --> 00:13:26,309
Heh. Nothin' builds character
309
00:13:26,313 --> 00:13:29,849
like waking up to a coffin
being lowered on top of youse.
310
00:13:29,855 --> 00:13:31,791
To unprocessed trauma.
311
00:13:34,233 --> 00:13:36,835
- Hi, Lisa!
- She waved to us!
312
00:13:36,839 --> 00:13:37,839
(both laughing)
313
00:13:37,842 --> 00:13:39,242
Our sleepover is a hit.
314
00:13:39,245 --> 00:13:41,046
We have the room
for one more weekend.
315
00:13:41,050 --> 00:13:43,385
We're gonna be
gift card thousand-aires.
316
00:13:43,389 --> 00:13:46,257
No, Bart, we have
to reinvest in our next party.
317
00:13:46,262 --> 00:13:47,696
We have to top ourselves.
318
00:13:47,699 --> 00:13:51,268
I'm thinking face painters,
walk-around SpongeBob,
319
00:13:51,274 --> 00:13:53,843
one of those pools
you can surf in.
320
00:13:53,848 --> 00:13:57,550
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Are you chain-sucking lollypops?
321
00:13:57,557 --> 00:13:59,258
Just need a little something
322
00:13:59,261 --> 00:14:01,229
'cause I didn't sleep much
last night.
323
00:14:01,233 --> 00:14:03,634
I was pricing
mashed potato stations.
324
00:14:03,639 --> 00:14:07,642
Lisa, in the non-weekend world,
you have to have a bedtime.
325
00:14:07,648 --> 00:14:10,150
I don't want to live in
the non-weekend world.
326
00:14:10,155 --> 00:14:12,523
We've only got one more chance
327
00:14:12,528 --> 00:14:15,930
to scrawl our names
across the slumber party sky.
328
00:14:15,936 --> 00:14:18,005
I'll sleep when I'm nine.
329
00:14:18,976 --> 00:14:20,611
(groans)
330
00:14:22,953 --> 00:14:26,722
(grunting)
331
00:14:26,728 --> 00:14:28,396
Hmm? Hmm.
332
00:14:28,400 --> 00:14:30,101
(imitating Calvin):
Look at me, I'm Calvin.
333
00:14:30,104 --> 00:14:32,472
I'm little but I use big words.
334
00:14:32,477 --> 00:14:35,378
Son, I know it's hard
sharing a room
335
00:14:35,383 --> 00:14:39,220
with someone so,
uh, different than you.
336
00:14:39,227 --> 00:14:42,697
But you've handled it
with grace and maturity.
337
00:14:43,971 --> 00:14:46,139
Anyway, I just wanted to say
338
00:14:46,144 --> 00:14:49,346
- I'm so proud of you... Calvin.
- (gasps)
339
00:14:49,351 --> 00:14:51,819
Ooh, aah, dah!
340
00:14:51,824 --> 00:14:56,227
I can't see a thing with
these glaucoma drops. (sighs)
341
00:14:56,234 --> 00:14:57,501
HOMER:
He thinks I'm Calvin.
342
00:14:57,504 --> 00:14:59,472
Look at how he looks at him.
343
00:14:59,476 --> 00:15:01,544
He never looked at me that way.
344
00:15:01,548 --> 00:15:04,016
Are you okay, kid?
You seem kind of quiet.
345
00:15:04,021 --> 00:15:06,556
(imitating Calvin): It's just...
I've never heard you say
346
00:15:06,561 --> 00:15:11,164
you were proud of me.
Ever. In my entire life.
347
00:15:11,171 --> 00:15:12,805
What are you talking about?
348
00:15:12,809 --> 00:15:15,978
I say that to you
all the time, Calvin.
349
00:15:15,983 --> 00:15:18,785
Oh. (laughs weakly)
350
00:15:18,790 --> 00:15:20,123
I forgot.
351
00:15:20,126 --> 00:15:21,595
(Grampa chuckles)
352
00:15:27,846 --> 00:15:31,482
Homer, you villain!
Do not harm that birdhouse.
353
00:15:31,488 --> 00:15:33,823
The nuthatches
did nothing to you!
354
00:15:33,827 --> 00:15:35,361
(sighs heavily)
355
00:15:35,365 --> 00:15:36,832
What's wrong with you?
356
00:15:36,835 --> 00:15:40,337
My dad kisses the butt
you walk on.
357
00:15:40,343 --> 00:15:42,511
I'd get it
if you were great at sports,
358
00:15:42,515 --> 00:15:45,584
or fixing cars,
or demolishing buildings,
359
00:15:45,590 --> 00:15:48,125
but you're just
a weird little kid.
360
00:15:48,129 --> 00:15:50,497
And my dad
hates weird little kids.
361
00:15:50,502 --> 00:15:53,404
At least... he sure hated me.
362
00:15:53,409 --> 00:15:56,611
Homer, Abe doesn't hate you.
363
00:15:56,617 --> 00:15:58,017
Oh, yeah? I'll show you.
364
00:15:58,020 --> 00:16:00,889
We got ten minutes
until his eyedrops wear off.
365
00:16:00,894 --> 00:16:03,029
(grunts)
You be me.
366
00:16:05,071 --> 00:16:06,871
Dad, do you have a second?
367
00:16:06,875 --> 00:16:10,212
Dang it, Homer. Do you think
I'm made of seconds?
368
00:16:10,885 --> 00:16:14,088
I was in the middle of a very
important word find puzzle.
369
00:16:14,093 --> 00:16:17,562
I was about to find the longest
diagonal of my career.
370
00:16:17,568 --> 00:16:18,835
Now what do you want?!
371
00:16:18,838 --> 00:16:20,405
Um, I-I...
372
00:16:20,408 --> 00:16:23,011
You, you, you nothing!
373
00:16:24,586 --> 00:16:27,421
Wow, that was harsh.
374
00:16:27,426 --> 00:16:29,961
Do you ever tell him
how he makes you feel?
375
00:16:29,965 --> 00:16:33,200
Kinda. I stuck him in the worst
nursing home I could find.
376
00:16:33,206 --> 00:16:34,974
Figured he'd
read between the lines.
377
00:16:34,978 --> 00:16:38,480
I think you need to find a new
way to express your feelings.
378
00:16:38,486 --> 00:16:41,121
It might need to be more
than just words.
379
00:16:41,126 --> 00:16:45,863
But my way with words be my
best moutha-ma-callits. Aw.
380
00:16:45,871 --> 00:16:48,673
You'll figure out a way
to get through to your dad.
381
00:16:48,678 --> 00:16:51,448
You just need to put on
your thinking cap.
382
00:16:52,287 --> 00:16:54,955
(muffled music playing)
383
00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:57,228
(clamoring)
384
00:16:57,232 --> 00:16:58,432
(Bart grunts)
385
00:16:58,435 --> 00:16:59,669
Where have you been?
386
00:16:59,672 --> 00:17:01,072
I had to get Band-Aids.
387
00:17:01,075 --> 00:17:03,210
Lewis got stabbed
with a juice box straw.
388
00:17:03,214 --> 00:17:06,683
Somebody fed the pony Pop Rocks
and he kicked out the TV.
389
00:17:06,689 --> 00:17:08,523
His poop is popping!
390
00:17:08,527 --> 00:17:11,229
(crashing, creaking)
391
00:17:11,234 --> 00:17:14,636
The climbing wall collapsed
onto the Reptile Rodeo.
392
00:17:14,642 --> 00:17:16,943
There's loose tails everywhere.
393
00:17:16,947 --> 00:17:21,251
I tried to throw a party,
but the party threw me.
394
00:17:21,258 --> 00:17:23,159
I'm putting a stop to this.
395
00:17:23,163 --> 00:17:24,463
Are you sure?
396
00:17:24,466 --> 00:17:26,168
You know
what that will make you.
397
00:17:27,073 --> 00:17:29,774
Hello? Yes,
I'd like to blow the whistle
398
00:17:29,779 --> 00:17:33,515
on an out-of-control party
at The Retirement Castle.
399
00:17:33,521 --> 00:17:38,293
Oh, my name?
It's Lisa Simpson, party narc.
400
00:17:39,102 --> 00:17:42,537
Well, the party's shut down,
kids are packing up their stuff.
401
00:17:42,543 --> 00:17:45,112
Great.
I'm sure they all hate me.
402
00:17:45,117 --> 00:17:46,851
- Yeah, probably.
- (sighs)
403
00:17:46,855 --> 00:17:50,457
I gotta dump the churro sugar
out of my shoes.
404
00:17:50,463 --> 00:17:52,831
(laughter)
405
00:17:52,836 --> 00:17:54,337
- (gasps)
- They've arrested Lisa!
406
00:17:54,340 --> 00:17:58,443
She's paying the ultimate price
for throwing the ultimate party.
407
00:17:58,450 --> 00:18:00,285
You're our hero, Lisa!
408
00:18:01,257 --> 00:18:02,291
(gasps)
409
00:18:03,095 --> 00:18:05,062
If you drive me home
with the siren on,
410
00:18:05,065 --> 00:18:08,201
we've got a freezer
full of Snickers.
411
00:18:08,207 --> 00:18:10,041
- (siren wailing)
- Go, Lisa!
412
00:18:10,045 --> 00:18:13,080
- Lisa, you're the best!
- You got this, Lisa!
413
00:18:13,085 --> 00:18:14,887
Call your lawyer!
414
00:18:18,632 --> 00:18:20,300
(indistinct chatter)
415
00:18:20,304 --> 00:18:23,540
There's some really
inspiring work here tonight.
416
00:18:24,414 --> 00:18:28,350
Yours is a blistering indictment
of American consumerism.
417
00:18:28,356 --> 00:18:30,157
I love how the middle joey
418
00:18:30,161 --> 00:18:31,895
is looking in
the opposite direction,
419
00:18:31,899 --> 00:18:34,734
as if imagining
a different future.
420
00:18:34,739 --> 00:18:37,574
Glad you got that.
I worried it was too subtle.
421
00:18:37,579 --> 00:18:40,148
Oh, it hit me
like a ton of bricks.
422
00:18:40,153 --> 00:18:43,188
♪
423
00:18:43,193 --> 00:18:46,896
Now, let's announce
tonight's winners.
424
00:18:46,903 --> 00:18:50,272
Hold on, there's one more entry!
425
00:18:50,277 --> 00:18:54,079
A strange man with an object
hidden under a pillowcase?
426
00:18:54,086 --> 00:18:57,456
Come on up!
I want to see this.
427
00:18:58,330 --> 00:19:01,165
I was told to find
a new way to communicate.
428
00:19:01,170 --> 00:19:05,073
My stepbrother Calvin expresses
his feelings through taxidermy,
429
00:19:05,080 --> 00:19:09,016
so I decided
I would do the same.
430
00:19:09,023 --> 00:19:11,825
That's not taxidermy, you idjit!
431
00:19:11,830 --> 00:19:15,433
But it's very deep. And... sad.
432
00:19:15,439 --> 00:19:19,308
The small shell pleading with
its eyes to the larger one.
433
00:19:19,315 --> 00:19:23,719
It is clearly about a son's need
for his father's approval.
434
00:19:23,726 --> 00:19:27,428
What? It's just two smelly
shells glued on a board.
435
00:19:27,435 --> 00:19:32,239
Abe, look at it.
Really look at it.
436
00:19:32,247 --> 00:19:33,514
Hmm.
437
00:19:33,517 --> 00:19:35,518
♪
438
00:19:35,522 --> 00:19:37,157
(groans)
439
00:19:38,396 --> 00:19:40,331
(gasps)
440
00:19:41,436 --> 00:19:46,574
(sniffles) What these shells are
saying, is that how you feel?
441
00:19:46,583 --> 00:19:49,618
You seem to love
being a dad to Calvin,
442
00:19:49,623 --> 00:19:54,193
but you hated
being a dad to me. (sobs)
443
00:19:54,201 --> 00:19:58,871
No, son, no.
See, when you were a kid,
444
00:19:58,879 --> 00:20:02,649
being a dad felt like
the end of my youth.
445
00:20:02,655 --> 00:20:04,723
But now with Calvin,
446
00:20:04,727 --> 00:20:07,996
it's my last chance
to feel young.
447
00:20:08,002 --> 00:20:12,672
Oh, so what you're saying is
no matter how old you are,
448
00:20:12,680 --> 00:20:16,750
it's only ever been about
what you need.
449
00:20:16,757 --> 00:20:19,525
You finally get me.
450
00:20:19,530 --> 00:20:22,065
It wasn't because
I was a bad kid.
451
00:20:22,070 --> 00:20:25,606
You're just horribly flawed.
452
00:20:25,612 --> 00:20:27,746
I am!
453
00:20:27,750 --> 00:20:30,052
(cheering)
454
00:20:30,056 --> 00:20:32,824
Another family
saved by taxidermy.
455
00:20:32,829 --> 00:20:34,496
All right, let's wrap things up.
456
00:20:34,500 --> 00:20:36,902
We have 20 minutes
before this room is taken over
457
00:20:36,906 --> 00:20:39,207
by the Massage Table Expo.
458
00:20:39,212 --> 00:20:40,913
Captioning sponsored by
20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION
459
00:20:40,916 --> 00:20:42,650
and FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
460
00:20:42,654 --> 00:20:44,221
and TOYOTA.
461
00:20:44,224 --> 00:20:46,426
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org
462
00:20:51,008 --> 00:20:53,209
So, Blythe dumped me for a guy
463
00:20:53,213 --> 00:20:55,381
she says is a better
spiritual match for her.
464
00:20:55,385 --> 00:20:58,320
Also, he's super rich
and can eat corn.
465
00:20:58,326 --> 00:21:00,861
He's taking Calvin to Africa
to study animals
466
00:21:00,865 --> 00:21:02,799
in their natural habitat.
467
00:21:02,803 --> 00:21:05,238
I'll miss that little scamp,
but you know,
468
00:21:05,243 --> 00:21:08,812
I'm glad you and I
are finally communicating.
469
00:21:08,818 --> 00:21:12,254
I love you, son.
Anyway, call me back.
470
00:21:12,260 --> 00:21:14,995
- (phone chimes)
- Your dad left you another message.
471
00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:17,536
Eh, it's probably
just a butt-dial.
472
00:21:30,449 --> 00:21:31,550
Shh!
473
00:21:31,600 --> 00:21:36,150
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