All language subtitles for Simchas.And.Sorrows.2022.720p.WEBRip.x264.AAC-[YTS.MX] eng

Come, come. Up, up, up.

Wild. Bring up the caboose.
No dawdling.

Wasn't Jesus Jewish?

Why yes, he was.

So, if we're Catholics,
and we try and be like Jesus,

then why aren't we Jewish?

Well, that is
no concern of yours.

Now, go along, then.

Catch up to the other girls.

You didn't answer my question.

Something
else that's weird but true

in the day-to-day
trenches of adult life...

There's actually
no such thing as atheism.

There is no such
thing as not worshipping.

Everybody worships.

The only choice
we get is what to worship.

And a compelling reason
for maybe choosing some sort

of God or spiritual
type thing for worship...

Agnes, you gotta come
out and look at these tomatoes.

They're huge!

...be it J.C. or Allah,

be it Yahweh
or the Wiccan Mother Goddess,

or the Four Noble Truths,
or some inviolable set

of ethical principles,
means that pretty much anything

else you worship
will eat you alive.

Please come
out to the garden, now.

All right, all right,
I was just trying to unwind.

Your idea of unwinding
is most people's idea of winding

themselves up into a frenzy
of fear and self-loathing.

Oh, my God.

Yes. A thousand times yes.

We gladly accept.

Who's we?

That's a perfect
segue, actually.

Um, I wanted to talk
to you about something.

Turns out, looks like, by
the way, I'm pregnant. Surprise.

Yeah, I'm pregnant.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Agnes! Welcome to the family,
Agnes! Wonderful.

Ah, to life!

To life! L'chaim!

L'chaim, I'chaim, to life!

You're all here.

Oh, Glaucia
and Abe didn't make it

because Glaucia
has a new serum launch.

That's tonight.

All right, you get the moment.

Do you want
to put some pants on?

Yes. Yes, I'd like
to go put on some pants.

Thank you so much.
Thank you.

You know what, Ruthie?

- What?
- We're going to be grandparents!

Who hired the photographer?

My mom.

You could have warned me.

I asked her not to do it.

I was about to shower,
but you rushed my process.

I'm sorry.

Oh, Levi, it's so beautiful.
Thank you.

We're doing it.

Wait, having the baby,
or getting married?

Both.

I'm glad you're glad,
because up until right now

I was completely
freaked out about it.

If you don't feel like
you're ready to have a baby,

I get that.

No, no, I mean,
strangely, I want to.

Have it.

You have
to be completely honest.

I am being honest.

Do you?

I do. I want this baby.
I feel...

I don't even know if there's
a word for how I feel.

What were you
going to tell me about?

This class or something?

Oh, um... I enrolled us in
Journey Through Judaism class.

Meets every week,
you can get the whole

process started,
especially if we want

to have a wedding
before the baby comes.

Wait, wait, wait.
What... what process?

Your conversion.

I'm converting?

Yeah. I'm... I'm pretty
sure we talked about this.

No. So...

Okay, you know how I went

to Catholic school, right?

And I had all
the Catholic sacraments,

except marriage, and so,
if there is a God, she probably

already sees me as being
part of the Catholic persuasion,

and beyond that
I'm a devout atheist, so...

Which is why we're taking
the class with the wonderful,

intelligent,
sensitive, feminist,

the incomparable, Rabbi Cohen.

I know it's going to be
a little awkward,

but I love my family and this
is really important to them.

Your parents love me.
Parents generally love me.

Yeah, I know, of course they do.

And it's the 21st century.

I mean, we don't
live in the shtetl anymore.

I have a cousin, Jake,
who is totally estranged

from the family all because
his wife didn't convert.

Totally estranged or,
just, they're a little upset?

Totally estranged.

Once you convert,
you will be my Jewish wife.

Our children will
automatically be Jews.

We don't have to be
conservative or keep kosher

and all that stuff,
it's just that my mom

and my dad want to know that

their grandchildren are part
of the tribe, officially.

And, in Judaism,
one's Jewish identity

is seen as passed
through the mother.

That's a lot. Yeah.

The conversion can be symbolic.
They love you.

I love you.
More than anything.

I'm asking you to do it for me.

To marry the man of my dreams?
Seems like a small sacrifice.

Eat. My. Ass.

Eat. My. Ass.

If I put it in
my batter, it would make

my batter bitter,
but a bit of better butter,

that would
make my batter better,

so Betty Botter
bought a bit of better...

- What are you doing?
- Warming up my instrument.

Okay, let's go.

- Are you ready?
- Let's... Yeah, let's do this.

All right. Great.

And...

Action.

Gimme my money, dawg.
I need my money.

Eat. My. Ass.

Cut. Cut, cut, cut.

Are you actually
going to do it like that?

Well, how would you do it?

Well, I mean, I might
do it kind of like, uh...

Eat my ass.

Okay, thanks
Daniel Day, but I think

I'm going
to stick to my version.

Can we do it one more time?
Like, a few more times? Please?

- Please?
- We're going to be late

for our first meeting
with the Rabbi.

All right.

- One more time. You ready?
- Okay.

Yeah.

And... action.

Eat. My. Ass.

Back to one. We gotta do
it again, that was your fault.

It was kind of brilliant.

- You can't cut me out?
- No.

Oy gevalt,
Rabbi Cohen, we are ever

so sorry for being
so appallingly late.

That's okay, come on in.

You can hang your coats
over there if you're warm.

Oh, I'm... I'm a bit
chilly, actually,

so, I'm... I'm going
to keep mine on for now.

So, Rabbi.

What do you think
about the Maccabees?

The Maccabees?

I was just reading this article
online that posited

that the Maccabees,
when you really get down to it,

are not unlike
the Jewish Taliban.

Oh, wow.

Well, uh,

that statement
could be construed

as wildly antisemitic.

I just wanted to get your
scholarly, rabbinical opinion.

I think
the question here is, uh,

why we'd be making that
comparison in the first place?

Right.

Um, I'd love
to be the one to smash

the glass
at the wedding, if possible.

If not, that's
also completely fine.

It has traditionally
been "the man" who smashes

the glass at the wedding.

However, my partner
and I both smashed a glass

at our wedding, so,
it's a Choose Your Own Adventure

kind of thing
as far as I'm concerned.

That's what I said.

Oh.

Your hair's falling out.

Oh, wow, um...

did you know that female
pattern baldness affects one

in five women
under the age of 35?

- Oh.
- It's... it's tragic, really.

I'm so sorry about that.

Um...

Is there anything,
uh, we can do to prepare

for our first class next week?

Oh, wow, our 45 minutes
are up, unfortunately.

Levi can fill you
in on the rest, I think.

Uh, I'm late for a bris,
so, I've got to scoot.

Enjoy the bris.

Thank you, I always do.

- Bye.
- See you next week.

Bye.

Let's go sit
in the park and share a cruffin.

On the house. I can
turn tricks for baked goods.

I'm just going to have something
at my desk later, okay?

I messed up, didn't I?

No. It's all good.
We'll have another meeting.

I've got
to get back to the office,

I'm drowning in depositions.

What are you going
to do for the rest of the day?

Hmm, after school.
Before that, no idea.

Why don't you go by Maude's, see
if she's got any new projects?

Maybe you could
read for something, right?

- Love you.
- Love you, too.

They're
uneducated, self-loathing,

antisemitic,
philandering Hollywood pricks,

that don't know the first
thing about the theater.

Oh, sh...

Come bearing lunch.
No cursing, no cursing.

I'm on a cleanse.
A verbal cleanse.

It's been a rough day and
I'm looking for a little calm.

Did you take
your meds today, sweetheart?

I cursed in front
of a first-grader last week

and I still
feel guilty about it.

I've been Hail Mary-ing
non-stop and it's not helping.

You pray?

Well, I'm superstitious,
so, as you can imagine,

religion is
very triggering for me.

Now I'm about
to be a role model 24/7

because, guess what,
I'm pregnant.

Terrific.

Oy vey, you got
yourself knocked up? Seriously?

What... what?
Of course they'll forget you.

The successful ones,
they always do.

Didn't I write all
the tech avails in an email?

Well...

What is the point of email

if nobody reads the whole thing?

Louise!

I'm going to have to ask...

I'm... I'm getting another ca...

Louise!

Oh, screw it.

I mean... Where is my intern

and what is her name?

That... that... that zounderkite.

We had to let her go.

Budget cuts.
We don't have interns anymore.

What is a zounderkite?

How is that
because of budget cuts

when we never paid the interns?

And if you're going to be
restricting my speech, my dear,

I am going to have to get
creative, sweet cheeks.

Zounderkite means idiot.

And the intern's
name was Anya, or Avra,

or Omelette
or some fakakta name.

Well,
where is that freaking piece

of paper with all
the tech avails on it?

Oh, oh,

Lane Bryant,
laced brazier, $12.99.

Huh, you know,
this seafoam green color

would look great on you.

Oh, thank you
for the cheese steak.

Your Reuben's
on your desk, Shel.

Would you like
to see the brazier

I bought
on macys.com last week?

Please don't flash me, Maude.

Not today.

Whoo!

Oh, you...
You've lost your sense of fun.

Where's the old Agnes?
I miss her.

Maude, is there
anything I can read for?

I'm desperate for a role.
One line in anything.

Nothing. Nothing.

You're not diverse.

Directors want diverse,
and not pregnant.

Yeah.
Oh, oh... casting.

Willhelm, I freaking told you,
read the freaking email, okay?

Yes, I love Morgan Freeman, too,

okay, but even if it wasn't

because he was already booked

for the next ten pictures,

he would not do your rotten
turd of a movie.

Why? Because
he's a movie star! That's why!

Ugh.

Here, have a bite.

I... I don't want a bite.

You're pregnant, have a bite.

All right.

My bad. Um,
hey, I'm looking for drama.

Right this way.

Agnes!

Hi. Hello.

Sparrow, come, it's time to go.

No, Dad.
Sandy just dropped me off.

I know, I made a mistake.

You've got your ukulele
lesson in...

In ten minutes.

I know I overbooked you.
Come on.

Dad, get it together.

Agnes, do you
want to meet my pet wig?

I brought her in especially
for theater games today.

Her name is Marianne.

Hi, Marianne.

Honey, look,
I'm sorry, all right?

We'll reorganize
your schedule tonight

and, uh, we'll be
back next week, yeah?

It's surprising
how many extra-curricular

activities a seven-year-old has.

I want to do the dating game.
I don't want to go to ukulele.

Dating game!
Dating game! Dating game!

Dating game, what's that,
a teaching method

I'm not aware of?
Yelling at the teacher?

Yell at the teacher!

Yell at the teacher!
Yell at the teacher!

Time is money, ladies.

Indeed. Come on,
baby, we gotta go.

Come on, come on, come on.

Okay. Thank you.
It was nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

Be well, everyone.
Next week.

- Bye, Sparrow.
- Bye, Sparrow.

See you next week.

Okay, how about
we play First Female President?

I feel like
the dating game isn't

really socially relevant
or P.C. anymore.

Dating game! Dating
game! Dating game! Dating game!

All right,
welcome to the dating game.

We have some beautiful
candidates here this evening.

First, I'd like to start off
with our bachelorette.

Please introduce yourself,
bachelorette.

Hello,
I am Ms. Mustachio.

Ms. Mustachio is so excited
to meet her soul mate today.

Uh, Ms. Mustachio,

what is your favorite
flavor of ice cream?

Probably birthday cake, cookies
and cream and strawberry.

Three flavors, everyone.
Let's meet the candidates.

We have this fine, young
gentleman. What is your name?

Mr. Robot.

Do you have
any hobbies, Mr. Robot?

Uh, not swimming because
that would break me,

and I don't have a hobby
and I just jump in butt.

Okay. All right, it's getting
late. Kids are tired.

I told David that
Levi's fiancé isn't Jewish yet,

but she will be.

Yeah, Agnes is determined
to be as Jewish

as she possibly can be.

Abe and Glaucia
just joined our synagogue.

They got off the waiting
list yesterday.

How's Agnes?

Good. Uh,
she just had a big audition.

Well, for what?

Film, I think?

Uh, what... what's the role?

President.
Of the United States.

Oh, that's perfect.

- I hope she gets it.
- Me, too.

And she's
excited about converting?

She's thrilled
to convert and happy about it.

And she's feeling well?

The pregnancy's going smoothly?

Um, so far so good. I'm on
my way uptown to the office.

Priya said you had
the Smithfield chemical file.

Yes, yes.
Handle with care.

Thanks.

I'm getting old, Levi.

It's good to know
that our clients

are in such capable hands.

Uh, both of my boys
becoming men, getting married,

carrying on
the traditions of our people.

So glad we didn't
have to go through

the drama
of Uncle Josh's family.

They were just...
Uh, they were devastated

when Jake didn't marry
within the faith and then, uh,

what's-her-name
wouldn't even convert.

- Maureen.
- What?

Maureen.
That's Jake's wife.

Oh, yes, yes, of course.
Uh, she's an Irish Catholic.

Oy-oy-oy-oy.

So, you and Agnes, uh,
will be making an appearance

at the Feltshew Shiva,
uh, on Sunday?

Yeah, uh, who died?

Shmoo?

No, no, no, no.
Bubbie Feltshew. Great lady.

Yeah, she was.
A lot of chutzpah.

Daphna will be
there with the Levinsons.

Why are you telling me that?

Well, because,
uh, you were friends

and, uh, lovers
for a very long time.

I thought you
might like to know.

Lovers?

Dad, Daphna's my ex.

I don't want to hear about her.

Roger that. All right,
see you in court tomorrow.

Okay, I'll see
you in court tomorrow.

- Take care, take care.
- Bye, Dad.

Ah...

Oh

Yes, yes,
Your Honor, how are you?

I've been so
furiously busy with my new web

series on yoga-lates,

and the serum launch, of course.

And now with the two weddings,

the one in Lisbon
and the one here in Brooklyn...

It's exciting.

So exciting.

Um,

can I ask you a question about
your business, Glaucia Eduarda?

It's actually Glaucia.

Eduarda.

That's what I said.

And my business
is a top 500 company,

and requires no quotation marks.

Oh, I did... I didn't...

mean to put... I didn't
put quotation marks around it.

I just said...

Mm. I guess
it was your tone, then.

Agnes, uh,
by the way, don't mention

Abe and Glaucia Eduarda
going to city hall.

Why not?
I was going to tweet it.

Shout it from the rooftops.
Abe and Eduarda got hitched!

It's Glaucia Eduarda.

They got engaged
right after we did. Whoo-hoo.

Well, we completed
the administrative procedure.

But we don't want this
to detract from the main event.

We only went to city hall
to expedite the process.

First of all,
I don't understand the whole

detracting from
the main event thing.

And, um, secondly, I thought
you were going to elope?

We wanted to embrace
our Jewish identities,

and celebrate with the family.

In the faith.

Hmm.

Oh, did you guys hear
that Glaucia Eduarda

was actually offered
a role on a pilot?

I mean,
they basically just wanted her

to play herself and...
And rep her brand on the show.

My patients
are too important to me.

Patients?

I thought... I thought
you were a yoga teacher?

That's merely
one aspect of what I do.

Do you follow me on Instagram?

No, no, no, I don't, um,

engage with...
the social media.

And why is that?

It makes people depressed.

It's generally not good for you.

That opinion
is actually just a symptom

of an overall
intellectual backlash.

Well, it's not really
an opinion, its science, but...

Mm, agree to disagree.

The entertainment
industry is fun,

but it's not serious
enough for me, at least.

And the way they treat
women in Hollywood,

it's savage, isn't it?

You know what?
I think that women

in Hollywood
have never been more empowered.

Hmm.

I think that.
Because... a lot of reasons.

For example,
I auditioned to play

a very strong,
powerful, confident

strong, woman.

A sex worker who...

makes tough choices based on
difficult economic realities.

How was your day, Levi?

Oh, my day was pretty good.

Uh, we had one witness
kind of get cold feet,

so we're going to have
to rethink that strategy,

but, otherwise...

Oh, here you go.

Oh, no, sadly
I... I cannot imbibe.

I am... with child.

Of course.
Mazel, mazel.

How brave of you two.

Yeah, no,
it wasn't really brave,

it was just more careless.

Stupid.

A little bit spontaneous,
is what I'm trying to say,

and, uh, what I'm really
trying to say is that

it wasn't planned, so...

as you might have guessed.

Um, okay, well,
in the spirit of giving up

on my dreams, will you
please pass me one of those...

- breads?
- Mm.

These are
actually buckwheat naan toasts.

Better for the baby.

Oh, so it's, like, all seeds.

Yeah.
It's healthy.

Not... not really bread.

You'll get used to it.

Mm. Delicious.

Mm. You have two
of those in the morning,

a little espresso.

Keeps you, uh, regular.

Mm-hmm.

What's for dessert?

Hibiscus ice cubes.

Mm.

Sheer arrogance.

The hypocrisy.

Who cares?

We get to live our lives,
we get to be together.

You and me
and Ernie and the baby.

Fortune 500 company?

Give me a break.

We only have to sit through one

of those dinners
one time a month.

You gotta learn
to put things in perspective.

You're right.
You're so wise.

Yes, I am.

Oh.

Oh, my God, I'm so
sorry. Let me help you up.

Stay away from me,
you dirty shiksa.

Whoa, lady, you're the one
covered in garbage, okay?

Let me help you up.

Whoa, Jesus Christ, lady.

We're trying
to help you, all right?

That's your problem.

Jesus Christ.

He's Jewish,
he's a member of the tribe.

Don't waste your breath.
These people think I'm an animal

because I'm not orthodox.

- That doesn't make any sense.
- I know.

It's an extremist cult,
it doesn't need

to make any sense.
In fact,

the more irrational, the better.
Let's go home.

Okay.

Any progress
with the masterpiece?

Right now
it's just an empty canvas.

I'm thinking
of keeping it that way.

Ah, yes.
The minimalist approach.

The highest form of cubist
abstraction. The penultimate.

You know,
my dad says a lot of writers

experience periods
of intense inactivity.

But even if you're
not putting pen to paper,

your mind is working.

It may feel like you
don't exist, but you do.

You're all perfectionists.

That's your problem.
Me, I'm just...

completely out of ideas.

I'm completely boring.

That's silly, Frankie.

You're a fascinating,
multi-dimensional woman.

Agreed. And you look
stunning today, by the way.

I haven't washed
my hair in two weeks.

Do you know what Margaret Atwood
says about perfectionism?

That it slowly,
quietly kills you?

Yes.

If I waited for perfection

I'd never write a word.

So, procrastination
is really just a bad habit

that stems
from a desire to not fail.

Exactly.

Why don't you just
Jackson Pollock that canvas?

Show it who's boss.

Your idea of what I do
is hilarious. So actor-y.

Jackson Pollock is so old.

He's deceased, actually.

I think
it's an accurate reference.

I mean,
the term "action painting"

was basically
invented for him, so...

At least you get to be,
I don't know, physical.

You get to punch out
those letters on the keyboard.

Plus, acting is very physical.

If only someone
would allow me to do it.

Allow you?
Come on, Agnes.

Push that rock
up the hill yourself.

Put your big girl
pants on and get on with it.

Make your own opportunities.

Maybe we should swap for a week.

You give me your act two,

I'll lend you
the keys my studio?

Hmm? Hmm?

Oh, Frankie, Sparrow
and I made something for you.

Oh!

Ah, it's very on trend.
I love it.

Oh, fudge.

Frankie
almost said the "F" word.

Then she didn't.
She said fudge.

Can you teach
my Zumba class for me tonight?

Sudima has an opening.

It's an all-female production
of All My Sons, and I completely

forgot about it,
but I promised her I'd go.

She's been
working on it for years.

Okay, but...

Fabulous,
I'll text you the deets.

Oh, my God. Uh...

Frankie, take Leah
and Henry to the office.

Call 911 and then Sparrow's dad.

You're going to feel
a lot better soon, I promise.

Hey, where is she?
How long was the seizure?

- Did you time it?
- It was about ten minutes.

She went with the E.M.T.s

and the school
nurse to the hospital.

Okay.

And now shut up and eat.

You should be
grateful I cook for you.

When I was in the Le Mont,
we had the most gorgeous crêpes.

Honey with powdered sugar
for breakfast every morning.

And the sweetest,
freshest mangos you ever tasted.

And where is my Beefeater
Gibson, straight up?

You ungrateful
American snob. Huh.

In Poland, you are lucky you
get moldy potato for breakfast.

Oh, cry me a river,
you old windbag.

Oh.

Your dinner's in the fridge.

This time,
please share it with Fred.

You hear that now?
Share it with Fred.

I thought you were going deaf.

Well, only selective hearing.

Pa, look at my finger.

Oh. Oh!

Congratulations.

Frederick, my little girl
is getting married

to a lovely man.

Ah, good luck.

I've been married
four times, each one more

disastrous
than the one before it.

Don't listen to him.
It's exquisite.

The ring. Wowee.

Levi's a lucky man.

And, by the way,
I'm also pregnant.

- Ah.
- Oh, my goodness.

Congratulations, my dear.

That is wonderful news.

Children are
an absolute blessing.

They are? It is?

Because I was kind
of freaked out initially, but...

Because it wasn't planned.

Yeah. The best things
in life are not.

Uh, how's the play going?

I don't want to talk about it.

Oh. You must
persevere, my dear.

No daughter of mine,
especially a grand one,

gives up.

You know, you do realize
I am your only living offspring,

so, maybe it might have been

a good idea if mom had given up

her singing career and all
the drugs that went with it.

You and your mother
are not the same person.

She was vulnerable to certain
pitfalls of the business,

but you've
learned from her mistakes.

You come the way you come.

You're saying I'm crazy
so I should just lean in?

I think you're an artist.

And everybody's
a little bit crazy.

Never trust anyone
who claims to be normal.

Well, I love
you both, but I gotta run.

Where are you off to now?

Zumba class.

Wh... Wh... Zu-Zu...
What... what's a Zumba?

Um, it's like dance.

- I think.
- Oh.

- Bye.
- Bye bye bye.

- Bye-bye, my darling.
- See you soon.

Love you.

I... I do the Zumba pretty well.

I bet you do.

Zumba.

Hello, ladies.

Sexy gay man.

Uh, my name
is Agnes and I will be

filling in
this evening for Frankie.

This is what I like to call,

um, radical acceptance Zumba.

Which is to say,
it's not exactly kosher Zumba

or Zumba as you
may have done it before.

There are no rules.

There are no right steps,
there are no wrong steps.

Simply steps.

Uh, what about stretching?

Stretching is not a part
of our fitness philosophy here

at radical Zumba because
we simply do whatever we want.

I want you to laugh.

Cry, burp,
fart, scream, whatever

feels right
to you in the moment.

Don't hold back, okay?

Because this is your time,
ladies, and sexy gay man.

So, leave
your Lululemons at home

because this is an authentic,

screw the patriarchy,
women's lib kind of workout.

I would say burn your bras,
but don't do that,

because the only
person that hurts is you.

Bras are important. We need
all the support we can get.

The world will try
and knock you down,

but today we are building
ourselves back the fudge up.

So, work it.
Show me what you got.

Leave it all on this dance floor,
right here, right now.

Because life is short and cruel,

so let's have
some freaking fun for once.

Are you
on the schedule next week?

I was teaching a Zumba class.

You do Zumba?

I do now.

Hello, everybody,
and thank you for being here.

We are so thrilled to have you

at our Journey Through Judaism
fall semester.

My name is Rabbi Jane Cohen,
I'm new at the synagogue,

and you all are my first
Journey Through Judaism

class ever!

Come on. Oh, yeah.

Wow, okay,
so, b'ezrat HaShem, which means

"with God's help,"
let's get to the point.

Tachles,

for those of you who don't know,
means, uh, getting to the point.

Getting to
the quintessence of something.

It's something
Israelis say when they want

to say "get to the point,"
essentially.

Okay, I am repeating myself.

Yeah, let's, uh, hm-mm...
We're... we're... we're going

to start every class with
our weekly simchas and sorrows.

A simcha, for
those of you who don't know,

means "a little joy."

Something small,
can be anything.

Uh, does anybody have a simcha

they'd like
to share for the week?

Oh, and if you could, um,
introduce yourself and tell us

why you're here, enrolled,
that would be great as well.

I... I... I'm Virginia.

And I found out on ancestry.com
that I'm half Jewish.

Mazel tov.

My simcha for the day is that,

yesterday,
I became a grandmother.

Lovely.
A baby is a blessing.

The highest blessing.
Mazel tov.

Any sorrows?

I have sorrows.
My name is Zeynep.

I am from Istanbul.

And I am curious about
the Jewish and I...

I want to convert to the Jewish
because of rich history.

Uh, my sorrow is: my ferret,
Yasmin, died this morning.

Tragically.

Uh, she got stuck in the, uh,
how do you call it, the... the...

The escalator
machine at the grocery store.

Uh, it was a mess and, uh, she...

Lots of blood
and, uh, her body was taken

away and, uh,
I will never see her again.

I am so sorry, Zeynep.

Speaking of...

unfortunate female figures
that we will never forget, um,

let's just
get to our first parsha.

Um, the story
of Rachel and Leah.

If you will
please turn to page 94.

You will see there that Leah,

one of the matriarchs
of the Jewish people,

is described as tender,
because she had been crying.

Why is that, do you ask?

Well, Leah had been
consigned to marry Esau,

Jacob's older brother.

Now, Esau was
the more aggressive,

less desirable
of the two brothers.

He was a fan
of hunting and brothels.

Jacob, on the other hand...
Iconic Jacob...

He was a real mensch,
the tzadik,

the righteous one, if you will.

In other words, God's
personal emissary, that's...

Rabbi, didn't Jacob and Esau's
father, Laban,

get involved?

And I thought...

Yes, yes, he did,
and I was just about to get...

And what about those,
uh, slutty slave women who come

later in the story,
like Zilpah and Bilhah?

Yes, Zeynep, they do...
They were just about to come.

I mean, I guess now
that we're on the subject,

Bilhah and Zilpah are...

I think she's hitting on you.

That's because
I'm ridiculously good-looking.

Can't a guy
take a theology seminar

without getting
ogled and objectified?

I guess not.

Agnes, Levi,
everything good over there?

Yes, I'm fine, we're fine.

Thank you, Rabbi,
please continue. Hashem.

Oh, Hashem.

Okay,
uh, where was I? Yes.

Do you know what Hashem means?

Uh, I thought...
I don't know but I think

it means peace be with you?

No, it... it means, uh...

Okay, uh,
this... this is something

I usually say
for my first-graders.

Am I going
to have to separate you two?

- No. Sorry.
- Won't happen again.

Great. Uh,

Jacob, Esau,
Rachel, Leah, family drama.

What could be more
Jewish than that? Page 95.

Good morning.

Good morning.

Last night was incredible.

It was. Just thought
we should sleep for five more.

What if I make iced cappuccinos?

- Hmm?
- Come on.

Get up.
We're going shopping.

For what?

A kiddush cup.

A what cup?

A kiddush cup. It's for wine,
but also for prayer.

Kinda. Come on, let's go!
Kiddush cup!

Whoa, this place is fantastic.

Thanks for having us.

Look at these.

Beautiful.

Are you one
of these hipster artists?

Yes, sir.
I believe I am an artist.

Ah.
What do artists do all day?

Well, that's a good question.
Um, depends on the artist.

For example,
my namesake, Agnes Martin,

used to read
murder mysteries and work

in her garden for most of the
day when she wasn't painting,

- of course.
- Can we look at this one?

- Right? Okay, we'll take it.
- Yeah.

Enjoy.

Oh, I will.

Bring me home a donut?

This is Williamsburg AA.

It's lemon-ricotta
cronuts or bust.

I just don't understand
why you insist on fasting.

You eat 11 meals
a day and you're pregnant.

I'm fine, okay?

I just want to do
this Yom Kippur thing properly.

Let me do me.

What is Yom Kippur really about?

Okay, it's the day of atonement.

We all know
that the Jewish faith

has long been associated
with a deep sense of guilt.

Shoutout to the Jewish mothers...

Are you familiar with that?

So, now I have Catholic
guilt and Jewish guilt.

We're trying to in here.

Sorry.

...self-awareness,
which, though rather unpleasant,

can lead us
to grow and self-improve.

Shoutout to my Jewish
mother in the room. But...

this shame thing
can also paralyze us.

It can deafen us.

Guilt blocks us.

Hmm.

Back in ancient times,
all the way back,

back to Israel,
the high priests would

lead us in ritual animal
sacrifice, believe it or not.

Because in Judaism,
in order to atone,

you had to give up something
that's valuable to you.

That's why we fast.

But this line of thinking
can be a slippery slope,

so, we, the Israelites,
decided to draw the line

at child sacrifice.

Yeah, we called it Moloch.

Believe it or not,
many of the neighboring tribes

regularly sacrificed
their children to Moloch,

but we, the Jews...
We drew up laws against it.

Not us, not Israel.

Israel, the word itself means
"one who wrestles with God."

This has given us an identity
as the chosen people.

Exceptional, yes, but burdened

to live honorably
every single day of our lives.

How can we possibly live

in that light if we cannot
confront the darkness?

You know what?

I wasn't gonna...

but I am gonna say it.

We need to talk about Palestine.

We're afraid
to talk about Palestine,

and even worse,
we're afraid to listen.

Why ruin a dinner party,
or a sermon,

by broaching
this sensitive topic?

Why offend my only living
grandparent? Why go there?

Because if we strive,
as Jews, for tikkun olam,

to heal the world,
we need to confront the issues

that threaten
to destroy it and us.

There are way
too many of us who pick a side.

Who teach our children,
as I was taught,

to pick a team
and stick with it.

To defend
that team no matter what.

We want to win,
and we want the other team

to lose, so, what do we do?

We bind ourselves
to an absolute confidence,

the supreme sense
of righteousness.

The chosen people,
superior, arrogant.

We, as American Jews, need to
rid ourselves of this arrogance.

Because we don't
know what it's like...

to be, what,
a Palestinian orphan,

terrified
to walk to school alone.

An Israeli mother
sending her teenage daughter

off to join
the endless wars of the I.D.F.

A Palestinian
refugee in Lebanon, homeless,

jobless, stateless,
separated from his family.

We need to accept
that our understanding

of this issue is limited,
and that's okay.

And we can disagree,
and we can argue,

and we can fight, but I'll tell
you what we're not going to do:

we're not going to deny
anybody else's humanity, okay?

'Cause we've been there.

There're still people all around
the world, in every country,

including this one,
who do not see us as human.

Who hate us
for being who we are.

Every single person in this
room has something that could be

used against her,
whether it's her gender,

her sexual orientation, her
skin color, a mental disorder,

a physical disability,
everybody has something.

So, I'm asking you, today,

to open your hearts
and your minds.

And to beg you not
to sacrifice yourselves,

your friends,
your family, or your community

upon the altar
of ideology and division.

Because that destruction
is a prayer to Moloch.

What's up?

I'll be right back.

Agnes!

Make sure you eat enough.

You know? No more fainting.

- Mm.
- Mm.

That's a fun ensemble, Agnes.

Very, uh, -chic.

Thank you, Glaucia Eduarda.

This is my,
um, Yom Kippur ensemble.

You know, we were very, uh,

intrigued,
by your Rabbi's service.

She's very... modern?

It wasn't really
a typical Yom Kippur sermon.

How's the struggle
with the acting career going?

Great. Um, you may
now address me as Charlene.

I got the part
of the crack whore.

Ah!

Wow. Congratulations.

You know,
actually, uh, Glaucia Eduarda

has almost
completed her conversion.

I mean, she...
She's done, like, everything.

Mazel.

Erwy Felstein
from the Schneider's

more conservative
synagogue said I was

the best student he's ever had.

When you do the mikveh,
are you planning to be naked

in the mikveh?

I'll probably wear a one-piece.

Show some modesty.

Mm-mm.
No. No, no, no.

Because I read
that in order to be, like,

officially,
really the most Jewish

you can be,
you gotta be totally nude.

So there's no barrier
between you and God.

You know, and then you gotta
lather yourself in olive oil.

It's a whole thing.

That's not a thing, Agnes.

Is it, like,
Greek Orthodox, or...

No, it's a thing.

I read it in this very important

and sacred Talmudic text
that I have here.

So, I'm going to do
it right when I mikveh.

And I am gonna lube
up in my birthday suit.

Chag sameach.

Ah, here comes the lox.

- Here comes the lox.
- Morty!

Wow, that looks great, Dad.

There it is, there it is.

Beautiful.

An hour waiting at Zabar's.

- Worth the wait.
- Worth the wait.

Do you think it's
this hard to assemble a crib?

I hope not. I think
this is my favorite holiday.

What does it mean, Sukkot?

Well, sukkah means booth,
or tabernacle.

Um, and Sukkot literally
means "feast of the booths."

It sounds better in Hebrew.

Yeah, "feast of the booths"

doesn't really roll
off the tongue, does it?

Mm-mm.

Jews really need to do a better
job marketing their holidays.

If I had known
about this when I was a kid

I would've
made Nate build one for me.

Sukkot...

is supposed to be all about
the beauty of impermanence.

It's supposed
to teach us to love

what we have while we have it.

What do you
want to be for Halloween?

I want to be skinny
and fat Karl Lagerfeld.

Karl Lagerfeld had a fat phase?

Oh, yeah.

Big time.

Great job. You are all
getting very good at that.

Come on, Jews.

All right.

Now that we've made
it through the High Holy Days,

I'd like to take
this class to address a pair

of emotionally charged topics.

Anti-Semitism and the Holocaust.

Raise your hand if you've
ever experienced antisemitism.

We're told now that
antisemitism isn't prevalent,

at least not
in our liberal elite circles

and the safe haven of New York.

Hitler used dog whistling
to unite his base.

To unite
the Nazis against the Jews.

To fan the pre-existing flames
of racism and ethnic division.

When the conservative
politicians of today reference,

for example, the liberal media,

who exactly is it do you think
that they are referring to?

The Jews.

That's who they're referring to.

And look, I don't
want to sound alarmist,

but if the purpose
of studying history is to teach

us lessons about the present,
we must never forget the past.

And we must, as Jews,

but more importantly
as human beings,

keep holding
that mirror up and demanding

accountability
from our politicians,

demanding an end to centuries
of structural racism,

and demanding justice
and equality

from all intuitions,
great and small.

Thank you,
that was so inspiring.

I wasn't done,
but you're welcome.

- Sorry.
- Sit down, Agnes.

Okay.

Oy vey.

All right,
who's doing their Davar today?

Sumi, thank you.
The floor is yours.

I love you.

I'll be your director today.

Nice to meet you.

Oh, hello.

You know, I've always wanted

to try my hand at making movies.

So, you...
better be good.

No, seriously,
don't screw this up.

She's really down and out,
like some pimp has cut her up

real good, so the blood needs

to start here and come
all the way down here.

And make it as thick
and horrible as you possibly can

so that it shows
up really good on camera.

Thanks, Or a to.

You know what, um,
and make sure you don't

forget to black
out the front tooth.

All right, sit still, please.

- Like this?
- Don't talk.

And try not to breathe so much.

Great.

I'll see you guys on,
uh, set, in ten, for rehearsal.

Thanks, Or a to.

Out walking the streets so late?

How'd it go?
The filming.

It wasn't so great.

Oh, bet you were fantastic.

How... how are you feeling,
my dear?

Mm. I'm okay, I guess.

How's the play going?

It's not.
I gave up on it.

But the first
act was so brilliant.

The... the denouement
at the dinner table flows

so naturally into the final act.

You must ride into the pain.

It's the only way
to get to the glory.

What's the point, Nate?

Even if I finish it,
no one's gonna read it.

What am
I supposed to do with it?

Rent out
a dilapidated old theater

with money I don't
have and put it on myself?

Exactement.

Face the music, Nate.

I'm gonna end up like
one of those nutso mimes

muttering to myself
in Times Square and...

My poor, illegitimate child
will pretend not to know me.

Your child
will be very legitimate.

You're getting married.

I haven't been
to Times Square in a while.

It sounds wonderfully macabre.

You're not disappointed in me?

No.

You don't think I should've gone

to grad school
or law school or...

med school?
I got an A in biology.

You hate hospitals,
and you cry every time

you get your blood drawn.

It's the lighting.

Hospitals
have terrible lighting.

You don't think I'm wasting
my expensive education?

To waste a great talent
like yours would be a crime.

We need art.
Now. More than ever.

What do you
want for Christmas, Pa?

To chase you around the block.

That could be arranged.

Merry Christmas, by the way.

Merry Christmas.

My darling.

Christmas can be a challenging

time for those of us
who have converted

or those of us who are
partnered with someone

who loves Christmas
and is used to celebrating.

I mean, Christmas is everywhere.

The ads, Santa,
Mariah, let's talk about it.

How are we feeling?
Yes, um, Mary, then Jordan.

Yes, thank you. Uh, hi.
Uh, well, I... I love Christmas.

The pine needles...
it's all so magical.

Getting to bounce
on Santa's lap,

And...

The Christmas tree is an affront
to everything I believe in.

If I, a proud Jewish man,
were to allow Mary to have one

in our apartment, I'd be
letting down my ancestors.

My grandfather was
shot into the Danube

by the Nazis because
he wouldn't conform.

Because he wouldn't
hide his menorah.

So, if I buy a tree,
it makes his death in vain.

That makes no sense, Jordan.

You should
let Mary have her tree.

Okay, hold on, Agnes.
Jordan, say more about that.

And why is that, Agnes?

Well, it makes her happy.
Isn't that worth something?

Making the person
you love happy?

And, secondly, Christmas trees

are rooted in Pagan ritual,
so they have absolutely nothing

to do with Jesus Christ,
who was actually born in April,

not on Christmas Day.

It's secular capitalism at work.

Of course,
Christianity has co-opted

some of those traditions,
but that's beside the point.

And thirdly,
with all due respect, Jordan,

your grandfather was shot
into the Danube not because

he was religious, but because
he was ethnically Jewish.

The Holocaust
was about ethnic cleansing.

Hitler didn't care
what you did for the holidays.

Do you think that, uh,
we can take the Christmas tree

down before
my parents come over tonight?

Are you kidding me?

I'm fine with the tree.
I like Christmas trees.

I love the way it smells,
but my parents won't get it.

Especially because
they think you're converting.

I am converting.

Right, that's
the confusing part.

Christmas can
be a secular holiday.

Well, no, it can't.
Not for everyone.

Oh, my God.
You sound like Jordan.

Seriously?

Yeah, I don't know,
this is all just

very confusing for me right now.

How so?

Could you just pass the pepper,
because we have to pepper them?

Can we just keep it simple

and take the tree down?

They come over, we put
it back up when they leave?

When are you going
to stop trying so hard

to please your parents?

I love my parents.

And I love you
and I wanna keep the tree up.

Fine!
Then keep the... tree up.

Fine.
We're keeping it up.

Jesus Christ.

This is green.

- What is...
- Yeah, it's green tea.

It's green tea.

Take a glab.

Oh, you know what,
I already have a stack,

- but I'll take another one.
- Yeah, pass them on.

Why not? Why not?
Hey, is Agnes doing okay?

She's never okay.
I don't know. I don't know.

Agnes, that's the dessert!

I thought it was a bread stick.

It's a salted quinoa
straw for the agave caipirinhas.

Sorry.
I'm starving.

She's the only person who's

never heard
of a salted quinoa straw.

- I know, I know.
- It's always about her.

You... you... Yeah.

Sorry.

I don't know
where Abe is getting that,

because we don't have a tree.

Uh, we're not
celebrating Christmas,

we don't intend on celebrating
Christmas, our children are not

gonna celebrate Christmas,
and so, that's all just...

It's made up.

All right,
well, uh, Glaucia Eduarda

and Abe have already thought
about Hebrew schools.

- That's great.
- Can you believe it?

She's not even pregnant,
as far as I know.

- Hi, Morty.
- Oh, Agnes!

Are you having a good time?

No, as it turns out.
Can I talk to you for a minute?

Yeah.

What's up?

You lied.

What are you talking about?

You said we didn't
celebrate Christmas.

I just said that
to keep everybody happy.

You know,
we can obviously do whatever

we want to do in private.

I don't want to live like that.

I don't want to lie.
Can we just go home?

I'm the best man, Agnes.
I can't just leave the wedding.

So, we have to stay
for the entire reception?

Yeah, I don't want
to just rush out on these guys.

I feel like I'm always rushing.

Rushing out?
We're never rushing out on them.

Oh, and thanks for defending me
back there with bread stick-gate.

It's not a big deal, Agnes.

Yeah, it didn't have
to be a big deal until Abe made

it a big deal by calling
me out in front of everyone.

Those two are
the most self-absorbed

people on the planet.

He's my brother, and I love him.

Glaucia, I have
to learn to accept...

Look, I know when you needed to
get sober he helped you a lot,

but if he can't be there

to celebrate your successes
and the happiness in your life...

What are you even talking about?

And why would you
bring that up right now?

I... this...
I can't do this anymore.

What are you saying?

This.
You clearly want nothing to do

with my family
and our traditions.

Oh, my God,
that is so wildly unfair.

I'm literally in the process
of converting to your religion.

It's not just a religion, Agnes.

That's the thing
that you don't understand.

To me, being Jewish
is a huge part of who I am.

It's about family, it's about
bread-breaking, tribal unity.

I know all about bread-breaking.

We broke bread
at the convent all the time.

- I love bread.
- It's not a joke, Agnes.

So, we can't even laugh anymore?

I'm the one who's
bending over backwards here,

solely because
I want to be with you.

Do you know
that 72% of modern Jews

are intermarrying, by the way?

What the hell does that mean?

It means a lot of people do it,

so don't just bail
because it gets challenging.

I'm the one who's bailing?

Let me give you a statistic:

the last Holocaust survivors
will be dead in a couple years.

And that's relevant
to this conversation because?

How do you not
understand how that's relevant?

Is this about Israel?

It's about terminal,
ethnic identity.

- What?
- Herbert Gans.

He's on the syllabus,
why don't you read it?

Wow.
That's really condescending.

It's not a good look on you.

You know, this is why
people don't do this.

I didn't get it before.
I thought,

"This is so messed up,
you can't decide who you fall

in love with," but now it's
starting to make sense to me.

Maybe this is all
just a little too hard.

What about our baby?

Maybe we co-parent... the baby.

We shouldn't just get
married because of the baby,

that never works.

Maybe co-parenting
would be better because

we wouldn't
be fighting all the time.

We're there, so, um,
I think I'm going to go now.

You should stay
and we should talk about it.

No, I'll make it easier for you.

We're done.
Crisis averted.

So, now you can be
free to go and marry Daphna

and have lots of Jewish babies.

I don't want to marry Daphna...
You need to calm down.

I'm perfectly calm!

Agnes?
It's Fred.

What's wrong?

Your dziadekpassed
away last night.

In his sleep.

They say it was natural
causes, no disease, no pain.

I'm very sorry for your sadness.

You must be present
with the pain of the loss.

Do not avoid it.

Agnes, are you okay?

Oh, God.

Everything's gonna be all right.

How do you know that?

You have to have faith.

It's okay.

Levi.

Levi!

Levi? Oh, my God,
what a coincidence.

Oh, my God. Daphna.
I am actually so busy right now.

What are you doing here?

Oh, Glaucia told me
you were living in the hood.

How fun was the first wedding?

It was great.

Oh, I am so sorry to hear

that you and Agnes broke up.

Thanks, yeah, it's been rough.

You know,
I've gotten really deep

into Kabbalah recently,
and everyone's born

to be the hero
of their own lives, right?

And I just think
it's really important,

as a Jewish woman,
to raise one's own children

according
to one's own faith, right?

Sorry, um, what?

Oh, about
raising children in the faith?

Well, according
to one faith, right?

Um, you know what, I have to go.

I have got to get
back to the office.

Oh, sure, yeah.
I'll come with you.

Okay.

So, yeah,
all this, like, modern,

liberal Judaism, uh, uh,
like taking bits and pieces

of what one likes, like
celebrating Christmas, you know,

is not right.

...key topics in the ongoing

debate about
the global climate crisis,

including carbon offsetting
and carbon taxing,

investing in renewable
energies and fracking.

As these leaders negotiate
compromises and tariffs,

environmental agencies urge
this council...

...reminding us that when it
comes to the global temperature,

every degree counts.

But as they struggle
to find common ground,

many are left wondering:
how hot is too hot?

The U.S. Secretary
General hopes to achieve

a successful negotiation...

Hello?

Hey, it's Everett.

You're coming over to my place
for a glass of something.

And maybe a jam session,
who knows?

We'll see
where the night takes us.

Um, I'm sorry, I... I can't.
I'm, uh... busy.

Get off the couch now.

I'm texting you the address.

...catastrophic

environmental disaster.

You know, in recovery,
we have a saying.

I know all about the sayings.

Well, when a person shows

you who they are, believe them.

So true.

I have an idea. Um, can
we forget about earlier today?

Hey, look, what... what happens
in the honey wagon

stays in the honey wagon.

Listen, I just
want you to be okay.

I didn't know that you were
going through any of this stuff.

I'm sorry to hear
about your grandfather.

I'm an unwed
mother-to-be and an orphan.

Little orphan Agnes.

Hmm.

All right,
listen, screw the labels.

And I'm sorry, I...
I shouldn't have said...

That wasn't funny at all.

No, I thought it was very funny.

Did you ever have
a relationship with your father?

I met him once.
He's nice enough.

He's a vagabond, sort of.

He never wanted
to have a child, so...

And what about your grandmother?

She died about a year
after my mother overdosed.

Technically, it was cancer,

but I think it was grief.

I think you're
really talented, Agnes.

And you can have a solid career,

you know, in this, if... if...
If that's what you wanted to do.

You don't
have to say that to me.

I know I don't have to.

How's that fiancé of yours?

We called the engagement off.

Um, I don't know
what's going to happen with us.

He's on a date right
now with a Jewish woman,

so there's that,
and this baby is on

its way whether
I'm ready or not.

You know, after my wife, um,
passed away, uh, Sparrow and I,

we, uh...

we started going to Sunday Mass.

At first I just...

I couldn't really
connect to any of it, but...

I'm actually finding some peace.

I went to Mass once
a week for 13 years.

Never brought me any peace.

Hey, listen.

I, um... I want to thank you.

For what?

Sparrow, she told me that she
could hear you talking to her.

And that she felt safe.

Look, I'll never be able
to thank you enough

for what you did.

I just did what anyone would do.

No, no, not anyone.

You know,
a lot of people they, um,

they freeze up
in situations like that.

I remember
the day that she was born.

You know, she had to spend,
uh, three weeks in the I.C.U.

She was blue.
And so tiny, oh, my God.

And she was so beautiful.

She already had a full
head of hair, even then.

I was constantly traveling.

And ever since then I've been
trying to make it up to her.

And Sparrow,
she's, uh... she's a kid,

so she's already
forgiven me for my...

my terrible
parenting so early in her life.

Um...

She's exceptional.

Yeah.

Do you have, um,
any plans after this?

Yeah, I have a couple
more dates.

Oh, this is...
Is that what this is?

I don't know.

Just thought you were a jaded,
rock star dad taking pity on me.

Oh, you think I'm jaded?
That's a bit of a cliché, no?

Clichés are cliché for a reason.

Right. Well...

I do not pity you.

I like you.

Whoa, whoa.

What's up? You okay?

Um, nothing,
I'm... yeah, I just, I...

I think I'm going to be sick.

- Physically ill.
- Uh...

Oh, my God.

Um, all right, well, the, um...

the bathroom is...
It's down the hall to the right.

Oh.

Agnes, are you okay?

Never been better.

All right, come on.
Get up.

And what if this
is where I belong?

Come on, let's get you to bed.

Is your blood sugar low?
Do you need a snack?

This is where I deserve
to sleep. I'm a toilet person.

- No, come on.
- I'm a sewer lady.

Come on.

Where are you taking me?

I'm putting you to bed.
I'm picking you up.

Putting me to bed, eh?

In the guest room.

- Come on.
- Vomiting pregnant lady

goes to the guest room,
I get it.

Yes, you do.

Oh, my goodness,
this is so heavy.

Um, oh, this is so overwhelming.
What an incredible honor.

First, I'd like to thank Yahweh
for giving me the gift of life.

Then, of course, the Academy.
Thank you for voting for me.

And, uh, let's not
forget Tilda Swinton,

my adoptive
mother and best friend.

Tilda, I could not have done
this without... Oh, my God.

I, um... sorry.
I was going to put it back.

I wasn't going to steal it.

Best original song.

Congratulations.

Thanks.

You know,
Tilda's a really cool lady,

and I'll introduce the two
of you next time she's in town.

Well, that'd be great.

I have to head to set.

Okay.
Thanks again.

All right, bye.

Agnes, did you
have a sleepover with Daddy?

Hi, Sparrow.
What are you doing here?

What do you mean what am
I doing here? This is my house.

Of course.
No, I'm sorry, you're right.

Um, sorry, I'm just
a bit cloudy this morning.

Did you have a bad dream?

Yes, actually.

Those are the worst,
but it's okay,

because you're awake now,
and none of that is real.

Do you want some of my cereal?

Sure.
Thanks.

Coffee?

Sure, thank you. You're
a very good hostess, Sparrow.

There we go.

That's regular milk,

but we have almond,
hemp and oat as well.

Regular is perfect.

Thank you.

Oh, here's a clue.
Finally. This one is hard.

Yeah. But you got
through the maze, look at that.

Sparrow,
honey, we've got to get going.

You're going to be late.

I have physical therapy now.

And then school.

Have a great day.

I love you.

Love you, too.

Don't drink
too much coffee, okay?

Daddy says
it makes you crazy hyper,

and it's not good for the baby.

I went to school with him.

Hmm.

Oh.

Is that talking Ed?

Yeah, he's a journalist.

You know, travels the world
telling important stories.

Does something
valuable for society.

Uh, debatable.

Oh, I'm such a failure.

You seem sad, baby doll.

Really?
You're so perceptive.

Why so snippy?
Not so snippy. Gosh.

I'm sorry.

It's just the hormones, and...

well, there's
a lot to be sad about.

Polar ice caps are melting,
our oceans are full of trash,

my baby daddy doesn't love me
because I'm not Jewish enough.

There's always something to
be sad about. What else is new?

This is an awful show.
What are we watching?

It's called the news, Sheldon.

It's so depressing!

Ugh!

And when is
this phone gonna ring?

It'll pick up.

How are you so optimistic?

Well, what are my choices?
We're here, we're alive.

To steal a phrase
from Rabbi Ben Hayhay

that my Bubbie
used to repeat to me

I didn't know you were Jewish.

Hello?
We're theater people.

We eat the brisket
on a bi-weekly basis.

Well, I knew you were
culturally Jewish, but I didn't

know you were, like,
religious, practicing Jews.

We practice when she chooses.

When the spirit moves me.

We did love the music
at that East Side Synagogue.

Oh...
I miss going there.

Hmm.

Fantastic gospel singers.

The best.

Gospel? In shul?

Are you converting, Agnes?
Maybe help your career.

That's a loaded question.

What does it mean? That quote.

According
to the effort is the reward.

Persistence
is the only thing in this life.

To survive, you...
You... you keep going.

And we're rewarded, ultimately.

We're flipping channels, here.

How are we being rewarded?

Well, sometimes
waiting is part of the effort.

I put in a lot of effort.

Where's my reward?

Coleslaw and a new bra.

Oh, in fact, I'm ordering you
a pretty lilac one as we speak.

That'll be
your reward for the day.

I don't want
a lilac bra and I don't

want to eat the coleslaw.

Eat the coleslaw.
Mm, isn't this something?

Makes you almost believe in God.

I believe in Zabar's.

I didn't know
you believed in God, Maude.

I said almost.

Ow.

- This relationship...
- Actually right

when you broke up.

Oy, I am so full.

I think you're going to have
to cut me out of my dress.

That's the great thing
about maternity clothes,

it's all stretch.

Thank you for coming tonight.

Thanks for having me.

This was really beautiful
and food was delicious.

I needed this.

I heard that, uh,
because of the breakup

and the baby, you weren't
going to be returning to class.

So, I wanted to offer in-person,
if it's useful to you.

To continue meeting.

If you want to continue
your journey through Judaism.

I'd like that.

Hey. You're gonna have a baby.

It's exciting, isn't it?

It is, but...

the thought
of doing it on my own is...

Hey, you're
not gonna be on your own.

Even if you and Levi don't get
back together, you have friends.

You have me. I'm serious.

Babies love me,
and the Schneiders will

be great grandparents.

And yeah, Levi will be
a good dad no matter what.

You may have noticed
that Jews make a really

big deal out
of funerals and death

and dying which,
to some, can seem grim, but...

I know. Levi's parents go to,
like, two funerals a week.

They love them. It's like
they have season tickets.

Okay, to outsiders...

especially those who grew
up believing in the afterlife,

the Jewish language
around death and the rituals

around grieving
can seem excessive.

But for us, death is finite.

It's a full stop.
Someone we love is gone forever.

That's why we mourn so much.

We're not going to see
them again in another life.

With each new life
we reexperience the miracle

of creation and reaffirm
our covenant with God.

Death is poignant
because life is fleeting.

Look, I don't
know if I'll ever be

a religious person,

I don't know if I'll convert.

Um, the kind
of commitment that you're

asking for,
it scares me, to be honest,

but what I do know
is that I want to keep learning.

And I'd like to keep
studying with you if I can.

Okay.

I'll email you a schedule and we
can pick up where we left off.

Get back to work.

- Great.
- Until then, macaroon?

Why not?

- Cheers.
- Cheers.

L'chaim.

Mm, I'chaim.

- Remember... remember I'chaim?
- Yes.

Hey, Dad. Oh, sorry.
I'll come back later.

No, no, no, come on in.

I was just, uh,
finishing my morning prayers.

I have to go
build a crib at home.

Mm-hmm.

At Agnes's...
uh, in the nursery.

Um, I feel like she should
stay at our place with the baby.

Ah, come on in
and sit for a minute. Come on.

Okay.

Do you know what the purpose
of praying with tefillin is?

To remind us of the Exodus.

Ah, for me,
it reminds me of the things

in life that bind me together.

The people that ground me.

Your mother,
you and your siblings,

uh, and the love
that I have for all of you.

And, uh,
Glaucia Eduarda and Agnes, too.

- We all love Agnes.
- I love Agnes, too. A lot.

But it's not going to work.

I mean, we're
going to co-parent,

but we're not
going to be together.

What does that even mean?

It means we're
gonna take turns parenting.

We're gonna see each other,
but we're not gonna get married.

Look, Dad, I don't
really want to talk about it.

Well, I... I'm
very sorry to hear that.

Yeah, you're
not thrilled that now

I can marry some Jewish girl?

No, no, no, no, no,
I think you've misunderstood.

I've heard this lecture before...

Was I disappointed
when both of my sons were

in serious relationships
with non-Jewish girls?

Yes. I was, at first.

It was a... a... a fear of losing
or diluting our heritage.

A fear that was instilled
in me when I was a child.

My father...

I know,
he died in the Holocaust,

and that's why I'm not
going to dishonor that legacy.

What, that's what you think?

That that's what would
happen if you married Agnes?

Levi, life is difficult enough.

Why make it harder for yourself?

I don't understand
what you're talking about.

Do you know why Jews
emphasize marrying other Jews?

To keep the tribe alive.

It's a mantra perpetuated
and motivated by fear.

And making decisions based
on fear can only back you up

further into the prison
you were hoping to escape from.

I... I can see that
you and Agnes are in love.

The way she looks at you from
across the room, you're in love.

And you have become a man.

It didn't happen
at your Bar Mitzvah.

It happened when you met Agnes.

I had no idea
that you felt this way.

Well... come
and chat with me more often.

What I have to say,
it might surprise you.

When I look at you, Levi,

I am filled with nachas.

You remember that word
from Hebrew school, yes?

It means you're proud of me.

Proud, I... Proud? I'm beaming.

I'm all filled up.
I love you.

Love you, too, Dad.

Where'd Aunt Millie
go this time?

Mm, Bhutan.

Last time she was
trying to find herself

she was gone for three years,

so hopefully
I'll be here for a while.

Okay, I'm serious,
do whatever you want to it.

You should see
what I did to the nursery.

Seriously, Agnes,
it's already screwed up.

I think it's luminous.

Do something to it,
please, I'm begging you.

Okay.
If you insist.

I insist.

Hmm.

So, uh, where's Levi staying?

At his parents' place.

We texted
to coordinate Ernie's pickup

and drop-off schedule,
but it was strained.

I'm just a terrible
person who messes everything up.

Does he know about Nate?

Yes, I had to tell him.

And you're not a messed-up
person, you're just having

a terrible time
and a terrible wedding.

Everett texted me.

What does it say?

"I hope you're feeling better.

I'm around if you ever need
to talk to someone.

Take care. E."

Ooh, "Take care."
Brutal.

It's like I don't know
how to be without Levi.

What should I write back?

"New phone, who's this?"

It's all going to be okay,
you know that, right?

Okay, what the hell
did you do to my work of art?

You're kidding me, right?

Yes.

I actually kinda like it.

Yes, I think
the crimson adds a...

A warmth to it.

- Dewy dynamic, tension...
- Sh, sh-sh-sh.

It's okay.

- Sorry.
- You can stay here,

but you have
to just shut up and eat.

Roger Roger.

Oh, come on, just say
it and then I'll shut up.

Over over.

Clearance Clarence.

Satisfied?

For now.

And to show
our reluctance to say

this final farewell, we start
with the shovel upside down.

Oh, my God!
Are you okay?

No, I am not okay!

I'm dead!

No, no, you're not dead,

you're just in the grave.
Um, hold on.

Help is on the way.

It's not as bad as I thought

it would be down here.

It's gonna be okay.
Don't cry.

Bubbie's in a better place.

If you believe in that.
I, personally, do not.

Abe and I are sorry.

Daphna's
my only real girlfriend.

I had noticed that, yes.

No, no,
what I'm trying to say is...

we... I...

We miss you.

Abe and I are working
on being more thoughtful.

Levi's been so sad.

I just think that you need
to go out with him and talk.

He's been smoking.

- Crack or meth?
- Cigarettes.

Mm, that's good. Meth is
a real gateway drug for him.

What was he addicted
to to begin with?

None of your business.
Well, he did a lot of drugs.

Most of the drugs
slash all of the drugs

at one point or another.

Wait, what happened
to your accent?

Okay, please don't hate me.

Please. But I'm actually
from New Jersey.

Wait, what?
Why would you lie about that?

I mean, so many legends
are from New Jersey.

Cory Booker,
Meryl Streep, Bruce Springsteen.

I just thought
that I'd be more successful

if I had a more chic,
international identity.

Does Abe know?

I came clean to him
a few months into seeing him.

He understood,
and supported my persona

- as a savvy business choice.
- Of course he did.

I just kept
thinking that if I got

ahead in my career,
I'd be happy.

And somewhere along the way
I forgot to be compassionate.

Or authentic.

Which is the whole
point of my industry.

When you say industry,

which industry
exactly are you referring to?

And I can't truly be a...
A... a successful healer

without that.
Without empathy.

I started therapy, finally.

I've been
diagnosed as orthorexic.

It's an eating disorder.

It essentially
means you eat too well.

I still don't entirely
get what's wrong with that,

but whatever.

I ate a cheeseburger yesterday.

You didn't meet
the blessed cow first?

I went to Shake Shack
and I ate three burgers

and five orders of French
fries and I just sat there

in the middle of the street
just stuffing my face with meat.

That's great.
That's a big step forward.

I mean, it's exposure therapy.

Sounds like you've
really hit rock bottom.

I mean, we've...
literally hit rock bottom.

Yeah. About that.
Let's get out of here.

I'll give you a boost.

I should give
you the first boost. Really.

No, no, don't be silly.

Wait, actually I am
getting kind of freaked out

down here
and I'm the pregnant one,

so, maybe, yeah. Okay.

Water on the bridge.
That's the expression, right?

Under the bridge, I believe.

I'm so
sorry that we lost Bubbie.

I was devastated
to hear about Nate.

The idea of eternity
is actually really upsetting.

I mean, the thought of all of us
living somewhere else

together forever,
it's not actually comforting,

even though it seems
like it kind of should be.

I should've never
let you leave that night.

It wasn't entirely your fault.

I'm... I know
I can overreact and...

I just felt like
you weren't hearing me.

You're right.
I wasn't listening.

And I should've
said something to Abe.

He was out of line.

I'm sorry, Agnes, and I'm sorry
for asking you to pretend.

I'm sorry, too.

Glaucia and I made up, actually.

She apologized.

In the grave?

Nowhere to go but up.

Well, that's good. I guess.

Look, I don't want you to be
anybody other than who you are.

And I want to be with you
and with Ernie.

Please marry me.

Please. And...

I don't want
you to convert or any of that.

I want to marry you, too.

And you should
know that I've still

been taking
classes with Rabbi Cohen,

and as it turns out,
I'm actually already Jewish.

Nate left me a letter.

He changed his name
from Wilder man to Wild

when he became an actor.

It actually kind of makes sense.

But you went to Catholic school.

He said he lived
in a time when antisemitism

was even more prevalent
and he thought his life

would just be simpler
if he changed his last name.

You know what's funny,
I went to Catholic school

only to end up at Jewish school
with you, only to find out

that I was already
who I thought I was, all along.

And very unimportant
side note, but I made out

with, um,
Everett James and puked

and, uh, slept in his guest
bedroom and held his Oscar.

The award that
he keeps in his guest bedroom

where I slept
and where he did not.

I hate that.

You went out with Daphna.

That's actually different.

She's a stalker.
She's, like, an actual stalker.

Oh, my God,
you dramatize it so much.

She's not stalking you.

Agnes and Levi.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God. It's happening.

Oh, my God.

It's happening?
Call an ambulance.

Call an ambulance.

We don't need an ambulance,
just a moving vehicle.

Moving vehicle.

Next up we have
Theodore Nathaniel Schneider

presenting on Buddhism.

We made the bald cap
out of a pair of pantyhose.

I like that.

Mum, Dad,
can you sit right here?

I would like
to start my discussion

with the Four Noble Truths.

While prominent
in the Theravada strain

of contemporary
Buddhist thought,

these truths
serve as an essential

and necessary function
of any Buddhist practice.

I, myself, find them very useful

to combat the stress of
my every day fourth grade life.

Homework, crushes, planning
my birthday parties, etc.

Like when Billy Bostick
makes fun of me in math class.

That's not something
I'm gonna dwell on because,

if you strive to live
in the moment,

as I do, then these four truths,

these four laws, or rules,
I like to refer to them,

shouldn't necessarily
govern to how you see the world.

We all experience
anxiety, sadness and loss.

That's how we know we're alive.

And I'm here
to educate you about Buddhism,

and to remind you that

spirituality
is something separate.

Something personal to you.

And I'm here to tell you
that everything will turn out

okay if you believe
in the truth and have compassion

and just, you know, love
yourself and your neighbors,

and everything will
turn out as it should.

And the world will be a better
place because you lived in it.

Oh, oh, you're scaring
her with that nose.

Oh.
Oh, I'm sorry.

It's not Rudolph.
Atlantis, it's Daddy.

Honey, she...
She doesn't look happy.

What's that smell?

Oh. Did you
bring the poop diary?

Oh.
Poop diary.

Do we have cloth diapers?

Weird. They're weird.

Who's winning?

Uh, so far, I am.
I... I don't know how that...

- how that happens.
- Here, it kinda matches.

All right, I'm going
with a more traditional.

Here we go.
I'm gonna get a drink.

Yeah.
Eggnog.

Yeah, eggnog.

Merry Hannukah.

Hi, honey.
Where ya been?

Cooking.

Really?

Oh, very good, Theo.

Well, now I'm winning.

Theo, are you robbing
your grandfather blind?

No.

I gotta save
that money for college.

- Woohoo!
- Beautiful. Beautiful.

Merry Christmas.

I think that's all
we have to eat.

What did you... you brought the...

My buckwheat biscuits.

Oh, we gotta take
them out of the oven.

- They're gonna burn.
- Oh, my God.

We have a fiasco.

Happy Hannukah.

Let's eat. Levi.

I owe you...
How much money do I owe you?

About, like,
a hundred bucks or something.