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00:00:02,135 --> 00:00:04,795
(funky disco plays)
♪ My name is Cleveland Brown
2
00:00:04,805 --> 00:00:07,205
♪ And I am proud to be
3
00:00:07,208 --> 00:00:09,208
♪ Right back in my hometown
4
00:00:09,210 --> 00:00:12,040
♪ With my new family
5
00:00:12,046 --> 00:00:14,376
♪ There's old friends
and new friends ♪
6
00:00:14,382 --> 00:00:16,622
♪ And even a bear
7
00:00:16,617 --> 00:00:18,947
♪ Through good times
and bad times ♪
8
00:00:18,953 --> 00:00:20,453
♪ It's true love we share
9
00:00:20,454 --> 00:00:22,764
♪ And so I found a place
10
00:00:22,757 --> 00:00:25,087
♪ Where everyone will know
11
00:00:25,092 --> 00:00:26,992
♪ My happy mustached face
12
00:00:26,994 --> 00:00:29,464
♪ This is The Cleveland Show. ♪
13
00:00:29,463 --> 00:00:31,263
(chuckles)
14
00:00:36,102 --> 00:00:38,102
♪
15
00:00:38,105 --> 00:00:39,195
(alarm clock beeping)
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00:00:44,677 --> 00:00:49,207
♪ All around me
are familiar faces ♪
17
00:00:49,216 --> 00:00:51,416
♪ Worn-out places
18
00:00:51,419 --> 00:00:55,289
♪ Worn-out faces
19
00:00:55,289 --> 00:01:00,089
♪ Bright and early
for the daily races ♪
20
00:01:00,094 --> 00:01:01,834
♪ Going nowhere
21
00:01:01,829 --> 00:01:06,799
♪ Going nowhere
22
00:01:06,801 --> 00:01:11,371
♪ Their tears are filling up
their glasses ♪
23
00:01:11,372 --> 00:01:14,042
♪ No expression
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00:01:14,041 --> 00:01:17,111
♪ No expression
25
00:01:17,111 --> 00:01:22,351
♪ Hide my head,
I want to drown my sorrow ♪
26
00:01:22,349 --> 00:01:24,849
♪ No tomorrow
27
00:01:24,852 --> 00:01:28,822
♪ No tomorrow
28
00:01:28,823 --> 00:01:31,793
♪ And I find it kind of funny
29
00:01:31,792 --> 00:01:34,492
♪ I find it kind of sad
30
00:01:34,495 --> 00:01:36,925
♪ The dreams
in which I'm dying ♪
31
00:01:36,931 --> 00:01:40,031
♪ Are the best I've ever had
32
00:01:40,034 --> 00:01:42,974
♪ I find it hard to tell you
33
00:01:42,970 --> 00:01:45,500
♪ I find it hard to take
34
00:01:45,506 --> 00:01:51,176
♪ When people run in circles
it's a very, very ♪
35
00:01:51,178 --> 00:01:54,248
♪ Mad world
36
00:01:57,083 --> 00:01:59,893
♪ Mad world
37
00:02:02,822 --> 00:02:03,822
Ah, my nipply wipply!
38
00:02:03,824 --> 00:02:05,164
WOMAN:
Smooth move, Mustache.
39
00:02:05,159 --> 00:02:06,589
(laughter)
40
00:02:06,594 --> 00:02:08,594
I'm Tori. This
is my first day.
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00:02:08,596 --> 00:02:10,626
Cleveland.
42
00:02:10,631 --> 00:02:13,201
This is my 856th day
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00:02:13,200 --> 00:02:15,130
at this lifeless
tomb of a workplace.
44
00:02:15,136 --> 00:02:18,166
Not anymore. Tori
brought doughnuts.
45
00:02:18,172 --> 00:02:19,872
What? No way!
46
00:02:19,874 --> 00:02:21,674
Doughnuts?!
47
00:02:21,675 --> 00:02:23,175
Yeah, but Tim
ate them all.
48
00:02:23,177 --> 00:02:24,707
Now, he's in a coma.
49
00:02:24,712 --> 00:02:26,682
We don't know
what's gonna happen. Oh, no.
50
00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:29,110
I would've loved
to have had a doughnut.
51
00:02:29,116 --> 00:02:32,576
♪ All around me are
familiar... ♪
52
00:02:32,586 --> 00:02:34,586
Well, maybe my little
make-your-own-pizza bar
53
00:02:34,588 --> 00:02:36,658
will put some pep
in your pepperoni.
54
00:02:39,592 --> 00:02:42,632
What? No way.
55
00:02:42,630 --> 00:02:45,530
Make your own pizza?!
56
00:02:45,533 --> 00:02:47,473
Tori, you are officially
57
00:02:47,468 --> 00:02:50,198
the funnest person
at Waterman Cable.
58
00:02:50,204 --> 00:02:51,944
Sorry, Wacky Greg.
59
00:02:52,939 --> 00:02:54,969
Ah, it was a good run.
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00:02:54,975 --> 00:02:57,075
(honks horn)
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00:02:58,378 --> 00:03:00,048
(slide whistle)
62
00:03:00,047 --> 00:03:01,047
(gunshot)
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00:03:01,048 --> 00:03:04,278
(laughs)
Wacky Greg.
64
00:03:06,619 --> 00:03:08,989
You think in 20 years
we're gonna find out
65
00:03:08,989 --> 00:03:10,819
we can't have kids
because laptops
66
00:03:10,824 --> 00:03:13,464
are zapping
our nards? Probably.
67
00:03:13,460 --> 00:03:16,030
Click on the one that
says "Racist Duck."
68
00:03:17,931 --> 00:03:20,001
Black! Black,
black! Blaaaack!
69
00:03:20,000 --> 00:03:22,000
I'm gonna kill you, duck!
70
00:03:22,002 --> 00:03:23,002
(laughter)
71
00:03:23,003 --> 00:03:24,373
Click on that next one,
72
00:03:24,371 --> 00:03:26,341
"Black Guy Drowns
Trying to Kill Duck."
73
00:03:26,340 --> 00:03:29,170
Wow, these things
got millions of hits.
74
00:03:29,176 --> 00:03:31,176
(scoffs): I could get twice
that many views
75
00:03:31,178 --> 00:03:34,008
if I had a camera that
didn't just squirt water.
76
00:03:34,014 --> 00:03:35,284
You need a camera?
77
00:03:35,282 --> 00:03:37,022
Here's my phone,
here's a flip.
78
00:03:37,017 --> 00:03:38,777
There's a camera
on this computer.
79
00:03:38,786 --> 00:03:40,986
There's even one in that
teddy bear on the shelf,
80
00:03:40,988 --> 00:03:43,158
because I don't
trust Larry's nanny.
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00:03:43,157 --> 00:03:45,517
♪
82
00:04:16,289 --> 00:04:17,489
What are you doing?
83
00:04:17,491 --> 00:04:18,661
I made dinner.
84
00:04:18,659 --> 00:04:21,029
Yuck. Tori set up a
pizza bar for lunch.
85
00:04:21,028 --> 00:04:23,028
I told you about
Tori, right?
86
00:04:23,030 --> 00:04:25,100
New woman at
work, awesome.
87
00:04:25,099 --> 00:04:26,629
She sounds like
some sad woman
88
00:04:26,634 --> 00:04:28,704
with no life outside
the office to me.
89
00:04:28,702 --> 00:04:31,172
Sad? She's the
opposite of sad.
90
00:04:31,171 --> 00:04:33,171
She's super cool
and fun, and cute,
91
00:04:33,173 --> 00:04:35,273
and attractive, and hot.
92
00:04:36,442 --> 00:04:38,612
Well, I'm off to the Stool.
93
00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:40,312
Donna, please wash
out this Tupperware
94
00:04:40,314 --> 00:04:42,354
so I can return it to Tori.
95
00:04:42,349 --> 00:04:44,079
Cleveland, I don't even
wash my Tupperware,
96
00:04:44,084 --> 00:04:46,154
I'm not gonna wash
somebody else's.
97
00:04:46,153 --> 00:04:47,793
That's why
your Tupperware
98
00:04:47,788 --> 00:04:49,248
is used as
a holding cell
99
00:04:49,256 --> 00:04:51,886
for cockroaches I'm
too scared to kill.
100
00:04:57,830 --> 00:04:59,830
♪
101
00:05:05,538 --> 00:05:07,138
(cheering)
102
00:05:07,141 --> 00:05:09,141
Pay up, suckers.
103
00:05:09,143 --> 00:05:11,983
Will you accept a book of
stamps? It's currency.
104
00:05:11,979 --> 00:05:14,309
Why don't you just keep
it and I'll buy you a beer,
105
00:05:14,315 --> 00:05:15,845
you broke-ass hillbilly?
106
00:05:15,849 --> 00:05:18,249
Yeah, yeah.
107
00:05:18,252 --> 00:05:19,992
Wow, Tori.
You're humorous.
108
00:05:19,987 --> 00:05:23,017
I love when girls show up
to the bar unannounced.
109
00:05:23,023 --> 00:05:24,163
Donna!
110
00:05:24,158 --> 00:05:26,988
I hate when girls show up
to the bar unannounced.
111
00:05:26,994 --> 00:05:28,994
Hey, Big Mamma.
Whatcha doing?
112
00:05:28,996 --> 00:05:30,526
You told me to
pick you up.
113
00:05:30,531 --> 00:05:33,101
But I'm having fun.
Come back in a hour.
114
00:05:33,100 --> 00:05:34,470
Tori, what do you
think, a hour?
115
00:05:34,468 --> 00:05:36,028
And who is this
apple bottom
116
00:05:36,036 --> 00:05:38,196
you could bounce
a quarter off of?
117
00:05:38,205 --> 00:05:40,005
You saw that?
118
00:05:40,007 --> 00:05:41,807
It's a legitimate game.
119
00:05:41,809 --> 00:05:44,209
Donna, this is my
best friend, Tori.
120
00:05:44,211 --> 00:05:46,211
Tori, my wife, Donna.
121
00:05:46,213 --> 00:05:48,813
Donna, it's so
great to meet you!
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00:05:48,816 --> 00:05:50,846
I love working
with your husband.
123
00:05:50,851 --> 00:05:52,481
He had me
cracking up today.
124
00:05:52,486 --> 00:05:55,146
Why, because I farted
that one network's chimes?
125
00:05:55,155 --> 00:05:57,185
Here, listen
to this, Donna.
126
00:05:57,191 --> 00:05:59,091
(farts three times)
127
00:05:59,093 --> 00:06:01,763
Uh, almost.
128
00:06:01,762 --> 00:06:04,132
Isn't that hilarious?
129
00:06:04,131 --> 00:06:05,701
Yeah, well, it's not
as funny when it happens
130
00:06:05,699 --> 00:06:07,669
against your leg in the
middle of the night.
131
00:06:07,668 --> 00:06:10,038
Cleveland, can I speak
to you for a moment?
132
00:06:10,037 --> 00:06:11,437
(groans)
133
00:06:11,438 --> 00:06:13,508
Why didn't you tell me
that she would be here?
134
00:06:13,507 --> 00:06:15,267
I didn't know she
was coming. Why?
135
00:06:15,275 --> 00:06:16,505
Oh.
136
00:06:16,510 --> 00:06:19,340
Donna Lou Retton
Tubbs-Brown, you are jealous.
137
00:06:19,346 --> 00:06:22,006
I'm not jealous,
I'm just... Yes, you are.
138
00:06:22,015 --> 00:06:24,915
You're jealous of my
best friend, Tori.
139
00:06:24,918 --> 00:06:27,688
Cleveland, men and
women can't be friends.
140
00:06:27,688 --> 00:06:30,118
What?! I'm surprised
at you, Donna.
141
00:06:30,124 --> 00:06:33,764
Unlike you, I don't see
gender, age, or race.
142
00:06:33,761 --> 00:06:37,131
I would expect a middle-aged,
black woman to understand that.
143
00:06:37,131 --> 00:06:39,461
Well, understand this.
144
00:06:39,466 --> 00:06:41,166
I do not want
you spending time
145
00:06:41,168 --> 00:06:42,968
with that woman
outside of work.
146
00:06:42,970 --> 00:06:44,500
Now, we're going home.
147
00:06:44,505 --> 00:06:46,705
Fine. Just let
me get my things.
148
00:06:48,875 --> 00:06:51,175
I wanted to show
Tori my things.
149
00:06:51,178 --> 00:06:53,278
Cleveland!
150
00:06:55,581 --> 00:06:58,321
(humming)
151
00:06:58,318 --> 00:07:01,518
(bellowing faintly)
152
00:07:01,522 --> 00:07:02,852
My eye!
153
00:07:02,856 --> 00:07:04,486
Oh, thank God.
154
00:07:06,159 --> 00:07:07,489
Frapp Friday?
155
00:07:07,494 --> 00:07:09,264
We're starting
a new tradition.
156
00:07:09,263 --> 00:07:12,103
We're all gonna get coffee
frapps across the street.
157
00:07:12,099 --> 00:07:13,199
(cheering)
158
00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:15,200
Oh, I think I love
coffee frapps!
159
00:07:15,202 --> 00:07:16,802
But Donna says
160
00:07:16,804 --> 00:07:20,014
I can't spend time with Torioutside the office.
161
00:07:20,007 --> 00:07:22,007
Or did she sayoutside of work?
162
00:07:22,009 --> 00:07:24,679
Which would beslightly different.
163
00:07:24,678 --> 00:07:28,748
Although, I did completelyunderstand what she meant.
164
00:07:28,749 --> 00:07:30,519
Frapp Friday!
165
00:07:33,119 --> 00:07:34,849
(slurping)
166
00:07:34,855 --> 00:07:38,255
Mmm. I can't believe
this only has 4,000 calories.
167
00:07:38,258 --> 00:07:40,328
What are calories?
Vitamin C?
168
00:07:40,327 --> 00:07:43,727
Oh, look at the time.
Race you back to the office.
169
00:07:45,865 --> 00:07:48,095
(giggles):
That's my shirt, you rascal.
170
00:07:48,101 --> 00:07:50,171
No rules on Frapp Friday.
171
00:07:50,170 --> 00:07:52,100
(laughter)
172
00:07:52,105 --> 00:07:54,605
Frapp you, Tori.
173
00:07:56,108 --> 00:07:58,108
My Frapp.
174
00:07:58,111 --> 00:07:59,181
(laughing)
You want it?
175
00:07:59,179 --> 00:08:01,109
Y-You want it?
I do.
176
00:08:01,114 --> 00:08:03,824
I want my frapp.
Give it, give it, give it.
177
00:08:03,817 --> 00:08:06,987
(giggling)
178
00:08:06,987 --> 00:08:09,347
DONNA:
Cleveland, get your ass off the grass!
179
00:08:09,356 --> 00:08:10,286
Donna.
180
00:08:10,290 --> 00:08:11,520
What were you thinking?
181
00:08:11,525 --> 00:08:13,115
We were just at work
182
00:08:13,126 --> 00:08:14,986
and it was so boring and
humdrum, and Tori
183
00:08:14,995 --> 00:08:17,325
said we should get frapps
because it was Frapp Friday,
184
00:08:17,331 --> 00:08:18,931
which is a Friday
when you get frapps.
185
00:08:18,932 --> 00:08:21,032
(slurping)
186
00:08:21,034 --> 00:08:22,834
Ain't nothing but
something to drink.
187
00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:24,266
Ah, frapp attack!
188
00:08:24,271 --> 00:08:26,001
You frapped me!
She frapped me!
189
00:08:26,006 --> 00:08:27,206
I got frapp in my 'stache.
190
00:08:27,207 --> 00:08:28,967
Ow! My bottom.
191
00:08:28,976 --> 00:08:30,206
(girlish wail)
192
00:08:30,210 --> 00:08:32,010
Cleveland, would you
sign this release?
193
00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:34,082
Oh, yes, surely.
194
00:08:41,153 --> 00:08:43,293
So, still mad?
195
00:08:43,290 --> 00:08:45,120
You promised me you
wouldn't see Tori
196
00:08:45,125 --> 00:08:46,985
outside of work.
You lied to me.
197
00:08:46,994 --> 00:08:49,094
You know who's cute
when she's mad?
198
00:08:49,096 --> 00:08:50,356
Tor... you.
199
00:08:50,364 --> 00:08:52,304
Check out our video.
200
00:08:52,299 --> 00:08:54,299
Cleveland, you're
about to be quoted
201
00:08:54,301 --> 00:08:57,071
by every bored cubicle
slob in America.
202
00:08:59,205 --> 00:09:00,635
We were just at work,
203
00:09:00,641 --> 00:09:03,041
and it was so
boring and humdrum.
204
00:09:03,043 --> 00:09:04,613
(auto-tuned):
♪ Humdrum, humdrum
205
00:09:04,611 --> 00:09:06,781
♪ Humdrum, humdru,
h-h-h-h-humdrum ♪
206
00:09:06,780 --> 00:09:09,110
♪ Tori said we should get
frapps, it was Frapp Friday ♪
207
00:09:09,116 --> 00:09:11,076
♪ Which is a Friday
when you get frapps ♪
208
00:09:11,084 --> 00:09:13,024
♪ Frapp Friday,
Frapp Friday ♪ ♪ Hey, hey ♪
209
00:09:13,020 --> 00:09:14,320
♪ Ain't nothing but
something to drink ♪
210
00:09:14,321 --> 00:09:15,991
(girlish wail)
211
00:09:15,989 --> 00:09:17,189
(rhythmic scratching)
212
00:09:17,190 --> 00:09:19,290
DONNA: ♪ Cleveland, get your
ass off the grass ♪
213
00:09:19,293 --> 00:09:21,433
♪ Ass off the grass
214
00:09:21,428 --> 00:09:22,688
♪ Ah, frapp attack
215
00:09:22,696 --> 00:09:24,356
♪ You frapped me,
she frapped me ♪
216
00:09:24,364 --> 00:09:26,204
♪ I got frapp in my 'stache
217
00:09:26,199 --> 00:09:28,269
♪ Hey ♪
♪ Frapp attack, frapp-frapp attack ♪
218
00:09:28,268 --> 00:09:30,138
♪ Hey ♪
♪ Frapp attack, frapp- frapp attack ♪
219
00:09:30,137 --> 00:09:31,097
♪ Ah, frapp attack
220
00:09:31,104 --> 00:09:33,104
♪ You frapped me,
she frapped me ♪
221
00:09:33,106 --> 00:09:35,006
♪ I got frapp in my 'stache
♪ In my 'stache ♪
222
00:09:35,008 --> 00:09:36,538
♪ Frapp attack, frapp-frapp
attack ♪
223
00:09:36,543 --> 00:09:38,483
♪ Frapp attack, frapp-frapp
attack ♪ ♪ Hey ♪
224
00:09:38,478 --> 00:09:40,548
♪ Frapp my bottom,
frapp, frapp my bottom ♪
225
00:09:40,547 --> 00:09:42,747
♪ Frapp my bottom, frapp, frapp,
my bottom ♪
226
00:09:42,749 --> 00:09:44,249
(rhythmic slurping)
227
00:09:47,787 --> 00:09:50,057
♪
228
00:09:52,091 --> 00:09:53,291
♪ Ah, frapp attack
229
00:09:53,293 --> 00:09:55,463
♪ You frapped me,
she frapped me ♪
230
00:09:55,462 --> 00:09:57,202
♪ I got frapp in my 'stache
♪ In my 'stache ♪
231
00:09:57,197 --> 00:09:58,427
♪ Frapp attack,
frapp-frapp attack ♪
232
00:09:58,432 --> 00:09:59,762
♪ Shorty ♪
♪ Frapp attack
233
00:09:59,766 --> 00:10:00,766
♪ Frap, frapp attack
234
00:10:00,767 --> 00:10:02,167
(girlish wail)
235
00:10:02,169 --> 00:10:03,029
♪ Ain't nothing but
something to drink ♪
236
00:10:03,036 --> 00:10:04,096
Ow, my bottom!
237
00:10:05,504 --> 00:10:08,614
It's gotten 520,000
views in 20 minutes.
238
00:10:08,609 --> 00:10:11,339
Oh, why couldn't this have
been on the Fox homepage?
239
00:10:11,345 --> 00:10:13,105
Then no one
would've seen it.
240
00:10:13,113 --> 00:10:15,013
Are you kidding?
We're gonna be famous.
241
00:10:15,015 --> 00:10:18,975
Oh, great. So 500,000
strangers have seen you
242
00:10:18,986 --> 00:10:23,246
frapping it up with some girl
who isn't your wife!
243
00:10:23,256 --> 00:10:26,356
Wow. I misread the room.
244
00:10:28,861 --> 00:10:31,831
"Frapp Attack" is up
to five million views!
245
00:10:31,832 --> 00:10:33,672
You're viral, man.
246
00:10:33,667 --> 00:10:35,497
Well, then,
so is your mother.
247
00:10:35,502 --> 00:10:38,342
ROBERTA:
Cleveland, there's someone here to see you!
248
00:10:40,940 --> 00:10:43,140
Oh, my God! Are you
the grocery cart police?
249
00:10:43,143 --> 00:10:44,683
I don't want no trouble.
250
00:10:44,678 --> 00:10:45,938
They're in the back.
251
00:10:45,946 --> 00:10:47,346
Cleveland, you dumbass.
252
00:10:47,347 --> 00:10:49,077
That's Willy Nilly,
253
00:10:49,082 --> 00:10:51,852
the biggest hip-hop producer
in the world.
254
00:10:51,852 --> 00:10:53,592
I saw "Frapp Attack"
on the Internet
255
00:10:53,587 --> 00:10:55,117
and came here to sign you.
256
00:10:55,122 --> 00:10:56,422
You're going to be huge.
257
00:10:56,423 --> 00:10:58,363
All right.
I'm intrigued.
258
00:10:58,358 --> 00:10:59,788
Let's hear your pitch.
259
00:10:59,793 --> 00:11:01,263
I'm going to take you
to Hollywood
260
00:11:01,261 --> 00:11:02,791
to perform "Frapp Attack"
with me
261
00:11:02,796 --> 00:11:05,496
at the Kids' Choice Awards
and turn you into a star.
262
00:11:05,499 --> 00:11:07,029
Mm-hmm. Interesting.
263
00:11:07,034 --> 00:11:09,174
But I am fielding other offers.
264
00:11:09,169 --> 00:11:10,839
What do you got, Coach K?
265
00:11:10,837 --> 00:11:13,197
I've got a huge nose
and no lips,
266
00:11:13,206 --> 00:11:15,336
but I can offer you
a quality education
267
00:11:15,342 --> 00:11:18,782
and a chance to play basketball
at Duke University.
268
00:11:18,779 --> 00:11:20,779
You're a straight shooter,
Coach K.
269
00:11:20,781 --> 00:11:22,151
That's not lost on me.
270
00:11:22,149 --> 00:11:23,849
But for my music career,
271
00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:26,020
I should probably go
with the music guy.
272
00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:27,449
I'm in.
273
00:11:27,454 --> 00:11:29,424
What about you,
Chocolate Thunder?
274
00:11:29,423 --> 00:11:31,493
I'd rather hit myself
in the head with a mallet
275
00:11:31,491 --> 00:11:32,961
than go to Duke.
276
00:11:32,959 --> 00:11:35,159
Plus, my sport
is bird-watching.
277
00:11:36,662 --> 00:11:37,862
(chirping)
278
00:11:37,864 --> 00:11:39,004
There they are.
279
00:11:38,999 --> 00:11:41,029
(chuckling)
280
00:11:44,603 --> 00:11:46,103
DONNA:
Hell, no!
281
00:11:46,106 --> 00:11:47,806
If you can't behave
yourself at work,
282
00:11:47,808 --> 00:11:49,138
I'm not letting you go
283
00:11:49,142 --> 00:11:50,882
halfway around the globe
to Hollywood.
284
00:11:50,877 --> 00:11:52,607
But, Donna,
don't you see?
285
00:11:52,612 --> 00:11:55,612
This is exactly what my
humdrum life is missing.
286
00:11:55,615 --> 00:11:58,315
Cleveland, Willy Nilly
is a terrible influence.
287
00:11:58,318 --> 00:12:00,148
He's all about the clubs
and partying,
288
00:12:00,153 --> 00:12:02,153
throwing cash
at the ladies' butts,
289
00:12:02,155 --> 00:12:04,015
leaving lights on
when he's not in the room.
290
00:12:04,024 --> 00:12:05,994
Willy Nilly is
a lovely man.
291
00:12:05,992 --> 00:12:08,092
Plus, America
wants me.
292
00:12:08,095 --> 00:12:10,125
I'm a motherfrappin'
hit-maker!
293
00:12:10,130 --> 00:12:12,000
You had nothing to do
with that song.
294
00:12:11,998 --> 00:12:14,828
Rallo and Junior did it
with their computer machine.
295
00:12:14,835 --> 00:12:16,665
They're making fun
of you, Cleveland.
296
00:12:16,670 --> 00:12:17,940
You're not a singer.
297
00:12:17,938 --> 00:12:18,998
I'll sing at
your funeral.
298
00:12:19,005 --> 00:12:20,265
(growls)
(whimpers)
299
00:12:23,042 --> 00:12:25,242
Get your pink ass
off my car!
300
00:12:26,378 --> 00:12:28,678
"Please turn around."
301
00:12:28,682 --> 00:12:30,252
Cleveland told me
you got a problem
302
00:12:30,250 --> 00:12:32,150
with him coming out
to L.A. with me.
303
00:12:32,152 --> 00:12:34,192
I promised him
I would talk to you.
304
00:12:34,187 --> 00:12:36,347
You can quiet your
dapper yapper.
305
00:12:36,356 --> 00:12:38,856
I'm not letting Cleveland
go anywhere with you.
306
00:12:38,859 --> 00:12:41,659
Look, I think you got
the wrong idea about me.
307
00:12:41,661 --> 00:12:43,091
Just 'cause I got a song
308
00:12:43,096 --> 00:12:45,026
called "Party Till
Your Boobs Fall Off"
309
00:12:45,031 --> 00:12:47,501
doesn't mean I'm some kind
of boob-loving party guy.
310
00:12:47,501 --> 00:12:50,171
Mm-hmm.
I'm more of a boob-loving homebody.
311
00:12:50,170 --> 00:12:51,640
(laughs)
312
00:12:51,638 --> 00:12:53,708
Look, just give me
five minutes of your time.
313
00:12:53,707 --> 00:12:55,207
I'll give you
four hours.
314
00:12:55,208 --> 00:12:56,638
I got nothing
going on.
315
00:12:56,643 --> 00:12:59,213
Moms are never as busy
as we say we are.
316
00:12:59,212 --> 00:13:01,182
And we'll be in L.A.
over a Sunday,
317
00:13:01,181 --> 00:13:03,181
so I'll make sure
Cleveland goes to church.
318
00:13:03,183 --> 00:13:05,183
What, one of those
Hollywood alien churches
319
00:13:05,185 --> 00:13:06,615
Tom Cruise goes to?
320
00:13:06,620 --> 00:13:08,850
I'm not having my Cleveland
come home all toothy
321
00:13:08,855 --> 00:13:11,115
and laughing too hard
for no reason.
322
00:13:11,124 --> 00:13:14,194
Cleveland is a real person,
and I want to keep him that way.
323
00:13:14,194 --> 00:13:16,804
Well, show me what
real people do, then.
324
00:13:16,797 --> 00:13:18,297
Please, I want to know.
325
00:13:18,298 --> 00:13:20,698
Well, for starters,
we drive our own cars
326
00:13:20,700 --> 00:13:22,430
and pump our own gas.
327
00:13:25,604 --> 00:13:27,214
(chuckling):
Oh, so it goes in there.
328
00:13:27,207 --> 00:13:29,367
So we going to make
a baby car?
329
00:13:29,376 --> 00:13:31,676
Oh, Nilly, you silly.
330
00:13:33,012 --> 00:13:34,252
Hi, Donna.
331
00:13:34,247 --> 00:13:35,307
Hi, Donna.
332
00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:37,145
Donna, hi.
333
00:13:37,150 --> 00:13:40,020
Weird. Your paparazzi
don't have cameras.
334
00:13:40,020 --> 00:13:41,690
They're not paparazzi.
335
00:13:41,688 --> 00:13:43,488
Oh, they're
your managers. No.
336
00:13:43,490 --> 00:13:44,990
They want you to
produce their demo?
337
00:13:44,991 --> 00:13:46,161
No.
338
00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:47,589
Drug dealers.
Two of them.
339
00:13:47,594 --> 00:13:49,694
But that's not why
they were being friendly.
340
00:13:49,696 --> 00:13:51,756
That's just how people are
in a small town.
341
00:13:51,765 --> 00:13:53,425
That's kind of nice.
342
00:13:53,433 --> 00:13:55,033
You know, I'm
starting to think
343
00:13:55,035 --> 00:13:57,435
maybe I don't need
my big, fancy limo
344
00:13:57,437 --> 00:14:00,037
or my bodyguard or
my monkey butler.
345
00:14:00,040 --> 00:14:02,710
You are free to go, Cadbury.
346
00:14:02,709 --> 00:14:04,109
Hello there,
friendly fella.
347
00:14:04,110 --> 00:14:05,180
(monkey shrieking,
man screaming)
348
00:14:05,178 --> 00:14:07,148
I'm onto you, Willy.
349
00:14:07,147 --> 00:14:08,907
I don't think
that flashy lifestyle
350
00:14:08,915 --> 00:14:10,075
is who you really are.
351
00:14:10,083 --> 00:14:11,353
Maybe you won't be
352
00:14:11,351 --> 00:14:13,121
such a bad influence
on Cleveland.
353
00:14:13,119 --> 00:14:14,319
I told you.
354
00:14:14,321 --> 00:14:16,251
Hey, do you think
we could go catch
355
00:14:16,256 --> 00:14:17,956
some fireflies
in a jar?
356
00:14:17,958 --> 00:14:20,188
Now, it's important
you learn the distinction
357
00:14:20,193 --> 00:14:24,433
between small-town life
and country-ass (bleep).
358
00:14:24,431 --> 00:14:26,131
You did it!
359
00:14:26,132 --> 00:14:27,772
Donna says I can go.
360
00:14:27,767 --> 00:14:29,997
Go? Oh, right, L.A.
361
00:14:30,003 --> 00:14:32,343
Yeah, I'm not
doing that anymore.
362
00:14:32,339 --> 00:14:34,509
I'm going to stay in Stoolbend.
363
00:14:34,507 --> 00:14:35,937
What? Why?
364
00:14:35,942 --> 00:14:38,182
The thing is,
I want your life.
365
00:14:38,178 --> 00:14:40,178
And I want your wife.
366
00:14:40,180 --> 00:14:41,350
Oh, we're rapping?
367
00:14:41,348 --> 00:14:43,578
Go again, but leave
my wife out of it.
368
00:14:43,583 --> 00:14:45,523
Boundaries.
Let me be clear.
369
00:14:45,518 --> 00:14:48,248
I'm in love with your wife,
and I'm taking her.
370
00:14:48,255 --> 00:14:49,985
Oh?
371
00:14:49,990 --> 00:14:52,560
To the airport!
No!
372
00:14:54,994 --> 00:14:57,004
No!
373
00:14:56,997 --> 00:14:58,097
Hey, buddy, would you mind
374
00:14:58,098 --> 00:15:00,398
taking a picture
of me back here?
375
00:15:02,301 --> 00:15:03,771
Nice.
376
00:15:03,770 --> 00:15:05,140
New profile photo.
377
00:15:05,138 --> 00:15:06,838
No!
378
00:15:13,045 --> 00:15:15,405
Four of hearts.
Four of hearts.
379
00:15:15,415 --> 00:15:16,575
Let's see.
380
00:15:16,583 --> 00:15:18,423
Do I have a black five?
381
00:15:18,418 --> 00:15:21,318
Can a red four
go on a red five?
382
00:15:21,321 --> 00:15:23,151
Eh, no one's watching.
383
00:15:23,156 --> 00:15:24,086
(gasps)
384
00:15:24,090 --> 00:15:25,990
Cleveland, where
have you been?
385
00:15:25,992 --> 00:15:27,992
Willy's driver
insisted on taking me
386
00:15:27,994 --> 00:15:29,534
all the way
to the airport.
387
00:15:29,529 --> 00:15:30,959
Where is he?
388
00:15:30,964 --> 00:15:32,134
He left
after lunch.
389
00:15:32,132 --> 00:15:33,872
I taught him how to
make sloppy joes.
390
00:15:33,867 --> 00:15:35,867
Donna, that man
is in love with you!
391
00:15:35,869 --> 00:15:37,639
We're just friends,
Cleveland.
392
00:15:37,637 --> 00:15:39,197
Like you and Tori.
393
00:15:39,205 --> 00:15:40,805
There's nothing
to worry about.
394
00:15:40,807 --> 00:15:42,467
Now, there's leftovers
in the fridge
395
00:15:42,475 --> 00:15:45,105
if you want Willy's
sloppy seconds.
396
00:15:45,111 --> 00:15:46,711
Ow!
Did you get it?
397
00:15:46,713 --> 00:15:49,153
I had it turned the wrong way.
(giggles)
398
00:15:49,149 --> 00:15:50,149
All right, we going again.
399
00:15:50,150 --> 00:15:51,450
(groans)
400
00:15:51,451 --> 00:15:53,751
♪ Gonna party
till your boobs fall off ♪
401
00:15:53,753 --> 00:15:56,153
♪ Party, party till
your boobs fall off... ♪
402
00:15:56,156 --> 00:15:59,156
Oh, that guy's a jerk,
but he sure can write a hook.
403
00:15:59,159 --> 00:16:00,889
(tires squeal)
Great Scott!
404
00:16:03,028 --> 00:16:03,998
Hey, Cleveland.
405
00:16:03,997 --> 00:16:05,597
Willy Nilly
bought my house.
406
00:16:05,598 --> 00:16:06,858
Renting my room back.
407
00:16:06,866 --> 00:16:08,426
Cheaper than what my mom
was charging me.
408
00:16:08,435 --> 00:16:10,765
I guess that explains
the paint job.
409
00:16:10,770 --> 00:16:12,200
That ain't paint.
410
00:16:12,205 --> 00:16:13,335
That's real
tiger fur.
411
00:16:13,340 --> 00:16:15,470
Now I'm thinking
about Tiger Woods.
412
00:16:15,475 --> 00:16:16,535
Sad.
413
00:16:16,543 --> 00:16:17,683
Ah, screw him.
414
00:16:17,677 --> 00:16:19,107
What do you think, Donna?
415
00:16:19,112 --> 00:16:20,182
Cutting my own grass.
416
00:16:20,180 --> 00:16:21,450
You're
getting there.
417
00:16:21,448 --> 00:16:23,148
I made you
some lemonade, Willy.
418
00:16:23,149 --> 00:16:25,019
You look hot.
419
00:16:26,819 --> 00:16:27,949
Thanks, Dee.
420
00:16:27,954 --> 00:16:29,254
Let me just take
a quick shower
421
00:16:29,255 --> 00:16:30,515
and we can go
antiquing.
422
00:16:30,523 --> 00:16:32,793
You know, most people
don't appreciate things
423
00:16:32,792 --> 00:16:33,992
that are a little older,
424
00:16:33,994 --> 00:16:38,104
but I think they get
more beautiful with age.
425
00:16:39,798 --> 00:16:42,328
I do not want you hanging
out with him, Donna.
426
00:16:42,335 --> 00:16:43,965
We're friends.
427
00:16:43,970 --> 00:16:46,770
Well, if you've got plans
with your plutonic friend,
428
00:16:46,773 --> 00:16:48,813
then I can go hang
out with mine.
429
00:16:48,808 --> 00:16:50,808
Maybe Tori and I
will go antiquing.
430
00:16:50,810 --> 00:16:52,310
What is antiquing?
431
00:16:52,312 --> 00:16:54,282
(pulsating dance music plays)
432
00:16:54,280 --> 00:16:56,950
Could you tell the
DJ that I asked
433
00:16:56,950 --> 00:16:59,980
to hear "Jack and Diane"
three hours ago,
434
00:16:59,986 --> 00:17:03,986
which was three hours
past my bedtime?
435
00:17:03,990 --> 00:17:05,990
Excuse me.
436
00:17:05,992 --> 00:17:08,732
Pardon me.
437
00:17:09,695 --> 00:17:11,155
(laughter)
438
00:17:11,164 --> 00:17:13,704
My Goldschlagers!
439
00:17:17,136 --> 00:17:19,496
Why don't we just
sit down and order?
440
00:17:19,506 --> 00:17:22,006
It costs
$2,000 to sit.
441
00:17:22,008 --> 00:17:24,038
Right. I'll get
another round
442
00:17:24,044 --> 00:17:26,014
and be back
in an hour and a half.
443
00:17:26,012 --> 00:17:28,982
Great. After this, we're
meeting my boyfriend
444
00:17:28,982 --> 00:17:30,822
and his funny
Serbian friends
445
00:17:30,817 --> 00:17:33,117
at a darker, more
crowded place.
446
00:17:33,119 --> 00:17:36,719
Cool.
That sounds terrible.
447
00:17:43,028 --> 00:17:45,798
Okay, if I fall asleep
right now,
448
00:17:45,799 --> 00:17:48,199
I can get 40 minutes of sleep.
449
00:17:48,201 --> 00:17:49,801
(sighs)
450
00:17:49,803 --> 00:17:51,103
My life.
451
00:17:51,104 --> 00:17:54,044
My life sucks.
452
00:17:54,040 --> 00:17:55,470
That's it.
453
00:17:55,475 --> 00:17:57,605
My life sucks.
454
00:17:59,011 --> 00:18:00,651
Hey, Willy Nilly!
455
00:18:00,647 --> 00:18:03,107
You want my wife?
You want my life?
456
00:18:03,116 --> 00:18:04,946
Well, you can have them!
457
00:18:04,951 --> 00:18:07,591
LESTER:
I'll take your kindling wood!
458
00:18:07,587 --> 00:18:09,687
Cleveland,
what has gotten into you?
459
00:18:09,689 --> 00:18:12,019
12 Red Bull vodkas.
460
00:18:13,025 --> 00:18:14,325
What the hell, man?
461
00:18:14,327 --> 00:18:15,957
You say you
want my life?
462
00:18:15,962 --> 00:18:19,532
Well, you can't just pick
and choose the parts you like.
463
00:18:19,532 --> 00:18:21,132
It feels like
broken glass.
464
00:18:21,134 --> 00:18:22,474
What is this?
465
00:18:22,469 --> 00:18:24,599
100% polyester.
466
00:18:24,604 --> 00:18:27,144
And it gets stinky
if you sweat.
467
00:18:27,140 --> 00:18:30,780
And these babies
are a couple squirters.
468
00:18:33,178 --> 00:18:36,148
This is how I
start every day.
469
00:18:36,149 --> 00:18:38,849
♪
470
00:18:38,852 --> 00:18:40,492
Hammer time!
471
00:18:40,487 --> 00:18:43,287
(grunting)
472
00:18:43,289 --> 00:18:44,419
Whoa!
473
00:18:44,424 --> 00:18:46,024
Why are they even awake?
474
00:18:46,025 --> 00:18:47,755
They're always awake!
475
00:18:47,760 --> 00:18:49,590
Now, let's grab a
cup of cold coffee,
476
00:18:49,596 --> 00:18:51,996
spill half of it on our
pants and head to work.
477
00:18:55,200 --> 00:18:56,430
(groans)
478
00:18:56,436 --> 00:18:58,436
Smells like something
died down here.
479
00:18:58,438 --> 00:19:00,198
It's your dreams.
480
00:19:00,206 --> 00:19:03,136
And a dead dog.
And a dead cat.
481
00:19:03,143 --> 00:19:04,513
And a live skunk.
482
00:19:04,511 --> 00:19:06,311
Run along, Stinky.
483
00:19:06,312 --> 00:19:08,782
Don't nobody want
no smelly trouble.
484
00:19:08,781 --> 00:19:10,751
(growls)
(hisses)
485
00:19:12,818 --> 00:19:13,988
Wait. I've already
been here before.
486
00:19:13,987 --> 00:19:16,487
You have to come to the
mini-mart all the time.
487
00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:18,919
The wife called when you
were a block away from home.
488
00:19:18,925 --> 00:19:20,155
You're out of eggs.
489
00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:21,290
You're always
out of eggs,
490
00:19:21,294 --> 00:19:24,204
because Donna eats
18 eggs a day.
491
00:19:24,197 --> 00:19:25,997
And God help you
if you don't go
492
00:19:25,999 --> 00:19:28,629
to one of her amateur
strong-woman competitions.
493
00:19:28,635 --> 00:19:30,125
That sounds horrible!
494
00:19:30,136 --> 00:19:31,266
There's more!
495
00:19:33,038 --> 00:19:34,538
Now, after you've
worked a hard day,
496
00:19:34,541 --> 00:19:35,711
it's time for dinner--
497
00:19:35,708 --> 00:19:37,538
one of four dishes
your wife makes.
498
00:19:37,544 --> 00:19:39,184
I hope you
like tilapia,
499
00:19:39,179 --> 00:19:40,979
'cause that's
two of them. Stop!
500
00:19:40,980 --> 00:19:42,850
I can't take any more.
501
00:19:42,849 --> 00:19:44,079
I don't want your life.
502
00:19:44,083 --> 00:19:46,423
Your life is monotonous
and depressing.
503
00:19:46,419 --> 00:19:48,349
That's all I
wanted to hear.
504
00:19:48,354 --> 00:19:52,194
I guess I was just romancing
what small-town life was.
505
00:19:52,192 --> 00:19:53,662
But you got a hot wife.
506
00:19:53,660 --> 00:19:55,430
I might just
take her with me.
507
00:19:55,428 --> 00:19:57,898
Sure. Let's go
tell her together.
508
00:19:59,865 --> 00:20:01,895
(electric razor buzzing)
509
00:20:03,769 --> 00:20:04,869
Hey, Donna.
510
00:20:04,871 --> 00:20:06,201
Hey, baby.
511
00:20:06,206 --> 00:20:08,836
Just doing a little trimming
over here!
512
00:20:08,841 --> 00:20:10,611
A'ight. I'm out.
513
00:20:10,610 --> 00:20:12,010
(whistles)
514
00:20:17,983 --> 00:20:19,253
(wind whistling)
515
00:20:22,087 --> 00:20:23,787
Oh, is Willy
leaving town?
516
00:20:23,790 --> 00:20:25,160
No, he's staying.
517
00:20:25,158 --> 00:20:26,488
Really?
No!
518
00:20:26,492 --> 00:20:27,762
He left.
519
00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:29,330
Fool couldn't
take the Stool.
520
00:20:29,329 --> 00:20:30,999
(giggles) Rapping.
521
00:20:30,997 --> 00:20:32,257
You were right, Donna.
522
00:20:32,265 --> 00:20:34,465
Men and women ought
not be friends.
523
00:20:34,467 --> 00:20:37,497
Aw, baby, I'm sorry you
didn't get to go to California
524
00:20:37,503 --> 00:20:39,673
and you're stuck here
with your humdrum life.
525
00:20:39,672 --> 00:20:41,012
You know what?
526
00:20:41,007 --> 00:20:43,267
I love my
humdrum life.
527
00:20:43,276 --> 00:20:45,976
It's not fancy, it's not glitzy,
528
00:20:45,979 --> 00:20:48,349
it's not glossary,
but nor are I.
529
00:20:48,348 --> 00:20:51,118
I love you, Loretta...
Tori... Donna.
530
00:20:51,117 --> 00:20:52,917
Oh, Cleveland.
531
00:20:52,919 --> 00:20:54,089
Let's eat.
532
00:20:54,087 --> 00:20:55,087
Junior, defrost
the Arby's!
533
00:20:55,088 --> 00:20:56,488
CLEVELAND JR.:
What's the occasion?
534
00:20:56,489 --> 00:20:57,989
Life.
535
00:21:02,428 --> 00:21:03,758
Not even filming it.
536
00:21:03,808 --> 00:21:08,358
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