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1
00:00:01,585 --> 00:00:04,463
♪ upbeat music ♪
2
00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:08,300
- So, let me get this straight.
3
00:00:08,300 --> 00:00:10,636
You told our neighbor who's been so rude,
4
00:00:10,636 --> 00:00:13,013
that we'd take care of his big creepy dog,
5
00:00:13,013 --> 00:00:14,515
just so he can jet off to Cabo.
6
00:00:14,515 --> 00:00:16,350
- I think it'll be fun having
a dog around the house.
7
00:00:16,350 --> 00:00:18,185
- Look at him. He's so sweet.
8
00:00:18,185 --> 00:00:20,229
- Ring, ring.
- Oh, that is the call.
9
00:00:20,229 --> 00:00:22,064
That is the call. Okay.
JERRY: Ring, ring.
10
00:00:22,064 --> 00:00:23,148
- Where is my phone?
11
00:00:23,148 --> 00:00:24,900
- Uh, I think the dog's sitting on it.
12
00:00:24,900 --> 00:00:26,818
- Oh, okay. I gotta take this. Shoo-shoo.
13
00:00:26,818 --> 00:00:27,861
Bye-bye.
14
00:00:27,861 --> 00:00:29,863
JERRY: Ring, ring.
15
00:00:29,863 --> 00:00:31,031
Ring, ring.
16
00:00:32,573 --> 00:00:35,118
- Oh my God. The dog swallowed my phone.
17
00:00:35,118 --> 00:00:37,788
- Don't worry, this too shall pass.
18
00:00:37,788 --> 00:00:40,123
- Laugh, laugh, laugh
with the delightful callback.
19
00:00:40,123 --> 00:00:41,250
And that's our show.
20
00:00:41,250 --> 00:00:42,960
- Very funny. Looking good.
21
00:00:43,627 --> 00:00:44,837
It's good.
22
00:00:44,837 --> 00:00:46,463
- Okay. I hate to admit it.
23
00:00:46,463 --> 00:00:48,507
You were right about the Josie joke.
24
00:00:48,507 --> 00:00:50,425
Cleveland is funnier than Milwaukee.
25
00:00:50,425 --> 00:00:52,344
- And yet in real life?
Milwaukee, funnier.
26
00:00:52,344 --> 00:00:54,638
- Hey Gordon, Hannah.
Really nice rewrite last night.
27
00:00:54,638 --> 00:00:56,390
- Good, good.
- I just have a few tiny concerns
28
00:00:56,390 --> 00:00:57,933
about a couple of spots specifically--
29
00:00:57,933 --> 00:01:00,269
Yeah, you know what? Hold that thought.
Just hold. Let me grab a pen.
30
00:01:00,978 --> 00:01:02,354
Be right with you.
31
00:01:02,354 --> 00:01:04,147
HANNAH:
What the hell?
32
00:01:04,606 --> 00:01:06,900
Yeah. So I thought it
played much better, right?
33
00:01:06,900 --> 00:01:08,402
- Not an idiot.
34
00:01:08,402 --> 00:01:09,444
- What?
35
00:01:09,444 --> 00:01:11,405
- Well, your dad, he's not grabbing a pen.
36
00:01:11,405 --> 00:01:13,532
- No, he just said he's--
- He's not coming back.
37
00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:18,495
- How can I help?
38
00:01:18,495 --> 00:01:21,081
- Well, he never wants to hear
any of my thoughts or concerns.
39
00:01:21,081 --> 00:01:22,749
- I'm sorry. Maybe you should just
40
00:01:22,749 --> 00:01:23,876
work out your shit with him.
41
00:01:23,876 --> 00:01:26,336
- I don't think you
realize how hurtful it is
42
00:01:26,336 --> 00:01:28,380
to have him just walk out on me like that.
43
00:01:28,380 --> 00:01:30,215
- I mean, I might have some idea.
44
00:01:30,215 --> 00:01:31,258
- Focus, Hannah, please.
45
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We're, we're talking about me.
46
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♪ upbeat music ♪
47
00:01:44,897 --> 00:01:46,273
- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.
48
00:01:46,273 --> 00:01:47,900
It's women you've never met,
49
00:01:47,900 --> 00:01:49,735
in a house you've never been to,
50
00:01:49,735 --> 00:01:51,069
doing who knows what?
51
00:01:51,069 --> 00:01:52,613
- Yep. The woman who leads it
52
00:01:52,613 --> 00:01:54,698
is supposed to be amazing.
53
00:01:54,698 --> 00:01:57,492
They call it a night of
female self-discovery.
54
00:01:57,492 --> 00:01:59,494
- They also call it a pyramid scheme.
55
00:01:59,494 --> 00:02:00,579
- Surprise, surprise.
56
00:02:00,579 --> 00:02:03,916
The least introspective person
in the world mocks my journey.
57
00:02:03,916 --> 00:02:05,542
- No, I think it's great.
58
00:02:05,542 --> 00:02:07,961
Paying big bucks to let
the shaman of Brentwood
59
00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:09,755
cleanse your aura while
you drink Chardonnay
60
00:02:09,755 --> 00:02:11,715
and burn vagina-scented candles.
61
00:02:11,715 --> 00:02:13,800
- Ha, ha.
At least I'm trying to improve myself.
62
00:02:13,800 --> 00:02:14,801
What have you done lately?
63
00:02:14,801 --> 00:02:17,221
Up your budget to
a higher class of hooker?
64
00:02:17,221 --> 00:02:18,639
[laughs]
- Well, actually the cost
65
00:02:18,639 --> 00:02:20,641
of a regular hooker is way up.
66
00:02:20,641 --> 00:02:22,059
They say it's the supply chain.
67
00:02:22,059 --> 00:02:23,852
- You're gross and whatever
you're paying those women
68
00:02:23,852 --> 00:02:25,395
- is not enough.
[Kelly laughs]
69
00:02:25,395 --> 00:02:27,356
Oh really, Kelly? Well, that's it.
70
00:02:27,356 --> 00:02:30,400
I'm not letting you rub your cock
against my arm anymore.
71
00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:32,736
- Honey, I wouldn't let my cock
touch any part of you.
72
00:02:32,736 --> 00:02:34,780
I wear a condom just to return your texts.
73
00:02:34,780 --> 00:02:36,615
[Bree laughs]
74
00:02:36,615 --> 00:02:38,617
- I'll be right back.
KELLY: Okay, honey.
75
00:02:38,617 --> 00:02:40,160
- Hey, if they do tarot cards,
76
00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:42,538
can you ask my grandma
where she hid all her jewelry?
77
00:02:42,538 --> 00:02:44,373
- That's not how tarot works!
78
00:02:47,626 --> 00:02:49,002
- Did you find a pen yet?
79
00:02:49,002 --> 00:02:51,547
- Hannah, stop giving in to these people.
80
00:02:51,547 --> 00:02:53,632
You gotta learn to give
yourself a little distance.
81
00:02:53,632 --> 00:02:55,884
- "These people." You mean
the human beings that we work with.
82
00:02:55,884 --> 00:02:58,637
Who are the reason you can afford a house,
and a second family.
83
00:02:58,637 --> 00:03:00,430
- Can I tell you something about actors?
84
00:03:00,430 --> 00:03:03,350
They are bottomless pits of need.
85
00:03:03,350 --> 00:03:05,602
Oh, they didn't get nominated for this.
86
00:03:05,602 --> 00:03:08,647
Oh, the designer didn't
give me a free tux for that.
87
00:03:08,647 --> 00:03:10,816
The Rolex watch they got in the gift bag,
88
00:03:10,816 --> 00:03:12,776
wasn't as nice as the Porsches they gave
89
00:03:12,776 --> 00:03:14,319
to the cast of Will & Grace.
90
00:03:14,319 --> 00:03:15,779
- Wait. Seriously,
they gave them Porsches?
91
00:03:15,779 --> 00:03:17,698
- Yeah, just the shitty ones,
the Boxsters.
92
00:03:17,698 --> 00:03:19,992
[knock on door]
- Hey, sorry to bother you guys.
93
00:03:19,992 --> 00:03:24,079
But, um, I'm having
a little bit of a problem.
94
00:03:24,079 --> 00:03:25,956
And I was hoping we could talk.
95
00:03:25,956 --> 00:03:27,416
- Of course, Zack, we can talk.
96
00:03:27,416 --> 00:03:29,293
What's on your mind? Tell us.
97
00:03:29,293 --> 00:03:31,253
- I'm kind of in the middle
of a custody dispute
98
00:03:31,253 --> 00:03:32,379
with my ex-girlfriend.
99
00:03:32,379 --> 00:03:35,382
- Oh, you have a kid?
- No, a dog.
100
00:03:35,382 --> 00:03:36,300
GORDON: Ah.
101
00:03:36,300 --> 00:03:37,634
Okay, you know what, Zack buddy?
102
00:03:37,634 --> 00:03:38,635
I really do wanna hear this.
103
00:03:38,635 --> 00:03:40,053
Let me just go grab a pen.
104
00:03:41,930 --> 00:03:43,098
[door shuts]
- Yeah. Okay.
105
00:03:43,098 --> 00:03:45,225
We can, we can talk until he gets back.
106
00:03:45,225 --> 00:03:46,435
- It's my little Butternut.
107
00:03:46,852 --> 00:03:49,438
She's the sweetest,
cutest dog you've ever seen.
108
00:03:49,438 --> 00:03:51,899
- Oh, is that why you looked
so sad after the run-through?
109
00:03:51,899 --> 00:03:53,984
- Yeah. Every dog reminds me of her.
110
00:03:53,984 --> 00:03:55,277
Even stuffed ones.
111
00:03:55,277 --> 00:03:56,987
Marcy and I got her when we were together.
112
00:03:56,987 --> 00:03:58,989
But she's so mad at me
for breaking up with her,
113
00:03:58,989 --> 00:04:00,365
she won't let me see Butternut.
114
00:04:00,365 --> 00:04:01,950
But that is a long story.
115
00:04:01,950 --> 00:04:02,868
- Yeah, you don't have to--
116
00:04:02,868 --> 00:04:05,037
- We met at my friend
David's bar mitzvah.
117
00:04:06,038 --> 00:04:07,873
She was right behind me
in the grind train.
118
00:04:07,873 --> 00:04:09,416
We're star-crossed lovers.
119
00:04:09,416 --> 00:04:11,502
Just like in my movie Bromeo and Juliet.
120
00:04:14,171 --> 00:04:16,715
- So how did, how'd it go
with the Kramer vs. Kramer,
121
00:04:16,715 --> 00:04:17,799
but with dogs.
122
00:04:17,799 --> 00:04:19,760
- Oh, okay.
Okay, maybe you have a point.
123
00:04:19,760 --> 00:04:21,762
- Yeah. I've been doing this a long time.
124
00:04:21,762 --> 00:04:23,055
- You know the truth is...
125
00:04:23,722 --> 00:04:25,349
I'm a little in over my head.
126
00:04:26,016 --> 00:04:28,018
And I need to learn what you know.
127
00:04:28,018 --> 00:04:31,063
So, can I sit you down some time
and ask you some questions?
128
00:04:31,063 --> 00:04:32,981
- Yeah. Of course.
129
00:04:32,981 --> 00:04:36,068
I'd be happy to toss
a few pearls your way.
130
00:04:36,068 --> 00:04:38,237
- Great. Um, I don't know.
How about dinner?
131
00:04:38,237 --> 00:04:39,112
Are you free tonight?
132
00:04:39,696 --> 00:04:41,198
- I could be. Yes.
133
00:04:41,198 --> 00:04:42,866
- Yeah. Why don't we do one of those
134
00:04:42,866 --> 00:04:44,576
old school places on Hollywood Boulevard.
135
00:04:44,576 --> 00:04:46,703
You know, where there's
an elderly man who still has to work
136
00:04:46,703 --> 00:04:49,164
and he makes you a Caesar salad
right at the table.
137
00:04:49,164 --> 00:04:50,832
And half the desserts are served on fire.
138
00:04:50,832 --> 00:04:53,126
- You had me at elderly man
who still has to work.
139
00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:54,127
- Great.
140
00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:57,172
♪
141
00:04:59,258 --> 00:05:01,844
- Oh, it's so refreshing.
- Delicious. Yeah.
142
00:05:01,844 --> 00:05:03,637
I think I could drink
this literally all day.
143
00:05:03,637 --> 00:05:05,931
[phone ringing]
And I'm going to. So where--
144
00:05:05,931 --> 00:05:07,808
- Well, this can't be good.
145
00:05:07,808 --> 00:05:09,601
- Oh, it's really good.
146
00:05:09,601 --> 00:05:11,520
Guess what?
- What?
147
00:05:11,520 --> 00:05:13,021
- I'm on mushrooms.
148
00:05:13,689 --> 00:05:14,982
- Seriously?
149
00:05:14,982 --> 00:05:17,442
- Oh yeah. We took mushrooms.
Lots of 'em.
150
00:05:17,442 --> 00:05:19,236
- Wow. Check you out.
151
00:05:19,236 --> 00:05:22,447
- It's no big deal.
I'm just finding my authentic self
152
00:05:22,447 --> 00:05:23,782
that's uniquely me.
153
00:05:24,157 --> 00:05:26,034
Just like Gwyneth Paltrow
and her Goop show.
154
00:05:26,034 --> 00:05:28,537
- And you're calling me because?
155
00:05:28,537 --> 00:05:30,372
- Because I wanted you to know that
156
00:05:30,372 --> 00:05:32,624
you were completely wrong about my night
157
00:05:32,624 --> 00:05:34,376
of female self-discovery.
158
00:05:34,376 --> 00:05:36,628
Except for the vagina candle.
We did do that.
159
00:05:36,628 --> 00:05:38,672
[hangs up]
- Wow.
160
00:05:41,383 --> 00:05:43,510
Oh, shit. Shit. Shit.
161
00:05:44,386 --> 00:05:45,721
[groans]
162
00:05:47,014 --> 00:05:48,932
- Right this way, Mr. Gilman.
163
00:05:48,932 --> 00:05:50,934
[indistinct chatter]
164
00:05:54,313 --> 00:05:55,898
- Reed.
165
00:05:55,898 --> 00:05:57,691
I thought I was meeting Hannah.
166
00:05:57,691 --> 00:05:59,943
- Oh, me too.
167
00:05:59,943 --> 00:06:03,280
- Hannah sends her regrets,
along with these drinks.
168
00:06:03,280 --> 00:06:05,866
She also wanted me to give you this pen.
169
00:06:06,241 --> 00:06:08,869
She said you were always running out.
170
00:06:10,454 --> 00:06:14,333
- [laughs]
It's-- it's delicious.
171
00:06:16,210 --> 00:06:17,586
Mm!
172
00:06:17,586 --> 00:06:19,129
Mmm.
173
00:06:19,463 --> 00:06:22,049
♪ upbeat music ♪
174
00:06:22,049 --> 00:06:24,051
♪
175
00:06:31,058 --> 00:06:33,143
- Well, this is it.
176
00:06:34,394 --> 00:06:35,687
[exhales]
177
00:06:38,148 --> 00:06:39,316
I'm nervous.
178
00:06:39,983 --> 00:06:41,652
It really means a lot
to me that you're here.
179
00:06:41,652 --> 00:06:44,112
- Well, I want everyone on the show
to feel like they can come to me
180
00:06:44,112 --> 00:06:46,448
with their problems
and to think of me as a friend.
181
00:06:46,448 --> 00:06:47,741
- Awesome.
182
00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:49,535
Hey, this weekend
you should come by my house.
183
00:06:49,535 --> 00:06:50,827
I just put in a recording studio,
184
00:06:50,827 --> 00:06:52,538
and I'm gonna try
rapping for the first time.
185
00:06:54,623 --> 00:06:56,959
- Zack?
- Marcy.
186
00:06:56,959 --> 00:06:58,544
- What the hell are you doing here?
187
00:06:58,544 --> 00:07:01,922
- Well, I, um--
- Say the thing we talked about.
188
00:07:01,922 --> 00:07:04,383
- I want my frickin' dog
and I want her now.
189
00:07:04,383 --> 00:07:05,259
- That wasn't the thing.
190
00:07:05,259 --> 00:07:07,636
- Butternut wants nothing
to do with you.
191
00:07:07,636 --> 00:07:09,137
You A-hole.
- Okay,
192
00:07:09,137 --> 00:07:10,973
why don't we all just take a breath--
193
00:07:10,973 --> 00:07:13,058
- Oh, is this your new skank girlfriend?
194
00:07:13,058 --> 00:07:15,102
- Yeah. And we do it all the time.
195
00:07:15,102 --> 00:07:17,312
- Jesus Chri-- No, no.
196
00:07:17,312 --> 00:07:18,897
Hi. I'm Hannah. I work with Zack.
197
00:07:18,897 --> 00:07:20,524
- Whatever you guys can come in.
198
00:07:24,486 --> 00:07:26,864
- Oh, wow. That's a lot of toys.
199
00:07:26,864 --> 00:07:29,283
- What? They're not toys.
200
00:07:29,283 --> 00:07:31,577
They're celebrity-themed collectibles.
201
00:07:32,661 --> 00:07:34,955
- Where's Butternut?
- Why should I tell you that? Huh?
202
00:07:34,955 --> 00:07:37,165
You never told me when you spent all night
203
00:07:37,165 --> 00:07:39,918
playing Dance Dance Revolution
with Becca.
204
00:07:39,918 --> 00:07:43,297
- For the millionth time,
we're just dance friends.
205
00:07:43,297 --> 00:07:45,674
- No one is just dance friends with Becca.
206
00:07:45,674 --> 00:07:48,177
- I'm sorry to interrupt.
You know, I just realized I, um,
207
00:07:48,177 --> 00:07:50,220
I gotta go grab a-- a pen.
208
00:07:50,220 --> 00:07:52,806
- You know what? You should both go.
209
00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:55,225
I'm just thinking about
what's best for Butternut.
210
00:07:55,225 --> 00:07:57,686
- No you're not. You're just
using Butternut as a weapon
211
00:07:57,686 --> 00:07:58,812
to get back at Zack for leaving.
212
00:07:58,812 --> 00:08:01,190
- Oh, suddenly the hottie
just can read my mind?
213
00:08:01,190 --> 00:08:03,483
- The point is, Zack
wants to be in Butternut's life,
214
00:08:03,483 --> 00:08:05,068
and you should want that too.
215
00:08:07,738 --> 00:08:09,323
- We could share her.
216
00:08:09,323 --> 00:08:10,782
I could take her to work with me.
217
00:08:10,782 --> 00:08:13,327
- So she's supposed to just
sit in your trailer all day?
218
00:08:13,327 --> 00:08:15,954
- Well, I'll put a bed in my office.
She can hang out there whenever she wants.
219
00:08:15,954 --> 00:08:18,123
- [sighs] Fine.
220
00:08:20,751 --> 00:08:22,085
- Thank you so much for being here.
221
00:08:22,085 --> 00:08:23,754
- Yeah, I'm so psyched
for you to see your dog.
222
00:08:23,754 --> 00:08:25,881
Oh my God. It's gonna be like
those Instagram videos
223
00:08:25,881 --> 00:08:28,175
where doggies are,
are reunited with their owners
224
00:08:28,175 --> 00:08:29,885
after not seeing them for a while.
225
00:08:30,636 --> 00:08:32,804
[dog snarling]
226
00:08:32,804 --> 00:08:34,765
- The fuck.
- Butternut!
227
00:08:34,765 --> 00:08:36,058
[snarling]
228
00:08:36,058 --> 00:08:38,268
Oh, she remembers me!
229
00:08:38,268 --> 00:08:40,521
Aw [laughs]
230
00:08:40,521 --> 00:08:42,356
[snarling continues]
231
00:08:42,356 --> 00:08:44,983
Oh, and she grew more hair!
232
00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:50,781
- Oh, here we go.
[phone ringing]
233
00:08:52,908 --> 00:08:54,076
BREE: [on phone] Clay!
234
00:08:54,076 --> 00:08:55,911
- What, Bree?
- I'm lost.
235
00:08:55,911 --> 00:08:57,788
A hummingbird invited me to her nest,
236
00:08:57,788 --> 00:08:59,289
but we got separated.
237
00:08:59,289 --> 00:09:01,083
- Do you see the house you were at?
238
00:09:01,083 --> 00:09:03,293
Or any of the other entitled white women?
239
00:09:03,293 --> 00:09:06,255
- No.
- Bree, tell me exactly what you see.
240
00:09:06,255 --> 00:09:08,423
- When my eyes are open or closed?
241
00:09:08,423 --> 00:09:10,092
When they're open, I see a fence.
242
00:09:10,092 --> 00:09:11,677
When they're closed, dragons.
243
00:09:12,678 --> 00:09:15,556
- Okay. Look, I'm coming to get you.
244
00:09:15,556 --> 00:09:17,349
Do you know how to drop a pin?
245
00:09:17,349 --> 00:09:19,476
- I don't have a fucking pin!
246
00:09:19,476 --> 00:09:21,019
- Not that kind of pin.
247
00:09:21,019 --> 00:09:22,896
- Listen to me.
- Okay.
248
00:09:22,896 --> 00:09:24,064
CLAY:
When we hang up,
249
00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:26,984
I want you to hold up your phone and say,
250
00:09:26,984 --> 00:09:29,987
"Hey Siri, send Clay my location."
251
00:09:29,987 --> 00:09:31,655
- Okay, okay.
252
00:09:31,655 --> 00:09:32,865
- Repeat that.
253
00:09:32,865 --> 00:09:34,408
- Sarah, send me on vacation!
254
00:09:34,408 --> 00:09:36,410
♪
255
00:09:48,130 --> 00:09:50,424
- You a Clippers fan by any chance?
256
00:09:50,424 --> 00:09:51,633
- Not really.
257
00:09:51,633 --> 00:09:52,885
- Lakers?
258
00:09:52,885 --> 00:09:54,219
- Actually, I've been living in New York
259
00:09:54,219 --> 00:09:55,304
for the last 15 years, so.
260
00:09:55,304 --> 00:09:56,638
- It's Nicks.
261
00:09:56,638 --> 00:09:58,724
- Not a big NBA guy.
262
00:10:00,225 --> 00:10:02,477
- So what the fuck would
you bring up New York for?
263
00:10:03,520 --> 00:10:05,689
- You, you're something else, man.
264
00:10:05,689 --> 00:10:07,024
Okay.
265
00:10:07,024 --> 00:10:09,026
What, what is your problem with me?
266
00:10:09,026 --> 00:10:10,777
- Well, for one you don't like basketball.
267
00:10:10,777 --> 00:10:12,446
- Fucking-A. I'm serious.
268
00:10:12,446 --> 00:10:14,781
- No, I know that.
You're always serious.
269
00:10:14,781 --> 00:10:16,533
And you overthink everything,
270
00:10:16,533 --> 00:10:17,993
then you're never happy.
271
00:10:17,993 --> 00:10:19,620
You are never happy.
272
00:10:19,620 --> 00:10:22,623
I, you get a script,
and instead of thinking, gee,
273
00:10:22,623 --> 00:10:25,709
what can I do to make this the funniest,
and the best it can be?
274
00:10:25,709 --> 00:10:28,295
You decide that, no, right away it stinks.
275
00:10:28,295 --> 00:10:29,796
The script stinks and I stink
276
00:10:29,796 --> 00:10:31,673
and everything needs to be rewritten.
277
00:10:32,424 --> 00:10:34,927
And what makes it especially galling,
278
00:10:34,927 --> 00:10:36,345
is that you actually have the rare gift
279
00:10:36,345 --> 00:10:37,846
of being fucking funny.
280
00:10:37,846 --> 00:10:39,556
I'm telling you, your comedic timing when
281
00:10:39,556 --> 00:10:42,434
you don't get in your own way,
swear to George Burns,
282
00:10:42,434 --> 00:10:43,644
it's impeccable.
283
00:10:43,644 --> 00:10:45,187
It's like, like music.
284
00:10:45,187 --> 00:10:48,357
You could be one of the greatest
comedic actors of all time.
285
00:10:48,357 --> 00:10:49,942
You remember those hilarious movies
286
00:10:49,942 --> 00:10:52,611
that Sir Laurence Olivier
and Daniel Day-Lewis did?
287
00:10:52,611 --> 00:10:54,112
- What...? No.
288
00:10:54,112 --> 00:10:56,657
- Exactly.
'Cause they couldn't do it.
289
00:10:56,657 --> 00:10:58,867
But you, you have the superpower, man.
290
00:10:58,867 --> 00:11:01,411
You, you can make
millions of people laugh.
291
00:11:01,411 --> 00:11:03,664
And to put that out into the world,
292
00:11:03,664 --> 00:11:08,377
to bring people a little joy
at the end of their shit day.
293
00:11:08,377 --> 00:11:10,420
Fuck you for not appreciating that.
294
00:11:10,420 --> 00:11:11,505
'Cause I swear to God,
295
00:11:11,505 --> 00:11:13,006
that is as good and honorable thing
296
00:11:13,006 --> 00:11:14,508
as a man can do.
297
00:11:18,303 --> 00:11:19,471
- Uh...
298
00:11:20,806 --> 00:11:22,432
Well, Gordon, I'm speechless.
299
00:11:22,808 --> 00:11:23,851
- Oh.
300
00:11:24,434 --> 00:11:26,562
Shit, if I knew that's all it took,
301
00:11:26,562 --> 00:11:28,480
I would've complimented you years ago.
302
00:11:31,024 --> 00:11:32,025
CLAY: Bree!
303
00:11:34,528 --> 00:11:35,571
Damn.
304
00:11:36,154 --> 00:11:37,155
Duchess?
305
00:11:38,907 --> 00:11:42,202
Got a big movie producer here
who wants to meet you.
306
00:11:45,414 --> 00:11:47,082
Oh, shit.
307
00:11:47,082 --> 00:11:50,335
- Die dragon!
- Whoa! Jesus.
308
00:11:50,335 --> 00:11:52,421
[groans]
309
00:11:55,507 --> 00:11:56,675
You're joking.
310
00:11:58,260 --> 00:12:00,345
Okay, here we go.
311
00:12:00,345 --> 00:12:02,139
In the truck and I'll drive you home.
312
00:12:02,139 --> 00:12:05,893
- Whoa, toxic masculinity much?
313
00:12:05,893 --> 00:12:07,686
- Bree, I'm not fucking around.
314
00:12:07,686 --> 00:12:09,271
I have some place I need to be.
315
00:12:09,271 --> 00:12:11,398
And these aren't the type
of people you keep waiting.
316
00:12:11,398 --> 00:12:14,151
- Okay, Clay.
317
00:12:16,445 --> 00:12:19,698
It is too blue in here.
318
00:12:19,698 --> 00:12:21,992
- No, no!
319
00:12:22,534 --> 00:12:24,119
- [with Scottish accent]
But do they call me
320
00:12:24,119 --> 00:12:26,496
MacGregor the ship builder? No.
321
00:12:26,496 --> 00:12:29,166
You see that pier?
I built that pier meself
322
00:12:29,166 --> 00:12:30,375
with me own hands.
323
00:12:30,375 --> 00:12:32,836
It could withstand the--
the mightiest of storms,
324
00:12:32,836 --> 00:12:36,131
but do they ever call me
MacGregor the pier builder?
325
00:12:36,131 --> 00:12:37,174
No!
326
00:12:37,174 --> 00:12:39,259
But you fuck one goat.
327
00:12:39,259 --> 00:12:41,512
[laughing]
328
00:12:43,972 --> 00:12:46,642
- He's MacGregor the goat fucker.
329
00:12:46,642 --> 00:12:48,852
- How have you never heard that joke?
330
00:12:48,852 --> 00:12:50,437
Oh my God.
[Reed laughing]
331
00:12:50,437 --> 00:12:52,856
You need, you need to read less.
332
00:12:52,856 --> 00:12:54,441
- Oh, God. You are funny.
333
00:12:55,567 --> 00:12:56,944
- I didn't write damn the thing.
334
00:12:56,944 --> 00:12:58,362
Who writes those things? I don't--
335
00:12:58,362 --> 00:13:00,155
Somewhere there's a genius in a basement.
336
00:13:00,155 --> 00:13:04,117
- No, no, Gordon.
I mean you are funny.
337
00:13:04,493 --> 00:13:06,078
I don't say that enough.
338
00:13:06,078 --> 00:13:08,121
- You never say it.
- Well, but I should.
339
00:13:08,121 --> 00:13:10,123
Because it's true. Okay?
340
00:13:10,123 --> 00:13:12,209
And you are smart.
341
00:13:12,209 --> 00:13:14,044
And that's why I get so--
342
00:13:15,087 --> 00:13:16,421
Never mind. Forget it.
343
00:13:16,421 --> 00:13:17,673
No. What, what, what?
344
00:13:17,673 --> 00:13:19,174
Say it, you schmuck.
345
00:13:19,174 --> 00:13:20,717
What-- That's why what?
346
00:13:22,594 --> 00:13:24,638
- It's why I get so frustrated.
347
00:13:24,638 --> 00:13:28,433
You are smart. You are quick.
348
00:13:28,433 --> 00:13:30,352
You are perceptive,
349
00:13:30,352 --> 00:13:34,189
and more sensitive than
you want anyone to think.
350
00:13:34,189 --> 00:13:37,401
But I don't understand why you,
351
00:13:37,401 --> 00:13:39,194
why you don't go there.
352
00:13:39,194 --> 00:13:40,404
Why you don't dig deeper.
353
00:13:40,404 --> 00:13:41,738
I mean, we could have told stories
354
00:13:41,738 --> 00:13:44,783
about things that
real families go through.
355
00:13:44,783 --> 00:13:46,118
- Yeah, well.
- You know what I mean?
356
00:13:46,118 --> 00:13:49,621
And instead, you know, what did we do?
357
00:13:49,621 --> 00:13:53,500
We did an entire episode
based on a Y2K pun.
358
00:13:53,500 --> 00:13:54,710
- Ugh.
359
00:13:54,710 --> 00:13:57,171
Why too gay? Yes.
[Reed groans]
360
00:13:57,171 --> 00:13:59,631
Boy, that Brian Boitano.
He could land a triple axel.
361
00:13:59,631 --> 00:14:00,591
Couldn't land a single joke.
362
00:14:00,591 --> 00:14:02,217
- See, that's what I mean.
363
00:14:02,217 --> 00:14:03,760
I am trying to tell you something
364
00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:05,137
that I've wanted to say for a long time.
365
00:14:05,137 --> 00:14:06,555
That's hard for me to say.
- Okay.
366
00:14:06,555 --> 00:14:08,682
- And you, you always
have to go for the joke.
367
00:14:08,682 --> 00:14:10,475
- I didn't hear a laugh.
Did you hear a laugh?
368
00:14:10,475 --> 00:14:13,187
- You could be so good if you just tried.
369
00:14:13,187 --> 00:14:15,772
No, Gordon. Why?
Why don't you try?
370
00:14:15,772 --> 00:14:17,524
Wait, wait, you have so much potential.
371
00:14:18,066 --> 00:14:20,277
- What are you?
My fourth grade teacher now?
372
00:14:20,277 --> 00:14:21,445
- Gordon, I mean it.
373
00:14:22,779 --> 00:14:25,866
You are better than
that genius in the basement.
374
00:14:27,618 --> 00:14:29,119
- Very nice of you to say.
375
00:14:30,078 --> 00:14:31,163
Thank you.
376
00:14:32,748 --> 00:14:35,083
♪
377
00:14:39,588 --> 00:14:42,216
- I think that's the guy
who invented fire.
378
00:14:43,592 --> 00:14:45,052
- 'Cause he's not young.
379
00:14:46,136 --> 00:14:47,763
[dog snarling, growling]
380
00:14:47,763 --> 00:14:49,097
- Who's daddy's little girl?
381
00:14:49,097 --> 00:14:50,057
You are.
382
00:14:50,057 --> 00:14:52,267
Yes, you are. That's right!
383
00:14:53,352 --> 00:14:55,771
- [sighs] Well, I have to admit.
384
00:14:55,771 --> 00:14:58,482
I haven't seen her this happy
in a really long time.
385
00:14:58,482 --> 00:15:01,610
- Oh, do you wanna cuddle
with your Aunt Hannah?
386
00:15:01,610 --> 00:15:04,655
- You know, I really don't
think that's necessary.
387
00:15:04,655 --> 00:15:06,907
- Oh, she's got kisses to spare.
388
00:15:06,907 --> 00:15:08,408
Just don't kiss her straight on the mouth,
389
00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:10,118
because sometimes she spits up a little.
390
00:15:10,118 --> 00:15:12,287
- Oh, well. God, self-control initiate.
391
00:15:13,664 --> 00:15:15,165
[dog growling]
392
00:15:15,165 --> 00:15:16,124
Ah...
393
00:15:18,961 --> 00:15:21,547
- What happened to us, Zack?
394
00:15:21,547 --> 00:15:25,175
- Well, you got jealous of
every woman I worked with,
395
00:15:25,175 --> 00:15:27,010
and I like working with
women who aren't scared
396
00:15:27,010 --> 00:15:28,095
of my girlfriend.
397
00:15:28,095 --> 00:15:30,013
- Yeah. I guess that wasn't cool of me.
398
00:15:30,013 --> 00:15:31,640
I've grown up a lot since then.
399
00:15:31,640 --> 00:15:32,933
- Ahh!
400
00:15:32,933 --> 00:15:34,560
- Maybe we just weren't
right for each other.
401
00:15:34,560 --> 00:15:37,062
- How can you say that?
- We're totally different.
402
00:15:37,062 --> 00:15:39,690
I'm an early riser,
you stay up late at night.
403
00:15:39,690 --> 00:15:41,358
I like watching Rick and Morty,
404
00:15:41,358 --> 00:15:43,151
you like watching things
that aren't Rick and Morty.
405
00:15:44,528 --> 00:15:46,947
- Okay. We can share custody.
406
00:15:46,947 --> 00:15:48,365
You can take her half the week,
407
00:15:48,365 --> 00:15:50,450
and we can trade off
on holidays and weekends.
408
00:15:50,450 --> 00:15:51,577
BOTH: I get Halloween.
409
00:15:51,577 --> 00:15:52,828
- Cool.
410
00:15:52,828 --> 00:15:54,913
- You can take her tonight if you want.
411
00:15:54,913 --> 00:15:56,999
- Really? Oh, sick.
412
00:15:56,999 --> 00:15:59,209
Hannah said that she can watch her
while I'm at rehearsal.
413
00:15:59,209 --> 00:16:00,752
- I did say that. Yeah.
414
00:16:01,378 --> 00:16:03,589
- Hey, Marcy,
I just want you to know,
415
00:16:03,589 --> 00:16:05,382
that I don't regret you and me.
416
00:16:05,382 --> 00:16:07,467
Because something really
good came out of us.
417
00:16:07,467 --> 00:16:08,927
This little ray of sunshine.
418
00:16:10,929 --> 00:16:11,847
- Oh.
419
00:16:11,847 --> 00:16:15,058
I think something just came out
of this little ray of sunshine.
420
00:16:15,058 --> 00:16:16,393
BOTH: Aw.
421
00:16:16,393 --> 00:16:18,604
♪
422
00:16:21,899 --> 00:16:24,109
[shuts off engine]
- Where are we?
423
00:16:24,109 --> 00:16:26,320
- Look, I don't have time
to take you home first.
424
00:16:26,320 --> 00:16:27,779
So just sit here,
425
00:16:27,779 --> 00:16:30,657
and look at all the pretty
water bottles and shit.
426
00:16:30,657 --> 00:16:32,618
- What is this? Your whore's house?
427
00:16:32,618 --> 00:16:33,911
Your crack den?
428
00:16:33,911 --> 00:16:34,953
- Oh, do you really wanna play
429
00:16:34,953 --> 00:16:37,331
the drug card right now, duchess?
430
00:16:37,331 --> 00:16:39,666
Now this is not a great neighborhood.
431
00:16:39,666 --> 00:16:42,294
So just lock the doors and sit.
432
00:16:42,294 --> 00:16:43,879
Do you understand?
433
00:16:43,879 --> 00:16:46,256
- You are a bad seed, Clay Barber.
434
00:16:46,256 --> 00:16:47,758
A bad seed.
435
00:16:48,926 --> 00:16:49,885
- Stay.
436
00:16:54,348 --> 00:16:55,349
- Oh my God.
437
00:17:00,103 --> 00:17:02,272
[banging]
438
00:17:04,107 --> 00:17:05,609
[cat yelps]
439
00:17:07,277 --> 00:17:08,403
Ugh!
440
00:17:10,197 --> 00:17:12,783
[dogs barking]
441
00:17:16,286 --> 00:17:18,330
[groaning]
442
00:17:22,501 --> 00:17:23,544
[gasps]
443
00:17:35,222 --> 00:17:37,432
- Thank you for sharing with us, Janice.
444
00:17:37,432 --> 00:17:38,350
Keep coming back.
445
00:17:39,184 --> 00:17:42,020
So, is anyone celebrating today?
446
00:17:45,190 --> 00:17:46,817
- Hello. My name is Clay.
447
00:17:46,817 --> 00:17:48,193
ALL: Hi, Clay.
448
00:17:48,193 --> 00:17:51,113
- I'm an alcoholic and I'm
celebrating 30 days sober.
449
00:17:51,113 --> 00:17:54,241
[Bree squeals]
[items clattering]
450
00:17:56,159 --> 00:17:57,202
- [quietly] Hello.
451
00:17:58,287 --> 00:18:00,789
This is an AA meeting.
452
00:18:01,331 --> 00:18:03,250
- That's right, love.
453
00:18:03,250 --> 00:18:04,751
Come on in, take a seat.
454
00:18:04,751 --> 00:18:06,128
- That's not necessary. She was just--
455
00:18:06,128 --> 00:18:07,963
- My name is Bree.
456
00:18:07,963 --> 00:18:09,173
ALL: Hi Bree.
457
00:18:09,173 --> 00:18:12,050
- Please don't.
- And I'm on mushrooms.
458
00:18:13,343 --> 00:18:14,595
REED: Okay, so--
459
00:18:14,595 --> 00:18:17,055
What is the one thing you don't wanna hear
460
00:18:17,055 --> 00:18:19,141
after blowing Willie Nelson?
461
00:18:19,141 --> 00:18:20,893
- What?
462
00:18:20,893 --> 00:18:22,186
- I'm not Willie Nelson.
463
00:18:22,186 --> 00:18:23,896
[laughing]
464
00:18:23,896 --> 00:18:26,690
- Okay. Yeah.
- Is that, is that good? Is that good?
465
00:18:26,690 --> 00:18:29,026
GORDON:
Look at that. Look at that!
466
00:18:29,026 --> 00:18:30,694
Chuck Lorre gets a star
467
00:18:30,694 --> 00:18:32,487
on the Hollywood walk of fame.
468
00:18:32,487 --> 00:18:33,906
How is that possible?
469
00:18:33,906 --> 00:18:35,407
Holy sh--
You know,
470
00:18:36,033 --> 00:18:38,202
maybe like 10 years ago.
471
00:18:38,202 --> 00:18:40,871
I finally get the nerve
to do another pilot.
472
00:18:40,871 --> 00:18:42,998
Network passes.
473
00:18:42,998 --> 00:18:46,126
Why? 'Cause they had to
put three new Chuck Lorre
474
00:18:46,126 --> 00:18:49,254
shows on the air to go
with his 11 other shows.
475
00:18:49,254 --> 00:18:51,215
- Oh, fuck that guy.
- Right?
476
00:18:51,215 --> 00:18:53,592
- No, you, you should have a star.
477
00:18:53,842 --> 00:18:55,677
- Yes.
- I mean, you know.
478
00:18:55,677 --> 00:18:58,263
- Let me, let me say this to Chuck Lorre.
479
00:18:58,263 --> 00:18:59,389
- What are you doing?
480
00:18:59,389 --> 00:19:01,558
- I'm gonna piss on Chuck Lorre's star.
481
00:19:01,558 --> 00:19:04,353
- [laughing] No, wait, Gordon, no.
- No, I need to do this.
482
00:19:04,353 --> 00:19:06,021
- You can't do this.
- I hate this guy.
483
00:19:06,021 --> 00:19:08,440
I hate this guy. Don't try and stop me.
484
00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:10,817
- [laughing] I'm not gonna.
- No.
485
00:19:10,817 --> 00:19:11,944
Give a minute.
486
00:19:14,696 --> 00:19:15,697
I can't pee.
487
00:19:17,157 --> 00:19:18,242
- Hey.
488
00:19:18,242 --> 00:19:21,078
Hey, I'll do it for you.
489
00:19:22,371 --> 00:19:23,914
- Seriously?
490
00:19:23,914 --> 00:19:24,748
- Yep.
491
00:19:25,707 --> 00:19:26,542
- What a guy.
492
00:19:27,668 --> 00:19:29,044
Go ahead.
493
00:19:29,044 --> 00:19:30,254
But do it fast.
494
00:19:33,423 --> 00:19:36,051
Jesus. That's a powerful
stream you got there.
495
00:19:36,593 --> 00:19:40,305
You power wash graffiti
on the weekends with that?
496
00:19:40,305 --> 00:19:43,225
- For, you my friend,
it is the least I can do.
497
00:19:43,976 --> 00:19:45,519
[siren blares]
No!
498
00:19:47,688 --> 00:19:49,523
- Okay. Just peed a little.
499
00:19:52,234 --> 00:19:54,236
♪
500
00:19:58,115 --> 00:19:58,949
- Hey.
501
00:20:00,325 --> 00:20:01,869
- Hey!
502
00:20:01,869 --> 00:20:03,620
How you feeling this morning?
503
00:20:03,620 --> 00:20:05,038
- Really, just...
504
00:20:05,914 --> 00:20:07,457
chipper.
505
00:20:07,457 --> 00:20:09,668
Thanks for coming to get me last night.
506
00:20:09,668 --> 00:20:11,503
- No problem. Uh, and next time
507
00:20:11,503 --> 00:20:12,754
you wanna do drugs in the woods,
508
00:20:12,754 --> 00:20:14,673
I know some guys
who will do that for free.
509
00:20:14,673 --> 00:20:16,216
- I'm sure you do.
510
00:20:16,216 --> 00:20:19,845
Uh, I also wanted to say
that I think it's really,
511
00:20:19,845 --> 00:20:22,723
it's great what you're
doing with the meetings.
512
00:20:22,723 --> 00:20:25,017
- Oh yeah. Well, we got
a second chance here.
513
00:20:25,017 --> 00:20:26,185
Just trying not to blow it.
514
00:20:26,185 --> 00:20:27,477
But don't tell anyone,
515
00:20:27,477 --> 00:20:29,188
I have a bad reputation to protect.
516
00:20:29,188 --> 00:20:30,731
- [giggles] Okay.
517
00:20:30,731 --> 00:20:33,650
- I'm glad you're exploring
or whatever you want to call it.
518
00:20:33,650 --> 00:20:35,360
'Cause you used to be so uptight.
519
00:20:35,360 --> 00:20:37,821
- I wasn't uptight.
- Okay.
520
00:20:37,821 --> 00:20:41,325
Vain, narcissistic, prone to meltdowns,
bad at driving.
521
00:20:41,325 --> 00:20:43,035
Fake nice to waiters in a way that shows
522
00:20:43,035 --> 00:20:44,578
you think you're better than them.
523
00:20:44,578 --> 00:20:45,704
- Uptight is fine.
524
00:20:47,706 --> 00:20:50,042
- It's funny. I needed to
stop getting loaded
525
00:20:50,042 --> 00:20:52,419
and you needed to start.
[Bree laughs]
526
00:20:52,419 --> 00:20:55,839
Who knows? Fifteen years ago,
if I'd had seen this side of you,
527
00:20:55,839 --> 00:20:58,717
maybe I'd have tried
to get in there myself.
528
00:20:58,717 --> 00:21:00,260
- Really?
- Mm-hm.
529
00:21:00,260 --> 00:21:02,596
- Well, 15 years ago, if I was on drugs,
530
00:21:02,596 --> 00:21:03,972
I might have let you.
- Heh.
531
00:21:03,972 --> 00:21:05,974
♪
532
00:21:09,853 --> 00:21:11,188
- Oh.
533
00:21:12,523 --> 00:21:14,107
Hey, you.
534
00:21:14,107 --> 00:21:16,777
That was quite a cute move
you pulled last night.
535
00:21:16,777 --> 00:21:17,945
- Sorry about that.
536
00:21:17,945 --> 00:21:20,864
And I think you're right about
getting involved in the actors' lives.
537
00:21:20,864 --> 00:21:23,075
- No, it was actually really good.
538
00:21:23,075 --> 00:21:25,869
We drank and we talked and, you know,
539
00:21:25,869 --> 00:21:27,829
we said some things
that needed to be said.
540
00:21:27,829 --> 00:21:29,706
- Oh, I'm glad to hear that.
541
00:21:29,706 --> 00:21:31,041
- Yeah, so.
542
00:21:31,041 --> 00:21:33,377
Oh, also we promised
a cop a part in the show.
543
00:21:34,419 --> 00:21:36,296
- I won't ask.
- Yeah.
544
00:21:36,296 --> 00:21:39,091
By the way,
I love that restaurant.
545
00:21:39,091 --> 00:21:42,386
Maybe, you and I could
go some time for real,
546
00:21:42,386 --> 00:21:43,929
and have a couple of drinks.
547
00:21:45,305 --> 00:21:46,890
- I don't know.
548
00:21:46,890 --> 00:21:48,600
Getting involved in showrunners' lives.
549
00:21:48,600 --> 00:21:50,394
They're just, they're
a bottomless pit of need.
550
00:21:50,394 --> 00:21:51,728
- Call back, it's cute.
551
00:21:51,728 --> 00:21:53,689
All right. Everybody already in there?
552
00:21:53,689 --> 00:21:54,982
- Yeah.
- Okay. I'll be right in.
553
00:21:55,357 --> 00:21:56,525
HUGO: Hannah.
554
00:21:56,525 --> 00:21:58,527
I'm Hugo. One of the grips.
- Yeah.
555
00:21:58,527 --> 00:21:59,903
- Zack was telling me you're good at
556
00:21:59,903 --> 00:22:01,572
helping people with their problems.
557
00:22:01,572 --> 00:22:03,115
- Oh.
- You see,
558
00:22:03,115 --> 00:22:05,158
my wife just left me
'cause I bought a jet ski
559
00:22:05,158 --> 00:22:06,118
without telling her.
560
00:22:07,286 --> 00:22:08,537
- I'm sorry to hear that.
561
00:22:08,537 --> 00:22:12,165
Um, let's talk in my office.
562
00:22:12,165 --> 00:22:13,458
- Oh, sure. Yeah.
563
00:22:14,918 --> 00:22:17,504
[dog barking, snarling]
564
00:22:17,504 --> 00:22:18,881
- Or some place else.
565
00:22:19,590 --> 00:22:21,592
♪
38146
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