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1
00:00:04,871 --> 00:00:07,711
Hey, Donna, why you looking
at your trophies all weird
2
00:00:07,708 --> 00:00:09,508
and why do you have
these trophies?
3
00:00:09,510 --> 00:00:11,010
They're second place trophies
4
00:00:11,012 --> 00:00:12,382
from Stoolbend's
Dancing with the Stools.
5
00:00:12,380 --> 00:00:13,810
It's in two weeks,
6
00:00:13,814 --> 00:00:16,124
and this year I refuse to let
your parents beat me again.
7
00:00:16,117 --> 00:00:18,477
It started in 1991.
8
00:00:18,486 --> 00:00:21,686
I remember because I had just...
(speaking gibberish)
9
00:00:21,689 --> 00:00:24,859
GUS:
And the winners of the 1991
10
00:00:24,859 --> 00:00:29,999
Dancing with the Stools Dance
Championships of Dance are...
11
00:00:29,997 --> 00:00:32,097
Freight Train
and Cookie Brown!
12
00:00:32,099 --> 00:00:33,169
(cheering and applause)
13
00:00:33,167 --> 00:00:36,437
Boom!
Uh-oh! Uh-oh! Uh-Oh!
14
00:00:37,270 --> 00:00:39,140
GUS:
Hello, everyone.
15
00:00:39,140 --> 00:00:41,470
It is now 1998.
16
00:00:41,475 --> 00:00:46,675
Moving on, the winners of this
year's dance competition are...
17
00:00:46,680 --> 00:00:50,950
our very own president
and portly intern,
18
00:00:50,951 --> 00:00:53,791
Freight Train
and Cookie Brown.
19
00:00:53,788 --> 00:00:55,088
Close but no cigar!
20
00:00:55,089 --> 00:00:59,289
Ha ha, that sure is topical
for this period in history!
21
00:00:59,293 --> 00:01:05,003
Freight Train and Cookie Brown!
22
00:01:04,999 --> 00:01:07,099
I told you it was too soon.
23
00:01:07,101 --> 00:01:09,841
I want a divorce.
24
00:01:09,837 --> 00:01:13,037
And then I also lost to Cookie
and Freight Train from 2003
25
00:01:13,040 --> 00:01:15,610
to the present,
which is this year.
26
00:01:15,609 --> 00:01:18,339
And this year,
they're going down.
27
00:01:18,345 --> 00:01:20,105
I'm one step ahead of you.
28
00:01:20,114 --> 00:01:21,354
♪ One...
29
00:01:21,348 --> 00:01:22,948
Ow! Bitch! Ow!
30
00:01:22,950 --> 00:01:24,680
My anterior cruciate ligament!
31
00:01:24,685 --> 00:01:25,815
Oh, Lord help me!
32
00:01:25,820 --> 00:01:27,120
Looks bad.
33
00:01:27,121 --> 00:01:28,621
Gonna have to put you down.
34
00:01:28,622 --> 00:01:29,692
Wait, wait.
35
00:01:29,690 --> 00:01:32,690
I think it might be all right.
36
00:01:32,693 --> 00:01:34,333
Yup, yup, it's fine.
37
00:01:34,328 --> 00:01:37,258
Now, keep practicing
while I start dinner.
38
00:01:40,767 --> 00:01:42,327
(funky disco plays)
39
00:01:42,336 --> 00:01:44,296
♪ My name is Cleveland Brown
40
00:01:44,305 --> 00:01:46,605
♪ And I am proud to be
41
00:01:46,607 --> 00:01:49,007
♪ Right back in my hometown
42
00:01:49,009 --> 00:01:51,679
♪ With my new family
43
00:01:51,679 --> 00:01:54,009
♪ There's old friends
and new friends ♪
44
00:01:54,014 --> 00:01:56,014
♪ And even a bear
45
00:01:56,016 --> 00:01:58,316
♪ Through good times
and bad times ♪
46
00:01:58,319 --> 00:02:00,089
♪ It's true love we share
47
00:02:00,087 --> 00:02:02,287
♪ And so I found a place
48
00:02:02,289 --> 00:02:04,619
♪ Where everyone will know
49
00:02:04,625 --> 00:02:06,785
♪ My happy mustached face
50
00:02:06,794 --> 00:02:08,994
♪ This is The Cleveland Show. ♪
51
00:02:08,996 --> 00:02:10,856
(chuckles)
52
00:02:13,199 --> 00:02:16,139
Donna and I are going to win
that dance contest,
53
00:02:16,137 --> 00:02:17,637
and you know why?
54
00:02:17,638 --> 00:02:21,038
Please don't say it's because
you "be-Cleve" in yourself.
55
00:02:21,041 --> 00:02:23,011
I can't be-Cleve
you just said that.
56
00:02:23,010 --> 00:02:24,010
Nice!
57
00:02:24,011 --> 00:02:25,041
Blech.
58
00:02:25,045 --> 00:02:26,005
Cleveland, I didn't
know you could
59
00:02:26,013 --> 00:02:27,613
so you think you can dance.
60
00:02:27,615 --> 00:02:28,675
He can't.
61
00:02:28,682 --> 00:02:30,682
He can't dance,
can't sing.
62
00:02:30,684 --> 00:02:31,924
He can act, though.
63
00:02:31,919 --> 00:02:33,089
Act like a little bitch.
64
00:02:33,087 --> 00:02:34,617
(laughter)
65
00:02:34,622 --> 00:02:37,022
See you at
the dance contest, Weezie.
66
00:02:37,024 --> 00:02:38,364
Why does he
call you "Weezie"?
67
00:02:38,359 --> 00:02:40,929
Because he thinks that
in a certain light,
68
00:02:40,928 --> 00:02:45,628
I look exactly like Isabel
Sanford from The Jeffersons.
69
00:02:45,633 --> 00:02:49,033
This is why Donna and I can't
use candles in the bedroom.
70
00:02:53,139 --> 00:02:54,109
Hang on a second.
71
00:02:54,108 --> 00:02:55,108
Ah!
72
00:02:55,109 --> 00:02:58,039
Look, I need you
to babysit the kids.
73
00:02:58,045 --> 00:03:00,045
What do you mean you're not
allowed to?
74
00:03:00,047 --> 00:03:02,147
You played the principal
in Ferris Bueller's Day Off.
75
00:03:02,149 --> 00:03:03,719
You're great with kids.
76
00:03:03,717 --> 00:03:06,447
Oh, I hadn't heard.
77
00:03:06,453 --> 00:03:08,823
Well, may God have mercy
on your soul.
78
00:03:08,822 --> 00:03:11,522
Yo, Ro, why don't you babysit?
79
00:03:11,525 --> 00:03:14,155
That way we gots no one hanging
around here blap-blocking us.
80
00:03:14,161 --> 00:03:15,161
You're right.
81
00:03:15,162 --> 00:03:17,662
Mama, I'm 15 years old.
82
00:03:17,665 --> 00:03:19,125
I can babysit Rallo.
83
00:03:19,133 --> 00:03:20,303
Berta, please.
84
00:03:20,301 --> 00:03:22,831
Taking care of a child is
a lot of responsibility.
85
00:03:22,836 --> 00:03:25,966
You were on the Foxy Boxing tour
for half of my childhood.
86
00:03:25,973 --> 00:03:27,643
22-6!
87
00:03:27,641 --> 00:03:28,671
Fine.
88
00:03:28,676 --> 00:03:30,036
I'll be back after rehearsal.
89
00:03:30,044 --> 00:03:32,084
No blapping!
90
00:03:35,014 --> 00:03:36,114
Roberta?
91
00:03:36,116 --> 00:03:37,146
Roberta?
92
00:03:37,151 --> 00:03:37,951
Roberta?
93
00:03:37,952 --> 00:03:39,352
Rallo, leave us alone.
94
00:03:39,353 --> 00:03:40,923
Go play
a video game or something.
95
00:03:40,921 --> 00:03:42,091
Cool.
96
00:03:42,089 --> 00:03:43,519
If you need me,
I'll be warming up some foil
97
00:03:43,524 --> 00:03:45,864
in the microwave
for no reason.
98
00:03:48,161 --> 00:03:49,161
(explosion)
99
00:03:49,163 --> 00:03:50,533
RALLO:
Wasn't me.
100
00:03:53,600 --> 00:03:56,000
And five, six, seven, eight...
101
00:03:56,003 --> 00:03:58,343
Two, three,
kickball, change.
102
00:03:58,339 --> 00:04:01,869
Feather step, feather step,
heel pull back, chassé, chassé,
103
00:04:01,875 --> 00:04:04,935
cha-cha-cha, and heel
and turn and kick and change
104
00:04:04,945 --> 00:04:06,875
and contraposta heel.
105
00:04:06,880 --> 00:04:08,010
Got it?
Got it.
106
00:04:08,015 --> 00:04:09,945
Five, six, seven, eight...
107
00:04:09,950 --> 00:04:11,820
And jump and turn
and shimmy-shimmy sham,
108
00:04:11,819 --> 00:04:14,019
and jump, jump, jump,
fleeble flooble, jumpy jump,
109
00:04:14,021 --> 00:04:16,921
and dance and dance
and dance and dance.
110
00:04:16,924 --> 00:04:18,464
Next.
111
00:04:18,459 --> 00:04:20,429
Hey, Cleveland, I think
you lost something.
112
00:04:20,427 --> 00:04:21,987
I did? What?
113
00:04:21,996 --> 00:04:22,956
A dance competition.
114
00:04:22,963 --> 00:04:24,133
(chuckles)
115
00:04:24,131 --> 00:04:25,931
Mmm, I like
that wit.
116
00:04:30,870 --> 00:04:31,940
Hey, Jew-Z.
117
00:04:31,939 --> 00:04:33,169
Get off my sister.
118
00:04:33,173 --> 00:04:35,013
It's time for her
to give me a bath.
119
00:04:35,009 --> 00:04:36,039
You ain't Charles Barkley.
120
00:04:36,043 --> 00:04:37,783
You can give yourself a bath.
121
00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:40,208
Mama won't let me on account
of that time I slipped
122
00:04:40,214 --> 00:04:42,454
and hit my head and was dead
for three minutes.
123
00:04:42,449 --> 00:04:45,019
Well, Mama's not here
and I'm in charge,
124
00:04:45,019 --> 00:04:46,849
so get up there
and take your bath.
125
00:04:47,620 --> 00:04:49,150
Now, where were we?
126
00:04:49,156 --> 00:04:51,986
On the 8:12 express
to Humpsylvania.
127
00:04:51,992 --> 00:04:53,032
RALLO:
Roberta?
128
00:04:53,027 --> 00:04:54,357
Help!
129
00:04:54,361 --> 00:04:55,631
There are some
problems up here!
130
00:04:55,629 --> 00:04:57,599
Ugh, be right back.
131
00:04:57,598 --> 00:05:01,098
Oops, foot's asleep.
132
00:05:01,101 --> 00:05:02,531
(grunting)
133
00:05:03,670 --> 00:05:05,600
I forgot the order
of how you do this.
134
00:05:05,606 --> 00:05:06,706
(frustrated grunt)
135
00:05:11,944 --> 00:05:13,014
How the hell...
136
00:05:13,013 --> 00:05:15,113
I have to go
to the bathroom. So go.
137
00:05:15,115 --> 00:05:17,445
Mama always holds me
over the toilet at night.
138
00:05:17,451 --> 00:05:18,221
Why?
139
00:05:18,218 --> 00:05:20,018
Uh, because I don't want
140
00:05:20,020 --> 00:05:23,120
an alligator sneaking up through
the hole and bitin' my doodle.
141
00:05:23,123 --> 00:05:24,623
(groans)
142
00:05:24,625 --> 00:05:27,025
At least somebody
gettin' they doodle bit.
143
00:05:31,531 --> 00:05:32,831
Time for the big lift.
144
00:05:32,833 --> 00:05:34,273
Ready?
Ready.
145
00:05:36,002 --> 00:05:36,972
Ow!
146
00:05:36,970 --> 00:05:38,840
I thought you
were lifting me.
147
00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:40,369
Why would I lift you?
148
00:05:40,374 --> 00:05:41,714
You're stronger.
149
00:05:41,709 --> 00:05:43,139
Are you guys
almost finished?
150
00:05:43,143 --> 00:05:46,043
You promised we'd go to
the buffet at Sizzler after.
151
00:05:46,046 --> 00:05:47,306
Pudding! Croutons!
152
00:05:47,314 --> 00:05:49,514
Sorry, Junior,
but we're not going anywhere
153
00:05:49,516 --> 00:05:51,016
until we get
this routine down.
154
00:05:51,018 --> 00:05:52,118
(sighs)
155
00:05:52,119 --> 00:05:53,149
Dad, it's easy.
156
00:05:53,153 --> 00:05:54,423
Look.
157
00:05:54,421 --> 00:05:56,251
(music starts)
It's a simple promenade,
158
00:05:56,256 --> 00:05:58,586
with a guapacha figure
on the eighth measure.
159
00:06:02,428 --> 00:06:04,098
Cleveland, you're out.
160
00:06:04,098 --> 00:06:04,998
(gasps)
161
00:06:04,998 --> 00:06:07,598
Me and Junior are
winning this contest!
162
00:06:07,601 --> 00:06:11,141
Now I know how Halle Berry
feels every three months.
163
00:06:11,138 --> 00:06:13,138
I'm sorry, honey,
but I consider myself
164
00:06:13,140 --> 00:06:16,140
the LeBron James of regional
Virginia ballroom dancing.
165
00:06:16,143 --> 00:06:19,513
And, well, this Bron-Bron's
gotta ditch Cleveland, too.
166
00:06:19,513 --> 00:06:20,483
Whoo!
167
00:06:20,481 --> 00:06:22,551
Donna, no!
That's anthrax!
168
00:06:22,549 --> 00:06:23,779
What?!
169
00:06:23,784 --> 00:06:25,124
Why do you have anthrax?!
170
00:06:25,119 --> 00:06:26,319
For my feet, Donna!
171
00:06:26,320 --> 00:06:27,920
For my stinky feet!
172
00:06:27,921 --> 00:06:31,191
(screaming, coughing)
173
00:06:37,530 --> 00:06:39,160
And then at rehearsal,
174
00:06:39,166 --> 00:06:41,826
when you transitioned
from a Musette to a Viennese
175
00:06:41,835 --> 00:06:45,295
to a Lindy Hop,
I was like, "What?"
176
00:06:45,305 --> 00:06:48,365
Well, you didn't show it
because you didn't miss a step.
177
00:06:48,375 --> 00:06:50,975
You're like a perfectly
round Baryshnikov.
178
00:06:50,978 --> 00:06:53,608
And you're like
a full-figured Gregory Hines.
179
00:06:54,781 --> 00:06:57,321
Gregory Hines is dead.
180
00:06:57,317 --> 00:06:59,317
Cleveland,
instead of moping around
181
00:06:59,319 --> 00:07:01,589
like a jealous little girl
who can't dance,
182
00:07:01,588 --> 00:07:04,288
why don't you find something
useful to do, like...
183
00:07:04,291 --> 00:07:07,691
uh, marry all the Pert Plus
bottles in the shower.
184
00:07:07,694 --> 00:07:09,034
Okay.
185
00:07:09,029 --> 00:07:11,429
What would you say
if I told you
186
00:07:11,432 --> 00:07:14,272
I took my two best capes,
cut 'em, hemmed 'em,
187
00:07:14,268 --> 00:07:17,038
and bedazzled the bahemus
out of them?
188
00:07:17,037 --> 00:07:19,807
You are a great seamstress.
189
00:07:19,807 --> 00:07:21,007
Seamster.
190
00:07:21,008 --> 00:07:24,008
Huh, what do you call
a male seamstress?
191
00:07:24,011 --> 00:07:25,541
A homosexual.
192
00:07:25,546 --> 00:07:27,306
Are we recycling
these or what?
193
00:07:27,314 --> 00:07:28,314
I don't care.
194
00:07:28,315 --> 00:07:29,745
Do whatever you want.
195
00:07:30,483 --> 00:07:32,953
Pert! Pert!
Pert! Pert!
196
00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:35,993
I'm never washing
my hair again.
197
00:07:35,989 --> 00:07:39,019
Cleveland, is this about me
replacing you with your son
198
00:07:39,026 --> 00:07:40,656
as my partner for
the dance competition?
199
00:07:40,661 --> 00:07:42,291
Are you serious?
200
00:07:42,296 --> 00:07:44,196
Are you really asking me
that question?
201
00:07:44,198 --> 00:07:45,828
What else could it be about?
202
00:07:45,833 --> 00:07:46,933
Well, the Pert.
203
00:07:46,934 --> 00:07:49,104
Of course it's not
about the Pert!
204
00:07:49,102 --> 00:07:50,642
Pert is an effective shampoo
205
00:07:50,637 --> 00:07:52,997
and an intermittently
painful lubricant.
206
00:07:53,006 --> 00:07:55,106
Now, I'm going to enter
that competition
207
00:07:55,108 --> 00:07:57,008
and win it without you!
208
00:07:57,010 --> 00:07:58,640
(laughing)
209
00:07:58,645 --> 00:08:00,645
But Cleveland,
you're a terrible dancer
210
00:08:00,647 --> 00:08:02,007
and you don't
have a partner.
211
00:08:02,015 --> 00:08:03,675
Then I shall find one.
212
00:08:03,684 --> 00:08:05,054
And we will win.
213
00:08:05,052 --> 00:08:08,192
And she and I will dance
on your grave!
214
00:08:10,423 --> 00:08:11,923
I really went too far
215
00:08:11,925 --> 00:08:13,925
with the whole
"dance on your grave" thing.
216
00:08:13,927 --> 00:08:16,757
The competition doesn't mean
that much to me.
217
00:08:16,763 --> 00:08:20,303
Although I am going to find
a partner, and we will win.
218
00:08:20,300 --> 00:08:22,500
And we will dance
on your grave!
219
00:08:22,503 --> 00:08:24,603
Ah, sorry about that.
220
00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:31,111
Do you realize since
I've been watching you
221
00:08:31,111 --> 00:08:33,951
you've gone through
24 pairs of underwear?
222
00:08:33,947 --> 00:08:37,017
Maybe stop giving me a juice
every time I ask for it.
223
00:08:37,017 --> 00:08:38,717
Hey, how about a juice box?
224
00:08:38,719 --> 00:08:39,919
Okay.
225
00:08:40,920 --> 00:08:43,320
(slurps)
226
00:08:43,323 --> 00:08:45,993
Ah...
227
00:08:45,993 --> 00:08:47,493
Twenty-five.
228
00:08:47,494 --> 00:08:49,494
Rallo, you are so dumb!
229
00:08:49,496 --> 00:08:50,956
You are really dumb.
230
00:08:50,964 --> 00:08:52,564
For real.
231
00:08:54,967 --> 00:08:57,497
(grunting)
232
00:08:57,504 --> 00:09:00,544
I think my jeans
shrunk in the wash.
233
00:09:01,974 --> 00:09:04,314
They didn't shrink,
Precious.
234
00:09:04,311 --> 00:09:06,981
All you've been eating all week
is what you make for me--
235
00:09:06,980 --> 00:09:09,680
Pop Tarts, mac and cheese,
chicken strips.
236
00:09:09,683 --> 00:09:11,223
You're porking out,
girl.
237
00:09:11,218 --> 00:09:14,018
That's why all Mom's pants
have elastic in the waist.
238
00:09:14,021 --> 00:09:16,521
Really?
239
00:09:16,523 --> 00:09:18,293
(relieved sigh)
240
00:09:18,292 --> 00:09:19,822
Oh, yeah.
241
00:09:19,826 --> 00:09:21,526
And look, it covers
the whole gut.
242
00:09:21,528 --> 00:09:23,758
Wait, you're wearing
her shirt, too?
243
00:09:23,764 --> 00:09:24,964
It's a one-piece.
244
00:09:24,965 --> 00:09:26,595
Hey, Miss Tubbs,
have you seen Rober...
245
00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:28,430
Oy vey!
246
00:09:28,435 --> 00:09:30,035
Shut your mouth.
247
00:09:30,037 --> 00:09:31,267
Now, I gotta go
scare everybody
248
00:09:31,271 --> 00:09:34,641
by muttering while I pick up
things in the living room.
249
00:09:34,641 --> 00:09:37,111
(muttering):
Damn shoes on the table.
250
00:09:37,110 --> 00:09:40,080
No coaster usin'...
break your neck...
251
00:09:41,681 --> 00:09:43,351
Wow, you were right.
252
00:09:43,350 --> 00:09:45,480
There's so much more
to the world of dance
253
00:09:45,485 --> 00:09:46,945
than just makin' it clap.
254
00:09:46,954 --> 00:09:48,494
That's right, Miss Donna.
255
00:09:48,488 --> 00:09:50,318
And once I finish
this ice cream,
256
00:09:50,324 --> 00:09:52,864
let's krump over to that cannoli
cart for dessert.
257
00:09:52,859 --> 00:09:56,089
Oh, Junior, if you didn't exist,
I'd have to mold you
258
00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:57,856
out of an enormous
piece of clay.
259
00:09:57,864 --> 00:09:59,234
(laughter)
260
00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:05,100
CLEVELAND:
My whole life, I knew if youneeded a dancer in Stoolbend,
261
00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:07,665
there was only one place to go.
262
00:10:07,674 --> 00:10:10,484
But since Dancytown wasdestroyed in a fire,
263
00:10:10,477 --> 00:10:13,007
I decided to try Little Moscow.
264
00:10:16,382 --> 00:10:19,722
Excuse me,
are any of you dancers?
265
00:10:25,758 --> 00:10:27,928
You are in Little Moscow.
266
00:10:27,928 --> 00:10:29,828
Everyone is dancer.
267
00:10:29,830 --> 00:10:31,130
Or criminal.
268
00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:33,001
Most are criminal.
269
00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:35,430
Well, how would you
like to be my partner?
270
00:10:35,435 --> 00:10:36,995
I'll pay you, of course.
271
00:10:37,004 --> 00:10:38,344
Is deal.
272
00:10:38,338 --> 00:10:39,938
But is rules.
273
00:10:39,940 --> 00:10:42,840
No kissing on mouth,
no Leningrad Steamer.
274
00:10:42,843 --> 00:10:45,483
No, no, I mean
dance partner.
275
00:10:45,479 --> 00:10:47,649
And then Svetlana
get green card?
276
00:10:47,648 --> 00:10:48,948
Of course!
277
00:10:48,949 --> 00:10:50,949
(chuckles quietly):
No.
278
00:10:52,985 --> 00:10:55,815
(salsa music plays)
279
00:10:55,822 --> 00:10:58,122
Ooh, Junior,
you dance the salsa
280
00:10:58,125 --> 00:11:00,125
as well as you eat it, baby.
281
00:11:00,127 --> 00:11:02,757
Miss Donna, on the
mean streets of Quahog,
282
00:11:02,763 --> 00:11:06,463
you either got a wicked
jump shot, sell rock or dance.
283
00:11:06,466 --> 00:11:07,926
How'd you get so good?
284
00:11:07,934 --> 00:11:10,504
I was kidnapped by Rick James
for three months.
285
00:11:10,504 --> 00:11:13,774
I bet you have a lot
of nice stories.
286
00:11:15,041 --> 00:11:18,181
Wow, Grandpa Freight Train,
are those tap shoes?
287
00:11:18,178 --> 00:11:20,178
Yeah, just a little
something extra
288
00:11:20,180 --> 00:11:22,350
we're putting
into our routine.
289
00:11:22,349 --> 00:11:23,209
Check this out.
290
00:11:23,216 --> 00:11:25,616
(tap shoes clacking)
291
00:11:29,655 --> 00:11:32,155
Look at me go.
292
00:11:38,097 --> 00:11:40,297
We're in trouble,
Miss Donna.
293
00:11:40,300 --> 00:11:43,640
Oh, hello, former partner,
current son,
294
00:11:43,637 --> 00:11:44,997
and occasional father.
295
00:11:45,005 --> 00:11:46,965
Meet my new partner.
296
00:11:46,973 --> 00:11:49,973
Her name is Svetlana
and she's Russian.
297
00:11:49,976 --> 00:11:51,376
So you know
what that means.
298
00:11:51,378 --> 00:11:53,948
She buys sweatsuits in bulk?
No.
299
00:11:53,947 --> 00:11:55,947
She smokes in the shower?
No.
300
00:11:55,949 --> 00:11:58,319
She has a screwdriver wound
on her neck?
301
00:11:58,318 --> 00:11:59,348
In kidney.
302
00:11:59,352 --> 00:12:00,492
No!
303
00:12:00,487 --> 00:12:02,647
It means she's
an amazing dancer.
304
00:12:02,656 --> 00:12:05,516
And check out
her back muscles.
305
00:12:05,525 --> 00:12:08,925
Donna, you want to show her
your weird stretch-marky back?
306
00:12:08,929 --> 00:12:10,859
(laughs)
Just kidding.
307
00:12:10,864 --> 00:12:12,664
No one wants
to see that.
308
00:12:16,769 --> 00:12:19,369
You really want to beat
stretch mark wife at dance?
309
00:12:19,372 --> 00:12:21,372
Sí.
310
00:12:21,374 --> 00:12:24,144
Why you such
male seamstress?
311
00:12:24,144 --> 00:12:26,114
Only one way
to learn dance.
312
00:12:26,113 --> 00:12:30,053
Baseball, chin hairs on
ladies, Rosie O'Donnell.
313
00:12:30,050 --> 00:12:30,950
Jimmy!
314
00:12:30,951 --> 00:12:32,951
♪
315
00:12:32,953 --> 00:12:35,653
It's like we're
Danny and Sandy.
316
00:12:35,655 --> 00:12:36,955
(laughs)
317
00:12:36,957 --> 00:12:38,987
We go together like shoo-bop
sha-wad-da-wad-da
318
00:12:38,992 --> 00:12:42,162
yippity boom-de-boom.
319
00:12:42,162 --> 00:12:44,462
In Russia we have saying:
320
00:12:44,464 --> 00:12:47,104
"If you want to beat wife
in friendly competition,
321
00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:50,030
you commit adultery with
stranger at dance practice."
322
00:12:50,036 --> 00:12:54,036
And has that led
to a vibrant economy?
323
00:12:54,040 --> 00:12:56,140
I bet Cleveland's not having
324
00:12:56,143 --> 00:12:57,813
as much fun as we are!
325
00:12:57,811 --> 00:12:59,181
Whee!
326
00:13:01,013 --> 00:13:02,183
(laughs nervously)
327
00:13:02,182 --> 00:13:03,952
Babushka!
328
00:13:03,950 --> 00:13:05,220
You make sex on me.
329
00:13:09,255 --> 00:13:10,355
Nyet!
330
00:13:10,357 --> 00:13:11,917
I'm a myarried myan.
331
00:13:12,925 --> 00:13:14,225
(Donna laughs)
332
00:13:16,629 --> 00:13:18,059
Run away with me.
333
00:13:23,669 --> 00:13:24,669
Junior!
334
00:13:24,671 --> 00:13:26,041
Oh, my God, you're my...
335
00:13:26,039 --> 00:13:27,439
Junior, stop that!
336
00:13:27,440 --> 00:13:28,440
You can't kiss me!
337
00:13:28,441 --> 00:13:29,441
I'm your stepmother!
338
00:13:29,442 --> 00:13:31,512
But... we're in love.
339
00:13:31,511 --> 00:13:32,941
What are you talking about?
340
00:13:32,946 --> 00:13:34,946
We've spent every day
for the past two weeks
341
00:13:34,948 --> 00:13:36,778
locked in each other's arms.
342
00:13:36,783 --> 00:13:37,953
We shared a cannoli.
343
00:13:37,951 --> 00:13:40,191
You took my cannoli.
344
00:13:40,187 --> 00:13:42,287
Oh, Junior, I'm so sorry.
345
00:13:42,289 --> 00:13:44,819
I'm sure I'm to blame for this,
but you need to know that...
346
00:13:44,825 --> 00:13:46,685
(hushes her)
347
00:13:46,693 --> 00:13:48,593
Shh, I get it.
348
00:13:48,595 --> 00:13:50,655
You need time
to process this.
349
00:13:50,664 --> 00:13:52,134
But don't take too long.
350
00:13:52,132 --> 00:13:53,572
You are 42.
351
00:13:58,270 --> 00:13:59,670
There you are!
352
00:13:59,673 --> 00:14:00,813
Don't hit me!
353
00:14:00,807 --> 00:14:02,137
Nothing happened
with Svetlana!
354
00:14:02,142 --> 00:14:03,342
We're done.
355
00:14:03,343 --> 00:14:05,383
I told her
I'm a married man,
356
00:14:05,378 --> 00:14:07,978
and that's my own fault
and I have to deal with it.
357
00:14:07,981 --> 00:14:09,851
Cleveland,
that's not why I'm here.
358
00:14:09,850 --> 00:14:10,950
Junior kissed me.
359
00:14:10,951 --> 00:14:12,121
What? Who cares?
360
00:14:12,118 --> 00:14:13,518
Junior kisses everybody.
361
00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:14,820
He kisses the mailman.
362
00:14:14,821 --> 00:14:15,991
Not on the lips.
363
00:14:15,989 --> 00:14:17,319
Well, if it's a parcel...
364
00:14:17,324 --> 00:14:19,024
You're not hearing me.
365
00:14:19,025 --> 00:14:21,155
He kissed mkissed me.
366
00:14:21,161 --> 00:14:22,661
Junior's in love with me.
367
00:14:25,097 --> 00:14:26,027
Wow.
368
00:14:26,032 --> 00:14:27,772
How could this have happened?
369
00:14:27,767 --> 00:14:29,927
Oh, right, you dumped
your spouse
370
00:14:29,936 --> 00:14:32,796
for your hormonal
teenage stepchild.
371
00:14:32,806 --> 00:14:34,766
What'd you expect,
Woody Allen?
372
00:14:34,774 --> 00:14:38,014
Remember that with him and
Sun-chi or whatevers it was?
373
00:14:38,011 --> 00:14:40,451
Cleveland, what are
we gonna do about this?
374
00:14:40,447 --> 00:14:42,947
We're gonna handle this
the way we make love.
375
00:14:42,949 --> 00:14:44,979
I'm gonna lie back
and do nothing
376
00:14:44,985 --> 00:14:46,515
while I watch you squirm.
377
00:14:46,519 --> 00:14:48,449
Okay, fine, you're right.
378
00:14:48,455 --> 00:14:50,115
I should never have dumped you.
379
00:14:50,123 --> 00:14:51,123
And?
380
00:14:51,124 --> 00:14:52,264
I'm sorry.
381
00:14:52,259 --> 00:14:53,359
And?
382
00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:55,360
I'd like you to be
my partner again.
383
00:14:55,362 --> 00:14:56,362
And?
384
00:14:56,363 --> 00:14:57,333
(sighs)
385
00:14:57,330 --> 00:14:58,660
Talk to Junior
386
00:14:58,665 --> 00:15:00,265
and I'll let you put that
Gilbert Gottfried statue
387
00:15:00,267 --> 00:15:01,327
in our front yard.
388
00:15:01,334 --> 00:15:02,504
Yay!
389
00:15:04,503 --> 00:15:06,503
Ding-dong!
390
00:15:06,506 --> 00:15:07,866
Yo, I said ding...
391
00:15:07,874 --> 00:15:08,814
Dang!
392
00:15:08,808 --> 00:15:11,938
Why come you wearing
yo ma's wig?
393
00:15:11,945 --> 00:15:14,045
Rallo put a wad of gum
in my hair,
394
00:15:14,047 --> 00:15:16,447
then he tried to get it out
with a sparkler.
395
00:15:16,449 --> 00:15:17,779
RALLO:
Gum's out, isn't it?
396
00:15:17,784 --> 00:15:20,124
Why don't you call me
as soon as it grows back?
397
00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:21,120
A'ight?
398
00:15:21,121 --> 00:15:23,791
(tires screeching)
399
00:15:23,790 --> 00:15:25,120
Oh, well.
400
00:15:25,125 --> 00:15:28,055
Ain't nothing some ham salad
can't fix.
401
00:15:33,999 --> 00:15:35,299
Junior, there's
something important
402
00:15:35,302 --> 00:15:36,942
I want to talk
to you about...
403
00:15:36,937 --> 00:15:38,197
You're getting
a spray tan?
404
00:15:38,204 --> 00:15:41,114
Everyone on a dance show
has a spray tan.
405
00:15:41,107 --> 00:15:42,667
Plus, it's got glitter in it.
406
00:15:42,676 --> 00:15:43,836
It does?
407
00:15:45,511 --> 00:15:48,051
Donna says that something
happened the other night.
408
00:15:48,048 --> 00:15:50,208
She told you?
409
00:15:50,216 --> 00:15:53,116
Well, you were gonna find out
sooner or later.
410
00:15:53,119 --> 00:15:55,119
Yes. We kissed.
411
00:15:55,121 --> 00:15:55,951
Twice.
412
00:15:55,956 --> 00:15:56,986
Twice?!
413
00:15:56,990 --> 00:15:58,290
She didn't say that.
414
00:15:58,291 --> 00:15:59,991
Well, she's a class act.
415
00:15:59,993 --> 00:16:01,763
She's not gonna rub
your nose in it.
416
00:16:01,761 --> 00:16:02,691
Not my Donna.
417
00:16:02,696 --> 00:16:04,096
Thank you, Alejandro.
418
00:16:04,097 --> 00:16:06,927
All right, I'm ready
for my waxing.
419
00:16:10,135 --> 00:16:11,165
(screams)
420
00:16:11,171 --> 00:16:13,041
Thank you, Mishmosh.
421
00:16:13,039 --> 00:16:15,009
Now, what were you saying
about my Donna?
422
00:16:15,008 --> 00:16:16,108
Your Donna?
423
00:16:16,109 --> 00:16:17,709
Junior, this is ridiculous.
424
00:16:17,711 --> 00:16:18,981
She's my wife.
425
00:16:18,979 --> 00:16:21,979
But now she's found a younger,
more vital, smarter...
426
00:16:21,982 --> 00:16:22,982
(quietly):
or stupider...
427
00:16:22,983 --> 00:16:23,983
(normally):
man who has aspirations
428
00:16:23,984 --> 00:16:25,624
greater than being
a cable installer.
429
00:16:25,618 --> 00:16:28,118
I'll have you know
that in three years
430
00:16:28,121 --> 00:16:31,121
I hope to be working
for Enterprise Car Rental.
431
00:16:31,124 --> 00:16:32,264
I've already purchased
432
00:16:32,258 --> 00:16:34,858
my short-sleeved,
ill-fitting dress shirt.
433
00:16:34,861 --> 00:16:37,201
Dad, could you just bow out
with a little grace,
434
00:16:37,197 --> 00:16:40,527
so I could keep one scrap
of respect for you?
435
00:16:40,533 --> 00:16:42,003
I want you to know,
436
00:16:42,002 --> 00:16:45,602
you're always gonna be
a part of our lives.
437
00:16:45,605 --> 00:16:48,935
Let's call it six weeks
for you to find a place?
438
00:16:48,942 --> 00:16:51,612
That seems fair.
439
00:16:51,611 --> 00:16:54,211
You've been so good
through all of this.
440
00:16:56,949 --> 00:17:00,119
♪
441
00:17:11,597 --> 00:17:12,997
(slurping)
442
00:17:12,999 --> 00:17:13,999
Hold up!
443
00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:15,170
I'm your father,
444
00:17:15,168 --> 00:17:17,338
and I don't have to
leave my wife for you.
445
00:17:17,337 --> 00:17:18,667
But Dad...
446
00:17:18,671 --> 00:17:20,671
And she's certainly
not gonna leave me.
447
00:17:20,673 --> 00:17:22,143
I guess you're right.
448
00:17:22,142 --> 00:17:24,012
We are done
with this nonsense.
449
00:17:24,010 --> 00:17:25,140
You hear me?
450
00:17:25,145 --> 00:17:26,275
Yes, Dad.
451
00:17:26,279 --> 00:17:29,049
And good luck at
the dance competition.
452
00:17:29,049 --> 00:17:30,619
I'll be rooting for you two.
453
00:17:30,617 --> 00:17:31,677
Thank you.
454
00:17:31,684 --> 00:17:32,954
If you need me,
455
00:17:32,952 --> 00:17:36,192
I'll be in my new apartment,
which is awesome.
456
00:17:36,189 --> 00:17:38,959
Gas range, central air,
457
00:17:38,958 --> 00:17:41,028
ceiling fan, call waiting...
458
00:17:41,027 --> 00:17:42,027
All that.
459
00:17:42,028 --> 00:17:43,158
Bye!
460
00:17:43,962 --> 00:17:48,132
Swim pool, common room
you can sign up for...
461
00:17:48,134 --> 00:17:48,904
Bye again.
462
00:17:52,337 --> 00:17:54,807
(audience cheering)
463
00:17:54,808 --> 00:17:59,108
(chewing loudly)
464
00:17:59,112 --> 00:18:00,482
Cleveland, remember
when you told me
465
00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:04,550
to tell you when you're
going (chewing loudly)?
466
00:18:04,551 --> 00:18:05,551
Well, you're doing it.
467
00:18:05,552 --> 00:18:06,982
I can't help it.
468
00:18:06,986 --> 00:18:08,616
I'm so nervous
for you or me
469
00:18:08,621 --> 00:18:09,991
about losing
this competition
470
00:18:09,989 --> 00:18:11,989
to whoever this
was important to.
471
00:18:11,991 --> 00:18:13,461
(groans)
472
00:18:13,460 --> 00:18:14,930
Here's
the situation.
473
00:18:14,928 --> 00:18:16,458
You about to lose.
474
00:18:16,463 --> 00:18:17,663
And I'm Snooki.
475
00:18:18,597 --> 00:18:20,797
Next up...
476
00:18:20,800 --> 00:18:23,130
Please let it be magic.
477
00:18:23,136 --> 00:18:24,836
Nope, more dancing.
478
00:18:24,838 --> 00:18:25,938
The Browns.
479
00:18:25,939 --> 00:18:28,169
(audience hooting and cheering)
480
00:18:28,174 --> 00:18:29,674
CLEVELAND JR.:
Excuse me!
481
00:18:30,843 --> 00:18:31,713
(audience gasps)
482
00:18:34,012 --> 00:18:37,152
Sometimes people don't think
the world will accept them
483
00:18:37,150 --> 00:18:38,980
for who they are
and what they love.
484
00:18:38,985 --> 00:18:41,045
And I think that's
true of you, Miss Donna.
485
00:18:41,054 --> 00:18:44,964
But right now, I'm gonna let
the world know how I feel.
486
00:18:44,958 --> 00:18:45,818
Oh, God.
487
00:18:45,825 --> 00:18:48,055
So Donna Tubbs Brown...
488
00:18:50,529 --> 00:18:52,129
Will you marry me?
489
00:18:52,132 --> 00:18:54,102
AUDIENCE:
Aw...
490
00:18:54,100 --> 00:18:56,600
No, I'm not gonna marry you.
491
00:18:56,603 --> 00:18:58,703
(audience boos)
492
00:18:58,705 --> 00:19:00,535
I'm his stepmother.
493
00:19:00,540 --> 00:19:01,970
(audience exclaims)
494
00:19:01,975 --> 00:19:02,965
Ew!
495
00:19:02,976 --> 00:19:04,776
But we're soulmates.
496
00:19:04,777 --> 00:19:06,607
We're meant to be together.
497
00:19:06,613 --> 00:19:08,113
But Junior,
I don't love you.
498
00:19:08,114 --> 00:19:08,954
(gasps)
499
00:19:08,948 --> 00:19:09,948
(audience boos)
500
00:19:09,949 --> 00:19:11,679
Let me finish.
501
00:19:11,684 --> 00:19:14,054
I don't love you that way.
502
00:19:14,053 --> 00:19:15,993
I love you as a mother.
503
00:19:15,989 --> 00:19:17,119
AUDIENCE:
Aw...
504
00:19:17,123 --> 00:19:19,823
And I think if you look
inside yourself,
505
00:19:19,826 --> 00:19:22,426
you'll realize that
you love me the same way.
506
00:19:22,428 --> 00:19:23,788
Wow.
507
00:19:23,796 --> 00:19:26,926
Maybe because my actual mom
and I were never close,
508
00:19:26,933 --> 00:19:28,503
I got confused.
509
00:19:28,501 --> 00:19:30,801
Aw, Junior.
510
00:19:30,803 --> 00:19:33,103
Come here... son.
511
00:19:33,106 --> 00:19:35,206
AUDIENCE:
Aw...
512
00:19:35,208 --> 00:19:38,838
You know, Miss Donna,
you're a real MILF.
513
00:19:38,845 --> 00:19:40,505
AUDIENCE:
Ew!
514
00:19:40,513 --> 00:19:42,613
"Mom I'd Like as a Friend."
515
00:19:42,615 --> 00:19:44,015
AUDIENCE:
Oh... okay.
516
00:19:44,017 --> 00:19:46,777
Are you gonna dance or what?
517
00:19:46,786 --> 00:19:49,146
Junior, what do you think?
518
00:19:49,155 --> 00:19:51,115
I think we should win
this thing.
519
00:19:51,124 --> 00:19:53,364
As mother and son.
520
00:19:53,359 --> 00:19:54,929
And nothing more.
521
00:19:56,828 --> 00:19:59,898
♪
522
00:20:19,484 --> 00:20:21,794
(audience cheers)
523
00:20:21,788 --> 00:20:23,618
Roberta, we won!
524
00:20:23,623 --> 00:20:25,923
Is what I would have said
if I'd competed.
525
00:20:25,925 --> 00:20:27,185
And won.
526
00:20:27,193 --> 00:20:31,133
But your mother and Junior...
came in fourth.
527
00:20:31,130 --> 00:20:33,130
I'm Captain Naked!
528
00:20:33,132 --> 00:20:33,972
Floppy, floppy,
floppy...
529
00:20:33,967 --> 00:20:35,027
Roberta?!
530
00:20:35,034 --> 00:20:36,834
Ooh, girl,
you're lookin' good!
531
00:20:36,836 --> 00:20:38,296
Well, thanks
for watching Rallo.
532
00:20:38,304 --> 00:20:40,374
Now you can go do whatever
you're gonna do with Federline.
533
00:20:40,373 --> 00:20:41,713
Oh, no!
534
00:20:41,708 --> 00:20:44,378
I am not coming within
a country mile of anything
535
00:20:44,377 --> 00:20:45,977
that might give me one of those.
536
00:20:45,979 --> 00:20:47,649
(chuckling)
537
00:20:47,647 --> 00:20:50,177
Yeah, that's what I thought
when I was your age.
538
00:20:50,183 --> 00:20:52,323
Then guys start
growing mustaches
539
00:20:52,318 --> 00:20:54,088
and all your rules
go out the window.
540
00:20:55,454 --> 00:20:59,664
For what it's worth,
I think you'd make a good mom.
541
00:20:59,659 --> 00:21:01,089
Real good.
542
00:21:01,139 --> 00:21:05,689
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