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1
00:00:23,068 --> 00:00:25,965
[ominous music]
2
00:00:25,965 --> 00:00:28,965
[distant snoring]
3
00:00:28,965 --> 00:00:34,931
♪ ♪
4
00:00:34,931 --> 00:00:37,931
[snoring]
5
00:00:41,172 --> 00:00:42,689
Dad.
6
00:00:42,689 --> 00:00:44,379
[shouts]
7
00:00:44,379 --> 00:00:47,275
Lisa, you scared the
ding-dang-Dickens out of me.
8
00:00:47,275 --> 00:00:49,241
I'm used to Lucy
sneaking up on me.
9
00:00:49,241 --> 00:00:50,517
That is kind of my thing.
10
00:00:50,517 --> 00:00:51,689
Oh!
11
00:00:53,172 --> 00:00:54,413
What is going on?
12
00:00:54,413 --> 00:00:55,793
Lisa's fallen ill.
13
00:00:55,793 --> 00:00:58,000
She should probably get
her affairs in order.
14
00:00:58,000 --> 00:01:00,862
I've already prepared
a grave in the backyard.
15
00:01:00,862 --> 00:01:04,137
I'm fairly certain my
appendix is about to burst.
16
00:01:04,137 --> 00:01:05,551
And I need someone
to accompany me
17
00:01:05,551 --> 00:01:07,137
to the nearest emergency room.
18
00:01:07,137 --> 00:01:09,551
I don't think we can afford
another trip to the ER.
19
00:01:09,551 --> 00:01:11,137
Message received.
20
00:01:11,137 --> 00:01:12,620
I'll prepare
the embalming fluid.
21
00:01:12,620 --> 00:01:14,275
OK, just hold your horses.
22
00:01:14,275 --> 00:01:16,413
Is it maybe acid reflux,
23
00:01:16,413 --> 00:01:18,724
you know,
from Lynn-chilada night?
24
00:01:18,724 --> 00:01:20,379
I know it's been known
to cause a little turbulence
25
00:01:20,379 --> 00:01:22,448
south of the border,
if you know what I mean.
26
00:01:22,448 --> 00:01:24,310
I've done some
preliminary diagnostics
27
00:01:24,310 --> 00:01:25,586
and all signs are pointing
28
00:01:25,586 --> 00:01:27,241
to the aforementioned appendicitis.
29
00:01:27,241 --> 00:01:28,620
OK.
30
00:01:28,620 --> 00:01:31,103
Let me consult
with my better half.
31
00:01:31,103 --> 00:01:32,310
Honey.
32
00:01:32,310 --> 00:01:33,689
Hon.
- Yeah?
33
00:01:33,689 --> 00:01:35,620
Mm.
34
00:01:35,620 --> 00:01:37,724
Does Lisa have a stomachache
she thinks is appendicitis,
35
00:01:37,724 --> 00:01:40,206
and Lucy wants
to bury her alive?
36
00:01:40,206 --> 00:01:41,586
It's pretty serious.
37
00:01:41,586 --> 00:01:43,965
All right, well,
we should head to the ER.
38
00:01:43,965 --> 00:01:45,103
Want me to take her?
39
00:01:45,103 --> 00:01:46,862
No, no, I got it.
40
00:01:46,862 --> 00:01:48,689
Hey, that was really
sweet of you to off--
41
00:01:48,689 --> 00:01:50,310
[snoring]
42
00:01:50,310 --> 00:01:52,000
[sighs]
43
00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:53,551
Let's go.
44
00:01:53,551 --> 00:01:55,275
[snoring]
45
00:01:55,275 --> 00:01:57,724
I hear somebody
has a tummy ache.
46
00:01:57,724 --> 00:02:00,793
I'm 99.9% sure that what
I have is appendicitis.
47
00:02:00,793 --> 00:02:02,793
I need a surgeon
scrubbed and ready.
48
00:02:02,793 --> 00:02:04,931
Dr. Sanders attended
one of my lectures.
49
00:02:04,931 --> 00:02:06,172
He'll be fine.
50
00:02:06,172 --> 00:02:07,758
Pump the brakes there.
51
00:02:07,758 --> 00:02:10,310
How does it feel when
I put pressure here?
52
00:02:11,620 --> 00:02:12,862
OK.
53
00:02:12,862 --> 00:02:14,620
How does it feel if
I put pressure here?
54
00:02:14,620 --> 00:02:17,620
[farting]
55
00:02:20,310 --> 00:02:21,482
The Lynn-chiladas.
56
00:02:21,482 --> 00:02:23,241
That'll be $300.
57
00:02:23,241 --> 00:02:24,793
[farts]
58
00:02:24,793 --> 00:02:25,965
And 50 cents.
59
00:02:25,965 --> 00:02:27,551
Let's go before
we can't afford college.
60
00:02:27,551 --> 00:02:29,448
- I do feel better.
- Good.
61
00:02:30,724 --> 00:02:32,517
[upbeat music]
[school bell rings]
62
00:02:32,517 --> 00:02:33,758
OK, people.
63
00:02:33,758 --> 00:02:35,275
We're not leaving
here until we've come up
64
00:02:35,275 --> 00:02:37,034
with some hot stories.
65
00:02:37,034 --> 00:02:38,206
Let's go.
66
00:02:38,206 --> 00:02:39,379
The news doesn't make itself.
67
00:02:39,379 --> 00:02:41,482
Actually, it does.
68
00:02:41,482 --> 00:02:44,379
Helping or hurting, Clyde,
helping or hurting?
69
00:02:44,379 --> 00:02:45,724
I'm sorry.
70
00:02:45,724 --> 00:02:47,724
I'm a little on edge
this morning.
71
00:02:47,724 --> 00:02:50,103
He's got a butt pimple that's
been really barking at him.
72
00:02:50,103 --> 00:02:51,586
[both hiss]
73
00:02:51,586 --> 00:02:53,620
I wanted to keep
that between us, Rusty.
74
00:02:53,620 --> 00:02:55,586
I guess I should have been
more clear when I said,
75
00:02:55,586 --> 00:02:57,482
"Let's keep that between us."
76
00:02:57,482 --> 00:02:59,896
Now, does anyone
have a news story?
77
00:02:59,896 --> 00:03:00,931
Stella.
78
00:03:00,931 --> 00:03:02,724
Are butt pimples contagious?
79
00:03:02,724 --> 00:03:04,931
I have absolute proof
that the school nurse
80
00:03:04,931 --> 00:03:06,172
might be an alien.
81
00:03:06,172 --> 00:03:07,310
I don't know what's wrong
82
00:03:07,310 --> 00:03:08,689
with that melon story
I pitched.
83
00:03:08,689 --> 00:03:10,931
Thing's grown to darn near
the size of a baby head.
84
00:03:10,931 --> 00:03:12,586
What's the hook?
85
00:03:12,586 --> 00:03:14,275
Why are we watching?
86
00:03:14,275 --> 00:03:18,000
Because it's grown to darn
near the size of a baby head.
87
00:03:18,000 --> 00:03:20,241
You put a live feed
on that and the audience
88
00:03:20,241 --> 00:03:23,413
will be happier than a
kitten chasing a leaky cow.
89
00:03:23,413 --> 00:03:24,551
So we got nothing.
90
00:03:24,551 --> 00:03:26,344
Is that nothing
with the melon,
91
00:03:26,344 --> 00:03:28,000
or nothing without the melon?
92
00:03:28,000 --> 00:03:30,310
Thank God for
"Real Talk with Rusty".
93
00:03:30,310 --> 00:03:33,517
Without my show, our ratings
would be in the toilet.
94
00:03:33,517 --> 00:03:35,137
"Real Talk with Rusty"
has been
95
00:03:35,137 --> 00:03:37,551
the top-rated middle school
news show in the tri-state area
96
00:03:37,551 --> 00:03:39,172
for seven months running.
97
00:03:39,172 --> 00:03:40,551
You get a juice box!
98
00:03:40,551 --> 00:03:42,379
And you get a juice box!
99
00:03:42,379 --> 00:03:46,862
Everybody gets a juice box!
100
00:03:46,862 --> 00:03:48,758
I think if y'all
just saw the melon.
101
00:03:49,827 --> 00:03:51,620
It's really quite majestic.
102
00:03:51,620 --> 00:03:53,000
I hate to interrupt.
103
00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:54,551
Please do.
104
00:03:54,551 --> 00:03:56,689
We have a new student for
you guys to do a profile on.
105
00:03:56,689 --> 00:03:59,241
Name is Charlie Uggo.
106
00:03:59,241 --> 00:04:00,379
Oh, great.
107
00:04:00,379 --> 00:04:01,862
Another new student segment.
108
00:04:01,862 --> 00:04:03,793
Suddenly,
the whole melon exposé
109
00:04:03,793 --> 00:04:05,068
is shooting up the charts.
110
00:04:05,068 --> 00:04:06,931
Being the new kid
can't be easy.
111
00:04:06,931 --> 00:04:08,793
Let's try our best
to give Charlie
112
00:04:08,793 --> 00:04:11,000
a real Royal Woods welcome.
113
00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:12,586
Thank you, Lincoln.
114
00:04:12,586 --> 00:04:14,482
Oh, look, here she comes now.
115
00:04:14,482 --> 00:04:16,413
She?
116
00:04:16,413 --> 00:04:18,344
[upbeat pop music]
117
00:04:18,344 --> 00:04:22,310
♪ Ooh, Dream Weaver ♪
118
00:04:22,310 --> 00:04:27,206
♪ I believe you can get
me through the night ♪
119
00:04:27,206 --> 00:04:31,379
♪ ♪
120
00:04:31,379 --> 00:04:35,689
♪ Ooh, Dream Weaver ♪
121
00:04:35,689 --> 00:04:41,448
♪ I believe we can reach
the mornin' light ♪
122
00:04:41,448 --> 00:04:43,862
Guys, this is Charlie Uggo.
123
00:04:43,862 --> 00:04:45,517
Actually, it's
pronounced "U-joe".
124
00:04:45,517 --> 00:04:46,689
It's French.
125
00:04:46,689 --> 00:04:48,275
I just moved here
from Tennessee.
126
00:04:48,275 --> 00:04:50,965
Well, that seems appropriate,
because you're
127
00:04:50,965 --> 00:04:53,448
the only ten I see.
128
00:04:53,448 --> 00:04:56,413
[crickets chirping]
129
00:04:58,448 --> 00:05:00,034
If y'all don't like
the melon story,
130
00:05:00,034 --> 00:05:02,655
got these crickets here
can chirp the alphabet.
131
00:05:05,965 --> 00:05:08,689
So, we're going to do the
normal stuff on this one.
132
00:05:08,689 --> 00:05:11,137
Name, grade, where she's
from, why she moved here.
133
00:05:11,137 --> 00:05:13,344
I think we should ask her
what kind of shampoo she uses.
134
00:05:13,344 --> 00:05:15,793
Because her hair smells
like a summer breeze.
135
00:05:15,793 --> 00:05:17,827
These new student
interviews are generally
136
00:05:17,827 --> 00:05:19,172
only about a minute long.
137
00:05:19,172 --> 00:05:20,655
A minute?
138
00:05:20,655 --> 00:05:22,310
But that would barely
scratch the surface with her.
139
00:05:22,310 --> 00:05:25,655
I mean, the people are going
to want to know more about her.
140
00:05:25,655 --> 00:05:27,275
She comes from a big family.
141
00:05:27,275 --> 00:05:28,344
She likes magic.
142
00:05:28,344 --> 00:05:29,379
Video games.
143
00:05:29,379 --> 00:05:30,965
Comic books.
144
00:05:30,965 --> 00:05:32,379
Mm, Clyde.
145
00:05:32,379 --> 00:05:35,965
I really like this--
146
00:05:35,965 --> 00:05:37,206
segment.
147
00:05:37,206 --> 00:05:38,413
OK, Lincoln, geez.
148
00:05:38,413 --> 00:05:39,827
I'm sorry.
149
00:05:39,827 --> 00:05:41,862
This butt pimple has
me really on edge.
150
00:05:41,862 --> 00:05:45,310
And I take the news
very, very seriously.
151
00:05:45,310 --> 00:05:47,103
How does my hair look?
152
00:05:48,931 --> 00:05:51,517
Whoever has stomach issues,
get your farts out now.
153
00:05:51,517 --> 00:05:54,517
[farting sounds]
154
00:05:54,517 --> 00:05:56,068
[loud fart]
155
00:05:56,068 --> 00:05:57,586
Lily, impressive.
156
00:05:57,586 --> 00:06:00,172
Office hours start now.
157
00:06:00,172 --> 00:06:03,206
[upbeat music]
158
00:06:03,206 --> 00:06:04,655
♪ ♪
159
00:06:04,655 --> 00:06:06,551
OK. Say "ah".
160
00:06:06,551 --> 00:06:08,827
Ah!
161
00:06:10,103 --> 00:06:11,103
One more time.
162
00:06:11,103 --> 00:06:12,482
Ahhh!
163
00:06:12,482 --> 00:06:14,103
- Oh, oh!
- What's wrong?
164
00:06:14,103 --> 00:06:15,482
Brain freeze.
165
00:06:15,482 --> 00:06:17,413
It's really bad.
166
00:06:17,413 --> 00:06:20,896
Take two boxes of these,
and call me in the morning.
167
00:06:20,896 --> 00:06:22,758
Next!
168
00:06:22,758 --> 00:06:25,275
What did I tell you about
sunbathing on the roof?
169
00:06:26,517 --> 00:06:28,068
Don't fall off.
170
00:06:29,482 --> 00:06:31,310
- Just pour some of this on it.
- Ranch dressing?
171
00:06:31,310 --> 00:06:32,482
Uh-uh.
172
00:06:32,482 --> 00:06:33,862
Cool ranch.
173
00:06:35,275 --> 00:06:36,241
Next!
174
00:06:41,517 --> 00:06:44,586
You got to stop sticking
your head in strange places.
175
00:06:44,586 --> 00:06:45,793
Yeah, yeah.
176
00:06:45,793 --> 00:06:49,000
[machine whirring]
177
00:06:50,482 --> 00:06:52,310
[buzzing]
178
00:06:55,275 --> 00:06:57,241
That man's a genius.
179
00:06:57,241 --> 00:06:58,931
Indeed I am.
180
00:06:58,931 --> 00:07:00,275
[chuckles]
181
00:07:00,275 --> 00:07:01,517
Very funny.
182
00:07:01,517 --> 00:07:03,310
Well done.
183
00:07:03,310 --> 00:07:04,862
But it is a comedy prop.
184
00:07:04,862 --> 00:07:06,965
Real patients only. Out.
185
00:07:09,586 --> 00:07:11,068
What happened?
186
00:07:11,068 --> 00:07:13,206
I took a shortcut through
the woods to school today.
187
00:07:13,206 --> 00:07:16,103
Apparently, my sneeze sounds
a lot like a turkey call.
188
00:07:16,103 --> 00:07:17,862
OK, well, I guess
I'll just have to use
189
00:07:17,862 --> 00:07:19,724
this table for leverage.
190
00:07:19,724 --> 00:07:21,586
I'm going to need you
to close your eyes,
191
00:07:21,586 --> 00:07:23,655
and bite down on this spoon.
192
00:07:23,655 --> 00:07:24,827
Don't look at me like that.
193
00:07:24,827 --> 00:07:26,379
All right, here we go.
194
00:07:26,379 --> 00:07:29,068
One, two--
195
00:07:31,448 --> 00:07:33,551
Hey, you're lucky.
I was gonna go on two.
196
00:07:33,551 --> 00:07:35,172
Ugh. OK.
197
00:07:35,172 --> 00:07:37,103
Nothing against
your medical skills,
198
00:07:37,103 --> 00:07:39,620
but this family needs
a real doctor.
199
00:07:39,620 --> 00:07:41,448
Possibly on 24-hour call.
200
00:07:41,448 --> 00:07:43,241
Well, I don't hear
Buckethead complaining.
201
00:07:43,241 --> 00:07:44,448
[clang]
202
00:07:44,448 --> 00:07:46,275
Eyes up, sweetie!
203
00:07:46,275 --> 00:07:47,482
Yeah, yeah.
204
00:07:47,482 --> 00:07:48,896
Listen, I know
this isn't ideal,
205
00:07:48,896 --> 00:07:50,517
but unless our resident
gravedigger unearths
206
00:07:50,517 --> 00:07:51,758
a pirate treasure
in our backyard,
207
00:07:51,758 --> 00:07:53,689
this may be our best option.
208
00:07:53,689 --> 00:07:55,689
Lynn, wait.
209
00:07:55,689 --> 00:07:57,689
What?
210
00:07:57,689 --> 00:08:02,068
♪ Oooh, Dream Weaver ♪
211
00:08:02,068 --> 00:08:07,862
♪ I believe you can get me
through the night ♪
212
00:08:07,862 --> 00:08:10,931
♪ ♪
213
00:08:10,931 --> 00:08:14,517
♪ Ooh, Dream Weaver ♪
214
00:08:14,517 --> 00:08:16,413
What's up, doc?
215
00:08:18,448 --> 00:08:20,000
Hi, I'm Stella Zhau.
216
00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:21,931
And now with our
new student segment
217
00:08:21,931 --> 00:08:25,724
is Lincoln Loud with the
"Royal Woods Royal Welcome."
218
00:08:25,724 --> 00:08:27,137
Thanks, Stella.
219
00:08:27,137 --> 00:08:29,655
I'm standing here
with Charlie Uggo.
220
00:08:29,655 --> 00:08:31,103
That's French.
221
00:08:31,103 --> 00:08:32,655
Charlie just moved here
from Tennessee.
222
00:08:32,655 --> 00:08:34,034
Tell us, Charlie.
223
00:08:34,034 --> 00:08:36,068
What brought you and your
family to Royal Woods?
224
00:08:36,068 --> 00:08:38,931
Well, Lincoln--
[muffled voice]
225
00:08:38,931 --> 00:08:43,275
♪ Oooh, Dream Weaver ♪
226
00:08:43,275 --> 00:08:47,655
♪ I believe you can get me
through the night ♪
227
00:08:47,655 --> 00:08:50,758
--and that's
why we moved here.
228
00:08:50,758 --> 00:08:52,896
That's a funny story.
229
00:08:52,896 --> 00:08:54,793
My dad being out of work?
230
00:08:56,206 --> 00:08:57,310
Before that.
231
00:08:57,310 --> 00:08:58,793
The factory fire?
232
00:08:59,793 --> 00:09:01,448
Yes.
233
00:09:05,758 --> 00:09:08,655
[suspenseful music]
234
00:09:08,655 --> 00:09:10,793
♪ ♪
235
00:09:10,793 --> 00:09:12,965
I have a butt pimple.
236
00:09:14,517 --> 00:09:17,068
It's sore to the touch.
237
00:09:17,068 --> 00:09:19,827
I wanted to pop it yesterday,
but my sister
238
00:09:19,827 --> 00:09:21,482
said it wasn't ready.
239
00:09:21,482 --> 00:09:23,310
I can't look away.
240
00:09:24,551 --> 00:09:25,931
Butt pimple.
241
00:09:31,000 --> 00:09:33,413
[upbeat music]
242
00:09:33,413 --> 00:09:34,827
♪ ♪
243
00:09:37,068 --> 00:09:39,482
[light suspenseful music]
244
00:09:39,482 --> 00:09:45,310
♪ ♪
245
00:09:45,310 --> 00:09:46,620
Hey, hey, hey, Linc.
246
00:09:46,620 --> 00:09:48,655
What's popping?
247
00:09:48,655 --> 00:09:50,103
Not funny, Mr. Coconuts.
248
00:09:50,103 --> 00:09:51,586
Hey! Don't be mad at him
249
00:09:51,586 --> 00:09:54,655
just because you're the butt
of somebody else's joke.
250
00:09:54,655 --> 00:09:56,172
Has everyone seen this video?
251
00:09:56,172 --> 00:09:58,793
Well, I don't know
if everyone's seen it,
252
00:09:58,793 --> 00:10:00,310
but 8 million people
have seen the remix.
253
00:10:00,310 --> 00:10:03,310
♪ I--I--I--I
have a butt pimple ♪
254
00:10:03,310 --> 00:10:04,931
♪ It's sore to the touch ♪
255
00:10:04,931 --> 00:10:06,448
♪ Sore to the touch ♪
256
00:10:06,448 --> 00:10:07,827
♪ Butt pimple ♪
257
00:10:07,827 --> 00:10:09,689
♪ I wanted to pop it
yesterday ♪
258
00:10:09,689 --> 00:10:12,103
I'm sure this whole thing's
gonna die down, right?
259
00:10:12,103 --> 00:10:13,586
♪ Butt pimple,
sore to the touch ♪
260
00:10:13,586 --> 00:10:16,068
♪ I--I--I--I
have a butt pimple ♪
261
00:10:16,068 --> 00:10:17,758
Where did you get that shirt?
262
00:10:17,758 --> 00:10:20,413
Oh, Flip's selling 'em.
263
00:10:20,413 --> 00:10:22,310
Check out the back.
264
00:10:23,344 --> 00:10:26,586
I'm never going to be able to
show my face in school again.
265
00:10:26,586 --> 00:10:30,344
Hey, Linc, if you ever
need to go into hiding,
266
00:10:30,344 --> 00:10:33,000
I got a good bucket guy.
267
00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:35,689
Thanks, Lana, but I think
I'm gonna go lie down.
268
00:10:35,689 --> 00:10:38,689
[somber music]
269
00:10:38,689 --> 00:10:44,517
♪ ♪
270
00:10:44,517 --> 00:10:46,827
Our mission, that we
are forced into because
271
00:10:46,827 --> 00:10:49,689
of our financial situation,
is to invite our new neighbor
272
00:10:49,689 --> 00:10:51,620
over for dinner, charm him,
273
00:10:51,620 --> 00:10:53,862
and then hold him captive
until he gives our children
274
00:10:53,862 --> 00:10:55,413
free medical care.
275
00:10:55,413 --> 00:10:56,689
both: Let's do this.
276
00:10:56,689 --> 00:10:59,655
[lively music]
277
00:10:59,655 --> 00:11:01,965
♪ ♪
278
00:11:05,724 --> 00:11:06,758
[whispering] Wow.
279
00:11:06,758 --> 00:11:07,896
He really likes that chicken.
280
00:11:07,896 --> 00:11:09,344
We got to try that place.
281
00:11:09,344 --> 00:11:11,620
[normal voice]
Good evening, Mr. Simmons.
282
00:11:11,620 --> 00:11:13,551
Dr. Simmons.
283
00:11:13,551 --> 00:11:17,137
Well, sugar my biscuits!
284
00:11:17,137 --> 00:11:20,241
I didn't know we had
a doctor in the neighborhood.
285
00:11:20,241 --> 00:11:22,172
[whispering] I didn't know
we were doing characters.
286
00:11:22,172 --> 00:11:24,103
- I made a choice.
- OK.
287
00:11:24,103 --> 00:11:25,413
We just wanted to stop by
288
00:11:25,413 --> 00:11:27,172
and welcome you
to the neighborhood.
289
00:11:27,172 --> 00:11:28,655
And if you're free, we'd love
to have you over to the house
290
00:11:28,655 --> 00:11:29,862
for dinner tomorrow night.
291
00:11:29,862 --> 00:11:34,793
And I'm not interested.
292
00:11:34,793 --> 00:11:36,000
[door slams]
293
00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:40,137
[clears throat]
I guess that means
294
00:11:40,137 --> 00:11:43,344
it'll just be more of
my world famous fried chicken
295
00:11:43,344 --> 00:11:44,931
for the rest of us.
296
00:11:44,931 --> 00:11:46,206
I don't know if you know this,
297
00:11:46,206 --> 00:11:49,137
but I am the best chef
in Royal Woods.
298
00:11:53,034 --> 00:11:54,896
I'll be there at 8:00.
299
00:11:56,724 --> 00:11:59,241
[energetic rock music]
300
00:11:59,241 --> 00:12:00,758
Oh, Bun-Bun.
301
00:12:00,758 --> 00:12:02,862
How could I have been
so immature?
302
00:12:02,862 --> 00:12:06,413
She's the perfect girl for me,
and I totally blew it.
303
00:12:06,413 --> 00:12:08,931
I used to be the man
with the plan.
304
00:12:08,931 --> 00:12:11,413
Now I'm the boy
with the butt pimple.
305
00:12:11,413 --> 00:12:13,517
I don't think this day
could get any worse.
306
00:12:13,517 --> 00:12:16,482
[dramatic music]
307
00:12:16,482 --> 00:12:18,724
♪ ♪
308
00:12:18,724 --> 00:12:19,896
Hey!
309
00:12:19,896 --> 00:12:21,965
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
310
00:12:21,965 --> 00:12:23,517
Don't worry,
I'm giving you the friends
311
00:12:23,517 --> 00:12:24,896
and family discount.
312
00:12:24,896 --> 00:12:26,862
I appreciate
the discount, Lucy,
313
00:12:26,862 --> 00:12:28,931
but I don't want
you to bury me.
314
00:12:28,931 --> 00:12:30,275
Sigh.
315
00:12:30,275 --> 00:12:32,896
I've never buried
someone famous before.
316
00:12:36,758 --> 00:12:38,310
Hi, Lincoln.
317
00:12:38,310 --> 00:12:40,103
Are you guys here to pile on?
318
00:12:40,103 --> 00:12:41,965
Because there's more
shovels in the garage.
319
00:12:41,965 --> 00:12:43,724
You're our baby brother.
320
00:12:43,724 --> 00:12:45,344
We're here to help.
321
00:12:45,344 --> 00:12:46,551
Not me.
322
00:12:46,551 --> 00:12:48,310
I wouldn't be caught
dead with you.
323
00:12:48,310 --> 00:12:49,827
Stop it.
324
00:12:49,827 --> 00:12:51,137
Good one.
325
00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:54,965
Thanks for taking
care of me, you guys.
326
00:12:54,965 --> 00:12:56,620
I can't believe
I blew it with Charlie.
327
00:12:56,620 --> 00:12:59,068
Come on, little bro,
don't hang your head.
328
00:12:59,068 --> 00:13:00,448
Yeah, you can totally
bounce back from this.
329
00:13:00,448 --> 00:13:02,241
I don't know how
that's possible.
330
00:13:02,241 --> 00:13:04,517
Anything is possible
when you have us.
331
00:13:04,517 --> 00:13:05,965
You really think so?
332
00:13:05,965 --> 00:13:07,379
We know so.
333
00:13:07,379 --> 00:13:09,310
We're going to train
you how to get the girl.
334
00:13:10,655 --> 00:13:11,965
You guys are the best!
335
00:13:11,965 --> 00:13:13,413
We're going to turn
you into a lean--
336
00:13:13,413 --> 00:13:14,620
Mean--
337
00:13:14,620 --> 00:13:16,620
Lady-killing machine.
338
00:13:16,620 --> 00:13:17,862
Let's do this!
339
00:13:17,862 --> 00:13:20,724
[motivational music]
340
00:13:20,724 --> 00:13:22,379
♪ ♪
341
00:13:22,379 --> 00:13:24,068
Who's ready for
some fried chicken?
342
00:13:24,068 --> 00:13:25,482
[record scratch]
ALL: We are!
343
00:13:25,482 --> 00:13:27,758
[laughter]
344
00:13:27,758 --> 00:13:29,862
[somber music]
345
00:13:29,862 --> 00:13:31,241
Hey.
346
00:13:31,241 --> 00:13:33,172
What's going on, Linc?
347
00:13:33,172 --> 00:13:35,068
The girls were going
to help me win Charlie back,
348
00:13:35,068 --> 00:13:36,965
and then they just stopped.
349
00:13:36,965 --> 00:13:40,206
Oh, well, maybe
I can help you.
350
00:13:40,206 --> 00:13:41,310
- Really?
- Sure.
351
00:13:41,310 --> 00:13:42,482
- You'd do that?
- Yes.
352
00:13:42,482 --> 00:13:43,724
Thanks, Dad.
[doorbell rings]
353
00:13:43,724 --> 00:13:44,758
Oh!
354
00:13:44,758 --> 00:13:46,137
The doctor's here.
355
00:13:46,137 --> 00:13:47,758
[music winds down]
356
00:13:47,758 --> 00:13:49,517
We'll clear the dishes.
357
00:13:51,448 --> 00:13:54,482
That was the most
tender chicken I've ever had.
358
00:13:54,482 --> 00:13:56,344
Well, got to go.
359
00:13:56,344 --> 00:13:58,655
Uh, wait, you can't leave.
360
00:13:58,655 --> 00:14:00,068
We thought maybe we'd
go into the living room
361
00:14:00,068 --> 00:14:01,586
and play some board games.
362
00:14:01,586 --> 00:14:04,000
Yes, and I could prepare
some after-supper drinks
363
00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:07,275
like a mint julep
or some sarsaparilla.
364
00:14:08,793 --> 00:14:13,103
Well, I have open
heart surgery at 9:00 a.m.
365
00:14:13,103 --> 00:14:15,931
But, I do love sarsaparilla.
366
00:14:15,931 --> 00:14:20,000
Oh, well then, why don't you
come on over and sit awhile?
367
00:14:24,448 --> 00:14:26,172
History.
368
00:14:26,172 --> 00:14:28,793
Which British monarch
had the most wives?
369
00:14:28,793 --> 00:14:30,482
- Chaz VII.
- Henry VIII.
370
00:14:30,482 --> 00:14:31,551
Oh, darn!
371
00:14:31,551 --> 00:14:33,137
OK, your turn.
372
00:14:35,689 --> 00:14:37,379
- Sports.
- Ooh.
373
00:14:38,413 --> 00:14:40,000
Ah!
374
00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:41,896
[clears throat]
If you were punctured
375
00:14:41,896 --> 00:14:46,034
by an arrow in archery class,
after removing the arrow,
376
00:14:46,034 --> 00:14:48,896
how would you treat what
looks like an infection?
377
00:14:48,896 --> 00:14:50,413
Well, obviously,
I'd go to the ER.
378
00:14:50,413 --> 00:14:51,689
You didn't let me finish.
379
00:14:51,689 --> 00:14:53,655
And you can't go to the ER.
380
00:14:53,655 --> 00:14:55,482
Well, I'd flush the wound
with saline solution
381
00:14:55,482 --> 00:14:57,482
and suture it
with dissolvable stitches.
382
00:14:57,482 --> 00:14:58,448
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
383
00:14:58,448 --> 00:15:00,448
Would yarn work?
384
00:15:00,448 --> 00:15:01,482
Yarn?
385
00:15:01,482 --> 00:15:02,862
Nope, nope.
386
00:15:02,862 --> 00:15:05,103
Well, let's just give
him another card, hmm?
387
00:15:05,103 --> 00:15:06,586
Sure.
388
00:15:06,586 --> 00:15:08,034
Ooh, history.
389
00:15:08,034 --> 00:15:09,827
[clears throat]
390
00:15:09,827 --> 00:15:12,000
Sir William the Buckethead
had bucket on his head,
391
00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:14,034
how would you get it off?
392
00:15:14,034 --> 00:15:15,103
Can I see that card?
393
00:15:15,103 --> 00:15:16,517
Uh-uh-uh.
394
00:15:16,517 --> 00:15:18,620
That's against the rules,
Dr. Simmons.
395
00:15:18,620 --> 00:15:21,034
And we're very rule centric
here at the Loud house.
396
00:15:21,034 --> 00:15:22,310
Here we go.
397
00:15:22,310 --> 00:15:24,275
Movies. [clears throat]
398
00:15:24,275 --> 00:15:26,034
In "Gone with the Wind",
is salad dressing
399
00:15:26,034 --> 00:15:27,344
bad for a sunburn?
400
00:15:27,344 --> 00:15:30,517
Oh, I see what's
going on here.
401
00:15:30,517 --> 00:15:32,310
You think you're
the first to try
402
00:15:32,310 --> 00:15:34,034
to wrangle free medical advice
from me?
403
00:15:34,034 --> 00:15:36,206
[laughs] Nice try.
404
00:15:36,206 --> 00:15:38,965
Dr. Simmons, please, wait.
405
00:15:38,965 --> 00:15:40,482
Look.
406
00:15:40,482 --> 00:15:42,724
You seem like...
407
00:15:42,724 --> 00:15:44,448
decent people.
408
00:15:44,448 --> 00:15:46,275
And the chicken was delicious.
409
00:15:46,275 --> 00:15:49,344
So I will treat
one of your children.
410
00:15:49,344 --> 00:15:50,689
Our brother has
a butt pimple.
411
00:15:50,689 --> 00:15:52,206
It's the only thing
standing between him
412
00:15:52,206 --> 00:15:53,931
and what might be true love.
413
00:15:53,931 --> 00:15:56,137
A butt pimple!
414
00:15:58,379 --> 00:16:00,655
[suspenseful music]
415
00:16:02,379 --> 00:16:04,896
I've lanced a lot of
butt pimples in my day,
416
00:16:04,896 --> 00:16:06,862
but that one fought back.
417
00:16:08,379 --> 00:16:09,586
Wear that overnight,
418
00:16:09,586 --> 00:16:11,172
you'll be good as new
in the morning.
419
00:16:11,172 --> 00:16:12,310
Thanks, doc.
420
00:16:12,310 --> 00:16:13,655
You're a real lifesaver.
421
00:16:13,655 --> 00:16:15,724
Come here.
422
00:16:15,724 --> 00:16:17,689
Good luck with the girl.
423
00:16:17,689 --> 00:16:20,655
[tender music]
424
00:16:20,655 --> 00:16:22,103
♪ ♪
425
00:16:22,103 --> 00:16:24,758
I have to say,
you guys are the best.
426
00:16:24,758 --> 00:16:26,827
When I was lying
in Lucy's grave earlier,
427
00:16:26,827 --> 00:16:28,344
I had lost all hope.
428
00:16:28,344 --> 00:16:30,896
Because of you,
Lincoln Loud is back,
429
00:16:30,896 --> 00:16:32,517
and more confident than ever.
430
00:16:32,517 --> 00:16:33,689
[doorbell rings]
431
00:16:33,689 --> 00:16:35,137
Oh, I'll bet
that's the doctor
432
00:16:35,137 --> 00:16:37,517
back to fix the rest of you.
433
00:16:37,517 --> 00:16:39,724
I've got to get
back into character.
434
00:16:41,758 --> 00:16:44,655
[quirky music]
435
00:16:44,655 --> 00:16:46,965
♪ ♪
436
00:16:46,965 --> 00:16:49,172
I haven't seen you at school,
437
00:16:49,172 --> 00:16:50,793
so I wanted to give you
your homework.
438
00:16:50,793 --> 00:16:53,655
♪ ♪
439
00:16:53,655 --> 00:16:55,344
I've got to go.
440
00:16:55,344 --> 00:16:56,931
Wait! Don't leave!
441
00:16:56,931 --> 00:16:58,689
I'm only wearing this
diaper because the doctor
442
00:16:58,689 --> 00:17:00,586
lanced my butt pimple.
443
00:17:02,068 --> 00:17:04,379
I'm Zach Gurdle
with breaking news.
444
00:17:04,379 --> 00:17:06,103
Found footage from
a neighbor's door camera
445
00:17:06,103 --> 00:17:09,241
reveals Butt Pimple Boy
in new humiliation.
446
00:17:09,241 --> 00:17:14,724
♪ ♪
447
00:17:17,068 --> 00:17:19,103
[melancholy music]
448
00:17:19,103 --> 00:17:20,413
♪ ♪
449
00:17:20,413 --> 00:17:22,620
I'm sorry we ran the story, Lincoln.
450
00:17:22,620 --> 00:17:25,034
Principal Ramirez
said ratings are key.
451
00:17:25,034 --> 00:17:26,551
I understand.
452
00:17:27,827 --> 00:17:29,379
I don't know what
I'm going to do, Clyde.
453
00:17:29,379 --> 00:17:30,931
I'll tell you what
you're going to do.
454
00:17:30,931 --> 00:17:32,689
You're going to come on
to "Real Talk with Rusty"
455
00:17:32,689 --> 00:17:35,724
tomorrow, and I'm going
to restore your image.
456
00:17:37,137 --> 00:17:40,000
[funky upbeat music]
457
00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:47,172
♪ ♪
458
00:17:49,586 --> 00:17:51,482
You know him as
Butt Pimple Boy,
459
00:17:51,482 --> 00:17:53,413
and others know
him as Diaper dude.
460
00:17:53,413 --> 00:17:55,724
But there's so much
more to our first guest.
461
00:17:55,724 --> 00:17:58,793
It's time to get real
on "Real Talk with Rusty".
462
00:17:58,793 --> 00:18:03,206
Please give a warm
welcome to Lincoln Loud!
463
00:18:03,206 --> 00:18:05,448
[cheers and applause]
464
00:18:05,448 --> 00:18:09,655
♪ ♪
465
00:18:11,517 --> 00:18:14,172
I noticed he sat down
pretty confidently there.
466
00:18:14,172 --> 00:18:15,310
How's the pimple?
467
00:18:15,310 --> 00:18:17,034
Pimples fine, Rusty.
468
00:18:17,034 --> 00:18:18,172
Mm-hmm.
469
00:18:18,172 --> 00:18:20,206
And how's your heart?
470
00:18:20,206 --> 00:18:21,862
Still healing.
471
00:18:21,862 --> 00:18:24,310
You can't put a diaper
on your heart.
472
00:18:24,310 --> 00:18:27,241
Let's pop that pimple
a little more.
473
00:18:27,241 --> 00:18:28,862
Tell us about the humiliation.
474
00:18:28,862 --> 00:18:32,172
Oh, I think everyone
saw the humiliation.
475
00:18:32,172 --> 00:18:33,517
They did.
476
00:18:33,517 --> 00:18:35,344
I saw it multiple times.
477
00:18:35,344 --> 00:18:37,379
I even sent it to my grandma.
478
00:18:37,379 --> 00:18:39,275
Partly because it's funny,
479
00:18:39,275 --> 00:18:40,793
and partly because
we're running out
480
00:18:40,793 --> 00:18:42,310
of ways to connect.
481
00:18:42,310 --> 00:18:44,655
But walk us through
the humiliation, Lincoln.
482
00:18:44,655 --> 00:18:47,310
Like you said,
everyone already saw it.
483
00:18:47,310 --> 00:18:48,758
Even Nana Spokes.
484
00:18:50,344 --> 00:18:52,034
Humiliation sells, Lincoln.
485
00:18:52,034 --> 00:18:53,551
Give the people what they want.
486
00:18:55,275 --> 00:18:56,758
You know what, Rusty?
487
00:18:56,758 --> 00:18:57,896
You're right.
488
00:18:57,896 --> 00:18:59,620
Humiliation does sell.
489
00:18:59,620 --> 00:19:01,517
And maybe that's the problem.
490
00:19:01,517 --> 00:19:04,137
[gentle music]
491
00:19:04,137 --> 00:19:08,000
We're all so quick to point
out anyone who's different.
492
00:19:08,896 --> 00:19:12,103
We live in a world where people
think they have to be perfect.
493
00:19:12,103 --> 00:19:13,758
We have filters on our
phones that make us
494
00:19:13,758 --> 00:19:17,758
look thinner, cuter, stronger.
495
00:19:17,758 --> 00:19:21,241
But these filters cover up
the things that make us human.
496
00:19:21,241 --> 00:19:23,896
For me, it was a butt pimple.
497
00:19:23,896 --> 00:19:25,896
For someone else,
it might be a bad haircut,
498
00:19:25,896 --> 00:19:27,689
or wearing their mom's
homemade clothes that
499
00:19:27,689 --> 00:19:30,000
are way too small for them.
500
00:19:30,000 --> 00:19:31,413
We're all going to
have moments in life
501
00:19:31,413 --> 00:19:32,862
we're embarrassed about.
502
00:19:32,862 --> 00:19:34,448
But the key is to have
the confidence
503
00:19:34,448 --> 00:19:37,034
to not let it bring you down.
504
00:19:37,034 --> 00:19:39,310
My name is Lincoln Loud,
505
00:19:39,310 --> 00:19:40,862
and I'm wearing a diaper
right now.
506
00:19:40,862 --> 00:19:43,655
For a partially healed
butt pimple.
507
00:19:43,655 --> 00:19:46,413
And I'm proud of it,
because I'm not perfect,
508
00:19:46,413 --> 00:19:47,965
but I love myself.
509
00:19:47,965 --> 00:19:49,482
Blemishes and all.
510
00:19:49,482 --> 00:19:51,827
[audience aws]
511
00:19:51,827 --> 00:19:53,586
♪ ♪
512
00:19:56,517 --> 00:19:59,275
[cheers and applause]
513
00:19:59,275 --> 00:20:02,172
♪ ♪
514
00:20:02,172 --> 00:20:05,448
Ladies and gentlemen,
we just got real.
515
00:20:05,448 --> 00:20:07,068
Whoo-hoo!
516
00:20:07,068 --> 00:20:09,862
[cheers and applause]
517
00:20:09,862 --> 00:20:12,482
♪ ♪
518
00:20:12,482 --> 00:20:15,068
You get a diaper!
519
00:20:15,068 --> 00:20:16,310
You get a diaper!
520
00:20:16,310 --> 00:20:17,551
And you get a diaper!
521
00:20:17,551 --> 00:20:20,172
[gentle music]
522
00:20:20,172 --> 00:20:21,862
♪ ♪
523
00:20:21,862 --> 00:20:23,689
You were amazing.
524
00:20:23,689 --> 00:20:25,344
Thanks.
525
00:20:25,344 --> 00:20:27,379
I'm just glad you'll still talk
to me after all that stuff.
526
00:20:27,379 --> 00:20:29,586
Are you kidding?
You're awesome.
527
00:20:29,586 --> 00:20:32,344
All that stuff you said about
having to not be perfect,
528
00:20:32,344 --> 00:20:34,000
it really hit close to home.
529
00:20:35,206 --> 00:20:36,551
I have an extra toe.
530
00:20:36,551 --> 00:20:39,275
[upbeat music]
531
00:20:39,275 --> 00:20:41,517
♪ ♪
532
00:20:41,517 --> 00:20:44,275
Charlie, would you like
to go to Auntie Pam's
533
00:20:44,275 --> 00:20:45,965
and have a milkshake with me?
534
00:20:45,965 --> 00:20:48,241
Oh, my gosh,
that sounds amazing.
535
00:20:48,241 --> 00:20:50,241
Rusty and I were about to
head over there to celebrate
536
00:20:50,241 --> 00:20:51,655
his great interview.
537
00:20:51,655 --> 00:20:53,517
- Hey, babe.
- Great news.
538
00:20:53,517 --> 00:20:55,241
Lincoln's going to join us
for Auntie Pam's.
539
00:20:55,241 --> 00:20:56,482
Perfect.
540
00:20:56,482 --> 00:20:59,068
Who wants to share
some french fries?
541
00:21:01,206 --> 00:21:04,172
Sorry, it takes me a while
to come down.
542
00:21:04,172 --> 00:21:10,931
♪ ♪
543
00:21:13,241 --> 00:21:14,379
Hey, am I late?
544
00:21:14,379 --> 00:21:16,068
Nope, right on time.
545
00:21:16,068 --> 00:21:17,551
Make some room, people.
546
00:21:17,551 --> 00:21:21,724
♪ ♪
547
00:21:21,724 --> 00:21:23,655
We're all so proud
of you, Lincoln.
548
00:21:23,655 --> 00:21:26,448
Yeah, little bro, you really
rocked that speech today.
549
00:21:26,448 --> 00:21:27,931
People need to hear
that stuff.
550
00:21:27,931 --> 00:21:30,068
Hear what?
I can't hear anything.
551
00:21:31,862 --> 00:21:33,241
I may not have gotten
the girl,
552
00:21:33,241 --> 00:21:34,793
but I have you guys.
553
00:21:34,793 --> 00:21:36,793
And I made a difference,
so that's what's important.
554
00:21:36,793 --> 00:21:38,413
Hey, don't worry, Lincoln.
555
00:21:38,413 --> 00:21:39,793
When I was in middle school,
556
00:21:39,793 --> 00:21:41,551
I had to ask my first
girlfriend out 36 times
557
00:21:41,551 --> 00:21:43,827
before she said yes.
558
00:21:43,827 --> 00:21:47,379
Of course she left
the country the next day.
559
00:21:47,379 --> 00:21:48,620
It's a long story.
560
00:21:48,620 --> 00:21:51,068
The point is never give up.
561
00:21:51,068 --> 00:21:52,793
Your first girlfriend?
562
00:21:52,793 --> 00:21:56,068
Oh, I'm weak in the knees
just thinking about my man
563
00:21:56,068 --> 00:21:57,413
pining for another.
564
00:21:57,413 --> 00:21:58,931
Oh!
565
00:22:00,344 --> 00:22:02,034
I'm OK.
566
00:22:02,862 --> 00:22:03,931
Looks like I'm going
to have to take some more
567
00:22:03,931 --> 00:22:05,896
fried chicken
to our new neighbor.
568
00:22:05,896 --> 00:22:09,586
♪ ♪
569
00:22:09,636 --> 00:22:14,186
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