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1
00:00:47,426 --> 00:00:49,094
Gentlemen! Lock and load!
2
00:00:56,268 --> 00:00:59,839
Connie kaminski, you're under arrest.
Show me your hands. Show 'em!
3
00:00:59,905 --> 00:01:02,107
Yep, that's me. Connie kaminski.
4
00:01:02,174 --> 00:01:03,576
And holy shit, that was scary.
5
00:01:03,642 --> 00:01:06,745
I mean, I almost wet the bed.
I don't know why they didn't just knock.
6
00:01:06,812 --> 00:01:10,816
I mean, this is a story about coupons.
Little old coupons. They j...
7
00:01:10,883 --> 00:01:14,186
You know what? I should probably
start from the beginning.
8
00:01:15,888 --> 00:01:17,556
Hiya. Me again.
9
00:01:17,623 --> 00:01:20,226
Okay, yeah. This is
the perfect place to start.
10
00:01:23,429 --> 00:01:25,397
Here's a fun fact:
11
00:01:25,464 --> 00:01:28,534
I'm a three-time gold-medal-winning
olympic racewalker.
12
00:01:28,601 --> 00:01:31,403
And you know what that's worth
out in the real world?
13
00:01:31,470 --> 00:01:33,873
Absolutely nothing.
14
00:01:33,939 --> 00:01:36,742
Did you know most olympic
athletes aren't famous?
15
00:01:36,809 --> 00:01:38,878
And they sure as heck
aren't rich.
16
00:01:38,944 --> 00:01:43,182
Go ahead, look it up.
I mean, not now, but, you know, later.
17
00:01:43,249 --> 00:01:46,552
And, yeah, I may have retired,
but I don't quit.
18
00:01:46,619 --> 00:01:49,822
I figure no matter what you
do, give it all you got.
19
00:01:49,889 --> 00:01:53,092
- Hola.
- Hola, Mrs. Flores.
20
00:01:53,759 --> 00:01:55,160
Do you have my coupons?
21
00:01:59,765 --> 00:02:01,834
Oh. Super-duper.
22
00:02:05,838 --> 00:02:06,939
Hey.
23
00:02:15,514 --> 00:02:17,383
You know what,
24
00:02:17,449 --> 00:02:20,286
you can never have
too much toilet paper, right?
25
00:02:20,352 --> 00:02:22,288
Okay, enjoy.
26
00:02:26,592 --> 00:02:29,662
You might wanna pack a jacket.
The weather showed rain in Cleveland.
27
00:02:29,728 --> 00:02:34,433
Oh, um, hey, did I just see you giving
the paper lady a bunch of stuff for free?
28
00:02:34,500 --> 00:02:36,535
Rick, she's barely getting by.
29
00:02:36,602 --> 00:02:38,938
Yeah, but at least
she has a job.
30
00:02:39,004 --> 00:02:41,574
And you are spending money
that we don't have.
31
00:02:41,640 --> 00:02:44,777
I am not spending money.
I am saving us money.
32
00:02:44,843 --> 00:02:46,683
- This is my husband Rick.
- You literally are.
33
00:02:46,712 --> 00:02:48,981
He works for the IRS.
34
00:02:49,048 --> 00:02:51,417
And his job is to look
for people's mistakes.
35
00:02:51,483 --> 00:02:52,585
I'll get it.
36
00:02:52,651 --> 00:02:54,386
What's this? Is this new?
37
00:02:55,054 --> 00:02:56,956
There's, like, 50 jugs of tide.
38
00:02:57,022 --> 00:02:58,223
It's couponing 101.
39
00:02:58,290 --> 00:03:03,228
When tide hits a six-month stock-up
price, you stock up, okay?
40
00:03:03,295 --> 00:03:07,333
That's 400 dollars' worth of
detergent that I got for $57.
41
00:03:07,399 --> 00:03:09,335
My mom used coupons...
42
00:03:09,401 --> 00:03:11,604
We didn't always
argue about money.
43
00:03:11,670 --> 00:03:14,340
It was only after we tried
to start a family.
44
00:03:14,406 --> 00:03:17,676
And we tried. And we tried.
45
00:03:18,344 --> 00:03:19,612
And we tried.
46
00:03:20,479 --> 00:03:22,815
And then, it finally happened.
47
00:03:23,649 --> 00:03:26,285
We were going to have a girl.
48
00:03:26,352 --> 00:03:29,855
But I just couldn't get
to the finish line.
49
00:03:31,490 --> 00:03:36,729
After that, for a while we
didn't argue about anything.
50
00:03:36,795 --> 00:03:39,965
Then Rick discovered
he could travel more for work.
51
00:03:40,032 --> 00:03:42,901
Now he's gone three weeks
out of every month.
52
00:03:42,968 --> 00:03:44,403
But that's okay.
53
00:03:44,470 --> 00:03:45,971
'Cause if that didn't happen,
54
00:03:46,038 --> 00:03:48,440
I might not have met
my best friend, jojo.
55
00:03:48,507 --> 00:03:52,378
Yo, yo, yo!
It's time to save with jojo.
56
00:03:52,444 --> 00:03:55,881
Here is the thing
I love about coupons.
57
00:03:55,948 --> 00:03:59,351
I control my time,
I control my income,
58
00:03:59,418 --> 00:04:01,053
I control my life.
59
00:04:01,120 --> 00:04:03,656
So, jojo's deal of the week
is right here...
60
00:04:03,722 --> 00:04:06,892
You sure as shit doing a good
job controlling your income.
61
00:04:06,959 --> 00:04:09,728
- Mom.
- 'Cause you ain't got no money.
62
00:04:09,795 --> 00:04:11,897
Stop. Mama, no. Stop it!
63
00:04:11,964 --> 00:04:14,933
You know I'm just... I'm over
here busy trying to build my brand
64
00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:16,969
as a successful entrepreneur.
65
00:04:17,036 --> 00:04:19,471
I'm my own ceo.
66
00:04:19,538 --> 00:04:23,309
Ceo! What the f are you talking about?
67
00:04:23,375 --> 00:04:25,544
You nothing but a saleswoman
that don't make no sales.
68
00:04:25,611 --> 00:04:28,480
Yeah, mama, that's a business.
Sometimes you don't make sale...
69
00:04:28,547 --> 00:04:29,882
You ever heard of Steve Jobs?
70
00:04:29,948 --> 00:04:31,784
What do you know about a job?
71
00:04:31,850 --> 00:04:34,486
Okay, mama. You be like that.
I'm going next door.
72
00:04:34,553 --> 00:04:36,889
Why you gotta spend
so much time with that girl?
73
00:04:36,955 --> 00:04:39,558
You and her carting around
all them food stamps.
74
00:04:39,625 --> 00:04:41,694
They're not food stamps.
They're coupons.
75
00:04:41,760 --> 00:04:43,595
White people use them.
Why can't we?
76
00:04:43,662 --> 00:04:45,864
Oh, so if white people
were jumping off a bridge...
77
00:04:45,931 --> 00:04:47,499
Oh, my gosh. Again.
78
00:04:47,566 --> 00:04:49,110
No, if white people
were jumping off a bridge,
79
00:04:49,134 --> 00:04:51,546
- I would not jump off a bridge.
- Why you got such a damn attitude?
80
00:04:51,570 --> 00:04:54,115
You're always talking about white people!
Like, no, of course not!
81
00:04:54,139 --> 00:04:55,908
Get on my nerves.
82
00:04:59,845 --> 00:05:03,082
Oh, hallelujah, praise the lord.
Look who's here.
83
00:05:03,148 --> 00:05:05,751
- The savior of savings.
- What up, Rick dick?
84
00:05:05,818 --> 00:05:07,686
Oh, hey,
I had a question for you.
85
00:05:07,753 --> 00:05:10,355
Um, has anybody
ever been happy to see you?
86
00:05:10,422 --> 00:05:13,125
Like, have you ever walked into
a room and someone's gone like,
87
00:05:13,192 --> 00:05:16,462
"hey, everybody, look!
My cool IRS auditor just walked in"?
88
00:05:16,528 --> 00:05:18,139
- Yeah, they don't have to be happy.
- Oh, okay.
89
00:05:18,163 --> 00:05:20,065
I'm respected. I'm valued.
90
00:05:20,132 --> 00:05:21,533
Mmm.
91
00:05:21,600 --> 00:05:23,102
- I'm leaving.
- There you go.
92
00:05:23,168 --> 00:05:25,070
Those are the two words
we love to hear you say.
93
00:05:25,137 --> 00:05:26,972
All right, now. Bye, Rick.
94
00:05:27,039 --> 00:05:29,119
- Hey, Rick, I had one more question.
- Don't slam...
95
00:05:30,008 --> 00:05:32,144
- Hey, girl.
- Hiya, jojo.
96
00:05:32,211 --> 00:05:36,415
All right,
I have got some stuff for you.
97
00:05:36,482 --> 00:05:37,883
- Look at all these.
- Oh, my gosh.
98
00:05:37,950 --> 00:05:39,818
- Big day.
- Big day.
99
00:05:45,057 --> 00:05:47,893
- Buy one, get one.
- Bogo!
100
00:05:47,960 --> 00:05:49,995
Rick should be happy
I taught you how to stockpile.
101
00:05:50,062 --> 00:05:52,798
Yeah, he doesn't get any of this.
102
00:05:52,865 --> 00:05:56,468
Oh, lookee. I only need
one more colgate proof of purchase
103
00:05:56,535 --> 00:05:58,737
- to get a free at&t gift card.
- You see that?
104
00:05:58,804 --> 00:06:02,541
You think Rick knows how to pay
a phone bill with toothpaste? No.
105
00:06:02,608 --> 00:06:04,610
You're winning.
106
00:06:04,676 --> 00:06:07,613
Hey, did you know that winning actually
changes the way your brain works?
107
00:06:07,679 --> 00:06:10,616
Like, every time you win,
you get a teensy bit smarter.
108
00:06:10,682 --> 00:06:12,484
They call it the winner effect.
109
00:06:12,551 --> 00:06:16,121
You know, basically, the more you
win, the more you will win.
110
00:06:16,188 --> 00:06:17,756
Winning becomes habit.
111
00:06:19,758 --> 00:06:20,893
I really need a win.
112
00:06:32,504 --> 00:06:33,539
Yes!
113
00:06:54,193 --> 00:06:56,094
You doing okay today, Greg?
114
00:06:58,764 --> 00:07:01,733
You know,
I read that if you're lucky,
115
00:07:01,800 --> 00:07:05,204
you only get about 30,000 days
on planet earth.
116
00:07:05,270 --> 00:07:06,872
- Right.
- That's not a lot.
117
00:07:08,040 --> 00:07:09,875
Maybe you should try
to make every day count.
118
00:07:09,942 --> 00:07:12,044
Total is $138.55.
119
00:07:13,912 --> 00:07:14,980
Is it?
120
00:07:15,047 --> 00:07:17,649
- Are you serious?
- Yeah.
121
00:07:19,284 --> 00:07:21,687
It's like
a thousand coupons, man.
122
00:07:43,308 --> 00:07:47,913
Well, good for you, lady.
You saved $122.10.
123
00:07:47,980 --> 00:07:50,983
It is good for me, Greg.
It is good for me.
124
00:07:51,049 --> 00:07:53,852
"Watch the pennies, and the dollars
will take care of themselves."
125
00:07:53,919 --> 00:07:56,255
- All right.
- Sorry about the wait.
126
00:07:56,321 --> 00:07:58,523
Don't be. That was impressive.
127
00:07:59,191 --> 00:08:00,225
Change.
128
00:08:02,694 --> 00:08:03,762
Your trophy.
129
00:08:34,693 --> 00:08:35,827
"Dear general mills,"
130
00:08:35,894 --> 00:08:37,796
I recently purchased
a box of wheaties cereal
131
00:08:37,863 --> 00:08:40,332
from my local a&g family mart
here in Phoenix.
132
00:08:40,399 --> 00:08:44,703
When I opened it, I discovered,
to my chagrin, that the cereal was stale.
133
00:08:44,770 --> 00:08:48,140
As a former olympic athlete,
I was very disappointed.
134
00:08:48,206 --> 00:08:50,575
'Breakfast of champions'?
135
00:08:50,642 --> 00:08:53,946
"With cereal this stale,
it's more like 'breakfast of chump-ions.'"
136
00:08:54,012 --> 00:08:57,249
no shade, but, um, we both know
the before we were working with.
137
00:08:57,316 --> 00:08:59,318
But why don't you
take a little look
138
00:08:59,384 --> 00:09:02,921
- at the after!
- Oh, my god!
139
00:09:02,988 --> 00:09:05,624
- Wow.
- Yes, girl! Look at you!
140
00:09:05,691 --> 00:09:09,294
Who is that?
Is that Halle Berry from 2002?
141
00:09:10,729 --> 00:09:12,064
So what I've used here
142
00:09:12,130 --> 00:09:15,000
is the back-2-black
executive package.
143
00:09:15,067 --> 00:09:18,236
I try to tell people, like, that
white-girl makeup does not work for us.
144
00:09:18,303 --> 00:09:19,383
You know what I mean? Okay.
145
00:09:19,438 --> 00:09:21,173
- Mm-hmm.
- You need your own stuff.
146
00:09:21,239 --> 00:09:24,343
So, do we have a sale?
147
00:09:24,409 --> 00:09:25,944
Do you take credit cards?
148
00:09:26,011 --> 00:09:28,113
Unfortunately,
I can only accept cash.
149
00:09:28,180 --> 00:09:30,682
I have a history
with identity theft.
150
00:09:30,749 --> 00:09:32,985
- What?
- No. Girl. No, no, no.
151
00:09:33,051 --> 00:09:35,754
No, I did not steal
anybody's identity. No way.
152
00:09:35,821 --> 00:09:37,856
I had my identity stolen.
153
00:09:37,923 --> 00:09:39,891
My credit's trash.
I can't even walk into a bank.
154
00:09:39,958 --> 00:09:41,436
- Mmm.
- It's a whole thing. You don't even need
155
00:09:41,460 --> 00:09:43,395
to worry
about that right now, so...
156
00:09:44,696 --> 00:09:46,031
I need to think about it.
157
00:10:13,358 --> 00:10:14,760
Fun trip?
158
00:10:14,826 --> 00:10:17,162
Fun? What's fun about work?
159
00:10:17,229 --> 00:10:21,700
Hey, what do you say we go out for
a nice dinner tonight? Maybe Sushi?
160
00:10:21,767 --> 00:10:23,168
Sushi's expensive.
161
00:10:23,235 --> 00:10:25,170
Didn't you say you had
some kinda coupon thing
162
00:10:25,237 --> 00:10:26,338
from tgi Fridays?
163
00:10:28,106 --> 00:10:30,175
Mm-hmm.
164
00:10:30,242 --> 00:10:33,145
Looks like the
Arizona fans will stay on their feet
165
00:10:33,211 --> 00:10:36,915
as Harris steps to the plate
with a chance to tie it up.
166
00:10:36,982 --> 00:10:41,153
Pitch... oh, inside!
And near his head.
167
00:10:51,396 --> 00:10:53,331
- Earl!
- Hey there, jojo.
168
00:10:53,398 --> 00:10:56,068
You better not have a bunch
of bills in there for me.
169
00:10:56,134 --> 00:10:57,969
Ugh. Oof.
170
00:10:58,437 --> 00:11:00,072
- You got this?
- Oh.
171
00:11:00,138 --> 00:11:03,775
- I don't know nothing about this.
- Okay. Damn.
172
00:11:03,842 --> 00:11:06,378
- Oh, I loved your new YouTube video, jojo.
- Oh, yeah?
173
00:11:06,445 --> 00:11:09,448
Yeah. You know, I keep asking
myself, "how does she do it?"
174
00:11:09,514 --> 00:11:10,982
It's like you can read my mind.
175
00:11:11,049 --> 00:11:12,884
That's 'cause I can. Come here.
176
00:11:12,951 --> 00:11:15,020
I'm gonna tell you what you're thinking.
Look at me.
177
00:11:23,028 --> 00:11:24,429
Oh. Uh...
178
00:11:24,496 --> 00:11:26,498
- Oh, boy.
- I'm just playing with you, Earl.
179
00:11:26,565 --> 00:11:28,805
- I can't tell what you're thinking.
- I should be going.
180
00:11:28,834 --> 00:11:29,935
- Okay.
- Yeah.
181
00:11:33,238 --> 00:11:34,306
Bye!
182
00:11:42,314 --> 00:11:45,484
I'm leaving. I'll see you
in a couple of weeks.
183
00:11:45,550 --> 00:11:46,751
Mm-hmm.
184
00:11:48,420 --> 00:11:49,821
You had a choice.
185
00:11:49,888 --> 00:11:54,192
We could've been eating out at
expensive and fancy places all the time.
186
00:11:54,259 --> 00:11:59,064
Instead, you chose four
rounds of ivf treatments.
187
00:11:59,131 --> 00:12:02,134
You knew I wanted to quit
after one, but...
188
00:12:03,935 --> 00:12:06,505
You're trying to replace
what you lost with coupons.
189
00:12:06,571 --> 00:12:09,875
Are you kidding me right now?
We lost a baby.
190
00:12:10,509 --> 00:12:12,811
Get out of this room.
191
00:12:13,078 --> 00:12:14,179
And get a job.
192
00:12:23,355 --> 00:12:25,123
Mail's here.
193
00:13:01,660 --> 00:13:03,595
Oh, my...
194
00:13:07,365 --> 00:13:08,633
See that, Greg?
195
00:13:08,700 --> 00:13:11,012
"Watch the pennies, and the dollars
will take care of themselves."
196
00:13:11,036 --> 00:13:12,904
Why do you always say that?
197
00:13:12,971 --> 00:13:15,373
'Cause it's the little things
that matter.
198
00:13:15,440 --> 00:13:17,509
Mmm. Little things.
199
00:13:17,576 --> 00:13:20,378
Like wasting your time writing
a stupid complaint letter?
200
00:13:20,445 --> 00:13:23,248
- How did you know that?
- You're not special.
201
00:13:23,315 --> 00:13:26,985
They always send you coupons for free
shit when you bitch to the manufacturer.
202
00:13:42,601 --> 00:13:46,404
"Fifty percent less fat?
More like 100% less flavor."
203
00:13:46,471 --> 00:13:48,406
"How about new and unimproved?"
204
00:13:48,473 --> 00:13:51,009
"Your trash bags are garbage."
205
00:13:51,076 --> 00:13:53,054
"Your cookie isn't soft,
and it sure as heck ain't chewy."
206
00:13:53,078 --> 00:13:55,180
"Your rising crust pizza
falls flat."
207
00:13:55,247 --> 00:13:57,415
"If you meant for the cheese
flavor to taste like feet,
208
00:13:57,482 --> 00:13:59,951
then bravo, my friend,
you nailed it."
209
00:14:32,550 --> 00:14:35,186
- Okay, don't... don't peek. Okay.
- Okay.
210
00:14:36,187 --> 00:14:37,289
Okay, open.
211
00:14:38,423 --> 00:14:41,693
What? No, Connie!
212
00:14:41,760 --> 00:14:42,527
You told me
you wrote that letter
213
00:14:42,594 --> 00:14:44,496
- 'cause your cereal was stale.
- Yeah.
214
00:14:44,562 --> 00:14:46,698
So, what, the whole fucking
house has gone stale?
215
00:14:47,465 --> 00:14:49,367
- Not exactly...
- Oh, shit!
216
00:14:49,434 --> 00:14:51,036
- You got cottonelle ultra?
- Yeah.
217
00:14:51,102 --> 00:14:53,405
- You got 36 family rolls for free?
- Yeah.
218
00:14:53,471 --> 00:14:55,473
That coupon's worth,
like, 40 bucks.
219
00:14:55,540 --> 00:14:58,009
Well, you can get one too.
Just write a letter to cottonelle.
220
00:14:58,076 --> 00:14:59,611
And say what? "Dear cottonelle,
221
00:14:59,678 --> 00:15:02,213
your supersoft toilet paper
scratched up my ass"?
222
00:15:02,280 --> 00:15:03,720
Please,
they're not gonna believe me!
223
00:15:03,748 --> 00:15:06,217
Or, better yet,
just pay me for the coupon.
224
00:15:06,284 --> 00:15:08,320
Okay.
225
00:15:08,386 --> 00:15:11,189
Actually, how much would you pay
me for this cottonelle coupon?
226
00:15:11,256 --> 00:15:13,692
Would you pay maybe half
of what it's worth?
227
00:15:13,758 --> 00:15:16,361
Twenty bucks? Yeah, why not?
228
00:15:16,428 --> 00:15:19,431
So you'd give me 20 bucks for
this coupon that I got for free?
229
00:15:19,497 --> 00:15:22,167
That's quite a profit,
don't you think?
230
00:15:22,233 --> 00:15:25,270
Imagine if we got more of these,
and we sold them to people for half.
231
00:15:25,337 --> 00:15:27,672
That would...
That'd be a real business.
232
00:15:29,140 --> 00:15:31,276
How is that a real business?
233
00:15:31,343 --> 00:15:35,046
Even if you wanted to,
how would you ever get enough to sell?
234
00:15:35,113 --> 00:15:38,083
I think I know where
we can get 'em in bulk.
235
00:15:38,149 --> 00:15:42,020
Advanced solutions works with
the top fortune 500 companies
236
00:15:42,087 --> 00:15:44,322
to handle all of
your coupon printing needs.
237
00:15:44,389 --> 00:15:47,459
Each week, when customers
redeem your coupons,
238
00:15:47,525 --> 00:15:51,029
they'll be sent back to our
advanced solutions printing facility
239
00:15:51,096 --> 00:15:54,132
and coupon clearinghouse
in chihuahua, Mexico.
240
00:15:55,500 --> 00:15:58,002
Chihuahua, Mexico.
That's not far from here.
241
00:15:58,069 --> 00:15:59,738
Okay, chihuahua.
What's your point?
242
00:15:59,804 --> 00:16:01,539
That's where
all the coupons are.
243
00:16:01,606 --> 00:16:03,141
So what,
you want to Rob the place?
244
00:16:03,208 --> 00:16:04,576
- No.
- Oh.
245
00:16:04,642 --> 00:16:09,147
No, no. Not Rob. Just remove
or just separate some.
246
00:16:09,214 --> 00:16:11,616
No. No. Uh-uh. Are you crazy?
247
00:16:11,683 --> 00:16:13,752
Jojo, I need you.
248
00:16:13,818 --> 00:16:16,087
There's no one better
at selling people stuff.
249
00:16:16,154 --> 00:16:17,355
Then how come I'm so broke?
250
00:16:17,422 --> 00:16:20,458
Yeah. Exactly. It's not fair.
251
00:16:20,525 --> 00:16:23,595
Like, all you wanted
was a successful business.
252
00:16:23,661 --> 00:16:27,732
But because someone ruined your
credit, you can never fix that?
253
00:16:27,799 --> 00:16:29,534
And all I wanted was a baby,
254
00:16:29,601 --> 00:16:32,537
and I... now I gotta pay
for that the rest of my life?
255
00:16:32,604 --> 00:16:34,806
No one is gonna help us.
256
00:16:34,873 --> 00:16:36,741
You know who gets rewarded?
257
00:16:36,808 --> 00:16:39,511
People who don't follow
the rules.
258
00:16:39,577 --> 00:16:41,713
It's time we start
bending 'em a little.
259
00:16:45,316 --> 00:16:47,685
I want you to know you don't
have to keep selling me on it,
260
00:16:47,752 --> 00:16:49,587
- 'cause I'm in.
- I'm just saying,
261
00:16:49,654 --> 00:16:52,134
you know, you lodge one complaint,
they send you a free coupon.
262
00:16:52,190 --> 00:16:54,392
- They're handing them out like hot cakes.
- Mm-hmm.
263
00:16:54,459 --> 00:16:56,728
And... and we're just
taking a few extra.
264
00:16:56,795 --> 00:16:58,530
Mmm. Well, we're stealing them.
265
00:16:58,596 --> 00:17:00,207
And all we're doing is
making them more accessible.
266
00:17:00,231 --> 00:17:01,666
- By smuggling them.
- That...
267
00:17:01,733 --> 00:17:04,402
Honestly, these companies
make bazillions of dollars,
268
00:17:04,469 --> 00:17:07,539
so it's not like they're gonna
miss a couple of coupons.
269
00:17:07,605 --> 00:17:13,278
I'm just telling you that it is stealing,
smuggling and selling illegally.
270
00:17:13,344 --> 00:17:15,547
It sounds bad
when you say it like that.
271
00:17:15,613 --> 00:17:18,082
- It is bad, girl.
- Well, don't say it like that.
272
00:17:18,149 --> 00:17:19,484
It doesn't have to sound bad.
273
00:17:19,551 --> 00:17:21,553
I think it's gonna be good.
274
00:17:21,619 --> 00:17:23,121
No, it's gonna be good.
275
00:17:23,188 --> 00:17:26,090
It's gonna be good.
I can feel it.
276
00:17:30,862 --> 00:17:32,730
Hey, congratulations, sunil.
277
00:17:32,797 --> 00:17:34,299
Congrats on being a grandfather.
278
00:17:34,365 --> 00:17:36,468
- Thank you.
- Not everybody's got a...
279
00:17:37,435 --> 00:17:39,604
Not everybody's got a family.
280
00:17:39,671 --> 00:17:41,539
Attention, shoppers.
If you have our club card,
281
00:17:41,606 --> 00:17:44,843
you can save 10% today
in our deli department.
282
00:17:44,909 --> 00:17:47,378
Get 10% off today
in the deli department...
283
00:17:48,746 --> 00:17:50,615
- No, just...
- It's still not working.
284
00:17:50,682 --> 00:17:53,384
Yeah, I see that.
Just punch it in manually
285
00:17:53,451 --> 00:17:56,855
- and give her the coupon price.
- Dave. Dave. Hold on. Wait.
286
00:17:56,921 --> 00:18:00,358
Can I... can I take a look at that
before you make the transaction?
287
00:18:00,425 --> 00:18:02,327
- Before you punch it in.
- Sorry, folks.
288
00:18:02,393 --> 00:18:05,463
We're just gonna be a minute.
Alice will help you on one.
289
00:18:05,530 --> 00:18:08,199
Yeah. No. This is,
uh, this is not a real coupon.
290
00:18:08,266 --> 00:18:09,834
I-I don't understand.
291
00:18:09,901 --> 00:18:11,302
It's a fake, ma'am.
292
00:18:11,369 --> 00:18:13,605
How is it fake?
Look, uh, who are you?
293
00:18:14,372 --> 00:18:15,907
I am, uh, Ken Miller.
294
00:18:15,974 --> 00:18:17,642
I'm the loss prevention officer
295
00:18:17,709 --> 00:18:20,512
for all the a&g family marts
across the southwest.
296
00:18:20,578 --> 00:18:23,214
You're lucky I was here today
to spot this little guy.
297
00:18:23,281 --> 00:18:26,351
Take a look here.
See that expiration date?
298
00:18:26,417 --> 00:18:28,887
Does that look familiar
to you? November 31st?
299
00:18:28,953 --> 00:18:32,423
It shouldn't. There's only 30
days in the month of November.
300
00:18:32,490 --> 00:18:34,626
So whoever tried to replicate
this little guy,
301
00:18:34,692 --> 00:18:36,494
clearly, they didn't look
at a calendar.
302
00:18:36,561 --> 00:18:37,929
Probably out of China.
303
00:18:37,996 --> 00:18:40,541
You know, they screw up the dates
all the time. There's always a flaw.
304
00:18:40,565 --> 00:18:42,934
You know, if you know what to look
for, it's easy to spot.
305
00:18:43,001 --> 00:18:45,370
Well, can you just make
an exception?
306
00:18:45,436 --> 00:18:47,839
I mean, we could just honor
it, Ken, this one time.
307
00:18:47,906 --> 00:18:50,708
She's been coming here
for, like, 150 years.
308
00:18:50,775 --> 00:18:53,745
Yeah, I don't care if she's
dame judi dench, Dave.
309
00:18:53,811 --> 00:18:55,880
You leave the food out,
the critters will get it.
310
00:18:55,947 --> 00:18:57,882
This is how this starts.
I'm just saying.
311
00:18:57,949 --> 00:19:00,285
Sorry to compare you to rodents, ma'am.
I didn't mean that.
312
00:19:00,351 --> 00:19:03,521
I just mean to say that rules are rules.
But if it helps, I...
313
00:19:03,588 --> 00:19:06,424
If it helps? I have hemorrhoids.
314
00:19:06,491 --> 00:19:09,427
You know what helps, honey?
Preparation h.
315
00:19:09,494 --> 00:19:11,663
Well, we're happy to sell
it to ya at full price.
316
00:19:11,729 --> 00:19:13,398
Well, then why don't you buy it?
317
00:19:13,464 --> 00:19:15,366
Because you're a giant asshole!
318
00:19:18,503 --> 00:19:20,405
That's a good one, ma'am.
319
00:19:20,471 --> 00:19:23,575
But as Dave will attest,
I've been told that before.
320
00:19:25,176 --> 00:19:28,216
You should put that in the burn pile.
See you, Dave. I'll be back next month.
321
00:19:30,782 --> 00:19:35,253
Hey, sorry. Um, would you mind if we
switched seats, just for this last part?
322
00:19:35,320 --> 00:19:37,922
She really likes to watch
out the window as we land.
323
00:19:37,989 --> 00:19:40,625
- And it helps calm her down.
- Mmm. Yeah.
324
00:19:40,692 --> 00:19:42,927
No, even if I wanted to switch,
325
00:19:42,994 --> 00:19:47,765
I think it's more important that your
daughter learn a valuable lesson.
326
00:19:47,832 --> 00:19:51,903
That's not how the world works, you know.
You don't always get your way.
327
00:19:51,970 --> 00:19:55,907
- Are you for real, dude?
- Okay.
328
00:20:34,445 --> 00:20:38,049
Fuck!
329
00:20:39,984 --> 00:20:41,452
Fuck.
330
00:20:51,729 --> 00:20:54,499
So, what, we're just gonna
eeny, meeny, miny, mo,
331
00:20:54,565 --> 00:20:58,403
pick some random dude and be
like, "could you steal for us?"
332
00:20:59,370 --> 00:21:01,939
Yeah.
We need someone on the inside.
333
00:21:02,006 --> 00:21:04,042
We need an inside man.
334
00:21:04,108 --> 00:21:07,412
Ooh, what about that guy? He
looks like that badass dude from machete.
335
00:21:07,478 --> 00:21:09,914
- Too sketchy.
- We want sketchy.
336
00:21:09,981 --> 00:21:12,917
We want him to help us,
not chop us up into tiny pieces.
337
00:21:12,984 --> 00:21:15,787
What about this Cesar
millan-looking motherfucker?
338
00:21:16,454 --> 00:21:17,522
Too square.
339
00:21:20,925 --> 00:21:22,860
We need that guy.
340
00:21:22,927 --> 00:21:25,329
That guy? Why that guy?
341
00:21:25,396 --> 00:21:27,598
'Cause he's already
bending the rules.
342
00:21:30,535 --> 00:21:33,638
Look at that. We got two
for the price of one.
343
00:21:34,472 --> 00:21:36,340
- Bogo.
- Bogo.
344
00:21:36,407 --> 00:21:38,876
Are you interested in a way
to make some more money?
345
00:21:38,943 --> 00:21:41,412
No, that sounds creepy.
Just be like, "oh, hey, we have a"...
346
00:21:41,479 --> 00:21:43,023
- We have a business opportunity for you.
- Yes, yes.
347
00:21:43,047 --> 00:21:44,847
- Okay. That's better.
- That's it, that's it.
348
00:21:48,953 --> 00:21:51,756
- Okay. Here goes nothing.
- All right.
349
00:21:57,095 --> 00:21:58,396
Why is she running?
350
00:21:58,463 --> 00:22:00,131
- Shit! Shit, shit.
- Oh, my god. Wait!
351
00:22:02,567 --> 00:22:04,487
We have money. Money.
Dinero. Dinero. We have it!
352
00:22:06,838 --> 00:22:09,040
No! Dinero. We have dinero for you.
We have it.
353
00:22:09,107 --> 00:22:10,908
For you, yeah.
354
00:22:10,975 --> 00:22:12,877
- For me? Oh.
- Yeah, man. Yeah.
355
00:22:20,451 --> 00:22:22,386
What is she doing?
356
00:22:22,453 --> 00:22:24,388
- Hey, wait, wait, wait!
- Oh, no, no, no!
357
00:22:24,455 --> 00:22:26,924
Stop! What...
358
00:22:26,991 --> 00:22:28,426
Alejandro!
359
00:22:28,493 --> 00:22:30,394
These women
are trying to help us.
360
00:22:33,030 --> 00:22:34,665
- Uh.
- It's okay. It's okay.
361
00:22:34,732 --> 00:22:36,400
Oh!
362
00:22:39,737 --> 00:22:41,539
Okay, here we go.
363
00:22:41,606 --> 00:22:44,475
- Hi.
- Mmm.
364
00:22:45,643 --> 00:22:48,813
Okay, here we go.
You good? Okay, here we go.
365
00:22:51,482 --> 00:22:55,887
You never trail someone
in Mexico. Ever.
366
00:22:55,953 --> 00:22:57,155
You estúpida.
367
00:23:01,626 --> 00:23:04,829
My... my wife is angry.
But she's right.
368
00:23:04,896 --> 00:23:06,697
She is angry.
369
00:23:06,764 --> 00:23:09,433
And also... pregnant?
370
00:23:09,500 --> 00:23:12,870
- It is very early. But yes.
- Oh, wow.
371
00:23:12,937 --> 00:23:14,939
Minimum wage
is only two dollars an hour.
372
00:23:15,006 --> 00:23:17,074
Do you really have a way
for us to make some money?
373
00:23:17,141 --> 00:23:20,912
Wait, your wage is two dollars an hour?
374
00:23:20,978 --> 00:23:23,147
That's a crime.
You gotta talk to somebody about that.
375
00:23:23,214 --> 00:23:25,049
I should talk to my boss
and ask for a raise?
376
00:23:25,116 --> 00:23:26,584
- Yes.
- Yes.
377
00:23:26,651 --> 00:23:28,886
Yes, you should definitely
talk to your boss.
378
00:23:28,953 --> 00:23:31,656
Are you crazy?
This company's American.
379
00:23:31,722 --> 00:23:34,725
They only moved here so they
could take advantage of us.
380
00:23:34,792 --> 00:23:37,161
That's all the more reason
you should hear us out.
381
00:23:39,163 --> 00:23:43,501
These coupons. They all come
from your factory, yes?
382
00:23:43,568 --> 00:23:45,803
Sí, sí,
we make all kinds of coupons.
383
00:23:45,870 --> 00:23:49,473
We don't need all kinds.
Just the ones for free stuff.
384
00:23:49,540 --> 00:23:50,775
Can you get more of these?
385
00:23:51,709 --> 00:23:53,811
Are you asking me to steal?
386
00:23:53,878 --> 00:24:00,685
Again, everyone is making it sound so
bad, but it's...
387
00:24:00,751 --> 00:24:02,220
- Technically, yes.
- Yeah.
388
00:24:02,286 --> 00:24:04,255
- Uh.
- Okay, okay.
389
00:24:04,322 --> 00:24:06,123
It's like Robin hood, okay?
390
00:24:06,190 --> 00:24:08,993
You are gonna take these
coupons from this company
391
00:24:09,060 --> 00:24:10,995
that pays you chump change,
392
00:24:11,062 --> 00:24:13,598
and then we're gonna get them to
families who really need them.
393
00:24:13,664 --> 00:24:16,667
She's right. Do you have any idea
how expensive diapers are?
394
00:24:16,734 --> 00:24:19,237
And, obviously,
you would be sharing in the profits.
395
00:24:19,303 --> 00:24:21,606
- Yeah.
- La puta's right.
396
00:24:21,672 --> 00:24:26,010
But we don't need your Robin hood.
We have jesús malverde.
397
00:24:26,077 --> 00:24:28,813
He took from the rich
and gave to the poor families.
398
00:24:28,880 --> 00:24:31,148
We will follow in his footsteps.
399
00:24:31,215 --> 00:24:34,719
Okay, yeah. Go with him. I mean,
this dude is dope as hell. I love it.
400
00:24:34,785 --> 00:24:35,987
Rosa, no.
401
00:24:50,234 --> 00:24:52,036
A wise man once said,
402
00:24:52,103 --> 00:24:56,774
"family is not an important thing.
It is everything."
403
00:24:56,841 --> 00:24:59,010
Was that jesús malverde as well?
404
00:24:59,076 --> 00:25:02,680
It is the words
of Michael j. Fox.
405
00:25:02,747 --> 00:25:04,081
Michael j. Fox?
406
00:25:05,082 --> 00:25:07,051
The damn actor?
407
00:25:07,118 --> 00:25:09,787
- Like, Marty mcfly?
- Doesn't matter who said it, jojo.
408
00:25:09,854 --> 00:25:10,855
He's right.
409
00:25:11,722 --> 00:25:13,291
Michael j. Fox is right.
410
00:25:21,198 --> 00:25:23,834
Okay.
411
00:25:23,901 --> 00:25:25,336
- Yes.
- Yes?
412
00:25:25,403 --> 00:25:26,971
- I will do it.
- You will?
413
00:25:27,038 --> 00:25:30,074
For real?
Like for... oh. Oh, wow.
414
00:25:30,141 --> 00:25:32,944
I mean, 'cause it took me a while
to get on board, and I know her.
415
00:25:33,010 --> 00:25:35,079
You are ready, huh?
416
00:25:35,146 --> 00:25:37,014
And here is how we will do it.
417
00:25:37,081 --> 00:25:40,718
The factory is split in two.
Printing and redemption.
418
00:25:40,785 --> 00:25:44,789
And the right hand does not
know what the left hand does.
419
00:25:44,855 --> 00:25:47,725
Rosa works on
the coupon redemption side.
420
00:25:47,792 --> 00:25:51,996
All day counting used coupons,
very tedious.
421
00:25:52,063 --> 00:25:54,265
And I work on the print side.
422
00:25:54,332 --> 00:25:58,002
It is man's work.
Heavy lifting, dangerous.
423
00:25:58,069 --> 00:26:01,672
- Just get to the point.
- Don't boss me.
424
00:26:02,440 --> 00:26:04,241
Anyway.
425
00:26:04,308 --> 00:26:08,012
With each coupon we print,
there is always extra.
426
00:26:08,079 --> 00:26:11,015
Even with the free coupons.
427
00:26:11,082 --> 00:26:15,052
It is normal for us to destroy
these extra coupons.
428
00:26:16,387 --> 00:26:18,055
But no more.
429
00:26:18,122 --> 00:26:20,725
Oh, Alejandro,
you very sexy right now.
430
00:26:22,126 --> 00:26:24,395
Instead,
I will send them to you.
431
00:26:24,462 --> 00:26:27,365
Our trucks ship coupons
all across the us.
432
00:26:27,431 --> 00:26:30,267
And as for the border,
this is no problem.
433
00:26:30,334 --> 00:26:33,771
They stop drugs because
there is a war on drugs.
434
00:26:34,372 --> 00:26:36,340
But who cares about coupons?
435
00:26:41,846 --> 00:26:43,014
Gracias.
436
00:26:49,120 --> 00:26:51,422
Okay, mama,
just please be quiet, okay?
437
00:26:51,489 --> 00:26:54,291
I ain't saying a word.
438
00:26:54,358 --> 00:26:57,928
Yo, yo, yo.
It's time to save with jojo.
439
00:26:57,995 --> 00:27:01,065
Is it hot in here,
or is it just me?
440
00:27:01,132 --> 00:27:02,767
It's you.
441
00:27:03,401 --> 00:27:05,002
I have to start again now!
442
00:27:05,069 --> 00:27:07,738
I'm getting my cheetos fix
443
00:27:07,805 --> 00:27:11,876
thanks to my flamin' hot site
for coupons,
444
00:27:11,942 --> 00:27:14,278
savvysupersaver.com.
445
00:27:14,345 --> 00:27:17,948
You get a bunch of coupons.
All of them are gonna be half off, okay?
446
00:27:18,015 --> 00:27:21,952
So, go there, get your coupons,
make your savings, okay?
447
00:27:31,328 --> 00:27:32,863
$47.99.
448
00:27:33,464 --> 00:27:35,132
Whoa, look at that. Free!
449
00:27:42,139 --> 00:27:43,140
Okay.
450
00:27:49,313 --> 00:27:52,016
- Hey, I got it.
- Thank you, Earl.
451
00:27:52,083 --> 00:27:54,385
Savvy super saver, huh?
452
00:27:55,453 --> 00:27:58,789
Now, did I say save,
or did I say save?
453
00:27:58,856 --> 00:28:01,158
You get a free coupon!
You get a free coupon!
454
00:28:01,225 --> 00:28:02,460
You get a free coupon!
455
00:28:17,341 --> 00:28:18,976
Keep an eye on that for me,
okay?
456
00:28:35,226 --> 00:28:38,028
Okay.
457
00:28:38,095 --> 00:28:41,999
You have 74 new
voice messages. First voice message.
458
00:28:42,066 --> 00:28:43,834
I'm calling from general mills
459
00:28:43,901 --> 00:28:47,104
about a fraudulent, um, uh,
coupon for cocoa puffs.
460
00:28:47,171 --> 00:28:48,439
Coupon for cocoa puffs.
461
00:28:48,506 --> 00:28:50,508
That sounds funny, I guess.
Anyway...
462
00:28:50,574 --> 00:28:52,209
There's
been a run on schick razors.
463
00:28:52,276 --> 00:28:54,778
In the past month,
this one counterfeit coupon
464
00:28:54,845 --> 00:28:57,214
has cost us hundreds of
thousands of dollars.
465
00:28:57,281 --> 00:29:00,518
Uh, we've
had, uh, several of your a&g stores
466
00:29:00,584 --> 00:29:03,420
attempting to redeem this counterfeit
coupon for huggies diapers.
467
00:29:03,487 --> 00:29:05,122
- There's no flaw.
- If you're looking at
468
00:29:05,189 --> 00:29:06,857
these redemption numbers,
469
00:29:06,924 --> 00:29:08,893
this is quickly becoming
a serious issue.
470
00:29:08,959 --> 00:29:11,061
Which is why we're
calling on all lpos
471
00:29:11,128 --> 00:29:13,864
to look into
these fraudulent tide coupons.
472
00:29:13,931 --> 00:29:15,332
This is code red.
473
00:29:15,399 --> 00:29:17,001
- I've mailed you...
- There's no flaw.
474
00:29:17,067 --> 00:29:18,879
Of the fraudulent coupon.
If gerber didn't...
475
00:29:18,903 --> 00:29:22,840
Eleven days. No sleep.
Just me and the receipts.
476
00:29:22,907 --> 00:29:26,410
On a diet of coffee
and heartburn.
477
00:29:26,477 --> 00:29:30,514
The key was finding discounts that
matched the coupons in question.
478
00:29:31,282 --> 00:29:33,050
It was no small task.
479
00:29:33,117 --> 00:29:36,353
Aha! Yes!
480
00:29:36,420 --> 00:29:38,556
Then, accessing
our financial database,
481
00:29:38,622 --> 00:29:42,359
I was able to trace the credit
card number back to you, back here.
482
00:29:42,426 --> 00:29:43,827
And here we are today.
483
00:29:43,894 --> 00:29:45,596
But you're not a detective.
484
00:29:45,663 --> 00:29:48,365
'Cause you sort of look
like a detective.
485
00:29:48,432 --> 00:29:51,101
Detective...
Do I look like a detective?
486
00:29:51,168 --> 00:29:54,338
Huh. I'll pocket that
compliment for a rainy day.
487
00:29:54,405 --> 00:29:58,108
I, uh, no,
I work for a&g family mart.
488
00:29:58,175 --> 00:30:01,045
Anyways, let's cut to
the Chevy chase here.
489
00:30:01,111 --> 00:30:03,581
If I ask a question,
just assume I know the answer.
490
00:30:03,647 --> 00:30:05,950
So, stick to the facts,
would you, ma'am?
491
00:30:06,016 --> 00:30:08,118
Spill it.
Where'd you get the coupons?
492
00:30:08,185 --> 00:30:10,120
Uh, okay.
493
00:30:10,187 --> 00:30:14,124
Well, a friend sent me this video
of this black woman going on and on
494
00:30:14,191 --> 00:30:16,126
about all this stuff
she got for half off
495
00:30:16,193 --> 00:30:19,530
with these coupons
from some website.
496
00:30:19,597 --> 00:30:21,098
I'm sorry.
I'm gonna stop you there.
497
00:30:21,165 --> 00:30:24,034
You purchased these coupons
off a website?
498
00:30:24,101 --> 00:30:27,238
Do you have any idea how many
cheerios a one-year-old goes through?
499
00:30:27,304 --> 00:30:28,973
Well, what's the name
of this website?
500
00:30:29,039 --> 00:30:33,277
Uh, super snappy saver?
501
00:30:33,344 --> 00:30:36,146
Super snazzy something.
502
00:30:36,213 --> 00:30:38,415
- Snazzy super saver.
- Uh...
503
00:30:38,482 --> 00:30:40,918
I remember thinking,
"what a dumb name."
504
00:30:40,985 --> 00:30:43,454
Yeah. Sp-speedy shopper?
Could that be it?
505
00:30:43,520 --> 00:30:45,222
Speedy shopper?
No. That's not even close.
506
00:30:45,289 --> 00:30:47,024
Well, I'm trying to be helpful.
507
00:30:47,091 --> 00:30:48,611
You said you already knew the answers.
508
00:30:48,659 --> 00:30:50,961
- I-I know a lot of 'em, but the point...
- One minute.
509
00:30:59,536 --> 00:31:01,538
Savvy!
510
00:31:01,605 --> 00:31:04,241
S... are you talking to me,
ma'am?
511
00:31:04,308 --> 00:31:05,609
Savvy super saver.
512
00:31:05,676 --> 00:31:07,911
Savvy, is that one v or two?
513
00:31:07,978 --> 00:31:11,015
Oh, no, I guess one would be
"savy." So it's two. Two v's.
514
00:31:15,252 --> 00:31:18,055
"Watch the pennies, and the dollars
will take care of themselves."
515
00:31:18,122 --> 00:31:21,659
Savvy super saver.
516
00:31:25,562 --> 00:31:27,064
My hands hurt.
517
00:31:27,131 --> 00:31:29,233
We're filling
hundreds of orders a day.
518
00:31:29,300 --> 00:31:31,702
Don't you feel like this is
all happening way too fast?
519
00:31:31,769 --> 00:31:34,371
No, fast is good. Fast is...
520
00:31:35,372 --> 00:31:37,174
- Oh, crap.
- What?
521
00:31:37,241 --> 00:31:40,344
Frozen? No. No.
522
00:31:40,411 --> 00:31:43,580
Connie, I told you this
is all happening too fast!
523
00:31:43,647 --> 00:31:45,549
I'm like, "whoop, whoop, whoop!"
524
00:31:45,616 --> 00:31:47,518
Alarm bells
are just going off in my mind.
525
00:31:47,584 --> 00:31:48,952
- Let me refresh it.
- So just...
526
00:31:49,019 --> 00:31:50,387
Okay, close the page.
Start again.
527
00:31:50,454 --> 00:31:51,655
Did we lose all that money?
528
00:31:51,722 --> 00:31:53,657
- I don't know.
- Fuck!
529
00:31:53,724 --> 00:31:55,959
Uh-huh.
530
00:31:56,026 --> 00:31:58,629
Uh-huh, yep. So...
531
00:31:58,696 --> 00:32:03,400
Abnormally large amounts of money
in the account. Right.
532
00:32:03,467 --> 00:32:06,637
Okay, and... and how do we unfreeze it?
533
00:32:08,672 --> 00:32:10,574
Uh-huh.
534
00:32:10,641 --> 00:32:13,744
Oh, so we just have to prove
that it's a legitimate business.
535
00:32:13,811 --> 00:32:16,980
Okay. Got it.
536
00:32:17,047 --> 00:32:18,749
Yes.
537
00:32:18,816 --> 00:32:22,019
All good. Okay. Okey dokey.
Thanks so much. Bye.
538
00:32:22,720 --> 00:32:24,988
I knew this was
too good to be true.
539
00:32:25,055 --> 00:32:26,523
Is it though?
540
00:32:26,590 --> 00:32:29,493
The PayPal rep
made it seem simple enough.
541
00:32:29,560 --> 00:32:32,196
We just need someone who's had
experience with this sort of thing.
542
00:32:32,262 --> 00:32:35,632
Like selling stolen shit for
abnormally large amounts of money.
543
00:32:35,699 --> 00:32:37,334
- Like that sort of thing?
- Exactly.
544
00:32:37,401 --> 00:32:40,537
Oh, okay.
545
00:32:40,604 --> 00:32:42,773
What about that girl
who stole your identity?
546
00:32:42,840 --> 00:32:45,342
Tempe Tina? Really?
547
00:32:45,409 --> 00:32:49,179
You wanna go to the little
brat who ruined my entire life?
548
00:32:50,681 --> 00:32:52,316
Jojo...
549
00:32:52,383 --> 00:32:54,551
- Girl, this is unnecessary.
- I know, but we need her.
550
00:32:54,618 --> 00:32:55,452
What the fuck is this about?
551
00:32:55,519 --> 00:32:57,287
Just to clear the air,
552
00:32:57,354 --> 00:33:00,023
the shit I did to you as a
kid, that was a side gig, okay.
553
00:33:00,090 --> 00:33:01,792
I dabble in the dark web.
554
00:33:01,859 --> 00:33:05,562
Okay, well, just to clear the
air on my side, just so you know,
555
00:33:05,629 --> 00:33:08,665
after that little stunt you
pulled, I went to the police.
556
00:33:08,732 --> 00:33:10,467
- They didn't help me.
- That's true.
557
00:33:10,534 --> 00:33:12,603
I went to social security.
They didn't believe me.
558
00:33:12,669 --> 00:33:14,605
And I went to my bank.
And guess what?
559
00:33:14,671 --> 00:33:16,607
Those motherfuckers
didn't trust me.
560
00:33:16,673 --> 00:33:19,576
Girl, you know,
I had so much debt because of you.
561
00:33:19,643 --> 00:33:21,478
I had to move back home
with my mama.
562
00:33:21,545 --> 00:33:25,082
You know how embarrassing that shit is?
I'm a grown-ass woman.
563
00:33:25,149 --> 00:33:26,650
I'm really sorry about that.
564
00:33:26,717 --> 00:33:28,652
I-I really... I had no idea.
565
00:33:28,719 --> 00:33:30,154
Yeah, well, okay.
566
00:33:30,687 --> 00:33:33,056
- Electric car?
- What?
567
00:33:33,123 --> 00:33:36,326
Is this an electric car?
It's just so quiet, isn't it?
568
00:33:36,393 --> 00:33:38,195
I mean, I've never been
blindfolded before,
569
00:33:38,262 --> 00:33:40,063
and it's true what they say.
570
00:33:40,130 --> 00:33:42,433
All your other senses
are so heightened.
571
00:33:43,400 --> 00:33:45,335
Ooh...
572
00:33:45,402 --> 00:33:47,247
- Did we just go over train tracks?
- I felt that.
573
00:33:47,271 --> 00:33:48,739
- Did you feel that?
- Yeah.
574
00:33:48,806 --> 00:33:51,108
- They are heightened, I...
- That's so weird.
575
00:33:51,175 --> 00:33:53,644
Are you eating juicy fruit?
The gum. Is that what you eatin'?
576
00:33:53,710 --> 00:33:55,612
You smell that?
Oh, I love juicy fruit.
577
00:33:55,679 --> 00:33:58,315
- Oh, I haven't had it in forever.
- Me either. Me either.
578
00:33:58,382 --> 00:33:59,783
Can you guys
just shut the fuck up?
579
00:33:59,850 --> 00:34:01,151
Okay, rude.
580
00:34:01,218 --> 00:34:03,120
My specialty is cybersecurity.
581
00:34:03,187 --> 00:34:05,556
You guys have any idea
what that means?
582
00:34:05,622 --> 00:34:06,857
- No. Not a clue.
- No.
583
00:34:06,924 --> 00:34:09,460
Okay. Governments
and global corporations
584
00:34:09,526 --> 00:34:12,329
deal with security attacks
every single day.
585
00:34:12,396 --> 00:34:15,299
My job is to identify 'em,
prevent 'em,
586
00:34:15,365 --> 00:34:19,136
or, if they pay me enough,
to create 'em.
587
00:34:20,771 --> 00:34:22,339
Humblebrag.
588
00:34:26,810 --> 00:34:29,646
How the fuck did you
make this kind of coin from coupons?
589
00:34:29,713 --> 00:34:30,747
Take 'em off.
590
00:34:31,548 --> 00:34:33,317
Whew.
591
00:34:33,383 --> 00:34:35,261
You can't have this much money
flowing in a single account.
592
00:34:35,285 --> 00:34:37,697
I can unfreeze this for you,
but we gotta spread this shit out.
593
00:34:37,721 --> 00:34:40,691
I'm talking moneypak, PayPal,
venmo, Google pay.
594
00:34:43,427 --> 00:34:45,429
Okay, wow.
595
00:34:45,496 --> 00:34:47,564
You're cashing in
with this craptacular site,
596
00:34:47,631 --> 00:34:49,166
savvy super saver?
597
00:34:49,233 --> 00:34:51,468
- It was a template.
- Right.
598
00:34:51,535 --> 00:34:54,238
And the site isn't savvy,
the shoppers are.
599
00:34:54,304 --> 00:34:55,405
There we go. That part.
600
00:34:55,472 --> 00:34:56,607
The site is registered
601
00:34:56,673 --> 00:34:58,709
to a Charles barkin
from hackensack.
602
00:34:58,775 --> 00:35:02,145
Charlie barkin. It's from
all dogs go to heaven.
603
00:35:02,212 --> 00:35:05,482
- And the address is a petco in New Jersey.
- Boom.
604
00:35:05,549 --> 00:35:09,553
Well, look at you. We got ourselves
a couple of queenpins in the making.
605
00:35:09,620 --> 00:35:12,422
- Damn, you hear that?
- Mm-hmm.
606
00:35:12,489 --> 00:35:14,658
We queenpins, bitch.
607
00:35:14,725 --> 00:35:17,394
Relax, 'cause it's still
way too easy to trace back to you.
608
00:35:17,461 --> 00:35:20,664
Is there anything else
I should know about?
609
00:35:20,731 --> 00:35:23,433
Yo, yo, yo.
It's time to save with jojo.
610
00:35:23,500 --> 00:35:25,836
You know what makes your Booty
so fine?
611
00:35:25,903 --> 00:35:29,907
Half-off Booty
from savvysupersaver.Com.
612
00:35:31,875 --> 00:35:33,577
Seriously?
613
00:35:33,644 --> 00:35:35,455
You see, my YouTube's
a part of my brand, so...
614
00:35:35,479 --> 00:35:37,681
That's 48 real rolls,
okay, y'all?
615
00:35:37,748 --> 00:35:39,950
Head over to savvy super sa...
616
00:35:40,017 --> 00:35:45,455
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, what?
Where you go, girl?
617
00:35:45,522 --> 00:35:48,292
Trust me, nobody gives a bag
of dicks about your brand.
618
00:35:48,358 --> 00:35:50,761
What you guys need
is a front for your business.
619
00:35:50,827 --> 00:35:51,962
All of this money is dirty,
620
00:35:52,029 --> 00:35:54,464
so don't go spending dough
on shit you can't write off.
621
00:35:54,531 --> 00:35:55,899
Give it six months,
622
00:35:55,966 --> 00:35:58,535
and make sure it ain't
alarm-ageddon out there.
623
00:35:58,602 --> 00:36:02,306
You got that? And to start,
we need aliases, and lots of 'em.
624
00:36:02,372 --> 00:36:05,409
From there, we open up bank
accounts, apply for credit cards,
625
00:36:05,475 --> 00:36:08,378
and don't be doing this shit
at home.
626
00:36:08,445 --> 00:36:10,380
Rent a stash house, okay?
627
00:36:10,447 --> 00:36:13,250
And from now on, use this.
It's an ironkey.
628
00:36:13,317 --> 00:36:15,652
It's military-grade encryption.
Just stick it in your USB.
629
00:36:15,719 --> 00:36:19,323
Uh, for my help, I take 10%
of everything you make.
630
00:36:19,389 --> 00:36:20,824
Girl, what?
631
00:36:20,891 --> 00:36:22,259
Well, I'm worth it.
632
00:36:22,326 --> 00:36:24,294
The good news is, ladies,
633
00:36:24,361 --> 00:36:26,396
is you are entering
a real growth industry, okay.
634
00:36:26,463 --> 00:36:29,399
Pink-collar crime,
it's fly as fuck right now.
635
00:36:29,466 --> 00:36:32,402
We get you square,
and this coupon hustle,
636
00:36:32,469 --> 00:36:34,671
it's gonna pay off
in a big, big way.
637
00:36:36,006 --> 00:36:38,675
Could you say it all again
and, like, much slower?
638
00:36:38,742 --> 00:36:40,844
I don't know what half
those things you said were.
639
00:36:40,911 --> 00:36:43,313
- And do you have a pad and pen maybe?
- Pen and paper, yeah.
640
00:36:43,380 --> 00:36:45,415
Or give me my phone back.
I'll take notes.
641
00:36:45,482 --> 00:36:47,884
- Just to write it down.
- No. No.
642
00:36:47,951 --> 00:36:49,991
- We don't got it, but we got it.
- We will wing it.
643
00:36:59,029 --> 00:37:00,731
Yeah, I mean, you and me are...
644
00:37:00,797 --> 00:37:02,966
We're standing on the tip
of the iceberg here.
645
00:37:03,033 --> 00:37:05,769
Ah, it's probably just... China.
646
00:37:05,836 --> 00:37:08,805
Oh. Can't be China.
647
00:37:08,872 --> 00:37:10,607
Why not China?
648
00:37:10,674 --> 00:37:13,377
Ah, no, China's just...
You gotta trust me on this one.
649
00:37:13,443 --> 00:37:15,679
I mean these...
These are gall-damn perfect.
650
00:37:15,746 --> 00:37:18,715
You know this...
China couldn't pull this one off. No.
651
00:37:18,782 --> 00:37:20,684
These... it's all
in the file folder.
652
00:37:20,751 --> 00:37:22,629
- I mean, the, uh, coupon warning sheets...
- Yeah. Okay.
653
00:37:22,653 --> 00:37:24,554
The website,
the interview with the mother.
654
00:37:24,621 --> 00:37:26,790
- It's... it's... it's a real bombshell.
- Yeah.
655
00:37:26,857 --> 00:37:30,594
Don't say bombshell
in an FBI building.
656
00:37:30,661 --> 00:37:33,930
- I thought maybe don't say bomb.
- Don't say bomb anything.
657
00:37:33,997 --> 00:37:35,832
- Sorry.
- What's wrong with you?
658
00:37:35,899 --> 00:37:39,603
No, I just... I'm trying to
relay the severity of the case.
659
00:37:39,670 --> 00:37:40,804
I just, uh...
660
00:37:40,871 --> 00:37:42,706
This is a crisis
at a national level.
661
00:37:42,773 --> 00:37:45,308
- This is my pelican brief.
- Okay. Okay.
662
00:37:45,375 --> 00:37:47,377
- Okay. Ken? Ken, okay.
- Yes, sir.
663
00:37:47,444 --> 00:37:50,847
Ken, you have my attention.
You have her attention.
664
00:37:50,914 --> 00:37:52,449
Oh. Hey.
665
00:37:52,516 --> 00:37:56,053
I think we should run this
up the chain to hq.
666
00:37:57,421 --> 00:38:00,424
- That's, uh, it's good to hear that.
- Yeah.
667
00:38:00,490 --> 00:38:02,359
'Cause, I mean, that's great.
668
00:38:02,426 --> 00:38:04,003
Uh, we're gonna need a whole
team working on this thing.
669
00:38:04,027 --> 00:38:05,495
Yep, yep. Mm-hmm.
670
00:38:05,562 --> 00:38:08,632
- Is... do you do tours?
- Uh, we d... we don't.
671
00:38:08,699 --> 00:38:10,643
Well, you got my card.
I gave you my card and that.
672
00:38:10,667 --> 00:38:11,667
Yeah, we got your card.
673
00:38:11,702 --> 00:38:13,036
- We got your email.
- Email.
674
00:38:13,103 --> 00:38:15,372
We got your... your snail mail.
We got everything.
675
00:38:15,439 --> 00:38:16,873
- Trust me, trust me.
- That's good.
676
00:38:16,940 --> 00:38:18,918
You're going to be hearing
from DC real soon. Yeah.
677
00:38:18,942 --> 00:38:21,511
- Okay. Thanks so much, guys. This is fun.
- Thank you.
678
00:38:21,578 --> 00:38:23,447
- Appreciate it, uh...
- We'll do it again.
679
00:38:23,513 --> 00:38:25,115
Ken. See you, Ken.
680
00:38:27,551 --> 00:38:32,689
Who the fuck let that kook in here?
I mean, come on. Coupons? Coupons?
681
00:38:32,756 --> 00:38:34,925
Dealing with
national security, terrorism,
682
00:38:34,991 --> 00:38:37,360
and this nutbag
is babbling on about coupons.
683
00:38:37,427 --> 00:38:38,695
I can't... just... here.
684
00:38:38,762 --> 00:38:42,599
Why don't we let that shit
get lost in DC?
685
00:38:44,634 --> 00:38:46,069
This is Ken Miller.
686
00:38:46,136 --> 00:38:49,439
Salt lake city referred
my coupon case to hq.
687
00:38:49,506 --> 00:38:53,677
Uh, whether I gotta fax or email or
what have you, uh, you let me know,
688
00:38:53,744 --> 00:38:57,047
'cause I would love to get in touch
with, uh, you guys and gals,
689
00:38:57,114 --> 00:38:58,949
whoever's working the beat.
690
00:38:59,015 --> 00:39:01,084
All right. Ken Miller.
691
00:39:06,790 --> 00:39:08,592
- Looking for someone?
- I was told to find
692
00:39:08,658 --> 00:39:11,061
the lowest rung on the ladder.
Is that you?
693
00:39:17,033 --> 00:39:18,702
- This is for you.
- Thank you.
694
00:39:18,769 --> 00:39:19,770
Mm-hmm.
695
00:39:45,595 --> 00:39:47,831
- Nice truck!
- Nice new house!
696
00:39:47,898 --> 00:39:50,934
- So big!
- Thank you.
697
00:39:51,001 --> 00:39:52,803
Had to rent it for the business.
698
00:39:52,869 --> 00:39:56,439
Uh, just leaving
message number umpteenth.
699
00:39:56,506 --> 00:39:58,742
Uh, hoping y'all are gonna
give me a call back.
700
00:39:58,809 --> 00:40:01,745
I am sitting here waiting.
I think you know my number by now.
701
00:40:01,812 --> 00:40:03,914
Okay, what's with all
the free fucking coupons?
702
00:40:12,522 --> 00:40:13,657
Hey, this is Ken Miller.
703
00:40:13,723 --> 00:40:15,559
I... shit.
704
00:40:15,625 --> 00:40:18,495
I just spilled some coffee.
I'm gonna call you guys back.
705
00:40:21,932 --> 00:40:25,202
This is Ken.
Just checking in again.
706
00:40:25,268 --> 00:40:27,737
Um, Miller, it's Ken Miller.
707
00:40:27,804 --> 00:40:30,774
The "I" still stands for
investigation, right?
708
00:40:40,684 --> 00:40:43,653
- It's been six months!
- I know.
709
00:40:43,720 --> 00:40:48,758
Today's the day we finally
get to spend our money!
710
00:40:48,825 --> 00:40:51,828
I know. Hey, I added up
everything in all of our accounts.
711
00:40:51,895 --> 00:40:53,663
- Mm-hmm.
- You wanna know what we've got?
712
00:40:55,565 --> 00:40:58,101
- 5,230,000...
- What?
713
00:40:58,168 --> 00:40:59,769
And 55 cents.
714
00:40:59,836 --> 00:41:01,238
- We're millionaires!
- I know!
715
00:41:01,304 --> 00:41:04,074
We're filthy fucking rich!
716
00:41:04,140 --> 00:41:06,509
- ♪ Hey, dirty ♪
- what?
717
00:41:06,576 --> 00:41:09,512
♪ Baby, I got your money
don't you worry ♪
718
00:41:09,579 --> 00:41:10,981
- ♪ I said hey ♪
- sing it!
719
00:41:11,047 --> 00:41:15,619
♪ Baby, I got your money
hey dirty ♪
720
00:41:15,685 --> 00:41:18,588
♪ baby, I got your money
don't you worry ♪
721
00:41:18,655 --> 00:41:20,090
- Hey.
- Wait. Dirty.
722
00:41:20,156 --> 00:41:23,159
Didn't tempe Tina say
that all the money is dirty?
723
00:41:23,226 --> 00:41:26,096
- What?
- We still have to clean it.
724
00:41:27,297 --> 00:41:28,732
Fuck!
725
00:41:28,798 --> 00:41:31,935
Did she? Wha... call her ass up.
726
00:41:36,072 --> 00:41:37,741
We're sorry.
You have reached a number
727
00:41:37,807 --> 00:41:40,610
that has been disconnected
or is no longer in service.
728
00:41:40,677 --> 00:41:41,845
If you feel you have re...
729
00:41:41,912 --> 00:41:43,980
Think she's using
a burner phone?
730
00:41:44,047 --> 00:41:46,316
What do we do now?
I'm a multimillionaire
731
00:41:46,383 --> 00:41:47,984
and I can't spend
any of my money?
732
00:41:48,051 --> 00:41:49,252
That's fucking bullshit.
733
00:41:49,319 --> 00:41:51,254
Wait a minute.
734
00:41:51,321 --> 00:41:53,323
- Rick.
- What about him?
735
00:41:54,391 --> 00:41:56,293
Rick is always griping to me
736
00:41:56,359 --> 00:41:58,762
about how these different
companies hide their money.
737
00:41:58,828 --> 00:42:01,865
They funnel money through, like,
offshore accounts in the Cayman Islands.
738
00:42:01,932 --> 00:42:04,301
Honestly, I try to tune out
all of the audit talk,
739
00:42:04,367 --> 00:42:09,139
but there was this one story about this
comptroller guy in Tacoma, Washington,
740
00:42:09,205 --> 00:42:11,074
who embezzled $25 million.
741
00:42:11,141 --> 00:42:15,278
And the only reason I remember
is because his name was guy rich.
742
00:42:15,345 --> 00:42:17,147
- Guy rich?
- That's what I said.
743
00:42:17,213 --> 00:42:19,049
Rick was like, "yeah."
744
00:42:19,115 --> 00:42:23,353
Anyway, he said that guy's
stupidity actually helped him.
745
00:42:23,420 --> 00:42:25,831
'Cause he didn't know anything
about the Cayman Islands account.
746
00:42:25,855 --> 00:42:28,892
So what he did instead
was bought a bunch of stuff.
747
00:42:28,959 --> 00:42:30,860
And then he went out
and sold it,
748
00:42:30,927 --> 00:42:34,597
and whatever he made
from selling it was clean.
749
00:42:34,664 --> 00:42:37,867
Jojo, we need to get all of our money
out of these different bank accounts,
750
00:42:37,934 --> 00:42:41,604
buy a bunch of expensive stuff
and then sell it.
751
00:42:41,671 --> 00:42:43,740
And all the money
we make from selling it
752
00:42:43,807 --> 00:42:45,241
- will be clean.
- Will be clean.
753
00:42:46,343 --> 00:42:48,345
Okay. All right.
754
00:42:48,411 --> 00:42:51,848
But you can't just walk into a bank
and take out a shitload of money.
755
00:42:52,816 --> 00:42:54,017
Can you?
756
00:42:54,084 --> 00:42:56,853
Ooh. Girl,
we are gonna get you together.
757
00:42:56,920 --> 00:42:58,321
Really?
This dress with that blazer?
758
00:42:58,388 --> 00:43:01,658
Yes! A hundred percent!
Just trust me, okay?
759
00:43:01,725 --> 00:43:03,360
Just let jojo work her magic.
760
00:43:03,426 --> 00:43:04,894
Yes!
761
00:43:26,883 --> 00:43:28,351
Hi. Joseph Johnson, please.
762
00:43:28,418 --> 00:43:30,353
Straight ahead
through that door.
763
00:43:36,760 --> 00:43:38,428
And you must be Melissa.
764
00:43:38,495 --> 00:43:40,663
- Very nice to meet you.
- Pleasure.
765
00:43:40,730 --> 00:43:41,874
I'll be honest with you,
Melissa.
766
00:43:41,898 --> 00:43:43,333
I was pretty suspicious
at first.
767
00:43:43,400 --> 00:43:45,435
You moving around
this kind of money.
768
00:43:45,502 --> 00:43:48,204
With this being a border state,
we're extra vigilant, Nancy,
769
00:43:48,271 --> 00:43:50,940
because we're dealing with
some pretty dangerous people.
770
00:43:51,007 --> 00:43:52,308
Lucky for us, Stephanie,
771
00:43:52,375 --> 00:43:54,377
the financial crimes
enforcement network
772
00:43:54,444 --> 00:43:56,379
has established
dollar amount thresholds
773
00:43:56,446 --> 00:43:57,981
to guard against
money laundering.
774
00:43:58,048 --> 00:44:00,383
But obviously
you're not the cartel.
775
00:44:00,450 --> 00:44:04,988
You're not hiring mules,
smuggling what have you across the border.
776
00:44:05,055 --> 00:44:09,726
No, no. You're just a hardworking,
successful, female entrepreneur.
777
00:44:09,793 --> 00:44:14,264
Now, your business.
What is back-2-black exactly?
778
00:44:14,330 --> 00:44:17,400
It's a cosmetics line
779
00:44:17,467 --> 00:44:19,969
for... people of color.
780
00:44:21,171 --> 00:44:23,039
People of color?
781
00:44:23,473 --> 00:44:24,474
Huh.
782
00:44:27,477 --> 00:44:31,748
Well, if there's a demand,
why not you?
783
00:44:31,815 --> 00:44:34,975
Hey, Barbara, we're gonna need some help
carrying Ms. Russell's money over here.
784
00:44:36,953 --> 00:44:39,155
Let's go get you your money.
785
00:44:39,222 --> 00:44:41,124
Will hundreds be a problem?
786
00:44:42,959 --> 00:44:44,227
Super-duper.
787
00:44:49,165 --> 00:44:50,433
Oh, my god.
788
00:44:50,500 --> 00:44:52,368
- Look at all this money.
- I know.
789
00:44:52,435 --> 00:44:54,437
How are we gonna clean it all?
790
00:44:54,504 --> 00:44:58,308
You know we gotta go shopping.
What would a guy buy with all this cash?
791
00:44:58,374 --> 00:45:00,810
Yeah. Like, what would Rick buy?
792
00:45:06,349 --> 00:45:08,318
What's up? I'm kind of
in the middle of something.
793
00:45:08,384 --> 00:45:10,253
Hey, quick question.
794
00:45:11,287 --> 00:45:15,358
What would I buy
if money was no object?
795
00:45:15,425 --> 00:45:18,027
Why are you asking me?
You know what, doesn't matter.
796
00:45:18,094 --> 00:45:21,764
I guess I would buy
a lamborghini.
797
00:45:47,357 --> 00:45:49,559
And finally,
the lamborghini urus
798
00:45:49,626 --> 00:45:52,162
merges the soul of a sports car
799
00:45:52,228 --> 00:45:54,430
with the functionality
of an SUV.
800
00:45:54,497 --> 00:45:57,267
You truly can't call yourself
a real American
801
00:45:57,333 --> 00:46:00,136
till you've been behind the
wheel of a marathon coach
802
00:46:00,203 --> 00:46:02,939
- built on a prevost chassis.
- How much for this one?
803
00:46:03,006 --> 00:46:06,843
This beauty
is priced at $265,000.
804
00:46:06,910 --> 00:46:08,578
Oh, uh, don't forget the boat.
805
00:46:08,645 --> 00:46:10,280
Oh, yeah. How much for the boat?
806
00:46:10,346 --> 00:46:12,448
What do you say, ladies?
Which one do you want?
807
00:46:13,650 --> 00:46:14,918
We'll take them all.
808
00:46:26,062 --> 00:46:29,132
- Whoo!
- Whoo!
809
00:46:36,472 --> 00:46:41,277
You know, every a&g store in america
is affected as well, so I hear ya.
810
00:46:41,344 --> 00:46:42,979
- I hear ya.
- Do you, Ken?
811
00:46:43,046 --> 00:46:44,480
Do you understand
the trickle-down
812
00:46:44,547 --> 00:46:47,016
if corporations like us
don't make money?
813
00:46:47,083 --> 00:46:50,286
We can't pay taxes. Then suddenly
the roads aren't getting fixed.
814
00:46:50,353 --> 00:46:52,422
Teachers are losing their jobs.
815
00:46:52,488 --> 00:46:55,258
Before you know it, John q.
Public is getting mugged at gunpoint,
816
00:46:55,325 --> 00:46:56,993
- maybe gang-raped.
- Uh...
817
00:46:57,060 --> 00:46:59,162
And where are the cops?
There are no more cops.
818
00:46:59,229 --> 00:47:00,496
Okay, Craig, I...
819
00:47:01,097 --> 00:47:02,565
Oh, 7:00 A.M.
820
00:47:02,632 --> 00:47:04,934
Yeah, one sec, Craig.
I gotta call you back.
821
00:47:05,001 --> 00:47:06,603
We're
supposed to be the good guys here,
822
00:47:06,669 --> 00:47:08,605
giving everybody
a great deal. Shit...
823
00:47:08,671 --> 00:47:12,408
Yeah. Hey, you know, bill, I...
I actually got another call coming in.
824
00:47:12,475 --> 00:47:14,077
I'm going to switch over, okay?
825
00:47:14,143 --> 00:47:16,112
It's a goddamn priority
we find out who...
826
00:47:17,247 --> 00:47:18,948
Hello?
827
00:47:19,015 --> 00:47:20,617
Oh, hi. Yes,
I'm calling for Ken Miller.
828
00:47:20,683 --> 00:47:22,151
Speaking.
829
00:47:22,218 --> 00:47:24,387
Ken, hi.
My name is Albert Anderson.
830
00:47:24,454 --> 00:47:26,534
I'm calling from the federal
bureau of investigations
831
00:47:26,589 --> 00:47:28,891
about your counterfeit
coupon case.
832
00:47:28,958 --> 00:47:31,327
Thank god you're calling me.
Hey, wait a sec.
833
00:47:31,394 --> 00:47:35,932
I have been calling you guys,
leaving messages ad nauseam,
834
00:47:35,999 --> 00:47:37,710
and here you are,
finally getting back to me.
835
00:47:37,734 --> 00:47:39,569
This is "real soon"?
Let me tell you what.
836
00:47:39,636 --> 00:47:42,338
We need boots on the ground
asap right now. Okay, bud?
837
00:47:42,405 --> 00:47:43,940
Uh,
838
00:47:44,007 --> 00:47:46,209
I'm an intelligence analyst
839
00:47:46,276 --> 00:47:50,046
working out of
a sub-subbasement.
840
00:47:50,113 --> 00:47:53,249
My field experience
is literally zero.
841
00:47:53,316 --> 00:47:56,319
Yeah, that sounds about right.
You got to be fucking kidding me.
842
00:47:56,386 --> 00:48:00,223
Unfortunately, no. But I am calling
you because I think I can help.
843
00:48:00,290 --> 00:48:03,026
Yeah, don't...
Don't let me stop ya.
844
00:48:03,092 --> 00:48:04,961
Give me
the master plan here, bub.
845
00:48:05,028 --> 00:48:08,398
Okay, uh, well, this savvy
super saver website.
846
00:48:08,464 --> 00:48:11,334
Now, the interface
is complete amateur hour,
847
00:48:11,401 --> 00:48:14,070
but the problem
is with the site's back end.
848
00:48:14,137 --> 00:48:16,572
I've used every possible tool
at my disposal
849
00:48:16,639 --> 00:48:18,641
and I am meeting
nothing but dead ends.
850
00:48:18,708 --> 00:48:20,576
The ip address is untraceable,
851
00:48:20,643 --> 00:48:23,346
there's no analytics,
no cookie trails.
852
00:48:24,347 --> 00:48:26,215
Guess what I'm trying
to say is...
853
00:48:27,216 --> 00:48:30,153
None of it really adds up.
854
00:48:30,219 --> 00:48:33,356
Okay, so how's that
supposed to help me, Albert?
855
00:48:33,423 --> 00:48:37,160
Oh, well, I guess it doesn't.
But, um...
856
00:48:37,226 --> 00:48:40,196
The fuck, Albert?
Talking about cookie trails.
857
00:48:40,263 --> 00:48:41,698
I don't know this shit.
858
00:48:41,764 --> 00:48:44,167
Do you realize that
these counterfeit coupons,
859
00:48:44,233 --> 00:48:46,345
tens of thousands of 'em,
have been mailed out all over the country?
860
00:48:46,369 --> 00:48:48,714
- And I'm the one who's supposed to...
- Whoa, whoa. Wait, wait.
861
00:48:48,738 --> 00:48:50,273
Did you say mail?
862
00:48:50,340 --> 00:48:54,410
Like, postal, snail mail,
not by email?
863
00:48:54,477 --> 00:48:58,614
Mail. Like...
Like through the post office.
864
00:48:58,681 --> 00:49:01,751
Okay. Help is on the way.
865
00:49:01,818 --> 00:49:04,487
Yeah, you're gonna have those boots
on the ground within 48 hours.
866
00:49:04,554 --> 00:49:08,624
Okay, so now we're talking.
Now what are we...
867
00:49:08,691 --> 00:49:10,426
And he hung up. Goddamn.
868
00:49:26,442 --> 00:49:27,510
Ken Miller?
869
00:49:28,177 --> 00:49:29,712
Oh, yeah. And you are?
870
00:49:29,779 --> 00:49:32,749
- Simon kilmurry, us postal inspector.
- Oh, with the federal bureau...
871
00:49:32,815 --> 00:49:34,717
Us... sorry, say that again?
872
00:49:34,784 --> 00:49:37,587
I'm with the us postal service.
873
00:49:37,653 --> 00:49:41,457
The postal service? No. No, no.
They said that they were sending the FBI.
874
00:49:41,524 --> 00:49:45,061
This is unacceptable.
They... I...
875
00:49:45,128 --> 00:49:48,064
So what do you do?
You, like, carry mail around or something?
876
00:49:48,131 --> 00:49:52,068
That would be a mailman.
They carry the mail. I carry a gun.
877
00:49:52,135 --> 00:49:55,037
This company, Kimberly-Clark,
878
00:49:55,104 --> 00:49:57,507
issues just under
a thousand of these coupons.
879
00:49:57,573 --> 00:50:02,311
As of this week,
over 15,000 of them have been redeemed.
880
00:50:02,378 --> 00:50:05,114
As if that wasn't bad enough,
we can't tell the difference
881
00:50:05,181 --> 00:50:07,750
between the real,
legitimate coupons and the counterfeits.
882
00:50:07,817 --> 00:50:11,354
Well, I do appreciate you
contacting the FBI,
883
00:50:11,421 --> 00:50:14,424
but the postal inspectors
will take it from here.
884
00:50:15,291 --> 00:50:17,126
I appreciate your initiative,
885
00:50:17,193 --> 00:50:19,295
but this is my case. All right?
886
00:50:19,362 --> 00:50:21,230
You're gonna need me
on this one.
887
00:50:21,297 --> 00:50:23,766
You can't just waltz in here
and take the food off my plate.
888
00:50:23,833 --> 00:50:27,403
This is my thing. This is my deal.
Unless you wanna be partners.
889
00:50:27,470 --> 00:50:29,681
- We could be partners on this.
- No. No, we can't be partners.
890
00:50:29,705 --> 00:50:31,707
And you wanna know why
we can't be partners?
891
00:50:31,774 --> 00:50:33,776
'Cause I'm a federal
law enforcement officer.
892
00:50:33,843 --> 00:50:37,380
I carry a firearm, I solve
crimes, and I arrest people.
893
00:50:37,447 --> 00:50:40,616
You're a private citizen who
chases around 15-year-old girls
894
00:50:40,683 --> 00:50:43,653
for lifting packs
of juicy fruit.
895
00:50:43,719 --> 00:50:46,489
That's one thing I do of many.
896
00:50:46,556 --> 00:50:50,460
I-I know coupons.
I live coupons.
897
00:50:50,526 --> 00:50:53,529
So what happened when you tried
to order some off the website?
898
00:50:54,597 --> 00:50:55,832
What are you... I didn't.
899
00:50:55,898 --> 00:50:57,200
So you've done nothing?
900
00:50:57,266 --> 00:50:58,468
I did someth...
901
00:50:58,534 --> 00:51:00,670
- I did a lot of things.
- I did...
902
00:51:00,736 --> 00:51:03,206
You know what I did?
Here's what the fuck I did.
903
00:51:03,272 --> 00:51:05,608
I called the FBI, and I said,
"can you help me out?"
904
00:51:05,675 --> 00:51:08,811
They said, "sure, boots on the ground."
And then they brought me a postman.
905
00:51:08,878 --> 00:51:13,316
All right, Ken, I tell you what.
You seem to know a lot about coupons.
906
00:51:13,382 --> 00:51:18,187
So, why don't you order some off the
website, and they'll come in the mail.
907
00:51:18,254 --> 00:51:20,223
And then we can all see
where they're from.
908
00:51:20,289 --> 00:51:24,293
But, uh, just to be clear so
there's good boundaries in place,
909
00:51:24,360 --> 00:51:25,795
we're not partners.
910
00:51:25,862 --> 00:51:29,799
But what
about you making me, uh,
911
00:51:29,866 --> 00:51:32,668
some sort of a deputized
citizen or something?
912
00:51:32,735 --> 00:51:34,570
Just from a placard standpoint.
913
00:51:35,972 --> 00:51:38,574
- A deputized citizen?
- Yeah.
914
00:51:38,641 --> 00:51:40,877
So what am I doing?
Am I forming a posse here?
915
00:51:40,943 --> 00:51:42,912
No, I'm sorry. It's...
916
00:51:43,646 --> 00:51:45,781
What's your action item?
917
00:51:45,848 --> 00:51:49,252
- My... my actionable item?
- What is your action item?
918
00:51:49,318 --> 00:51:52,255
Action item is to order
the coupons off the website.
919
00:51:54,323 --> 00:51:56,926
That's a good I...
That was a good idea too.
920
00:52:00,863 --> 00:52:02,632
Oh, yes.
921
00:52:05,268 --> 00:52:07,370
Guns? No. No way.
922
00:52:07,436 --> 00:52:09,872
Not happening. Never.
923
00:52:09,939 --> 00:52:12,475
We can go to shake baby after
and get a milkshake.
924
00:52:15,311 --> 00:52:17,280
What has the best resale value?
925
00:52:17,346 --> 00:52:19,815
We're looking for
a good investment.
926
00:52:19,882 --> 00:52:22,552
All right, well,
that'd probably be this here.
927
00:52:22,618 --> 00:52:25,855
This is a keltec
ksg tactical shotgun.
928
00:52:25,922 --> 00:52:28,457
It's pump-action. Right?
929
00:52:28,524 --> 00:52:30,826
Now y'all seen John wick, right?
John wick movies?
930
00:52:30,893 --> 00:52:32,762
- Yes. Absolutely.
- Yeah, yeah.
931
00:52:32,828 --> 00:52:34,373
There ain't
no better commercial for a gun
932
00:52:34,397 --> 00:52:35,831
than a John wick movie.
933
00:52:35,898 --> 00:52:39,835
The moment Keanu
used this sexy bad boy,
934
00:52:39,902 --> 00:52:41,871
the price just went
straight through the roof.
935
00:52:41,938 --> 00:52:44,340
Is it cheaper
if we buy them in bulk?
936
00:52:48,511 --> 00:52:50,580
- Ah.
- Mmm.
937
00:52:51,380 --> 00:52:52,715
Mmm.
938
00:52:52,782 --> 00:52:54,517
That probably shouldn't
have been that easy.
939
00:53:03,659 --> 00:53:05,528
Champagne?
940
00:53:18,441 --> 00:53:19,542
Oh. Ah!
941
00:53:20,009 --> 00:53:21,344
Oh, yeah!
942
00:53:21,410 --> 00:53:23,679
- Coupons! Coupons!
- Coupons! Coupons!
943
00:53:30,886 --> 00:53:32,488
Mmm, mmm, mmm.
944
00:53:32,555 --> 00:53:34,635
What are you going to do
with your half of the money?
945
00:53:34,690 --> 00:53:36,359
Oh, okay.
946
00:53:36,425 --> 00:53:38,427
Um, I'm gonna pay off
mama Josie's mortgage...
947
00:53:38,494 --> 00:53:40,663
- Mmm, mm-hmm.
- Hire her a live-in housekeeper,
948
00:53:40,730 --> 00:53:42,932
and then, I don't know.
949
00:53:42,999 --> 00:53:46,268
I wanna go somewhere exotic.
Like somewhere with a beach.
950
00:53:46,335 --> 00:53:47,837
- You know?
- Mmm.
951
00:53:47,903 --> 00:53:49,715
What about you?
What are you gonna do with your share?
952
00:53:49,739 --> 00:53:51,774
Well...
953
00:53:53,476 --> 00:53:55,811
- Okay. You want to hear something crazy?
- Always.
954
00:53:55,878 --> 00:53:59,949
I made an appointment
at the fertility clinic.
955
00:54:01,450 --> 00:54:03,285
And I know it's a long shot,
956
00:54:03,352 --> 00:54:05,688
but I just figured, why not?
You know?
957
00:54:05,755 --> 00:54:08,991
Yeah, okay.
Uh... what did Rick say?
958
00:54:09,692 --> 00:54:11,327
I didn't tell Rick.
959
00:54:12,061 --> 00:54:13,929
I was kinda hoping
you'd go with me.
960
00:54:14,897 --> 00:54:18,668
Connie. Of course!
You know I gotta go.
961
00:54:18,734 --> 00:54:20,803
- You will?
- Yes!
962
00:54:20,870 --> 00:54:23,515
'Cause when this little girl asks her
auntie jojo the story of her life,
963
00:54:23,539 --> 00:54:26,842
I'm gonna say, "girl,
this all started with a coupon."
964
00:54:28,644 --> 00:54:33,749
Okay, so what we got here
is a address for a pet store,
965
00:54:33,816 --> 00:54:35,051
a petco in Kansas.
966
00:54:35,117 --> 00:54:36,619
I Google mapped it.
967
00:54:36,686 --> 00:54:39,088
The nearest airport
is Kansas City, Missouri.
968
00:54:39,155 --> 00:54:42,692
So I took the Liberty of booking us
a little red-eye flight over there.
969
00:54:42,758 --> 00:54:44,660
Booked us? Okay.
970
00:54:44,727 --> 00:54:47,630
Ken, we are not doing this.
We are not...
971
00:54:47,697 --> 00:54:50,666
Kansas, huh?
Did you check the postage?
972
00:54:50,733 --> 00:54:53,836
- What, like the stamp?
- Well, there is no stamp.
973
00:54:53,903 --> 00:54:56,105
They're using
an online postage service,
974
00:54:56,172 --> 00:54:58,441
which also means
there's no postmark.
975
00:54:58,507 --> 00:55:01,610
- Okay, so...
- Okay, so the zip code on the postmark
976
00:55:01,677 --> 00:55:04,346
and the zip code on the return
address, well, they don't match.
977
00:55:04,413 --> 00:55:07,717
So, the return address, well,
that's Kansas, anything starting with 6-6.
978
00:55:07,783 --> 00:55:10,453
And the postage, 8-5-0-1-3,
979
00:55:10,519 --> 00:55:12,688
anything starting with 8-5,
that's Arizona.
980
00:55:12,755 --> 00:55:16,025
And the last three digits,
0-1-3, that's Phoenix.
981
00:55:16,092 --> 00:55:18,094
So screw
what the return address says.
982
00:55:18,160 --> 00:55:19,762
These things were mailed...
983
00:55:19,829 --> 00:55:22,131
Mailed from Phoenix.
That's impressive. Holy shit.
984
00:55:22,198 --> 00:55:23,566
I'm sorry.
985
00:55:23,632 --> 00:55:25,701
Did you actually memorize
the zip code
986
00:55:25,768 --> 00:55:26,912
for every city in the country?
987
00:55:26,936 --> 00:55:29,004
I'm a postal inspector, Ken.
988
00:55:29,071 --> 00:55:31,474
And all things being equal,
989
00:55:31,540 --> 00:55:33,743
the simplest explanation
tends to be the right one.
990
00:55:33,809 --> 00:55:35,444
Oh, my god.
991
00:55:35,511 --> 00:55:36,788
So if those things
were mailed out of Phoenix,
992
00:55:36,812 --> 00:55:38,523
then the criminal outfit
behind these are...
993
00:55:38,547 --> 00:55:39,987
- From Phoenix.
- Also in Phoenix.
994
00:55:40,015 --> 00:55:41,975
Yeah, that's... you gotta
let me in on this thing.
995
00:55:42,017 --> 00:55:44,487
I'm Mr. Phoenix.
I'm there every month.
996
00:55:44,553 --> 00:55:46,922
There's nine a&g stores
in the area. I can help.
997
00:55:46,989 --> 00:55:49,458
- Ken, we've been through it.
- Please, come on.
998
00:55:53,696 --> 00:55:56,165
All right.
I shouldn't be doing this.
999
00:55:56,966 --> 00:55:58,634
- What are you...
- Okay.
1000
00:55:58,701 --> 00:56:00,679
Put your left hand on my badge
and raise your right hand.
1001
00:56:00,703 --> 00:56:03,572
- Oh, holy shit. Yes, yes, yes. Okay.
- Repeat after me.
1002
00:56:03,639 --> 00:56:05,641
I, Ken Miller,
do solemnly swear...
1003
00:56:05,708 --> 00:56:07,710
I, Ken Miller,
do solemnly swear...
1004
00:56:07,777 --> 00:56:09,178
That I'm being fucked with.
1005
00:56:09,245 --> 00:56:11,914
That I'm being...
Oh, fuck you, man. Come on!
1006
00:56:11,981 --> 00:56:13,592
- What did you think was gonna happen?
- I don't know.
1007
00:56:13,616 --> 00:56:16,094
I don't have the power to make you a
deputy on anything. We've talked about it.
1008
00:56:16,118 --> 00:56:18,954
Thought you might give me a chance.
I thought maybe you would...
1009
00:56:19,021 --> 00:56:21,457
Okay, listen. Y-You're right.
1010
00:56:21,524 --> 00:56:25,828
Fifteen years I've spent tracking lowlifes
shoving shit in their pockets. I get it.
1011
00:56:25,895 --> 00:56:29,465
But it's a real case. I... I...
1012
00:56:29,532 --> 00:56:32,601
I thought you'd give me a chance at
doing something that actually mattered.
1013
00:56:34,870 --> 00:56:37,673
I... oh, shit.
1014
00:56:38,641 --> 00:56:39,909
Maybe you can help.
1015
00:56:39,975 --> 00:56:41,553
You do know Phoenix,
and you already gave me
1016
00:56:41,577 --> 00:56:43,054
a really good lead
with those coupons.
1017
00:56:43,078 --> 00:56:44,980
And I don't want you
to feel bad.
1018
00:56:45,047 --> 00:56:47,183
Atf, DEA, FBI,
1019
00:56:47,249 --> 00:56:49,952
most of those assholes would already
be on a plane to Kansas by now.
1020
00:56:51,120 --> 00:56:52,855
But you can't cheat the mail.
1021
00:56:52,922 --> 00:56:54,757
And you can't cheat father time.
1022
00:56:54,824 --> 00:56:58,127
There is a price to pay for all
your training over the years.
1023
00:56:58,194 --> 00:57:02,798
- I hate to say it.
- This is... your last shot.
1024
00:57:04,767 --> 00:57:06,168
Well...
1025
00:57:06,235 --> 00:57:08,637
I'm egg-cited to give it a go.
1026
00:57:08,704 --> 00:57:12,041
Egg humor.
Well, here's one for you.
1027
00:57:12,107 --> 00:57:13,609
Uh, last time we tried this,
1028
00:57:13,676 --> 00:57:17,079
your average yield
was only four or five eggs.
1029
00:57:17,146 --> 00:57:19,248
Whew. Damn, girl.
1030
00:57:19,315 --> 00:57:21,617
But the good news
is that we still have
1031
00:57:21,684 --> 00:57:23,752
some of Rick's sperm
from last time. So...
1032
00:57:23,819 --> 00:57:27,089
Uh, do we have to use his sperm?
1033
00:57:28,657 --> 00:57:31,260
Well, no, but...
1034
00:57:31,327 --> 00:57:34,163
I mean, he is your husband.
1035
00:57:35,564 --> 00:57:37,900
Yeah, I think
we'd like to shop around.
1036
00:57:37,967 --> 00:57:40,970
- Okay, so there's no photos?
- No photos.
1037
00:57:41,036 --> 00:57:42,916
- It feels like a huge flaw in the system.
- Aw.
1038
00:57:42,972 --> 00:57:46,175
- What about that one?
- Oh. Well, let's take a closer look.
1039
00:57:51,013 --> 00:57:52,648
Geez.
1040
00:57:52,715 --> 00:57:55,885
This donor was very active.
We have over 400 vials.
1041
00:57:56,852 --> 00:57:58,520
- 400?
- Yeah.
1042
00:57:58,587 --> 00:58:00,222
6'2", high IQ,
1043
00:58:00,289 --> 00:58:02,558
- extremely high motility levels.
- Ooh.
1044
00:58:02,625 --> 00:58:04,627
His little guys
are like olympic swimmers.
1045
00:58:04,693 --> 00:58:06,829
- Olympic?
- Uh-huh.
1046
00:58:06,896 --> 00:58:08,964
Hello, Mr. Baby batter.
1047
00:58:09,031 --> 00:58:11,834
You know what?
1048
00:58:11,901 --> 00:58:14,637
I bet a lot of women can't
afford high-quality sperm.
1049
00:58:14,703 --> 00:58:17,072
We could get it to
them at a discount price.
1050
00:58:17,139 --> 00:58:18,974
Do you take cash?
1051
00:58:25,281 --> 00:58:28,884
Did we just spend $330,000
on one man's sperm?
1052
00:58:31,153 --> 00:58:34,033
You know, I bet we'll be the first
people to launder money selling semen.
1053
00:58:34,089 --> 00:58:35,591
Right?
1054
00:58:35,658 --> 00:58:37,559
I don't know.
1055
00:58:37,626 --> 00:58:39,728
Getting a call from Switzerland.
1056
00:58:39,795 --> 00:58:40,829
Weird.
1057
00:58:41,630 --> 00:58:42,831
Hello?
1058
00:58:44,166 --> 00:58:45,834
Oh, hey, Tina.
1059
00:58:45,901 --> 00:58:47,303
Are... are you in Switzerland?
1060
00:58:49,038 --> 00:58:50,773
Oh, no, right. You're here.
1061
00:58:50,839 --> 00:58:52,274
Oh, you're here, here.
1062
00:58:52,341 --> 00:58:55,077
Yeah, okay.
Uh, we'll be out in a jiff.
1063
00:58:57,046 --> 00:58:58,047
- She's here.
- Oh.
1064
00:59:06,388 --> 00:59:08,857
Tempe, juicy fruit?
1065
00:59:19,001 --> 00:59:21,804
Any idea
why I brought you guys here?
1066
00:59:21,870 --> 00:59:22,938
- No.
- No.
1067
00:59:23,005 --> 00:59:24,907
Where the fuck
is all your money?
1068
00:59:25,741 --> 00:59:27,876
- Oh, that. We...
- Oh.
1069
00:59:27,943 --> 00:59:30,646
- Um, relax.
- Girl, we got it.
1070
00:59:30,713 --> 00:59:32,915
We took care of everything.
I mean, we're self-starters.
1071
00:59:32,982 --> 00:59:35,718
- We're queenpins. Remember you said?
- That's who you're looking at.
1072
00:59:35,784 --> 00:59:37,219
- You said it.
- "Queenpins."
1073
00:59:37,286 --> 00:59:38,654
We're cleaning it!
1074
00:59:38,721 --> 00:59:42,057
Okay. And, uh,
why are you cleaning it?
1075
00:59:42,124 --> 00:59:46,195
- Because it's... dirty.
- It's dirty, Tina.
1076
00:59:46,261 --> 00:59:49,765
You don't have any dirty money.
Do you know why?
1077
00:59:49,832 --> 00:59:53,702
'Cause your front company
back-2-black's sole purpose
1078
00:59:53,769 --> 00:59:55,237
is to clean your money.
1079
00:59:55,304 --> 00:59:58,207
So, you're...
You're telling us that w...
1080
00:59:59,475 --> 01:00:00,509
- Wait.
- That we don't...
1081
01:00:00,576 --> 01:00:02,911
- All the fucking money is already clean?
- Oh, my god.
1082
01:00:02,978 --> 01:00:04,780
I'm just, like, over you guys.
1083
01:00:04,847 --> 01:00:06,849
- Can I be honest?
- Yeah.
1084
01:00:06,915 --> 01:00:08,793
- I wish you would've let me write...
- That's what I'm saying.
1085
01:00:08,817 --> 01:00:10,829
You didn't let her write it
down, so we didn't know.
1086
01:00:10,853 --> 01:00:13,322
I asked for a pad. You said it was dirty.
I got home. I...
1087
01:00:13,389 --> 01:00:15,924
All right. You're gonna go to
the bank every couple of days.
1088
01:00:15,991 --> 01:00:18,060
Just take the money
in small increments. Okay?
1089
01:00:18,127 --> 01:00:19,771
And put it in the bank
in small increments.
1090
01:00:19,795 --> 01:00:21,663
Can you do that?
And not fuck that up?
1091
01:00:21,730 --> 01:00:24,033
We can...
That's something we can totally do.
1092
01:00:24,099 --> 01:00:26,168
- We St...
- We, um...
1093
01:00:26,235 --> 01:00:29,138
We still have
some of it left, but...
1094
01:00:30,139 --> 01:00:31,874
We bought a few things.
1095
01:00:32,408 --> 01:00:34,410
A few things?
1096
01:00:34,476 --> 01:00:38,680
You guys said a few things.
This is not a few things.
1097
01:00:38,747 --> 01:00:42,217
This is a big red flag.
You need to sell this shit now.
1098
01:00:42,284 --> 01:00:43,919
Okay. Yeah.
1099
01:00:43,986 --> 01:00:45,454
We also bought a bunch of guns.
1100
01:00:45,521 --> 01:00:48,390
Guns?
Where are you gonna sell guns?
1101
01:00:49,425 --> 01:00:51,026
We're gonna figure that out.
1102
01:00:51,894 --> 01:00:53,162
Or eBay.
1103
01:00:54,063 --> 01:00:56,131
- Or eBay.
- Was my first thought.
1104
01:00:57,433 --> 01:00:59,802
There's nothing more
important than the mail, Ken.
1105
01:00:59,868 --> 01:01:03,172
People put pen to paper
with their innermost thoughts.
1106
01:01:03,238 --> 01:01:06,108
And then they seal it in an
envelope, and they put a stamp on it.
1107
01:01:06,175 --> 01:01:08,410
They trust us with their
secrets, and we deliver.
1108
01:01:08,477 --> 01:01:10,012
Yeah, no, I guess...
1109
01:01:10,079 --> 01:01:12,414
I have a hard time
believing anybody gives a hoot
1110
01:01:12,481 --> 01:01:14,716
when they get a letter
in the mail.
1111
01:01:14,783 --> 01:01:17,086
Yeah.
1112
01:01:23,258 --> 01:01:27,296
I have a feeling
that Leo f. Sullivan
1113
01:01:27,362 --> 01:01:29,731
gave a hoot about getting
a letter in the mail.
1114
01:01:33,836 --> 01:01:36,939
Marked October 16th, 1918.
1115
01:01:40,375 --> 01:01:42,277
"Dear Mary,
1116
01:01:42,344 --> 01:01:45,214
I received two of your
letters a couple weeks ago,
1117
01:01:45,280 --> 01:01:48,016
and they brought the usual
amount of good cheer.
1118
01:01:48,083 --> 01:01:51,220
Those letters made the trip
with me to the front,
1119
01:01:51,286 --> 01:01:55,124
and now all I have to do
is put my hand in my pocket,
1120
01:01:55,190 --> 01:01:56,758
and there you are.
1121
01:01:56,825 --> 01:01:58,827
I spoke to father Tom holbrook
1122
01:01:58,894 --> 01:02:01,763
about my big desire within
to return to you
1123
01:02:01,830 --> 01:02:06,335
and the ache in my heart to meet our
little Irene and hold her in my arms.
1124
01:02:07,169 --> 01:02:08,871
I took my last confession
1125
01:02:08,937 --> 01:02:11,974
and now head out to battle
with a clear conscience
1126
01:02:12,040 --> 01:02:16,445
and a heart full of thoughts
of you, my dear, sweet Mary.
1127
01:02:16,512 --> 01:02:20,482
"As ever I remain,
Leo f. Sullivan."
1128
01:02:27,589 --> 01:02:30,259
I think some people do care
about getting a letter, Ken.
1129
01:02:32,995 --> 01:02:36,131
- Wait, what? What happened?
- What do you mean what happened?
1130
01:02:36,198 --> 01:02:37,533
Did he make it?
1131
01:02:37,599 --> 01:02:40,802
You know, did he, um...
Did he survive the battle?
1132
01:02:40,869 --> 01:02:43,105
Doesn't matter if Leo made
it or Leo didn't make it.
1133
01:02:43,172 --> 01:02:46,875
What matters is that the letter survived.
The letter made it.
1134
01:02:46,942 --> 01:02:48,977
And it's something
that we take very seriously.
1135
01:02:49,044 --> 01:02:51,947
Yeah, I get that. I just...
1136
01:02:52,014 --> 01:02:54,816
It's hard not to think
about the Sullivan family.
1137
01:02:54,883 --> 01:02:57,953
What... whatever happened to Mary?
Did she become a widow?
1138
01:02:58,020 --> 01:03:00,055
Ken. Ken, it was
a hundred years ago.
1139
01:03:00,122 --> 01:03:01,957
All the sullivans
are probably dead.
1140
01:03:02,024 --> 01:03:05,060
I wonder.
Did he ever get to hold Irene?
1141
01:03:05,127 --> 01:03:07,296
Are these relatives
of yours? Are they...
1142
01:03:07,362 --> 01:03:09,965
I think we're all related
in some ways. Don't you, Ken?
1143
01:03:10,966 --> 01:03:11,967
Hmm?
1144
01:03:13,101 --> 01:03:14,836
Welcome to Phoenix.
1145
01:03:14,903 --> 01:03:18,607
5,000 square miles of hot-as-shit
desert, suburban sprawl.
1146
01:03:18,674 --> 01:03:21,610
Yeah, well, some haystacks
are bigger than others,
1147
01:03:21,677 --> 01:03:23,979
but the bad guys are out there.
1148
01:03:24,046 --> 01:03:25,380
Trouble for them,
1149
01:03:25,447 --> 01:03:28,283
they decided to do bad things
through the mail.
1150
01:03:28,350 --> 01:03:30,852
Now we're gonna handle this
the post office way.
1151
01:03:30,919 --> 01:03:33,121
Yeah, I kinda wish you
hadn't read me that letter.
1152
01:03:33,188 --> 01:03:35,991
I can't stop thinking
if that guy survived or not.
1153
01:03:36,058 --> 01:03:38,227
Oh, Ken, you're missing
the point of it.
1154
01:03:38,293 --> 01:03:42,164
Where the temperature is
currently 89 degrees, southwest winds...
1155
01:04:11,426 --> 01:04:14,396
Hey. What's going on
around here?
1156
01:04:16,965 --> 01:04:19,034
Did we get a new TV?
1157
01:04:19,101 --> 01:04:22,371
I can't get anything past you.
1158
01:04:22,437 --> 01:04:24,172
It was supposed to be
a surprise.
1159
01:04:24,239 --> 01:04:27,309
You know,
you telling me to get a job
1160
01:04:27,376 --> 01:04:30,112
was exactly the push I needed
to realize I could do better.
1161
01:04:30,178 --> 01:04:32,581
So I marched out there,
and I got a job.
1162
01:04:32,648 --> 01:04:34,583
A job doing what?
1163
01:04:34,650 --> 01:04:37,552
Sales.
Just a boring old sales job.
1164
01:04:37,619 --> 01:04:40,422
You know, filling orders
and stuffing envelopes mostly.
1165
01:04:40,489 --> 01:04:43,258
And the couponing?
What's going on with that?
1166
01:04:43,325 --> 01:04:45,460
Oh, I don't use coupons anymore.
1167
01:04:45,527 --> 01:04:46,461
You're shitting me.
1168
01:04:46,528 --> 01:04:48,163
I hope you don't mind.
1169
01:04:48,230 --> 01:04:50,966
I used my first paycheck
to buy you your 4k TV.
1170
01:04:51,033 --> 01:04:53,368
Why would I mind? I mean...
1171
01:04:53,435 --> 01:04:57,172
Got a brand-new TV
and a brand-new wife.
1172
01:04:59,374 --> 01:05:02,044
Yep. Connie 2.0.
1173
01:05:02,110 --> 01:05:03,278
Enjoy.
1174
01:05:06,014 --> 01:05:08,334
Are you sure you don't wanna
discuss this with your husband
1175
01:05:08,383 --> 01:05:10,319
before I implant the embryos?
1176
01:05:10,385 --> 01:05:12,554
Remember,
I can't UN-bake the cake.
1177
01:05:12,621 --> 01:05:15,190
Dude. It's her body.
It's her choice.
1178
01:05:16,725 --> 01:05:18,160
No.
1179
01:05:18,226 --> 01:05:20,362
We didn't use
any of his ingredients.
1180
01:05:20,429 --> 01:05:22,698
He doesn't deserve
a piece of my cake.
1181
01:05:22,764 --> 01:05:26,301
You all know Ken
Miller, the store's lpo.
1182
01:05:26,368 --> 01:05:29,504
And with him is Simon kilmurry.
1183
01:05:29,571 --> 01:05:31,740
He's an FBI agent
who wants to ask you...
1184
01:05:31,807 --> 01:05:34,176
- A postal inspector.
- What's that?
1185
01:05:34,242 --> 01:05:36,345
I'm a us postal inspector.
1186
01:05:36,411 --> 01:05:40,248
Oh. He's a postal inspector,
whatever that means.
1187
01:05:40,315 --> 01:05:43,385
We're just looking for any customers
with strange coupon habits,
1188
01:05:43,452 --> 01:05:47,989
any irregular coupon activity,
uh, frequency of use,
1189
01:05:48,056 --> 01:05:51,360
any customers who have
unusually high savings.
1190
01:05:51,426 --> 01:05:54,996
First of all, people literally
forget you're even a human being.
1191
01:05:55,063 --> 01:05:58,133
Then she's gonna lecture me on how
plastic bags are killing our planet
1192
01:05:58,200 --> 01:06:00,235
like I'm the asshole
who invented plastic.
1193
01:06:00,302 --> 01:06:03,171
We call her the "oh, wait.
I have a coupon" lady
1194
01:06:03,238 --> 01:06:07,142
'cause she only remembers she has a
coupon in her hand after she's paid.
1195
01:06:07,209 --> 01:06:10,212
We call him "Mr. Bullshit" 'cause he
makes you check in the back for stuff.
1196
01:06:10,278 --> 01:06:15,150
And every time we tell him we're out,
he always screams out, "bullshit!" Yeah.
1197
01:06:15,217 --> 01:06:18,120
Well, I guess that's it.
Hope it helps.
1198
01:06:18,186 --> 01:06:20,689
Oh, wait.
We do have one other cashier.
1199
01:06:20,756 --> 01:06:23,692
I call her
the "crazy coupon lady."
1200
01:06:23,759 --> 01:06:26,194
Got this smile
plastered across her face,
1201
01:06:26,261 --> 01:06:29,297
ridiculous amount of coupons
in her hand every time.
1202
01:06:29,364 --> 01:06:33,402
And, of course, everybody's backed
up, waiting, waiting, waiting.
1203
01:06:33,468 --> 01:06:37,572
And they're getting pissed
at me. At me!
1204
01:06:37,639 --> 01:06:39,207
- And the worst part...
- Okay.
1205
01:06:39,274 --> 01:06:41,710
She had this fucking
catchphrase, okay,
1206
01:06:41,777 --> 01:06:45,747
this little saying she would spew
at me every time before she left.
1207
01:06:45,814 --> 01:06:47,516
"Watch the pennies,
1208
01:06:47,582 --> 01:06:49,394
"blah, blah, blah, blah,
blah, blah." And I'm like...
1209
01:06:49,418 --> 01:06:51,453
I'm sorry, I gotta
back you up there.
1210
01:06:51,520 --> 01:06:53,455
Did you say... was the phrase,
1211
01:06:53,522 --> 01:06:57,159
"watch the pennies, and then the
dollars will take care of themselves"?
1212
01:06:57,793 --> 01:07:00,095
Yeah. Yeah, that's exactly it.
1213
01:07:00,162 --> 01:07:02,464
Okay, we're connecting then now.
We're connecting here.
1214
01:07:02,531 --> 01:07:05,211
So let me ask you this. What is her name?
What is this woman's name?
1215
01:07:05,267 --> 01:07:06,844
I don't know her name, man.
I fucking hate her.
1216
01:07:06,868 --> 01:07:09,204
But you've done the transactions.
You see the card.
1217
01:07:09,271 --> 01:07:11,740
- I'm sure you got her name, right?
- Crazy coupon lady.
1218
01:07:11,807 --> 01:07:14,643
- Description. What does she look like?
- She's, like, three feet tall.
1219
01:07:14,709 --> 01:07:16,278
- Call a sketch artist!
- Okay.
1220
01:07:16,344 --> 01:07:18,213
We gotta have somebody
down here.
1221
01:07:18,280 --> 01:07:20,182
Can you stay there for a second?
1222
01:07:20,248 --> 01:07:22,551
Ken, Ken. I'd like to talk
to you for just a minute.
1223
01:07:22,617 --> 01:07:24,653
This is good.
Don't forget the...
1224
01:07:24,719 --> 01:07:26,464
- Remember where we were at.
- Come on. Let's go.
1225
01:07:26,488 --> 01:07:28,223
You can't be screaming at him.
1226
01:07:28,290 --> 01:07:30,492
What did you scream at the
guy, "call a sketch artist"?
1227
01:07:30,559 --> 01:07:33,462
- Yeah, I...
- Who do you think she is, keyser söze?
1228
01:07:33,528 --> 01:07:35,464
Ken, just take it down a notch.
1229
01:07:35,530 --> 01:07:39,568
- Slow it all down. Okay?
- I'm slowing it down,
1230
01:07:39,634 --> 01:07:43,472
and I'm going to slowly tell
you exactly what happened there.
1231
01:07:43,538 --> 01:07:47,709
He gave us the seed that's gonna
become the fucking branches, okay?
1232
01:07:47,776 --> 01:07:49,520
- That lady, that's the gal.
- What does it...
1233
01:07:49,544 --> 01:07:51,746
That's the gal! That phrase.
Did you not hear it?
1234
01:07:51,813 --> 01:07:54,850
"Watch the pennies. Dollars take
care of themselves." That's...
1235
01:07:54,916 --> 01:07:59,621
I mean, that is literally plastered
on the savvy super saver website.
1236
01:08:01,323 --> 01:08:04,493
Okay. Well, that is interesting.
That's helpful.
1237
01:08:05,627 --> 01:08:09,764
And did you know that
your average shopper
1238
01:08:09,831 --> 01:08:14,503
travels 2.27 miles to their
nearest local grocery store?
1239
01:08:14,569 --> 01:08:17,606
- Is that true? Are you right about that?
- Yeah. That's a fact.
1240
01:08:17,672 --> 01:08:20,609
If you are, that means our haystack
just went from 5,000 square miles
1241
01:08:20,675 --> 01:08:22,811
- down to a two-mile radius...
- We're shrinking it.
1242
01:08:22,878 --> 01:08:25,280
And we should get boots
on the ground. Look at me.
1243
01:08:26,448 --> 01:08:29,584
- That's good, Ken. That's great.
- Thanks.
1244
01:08:29,651 --> 01:08:31,553
Now do it without
the screaming, okay?
1245
01:08:31,620 --> 01:08:33,822
It's just passion.
I'm a passionate man.
1246
01:08:33,889 --> 01:08:35,790
You can be passionate
without being an idiot.
1247
01:08:40,362 --> 01:08:42,197
Whew.
1248
01:08:42,264 --> 01:08:44,533
- Hey.
- Hi.
1249
01:08:44,599 --> 01:08:46,268
Ugh, girl, eBay is a bust.
1250
01:08:46,334 --> 01:08:48,537
It's just too much.
I can't sell it fast enough.
1251
01:08:48,603 --> 01:08:52,274
What are we gonna do? It's not like we
can have a yard sale for all this shit.
1252
01:08:57,913 --> 01:09:00,582
We are investigating
a counterfeit coupon ring
1253
01:09:00,649 --> 01:09:04,219
that we believe is operating
somewhere within your postal routes.
1254
01:09:04,286 --> 01:09:06,755
Now, the mail that's being
picked up is primarily envelopes
1255
01:09:06,821 --> 01:09:10,625
with a Kansas return address
and marked "savvy super saver."
1256
01:09:10,692 --> 01:09:15,263
Suspect is a Caucasian female,
late 30s, approximately 5'1".
1257
01:09:15,330 --> 01:09:19,634
One witness described her as overly
cheerful with a superiority complex.
1258
01:09:19,701 --> 01:09:22,904
She may or may not
have accomplices.
1259
01:09:22,971 --> 01:09:26,875
Hey, Earl, what about that gal
you won't stop blabbing about?
1260
01:09:26,942 --> 01:09:29,778
Um, not sure I know
what he's talking about.
1261
01:09:29,844 --> 01:09:32,581
You know, the girl.
She makes all these coupon videos.
1262
01:09:32,647 --> 01:09:34,416
I'm sorry.
Did you say "coupon videos"?
1263
01:09:34,482 --> 01:09:37,819
I don't know
nothing about nobody, uh...
1264
01:09:37,886 --> 01:09:40,589
The girl. Yeah, she lives over
on, uh, Clayton Avenue.
1265
01:09:40,655 --> 01:09:44,392
What's her name? Uh, coco? Jojo?
It's jojo, right? Or is it coco?
1266
01:09:44,459 --> 01:09:47,662
Hold on. You said she's Caucasian?
Whoopsie-Daisy. Never mind.
1267
01:09:47,729 --> 01:09:51,266
She's a black gal.
A black woman. Lady. So...
1268
01:09:52,467 --> 01:09:54,536
Oh, shit. Look.
These open carry dudes.
1269
01:09:54,603 --> 01:09:55,804
Hi. Do you have oat milk?
1270
01:09:55,870 --> 01:09:57,439
Oat milk is over there.
1271
01:09:57,505 --> 01:09:59,708
Oh. Maybe they want to buy our guns?
1272
01:09:59,774 --> 01:10:02,844
- Morning. What can I get for you two?
- Hey, what's up, baby?
1273
01:10:02,911 --> 01:10:06,648
- Let me grab a skinny caramel macchiato.
- Connie.
1274
01:10:06,715 --> 01:10:09,951
- Large coffee. Black.
- What are you doing?
1275
01:10:10,018 --> 01:10:11,786
Mmm.
1276
01:10:11,853 --> 01:10:13,321
Nice.
1277
01:10:13,388 --> 01:10:17,993
Couldn't help but notice. Are you
fellas part of some sort of gun club?
1278
01:10:18,059 --> 01:10:20,495
Just practicing
our right to bear arms...
1279
01:10:20,562 --> 01:10:22,497
- Oh, okay.
- While we pick up coffee.
1280
01:10:22,564 --> 01:10:26,735
- I got two macchiatos for Stephanie.
- Oh, that's me.
1281
01:10:26,801 --> 01:10:28,937
- Stephanie. Hiya. And you are?
- Hey.
1282
01:10:29,004 --> 01:10:30,405
I'm rattlesnake.
1283
01:10:31,106 --> 01:10:32,674
That's catchy. Rattlesnake.
1284
01:10:32,741 --> 01:10:34,709
- Sandman.
- That's a good one too.
1285
01:10:36,344 --> 01:10:38,747
Hey, I was wondering...
1286
01:10:38,813 --> 01:10:40,091
We don't know where we're going.
We don't know who these people are.
1287
01:10:40,115 --> 01:10:42,651
Yes, we do. He dropped me a pin.
1288
01:10:42,717 --> 01:10:44,552
- Oh, he dropped you a pin.
- Yeah.
1289
01:10:44,619 --> 01:10:47,055
- So we know... we're good now. That's it.
- Jojo.
1290
01:10:47,122 --> 01:10:50,025
What do you want me to say? It's not
like we can have a yard sale, okay?
1291
01:10:50,091 --> 01:10:53,028
And you just do what you do on your
sales calls, like you taught me.
1292
01:10:53,094 --> 01:10:54,729
You make the customer the hero.
1293
01:10:54,796 --> 01:10:56,398
- The hero?
- Yeah.
1294
01:10:56,464 --> 01:10:58,933
These guys could be kkk,
Aryan brotherhood, anything.
1295
01:10:59,000 --> 01:11:01,036
And you want me
to make them the heroes?
1296
01:11:01,102 --> 01:11:05,073
I highly doubt that, okay?
Did you see what rattlesnake ordered?
1297
01:11:05,140 --> 01:11:07,776
A caramel macchiato
doesn't sound very kkk to me.
1298
01:11:07,842 --> 01:11:11,312
Am I in any kind
of trouble here, or...
1299
01:11:12,113 --> 01:11:15,050
Well, it's kind of
up to you, Earl.
1300
01:11:15,116 --> 01:11:17,085
You gonna dance with the tiger?
1301
01:11:18,053 --> 01:11:20,522
- You gonna play some ball?
- I'm sorry...
1302
01:11:20,588 --> 01:11:23,658
I'm not quite sure who the tiger is that
someone would be dancing with, Earl.
1303
01:11:23,725 --> 01:11:25,527
- Are you?
- No, sir.
1304
01:11:25,593 --> 01:11:27,438
- It's about cooperation.
- Do you mind if I call you Earl?
1305
01:11:27,462 --> 01:11:28,863
Oh, no. No problem.
1306
01:11:28,930 --> 01:11:31,399
Earl, how long have you been
with the post office?
1307
01:11:31,466 --> 01:11:34,536
- Oh, well, it's going on eleven years now.
- Eleven years.
1308
01:11:34,602 --> 01:11:36,113
And have you had
the same route for most of it?
1309
01:11:36,137 --> 01:11:37,939
Oh, yes, sir.
That's how I like it.
1310
01:11:38,006 --> 01:11:41,042
Okay. And probably getting pretty
close to your pension here?
1311
01:11:41,109 --> 01:11:42,677
Oh, you bet. Yes.
1312
01:11:42,744 --> 01:11:44,846
Who's the Earl, girl?
1313
01:11:47,882 --> 01:11:50,652
- Who's the girl, Earl?
- Whoa, am I under arrest here?
1314
01:11:50,719 --> 01:11:53,822
No, you're not under arrest.
God, that was loud. It scared me too.
1315
01:11:53,888 --> 01:11:55,423
But we need some answers.
1316
01:11:55,490 --> 01:11:58,393
The guy out there is
talking about coupon videos.
1317
01:11:58,460 --> 01:12:00,662
You seem to not know
a darn thing about it.
1318
01:12:00,729 --> 01:12:03,465
That had nothing to...
I don't know what he was talking about.
1319
01:12:03,531 --> 01:12:06,701
You might want to talk to Adam,
'cause I have no idea about any girl...
1320
01:12:06,768 --> 01:12:08,837
- Adam. What's his last name?
- Phillips.
1321
01:12:08,903 --> 01:12:10,839
Adam Phil... two I's?
1322
01:12:10,905 --> 01:12:12,741
You're not giving me
enough here!
1323
01:12:12,807 --> 01:12:14,919
I think it's pretty clear that
Earl doesn't know anything.
1324
01:12:14,943 --> 01:12:17,579
I think your coworker must have
got his signals crossed somehow.
1325
01:12:17,645 --> 01:12:20,982
- Yes, sir.
- Unfortunately, there is one kind
1326
01:12:21,049 --> 01:12:23,151
of uncomfortable question
pertaining to this.
1327
01:12:23,218 --> 01:12:24,519
Yes, sir.
1328
01:12:26,054 --> 01:12:27,722
Have you ever danced
with a tiger?
1329
01:12:29,824 --> 01:12:31,159
It was his joke. It wasn't...
1330
01:12:31,226 --> 01:12:33,895
- Tiger dance.
- What are you... don't dance.
1331
01:12:33,962 --> 01:12:35,930
Anyway, thank you so much.
I appreciate you.
1332
01:12:35,997 --> 01:12:38,042
- Sure thing. No problem.
- Sorry about the confusion.
1333
01:12:38,066 --> 01:12:40,335
- Oh, no. It's cool.
- Have a good time out there.
1334
01:12:44,172 --> 01:12:47,876
The hell was that?
I had him on the ropes.
1335
01:12:47,942 --> 01:12:49,987
Screaming at somebody doesn't
make 'em tell you the truth.
1336
01:12:50,011 --> 01:12:52,447
He could've been sweating bullets.
I had him bent, man.
1337
01:12:52,514 --> 01:12:54,783
Let's agree to disagree.
We're gonna go for a ride.
1338
01:13:05,493 --> 01:13:06,661
Hey, Earl!
1339
01:13:06,728 --> 01:13:09,631
Oh, hey!
1340
01:13:09,697 --> 01:13:11,733
There you go. Yeah.
1341
01:13:11,800 --> 01:13:14,512
Uh, that top one right there for jojo
is real, real important, Ms. Johnson.
1342
01:13:14,536 --> 01:13:17,105
Oh, that girl
been up to something.
1343
01:13:17,172 --> 01:13:19,774
You just gotta promise that she
get that letter, Ms. Johnson.
1344
01:13:19,841 --> 01:13:22,844
Oh, yeah, yeah, you the mailman.
Now, I get how this shit works.
1345
01:13:27,916 --> 01:13:29,884
Yeah,
I don't know about that interaction.
1346
01:13:29,951 --> 01:13:32,153
And now
he's just standing there.
1347
01:13:32,220 --> 01:13:36,124
The dmv database lists
two names at 1579 Clayton.
1348
01:13:36,191 --> 01:13:38,827
Josephine Johnson,
60 years of age,
1349
01:13:38,893 --> 01:13:41,563
and Joanna Johnson,
33 years of age.
1350
01:13:41,629 --> 01:13:43,131
Joanna Johnson.
1351
01:13:44,265 --> 01:13:45,967
The fuck's that sound?
1352
01:13:47,235 --> 01:13:50,238
It's 120 degrees.
Car's overheating, and the fan's dying.
1353
01:13:50,305 --> 01:13:54,676
Go ahead. Roll down your windows,
and, uh, I gotta kill the engine here.
1354
01:13:54,742 --> 01:13:57,078
That's no good.
1355
01:13:58,613 --> 01:14:00,748
Ooh. Okay.
1356
01:14:01,783 --> 01:14:07,188
Joanna Johnson.
Joanna John... jj. Jo...
1357
01:14:07,255 --> 01:14:09,891
Oh! Jojo?
1358
01:14:09,958 --> 01:14:13,661
We must be crazy. Oh, my god.
I don't have any cell service. Do you?
1359
01:14:13,728 --> 01:14:17,899
Will you relax? I promise I will
not let anything happen to you.
1360
01:14:17,966 --> 01:14:20,101
You can't promise that.
1361
01:14:20,168 --> 01:14:22,570
You have no idea what
you're asking me to do here.
1362
01:14:22,637 --> 01:14:23,838
I understand.
1363
01:14:23,905 --> 01:14:25,874
No, you do not understand.
1364
01:14:27,141 --> 01:14:31,112
- All right.
- What the fuck is this?
1365
01:14:31,179 --> 01:14:33,114
Okay.
1366
01:14:33,181 --> 01:14:35,717
Wait.
Is that a helicopter? What?
1367
01:14:35,783 --> 01:14:37,752
Talk about a stockpile. Yikes.
1368
01:14:37,819 --> 01:14:39,520
Oh, my god. Is that a missile?
1369
01:14:40,154 --> 01:14:42,557
Okay.
1370
01:14:42,624 --> 01:14:44,268
- We got it.
- All right. Oh, you're gonna get...
1371
01:14:44,292 --> 01:14:46,094
Gentlemen. Thank you. Whoop.
1372
01:14:46,761 --> 01:14:47,929
Oh, sure.
1373
01:14:50,164 --> 01:14:52,233
This is captain pain.
1374
01:14:52,300 --> 01:14:54,736
These are the guns
I was telling you about.
1375
01:14:54,802 --> 01:14:57,171
Captain pain. Connie.
1376
01:14:57,238 --> 01:15:00,141
Stephanie kaminski.
Nice to m... meet you.
1377
01:15:00,208 --> 01:15:02,543
This is a cool place
you guys have.
1378
01:15:06,147 --> 01:15:09,017
- What the fuck is this?
- All right, boys.
1379
01:15:09,083 --> 01:15:11,686
I think you guys love guns as
much as I love guns, right?
1380
01:15:11,753 --> 01:15:15,290
So, uh, like we told
your friend rattlesnake,
1381
01:15:15,356 --> 01:15:17,759
we just happen to have
a surplus in our stockpile.
1382
01:15:17,825 --> 01:15:19,327
- One too many.
- Personal favorite.
1383
01:15:19,394 --> 01:15:21,629
This here is the keltec
pump-action shotgun.
1384
01:15:21,696 --> 01:15:23,331
- Easy, easy.
- It's cool.
1385
01:15:23,398 --> 01:15:25,900
It's not loaded. You can ch...
Connie, just show 'em.
1386
01:15:25,967 --> 01:15:28,903
Easy to handle, quickest reload
on the market. You know, even...
1387
01:15:28,970 --> 01:15:31,306
Do you wanna take
a look at that, sandman?
1388
01:15:31,372 --> 01:15:36,044
- So hot. I'm gonna faint.
- I just found it. It's, uh...
1389
01:15:36,110 --> 01:15:38,079
She says, and I quote,
1390
01:15:38,146 --> 01:15:43,184
"a friend sent a video of an
African-American woman going on and on."
1391
01:15:43,251 --> 01:15:47,255
That woman
was in a coupon video.
1392
01:15:47,322 --> 01:15:50,692
- And all things being equal...
- Uh, the... don't say it.
1393
01:15:50,758 --> 01:15:54,062
"The simplest explanation tends
to be the right one." Yeah.
1394
01:15:54,128 --> 01:15:56,731
- So, where are you, jojo?
- Where are you, jojo?
1395
01:16:07,108 --> 01:16:09,110
No deal.
1396
01:16:09,177 --> 01:16:11,346
- All right. Let's wrap it up. Let's go.
- Wait, wait.
1397
01:16:11,412 --> 01:16:14,015
No. It's just... we thought
the money was dirty, so w...
1398
01:16:14,082 --> 01:16:15,750
What did you say?
1399
01:16:15,817 --> 01:16:17,328
- Whose money's dirty? Our money's dirty?
- Wait!
1400
01:16:17,352 --> 01:16:19,787
- We thought our money...
- What did you just say?
1401
01:16:19,854 --> 01:16:22,890
Don't even... what she meant was,
we came into a bunch of fucking money.
1402
01:16:22,957 --> 01:16:25,093
It doesn't matter how.
1403
01:16:25,159 --> 01:16:27,128
We thought it was dirty.
It was not.
1404
01:16:27,195 --> 01:16:29,515
We bought all these guns,
and now we have to off-load them.
1405
01:16:29,998 --> 01:16:31,065
That's it.
1406
01:16:33,001 --> 01:16:35,003
And we'll give you
a really good discount.
1407
01:16:35,069 --> 01:16:36,704
What kind of discount?
1408
01:16:39,007 --> 01:16:41,876
- Eleven hundred each? Seventy thousand?
- That's retail.
1409
01:16:41,943 --> 01:16:43,420
- That is not retail!
- Get outta here, dude.
1410
01:16:43,444 --> 01:16:44,779
Fifty.
1411
01:16:45,313 --> 01:16:47,815
- Sixty-five.
- Sixty.
1412
01:16:47,882 --> 01:16:50,318
Sixty-five. It's a good deal.
1413
01:16:56,057 --> 01:16:58,793
Okay. You got a deal.
1414
01:16:59,927 --> 01:17:01,195
We'll take 'em all.
1415
01:17:12,774 --> 01:17:14,275
Don't do that. Ken.
1416
01:17:14,342 --> 01:17:15,977
- I'm sorry.
- Don't do that.
1417
01:17:16,944 --> 01:17:18,112
Don't do that.
1418
01:17:21,516 --> 01:17:23,918
Yo, heads up. Heads up.
1419
01:17:24,452 --> 01:17:26,054
Okay.
1420
01:17:26,120 --> 01:17:28,322
Is that her? Is that j...
That's jojo?
1421
01:17:28,389 --> 01:17:30,425
Yeah. Well,
she pulled in the right driveway.
1422
01:17:30,491 --> 01:17:32,960
Well, we'll see
in a minute here.
1423
01:17:36,130 --> 01:17:39,167
Jojo! Jojo! Jojo!
1424
01:17:39,233 --> 01:17:43,204
Jojo! Jojo! Jojo!
1425
01:17:43,271 --> 01:17:45,039
Jojo! Jo...
1426
01:17:45,106 --> 01:17:47,909
Okay. You got a deal.
1427
01:18:02,123 --> 01:18:04,759
What the hell is she doing?
1428
01:18:16,003 --> 01:18:19,140
Happiness is
when what you think, say and do...
1429
01:18:20,475 --> 01:18:22,210
Think that's Joanna Johnson?
1430
01:18:26,180 --> 01:18:28,015
That's jojo.
1431
01:18:28,082 --> 01:18:29,984
Now we just gotta see
who she's working with.
1432
01:18:37,225 --> 01:18:40,862
Wow. That was quite a show.
1433
01:18:43,030 --> 01:18:46,868
Yeah. The hell?
So, okay, now what?
1434
01:18:46,934 --> 01:18:50,271
Now. Now we wait.
1435
01:18:50,838 --> 01:18:51,739
Wait?
1436
01:18:51,806 --> 01:18:53,250
Isn't that what we been doing
all damn day?
1437
01:18:53,274 --> 01:18:57,311
Why don't we just go on her front
lawn, knock on the door and arrest her?
1438
01:18:57,378 --> 01:19:00,248
Arrest her? Arrest her for what?
1439
01:19:00,314 --> 01:19:03,784
For putting on a damn show
in her driveway?
1440
01:19:03,851 --> 01:19:06,254
You know, Ken, you actually
do have to collect evidence.
1441
01:19:06,320 --> 01:19:08,923
Okay, well, if we're gonna
be here all dang night,
1442
01:19:08,990 --> 01:19:12,160
then I'm just gonna pull
my trousers up.
1443
01:19:17,498 --> 01:19:18,866
What's that noise?
1444
01:19:19,267 --> 01:19:20,401
That noise.
1445
01:19:20,468 --> 01:19:23,838
That's the... oh, god.
1446
01:19:23,905 --> 01:19:25,940
Geez. Are you regular?
1447
01:19:26,007 --> 01:19:27,408
Huh?
1448
01:19:27,475 --> 01:19:30,578
Every morning, I shit like clockwork.
1449
01:19:30,645 --> 01:19:33,147
So what is that,
some kind of a shit alarm?
1450
01:19:33,214 --> 01:19:35,049
- No...
- What's with the chimes?
1451
01:19:35,116 --> 01:19:38,085
Yeah, well, the chimes are soothing.
They set things in motion.
1452
01:19:38,152 --> 01:19:40,154
I'm just trying to find
out what's going on.
1453
01:19:40,221 --> 01:19:42,456
- Ma, it's none of your business.
- No, hey, hey!
1454
01:19:42,523 --> 01:19:45,826
I'm not one of
your little friends... ow.
1455
01:19:45,893 --> 01:19:49,096
Oh. Every time
I yell at you, it hurts.
1456
01:19:49,163 --> 01:19:52,833
I call it my jojo pain.
1457
01:19:52,900 --> 01:19:54,168
Ma.
1458
01:19:54,235 --> 01:19:55,603
I'm sorry. Okay, mama?
Come here.
1459
01:19:55,670 --> 01:19:58,105
- Oh!
- My mama.
1460
01:19:58,172 --> 01:20:00,241
- I'm sorry. I'm just working hard, okay?
- Mm-hmm.
1461
01:20:00,308 --> 01:20:03,844
How you think I'm able to buy all this
new stuff and pay all these bills?
1462
01:20:03,911 --> 01:20:05,951
Another stack of them bills
shown up here yesterday.
1463
01:20:06,013 --> 01:20:07,615
Okay. I'm gonna
take care of it later.
1464
01:20:07,682 --> 01:20:09,517
- Love you, ma. See you later, yeah?
- Mm-hmm.
1465
01:20:10,585 --> 01:20:12,587
Don't come in here late!
1466
01:20:15,590 --> 01:20:17,558
Hold up. Target's on the move.
1467
01:20:17,625 --> 01:20:21,162
- Eyes open. Just stay alert here.
- All right.
1468
01:20:21,229 --> 01:20:23,030
Okay.
1469
01:20:23,097 --> 01:20:26,567
Hold it together, Ken.
This is your white whale.
1470
01:20:44,518 --> 01:20:46,020
You ever hear of Mr. Zip?
1471
01:20:46,087 --> 01:20:47,421
No, I haven't heard of that guy.
1472
01:20:47,488 --> 01:20:48,923
- Robert a. Moon.
- Mmm.
1473
01:20:51,392 --> 01:20:54,228
You don't get to the
top of mount Everest by following...
1474
01:20:56,264 --> 01:20:58,399
He's the genius
behind the zip code.
1475
01:20:59,433 --> 01:21:01,302
The journey is the destina...
1476
01:21:09,176 --> 01:21:11,245
We'll turn around
up here and circle back.
1477
01:21:11,312 --> 01:21:13,614
Yeah, I'm just saying
it's not good to hold it in.
1478
01:21:30,298 --> 01:21:31,999
- Oh, god.
- Hang on.
1479
01:21:32,066 --> 01:21:34,101
Where'd the minivan come from?
1480
01:21:35,102 --> 01:21:37,938
I don't wanna
startle you, Simon,
1481
01:21:38,005 --> 01:21:39,674
but, uh, you should know
1482
01:21:39,740 --> 01:21:44,245
that I'm prepared to take
this thing the whole way.
1483
01:21:46,080 --> 01:21:47,114
What?
1484
01:21:48,115 --> 01:21:50,251
What are you saying?
1485
01:21:50,318 --> 01:21:53,487
I'm gonna shit my pants,
but that's okay.
1486
01:21:53,554 --> 01:21:56,490
No. Actually, Ken,
that's not okay.
1487
01:21:56,557 --> 01:22:00,094
Okay? There's not a world that
exists where that would be okay.
1488
01:22:00,161 --> 01:22:03,731
Well, in this world
it does exist. This is real.
1489
01:22:03,798 --> 01:22:06,310
You gotta embrace it 'cause I'm
not getting out of this vehicle.
1490
01:22:06,334 --> 01:22:07,568
Ken.
1491
01:22:07,635 --> 01:22:09,270
Ken.
1492
01:22:09,337 --> 01:22:12,073
You don't shit...
You don't shit in the car.
1493
01:22:12,139 --> 01:22:15,343
Okay, I'm gonna do a bank run.
I'll be back in a jiff.
1494
01:22:15,409 --> 01:22:17,244
Perfect.
1495
01:22:17,311 --> 01:22:20,715
All men are forced to make
difficult decisions. This is mine.
1496
01:22:20,781 --> 01:22:23,451
We're too close,
and I have come too far.
1497
01:22:23,517 --> 01:22:25,186
I hear everything you're saying.
1498
01:22:26,053 --> 01:22:27,655
You don't shit in the car, Ken.
1499
01:22:27,722 --> 01:22:29,590
You don't shit in the car.
1500
01:22:29,657 --> 01:22:32,259
It's a rental. You pay a cleaning fee.
Everybody moves on.
1501
01:22:32,326 --> 01:22:34,128
Yeah, it's a rental
that I rented.
1502
01:22:34,195 --> 01:22:36,464
Most people wouldn't even
tell me that they had to shit.
1503
01:22:36,530 --> 01:22:39,042
They just would make up an excuse
and they'd get out of the car, okay?
1504
01:22:39,066 --> 01:22:40,201
You're a grown man, Ken.
1505
01:22:40,267 --> 01:22:42,002
Go walk to the restroom.
1506
01:22:42,069 --> 01:22:43,771
Go shit in the fucking brush.
1507
01:22:43,838 --> 01:22:46,307
I really don't care.
Just figure it out and go and take a...
1508
01:22:47,208 --> 01:22:48,442
Holy shit.
1509
01:22:49,143 --> 01:22:50,444
Late 30s.
1510
01:22:50,511 --> 01:22:55,082
Slim build, 5'1".
Seems cheerful enough.
1511
01:22:55,616 --> 01:22:57,585
My white whale.
1512
01:22:58,786 --> 01:23:00,254
Ah. There she blows.
1513
01:23:00,321 --> 01:23:04,325
Jesus Christ!
1514
01:23:04,392 --> 01:23:06,460
Fucking animal.
1515
01:23:07,094 --> 01:23:08,462
Are you serious?
1516
01:23:08,529 --> 01:23:11,265
Are you fucking crazy?
1517
01:23:11,332 --> 01:23:15,035
Jesus Christ! You can't
just take a shit in a car.
1518
01:23:15,102 --> 01:23:17,538
I know. I'm sorry.
1519
01:23:17,605 --> 01:23:20,040
To be fair, this is like
my beach in normandy...
1520
01:23:20,107 --> 01:23:22,710
No, it's not. This isn't heroic.
This is bad stomach management.
1521
01:23:22,777 --> 01:23:25,312
Your ass smells like a fucking
outhouse at a carnival.
1522
01:23:25,379 --> 01:23:27,081
Go wipe your ass
like a puppy on the grass.
1523
01:23:27,148 --> 01:23:28,516
Get that fucking ass
out of here.
1524
01:23:29,517 --> 01:23:31,051
I don't wanna get it
on the seat,
1525
01:23:31,118 --> 01:23:33,687
so I'm gonna sit up like this,
or something.
1526
01:23:35,723 --> 01:23:37,258
Well, we got her.
1527
01:23:40,694 --> 01:23:43,197
A silver 2010 dodge caravan.
1528
01:23:43,264 --> 01:23:47,401
Now, that is registered
to Connie kaminski,
1529
01:23:47,468 --> 01:23:49,637
born Connie Stevens
of olathe, Kansas,
1530
01:23:49,703 --> 01:23:54,341
uh, both parents deceased,
and get this, former olympian.
1531
01:23:54,408 --> 01:23:57,244
- Olympian? What event?
- Racewalking.
1532
01:23:57,311 --> 01:24:01,148
That's not real. Did you
say racewalking? That's a real thing?
1533
01:24:01,215 --> 01:24:04,752
It's a largely ignored
but often ridiculed event,
1534
01:24:04,819 --> 01:24:06,554
kinda like couponing.
1535
01:24:07,788 --> 01:24:09,590
Why are you wearing
pajama pants?
1536
01:24:10,791 --> 01:24:13,727
- I took one for the team. Yeah.
- He had an accident.
1537
01:24:13,794 --> 01:24:16,464
Nothing wrong
with a little elasticity.
1538
01:24:16,530 --> 01:24:18,732
Except in
a professional environment.
1539
01:24:18,799 --> 01:24:21,402
- I wish I was dressed different.
- Moving on.
1540
01:24:21,469 --> 01:24:24,538
Now, cashier Greg Garcia
corroborated.
1541
01:24:24,605 --> 01:24:29,310
Ooh! That's her.
That giant fucking smile.
1542
01:24:31,178 --> 01:24:33,147
I think I got something here.
1543
01:24:33,214 --> 01:24:37,351
It's an invoice.
A lease on an airplane hangar.
1544
01:24:37,418 --> 01:24:39,553
An airplane hangar?
1545
01:24:39,620 --> 01:24:42,256
What the hell are they doing
with an airplane hangar?
1546
01:24:43,858 --> 01:24:45,626
Let's go, boys! Gear up.
1547
01:24:45,693 --> 01:24:47,828
I think I owe you an apology.
1548
01:24:47,895 --> 01:24:50,698
You guys are like the FBI.
1549
01:24:50,764 --> 01:24:53,834
Negative. FBI's like us.
1550
01:24:53,901 --> 01:24:56,704
Don't fuck with the post office.
1551
01:24:56,770 --> 01:24:59,473
Uh, you know, careful out there.
1552
01:24:59,540 --> 01:25:01,876
Good luck, you know.
Do your thing.
1553
01:25:05,346 --> 01:25:06,814
Wanna do a ride-along?
1554
01:25:09,483 --> 01:25:11,352
You messing with me?
1555
01:25:11,819 --> 01:25:13,487
That's a 10-4.
1556
01:25:15,856 --> 01:25:18,225
Just stay out of the way
and listen.
1557
01:25:43,817 --> 01:25:45,619
So what are we dealing with?
1558
01:25:45,686 --> 01:25:48,656
Drug runners? Arms dealers?
1559
01:25:49,390 --> 01:25:50,925
It's coupons.
1560
01:25:53,294 --> 01:25:55,296
Come again?
1561
01:25:55,362 --> 01:26:00,267
It's coupons.
It's two women counterfeiting coupons.
1562
01:26:03,671 --> 01:26:05,839
I mean, this feels like a lot.
1563
01:26:05,906 --> 01:26:08,876
You don't think we're coming
in a little hot here, boss?
1564
01:26:08,943 --> 01:26:11,612
- Boss.
- All right, gentlemen. Lock and load!
1565
01:26:18,552 --> 01:26:21,789
Good lord have mercy, Jesus.
1566
01:26:21,855 --> 01:26:24,391
My own child
fixing to suffocate me.
1567
01:26:24,458 --> 01:26:26,427
Ma. Oh, my gosh.
1568
01:26:26,493 --> 01:26:28,929
- Help me with this thing.
- Okay, okay.
1569
01:26:28,996 --> 01:26:31,665
Ma, I'm not trying to suffocate you.
1570
01:26:31,732 --> 01:26:33,634
I thought you stopped
breathing or something.
1571
01:26:33,701 --> 01:26:35,903
- I was trying to save your ass.
- Mm-hmm.
1572
01:26:35,970 --> 01:26:40,374
Ma, I can't sleep. I don't know.
I'm just anxious. I...
1573
01:26:40,441 --> 01:26:42,276
I fear something bad
must have happened.
1574
01:26:42,343 --> 01:26:43,877
- Ken.
- Yes, sir.
1575
01:26:43,944 --> 01:26:45,980
- Do not go near that house.
- No, sir.
1576
01:26:46,046 --> 01:26:47,715
I want you
staying by the vehicles.
1577
01:26:47,781 --> 01:26:49,316
I will fall back, sir.
1578
01:26:49,383 --> 01:26:51,552
- You are not in the military, Ken.
- Yes, sir.
1579
01:26:51,619 --> 01:26:53,954
Do not get
caught up in this moment.
1580
01:27:03,597 --> 01:27:04,598
Mmm.
1581
01:27:05,933 --> 01:27:07,868
Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm.
1582
01:27:12,806 --> 01:27:13,874
Hmm.
1583
01:27:19,680 --> 01:27:22,349
Dear jojo,
you in some serious shit, girl.
1584
01:27:22,416 --> 01:27:24,961
You need to shake your Booty out of
town 'cause the feds are on to you.
1585
01:27:24,985 --> 01:27:26,620
From your number one fan.
1586
01:27:26,687 --> 01:27:27,888
- Hugs and kisses.
- Feds?
1587
01:27:30,791 --> 01:27:32,559
How was your trip?
1588
01:27:32,626 --> 01:27:34,828
Connie kaminski. You're under arrest.
1589
01:27:34,895 --> 01:27:37,031
Show me your hands! Show 'em!
1590
01:27:38,732 --> 01:27:40,434
Keep 'em up. Don't move.
1591
01:27:42,002 --> 01:27:44,405
Freeze! Freeze!
1592
01:27:44,471 --> 01:27:45,839
What the hell is going on here?
1593
01:27:45,906 --> 01:27:47,608
Okay. Oh, my god. Okay.
1594
01:27:47,675 --> 01:27:50,377
Okay. This is Joanna Johnson.
The po-po got in my house...
1595
01:27:50,444 --> 01:27:52,446
- Stop!
- Joanna Johnson! We have a warrant!
1596
01:27:52,513 --> 01:27:56,083
- Girl, I knew you was up to something.
- Ma, don't say anything. Ma!
1597
01:27:56,150 --> 01:27:59,853
In all my life I never had no
police up in my house like this.
1598
01:28:47,668 --> 01:28:50,037
Move! Go, go, go!
1599
01:28:50,104 --> 01:28:52,606
- With me! Move, move, move!
- Stairs clear!
1600
01:28:58,712 --> 01:29:01,148
This is a fuck ton
of coupons, sir.
1601
01:29:01,215 --> 01:29:03,984
Look, baby diapers.
1602
01:29:04,051 --> 01:29:05,853
Could use these. Just had one.
1603
01:29:15,162 --> 01:29:17,865
- I got the computer.
- Sir, what about this room full of food?
1604
01:29:17,931 --> 01:29:20,167
What about it?
It's food. Leave it.
1605
01:29:23,937 --> 01:29:27,007
Coming up, an anonymous tip helps
police seize a stockpile of guns
1606
01:29:27,074 --> 01:29:28,842
from a Phoenix militia.
1607
01:29:28,909 --> 01:29:31,779
But first, two local coupon
queens behind bars tonight
1608
01:29:31,845 --> 01:29:33,180
in what authorities are calling
1609
01:29:33,247 --> 01:29:36,617
the largest counterfeit
coupon scam in history.
1610
01:29:36,683 --> 01:29:38,619
Us postal inspectors
raided the women's...
1611
01:29:46,160 --> 01:29:47,728
How are you?
1612
01:29:47,795 --> 01:29:50,430
Look, let's get down
to brass tacks.
1613
01:29:51,265 --> 01:29:54,868
What do I get
if I turn state's evidence?
1614
01:29:54,935 --> 01:29:57,838
You really want me to believe you
don't have anything to do with this?
1615
01:29:57,905 --> 01:30:02,109
All you've told me is my wife's been
arrested for something involving coupons.
1616
01:30:02,176 --> 01:30:04,011
What, she used
an expired coupon?
1617
01:30:04,077 --> 01:30:07,748
Well, your wife ran
an intricate financial scam
1618
01:30:07,815 --> 01:30:10,450
involving over 240 companies,
1619
01:30:10,517 --> 01:30:13,086
costing them tens of millions of
dollars, right under your nose.
1620
01:30:13,153 --> 01:30:16,723
And you're an auditor for
the internal revenue service.
1621
01:30:18,859 --> 01:30:20,661
We have separate bank accounts.
1622
01:30:20,727 --> 01:30:22,529
I'm sorry,
what did you say the site was?
1623
01:30:22,596 --> 01:30:26,099
It's savvy shopper or some...
1624
01:30:26,166 --> 01:30:29,736
No, it doesn't...
It does not ring a bell. I'm sorry.
1625
01:30:29,803 --> 01:30:32,573
We recovered
your YouTube videos.
1626
01:30:32,639 --> 01:30:37,744
So shake your little Booty on
down to savvysupersaver. Com, okay?
1627
01:30:37,811 --> 01:30:42,583
Savvy. Super. Savvy. Super.
Savvysupersaver.Com.
1628
01:30:42,649 --> 01:30:45,619
I'ma get a jingle for that so
y'all remember it forever. Okay?
1629
01:30:45,686 --> 01:30:48,622
Savvysupersaver.com. We got...
1630
01:30:48,689 --> 01:30:50,557
I thought we deleted that shit.
1631
01:30:50,624 --> 01:30:53,160
Have you ever heard the term,
"savvy super saver"?
1632
01:30:53,227 --> 01:30:56,063
- Well, quite obviously, yes.
- Okay.
1633
01:30:58,098 --> 01:31:00,100
I want you
to go in there with me.
1634
01:31:00,701 --> 01:31:02,903
What? Really?
1635
01:31:02,970 --> 01:31:06,273
I think you understand this
woman more than I do, so yeah.
1636
01:31:09,042 --> 01:31:10,777
Okay.
1637
01:31:26,326 --> 01:31:27,861
Connie, this is Ken Miller.
1638
01:31:27,928 --> 01:31:29,863
This is the, uh,
loss prevention officer
1639
01:31:29,930 --> 01:31:33,000
that was pivotal
in tracking you down.
1640
01:31:33,066 --> 01:31:36,870
- For starters, let's talk coupons.
- Okay.
1641
01:31:38,205 --> 01:31:40,274
What do you wanna know?
1642
01:31:40,340 --> 01:31:43,277
I mean, most people
undervalue coupons.
1643
01:31:43,343 --> 01:31:46,079
I don't undervalue coupons.
1644
01:31:46,813 --> 01:31:49,883
No. I guess you don't.
1645
01:31:49,950 --> 01:31:52,152
I suppose that's why I'm here.
1646
01:31:52,219 --> 01:31:54,021
But, you know, most people do.
1647
01:31:54,087 --> 01:31:58,292
Well, here's what I think.
I think you preyed on people.
1648
01:31:58,358 --> 01:32:03,664
I think nobody understands better than
you that people use coupons to save money
1649
01:32:03,730 --> 01:32:06,800
or to buy things that they need,
and I think you took advantage of that.
1650
01:32:06,867 --> 01:32:09,036
No. No, you're wrong.
1651
01:32:09,102 --> 01:32:10,771
Tell me how I'm wrong.
1652
01:32:10,837 --> 01:32:12,677
- That's not really why...
- That's not what...
1653
01:32:12,706 --> 01:32:15,208
That's not really why people
use coupons.
1654
01:32:15,275 --> 01:32:19,913
It's not about what you buy.
It's about the, uh... the feeling you get.
1655
01:32:20,647 --> 01:32:21,949
They've done studies.
1656
01:32:22,015 --> 01:32:24,785
When folks use coupons,
their oxytocin levels,
1657
01:32:24,851 --> 01:32:28,322
they kinda spike and they get
that little tingly sensation.
1658
01:32:28,388 --> 01:32:30,891
They call it the "coupon high."
1659
01:32:30,958 --> 01:32:35,829
Supposedly, it's better than intimacy
with another person, or so I've been told.
1660
01:32:37,831 --> 01:32:40,367
Sorry, I... I'm unclear.
Did you...
1661
01:32:40,434 --> 01:32:43,136
Have you not used a coupon
or have you not had sex?
1662
01:32:43,837 --> 01:32:46,106
T... what happened?
1663
01:32:46,173 --> 01:32:50,610
No, that's... oh, no.
This is not about me. This is about you.
1664
01:32:50,677 --> 01:32:54,047
You... you had...
You had a good life, Connie.
1665
01:32:54,114 --> 01:32:57,084
You had the nice house
and loving husband.
1666
01:32:57,150 --> 01:32:59,386
Wha... why... why would you risk
losing all of that?
1667
01:33:03,757 --> 01:33:06,393
I knew I was worth more.
1668
01:33:06,460 --> 01:33:08,128
And what do you know
about my life?
1669
01:33:08,195 --> 01:33:10,397
Just 'cause you've watched me
from a distance
1670
01:33:10,464 --> 01:33:12,699
does not mean
you really know me.
1671
01:33:13,734 --> 01:33:16,703
You happy with the life
that you're living?
1672
01:33:16,770 --> 01:33:19,806
Haven't you ever wanted just
a little bit more out of life?
1673
01:33:22,309 --> 01:33:24,845
Maybe we just value
different things.
1674
01:33:26,446 --> 01:33:29,049
Well, I'll tell you what I value, Connie.
I value the law.
1675
01:33:29,116 --> 01:33:31,651
Just because you want
a little more out of life
1676
01:33:31,718 --> 01:33:34,121
does not give you an excuse
to break those laws.
1677
01:33:34,187 --> 01:33:36,957
Now, it is not my job
to judge you.
1678
01:33:37,024 --> 01:33:39,059
And you seem
like a nice enough lady.
1679
01:33:39,126 --> 01:33:41,228
But I want to make sure
that you are grasping
1680
01:33:41,294 --> 01:33:43,997
the gravity of the situation
that you're in.
1681
01:33:44,064 --> 01:33:48,101
It is one year
for every $100,000 of fraud.
1682
01:33:48,168 --> 01:33:51,671
So, with what you've stolen,
your sentencing is off the charts.
1683
01:33:51,738 --> 01:33:54,808
You are facing 40 years to life.
1684
01:33:55,776 --> 01:33:56,810
What?
1685
01:33:59,346 --> 01:34:01,214
- Uh...
- Thank you.
1686
01:34:06,987 --> 01:34:10,457
You should, uh, probably get
yourself a really good lawyer.
1687
01:34:10,524 --> 01:34:14,227
And if I were you, I would
pay full price for this one.
1688
01:34:25,072 --> 01:34:26,706
They said 40 years to life.
1689
01:34:27,841 --> 01:34:29,810
Forty years to life?
1690
01:34:29,876 --> 01:34:33,914
But they said that if I took full
responsibility for starting all of it,
1691
01:34:33,980 --> 01:34:35,215
they would go easy on you.
1692
01:34:35,282 --> 01:34:37,117
No, Connie. What about you?
1693
01:34:37,184 --> 01:34:39,853
I'm up a creek either way.
It doesn't...
1694
01:34:41,121 --> 01:34:42,923
I did rope you into it,
1695
01:34:42,989 --> 01:34:46,259
and if I can make it easier
on you, then...
1696
01:34:46,326 --> 01:34:48,795
Can you believe they are
calling what we did fraud?
1697
01:34:48,862 --> 01:34:50,497
I know, that's so stup...
1698
01:34:50,564 --> 01:34:52,732
- It's like, we didn't defraud anybody.
- No.
1699
01:34:53,900 --> 01:34:56,470
- Now, theft... maybe. A little.
- Maybe theft. Maybe.
1700
01:34:56,536 --> 01:34:58,138
Joanna Johnson?
1701
01:34:58,205 --> 01:34:59,473
That's me. Hi.
1702
01:34:59,539 --> 01:35:01,274
You made bail. Let's go.
1703
01:35:03,977 --> 01:35:05,345
Mama Josie.
1704
01:35:10,584 --> 01:35:12,719
- Connie kaminski?
- Ooh! That's me!
1705
01:35:14,888 --> 01:35:17,157
- I made bail too?
- No. You got a visitor.
1706
01:35:21,328 --> 01:35:22,829
What the fuck, Connie?
1707
01:35:24,431 --> 01:35:26,500
I told you
that I stopped using coupons.
1708
01:35:26,566 --> 01:35:29,536
I just didn't tell you
that I started selling them.
1709
01:35:29,603 --> 01:35:31,271
Look, it's a good job.
1710
01:35:31,338 --> 01:35:32,973
It's not a job!
1711
01:35:33,039 --> 01:35:35,408
Would you...
Would you just bail me out?
1712
01:35:35,475 --> 01:35:37,511
Oh, you don't have
a coupon for that?
1713
01:35:41,014 --> 01:35:43,083
Rick, next time
you walk into a room
1714
01:35:43,150 --> 01:35:45,318
and you think everyone there
is sorry to see you,
1715
01:35:45,385 --> 01:35:47,254
just know it's not 'cause
you're an auditor.
1716
01:35:47,320 --> 01:35:49,389
It's 'cause you're an asshole.
1717
01:35:50,423 --> 01:35:52,325
I'd like a divorce.
1718
01:36:13,313 --> 01:36:14,514
Earl?
1719
01:36:15,615 --> 01:36:17,184
- Hey!
- Hey.
1720
01:36:17,250 --> 01:36:19,452
- These are for you.
- I... oh, thank you.
1721
01:36:19,519 --> 01:36:21,521
I thought you
were my mama, so...
1722
01:36:21,588 --> 01:36:24,925
Yeah, well, I think your mama's
cooperating with the authorities.
1723
01:36:25,592 --> 01:36:27,994
- That makes sense.
- Yeah.
1724
01:36:28,061 --> 01:36:31,064
- Well, thank you. This is nice.
- You're welcome.
1725
01:36:31,631 --> 01:36:33,533
How you doing?
1726
01:36:33,600 --> 01:36:37,404
- Um... I'm doing. Yeah.
- Yeah.
1727
01:36:37,470 --> 01:36:39,039
Better days.
1728
01:36:39,105 --> 01:36:40,607
Just got the official tally.
1729
01:36:40,674 --> 01:36:44,177
Over 40 million dollars' worth
of counterfeit coupons.
1730
01:36:44,244 --> 01:36:46,213
We traced it back
to a facility in Mexico,
1731
01:36:46,279 --> 01:36:48,615
a us company
called advanced solutions.
1732
01:36:48,682 --> 01:36:51,084
It's the same place that makes
the real coupons, yeah.
1733
01:36:51,151 --> 01:36:53,186
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Used to be up in Michigan.
1734
01:36:53,253 --> 01:36:56,957
Moved down to Mexico to save some money.
They got a factory overseas too.
1735
01:36:57,023 --> 01:36:58,668
We know who their
Mexican counterparts were?
1736
01:36:58,692 --> 01:37:01,428
Uh, yeah.
Advanced solutions employees
1737
01:37:01,494 --> 01:37:04,197
Alejandro and Rosa Diaz,
husband and wife.
1738
01:37:04,264 --> 01:37:07,634
One of kaminski's
aliases would wire money orders
1739
01:37:07,701 --> 01:37:11,538
totaling well over a million
dollars, and that's a lot of pesos.
1740
01:37:11,605 --> 01:37:13,373
Mexican government
gonna pursue 'em?
1741
01:37:13,440 --> 01:37:15,242
Nope. Trail's gone cold.
1742
01:37:15,308 --> 01:37:17,978
Uh, when news of the arrests
broke, these two disappeared.
1743
01:37:18,044 --> 01:37:20,880
They're probably sitting on a
beach somewhere drinking mai tais.
1744
01:37:20,947 --> 01:37:23,984
My lawyer,
this super expensive fella,
1745
01:37:24,050 --> 01:37:26,152
sure had an interesting way
of looking at things.
1746
01:37:26,219 --> 01:37:28,989
All you did was take
advantage of a loophole.
1747
01:37:29,055 --> 01:37:32,425
These corporations you're accused of
exploiting use loopholes all the time
1748
01:37:32,492 --> 01:37:34,194
and take advantage
of a broken system.
1749
01:37:34,261 --> 01:37:36,129
He always liked to say...
1750
01:37:36,196 --> 01:37:38,999
Just because someone says
something, doesn't make it true.
1751
01:37:39,065 --> 01:37:41,167
The funny thing is,
whenever he said it,
1752
01:37:41,234 --> 01:37:43,403
most everyone
took it to be fact.
1753
01:37:43,470 --> 01:37:48,908
My client is just following the
lead of a successful corporation.
1754
01:37:48,975 --> 01:37:51,244
Will the defendants please rise?
1755
01:37:54,614 --> 01:37:57,050
Through all this,
I've learned more about coupons
1756
01:37:57,117 --> 01:38:00,253
and america's shopping habits
than I ever cared to know.
1757
01:38:00,320 --> 01:38:05,625
The court has considered the nature
and circumstances of the offense
1758
01:38:05,692 --> 01:38:10,497
in arriving at a sentence for Ms.
Johnson and Mrs. Kaminski.
1759
01:38:12,232 --> 01:38:15,068
The court sentences
the defendant Joanna Johnson
1760
01:38:15,135 --> 01:38:20,040
to ten days in jail suspended
and one-year probation.
1761
01:38:21,441 --> 01:38:24,344
As for the defendant,
Connie kaminski,
1762
01:38:24,411 --> 01:38:28,415
she will be incarcerated in the
Arizona department of corrections
1763
01:38:28,481 --> 01:38:33,687
for a term of 11 months,
with the possibility of parole.
1764
01:38:33,753 --> 01:38:35,722
That's all.
1765
01:38:35,789 --> 01:38:37,023
Oh, my g...
1766
01:38:37,624 --> 01:38:39,125
Well, lookee there.
1767
01:38:39,192 --> 01:38:41,961
First time in history
a black woman gets off
1768
01:38:42,028 --> 01:38:44,731
and a white woman gets to do
some time.
1769
01:38:44,798 --> 01:38:47,033
That loss
prevention guy was right.
1770
01:38:47,100 --> 01:38:48,735
You get what you pay for.
1771
01:38:48,802 --> 01:38:50,570
Not 40 years to life. Just...
1772
01:38:50,637 --> 01:38:53,139
Eleven fucking months!
1773
01:38:53,206 --> 01:38:56,242
All right. Look,
you didn't hear this from me,
1774
01:38:56,309 --> 01:39:00,413
but we may have received multiple
phone calls from numerous corporations,
1775
01:39:00,480 --> 01:39:03,083
saying, you know, uh,
"we don't want our logo on the news.
1776
01:39:03,149 --> 01:39:05,061
- "Our shareholders... keep it quiet."
- Oh, god.
1777
01:39:05,085 --> 01:39:07,320
Bottom line, they just
want this to go away.
1778
01:39:07,387 --> 01:39:09,598
The damage she's done, we're gonna
throw the rules out the window?
1779
01:39:09,622 --> 01:39:13,326
They don't matter?
She cost p&g alone $80 million.
1780
01:39:13,393 --> 01:39:16,463
For p&g and for every other
company, this was just a write-off.
1781
01:39:16,529 --> 01:39:19,065
And, uh, it'll probably be
eight with good behavior.
1782
01:39:19,132 --> 01:39:20,767
Oh, god.
1783
01:39:20,834 --> 01:39:23,737
Oh, my god.
I-I just... I don't get it.
1784
01:39:23,803 --> 01:39:27,307
So, uh, you're telling me that's it?
Move on, it's over?
1785
01:39:27,374 --> 01:39:29,376
Well, that's all there is.
That's law enforcement.
1786
01:39:29,442 --> 01:39:32,779
You just do the best that you can, Ken.
You try to be fair.
1787
01:39:32,846 --> 01:39:36,649
You follow the law and if everything
goes well, you get to go home safe,
1788
01:39:36,716 --> 01:39:40,253
and hopefully to someone
that you love.
1789
01:39:40,320 --> 01:39:42,355
Which reminds me,
I need to call my wife.
1790
01:39:43,189 --> 01:39:44,591
See you later.
1791
01:39:48,595 --> 01:39:51,631
- Oh, one more thing.
- Wow.
1792
01:39:52,732 --> 01:39:54,701
I almost forgot.
1793
01:40:00,640 --> 01:40:05,612
Dated December 3rd, 1918.
1794
01:40:05,678 --> 01:40:10,450
"My dearest Leo,
when word arrived from pastor holbrook
1795
01:40:10,517 --> 01:40:12,585
that your injuries
were not life-threatening,
1796
01:40:12,652 --> 01:40:15,488
and that you were on your way
back home to us,
1797
01:40:15,555 --> 01:40:17,690
my heart leapt from my chest.
1798
01:40:17,757 --> 01:40:23,430
Our little Irene could not decipher
my tears as those of pure joy.
1799
01:40:23,496 --> 01:40:27,600
My only hope now is that you receive
this letter before you depart,
1800
01:40:27,667 --> 01:40:30,837
and that my words
will accompany you
1801
01:40:30,904 --> 01:40:32,806
on your arduous journey
back home.
1802
01:40:32,872 --> 01:40:36,476
"With grace,
faith and love. Mary."
1803
01:40:38,745 --> 01:40:40,079
This one's for you.
1804
01:40:40,513 --> 01:40:44,083
What? Really?
1805
01:40:44,150 --> 01:40:48,388
- Oh... not the letter.
- You can't separate the letters.
1806
01:40:48,455 --> 01:40:50,824
What good would the letters be
if they weren't together?
1807
01:40:50,890 --> 01:40:52,725
- Right.
- The letters are kind of archival.
1808
01:40:52,792 --> 01:40:55,195
What I mean is that
this lesson is for you.
1809
01:40:56,262 --> 01:40:58,298
The lesson's for you, Ken.
1810
01:40:58,932 --> 01:41:00,633
You're a good man.
1811
01:41:00,700 --> 01:41:02,535
I enjoyed working alongside you.
1812
01:41:04,704 --> 01:41:07,640
Don't go searching for too much.
You're pretty great the way you are.
1813
01:41:29,696 --> 01:41:32,332
Could you just make
an exception?
1814
01:41:35,301 --> 01:41:38,371
Uh, honor it.
Yeah. Give her a discount.
1815
01:41:39,439 --> 01:41:41,174
You may be asking yourself,
1816
01:41:41,241 --> 01:41:43,776
"who won and who lost
through all of this?"
1817
01:41:45,445 --> 01:41:48,715
And I guess that's
really for you to decide.
1818
01:41:49,749 --> 01:41:51,417
Yes!
1819
01:41:53,219 --> 01:41:54,687
Rick and I got a divorce.
1820
01:41:54,754 --> 01:41:57,857
So, yeah.
I guess I lost my husband.
1821
01:41:57,924 --> 01:42:00,660
But not in the way
you lose something important,
1822
01:42:00,727 --> 01:42:03,396
like your car keys or your cell
phone or something like that.
1823
01:42:04,731 --> 01:42:07,433
- Please, take it all.
- I just wanna get rid of it.
1824
01:42:07,500 --> 01:42:09,435
Definitely don't need those.
1825
01:42:09,502 --> 01:42:11,902
Ah, careful now. You don't know
what you need till it's gone.
1826
01:42:11,938 --> 01:42:14,407
Sage advice. You get that
from your parole officer?
1827
01:42:16,009 --> 01:42:18,444
And after paying
the fancy lawyer,
1828
01:42:18,511 --> 01:42:22,382
we still have
a little money left over.
1829
01:42:22,448 --> 01:42:26,719
As for jojo, she finally figured
out exactly what Earl was thinking.
1830
01:42:30,657 --> 01:42:32,659
Have you ever been
to Montenegro?
1831
01:42:33,459 --> 01:42:34,494
We need that guy.
1832
01:42:34,561 --> 01:42:36,262
Why that guy?
1833
01:42:36,329 --> 01:42:38,197
'Cause he's
already bending the rules.
1834
01:42:38,264 --> 01:42:41,668
Jojo says I'm gonna love it
when I get there.
1835
01:42:41,734 --> 01:42:44,637
In fact, she's already found
the perfect spot
1836
01:42:44,704 --> 01:42:47,707
for our new
and improved business.
1837
01:42:51,477 --> 01:42:56,482
Oh, and did you know Montenegro
has no extradition to the us?
1838
01:42:59,919 --> 01:43:03,289
If you ever find yourself
doing a stretch in the slammer,
1839
01:43:03,356 --> 01:43:05,725
you should still try to make
every day count.
1840
01:43:10,597 --> 01:43:12,932
Especially your last day.
1841
01:43:21,341 --> 01:43:23,610
Sometimes you look back
and you think,
1842
01:43:23,676 --> 01:43:27,680
"well, if that didn't happen and that
didn't happen and that didn't happen,
1843
01:43:27,747 --> 01:43:29,882
I wouldn't be who I am today."
1844
01:43:34,454 --> 01:43:36,923
Betcha I can walk a mile
faster than you can run one.
1845
01:43:45,565 --> 01:43:47,767
And it turns out,
1846
01:43:47,834 --> 01:43:49,912
it really doesn't matter how
you get to the finish line.
1847
01:43:49,936 --> 01:43:52,505
Just as long as you get there.
148686
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