All language subtitles for Love.Storming.2010.SPANISH.1080p.BluRay.H264.AAC-VXT

Don't worry. You'll make it.
We'll get there just in time.

- Bea.
- What?

Remember last year's lamb?

- You're so annoying.
- I remember.

This year I bought a lamb shoulder
and it's going to be amazing.

I found out the trick
used by chefs in restaurants.

Sergio,
your mother didn't know about this.

Bea, do you know
what I'm cooking it with?

No.

A glass of cognac. A little bit.

Better than your mother's, Sergio.

If she calls, give her my best.

She's always cooked with cognac.
Her whole life.

Dad, we can't stay.

Just in case,
there'll be lamb enough.

What job makes you work
on New Year?

- Mine.
- Sorry, son, but that job is a bit...

Shitty! You've always said
he has a shitty job!

Grandma and I are going to have
a great New Year's Eve.

Are we going to have fun?

I'll be in bed at 11.

I'll wait here
in case it doesn't take off.

What are you saying?
Don't make Grandma wait.

That's a big suitcase.
Bea, you're not going abroad.

You pair,
call me when you get to Madrid.

You see? Cold as ice.

How did you make it
through all these years?

Bye, Bea.

We'll meet again for my birthday.

- The lamb will be delicious.
- We'll see...

- Goodbye, Dad.
- Bye.

Bye.

He's looking.

Don't.

A bit further. It won't hurt you.

That's enough, don't you think?

Yeah, it is.

- Thank you.
- You have to tell him.

When he gets over the divorce, I...

I don't mind having dinner with you,

but you can't keep this.
I'm going to Germany.

I'll talk to him after Christmas.

We broke up seven months ago.

I'll call him tomorrow.

- Okay.
- Yeah.

We're not getting emotional now,
right?

No. You will be great working
at your parent's restaurant.

- I hope so.
- Yes, you'll be great.

Yeah, Bea, you...

You are... very nice!

I...

Goodbye.

Will you come in summer?

Won't you?

"Nice."

Damn it.

"Nice."

"Nice." Damn it.

- Hi, Dad.
- Did you listen the radio?

- Have you had dinner?
- They said we're taking off.

One of the secretaries
spoke about the snowfall.

Don't worry. We can't...

We can't...

We can't get off.

Get Bea on the phone.
I bought an expensive cognac.

Sergio?

She can't...

- She can't talk.
- What? Put her on.

Dad, I have to hang up. Bye.

Sergio?

Sergius!

This is great!
I said, "Look who's here."

It was fourth grade, right?

You don't remember my name?

- I don't recall it right now.
- Juan Carlos.

But I'm not Juan Carlos anymore.
You know what they call me now?

- I don't.
- Juancarliters.

Juancarliters! Liters!

He doesn't get it!
Portugalete's fair champion.

Do you know what category?
Beer lifting!

Okay, Portugalete...

I'll stop. Laughing so hard hurts.

You were there only one year?

Yes, I sat behind you.
Tell me about the guys.

What guys?

The gang, Tuli, Turutas, Petrol...
Damn Petrol. She was crazy.

It's been a long time since...
Maybe in Facebook.

Facebook? Screw Facebook.

I'm gob-smacked
at what a lie Facebook is.

- Lie?
- It doesn't work.

Everybody speaks about Facebook.
It doesn't work.

I've sent friend requests by the ton.
To everybody.

They don't get them.
No one has accepted.

Goddamn Facebook!

Fix the server, you tight-asses.
Does it work for you?

- I created an account...
- Doesn't work for anybody...

Screw them.

We ran into each other in the flesh
and that's what matters.

We were looking forward to it!

Miss! Hey!

Bring me 12 grapes!
We could be here till grapes come.

- What's wrong?
- We are not taking off.

What do you mean? A little snowfall
can't affect a plane like this.

- They said on the radio...
- Radio? Who's the pilot?

The captain or Iñaki Gabilondo,
?

This is the captain speaking.
We can't take off due to bad weather.

We'll have to deplane.
Follow the crew's instructions.

I told you.

What do you mean
you can't find my luggage?

Sir, can you wait a second?

Fill in the form, please.

One of your colleagues
took it to the cabin

because it didn't fit in...
Can I finish, sir?

I need to be home this evening!

Excuse me! How are you?

- Good, thank you.
- Remember my suitcase didn't fit?

Right, sure.
I think I put it next to the cabin.

- You think?
- A brown one with a belt, right?

No, it was a gray suitcase
with wheels.

Excuse me,
could you go back and get it?

- I can't.
- What about one of your colleagues?

Not anymore.

Not anymore?
I'm filling in a complaint.

Not a general complaint,
one against you!

- No!
- No. You always say no.

- Don't, please.
- Please?

I'm new. This is my first week.

I see. Tell me your name.

My dad helped me to get this job.

- So what?
- If he finds out...

You don't know my dad.

I'm sure he'll find out.
He's the captain.

That's all we need! Your name.

Your name. What is it?

The road is closed and we're spending
the night in a hotel nearby.

Sergius! You're a beast!

Sit in the last row where the fun is.

Come here!
We're singing Christmas carols.

Are you going to Madrid for parties?

I'm going to Ciudad Real. Work.

Work? Tomorrow is a bank holiday.

I work for a newspaper and we cover
the first baby of the New Year.

Are you a journalist?
If you want a hilarious report,

interview some friends of mine
forum.

You'll hit it off. They are like us.

I'm not a real fan of New Year's Eve.

Two cannibals are eating a clown
and one looks at the other and says,

"Does this taste funny to you?"

It's them.
Let's listen to their madness.

They found a spot in Puerta del Sol.
You have to come.

Let's make a big fuss
like in Sebas's class. Remember?

Sebas? His class? The teacher?

Yeah, the PE teacher.

Social Studies. You saved my ass.

Don't you remember?
You saved my ass.

Social Studies? I don't...

The river "obituaries" test.
You have to remember.

The crib sheet. If I failed, I had to
work in my mother's hardware store.

I drop it in the middle of the test.

Sebas comes towards me.

When it seems like
he's going to bust me...

Bang! You raise your hand
and distract him! You were a badass!

I got it back
and he never saw anything.

Actually, I don't...

If you hadn't distracted him,
I wouldn't be who I am now.

I'm not telling you.
Nobody believes it.

Comedian! What do you say?
But one of those who tells jokes.

I'm working in the hardware store,
just until I make a splash.

It won't take long.
You know why I'm going to Madrid?

Tomorrow I have
my first gig in the city.

If you celebrate your wedding,
I'll put on a hilarious show.

Do you plan to get married
or anything like that?

Not at the moment.

But you have a girlfriend, don't you?
Don't worry.

No one will ruin our New Year's Eve.

You're a badass!

Sergius.

One moment, please.

Shall we meet at quarter to 12?

Sorry, I'm going to sleep.

To sleep it off when the night ends.

It's great being together again.

Tonight, we're going to get cooked.

- Juan Carlos...
- Juancarliters. Give me your number.

What for?

To save it. I'm calling you later.

Okay... 620...

858... 23... 57.

It has ten numbers.

I told you the office's extension.
Discard the last number.

Okay, I'll call you later.
Tonight is going to be a great night.

Here's the room key for you
and your friend.

Sorry, it was a single room.

Sorry.
There are only double rooms left.

Double minibar is what we want, miss!

I'm very fond of Ciudad Real.

The only time I scored a girl
telling jokes.

In Pub Zeus. Do you know it?
Does it sound familiar?

Yes, the one close to the bull ring.

That night was a hit.
What a performance!

- Are you kidding, right?
- What?

Pub Zeus is a brothel.
You knew that, right?

Yes, of course I knew it.
Of course.

I said, "Let's see if he knows".

Pub Zeus... Obviously.

- Who's that?
- You're here?

I was looking for you.
Do you have mobile data access?

- No idea. Don't think so.
- I need my booking reference.

I don't know if I'll make it.

- Whose phone is that?
- It's from work. I don't have.

No, I don't have access.

What?

Nothing.

Did you happen to send me a text
a few months ago?

Me? No. You have my number.

I don't have the one from work.

"Where are you? Miss you."
Around four in the morning.

It wasn't me. Bea, please.

One text
and five missing calls that night.

- Didn't you call to that number?
- I didn't.

Call and find out.

Sergius seems very concerned.

Don't call.

It could be some maniac.
That's the worst to do.

I need a laptop. Did you bring yours?

- Yes!
- Yes?

Yes, this one on your back, right?

- Oh, yeah.
- Does it have Wi-Fi?

Of course it has... I think so.

- Okay. What's your room?
- 411!

Okay. I'm coming up
after I drop this off. See you.

- Why did you talk to her?
- You like your friend.

Why did you do that?

Because you were all over her.
But I could have hit on her.

- She's not my friend.
- Yeah, sure.

- A fling?
- We were dating.

- A dating site?
- None of your business.

I didn't meet her online.

You're like me,
in clubs till closing time.

- I'm not telling you anything else.
- On a course?

On holiday!
I know, a friend of a friend.

Don't give me any clue.
At the movies? A supermarket?

- Typical encounter with a cashier...
- At an ice rink, okay?

- Do you skate?
- I don't frickin' skate.

We were little
and we used to go there.

Why am I telling you this?

Okay, if you don't want to talk...

Did you go to Ciudad Real
before or after breaking up?

How long before?

- Juan Carlos.
- Liters.

Juancarliters.

I'm not telling you anything else.
Conversation over.

I saw something there. I smelled it.

Do I look like the kind of guy
who doesn't get over a breakup?

Whatever. I'll leave this here.

- We are both better like this.
- The password is djdesfas.

You'll have her to yourself.
But don't make her laugh.

Why not?

Have you heard girls like men
who make them laugh?

Another lie like Facebook.

It's why a guy like me hasn't had
a girlfriend in six years!

Wait for me in the bar.
She's coming now.

Okay.
Put a sock on the knob if you...

I don't mind sleeping
in the corridor. I owe you one.

It seemed like we were leaving
and look us now.

- Sergio, is everything okay?
- Yeah. Work... You know.

- Yeah, what you said at lunch.
- Yeah.

How are you doing with girls?

Girls, Sergio.
How are you doing since we broke up?

- If you don't want to talk...
- I don't mind.

Good, as usual.

You go out, meet someone...

But nothing serious.

This came with the laptop
and I don't know how to change it.

I note it down and that's it.

What about you?

I wanted to talk to you about that.

Well... what is it?

I'm pregnant.

- One-nil.
- That joke again.

Sorry. It's been hard to have
a serious relationship again.

How do I connect?

Here.

What do you mean by serious?

I had something serious recently.
At least, that's what I thought.

With Ernesto.
He went to Ana's wedding.

No. Why did you think that?

I thought
he was coming to Germany with me.

But he couldn't quit his job.
Sales volume and that shit...

Work again.
It looks like my burden, right?

Me too.
I've had serious flings. Several!

Really?

But I'm single right now.

I can't complain about girls.
What a girls!

Is now downloaded.

- That's not mine.
- Blu-ray version.

That's from a colleague.
But I don't know how to delete it.

My colleague is a joker.

- How do you do this?
- What?

If you've said goodbye once,
do you have to say it again?

We just say goodbye and that's it.

- That's a good one.
- Yes... Okay.

- You're going to do well.
- Sure, I'm very nice, right?

Shut up.

You're going to do great too.

Just... You know.

What?

If someone wants to move in with you,

don't get a job at a paper
in Ciudad Real.

I can't believe it.

Why didn't you say she's leaving?

How do you want me to help then?

I didn't ask for help.

I didn't ask you to distract Sebas
and you saved my ass.

Damn Germany.
That changes everything.

- It changes nothing.
- We all need to go out!

Right? of love.

- I'm going to sleep. I'm tired.
- Bruce Willis was tired too.

Did he leave? No, he didn't.
He hung in there like a champ.

See you tomorrow.

New Year's Eve party.

She won't go to bed
if we throw a party.

Here?
He told you they don't sell alcohol.

Nothing at all?

Non-alcoholic beer.

If you don't know, you still
get drunk. It happened to me.

When a relationship is over,
that's it.

- Yours? I smell it, Sergius.
- No, you smell nothing.

This is not Pub Zeus, Facebook,

some forum Brazilian Asses 6...

- It's downloaded now.
- The Blu-ray version?

Yes, the Blu-ray version.

I'm leaving.

You're not going anywhere.

We're throwing
a New Year's Eve party.

It's okay if you want to party,
but don't count on me.

- What time is it?
- Five o'clock.

In Punta Cana. With so many layovers,
that's where my head is.

Remember that. No one goes to sleep.

- It'll be easier to convince Bea.
- Bea has nothing to do with this.

- You're over it, right?
- Yes.

That's what he says.

The more you say it,
the less I believe you.

I don't really see
a New Year's Eve party here.

You make the room cozy,
play some music

and everything changes.
You can dance with her.

Do you think Bea is stupid?

Quiet! Check this out.

The hotel suite.
I'm sure they'll give it to us.

Necessary comfort
for a pleasant stay.

I'll handle it.
I just came back from Punta Cana.

Cuate.

Key that opens all the doors.

Güey?

- Yeah, but I can't give you that key.
- That's reasonable.

Ándele, manito.

What you're about to see
is not sorcery.

Don't be afraid.
This device produces a flame

without needing a stone and a stick.

Do you want the hotel suite
to celebrate New Year's Eve, right?

He's smart.

I'll give you the key
on one condition.

- You must celebrate it with me too.
- Okay.

At twelve o'clock in Ecuador,
when it's six in the morning here.

- You're from Ecuador?
- I have work tomorrow.

I have a friend from Honduras.
Pepón. Do you know him?

He has a big forehead. Pepón.

Shit, I don't remember
if he said Honduras or Andorra.

This is frickin' amazing!

Sergius, do you see a party here?

We don't have a damn beer.

Why don't we make something simple?

Wait, there was a gas station nearby.

- On the road to the airport.
- The one closed, right?

Two of us will gather
a big group of people.

We don't want the girl to suspect.

Forget about the girl.

- What girl?
- Don't listen to them.

The other two will go
to get some drinks.

Who is the idiot
going out in the snow?

No offense,
but things are how they are.

In the Altiplano, you're prepared
to work at low temperature.

You spend the day going up
and down the Apennine Mountains.

What if we draw lots?

He's smart. Odds or evens.
I'm unbeatable. Evens.

- Odds.
- Odds.

It's chilly.

Don't worry. You're with me.
I'm not a... You know.

I don't like to say the word.
Racist. I'm not.

Don't worry.

I don't like those names
people call you.

- What names?
- You know, those nicknames.

I don't know many Spanish people.
What do they call us?

It's not comfortable for me.
They don't call you immigrants.

Sudacas. It feels awful to say it.

Brownies, cholos... Those nicknames.

What a lack of...

Machu Picchus, greasers,
wetbacks, taco heads...

Let's end the conversation.
I don't feel human saying this.

Cantinflas, spics, beaners, chavos...

Tonks, grease balls... You can see.

What do you call us?

Me? Dear little friends
from South America.

- Why little friends?
- Jaime...

Jimmy. My name is Jimmy.

- Do you want me to call you Jimmy?
- Don't you like it?

I like it,
but that's a parrot's name.

Jimmy the parrot.

But my name is not Jaime.

Spanish friends
call you Jimmy, right?

No, I don't have Spanish friends.

That's not true.
You have one here, Jaime.

Sergius!

What a massive party!

- How did you convince them?
- They don't have another plan.

Are you Sergio?

I'm very sorry. I went through
the same with my wife.

I sent her a text too
while I was drunk.

But we're going to help you.

- It'll be easier with some drinks.
- Sure...

Didn't you tell them
it was just a party?

Some people needed
motivation to come.

- Did you text Bea?
- No. What if she's not coming?

Why would she not come?
Text her. Come on.

- Let me see.
- Give me that!

"New Year's Eve party in room 415.
Join us."

What's this bullshit, Sergius?

Let me handle this.
The master will do it.

Tonight you're thrusting the sword!

- I won't sent her that.
- Like a bullfighter.

First of all, a hilarious greeting
to start the fun.

- "What's shaking, bacon?"
- Shaking. Dancing.

Mind-blowing party in room 415.
Let's welcome 2011.

It's going to be mad."

- What's this?
- That? An emoji.

An emoji saying, "You and I...
You and I. This is real."

Shit. Do you prefer
the horse laughing?

- That is our thing.
- There's no way I'm sending that.

What? I already sent it.

- What?
- You read it from sent messages.

- Screw me!
- Of course.

- Are you an idiot?
- She'll reply in ten seconds.

I'm making a fool of myself.

- It's Bea.
- Text from Bea. The girl.

Shut your damn mouth!

She's already wearing her pajamas.

You were right. The horse laugh
would have convinced her.

I'm going to the room for a moment.
I'll be right back.

Damn!

Yeah, he's coming out of the toilet.
One moment. Kisses.

Your dad.

Dad?

The roads are closed.
We are stuck. Come in.

No.

A lunch box with lamb? What for?

Dad, I'll call you when we get there.
Okay. Bye.

- Why is he calling you?
- I forgot the solution.

Buy one in the airport.

And wait until tomorrow?
My eyes are burning.

Sure.

Hi!

- Hi.
- What's up?

The party is about to start,
in case you want to...

We're tired and don't...

I'm not. After your dad's call,
I won't be able to sleep.

We could have grapes.

If we need to have grapes,
we'll have them. Let's go.

I need to get changed.
Are you coming with me?

Okay, I'll keep playing hits
and heating up the party!

By the way, your text was very funny.

I knew you loved it.
"What's shaking, bacon?"

- With a peculiar sound.
- Show us that sound.

- That sounds...
- You do it very well.

It's 23:40. We'll be back in time?

- Not if we keep taking bottles.
- We must.

Sergio needs us.
Not the weirdo, the other one.

He wants to get back with a girl
and those things are tough.

Is it the same in Colombia?

I'm from Ecuador
and yes, they're tough.

I thought the lambada
would make it...

I didn't want to tell you,
but I'm divorced.

- I'm so sorry.
- I don't feel sad.

Do I look sad? I feel amazing.

The thing is you spend ten years
doing everything with your wife

and after that,
it's not easy making friends.

Or going to Punta Cana.

Couples in love,
drinks with two straws...

That's disgusting!

Finally, I've met one of my kind.

- I've been married since I was 16.
- Really?

- Let's see.
- Look, Jenny my wife.

She's not coming to Spain yet.

I told her I'm working
as a teacher in a school and...

A picture with all the children
from your town.

No, they're my kids.

Let's go! We're going to be late!

Excuse me.
Is this the way to the hotel?

- Wasn't the road closed?
- Yes, but it's important. The hotel?

We could take you there.

Okay. You're throwing quite a party.

You can tell.

- What are you doing with the piano?
- I can't take it there.

- But will you continue playing?
- I don't think I will have the time.

What?

I almost got changed in front of you.

- I've seen you many times.
- But it's not the same.

- Why not?
- Because it's not.

If you break up,
you can't get changed like this.

That depends.

It feels weird.

We're going to miss the bells.

Are you leaving?
That's a shame. See you, guys.

Juancarliters, pick up the phone.
Come on.

Hurry up, pick up!
Come on, Juancarliters!

- That gang! What's shaking, bacon?
- What's up, man?

Perianes just came up with a rhyme.

We were laughing so hard
that I almost threw up.

- Perianes, tell him.
- Who is it?

- Juancarliters.
- Really?

You'll laugh your ass off.

Juancarliters, listen up!

"I wish you peace, joy and a cruise
as I hook up with Penélope Cruz."

Wait, Perianes!

Did you write the sign?

Don't do it!

- Don't!
- Why?

I need you to help
an old friend of mine.

One of my best.
Since fourth grade. Sergius.

Are those shoulder pads?

- No.
- You hate them.

I know, they're like shoulder pads,
but they are not.

Like shoulder pads?
They are or they are not.

That's enough. Don't be annoying.

Bea.

Are you okay?

Yes. Wait. Here I go.

Sorry, I don't get it.

- Locomía.
- Ah, okay.

- Wait.
- The party is that way.

Come here.

Do you want to hear
something hilarious?

I heard the hit rhyme
of this "Chrismeich".

Listen up. Swallow.
I don't want you to choke

and turn this into a tragedy.

Here I go...

"I wish you peace, joy and a cruise
as I hook up with Elsa Pataky."

No, wait. This was a hell of a rhyme.

"I wish you peace...

I wish you joy, a cruise
and peace Vega..."

Press okay.

- Turn it on.
- It's not working.

It's not working.

Wait, what's going on here?

- It's not working.
- What?

Not now! Goddamn it!

It must be the antenna.

When it's windy,
the engineer has to come.

- Call reception.
- No way. Are you good at this?

No, I'll call an engineer.

Goddamn it!
Is there a TV technician here?

Let's go!

No. Forget it.

- I don't feel like it. Please, don't.
- Come on.

- Sergio, I don't feel like it.
- Only two songs.

If you guess them, we leave.

Deal.

Sorpresa ¡Sorpresa!
I never liked it.

What about meeting
La Década Prodigiosa?

- It was a surprise for my sister.
- Yeah, sure.

I thought you would take lessons
in Germany.

- Is that an advert?
- Yes, which one?

You spent a whole summer
whistling this tune.

Always Coca-Cola.

Yes.

I'm not studying anything now.
I've tried too many things.

I'm not telling you
to become a soloist.

It's better than working
at your parents' restaurant.

My parents' restaurant is great.

Spanish restaurant Sangría and Olé.

Who's talking about jobs?
You're working on New Year's Day.

- I'm not that good.
- Why can't you play that one?

I don't know. But I can't play it.

That's one of the few things
we have in common.

Well, that's our song.

Our song. What's that?

The one playing in the ice rink.

I will never get to play it.

What?

What?

Let's go. We'll be late.

I don't know how that works!
The engineer always fixes mine!

Watch out for the brick!

Look, there's the antenna!

Which one? There are too many.

I have no idea. Any of them.

Do you think this is a coconut tree?

It works
when the engineer shakes it!

Which way?

I don't know. I am a beautician.

Come on!

We're ready to welcome 2011.

- They're tacky.
- They're back in fashion.

You hated them
when we were together.

- I didn't hate them.
- You used to laugh at that teacher.

- What teacher?
- In high school.

He wore shoulder pads.

We're late. Anything else
you like now and I don't know?

Bring the grapes!
We could be here till grapes come.

What?

It's something I made up. Funny, eh?

Sorry.

I'm going with you.

- Screw me! He was...
- We screwed it up.

We're going all out for 2011!

Get ready.
The carillon is about to go down.

Shit! The remote control!
Where is it?

The remote control, where is it?
Do you have it?

Who has the remote control?
Have you seen it?

Where is it, please?

The remote control, please.

Have you seen the remote control?

The remote, please.
It's important, please.

Happy 2011!

May 2011 be a year
full of health, success and love!

Where's the remote?

- There's lots of signs!
- Look what's written in that sign.

"Bea, beauty, come back
with your bounty. Sergio."

- Did he throw his drink?
- Sergio!

Hi! I don't know
what happened to my drink...

You went to Ana's wedding.

This is Ernesto.
You didn't remember him.

Yeah, I didn't remember him
because...

I thought it couldn't be you.

Because I was gay.

No...

You met me at a strange moment.

I see. Then now you're not...

Not at all.
I was lost in that moment.

But then I met Bea...

I thought you both don't...

Are you coming on holiday?

No, I told my boss I quit.

Happy New Year, then.
I didn't mean to interrupt.

- Who's that?
- That? He was homosexual.

He was gay when I met him.

Now he's not.
Can you explain that?

- That's not a coming and going thing.
- Can you be and then not be?

"A strange moment," he said.

- Don't do this to me.
- Is he going to Germany with her?

We have to do something
before they go.

The only one
who knows a bit about women

is our friend Jaime.
He's been married since he was 16.

- How have you done that?
- I proposed to her.

- Can you fix the lights?
- I need to check the controllers.

Hurry up.
You, don't let Bea go to sleep.

- That's very important.
- Are you going to propose?

Okay.

For complaints,
go to customer service.

- What have you done?
- Nothing. I'll tell you later.

What do you want now?

There's a chance I tear this off.

- Don't stop.
- I'm dancing!

- More.
- More what?

Show me your moves. Cheer up.

Laugh...
as if I told you a hilarious joke.

Are you telling jokes?
Did you tell her your famous joke?

- What joke?
- The salt joke.

Tell her, Sergius.

Don't be annoying. What's this?

Open your ears. Vodka, sloe brandy
and orange. Mario Bros' orgasm.

Perfect. Here you go.

It's very strong, isn't it?

Don't trash it.

Change the music.
This is not working.

Trust DJ Desfas.
I'm telling you "Sergiusly".

That's his name.

What is it?
You don't like surprises anymore?

Yes, of course I like them.

But one month ago,
you couldn't quit your job.

Do you see me here?
I came straight from the office.

It may look insane, but...

You looked very concerned
about meeting sales targets.

Screw the sales targets.

She looked!

- What should I do?
- Now.

- Now?
- Yes, quick. She'll go nuts.

- Are you sure she didn't?
- She didn't look.

Why don't you talk to her?

You know what? She's jealous.

She's jealous
and she doesn't dare to look.

Beast, I think she didn't see you.

I know she didn't see me.

- What should we do?
- Sergius, she didn't bother to look.

I know she didn't bother to look.

Is everybody going to tell me?
And my name is not Sergius.

- You need to make a bigger scene.
- No, she's jealous.

That guy is not kissing her
like a faggot.

Because he's not gay anymore.

I see.

- Okay! Get in!
- I don't know what else to do.

You don't know? Get up.

Wait.

Now.

- Change partners!
- My balls!

- Drop a vase or something.
- No!

- I'm a mastermind.
- Did you tell those two?

We'll talk to her after you leave.
But drop something to make her look.

No. I'm not sinking that low.

- Now... is the moment.
- Okay.

We made it!

Did you see her face?
You didn't. It was amazing.

- We're even now.
- No, we're going to the room now.

To the room? What for?

It'll be only ten minutes.

You've been going for an hour.
That was great!

My God...

- What?
- Did you see Sergius? He's a beast!

- Do you know him too?
- He's a great friend of ours.

You mean that he left?

He left, she says.

- If you don't want to talk, we'll go.
- Don't worry.

- Talk about what?
- We'll go? I don't know where.

I think
I'll have to sleep in the corridor.

Why is she laughing?

You don't know Sergio.

What? Since I was eight.

I don't care, but they were making
a scene in the corridor.

He would never hit
on a girl like that.

Besides, a girl like that would never
go to bed with Sergio.

What?

Why do you think that?

Well, because...

I mean...

If it wasn't for the music,

we would be listening
to a live broadcast of them.

You know what I mean?
Who knows what they're doing now?

You're fussing over that girl.

Okay, we're leaving.

What did she say? Tell me.

It... didn't go as we expected.

What? I saw her looking at us.
Do you remember?

I know, but she says it's impossible.

Impossible? She must be very jealous.

She said you're not like that
and that you are not very bold.

Bea didn't say that.
She's very discreet.

Two months...

with her.

Two months since the first kiss.

She didn't say that.

You were a virgin.

It didn't take me two months.

You should talk to her.

Okay, don't worry.

How do you get busted
when you have a secret fling?

He has his own theories.
Don't listen to him.

Go on.

A hickey.

I got busted once because
of a hickey, on the soft part.

- Don't do that.
- I'm not sinking that low.

I see... But...

What?

Ernesto... That piece of...

He says a girl like her
would never go to bed with you.

Okay, go ahead.

- No. No way.
- You just have to slurp a little bit.

No. I don't care if my dad
finds out about the complaint.

- Come on.
- No! I won't kiss anyone.

This doesn't count as a kiss.
It's a slurp.

It's clearly a slurp.

It doesn't matter
who does the hickey, right?

Of course it doesn't matter.

- Okay.
- Maybe it matters!

These things have...
Don't do this to me.

It's just a slurp. Suck out a bit.

I don't suck my friends out.

This is hard for me too. Come on.

Here. A big one.

- With or without tongue?
- With tongue?

- A hickey with tongue?
- I don't know.

Here. A big one. Wait.

Do you mind looking that way?

Go ahead.

My God!

Did you tell him?

How did it go?

- Good.
- Good? How good?

You know... As usual.

Do you know where my daughter is?

- Laura!
- Dad?

What the hell is this?

Why are you here?

Hi! Nice to meet you.

Where were you?

Wait, this is not...

I didn't ask you, did I?
But I'll ask you now.

Who the hell did that to you?

Daddy, it wasn't me.

You got her drunk too.

You'll start the New Year
on the right foot!

- No! I did it.
- Wait!

Sorry,
this should have never happened.

- Holy shit.
- No.

No way.

I can explain... sort of.

No.

You're going to explain to me!
Come here! Get out!

Stop it, Ernesto!

- Are you telling me?
- Calm down.

What's this?

How could you?

That freak did that to you?

What are you saying? That freak?

- Why the scene?
- What scene?

Let's have a drink.
We can't go back now.

What a fuss!
I almost tore the blouse I got you.

Are you coming?

Join us.
It's New Year's Eve. Come on!

- You can tell me that joke...
- Shut up.

The salt joke, right?

- That's the one he always ruins?
- Go.

Sergius, wake up.

- No, that's enough! I want to sleep.
- We don't have much time.

- That guy caused a ruckus.
- What guy?

The one
trying to steal your girlfriend.

- What's this?
- Get out of bed.

- Jimmy showed me a great place.
- It's over.

Thank everyone,
but the NGO of love shut down.

- Is that the hotel?
- In the backyard.

What do you think?

Okay, very nice.
I take her here and then what?

Nothing. Girls love to recreate
their first date!

I don't think
that's working with Bea.

It works always.
It's called nostalgia.

She's going to get wet
when she sees it.

What are you doing?

Nothing. We're just...

Well, I am...

- What's this?
- It's frozen.

Does it look familiar?

Yeah, it's exactly the same.
I was thinking about it.

- Bea, what are you doing?
- You're so boring! Take a risk.

No way. Be careful.

It's not going to crack.

See?

Watch out!

That's not funny, Bea!
It's not damn well funny!

Two-nil.

You want me to jump into the pool?
I'm going to jump.

Now.

Ernesto. What a surprise.

What do you want to know? I know you.

Nothing. It seems you get along well.

Are you going to move in together?

What?

What do you think?

You wanted him to go to Germany
with you, didn't you?

I wanted to be
more important than a job.

Bea...

My God! Are you okay, Sergio?

I'm okay.

Stop! Don't move.

Sergio, don't move.

Yeah, sure. Three-nil, right?

I mean it. Don't move, please.

Damn! Shit!

What should I do?

Tell me, Bea.

I don't know.

Don't move. I'll get help.

Don't call everybody. Bea!

Damn it!

Shit!

Damn it!

He went through the same thing
in fifth grade.

- He didn't want to...
- Why?

I don't know why he did it.

- Calm down!
- Why are you there? It's freezing.

- What are you doing there?
- Everything is okay.

- Don't worry, Sergius.
- Where are you going? Stop!

Everything is under control.

- What are you doing?
- Hold on!

No, I don't see it!

- He's my friend!
- Shut up, long-hair.

Okay, be careful. Very smooth, guys.

- Get away! You don't know!
- Get away! I know!

- Get away!
- What are you doing?

- Great!
- My goodness!

Sergius!

Well, well, well.

Don't worry.

I brought some clothes
you're going to love.

First, sneakers and pants.

You're going to love this T-shirt.
You can keep it.

JOINT WASH

Put it on.

- Don't you have anything else?
- Okay, I'm getting your style.

I HAVE A HAIR IN MY MOUTH
I DON'T KNOW WHOSE PUSSY IT'S FROM

Everybody loved that T-shirt
last week in Pub Capri in Barakaldo.

I'm a professional comedian.
You've probably noticed by now.

Do you believe him?

I am. I wouldn't be here otherwise.

Tomorrow I have
my first gig in Madrid.

He says he's a comedian.

You made me do
so many stupid things today

that half of the hotel
laughed their asses off.

- I was trying to help you.
- Who asked for your help?

Who the hell asked for your help?
Did I? I don't think so.

I owe you one, Sergius.

You owe me nothing. I don't remember
Sebas or anything you said.

- Damn it!
- Sergio, please.

You raised your hand
at the river obituaries test.

I probably had a question.

Then I'll help you because I want to.

- You're my friend.
- We're not friends! I don't know you!

- Why do you blame him?
- Is Juanan your best friend?

Is Jimmy your best friend forever?

They are not your damn friends!

And Facebook works like a charm,
but people don't like you.

- Like in school.
- Sergio.

It's okay.

He's right.

It's not the first time
I've heard this.

I become fond of people
very quickly.

I talk too much. I repeat myself.

People keep telling me that.

But I could be a bitter person too.

But I don't want to change.
I like the way I am.

And if I care about someone,
I say it many times.

It's not my girl
who's going to Germany.

That's all I need. Give me the key.

- You have to talk to her.
- Quiet. Remember the complaint.

- I don't care about the complaint.
- Sure.

Where are you going?
Come back. It's 12.

It's 12 in Ecuador.
You promised to celebrate with me.

Now!

- A toast to Lupita!
- Jenny.

Happy New Year.

Try to guess this one.

- Should I guess the song's title?
- Yes.

- Don't give me any clue.
- No.

Does it sound familiar?

Of course. It's from an old ad.

Yes.

Cola Cao!

No. Coca-Cola.

Okay, one more.

I won't get it totally right,
but it's easier.

Why were you and Sergio by the pool?

We were kissing.

And then he slipped and fell.

- One-nil.
- What?

It's a joke.

What's a joke?

Forget it.

Doesn't it sound familiar?

You look tired. Your eyes are red.

That's not the reason.
I'm wearing contacts.

That was a famous song from Alaska.

- But I don't remember the title.
- Of course, doesn't sound like it.

JUANCARLITERS
THE BEST REMEDY AGAINST CRISIS

It's Sergio.

A man goes to the market
and asks the clerk,

"Miss, can I get a kilo
of table salt?"

The clerk crouches down
to get the salt

and the man sees she's has
a neckline, a plunging neckline.

You know,
she was showing... everything.

Then the man says, "Excuse me, miss.
You're making me hard."

She says,
"No, sir. I'm setting table."

And he says, "Yes, that's right..."

"I'm getting as hard as a table."

He was getting as hard as a table.
He had a boner.

Two titties
the size of a dwarf's head.

Juancarliters, I need a favor.

Let's cause a stir
like in Sebas' class.

No, I'll screw it up again.

You'll be fine.
I need you to distract Ernesto.

Ernesto? Right now!

- Have you thought how?
- I like improvising.

We need to separate them.

- Did you take the brick off?
- What brick?

- This is...
- Screw me!

- Why did you take it off?
- I don't know.

Are we in the Middle Ages?
Damn! Not now!

What are you doing?
Stop! Where are you going?

Wait.

Wait. Juanan! Jimmy!

Juanan! Jimmy!

He found out an autochthonous insect
in the snow...

- Juanan! Jimmy!
- A good aim is the key.

Juancarliters, don't hit them.
They just need to see it.

Toss it far. Over there.

Don't worry. I'm an ace at boules.

Wait! Let me do it!

- I do everything wrong?
- Give it to me.

- Goddamn it!
- Holy shit!

What's wrong?

Here!

Here! Up here!

Don't touch anything just in case.

Sergio needs to see this.

What's going on here?

We didn't do that!
A brick fell from the sky!

It exploded and shattered the window!
It fell from the sky!

Follow me.

Jimmy! Go Andorra!

- I need to go to the room.
- What for?

Don't let him go to the room.

Come with me. Let's go downstairs.

- Hurry up, Jimmy.
- Maybe a tile.

A brick?
Where did it come from? Tell me.

This is not the first time.
I've seen hundreds of bricks falling.

This country is sinking.

Hi. What happened?

- What do you mean?
- Ernesto's car.

What car? I don't know...

Can I come in? Yes? Thanks.

- Where are you going?
- To get my phone.

- You can't.
- What do you mean?

You can't.
You have to move back the car.

- What are you saying?
- You have to.

Why do I have to move it?

It seems you have to move it.
That's what they said.

What's wrong with you?

Look, another one!

Goddamn it!

They could continue falling.

This note was on a Christmas present
in his trunk.

Sergius needs to see this!
Don't let him go upstairs.

What's going on?

The bus is leaving in five minutes.

- Where are you flying to?
- Stuttgart.

No. Not yet...

- Not yet?
- Not yet!

That guy is insane.

What?
You knew I was going to Germany.

Is everything going well
with Ernesto?

- Yes. It's going well. Very well.
- Well... very well.

Yes. He's always been good to me.

When you left,
he called me more than anyone.

He was very concerned about me.

Was that before
or after becoming hetero?

- Sergius...
- Don't call me that.

Then stop asking bullshit.

That must be him.

What are you doing?

Me? Nothing.

Could you... come out?

Just a moment.

Sure.

What is it?

- Read it. It was in his car.
- Shit.

"Thank you for your service
to Coficasa." What's this?

Ernesto... that bastard didn't quit.

He was fired. It's not the same.

- I don't get it.
- He didn't leave. He was sacked.

That's why he's leaving with Bea.

- It's in your hands.
- Let me understand.

There's nothing to understand.
That guy is a liar.

I think he never liked men.

I told you
this was going to end well.

- Is there a problem?
- No.

- You want to sleep?
- No.

Yeah, but it's the contact lens.

You're telling me
something sad, right?

Why?

You have to do it.

It was the same
when we went to Elche.

Right.

Your cousins had many sad films.
What did we watch?

I don't remember. A big drama movie.

I felt so relieved
when I got my eyes wet.

Tell me something sad.

Don't ask me that.

My eyelashes feel like sandpaper.

I don't know. Let me think.

Think about... a lamb.

The lamb loses sight of his mom.

The lamb is walking in the woods
and gets lost.

He starts looking for his mom,
"Mommy!"

- What's that shit?
- It's what I came up with.

Why's it so hard for you to talk?

I could make you cry.
You're very soft.

Yeah... What about this...?

Maybe we won't meet again.

Now we both think
we'll keep in touch...

But who knows.

What a way to say goodbye,
in a motel.

I don't know if it's sad for you,
but it's sad as hell for me.

This may be the last time...
we see each other.

Are they less itchy?

That text at four in the morning,
it was me, from my work phone.

I wanted to see you
and I couldn't say anything.

In six months, I didn't dare
say I wanted to see you.

I didn't have any relationships.
It was impossible.

That text was nonsense.
There's no way you would reply.

But every time I got a text
that weekend and it wasn't yours,

I remembered when you wanted us
to move in together.

I don't think I got cold feet, but...

Bea, that job in Ciudad Real,
they didn't offer it to me.

I looked for it.

I've tried to quit for six months

and talk to you,
but maybe it's too late.

You're leaving with Ernesto
and I'm going to Ciudad Real.

I don't know, Bea.

I'm afraid to think...

that I don't know
if we will be so lucky again.

Is that better?

Yeah, much better.

Shall I continue?

No, that's enough.

Yes?

Okay. Thank you.

My flight is leaving.

- And?
- What?

What are you doing?

Pack my stuff and tell Ernesto.
Right?

It feels so good now.
It's not itchy anymore.

Do you have anything else to say?

Yes.

Shoulder pads look great on you.

Juancarliters.

Jaime!

I'll spend some weekend
in this hotel on half board.

I'm pleased to be your little friend
from South America.

Sorry.

My wife. How are you, my dear?

Good. Happy New Year to all of you.

Ma'am, happy New Year.

I'm the principal
of your husband's school.

We're very proud of him.
He's the best teacher.

He's like one of us.
He's at home celebrating.

With my wife Concha and me.
We invited him to our cottage.

We're looking forward to meeting you.

Happy New Year from Spain.
That's all. Goodbye.

She bought it. She won't know
you're cleaning stairs.

You didn't hang up.

My dear?

My colleague is a joker.
He loves jokes.

He calls me Jaime all the time.

Jimmy!
Tell her to come once and for all!

Let me explain you, please.

- Are you okay?
- Yes.

What's this?

- Do you like it?
- It's yours?

The first present of the year, right?

- I thought you didn't like...
- What?

I thought you didn't care
that I played piano.

That's nonsense.

Did you record something?

There's a recording.

Maybe.

Alaska's song, right?

Sergio!

- Dad, why are you here?
- I came when they opened the road.

Dad, I have to tell you
something about Bea.

Let's go to the car.
You're leaving that job, right?

Yeah.

I saw that coming.
You know what I thought.

You'll find something better.

Sergio! Where are you going?

- The flight to Stuttgart?
- What do you care?

- Check-in ended 15 minutes ago.
- Has it left?

- Why do you want to know?
- The plane's taking off now.

We'll take the next flight
to Germany. We'll go with you.

- I'm going home.
- What? We nearly made it.

There's a flight to Stuttgart at 12.
I can switch my shift.

I'm okay. Don't worry.

I'll call you on Epiphany.
I hope you'll join us.

I have your phone in my agenda.
I even memorized it, 620, 85...

Wait, I'll give you another one.

Why another one?

That's from my old job
and as I've lost it...

I...

I see.

Sure.

Thank you.

- What's this?
- This?

Make them laugh works.

It works like a charm. You know?

Come on, I'm double-parked.

That thing about Bea,
is it good or bad?

You won't like it, Dad.

Bea, Sergio wants
to tell me something.

What is it?

- I don't like lamb.
- Damn! I knew it.

Me neither.

Thank you! Good evening, Madrid!
My name is Juancarliters.

Liters! And, well,
I'm very happy to be here.

If my name is hilarious,
you'll see what's coming.

A guy and two hotties
goes into a pizzeria and he says,

"Two with ham and cheese".
"Family?"

"No, they're floozies,
but they're hungry too."

That's maybe not politically correct,

but that's Juancarliters' humor.
Take it or leave it.

A friend said, "My brother has
ridden a bike since he was four."

I said, "He must be
really far away by now."

Well, he wasn't my friend.

This is just a trick
we professional comedians use.

We pretend to have a friend
to introduce the story.

Don't say,
"Juancarliters' friend is mad."

A woman goes to the doctor and says,
"Could you examine my breasts?"

The doctor looks and says, "B plus."

What now?
Nobody makes fun of a doctor.

What's Sherlock Holmes
favorite cheese?

Emmental.
"Emmental, my dear Watson."

In this case, we can't use gruyere,
blue cheese, or gorgonzola cheese.

I can eat cheese until it comes
out of my ears. You too.

I can see
you like stuffing yourself.

What are we talking about?

Now a joke for those of you
who like surrealistic comedians.

The curtain opens
and we see a butcher's shop.

There's a sign on the window
that says,

"Buy one kilo of chicken wings
and get a free gun."

What's the title of the movie?

I'm sorry! Here I go!

Gun With The Wings.
Look that blonde is cracking up!

The Titanic's captain
is running around the gunwale.

He runs into a sailor and says,
"Take the boat. We're leaving."

The sailor says,
"What about the women?"

"It's not the moment
to screw around."

I'll stop. Laughing so hard hurts.

"Doctor,
what's best for yellow teeth?"

"A brown tie."

I have to tell Sergius.
That joke is our style.