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1
00:00:08,091 --> 00:00:10,877
(theme music playing)
2
00:00:22,389 --> 00:00:25,392
(theme music ending)
3
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Hurry up, dear.
4
00:00:32,215 --> 00:00:34,217
The Mertzes will be here any minute.
5
00:00:34,718 --> 00:00:36,720
RICKY: I'll be ready, honey.
6
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I was just shaving
7
00:00:38,221 --> 00:00:40,223
so I look real nice when I go out
with my wife.
8
00:00:40,223 --> 00:00:43,727
Well, isn't that sweet?
9
00:00:46,229 --> 00:00:48,231
I thought you said you shaved.
10
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I did.
11
00:00:49,232 --> 00:00:50,233
What's the matter with your upper
lip?
12
00:00:50,734 --> 00:00:51,735
Is it out of bounds?
13
00:00:53,236 --> 00:00:54,738
You mean my moustache?
14
00:00:55,238 --> 00:00:57,240
Your what?
15
00:00:57,240 --> 00:00:59,242
My moustache.
16
00:01:03,246 --> 00:01:04,247
Ricky, it's true.
17
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Your upper lip has whiskers on it.
18
00:01:06,750 --> 00:01:09,252
What do expect, feathers?
19
00:01:09,753 --> 00:01:11,755
No, I expect you to go in there and
shave it off.
20
00:01:11,755 --> 00:01:13,757
You know I don't like a moustache on
you.
21
00:01:13,757 --> 00:01:14,758
Why not?
22
00:01:14,758 --> 00:01:17,260
Because it looks like an eyebrow
23
00:01:17,260 --> 00:01:20,764
and your mouth keeps staring at me.
24
00:01:20,764 --> 00:01:23,767
Well, I guess it could use a little
eyebrow pencil
25
00:01:24,267 --> 00:01:25,769
until it gets stronger.
26
00:01:25,769 --> 00:01:27,771
Listen, now, we're going to have this
out right now.
27
00:01:27,771 --> 00:01:29,272
You're going in there and shave that
off?
28
00:01:29,272 --> 00:01:30,774
No.
29
00:01:30,774 --> 00:01:32,776
Come here.
30
00:01:34,277 --> 00:01:35,278
Oh, darn it.
31
00:01:35,278 --> 00:01:36,780
It's still there.
32
00:01:36,780 --> 00:01:39,282
I thought maybe I could singe it off.
33
00:01:40,784 --> 00:01:43,286
Oh, honey, you'll love my moustache
34
00:01:43,286 --> 00:01:44,788
once you get used to it.
35
00:01:44,788 --> 00:01:46,790
I will not.
36
00:01:46,790 --> 00:01:49,292
Well, honey, just wait till it gets a
little strunger.
37
00:01:49,292 --> 00:01:51,294
It's never get "strunger."
38
00:01:53,296 --> 00:01:55,298
You've tried this before, Ricky.
39
00:01:55,298 --> 00:01:56,800
You know you always end up
40
00:01:56,800 --> 00:01:58,668
looking like a little boy who drank
chocolate milk.
41
00:02:00,170 --> 00:02:02,672
Well, you never let me give it a
chance.
42
00:02:02,672 --> 00:02:05,675
This time, I'm going to cultivate it.
43
00:02:06,676 --> 00:02:09,679
What are you going to use on it--
Vigoro?
44
00:02:09,679 --> 00:02:11,681
Never mind that.
45
00:02:12,182 --> 00:02:14,184
I look wonderful in a moustache.
46
00:02:14,184 --> 00:02:17,187
You just look silly in a moustache,
Ricky.
47
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I do not.
48
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(doorbell buzzes)
49
00:02:19,189 --> 00:02:20,190
Here are the Mertzes.
50
00:02:20,190 --> 00:02:21,191
Let's see what they think.
51
00:02:21,191 --> 00:02:23,193
All right, we'll see.
52
00:02:25,195 --> 00:02:27,197
Well, we'll just see.
53
00:02:27,197 --> 00:02:29,699
Just don't put any words in their
mouth.
54
00:02:29,699 --> 00:02:31,701
Don't worry, I won't have to.
55
00:02:31,701 --> 00:02:33,203
Okay.
56
00:02:34,204 --> 00:02:35,205
Hi, folks.
57
00:02:35,205 --> 00:02:36,206
Hi, Lucy.
Hi, Lucy.
58
00:02:36,206 --> 00:02:37,707
Hi, Ricky.
Hiya.
59
00:02:37,707 --> 00:02:39,709
Hi.
Are you ready to go to the movies?
60
00:02:39,709 --> 00:02:41,711
You are just in time to settle
something.
61
00:02:42,212 --> 00:02:43,213
We are?
Yeah?
62
00:02:43,213 --> 00:02:44,714
Yes. As two impartial observers
63
00:02:44,714 --> 00:02:46,716
we'd like your opinion on something.
Yeah.
64
00:02:46,716 --> 00:02:48,718
Well, I'll be happy to g...
65
00:02:48,718 --> 00:02:50,720
Ricky, you're growing a moustache.
66
00:02:51,221 --> 00:02:52,722
Gee, it looks wonderful.
67
00:02:52,722 --> 00:02:53,723
Well, let me see.
68
00:02:54,224 --> 00:02:55,725
Hey, that looks great.
69
00:02:58,728 --> 00:03:00,730
Now, what did you want our opinion
on?
70
00:03:01,231 --> 00:03:02,232
Nothing, Benedict Ethel.
71
00:03:02,732 --> 00:03:05,235
Well, Ricky and I just had a big, fat
argument
72
00:03:05,235 --> 00:03:08,238
about how ridiculous he looks in that
moustache
73
00:03:08,238 --> 00:03:11,241
and then you had to come in and louse
up everything.
74
00:03:11,741 --> 00:03:13,243
Well, I think he looks handsome.
75
00:03:13,243 --> 00:03:14,244
FRED: I do too.
76
00:03:14,244 --> 00:03:15,245
So do I.
77
00:03:15,245 --> 00:03:17,247
Brother.
78
00:03:17,247 --> 00:03:19,249
Besides, I have a very good reason
79
00:03:19,249 --> 00:03:20,750
for growing this moustache.
80
00:03:20,750 --> 00:03:21,751
What is it?
81
00:03:21,751 --> 00:03:24,754
He wants a divorce.
82
00:03:24,754 --> 00:03:28,758
You'll change your tune when you see
me as the star
83
00:03:28,758 --> 00:03:32,762
of the new Technicolor motion picture
Moon over Baghdad.
84
00:03:32,762 --> 00:03:34,264
Ricky! You didn't tell me
85
00:03:34,264 --> 00:03:36,766
you were going to star in a moving
picture.
86
00:03:36,766 --> 00:03:38,268
Well, I was keeping it...
87
00:03:38,268 --> 00:03:39,769
spring it on you as a surprise, you
know?
88
00:03:39,769 --> 00:03:42,772
You know when you're leaving for
Hollywood?
89
00:03:42,772 --> 00:03:43,773
Well, not exactly.
90
00:03:43,773 --> 00:03:45,775
Have you signed your contract yet?
91
00:03:46,276 --> 00:03:47,777
Well, not exactly.
92
00:03:47,777 --> 00:03:49,279
But they've agreed to star you.
93
00:03:49,779 --> 00:03:51,781
Well, not exactly.
94
00:03:52,282 --> 00:03:54,284
Well, what exactly?
95
00:03:54,284 --> 00:03:56,286
Well, a talent scout from Hollywood
96
00:03:56,286 --> 00:03:57,787
is coming to town to look
97
00:03:57,787 --> 00:04:00,290
for someone to star in the picture
98
00:04:00,290 --> 00:04:01,791
and my agent has a friend
99
00:04:02,292 --> 00:04:05,795
whose brother-in-law knows the talent
scout's wife.
100
00:04:08,798 --> 00:04:10,800
Well, what are we waiting for?
101
00:04:10,800 --> 00:04:12,302
Let's pack.
102
00:04:15,305 --> 00:04:16,306
LUCY: Star you in a picture.
103
00:04:16,806 --> 00:04:17,807
Well, don't you worry.
104
00:04:17,807 --> 00:04:19,809
I'll get an appointment to see him.
105
00:04:19,809 --> 00:04:21,311
Yeah, you'll get an appointment
106
00:04:21,311 --> 00:04:23,813
if the agent's friend's
brother-in-law
107
00:04:23,813 --> 00:04:25,815
is still speaking to this talent
scout's wife.
108
00:04:25,815 --> 00:04:29,319
Gee, a real, live talent scout from
Hollywood.
109
00:04:29,319 --> 00:04:32,322
Hey, Rick-- ask him if he can use a
song-and-dance man.
110
00:04:32,322 --> 00:04:33,823
And don't forget about me.
111
00:04:34,324 --> 00:04:35,825
I used to do an oriental dance.
112
00:04:36,326 --> 00:04:39,829
La-dee-da-da, da-da-da, da, da-da-da
113
00:04:39,829 --> 00:04:43,833
I was known as "The Queen of the
Nile."
114
00:04:43,833 --> 00:04:44,834
Oh!
115
00:04:45,335 --> 00:04:47,837
She's a little rusty around Cairo.
116
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Oh, you!
117
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All right, come on, are we going
118
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to go to the movies or not?
119
00:04:53,843 --> 00:04:55,345
I'm not leaving here
120
00:04:55,345 --> 00:04:57,847
till you shave off that silly
moustache.
121
00:04:57,847 --> 00:04:59,349
Honey... baby doll...
122
00:04:59,349 --> 00:05:01,351
I'm not going to shave it off
123
00:05:01,351 --> 00:05:03,853
so why don't you just relax and enjoy
it?
124
00:05:03,853 --> 00:05:05,355
I mean it, Ricky.
I'm not leaving here.
125
00:05:05,355 --> 00:05:06,356
ETHEL: Now, Lucy.
126
00:05:06,356 --> 00:05:07,357
No!
127
00:05:07,357 --> 00:05:08,358
All right.
128
00:05:08,358 --> 00:05:09,859
We'll go without her.
129
00:05:09,859 --> 00:05:10,860
Come on.
130
00:05:10,860 --> 00:05:11,861
You two go ahead.
131
00:05:12,362 --> 00:05:13,363
I'll stay here with Lucy.
132
00:05:13,863 --> 00:05:14,864
All right. Good-bye, Ethel.
133
00:05:14,864 --> 00:05:16,866
Come on, Fred.
Bring me a bag of popcorn
134
00:05:16,866 --> 00:05:17,867
Okay.
with lots of butter.
135
00:05:17,867 --> 00:05:19,369
Yeah, yeah.
136
00:05:19,869 --> 00:05:20,370
Got 20 cents, Rick?
137
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Come on.
138
00:05:22,872 --> 00:05:23,873
Darn that Ricky.
139
00:05:23,873 --> 00:05:26,376
I'll get rid of his cookie-duster
somehow.
140
00:05:26,376 --> 00:05:28,878
You know, my grandfather used to have
a moustache--
141
00:05:28,878 --> 00:05:30,880
a great, big, long handlebar one--
142
00:05:30,880 --> 00:05:33,383
and Grandma got rid of it in the
middle of the night.
143
00:05:33,383 --> 00:05:34,884
How?
144
00:05:34,884 --> 00:05:35,885
She tied it around a bedpost
145
00:05:36,386 --> 00:05:37,387
when he was asleep and then yelled
"fire."
146
00:05:37,387 --> 00:05:39,889
Oh!
147
00:05:40,390 --> 00:05:42,392
Oh, Ethel!
148
00:05:42,892 --> 00:05:44,894
Hey, that gives me an idea though.
149
00:05:44,894 --> 00:05:45,895
It does?
150
00:05:45,895 --> 00:05:47,397
Yeah. Ricky's not going
151
00:05:47,397 --> 00:05:48,898
to be the only one in this family
152
00:05:48,898 --> 00:05:49,899
with a moustache.
153
00:05:49,899 --> 00:05:50,900
What?
154
00:05:51,401 --> 00:05:51,901
I'm going to glue on a false one
155
00:05:52,402 --> 00:05:52,902
and I'm not going to take it off
156
00:05:53,403 --> 00:05:53,903
till he shaves off his.
157
00:05:54,404 --> 00:05:56,906
Lucy, congratulations.
158
00:05:56,906 --> 00:05:57,907
What for?
159
00:05:57,907 --> 00:05:59,909
You've finally topped yourself.
160
00:05:59,909 --> 00:06:02,412
This is the craziest idea you've had
yet.
161
00:06:02,912 --> 00:06:03,813
(laughing)
162
00:06:08,217 --> 00:06:09,218
ETHEL: Lucy!
163
00:06:09,218 --> 00:06:10,219
Where are you?
164
00:06:10,219 --> 00:06:11,721
I'm in here.
165
00:06:13,723 --> 00:06:14,724
Where have you two been?
166
00:06:14,724 --> 00:06:16,726
Ricky will be home any minute.
167
00:06:16,726 --> 00:06:18,227
We had a hard time finding it.
168
00:06:18,728 --> 00:06:19,729
It was down at the bottom
169
00:06:20,229 --> 00:06:21,230
of my vaudeville trunk.
170
00:06:21,230 --> 00:06:22,231
Well, give it here.
Let's see now.
171
00:06:22,231 --> 00:06:23,232
I'll have to cut off the beard.
172
00:06:23,232 --> 00:06:24,734
Oh, no, you don't.
173
00:06:24,734 --> 00:06:26,235
You can't cut that, Lucy.
174
00:06:26,235 --> 00:06:27,737
Those things are expensive.
175
00:06:27,737 --> 00:06:29,739
Well, I can't wear the whole thing.
176
00:06:30,239 --> 00:06:30,740
Why not?
177
00:06:31,240 --> 00:06:31,741
Yeah, why not?
178
00:06:33,242 --> 00:06:35,745
Yeah, why not?
179
00:06:41,751 --> 00:06:44,754
Uncle Sam wants you.
180
00:06:46,756 --> 00:06:48,257
Show me how to stick it on, Fred.
181
00:06:48,257 --> 00:06:49,258
All right.
182
00:06:49,258 --> 00:06:50,760
This is spirit gum.
183
00:06:50,760 --> 00:06:52,261
Look, I just put a little
184
00:06:52,261 --> 00:06:53,763
on your upper lip here.
185
00:06:54,263 --> 00:06:55,765
Oh, that smells awful.
186
00:06:59,268 --> 00:07:01,771
Lucy, I'm home.
187
00:07:01,771 --> 00:07:03,773
LUCY: Be right there.
188
00:07:09,779 --> 00:07:11,280
Hi, dear.
189
00:07:11,280 --> 00:07:13,282
Hi, honey.
190
00:07:14,784 --> 00:07:17,787
How's about giving me a nice big
kiss?
191
00:07:17,787 --> 00:07:19,288
There's nothing I...
192
00:07:19,288 --> 00:07:23,292
(screams)
193
00:07:23,292 --> 00:07:26,796
What's the matter?
194
00:07:26,796 --> 00:07:29,298
I thought you were going to kiss me.
195
00:07:29,298 --> 00:07:31,300
Lucy, where did you get that thin'?
196
00:07:31,300 --> 00:07:33,803
What "thin"?
197
00:07:36,305 --> 00:07:36,806
Those whiskers.
198
00:07:37,306 --> 00:07:38,307
What whiskers?
199
00:07:38,307 --> 00:07:39,308
These.
200
00:07:39,308 --> 00:07:40,309
Oh, these.
201
00:07:40,309 --> 00:07:41,811
Oh, my five-o'clock shadow?
202
00:07:41,811 --> 00:07:43,813
Guess I didn't give myself
203
00:07:43,813 --> 00:07:45,815
a very close shave this morning.
204
00:07:47,316 --> 00:07:47,817
All right, Lucy.
205
00:07:48,317 --> 00:07:49,318
What are you up to?
206
00:07:49,318 --> 00:07:50,820
Nothing, nothing.
207
00:07:50,820 --> 00:07:52,822
I'm just growing this so that I can
get a part
208
00:07:52,822 --> 00:07:56,325
in that Technicolor movie called Moon
Over the North Pole.
209
00:07:56,325 --> 00:07:58,327
I'm going to play Santa Claus.
210
00:07:58,327 --> 00:07:59,829
Okay, okay, joke's over.
211
00:07:59,829 --> 00:08:02,832
Now, take that ridiculous thing off
your face.
212
00:08:03,332 --> 00:08:05,334
It makes you look like a freak.
213
00:08:05,334 --> 00:08:07,336
Oh, you think it looks funny, huh?
214
00:08:07,336 --> 00:08:08,838
I certainly do.
215
00:08:08,838 --> 00:08:10,840
Well, now you know how your moustache
looks to me.
216
00:08:11,340 --> 00:08:12,842
Oh, so that's it, huh?
217
00:08:12,842 --> 00:08:15,344
Well, your little gag didn't work.
218
00:08:15,344 --> 00:08:16,846
So just take it off.
219
00:08:16,846 --> 00:08:17,847
Nothing doing.
220
00:08:17,847 --> 00:08:21,350
I'm not taking it off till you shave
off yours.
221
00:08:21,350 --> 00:08:22,852
Well, I'm not shaving.
222
00:08:22,852 --> 00:08:26,355
Neither am I.
223
00:08:26,355 --> 00:08:29,358
Of course, we'll have to change our
name to the Smith Brothers.
224
00:08:30,860 --> 00:08:32,361
And we could always get
225
00:08:32,361 --> 00:08:34,864
moustache cups marked his and hers.
226
00:08:36,365 --> 00:08:37,867
Now, Lucy, you listen to me.
227
00:08:38,367 --> 00:08:40,369
Now, I'm not going to stand here
and...
228
00:08:47,376 --> 00:08:48,377
I can't stand it.
229
00:08:48,377 --> 00:08:49,378
You win.
230
00:08:49,378 --> 00:08:50,880
Take it off and I'll shave.
231
00:08:50,880 --> 00:08:51,881
Good!
232
00:08:51,881 --> 00:08:53,382
Shave right now.
233
00:08:53,382 --> 00:08:55,885
I got it all set up for you.
234
00:08:55,885 --> 00:08:57,887
There you are.
235
00:08:57,887 --> 00:09:01,390
All right, all right.
236
00:09:01,390 --> 00:09:03,392
You've got more eyebrow pencil on
there
237
00:09:03,893 --> 00:09:04,894
than you have whiskers.
238
00:09:05,394 --> 00:09:06,395
Never mind the cracks.
239
00:09:06,395 --> 00:09:07,396
Get it off, now.
240
00:09:10,399 --> 00:09:12,902
You missed one right there.
241
00:09:17,406 --> 00:09:20,910
What do you call this one-- Charlie?
242
00:09:21,410 --> 00:09:23,412
There!
243
00:09:23,412 --> 00:09:25,414
Now you look like your old self
again.
244
00:09:25,915 --> 00:09:28,918
Welcome back, little lip.
245
00:09:28,918 --> 00:09:30,419
Give me a great big kiss.
246
00:09:31,921 --> 00:09:33,422
I'm not going to kiss you with that
thing on.
247
00:09:33,923 --> 00:09:36,425
Oh, I forgot.
248
00:09:42,431 --> 00:09:44,934
Gee, this must have been put on
249
00:09:45,434 --> 00:09:47,436
with pretty strong stuff.
250
00:09:47,436 --> 00:09:48,938
Here, let me try, honey.
251
00:09:49,438 --> 00:09:50,439
Ow!
252
00:09:51,440 --> 00:09:52,942
Gosh.
253
00:09:52,942 --> 00:09:54,443
Boy, that's really stuck.
254
00:09:54,443 --> 00:09:57,446
Are you sure you didn't grow this?
255
00:09:59,949 --> 00:10:00,950
I better call Fred
256
00:10:01,450 --> 00:10:03,452
and find out how to get this off.
257
00:10:10,960 --> 00:10:11,961
FRED: Hello?
258
00:10:11,961 --> 00:10:13,462
Fred, this is Lucy.
259
00:10:13,462 --> 00:10:15,965
Oh, hi, did the joke come off all
right?
260
00:10:15,965 --> 00:10:17,967
Yeah, the joke did, but the beard
didn't.
261
00:10:18,467 --> 00:10:19,468
Well, what do you mean?
262
00:10:19,969 --> 00:10:22,972
Well, I've tugged and I've pulled and
I can't get it off.
263
00:10:22,972 --> 00:10:23,973
Well, that's funny.
264
00:10:23,973 --> 00:10:25,474
It should come off easy.
265
00:10:25,474 --> 00:10:26,976
I just used a little spirit gum.
266
00:10:27,476 --> 00:10:29,979
Ricky, get me that bottle off the
dresser, will you, dear?
267
00:10:29,979 --> 00:10:30,980
All right, Hon.
268
00:10:30,980 --> 00:10:32,481
Fred, y-you shouldn't have used
269
00:10:32,481 --> 00:10:33,482
such old stuff.
270
00:10:33,482 --> 00:10:34,984
Maybe it changes with age.
271
00:10:35,484 --> 00:10:36,485
How long have you had it?
272
00:10:36,485 --> 00:10:39,488
Well, now, let's see, the last date I
played
273
00:10:39,488 --> 00:10:44,493
was a split week in Peoria in 1925.
274
00:10:45,494 --> 00:10:46,996
'25?!
275
00:10:47,496 --> 00:10:48,998
But spirit gum shouldn't change.
276
00:10:49,498 --> 00:10:49,999
Oh.
277
00:10:50,499 --> 00:10:51,500
Here, honey, I've got the bottle.
278
00:10:51,500 --> 00:10:53,002
Thanks, dear.
279
00:10:53,002 --> 00:10:54,003
I have the bottle right here, Fred.
280
00:10:54,003 --> 00:10:57,506
It says "bull dog cement"!
281
00:10:57,506 --> 00:11:00,009
Cement?
282
00:11:00,009 --> 00:11:03,512
Yeah. "Bull dog cement will not let
go, holds fast forever.
283
00:11:03,512 --> 00:11:04,513
"Can only be removed
284
00:11:04,513 --> 00:11:07,516
with bull dog cement remover number
three."
285
00:11:07,516 --> 00:11:08,517
Oh, no.
286
00:11:09,018 --> 00:11:11,020
Oh, yes!
287
00:11:17,526 --> 00:11:21,530
Oh, shut up.
288
00:11:21,530 --> 00:11:24,533
You certainly have a warped sense of
humor.
289
00:11:28,037 --> 00:11:30,539
I'm sorry, honey, I'll ca...
290
00:11:30,539 --> 00:11:32,041
I'll call the...
291
00:11:32,041 --> 00:11:36,045
I'll call the drug store and see if
they got some of that stuff.
292
00:11:37,046 --> 00:11:39,048
They won't have it in a drug store.
293
00:11:39,048 --> 00:11:41,550
They have everything in a drug store.
294
00:11:41,550 --> 00:11:43,552
(continues laughing)
295
00:11:49,058 --> 00:11:50,059
Hello.
296
00:11:50,559 --> 00:11:53,562
Listen, have you ever heard of some
stuff
297
00:11:53,562 --> 00:11:57,066
called bull dog cement remover number
three?
298
00:11:57,066 --> 00:11:59,068
You have?
299
00:12:01,070 --> 00:12:02,571
Oh, I see.
300
00:12:02,571 --> 00:12:04,573
Well, thanks.
301
00:12:05,074 --> 00:12:06,575
They don't make it anymore.
302
00:12:12,581 --> 00:12:16,585
You mean... you mean I'll have to
keep this on forever?
303
00:12:16,585 --> 00:12:19,588
Well, honey, I guess it'll wear off
eventually.
304
00:12:19,588 --> 00:12:23,592
Well, what happens in the meantime?
305
00:12:23,592 --> 00:12:24,593
Well, honey
306
00:12:24,593 --> 00:12:26,595
I really should let you suffer
307
00:12:27,096 --> 00:12:29,098
but I don't have the heart to do it.
308
00:12:29,598 --> 00:12:31,100
There's one simple solution
309
00:12:31,100 --> 00:12:32,601
and I'll do it for you.
310
00:12:33,102 --> 00:12:34,103
What?
311
00:12:34,603 --> 00:12:37,106
I'll get you job as the bearded lady
in the circus.
312
00:12:37,106 --> 00:12:38,607
Oh.
313
00:12:52,004 --> 00:12:53,506
Lucy?
314
00:12:55,007 --> 00:12:57,009
Lucy?
315
00:12:57,009 --> 00:12:59,512
Where are you?
316
00:13:08,020 --> 00:13:09,522
Lucy, I wanted to ask...
317
00:13:09,522 --> 00:13:10,523
Oh, I beg your pardon.
318
00:13:10,523 --> 00:13:12,024
I was looking for...
319
00:13:12,024 --> 00:13:13,526
Good afternoon, ma'am.
320
00:13:15,027 --> 00:13:16,529
Lucy?
321
00:13:16,529 --> 00:13:21,033
Colonel Ricardo, at your beck and
call, you all.
322
00:13:21,033 --> 00:13:24,036
Lucy, what are you doing in those
clothes?
323
00:13:24,036 --> 00:13:26,539
Well, it's the only way I can get
down
324
00:13:26,539 --> 00:13:28,040
to that little old drugstore
325
00:13:28,541 --> 00:13:29,542
without people laughing
326
00:13:29,542 --> 00:13:30,543
at little old me.
327
00:13:31,043 --> 00:13:33,546
I thought maybe that little old
druggist
328
00:13:33,546 --> 00:13:34,547
could do something
329
00:13:34,547 --> 00:13:36,048
for this little old face.
330
00:13:36,048 --> 00:13:38,551
Well, how did you all do, Colonel?
331
00:13:38,551 --> 00:13:40,052
Bad, powerful bad.
332
00:13:40,052 --> 00:13:42,555
Oh, you poor little old thing.
333
00:13:42,555 --> 00:13:44,557
Didn't he have any ideas?
334
00:13:44,557 --> 00:13:46,559
Yeah, he said dye the beard red
335
00:13:47,059 --> 00:13:49,061
and the head would match all over.
336
00:13:49,562 --> 00:13:53,065
Oh, what'll I do?
337
00:13:56,068 --> 00:14:00,573
(laughing)
338
00:14:00,573 --> 00:14:02,074
What's the matter?
339
00:14:02,074 --> 00:14:06,078
When you chew with that beard on you
look just like a billy goat.
340
00:14:07,580 --> 00:14:10,583
Nobody but a nanny goat would notice
it.
341
00:14:13,085 --> 00:14:15,087
Well!
342
00:14:15,087 --> 00:14:16,088
I've got it.
343
00:14:16,088 --> 00:14:17,089
What?
344
00:14:17,089 --> 00:14:19,091
Nah, you wouldn't go for it.
345
00:14:19,091 --> 00:14:20,092
What is it?
346
00:14:20,092 --> 00:14:22,094
Well...
347
00:14:22,094 --> 00:14:23,596
Nah, you wouldn't like it.
348
00:14:24,096 --> 00:14:25,598
Well, give me a chance.
349
00:14:25,598 --> 00:14:26,599
What is it?
350
00:14:26,599 --> 00:14:29,101
Well, we'll tie a string to your
beard.
351
00:14:29,101 --> 00:14:30,603
Yeah.
352
00:14:30,603 --> 00:14:32,605
Then we'll tie the other end of the
string to a flat iron.
353
00:14:32,605 --> 00:14:34,106
Yeah?
Then I'll throw...
354
00:14:34,106 --> 00:14:36,609
No! Don't throw it.
355
00:14:37,610 --> 00:14:38,611
Oh!
356
00:14:38,611 --> 00:14:41,614
I knew you wouldn't like it.
357
00:14:43,115 --> 00:14:45,117
Look out!
358
00:14:47,119 --> 00:14:49,121
Scared me to death.
359
00:15:00,132 --> 00:15:02,635
I think this is safer for little old
me.
360
00:15:02,635 --> 00:15:03,636
Lucy...
361
00:15:03,636 --> 00:15:04,637
What?
362
00:15:04,637 --> 00:15:06,138
You just gave me an idea.
363
00:15:07,139 --> 00:15:08,140
What is it?
364
00:15:08,140 --> 00:15:10,142
Well... we'll set fire to your beard
365
00:15:10,142 --> 00:15:11,644
but I'll stand by with a hose
366
00:15:11,644 --> 00:15:13,145
to see that it doesn't get out of
hand.
367
00:15:13,646 --> 00:15:15,147
Ethel, this is my face.
368
00:15:15,147 --> 00:15:18,150
You're not burning weeds off a vacant
lot.
369
00:15:19,151 --> 00:15:20,152
(knock on door)
370
00:15:20,653 --> 00:15:21,654
Who is it?
371
00:15:23,155 --> 00:15:25,157
ETHEL: It's Fred.
372
00:15:25,157 --> 00:15:27,159
LUCY: What do you want?
373
00:15:27,159 --> 00:15:29,161
If I bring good news, can I come in?
374
00:15:29,161 --> 00:15:31,163
All right.
375
00:15:32,164 --> 00:15:33,165
What is it?
376
00:15:33,165 --> 00:15:34,667
I must have made a thousand phone
calls
377
00:15:34,667 --> 00:15:37,169
before I located a drugstore that
sells
378
00:15:37,169 --> 00:15:39,672
bull dog cement remover number three.
379
00:15:39,672 --> 00:15:41,173
Oh, Fred, you doll.
380
00:15:41,173 --> 00:15:43,175
Where is it?
381
00:15:43,175 --> 00:15:45,177
It's in Chicago.
382
00:15:45,678 --> 00:15:46,679
Chicago?
383
00:15:46,679 --> 00:15:48,180
Yeah, but he's sending it Air Mail
384
00:15:48,681 --> 00:15:49,682
so it ought to be here tomorrow.
385
00:15:49,682 --> 00:15:50,683
Oh...
386
00:15:51,183 --> 00:15:52,685
Now, Lucy, that's not bad.
No.
387
00:15:52,685 --> 00:15:54,687
(phone rings)
388
00:15:54,687 --> 00:15:55,688
Oh... Chicago.
389
00:15:55,688 --> 00:15:56,689
Hello.
390
00:15:56,689 --> 00:15:59,692
Hello, is Monty Woolley there?
391
00:16:01,193 --> 00:16:03,696
Did you call me up just to make gags?
392
00:16:03,696 --> 00:16:05,197
No, this is important.
393
00:16:05,197 --> 00:16:07,700
You know that talent scout I was
talking to you about?
394
00:16:07,700 --> 00:16:08,701
Yeah?
395
00:16:08,701 --> 00:16:09,702
Well, I talked to him today
396
00:16:09,702 --> 00:16:11,203
and I talked him into coming to the
house
397
00:16:11,203 --> 00:16:12,204
to spend an evening with us.
398
00:16:12,204 --> 00:16:14,206
Oh, Ricky, that's wonderful.
399
00:16:14,206 --> 00:16:15,708
Right in our own home.
400
00:16:15,708 --> 00:16:16,709
When is he coming?
401
00:16:16,709 --> 00:16:18,210
Tonight.
402
00:16:18,210 --> 00:16:19,712
Oh, that...
oh, no, not tonight, Ricky.
403
00:16:20,212 --> 00:16:21,213
Please, not tonight.
404
00:16:21,714 --> 00:16:23,215
Well, honey, he's flying back to
Hollywood tomorrow.
405
00:16:23,215 --> 00:16:25,217
If I don't get him up to the house
tonight
406
00:16:25,217 --> 00:16:26,719
I'll never get a chance to see him
alone.
407
00:16:26,719 --> 00:16:28,220
But, Ricky, what about me?
408
00:16:28,220 --> 00:16:31,223
It's my one chance to get into the
movies, too.
409
00:16:31,223 --> 00:16:33,225
My beard, remember? My beard!
410
00:16:33,225 --> 00:16:36,228
Well, I'm sorry, honey, there's
nothing I can do about it.
411
00:16:36,228 --> 00:16:37,229
Oh.
412
00:16:37,229 --> 00:16:39,231
We'll be home about 7:30.
Good-bye.
413
00:16:39,231 --> 00:16:40,232
Good-bye.
414
00:16:40,232 --> 00:16:41,734
Oh, Ricky's bringing
415
00:16:41,734 --> 00:16:43,736
that Hollywood talent scout to the
house tonight.
416
00:16:44,737 --> 00:16:45,738
He is?
417
00:16:45,738 --> 00:16:46,739
No kidding?
418
00:16:48,240 --> 00:16:51,744
Uh... Lucy, would you mind if we
dropped in?
419
00:16:51,744 --> 00:16:52,745
No, of course not.
420
00:16:53,245 --> 00:16:54,246
Well, we got to go.
421
00:16:54,246 --> 00:16:55,748
Yeah, see you later!
422
00:17:09,645 --> 00:17:11,764
Here we are, Mr. Murdoch.
423
00:17:11,764 --> 00:17:12,765
Ah.
424
00:17:12,765 --> 00:17:14,767
Let me take your coat.
425
00:17:14,767 --> 00:17:15,768
Oh, thank you.
426
00:17:15,768 --> 00:17:17,269
Make yourself at home, will you?
427
00:17:17,770 --> 00:17:19,772
Fine. Well, nice place you have here,
Ricardo.
428
00:17:20,272 --> 00:17:21,273
Thank you.
429
00:17:22,274 --> 00:17:23,275
Sit down.
430
00:17:23,275 --> 00:17:24,777
Thanks.
431
00:17:24,777 --> 00:17:25,778
Boy, I'll be glad
432
00:17:26,278 --> 00:17:28,280
when that picture, Moon over Baghdad
433
00:17:28,280 --> 00:17:30,282
is finished with the casting.
434
00:17:30,282 --> 00:17:32,785
Ah... have a cigarette, won't you?
435
00:17:32,785 --> 00:17:34,286
Oh, thank you.
436
00:17:39,291 --> 00:17:41,293
You know, it's nice to spend an
evening someplace else
437
00:17:41,794 --> 00:17:43,295
besides a hotel room or a theater.
438
00:17:43,796 --> 00:17:44,797
Yes, well, that's what I thought.
439
00:17:45,297 --> 00:17:46,298
That's why I asked you to come over
here
440
00:17:46,799 --> 00:17:48,300
and get a night off from show
business.
441
00:17:48,300 --> 00:17:49,802
Ah, that's sounds good.
442
00:17:49,802 --> 00:17:52,805
Oh!
443
00:17:53,806 --> 00:17:55,307
I wonder how that got here.
444
00:17:55,307 --> 00:17:56,809
What's that?
445
00:17:56,809 --> 00:17:58,310
That's my old scrapbook.
446
00:18:01,313 --> 00:18:02,815
My wife must have been doing
447
00:18:03,315 --> 00:18:04,316
some housecleaning.
448
00:18:04,316 --> 00:18:06,318
I haven't seen this for years.
449
00:18:06,318 --> 00:18:07,319
Well, let's see it.
450
00:18:07,820 --> 00:18:08,821
Oh, no, no. This is your night off.
451
00:18:09,321 --> 00:18:10,823
I wouldn't want to bother you with
this.
452
00:18:11,323 --> 00:18:12,324
All right.
453
00:18:12,324 --> 00:18:14,326
This is the first part
454
00:18:14,326 --> 00:18:15,828
that I had in New York--
455
00:18:15,828 --> 00:18:18,330
Broadway play, Too Many Girls.
456
00:18:18,330 --> 00:18:19,832
Oh, yeah, yeah.
457
00:18:19,832 --> 00:18:22,334
And, uh, over here's when I was at
the Copacabana.
458
00:18:22,334 --> 00:18:24,336
Oh, it's very interesting.
459
00:18:24,336 --> 00:18:25,337
Now, this...
460
00:18:25,838 --> 00:18:30,342
(singing oriental-style song)
461
00:18:39,852 --> 00:18:41,854
(makes hissing noise)
462
00:18:52,865 --> 00:18:55,367
All right, all right, all right.
463
00:18:55,367 --> 00:18:57,369
That's enough.
464
00:18:57,369 --> 00:18:58,370
Mr. Murdoch
465
00:18:58,370 --> 00:19:00,873
this is our landlord and our
landlady.
466
00:19:00,873 --> 00:19:03,375
Ethel Mertz, former star of musical
comedy.
467
00:19:03,375 --> 00:19:05,377
Can sing, dance, act and do voices;
468
00:19:05,377 --> 00:19:06,879
have wardrobe, will travel.
469
00:19:07,379 --> 00:19:10,382
Freddy Mertz, formerly of Mertz and
Kurtz--
470
00:19:10,883 --> 00:19:11,884
Famous vaudevillians:
471
00:19:12,384 --> 00:19:15,387
Soft shoe, tap dancing and smart
quips.
472
00:19:18,891 --> 00:19:21,393
Uh-uh.
473
00:19:21,393 --> 00:19:22,895
Uh-uh?
Uh-uh?
474
00:19:22,895 --> 00:19:25,397
Uh-uh.
475
00:19:33,906 --> 00:19:34,907
Uh-uh?
476
00:19:34,907 --> 00:19:36,408
Uh-uh.
477
00:19:44,416 --> 00:19:45,918
I'm terribly sorry, Mr. Murdoch.
478
00:19:46,418 --> 00:19:48,420
I must apologize for my friends.
479
00:19:48,420 --> 00:19:49,421
Oh, that's all right.
480
00:19:49,922 --> 00:19:52,925
Just please sit down and relax and
enjoy yourself.
481
00:19:52,925 --> 00:19:53,926
I'll put on
482
00:19:53,926 --> 00:19:54,927
a little music here for you.
483
00:19:54,927 --> 00:19:56,428
Fine, fine.
484
00:19:59,431 --> 00:20:05,437
(music plays softly)
485
00:20:05,437 --> 00:20:07,439
Not so far from here
486
00:20:07,439 --> 00:20:10,442
There's a very lively atmosphere
487
00:20:10,442 --> 00:20:13,445
Everybody's going there this year
488
00:20:13,946 --> 00:20:18,951
And there's a reason the season never
closes there
489
00:20:18,951 --> 00:20:21,954
Love and music you'll find everywhere
490
00:20:21,954 --> 00:20:24,456
People always having fun down there
491
00:20:24,456 --> 00:20:25,958
So come along...
492
00:20:27,459 --> 00:20:30,963
I'm on my way to Cuba
493
00:20:30,963 --> 00:20:34,967
That's where I'm going
494
00:20:34,967 --> 00:20:40,472
Cuba, that's where I'll stay
495
00:20:40,472 --> 00:20:46,478
Cuba, where wine is flowing
496
00:20:46,478 --> 00:20:49,982
And where dark-eyed Stellas
497
00:20:49,982 --> 00:20:52,985
Light their fellas' panatelas
498
00:20:53,485 --> 00:20:59,491
Cuba, where it's all happy
499
00:20:59,491 --> 00:21:03,996
Cuba, where all is gay
500
00:21:04,496 --> 00:21:10,002
Why don't you plan a wonderful trip
to Havana?
501
00:21:10,002 --> 00:21:17,009
Hop on a ship and I'll see you in
C-U-B-A
502
00:21:17,509 --> 00:21:25,017
Why don't you plan a wonderful trip
to Havana?
503
00:21:25,017 --> 00:21:37,029
Hop on a ship and I'll see you in
C-U-B-A.
504
00:21:43,035 --> 00:21:45,037
It's, um... very nice.
505
00:21:45,037 --> 00:21:47,039
Uh, Mr. Murdoch, you know
506
00:21:47,039 --> 00:21:49,541
we have a lot of other numbers.
507
00:21:49,541 --> 00:21:50,542
No, I... I...
508
00:21:51,043 --> 00:21:52,044
But I could convert some of them
509
00:21:52,044 --> 00:21:53,045
into the Arabian mood, you know.
510
00:21:53,545 --> 00:21:54,046
A little Arabian...
511
00:21:54,546 --> 00:21:58,550
(Arabian music plays)
512
00:22:52,604 --> 00:22:56,108
What is this, a stranded Major Bowes
unit?
513
00:22:59,611 --> 00:23:01,113
Mr. Murdoch, I want you
514
00:23:01,113 --> 00:23:03,115
to meet my wife, Lucy.
515
00:23:03,115 --> 00:23:05,117
Lucy, this is Mr. Murdoch.
516
00:23:05,117 --> 00:23:06,118
How do you do?
517
00:23:06,118 --> 00:23:07,619
Well, I'll say one thing for you,
Mrs. Ricardo.
518
00:23:08,120 --> 00:23:09,621
You certainly dance very well.
519
00:23:09,621 --> 00:23:10,622
Oh, thank you.
520
00:23:10,622 --> 00:23:12,624
You know, we could use some dancing
girls
521
00:23:12,624 --> 00:23:13,625
in our new picture.
522
00:23:13,625 --> 00:23:15,127
Maybe we could use you.
523
00:23:15,127 --> 00:23:16,128
Oh, really?
524
00:23:16,628 --> 00:23:17,129
Yeah, I imagine so.
525
00:23:17,629 --> 00:23:18,130
Let me see your face.
526
00:23:18,630 --> 00:23:19,631
Oh.
527
00:23:20,132 --> 00:23:21,133
Oh, no, no, no.
528
00:23:21,133 --> 00:23:23,135
It's, uh, it's just a nose, a mouth,
a chin.
529
00:23:23,135 --> 00:23:25,137
You know, a complete set.
530
00:23:25,137 --> 00:23:27,139
Oh, come on, Mrs. Ricardo.
531
00:23:27,139 --> 00:23:28,640
Take off your veil.
532
00:23:29,141 --> 00:23:29,641
Well...
533
00:23:30,142 --> 00:23:31,143
Oh, yeah, come on, Lucy.
534
00:23:31,143 --> 00:23:32,144
Take it off.
535
00:23:33,145 --> 00:23:34,646
You keep out of this.
536
00:23:34,646 --> 00:23:35,647
Come on, Lucy.
537
00:23:35,647 --> 00:23:37,149
Ricky, stay away from me.
538
00:23:37,149 --> 00:23:38,150
Show him your face.
539
00:23:38,150 --> 00:23:39,151
Ricky...
540
00:23:39,151 --> 00:23:40,152
This is your big chance.
541
00:23:40,652 --> 00:23:41,653
You know, now I'm getting curious.
542
00:23:42,154 --> 00:23:43,655
I've got to see that face.
543
00:23:43,655 --> 00:23:45,157
Yeah.
544
00:23:53,665 --> 00:23:55,667
All right, all right.
545
00:23:55,667 --> 00:23:57,669
All right.
546
00:23:57,669 --> 00:23:59,671
It's time for the unveiling.
547
00:23:59,671 --> 00:24:01,173
Well, here's my nose.
548
00:24:01,173 --> 00:24:04,176
My mouth is just below it and it has
teeth
549
00:24:04,676 --> 00:24:06,178
and it goes sideways.
550
00:24:06,178 --> 00:24:07,679
All the way.
551
00:24:07,679 --> 00:24:09,181
Ricky!
552
00:24:15,520 --> 00:24:18,023
RICKY: Hey, honey, look what just got
here.
553
00:24:18,023 --> 00:24:19,024
What?
554
00:24:19,024 --> 00:24:20,525
Special delivery letter from
Hollywood.
555
00:24:20,525 --> 00:24:21,526
What does it say?
556
00:24:21,526 --> 00:24:22,527
What does it say?
557
00:24:22,527 --> 00:24:24,529
Well, wait a minute, wait a minute.
558
00:24:25,030 --> 00:24:26,031
Well, what do you know?
559
00:24:26,531 --> 00:24:28,533
They want to test me for the lead.
560
00:24:28,533 --> 00:24:30,035
Oh, Ricky, how wonderful!
561
00:24:30,035 --> 00:24:31,536
Hey, wait a minute.
562
00:24:31,536 --> 00:24:33,038
They want to test you too.
563
00:24:33,038 --> 00:24:35,040
Where? Where? Where?
564
00:24:35,040 --> 00:24:38,543
"We think Mrs. Ricardo might be
perfect for..."
565
00:24:39,544 --> 00:24:41,546
I don't care what they pay me.
566
00:24:41,546 --> 00:24:44,549
I'm not going to play the part of
your father.
567
00:24:56,928 --> 00:24:59,814
(theme music playing)
568
00:25:12,827 --> 00:25:17,332
The part of Mr. Murdoch was played by
John Brown.
569
00:25:49,364 --> 00:25:53,368
Captioned by Media Access Group at
WGBH access.wgbh.org
570
00:25:53,368 --> 00:25:56,338
ANNOUNCER: I Love Lucy is a Desilu
production.
37335
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