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♪ Here's the story ♪
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♪ Of a lovely lady ♪
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♪ Who was bringing up ♪
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♪ Three very lovely girls ♪
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♪ All of them had hair of gold ♪
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♪ Like their mother ♪
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♪ The youngest one in curls ♪
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♪ It's the story of a
man named Brady ♪
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♪ Who was busy with
three boys of his own ♪
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♪ They were four
men living all together ♪
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♪ Yet they were all alone ♪
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♪ Till the one day when ♪
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♪ The lady met this fellow ♪
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♪ And they knew that it was ♪
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♪ Much more than a hunch ♪
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♪ That this group must ♪
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♪ Somehow form a family ♪
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♪ That's the way we all ♪
19
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♪ Became the Brady Bunch ♪
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♪ The Brady Bunch ♪
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♪ The Brady Bunch ♪
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♪ That's the way we became ♪
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♪ The Brady Bunch. ♪
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See, it's one of these.
25
00:01:36,447 --> 00:01:37,447
Boy, it sure is.
26
00:01:37,514 --> 00:01:38,725
It's called an octopus.
27
00:01:38,749 --> 00:01:39,749
See why?
28
00:01:39,816 --> 00:01:41,066
Yeah.
29
00:01:41,135 --> 00:01:42,596
CAROL: Yeah, it certainly
looks like an octopus.
30
00:01:42,620 --> 00:01:43,813
It's very dangerous.
31
00:01:43,837 --> 00:01:45,882
The teacher talked
about it in class.
32
00:01:45,906 --> 00:01:48,757
It tells all about it in the
home safety drive stuff.
33
00:01:48,826 --> 00:01:52,193
"Any wall receptacle with more
than two appliances being used
34
00:01:52,262 --> 00:01:55,063
at one time is an overload
and it can overheat."
35
00:01:55,132 --> 00:01:56,726
Miss Barnaby says that's why
36
00:01:56,750 --> 00:01:58,812
we're having this
home safety drive.
37
00:01:58,836 --> 00:02:01,253
Let's go look upstairs.
38
00:02:01,322 --> 00:02:04,500
Ah, listen, those sockets
are full of electric current.
39
00:02:04,524 --> 00:02:05,657
So be careful.
40
00:02:05,726 --> 00:02:08,526
This home inspection
thing's a good idea.
41
00:02:08,595 --> 00:02:09,945
Yeah, I think so.
42
00:02:11,398 --> 00:02:12,678
Inspection completed.
43
00:02:12,733 --> 00:02:15,111
You can tell the kids
my room is 100% safe.
44
00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:16,479
Yep, so is the kitchen.
45
00:02:16,503 --> 00:02:18,770
Now that we've gotten
rid of the octopus.
46
00:02:18,839 --> 00:02:20,972
Oh, good.
47
00:02:21,041 --> 00:02:22,874
Octopus?
48
00:02:30,134 --> 00:02:32,367
Peter, what are you
doing home so early?
49
00:02:32,436 --> 00:02:34,181
Why did you leave Jane's party?
50
00:02:34,205 --> 00:02:36,872
Well, something happened.
51
00:02:38,592 --> 00:02:40,441
Pete, what happened?
52
00:02:40,510 --> 00:02:42,961
I don't want to talk about it.
53
00:02:45,466 --> 00:02:48,467
Well, something
happened at that party.
54
00:03:02,232 --> 00:03:06,568
Hey, what happened at the party?
55
00:03:06,637 --> 00:03:10,439
If you really want
to know... nothing.
56
00:03:10,507 --> 00:03:12,106
Nothing?
57
00:03:12,175 --> 00:03:15,210
Nothing. Nobody
talked to me all night.
58
00:03:15,278 --> 00:03:18,012
Aw, go on, you're exaggerating.
59
00:03:18,081 --> 00:03:20,549
Well, one guy did.
60
00:03:20,617 --> 00:03:25,454
He said... What did he say?
61
00:03:25,522 --> 00:03:27,689
He said I have no personality.
62
00:03:27,758 --> 00:03:29,591
No personality?
63
00:03:30,728 --> 00:03:33,562
See? Nothing, zero.
64
00:03:33,630 --> 00:03:35,630
Let's face it, I'm dull.
65
00:03:35,699 --> 00:03:37,249
That's ridiculous.
66
00:03:37,317 --> 00:03:40,051
Sure it is. Listen, you
have a good personality.
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00:03:40,120 --> 00:03:42,370
Parents have to
say junk like that.
68
00:03:42,439 --> 00:03:44,450
Now, Peter, you
know that isn't so.
69
00:03:44,474 --> 00:03:47,108
Turn around, look in there
and tell me what you see.
70
00:03:47,177 --> 00:03:48,943
Same as before:
71
00:03:49,012 --> 00:03:50,044
Dull me.
72
00:03:50,113 --> 00:03:51,329
You know what I see?
73
00:03:51,398 --> 00:03:54,466
I see a fella who
had a crummy time
74
00:03:54,535 --> 00:03:55,833
at a party, that's all,
75
00:03:55,902 --> 00:03:57,147
just like his pop used to have
76
00:03:57,171 --> 00:03:58,770
when he was his age, hmm?
77
00:03:58,838 --> 00:03:59,982
And like your mother still has
78
00:04:00,006 --> 00:04:01,806
at certain luncheons.
79
00:04:01,875 --> 00:04:03,219
You'll feel much
better after you have
80
00:04:03,243 --> 00:04:04,254
a good night's sleep.
81
00:04:04,278 --> 00:04:05,610
Mmm. Your mom's right.
82
00:04:05,679 --> 00:04:07,640
This won't seem like such
a big thing in the morning.
83
00:04:07,664 --> 00:04:09,675
Good night, and don't forget
84
00:04:09,699 --> 00:04:11,432
to hang that up, okay?
85
00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:20,325
Boy, are you dull.
86
00:04:20,393 --> 00:04:22,711
Well, now, I hope
these are the right plugs.
87
00:04:22,779 --> 00:04:24,557
Just the kind the
teacher said to get
88
00:04:24,581 --> 00:04:26,058
instead of that old octopus.
89
00:04:26,082 --> 00:04:28,182
( chuckles)
90
00:04:28,252 --> 00:04:31,953
You know that all last night
I dreamed about octopuses?
91
00:04:32,022 --> 00:04:34,873
Octopussies? Octopi?
92
00:04:38,845 --> 00:04:40,356
Oops! Good-bye, my darling.
93
00:04:40,380 --> 00:04:42,141
Oh, good-bye, honey.
Have a nice day.
94
00:04:42,165 --> 00:04:43,242
Yeah.
95
00:04:43,266 --> 00:04:44,310
Good luck.
96
00:04:44,334 --> 00:04:45,334
Wait a minute, Dad.
97
00:04:45,368 --> 00:04:46,862
Fore, fore, fore!
98
00:04:46,886 --> 00:04:48,898
We still have a lot more to
do on our safety campaign.
99
00:04:48,922 --> 00:04:50,538
CINDY: Here's a whistle.
100
00:04:50,607 --> 00:04:53,087
What am I supposed
to do with this?
101
00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:54,676
You blow it.
102
00:04:54,744 --> 00:04:56,161
I know you blow it.
103
00:04:56,230 --> 00:04:57,378
For what reason?
104
00:04:57,447 --> 00:04:58,796
A fire drill!
105
00:04:58,865 --> 00:05:01,182
We have to have a fire drill.
106
00:05:01,251 --> 00:05:02,812
Our teacher says
we have to practice
107
00:05:02,836 --> 00:05:04,547
getting out of the
house real fast.
108
00:05:04,571 --> 00:05:05,832
Yeah, that's what I'm
trying to do right now.
109
00:05:05,856 --> 00:05:07,500
Look, we'll have
one when I get back.
110
00:05:07,524 --> 00:05:11,225
I promise, good-bye.
111
00:05:11,294 --> 00:05:14,145
I don't want to talk about it!
112
00:05:17,401 --> 00:05:18,549
Pete, hey, Pete.
113
00:05:18,618 --> 00:05:20,651
Listen, if you can't tell me
114
00:05:20,721 --> 00:05:22,420
what are brothers for?
115
00:05:22,488 --> 00:05:24,989
Now, come on,
what's bugging you?
116
00:05:25,058 --> 00:05:26,891
Well, last night I found out
117
00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:29,795
I haven't got something
everybody else has.
118
00:05:29,863 --> 00:05:30,863
What?
119
00:05:30,931 --> 00:05:32,141
It's something important.
120
00:05:32,165 --> 00:05:33,098
What?
121
00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:34,983
Something real important.
122
00:05:35,052 --> 00:05:37,001
Tell me, will you?
123
00:05:37,070 --> 00:05:40,588
A personality; I don't
have a personality.
124
00:05:40,657 --> 00:05:42,090
You don't have a what?
125
00:05:42,159 --> 00:05:45,093
I'm dull, d-u-l-l.
126
00:05:45,162 --> 00:05:46,627
Oh, for crying out loud.
127
00:05:46,697 --> 00:05:49,764
That's stupid, s-t-u-p-i-d.
128
00:05:49,833 --> 00:05:50,999
No, it's not.
129
00:05:51,068 --> 00:05:53,235
I'm so dull I'm
almost invisible.
130
00:05:53,303 --> 00:05:55,102
Come on, Pete, you're not dull.
131
00:05:55,171 --> 00:05:57,355
There are lots of
guys duller than you.
132
00:05:57,424 --> 00:05:58,473
Who?
133
00:05:58,542 --> 00:06:01,058
Well, there's...
134
00:06:02,529 --> 00:06:05,230
I'll think of somebody.
135
00:06:19,396 --> 00:06:21,262
( whistling)
136
00:06:21,331 --> 00:06:22,364
Ho-ho.
137
00:06:22,432 --> 00:06:24,143
Just blow right in here.
138
00:06:24,167 --> 00:06:26,000
Okay, okay, we'll
have a fire drill.
139
00:06:26,069 --> 00:06:27,001
( cheering)
140
00:06:27,070 --> 00:06:29,804
( whistling a tune)
141
00:06:34,544 --> 00:06:36,344
Okay, everybody ready?
142
00:06:36,413 --> 00:06:38,413
ALL: Yes! Yeah!
143
00:06:38,482 --> 00:06:40,882
Remember, I'm going to time us.
144
00:06:40,950 --> 00:06:46,320
Oh, uh, try to act like you
don't know it's coming, see?
145
00:06:46,390 --> 00:06:49,357
Go about your everyday
business, do what you're doing
146
00:06:49,426 --> 00:06:51,126
'cause it's got to be natural.
147
00:06:51,195 --> 00:06:55,197
CAROL: Mike, would
you blow the whistle?
148
00:06:55,265 --> 00:06:56,764
Okay.
149
00:06:56,833 --> 00:07:00,301
( blows whistle)
150
00:07:00,370 --> 00:07:02,420
KIDS: Fire drill, fire drill!
151
00:07:02,489 --> 00:07:03,437
( all yelling)
152
00:07:03,506 --> 00:07:05,226
GREG: Come on, everybody.
153
00:07:14,885 --> 00:07:17,719
Alice, what are you doing
out here with that chicken?
154
00:07:17,788 --> 00:07:21,373
Oh... Well, Mr. Brady
said to go ahead
155
00:07:21,441 --> 00:07:23,641
and do whatever you were doing.
156
00:07:23,710 --> 00:07:25,093
Oh, Alice.
157
00:07:25,162 --> 00:07:26,389
ALICE: Besides, if
there'd been a real fire,
158
00:07:26,413 --> 00:07:28,530
it would've gotten
too well done in there.
159
00:07:28,598 --> 00:07:30,959
Listen, considering
this was our first fire drill,
160
00:07:30,983 --> 00:07:32,361
we didn't do too
badly: 21 seconds.
161
00:07:32,385 --> 00:07:34,085
Hey, good, huh?
162
00:07:34,153 --> 00:07:35,420
The next time the fire drill
163
00:07:35,488 --> 00:07:37,154
has to be a
surprise, right, Dad?
164
00:07:37,224 --> 00:07:38,551
That's what I was trying to
tell you at the bottom of the...
165
00:07:38,575 --> 00:07:41,108
Right, Mike, next time we're
not gonna get any warning.
166
00:07:41,177 --> 00:07:44,044
Hear that kid? Next
time, you're on your own.
167
00:07:46,215 --> 00:07:47,760
Why didn't Peter come down?
168
00:07:47,784 --> 00:07:49,116
That's against the rules.
169
00:07:49,185 --> 00:07:50,652
Mom said he didn't have to.
170
00:07:50,720 --> 00:07:53,031
Pete's down in the
dumps about something.
171
00:07:53,055 --> 00:07:54,388
What?
172
00:07:54,457 --> 00:07:55,918
Well, the other night at
the party, some guy told him
173
00:07:55,942 --> 00:07:58,693
he was dull, that he
didn't have any personality.
174
00:07:58,762 --> 00:08:00,356
And Pete believed him?
175
00:08:00,380 --> 00:08:01,380
That's silly.
176
00:08:01,448 --> 00:08:02,992
Well, that just goes to show you
177
00:08:03,016 --> 00:08:04,727
if you aren't too
careful of what you say,
178
00:08:04,751 --> 00:08:07,191
you can sure hurt
somebody's feelings.
179
00:08:10,223 --> 00:08:12,284
Maybe there's a way
we can help Peter.
180
00:08:12,308 --> 00:08:13,608
Yeah, but how?
181
00:08:13,677 --> 00:08:15,242
Yeah, how?
182
00:08:15,311 --> 00:08:17,445
Well, if one person
can say something
183
00:08:17,514 --> 00:08:20,415
to make someone feel bad,
then maybe another person
184
00:08:20,483 --> 00:08:22,884
can say something
to make him feel good.
185
00:08:25,655 --> 00:08:27,255
Here he comes.
186
00:08:30,944 --> 00:08:32,978
Just don't be too
obvious, Kathy.
187
00:08:33,046 --> 00:08:34,479
Peter's pretty sharp.
188
00:08:36,883 --> 00:08:37,927
MARCIA: Hi.
189
00:08:37,951 --> 00:08:38,962
KATHY: Hello, Peter.
190
00:08:38,986 --> 00:08:40,384
Hi.
191
00:08:40,453 --> 00:08:42,364
Pete, what's the name of
that science fiction movie
192
00:08:42,388 --> 00:08:44,990
you were talking about... The
one that's on TV this week?
193
00:08:45,058 --> 00:08:47,191
The Invasion of
the Potato People.
194
00:08:47,260 --> 00:08:48,175
That's it.
195
00:08:48,244 --> 00:08:49,522
What's it about?
196
00:08:49,546 --> 00:08:52,380
Oh, just a dumb old
science fiction movie.
197
00:08:52,449 --> 00:08:54,944
Thank you, Peter that
was very considerate.
198
00:08:54,968 --> 00:08:57,235
What was? I didn't do anything.
199
00:08:57,304 --> 00:08:59,215
You took the trouble to help us.
200
00:08:59,239 --> 00:09:02,323
Attractive boys
aren't usually so nice.
201
00:09:02,392 --> 00:09:04,959
You're right. What's
the movie about, Pete?
202
00:09:05,028 --> 00:09:07,711
Oh, just a drippy old scientist.
203
00:09:07,780 --> 00:09:10,031
That sounds so exciting!
204
00:09:10,100 --> 00:09:11,298
Exciting?
205
00:09:11,367 --> 00:09:13,318
It's the way you
say it, I guess.
206
00:09:13,386 --> 00:09:16,153
You know, he has
such a way with words.
207
00:09:16,222 --> 00:09:17,888
I do?
208
00:09:17,957 --> 00:09:19,324
Tell us more.
209
00:09:19,392 --> 00:09:21,421
Well, this scientist is
trying to protect the earth
210
00:09:21,445 --> 00:09:23,545
from these terrible
potato people.
211
00:09:23,614 --> 00:09:26,514
Oh, you make it sound so scary.
212
00:09:26,583 --> 00:09:29,083
Do the potato people
look like potatoes?
213
00:09:29,152 --> 00:09:30,880
Yeah. They've got
eyes all over them.
214
00:09:30,904 --> 00:09:33,064
They're trying to plant
themselves in the earth
215
00:09:33,123 --> 00:09:34,388
and take it over.
216
00:09:34,457 --> 00:09:36,224
I could die!
217
00:09:36,293 --> 00:09:38,426
He's too much!
218
00:09:38,494 --> 00:09:39,738
They're kind of
an icky, dirt color.
219
00:09:39,762 --> 00:09:41,096
And they've got these sprouts
220
00:09:41,164 --> 00:09:42,641
sticking all out of
their potato heads.
221
00:09:42,665 --> 00:09:45,567
I've got goose bumps,
the way you tell it.
222
00:09:45,636 --> 00:09:47,068
He's so forceful.
223
00:09:47,137 --> 00:09:48,770
And what a memory!
224
00:09:48,838 --> 00:09:51,622
The best part is when the
scientist hides behind a rock
225
00:09:51,691 --> 00:09:53,174
like this.
226
00:09:54,677 --> 00:09:58,813
He's trying to wipe
out the potato people.
227
00:09:58,882 --> 00:10:01,199
He injects the ground
with a secret chemical...
228
00:10:01,267 --> 00:10:03,112
Is Peter home from school yet?
229
00:10:03,136 --> 00:10:05,186
Cindy!
230
00:10:05,255 --> 00:10:06,854
Did Kathy trick him yet?
231
00:10:06,923 --> 00:10:08,951
Did it make him feel better?
232
00:10:08,975 --> 00:10:10,708
What do you mean, trick me?
233
00:10:10,777 --> 00:10:12,794
Sorry, Marcia.
234
00:10:25,859 --> 00:10:27,770
We were only
trying to help, Pete.
235
00:10:27,794 --> 00:10:30,394
You really did make
the story sound exciting.
236
00:10:48,581 --> 00:10:53,834
Mirror, mirror on the wall,
who's the dullest one of all?
237
00:11:04,414 --> 00:11:06,314
( phone rings)
238
00:11:06,383 --> 00:11:08,082
Hello.
239
00:11:08,151 --> 00:11:09,328
Yes, he is.
240
00:11:09,352 --> 00:11:12,253
Well, may I tell
Peter who's calling?
241
00:11:12,322 --> 00:11:15,089
Oh. Sure, Peggy,
hold on a minute.
242
00:11:15,158 --> 00:11:17,291
Peter.
243
00:11:19,396 --> 00:11:21,012
( louder): Peter!
244
00:11:24,785 --> 00:11:27,702
Telephone for you.
245
00:11:34,044 --> 00:11:35,210
Who is it?
246
00:11:35,278 --> 00:11:37,078
It's Peggy.
247
00:11:38,481 --> 00:11:41,583
Hi, Peggy.
248
00:11:41,651 --> 00:11:44,085
When's the party?
249
00:11:44,153 --> 00:11:46,087
Wait a minute, let me check.
250
00:11:51,695 --> 00:11:54,095
Sorry, I'm doing
something that night.
251
00:11:54,164 --> 00:11:55,613
Thanks anyway. Bye.
252
00:11:56,733 --> 00:11:59,601
Peter, why'd you do that?
253
00:11:59,669 --> 00:12:02,520
Well, how would you like to be
the fourth guy asked to a party?
254
00:12:02,589 --> 00:12:03,832
What difference does it make...
255
00:12:03,856 --> 00:12:05,601
First, fourth, or whatever?
256
00:12:05,625 --> 00:12:09,026
Well, anyway, I don't
care if I go or not.
257
00:12:09,095 --> 00:12:11,429
I'm just plain dull at parties.
258
00:12:11,498 --> 00:12:14,326
Peter, if you were as
dull as you think you are,
259
00:12:14,350 --> 00:12:16,550
would anybody
invite you to a party?
260
00:12:16,619 --> 00:12:18,419
I'm don't think I'm dull.
261
00:12:18,487 --> 00:12:19,754
I know I'm dull.
262
00:12:19,822 --> 00:12:21,267
Well, I think
you've just decided
263
00:12:21,291 --> 00:12:23,536
to feel sorry for
yourself and enjoy it.
264
00:12:23,560 --> 00:12:24,804
You know, I'm
disappointed in you.
265
00:12:24,828 --> 00:12:25,993
You're quitting.
266
00:12:26,062 --> 00:12:29,063
That's not how you
cope with problems.
267
00:12:29,132 --> 00:12:30,464
Stop moping around.
268
00:12:30,533 --> 00:12:33,467
If you don't like your
personality, improve it.
269
00:12:33,536 --> 00:12:35,186
Change it.
270
00:12:35,255 --> 00:12:37,905
If you don't like your
personality, improve it.
271
00:12:37,974 --> 00:12:39,073
Change it.
272
00:12:39,141 --> 00:12:41,141
Dad's right.
273
00:12:41,210 --> 00:12:43,310
But change it to what?
274
00:12:51,638 --> 00:12:55,105
MAN ( with English accent): Ah,
do you really think so, Clarette?
275
00:12:55,174 --> 00:12:58,275
WOMAN ( with English accent):
Now, Donald, don't be modest.
276
00:12:58,345 --> 00:13:00,211
You're so fascinating
277
00:13:00,279 --> 00:13:02,913
it's impossible to resist you.
278
00:13:02,982 --> 00:13:07,151
Ah, but I am what you
compel me to be, my darling.
279
00:13:07,220 --> 00:13:09,119
( chuckles)
280
00:13:09,188 --> 00:13:13,725
You do love to toy
with people, don't you?
281
00:13:13,793 --> 00:13:18,763
Oh, kiss me, you
suave, hypnotic charmer.
282
00:13:18,832 --> 00:13:22,700
You suave, hypnotic charmer.
283
00:13:26,356 --> 00:13:27,366
Bobby, go on upstairs.
284
00:13:27,390 --> 00:13:28,656
You're not supposed to know.
285
00:13:28,725 --> 00:13:30,791
It's a surprise
fire drill, right?
286
00:13:30,860 --> 00:13:32,760
Yes, it's a surprise fire drill.
287
00:13:32,829 --> 00:13:33,945
Scoot on upstairs.
288
00:13:34,013 --> 00:13:36,447
And pretend you don't know.
289
00:13:42,989 --> 00:13:45,389
I love surprises.
290
00:13:52,231 --> 00:13:54,231
( blows whistle)
291
00:13:55,651 --> 00:13:57,801
( all shouting)
292
00:14:04,227 --> 00:14:08,746
( all shouting)
293
00:14:08,815 --> 00:14:09,914
Well, I don't know.
294
00:14:09,983 --> 00:14:11,149
Peter's not here yet.
295
00:14:11,217 --> 00:14:13,617
Oh, now, where is he?
296
00:14:15,588 --> 00:14:17,233
Top of the day, old chaps.
297
00:14:17,257 --> 00:14:19,323
What's the umbrella for?
298
00:14:19,392 --> 00:14:21,876
There isn't even any clouds.
299
00:14:21,944 --> 00:14:23,455
Peter, what's the joke?
300
00:14:23,479 --> 00:14:25,880
Joke? It's my new personality.
301
00:14:25,949 --> 00:14:27,415
Don't you like it?
302
00:14:27,483 --> 00:14:29,884
( stifling snickers)
303
00:14:29,953 --> 00:14:33,054
Well, Peter, it...
You don't like it.
304
00:14:39,211 --> 00:14:41,290
WOMAN ( on TV): I
shouldn't be here with you,
305
00:14:41,314 --> 00:14:42,980
yet here I am.
306
00:14:43,048 --> 00:14:45,650
Say something, Joe.
307
00:14:45,718 --> 00:14:47,229
MAN ( imitating Bogart):
Look, sweetheart,
308
00:14:47,253 --> 00:14:49,520
don't tell me when
to say something.
309
00:14:49,589 --> 00:14:51,221
Joe, I didn't mean...
310
00:14:51,291 --> 00:14:53,057
It's all right, sweetheart.
311
00:14:53,126 --> 00:14:55,760
Just shut up and kiss me.
312
00:15:02,869 --> 00:15:07,137
If you want me,
sweetheart, just whistle.
313
00:15:07,206 --> 00:15:12,459
If you want me,
sweetheart, just whistle.
314
00:15:23,440 --> 00:15:25,473
( mimicking Bogart): Hey, Mom.
315
00:15:25,542 --> 00:15:27,442
Hi, Alice.
316
00:15:27,510 --> 00:15:28,843
What's for dinner?
317
00:15:28,912 --> 00:15:30,277
Pork chops.
318
00:15:30,346 --> 00:15:32,379
Pork chops, huh?
319
00:15:32,449 --> 00:15:33,981
What else?
320
00:15:34,050 --> 00:15:35,416
Applesauce.
321
00:15:35,485 --> 00:15:38,953
Pork chops and applesauce.
322
00:15:39,021 --> 00:15:40,638
Ain't that swell.
323
00:15:40,707 --> 00:15:43,791
Have you got something
stuck in your teeth?
324
00:15:43,859 --> 00:15:45,359
Why do you say that?
325
00:15:45,428 --> 00:15:47,006
MIKE: Hi, honey.
326
00:15:47,030 --> 00:15:48,240
I'm home.
327
00:15:48,264 --> 00:15:52,099
You say we're having pork chops
328
00:15:52,168 --> 00:15:54,608
and applesauce for dinner?
329
00:15:55,071 --> 00:15:57,088
Yeah.
330
00:15:57,156 --> 00:15:58,989
That's swell.
331
00:16:01,027 --> 00:16:02,027
Hi, honey.
332
00:16:02,061 --> 00:16:03,111
Hi, sweetheart.
333
00:16:04,196 --> 00:16:05,663
What's for dinner?
334
00:16:05,732 --> 00:16:08,766
( imitating Bogart): Pork
chops and uh, applesauce.
335
00:16:08,835 --> 00:16:09,835
Huh?
336
00:16:09,903 --> 00:16:12,670
Pork chops and uh, applesauce.
337
00:16:12,739 --> 00:16:14,371
Isn't that swell?
338
00:16:14,440 --> 00:16:16,184
I think you need a vacation.
339
00:16:16,208 --> 00:16:18,275
Guess who's, uh,
coming to dinner?
340
00:16:18,344 --> 00:16:19,810
A psychiatrist, I hope.
341
00:16:19,879 --> 00:16:22,613
No, I, uh, I think it's
Humphrey Bogart.
342
00:16:22,682 --> 00:16:24,682
I'm not sure.
343
00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:33,140
Hi, Dad.
344
00:16:33,209 --> 00:16:34,570
( chuckles): Hello, Peter.
345
00:16:34,594 --> 00:16:38,712
We're having pork
chops and applesauce.
346
00:16:38,781 --> 00:16:39,864
( chuckling)
347
00:16:39,932 --> 00:16:41,610
Hey, Pete, that's pretty good.
348
00:16:41,634 --> 00:16:44,101
Of course, there's only
one Humphrey Bogart.
349
00:16:44,169 --> 00:16:46,649
Doubt whether there'll
ever be another one.
350
00:16:46,705 --> 00:16:48,906
You don't like this
new personality either?
351
00:16:48,975 --> 00:16:50,841
Oh, well, that's just
the trouble, Peter.
352
00:16:50,910 --> 00:16:52,509
It's not your new personality.
353
00:16:52,579 --> 00:16:54,378
It's Humphrey Bogart's old one.
354
00:16:54,447 --> 00:16:58,165
All the great personalities
belong to somebody else.
355
00:16:58,234 --> 00:17:01,135
Well, why don't you stop
trying to imitate other people
356
00:17:01,204 --> 00:17:03,787
and just develop
your own personality?
357
00:17:03,856 --> 00:17:05,989
It's not going to be easy.
358
00:17:09,929 --> 00:17:12,062
I hope there's not
an old Dracula movie
359
00:17:12,131 --> 00:17:13,597
on TV tonight.
360
00:17:13,666 --> 00:17:15,744
( imitating Dracula): Why,
you don't like Dracula?
361
00:17:15,768 --> 00:17:17,813
Let me kiss your
lily-white neck.
362
00:17:17,837 --> 00:17:19,715
I will take you to...
Mike, cut that out.
363
00:17:19,739 --> 00:17:21,372
You know I can't stand it. No!
364
00:17:21,441 --> 00:17:22,507
( laughing)
365
00:17:24,611 --> 00:17:26,489
See, I added a
central courtyard here
366
00:17:26,513 --> 00:17:27,823
to handle all the traffic flow.
367
00:17:27,847 --> 00:17:29,780
Mm-hmm. Gee, I think
that's very attractive.
368
00:17:29,849 --> 00:17:32,517
Yeah, I think that helps.
369
00:17:35,488 --> 00:17:37,021
Oh. Come on in, Peter.
370
00:17:37,089 --> 00:17:39,323
Well, if you're busy,
I can come back.
371
00:17:39,392 --> 00:17:41,472
No, it's okay, Pete. Come in.
372
00:17:41,528 --> 00:17:43,994
Well... I was just
wondering, uh...
373
00:17:44,063 --> 00:17:46,397
would you like to hear a joke?
374
00:17:46,466 --> 00:17:47,476
A joke?
375
00:17:47,500 --> 00:17:48,500
Well, sure.
376
00:17:48,568 --> 00:17:50,301
It's probably not too funny.
377
00:17:50,370 --> 00:17:52,320
Well, why don't
you try us and see?
378
00:17:52,388 --> 00:17:54,499
You don't have to laugh
if you don't feel like it.
379
00:17:54,523 --> 00:17:55,784
Why don't you let
us be the judge.
380
00:17:55,808 --> 00:17:57,007
Let's hear it.
381
00:17:57,076 --> 00:17:59,054
You know why horses
can't go to college?
382
00:17:59,078 --> 00:18:02,796
Um, no. Uh, why can't
horses go to college?
383
00:18:02,865 --> 00:18:04,548
They can't finish high school.
384
00:18:04,617 --> 00:18:05,666
( laughing)
385
00:18:05,735 --> 00:18:07,401
Where'd you hear that?
386
00:18:07,470 --> 00:18:09,448
I got it out of a
joke book I bought.
387
00:18:09,472 --> 00:18:11,249
That's pretty good.
You got another one?
388
00:18:11,273 --> 00:18:13,373
Yeah. If teachers are so smart,
389
00:18:13,443 --> 00:18:15,709
how come they're
still in school?
390
00:18:15,778 --> 00:18:17,906
( laughing) Hey, if teachers
are... That's pretty cute.
391
00:18:17,930 --> 00:18:20,381
More coffee? What's so funny?
392
00:18:20,450 --> 00:18:22,627
Oh, Peter's really telling us
393
00:18:22,651 --> 00:18:23,929
some good jokes.
394
00:18:23,953 --> 00:18:26,086
Oh, I love a joke.
395
00:18:26,155 --> 00:18:27,755
Go ahead, tell another one.
396
00:18:27,824 --> 00:18:30,091
Well, these two
guys meet on a corner
397
00:18:30,160 --> 00:18:32,526
and one guy says to the other,
398
00:18:32,595 --> 00:18:35,012
"My brother just got
a job making switches
399
00:18:35,081 --> 00:18:36,514
for an electric company."
400
00:18:36,583 --> 00:18:39,317
And the other guy
says, "Is it steady work?"
401
00:18:39,385 --> 00:18:42,569
And the first guy says,
"No, it's just off and on."
402
00:18:42,638 --> 00:18:43,704
( laughing)
403
00:18:43,773 --> 00:18:44,773
Off and on?
404
00:18:44,840 --> 00:18:46,006
That's very funny...
405
00:18:46,075 --> 00:18:48,909
( Alice continues laughing)
406
00:18:48,978 --> 00:18:50,344
That's good.
407
00:18:52,648 --> 00:18:53,981
Do you know what's gray
408
00:18:54,049 --> 00:18:55,649
and stamps out jungle fires?
409
00:18:55,718 --> 00:18:56,761
No, what's gray
410
00:18:56,785 --> 00:18:58,464
and stamps out jungle fires?
411
00:18:58,488 --> 00:18:59,820
Smoky the elephant.
412
00:18:59,888 --> 00:19:01,973
( laughing)
413
00:19:09,599 --> 00:19:11,098
Smoky the... elephant.
414
00:19:11,166 --> 00:19:12,833
Hey, Peter, that's good.
415
00:19:13,902 --> 00:19:15,068
Tell me, what do you get
416
00:19:15,138 --> 00:19:17,137
when you cross a
parrot with a tiger?
417
00:19:17,206 --> 00:19:18,872
I don't know. What do you get
418
00:19:18,941 --> 00:19:20,218
when you cross a
parrot with a tiger?
419
00:19:20,242 --> 00:19:21,420
I don't know, either,
420
00:19:21,444 --> 00:19:23,455
but when it talks,
you better listen.
421
00:19:23,479 --> 00:19:24,578
( laughing)
422
00:19:24,647 --> 00:19:26,781
( laughing)
423
00:19:35,524 --> 00:19:36,540
( sighs)
424
00:19:36,609 --> 00:19:37,808
How are the kids coming
425
00:19:37,877 --> 00:19:39,076
with the safety campaign?
426
00:19:39,145 --> 00:19:40,188
Oh, we must have
the safest house
427
00:19:40,212 --> 00:19:41,912
in the country by now. Yeah?
428
00:19:41,981 --> 00:19:45,650
The only thing left are seat
belts for the dining room chairs.
429
00:19:45,718 --> 00:19:47,518
Don't give that
idea to the kids.
430
00:19:47,587 --> 00:19:48,587
( knocking on door)
431
00:19:48,655 --> 00:19:49,720
Come in.
432
00:19:51,157 --> 00:19:53,006
Can I talk to you for a minute?
433
00:19:53,075 --> 00:19:54,575
Sure. What is it, Peter?
434
00:19:54,644 --> 00:19:57,944
Well... I wanted to
ask you something.
435
00:19:58,013 --> 00:19:59,647
Can I have a party?
436
00:19:59,715 --> 00:20:01,048
A party?
437
00:20:01,116 --> 00:20:02,661
Okay, it's all right by me
438
00:20:02,685 --> 00:20:04,463
if it's all right with your mom.
439
00:20:04,487 --> 00:20:05,531
Sure, I don't mind.
440
00:20:05,555 --> 00:20:06,887
Thanks, Mom. Thanks, Dad.
441
00:20:06,955 --> 00:20:08,466
What's the occasion?
442
00:20:08,490 --> 00:20:10,157
I just want to tell a few jokes
443
00:20:10,226 --> 00:20:12,266
and let everybody see
my new personality.
444
00:20:12,328 --> 00:20:15,396
You're coming out of
your shell. That's good.
445
00:20:15,464 --> 00:20:18,598
Well, now that I've got
this great new personality,
446
00:20:18,667 --> 00:20:21,268
why should I waste
it on just the family?
447
00:20:26,626 --> 00:20:28,258
You know, Mike, I think
448
00:20:28,328 --> 00:20:30,506
Peter's jokes are kind of cute
449
00:20:30,530 --> 00:20:31,810
but maybe the kids
450
00:20:31,864 --> 00:20:34,042
he invites to the party won't.
451
00:20:34,066 --> 00:20:36,383
Honey, kids usually
like those kind of jokes.
452
00:20:36,452 --> 00:20:39,086
Besides, he's finally
enthusiastic about something.
453
00:20:39,154 --> 00:20:40,154
It's important.
454
00:20:40,222 --> 00:20:42,623
Well, I guess you're right.
455
00:20:42,691 --> 00:20:45,292
Who knows? Maybe that's
how Bob Hope started.
456
00:20:45,361 --> 00:20:46,372
Ha, ha, ha.
457
00:20:46,396 --> 00:20:48,629
Ha, ha, ha.
458
00:20:56,172 --> 00:20:57,283
Anybody want seconds? Thirds?
459
00:20:57,307 --> 00:20:58,472
Oh, yeah.
460
00:21:19,729 --> 00:21:22,396
Hey, everybody, you
want to hear a joke?
461
00:21:22,465 --> 00:21:24,945
( kids shouting encouragement)
462
00:21:26,002 --> 00:21:28,302
Okay, this man
walks into a restaurant
463
00:21:28,371 --> 00:21:29,953
and he says to the waiter,
464
00:21:30,022 --> 00:21:31,355
"Do you serve crabs?"
465
00:21:31,424 --> 00:21:32,823
And the waiter says...
466
00:21:32,892 --> 00:21:34,841
"Sit down. We serve anyone."
467
00:21:34,910 --> 00:21:38,478
( all laughing)
468
00:21:38,547 --> 00:21:40,842
( talking, laughter)
469
00:21:40,866 --> 00:21:43,267
Hey, listen, he's
really killing them.
470
00:21:43,335 --> 00:21:44,701
My son, the comedian.
471
00:21:44,770 --> 00:21:46,403
Yeah.
472
00:21:46,472 --> 00:21:48,200
I guess you all heard that one.
473
00:21:48,224 --> 00:21:49,590
Well, how about this one?
474
00:21:49,658 --> 00:21:51,170
This lady goes to the doctor
475
00:21:51,194 --> 00:21:53,610
and she says,
"Doctor, when I get well,
476
00:21:53,679 --> 00:21:55,590
will I be able to
play the violin?"
477
00:21:55,614 --> 00:21:57,392
And the doctor
says, "Of course!"
478
00:21:57,416 --> 00:21:59,376
And the lady says,
"That's great...
479
00:21:59,435 --> 00:22:01,847
'cause I never
played it before."
480
00:22:01,871 --> 00:22:03,904
( all laughing)
481
00:22:03,973 --> 00:22:06,340
He's really knocking them dead.
482
00:22:06,409 --> 00:22:09,343
Well, I was right...
Another Bob Hope.
483
00:22:10,797 --> 00:22:13,163
Sounds like everybody's
having a ball, Peter.
484
00:22:13,232 --> 00:22:14,877
Yeah, some ball.
485
00:22:14,901 --> 00:22:16,044
What's the matter?
486
00:22:16,068 --> 00:22:17,484
We hear them laughing.
487
00:22:17,553 --> 00:22:19,836
Sure. Every time I
start to tell a joke,
488
00:22:19,905 --> 00:22:23,040
someone else
tells the punch line.
489
00:22:29,465 --> 00:22:32,366
( all talking softly)
490
00:22:44,914 --> 00:22:46,964
What's the matter, Peter?
491
00:22:47,032 --> 00:22:48,248
Nothing.
492
00:22:48,317 --> 00:22:50,384
Then why are you
sitting by yourself?
493
00:22:50,453 --> 00:22:52,653
That's what you did at
Jane's party last week.
494
00:22:52,722 --> 00:22:55,506
I don't want to ruin
everybody's fun.
495
00:22:55,574 --> 00:22:56,823
I'm too dull.
496
00:22:56,892 --> 00:22:58,108
You're not dull.
497
00:22:58,177 --> 00:23:00,110
I think you're very nice.
498
00:23:00,179 --> 00:23:01,795
You're just saying that.
499
00:23:01,864 --> 00:23:04,248
I am not, and if
you don't believe me
500
00:23:04,317 --> 00:23:05,498
ask somebody else.
501
00:23:05,567 --> 00:23:07,651
Hey, Judy, come here.
502
00:23:07,719 --> 00:23:09,052
What's up?
503
00:23:09,121 --> 00:23:11,188
Peter thinks he's dull.
504
00:23:11,257 --> 00:23:13,435
Peter, dull? That's silly.
505
00:23:13,459 --> 00:23:15,392
That's what I said, too.
506
00:23:15,461 --> 00:23:17,227
Hey, what's going on?
507
00:23:17,296 --> 00:23:19,046
Peter says he's dull.
508
00:23:19,115 --> 00:23:21,343
Isn't that ridiculous?
509
00:23:21,367 --> 00:23:22,833
It sure is.
510
00:23:22,901 --> 00:23:23,901
Poor Peter.
511
00:23:23,953 --> 00:23:26,019
He must be miserable in there.
512
00:23:26,088 --> 00:23:28,222
Mm, no, I'm not
shy, I really am dull.
513
00:23:28,291 --> 00:23:29,968
Have you seen
anybody duller than me?
514
00:23:29,992 --> 00:23:31,509
If Peter's miserable
515
00:23:31,577 --> 00:23:34,378
that is the only
way to be miserable.
516
00:23:34,446 --> 00:23:37,414
( kids talking softly)
517
00:23:40,586 --> 00:23:43,888
( kids laughing)
518
00:23:45,408 --> 00:23:47,474
That's somebody who's dull.
519
00:23:47,543 --> 00:23:48,925
He's got a harem.
520
00:23:51,880 --> 00:23:53,747
( blowing whistle)
521
00:23:53,816 --> 00:23:56,099
( blowing whistle)
522
00:23:56,168 --> 00:23:58,202
BOTH ( yelling): Fire! Fire!
523
00:23:58,271 --> 00:23:59,670
Fire drill! Fire drill!
524
00:23:59,738 --> 00:24:00,738
Get out this way.
525
00:24:00,806 --> 00:24:01,806
Follow me!
526
00:24:01,840 --> 00:24:02,989
( all shouting)
527
00:24:03,058 --> 00:24:05,209
How's that for a surprise?!
528
00:24:07,946 --> 00:24:10,242
What a dumb
time for a fire drill.
529
00:24:10,266 --> 00:24:13,050
Just when I was having
fun with my five guests.
530
00:24:13,118 --> 00:24:15,013
You had 11 guests, Peter.
531
00:24:15,037 --> 00:24:17,771
Five. Who counts boys?
532
00:24:17,840 --> 00:24:19,189
( laughing)
533
00:24:19,258 --> 00:24:21,324
He's a chip off
the old block, huh?
534
00:24:21,394 --> 00:24:23,874
Oh, yeah? Since when?
535
00:24:35,307 --> 00:24:36,723
I was right all along.
536
00:24:36,792 --> 00:24:37,825
I am dull.
537
00:24:37,893 --> 00:24:40,260
Oh, Peter, don't
start that again.
538
00:24:40,329 --> 00:24:41,929
Oh, I don't mind. I like it.
539
00:24:41,997 --> 00:24:43,158
You like it?
540
00:24:43,182 --> 00:24:45,082
It's great. My personality's
541
00:24:45,150 --> 00:24:46,717
making me very popular.
542
00:24:46,785 --> 00:24:48,268
Girls love a dull guy.
543
00:24:48,337 --> 00:24:49,430
You don't say?
544
00:24:49,454 --> 00:24:50,370
PETER: Sure.
545
00:24:50,439 --> 00:24:51,805
They hang around you
546
00:24:51,874 --> 00:24:53,351
and they try to convince
you that you're not dull.
547
00:24:53,375 --> 00:24:56,176
I'm the first guy invited
to three parties next week.
548
00:24:57,696 --> 00:25:00,096
Well, looks like
dull is in this year.
549
00:25:00,165 --> 00:25:03,032
Why don't you change
your personality, dear?
550
00:25:04,670 --> 00:25:07,371
( mimicking Bogart): If
you say so, sweetheart.
551
00:25:07,439 --> 00:25:09,684
( mimicking Bogart): How
about some pork chops
552
00:25:09,708 --> 00:25:10,985
and, uh, applesauce?
553
00:25:11,009 --> 00:25:12,709
I'd rather have a... kiss.
554
00:25:12,778 --> 00:25:14,456
( in normal voice):
Oh, the first time
555
00:25:14,480 --> 00:25:17,040
I've ever kissed
Humphrey Bogart.
38093
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