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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,172 --> 00:00:10,093 ♪ I live to survive another heartache ♪ 2 00:00:10,176 --> 00:00:13,972 ♪ I live to survive another mistake ♪ 3 00:00:16,933 --> 00:00:19,436 Look, I know it wasn't the best Thanksgiving, 4 00:00:19,519 --> 00:00:21,688 but Nico is going to be fine. 5 00:00:21,771 --> 00:00:24,691 Yeah, he's my baby boy. 6 00:00:24,774 --> 00:00:26,109 He's 21, Dad. 7 00:00:26,192 --> 00:00:27,277 Yeah, but he's sensitive. 8 00:00:27,360 --> 00:00:29,863 He's not tough and brawny like you. 9 00:00:29,946 --> 00:00:31,781 - Brawny? - Look, don't worry about me 10 00:00:31,865 --> 00:00:32,865 or this family. 11 00:00:32,907 --> 00:00:34,951 You go have fun, study hard, 12 00:00:35,034 --> 00:00:36,453 find a boyfriend... 13 00:00:36,536 --> 00:00:38,288 Be young. 14 00:00:38,371 --> 00:00:40,707 Okay. I love you. 15 00:00:40,790 --> 00:00:42,375 Are you sure you're good to drive? 16 00:00:42,459 --> 00:00:44,461 I don't know, we'll see. 17 00:00:44,544 --> 00:00:46,254 I think so. 18 00:00:46,337 --> 00:00:47,964 Goodbye, pumpkin. 19 00:00:48,047 --> 00:00:50,049 ♪ Another mistake ♪ 20 00:00:50,133 --> 00:00:52,093 ♪ Another heartache ♪ 21 00:00:52,177 --> 00:00:53,303 Here, hold your bag. 22 00:00:53,386 --> 00:00:54,804 - I'm fine, Carol. - All right. 23 00:00:54,888 --> 00:00:56,639 Oh, my God, Whitney, hi! 24 00:00:56,723 --> 00:00:59,142 - How was your Thanksgiving? - Really good. 25 00:00:59,225 --> 00:01:01,019 Wait, did you guys drive here from Arizona? 26 00:01:01,102 --> 00:01:02,604 Isn't that a long trip? 27 00:01:02,687 --> 00:01:04,939 Yeah, it's 39 hours, and it felt like a lot more. 28 00:01:05,023 --> 00:01:08,568 Yup, it ended up costing $1,500 in gas and hotels. 29 00:01:08,651 --> 00:01:10,862 And we got in a couple really bad arguments. 30 00:01:10,945 --> 00:01:12,655 Ah, wouldn't change a thing. 31 00:01:12,739 --> 00:01:13,948 - Hi! - Hey. 32 00:01:14,032 --> 00:01:15,575 - Oh, my goodness. - How's your family? 33 00:01:15,658 --> 00:01:17,535 - Uh, good. We adopted a dog. - Ooh. 34 00:01:17,619 --> 00:01:19,472 My mom thought it would help her approval ratings. 35 00:01:19,496 --> 00:01:20,997 It did not. She returned it. 36 00:01:21,080 --> 00:01:22,791 - Oh. - She is an amazing woman. 37 00:01:22,874 --> 00:01:24,250 I always defend her to my buddies. 38 00:01:24,334 --> 00:01:25,794 - Dad! - Well, honey, 39 00:01:25,877 --> 00:01:27,521 we should head out. I gotta work in the morning. 40 00:01:27,545 --> 00:01:29,005 - In Arizona? - Yeah. 41 00:01:29,088 --> 00:01:30,215 We're gonna try not to stop. 42 00:01:30,298 --> 00:01:31,508 - Bye, sweetie. - Okay, bye. 43 00:01:31,591 --> 00:01:32,842 - We love you. - Drive safe. 44 00:01:32,926 --> 00:01:34,427 - Love you. - I love you, pinochle. 45 00:01:34,511 --> 00:01:36,054 ♪ Watch me, I'm back on my feet ♪ 46 00:01:36,137 --> 00:01:38,348 After that long drive, I just really wanna relax. 47 00:01:38,431 --> 00:01:39,641 Yeah. 48 00:01:39,724 --> 00:01:41,017 - Whitney! - Kimberly! 49 00:01:41,100 --> 00:01:42,644 I missed you bitches. Come here! 50 00:01:42,727 --> 00:01:43,727 - Hey. - Hey, Bela. 51 00:01:43,770 --> 00:01:44,646 Uh, sorry, 52 00:01:44,729 --> 00:01:45,939 where are your clothes? 53 00:01:46,022 --> 00:01:47,690 - Oh! - Got in about 15 minutes ago, 54 00:01:47,774 --> 00:01:49,692 got comfortable, made myself some snacks. 55 00:01:49,776 --> 00:01:51,170 My parents were, like, obsessed with me 56 00:01:51,194 --> 00:01:52,546 - wearing clothes at home. - Oh, totally. 57 00:01:52,570 --> 00:01:53,714 Would you mind putting a towel down 58 00:01:53,738 --> 00:01:54,864 before you sit on the sofa? 59 00:01:54,948 --> 00:01:57,033 - Why? - Because of your butt. 60 00:01:57,116 --> 00:01:58,368 Oh. 61 00:01:58,451 --> 00:02:00,328 - Leighton, hey! - Welcome back! 62 00:02:00,411 --> 00:02:02,831 - Hey! - Hi, all. 63 00:02:02,914 --> 00:02:05,041 I have an announcement. 64 00:02:05,124 --> 00:02:06,268 Why are you in your underwear? 65 00:02:06,292 --> 00:02:07,752 For comfort. 66 00:02:07,836 --> 00:02:10,588 Okay, well, Nico got expelled. 67 00:02:10,672 --> 00:02:11,881 - What? - Oh, my God. 68 00:02:11,965 --> 00:02:13,383 - Are you serious? - Yeah. 69 00:02:13,466 --> 00:02:15,152 When Kimberly turned in the stolen test files, 70 00:02:15,176 --> 00:02:17,720 the administration started an investigation, 71 00:02:17,804 --> 00:02:20,223 and a bunch of senior Thetas got kicked out. 72 00:02:20,306 --> 00:02:22,642 - The seniors? - But they were the hottest ones. 73 00:02:22,725 --> 00:02:24,102 What's Nico gonna do? 74 00:02:24,185 --> 00:02:25,937 Well, thankfully, my dad was able to make 75 00:02:26,020 --> 00:02:29,107 a big donation to Cornell and got him a spot next semester. 76 00:02:29,190 --> 00:02:31,901 And they got him an Audi to try and cheer him up. 77 00:02:31,985 --> 00:02:34,112 Mm-kay, this story is getting less sympathetic. 78 00:02:34,195 --> 00:02:36,573 - I'm so sorry. - Your brother was gorgeous, 79 00:02:36,656 --> 00:02:38,950 and I'm gonna miss seeing his face and body around campus. 80 00:02:39,033 --> 00:02:40,535 Thank you. 81 00:02:41,494 --> 00:02:43,079 Are you wearing my underwear? 82 00:02:43,162 --> 00:02:45,498 - Just the bra... oh! - Bottoms too. 83 00:02:46,708 --> 00:02:48,251 ♪ We got one night only ♪ 84 00:02:48,334 --> 00:02:49,919 ♪ Put your money where your mouth is ♪ 85 00:02:50,003 --> 00:02:51,629 ♪ And I'ma show you how I bounce ♪ 86 00:02:51,713 --> 00:02:54,257 ♪ If I burst, son, I might hurt some ♪ 87 00:02:54,340 --> 00:02:55,925 - Kimberly. - Yeah? 88 00:02:56,009 --> 00:02:57,945 Did you tell your parents about losing your scholarship? 89 00:02:57,969 --> 00:02:59,697 Oh, I couldn't find the right time to mention it to them. 90 00:02:59,721 --> 00:03:01,801 What do you mean? You were in the car for 39 hours. 91 00:03:01,848 --> 00:03:03,534 Yeah, don't you need, like, a lot of money? 92 00:03:03,558 --> 00:03:06,603 Oh, just $42,000 per year... 93 00:03:06,686 --> 00:03:08,479 $138,000 total. 94 00:03:08,563 --> 00:03:10,773 - Seriously? - That's, like, four cars, 95 00:03:10,857 --> 00:03:12,358 or, like, five of Leighton's purses. 96 00:03:12,442 --> 00:03:14,242 Dude, I think you need to tell your parents. 97 00:03:14,319 --> 00:03:15,778 - I can't. - It would kill them. 98 00:03:15,862 --> 00:03:17,339 I need to figure out a solution on my own. 99 00:03:17,363 --> 00:03:18,990 Solution's right here. 100 00:03:19,073 --> 00:03:20,342 Ask one of these two moneybags for it. 101 00:03:20,366 --> 00:03:21,784 - Their parents are loaded. - Uh... 102 00:03:21,868 --> 00:03:23,161 I mean, don't look at me. 103 00:03:23,244 --> 00:03:24,889 Leighton's family's way richer than mine is. 104 00:03:24,913 --> 00:03:26,789 We're politician rich. 105 00:03:26,873 --> 00:03:28,791 Well, most of my family's wealth is tied up 106 00:03:28,875 --> 00:03:31,419 in real estate and, um, several racehorses. 107 00:03:31,502 --> 00:03:32,712 Oh, you guys don't need 108 00:03:32,795 --> 00:03:34,464 to make your rich families sound poor. 109 00:03:34,547 --> 00:03:36,424 I would never ask either of you for money. 110 00:03:36,507 --> 00:03:39,260 I got myself into this, and I'll get myself out. 111 00:03:39,344 --> 00:03:41,304 - Wait, I've got it. - If you need extra money, 112 00:03:41,387 --> 00:03:42,698 you should sell feet pics on the dark web. 113 00:03:42,722 --> 00:03:43,973 That's certainly 114 00:03:44,057 --> 00:03:45,767 - an interesting idea. - Kimberly, no. 115 00:03:45,850 --> 00:03:48,311 Just go to the financial aid office and apply for a loan. 116 00:03:48,394 --> 00:03:50,438 - No! My plan is better. - You've got long toes, 117 00:03:50,521 --> 00:03:51,624 and there's a real market for that. 118 00:03:51,648 --> 00:03:52,649 - Stop! - Bela! 119 00:03:52,732 --> 00:03:53,732 - What? - Don't shame me 120 00:03:53,775 --> 00:03:54,943 for my good ideas. 121 00:03:55,026 --> 00:03:56,026 ♪ Whoo! ♪ 122 00:03:57,570 --> 00:04:00,323 Guys, what are we always saying this campus needs? 123 00:04:00,406 --> 00:04:01,550 - Better Wi-Fi? - A decent place 124 00:04:01,574 --> 00:04:02,659 to get my eyebrows tinted? 125 00:04:02,742 --> 00:04:03,928 A memorial to Native peoples. 126 00:04:03,952 --> 00:04:05,328 No. 127 00:04:05,411 --> 00:04:07,830 An all-female comedy magazine. 128 00:04:07,914 --> 00:04:09,123 - Hm. - I'm starting one 129 00:04:09,207 --> 00:04:10,207 with some friends. 130 00:04:10,249 --> 00:04:11,352 We're toppling the patriarchy 131 00:04:11,376 --> 00:04:12,835 one top-ten list at a time. 132 00:04:12,919 --> 00:04:14,796 Are magazines, like, a thing anymore? 133 00:04:14,879 --> 00:04:16,815 Well, ours would mostly be an Instagram presence, 134 00:04:16,839 --> 00:04:18,675 a sassy Twitter account, and a website 135 00:04:18,758 --> 00:04:20,235 that we haven't bought the domain for yet. 136 00:04:20,259 --> 00:04:21,803 - It's gonna be huge. - That's so cool. 137 00:04:21,886 --> 00:04:23,554 - Yeah. - Bela, I have to say, 138 00:04:23,638 --> 00:04:25,014 so far, I support this. 139 00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:26,349 - Yeah. - All: Ah! 140 00:04:26,432 --> 00:04:28,810 - What the fuck? - Oh, my God, are you okay? 141 00:04:28,893 --> 00:04:30,853 Did somebody just hit me with a milk carton? 142 00:04:30,937 --> 00:04:32,730 - Oh, man. - You just got nailed. 143 00:04:32,814 --> 00:04:34,148 Yeah, that was so fucked up. 144 00:04:34,232 --> 00:04:35,858 - Yeah, I know. - That must have been 145 00:04:35,942 --> 00:04:37,026 really surprising. 146 00:04:37,110 --> 00:04:38,861 Um, yeah, it was. 147 00:04:38,945 --> 00:04:41,114 So even though you didn't do anything wrong, 148 00:04:41,197 --> 00:04:42,740 something bad still happened to you? 149 00:04:42,824 --> 00:04:44,367 Why are you talking like that? 150 00:04:44,450 --> 00:04:45,761 Yeah, it sounds like the beginning of a parable. 151 00:04:45,785 --> 00:04:47,078 'Cause we're in fucking Theta, 152 00:04:47,161 --> 00:04:49,330 and you guys got our charter suspended. 153 00:04:49,414 --> 00:04:50,599 Wait, is that what this is about, 154 00:04:50,623 --> 00:04:51,874 the stupid test thing? 155 00:04:51,958 --> 00:04:53,793 Yeah, you narced on us, you narcs. 156 00:04:53,876 --> 00:04:55,545 That stunt you pulled fucked us. 157 00:04:55,628 --> 00:04:56,921 We can't throw parties anymore. 158 00:04:57,005 --> 00:04:59,424 So you threw a fucking milk at me? 159 00:04:59,507 --> 00:05:02,051 - This sweater cost $800! - What? 160 00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:03,612 You dickheads were the ones cheating. 161 00:05:03,636 --> 00:05:04,916 We were just the whistleblowers. 162 00:05:04,971 --> 00:05:06,264 Yeah, and I didn't even do it. 163 00:05:06,347 --> 00:05:07,557 All right? It was her. 164 00:05:07,640 --> 00:05:09,183 I am kind of responsible for that. 165 00:05:09,267 --> 00:05:11,853 I know. I meant to hit you, but my aim was off. 166 00:05:11,936 --> 00:05:13,479 It doesn't matter. From now on, 167 00:05:13,563 --> 00:05:16,065 none of you are ever setting foot in Theta again. 168 00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:19,777 - Uh! - He took my clementine. 169 00:05:23,156 --> 00:05:25,074 I'm so sorry that happened to you. 170 00:05:25,158 --> 00:05:27,201 - Eh, I'm used to it. - My mom and I have gotten 171 00:05:27,285 --> 00:05:29,120 blood thrown on us outside multiple operas. 172 00:05:29,203 --> 00:05:32,165 Guys, I can't believe we can't party at Theta anymore. 173 00:05:32,248 --> 00:05:33,541 Who cares about Theta? 174 00:05:33,624 --> 00:05:35,251 They can't even throw parties anymore. 175 00:05:35,334 --> 00:05:38,129 We'll just find a new frat to hang with. 176 00:05:38,212 --> 00:05:40,006 Oh, my God. 177 00:05:40,089 --> 00:05:41,507 - What? - Look. 178 00:05:41,591 --> 00:05:45,887 ♪ Drive all night to find out ♪ 179 00:05:45,970 --> 00:05:49,098 ♪ What you can't see ♪ 180 00:05:49,182 --> 00:05:53,686 ♪ Cities lighting up the midnight sky ♪ 181 00:05:53,770 --> 00:05:57,273 Girls, remember not to congregate in the hallways. 182 00:05:57,356 --> 00:05:58,733 It is a fire hazard. 183 00:05:58,816 --> 00:06:01,402 These old buildings are tinder boxes, so... 184 00:06:01,486 --> 00:06:03,988 - Thanks, Frude. - See you at the FAF meeting. 185 00:06:07,200 --> 00:06:09,160 Welcome back, my Fresh-Them. 186 00:06:09,243 --> 00:06:11,788 I hope you enjoyed American Thanksgiving, 187 00:06:11,871 --> 00:06:14,040 and I'm relieved so few of you transferred. 188 00:06:14,123 --> 00:06:16,292 I do have exciting news. 189 00:06:16,375 --> 00:06:18,586 We have a new student joining us, 190 00:06:18,669 --> 00:06:20,963 and he is climate refugee. 191 00:06:21,047 --> 00:06:22,799 Wow, I think it's great 192 00:06:22,882 --> 00:06:24,717 that we're taking in a displaced person. 193 00:06:24,801 --> 00:06:26,552 Yeah, are they from a developing nation? 194 00:06:26,636 --> 00:06:28,554 No, he's from Kansas. 195 00:06:28,638 --> 00:06:30,056 Ah, here he is now. 196 00:06:30,139 --> 00:06:32,809 Everyone, please give a warm welcome 197 00:06:32,892 --> 00:06:36,479 to our climate refugee, Jackson. 198 00:06:36,562 --> 00:06:37,480 - Hello. - Wait, 199 00:06:37,563 --> 00:06:38,815 you're the climate refugee? 200 00:06:38,898 --> 00:06:40,024 - You're white. - Bela. 201 00:06:40,108 --> 00:06:42,151 - What the hell? - Sweetheart, um, 202 00:06:42,235 --> 00:06:43,861 tell us what happened to you, 203 00:06:43,945 --> 00:06:45,780 and if you're straight and single. 204 00:06:45,863 --> 00:06:48,116 I really don't know how else to say it. 205 00:06:48,199 --> 00:06:50,993 My college dorm was blown away by a Category 4 tornado. 206 00:06:51,077 --> 00:06:52,161 Shit. 207 00:06:52,245 --> 00:06:53,412 - Wow. - Wait, what? 208 00:06:53,496 --> 00:06:55,289 - That's terrible. - But Frude, 209 00:06:55,373 --> 00:06:56,999 I think the term "refugee" implies 210 00:06:57,083 --> 00:06:58,584 more of an international displacement. 211 00:06:58,668 --> 00:07:01,212 Uh, Kimberly, do not offend my new friend. 212 00:07:01,295 --> 00:07:02,588 He's been through enough. 213 00:07:02,672 --> 00:07:04,590 I think climate change is real. 214 00:07:04,674 --> 00:07:06,926 - Yeah, are you serious? - I didn't say it wasn't. 215 00:07:07,009 --> 00:07:08,886 And speaking of climate change, 216 00:07:08,970 --> 00:07:11,514 tomorrow's forecast calls for snow, 217 00:07:11,597 --> 00:07:15,852 which brings with it Essex's oldest non-racist tradition, 218 00:07:15,935 --> 00:07:17,562 The Annual Snow Run. 219 00:07:17,645 --> 00:07:19,188 Oh, my God! 220 00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:21,232 Is that where we run in the snow in our underwear? 221 00:07:21,274 --> 00:07:22,692 That is correct. 222 00:07:22,775 --> 00:07:24,253 Should we pregame or wait till we get there? 223 00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:25,778 Oh, we should absolutely pregame. 224 00:07:25,862 --> 00:07:27,488 The booze in our dorm is way better. 225 00:07:27,572 --> 00:07:31,325 Reminder, underage drinking is illegal and not fun. 226 00:07:31,409 --> 00:07:33,870 But what is fun is our next juicy topic... 227 00:07:33,953 --> 00:07:35,955 Avoiding seasonal depression. 228 00:07:40,251 --> 00:07:42,503 Hey, Kimberly. 229 00:07:43,546 --> 00:07:46,966 Hey, did you buy me a column of gay pride balloons? 230 00:07:47,049 --> 00:07:48,342 Oh, my God. I did. 231 00:07:48,426 --> 00:07:49,969 I'm so sorry. 232 00:07:50,052 --> 00:07:52,889 I assumed you told Whitney and Bela over break, 233 00:07:52,972 --> 00:07:56,100 but then you didn't, and I couldn't cancel them. 234 00:07:56,184 --> 00:07:57,393 Did anyone else see them? 235 00:07:57,476 --> 00:07:59,687 Have I outed you? Am I bad ally? 236 00:07:59,770 --> 00:08:01,439 No, you're fine. 237 00:08:01,522 --> 00:08:03,002 I'm just disturbed that you think I am 238 00:08:03,065 --> 00:08:05,359 the kind of gay person who would like that. 239 00:08:05,443 --> 00:08:07,403 Got it. When you come out to Whitney and Bela, 240 00:08:07,486 --> 00:08:09,030 I'll get you a classier balloon tower. 241 00:08:09,113 --> 00:08:11,574 My ideal coming-out does not involve balloons. 242 00:08:11,657 --> 00:08:13,242 No balloons at all, please. 243 00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:14,869 Are you gonna tell Bela and Whitney? 244 00:08:14,952 --> 00:08:18,789 At some point, probably, but not right now. 245 00:08:18,873 --> 00:08:21,083 Well, I'm here for you. 246 00:08:21,167 --> 00:08:23,711 Okay, I gotta go to the financial aid office 247 00:08:23,794 --> 00:08:24,921 to ask for a loan. 248 00:08:25,004 --> 00:08:26,172 Wish me luck. 249 00:08:26,255 --> 00:08:28,257 Wait, wearing your Sips uniform? 250 00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:30,092 Yeah, I want them to know I have a job. 251 00:08:30,176 --> 00:08:31,510 It's pretty smart, right? 252 00:08:31,594 --> 00:08:33,846 Kimberly, banks only give money to people 253 00:08:33,930 --> 00:08:37,099 who look like they already have money. 254 00:08:37,183 --> 00:08:38,183 Let me help you. 255 00:08:38,226 --> 00:08:39,894 ♪ You're cold as ice ♪ 256 00:08:42,021 --> 00:08:44,649 ♪ I wanna make you feel real nice ♪ 257 00:08:46,359 --> 00:08:47,568 ♪ I wanna make you feel ♪ 258 00:08:47,652 --> 00:08:49,195 - Kimberly Finkle? - Here. 259 00:08:52,365 --> 00:08:54,033 I'm so psyched for the off-season. 260 00:08:54,116 --> 00:08:55,719 I got hit with a soccer ball so many times, 261 00:08:55,743 --> 00:08:57,620 I think my titties got CTE. 262 00:08:57,703 --> 00:08:59,830 So what are we gonna do with all our free time? 263 00:08:59,914 --> 00:09:01,165 I'm thinking sleeping till 3:00 264 00:09:01,249 --> 00:09:02,729 and then drinking till the other 3:00. 265 00:09:02,792 --> 00:09:04,645 - Mm, that's a no for me. - My schedule's packed. 266 00:09:04,669 --> 00:09:06,254 - Already? - How? 267 00:09:06,337 --> 00:09:07,773 Off-season is when we do all the stuff 268 00:09:07,797 --> 00:09:09,131 we can't do during soccer. 269 00:09:09,215 --> 00:09:10,716 I'm running for student government. 270 00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:12,802 Have you seen those losers? I'm gon' clean up. 271 00:09:12,885 --> 00:09:14,387 Why would you wanna do that? 272 00:09:14,470 --> 00:09:16,347 Pad that grad school résumé, babe. 273 00:09:16,430 --> 00:09:18,724 - Yeah, I've got basketball. - I'm a two-season athlete. 274 00:09:18,808 --> 00:09:20,601 But you were just joking about sleeping 275 00:09:20,685 --> 00:09:22,311 and drinking all day, right? 276 00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:25,314 Yes, duh, totally. 277 00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:28,025 I've got so much going on. Let's go. 278 00:09:34,573 --> 00:09:36,033 Well, Ms. Finkle, 279 00:09:36,117 --> 00:09:37,803 I think we're gonna be able to get you this loan. 280 00:09:37,827 --> 00:09:40,162 - Oh, my God, really? - That's such a relief. 281 00:09:40,246 --> 00:09:42,999 - I'm happy to help. - Do you, uh, have any questions? 282 00:09:43,082 --> 00:09:44,417 - No. - Actually, yes. 283 00:09:44,500 --> 00:09:46,961 When does the loan start accruing interest, 284 00:09:47,044 --> 00:09:48,754 and is it fixed or variable? 285 00:09:48,838 --> 00:09:50,172 Great questions. 286 00:09:50,256 --> 00:09:52,717 Let me just get you this pamphlet. 287 00:09:52,800 --> 00:09:53,968 Oh, wow. 288 00:09:54,051 --> 00:09:55,845 Everyone in here looks so happy. 289 00:09:55,928 --> 00:09:57,221 Kimberly, they're print models. 290 00:09:57,305 --> 00:09:59,015 I've seen that girl in a NuvaRing ad. 291 00:09:59,098 --> 00:10:01,600 Can you at least walk us through the payback structure? 292 00:10:01,684 --> 00:10:04,603 Uh, well, with a loan your size, 293 00:10:04,687 --> 00:10:08,357 you'd be paying about $900 a month for the next 30 years. 294 00:10:08,441 --> 00:10:11,110 But with autopay, it's like you don't even know 295 00:10:11,193 --> 00:10:12,862 the money's leaving your account. 296 00:10:12,945 --> 00:10:15,048 You're gonna be paying this back until you're, like, 50. 297 00:10:15,072 --> 00:10:18,951 Oh, the payoff age is actually late-60s on average. 298 00:10:19,035 --> 00:10:21,620 - Oh. - I don't have any other options. 299 00:10:21,704 --> 00:10:23,414 I'd like to go ahead with the loan. 300 00:10:23,497 --> 00:10:26,167 Wonderful, let's get you that shmoney. 301 00:10:26,250 --> 00:10:27,668 I'm just gonna go grab the paperwork 302 00:10:27,752 --> 00:10:29,211 for your parents to cosign. 303 00:10:29,295 --> 00:10:30,713 No! 304 00:10:30,796 --> 00:10:33,966 I mean, what if that's not an option? 305 00:10:34,050 --> 00:10:38,804 I'm sorry, but a cosigner is kind of a non-negotiable. 306 00:10:38,888 --> 00:10:42,516 Oh, then I don't think I can do this. 307 00:10:42,600 --> 00:10:43,976 Thanks for your time. 308 00:10:46,562 --> 00:10:48,898 Welcome, funny ladies of Essex. 309 00:10:48,981 --> 00:10:51,067 We're so happy you're interested in joining 310 00:10:51,150 --> 00:10:55,946 our school's first ever, female-only comedy magazine. 311 00:10:57,239 --> 00:10:58,741 I know what you're thinking. 312 00:10:58,824 --> 00:11:01,452 Will it be hard to do this without a bunch of guys 313 00:11:01,535 --> 00:11:04,288 who steal all their ideas from Conan and "SNL"? 314 00:11:04,372 --> 00:11:05,831 No, it will not. 315 00:11:05,915 --> 00:11:07,124 If you're in this room, 316 00:11:07,208 --> 00:11:08,751 it means you're part of the movement... 317 00:11:08,834 --> 00:11:10,834 Except for that guy, who's doing homework, I think. 318 00:11:10,878 --> 00:11:13,255 We're still working on finding a permanent meeting space. 319 00:11:13,339 --> 00:11:15,966 We're so excited to read your submissions. 320 00:11:16,050 --> 00:11:17,927 - Mm-hmm. - In a few short days, 321 00:11:18,010 --> 00:11:19,804 some of you lucky ladies will be joining us 322 00:11:19,887 --> 00:11:21,889 in writing our groundbreaking first edition 323 00:11:21,972 --> 00:11:24,433 as one of our new found comedy sisters. 324 00:11:27,186 --> 00:11:29,522 Holy shit, these girls are unfunny turds. 325 00:11:29,605 --> 00:11:31,357 In a good way? 326 00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:32,983 How would that be in a good way? 327 00:11:33,067 --> 00:11:34,652 Bela, you're overreacting. 328 00:11:34,735 --> 00:11:37,697 - Some are... fine. - Have you read these? 329 00:11:37,780 --> 00:11:39,615 This girl wrote a poem about celiac disease, 330 00:11:39,698 --> 00:11:42,952 and this girl wrote a phrase called "OBGY-LOL." 331 00:11:43,035 --> 00:11:45,871 - What does that even mean? - So they have a lot to learn. 332 00:11:45,955 --> 00:11:48,165 - We'll teach them. - I really need this to work. 333 00:11:48,249 --> 00:11:49,917 I wanna write with writers that are funny, 334 00:11:50,000 --> 00:11:51,335 like you and Jo. 335 00:11:51,419 --> 00:11:53,212 - And me. - Sure. 336 00:11:53,295 --> 00:11:55,023 Look, none of us thought we were gonna find 337 00:11:55,047 --> 00:11:57,591 a bunch of amazing and hilarious people right away. 338 00:11:57,675 --> 00:11:59,885 Just be patient, okay? 339 00:11:59,969 --> 00:12:01,053 Okay. 340 00:12:01,137 --> 00:12:03,806 ♪ Never gonna be the same ♪ 341 00:12:03,889 --> 00:12:05,474 Sorry about your loan, Kimberly. 342 00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:06,838 If it makes you feel any better, 343 00:12:06,892 --> 00:12:08,644 my new comedy magazine's a disaster. 344 00:12:08,727 --> 00:12:09,854 - Really? - Why? 345 00:12:09,937 --> 00:12:11,313 Because they all stink. 346 00:12:11,397 --> 00:12:13,041 I'm worried "The Catullan" was onto something 347 00:12:13,065 --> 00:12:14,984 not letting women join until 1994. 348 00:12:15,067 --> 00:12:16,610 - Mmm. - Look, I don't know anything 349 00:12:16,694 --> 00:12:18,028 - about comedy... - So true. 350 00:12:18,112 --> 00:12:19,363 So, so true. 351 00:12:19,447 --> 00:12:21,167 But maybe, before you throw this all away, 352 00:12:21,198 --> 00:12:22,801 you should talk to someone who's done it before. 353 00:12:22,825 --> 00:12:24,160 That does seem like good advice. 354 00:12:24,243 --> 00:12:25,661 Ooh, well, I have some cool news. 355 00:12:25,744 --> 00:12:27,144 I'm gonna be on the water polo team. 356 00:12:27,204 --> 00:12:28,372 - Really? - What? 357 00:12:28,456 --> 00:12:29,999 I didn't know you played water polo. 358 00:12:30,082 --> 00:12:32,042 - Oh, I don't... yet. - But it seems easy. 359 00:12:32,126 --> 00:12:33,502 Based off a video I watched, 360 00:12:33,586 --> 00:12:34,938 I think it's just pool soccer with hands. 361 00:12:34,962 --> 00:12:36,189 And then we can hang out 362 00:12:36,213 --> 00:12:37,506 with the water polo guys. 363 00:12:37,590 --> 00:12:39,550 You know, maybe things are looking up. 364 00:12:39,633 --> 00:12:41,260 Ow, my boob! 365 00:12:42,511 --> 00:12:43,679 What the fuck? 366 00:12:43,762 --> 00:12:45,681 - Sorry. - Not really, though. 367 00:12:45,764 --> 00:12:48,392 ♪ I don't need no drugs at the disco ♪ 368 00:12:48,476 --> 00:12:50,394 Now it's trash, you trash. 369 00:12:50,478 --> 00:12:51,687 Put your clothes on. 370 00:12:51,770 --> 00:12:53,439 ♪ On the dance floor ♪ 371 00:12:53,522 --> 00:12:55,900 - Aw, fuck. - I gotta ice my boob. 372 00:12:57,193 --> 00:12:58,402 Wait, what is that? 373 00:13:00,446 --> 00:13:02,490 Did you guys hear that? 374 00:13:03,574 --> 00:13:05,701 Oh, my God. 375 00:13:05,784 --> 00:13:06,994 Sex noises! 376 00:13:07,077 --> 00:13:08,305 Wait, that's the climate refugee. 377 00:13:08,329 --> 00:13:09,455 That's his room. 378 00:13:09,538 --> 00:13:12,208 Wonder who she is. 379 00:13:12,291 --> 00:13:14,186 Well, whoever she is, she's having the time of her life. 380 00:13:14,210 --> 00:13:16,128 They are being so loud. 381 00:13:16,212 --> 00:13:17,898 It's literal noise pollution. I'm gonna knock. 382 00:13:17,922 --> 00:13:19,215 - Don't you dare! - Oh, ow, ow. 383 00:13:19,298 --> 00:13:20,618 Just let me record a little first. 384 00:13:29,016 --> 00:13:31,185 - Bela? - It's 8:15 in the morning. 385 00:13:31,268 --> 00:13:33,604 - Why are you here? - It's urgent. 386 00:13:33,687 --> 00:13:35,397 How did you find my apartment? 387 00:13:35,481 --> 00:13:37,900 It was a very conscious choice to not tell you where it was. 388 00:13:37,983 --> 00:13:39,735 Look, my new magazine is a disaster. 389 00:13:39,818 --> 00:13:41,904 All the applicants suck, which is why I've decided 390 00:13:41,987 --> 00:13:43,747 to immediately give up and accept my old spot 391 00:13:43,781 --> 00:13:45,366 on "The Catullan." Bela's back. 392 00:13:45,449 --> 00:13:46,575 You're welcome. 393 00:13:46,659 --> 00:13:48,869 Um, no. 394 00:13:48,953 --> 00:13:50,931 I don't think anyone's gonna be excited to work with a girl 395 00:13:50,955 --> 00:13:52,748 who left and stole all of our good writers. 396 00:13:52,831 --> 00:13:54,875 - They left willingly. - "The Catullan" sucked. 397 00:13:54,959 --> 00:13:56,520 You just said you wanted to come back to it. 398 00:13:56,544 --> 00:13:58,879 - Fine then. - Will you join my magazine? 399 00:13:58,963 --> 00:14:02,007 What can I say that will help you leave my apartment? 400 00:14:02,091 --> 00:14:04,593 What do I do? 401 00:14:04,677 --> 00:14:07,137 Um, okay, 402 00:14:07,221 --> 00:14:09,306 so you're building a team, right? 403 00:14:09,390 --> 00:14:11,892 So you gotta look at this as your LeBron moment. 404 00:14:11,976 --> 00:14:14,812 This is your chance to put together a super comedy lineup. 405 00:14:14,895 --> 00:14:16,355 Right? Like, LeBron didn't just wait 406 00:14:16,438 --> 00:14:17,731 for people to come join the team. 407 00:14:17,815 --> 00:14:18,899 He went out, and he found 408 00:14:18,983 --> 00:14:20,043 Dwyane Wade and Chris Bosh. 409 00:14:20,067 --> 00:14:21,944 Uh-huh, got it. 410 00:14:22,027 --> 00:14:23,779 Can you put that in not sports terms? 411 00:14:23,862 --> 00:14:26,282 Just find a bunch of funny people. 412 00:14:26,365 --> 00:14:27,616 Cool. 413 00:14:32,621 --> 00:14:35,165 Good morning, ladies. 414 00:14:35,249 --> 00:14:36,959 Welcome to water polo tryouts. 415 00:14:37,042 --> 00:14:39,545 We're gonna do a scrimmage so I can assess your skill level. 416 00:14:39,628 --> 00:14:40,921 This seems fun. 417 00:14:41,005 --> 00:14:42,464 You ever played water polo before? 418 00:14:42,548 --> 00:14:44,800 Yup, I played competitively for eight years. 419 00:14:44,883 --> 00:14:47,011 Yeah, I just started, but I'm pretty sure 420 00:14:47,094 --> 00:14:48,554 it's gonna be my life now too. 421 00:14:48,637 --> 00:14:50,639 Ooh, also, real quick, what are the rules? 422 00:14:50,723 --> 00:14:52,200 Up, up, up, up! Let's go! 423 00:14:52,224 --> 00:14:53,535 Come on, ladies! Get in the water! 424 00:14:53,559 --> 00:14:54,744 Here we go, yes! 425 00:14:55,936 --> 00:14:58,355 All right, let's go. Pass it! 426 00:14:58,439 --> 00:15:01,442 How are you guys not using your arms to swim right now? 427 00:15:01,525 --> 00:15:03,086 Come on, you got this! 428 00:15:03,110 --> 00:15:05,404 - Whoo! - Which team am I on again? 429 00:15:05,487 --> 00:15:06,697 - Let's go! - Quickly! 430 00:15:07,990 --> 00:15:08,991 Me, I got it! I'm open... 431 00:15:10,242 --> 00:15:11,910 Mm. 432 00:15:11,994 --> 00:15:13,120 Transition! High! 433 00:15:14,872 --> 00:15:16,415 - Oy. - I'm open! I'm ope... 434 00:15:21,086 --> 00:15:24,840 You got knocked out, but I gave you mouth-to-mouth. 435 00:15:24,923 --> 00:15:26,800 Thanks. 436 00:15:26,884 --> 00:15:28,594 I think I get the rules now. 437 00:15:28,677 --> 00:15:30,179 Should I jump back in? 438 00:15:30,262 --> 00:15:31,262 No. 439 00:15:38,604 --> 00:15:41,106 - So how'd it go with the loan? - Honestly, not great. 440 00:15:41,190 --> 00:15:43,442 They said they need my parents to cosign my loan, 441 00:15:43,525 --> 00:15:45,319 and I can't tell them what happened. 442 00:15:45,402 --> 00:15:47,297 - So what are you gonna do? - Ooh, I have an idea. 443 00:15:47,321 --> 00:15:49,823 My cousin got a bunch of money when she was hit by a city bus. 444 00:15:49,907 --> 00:15:51,742 - Do that. - Actually, I found 445 00:15:51,825 --> 00:15:55,037 a super high-paying second job I can do from my dorm room. 446 00:15:55,120 --> 00:15:56,872 I'm typing up the closed captioning 447 00:15:56,955 --> 00:16:00,376 for a reality show called "Sex Paradise: Australia." 448 00:16:00,459 --> 00:16:02,461 - That's a job? - It sure is. 449 00:16:02,544 --> 00:16:04,088 All I have to do is watch an episode, 450 00:16:04,171 --> 00:16:06,715 listen very closely, and type up what they're saying... 451 00:16:06,799 --> 00:16:08,485 And the noises they make in the Pleasure Hut... 452 00:16:08,509 --> 00:16:12,012 - For 20 freakin' bucks an hour. - That's disgusting. 453 00:16:12,096 --> 00:16:13,736 How many episodes are they paying you for? 454 00:16:13,764 --> 00:16:15,349 It's 300 episodes a season. 455 00:16:15,432 --> 00:16:17,017 So if I can find time to transcribe 456 00:16:17,101 --> 00:16:19,895 for at least 50 hours a week, on top of my school work 457 00:16:19,978 --> 00:16:23,065 and my Sips job, my finances will be totally taken care of. 458 00:16:23,148 --> 00:16:24,483 That's too much. 459 00:16:24,566 --> 00:16:26,086 You should just tell your mom what happened 460 00:16:26,110 --> 00:16:27,277 and have her cosign a loan. 461 00:16:27,361 --> 00:16:29,071 No, I'm gonna go with my thing. 462 00:16:29,154 --> 00:16:30,280 Okay. 463 00:16:32,074 --> 00:16:33,701 I don't have any other interests. 464 00:16:33,784 --> 00:16:38,038 Okay, what would you say is my thing, besides soccer? 465 00:16:38,122 --> 00:16:39,998 That you're cool. 466 00:16:40,082 --> 00:16:42,751 - Mm-hmm. - And you're pretty. 467 00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:45,295 And you can kind of sing karaoke, but not really. 468 00:16:45,379 --> 00:16:46,755 Seriously, Canaan. 469 00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:48,507 I don't get what's going on. 470 00:16:48,590 --> 00:16:51,385 I guess I'm feeling... lost. 471 00:16:51,468 --> 00:16:55,556 Okay, well, what do you wanna do with your life? 472 00:16:55,639 --> 00:16:58,142 - I don't know. - What about you? 473 00:16:58,225 --> 00:17:00,436 Well, I actually have a very detailed ten-year plan 474 00:17:00,519 --> 00:17:02,839 that will hopefully lead me into starting my own hedge fund 475 00:17:02,896 --> 00:17:04,606 that focuses on impact investing. 476 00:17:04,690 --> 00:17:05,875 So I'll basically be helping people 477 00:17:05,899 --> 00:17:07,192 while getting very, very rich. 478 00:17:07,276 --> 00:17:08,795 That's exactly what I'm talking about. 479 00:17:08,819 --> 00:17:10,779 I feel like I'm the only person in college 480 00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:13,866 who doesn't have their whole life already figured out. 481 00:17:13,949 --> 00:17:15,784 It kind of sucks. 482 00:17:15,868 --> 00:17:19,121 Well, I know you're gonna figure it out, 483 00:17:19,204 --> 00:17:22,332 because you're smart, and whatever you put your mind to, 484 00:17:22,416 --> 00:17:24,334 you're gonna kill it. 485 00:17:24,418 --> 00:17:27,129 - Thank you. - Unless it's water polo. 486 00:17:27,212 --> 00:17:29,882 I knew you were gonna do that. 487 00:17:33,302 --> 00:17:35,137 Oh, my God, you guys. 488 00:17:35,220 --> 00:17:37,681 Okay, there is so much snow already. 489 00:17:37,765 --> 00:17:39,016 Are we sure this is safe? 490 00:17:39,099 --> 00:17:41,268 Like, do people get boob frostbite? 491 00:17:41,351 --> 00:17:44,146 I don't think so, but it's definitely worth a Google. 492 00:17:44,229 --> 00:17:47,149 Okay, so the snow run ends at Frat Row, 493 00:17:47,232 --> 00:17:49,085 where all the frats will be hosting big parties, 494 00:17:49,109 --> 00:17:50,402 and since Theta's out, 495 00:17:50,486 --> 00:17:52,279 I did some comprehensive Instagram stalking 496 00:17:52,362 --> 00:17:54,156 to figure out the next best option, 497 00:17:54,239 --> 00:17:56,200 and it is definitely Omega Pi. 498 00:17:56,283 --> 00:17:57,643 Their guys are for sure the hottest 499 00:17:57,701 --> 00:17:59,053 - if anyone wants to check. - Is that why 500 00:17:59,077 --> 00:18:00,637 - my printer is out of ink? - It's 2022. 501 00:18:00,704 --> 00:18:02,390 Why do you even have a printer? This is on you. 502 00:18:02,414 --> 00:18:04,333 As I was saying, Omega Pi's hosting 503 00:18:04,416 --> 00:18:05,959 a huge Winter Under land party. 504 00:18:06,043 --> 00:18:07,795 It is gonna be lit, and we're all going. 505 00:18:07,878 --> 00:18:10,923 Not me. I have to stay home and do some closed captioning. 506 00:18:11,006 --> 00:18:12,841 - Are you sure? - Yeah. 507 00:18:12,925 --> 00:18:15,177 I think this is gonna be my new normal for a while. 508 00:18:15,260 --> 00:18:18,013 - All right. - We gotta go, ladies. 509 00:18:18,096 --> 00:18:19,657 - Okay, okay, wait, wait, wait. - Can I just say 510 00:18:19,681 --> 00:18:21,534 that all three of us look so fucking hot right now 511 00:18:21,558 --> 00:18:23,918 and that this is gonna be one of the best days of our lives! 512 00:18:25,187 --> 00:18:26,688 - Ah! - Oh, my God! 513 00:18:26,772 --> 00:18:29,441 - Aah! - Ah, my... ow, ow! 514 00:18:29,525 --> 00:18:30,984 - Ah! - Bela, Bela, stop, stop. 515 00:18:31,068 --> 00:18:33,111 - Get up! Get up! - Ow, ow, ow. 516 00:18:33,195 --> 00:18:34,589 Jessica has just made 517 00:18:34,613 --> 00:18:36,448 the bloody agonizing decision 518 00:18:36,532 --> 00:18:37,950 to dump Braxton, 519 00:18:38,033 --> 00:18:40,702 and now she deals with the consequences. 520 00:18:40,786 --> 00:18:42,680 You know, it's, like, a game, right? 521 00:18:42,704 --> 00:18:45,040 But it's also, like, finding love, you know? 522 00:18:45,124 --> 00:18:47,417 What the fuck is she saying? 523 00:18:47,501 --> 00:18:49,044 To dump Braxton, 524 00:18:49,127 --> 00:18:52,005 and now she deals with the consequences. 525 00:18:52,089 --> 00:18:53,775 You know, it's, like, a game, right? 526 00:18:53,799 --> 00:18:55,759 But it's also, like, finding love, you know? 527 00:19:12,568 --> 00:19:13,735 God damn it. 528 00:19:13,819 --> 00:19:15,404 Can you please keep it down? 529 00:19:18,991 --> 00:19:20,242 Shut up! 530 00:19:20,325 --> 00:19:21,577 Assholes! 531 00:19:28,333 --> 00:19:30,878 - Everyone, drink up! - We run in two minutes! 532 00:19:33,505 --> 00:19:35,299 My eyeballs are cold. 533 00:19:35,382 --> 00:19:36,382 - Yeah. - Uh, same. 534 00:19:36,425 --> 00:19:37,509 - Hey! - Oh! 535 00:19:37,593 --> 00:19:38,760 - You're here! - Kimberly! 536 00:19:38,844 --> 00:19:40,154 What... I thought you had to work. 537 00:19:40,178 --> 00:19:41,763 I don't think I can do that job. 538 00:19:41,847 --> 00:19:44,057 Drunk Australian people are so hard to understand, 539 00:19:44,141 --> 00:19:46,268 especially with our neighbor having sex so loud. 540 00:19:46,351 --> 00:19:48,371 Well, you don't have to fix all your problems tonight, 541 00:19:48,395 --> 00:19:50,564 but there is one thing you do have to do. 542 00:19:50,647 --> 00:19:51,940 - Exactly. - Take off that coat. 543 00:19:52,024 --> 00:19:53,525 Let me see those granny panties. 544 00:19:53,609 --> 00:19:54,609 - Ah! - Ah. 545 00:19:54,651 --> 00:19:56,278 - Oh! - God damn, 546 00:19:56,361 --> 00:19:59,114 underneath all those unstylish clothes, you're, like, hot. 547 00:19:59,197 --> 00:20:00,449 Oh, hell yeah, 548 00:20:00,532 --> 00:20:02,868 congrats on the underwear glow-up, girl. 549 00:20:02,951 --> 00:20:04,494 Everybody ready to run? 550 00:20:06,038 --> 00:20:07,873 Three, two, one, 551 00:20:07,956 --> 00:20:09,791 strip and go! 552 00:20:11,126 --> 00:20:13,545 ♪ Let's get to it and work ♪ 553 00:20:13,629 --> 00:20:15,839 ♪ 'Cause I hope you work well under pressure ♪ 554 00:20:15,923 --> 00:20:17,257 ♪ And you better work ♪ 555 00:20:17,341 --> 00:20:18,967 - Move, bitch! - I'm fast! 556 00:20:19,051 --> 00:20:20,719 Ah! 557 00:20:20,802 --> 00:20:22,602 ♪ 'Cause I hope you work well under pressure ♪ 558 00:20:25,891 --> 00:20:28,393 Whoa. 559 00:20:28,477 --> 00:20:29,686 Ow! 560 00:20:29,770 --> 00:20:31,146 - Hey. - Yeah. 561 00:20:31,230 --> 00:20:33,732 - Fuck Theta. - Omega Pi is where it's at. 562 00:20:42,282 --> 00:20:43,951 I have never seen this many hot, 563 00:20:44,034 --> 00:20:45,702 shirtless men in one place. 564 00:20:45,786 --> 00:20:47,663 - I know. - I'm taking screen shots 565 00:20:47,746 --> 00:20:49,373 but with my brain for later. 566 00:20:49,456 --> 00:20:52,167 Same, except I also took a couple pictures on my phone. 567 00:20:52,250 --> 00:20:54,252 Oh, see that pack of cis daddies right there? 568 00:20:54,336 --> 00:20:56,189 I can see every single one of their dick shapes. 569 00:20:56,213 --> 00:20:58,507 Homie on the right got a big ol' toddler arm 570 00:20:58,590 --> 00:21:00,050 in his boxer briefs. 571 00:21:01,176 --> 00:21:02,678 - Lila? - Hmm? 572 00:21:02,761 --> 00:21:04,238 Would you ever be interested in writing a listicle 573 00:21:04,262 --> 00:21:05,862 about dick shapes for my comedy magazine? 574 00:21:05,931 --> 00:21:07,283 Well, I don't know what the fuck a listicle is, 575 00:21:07,307 --> 00:21:09,017 but hell yes, bitch, let's do it. 576 00:21:21,863 --> 00:21:23,156 Hey, I'm Sara. 577 00:21:23,240 --> 00:21:25,033 - Hey, I'm Kimberly. - This is Leighton. 578 00:21:25,117 --> 00:21:27,202 - Cool. - You wanna dance? 579 00:21:27,285 --> 00:21:29,746 Um, I'm actually just dancing with my friend right now. 580 00:21:29,830 --> 00:21:31,123 Okay. 581 00:21:31,206 --> 00:21:32,846 I was actually gonna go to the bathroom, 582 00:21:32,874 --> 00:21:34,793 so I'm gonna go do that. 583 00:21:36,753 --> 00:21:38,964 So, uh, you want a shot? 584 00:21:39,047 --> 00:21:41,800 From the smell of it, I'd say it's shockingly bad tequila. 585 00:21:41,883 --> 00:21:44,011 Mm, horrible. 586 00:21:44,094 --> 00:21:45,137 Yeah, I'm down. 587 00:21:45,220 --> 00:21:47,305 No, let me do it for you. 588 00:21:47,389 --> 00:21:49,599 Open your mouth. 589 00:21:52,185 --> 00:21:54,187 - Um, actually, I'm good. - I'm good. 590 00:21:54,271 --> 00:21:56,273 Um, sorry, but I only drink top shelf. 591 00:21:56,356 --> 00:21:57,899 All right. 592 00:21:57,983 --> 00:22:00,402 Thanks. 593 00:22:02,154 --> 00:22:05,866 ♪ I'm ready to go, so tell me, are ya, are ya? ♪ 594 00:22:05,949 --> 00:22:08,243 - Are my boobs poppin' out? - No, you're good. 595 00:22:08,326 --> 00:22:11,496 I'm trying to make on-purpose nip slips my signature move. 596 00:22:11,580 --> 00:22:13,081 Ooh. 597 00:22:13,165 --> 00:22:15,500 Oh, that fucking climate refugee is here. 598 00:22:15,584 --> 00:22:18,420 - Holy shit. - Look at him holding that beer. 599 00:22:18,503 --> 00:22:19,671 Dude has Marvel arms. 600 00:22:19,755 --> 00:22:21,256 - Yeah. - Yeah, now I kind of get 601 00:22:21,339 --> 00:22:23,383 why that girl was being so loud. 602 00:22:26,011 --> 00:22:27,888 - Hi. It's Jackson, right? - Yeah. 603 00:22:27,971 --> 00:22:30,182 - Well, I'm Kimberly. - My room is right next to yours. 604 00:22:30,265 --> 00:22:32,100 - Cool. - It's actually not cool, 605 00:22:32,184 --> 00:22:34,227 because you've been at Essex for, like, three days, 606 00:22:34,311 --> 00:22:35,854 and you're already having the loudest, 607 00:22:35,937 --> 00:22:37,898 most performative sex in the world. 608 00:22:37,981 --> 00:22:40,141 For your information, some of the people at this school 609 00:22:40,192 --> 00:22:41,818 have some really important work to do, 610 00:22:41,902 --> 00:22:43,445 and that's hard when you're, 611 00:22:43,528 --> 00:22:45,328 you know, grunting your head off going like... 612 00:22:46,490 --> 00:22:47,508 On the other side of some very, 613 00:22:47,532 --> 00:22:49,201 very, thin drywall, okay? 614 00:22:49,284 --> 00:22:50,786 - You done? - Yeah, I think so. 615 00:22:50,869 --> 00:22:53,580 Well, just so you know, it actually kind of sucks 616 00:22:53,663 --> 00:22:55,290 sharing a wall with you too. 617 00:22:55,373 --> 00:22:57,042 What the hell ass TV show 618 00:22:57,125 --> 00:22:59,127 have you been watching so loudly? 619 00:22:59,211 --> 00:23:01,296 It's called "Sex Paradise: Australia." 620 00:23:01,379 --> 00:23:02,839 I didn't know you could hear it. 621 00:23:02,923 --> 00:23:05,217 Oh, I can. 622 00:23:05,300 --> 00:23:07,135 Let me see your phone. 623 00:23:08,178 --> 00:23:09,938 I've already hit my data cap for the month, 624 00:23:09,971 --> 00:23:11,473 so don't go on YouTube. 625 00:23:11,556 --> 00:23:12,974 - Here. - Now you have my number. 626 00:23:13,058 --> 00:23:14,726 Just shoot me a text 627 00:23:14,810 --> 00:23:16,730 if anything on my side of the wall gets too loud. 628 00:23:18,855 --> 00:23:22,651 - Yeah! - Ah, yes, bitch! 629 00:23:30,575 --> 00:23:32,160 I don't know, man. 630 00:23:32,244 --> 00:23:35,580 Thing is, she really doesn't have anything besides soccer, 631 00:23:35,664 --> 00:23:37,749 so I didn't really know what to say, you know? 632 00:23:37,833 --> 00:23:40,293 Boom! Let's go. That's mine. 633 00:23:40,377 --> 00:23:41,937 That's all me. Run it back, run it back. 634 00:23:50,679 --> 00:23:52,514 Hey. You good? 635 00:23:52,597 --> 00:23:54,933 Yeah. Course I am. 636 00:23:55,016 --> 00:23:56,226 Ooh! 637 00:23:56,309 --> 00:23:58,854 - Ah. - I just threw up in a trophy. 638 00:23:58,937 --> 00:24:00,522 Who wants another shot? 639 00:24:00,605 --> 00:24:02,625 Hey, whoa, whoa, you are way too wasted to be here. 640 00:24:02,649 --> 00:24:04,085 I think I gotta take you home. 641 00:24:04,109 --> 00:24:05,360 No, no, no... 642 00:24:05,443 --> 00:24:06,796 - I'm gonna text you later. - Uh-huh. 643 00:24:06,820 --> 00:24:08,172 - Say goodbye, champ. - It's time to go. 644 00:24:08,196 --> 00:24:09,257 - Time to go. - Ugh, it tastes like 645 00:24:09,281 --> 00:24:10,699 someone puked in my mouth! 646 00:24:10,782 --> 00:24:12,409 Did you guys have fun tonight? 647 00:24:12,492 --> 00:24:14,786 - Yeah, we did! - Thanks for asking! 648 00:24:14,870 --> 00:24:16,246 Great, 649 00:24:16,329 --> 00:24:18,456 because it'll be the last party you'll ever go to. 650 00:24:18,540 --> 00:24:20,500 - Dude, what is your problem? - Seriously. 651 00:24:20,584 --> 00:24:22,669 Who died and made you king of all the frats? 652 00:24:22,752 --> 00:24:23,920 You're a Theta. 653 00:24:25,589 --> 00:24:27,024 These are the girls I was telling you about, 654 00:24:27,048 --> 00:24:28,300 the ones who narced on us. 655 00:24:28,383 --> 00:24:29,718 You're a liability, bro. 656 00:24:29,801 --> 00:24:32,220 - A liability? - More like like-ability. 657 00:24:32,304 --> 00:24:33,889 We're a damn pleasure to have around. 658 00:24:33,972 --> 00:24:35,223 Isn't that right? Mm-hmm. 659 00:24:35,307 --> 00:24:37,058 Y'all need to get the fuck out. 660 00:24:38,727 --> 00:24:40,896 - Oh, my God. - We're gonna die. 661 00:24:40,979 --> 00:24:42,814 - I'm getting nipple frostbite. - Fuck. 662 00:24:47,694 --> 00:24:50,238 Barring the fact that we got banned from frats last night, 663 00:24:50,322 --> 00:24:51,865 I still think we had a really fun time. 664 00:24:51,948 --> 00:24:54,242 Kimberly got climate refugee's phone number. 665 00:24:54,326 --> 00:24:55,911 For emergencies. 666 00:24:55,994 --> 00:24:58,705 What about you, Leighton, did you chat up any hotties? 667 00:24:59,915 --> 00:25:02,167 Fine. You're too classy to kiss and tell. 668 00:25:02,250 --> 00:25:03,376 I get it. 669 00:25:09,174 --> 00:25:11,551 Uh, actually, there is something 670 00:25:11,635 --> 00:25:13,803 that I've been meaning to tell you guys. 671 00:25:17,474 --> 00:25:18,934 I'm gay. 672 00:25:20,685 --> 00:25:22,520 Wow, Leighton, that's awesome. 673 00:25:22,604 --> 00:25:24,364 - Should we hug? - I feel like we should hug. 674 00:25:24,439 --> 00:25:26,199 - Uh, no, we don't... - We don't need to hug. 675 00:25:26,233 --> 00:25:29,277 - Oh, Leighton, that's so cool. - And I-I'm so shocked. 676 00:25:29,361 --> 00:25:30,796 I mean, I had no idea. I guess it's like 677 00:25:30,820 --> 00:25:32,239 my gaydar is way off or something. 678 00:25:32,322 --> 00:25:33,740 Kimberly already knew, didn't she? 679 00:25:33,823 --> 00:25:34,658 Uh-huh. 680 00:25:34,741 --> 00:25:36,826 Mm. 681 00:25:36,910 --> 00:25:39,496 She's been a really good friend about it, though. 682 00:25:40,705 --> 00:25:42,457 She even tried to get me alone 683 00:25:42,540 --> 00:25:44,000 with a girl at the party last night. 684 00:25:44,084 --> 00:25:46,419 Oh, my God, the girl I saw you talking to. 685 00:25:46,503 --> 00:25:47,503 She was so hot. 686 00:25:47,545 --> 00:25:49,005 - Mm-hmm. - Yeah. 687 00:25:50,423 --> 00:25:54,010 Yeah, but then... then I, like, freaked out and got weird, 688 00:25:54,094 --> 00:25:56,137 and she's probably not interested anymore, so... 689 00:25:56,221 --> 00:25:58,556 - No way. - If you DM'd her right now, 690 00:25:58,640 --> 00:26:00,976 I promise you it would be back on. 691 00:26:01,059 --> 00:26:02,227 Slide into her DM. 692 00:26:02,310 --> 00:26:03,645 - Yeah, message her. - Now, do it. 693 00:26:03,728 --> 00:26:05,814 Slide in, slide in. 694 00:26:05,897 --> 00:26:07,524 - All right, fine. - Fine, I'll do it. 695 00:26:18,076 --> 00:26:19,119 I said, "Hi." 696 00:26:21,913 --> 00:26:23,415 Yes! 697 00:26:23,498 --> 00:26:25,750 ♪ We were ♪ 698 00:26:25,834 --> 00:26:27,544 ♪ Cosmical beings ♪ 699 00:26:29,921 --> 00:26:31,214 How are you in here? 700 00:26:31,298 --> 00:26:32,858 I literally had them change the buzzer code. 701 00:26:32,882 --> 00:26:34,634 I waited for someone to exit. 702 00:26:35,844 --> 00:26:37,679 I just wanted to say thank you 703 00:26:37,762 --> 00:26:39,180 for your advice. 704 00:26:39,264 --> 00:26:40,584 I found another super funny writer 705 00:26:40,640 --> 00:26:41,850 who I think is gonna be great, 706 00:26:41,933 --> 00:26:44,019 so it really helped. 707 00:26:45,103 --> 00:26:48,481 You came here at 7:45 just for that? 708 00:26:48,565 --> 00:26:50,025 Yeah, just that. 709 00:26:54,362 --> 00:26:57,532 ♪ Giving up my western trouble ♪ 710 00:27:00,368 --> 00:27:02,287 ♪ Right now ♪ 711 00:27:08,251 --> 00:27:12,088 ♪ Tell me not to be so subtle ♪ 712 00:27:13,965 --> 00:27:18,386 ♪ Always want you to be near ♪ 713 00:27:21,681 --> 00:27:25,769 ♪ Guess you'll know why I'm so tired ♪ 714 00:27:28,730 --> 00:27:31,858 ♪ Too tired to be cool ♪ 715 00:27:35,653 --> 00:27:39,699 ♪ Guess you'll know why I'm so tired ♪ 716 00:27:42,494 --> 00:27:46,623 ♪ I want you, I want you ♪ 717 00:27:50,001 --> 00:27:53,630 ♪ Never thought I'd miss the struggle ♪ 718 00:27:56,007 --> 00:27:57,967 ♪ I don't ♪ 719 00:28:03,890 --> 00:28:07,519 ♪ Giving all the kids some trouble ♪ 720 00:28:09,604 --> 00:28:13,608 ♪ I just want you to be here ♪ 721 00:28:22,200 --> 00:28:23,451 Go to bed. 52898

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