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1
00:00:01,868 --> 00:00:04,698
(funky disco plays)
♪ My name is Cleveland Brown
2
00:00:04,705 --> 00:00:07,005
♪ And I am proud to be
3
00:00:07,008 --> 00:00:09,208
♪ Right back in my hometown
4
00:00:09,210 --> 00:00:12,040
♪ With my new family
5
00:00:12,046 --> 00:00:14,146
♪ There's old friends
and new friends ♪
6
00:00:14,148 --> 00:00:16,378
♪ And even a bear
7
00:00:16,384 --> 00:00:18,684
♪ Through good times
and bad times ♪
8
00:00:18,686 --> 00:00:20,186
♪ It's true love we share
9
00:00:20,187 --> 00:00:22,487
♪ And so I found a place
10
00:00:22,490 --> 00:00:24,820
♪ Where everyone will know
11
00:00:24,825 --> 00:00:26,985
♪ My happy mustached face
12
00:00:26,994 --> 00:00:29,194
♪ This is The Cleveland Show. ♪
13
00:00:29,196 --> 00:00:31,196
(chuckles)
14
00:00:33,433 --> 00:00:35,933
(doorbell rings)
15
00:00:39,472 --> 00:00:41,542
(laughs)
16
00:00:41,542 --> 00:00:43,682
(woman coughing)
17
00:00:45,445 --> 00:00:47,945
Murray? Murray?
18
00:00:47,948 --> 00:00:49,378
Hey, jerk chicken.
19
00:00:49,383 --> 00:00:50,783
Where's my Jew at?
20
00:00:50,785 --> 00:00:51,945
Oh, I'm sorry, Rallo.
21
00:00:51,952 --> 00:00:53,792
Murray's out with
a friend today.
22
00:00:53,788 --> 00:00:54,988
A friend?
23
00:00:54,989 --> 00:00:56,089
But I'm his only friend.
24
00:00:56,090 --> 00:00:57,460
Not to worry, child.
25
00:00:57,458 --> 00:01:00,988
You're welcome to take one
of our other old people.
26
00:01:01,861 --> 00:01:03,301
We got the Black-Filipino
27
00:01:03,297 --> 00:01:05,097
if you like exotic,
28
00:01:05,099 --> 00:01:08,269
Ruby-- she has no memory,
so you can do whatever you want.
29
00:01:08,269 --> 00:01:10,299
We even got twins.
30
00:01:10,304 --> 00:01:12,004
Double the hard candy.
31
00:01:12,006 --> 00:01:13,836
I'm Connie Chung.
32
00:01:15,041 --> 00:01:16,311
Rallo!
33
00:01:16,310 --> 00:01:17,680
What are you doing here?
34
00:01:17,678 --> 00:01:19,678
What the hell you
think I'm doing here?
35
00:01:19,680 --> 00:01:20,950
We have plans!
36
00:01:20,948 --> 00:01:22,148
Who's this broad?
37
00:01:22,149 --> 00:01:24,119
Hi, Rallo. I'm Hazel.
38
00:01:24,118 --> 00:01:27,148
Oh, I've heard
so much about you.
39
00:01:27,154 --> 00:01:28,354
Oh, you're right.
40
00:01:28,355 --> 00:01:29,915
It is like a sponge!
41
00:01:29,924 --> 00:01:32,024
Hey, get your zombie
hands off my head!
42
00:01:32,026 --> 00:01:33,286
Come on, Murray.
43
00:01:33,294 --> 00:01:34,934
Let's go sit
on a park bench
44
00:01:34,929 --> 00:01:37,599
and watch people try
to figure us out.
45
00:01:37,598 --> 00:01:40,628
Look, kid, I promise you
we'll do something tomorrow,
46
00:01:40,634 --> 00:01:42,104
just us guys.
47
00:01:42,103 --> 00:01:46,313
But I think I'm about to end
a 35-year dry spell here.
48
00:01:46,307 --> 00:01:48,667
It's gonna be gross.
49
00:01:49,976 --> 00:01:52,036
I bet they're gonna use
the pull-up method.
50
00:01:52,046 --> 00:01:54,246
Get it? They're old.
51
00:01:57,117 --> 00:01:59,417
Hey, Ro-Ro,
52
00:01:59,420 --> 00:02:00,920
if you're done with
your chicken fat,
53
00:02:00,921 --> 00:02:02,251
may I soak my
roll in it?
54
00:02:02,256 --> 00:02:03,586
Whatever, Fat Albert.
55
00:02:03,591 --> 00:02:06,131
Hey, hey! Hey.
56
00:02:06,127 --> 00:02:07,827
Thank you.
57
00:02:07,828 --> 00:02:09,998
Bones?
58
00:02:09,997 --> 00:02:11,927
(bones crunching)
59
00:02:11,932 --> 00:02:13,632
(groans)
60
00:02:13,634 --> 00:02:15,004
You're eating
bones, Cleveland?
61
00:02:15,002 --> 00:02:16,972
I grew up during the Depression.
62
00:02:16,971 --> 00:02:18,601
If you'd be so kind
63
00:02:18,606 --> 00:02:20,666
as to hand me
my bloody-coughing rag.
64
00:02:20,674 --> 00:02:22,774
(coughing)
65
00:02:27,947 --> 00:02:29,717
He's sloppy fat.
66
00:02:29,717 --> 00:02:31,777
I'm classy fat.
67
00:02:37,023 --> 00:02:39,093
Ah.
68
00:02:40,026 --> 00:02:41,356
Ah.
69
00:02:41,362 --> 00:02:42,692
Night.
70
00:02:42,696 --> 00:02:43,856
Unless you want to fool...
71
00:02:43,864 --> 00:02:45,204
(burps) ...around.
72
00:02:45,199 --> 00:02:47,299
Do you really need a
milkshake before bed?
73
00:02:47,301 --> 00:02:49,971
Do you really need three glasses
of wine with dinner?
74
00:02:49,970 --> 00:02:51,540
I had one glass.
75
00:02:51,539 --> 00:02:56,109
Pouring three glasses into one
does not a single glass make.
76
00:02:56,110 --> 00:02:59,110
Cleveland, you've gained 25
pounds since we got married.
77
00:02:59,113 --> 00:03:01,713
You wouldn't be complaining
if we lived in England.
78
00:03:01,715 --> 00:03:04,075
Because there,
pounds are money.
79
00:03:04,084 --> 00:03:06,524
Cleveland, you have
to join a gym.
80
00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:09,120
I know I said your weight
gain is unhealthy,
81
00:03:09,123 --> 00:03:11,963
but there's a... visual
component, as well.
82
00:03:11,959 --> 00:03:14,459
And yes, we turn out
the lights during sex.
83
00:03:14,461 --> 00:03:15,831
Mm.
84
00:03:15,829 --> 00:03:18,129
But every once in a
while, a car drives by,
85
00:03:18,132 --> 00:03:19,972
and a sliver of light
shines through,
86
00:03:19,967 --> 00:03:21,767
and I get an
awful fright.
87
00:03:21,769 --> 00:03:25,139
Look, I don't want to tell you
how to do your job as a woman,
88
00:03:25,139 --> 00:03:26,939
but as a man, that's my job.
89
00:03:26,941 --> 00:03:28,871
Women don't care how men look.
90
00:03:28,876 --> 00:03:32,276
They only care about emotions
and stuff and baths.
91
00:03:32,279 --> 00:03:34,649
Cleveland, I got you
a gym membership
92
00:03:34,648 --> 00:03:36,348
and a personal trainer.
93
00:03:36,350 --> 00:03:39,250
Speaking of member,
'member this?
94
00:03:39,253 --> 00:03:41,593
(grunting)
95
00:03:42,822 --> 00:03:44,922
(grunting)
96
00:03:45,858 --> 00:03:47,188
(sighs)
97
00:03:47,194 --> 00:03:49,334
And boom goes the dynamite.
98
00:03:49,330 --> 00:03:52,030
(snores and whistles)
99
00:03:54,267 --> 00:03:56,437
Hey, little fella.
100
00:03:56,437 --> 00:03:57,867
Beat it, perv.
101
00:03:57,871 --> 00:04:00,811
This right here is no country
for old men.
102
00:04:00,808 --> 00:04:02,978
Rallo, it's me.
103
00:04:02,977 --> 00:04:04,877
What is that,
your winter yarmulke?
104
00:04:04,878 --> 00:04:08,708
No, it's a hairpiece
to make me look young and hot,
105
00:04:08,716 --> 00:04:10,976
like that douche bag
Jeremy Piven.
106
00:04:10,985 --> 00:04:12,915
Why you got to talk
about Jeremy Piven?
107
00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:14,750
Come on, our
table's back here.
108
00:04:14,755 --> 00:04:17,985
We already had our soup and
sent back our first two courses.
109
00:04:17,992 --> 00:04:19,992
Ha! Wait. We?
110
00:04:22,595 --> 00:04:23,995
Hi, Rallo!
111
00:04:23,998 --> 00:04:26,298
I'm so glad you
could join us.
112
00:04:26,300 --> 00:04:28,000
Excuse me?!
113
00:04:28,002 --> 00:04:29,972
What's Wrinkle Me Elma
doing here?
114
00:04:29,970 --> 00:04:32,000
You said it was
just gonna be us.
115
00:04:32,006 --> 00:04:33,436
You tell that face "no."
116
00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:35,540
(both moaning)
117
00:04:39,979 --> 00:04:44,119
Well... I don't have
an old people fetish.
118
00:04:45,018 --> 00:04:47,818
I believe these are yours?
119
00:04:47,821 --> 00:04:48,921
No.
120
00:04:48,922 --> 00:04:51,122
Oh. Then they're mine. I...
121
00:04:51,125 --> 00:04:53,585
I must have put in two
this morning.
122
00:04:53,594 --> 00:04:56,504
Rallo, we got you a beet salad.
123
00:04:56,497 --> 00:04:58,257
Well, you can't beat beets.
124
00:04:58,265 --> 00:05:00,465
ANNOUNCER:
they'll make you pee red!
125
00:05:00,467 --> 00:05:02,867
SINGERS (in harmony):
♪ It's not blood!
126
00:05:02,870 --> 00:05:05,700
It happens
to be Hazel's birthday today.
127
00:05:05,706 --> 00:05:08,806
By the way,
what did I end up getting you?
128
00:05:08,809 --> 00:05:10,509
(dinging)
129
00:05:10,511 --> 00:05:12,041
Wow. They're nice.
130
00:05:12,046 --> 00:05:13,646
I must like you.
131
00:05:13,647 --> 00:05:15,147
(laughs)
132
00:05:15,149 --> 00:05:17,919
For my birthday, you pulled
a penny out of my ear.
133
00:05:17,918 --> 00:05:19,278
Then you kept it.
134
00:05:19,286 --> 00:05:21,386
Oh, she's got my card.
135
00:05:22,622 --> 00:05:23,922
She's got your wallet?
136
00:05:23,924 --> 00:05:25,624
Murray, come on. Wake up.
137
00:05:25,626 --> 00:05:27,286
She's just using you
for your money.
138
00:05:27,294 --> 00:05:28,764
Using me?
139
00:05:28,762 --> 00:05:30,632
Using me for this.
140
00:05:30,631 --> 00:05:33,601
(both moaning,
Hazel giggles)
141
00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:35,830
And your pastrami on rye.
142
00:05:35,836 --> 00:05:38,766
What am I,
(bleep) Scooby-Doo?
143
00:05:42,809 --> 00:05:45,209
Hi. Cleveland Brown,
new gym member?
144
00:05:45,212 --> 00:05:47,452
Oh, yes, I can see that, sir.
145
00:05:47,448 --> 00:05:50,178
The locker room
is right behind you.
146
00:05:51,250 --> 00:05:52,650
(water running)
147
00:05:52,653 --> 00:05:54,253
There are naked
men in there!
148
00:05:54,254 --> 00:05:56,124
It's a locker room, sir.
149
00:05:56,123 --> 00:05:58,623
I know that, but in my day,
150
00:05:58,625 --> 00:06:01,025
a man wrapped a towel
around his waist,
151
00:06:01,028 --> 00:06:03,358
then removed his briefs
from underneath.
152
00:06:03,364 --> 00:06:05,664
Modesty! Always modesty!
153
00:06:05,666 --> 00:06:06,966
MAN:
Yo, C-Bro!
154
00:06:06,967 --> 00:06:09,167
Ready for me to
get you rock hard?
155
00:06:09,169 --> 00:06:10,839
Holt? You work here?
156
00:06:10,838 --> 00:06:12,298
Yeah, I'm a
personal trainer.
157
00:06:12,306 --> 00:06:14,466
I've told you that,
like, a hundred times.
158
00:06:14,475 --> 00:06:17,675
I got a real thick filter
with you, Holt.
159
00:06:17,678 --> 00:06:21,048
Look, this whole gym silliness
was Donna's idea.
160
00:06:21,048 --> 00:06:23,048
She gets
on these kicks.
161
00:06:23,050 --> 00:06:25,450
Tried to get me
to brush my teeth for a while.
162
00:06:25,452 --> 00:06:26,752
(scoffs)
163
00:06:26,754 --> 00:06:28,194
Relax. You're gonna
love it here, brah.
164
00:06:28,188 --> 00:06:29,918
We got a steam room,
smoothie bar
165
00:06:29,923 --> 00:06:31,963
and terrible clothing on sale.
166
00:06:31,959 --> 00:06:33,989
Not to mention the babes.
167
00:06:33,994 --> 00:06:36,194
Hi. Bye.
(sighs)
168
00:06:36,196 --> 00:06:37,926
Hi. Bye.
169
00:06:37,931 --> 00:06:39,201
Hi. Bye.
170
00:06:39,199 --> 00:06:41,669
(chuckling):
Hel-lo!
171
00:06:41,668 --> 00:06:43,098
Yeah. They're lesbians.
172
00:06:43,103 --> 00:06:44,973
All lesbians.
With boyfriends.
173
00:06:44,972 --> 00:06:47,272
Now, come on. I'm gonna
start you out real easy.
174
00:06:47,274 --> 00:06:49,844
Step on the treadmill.
175
00:06:49,843 --> 00:06:51,113
Ah, this isn't bad.
176
00:06:51,111 --> 00:06:52,781
It's not on.
(beep)
177
00:06:52,780 --> 00:06:53,980
The floor is moving!
178
00:06:53,981 --> 00:06:55,881
You have to walk,
Cleveland.
179
00:06:55,883 --> 00:06:57,523
(panting)
180
00:06:57,518 --> 00:06:59,818
Water. Must have water.
181
00:06:59,820 --> 00:07:01,990
Okay, man, I'm just
gonna increase this
182
00:07:01,989 --> 00:07:03,919
from a walk
to a light trot.
183
00:07:03,924 --> 00:07:05,124
(high-pitched whirring)
184
00:07:05,125 --> 00:07:08,125
How many miles have I gone?
12? 17?
185
00:07:08,128 --> 00:07:09,858
Ugh! I forgot my nipple guards.
186
00:07:09,863 --> 00:07:11,203
Are they bleeding?
187
00:07:11,198 --> 00:07:12,658
It stings like they're bleeding.
188
00:07:12,666 --> 00:07:13,926
Stop the machine!
189
00:07:13,934 --> 00:07:15,874
It's only been 15 seconds, bro.
190
00:07:15,869 --> 00:07:17,169
Oh, God.
191
00:07:17,171 --> 00:07:19,501
I no feel so bueno.
192
00:07:19,506 --> 00:07:20,966
(echoing):
You're doing great.
193
00:07:20,974 --> 00:07:24,384
I... think I'm gonna pass out.
194
00:07:26,345 --> 00:07:28,305
Keep that core tight.
195
00:07:28,315 --> 00:07:30,415
I'll be back in ten minutes.
196
00:07:32,018 --> 00:07:33,988
(birds singing,
pigeons cooing)
197
00:07:33,987 --> 00:07:36,817
Mm. Those lucky pigeons.
198
00:07:36,824 --> 00:07:39,424
Ugh! We've been following
Hazel all day,
199
00:07:39,426 --> 00:07:41,826
but still no proof
that she's a gold digger.
200
00:07:41,829 --> 00:07:44,059
(imitates siren blaring)
201
00:07:46,098 --> 00:07:47,698
(whispers):
We got something.
202
00:07:49,302 --> 00:07:52,072
Another man.
Let's move in.
203
00:07:55,208 --> 00:07:58,038
(camera shutter clicking)
204
00:08:01,347 --> 00:08:02,947
Happy birthday, Hazel.
205
00:08:02,950 --> 00:08:04,480
What did I get you?
206
00:08:04,485 --> 00:08:05,975
Diamond necklace.
207
00:08:05,986 --> 00:08:07,986
Goo, goo.
Gotcha!
208
00:08:07,988 --> 00:08:11,388
You're nothing but a two-timing,
gold-digging old wench.
209
00:08:12,024 --> 00:08:14,864
Aren't you adorable.
210
00:08:14,862 --> 00:08:17,002
(gasps)
Now listen to me and you listen good,
211
00:08:16,997 --> 00:08:18,327
you nosey little punk.
212
00:08:18,332 --> 00:08:21,102
If you tell a soul about this,
I will snap your neck in half,
213
00:08:21,101 --> 00:08:23,101
and then I'll suck your
guts out with a straw,
214
00:08:23,103 --> 00:08:26,943
and then spit them out because
I... hate.... your... guts.
215
00:08:26,940 --> 00:08:28,710
Are we clear?
216
00:08:28,709 --> 00:08:29,939
Yes!
217
00:08:29,943 --> 00:08:32,613
Now go sleep
with the ducks.
218
00:08:32,613 --> 00:08:33,983
(yelling)
219
00:08:33,981 --> 00:08:35,381
My baby!
220
00:08:44,290 --> 00:08:47,090
See, I jump you
three times.
221
00:08:47,094 --> 00:08:51,864
Oh, speaking of jumping you,
I think the pill is kicking in.
222
00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:54,625
Ooh! I thought that
was my sciatica.
223
00:08:54,635 --> 00:08:57,135
Murray, listen,
Hazel's two-timing you.
224
00:08:57,137 --> 00:08:59,197
I'm not afraid of you, old lady!
225
00:08:59,206 --> 00:09:00,806
I brought muscle.
226
00:09:00,807 --> 00:09:02,967
Ugh! Why are you
still in the dress?
227
00:09:02,976 --> 00:09:05,076
Take that thing off.
228
00:09:07,947 --> 00:09:09,647
Put it back on.
229
00:09:09,650 --> 00:09:12,620
Murray, I saw Hazel
with another man.
230
00:09:12,619 --> 00:09:14,919
And he was giving her
jewelry, too.
231
00:09:14,922 --> 00:09:17,122
Rallo, I was buying
that jewelry.
232
00:09:17,124 --> 00:09:18,864
For our wedding.
233
00:09:18,859 --> 00:09:20,489
We're getting married.
234
00:09:20,494 --> 00:09:22,294
What?! You can't
marry her!
235
00:09:22,296 --> 00:09:23,956
She threatened
to kill me!
236
00:09:23,964 --> 00:09:25,134
Oh, Rallo.
(laughs)
237
00:09:25,132 --> 00:09:26,802
That's ridiculous.
238
00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:28,530
If there's one thing
you should know
239
00:09:28,535 --> 00:09:32,295
about old Jewish people--
we don't hate anybody.
240
00:09:32,306 --> 00:09:34,036
Our wedding is
this weekend,
241
00:09:34,041 --> 00:09:36,011
and we'd love it if
you would be there.
242
00:09:36,009 --> 00:09:37,639
You're my best friend, Rallo.
243
00:09:37,644 --> 00:09:40,054
I know you'll be late
and bring, like, 20 people,
244
00:09:40,047 --> 00:09:42,077
but I really want you
to be there.
245
00:09:43,215 --> 00:09:46,615
All right, for you, Murray,
I'll be there.
246
00:09:46,620 --> 00:09:48,490
Now, if you'll excuse us, Rallo,
247
00:09:48,488 --> 00:09:51,858
we're going to fall asleep
right here, right now.
248
00:09:51,858 --> 00:09:53,258
(both snoring)
249
00:09:53,260 --> 00:09:55,630
I'll be there,
all right.
250
00:09:55,629 --> 00:09:57,699
(evil laughing)
251
00:10:02,101 --> 00:10:05,041
And thusly, after passing out
and urinating myself
252
00:10:05,038 --> 00:10:06,968
on one of your treadmills
last week,
253
00:10:06,974 --> 00:10:10,214
I no longer wish to be a member
of this gymnasium.
254
00:10:10,210 --> 00:10:12,980
We've already charged your card
for two years.
255
00:10:12,980 --> 00:10:16,110
If I pay you for a third year,
can I never come back?
256
00:10:16,116 --> 00:10:17,976
That works.
257
00:10:17,985 --> 00:10:20,845
I'm gonna miss this old place.
258
00:10:20,854 --> 00:10:22,824
I'm never coming back.
259
00:10:22,823 --> 00:10:23,993
Hold up, Fatty.
260
00:10:23,991 --> 00:10:25,191
You want a body
like mine?
261
00:10:25,192 --> 00:10:27,662
I'd do anything to
have a body like yours.
262
00:10:27,661 --> 00:10:29,091
Except exercise.
263
00:10:29,096 --> 00:10:30,596
Meet me out back in five.
264
00:10:30,597 --> 00:10:33,597
I'm gonna give you
something real nice.
265
00:10:33,600 --> 00:10:35,130
Something nice?
266
00:10:35,135 --> 00:10:38,135
I hope he's not going
to give me a new hat.
267
00:10:38,138 --> 00:10:40,108
I like to pick out my own hats.
268
00:10:40,107 --> 00:10:42,507
You know what?
I hope it's a hat!
269
00:10:44,143 --> 00:10:45,943
Excuse me.
270
00:10:45,946 --> 00:10:48,506
Have you seen a buff,
handsome guy around here?
271
00:10:48,515 --> 00:10:50,975
Buddy, it's me!
I'm the buff guy!
272
00:10:50,984 --> 00:10:52,524
Shut the front door! How?!
273
00:10:52,519 --> 00:10:53,919
With this.
274
00:10:53,920 --> 00:10:55,990
Hunx Shapewear for Men.
275
00:10:57,857 --> 00:10:59,857
(grunting)
276
00:10:59,860 --> 00:11:01,090
Wow!
277
00:11:01,094 --> 00:11:02,264
Women have been
practicing
278
00:11:02,262 --> 00:11:03,932
blubber control
for centuries--
279
00:11:03,930 --> 00:11:06,770
corsets, girdles,
and today, Spanx.
280
00:11:06,767 --> 00:11:08,797
Well, it's our turn
to be gross cows
281
00:11:08,802 --> 00:11:11,642
who pretend they only want
a tiny square brownie
282
00:11:11,638 --> 00:11:13,938
but continue to cut
tiny squares for themselves
283
00:11:13,940 --> 00:11:17,080
until they polish off
the whole damn pan.
284
00:11:18,110 --> 00:11:20,050
Go ahead, you can eat it now.
285
00:11:20,047 --> 00:11:21,847
I just wanted a tiny square.
286
00:11:21,848 --> 00:11:23,778
Hunx come in all
different sizes.
287
00:11:23,784 --> 00:11:25,924
So you can go as
thin as you want.
288
00:11:25,919 --> 00:11:27,989
Your wife will
never be the wiser--
289
00:11:27,988 --> 00:11:31,418
as long as you don't let
her touch you above the waist during sex, that is.
290
00:11:31,425 --> 00:11:32,755
Oh, that's no problem.
291
00:11:32,759 --> 00:11:34,489
I'm always facing
the other way.
292
00:11:34,494 --> 00:11:36,034
I'll take all of them.
293
00:11:36,029 --> 00:11:39,099
♪
294
00:11:39,099 --> 00:11:41,669
Oh, hey, Donna.
Just got my workout on.
295
00:11:41,668 --> 00:11:44,338
What have you been up to?
Oh, my God, Cleveland!
296
00:11:44,337 --> 00:11:47,107
It's been less than a week,
and you look fantastic!
297
00:11:47,107 --> 00:11:49,267
Yeah, you look good.
298
00:11:49,276 --> 00:11:51,936
Ugh. I'm in
the wrong story.
299
00:11:51,945 --> 00:11:54,345
I didn't know you had
your driver's license.
300
00:11:54,347 --> 00:11:56,977
Oh, I don't.
How's our cargo holding up?
301
00:11:56,983 --> 00:11:59,053
All right, you guys
remember the plan?
302
00:11:59,052 --> 00:12:00,322
No.
No. (groans)
303
00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:02,990
When we get to the wedding,
you guys are gonna tell Murray
304
00:12:02,989 --> 00:12:04,959
that Hazel's
a two-timing gold digger
305
00:12:04,958 --> 00:12:06,858
who played you, too. Got it?
306
00:12:06,860 --> 00:12:11,130
I once got syphilis from
a bucktoothed Malaysian hooker.
307
00:12:11,131 --> 00:12:13,501
Greatest generation,
my ass!
308
00:12:13,500 --> 00:12:15,800
It's up here on the right.
309
00:12:15,802 --> 00:12:17,072
(tires screech)
310
00:12:21,440 --> 00:12:24,180
♪
311
00:12:24,177 --> 00:12:26,877
That witch sent me
to the wrong place!
312
00:12:26,880 --> 00:12:29,880
We got to find that wedding!
Let's go!
313
00:12:29,883 --> 00:12:32,023
I wish wecould have a wedding.
314
00:12:32,018 --> 00:12:33,618
In time, in time.
315
00:12:33,620 --> 00:12:35,450
What do we do till then?
316
00:12:35,455 --> 00:12:37,455
We could go to Baja Fresh.
317
00:12:37,457 --> 00:12:41,187
I wish you'd stop calling
my bottom "Baja Fresh."
318
00:12:41,194 --> 00:12:42,264
♪
319
00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:44,002
Jamaican nurse, it's Rallo.
320
00:12:43,997 --> 00:12:46,027
Quick! Where's Murray's wedding?
321
00:12:46,032 --> 00:12:47,972
They're getting married
at a Cinnabon?
322
00:12:47,968 --> 00:12:49,598
Oh, synagogue.
323
00:12:49,603 --> 00:12:51,043
To the Jew church!
324
00:12:51,037 --> 00:12:54,037
I'm getting married
at a Cinnabon.
325
00:13:00,613 --> 00:13:03,053
OTHERS:
Mazel tov! MAN: Jews!
326
00:13:03,049 --> 00:13:04,679
(people applauding)
327
00:13:05,818 --> 00:13:07,448
No...!
328
00:13:07,454 --> 00:13:09,524
Who are you?
Name's Corey.
329
00:13:09,523 --> 00:13:11,663
Murray's my
best friend.
330
00:13:11,658 --> 00:13:13,088
(boinging)
331
00:13:13,093 --> 00:13:15,733
(crickets chirping)
332
00:13:17,963 --> 00:13:20,603
(grunting quietly)
(creaking)
333
00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:25,400
Mm, I look so good, I'm gonna
call out my name during sex.
334
00:13:28,040 --> 00:13:29,840
Y'all ready for this?
335
00:13:29,843 --> 00:13:32,483
(humming dance tune)
336
00:13:32,479 --> 00:13:34,949
(laughs): Oh!
337
00:13:34,948 --> 00:13:38,678
Ooh, baby, you've lost
even more weight this week!
338
00:13:38,685 --> 00:13:41,945
That's why you're getting
a little reward.
339
00:13:41,955 --> 00:13:44,485
Terrence Trent D'Arby's suit
from "Wishing Well"?!
340
00:13:44,491 --> 00:13:48,131
Yes. It's for you to wear
to the superintendent's dinner at the school.
341
00:13:48,128 --> 00:13:51,628
At the rate you're going,
you'll fit into it by next week, easy.
342
00:13:51,631 --> 00:13:54,031
Now, why don't you come
over here, open my laptop
343
00:13:54,034 --> 00:13:56,004
and clog my in-box with spam.
344
00:13:56,002 --> 00:13:57,542
(giggles):
Oh-ho-ho-oh!
345
00:13:59,438 --> 00:14:02,438
♪
346
00:14:05,010 --> 00:14:08,310
Rallo! You're not
as late as I expected.
347
00:14:08,315 --> 00:14:10,515
Check it out.
This is our version
348
00:14:10,517 --> 00:14:12,477
of your electric slide.
349
00:14:12,485 --> 00:14:15,015
I have evidence that
she's a gold digger!
350
00:14:15,021 --> 00:14:16,591
I brought two guys.
351
00:14:17,289 --> 00:14:18,619
One guy.
352
00:14:18,625 --> 00:14:20,785
Rallo, Hazel's
my wife now.
353
00:14:20,794 --> 00:14:25,504
Which means, for
the rest of our lives we'll be together!
354
00:14:25,498 --> 00:14:28,028
Not quite.
Orderlies.
355
00:14:28,034 --> 00:14:30,704
My husband's not competent
to live outside the home.
356
00:14:30,704 --> 00:14:32,474
I want to have him recommitted.
357
00:14:32,472 --> 00:14:34,972
B-B-But, Hazel, what about
all that Jewish gibberish
358
00:14:34,975 --> 00:14:37,975
we said at the altar,
or whatever we Jews call it?
359
00:14:37,978 --> 00:14:41,048
I just said all that
shlamacki so I could spend your money
360
00:14:41,047 --> 00:14:42,977
in that new condo
you bought me.
361
00:14:42,983 --> 00:14:45,023
So long, polyp pants!
362
00:14:45,018 --> 00:14:48,588
You were right, Rallo--
she was a gold digger.
363
00:14:48,588 --> 00:14:52,188
But she had the ass
of a 60-year-old.
364
00:14:52,192 --> 00:14:54,662
That she did.
365
00:14:54,661 --> 00:14:58,101
The other guy I brought
is now also dead.
366
00:15:03,335 --> 00:15:04,995
Hit me again.
367
00:15:05,005 --> 00:15:06,765
You've had enough
tapioca, Murray.
368
00:15:06,773 --> 00:15:08,513
This is bourbon,
you moron!
369
00:15:08,508 --> 00:15:10,938
Oh. Is that why
I've been throwing up?
370
00:15:10,944 --> 00:15:13,614
Murray, I tried to tell you
Hazel was trouble.
371
00:15:13,613 --> 00:15:15,383
So, now what are
we gonna do?
372
00:15:15,382 --> 00:15:17,252
I don't know.
373
00:15:18,317 --> 00:15:20,077
What are youdoing here?
374
00:15:20,086 --> 00:15:22,746
I let old people pet me
to keep them calm.
375
00:15:22,756 --> 00:15:23,956
(cooing)
376
00:15:23,957 --> 00:15:25,687
It's nice.
377
00:15:25,692 --> 00:15:27,692
Aretha Franklin's right!
378
00:15:27,694 --> 00:15:29,594
If we can make
Hazel seem crazy,
379
00:15:29,596 --> 00:15:31,196
they'll put her away!
380
00:15:31,197 --> 00:15:35,027
We'll show that yenta she
futzed with the wrong mensch.
381
00:15:35,035 --> 00:15:38,265
Next week better be
a super-black episode.
382
00:15:38,271 --> 00:15:41,141
♪
383
00:15:41,141 --> 00:15:44,041
It's simple-- it's just
butter, ranch, hot sauce,
384
00:15:44,044 --> 00:15:46,484
sour cream and a splash
of thousand island.
385
00:15:46,479 --> 00:15:48,449
You can dip everything in it.
386
00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:49,978
Or eat it straight.
387
00:15:49,983 --> 00:15:51,553
Isn't that bad for you?
388
00:15:51,551 --> 00:15:53,851
Not with Hunx.
I've gained 20 pounds,
389
00:15:53,853 --> 00:15:56,253
but I look like
I've lost ten.
390
00:15:56,256 --> 00:15:58,516
Donna can't keep
her hands off me.
391
00:15:58,525 --> 00:16:00,355
(phone rings)
Ah, that's her now.
392
00:16:00,360 --> 00:16:02,030
Oh, hi, Donna.
393
00:16:02,028 --> 00:16:03,428
I'm at the bar.
394
00:16:03,430 --> 00:16:05,500
Uh, er, I mean, gym.
395
00:16:05,498 --> 00:16:06,828
Just eating some dip.
396
00:16:06,833 --> 00:16:09,603
Uh, er, I mean
lifting weights.
397
00:16:09,602 --> 00:16:10,972
(whispers):
He's a master!
398
00:16:10,971 --> 00:16:13,301
You stay as long
as you want, baby.
399
00:16:13,306 --> 00:16:16,136
I want you looking all fit for
that superintendent's dinner.
400
00:16:16,142 --> 00:16:17,512
Don't you worry, Donna.
401
00:16:17,510 --> 00:16:20,210
I super-intend to look great
for that dinner.
402
00:16:20,213 --> 00:16:21,813
(Donna laughing)
403
00:16:21,815 --> 00:16:24,275
Oh, Cleveland,
you're so funny and thin!
404
00:16:24,284 --> 00:16:27,024
(laughing)
405
00:16:27,020 --> 00:16:28,520
(crunching)
406
00:16:29,922 --> 00:16:32,592
♪
407
00:16:32,592 --> 00:16:35,132
Yes, just put it all
on my husband's card.
408
00:16:35,128 --> 00:16:38,658
Oh-ho, and I'll take the
platinum shower toilet as well.
409
00:16:42,101 --> 00:16:46,471
Ooh. Now, let's drive
Miss Daisy crazy.
410
00:16:46,473 --> 00:16:48,143
(doorbell ringing)
411
00:16:48,141 --> 00:16:50,741
♪
412
00:16:56,382 --> 00:16:59,582
♪
413
00:17:05,290 --> 00:17:06,860
(meows)
414
00:17:13,632 --> 00:17:17,042
♪
415
00:17:19,671 --> 00:17:21,471
(kittens mewing)
416
00:17:21,474 --> 00:17:23,844
♪
417
00:17:32,117 --> 00:17:34,747
(meowing)
418
00:17:34,754 --> 00:17:37,064
♪
419
00:17:41,527 --> 00:17:42,957
Aah! Get away! Get away!
420
00:17:42,962 --> 00:17:45,532
Oh, my God! Get away!
I can't take this!
421
00:17:45,532 --> 00:17:48,002
They're all over!
They're all over! Aah!
422
00:17:48,001 --> 00:17:50,101
Cats, everywhere I look, cats!
423
00:17:50,103 --> 00:17:51,773
And my cat, Cecil,
he's their leader.
424
00:17:51,771 --> 00:17:53,201
He was wearing a monocle.
425
00:17:53,206 --> 00:17:55,936
He's obviously come into money
somehow, I don't know how.
426
00:17:55,942 --> 00:17:58,812
Lady, that's great,
but you can't just run through traffic
427
00:17:58,812 --> 00:18:00,882
all hysterical like
some black comedian.
428
00:18:00,880 --> 00:18:03,680
We have to call social
services in on this one.
429
00:18:03,683 --> 00:18:06,053
Well, we ruined a life.
430
00:18:06,052 --> 00:18:07,422
Let's eat.
431
00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:09,250
Yeah, yeah.
What did that paramedic say?
432
00:18:09,255 --> 00:18:10,585
Something about
a black comedian?
433
00:18:10,590 --> 00:18:12,920
Why don't he come say that
to my face?
434
00:18:12,926 --> 00:18:16,256
Let it go, Rallo.
A nurse with a van is all he is.
435
00:18:16,262 --> 00:18:18,332
Hey! My man!
436
00:18:18,331 --> 00:18:20,261
(classical music playing)
437
00:18:20,266 --> 00:18:22,326
♪
438
00:18:22,335 --> 00:18:25,535
(panting) Is it
toasty in here?
439
00:18:25,538 --> 00:18:27,668
No. Are you all right,
Cleveland?
440
00:18:27,674 --> 00:18:29,114
Fine.
441
00:18:29,109 --> 00:18:31,379
Hey, everybody.
You all know my husband,
442
00:18:31,377 --> 00:18:32,977
Tyson Beckford.
443
00:18:32,979 --> 00:18:34,949
(deep, guttural laughing)
444
00:18:34,948 --> 00:18:36,548
Nah, it's Cleveland.
445
00:18:36,549 --> 00:18:39,379
Yep. Been getting
my workout on,
446
00:18:39,385 --> 00:18:41,615
two, three hours a day.
447
00:18:41,621 --> 00:18:44,761
My body is, after
all, a temple.
448
00:18:44,757 --> 00:18:47,257
A temple of heyyy!
449
00:18:47,260 --> 00:18:49,190
Shrimp puff, sir?
450
00:18:49,195 --> 00:18:50,855
Oh! Gimme!
451
00:18:50,864 --> 00:18:52,964
I mean, maybe
just half a puff.
452
00:18:52,966 --> 00:18:56,366
I don't want to insult
the superintendent.
453
00:18:58,137 --> 00:19:00,337
(rumbling, burbling)
454
00:19:00,340 --> 00:19:01,440
Eh...
455
00:19:01,441 --> 00:19:03,341
(rumbling, burbling continue)
456
00:19:03,343 --> 00:19:04,783
Oh...
457
00:19:04,777 --> 00:19:05,977
Uh?
458
00:19:05,979 --> 00:19:06,939
(high-pitched gasp)
459
00:19:06,946 --> 00:19:09,046
Ooh, ah. Ooh.
460
00:19:09,048 --> 00:19:11,248
Excuse me just...
one second.
461
00:19:12,217 --> 00:19:13,987
Cleveland, are you all right?
462
00:19:13,987 --> 00:19:15,687
(grunting)
463
00:19:15,688 --> 00:19:16,988
Gon' 'splode!
464
00:19:16,990 --> 00:19:18,760
Ooh! I'm Klumpin'! Aah!
465
00:19:18,758 --> 00:19:20,158
(gasps)
(button ricochets)
466
00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:21,330
(gasping)
467
00:19:21,327 --> 00:19:23,757
(grunting)
468
00:19:26,131 --> 00:19:28,131
(people gasping)
469
00:19:28,134 --> 00:19:29,274
(loud boom)
470
00:19:30,035 --> 00:19:31,595
(grunting)
471
00:19:33,105 --> 00:19:35,835
Sweet beans and Cee Lo Green!
472
00:19:35,842 --> 00:19:37,342
(derisive laughter)
473
00:19:37,343 --> 00:19:39,543
Look away!
I'm hideous!
474
00:19:39,546 --> 00:19:41,946
Look how deep
his belly button is!
475
00:19:41,948 --> 00:19:43,978
How could you
do this to me!
476
00:19:43,983 --> 00:19:45,223
I'm sorry, Donna.
477
00:19:45,218 --> 00:19:47,188
I was wearing
a man girdle.
478
00:19:47,187 --> 00:19:49,087
I'm lazy.
I hate working out.
479
00:19:49,088 --> 00:19:51,758
It's for gay guys
and probably gay guys.
480
00:19:51,758 --> 00:19:54,958
I know you can't stand
to look at my fat body
481
00:19:54,961 --> 00:19:56,961
or listen to
my fat voice.
482
00:19:56,963 --> 00:20:00,133
I just wanted you to
want to make love to me.
483
00:20:00,133 --> 00:20:01,773
I'm so sorry.
484
00:20:01,768 --> 00:20:03,868
(derisive laughter)
485
00:20:03,870 --> 00:20:06,600
(laughter continues)
486
00:20:06,606 --> 00:20:09,836
Oh, Cleveland!
Yes, you're obese
487
00:20:09,842 --> 00:20:12,012
and a heart attack
waiting to happen,
488
00:20:12,011 --> 00:20:14,981
and no 40-year-old man should
make ham-and-cheese sandwiches
489
00:20:14,981 --> 00:20:16,211
with toaster waffles.
490
00:20:16,216 --> 00:20:17,546
It's just a McGriddle!
491
00:20:17,550 --> 00:20:19,350
But you know what?
Nobody's perfect.
492
00:20:19,352 --> 00:20:21,592
None of you is perfect!
493
00:20:21,588 --> 00:20:23,148
And neither am I!
494
00:20:23,156 --> 00:20:24,586
I wear a wig!
495
00:20:24,591 --> 00:20:25,961
Yeah!
(others gasp)
496
00:20:25,959 --> 00:20:28,459
And these perfect eyebrows
and luscious lips--
497
00:20:28,461 --> 00:20:30,561
drawn on.
498
00:20:31,363 --> 00:20:33,003
And do you really think a woman
499
00:20:32,999 --> 00:20:35,629
who's breast-fed two kids
can still be this perky?
500
00:20:35,635 --> 00:20:38,865
Please! And that's the truth.
501
00:20:38,871 --> 00:20:40,371
The ugly truth.
502
00:20:41,506 --> 00:20:44,406
Oh, Donna, I love you.
503
00:20:47,012 --> 00:20:49,212
♪
504
00:20:50,148 --> 00:20:51,848
(others exclaim)
505
00:20:51,851 --> 00:20:53,991
(others groan in disgust)
506
00:20:53,987 --> 00:20:56,417
And boom goes the dynamite.
507
00:20:56,422 --> 00:21:00,092
Now, this is a
superintendent's dinner!
508
00:21:00,093 --> 00:21:02,093
I'm the superintendent,
by the way.
509
00:21:02,095 --> 00:21:03,685
Good night, everyone.
510
00:21:03,735 --> 00:21:08,285
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