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1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:04,400
WHISPERING
The coat went missing from my house
2
00:00:04,400 --> 00:00:06,400
and I turn up here and you're
wearing my coat. No!
3
00:00:06,400 --> 00:00:08,720
I just get this innate feeling that
she's a massive slag.
4
00:00:08,720 --> 00:00:11,200
I don't understand what your problem
is with her.
5
00:00:11,200 --> 00:00:13,520
I don't know if Nic likes red wine
but I know you do.
6
00:00:13,520 --> 00:00:15,000
She's not into blokes, I know that,
7
00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:17,680
and if she is into blokes, it's just
cos she wants to get to the wife.
8
00:00:17,680 --> 00:00:19,400
You must be Jen's mum. Who?
9
00:00:19,400 --> 00:00:22,280
That's not Jen, that's Katya!
10
00:00:22,280 --> 00:00:23,880
You're not going to answer that!
11
00:00:23,880 --> 00:00:25,160
I have to. Jen!
12
00:00:25,160 --> 00:00:28,480
Stay on the phone, I'll be as quick
as I can. Just stay where you are.
13
00:00:34,080 --> 00:00:36,080
RADIO CHATTER
14
00:00:36,080 --> 00:00:39,240
INTERNAL: Oh, my God. That's where I
lost my virginity,
15
00:00:39,240 --> 00:00:40,680
in that bush over there.
16
00:00:40,680 --> 00:00:42,680
SCOFFS Toby Fletcher.
17
00:00:42,680 --> 00:00:45,480
His breath always smelt weirdly
like Pritt Sticks.
18
00:00:45,480 --> 00:00:48,400
And afterwards, we went to Prezzo
and the food fell off his fork
19
00:00:48,400 --> 00:00:50,760
but he didn't notice and he still
put the fork in his mouth
20
00:00:50,760 --> 00:00:52,080
and ate nothing.
21
00:00:52,080 --> 00:00:54,000
FORKING idiot.
22
00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:58,840
No, I don't know anything about a
watering can.
23
00:01:00,120 --> 00:01:02,000
Ridiculous question.
24
00:01:07,440 --> 00:01:08,960
HIGH-PITCHED GIGGLING
25
00:01:08,960 --> 00:01:10,760
They didn't eat
anything for two days,
26
00:01:10,760 --> 00:01:12,480
and then went to the Pizza Hut
buffet.
27
00:01:12,480 --> 00:01:13,960
They managed 72 slices each,
28
00:01:13,960 --> 00:01:17,000
and then the manager said they were
taking the piss and kicked them out.
29
00:01:17,000 --> 00:01:19,720
Shit. That's £1 for
the swear jar, Becca!
30
00:01:19,720 --> 00:01:22,360
Oh, piss off, Kev. £2!
There was nothing in the small print
31
00:01:22,360 --> 00:01:24,200
that said the unlimited buffet was
limited,
32
00:01:24,200 --> 00:01:26,920
cos then it wouldn't be unlimited.
It would be limited.
33
00:01:26,920 --> 00:01:28,720
Don't you think, Becca?
34
00:01:28,720 --> 00:01:30,120
Becca.
35
00:01:30,120 --> 00:01:31,680
I couldn't give a shit, Jo.
36
00:01:31,680 --> 00:01:34,160
£3. Oh, give it a rest, Kev.
37
00:01:34,160 --> 00:01:37,520
What? No, look, if no-one's sticking
to the rules for the swear jar,
38
00:01:37,520 --> 00:01:40,000
it will mean no money to put behind
the bar at pub golf.
39
00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:42,040
Nobody wants to go to pub golf, Kev.
40
00:01:42,040 --> 00:01:44,600
Why? Cos you're going to fucking
be there.
41
00:01:44,600 --> 00:01:48,480
Right, I better do some work before
that twat gets on my case.
42
00:02:06,240 --> 00:02:07,680
I've arranged everything...
43
00:02:09,760 --> 00:02:12,720
..but you have to be
the one to do it.
44
00:02:12,720 --> 00:02:14,440
Can you just leave us alone?
45
00:02:20,600 --> 00:02:22,720
Hiya, just to let you know,
46
00:02:22,720 --> 00:02:25,160
there's a tin of tomatoes exploded
an Aisle 4
47
00:02:25,160 --> 00:02:28,200
and there's an elderly couple
skating on it like Torvill and Dean.
48
00:02:28,200 --> 00:02:29,400
So, if you could just...
49
00:02:36,320 --> 00:02:37,680
Yes, I've done all the chutneys.
50
00:02:37,680 --> 00:02:40,520
That's fantastic. I'm just going to
give those a tick, then, shall I?
51
00:02:40,520 --> 00:02:42,400
Yeah, put two, if you like.
Two, lovely.
52
00:02:42,400 --> 00:02:44,880
Why is she here? You should've
started at half nine.
53
00:02:44,880 --> 00:02:46,560
I know, I was helping a customer.
54
00:02:46,560 --> 00:02:47,960
Well, it better not happen again.
55
00:02:47,960 --> 00:02:49,800
Oh, so you don't want me to help
a customer?
56
00:02:49,800 --> 00:02:51,280
OK, well, you're the manager, mate.
57
00:02:51,280 --> 00:02:53,760
I mean, that seems positively
bonkers to me. Get on with it!
58
00:02:53,760 --> 00:02:57,400
I asked you not to put me on a shift
with her, Gavin, and she's here.
59
00:02:57,400 --> 00:03:01,400
I needed her to cover for Sandra cos
Sandra's grieving for her dog.
60
00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:04,280
Not Pippin. Pippin? Yeah, Pippin.
61
00:03:04,280 --> 00:03:06,760
She loved that dog like a child.
Absolutely.
62
00:03:06,760 --> 00:03:07,920
Poor little thing. Yeah.
63
00:03:07,920 --> 00:03:10,040
No, I'm glad that dog's dead.
64
00:03:10,040 --> 00:03:13,000
Yeah, he was bleeding her dry.
Pippin was her rock!
65
00:03:13,000 --> 00:03:16,080
Pippin's vet bills cost more than
her bungalow, Gavin, I'm sorry.
66
00:03:16,080 --> 00:03:19,400
You can diss anybody in here,
but you diss Pippin, nah!
67
00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:23,280
Listen, if she is here today,
then I want to go home.
68
00:03:23,280 --> 00:03:26,880
You are not going home.
I am short-staffed.
69
00:03:26,880 --> 00:03:28,880
Look at this place. It's heaving!
70
00:03:28,880 --> 00:03:31,200
I can't rearrange the entire
schedule
71
00:03:31,200 --> 00:03:34,640
just cos the pair of you have had
some silly little playground spat.
72
00:03:34,640 --> 00:03:38,360
Get on that bloody till or it'll be
like Christmas Eve 2018 again,
73
00:03:38,360 --> 00:03:40,720
and God knows, none of us need that.
74
00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:43,600
Right, well, wait till HR hears
about this.
75
00:03:43,600 --> 00:03:45,480
Yeah, go on, tell 'em. I will.
76
00:03:45,480 --> 00:03:48,520
Yeah, go on, then. I will.
Yeah, see if I care. I will!
77
00:03:48,520 --> 00:03:50,200
Fucking prick. What?
78
00:03:50,200 --> 00:03:51,520
What?
79
00:03:51,520 --> 00:03:53,160
CLATTERING
80
00:03:54,920 --> 00:03:56,840
She said, "You prick."
81
00:03:56,840 --> 00:03:58,320
I heard what she said, Kev!
82
00:04:00,040 --> 00:04:02,880
INTERNAL: I will never, ever...
83
00:04:02,880 --> 00:04:06,840
..ever, ever, ever, ever, ever,
84
00:04:06,840 --> 00:04:08,640
ever, ever...
85
00:04:08,640 --> 00:04:10,960
..give up on you, Becca.
86
00:04:10,960 --> 00:04:12,560
Not too busy on a Sunday, is it?
87
00:04:12,560 --> 00:04:15,520
No, it's really quiet today.
88
00:04:15,520 --> 00:04:17,880
I'm walking the dog later.
89
00:04:17,880 --> 00:04:19,960
Oh, really? Where are you going?
90
00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:22,240
Just...just in the park, actually.
91
00:04:22,240 --> 00:04:23,520
Nearest.
92
00:04:23,520 --> 00:04:24,880
A bit muddy.
93
00:04:24,880 --> 00:04:26,880
Yeah, get the wellies on.
94
00:04:26,880 --> 00:04:28,920
Yeah! Yes, it is, yeah.
95
00:04:30,680 --> 00:04:31,760
Oh!
96
00:04:31,760 --> 00:04:34,120
What's happened? Not to worry, it's
just an accident.
97
00:04:34,120 --> 00:04:35,760
What's the matter with you today?
98
00:04:35,760 --> 00:04:38,040
God's sake, they're organic as well!
99
00:04:38,040 --> 00:04:40,680
Go finish off Aisle 2.
I'll sort this out.
100
00:04:40,680 --> 00:04:42,160
Kev!
101
00:04:42,160 --> 00:04:44,080
I am so sorry, sir.
102
00:04:44,080 --> 00:04:46,680
We'll...we'll get you some new ones
right away, OK?
103
00:04:46,680 --> 00:04:47,920
Oh.
104
00:05:26,320 --> 00:05:27,640
TRAIN WHISTLE BLOWS
105
00:05:27,640 --> 00:05:30,040
And I don't want to be a knobhead
about this.
106
00:05:30,040 --> 00:05:31,240
I'm sorry I'm letting you go.
107
00:05:31,240 --> 00:05:33,160
I know it's nearly Christmas and
everything,
108
00:05:33,160 --> 00:05:35,040
but you're a terrible employee.
109
00:05:35,040 --> 00:05:37,720
RECORDING: I feel like you're not
even giving me a chance because
110
00:05:37,720 --> 00:05:40,560
there's a real reason that you
haven't got the balls to tell me
about.
111
00:05:40,560 --> 00:05:42,640
I've given you plenty of chances,
Jen. I'm sorry.
112
00:05:42,640 --> 00:05:43,800
You can't throw that at me.
113
00:05:43,800 --> 00:05:46,400
I've only worked here a couple of
months. Plenty of chances?!
114
00:05:46,400 --> 00:05:48,880
I know, and I can see how bad you
are in a couple of months, love.
115
00:05:48,880 --> 00:05:51,160
Right, and this has got nothing to
do with Becca, has it?
116
00:05:51,160 --> 00:05:52,960
No, you're a liability.
117
00:05:52,960 --> 00:05:56,280
How? What about this threat of a
restraining order? What about that?
118
00:05:56,280 --> 00:05:58,160
INTERNAL; I'm not going to think
about Becca.
119
00:05:58,160 --> 00:05:59,600
I'm going to think about myself.
120
00:05:59,600 --> 00:06:02,160
I'm not going to get involved with
anyone's business.
121
00:06:02,160 --> 00:06:05,160
I'm going to put
me and Harry first.
122
00:06:05,160 --> 00:06:06,560
SHE SIGHS
123
00:06:06,560 --> 00:06:08,720
Oh, and I need to do
squats every day
124
00:06:08,720 --> 00:06:10,800
or I'm always going to
have a flat arse.
125
00:06:10,800 --> 00:06:13,880
I know I shouldn't say that cos
I'm the manager but you are...
126
00:06:13,880 --> 00:06:15,840
Tickets, please, madam.
127
00:06:15,840 --> 00:06:17,720
Haz, do you need a wee?
128
00:06:17,720 --> 00:06:19,440
No, no.
129
00:06:19,440 --> 00:06:21,880
Just come and try to squeeze one out
before we get off, yeah?
130
00:06:21,880 --> 00:06:23,880
Mum, that's gross! Come on.
131
00:06:23,880 --> 00:06:25,480
Take your bag.
132
00:06:25,480 --> 00:06:27,000
Thank you.
133
00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:29,240
Ticket, please, sir?
134
00:06:29,240 --> 00:06:31,320
Just like Harry Potter...
Yeah, yeah, whatever.
135
00:06:31,320 --> 00:06:33,360
..on a train for your first day at
your new school.
136
00:06:33,360 --> 00:06:36,240
All right, all right, I'd be in
Gryffindor. Would you? Yep.
137
00:06:36,240 --> 00:06:38,440
Like, the sorting hat wouldn't even
touch my head.
138
00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:40,920
It would just shout, "Gryffindor!"
139
00:06:40,920 --> 00:06:42,480
Gryffindor! Gryffindor!
140
00:06:42,480 --> 00:06:43,840
Gryffindor!
141
00:06:43,840 --> 00:06:47,200
Don't pick that up,
that's not a balloon.
142
00:06:47,200 --> 00:06:49,280
Come on, you excited? All right.
143
00:06:51,160 --> 00:06:53,080
I can't believe
you made me wear this.
144
00:06:53,080 --> 00:06:55,600
All the other kids are literally
going to slaughter me.
145
00:06:55,600 --> 00:06:59,240
Yeah, well, it's either that
or wear one of mine, so...
146
00:06:59,240 --> 00:07:00,920
Hi.
147
00:07:02,360 --> 00:07:04,680
Uh, excuse me. Yeah?
148
00:07:04,680 --> 00:07:08,280
It's Harry's first day and we're
running late, obviously.
149
00:07:08,280 --> 00:07:12,960
I can't wait. Yeah, and I've
forgotten the code for the gates.
150
00:07:12,960 --> 00:07:15,880
Oh, right. Do you think you could
let me know what it is?
151
00:07:15,880 --> 00:07:19,160
Um... Do you know, I'm not actually
sure I'm allowed to?
152
00:07:19,160 --> 00:07:20,760
OK.
153
00:07:20,760 --> 00:07:23,960
Do you think you could just open it
for us, let us in?
154
00:07:23,960 --> 00:07:26,560
I do feel really bad about this
but I just...
155
00:07:26,560 --> 00:07:28,960
..I don't want to get anyone into
trouble, you know?
156
00:07:28,960 --> 00:07:32,000
Who are you going to get into
trouble? Sorry.
157
00:07:32,000 --> 00:07:33,880
Sorry.
158
00:07:33,880 --> 00:07:36,160
OK, good luck!
159
00:07:36,160 --> 00:07:39,560
Thanks so much.
Oh, lovely. Good for you!
160
00:07:39,560 --> 00:07:41,080
It's not working.
161
00:07:41,080 --> 00:07:43,080
Oh, are you having problems
with the gate?
162
00:07:43,080 --> 00:07:44,840
It's Harry's first day and... 2478.
163
00:07:44,840 --> 00:07:46,760
Sorry, what? 2478.
164
00:07:46,760 --> 00:07:48,280
OK.
165
00:07:48,280 --> 00:07:50,160
Pikachu, got to catch 'em all!
166
00:07:50,160 --> 00:07:51,720
Thank you so much.
167
00:07:51,720 --> 00:07:52,960
No problem.
168
00:07:52,960 --> 00:07:54,920
Ollie, please, can you...?
169
00:07:54,920 --> 00:07:56,480
Thanks again. Thank you.
170
00:07:56,480 --> 00:07:58,400
INTERNAL: Oh, my God,
she's brilliant.
171
00:07:58,400 --> 00:08:02,080
I mean, she's giving off a really
strong Elton John vibe but...
172
00:08:02,080 --> 00:08:03,640
..thank you, Elton!
173
00:08:04,640 --> 00:08:07,640
SINGS: # Got to catch 'em all. #
174
00:08:07,640 --> 00:08:09,760
Maybe I should get some sunglasses
like that.
175
00:08:09,760 --> 00:08:12,000
You are Jennifer McKenna, right?
Yeah, that's right.
176
00:08:12,000 --> 00:08:14,720
Just to remind you, this is
temporary emergency accommodation.
177
00:08:14,720 --> 00:08:16,120
You will be here for...
178
00:08:16,120 --> 00:08:18,920
..however long it takes for more
suitable permanent housing. OK.
179
00:08:18,920 --> 00:08:22,240
Have you got any next of kin as an
emergency contact nearby maybe?
180
00:08:22,240 --> 00:08:24,600
Yeah, my mum. I can...
181
00:08:24,600 --> 00:08:27,200
..I can write down her details.
Yeah, that would be great.
182
00:08:27,200 --> 00:08:30,000
Really lucky to have found this so
last-minute. Oh, great. Yeah.
183
00:08:30,000 --> 00:08:31,680
Just get that out there.
184
00:08:31,680 --> 00:08:35,240
They did find four mummified budgies
in the back of the freezer.
185
00:08:35,240 --> 00:08:37,720
But don't worry,
I think they've put in a new one.
186
00:08:37,720 --> 00:08:41,040
Toaster, sink there, fridge...
OK, great.
187
00:08:41,040 --> 00:08:43,360
Yeah. That, that can go.
188
00:08:43,360 --> 00:08:46,280
We will need to get someone to
remove that, if you don't want it.
189
00:08:46,280 --> 00:08:49,520
OK. Oh, God. What time is it?
I've got to go. I've got a date.
190
00:08:49,520 --> 00:08:51,200
Keys. Oh, thank you.
191
00:08:52,200 --> 00:08:54,760
INTERNAL: I wonder what
Elton John's doing now?
192
00:08:54,760 --> 00:08:56,280
Maybe she's thinking about me.
193
00:08:56,280 --> 00:08:58,400
No, Jen, stop.
194
00:08:58,400 --> 00:08:59,800
PHONE RINGS
195
00:09:00,800 --> 00:09:02,320
Shit, I'm going to be late.
196
00:09:02,320 --> 00:09:04,320
All right, here you go.
I'll call you Jennifer.
197
00:09:04,320 --> 00:09:06,200
Well, you can just call me Jen,
if you like.
198
00:09:06,200 --> 00:09:08,680
No, I think Jennifer's better.
Mind your head.
199
00:09:08,680 --> 00:09:11,960
So, Mrs Baggett is quite particular.
200
00:09:11,960 --> 00:09:13,320
SHE LAUGHS
201
00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:14,760
Sorry, what's funny?
202
00:09:14,760 --> 00:09:16,640
Oh, nothing. Just...
203
00:09:16,640 --> 00:09:19,320
..Baggett. No. No, just ignore me.
204
00:09:19,320 --> 00:09:21,640
Anyway, she's really,
really lovely, right?
205
00:09:21,640 --> 00:09:23,520
But she's also very racist.
206
00:09:23,520 --> 00:09:26,240
Oh, hello, Mrs Baggett.
How are you today?
207
00:09:26,240 --> 00:09:27,520
What's all this?
208
00:09:27,520 --> 00:09:29,000
Well, this is Jennifer.
209
00:09:29,000 --> 00:09:32,320
She's...she's just doing a trial
with us, with...
210
00:09:32,320 --> 00:09:33,960
Where's Katya?
211
00:09:33,960 --> 00:09:36,880
We had that chat last week,
remember? Katya's left.
212
00:09:36,880 --> 00:09:39,200
Oh, has she?
Yes, she's having a baby.
213
00:09:39,200 --> 00:09:41,560
She's rather old for that sort of
thing, isn't she?
214
00:09:41,560 --> 00:09:45,640
Anyway, Jennifer's going to be doing
your cleaning from now on, so...
215
00:09:45,640 --> 00:09:48,440
You're not from Poland, are you?
216
00:09:48,440 --> 00:09:51,040
I'm sorry, would that be a problem?
217
00:09:51,040 --> 00:09:53,280
They eat carp for Christmas.
218
00:09:53,280 --> 00:09:57,320
It's only a trial, Mrs Baggett, just
to see how you all get on, yeah?
219
00:09:57,320 --> 00:09:59,040
So, can we come in?
220
00:09:59,040 --> 00:10:01,400
All right, then. So, you want me
to...? Yeah, yeah, you go.
221
00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:02,840
OK. Thank you.
222
00:10:02,840 --> 00:10:05,640
I've just had a run round with the
Hoover. See you in an hour, OK?
223
00:10:05,640 --> 00:10:08,480
I don't want anyone thinking I live
in a pigsty. Viv!
224
00:10:08,480 --> 00:10:11,560
And I can't stand a
Continental breakfast.
225
00:10:11,560 --> 00:10:15,560
What sort of lunatic eats meat
and cheese for breakfast?
226
00:10:15,560 --> 00:10:17,880
Clarissa, you know I
have already done that.
227
00:10:17,880 --> 00:10:19,920
Oh, no, no! It's no bother.
228
00:10:19,920 --> 00:10:22,160
Well, yeah, it's no bother cos I've
already done it.
229
00:10:22,160 --> 00:10:25,200
It's completely clean already. Mm?
230
00:10:25,200 --> 00:10:27,160
Don't worry, it's fine.
231
00:10:27,160 --> 00:10:28,680
Is there...? Clarissa?
232
00:10:28,680 --> 00:10:30,000
Yeah.
233
00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:32,280
That's your name, isn't it?
234
00:10:32,280 --> 00:10:34,080
Mrs Baggett.
235
00:10:34,080 --> 00:10:37,000
When I lived in Singapore,
236
00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:42,480
Daphne told me that one keeps one's
servants on a very formal basis.
237
00:10:42,480 --> 00:10:45,280
Right, why don't we figure out
a time when you're not here?
238
00:10:45,280 --> 00:10:46,960
Oh, no, no, I'm always here.
239
00:10:49,040 --> 00:10:51,400
INTERNAL: Well, I've got to find out
what her name is.
240
00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:53,280
I can't keep calling her Elton John.
241
00:10:53,280 --> 00:10:55,880
OK, so, Ollie.
242
00:10:55,880 --> 00:10:57,760
Do you like curry?
243
00:10:57,760 --> 00:10:59,960
Hmm...
244
00:10:59,960 --> 00:11:02,360
It was lovely. Nicola...
245
00:11:02,360 --> 00:11:04,600
Peanuts sprinkled all over
the top. ..Harris.
246
00:11:04,600 --> 00:11:07,600
Oh, God. I can see how this
evening's going to go.
247
00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:10,120
I'm going to end up on her brother's
cousin's Facebook,
248
00:11:10,120 --> 00:11:12,280
looking at photos
from three years ago.
249
00:11:12,280 --> 00:11:15,480
Oh, I do miss those days. They were
very happy days, I must say...
250
00:11:15,480 --> 00:11:16,960
What?
251
00:11:16,960 --> 00:11:18,840
..playing mah-jongg with Daphne.
252
00:11:19,840 --> 00:11:22,560
Where's Tippy?
253
00:11:22,560 --> 00:11:24,640
Tippy, Tippy, Tippy, Tippy!
254
00:11:24,640 --> 00:11:28,120
You dirty Bertie!
255
00:11:28,120 --> 00:11:30,560
No, you can't get involved, Jen.
256
00:11:30,560 --> 00:11:32,200
My turn? Your turn.
257
00:11:32,200 --> 00:11:35,960
I would say, I think you might...you
might struggle a bit with this one.
258
00:11:35,960 --> 00:11:39,800
Really? INTERNAL: God, I can smell
the desperation pouring off of you.
259
00:11:39,800 --> 00:11:43,800
You must be sat on that fucking app
all day, just waiting for a message.
260
00:11:43,800 --> 00:11:45,200
ALOUD: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, OK.
261
00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:47,320
INTERNAL: You've definitely done
this before.
262
00:11:47,320 --> 00:11:49,720
Whoo!
Come on, what sort of person?
263
00:11:49,720 --> 00:11:51,120
Am I...am I famous?
264
00:11:51,120 --> 00:11:53,200
Am I...am I an athlete?
265
00:11:53,200 --> 00:11:55,720
An athlete? In bed.
Am I an athlete in bed?
266
00:11:55,720 --> 00:11:58,000
INTERNAL: This is what Nicola has
settled for!
267
00:11:58,000 --> 00:12:00,440
I bet you really think you
are, don't you?
268
00:12:01,680 --> 00:12:03,120
An athlete in bed.
269
00:12:03,120 --> 00:12:06,400
Have I said the wrong thing?
What could you have said?
270
00:12:06,400 --> 00:12:07,840
All right, I'm just...
271
00:12:07,840 --> 00:12:10,080
I think maybe, shall we...?
I don't know.
272
00:12:10,080 --> 00:12:12,320
I'm getting a bit bored of this
game now.
273
00:12:12,320 --> 00:12:13,600
Tom Jones.
274
00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:16,080
INTERNAL: I was so right to come
here. He is such a prick.
275
00:12:16,080 --> 00:12:18,760
One second... Hang on, what are you
doing? Put it down, put it down.
276
00:12:18,760 --> 00:12:22,200
No, no, no. I just want to see
what's on your head.
277
00:12:22,200 --> 00:12:23,720
It really suits you, actually.
278
00:12:23,720 --> 00:12:25,680
What is this? I just, you know...
279
00:12:25,680 --> 00:12:28,240
I just thought everyone might like
to know
280
00:12:28,240 --> 00:12:31,200
that you are a married man...
Yeah, I fucking told you that.
281
00:12:31,200 --> 00:12:33,760
..who's been trawling Tinder for a
quick shag...
282
00:12:33,760 --> 00:12:36,000
Trawling Tinder? What are you
talking about?
283
00:12:36,000 --> 00:12:38,120
..even though you've got a wife and
a kid at home.
284
00:12:38,120 --> 00:12:40,600
Oops! Fuck's sake!
You fucking psycho!
285
00:12:40,600 --> 00:12:42,960
Oh, I'm a psycho. That's so sweet!
Yeah, you're a psycho!
286
00:12:42,960 --> 00:12:45,520
Dom, it was so great to meet you.
I can't believe you're going.
287
00:12:45,520 --> 00:12:47,040
Fuck off!
288
00:12:47,040 --> 00:12:48,600
Hello! You all right, Dad?
289
00:12:48,600 --> 00:12:50,080
Oh, God, what's that?
290
00:12:50,080 --> 00:12:53,320
What? Oh, Stuart spilt wine on me
over lunch. Idiot.
291
00:12:53,320 --> 00:12:54,880
So annoying.
292
00:12:54,880 --> 00:12:57,360
RECORDING: You've got a wife and
three kids at home but
293
00:12:57,360 --> 00:12:59,040
you've been messaging me on Tinder!
294
00:12:59,040 --> 00:13:00,760
What are you doing, you sicko?
295
00:13:00,760 --> 00:13:03,720
INTERNAL: I mean, the rest of it is
good, but I've outdone myself here.
296
00:13:03,720 --> 00:13:06,400
RECORDING: I'm a psycho. That's so
sweet! Yeah, you're a psycho.
297
00:13:06,400 --> 00:13:09,080
INTERNAL: Nicola needs to know about
this. I should call her
298
00:13:09,080 --> 00:13:12,040
and tell her. Ugh, Jen, no.
It's three in the morning.
299
00:13:12,040 --> 00:13:14,680
Ah, fuck it! PHONE BEEPS
300
00:13:19,600 --> 00:13:21,840
PHONE VIBRATES
301
00:13:21,840 --> 00:13:24,040
Hello?
302
00:13:24,040 --> 00:13:25,880
No, I can't tell her now.
303
00:13:26,920 --> 00:13:28,240
DAN SNORES
304
00:13:31,440 --> 00:13:33,320
HE MURMURS SLEEPILY
305
00:13:34,880 --> 00:13:37,560
We'll go for a nice coffee
somewhere and I'll tell her.
306
00:13:37,560 --> 00:13:40,240
And she'll say, "Oh, Jen, thank you
so much for telling me."
307
00:13:40,240 --> 00:13:42,960
I'll say, "Nic, it's fine."
And she'll say, "Thank you, Jen.
308
00:13:42,960 --> 00:13:45,720
"I would've been stuck in this
relationship if it wasn't for you.
309
00:13:45,720 --> 00:13:49,200
"Oh, my God, Jen.
What did I do before I met you?"
310
00:13:49,200 --> 00:13:53,400
I think we have got pretty
much everything covered,
311
00:13:53,400 --> 00:13:55,760
so you can just join
them, whichever stall you like.
312
00:13:55,760 --> 00:13:58,920
Helen's doing the tombola. Mm-hm.
Nic's on Splat The Rat.
313
00:13:58,920 --> 00:14:01,360
Splat The Rat - that sounds good.
Yeah? Yeah. OK.
314
00:14:01,360 --> 00:14:04,000
I'll let her know
you'll be joining her.
315
00:14:04,000 --> 00:14:05,200
Great.
316
00:14:06,680 --> 00:14:09,600
So is Harry here or is he coming
a bit later with his dad?
317
00:14:09,600 --> 00:14:11,680
Oh, no, he's...he's in the loo.
318
00:14:11,680 --> 00:14:14,520
He's probably, er, clogging it
up with a massive shit.
319
00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:16,040
Harry's dad is?
320
00:14:16,040 --> 00:14:18,000
Sorry? Are you with Harry's dad?
321
00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:19,040
What?!
322
00:14:19,040 --> 00:14:20,480
RAT SQUEAKS, BLOW ECHOES
323
00:14:20,480 --> 00:14:22,560
So it's Jen, isn't it?
Yeah, yeah.
324
00:14:22,560 --> 00:14:25,080
Sorry. She said you're Nic.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
325
00:14:25,080 --> 00:14:27,240
Ollie's mum?
Yes. Yeah, that's right.
326
00:14:27,240 --> 00:14:29,160
I know you're not going to judge me.
Yeah?
327
00:14:29,160 --> 00:14:30,480
Do you want some gin?
328
00:14:30,480 --> 00:14:33,000
Oh, yes! I could kiss you!
329
00:14:33,000 --> 00:14:35,160
Don't do that.
Just make it weird.
330
00:14:35,160 --> 00:14:37,240
You're great. I...try.
331
00:14:37,240 --> 00:14:38,480
Where have you been?
332
00:14:38,480 --> 00:14:40,600
Just, you know, up the road.
333
00:14:42,080 --> 00:14:44,760
Look, Haz, Nanny's here.
Come in, come in. Hi, Nanny.
334
00:14:44,760 --> 00:14:47,600
How are you, sweetheart? You going
to come and give me a big hug, then?
335
00:14:47,600 --> 00:14:48,760
Erm...
336
00:14:48,760 --> 00:14:51,160
Oh, right, right, right.
Too grown-up for that now, eh?
337
00:14:52,200 --> 00:14:55,040
Come on, sit down.
Well, look, I can't stay long.
338
00:14:55,040 --> 00:14:57,960
I've, erm... Yeah, yeah. Yeah. You
know, you didn't have to come round.
339
00:14:57,960 --> 00:15:00,840
You could've just phoned or
something. How did you get here?
340
00:15:00,840 --> 00:15:03,440
Well... Well, I had to get the bus,
actually... Why?
341
00:15:03,440 --> 00:15:05,600
..because John's car's
in the garage, yeah.
342
00:15:05,600 --> 00:15:07,280
Right.
343
00:15:07,280 --> 00:15:08,880
PHONE VIBRATES Oh, sorry.
344
00:15:10,200 --> 00:15:12,120
Speak of the devil! Hello?
345
00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:14,400
INTERNAL: How can she stand being
married to someone
346
00:15:14,400 --> 00:15:16,720
who cares more about a car
than he does about his own wife?
347
00:15:16,720 --> 00:15:17,800
Yeah, yeah. I will.
348
00:15:17,800 --> 00:15:19,600
Keep going, mate.
349
00:15:19,600 --> 00:15:21,360
Please, John.
350
00:15:21,360 --> 00:15:24,360
Yeah, I will. You know what she's
like. Yeah, OK.
351
00:15:24,360 --> 00:15:26,880
Yeah, yeah. Bye, bye.
352
00:15:28,360 --> 00:15:31,640
That was John. He's, er...
Someone has, you know,
353
00:15:31,640 --> 00:15:34,120
they've keyed his car,
you know the MG?
354
00:15:34,120 --> 00:15:36,560
It just keeps happening, doesn't it?
What you trying to say?
355
00:15:36,560 --> 00:15:39,080
Oh, it's just really expensive, Jen,
that's what I'm saying.
356
00:15:39,080 --> 00:15:42,720
You're not just telling me,
you're not saying... Jen!
..what you ACTUALLY want to say.
357
00:15:42,720 --> 00:15:44,960
You're the one that's come
round here, so just ask me.
358
00:15:44,960 --> 00:15:46,360
You think I did it?
359
00:15:48,120 --> 00:15:49,400
Do you?
360
00:15:50,920 --> 00:15:52,480
Never believe me anyway.
361
00:15:53,960 --> 00:15:55,400
CARDS SLAP ON TABLE
362
00:15:58,440 --> 00:15:59,680
INTERNAL: Oh, wow.
363
00:15:59,680 --> 00:16:01,280
That car looks great.
364
00:16:01,280 --> 00:16:03,800
That garage have done a good job.
Looks good as new.
365
00:16:03,800 --> 00:16:05,760
DISCORDANT SCRAPING
366
00:16:05,760 --> 00:16:07,320
Oh, well!
367
00:16:09,200 --> 00:16:10,720
OK, see you later.
368
00:16:10,720 --> 00:16:12,400
Goodbye, Katya!
That's not my name.
369
00:16:12,400 --> 00:16:14,040
DOOR LATCH SHUTS
370
00:16:14,040 --> 00:16:16,400
That would be fanta... Erm...
371
00:16:16,400 --> 00:16:19,920
Probably the best thing to do
is if I...
372
00:16:19,920 --> 00:16:23,520
Oh, God, sorry! Can I call you back
in two seconds?
373
00:16:23,520 --> 00:16:24,800
Nic?
374
00:16:24,800 --> 00:16:26,080
Oh, my God!
375
00:16:26,080 --> 00:16:29,360
You lost your cat? No, I did
lose my cat, found him now.
376
00:16:29,360 --> 00:16:32,360
Oh, great!
Why don't we...celebrate?
377
00:16:32,360 --> 00:16:34,920
Hello! Come in!
How are you?
378
00:16:34,920 --> 00:16:36,880
CHORUS OF GREETINGS
379
00:16:36,880 --> 00:16:38,600
Dan, this is Jen. Jen, this is Dan.
380
00:16:39,640 --> 00:16:41,120
Hi! Hi.
381
00:16:41,120 --> 00:16:42,160
Nice to meet you. Dan.
382
00:16:42,160 --> 00:16:44,680
Well, have a brilliant time at
bowling... I'm Jen.
383
00:16:44,680 --> 00:16:47,720
It's getting on a bit, innit?
Shall we just whack a film on?
384
00:16:47,720 --> 00:16:50,840
No, we organised this. I know,
but... I'm having my girls' night.
385
00:16:50,840 --> 00:16:53,000
HE SIGHS
386
00:16:53,000 --> 00:16:55,240
Right, have a good time. Bye!
DAN GROANS
387
00:16:55,240 --> 00:16:57,480
DOOR SLAMS
388
00:16:57,480 --> 00:16:59,320
MUSIC: The Bad Touch
by Bloodhound Gang
389
00:16:59,320 --> 00:17:01,400
One, two, three... Ugh!
390
00:17:01,400 --> 00:17:02,960
# Baby, sex is a Texas drought
391
00:17:02,960 --> 00:17:06,160
# Me and you do the kind of stuff
that only Prince would sing about
392
00:17:06,160 --> 00:17:10,000
# So put your hands down my pants
and I bet you'll feel nuts...#
393
00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:11,720
Hello! All right?
394
00:17:11,720 --> 00:17:12,760
Oh, dear.
395
00:17:12,760 --> 00:17:14,320
Hi! Good time?
396
00:17:14,320 --> 00:17:16,320
Yeah, it was fun, wasn't it?
397
00:17:16,320 --> 00:17:19,520
NIC, SLURRING: Could you make up
the bunk in Ollie's room?
398
00:17:19,520 --> 00:17:22,960
Or Jen's going to sleep on the sofa.
399
00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:25,800
I'm not fussy,
I'll sleep on the sofa.
400
00:17:25,800 --> 00:17:27,040
Huh? You all right?
401
00:17:27,040 --> 00:17:28,560
Yeah, no, I'm good.
402
00:17:28,560 --> 00:17:30,720
Just didn't realise they were
staying, that's all.
403
00:17:32,240 --> 00:17:34,320
Thank you, Dan.
404
00:17:34,320 --> 00:17:35,440
OK.
405
00:17:36,360 --> 00:17:38,440
He's so great with the kids,
isn't he?
406
00:17:38,440 --> 00:17:39,840
Good guy.
407
00:17:39,840 --> 00:17:41,200
That's the least he can do.
408
00:17:41,200 --> 00:17:42,560
I do that all the time.
409
00:17:42,560 --> 00:17:43,840
Dan! Dan!
410
00:17:43,840 --> 00:17:45,880
IN SILLY VOICEES: Dan! Dan!
411
00:17:45,880 --> 00:17:47,800
Woo-oo! Dan!
412
00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:50,560
THEY DESCEND INTO LAUGHTER
413
00:17:50,560 --> 00:17:52,960
All right? That is good.
Did you like that?
414
00:17:52,960 --> 00:17:54,160
Yeah, it's very good.
415
00:17:54,160 --> 00:17:56,280
We're playing Silly Heads.
Just the right amount.
416
00:17:56,280 --> 00:17:57,880
No, it's Sticky Heads!
417
00:17:57,880 --> 00:18:01,000
Whose idea was it to play this?
It was my idea!
418
00:18:01,000 --> 00:18:03,160
So you know what the rules are?
Course I do.
419
00:18:03,160 --> 00:18:05,480
So...am I Tom Jones?
420
00:18:05,480 --> 00:18:07,960
Where would you even get that?
I don't know.
421
00:18:07,960 --> 00:18:10,240
I'm not Tom Jones? Not a million
miles away, though.
422
00:18:10,240 --> 00:18:13,240
I don't know why. For some reason,
I just had Tom Jones in my head.
423
00:18:13,240 --> 00:18:14,760
Am I a man?
424
00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:16,800
You are male.
425
00:18:16,800 --> 00:18:18,120
She's so great.
426
00:18:18,120 --> 00:18:20,640
Don't do that. Why are you doing
that? What are you doing?
427
00:18:20,640 --> 00:18:24,640
What do you mean, what am I doing?
Have you said anything? What are you
talking about? What have I got
428
00:18:24,640 --> 00:18:27,080
to say? Don't quite know what you're
playing at. I'm playing
429
00:18:27,080 --> 00:18:28,520
Sticky Heads, mate. OK, cool.
430
00:18:28,520 --> 00:18:30,720
Viva Las Vegas!
431
00:18:30,720 --> 00:18:32,360
LAUGHTER
432
00:18:32,360 --> 00:18:34,920
JEN HUMS SOFTLY
433
00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:39,800
TOILET FLUSHES
434
00:18:39,800 --> 00:18:41,600
# You don't even know me.... #
435
00:18:41,600 --> 00:18:44,680
God, there's a fly in here
that's kamikaze!
436
00:18:44,680 --> 00:18:47,520
Gone straight into the bowl
as I was flushing it, Jen.
437
00:18:50,000 --> 00:18:52,080
Right. Wouldn't go
in there for a while.
438
00:18:52,080 --> 00:18:54,880
NIC GIGGLES Mate, we've run out of wine.
439
00:18:54,880 --> 00:18:56,000
Oh, you're kidding!
440
00:18:56,000 --> 00:18:57,800
Yeah. Just found this port, though.
441
00:18:57,800 --> 00:18:59,960
Oh, yes, yes, yes. All right?
442
00:18:59,960 --> 00:19:02,440
Do you know what I really miss?
What? The McRib.
443
00:19:02,440 --> 00:19:04,000
The McRib!
444
00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:06,680
I mean, how dare they?! JEN LAUGHS
445
00:19:06,680 --> 00:19:08,120
Are you OK?
446
00:19:08,120 --> 00:19:12,240
SOBBING: I knew I'd end up crying
at some point this evening.
447
00:19:12,240 --> 00:19:14,560
Do you know, we were actually
going to run away
448
00:19:14,560 --> 00:19:15,840
together that night?
449
00:19:15,840 --> 00:19:18,040
NIC SNIFFLES AND SOBS
450
00:19:18,040 --> 00:19:20,520
God, that sounds like some...
451
00:19:20,520 --> 00:19:22,360
..Richard Curtis film.
452
00:19:22,360 --> 00:19:24,600
But the night that Alex died,
453
00:19:24,600 --> 00:19:27,160
we were going to run away together.
454
00:19:27,160 --> 00:19:31,000
And he told me he actually wanted
to have a baby.
455
00:19:32,120 --> 00:19:33,640
Oh, my God, no!
456
00:19:38,080 --> 00:19:39,280
Sorry we woke you.
457
00:19:40,360 --> 00:19:42,960
No, erm...that's fine.
458
00:19:42,960 --> 00:19:44,800
Is he OK?
Yeah, he's fine.
459
00:19:44,800 --> 00:19:46,840
Just having a wee before we go.
Good.
460
00:19:50,200 --> 00:19:51,720
Er...
461
00:19:51,720 --> 00:19:54,360
I didn't expect
to see you in my house.
462
00:19:54,360 --> 00:19:57,400
Well, yeah, I was shocked
to see you, as well.
463
00:19:57,400 --> 00:19:58,520
Really?
464
00:19:58,520 --> 00:20:01,240
I didn't know this
was your house, no. Really? OK.
465
00:20:01,240 --> 00:20:02,960
What, you think I knew
you lived here?
466
00:20:02,960 --> 00:20:05,560
I'm not a psycho.
467
00:20:05,560 --> 00:20:06,600
Er...
468
00:20:07,960 --> 00:20:10,760
Because this is, this, that, this
has never happened before.
469
00:20:10,760 --> 00:20:13,080
Like, I've never done that.
You've never done that?
470
00:20:13,080 --> 00:20:15,480
Like that was a one-...
No, I'd never done that before.
471
00:20:15,480 --> 00:20:17,320
This, it was, erm... First time?
472
00:20:17,320 --> 00:20:19,840
See... I mean, you don't know me,
but I've not...
473
00:20:19,840 --> 00:20:22,400
It was a moment of madness,
and I...
474
00:20:22,400 --> 00:20:24,240
I don't even know what I was doing.
475
00:20:24,240 --> 00:20:27,400
I don't know. It just didn't really
seem that way, from your profile.
476
00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:29,240
It was quite, er, quite detailed,
wasn't it?
477
00:20:29,240 --> 00:20:31,840
I said I was married, didn't I?
And I was being honest about that.
478
00:20:31,840 --> 00:20:34,560
And I said I was looking for fun.
But that was just being, you know...
479
00:20:34,560 --> 00:20:37,360
Yeah? It's nothing to do with you,
to be honest. This is between me...
480
00:20:37,360 --> 00:20:40,600
Well, you made it something to do
with me because you messaged me.
481
00:20:40,600 --> 00:20:44,520
I've apologised. I'm sorry.
Let's just move on. Let's not...
She doesn't need to know anything,
482
00:20:44,520 --> 00:20:47,840
OK? You don't think Nic needs to
know what her husband's doing
behind her back?
483
00:20:47,840 --> 00:20:50,200
No, I don't think she needs
to know. Personally,
484
00:20:50,200 --> 00:20:52,320
I think Nic deserves a bit
better than that.
485
00:20:52,320 --> 00:20:54,920
Look, what do you want?
What are you doing?
486
00:20:54,920 --> 00:20:57,320
I want you to see the error
of your ways.
487
00:20:59,440 --> 00:21:01,120
TOILET FLUSHES
488
00:21:02,040 --> 00:21:05,360
Right, you go up.
I can...I can see myself out.
489
00:21:05,360 --> 00:21:06,880
OK, great.
490
00:21:08,200 --> 00:21:09,880
Sleep well!
491
00:21:13,080 --> 00:21:16,200
RECORDING: If you're not happy with
Dan, why can't you leave now?
492
00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:19,200
No, I'd never do it to Ollie.
Never.
493
00:21:19,200 --> 00:21:21,640
You have a choice, Nic.
You can do something about it.
494
00:21:28,440 --> 00:21:30,000
INTERNAL: This'll be great.
495
00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:32,440
We could just waft around in our
matching coats
496
00:21:32,440 --> 00:21:34,680
like Paris Hilton
and Lindsay Lohan...
497
00:21:34,680 --> 00:21:36,720
..before they hated each other.
498
00:21:36,720 --> 00:21:38,320
PHONE CLICKS
499
00:22:03,680 --> 00:22:05,440
While D...
500
00:22:05,440 --> 00:22:08,320
He's just a really boring
bastard!
501
00:22:08,320 --> 00:22:09,360
CHEERS
502
00:22:09,360 --> 00:22:10,640
So definitely D, then.
503
00:22:10,640 --> 00:22:12,360
So here we go.
504
00:22:12,360 --> 00:22:13,560
Roast!
505
00:22:13,560 --> 00:22:14,600
Absolutely.
506
00:22:14,600 --> 00:22:15,760
CHEERING
507
00:22:15,760 --> 00:22:17,320
You all right up there, boys?
508
00:22:17,320 --> 00:22:18,680
SCATTERED APPLAUSE
509
00:22:18,680 --> 00:22:20,240
What's so funny?
510
00:22:20,240 --> 00:22:23,440
INTERNAL: Oh, God.
Of course she fucking cleans here!
511
00:22:27,080 --> 00:22:30,920
We can't have that big TV on.
There's an energy crisis going on.
512
00:22:30,920 --> 00:22:32,480
BOOMING PARP
513
00:22:34,280 --> 00:22:35,920
RASPING PARP
514
00:22:35,920 --> 00:22:38,920
Hello? I know you're
in here with me.
515
00:22:38,920 --> 00:22:39,960
Hello?
516
00:22:39,960 --> 00:22:41,440
ECHOING HONK
517
00:22:41,440 --> 00:22:43,200
I can hear you. PARP!
518
00:22:43,200 --> 00:22:45,560
I can feel that.
I can feel your pain.
519
00:22:45,560 --> 00:22:46,880
PARP!
520
00:22:46,880 --> 00:22:48,320
Can you see me?
521
00:22:48,320 --> 00:22:51,240
Show yourself to me!
522
00:22:51,240 --> 00:22:54,240
All right, mate?
Where have you been?
523
00:22:54,240 --> 00:22:56,440
Sorry, just been on the phone
to my mum. Had to hang up,
524
00:22:56,440 --> 00:22:58,160
like, eight times.
She wouldn't shut up.
525
00:22:58,160 --> 00:22:59,240
What's this doing out?
526
00:22:59,240 --> 00:23:02,880
Oh, dunno. Maybe
the kids got it out.
527
00:23:02,880 --> 00:23:04,360
That's him.
528
00:23:09,960 --> 00:23:12,560
So, hello.
This is the boring speech.
529
00:23:12,560 --> 00:23:15,600
I am Dan's younger,
better-looking brother.
530
00:23:15,600 --> 00:23:18,280
That's how it all fucking
started on my wedding day.
531
00:23:18,280 --> 00:23:19,800
It's a real privilege...
532
00:23:19,800 --> 00:23:21,800
Alex and Dan were so close.
533
00:23:21,800 --> 00:23:24,320
RECORDING: And you don't choose who
you fall in love with.
534
00:23:24,320 --> 00:23:25,560
We tried to break it off,
535
00:23:25,560 --> 00:23:29,360
but we'd always come back
together, like magnets.
536
00:23:29,360 --> 00:23:31,760
Who came back, you or him?
He would always come back.
537
00:23:31,760 --> 00:23:34,800
Well, then, it seems like he was
the one that was instigating things.
538
00:23:34,800 --> 00:23:37,040
And it's his brother
he's doing it to.
539
00:23:37,040 --> 00:23:38,720
I'm not blaming you, Nic.
540
00:23:38,720 --> 00:23:40,880
How could Alex do that
to his own brother?
541
00:23:41,960 --> 00:23:43,240
Bitch!
542
00:23:43,240 --> 00:23:44,760
You've, like, taken sides?!
543
00:23:44,760 --> 00:23:47,720
Gimme my coat! What are you doing?!
What is going on, Nic?!
544
00:23:47,720 --> 00:23:48,760
Hey. Hey.
545
00:23:48,760 --> 00:23:49,920
I want my coat back!
546
00:23:49,920 --> 00:23:52,200
It's not your coat!
Let me look in the pocket, then!
547
00:23:52,200 --> 00:23:54,120
Are you all right?
Did she hurt you?
548
00:23:54,120 --> 00:23:56,120
No, don't. I'm fine.
549
00:23:56,120 --> 00:23:58,560
Look, I tell you what'll cheer you
up. Have you seen this gif?
550
00:23:58,560 --> 00:24:00,680
It's really funny.
A little lizard in a tiny bikini.
551
00:24:00,680 --> 00:24:02,640
Yeah, I've seen it.
All right, well...
552
00:24:07,160 --> 00:24:09,600
DROPS KEYS
553
00:24:09,600 --> 00:24:11,520
Ow, shit!
554
00:24:11,520 --> 00:24:13,600
Ugh!
555
00:24:15,000 --> 00:24:17,080
BROKEN POTS CLATTER
556
00:24:17,080 --> 00:24:19,200
What's going on?!
557
00:24:20,480 --> 00:24:22,360
Katya? You're late!
558
00:24:22,360 --> 00:24:25,240
My name's not sodding Katya, OK?!
559
00:24:25,240 --> 00:24:26,960
Katya went back to
the Czech Republic
560
00:24:26,960 --> 00:24:29,720
cos you're such
a doddery old racist!
561
00:24:29,720 --> 00:24:33,320
Czechoslovakia!
No! NOT Czechoslovakia!
562
00:24:33,320 --> 00:24:36,880
It hasn't been Czechoslovakia
since 1993!
563
00:24:36,880 --> 00:24:38,800
Oh, fiddle-poppycock!
564
00:24:38,800 --> 00:24:42,000
Hi, Viv. Just got off
the phone to Mrs Baggot.
565
00:24:42,000 --> 00:24:43,400
Oh, yeah? How was she?
566
00:24:43,400 --> 00:24:45,680
She was distraught, as
I think you probably know.
567
00:24:45,680 --> 00:24:48,120
Really?
Can't think why that would be.
568
00:24:48,120 --> 00:24:51,120
Well, because you destroyed
her hanging baskets.
569
00:24:51,120 --> 00:24:53,480
She must be getting me confused
with Katya.
570
00:24:53,480 --> 00:24:56,200
No, she was not getting
you confused with Katya.
571
00:24:56,200 --> 00:24:57,800
Also, I got your references back.
572
00:24:57,800 --> 00:25:01,760
So that resulted in a very
illuminating phone chat with Gavin.
573
00:25:01,760 --> 00:25:04,800
Don't want to be nasty or anything,
do you know what I mean?
574
00:25:04,800 --> 00:25:07,160
But she's batshit crazy, Viv.
Honestly.
575
00:25:07,160 --> 00:25:09,040
Yeah, well, he's a prick.
576
00:25:09,040 --> 00:25:10,960
He told me all about Rebecca Smith.
577
00:25:10,960 --> 00:25:13,280
You really should have told me
about those complaints
578
00:25:13,280 --> 00:25:15,360
before you filled
in the application form.
579
00:25:15,360 --> 00:25:18,560
It's not exactly the kind
of thing I want to brag about, Viv.
580
00:25:18,560 --> 00:25:21,680
All right. Well, I think you know
what our company policy is.
581
00:25:21,680 --> 00:25:24,920
I think I can guess. So we'll be
needing your polo shirt back.
582
00:25:24,920 --> 00:25:27,360
And if you could wash it to get
rid of the negative energy,
583
00:25:27,360 --> 00:25:29,880
that'd be very much appreciated.
584
00:25:29,880 --> 00:25:31,760
I'm not going to wash the shirt!
585
00:25:32,880 --> 00:25:34,840
Well, if you could wash the shirt...
586
00:25:34,840 --> 00:25:36,480
I'm not going to wash the shirt.
587
00:25:38,600 --> 00:25:40,440
PHONE BUTTONS BEEP
588
00:25:41,720 --> 00:25:43,600
PHONE RINGS AND VIBRATES
589
00:25:45,240 --> 00:25:46,360
Aah!
590
00:25:46,360 --> 00:25:49,800
Not picking up to you, you psycho.
Why you ringing me?
591
00:25:51,360 --> 00:25:52,960
Hey!
592
00:25:52,960 --> 00:25:54,000
LINE GOES DEAD
593
00:25:54,000 --> 00:25:55,480
PHONE BEEPS
594
00:25:55,480 --> 00:25:56,520
F...!
595
00:25:56,520 --> 00:25:58,360
MUSIC: Whole Again
by Atomic Kitten
596
00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:09,560
# If you see me walking
down the street
597
00:26:09,560 --> 00:26:14,600
# Staring at the sky
and dragging my two feet
598
00:26:14,600 --> 00:26:17,360
# You just pass me by
599
00:26:17,360 --> 00:26:20,480
# It still makes me cry... #
Fuck's sake!
600
00:26:20,480 --> 00:26:22,240
# But you can make
me whole again... #
601
00:26:22,240 --> 00:26:23,560
Fucking psycho!
602
00:26:23,560 --> 00:26:26,960
I'M a psycho?! Yeah, you're a
psycho. That's so sweet! It
was so nice to meet you.
603
00:26:26,960 --> 00:26:29,880
# If you see me with another man
604
00:26:29,880 --> 00:26:32,800
# Laughing and joking
605
00:26:32,800 --> 00:26:35,320
# Doing what I can... #
606
00:26:35,320 --> 00:26:38,120
This isn't fun.
607
00:26:38,120 --> 00:26:41,160
# Cos I want you around... #
608
00:26:41,160 --> 00:26:44,960
And I'm so cold that
I can't even feel my bum. Sh!
609
00:26:44,960 --> 00:26:47,440
Get down!
610
00:26:47,440 --> 00:26:50,600
# Looking back on when we first met
611
00:26:50,600 --> 00:26:55,160
# I cannot escape
and I cannot forget
612
00:26:55,160 --> 00:26:58,160
# Baby, you're the one... # DOORBELL
613
00:26:58,160 --> 00:27:00,200
Hi, can we come in? Nic's not in.
614
00:27:00,200 --> 00:27:02,880
That's all right, we can wait for
Nic, that's fine. Hi, Ollie.
615
00:27:02,880 --> 00:27:04,960
Look, I want to talk
to you about Nic.
616
00:27:04,960 --> 00:27:06,320
I want to know what's going on.
617
00:27:06,320 --> 00:27:10,000
Do you know what's wrong with her?
She annoyed at me or something?
618
00:27:10,000 --> 00:27:11,640
Yes.
619
00:27:11,640 --> 00:27:14,320
OK. And why? Why would that be?
620
00:27:15,360 --> 00:27:16,720
Do you know why?
621
00:27:16,720 --> 00:27:20,160
Well, I mean, yeah,
we've spoken. Right.
622
00:27:20,160 --> 00:27:22,480
Look, Dan, I'm not here for a fight.
623
00:27:22,480 --> 00:27:26,600
I've deleted all the pictures
and the video I took of you.
624
00:27:26,600 --> 00:27:28,560
Oh, aren't you kind?
625
00:27:28,560 --> 00:27:31,120
What have you said?
Yeah.
626
00:27:32,520 --> 00:27:34,600
That's between me and
my wife, innit?
627
00:27:34,600 --> 00:27:35,800
No. Tell me.
628
00:27:35,800 --> 00:27:37,040
Tell me what you said.
629
00:27:37,040 --> 00:27:39,560
# Baby you're the one
630
00:27:39,560 --> 00:27:41,440
# You still turn me on... # SHOUTING
631
00:27:41,440 --> 00:27:45,440
Stay on the phone, I'll be as quick
as I can. Stay where you are, OK?
632
00:27:46,840 --> 00:27:48,520
RECORDING: Oh, Becca...
633
00:27:48,520 --> 00:27:53,080
INDISTINCT SPEECH, SOBBING
634
00:27:53,080 --> 00:27:54,960
You're worried about Leo.
635
00:27:54,960 --> 00:27:56,520
Well, he's getting scared now.
636
00:27:56,520 --> 00:27:59,840
I mean, it's just like,
you know, what's worse is,
637
00:27:59,840 --> 00:28:03,080
he's not getting scared,
he's getting really quiet.
638
00:28:03,080 --> 00:28:04,840
Dan? Mm. Do you think she's OK?
639
00:28:04,840 --> 00:28:07,120
Dan! What if she's dead?!
640
00:28:07,120 --> 00:28:09,800
She's a psycho! What if we have
to look after Harry forever?
641
00:28:09,800 --> 00:28:12,080
Oh, for God's sake, Dan, wake up!
642
00:28:12,080 --> 00:28:15,120
We don't know anything about the
woman, Nic. We know nothing.
643
00:28:15,120 --> 00:28:16,760
I'm going to keep trying her.
644
00:28:16,760 --> 00:28:18,480
Dan, please! Wake up. DAN GROANS
645
00:28:18,480 --> 00:28:20,280
# Baby, you're the one
646
00:28:20,280 --> 00:28:22,040
# You still turn me on...
647
00:28:22,040 --> 00:28:26,160
DOORBELL
# You can make me whole again
648
00:28:27,680 --> 00:28:30,040
# Whoa... #
649
00:28:34,760 --> 00:28:36,560
Jen!
650
00:28:36,560 --> 00:28:37,920
Becca!
651
00:28:40,240 --> 00:28:42,480
You've got to let me help you.
Please.
652
00:28:44,960 --> 00:28:46,720
I can't. I'm sorry.
653
00:28:46,720 --> 00:28:50,800
DOOR SHUTS # Oh, baby, you're the one
654
00:28:50,800 --> 00:28:53,640
# You still turn me on
655
00:28:53,640 --> 00:28:57,000
# You can make me whole again. #
656
00:28:57,000 --> 00:29:01,200
FOOTSTEPS ON GRAVEL
657
00:29:01,200 --> 00:29:02,600
GLASS SMASHES Argh!
658
00:29:02,600 --> 00:29:03,640
Fucking...
659
00:29:03,640 --> 00:29:05,360
BANGING AND CLATTERING
660
00:29:05,360 --> 00:29:06,600
Ow!
661
00:29:06,600 --> 00:29:07,880
Shit!
662
00:29:07,880 --> 00:29:09,120
Ow!
663
00:29:10,160 --> 00:29:12,400
GLASS SHATTERS
664
00:29:12,400 --> 00:29:13,440
BANGING
665
00:29:13,440 --> 00:29:15,280
Agh!
666
00:29:15,280 --> 00:29:17,240
GRUNTING AND GROANING
667
00:29:18,200 --> 00:29:19,720
Argh!
668
00:29:19,720 --> 00:29:20,960
Ugh!
669
00:29:20,960 --> 00:29:22,520
BANGING AND CLATTERING
670
00:29:22,520 --> 00:29:24,320
SIRENS APPROACH
671
00:29:24,320 --> 00:29:26,000
GLASS SHATTERS
672
00:29:26,000 --> 00:29:27,520
Ah, shi...!
48036
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