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1
00:00:02,035 --> 00:00:04,695
(funky disco plays)
♪ My name is Cleveland Brown
2
00:00:04,705 --> 00:00:07,005
♪ And I am proud to be
3
00:00:07,008 --> 00:00:09,138
♪ Right back in my hometown
4
00:00:09,143 --> 00:00:11,983
♪ With my new family
5
00:00:11,979 --> 00:00:13,949
♪ There's old friends
and new friends ♪
6
00:00:13,948 --> 00:00:16,278
♪ And even a bear
7
00:00:16,283 --> 00:00:18,523
♪ Through good times
and bad times ♪
8
00:00:18,519 --> 00:00:20,189
♪ It's true love we share
9
00:00:20,187 --> 00:00:22,447
♪ And so I found a place
10
00:00:22,456 --> 00:00:24,756
♪ Where everyone will know
11
00:00:24,759 --> 00:00:27,089
♪ My happy mustached face
12
00:00:27,094 --> 00:00:28,964
♪ This is The Cleveland Show. ♪
13
00:00:28,963 --> 00:00:31,203
(chuckles)
14
00:00:33,500 --> 00:00:36,340
Donna, you got to see what I did
for the Super Bowl party!
15
00:00:36,337 --> 00:00:38,997
Put some deodorant on
and come in here!
16
00:00:39,006 --> 00:00:40,636
(deodorant spritzes)
17
00:00:40,641 --> 00:00:42,511
Both arms.
(spritzes)
18
00:00:42,510 --> 00:00:44,940
Cleveland, what
on earth is that?
19
00:00:44,945 --> 00:00:48,145
V.I.P. skybox. I'm not
sitting down here with you.
20
00:00:48,149 --> 00:00:50,279
(loud rumbling)
Oh, my God!
21
00:00:50,284 --> 00:00:52,084
Is that the Rapture?
22
00:00:52,086 --> 00:00:54,516
No. Rehearsal
of the Blue Angel flyover.
23
00:00:54,522 --> 00:00:56,462
They protect nothing.
24
00:00:56,457 --> 00:00:58,017
You know, Cleveland,
if you didn't spend
25
00:00:58,025 --> 00:00:59,955
all our money on your
Super Bowl parties,
26
00:00:59,960 --> 00:01:01,960
maybe you could
buy a McMansion.
27
00:01:01,962 --> 00:01:05,132
Like that new one
across the street. Mmm!
28
00:01:05,132 --> 00:01:06,172
Pillars.
29
00:01:06,167 --> 00:01:07,197
CLEVELAND:
Vulgar.
30
00:01:07,201 --> 00:01:08,871
It's vulgar, Donna.
31
00:01:08,869 --> 00:01:10,499
Do you want to be vulgar?
32
00:01:10,504 --> 00:01:13,114
Look! Someone's trying
to break into it!
33
00:01:14,974 --> 00:01:16,144
Donna, call the police.
34
00:01:16,143 --> 00:01:17,983
No, man, you
should do it.
35
00:01:17,978 --> 00:01:19,478
You sound white
on the phone.
36
00:01:19,480 --> 00:01:21,110
They actually
might come.
37
00:01:23,016 --> 00:01:24,616
You sounded white
on the phone.
38
00:01:24,618 --> 00:01:25,648
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
39
00:01:25,653 --> 00:01:27,353
That window.
40
00:01:28,288 --> 00:01:30,658
Hey, can I hold the gun?
Sure.
41
00:01:30,658 --> 00:01:32,788
(imitating quiet gunshots)
42
00:01:32,793 --> 00:01:34,263
How do I look?
43
00:01:34,261 --> 00:01:36,131
Badass.
(loud thud)
44
00:01:36,130 --> 00:01:37,560
Freeze, dirtbag!
45
00:01:39,799 --> 00:01:40,929
Choni?
46
00:01:40,935 --> 00:01:43,035
Why are you trying
to rob this house?
47
00:01:43,037 --> 00:01:45,037
(Latin accent):
Cleveland, this is my house.
48
00:01:45,039 --> 00:01:47,539
We just moved in,
and I forgot my keys.
49
00:01:47,541 --> 00:01:49,041
Your house?
B-But there are
50
00:01:49,043 --> 00:01:52,543
more rooms than
there are people. Here we go!
51
00:01:52,546 --> 00:01:54,146
Uh, you two
know each other?
52
00:01:54,148 --> 00:01:56,748
Yeah. the last time
I saw this chump,
53
00:01:56,750 --> 00:01:59,250
he tried to have
my niece deported.
54
00:01:59,253 --> 00:02:00,293
That's a lie!
55
00:02:00,287 --> 00:02:02,447
My son is married
to her niece.
56
00:02:02,456 --> 00:02:06,326
Daddy! They put the
my frozen yogurt! on
57
00:02:06,327 --> 00:02:08,657
How old is your son?
14.
58
00:02:08,662 --> 00:02:11,362
It was a whole green-card,
wedding-fraud thing.
59
00:02:11,365 --> 00:02:14,095
Well, then you're
under arrest for... I don't think so.
60
00:02:14,101 --> 00:02:15,971
They're not even doing it.
61
00:02:15,970 --> 00:02:18,140
Are you?
No, Daddy. We're just friends.
62
00:02:18,139 --> 00:02:20,109
Please don't
shoot the yogurt!
63
00:02:20,107 --> 00:02:21,167
Give me a gummy.
64
00:02:24,010 --> 00:02:26,980
Say good-b...
DONNA: Cleveland, give the officer his gun back!
65
00:02:26,981 --> 00:02:28,151
All right.
66
00:02:28,149 --> 00:02:31,179
Cleveland, I see
what's going on here.
67
00:02:31,185 --> 00:02:34,185
I've dealt with your
type my whole life.
68
00:02:34,188 --> 00:02:37,258
Back in Fort Lauderdale,
when I came out of the ocean,
69
00:02:37,258 --> 00:02:39,488
they accused me of
sneaking into the country.
70
00:02:39,493 --> 00:02:42,493
But I was just
boogieboarding on an old door.
71
00:02:42,496 --> 00:02:44,126
Probably wearing jeans.
72
00:02:44,131 --> 00:02:45,961
And now you
called the police
73
00:02:45,966 --> 00:02:48,296
because you saw a Latina
going into a window
74
00:02:48,302 --> 00:02:52,472
and you automatically
assumed I was a criminal!
75
00:02:52,473 --> 00:02:54,113
Look, Choni, it was dark.
76
00:02:54,108 --> 00:02:56,838
I thought you
were a male Latiño.
77
00:02:56,844 --> 00:02:58,684
Why are you doing that
with your "N"?
78
00:02:58,679 --> 00:02:59,879
I don't kñow.
79
00:02:59,880 --> 00:03:01,150
You think that's funny?
80
00:03:01,148 --> 00:03:03,178
You think we talk funny?
Well, I'm not laughing,
81
00:03:03,184 --> 00:03:05,124
because I laugh when
I want to laugh,
82
00:03:05,119 --> 00:03:07,689
and no one tells
me when to laugh. Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
83
00:03:07,688 --> 00:03:09,588
See? That was
my decision.
84
00:03:09,590 --> 00:03:10,590
Okay.
85
00:03:10,591 --> 00:03:13,031
I'll tell you what
your problem is.
86
00:03:13,027 --> 00:03:15,087
(ranting in Spanish)
87
00:03:19,365 --> 00:03:21,425
(continues ranting in Spanish)
88
00:03:23,136 --> 00:03:25,496
...muy, muy, muy pequeño.
89
00:03:25,506 --> 00:03:28,036
(laughter)
90
00:03:28,042 --> 00:03:29,842
Es la verdad.
91
00:03:29,843 --> 00:03:31,783
Es la verdad.
92
00:03:32,812 --> 00:03:34,682
(Fox NFL theme playing)
MAN: And now,
93
00:03:34,682 --> 00:03:36,522
in honor of
Super Bowl XLVI,
94
00:03:36,517 --> 00:03:39,017
we've got a special
message from our troops
95
00:03:39,019 --> 00:03:41,619
who are watching
from Afghanistan.
96
00:03:41,622 --> 00:03:43,522
Get us out of here!
We lost!
97
00:03:43,524 --> 00:03:45,024
This was my 20s!
98
00:03:45,025 --> 00:03:46,015
(chuckles)
99
00:03:46,026 --> 00:03:48,126
Looks like we got
the comedy troop.
100
00:03:48,128 --> 00:03:49,328
Very funny, boys.
101
00:03:49,330 --> 00:03:51,000
See you next year.
102
00:03:50,998 --> 00:03:53,628
Where is everybody?
103
00:03:53,634 --> 00:03:55,604
MAN:
At Choni's. Better party.
104
00:03:55,603 --> 00:03:57,803
Oh. Then why are you here?
105
00:03:57,805 --> 00:04:00,105
There's a line at
the bathroom there.
106
00:04:12,952 --> 00:04:15,022
(loud crunching)
107
00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:29,270
(toilet flushes)
108
00:04:33,806 --> 00:04:35,206
Clogged it.
109
00:04:35,209 --> 00:04:37,239
(lively dance music playing)
110
00:04:39,212 --> 00:04:40,652
Name.
111
00:04:40,648 --> 00:04:42,608
Cleveland Brown.
112
00:04:42,616 --> 00:04:44,946
Hmm. I got a Cleveland
Brown Junior.
113
00:04:44,952 --> 00:04:46,852
Hi, Daddy! We're
watching the game
114
00:04:46,854 --> 00:04:49,454
in high-definition 3-D.
115
00:04:49,456 --> 00:04:51,086
(crowd cheering on TV)
116
00:04:51,091 --> 00:04:52,621
(grunts)
117
00:04:52,626 --> 00:04:54,186
Sorry about your
table, Ms. Choni.
118
00:04:54,194 --> 00:04:55,934
Great party, by the way.
119
00:04:55,929 --> 00:04:59,199
Thanks, Ben
Roethlisberger.
120
00:04:59,932 --> 00:05:01,702
(woman screams)
121
00:05:01,702 --> 00:05:04,742
Mm. Quarterbacks
get all the ladies.
122
00:05:05,705 --> 00:05:07,265
Donna!
123
00:05:07,274 --> 00:05:09,544
Sir, I'm gonna have
to ask you to leave.
124
00:05:09,543 --> 00:05:12,143
But Choni stole
my Super Bowl party!
125
00:05:12,146 --> 00:05:14,146
Aw... a Puerto
Rican-Mexican
126
00:05:14,148 --> 00:05:16,948
stole your little
Super Bowl party?
127
00:05:16,950 --> 00:05:19,690
(chuckles) Why don't
you call the police?
128
00:05:19,687 --> 00:05:21,117
(laughter)
129
00:05:21,121 --> 00:05:22,751
I didsteal your party
130
00:05:22,756 --> 00:05:24,916
to teach you a lesson
for humiliating me.
131
00:05:24,925 --> 00:05:27,755
Do not mess with
this Latina, uh-huh.
132
00:05:27,761 --> 00:05:29,831
I got a bigger
house than you.
133
00:05:29,830 --> 00:05:31,630
I got a bigger
party than you.
134
00:05:31,632 --> 00:05:34,472
And now I got allof your friends.
135
00:05:34,468 --> 00:05:37,038
(gasps) You'll never
take my friends!
136
00:05:37,037 --> 00:05:40,567
CHONI:
Anybody want to leave this party and go with Cleveland?
137
00:05:43,976 --> 00:05:45,776
No. No one does.
138
00:05:45,779 --> 00:05:47,279
Viva Choni!
139
00:05:47,281 --> 00:05:49,481
OTHERS:
Viva Choni!
140
00:05:49,483 --> 00:05:51,583
How does it feel
to make losers
141
00:05:51,585 --> 00:05:54,085
feel worse
about themselves?
142
00:05:54,088 --> 00:05:56,018
Whatever puts braces
on my kids' teeth.
143
00:05:56,023 --> 00:05:58,363
You're a good dad.
144
00:06:04,797 --> 00:06:06,157
I don't know why people
145
00:06:06,166 --> 00:06:08,096
like Choni's party
better than mine.
146
00:06:08,102 --> 00:06:10,772
All she had was
a much bigger TV, better food,
147
00:06:10,771 --> 00:06:14,141
probably had that
sweet rice milk drink--
148
00:06:14,141 --> 00:06:16,711
what's that called
again, Donna? Horchata.
149
00:06:16,710 --> 00:06:19,210
You know what I do
when I don't know something, Donna?
150
00:06:19,213 --> 00:06:20,953
I say "I don't know."
151
00:06:20,948 --> 00:06:22,148
But that's what
it's called!
152
00:06:22,149 --> 00:06:23,779
Anyway, back to me.
153
00:06:23,784 --> 00:06:26,494
I used to consider myself
the mayor of Grace Street.
154
00:06:26,487 --> 00:06:28,147
(sighs)
155
00:06:28,155 --> 00:06:30,655
Guess I won't need this anymore.
156
00:06:30,657 --> 00:06:34,357
Or be cutting any
ceremonial ribbons with this.
157
00:06:34,361 --> 00:06:36,631
And I have no use for this.
158
00:06:36,630 --> 00:06:39,300
It's an actual prop from
Honey, I Shrunk the Kids,
159
00:06:39,299 --> 00:06:41,129
my favorite movie of all time.
160
00:06:41,135 --> 00:06:42,525
(sighs)
161
00:06:42,536 --> 00:06:45,166
But I don't need it now.
162
00:06:45,172 --> 00:06:47,642
Cleveland, you and
Choni just got off on the wrong foot.
163
00:06:47,641 --> 00:06:50,011
Why don't you go over
and make a peace offering?
164
00:06:50,010 --> 00:06:51,840
I just baked some
lemon squares.
165
00:06:51,845 --> 00:06:53,675
Perfect!
166
00:06:53,680 --> 00:06:54,880
I'm running with these!
167
00:06:54,882 --> 00:06:55,882
I'm running with these!
168
00:06:55,883 --> 00:06:58,023
(clattering)
(screams)
169
00:06:58,018 --> 00:07:00,348
Little help?
170
00:07:00,354 --> 00:07:02,354
(doorbell rings)
171
00:07:02,356 --> 00:07:05,256
(mouth full):
Choni, I brought you a lemon-scented pan.
172
00:07:05,259 --> 00:07:08,259
(normal voice):
Which is a traditional American way of saying sorry.
173
00:07:08,262 --> 00:07:10,862
And to show you that there
are no hard feelings,
174
00:07:10,864 --> 00:07:13,534
I won't make a big deal
out of the fact that
175
00:07:13,534 --> 00:07:15,374
your Chihuahua bit me.
176
00:07:15,369 --> 00:07:18,139
Okay, first, we
don't have a Chihuahua.
177
00:07:18,138 --> 00:07:19,938
We have two Weimaraners.
178
00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:22,040
And second, that's
not a Chihuahua,
179
00:07:22,042 --> 00:07:24,212
that's a rat.
180
00:07:24,211 --> 00:07:26,011
Aah! Rabies!
181
00:07:26,013 --> 00:07:27,883
Tetanus! Rat AIDS!
182
00:07:27,881 --> 00:07:29,451
Aah! Oh!
Bleeding pretty bad.
183
00:07:29,450 --> 00:07:32,020
You don't have a bandage
or tortilla, do you?
184
00:07:32,019 --> 00:07:34,119
I'll take corn,
but I prefer flour.
185
00:07:34,121 --> 00:07:35,991
You know what
you are, Cleveland?
186
00:07:35,989 --> 00:07:37,319
You're rrrracist.
187
00:07:37,324 --> 00:07:38,964
You tried to get
my niece deported,
188
00:07:38,959 --> 00:07:40,529
you called the cops on me,
189
00:07:40,527 --> 00:07:43,197
you assume I own a Chihuahua
and have tortillas for bandages.
190
00:07:43,197 --> 00:07:44,797
You're racist.
191
00:07:44,798 --> 00:07:47,798
(laughs)
Oh, Choni, black people can'tbe racist.
192
00:07:47,801 --> 00:07:51,671
Listen to you, talking nonsense
like some oily Polynesian.
193
00:07:51,672 --> 00:07:53,612
You think you could
get away with it
194
00:07:53,607 --> 00:07:54,967
because you think
you're so likable.
195
00:07:54,975 --> 00:07:57,305
Well, I'm not falling for
your happy moustache face.
196
00:07:57,311 --> 00:07:59,951
♪ I say to
Cleveland, go! ♪
197
00:07:59,947 --> 00:08:01,147
(laughing)
198
00:08:01,148 --> 00:08:02,348
(groans):
Oh...
199
00:08:04,851 --> 00:08:06,591
Principal Farquhar,
200
00:08:06,587 --> 00:08:08,487
I'd like you to
meet a new student,
201
00:08:08,489 --> 00:08:10,089
my wife Cecilia.
202
00:08:10,090 --> 00:08:12,020
Pregnancy or green card?
203
00:08:12,025 --> 00:08:14,155
Green card. We're
just friends.
204
00:08:14,161 --> 00:08:16,431
Papers.
205
00:08:17,430 --> 00:08:19,930
Hmm. Checks out.
206
00:08:19,933 --> 00:08:22,273
Congratulations on your
sexless marriage, Junior.
207
00:08:22,269 --> 00:08:24,599
And you on your
sexless life, sir.
208
00:08:24,605 --> 00:08:26,665
Thank you. Carry on.
209
00:08:26,673 --> 00:08:29,143
Is he the coolest?
210
00:08:29,142 --> 00:08:32,212
So, friend, Valentine's
Day is coming up.
211
00:08:32,212 --> 00:08:35,012
Is there a girl around here
that you're interested in?
212
00:08:35,015 --> 00:08:37,815
Oh, me? Well, I kind of
like to play the field.
213
00:08:37,818 --> 00:08:39,418
You know, keep
my options open.
214
00:08:39,419 --> 00:08:41,089
'Sup, Marissa?
Die, fatty.
215
00:08:41,088 --> 00:08:43,318
(giggles)
She's fun.
216
00:08:43,323 --> 00:08:45,293
What about you?
217
00:08:45,292 --> 00:08:48,992
Well, there is someone
from my science class.
218
00:08:50,162 --> 00:08:51,802
I know Tyler. Nice guy.
219
00:08:51,798 --> 00:08:53,128
Good water-fountain
etiquette.
220
00:08:53,133 --> 00:08:54,633
Doesn't put his
mouth on it
221
00:08:54,635 --> 00:08:57,035
like some of these
spout-suckers.
222
00:08:57,037 --> 00:08:58,437
Why don't you ask him out?
223
00:08:58,438 --> 00:09:01,938
I don't think I can just
walk up to him and ask him out.
224
00:09:01,942 --> 00:09:03,842
Where I'm from,
women just wait around
225
00:09:03,844 --> 00:09:06,044
until a man kicks down
our straw door
226
00:09:06,046 --> 00:09:08,006
and trades our virginity
for a donkey.
227
00:09:08,015 --> 00:09:09,005
Really?!
228
00:09:09,016 --> 00:09:10,746
No, I'm just shy.
229
00:09:10,751 --> 00:09:12,451
Well, then I'll
talk you up to him.
230
00:09:12,452 --> 00:09:14,122
What kind of
husband would I be
231
00:09:14,121 --> 00:09:16,591
if I didn't find
a man for you on Valentine's Day?
232
00:09:16,590 --> 00:09:18,490
(gasps)
You would do that for me?
233
00:09:18,492 --> 00:09:19,932
Oh, Junior,
that would be so...
234
00:09:19,927 --> 00:09:22,157
Sorry, one second.
Yo, Chief!
235
00:09:22,162 --> 00:09:25,102
No lollipopping
the mouthpiece!
236
00:09:25,098 --> 00:09:27,428
(Junior yelling)
237
00:09:30,002 --> 00:09:32,142
And on top of stealing
my Super Bowl party,
238
00:09:32,139 --> 00:09:33,639
she had the ca-chonis
239
00:09:33,640 --> 00:09:36,170
to call me racist
toward Latinos.
240
00:09:36,176 --> 00:09:37,636
If you're a racist,
241
00:09:37,644 --> 00:09:39,884
then you're the
best-looking racist in town.
242
00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:42,810
I haven't had time
to get to the gym!
243
00:09:42,816 --> 00:09:45,016
I can't be racist--
I voted for Pedro!
244
00:09:45,018 --> 00:09:46,588
Fresh.
245
00:09:46,587 --> 00:09:48,487
Well, you did petition
the City Council
246
00:09:48,488 --> 00:09:51,358
to build a ten-foot wall
around the Taco Bell.
247
00:09:51,358 --> 00:09:54,028
They were stealing
jobs from the Arby's!
248
00:09:54,027 --> 00:09:55,987
And you walked out of La Bamba.
249
00:09:55,996 --> 00:09:57,996
I thought I was
seeing L.A. Bambi,
250
00:09:57,998 --> 00:09:59,528
where Bambi
moves to Hollywood
251
00:09:59,533 --> 00:10:01,433
and becomes a
movie star's butler.
252
00:10:01,435 --> 00:10:03,635
Not to pile it
on, Cleveland,
253
00:10:03,637 --> 00:10:06,097
but you never listened to
that Enrique Iglesias CD
254
00:10:06,106 --> 00:10:08,006
I burned for you.
255
00:10:08,008 --> 00:10:09,308
Yes, but in my defense,
256
00:10:09,309 --> 00:10:12,609
all Latino music
is loud and horrible.
257
00:10:12,613 --> 00:10:14,513
It's not so much
that you're racist,
258
00:10:14,514 --> 00:10:17,084
you're what I like to call
"Arizona ignorant."
259
00:10:17,084 --> 00:10:19,994
Hey, at least it's
a dryignorance.
260
00:10:19,987 --> 00:10:21,187
(laughs)
261
00:10:21,188 --> 00:10:22,948
Uh, maybe
I am ignorant.
262
00:10:22,956 --> 00:10:24,956
I need to go
talk to Choni.
263
00:10:24,958 --> 00:10:26,118
Uh-uh!
264
00:10:26,126 --> 00:10:28,886
Fool me once.
265
00:10:31,263 --> 00:10:32,663
Choni, you're right.
266
00:10:32,666 --> 00:10:34,966
I have been insensitive
to your culture,
267
00:10:34,968 --> 00:10:37,098
but that's because
I don't know any better.
268
00:10:37,104 --> 00:10:38,674
"Ju" don't know
anything.
269
00:10:38,672 --> 00:10:40,272
Don't you call me a Jew!
270
00:10:40,273 --> 00:10:41,773
Oh, se,
ri.
271
00:10:41,775 --> 00:10:44,935
My point is, I want to learn
more about your people,
272
00:10:44,945 --> 00:10:47,645
like your cultural values,
and why, sometimes,
273
00:10:47,648 --> 00:10:50,518
you throw English words in there
while you're speaking Spanish,
274
00:10:50,517 --> 00:10:53,447
like you're all, "Wocka wocka
chocka chocka Facebook,
275
00:10:53,453 --> 00:10:56,593
wocka chocka blocka wocka
chocka nocka Winklevoss twins."
276
00:10:56,590 --> 00:10:57,860
CLEVELAND JR.:
Look, Aunt Choni!
277
00:10:57,858 --> 00:11:00,088
The dog's teaching me
how to dance.
278
00:11:00,093 --> 00:11:02,233
♪
279
00:11:05,331 --> 00:11:07,771
Hey, Lupo, I'm not
paying you to merengue.
280
00:11:07,768 --> 00:11:09,198
Get back to the grill.
281
00:11:12,772 --> 00:11:16,172
Well, I suppose if I can
teach a dog to cook,
282
00:11:16,176 --> 00:11:18,676
and that dog can teach
a boy to dance,
283
00:11:18,679 --> 00:11:21,509
I can teach you
about Latino culture.
284
00:11:22,848 --> 00:11:29,948
♪ You know tacos and vatos
and cholos and gringos ♪
285
00:11:29,956 --> 00:11:36,526
♪ I know uno and dos and tres,
cuatro, and cinco ♪
286
00:11:36,530 --> 00:11:46,000
♪ But are you aware of the
beauty Latinos can share? ♪
287
00:11:46,006 --> 00:11:48,466
Where are we?
288
00:11:48,475 --> 00:11:49,765
The old mission
289
00:11:49,776 --> 00:11:52,006
where Spanish priests first
established Saint Oolbend.
290
00:11:52,012 --> 00:11:53,142
Oh.
291
00:11:53,146 --> 00:11:55,006
This whole town
is a Mexican!
292
00:11:55,015 --> 00:11:57,115
And that's not all, Cleveland.
293
00:11:57,117 --> 00:12:01,087
♪ We truly embody
the American dream ♪
294
00:12:01,088 --> 00:12:04,518
♪ We work on every court
from the food to the Supreme ♪
295
00:12:04,524 --> 00:12:08,534
♪ We've got Cesar Chavez
and Oscar De La Hoya ♪
296
00:12:08,528 --> 00:12:10,258
♪ Had an accidente? ♪
297
00:12:10,263 --> 00:12:13,363
♪ We'll get you a lawyer!
298
00:12:13,366 --> 00:12:17,766
♪ We brought mariachi music
from Guadalajara ♪
299
00:12:17,771 --> 00:12:19,301
♪ And spicy hot dishes
300
00:12:19,306 --> 00:12:21,536
♪ Like Sofia Vergara!
301
00:12:21,541 --> 00:12:22,971
Now you're getting it!
302
00:12:22,976 --> 00:12:26,846
♪ Have a taste of our culture
like a juicy papaya ♪
303
00:12:26,847 --> 00:12:31,017
♪ At the northern-most
pyramid built by the Maya. ♪
304
00:12:31,017 --> 00:12:34,087
I always thought
this was the Q-Bert Museum.
305
00:12:34,087 --> 00:12:37,957
♪ At the Latino museum,
you can learn our rich past ♪
306
00:12:37,958 --> 00:12:41,158
♪ We're so much more
than a mouse who runs fast ♪
307
00:12:41,161 --> 00:12:45,331
♪ We value friendship and family
and for some reason, Morrissey ♪
308
00:12:45,332 --> 00:12:49,002
♪ And God help us all
when they become the majority. ♪
309
00:12:49,002 --> 00:12:50,842
Lester!
No bueno!
310
00:12:50,837 --> 00:12:54,337
♪ So now you're starting
to see things our way ♪
311
00:12:54,341 --> 00:12:57,711
♪ We're more than just
chips and guacamol-ay ♪
312
00:12:57,711 --> 00:13:02,611
♪ I've learned a lot
and I'm happy to say ♪
313
00:13:02,616 --> 00:13:04,576
(à la Randy Newman):
♪ I love L.A....
314
00:13:04,584 --> 00:13:06,184
♪ T-I-N-O-S!
315
00:13:06,186 --> 00:13:08,046
(rings)
Order's up.
316
00:13:10,589 --> 00:13:12,519
I don't know what
you said to Tyler,
317
00:13:12,526 --> 00:13:15,186
but he asked me out
for Valentine's Day.
318
00:13:15,195 --> 00:13:18,625
Gracias, my sweet
husbundo rotundo.
319
00:13:18,632 --> 00:13:20,332
(gasps)
Oh, there he is.
320
00:13:20,333 --> 00:13:23,103
Better go say helo
to my date.
321
00:13:24,203 --> 00:13:26,973
Did you just set your
wife up on a date?
322
00:13:26,973 --> 00:13:29,973
You kinky son
of a bitch.
323
00:13:29,976 --> 00:13:33,006
No, no. I'm just glad
I could make her happy.
324
00:13:33,013 --> 00:13:34,483
Look at them.
325
00:13:34,481 --> 00:13:36,051
Isn't that...
326
00:13:38,984 --> 00:13:40,154
Nice.
327
00:13:40,153 --> 00:13:41,153
Isn't.
328
00:13:41,154 --> 00:13:42,154
That.
329
00:13:42,155 --> 00:13:43,145
Nice.
330
00:13:43,156 --> 00:13:44,156
Hey, slick.
331
00:13:44,157 --> 00:13:45,817
Talk to you
for a minute?
332
00:13:45,826 --> 00:13:47,026
Oh, hey, Junior.
333
00:13:47,027 --> 00:13:48,357
Man, thanks for
hooking me up with Cecilia.
334
00:13:48,361 --> 00:13:49,491
She's great.
335
00:13:49,496 --> 00:13:52,256
(chuckling): I know,
I know, she is great.
336
00:13:52,265 --> 00:13:54,865
That's why I
married her.
337
00:13:54,868 --> 00:13:56,528
Hey, Junior,
that kind of hurts.
338
00:13:56,536 --> 00:13:58,636
Yeah, turns out you know
what else hurts?
339
00:13:58,638 --> 00:14:02,108
Watching your wife kiss some
huckleberry in a jean jacket.
340
00:14:02,108 --> 00:14:03,108
Whoa!
341
00:14:03,109 --> 00:14:04,379
Junior, I don't
understand.
342
00:14:04,377 --> 00:14:06,037
You're the one that told me
to take her out.
343
00:14:06,046 --> 00:14:09,006
And now I'm telling you that
you might not want to show up.
344
00:14:09,015 --> 00:14:11,975
You know, Tyler, yearbook
photos are coming up.
345
00:14:11,985 --> 00:14:14,985
Shame if something happened
to this pretty face of yours.
346
00:14:14,988 --> 00:14:16,988
Real shame.
347
00:14:16,990 --> 00:14:19,160
Ooh, the Bookmobils
coming!
348
00:14:19,159 --> 00:14:21,489
I'm gonna get me a sticker
with an apple on it
349
00:14:21,494 --> 00:14:24,264
and a worm in a
professor's hat!
350
00:14:24,264 --> 00:14:27,034
(Latin-themed TV score playing)
351
00:14:28,000 --> 00:14:29,930
Esteban.
352
00:14:29,936 --> 00:14:31,136
Mi amor!
353
00:14:31,137 --> 00:14:32,537
Besame.
354
00:14:32,539 --> 00:14:34,269
No, Esteban.
355
00:14:34,274 --> 00:14:36,114
La bruja!
356
00:14:36,109 --> 00:14:37,939
(cackling)
357
00:14:37,944 --> 00:14:42,154
Hola, Esteban, mi hijo.
358
00:14:42,148 --> 00:14:43,378
Mama?!
359
00:14:43,383 --> 00:14:44,353
Esteban!
360
00:14:44,351 --> 00:14:46,781
¿La bruja es...
361
00:14:46,786 --> 00:14:48,046
tu mama?
362
00:14:53,993 --> 00:14:56,163
(high-pitched):
¿Cuando es Viernes?
363
00:14:56,162 --> 00:14:57,932
Ahhhh!
364
00:14:57,931 --> 00:15:02,001
Oh, you're watching Estebany Los Amores de Esteban.
365
00:15:02,002 --> 00:15:03,432
Don't spoil anything.
366
00:15:03,436 --> 00:15:05,266
I'm only 119 episodes in.
367
00:15:05,272 --> 00:15:08,842
I thought we were reading
Don Quixote, but it's a start.
368
00:15:08,842 --> 00:15:11,012
I don't want to read a book
about a donkey.
369
00:15:11,011 --> 00:15:14,011
I'll pin a tail on one, but
I'm not gonna get into reading.
370
00:15:14,014 --> 00:15:15,254
Cleveland,
this is my son, Marco.
371
00:15:16,181 --> 00:15:17,821
My babysitter just canceled,
372
00:15:17,817 --> 00:15:20,687
and Donna said you might be able
to keep an eye on him.
373
00:15:20,687 --> 00:15:21,917
Wait a minute.
374
00:15:21,922 --> 00:15:24,962
A Mexican is asking me
to watch their kid?
375
00:15:24,958 --> 00:15:28,128
Is what the old me
would've said.
376
00:15:28,128 --> 00:15:29,988
It'll be an honor
to watch him.
377
00:15:29,996 --> 00:15:31,196
You sure it's no problem?
378
00:15:31,197 --> 00:15:33,627
Take all the time
you want.
379
00:15:33,633 --> 00:15:36,033
Marco and I will
go hit the town.
380
00:15:36,036 --> 00:15:38,996
As soon as we wash our hands.
381
00:15:39,005 --> 00:15:40,805
See?
382
00:15:40,807 --> 00:15:42,967
Good babysitter.
383
00:15:42,976 --> 00:15:45,036
(whispers): We're not
gonna wash our hands.
384
00:15:45,045 --> 00:15:47,105
Cool babysitter.
385
00:15:48,681 --> 00:15:50,111
(doorbell rings)
386
00:15:51,016 --> 00:15:52,446
(hushed):
Look at h.
387
00:15:52,452 --> 00:15:53,852
Fell asleep
in the car.
388
00:15:53,853 --> 00:15:56,323
Which is amazing because
he's had eight cokes.
389
00:15:56,323 --> 00:15:58,423
He's probably gonna
pee the bed.
390
00:15:58,425 --> 00:16:02,085
(gasps) Cleveland,
that is not my son!
391
00:16:02,095 --> 00:16:03,125
Say, huh?
392
00:16:03,129 --> 00:16:05,259
You brought me the
wrong Mexican kid!
393
00:16:05,265 --> 00:16:07,865
Do you think we all
look alike, you idiot?!
394
00:16:07,867 --> 00:16:10,937
Or maybe I'm the idiot for
thinking a racist like you
395
00:16:10,937 --> 00:16:12,097
could ever change!
396
00:16:12,105 --> 00:16:14,135
(door slamming)
You forgot your son!
397
00:16:14,140 --> 00:16:15,340
Oh.
398
00:16:15,342 --> 00:16:18,012
Good thing we all
have one of these.
399
00:16:18,011 --> 00:16:20,081
(leaf blower whirring)
400
00:16:26,118 --> 00:16:27,418
Okay, think, Cleveland.
401
00:16:27,420 --> 00:16:28,990
What did you do today?
402
00:16:28,989 --> 00:16:31,119
Retrace your steps.
403
00:16:31,124 --> 00:16:33,764
I know. We went
somewhere Spanish.
404
00:16:33,760 --> 00:16:35,760
Oh, you're
impossible!
405
00:16:35,762 --> 00:16:37,762
I'm finding
my son!
406
00:16:37,764 --> 00:16:39,104
No, I'm coming with.
407
00:16:39,099 --> 00:16:41,869
(whirring)
408
00:16:41,868 --> 00:16:43,668
There he is!
409
00:16:47,039 --> 00:16:49,509
Hey, Cecilia!
410
00:16:49,509 --> 00:16:52,039
I thought you were
supposed to be out with Tyler.
411
00:16:52,045 --> 00:16:52,935
(sighs heavily)
412
00:16:52,946 --> 00:16:54,946
He didn't show.
413
00:16:54,948 --> 00:16:57,078
I'm just going to sit here
with the only people
414
00:16:57,083 --> 00:16:58,623
who seem to like me--
415
00:16:58,618 --> 00:17:02,288
me, myself... and yo.
416
00:17:02,288 --> 00:17:08,288
Excuse me, I'm notable
African- American poet Maya Angelou.
417
00:17:08,294 --> 00:17:11,604
Are you going to
finish that corn dog?
418
00:17:11,598 --> 00:17:13,968
Well, this was the first
place I brought him.
419
00:17:13,967 --> 00:17:15,027
We watched that film
420
00:17:15,035 --> 00:17:17,365
about the history of
the woven blanket,
421
00:17:17,370 --> 00:17:20,440
Still ScratchyAfter All These Años.
422
00:17:20,440 --> 00:17:21,970
Well, he's not here.
423
00:17:21,975 --> 00:17:23,205
I know.
424
00:17:23,209 --> 00:17:25,279
Should we keep looking
or should we give up?
425
00:17:25,278 --> 00:17:26,208
Testing you.
426
00:17:26,212 --> 00:17:27,482
You're a good mother.
427
00:17:27,480 --> 00:17:28,550
We keep looking.
428
00:17:28,548 --> 00:17:36,118
♪ Siempre solo...!
429
00:17:36,122 --> 00:17:38,022
Cecilia!
430
00:17:38,024 --> 00:17:40,124
Oh, goodness, Junior.
431
00:17:40,126 --> 00:17:42,656
Did you hear that whole song?
432
00:17:42,662 --> 00:17:45,432
No, I came at the end,
but I think I get it.
433
00:17:45,432 --> 00:17:47,032
And that's
why I'm here.
434
00:17:47,033 --> 00:17:48,133
I brought something
for you.
435
00:17:48,134 --> 00:17:49,334
Chocolates?
436
00:17:49,335 --> 00:17:50,795
What? Oh, these?
437
00:17:50,804 --> 00:17:52,004
These are mine!
438
00:17:52,005 --> 00:17:54,135
I brought you
something else.
439
00:17:54,140 --> 00:17:55,340
Tyler?
440
00:17:55,341 --> 00:17:57,111
Junior, what's going on?
441
00:17:57,110 --> 00:17:59,110
I think I must have
accidentally told Tyler
442
00:17:59,112 --> 00:18:00,882
to go to the wrong food court.
443
00:18:00,880 --> 00:18:01,950
Right?
444
00:18:01,948 --> 00:18:04,418
Yeah. Okay. Right.
445
00:18:04,417 --> 00:18:05,617
(chuckling)
446
00:18:05,618 --> 00:18:09,088
Oh, Junior, you're
the sweetest boy.
447
00:18:09,089 --> 00:18:11,189
You're also sweet.
448
00:18:12,925 --> 00:18:14,485
(eyelid rattling)
449
00:18:14,494 --> 00:18:16,134
Just give me a second.
450
00:18:16,129 --> 00:18:18,029
I'm gonna go
freshen up in the lake.
451
00:18:18,031 --> 00:18:20,671
Hey, man, I appreciate what
you did just now because...
452
00:18:20,667 --> 00:18:22,197
Listen to me!
Oh, God.
453
00:18:22,202 --> 00:18:23,842
I'm your god.
454
00:18:23,837 --> 00:18:25,697
You're gonna
make her happy...
455
00:18:25,705 --> 00:18:26,935
but not too happy.
456
00:18:26,940 --> 00:18:27,970
Capisce?
457
00:18:27,974 --> 00:18:30,044
Remember, you're a good boy.
458
00:18:30,043 --> 00:18:32,113
You know what I mean
by "good boy"?
459
00:18:32,112 --> 00:18:33,952
(gasps)
Got it. CECELIA:
460
00:18:33,947 --> 00:18:35,507
Bye, Junior.
461
00:18:35,515 --> 00:18:37,275
Good-bye Tyler Hudson,
462
00:18:37,283 --> 00:18:40,253
of 431 West 16th Street,
Apartment 4C,
463
00:18:40,253 --> 00:18:43,093
whose mother,
Gloria, gets home from work at 5:20
464
00:18:43,089 --> 00:18:44,759
and hides a key
under the left potted plant
465
00:18:44,757 --> 00:18:45,957
on the front porch,
466
00:18:45,959 --> 00:18:47,959
and whose little brother
is allergic to peanuts!
467
00:18:47,961 --> 00:18:49,231
Bye!
468
00:18:50,829 --> 00:18:52,429
(grunting)
469
00:18:52,432 --> 00:18:54,132
(panting)
470
00:18:54,134 --> 00:18:59,044
Well, he wasn't at the
Hispanic Poetry Celebration.
471
00:18:59,038 --> 00:19:01,468
There once was a man
from Oaxaca.
472
00:19:01,474 --> 00:19:03,474
Who sure could play a maraca.
473
00:19:03,476 --> 00:19:07,306
But his wife wasn't happy,
'cause he gave her the clappy.
474
00:19:07,313 --> 00:19:09,883
And now he cries when he pees.
475
00:19:09,883 --> 00:19:11,123
(applause)
476
00:19:11,117 --> 00:19:14,017
And he wasn't
at the Ballet Folklorico.
477
00:19:14,020 --> 00:19:16,090
♪
478
00:19:16,855 --> 00:19:18,915
(gunshots)
479
00:19:19,992 --> 00:19:21,332
Guess we'd better check
480
00:19:21,327 --> 00:19:25,027
the Celebracion de la CulturaLatina y Desfile del Orgullo.
481
00:19:25,031 --> 00:19:26,631
Oh, who am I
kidding, Cleveland?
482
00:19:26,633 --> 00:19:28,033
He's not going
to be there.
483
00:19:28,034 --> 00:19:31,004
I think I know where he went.
484
00:19:31,004 --> 00:19:32,744
(clucking)
485
00:19:33,705 --> 00:19:35,765
(men shouting)
486
00:19:35,775 --> 00:19:37,505
A chicken auction?!
487
00:19:37,510 --> 00:19:39,810
Why do you think
Marco would be here?
488
00:19:39,812 --> 00:19:42,052
Because Marco likes
chicken auctions.
489
00:19:42,048 --> 00:19:45,848
But it's not like we come here
all the time
490
00:19:45,852 --> 00:19:47,292
or anything like that.
491
00:19:47,287 --> 00:19:48,687
Hey, Choni!
492
00:19:48,688 --> 00:19:50,088
Choni!
493
00:19:50,089 --> 00:19:52,119
(to tune of "La Bamba"):
♪ Para bailar, it's Choni
494
00:19:52,125 --> 00:19:53,085
♪ Para bailar, it's Choni
495
00:19:53,092 --> 00:19:54,092
♪ She's back again...
496
00:19:54,093 --> 00:19:55,963
Quiet!!
497
00:19:55,962 --> 00:19:58,462
We've got to find Marco!
498
00:19:58,464 --> 00:19:59,934
Marco?
499
00:19:59,933 --> 00:20:01,773
Marco?
500
00:20:01,768 --> 00:20:02,968
MARCO:
Pollo!
501
00:20:02,969 --> 00:20:04,769
Pollo!
502
00:20:05,971 --> 00:20:07,311
Marco!
503
00:20:07,307 --> 00:20:08,507
Where have you been?
504
00:20:08,508 --> 00:20:09,708
What happened?
505
00:20:09,709 --> 00:20:11,709
Well, when we were
at that boring museum,
506
00:20:11,711 --> 00:20:14,851
I went to the
bathroom... Baño.
507
00:20:14,847 --> 00:20:16,777
I came out and
followed another man
508
00:20:16,783 --> 00:20:18,523
I thought was Mr.
Cleveland to his car.
509
00:20:18,518 --> 00:20:20,448
You know how you're always
saying that black people all look alike...
510
00:20:20,453 --> 00:20:21,923
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah.
511
00:20:22,821 --> 00:20:26,091
Now who's
the racist, huh?
512
00:20:26,092 --> 00:20:27,292
Tu es!
513
00:20:27,293 --> 00:20:29,993
Cleveland, I don't care
what color you are.
514
00:20:29,996 --> 00:20:31,696
I just don't like you.
515
00:20:31,698 --> 00:20:32,698
You know what?
516
00:20:32,699 --> 00:20:33,999
I don't like you either.
517
00:20:34,000 --> 00:20:35,930
And it's not because
you're Mexican.
518
00:20:35,935 --> 00:20:37,865
It's partially
because you're a woman,
519
00:20:37,870 --> 00:20:40,970
but it's mainly because
you won't cut me any slack.
520
00:20:40,974 --> 00:20:46,344
Yes, I was ignorant about your
culture, but I am not a racist.
521
00:20:46,346 --> 00:20:47,476
(sighs)
522
00:20:47,480 --> 00:20:49,310
Maybe I've been
too hard on you.
523
00:20:49,315 --> 00:20:51,475
Maybe you're not
a racist dick.
524
00:20:51,484 --> 00:20:53,484
Maybe you're
just a dick.
525
00:20:53,486 --> 00:20:54,816
Thank you.
526
00:20:54,821 --> 00:20:58,091
So I guess I'm the mayor
of Grace Street after all!
527
00:20:58,091 --> 00:20:59,921
My oversized props, please.
528
00:20:59,926 --> 00:21:01,986
Ahh! Somebody
call a giant doctor!
529
00:21:02,036 --> 00:21:06,586
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