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1
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It's over that way.
2
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Boy, this is complicated.
3
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NETFLIX PRESENTS
4
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I thought it was that way
but now it's this way?
5
00:00:22,230 --> 00:00:24,607
I'm confused.
Are you sure this is the way?
6
00:00:24,691 --> 00:00:27,569
- I've been following you.
- You have to follow the star.
7
00:00:27,652 --> 00:00:29,404
Stop with this star thing!
8
00:00:29,487 --> 00:00:32,490
Last time, we chased a comet
for two months!
9
00:00:32,741 --> 00:00:35,285
- We ended up in Greece.
- Are you complaining?
10
00:00:35,535 --> 00:00:39,080
Wasn't it worth it? The beaches, Mykonos!
11
00:00:39,164 --> 00:00:41,332
A beautiful and exciting people...
12
00:00:42,375 --> 00:00:45,211
Let's go this way.
I've got a good feeling. Come on.
13
00:00:45,295 --> 00:00:47,839
- A good feeling...
- That's what scares me.
14
00:00:48,882 --> 00:00:54,387
THE FIRST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
15
00:01:00,518 --> 00:01:02,812
Are they still living
at that manger house?
16
00:01:02,896 --> 00:01:04,731
- Yes.
- I don't mean to criticize,
17
00:01:04,814 --> 00:01:06,900
but Joseph could've bought
a better place by now.
18
00:01:06,983 --> 00:01:08,735
- With what money?
- Isn't he a carpenter?
19
00:01:08,818 --> 00:01:10,945
Yeah, the worst carpenter
in the whole world.
20
00:01:11,029 --> 00:01:12,864
I asked him to make me a table once.
21
00:01:12,947 --> 00:01:16,993
It was so uneven that I used it
to level my old table.
22
00:01:17,077 --> 00:01:19,162
Seriously, after 30 years,
nobody knows the way?
23
00:01:19,245 --> 00:01:21,956
It's too far, Gaspar.
It's impossible to remember.
24
00:01:22,040 --> 00:01:24,751
That's why only animals
go to their parties.
25
00:01:24,834 --> 00:01:25,710
It's Thelma!
26
00:01:25,794 --> 00:01:28,922
- Thelma! No? Is it her?
- Who, Melchior?
27
00:01:29,214 --> 00:01:31,341
- No, it's not Thelma.
- Who's Thelma?
28
00:01:31,424 --> 00:01:33,802
A Roman girl I met at a crucifixion.
29
00:01:33,885 --> 00:01:36,054
We made plans
to go to Jesus' house together.
30
00:01:36,137 --> 00:01:38,139
You are bringing Thelma
to the Lord's house?
31
00:01:38,223 --> 00:01:41,434
Why not? Isn't my name on the list?
"Melchior" means "Melchior plus one."
32
00:01:41,518 --> 00:01:44,646
You can't bring someone you just picked up
to a family party, Melchior.
33
00:01:44,729 --> 00:01:47,816
Gaspar, no one will notice Thelma
in all that chaos.
34
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What chaos? It's an intimate get-together!
35
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It's a very select group.
36
00:01:52,237 --> 00:01:53,738
- That's annoying too.
- What?
37
00:01:53,822 --> 00:01:56,324
They only invite us to baptisms,
baby showers, bridal showers.
38
00:01:56,407 --> 00:01:57,700
It's like we're a bunch of old maids.
39
00:01:57,784 --> 00:02:00,537
You're starting to sound crazy.
Come on, the star, let's go.
40
00:02:00,620 --> 00:02:02,080
- It's tough for me.
- What?
41
00:02:02,163 --> 00:02:05,166
The long walk, buying gifts, it's...
42
00:02:05,250 --> 00:02:07,961
Buying gifts?
We saw you plucking those back there.
43
00:02:08,044 --> 00:02:10,505
- You've just picked them.
- It's the thought that counts.
44
00:02:11,005 --> 00:02:13,508
- The guy is God's son.
- What, he doesn't like flowers?
45
00:02:13,591 --> 00:02:16,970
Just so you know,
I'm bringing snacks to the party.
46
00:02:17,053 --> 00:02:18,638
- Now let's go. What?
- Melchior!
47
00:02:18,721 --> 00:02:20,348
You're a magi, not a caterer.
48
00:02:20,431 --> 00:02:23,601
My ham and cheese roll is so good
you'll wanna rub your face in it.
49
00:02:24,018 --> 00:02:26,354
They're Jews
and you're bringing pork, dumbass?
50
00:02:26,855 --> 00:02:27,897
Did I say pork?
51
00:02:28,273 --> 00:02:29,691
I said ham!
52
00:02:29,774 --> 00:02:32,193
Nobody has to eat it
if they don't want to.
53
00:02:32,277 --> 00:02:34,654
The Shiva worshippers will be there.
54
00:02:34,737 --> 00:02:37,031
- They'll eat it. Now let's go.
- Who are they?
55
00:02:37,115 --> 00:02:38,908
- Quit arguing.
- All right!
56
00:02:40,535 --> 00:02:43,037
Guys, the place is too quiet.
57
00:02:43,329 --> 00:02:46,499
I'm embarrassed I invited Thelma
to such a lousy party.
58
00:02:46,583 --> 00:02:48,376
Judging by the silence, lousy indeed.
59
00:02:48,459 --> 00:02:50,879
- It's boring.
- Well, we could...
60
00:02:50,962 --> 00:02:52,255
- Let's get out of here.
- No.
61
00:02:52,338 --> 00:02:53,631
Let's go before someone sees us.
62
00:02:53,715 --> 00:02:57,760
No, we go in but say we can't stay
'cause we have other plans.
63
00:02:57,844 --> 00:02:59,512
- Great! Other plans.
- Okay?
64
00:02:59,596 --> 00:03:01,806
- Got it, Gaspar?
- Yes, it's all good.
65
00:03:01,890 --> 00:03:03,391
- All right, let's go.
- Come on.
66
00:03:04,934 --> 00:03:06,436
- Don't you ever knock?
- It was open, man.
67
00:03:06,519 --> 00:03:08,354
- It's not here.
- It is.
68
00:03:08,438 --> 00:03:09,981
- It's so dark in here.
- Hello?
69
00:03:10,064 --> 00:03:12,066
Surprise!
70
00:03:13,985 --> 00:03:16,571
- Holy shit, that must have hurt!
- Are you nuts?
71
00:03:16,654 --> 00:03:19,157
- He scared me!
- You punched me!
72
00:03:19,240 --> 00:03:21,701
- Oh, Lord, pour your blessing...
- What's this?
73
00:03:21,784 --> 00:03:23,369
- No!
- That ain't Jesus, Auntie!
74
00:03:23,453 --> 00:03:25,580
You're fucking strong. Goddammit!
75
00:03:26,164 --> 00:03:27,749
Gosh! Are you demented, Aunt?
76
00:03:27,832 --> 00:03:31,085
- Happy birthday to you...
- It's not him, Auntie!
77
00:03:31,169 --> 00:03:32,420
Enough, Auntie.
78
00:03:32,503 --> 00:03:35,757
Stop. Clean the shredded papyrus
off the floor, will you?
79
00:03:35,840 --> 00:03:37,258
- That's enough.
- It was a hard job.
80
00:03:38,134 --> 00:03:40,762
Come on in.
Surprise parties can't start late.
81
00:03:40,845 --> 00:03:45,099
I'm late because I was buying him
these beautiful flowers.
82
00:03:46,059 --> 00:03:49,103
- Has everyone brought flowers?
- But mine has many colors.
83
00:03:49,187 --> 00:03:51,189
- They are all colorful.
- No.
84
00:03:51,272 --> 00:03:53,524
- What's up, Three Wise Men?
- Hi, Joseph.
85
00:03:53,608 --> 00:03:56,110
- Would you like a drink?
- Yeah, sure.
86
00:03:56,194 --> 00:03:57,487
What have you got?
87
00:03:57,570 --> 00:03:59,614
- We've got water.
- Water?
88
00:03:59,697 --> 00:04:01,574
From a little waterfall next door.
89
00:04:01,950 --> 00:04:04,661
It's small, but the water is purified
by the rocks.
90
00:04:04,744 --> 00:04:06,663
- Very tasty.
- But it's water?
91
00:04:07,288 --> 00:04:10,416
There's no wine because
Jesus doesn't do miracles yet.
92
00:04:10,500 --> 00:04:12,961
How will Jesus do
finding out about being God's son?
93
00:04:13,044 --> 00:04:14,712
- With all the miracles and stuff?
- Yeah.
94
00:04:14,796 --> 00:04:15,796
He'll be fine!
95
00:04:15,838 --> 00:04:17,173
- He's so sweet.
- You startled me.
96
00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:18,591
He really is sweet.
97
00:04:18,675 --> 00:04:19,759
I'll mention it.
98
00:04:19,842 --> 00:04:22,720
I wrote a speech for the moment,
from my heart.
99
00:04:22,804 --> 00:04:24,597
- You wrote it?
- It's lovely.
100
00:04:25,473 --> 00:04:28,309
I made some drawings too,
so I think he'll get it.
101
00:04:28,393 --> 00:04:30,144
- He's 30 years old, huh, Joseph?
- Thirty!
102
00:04:30,228 --> 00:04:33,439
- Time flies.
- Is that myrrh?
103
00:04:34,357 --> 00:04:35,858
- Did you bring myrrh again?
- Darling.
104
00:04:35,942 --> 00:04:36,942
Wait a minute.
105
00:04:36,985 --> 00:04:39,404
- What's wrong with myrrh?
- Someone's gotta say it.
106
00:04:39,487 --> 00:04:41,072
First the flowers, now the myrrh.
107
00:04:41,155 --> 00:04:43,116
- I'll bring nothing next year.
- Calm down.
108
00:04:43,199 --> 00:04:45,285
- Does that work for you?
- I told you.
109
00:04:45,368 --> 00:04:46,786
- What did you say?
- Baltha.
110
00:04:46,869 --> 00:04:47,954
Don't "Baltha" me.
111
00:04:48,037 --> 00:04:49,872
- Respect royalty, Mary.
- You've changed.
112
00:04:49,956 --> 00:04:52,125
Mary! He's a king!
113
00:04:52,208 --> 00:04:54,419
- It went to his head.
- Don't do that, please!
114
00:04:54,502 --> 00:04:57,505
- I told you.
- I brought the food you wanted.
115
00:04:57,588 --> 00:04:58,798
See? He likes me.
116
00:04:58,881 --> 00:05:01,926
- Let's see. It's not pork, right?
- It's tasty.
117
00:05:02,010 --> 00:05:03,386
- Smells good.
- Is it okay?
118
00:05:03,469 --> 00:05:04,469
Holy shit!
119
00:05:04,929 --> 00:05:06,681
It's delicious. You can't stop eating.
120
00:05:07,056 --> 00:05:08,599
It is delicious. What's in it?
121
00:05:09,225 --> 00:05:12,061
- That's...
- Soy! It's soy.
122
00:05:12,145 --> 00:05:14,480
- Melchior made it.
- Soy, huh?
123
00:05:14,856 --> 00:05:17,150
- Soy, yeah.
- How do you make it?
124
00:05:18,568 --> 00:05:21,321
Well, it's just like a ham roll.
125
00:05:21,404 --> 00:05:24,866
You roll the dough with the soy on it,
and that's that.
126
00:05:24,949 --> 00:05:27,285
- Then bake it.
- But how do you cook the soy?
127
00:05:27,618 --> 00:05:29,662
Does she think I'm Palmirinha?
128
00:05:29,746 --> 00:05:32,290
I've actually invited her.
But can't you tell me?
129
00:05:32,373 --> 00:05:34,917
- Well, soy is about individual taste.
- Don't be silly!
130
00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:36,002
Tell me.
131
00:05:36,085 --> 00:05:37,670
- I've never had this. It's yummy.
- I...
132
00:05:37,754 --> 00:05:41,007
I personally like to make it...
with free-range soy.
133
00:05:41,424 --> 00:05:45,261
Right? It's out in the field,
getting exercise,
134
00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:47,847
eating grass,
drinking water from the creek.
135
00:05:48,222 --> 00:05:52,101
And when it reaches
the right age and weight,
136
00:05:52,185 --> 00:05:54,812
you slaughter it,
cut its neck with an axe.
137
00:05:54,896 --> 00:05:57,690
Butcher the soy and that's it. Right?
138
00:05:57,774 --> 00:05:58,858
Yeah, that's it.
139
00:05:59,275 --> 00:06:01,402
Axe the neck? I'm not sure I follow.
140
00:06:01,486 --> 00:06:04,364
It's Melchior's family secret! Right?
141
00:06:04,447 --> 00:06:06,407
It's Mom's thing. You know her.
142
00:06:06,657 --> 00:06:08,368
Didn't your mom use to breed pigs?
143
00:06:08,576 --> 00:06:11,496
- It was soy.
- Quiet. Jesus's here.
144
00:06:11,788 --> 00:06:12,663
Get down.
145
00:06:12,747 --> 00:06:13,956
Turn off the lights.
146
00:06:20,254 --> 00:06:22,507
- Surprise!
- Surprise!
147
00:06:22,590 --> 00:06:23,633
Fuck!
148
00:06:24,509 --> 00:06:25,760
Dammit, Leonor!
149
00:06:25,843 --> 00:06:29,263
- Are you trying to kill me?
- I don't think I'll survive this party.
150
00:06:29,347 --> 00:06:31,849
- Oh, Lord, pour your blessing...
- Are you an idiot, Auntie?
151
00:06:31,933 --> 00:06:34,685
- Where's Jesus?
- He was spending 40 days in the desert.
152
00:06:34,769 --> 00:06:36,187
But he'll be here soon.
153
00:06:36,270 --> 00:06:38,606
Forty days is too long, honey.
154
00:06:38,689 --> 00:06:39,941
Why? What's wrong?
155
00:06:40,024 --> 00:06:42,026
He's finding himself, leave him be.
156
00:06:42,110 --> 00:06:45,196
I do. I'm just worried,
I'm his father, Mary.
157
00:06:45,279 --> 00:06:46,489
We all know that, stop it.
158
00:06:46,572 --> 00:06:48,783
- I'm a father, I feel..
- That's quite an assertion...
159
00:06:48,866 --> 00:06:50,576
- Hey.
- Oh, my God.
160
00:06:53,663 --> 00:06:54,872
You've got something here.
161
00:06:57,792 --> 00:07:00,128
Darling, did you really invite him?
162
00:07:00,211 --> 00:07:03,756
Did you want me not to invite his father?
163
00:07:03,840 --> 00:07:06,300
His father? Are you kidding me, Mary?
164
00:07:06,801 --> 00:07:10,179
- He told me he wasn't coming, Joseph.
- Wait. What?
165
00:07:10,263 --> 00:07:12,640
- When did you talk to him?
- Well...
166
00:07:12,723 --> 00:07:14,892
- "Well" what, Mary?
- I don't know. Yesterday.
167
00:07:14,976 --> 00:07:17,812
Yesterday? How?
I spent the entire day with you.
168
00:07:17,895 --> 00:07:20,356
- Tell me the truth.
- You're so annoying.
169
00:07:20,440 --> 00:07:22,150
- Am I?
- Last night, whatever.
170
00:07:22,233 --> 00:07:24,193
- At night.
- What? At night?
171
00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:25,987
- Yeah.
- While I was asleep?
172
00:07:26,070 --> 00:07:27,405
- Good evening.
- Fuck.
173
00:07:27,488 --> 00:07:29,532
- Good evening. How are you?
- How are you?
174
00:07:30,491 --> 00:07:32,660
I brought you both a small gift.
175
00:07:33,411 --> 00:07:36,706
- Thank you. You shouldn't have.
- Really shouldn't have.
176
00:07:36,789 --> 00:07:39,375
- For both of us.
- Wow! Great, thanks.
177
00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:42,253
Beautifully wrapped, I love the fabric.
178
00:07:43,296 --> 00:07:44,380
Look, Joseph!
179
00:07:44,464 --> 00:07:47,592
Didn't I say to you we needed a painting
to brighten up the house?
180
00:07:47,675 --> 00:07:48,676
It's our family. Look.
181
00:07:49,051 --> 00:07:50,970
I remember you saying that.
182
00:07:52,388 --> 00:07:55,933
- What? You remember?
- It's a figure of speech.
183
00:07:56,017 --> 00:07:57,810
He's been listening
to our conversations?
184
00:07:57,894 --> 00:08:00,563
- Don't make a scene.
- This is invasion of privacy.
185
00:08:00,646 --> 00:08:02,273
- It's abuse of power!
- We love the gift!
186
00:08:02,356 --> 00:08:03,232
Yes, we do.
187
00:08:03,316 --> 00:08:05,109
- Thank you.
- I'm glad you like it.
188
00:08:05,193 --> 00:08:06,694
- I'm really happy.
- It's beautiful.
189
00:08:06,777 --> 00:08:09,155
Did you see it? I'm only half-painted!
190
00:08:09,238 --> 00:08:11,073
- That's art!
- Art?
191
00:08:11,532 --> 00:08:14,118
The artist didn't have time
to finish painting everyone.
192
00:08:14,911 --> 00:08:16,704
He didn't have time? Great artist.
193
00:08:16,787 --> 00:08:18,706
- What's his name?
- It's me.
194
00:08:20,166 --> 00:08:21,667
Aren't you the Almighty God?
195
00:08:21,751 --> 00:08:23,961
Isn't the Heavenly Father perfect?
196
00:08:24,045 --> 00:08:26,756
But you barely finish a painting?
197
00:08:27,256 --> 00:08:30,551
I had a lot of things to do, Joseph.
198
00:08:30,635 --> 00:08:32,678
He's mocking me, Mary.
199
00:08:32,762 --> 00:08:34,722
I also brought an angel food cake.
200
00:08:35,181 --> 00:08:37,808
But don't worry, no angels were harmed
in the making of it!
201
00:08:39,477 --> 00:08:41,062
- Come on.
- "No angels were harmed."
202
00:08:42,063 --> 00:08:45,107
- Mary, please!
- Have you lost your sense of humor?
203
00:08:45,191 --> 00:08:47,235
That joke is so old that Noah told it.
204
00:08:47,610 --> 00:08:49,695
I'll tell this one to Jesus,
so he can spread it.
205
00:08:50,071 --> 00:08:52,240
- Make yourself at home.
- Oh, it practically is.
206
00:08:52,823 --> 00:08:55,660
- Is he kidding me?
- Are you gonna ruin the party?
207
00:08:55,743 --> 00:08:58,913
Okay. Hey, look!
Is your stand-up show over?
208
00:08:58,996 --> 00:09:00,248
Are you done?
209
00:09:00,331 --> 00:09:03,000
Here's your applause. Now go away.
210
00:09:04,502 --> 00:09:07,046
- What's going on, guys?
- Son!
211
00:09:07,672 --> 00:09:10,341
- Surprise!
- Surprise!
212
00:09:10,591 --> 00:09:11,592
Oh, boy.
213
00:09:12,051 --> 00:09:14,637
Give me a hug, honey!
214
00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:17,181
Wow! We have a full house!
215
00:09:17,265 --> 00:09:19,892
That's nobody. Go away.
He's nobody, guys.
216
00:09:19,976 --> 00:09:23,187
- Jay said everyone would be sleeping.
- Do I sing again?
217
00:09:23,271 --> 00:09:25,815
- No, Auntie.
- She's so cute. I love your outfit.
218
00:09:25,940 --> 00:09:27,817
- Whose birthday is it?
- No one. Me.
219
00:09:27,900 --> 00:09:31,904
You monster, you didn't tell me!
I didn't buy you a gift!
220
00:09:31,988 --> 00:09:34,991
- Your hair's all messed up.
- He's something else.
221
00:09:35,074 --> 00:09:36,909
Who is he? Introduce your friend.
222
00:09:36,993 --> 00:09:38,411
- Who's who?
- It's me!
223
00:09:38,494 --> 00:09:40,246
- I'm Orlando.
- How are you?
224
00:09:40,329 --> 00:09:41,581
How's it going?
225
00:09:41,706 --> 00:09:43,874
Introductions are not needed,
he's leaving.
226
00:09:43,958 --> 00:09:45,209
Where is he from?
227
00:09:45,293 --> 00:09:47,128
From the desert, Dad. You don't know him.
228
00:09:47,545 --> 00:09:49,839
- What do you mean?
- From the desert, I...
229
00:09:49,922 --> 00:09:51,257
Auntie Lupita!
230
00:09:51,340 --> 00:09:52,633
Is he a queer?
231
00:09:53,175 --> 00:09:55,511
- 'Cause the other one here is a black.
- No!
232
00:09:55,595 --> 00:09:57,221
- Don't mind her...
- Let her be.
233
00:09:57,305 --> 00:09:58,305
Eat this.
234
00:09:58,806 --> 00:10:00,558
Take her away. Now!
235
00:10:00,641 --> 00:10:03,185
My aunt says the same thing
about lepers and lefties.
236
00:10:03,269 --> 00:10:04,604
Come back later.
237
00:10:06,022 --> 00:10:08,024
Mom, you have to tell me
about these things.
238
00:10:08,107 --> 00:10:11,611
How was I supposed to know
you were spending 40 days out there?
239
00:10:11,694 --> 00:10:13,654
You didn't tell me! Imagine how I felt.
240
00:10:13,738 --> 00:10:18,159
You're right, I'm sorry.
I love the party you threw me.
241
00:10:18,242 --> 00:10:19,410
I'm so sorry, Mom.
242
00:10:19,493 --> 00:10:22,455
How did you know
I was coming back today?
243
00:10:22,538 --> 00:10:24,040
- Your uncle...
- Hey.
244
00:10:24,123 --> 00:10:26,000
- Uncle Vittorio! I've missed you.
- Hey, champ.
245
00:10:26,083 --> 00:10:29,420
- How are you?
- I'm fine.
246
00:10:29,503 --> 00:10:31,505
- What about that beard?
- Do you like it?
247
00:10:31,589 --> 00:10:33,633
- Yeah, I love it.
- It's the desert.
248
00:10:33,716 --> 00:10:36,010
- We let ourselves go a little bit.
- You grew it out.
249
00:10:36,093 --> 00:10:39,930
- But why did you shave your chest?
- It's... Well, it's for swimming.
250
00:10:40,014 --> 00:10:41,182
- Swimming?
- Jesus!
251
00:10:41,265 --> 00:10:43,976
My dear son, my big boy.
252
00:10:44,060 --> 00:10:47,980
The son I have cared for
and loved for 30 years now.
253
00:10:48,064 --> 00:10:50,608
I've got you a gift, kiddo.
254
00:10:50,691 --> 00:10:52,610
Dad made you something beautiful.
255
00:10:52,693 --> 00:10:55,154
- Wow! For me?
- Yeah, for you!
256
00:10:55,237 --> 00:10:57,198
- How does it work?
- Listen, son.
257
00:10:57,281 --> 00:10:58,658
Check it out, just for you.
258
00:11:07,750 --> 00:11:10,086
We get the concept already.
259
00:11:10,169 --> 00:11:12,838
- We see it's a charming little flute.
- Thanks a lot.
260
00:11:12,922 --> 00:11:15,549
I've also made you a present. Here it is.
261
00:11:17,426 --> 00:11:18,886
- Check it out.
- Oh, my!
262
00:11:19,261 --> 00:11:20,930
You can even play
with just one hand. Watch.
263
00:11:34,026 --> 00:11:35,026
Shush!
264
00:11:35,152 --> 00:11:36,779
- What a great sound.
- Very good!
265
00:11:36,862 --> 00:11:38,614
Do that on the flute, Joseph!
266
00:11:38,698 --> 00:11:40,950
It's... it's a different beast.
267
00:11:41,033 --> 00:11:42,243
It sure is.
268
00:11:42,326 --> 00:11:43,953
I'll teach you to play the Beatles later.
269
00:11:44,036 --> 00:11:45,246
- What's that?
- Jay!
270
00:11:45,329 --> 00:11:47,456
I'm in love with your family.
271
00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:50,292
I was telling Auntie Lupita how we met.
272
00:11:50,376 --> 00:11:51,585
I don't think she gets it.
273
00:11:51,669 --> 00:11:53,921
- No need for that.
- It's a great story!
274
00:11:54,004 --> 00:11:56,090
- It's not interesting at all.
- It sure is!
275
00:11:56,173 --> 00:11:57,425
Let the man eat.
276
00:11:57,508 --> 00:11:59,135
I was just getting to that part.
277
00:11:59,218 --> 00:12:00,136
No!
278
00:12:00,219 --> 00:12:01,554
Not that! Are you crazy?
279
00:12:01,637 --> 00:12:03,222
- Why?
- I was about to tell...
280
00:12:03,305 --> 00:12:06,100
- Nobody wants to know.
- Let him talk, we want to know.
281
00:12:06,183 --> 00:12:08,102
- He doesn't know how to tell it.
- Don't I?
282
00:12:08,185 --> 00:12:10,479
I was bathing in an oasis.
283
00:12:10,563 --> 00:12:12,189
- I was naked.
- And then?
284
00:12:12,273 --> 00:12:14,442
And then I asked for directions.
285
00:12:14,525 --> 00:12:16,902
- I asked and he gave it to me.
- You bet I did.
286
00:12:16,986 --> 00:12:18,195
I sure gave it to him.
287
00:12:18,279 --> 00:12:19,113
Aunt Lupita!
288
00:12:19,196 --> 00:12:21,574
Oh, Lord, pour your blessing...
289
00:12:21,657 --> 00:12:23,951
- No, don't pour your drink!
- That's not it!
290
00:12:24,160 --> 00:12:25,369
Stop it!
291
00:12:25,911 --> 00:12:29,123
Give it to me.
She's naive, she doesn't understand.
292
00:12:29,206 --> 00:12:31,500
- Give me your hand...
- Jesus, let me tell you something.
293
00:12:33,210 --> 00:12:35,463
There's a sensitive talk coming up.
294
00:12:35,546 --> 00:12:39,216
Relax, fill your heart with love
and get ready.
295
00:12:39,300 --> 00:12:42,470
- Look, keep an open mind.
- Keep an open mind.
296
00:12:42,887 --> 00:12:44,430
- Open mind.
- All right.
297
00:12:44,513 --> 00:12:47,016
It's so annoying. Okay. What's up?
298
00:12:47,099 --> 00:12:48,392
- Son...
- Yeah.
299
00:12:48,476 --> 00:12:51,103
Your father, Uncle Vittorio and I
want to talk to you in private.
300
00:12:51,187 --> 00:12:52,229
What is going on?
301
00:12:52,605 --> 00:12:54,440
- It's important.
- What is it? Say it.
302
00:12:54,523 --> 00:12:55,900
It's delicate. I've found...
303
00:12:55,983 --> 00:12:57,985
Did you find my diary?
304
00:12:58,068 --> 00:12:59,403
You went through my things!
305
00:12:59,487 --> 00:13:01,071
Do I open your drawers?
306
00:13:01,739 --> 00:13:03,866
There's nothing in my diary!
307
00:13:04,283 --> 00:13:06,577
This is so annoying,
I have no privacy in this house!
308
00:13:06,660 --> 00:13:07,745
That's why I'm leaving!
309
00:13:07,828 --> 00:13:10,331
Am I the only one
who can't have relationships?
310
00:13:10,414 --> 00:13:13,417
- Jesus...
- Is it a crime for a boy to have dreams?
311
00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:16,796
Can't I dream about a cousin?
I have blood in my veins!
312
00:13:18,339 --> 00:13:20,007
- What diary?
- You didn't find it?
313
00:13:20,090 --> 00:13:22,218
- It's not about a diary.
- There's no dairy, you guys!
314
00:13:22,593 --> 00:13:24,428
I don't have a diary! What?
315
00:13:25,596 --> 00:13:27,640
I thought it would be
a good time for us to talk.
316
00:13:27,723 --> 00:13:29,558
Oh, that's it? So let's talk right here.
317
00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:32,520
Not here, son.
Let's go to our room, please.
318
00:13:32,603 --> 00:13:33,771
- Why?
- It's for the best.
319
00:13:34,188 --> 00:13:36,649
- Shall we, please?
- Orlando, make yourself at home.
320
00:13:36,732 --> 00:13:39,276
I get along with everyone, you know that.
321
00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:41,320
Lupita and I are besties already.
322
00:13:41,403 --> 00:13:44,281
Plus, I'm in love with this king's bling.
323
00:13:44,365 --> 00:13:45,199
It's gold.
324
00:13:45,282 --> 00:13:47,493
No kidding!
325
00:13:48,410 --> 00:13:50,955
I can't believe it. What rock is that?
326
00:14:10,683 --> 00:14:14,103
My dear, you know
we love you a lot, right?
327
00:14:16,272 --> 00:14:19,066
Honey... let me do the talking.
328
00:14:19,900 --> 00:14:21,068
I'll say it, I...
329
00:14:21,360 --> 00:14:23,571
- Okay.
- I've been preparing myself...
330
00:14:24,363 --> 00:14:28,325
for 30 years for this moment,
so let me say it.
331
00:14:30,286 --> 00:14:31,453
Jesus...
332
00:14:34,039 --> 00:14:36,166
we're here to tell you that...
333
00:14:36,750 --> 00:14:39,169
- I'm your father.
- Son of a bitch!
334
00:14:39,253 --> 00:14:41,839
- What was that?
- You fucking son of a bitch!
335
00:14:41,922 --> 00:14:44,717
- What?
- He knew I wanted to say it, Mary.
336
00:14:44,800 --> 00:14:46,260
He was gonna find out.
337
00:14:46,343 --> 00:14:48,762
But we agreed I would fucking tell him!
338
00:14:48,846 --> 00:14:51,140
What's happening?
Uncle Vittorio is my father?
339
00:14:51,515 --> 00:14:54,143
- There's no Uncle Vittorio, I'm God.
- He doesn't know how to say it!
340
00:14:54,226 --> 00:14:55,644
I invented speech, darling.
341
00:14:55,728 --> 00:14:58,063
You're so full of yourself,
You have no tact.
342
00:14:59,356 --> 00:15:00,441
- Look, son.
- Stepson.
343
00:15:00,524 --> 00:15:02,067
He's my son, your stepson at best.
344
00:15:02,526 --> 00:15:04,486
- You're an absent father!
- Absent?
345
00:15:04,570 --> 00:15:07,156
I'm omnipresent, I'm always here.
346
00:15:07,239 --> 00:15:09,033
He jerks off, I'm right next to him.
347
00:15:09,116 --> 00:15:11,243
What? That's not right.
348
00:15:11,327 --> 00:15:13,746
- He's so vulgar, he...
- That's enough.
349
00:15:14,246 --> 00:15:16,790
Is it over?
Are we not respecting each other anymore?
350
00:15:16,874 --> 00:15:20,711
Mom, just to be clear.
Uncle Vittorio is God?
351
00:15:20,794 --> 00:15:21,879
There's no Uncle Vittorio!
352
00:15:21,962 --> 00:15:22,962
I'm sorry.
353
00:15:23,964 --> 00:15:26,884
We made that up
so you wouldn't get confused.
354
00:15:26,967 --> 00:15:29,136
I'm God and your father.
That's what you need to know.
355
00:15:29,219 --> 00:15:32,389
What about Joseph? How are we related?
356
00:15:32,473 --> 00:15:35,309
Joseph is... how can I say this?
He's a surrogate father.
357
00:15:35,684 --> 00:15:38,270
He makes me so angry
when he says shit like that!
358
00:15:38,354 --> 00:15:41,398
- He's like a babysitter.
- I'll throw an armoire at him.
359
00:15:41,482 --> 00:15:44,276
Try to make a curved staircase,
an open concept kitchen, bro.
360
00:15:44,360 --> 00:15:45,986
I'll break a plank on your neck,
you prick!
361
00:15:46,070 --> 00:15:48,197
- I annihilated dinosaurs with a fart.
- Fuck off!
362
00:15:48,489 --> 00:15:51,116
So you and Mom...
363
00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:52,660
- No.
- No?
364
00:15:52,743 --> 00:15:54,036
Nothing happened between us.
365
00:15:54,119 --> 00:15:55,119
- Nothing.
- Nothing.
366
00:15:55,162 --> 00:15:57,039
Please. Not a all.
367
00:15:57,915 --> 00:15:58,915
I mean...
368
00:16:00,209 --> 00:16:01,752
- What?
- "I mean" what?
369
00:16:02,169 --> 00:16:03,754
- Well...
- "Well" what?
370
00:16:03,837 --> 00:16:07,049
- Did you forget about the...
- What does he mean, Mary?
371
00:16:07,132 --> 00:16:08,759
- What?
- What was that, Mary?
372
00:16:08,842 --> 00:16:11,929
- There was... penetration.
- What did you say, fucker?
373
00:16:12,012 --> 00:16:13,681
- Repeat what you just said!
- Stop it!
374
00:16:13,764 --> 00:16:15,808
- You don't know me!
- Joseph!
375
00:16:15,891 --> 00:16:17,101
Are you crazy?
376
00:16:17,184 --> 00:16:19,812
- Chill out, dude.
- Show some respect!
377
00:16:19,895 --> 00:16:22,648
- I can penetrate you too.
- I'm friends with a Roman!
378
00:16:22,731 --> 00:16:24,233
Mary, calm Joey down.
379
00:16:24,316 --> 00:16:26,026
- Joey my ass, man!
- Joey...
380
00:16:26,110 --> 00:16:28,153
- I make axe handles!
- Hey!
381
00:16:28,237 --> 00:16:30,072
- Don't mess with me.
- Hey! Cut it out!
382
00:16:30,155 --> 00:16:33,117
- The boy's upset. Are you happy?
- I don't understand!
383
00:16:33,575 --> 00:16:36,328
Honey, 30 years ago,
384
00:16:36,537 --> 00:16:40,457
archangel Gabriel said I would give birth
to God's son, and I said yes.
385
00:16:40,541 --> 00:16:42,543
Then your father...
386
00:16:42,626 --> 00:16:45,754
I mean, your adoptive father, Joseph,
387
00:16:46,255 --> 00:16:49,425
the best man I've ever met,
also said yes.
388
00:16:49,508 --> 00:16:51,844
- I'm God's son?
- Exactly.
389
00:16:51,927 --> 00:16:55,139
Now I need you to spread the word.
390
00:16:55,222 --> 00:16:56,598
- What word?
- Mine.
391
00:16:57,141 --> 00:16:59,226
You say it to one person,
who will say it to other two,
392
00:16:59,309 --> 00:17:01,145
who'll say it to other three and so forth.
393
00:17:01,228 --> 00:17:02,354
Like a pyramid scheme?
394
00:17:03,272 --> 00:17:06,483
Relax, son. Life has plans for you.
395
00:17:06,567 --> 00:17:08,610
What about my plans? Huh?
396
00:17:08,944 --> 00:17:10,779
What about my dreams? My calling?
397
00:17:11,113 --> 00:17:13,532
- What is it, honey?
- I'm glad you asked, Mom.
398
00:17:13,615 --> 00:17:16,744
I was in the desert doing exactly that,
trying to find my calling.
399
00:17:16,827 --> 00:17:19,288
What I realized, with Orlando's help,
is that...
400
00:17:19,371 --> 00:17:21,874
I want to specialize in juggling.
401
00:17:24,877 --> 00:17:26,920
- What?
- Juggling...
402
00:17:28,672 --> 00:17:30,424
Let's forget about juggling.
403
00:17:30,507 --> 00:17:32,551
You now have superpowers.
404
00:17:32,676 --> 00:17:33,676
What do you mean?
405
00:17:35,345 --> 00:17:38,599
- Let me just...
- What? What's up?
406
00:17:38,682 --> 00:17:40,309
Nothing, just...
407
00:17:40,392 --> 00:17:41,643
See this?
408
00:17:42,936 --> 00:17:43,936
Done.
409
00:17:44,271 --> 00:17:45,731
He's crazy, what the...
410
00:17:47,066 --> 00:17:49,443
- Your arm, Joseph!
- What have you done?
411
00:17:49,526 --> 00:17:52,071
Joseph, calm down. What is this?
412
00:17:52,738 --> 00:17:54,990
What have you done to my dad?
413
00:17:55,991 --> 00:17:57,618
Stay with me, look at me.
414
00:17:57,910 --> 00:17:59,995
- Stay with me.
- Is that my arm?
415
00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:02,122
Look at this!
-God's people...
416
00:18:02,581 --> 00:18:04,291
Put it back, work a miracle.
417
00:18:04,917 --> 00:18:07,127
I've never done this. Excuse me, Dad.
418
00:18:07,503 --> 00:18:08,837
Calm down, man!
419
00:18:08,921 --> 00:18:10,089
Easy. Don't...
420
00:18:10,672 --> 00:18:12,591
I think it's in. It should be working.
421
00:18:12,674 --> 00:18:14,510
Fucking asshole!
422
00:18:14,593 --> 00:18:16,011
- That was easy.
- It fucking hurts!
423
00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:18,305
- Did I do that?
- Never do that again!
424
00:18:18,388 --> 00:18:20,474
If you do that again, you won't...
425
00:18:20,557 --> 00:18:21,642
He did it again!
426
00:18:21,725 --> 00:18:23,977
Why are you doing this?
Joseph, stay with me.
427
00:18:24,061 --> 00:18:24,978
Look at his arm.
428
00:18:25,062 --> 00:18:26,605
Joseph? No!
429
00:18:26,980 --> 00:18:27,980
Joseph.
430
00:18:28,023 --> 00:18:30,275
- Put it back, it hurts!
- Hold on!
431
00:18:30,359 --> 00:18:32,778
I think I have to twist it,
it's not about strength.
432
00:18:33,278 --> 00:18:34,279
See?
433
00:18:35,864 --> 00:18:38,158
- I'm quite liking this.
- I told you.
434
00:18:38,242 --> 00:18:41,161
You have to understand
that you're God now.
435
00:18:42,788 --> 00:18:45,874
- Okay, but...
- Now you can do anything.
436
00:18:46,750 --> 00:18:49,169
Can I go backpacking with Orlando?
437
00:18:49,795 --> 00:18:50,712
Almost anything.
438
00:18:50,796 --> 00:18:53,257
Honey, you have different challenges now.
439
00:18:54,758 --> 00:18:57,302
I don't know. I liked my life before.
440
00:19:03,350 --> 00:19:06,728
I'm not sure I want new challenges, Mom.
441
00:19:08,272 --> 00:19:09,898
But being God's son is a blessing.
442
00:19:09,982 --> 00:19:12,025
I think I'd rather be Joseph's son.
443
00:19:15,112 --> 00:19:16,196
Suck it!
444
00:19:16,488 --> 00:19:18,157
Joseph doesn't have money.
445
00:19:18,323 --> 00:19:21,285
He doesn't have powers, talent,
446
00:19:21,368 --> 00:19:23,787
not even the respect of the community.
447
00:19:23,871 --> 00:19:27,499
He's not even ashamed of these things,
but he allows me to be who I am.
448
00:19:27,583 --> 00:19:29,585
Thanks, champ. I love you too.
449
00:19:30,002 --> 00:19:32,421
Did I ever have a choice in my life?
450
00:19:32,713 --> 00:19:37,301
Or was everything decided by those
who didn't even check with me?
451
00:19:38,427 --> 00:19:41,346
I know it's a lot to process now, Jesus,
452
00:19:42,264 --> 00:19:44,308
but your life has a greater purpose.
453
00:19:46,393 --> 00:19:48,770
- I need to think.
- Leave him alone for now.
454
00:19:48,854 --> 00:19:49,854
- Okay.
- Come on.
455
00:19:51,148 --> 00:19:52,232
- Let's go.
- Okay.
456
00:19:53,066 --> 00:19:56,320
Let's go.
Jesus wants to think about all this.
457
00:19:56,403 --> 00:19:58,405
Sure, you can go.
458
00:19:58,655 --> 00:20:00,949
He wants to be alone.
459
00:20:01,033 --> 00:20:03,202
Yeah, but in my case,
it doesn't make a difference.
460
00:20:03,285 --> 00:20:05,579
- I'll "leave" then.
- Let me talk to him.
461
00:20:05,662 --> 00:20:06,662
Hey.
462
00:20:07,497 --> 00:20:08,832
I'm sorry, son.
463
00:20:08,916 --> 00:20:10,542
- I spaced out for a bit.
- I'm sorry.
464
00:20:10,626 --> 00:20:12,711
Could you maybe
snap your fingers like this?
465
00:20:12,794 --> 00:20:15,923
Just raise your hand.
Give me your hand, here.
466
00:20:16,632 --> 00:20:18,217
Guys, the water turned into wine!
467
00:20:18,300 --> 00:20:20,260
- Thank you, son.
- Joseph.
468
00:20:20,677 --> 00:20:22,804
- Do you hear that? What's that?
- I do.
469
00:20:32,522 --> 00:20:34,191
God is very good
470
00:20:34,441 --> 00:20:37,069
He created the world in seven days
471
00:20:37,152 --> 00:20:39,112
And sometime after that
472
00:20:39,196 --> 00:20:42,157
He drowned his kids, hey!
473
00:20:42,282 --> 00:20:46,495
He created Adam and Eve
Who had sex with each other
474
00:20:46,578 --> 00:20:51,541
Are we only here because what happened
Between a sister and brother?
475
00:20:52,042 --> 00:20:56,546
Let us not dwell on the details
We must have faith
476
00:20:57,005 --> 00:21:01,385
God is Almighty
But he doesn't make a lot of sense
477
00:21:01,969 --> 00:21:06,390
Jesus Christ, his firstborn
He is so fantastic
478
00:21:06,807 --> 00:21:10,394
In the heat of the desert
I saw the size of his huge...
479
00:21:10,477 --> 00:21:11,477
Power
480
00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:12,938
- So beautiful!
- Bravo!
481
00:21:13,897 --> 00:21:15,023
Thank you!
482
00:21:15,107 --> 00:21:18,026
I'm still working on my rhymes.
It'll get better.
483
00:21:18,110 --> 00:21:20,279
I'll sing another one later.
484
00:21:20,362 --> 00:21:23,323
I wrote a very religious song
about it raining men.
485
00:21:23,407 --> 00:21:24,533
- You'll love it.
- Sure.
486
00:21:24,908 --> 00:21:26,368
- Let's eat.
- Let's eat!
487
00:21:26,451 --> 00:21:28,120
Let's eat!
488
00:21:28,412 --> 00:21:30,664
- Wasn't dinner served already?
- Can you play this?
489
00:21:30,747 --> 00:21:34,042
This... I can use as a wedge.
The keyboard is wobbling.
490
00:21:34,793 --> 00:21:36,169
Joseph, you got this one right!
491
00:21:36,753 --> 00:21:38,255
Guys, this is Thelma.
492
00:21:38,338 --> 00:21:44,094
Hi! It was hard to find the place,
but I did and here I am.
493
00:21:45,095 --> 00:21:47,014
- Who's Thelma?
- She's a friend.
494
00:21:47,347 --> 00:21:48,181
A friend of mine.
495
00:21:48,265 --> 00:21:50,183
- Would you like a little nibble?
- I charge upfront.
496
00:21:50,892 --> 00:21:52,894
Didn't I tell you to dress decently?
497
00:21:53,270 --> 00:21:56,481
- And I did. This is decent.
- You must be cold.
498
00:21:56,565 --> 00:21:58,608
- Nope, I'm pretty hot.
- No, that's great.
499
00:21:58,692 --> 00:22:01,903
- You're great like that.
- You don't feel cold in the bedroom.
500
00:22:02,904 --> 00:22:05,032
- Mary, my pleasure.
- One of the Pontius' girls?
501
00:22:05,115 --> 00:22:08,035
No! Mary is the birthday boy's mother.
502
00:22:08,118 --> 00:22:09,995
She's his mother, it's her house.
503
00:22:10,078 --> 00:22:12,456
MILF? Wow, congratulations.
504
00:22:12,539 --> 00:22:14,124
You could make big bucks.
505
00:22:14,833 --> 00:22:15,833
What do you mean?
506
00:22:15,876 --> 00:22:18,879
She's just praising how religious we are.
507
00:22:18,962 --> 00:22:21,298
- Mary is virgin, so please...
- Virgin?
508
00:22:22,007 --> 00:22:23,550
- Would she like some work?
- Deal with it.
509
00:22:23,633 --> 00:22:25,969
- I'll handle it.
- Come here, I gotta talk to you.
510
00:22:26,053 --> 00:22:28,889
My finders fee is 30%.
Do you have sparkling wine?
511
00:22:28,972 --> 00:22:30,807
Yes, we have wine.
512
00:22:30,891 --> 00:22:32,267
Leonor, here.
513
00:22:32,601 --> 00:22:33,894
I'm Jesus' father.
514
00:22:33,977 --> 00:22:35,729
- Cool!
- I make custom furniture.
515
00:22:35,812 --> 00:22:37,814
If you need anything, just holler.
516
00:22:37,898 --> 00:22:40,484
Shush! Of course she's not a prostitute!
517
00:22:45,572 --> 00:22:46,865
She's just hungry.
518
00:22:46,948 --> 00:22:49,409
She's either a whore or an ostrich.
Which one is it?
519
00:22:49,493 --> 00:22:52,245
She's just a person who doesn't
want to be oppressed
520
00:22:52,329 --> 00:22:55,248
in a sexist system,
in this society you live in.
521
00:22:55,332 --> 00:22:57,876
- Is that so?
- So tell her... Oh, my!
522
00:22:57,959 --> 00:23:00,545
Tell her to abide by the rules
of this society for today.
523
00:23:02,005 --> 00:23:03,340
Look, Melchior!
524
00:23:03,423 --> 00:23:05,175
You're such a bully!
525
00:23:05,550 --> 00:23:07,052
- Oh, am I?
- You are.
526
00:23:07,135 --> 00:23:09,054
You criticize all my girlfriends!
527
00:23:09,137 --> 00:23:10,764
I could punch you in the face.
528
00:23:11,056 --> 00:23:14,184
- Thelma, come here...
- Sparkling wine!
529
00:23:14,267 --> 00:23:15,685
- Here!
- Take mine!
530
00:23:15,769 --> 00:23:17,187
Try mine, it's sweet.
531
00:23:17,270 --> 00:23:19,815
- Who put raisins in the rice?
- I did!
532
00:23:19,898 --> 00:23:21,942
I cooked this entire spread.
533
00:23:22,025 --> 00:23:24,569
- I also added cloves to the turkey.
- But why, Joseph?
534
00:23:24,653 --> 00:23:28,323
Apples straight from our backyard
to the potato salad. It's delicious!
535
00:23:28,407 --> 00:23:30,659
And there's no chocolate cake
this year, folks!
536
00:23:30,742 --> 00:23:33,245
Guess what?
The surprise is a walnut cake
537
00:23:33,328 --> 00:23:36,665
with three layers
of juicy prunes and rum...
538
00:23:36,748 --> 00:23:39,251
Joseph, tell you what,
don't change anything else.
539
00:23:39,334 --> 00:23:41,753
Come on, Baltha,
you must try the candied fruit.
540
00:23:41,837 --> 00:23:43,338
- I loved it!
- Did you, Orlando?
541
00:23:43,422 --> 00:23:46,049
I did! I only missed cilantro
on these dishes.
542
00:23:46,133 --> 00:23:47,968
- I forgot! I have some.
- Add it now.
543
00:23:48,051 --> 00:23:49,886
Mary knows where it is.
Where's Mary?
544
00:23:50,262 --> 00:23:52,347
- Isn't she with Jay?
- Maybe.
545
00:23:52,431 --> 00:23:54,307
- What's that?
- Production left it here.
546
00:23:54,391 --> 00:23:56,268
- I'll add cilantro.
- There's no need!
547
00:23:56,351 --> 00:23:58,353
- Trust me.
- Let's start Secret Santa!
548
00:23:58,437 --> 00:24:00,439
Good call, Mary.
Let's start Secret Santa!
549
00:24:00,814 --> 00:24:01,982
Mine's Balthasar.
550
00:24:02,607 --> 00:24:04,151
You can't say who, Auntie
551
00:24:04,234 --> 00:24:05,485
Is it charades, then?
552
00:24:06,903 --> 00:24:10,532
Geez, Aunt Lupita is on borrowed time
in this world.
553
00:24:10,615 --> 00:24:14,161
I didn't bring a gift, but I can give
a one-hour gift certificate.
554
00:24:14,244 --> 00:24:16,621
Like, let's say my Secret Santa is you.
555
00:24:22,335 --> 00:24:23,712
Cool party, huh?
556
00:24:24,337 --> 00:24:26,131
- It's just incense.
- It's me, Mary.
557
00:24:26,965 --> 00:24:28,300
Those folks are cool.
558
00:24:28,383 --> 00:24:30,051
Have you seen Joseph around?
559
00:24:30,427 --> 00:24:31,636
Huh? Have you?
560
00:24:32,137 --> 00:24:34,931
- Are you gonna keep running from me?
- Show some respect.
561
00:24:35,015 --> 00:24:36,516
- When, Mary?
- Show some respect.
562
00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:38,393
You're no secret smoker, I know you.
563
00:24:38,477 --> 00:24:40,562
- I've been in your head.
- This is my house, Vittorio.
564
00:24:40,645 --> 00:24:42,772
I love it when you call me that
to tease me.
565
00:24:42,856 --> 00:24:43,773
Stop it, Vittorio.
566
00:24:43,857 --> 00:24:46,860
I love this manger and goat poo smell.
567
00:24:46,943 --> 00:24:48,737
- Stop it.
- I've just created a big rock.
568
00:24:48,820 --> 00:24:50,405
- Do you feel it?
- I do
569
00:24:52,574 --> 00:24:54,451
And that's how Noah
put the animals in the ark.
570
00:24:54,534 --> 00:24:56,203
Cool story, God.
571
00:24:56,536 --> 00:24:57,787
We're looking for...
572
00:24:57,871 --> 00:25:00,165
We're looking for everyone.
573
00:25:00,248 --> 00:25:01,458
Aren't you Melchior's guest?
574
00:25:01,541 --> 00:25:04,169
Yes, Melchior. I wonder...
575
00:25:04,252 --> 00:25:07,255
if he's not there in the bushes.
576
00:25:07,339 --> 00:25:11,218
- No one left the house.
- I think I'll take a look anyway.
577
00:25:11,593 --> 00:25:12,593
What for?
578
00:25:13,094 --> 00:25:15,514
Wow, I smell tobacco.
579
00:25:15,597 --> 00:25:16,765
- There he is.
- Is he?
580
00:25:16,848 --> 00:25:18,266
- Go straight.
- Over there.
581
00:25:18,350 --> 00:25:20,310
I saw him there in the shadows.
582
00:25:22,395 --> 00:25:24,397
- This is crazy.
- I know, right?
583
00:25:25,982 --> 00:25:27,776
- Let's leave this place.
- What are you doing?
584
00:25:27,859 --> 00:25:29,694
- Let's run away together.
- Stop it.
585
00:25:30,028 --> 00:25:32,906
Humanity's already compromised,
it may as well explode.
586
00:25:33,156 --> 00:25:34,032
- So?
- No.
587
00:25:34,115 --> 00:25:37,244
I'll build us a hotel by the beach.
You'll have your own business.
588
00:25:37,327 --> 00:25:38,703
I can't.
589
00:25:38,787 --> 00:25:41,289
You can do anything.
I've waited 30 years for this.
590
00:25:41,373 --> 00:25:42,666
What if Jesus doesn't accept it?
591
00:25:42,958 --> 00:25:44,668
I'll find some other idiot.
592
00:25:44,793 --> 00:25:46,878
- Anyone can be in charge here.
- Let me talk to him.
593
00:25:46,962 --> 00:25:49,839
- Do you want to go to another planet?
- Stop it, Vittorio.
594
00:25:49,923 --> 00:25:51,466
- Let's go to Mars.
- Stop it.
595
00:25:51,550 --> 00:25:52,842
- Let's go to Jupiter.
- Please...
596
00:25:52,926 --> 00:25:54,386
- Or Uranus.
- You'll talk like that?
597
00:25:54,469 --> 00:25:57,013
- Uranus is far away, Uranus is hot.
- Don't talk like that.
598
00:25:57,097 --> 00:25:59,808
- But I'll keep you cool with my beard.
- Your voice.
599
00:25:59,891 --> 00:26:01,434
You know what it can do.
600
00:26:01,518 --> 00:26:03,770
You don't have to use that voice.
601
00:26:03,853 --> 00:26:05,021
- Stop it!
- What's wrong?
602
00:26:05,105 --> 00:26:07,399
Stop it, Vittorio. Are you insane?
603
00:26:07,482 --> 00:26:09,651
- Mary, you're messing with my life.
- You're insane!
604
00:26:09,734 --> 00:26:11,861
- You're fucking with my head.
- What's going on?
605
00:26:11,945 --> 00:26:13,196
You drive me insane, Mary.
606
00:26:13,280 --> 00:26:14,280
- Come here.
- Stop it.
607
00:26:14,322 --> 00:26:16,241
I've just created another rock. Feel it.
608
00:26:16,324 --> 00:26:17,576
- Mary!
- Oh, my! It's Joseph.
609
00:26:17,659 --> 00:26:19,411
It's Joseph. He's coming.
610
00:26:19,494 --> 00:26:21,580
Go. He'll see us.
611
00:26:21,663 --> 00:26:23,331
Mary?
612
00:26:23,665 --> 00:26:25,166
Where's this woman?
613
00:26:25,250 --> 00:26:27,252
- Do you want me to make him blind?
- Stop it.
614
00:26:27,335 --> 00:26:28,753
- It'll be quick.
- Stop.
615
00:26:28,837 --> 00:26:30,672
Want me to give him a limp?
It's trendy now.
616
00:26:30,755 --> 00:26:33,383
- There's two on every corner.
- Well, perhaps...
617
00:26:33,466 --> 00:26:36,052
- Let's do this.
- Stop it! I'm going crazy.
618
00:26:37,929 --> 00:26:40,640
- Promise you'll think about it?
- I'll talk to Jesus first.
619
00:26:40,724 --> 00:26:42,601
You deserve a man who values you.
620
00:26:42,684 --> 00:26:44,811
- All right, let me go.
- Go.
621
00:26:46,187 --> 00:26:47,522
For the sake of me.
622
00:26:50,191 --> 00:26:51,860
- May I help you?
- Excuse me.
623
00:26:52,235 --> 00:26:54,112
- Where are you going?
- I live here.
624
00:26:54,613 --> 00:26:56,865
- Jesus is resting.
- What?
625
00:26:57,240 --> 00:27:00,410
He was exhausted.
But I'll let him know you came by.
626
00:27:00,493 --> 00:27:01,828
Okay? Later.
627
00:27:01,911 --> 00:27:03,455
- I'm his mother.
- I know.
628
00:27:03,538 --> 00:27:06,416
- Would you like to leave a note?
- Don't tease me, okay?
629
00:27:06,499 --> 00:27:08,793
I know where you came from.
I know your type.
630
00:27:08,877 --> 00:27:10,629
I'm know people
who had fathers kill their sons.
631
00:27:11,087 --> 00:27:13,632
- It's Mary, right?
- Mrs. Mary for you.
632
00:27:13,715 --> 00:27:16,468
I'll call you Maricota.
Maricota, Jay is exhausted.
633
00:27:16,551 --> 00:27:19,846
Those 40 days in the desert
were entrancing.
634
00:27:19,929 --> 00:27:23,141
He did a lot of things
he didn't even know he could.
635
00:27:23,224 --> 00:27:25,393
So shall we let him rest, Minnie?
636
00:27:26,061 --> 00:27:27,812
First of all, "Minnie" my ass.
637
00:27:28,104 --> 00:27:30,607
Okay? Yeah. This is the true Mary.
638
00:27:30,690 --> 00:27:34,194
This is the real Proud Mary,
the one who steps on the serpent's head.
639
00:27:34,277 --> 00:27:36,446
And my son won't be manipulated
by a desert beggar.
640
00:27:36,529 --> 00:27:39,658
- It's not begging, it's volunteering.
- I'll tell you what.
641
00:27:39,741 --> 00:27:41,159
I'll get into that room,
642
00:27:41,242 --> 00:27:44,204
or your next volunteering job
will be for an NGO,
643
00:27:44,287 --> 00:27:46,247
rescuing from the bottom of the Dead Sea
644
00:27:46,331 --> 00:27:47,957
your rotten, half-eaten balls.
645
00:27:48,041 --> 00:27:50,126
- Geez Louise!
- Excuse me. Thank you.
646
00:27:50,418 --> 00:27:51,670
So aggressive.
647
00:27:52,545 --> 00:27:54,047
Jesus. Did you lock it?
648
00:27:54,130 --> 00:27:56,800
- He probably did.
- He never locks his door.
649
00:27:56,883 --> 00:27:59,427
Let your bird fly, Minnie.
650
00:27:59,511 --> 00:28:00,511
Jesus!
651
00:28:01,596 --> 00:28:04,057
He's asleep, it must be the tea.
652
00:28:04,432 --> 00:28:06,267
- What tea?
- He was feeling confused.
653
00:28:06,351 --> 00:28:09,145
He said he needed to think,
to ease his mind,
654
00:28:09,229 --> 00:28:10,814
so I made him a tea.
655
00:28:10,897 --> 00:28:14,984
- What kind of tea?
- I found it hidden in your kitchen.
656
00:28:15,485 --> 00:28:18,071
- Did you use Joseph's tea for glaucoma?
- Is it strong?
657
00:28:18,154 --> 00:28:19,239
How much did you use?
658
00:28:19,322 --> 00:28:23,493
Jesus was thirsty, poor thing.
He drank it all.
659
00:28:24,953 --> 00:28:25,953
Honey?
660
00:28:26,246 --> 00:28:28,039
This tea is good stuff.
661
00:28:28,123 --> 00:28:29,666
It's Mom, baby.
662
00:28:30,583 --> 00:28:32,502
- Honey?
- Orlando?
663
00:28:33,545 --> 00:28:35,171
- Honey?
- Orlando!
664
00:28:52,939 --> 00:28:56,568
- Life has other plans for you.
- Your life has a greater purpose.
665
00:28:56,651 --> 00:28:57,986
CONGRATULATIONS ADULT JESUS
XXX YEARS
666
00:28:58,069 --> 00:28:59,738
Keep an open mind.
667
00:28:59,821 --> 00:29:01,322
Is he a queer?
668
00:29:01,406 --> 00:29:04,159
How Jesus will do
finding out about being God's son?
669
00:29:04,242 --> 00:29:07,328
You have to understand
that you're God now.
670
00:29:08,037 --> 00:29:10,081
Now you can do anything.
671
00:29:12,292 --> 00:29:13,460
Where am I?
672
00:29:14,461 --> 00:29:16,671
You're inside your head.
673
00:29:21,885 --> 00:29:22,927
Who are you?
674
00:29:23,386 --> 00:29:25,930
We've all been through this dilemma.
675
00:29:26,014 --> 00:29:28,057
I'm Buddha, he's Shiva.
676
00:29:30,143 --> 00:29:33,062
- Who are you?
- Tom Cruise will explain it one day.
677
00:29:33,146 --> 00:29:35,940
And there's Jah,
but he's hard to reach.
678
00:29:36,024 --> 00:29:39,194
I could eat some beans, if you have any.
679
00:29:39,527 --> 00:29:41,780
There's Allah too. Look.
680
00:29:43,531 --> 00:29:45,617
Allah's gonna be right back, right?
681
00:29:45,700 --> 00:29:48,286
Yeah, he's very shy.
682
00:29:48,369 --> 00:29:50,538
Aren't you supposed to have four arms?
683
00:29:50,622 --> 00:29:52,582
Fuck. Agnaldo!
684
00:29:52,874 --> 00:29:55,794
Hold on, I'm coming. Sorry! On my way.
685
00:29:55,877 --> 00:29:59,047
Just a minute, sorry.
I was on my lunch break.
686
00:29:59,422 --> 00:30:00,465
Hello, everyone.
687
00:30:00,548 --> 00:30:02,300
- Take your place.
- Calm down.
688
00:30:04,010 --> 00:30:06,721
Jesus, being a God is super fun.
689
00:30:07,347 --> 00:30:09,390
- I had other plans.
- We all did.
690
00:30:09,474 --> 00:30:11,601
Do you think I wanted to be here,
all painted in blue,
691
00:30:11,684 --> 00:30:15,021
- being rubbed from behind by Agnaldo?
- I'm not having fun either.
692
00:30:15,104 --> 00:30:16,104
But why me?
693
00:30:16,356 --> 00:30:17,357
Bottling up anger
694
00:30:17,440 --> 00:30:20,527
is like holding burning coal
to throw at someone.
695
00:30:20,610 --> 00:30:22,612
- You get burned.
- Cut the shit, Buddha!
696
00:30:22,695 --> 00:30:23,571
What?
697
00:30:23,655 --> 00:30:26,157
Every time you don't know
the answer to something,
698
00:30:26,241 --> 00:30:28,409
you make something up
to pretend you know it all.
699
00:30:28,493 --> 00:30:29,911
And you know nothing.
700
00:30:29,994 --> 00:30:32,747
- I know more than you.
- What's the meaning of life?
701
00:30:32,831 --> 00:30:35,250
Well, the meaning of life...
702
00:30:35,333 --> 00:30:37,460
is a leaf floating down a river,
703
00:30:37,544 --> 00:30:39,796
with no water, no borders, just...
704
00:30:39,879 --> 00:30:43,716
These ridiculous clichés
only work with your followers.
705
00:30:43,800 --> 00:30:46,511
- It doesn't pan out here, honey.
- Admit you don't know!
706
00:30:46,594 --> 00:30:48,388
I could eat some ice cream.
707
00:30:48,847 --> 00:30:50,223
Guys, let's focus.
708
00:30:50,306 --> 00:30:52,016
What are you afraid of, Jesus?
709
00:30:52,475 --> 00:30:56,062
I'm afraid of failing,
of being misinterpreted.
710
00:30:56,145 --> 00:30:58,898
Just write everything down.
No one will get it wrong.
711
00:30:58,982 --> 00:31:01,025
But am I the right person for this?
712
00:31:01,442 --> 00:31:02,694
Relax, man!
713
00:31:02,777 --> 00:31:06,406
People are gullible.
They'll literally believe in anything.
714
00:31:06,489 --> 00:31:07,782
Look at me!
715
00:31:08,199 --> 00:31:10,493
Look at Shiva! Look at this guy!
716
00:31:10,577 --> 00:31:11,577
Want a drag?
717
00:31:11,744 --> 00:31:13,746
Do you think I have to accept it?
718
00:31:13,830 --> 00:31:17,166
I think this opportunity
won't come knocking again, man.
719
00:31:17,542 --> 00:31:20,044
Well, thank you, you've cleared my head.
720
00:31:20,128 --> 00:31:21,296
That's it, Jesus.
721
00:31:21,588 --> 00:31:23,590
Keep on learning and...
722
00:31:23,673 --> 00:31:26,009
- What the hell!
- I can't stand him!
723
00:31:26,092 --> 00:31:27,302
- Enough!
- What's the matter?
724
00:31:27,385 --> 00:31:29,429
- I can't take this!
- I was just saying...
725
00:31:29,512 --> 00:31:30,722
He's fucking annoying!
726
00:31:30,805 --> 00:31:33,516
Calm down, everyone.
You don't need to do that.
727
00:31:33,600 --> 00:31:34,684
I'm leaving.
728
00:31:34,767 --> 00:31:36,144
High five.
729
00:31:36,477 --> 00:31:38,813
- Where's the other one?
- Hey, bro.
730
00:31:39,230 --> 00:31:43,151
Did you realize you'll be father and son
at the same time?
731
00:31:43,234 --> 00:31:46,237
- That shit's dope, bro.
- Don't mind him, he's long gone.
732
00:31:46,321 --> 00:31:47,906
I'm high as a kite.
733
00:31:58,166 --> 00:31:59,459
Where am I?
734
00:32:02,086 --> 00:32:03,086
Oh, shit.
735
00:32:04,505 --> 00:32:05,632
Damn it!
736
00:32:12,305 --> 00:32:15,433
I'll name this painting
The Baptism of God's New Son.
737
00:32:19,145 --> 00:32:20,521
- Damn it!
- No?
738
00:32:21,439 --> 00:32:23,191
- Again?
- I can't believe it.
739
00:32:23,274 --> 00:32:25,151
- It'll work this time.
- Are you sure?
740
00:32:25,234 --> 00:32:26,694
You tried so many times...
741
00:32:26,778 --> 00:32:28,363
Actually, the red looks a bit...
742
00:32:28,446 --> 00:32:30,281
You know what? It's done.
743
00:32:30,365 --> 00:32:32,075
You're all set.
744
00:32:32,158 --> 00:32:34,786
And you've been baptized.
I do this and we're done.
745
00:32:34,869 --> 00:32:35,954
Thanks God!
746
00:32:36,037 --> 00:32:37,330
What's going on?
747
00:32:37,413 --> 00:32:39,624
- Jesus!
- Thank you, Lord!
748
00:32:39,707 --> 00:32:41,459
He's back!
749
00:32:41,918 --> 00:32:43,211
He's back!
750
00:32:43,294 --> 00:32:45,129
I knew you'd come back.
751
00:32:45,546 --> 00:32:47,382
- I'm so glad.
- Came back from where?
752
00:32:47,465 --> 00:32:49,092
You were gone for a week.
753
00:32:49,175 --> 00:32:50,885
It felt like five minutes.
754
00:32:50,969 --> 00:32:52,929
Joseph's tea is strong, I told you.
755
00:32:53,012 --> 00:32:55,515
We thought you'd given up on your mission.
756
00:32:55,598 --> 00:32:58,267
- No, I was just thinking about it.
- Jay, relax.
757
00:32:58,351 --> 00:32:59,936
I told them who you really are.
758
00:33:00,019 --> 00:33:03,898
I told them you're wild.
You're a naughty Capricorn,
759
00:33:03,982 --> 00:33:05,817
sometimes too naughty.
760
00:33:06,192 --> 00:33:07,610
Look, Orlando...
761
00:33:07,694 --> 00:33:11,447
The Three Wise Men helped me.
762
00:33:11,531 --> 00:33:14,951
And you're absolutely right,
no one can choose your path.
763
00:33:15,034 --> 00:33:16,953
Orlando was a blessing in this household.
764
00:33:17,036 --> 00:33:19,080
- Stop it, you!
- He was!
765
00:33:19,163 --> 00:33:22,542
Do the stand-up bit about me
telling Abraham to kill his son again.
766
00:33:22,625 --> 00:33:23,501
I'll do it!
767
00:33:23,584 --> 00:33:27,964
On my way here,
I ran across Abraham with an axe.
768
00:33:28,047 --> 00:33:29,799
- I said, "Abraham!"...
- I know that one.
769
00:33:29,882 --> 00:33:33,386
He didn't write it.
You're stealing someone's joke!
770
00:33:33,886 --> 00:33:35,847
- Jeez!
- I'm here to say exactly...
771
00:33:35,930 --> 00:33:37,348
Jay, chill out.
772
00:33:37,432 --> 00:33:40,435
- What's up?
- You're too late. I'm God's son now.
773
00:33:40,727 --> 00:33:42,270
You can go back to Joseph.
774
00:33:42,979 --> 00:33:43,979
Orlando.
775
00:33:44,355 --> 00:33:46,482
I think it's time you call me Lucifer.
776
00:33:46,941 --> 00:33:49,152
- Holy fuck.
- Call me Lucifer.
777
00:33:49,485 --> 00:33:54,240
It was so easy to tempt you
back in the desert, Jesus.
778
00:33:54,323 --> 00:33:55,324
What do you mean?
779
00:33:55,408 --> 00:33:57,118
I did it in the blink of an eye.
780
00:33:58,828 --> 00:34:02,040
I can't believe you were someone else
this whole time.
781
00:34:03,374 --> 00:34:04,751
Were you using me, bro?
782
00:34:05,793 --> 00:34:07,253
I believed you, dude.
783
00:34:08,463 --> 00:34:10,006
I thought it was real,
784
00:34:10,089 --> 00:34:11,841
I thought I was special.
785
00:34:11,924 --> 00:34:14,844
But, no, you were just using me.
786
00:34:14,927 --> 00:34:16,637
You're toxic, you know that?
787
00:34:17,889 --> 00:34:19,223
You fuckboi!
788
00:34:23,269 --> 00:34:25,521
- Lucifer, I order you...
- Out!
789
00:34:28,691 --> 00:34:29,691
My God!
790
00:34:30,026 --> 00:34:33,071
Wow, I like this power!
791
00:34:33,654 --> 00:34:35,490
You're done, grandpa!
792
00:34:35,573 --> 00:34:38,493
God's time is over.
793
00:34:38,576 --> 00:34:41,496
- His son will have to take over.
- I said I'll do it if...
794
00:34:41,579 --> 00:34:44,540
I took over his power, I'm his son.
795
00:34:44,624 --> 00:34:47,168
Who will be my first lady?
796
00:34:49,295 --> 00:34:50,171
Gross.
797
00:34:50,254 --> 00:34:53,007
I can't seem to find it... Hey!
798
00:34:53,466 --> 00:34:55,843
Take your hands off my wife right now...
799
00:34:57,887 --> 00:34:58,888
Goddamn!
800
00:35:00,556 --> 00:35:02,600
I'll make the world great again!
801
00:35:03,309 --> 00:35:04,811
It's time for my revenge.
802
00:35:12,068 --> 00:35:15,696
- They can be in Cinderella now!
- My godfathers!
803
00:35:15,780 --> 00:35:17,740
Son, I don't know what's happening to me.
804
00:35:18,241 --> 00:35:19,992
Only you can save us.
805
00:35:24,288 --> 00:35:25,288
Orlando.
806
00:35:28,459 --> 00:35:30,378
It can be the easy way
or the hard way.
807
00:35:31,671 --> 00:35:32,922
Look at her!
808
00:35:43,057 --> 00:35:44,308
Seriously? Fish?
809
00:35:45,143 --> 00:35:47,603
Sorry, I'm still learning.
810
00:35:48,604 --> 00:35:50,022
Mary, go grab some bread.
811
00:35:51,440 --> 00:35:53,442
I'll show you some real skills.
812
00:35:53,901 --> 00:35:54,901
Oh, my God.
813
00:36:05,496 --> 00:36:07,248
It's useless, Jesus.
814
00:36:07,331 --> 00:36:09,792
You're not strong enough to fight me.
815
00:36:09,876 --> 00:36:10,876
Join me.
816
00:36:11,169 --> 00:36:13,296
Let's rule the world together.
817
00:36:13,838 --> 00:36:16,924
Nobody will be able to stop us.
818
00:36:18,634 --> 00:36:19,802
I'll show you skills.
819
00:36:19,886 --> 00:36:23,639
It's no use trying.
I can do whatever I want with you.
820
00:36:25,391 --> 00:36:27,685
That's it. Spin.
821
00:36:27,768 --> 00:36:30,021
Spin, spin, and stop!
822
00:36:30,104 --> 00:36:32,148
Do the Macarena now!
823
00:36:32,565 --> 00:36:35,568
Hand on your head, that's it!
824
00:36:35,651 --> 00:36:38,821
Can you twerk? Go all the way down.
825
00:36:38,905 --> 00:36:40,740
You got it, queen!
826
00:36:40,823 --> 00:36:41,991
All right. Show me.
827
00:36:42,074 --> 00:36:43,242
That's it.
828
00:36:43,659 --> 00:36:45,578
Do the limbo dance, come on.
829
00:36:45,661 --> 00:36:47,997
There you go. Let me see.
830
00:36:48,080 --> 00:36:51,667
That's right. On one leg now.
831
00:36:53,294 --> 00:36:55,213
Run from the dragon! Where is it?
832
00:36:55,296 --> 00:36:57,006
There he is! Run!
833
00:36:57,089 --> 00:36:59,634
You're a hobbit! Get the diamond!
834
00:36:59,717 --> 00:37:01,761
Get it from the cave
and run from the dragon.
835
00:37:01,844 --> 00:37:04,764
It spat fire at you! Get down!
836
00:37:05,139 --> 00:37:08,392
Get up! Grab the diamond.
Go into the cave!
837
00:37:08,726 --> 00:37:11,103
And... cut! I'm tired.
838
00:37:28,955 --> 00:37:30,998
Come on, Mary. Dance!
839
00:37:31,457 --> 00:37:33,125
Dance!
840
00:37:44,512 --> 00:37:47,473
Mice! There are mice here!
841
00:37:48,683 --> 00:37:52,853
Son, he is among us.
842
00:37:57,108 --> 00:38:00,236
Orlando, you... you're right.
843
00:38:00,319 --> 00:38:01,612
I know.
844
00:38:01,696 --> 00:38:03,030
God's time is over.
845
00:38:03,114 --> 00:38:04,156
That's right.
846
00:38:05,283 --> 00:38:07,243
And there can only be one God's son
on Earth.
847
00:38:07,326 --> 00:38:09,870
I like smart people.
848
00:38:09,954 --> 00:38:11,956
And that son...
849
00:38:12,665 --> 00:38:14,875
he can be anywhere.
850
00:38:17,044 --> 00:38:18,087
What do you mean?
851
00:38:19,588 --> 00:38:21,382
He is among us.
852
00:38:21,465 --> 00:38:23,384
I'm not sure I follow.
853
00:38:23,843 --> 00:38:25,970
God is everywhere.
854
00:38:26,637 --> 00:38:29,432
I see him right there with a broken hip.
855
00:38:30,057 --> 00:38:34,020
But he is also inside each one of us,
856
00:38:35,313 --> 00:38:36,814
including you.
857
00:38:38,816 --> 00:38:40,318
How's that? I'm not sure I...
858
00:38:40,401 --> 00:38:41,401
No?
859
00:38:42,361 --> 00:38:43,361
What's this?
860
00:38:50,494 --> 00:38:52,830
What? Where's Jesus?
861
00:38:54,915 --> 00:38:57,918
Forget it, he left. He's a coward.
862
00:38:58,419 --> 00:38:59,920
He knows he can't...
863
00:39:00,880 --> 00:39:01,881
He knows...
864
00:39:03,424 --> 00:39:06,093
I'm feeling... He kno...
865
00:39:09,096 --> 00:39:12,391
I ate something that didn't agree with me.
866
00:39:13,392 --> 00:39:15,019
It's just heartburn.
867
00:39:25,863 --> 00:39:27,281
Fuck you!
868
00:39:29,200 --> 00:39:30,493
- Joseph!
- Mary!
869
00:39:30,576 --> 00:39:31,786
- Are you all right?
- Yeah.
870
00:39:31,869 --> 00:39:32,869
Look at me.
871
00:39:35,331 --> 00:39:36,331
What's this?
872
00:39:37,375 --> 00:39:38,542
Oh, my God, Balthasar.
873
00:39:41,253 --> 00:39:43,130
Is this jam?
874
00:39:45,383 --> 00:39:47,760
I saw mice around here.
875
00:39:48,052 --> 00:39:49,178
Where are they?
876
00:39:49,887 --> 00:39:51,722
Do you get now why I need you, son?
877
00:39:52,848 --> 00:39:53,849
Yes, Dad.
878
00:39:54,141 --> 00:39:56,560
Evil always comes back.
879
00:39:56,644 --> 00:39:57,812
It's unbelievable.
880
00:39:58,187 --> 00:40:00,398
- Are you all right, Jesus?
- I am now, Mom.
881
00:40:00,856 --> 00:40:02,233
Shoo! Go away, mice!
882
00:40:02,316 --> 00:40:05,277
I'm glad you've accepted
your mission, son.
883
00:40:06,195 --> 00:40:07,655
I haven't accepted yet, Dad.
884
00:40:07,738 --> 00:40:09,532
What do you mean?
885
00:40:09,615 --> 00:40:12,868
- You just said you understand.
- I do, but I haven't accepted it.
886
00:40:12,952 --> 00:40:15,371
I'm not sure
I'm ready to let go of everything.
887
00:40:16,163 --> 00:40:19,291
Besides, it's not a good fit for me,
you know? I...
888
00:40:19,708 --> 00:40:22,795
I'm not sure I agree with your style.
889
00:40:22,878 --> 00:40:25,256
Getting a father to kill his son
just for laughs.
890
00:40:25,339 --> 00:40:28,300
Turning an entire city into stone
after killing everyone.
891
00:40:28,384 --> 00:40:31,387
Holding Jonas inside a fucking whale
for a whole month.
892
00:40:31,637 --> 00:40:33,139
That's wrong.
893
00:40:33,222 --> 00:40:35,891
I'm into juggling, beads,
894
00:40:35,975 --> 00:40:37,184
music,
895
00:40:37,268 --> 00:40:38,519
poetry...
896
00:40:39,228 --> 00:40:41,063
I know our styles are different.
897
00:40:41,564 --> 00:40:43,983
Sometimes my pranks go too far.
898
00:40:44,066 --> 00:40:45,192
But hear me out.
899
00:40:45,276 --> 00:40:47,236
You just turned 30, right?
900
00:40:47,736 --> 00:40:51,532
So how about we try
a three-year internship?
901
00:40:51,615 --> 00:40:53,284
- Is that possible?
- Sure.
902
00:40:53,367 --> 00:40:56,412
If you don't want to do it
when you turn 33,
903
00:40:56,954 --> 00:41:00,416
I'll find someone else
and you go back to your poetry,
904
00:41:00,875 --> 00:41:03,461
your music and all that.
905
00:41:03,544 --> 00:41:05,588
Wait. Is this for real?
906
00:41:05,671 --> 00:41:08,215
If I change my mind three years from now,
907
00:41:08,299 --> 00:41:10,759
everything goes back to how it was?
908
00:41:10,843 --> 00:41:13,012
Absolutely. At 33, you're free to go.
909
00:41:13,679 --> 00:41:14,680
Promise?
910
00:41:15,347 --> 00:41:16,474
I'm God, I don't lie.
911
00:41:17,224 --> 00:41:20,102
Okay. But under one condition.
912
00:41:20,811 --> 00:41:22,021
What is it?
913
00:41:24,273 --> 00:41:27,109
I want to choose the twelve men
who'll follow me.
914
00:41:27,776 --> 00:41:29,361
Oh, I see.
915
00:41:30,529 --> 00:41:32,781
You know it doesn't have to be men, right?
916
00:41:32,865 --> 00:41:34,617
They could be women.
917
00:41:34,700 --> 00:41:37,536
I know, but I already have
twelve guys in mind.
918
00:41:38,412 --> 00:41:41,123
- Of course you do.
- Hey, what happened?
919
00:41:41,207 --> 00:41:43,042
- Son of a bitch!
- What the heck!
920
00:41:43,125 --> 00:41:44,125
He's dead.
921
00:41:44,168 --> 00:41:47,046
He scared the shit out of me.
He came out of nowhere.
922
00:41:47,129 --> 00:41:50,591
There's no need for that.
That's what I was talking about.
923
00:41:50,674 --> 00:41:52,510
Resurrect him already.
924
00:41:52,927 --> 00:41:55,554
- What's that fire over there?
- Where?
925
00:41:55,638 --> 00:41:57,223
Mary, come with me.
926
00:41:57,306 --> 00:41:58,807
- No. I can't.
- Come quick.
927
00:41:59,183 --> 00:42:01,477
In this house, a fire
would spread in a heartbeat.
928
00:42:01,894 --> 00:42:03,812
I want to create a girl with you.
929
00:42:03,896 --> 00:42:05,981
- Where's the fire?
- Nowhere. Stop it.
930
00:42:06,065 --> 00:42:07,274
- What?
- Nothing.
931
00:42:07,691 --> 00:42:09,151
It's so unnecessary.
932
00:42:09,902 --> 00:42:11,153
There you go.
933
00:42:14,323 --> 00:42:16,408
- Say goodbye to your mom.
- Bye, son.
934
00:42:16,492 --> 00:42:18,661
Bye, Mom. Thanks for everything.
935
00:42:19,036 --> 00:42:20,037
We love you.
936
00:42:20,120 --> 00:42:21,664
- Bye, Auntie.
- May God be with you.
937
00:42:21,747 --> 00:42:24,375
Sorry about this mess. Wow!
938
00:42:24,708 --> 00:42:26,168
Are we going to Heaven?
939
00:42:26,252 --> 00:42:28,963
Oh, this? No. We're going to Galilee.
940
00:42:29,046 --> 00:42:32,383
I just like a grand, dramatic exit,
with light effects and all.
941
00:42:32,466 --> 00:42:34,176
The poor love these things.
942
00:42:34,260 --> 00:42:35,594
- Lord!
- What is it, Joseph?
943
00:42:35,678 --> 00:42:36,762
I wanna talk to him.
944
00:42:37,221 --> 00:42:39,515
Hear me out, God.
945
00:42:39,890 --> 00:42:41,642
I was very immature
946
00:42:41,725 --> 00:42:45,563
in this unnecessary fight
947
00:42:45,646 --> 00:42:47,815
over Mary's and Jesus' love.
948
00:42:48,190 --> 00:42:50,317
So I wanted to apologize.
949
00:42:50,651 --> 00:42:52,820
I was wondering if we could...
950
00:42:54,196 --> 00:42:55,489
if we could be friends.
951
00:42:56,365 --> 00:42:57,199
Sure.
952
00:42:57,283 --> 00:42:58,659
- Friends?
- Friends.
953
00:42:59,410 --> 00:43:00,995
- Shall we?
- What was that for?
954
00:43:01,078 --> 00:43:02,913
- It was just a handshake.
- My arm!
955
00:43:02,997 --> 00:43:05,040
It fucking hurts!
956
00:46:06,930 --> 00:46:09,767
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