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1
00:00:03,960 --> 00:00:08,100
Sub by lifeline, corrected by santibone
www.addic7ed.com
2
00:00:15,920 --> 00:00:17,640
I'm just pulling in now.
3
00:00:17,640 --> 00:00:19,600
What number was it?
4
00:00:22,360 --> 00:00:23,680
Who called it in?
5
00:00:24,840 --> 00:00:27,760
Oh, God. Doesn't sound too good,
does it?
6
00:00:27,760 --> 00:00:29,080
Hope I'm not too late.
7
00:00:33,760 --> 00:00:35,680
Hello there. Through here, is it?
8
00:00:35,680 --> 00:00:38,520
Please! We need help! Please!
9
00:00:56,840 --> 00:00:57,880
Jim!
10
00:00:59,200 --> 00:01:03,400
Jim, have you sorted out the music
like I asked you to?
11
00:01:03,400 --> 00:01:07,280
Something appropriate this time,
not the soundtrack to The Mission.
12
00:01:07,280 --> 00:01:10,960
I want it to be like a party,
not an advert for British Airways.
13
00:01:12,320 --> 00:01:13,560
Jim!
14
00:01:15,440 --> 00:01:16,680
Useless.
15
00:01:19,120 --> 00:01:23,200
Oh, my God! Katie,
what HAVE you been doing?
16
00:01:23,200 --> 00:01:24,280
What?
17
00:01:24,280 --> 00:01:27,520
This mess! It's like a bomb site!
18
00:01:27,520 --> 00:01:29,160
Well, it's...it's just a book.
19
00:01:29,160 --> 00:01:31,880
You've...you've knocked over
all the tassels,
20
00:01:31,880 --> 00:01:35,240
are you trying to drive me mad?
I've only just tidied up in here.
21
00:01:35,240 --> 00:01:37,600
Well, it is tidy!
I'm just doing my homework.
22
00:01:37,600 --> 00:01:39,760
Well, you'll have to do it upstairs.
I can't have it
23
00:01:39,760 --> 00:01:40,800
looking like Vietnam!
24
00:01:40,800 --> 00:01:43,280
You know it's your nana's party
today.
25
00:01:43,280 --> 00:01:45,400
Where's your father? Is he upstairs?
26
00:01:45,400 --> 00:01:47,760
Dunno. What time are they coming?
27
00:01:47,760 --> 00:01:50,320
Any minute!
28
00:01:50,320 --> 00:01:52,800
If he's in that deckhouse watching
his Countdown videos,
29
00:01:52,800 --> 00:01:54,640
I'll kill him.
30
00:01:54,640 --> 00:01:56,760
Have you signed your nana's card?
31
00:01:56,760 --> 00:02:00,800
No. I made her one with loads of glue
and glitter...
32
00:02:00,800 --> 00:02:01,840
What?!
33
00:02:03,160 --> 00:02:05,000
Katie, it's not funny.
34
00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:08,440
Are you trying to give me a stroke?
Oh, 79.
35
00:02:08,440 --> 00:02:10,840
I just wish it was the 80th,
then we could have it all done.
36
00:02:10,840 --> 00:02:12,680
That's nice!
Well, you know what I mean.
37
00:02:12,680 --> 00:02:15,120
It's a lot of work.
38
00:02:15,120 --> 00:02:17,920
Can you go and see if he's in the
deckhouse, please, Katie?
39
00:02:17,920 --> 00:02:20,280
Do you mean "the shed"?
40
00:02:20,280 --> 00:02:22,600
And can you bring me in some of
those sausage rolls
41
00:02:22,600 --> 00:02:24,760
from the freezer.
I DON'T want to be caught short.
42
00:02:26,440 --> 00:02:31,520
Right. The plates, napkins,
crisps for Carol...
43
00:02:33,480 --> 00:02:35,320
No, that's not right.
44
00:02:35,320 --> 00:02:36,360
Boo! Oh!
45
00:02:36,360 --> 00:02:38,280
Heh-heh! That got you, didn't it?!
46
00:02:38,280 --> 00:02:40,480
What the bloody hell are you doing?
47
00:02:40,480 --> 00:02:42,960
You'd better not have cut a hole
in that table!
48
00:02:42,960 --> 00:02:45,160
No, the middle leaf slides out.
49
00:02:46,400 --> 00:02:47,440
So!
50
00:02:49,520 --> 00:02:51,200
Ah! what do you think?
51
00:02:51,200 --> 00:02:52,440
About what?
52
00:02:52,440 --> 00:02:55,240
I'm going to be under there when Pat
arrives with your mother.
53
00:02:55,240 --> 00:02:58,400
You get him to move the cake,
he'll get the shock of his life!
54
00:02:58,400 --> 00:02:59,440
Why?
55
00:02:59,440 --> 00:03:01,720
Oh, come on, Angela. You know
what he's like.
56
00:03:01,720 --> 00:03:03,440
You were furious
when he put clingfilm
57
00:03:03,440 --> 00:03:04,840
over the downstairs toilet.
58
00:03:04,840 --> 00:03:08,080
Yeah, and what about the time he put
wallpaper paste in the birdbath?
59
00:03:08,080 --> 00:03:10,720
Oh, don't. I still see that
one-legged tit.
60
00:03:10,720 --> 00:03:13,640
Exactly. He needs a taste
of his own medicine.
61
00:03:13,640 --> 00:03:15,480
But not on my mother's birthday!
62
00:03:15,480 --> 00:03:18,000
You can do it in your own time.
63
00:03:18,000 --> 00:03:20,040
And what are we going to do
for a cake, now?
64
00:03:20,040 --> 00:03:22,120
Oh!
65
00:03:22,120 --> 00:03:24,400
He thinks I haven't got
a sense of humour.
66
00:03:24,400 --> 00:03:26,800
He's unable to engage with me
on an intellectual level,
67
00:03:26,800 --> 00:03:29,320
so he has to resort to puerile
practical jokes.
68
00:03:29,320 --> 00:03:33,000
Well, you've just cut a hole
in my second-best table cloth,
69
00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:35,640
so I think the joke's on me.
70
00:03:35,640 --> 00:03:37,240
What time are they arriving?
71
00:03:37,240 --> 00:03:40,760
Any minute. Can you just
please...straighten those tassels?
72
00:03:40,760 --> 00:03:42,720
They are literally driving me mad.
73
00:03:44,320 --> 00:03:46,680
I'm not happy about this, Jim.
74
00:03:46,680 --> 00:03:49,280
Pat's got enough on his plate
without you
75
00:03:49,280 --> 00:03:51,760
turning into Justin Bieber!
76
00:03:51,760 --> 00:03:53,160
Who?
77
00:03:53,160 --> 00:03:57,520
You know, the little man with the
beard, plays tricks on people.
78
00:03:57,520 --> 00:03:58,640
Jeremy Beadle?
79
00:03:58,640 --> 00:04:03,600
Well, whoever it was...
Pat's got the "Carol situation"
to think about.
80
00:04:03,600 --> 00:04:05,840
What's happening with that now?
Is it still bad?
81
00:04:05,840 --> 00:04:07,320
It's worse.
82
00:04:07,320 --> 00:04:09,560
According to Pat,
83
00:04:09,560 --> 00:04:14,000
it's white wine in a coffee mug at
9.30 in the morning, apparently.
84
00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:16,880
Mind you, if I were married to Pat,
I think I'd be driven to drink...
85
00:04:16,880 --> 00:04:19,320
Now, it's important you don't light
the candles, Ange.
86
00:04:19,320 --> 00:04:22,560
The exterior
is all sugar-paste icing,
but it's just cardboard underneath.
87
00:04:22,560 --> 00:04:24,160
I don't want to end up
as Joan of Arc.
88
00:04:24,160 --> 00:04:26,280
Don't tell me.
I'm not getting involved.
89
00:04:26,280 --> 00:04:27,560
Oh, come on, Angela!
90
00:04:27,560 --> 00:04:30,440
You're always saying I'm boring,
I've got no sense of humour...
91
00:04:30,440 --> 00:04:33,840
Oh, do you have to?
I'm going to my room.
92
00:04:35,040 --> 00:04:38,720
Could you just...try and be nice?
Just for my mother's sake?
93
00:04:38,720 --> 00:04:42,080
I'm always nice.
I just want my revenge.
94
00:04:43,200 --> 00:04:46,600
My God, they're here.
I've got one marigold inside out!
95
00:04:46,600 --> 00:04:48,320
What am I supposed to do again?
96
00:04:48,320 --> 00:04:50,680
Just get Pat to move the cake.
97
00:04:50,680 --> 00:04:53,120
And don't let him
plug in his mobile phone.
98
00:04:53,120 --> 00:04:55,880
All he ever wants to do
is steal our electricity.
99
00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:08,560
Hello! Happy birthday, Mum. Come in.
100
00:05:08,560 --> 00:05:11,760
I need to spend a penny first.
Is it this one?
101
00:05:11,760 --> 00:05:12,800
Yeah...
102
00:05:12,800 --> 00:05:15,400
And you've no need to lock it
this time, Mum.
103
00:05:17,520 --> 00:05:19,840
We'll never get her out now.
Hiya, Carol.
104
00:05:19,840 --> 00:05:22,640
Hiya, love. You all right?
105
00:05:22,640 --> 00:05:24,000
Well, this is nice.
106
00:05:24,000 --> 00:05:25,960
Oh, catalogue. Don't tell Pat.
107
00:05:25,960 --> 00:05:27,960
I heard that, pardon. Hiya, Pat.
108
00:05:27,960 --> 00:05:32,760
I used to be a werewolf,
but I'm all right nooooowwww!
109
00:05:32,760 --> 00:05:34,320
Do you need a hand with anything?
110
00:05:34,320 --> 00:05:36,720
No, I've only got the one bag,
you've met my wife Carol.
111
00:05:36,720 --> 00:05:38,400
Take that mask off, you daft sod.
112
00:05:38,400 --> 00:05:41,000
You take yours off first.
113
00:05:41,000 --> 00:05:43,560
Thanking you. Thank you!
114
00:05:43,560 --> 00:05:46,640
Right, please go through. Ooh! Heh.
115
00:05:48,240 --> 00:05:51,960
Aw, you've got it lovely, Ange.
Ooh! Ha-ha!
116
00:05:51,960 --> 00:05:53,920
Take your shoes off! Why?
117
00:05:53,920 --> 00:05:57,120
Do you remember last time,
when you shuffled all that muck in?
She went mad.
118
00:05:57,120 --> 00:06:00,520
Well, it's their own fault.
Who has a white carpet now,
except for Elton John?
119
00:06:00,520 --> 00:06:02,600
Right, make yourselves at home.
120
00:06:02,600 --> 00:06:04,400
Sorry, I've told him
to take his shoes off.
121
00:06:04,400 --> 00:06:08,920
Oh, there's no need. Although
I might just, er, straighten the...
122
00:06:14,160 --> 00:06:17,640
There... Right, what can I get you
to drink?
123
00:06:17,640 --> 00:06:19,800
Er, she'll have a tea, won't you?
124
00:06:19,800 --> 00:06:21,360
I can answer for myself!
125
00:06:23,920 --> 00:06:25,720
Yeah, I'll have tea.
126
00:06:25,720 --> 00:06:27,440
And you've got your own, Pat?
127
00:06:27,440 --> 00:06:30,640
Yes, I'll pop them in the fridge,
if I may?
128
00:06:30,640 --> 00:06:31,680
Ooh!
129
00:06:35,160 --> 00:06:36,840
Where's Jimbo?
130
00:06:36,840 --> 00:06:39,200
Oh, he's around somewhere.
131
00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:40,680
Deckhouse, probably.
132
00:06:40,680 --> 00:06:43,560
Oh! Countdown omnibus?
133
00:06:43,560 --> 00:06:45,560
Who knows?
134
00:06:46,800 --> 00:06:50,480
Right, well, we'll just wait for
Mother to come out of the loo
135
00:06:50,480 --> 00:06:52,880
and then we'll do the cake,
all right?
136
00:06:52,880 --> 00:06:56,120
Oh, well,
let her get settled first, eh?
137
00:06:56,120 --> 00:06:57,320
Is Katie not here?
138
00:06:57,320 --> 00:07:00,440
No, no, she's up in her room
doing her homework.
139
00:07:00,440 --> 00:07:02,960
We hardly see her since we got her
that tablet.
140
00:07:02,960 --> 00:07:05,680
Oh, did you hear that, Pat?
They got her a tablet.
141
00:07:05,680 --> 00:07:07,880
Mmm. Bit young to be on the pill,
isn't she?
142
00:07:07,880 --> 00:07:09,520
It's a computer device.
143
00:07:09,520 --> 00:07:12,080
No, he... He knows what it is.
144
00:07:12,080 --> 00:07:16,040
Right! It's not flushed.
I can't make it flush.
145
00:07:16,040 --> 00:07:18,200
Well, you push it.
I showed you last time.
146
00:07:18,200 --> 00:07:20,120
I did push it, nothing happened.
147
00:07:20,120 --> 00:07:22,160
It's all right, Mum, I'll do it.
148
00:07:22,160 --> 00:07:24,160
Here, take this.
149
00:07:24,160 --> 00:07:26,760
Oh! Don't be horrible!
150
00:07:26,760 --> 00:07:30,400
At least you didn't put that tinfoil
over it again!
151
00:07:30,400 --> 00:07:31,920
Clingfilm!
152
00:07:31,920 --> 00:07:34,920
Did your pedestal mat come out all
right, Angela?
153
00:07:34,920 --> 00:07:37,640
We disposed of it, it's fine.
Come through, Mother.
154
00:08:19,920 --> 00:08:22,000
You still on that diet, Pat?
155
00:08:22,000 --> 00:08:23,960
Yes, I'm on a seafood diet.
156
00:08:23,960 --> 00:08:27,240
If I see food, I eat it!
157
00:08:27,240 --> 00:08:29,840
Well, there's plenty of salady
stuff, anyway.
158
00:08:29,840 --> 00:08:35,400
Oh, Angela, read this card
that he got for me, it's a scream!
159
00:08:35,400 --> 00:08:37,480
You mind if I charge my phone
for an hour, Ange?
160
00:08:37,480 --> 00:08:39,720
Running a bit low.
No, of course not.
161
00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:40,800
Down here, is it?
162
00:08:40,800 --> 00:08:44,120
Oh, no, no, just a minute.
I'll put it in up here, Pat.
163
00:08:45,200 --> 00:08:49,360
"Forget about the past,
you can't change it.
164
00:08:49,360 --> 00:08:54,600
"Forget about the future,
you can't predict it.
165
00:08:54,600 --> 00:08:58,720
"Forget about the present,
I didn't get you one."
166
00:08:58,720 --> 00:09:01,680
Isn't that a scream?
167
00:09:01,680 --> 00:09:04,640
Courtesy of Mr H Allmark!
168
00:09:04,640 --> 00:09:06,880
Did you hear it, Angela?
169
00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:10,440
Yes, Mother, it's...very funny.
170
00:09:10,440 --> 00:09:14,000
Well, shall we move this cake and
make some room, Pat?
171
00:09:14,000 --> 00:09:15,080
Could you?
172
00:09:15,080 --> 00:09:19,840
Wait a minute, I want to take
a picture of the spread.
173
00:09:19,840 --> 00:09:22,520
I told your cousin Ann
I'd show it to her.
174
00:09:23,680 --> 00:09:25,960
Now, where's me camera?
175
00:09:25,960 --> 00:09:27,360
Pat, have you seen my camera?
176
00:09:27,360 --> 00:09:29,600
It's in the car, Maggie,
I'll be back in two shakes.
177
00:09:29,600 --> 00:09:30,760
Don't be long!
178
00:09:31,960 --> 00:09:35,040
Whoo! Ahh.
179
00:09:35,040 --> 00:09:38,360
You used too much paper, Mum.
It's all right, it's gone now.
180
00:09:38,360 --> 00:09:40,320
Oh, thanks Carol, love.
181
00:09:40,320 --> 00:09:43,040
Come and have a look
at our Angela's spread.
182
00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:44,960
She's done a prawn ring.
183
00:09:44,960 --> 00:09:48,240
Aw, yeah. You can get them
quite cheap now, can't you?
184
00:09:48,240 --> 00:09:50,200
It's all Marks's, actually.
185
00:09:50,200 --> 00:09:53,360
Apart from the ham, which I got from
the local batchers.
186
00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:55,240
From the what?
187
00:09:55,240 --> 00:09:56,960
From the batchers.
188
00:09:56,960 --> 00:09:59,600
The "batchers"?
What's the "batchers"?
189
00:09:59,600 --> 00:10:02,880
Leave her alone.
I like her talking posh.
190
00:10:02,880 --> 00:10:05,240
It's not posh, Mother, it's proper!
191
00:10:05,240 --> 00:10:08,360
Oh, heh! We're not "proper", Mum!
192
00:10:08,360 --> 00:10:12,480
I wanted BOTH my girls to talk nice!
193
00:10:12,480 --> 00:10:16,840
That's why I sent you
for electrocution lessons.
194
00:10:16,840 --> 00:10:21,400
You should say "batcher", Carol.
That's how you get on!
195
00:10:21,400 --> 00:10:24,560
Oh, right. So what are we having
for afters, "sammer padding"?
196
00:10:24,560 --> 00:10:26,280
Well, I did make a trifle,
197
00:10:26,280 --> 00:10:29,280
but it's got quite a bit of sherry
in it, so...
198
00:10:29,280 --> 00:10:31,480
Kettle's boiled.
199
00:10:35,240 --> 00:10:37,080
Go on!
200
00:10:37,080 --> 00:10:39,080
I'll give you a hand.
201
00:10:42,120 --> 00:10:46,440
Marks's is dear, though,
isn't it, Angela?
202
00:10:46,440 --> 00:10:50,480
They sell carrots peeled.
203
00:10:52,320 --> 00:10:53,680
Get down!
204
00:10:54,800 --> 00:10:57,200
Ahem!
Oh, Jesus Christ!
205
00:11:00,040 --> 00:11:02,480
Here we go, Maggie May.
You ready for your close-up?
206
00:11:02,480 --> 00:11:05,800
Oh, yeah, go on. Get the spread in!
207
00:11:05,800 --> 00:11:07,640
Oof, that meat's off.
208
00:11:07,640 --> 00:11:10,760
No, it's fresh from the "batchers".
209
00:11:10,760 --> 00:11:13,520
Right, hang on a minute, Mam,
let me get them candles lit.
210
00:11:13,520 --> 00:11:15,120
No! Eh?
211
00:11:15,120 --> 00:11:17,640
No, don't...don't do it yet.
Jim'll want to see it.
212
00:11:17,640 --> 00:11:20,280
Oh, he won't mind.
You can always light them again.
213
00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:23,320
Mm, there's a special setting
on here for candles.
214
00:11:23,320 --> 00:11:27,560
Come on, then, everyone bunch in!
215
00:11:27,560 --> 00:11:30,960
I want both my daughters.
216
00:11:30,960 --> 00:11:33,720
Three generations.
217
00:11:33,720 --> 00:11:35,880
Ooh, where's your Katie?
218
00:11:35,880 --> 00:11:38,720
She's upstairs doing her homework.
Just take it, Pat.
219
00:11:38,720 --> 00:11:40,600
They've got her a tablet.
220
00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:44,760
A what? A computer. She's 14.
221
00:11:44,760 --> 00:11:48,600
Oh, Angela,
they don't need computers at 14!
222
00:11:48,600 --> 00:11:51,720
They do if they want to get into
St Catherine's. Just take it, Pat.
223
00:11:51,720 --> 00:11:53,880
Right, then, say, "Cheesy Wotsits!"
224
00:11:53,880 --> 00:11:55,680
Cheesy Wotsits!
225
00:11:55,680 --> 00:11:58,480
Hi, Nana! Happy birthday!
226
00:11:58,480 --> 00:12:02,920
Aw! Katie, you're here!
227
00:12:02,920 --> 00:12:07,280
Just get in this
and then I'll have all my girls.
228
00:12:07,280 --> 00:12:09,640
Hiya, darling! Hi, Auntie Carol.
229
00:12:10,880 --> 00:12:12,000
Hi, Uncle Pat.
230
00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:14,400
Bloody hell, who's this?
You've shot up, haven't you?
231
00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:15,560
Proper little madam.
232
00:12:15,560 --> 00:12:18,400
Come on, then!
Let's get this photo taken.
233
00:12:18,400 --> 00:12:20,480
Three generations.
234
00:12:20,480 --> 00:12:22,040
Just let me refocus...
235
00:12:22,040 --> 00:12:25,680
Oh... Come on, David Bailey,
hurry up! One, two, three...
236
00:12:25,680 --> 00:12:28,080
Wait! What?
237
00:12:28,080 --> 00:12:30,080
I didn't show Katie the card.
238
00:12:30,080 --> 00:12:31,960
Oh, show her after, Mum!
239
00:12:31,960 --> 00:12:34,680
No, I want to show her now.
240
00:12:34,680 --> 00:12:37,120
Listen to this, Katie.
241
00:12:37,120 --> 00:12:40,880
"Forget about the past,
you can't change it."
242
00:12:40,880 --> 00:12:41,960
Can we just...
243
00:12:41,960 --> 00:12:46,000
"Forget about the future,
you can't predict it."
244
00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:47,520
Mother, you can do that in a minute!
245
00:12:47,520 --> 00:12:51,880
"Forget about the present,
I didn't get you one."
246
00:12:54,040 --> 00:12:55,680
Tickled you that, hasn't it?
247
00:12:55,680 --> 00:13:00,360
Oh, it has! And I don't know
where he gets them from.
248
00:13:00,360 --> 00:13:02,720
Mr H Allmark.
Well, it's funny, Nana.
249
00:13:02,720 --> 00:13:05,720
Can you just blow
the bloody candles out?!
250
00:13:05,720 --> 00:13:09,960
Oh, hang on! I have to make my wish.
251
00:13:09,960 --> 00:13:13,560
Hey! Mum! It's Nana's cake!
252
00:13:13,560 --> 00:13:15,400
She took my wish!
253
00:13:15,400 --> 00:13:17,840
Pat, could you move the cake now,
please?
254
00:13:17,840 --> 00:13:19,840
Ah, no, battery's ran out.
255
00:13:19,840 --> 00:13:21,800
I'll just nip and get the charger
from the car.
256
00:13:21,800 --> 00:13:23,320
You don't mind, do you, Ange?
257
00:13:23,320 --> 00:13:25,880
No, you can plug it in next to
your mobile. Thanking you!
258
00:13:25,880 --> 00:13:28,920
Well, erm, I've got to get on with
my homework now, Nana, so...
259
00:13:28,920 --> 00:13:33,040
Right, well, er, I'll just nip
to the loo, top myself up.
260
00:13:33,040 --> 00:13:35,800
Where's my bag? La-la-la...
261
00:13:35,800 --> 00:13:41,520
Katie, tell me about this tablet.
Is it a computer?
262
00:13:41,520 --> 00:13:46,360
I have 23 tablets a day,
imagine that!
263
00:13:56,520 --> 00:13:59,160
Well, that went well, didn't it?
264
00:13:59,160 --> 00:14:04,640
Is this all of it? Mm, it's thin.
265
00:14:06,200 --> 00:14:08,920
Is it magnetic?
266
00:14:08,920 --> 00:14:12,840
You know, I bought your mum
one of these.
267
00:14:12,840 --> 00:14:16,840
You had to drag iron filings
onto a man's face
268
00:14:16,840 --> 00:14:20,680
and make little beards
and funny hair.
269
00:14:20,680 --> 00:14:22,000
Can yours do that?
270
00:14:22,000 --> 00:14:26,520
I don't know.
Hers did. There's nothing new.
271
00:14:26,520 --> 00:14:29,920
Heh, well, you can play games on it
as well, Nana, look.
272
00:14:29,920 --> 00:14:33,400
Oh, lovely colours!
273
00:14:33,400 --> 00:14:37,760
Hello, is this the Princess Palace?
274
00:14:37,760 --> 00:14:41,480
Oh, no! You've taken them all down!
275
00:14:41,480 --> 00:14:44,920
Oh, you used to have
all the princesses, didn't you?!
276
00:14:44,920 --> 00:14:47,840
Oh, Snow White, Cinderella,
277
00:14:47,840 --> 00:14:50,440
the Chinese one, what was she called
now, not Chinkerbell...
278
00:14:50,440 --> 00:14:52,960
Auntie Carol! You can't say that.
279
00:14:52,960 --> 00:14:55,680
Yeah, I know, cos she wasn't
a proper princess, she was a fairy!
280
00:14:55,680 --> 00:14:57,520
I've always thought it.
281
00:14:57,520 --> 00:15:00,520
They try and bundle them
all together. It's a rip-off.
282
00:15:00,520 --> 00:15:04,480
So... Party in your room, is it?
Yeah, well, erm... Eh? Heh-heh!
283
00:15:04,480 --> 00:15:06,360
..I've got to get on
with my homework.
284
00:15:06,360 --> 00:15:10,760
Eh? Oh, there's time for work,
Katie. It's your nana's birthday!
285
00:15:10,760 --> 00:15:15,080
I'm building a path on my island.
I don't know why!
286
00:15:15,080 --> 00:15:17,720
You know your problem?
You're like your dad.
287
00:15:17,720 --> 00:15:19,360
Too much in your head.
288
00:15:19,360 --> 00:15:22,920
Oh, there's a whole world
out there, Katie!
289
00:15:22,920 --> 00:15:28,120
Just...just have fun,
because it goes by so fast.
290
00:15:28,120 --> 00:15:30,720
Will you let me do your nails,
please?
291
00:15:30,720 --> 00:15:33,760
I've just got to get on
with my maths.
292
00:15:33,760 --> 00:15:37,120
Oh, I'll tell you "maths", shall I?
293
00:15:37,120 --> 00:15:40,400
One takes away from one,
and you're left with nothing.
294
00:15:41,760 --> 00:15:44,760
Do you think
I'd make a good mum, Katie?
295
00:15:44,760 --> 00:15:46,680
Be honest.
296
00:15:46,680 --> 00:15:48,280
Yeah.
297
00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:51,200
Correct! Mmmm.
298
00:15:56,240 --> 00:15:58,000
Right, I'm going toilet.
299
00:15:59,800 --> 00:16:01,360
Ah.
300
00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:03,560
Hey, have I shown you this?
301
00:16:03,560 --> 00:16:06,080
This is my block.
302
00:16:07,520 --> 00:16:10,800
"Apply liberally
for 24-hour protection."
303
00:16:14,160 --> 00:16:17,160
You won't get that. I do.
304
00:16:18,960 --> 00:16:21,080
Just have fun.
305
00:16:28,200 --> 00:16:33,080
Now, how do I get back
to main menu, Katie?
306
00:16:33,080 --> 00:16:36,000
I want to attack that village!
307
00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:40,120
I think just leave it now, Jim.
It didn't work. It's too late.
308
00:16:40,120 --> 00:16:41,680
It's not too late.
309
00:16:41,680 --> 00:16:44,120
You get under there
and I'll get him to move the cake.
310
00:16:44,120 --> 00:16:46,920
I'm not doing it!
Come on, he'll be back soon.
311
00:16:46,920 --> 00:16:49,000
Oh, Jim, is it worth it? Yes!
312
00:16:49,000 --> 00:16:51,840
It's just a laugh, OK?
Now, get under the table.
313
00:16:51,840 --> 00:16:57,240
Make it quick! I've got 24
sausage rolls to warm through.
314
00:17:11,360 --> 00:17:14,600
Here he is, the man himself!
How are you, Jimbo?
315
00:17:14,600 --> 00:17:16,320
I'm all right, thanks, Pat.
316
00:17:16,320 --> 00:17:19,800
Angela's just nipped out
to get some more candles.
317
00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:21,880
I didn't see her.
She didn't come past me.
318
00:17:21,880 --> 00:17:24,480
No, she went out the back
and through the gardens.
319
00:17:24,480 --> 00:17:25,960
It's slightly quicker.
320
00:17:25,960 --> 00:17:28,560
How is Angela these days?
I thought she looked a bit tired.
321
00:17:28,560 --> 00:17:30,720
You know, a little bit
puffy-eyed and pale.
322
00:17:30,720 --> 00:17:32,760
She's all right.
You know what she's like.
323
00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:34,520
She's always got some project
on the go.
324
00:17:34,520 --> 00:17:36,520
Yes. I just wish Carol
was like that.
325
00:17:36,520 --> 00:17:39,040
Mm. How is Carol these days?
326
00:17:39,040 --> 00:17:42,520
Fine, fine. Just need
to get her a little job.
327
00:17:42,520 --> 00:17:45,560
She's ready now. Good. Good.
328
00:17:45,560 --> 00:17:47,880
Do you want to give me a hand
moving this cake, Pat?
329
00:17:47,880 --> 00:17:50,000
I just want to make
some more room. Righty-ho.
330
00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:53,320
Oh, before I forget, I've got
that Countdown video you lent me.
331
00:17:53,320 --> 00:17:56,560
Don't worry about it. No, no,
I'm sure you'll want it back.
332
00:17:56,560 --> 00:17:58,960
I'll just pop and get it.
333
00:17:58,960 --> 00:18:02,040
Jim? What's going on?
334
00:18:02,040 --> 00:18:05,240
Nothing, he's just...
He'll be back soon.
335
00:18:05,240 --> 00:18:07,640
Where's he going?
I'm starting to get a stiff neck!
336
00:18:07,640 --> 00:18:11,040
All right. Well, maybe we should
leave it, then. Do you want to...?
337
00:18:11,040 --> 00:18:15,240
Here we go. Yes, quite
a decent episode, I thought.
338
00:18:15,240 --> 00:18:18,160
A lot happens.
I can't remember, to be honest.
339
00:18:18,160 --> 00:18:20,600
Well, there are three scenarios.
340
00:18:20,600 --> 00:18:23,760
The first one involves a blonde lady
taking, shall we say,
341
00:18:23,760 --> 00:18:26,480
two from the top and
one in the bottom... Pat!
342
00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:29,040
Let me get you a drink.
343
00:18:29,040 --> 00:18:31,360
You must be thirsty
after that long drive.
344
00:18:31,360 --> 00:18:33,720
Have they still got those roadworks
up at Long Croft?
345
00:18:33,720 --> 00:18:36,880
No, they've moved onto Ash Lane now.
There's temporary traffic lights,
346
00:18:36,880 --> 00:18:39,400
but unless you're doing
the school run, it's not too bad.
347
00:18:39,400 --> 00:18:42,680
Mm. So did you forgo the pleasures
of the A352?
348
00:18:42,680 --> 00:18:45,080
Yes, I tend to take that cut-through
on Meadowbank now.
349
00:18:45,080 --> 00:18:48,280
It's always quieter. Ah, good. Good.
350
00:18:49,520 --> 00:18:51,880
So, about this cake...
351
00:18:51,880 --> 00:18:53,960
If you could give me a hand,
it is quite heavy.
352
00:18:53,960 --> 00:18:55,920
Don't be leaving this
lying around, Jim.
353
00:18:55,920 --> 00:18:58,320
Wouldn't want Katie
putting it on by accident.
354
00:18:58,320 --> 00:19:01,080
No, I'll, er...
I'll just put it somewhere safe.
355
00:19:01,080 --> 00:19:03,160
You see, I'm like you, Jim -
356
00:19:03,160 --> 00:19:06,600
I can't watch hard-core pornography
on a computer.
357
00:19:06,600 --> 00:19:10,160
Give me an old-fashioned
video cassette any day of the week.
358
00:19:10,160 --> 00:19:12,200
Oh. Well, good for you.
359
00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:14,800
Yeah, I particularly enjoyed
this week's conundrum.
360
00:19:14,800 --> 00:19:18,320
I might be returning to have another
go at that one, if you don't mind.
361
00:19:18,320 --> 00:19:19,720
Don't know what you mean.
362
00:19:19,720 --> 00:19:22,600
Charlie's Anals,
starring Farrah Forced-It,
363
00:19:22,600 --> 00:19:24,640
Katy Jacked-Off and Jaclyn Clit.
364
00:19:24,640 --> 00:19:28,280
Where do they come up with these
names, I ask you?! Well, I, er...
365
00:19:28,280 --> 00:19:31,960
Oh, God.
What are you two talking about?
366
00:19:31,960 --> 00:19:33,840
Is he boring you, Jim?
367
00:19:33,840 --> 00:19:36,600
No, we were just, er, discussing
an episode of Countdown.
368
00:19:36,600 --> 00:19:38,720
Oh, weary.
369
00:19:38,720 --> 00:19:41,680
Oh, let's get some music on,
get some life into this house!
370
00:19:41,680 --> 00:19:45,760
Where's our Angela? Oh, she just
nipped out to get some more candles.
371
00:19:45,760 --> 00:19:49,160
It's a bit cold outside
for sun cream, isn't it, Carol?
372
00:19:49,160 --> 00:19:51,560
Let me get you a nice refreshing
glass of Adam's Ale.
373
00:19:51,560 --> 00:19:54,440
Piss off and leave me alone,
you fat pig.
374
00:19:54,440 --> 00:19:56,400
As you wish.
375
00:19:58,080 --> 00:20:02,280
Oh, God, what the hell
is this terrible music?
376
00:20:02,280 --> 00:20:05,480
It's Ennio Morricone,
Carol. The Mission.
377
00:20:05,480 --> 00:20:08,560
Ooh, my favourite position.
378
00:20:08,560 --> 00:20:10,320
Mmmm.
379
00:20:10,320 --> 00:20:13,320
Your Katie's got a nice room,
hasn't she?
380
00:20:13,320 --> 00:20:16,720
Yes, she picked it all out herself.
She knows her own taste.
381
00:20:16,720 --> 00:20:19,000
She's got a better bedroom than me.
382
00:20:19,000 --> 00:20:21,720
That's ironical, isn't it?
Who sang that?
383
00:20:21,720 --> 00:20:24,920
♪ It's ironical... ♪
384
00:20:24,920 --> 00:20:26,440
I don't know.
385
00:20:26,440 --> 00:20:29,320
She's got a lovely big bed.
386
00:20:29,320 --> 00:20:32,120
Maybe we could christen it
one afternoon?
387
00:20:32,120 --> 00:20:34,240
That'd be nice, wouldn't it?
388
00:20:34,240 --> 00:20:37,160
Come on, my angel,
have a few sips on this.
389
00:20:37,160 --> 00:20:40,440
Come on, Jim, dance with me! No!
390
00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:44,400
No, I think perhaps I should go and
put the sausage rolls in the oven.
391
00:20:44,400 --> 00:20:46,600
Yeah, I wish you would.
392
00:20:46,600 --> 00:20:48,600
Come on, Carol.
393
00:20:49,640 --> 00:20:51,280
Drop dead.
394
00:21:01,720 --> 00:21:05,400
I'll just, erm...
go and fetch a towel.
395
00:21:10,080 --> 00:21:12,680
I want to tell him, Jim. What?!
396
00:21:12,680 --> 00:21:15,560
I want to tell Pat and whatsit...
Angela.
397
00:21:15,560 --> 00:21:17,800
Carol, shush!
Why are you saying all this?
398
00:21:17,800 --> 00:21:20,400
Because you've made promises to me
over the years!
399
00:21:20,400 --> 00:21:23,200
Years? What are you talking...?!
No, I want them told today.
400
00:21:23,200 --> 00:21:26,080
It's humiliating for me
to have to come round here
401
00:21:26,080 --> 00:21:29,040
and see all what she's got.
Why are you still with her, Jim?
402
00:21:29,040 --> 00:21:31,280
You told me you couldn't stand
the sight of her.
403
00:21:31,280 --> 00:21:34,200
No, that's not true, Ange.
Oh, I want this to be my house.
404
00:21:34,200 --> 00:21:36,520
I want this spread to be my spread.
405
00:21:36,520 --> 00:21:40,360
I want you to put your sausage rolls
in my oven - fan assisted.
406
00:21:40,360 --> 00:21:43,200
Please discard all packaging,
turn over after 15 minutes
407
00:21:43,200 --> 00:21:45,840
when the juices run clear...
or is that a chicken?
408
00:21:45,840 --> 00:21:47,560
Stop it!
409
00:21:47,560 --> 00:21:49,600
I waited for you, Jim.
410
00:21:49,600 --> 00:21:53,120
You promised me a baby.
Carol, stop it!
411
00:21:55,200 --> 00:21:58,760
Katie, do you want to know what your
sister's name was going to be?
412
00:21:58,760 --> 00:22:00,960
Don't listen to her, she's drunk!
413
00:22:03,120 --> 00:22:04,640
I love you.
414
00:22:06,960 --> 00:22:13,000
Oh, you'll have to get one of these
for my 80th!
415
00:22:13,000 --> 00:22:17,760
Hello, Jim, love. Are you all right?
Yes. Happy birthday, Maggie.
416
00:22:17,760 --> 00:22:19,920
Hello, Katie.
417
00:22:19,920 --> 00:22:23,640
Aw, here she is.
Katie, come and dance with me.
418
00:22:23,640 --> 00:22:27,880
Where's Angela? I want to show her
that I built a settlement.
419
00:22:27,880 --> 00:22:30,240
Oh, she won't be long.
She's just running an errand.
420
00:22:30,240 --> 00:22:32,960
It's got pigs and everything.
421
00:22:32,960 --> 00:22:35,960
I think I'd like a drink now, Jim.
422
00:22:35,960 --> 00:22:40,080
Can I have a gin and tonic, please?
Yes, right. Do you want ice?
423
00:22:40,080 --> 00:22:43,680
Yes, but don't be putting willies
in it. What?
424
00:22:43,680 --> 00:22:49,200
Pat has these ice cubes at his house
in the shape of willies.
425
00:22:49,200 --> 00:22:52,840
You fill the tray with water,
put it in the freezer,
426
00:22:52,840 --> 00:22:57,200
and out comes 24 little ice willies.
427
00:22:57,200 --> 00:23:01,160
It's comical. Isn't it, Carol?
428
00:23:01,160 --> 00:23:04,280
I'm just telling Jim
about Pat's willies.
429
00:23:04,280 --> 00:23:06,920
I wouldn't know,
I haven't seen it in years.
430
00:23:06,920 --> 00:23:08,560
He keeps it hid.
431
00:23:08,560 --> 00:23:11,480
I'll have a Jim and tonic
if you're making one, Gin.
432
00:23:11,480 --> 00:23:13,720
Do you want one, Katie? Erm...
433
00:23:13,720 --> 00:23:18,120
No, I've got to finish my maths.
Oh, Katie, live!
434
00:23:18,120 --> 00:23:22,640
Live while you're still young!
Don't let it pass you by.
435
00:23:22,640 --> 00:23:25,520
Here you go, Maggie.
436
00:23:25,520 --> 00:23:27,120
Thank you.
437
00:23:27,120 --> 00:23:29,760
Come on, Carol - I think you should
go and have a lie down. Aw!
438
00:23:29,760 --> 00:23:32,200
Did you hear that, Katie?
439
00:23:32,200 --> 00:23:34,960
Your dad's trying to get me into
bed. What do you think about that?
440
00:23:34,960 --> 00:23:38,840
Right, that's enough!
Don't you touch me!
441
00:23:38,840 --> 00:23:43,440
I'm bonding with Katie. If I'm going
to be her stepmum... What?!
442
00:23:43,440 --> 00:23:46,360
For God's sake, Carol,
shut your mouth!
443
00:23:46,360 --> 00:23:48,680
Don't talk to her like that, Jim.
444
00:23:50,360 --> 00:23:52,160
Come on, Carol, love.
445
00:23:54,080 --> 00:23:57,440
Oh, you've ruined my make-up now.
446
00:24:01,280 --> 00:24:03,800
I don't know why I bothered!
447
00:24:06,200 --> 00:24:07,680
I don't know what's got into her.
448
00:24:07,680 --> 00:24:09,720
It's all right, Jim,
it's all under control.
449
00:24:09,720 --> 00:24:12,960
She just started ranting
and raving... Jim.
450
00:24:12,960 --> 00:24:14,560
I know.
451
00:24:15,600 --> 00:24:18,080
All right?
452
00:24:18,080 --> 00:24:19,720
I know.
453
00:24:24,080 --> 00:24:26,240
Know what?
454
00:24:26,240 --> 00:24:28,280
What's he talking about?
455
00:24:29,960 --> 00:24:32,160
Where's Mum?
456
00:24:32,160 --> 00:24:37,280
She just... Right, everyone,
I am making my wish.
457
00:24:37,280 --> 00:24:40,160
No! I want a tablet!
458
00:24:40,160 --> 00:24:41,840
Angela!
459
00:24:44,240 --> 00:24:46,000
What?
460
00:24:46,000 --> 00:24:49,400
I nip out for five minutes,
all hell breaks loose.
461
00:24:49,400 --> 00:24:50,840
Oh, thank God.
462
00:24:53,560 --> 00:24:56,200
I'm sorry I spoilt your trick, Jim,
463
00:24:56,200 --> 00:24:59,560
I just couldn't stay under there any
longer. My knees were killing me.
464
00:24:59,560 --> 00:25:01,960
Oh, it's all right.
It was a stupid idea anyway.
465
00:25:01,960 --> 00:25:04,360
I went and got Mum a proper cake.
466
00:25:04,360 --> 00:25:07,000
I nipped out when you and Pat
were in the kitchen.
467
00:25:07,000 --> 00:25:09,240
Ah, so you missed
all the drama, then?
468
00:25:09,240 --> 00:25:11,480
Why, what's been happening?
Oh, nothing.
469
00:25:11,480 --> 00:25:13,520
Just your sister acting up again.
470
00:25:13,520 --> 00:25:16,760
Mum? Mm?
I really need to speak to you.
471
00:25:16,760 --> 00:25:18,640
Why, what's going on?
472
00:25:18,640 --> 00:25:21,560
Nana?
473
00:25:21,560 --> 00:25:25,640
She's choking! Mother, what...?
What have you given her?!
474
00:25:25,640 --> 00:25:27,280
Gin and tonic!
475
00:25:27,280 --> 00:25:30,760
It's the ice!
476
00:25:30,760 --> 00:25:33,320
If she's choking
on one of your willies...!
477
00:25:33,320 --> 00:25:35,040
Come on, Mother.
478
00:25:36,920 --> 00:25:40,560
It's spiders.
I put spiders in them, look!
479
00:25:40,560 --> 00:25:43,760
Bloody idiot! Call an ambulance!
480
00:25:43,760 --> 00:25:46,480
Nana? Katie, your Auntie Carol's
a little bit drunk.
481
00:25:46,480 --> 00:25:48,120
Don't pay her any mind. What?
482
00:25:48,120 --> 00:25:52,560
Where's my phone? Where's my phone?!
Patrick! What have you done
with this bloody soap?
483
00:25:52,560 --> 00:25:55,600
Oh!
484
00:25:55,600 --> 00:25:58,320
Please, Katie,
your mother wouldn't understand.
485
00:25:58,320 --> 00:26:01,320
Come on, Mother, cough it up!
486
00:26:01,320 --> 00:26:04,120
That'll be the ambulance.
487
00:26:04,120 --> 00:26:07,360
Go on, Katie, let them in.
We didn't call an ambulance...
488
00:26:07,360 --> 00:26:09,840
You all right? Don't leave me.
Don't you leave me.
489
00:26:09,840 --> 00:26:12,360
Please! We need help! Please!
490
00:26:14,200 --> 00:26:16,040
Right, which one of you's Maggie?
491
00:26:16,040 --> 00:26:18,400
Here.
492
00:26:18,400 --> 00:26:20,120
Right, stand back, everyone.
493
00:26:21,880 --> 00:26:24,440
Casualty theme tune
494
00:26:54,560 --> 00:26:58,200
Pat! Is this you?
495
00:26:58,200 --> 00:27:00,640
Happy birthday, Maggie.
496
00:27:18,320 --> 00:27:21,520
Oh, well, what a day.
497
00:27:21,520 --> 00:27:25,040
I don't know what you're going to do
for my 80th!
498
00:27:25,040 --> 00:27:28,080
Yes. We'll have to see.
499
00:27:28,080 --> 00:27:31,720
I'm going to keep this spider.
500
00:27:31,720 --> 00:27:34,120
My lucky charm.
501
00:27:34,120 --> 00:27:36,240
Where did our Angela get to?
502
00:27:37,600 --> 00:27:39,840
She's upstairs with Katie.
503
00:27:39,840 --> 00:27:42,800
I don't know what
they're talking about.
504
00:27:42,800 --> 00:27:46,560
Do you think Pat'll be all right?
505
00:27:46,560 --> 00:27:50,440
Yeah. He's got Carol
to look after him.
506
00:27:50,440 --> 00:27:54,160
Yeah. They're a grand couple,
aren't they?
507
00:27:54,160 --> 00:27:58,080
Nice of him to have booked that lad
for me.
508
00:27:58,080 --> 00:28:01,360
He said
he wasn't going to get me a present.
509
00:28:01,360 --> 00:28:04,400
Oh, that reminds me.
510
00:28:04,400 --> 00:28:07,280
I didn't read his card to you,
did I?
511
00:28:07,280 --> 00:28:09,440
Listen to this.
512
00:28:09,440 --> 00:28:15,280
"Forget about the past,
you can't change it.
513
00:28:15,280 --> 00:28:21,720
"Forget about the future,
you can't predict it.
514
00:28:21,720 --> 00:28:25,440
"Forget about the present,
515
00:28:25,440 --> 00:28:28,480
"I didn't get you one."
516
00:28:32,360 --> 00:28:35,360
Isn't that a scream?
517
00:28:43,160 --> 00:28:47,360
Sub by lifeline, corrected by santibone
www.addic7ed.com
39868
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