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1
00:00:01,501 --> 00:00:04,201
[♪]
2
00:00:05,739 --> 00:00:08,269
Whoa, what's going on here?
3
00:00:08,275 --> 00:00:10,235
[GROWLING]
4
00:00:10,244 --> 00:00:11,914
[HISSES]
5
00:00:11,912 --> 00:00:13,512
Oh, hey, Rallo.
6
00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:16,384
We're just gonna watch
a tiger fight a Komodo dragon.
7
00:00:16,383 --> 00:00:18,353
Roberta, light the ring.
8
00:00:21,037 --> 00:00:23,517
[BELL CLANGS]
9
00:00:23,524 --> 00:00:26,734
All right, but why is this
happening in our living room?
10
00:00:26,727 --> 00:00:29,597
We do stuff like this every
night after you go to sleep.
11
00:00:29,597 --> 00:00:31,257
Wait a minute, what time is it?
12
00:00:31,265 --> 00:00:33,925
Eight-twelve?
It's past your bedtime.
13
00:00:33,934 --> 00:00:35,674
Who wants a snow cone?
14
00:00:35,669 --> 00:00:38,799
Rallo, why are you still awake?
You get up to bed right now.
15
00:00:38,806 --> 00:00:39,756
But, I wanna watch--
16
00:00:39,757 --> 00:00:41,557
Baby, you're little
and you need sleep.
17
00:00:41,558 --> 00:00:42,958
I'm tired of being treated
18
00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:45,890
like I'm a second-class citizen
because I'm little.
19
00:00:45,896 --> 00:00:48,346
Drinking out of sippy cups,
painting with my fingers,
20
00:00:48,349 --> 00:00:50,749
Cleveland putting me in a cage.
21
00:00:50,751 --> 00:00:52,721
CLEVELAND:
Not a cage, it's a crate.
22
00:00:52,720 --> 00:00:54,900
Rallo, the reason little people
have no rights
23
00:00:54,905 --> 00:00:56,565
is because your brains
are small,
24
00:00:56,574 --> 00:00:58,514
so you're not very smart yet.
25
00:00:58,509 --> 00:01:00,679
Do we at least have
time for a story?
26
00:01:00,678 --> 00:01:02,108
[SIGHS]
27
00:01:02,112 --> 00:01:03,982
Fine.
28
00:01:03,981 --> 00:01:06,551
"The Giving Tree"
by Shel Silverstein.
29
00:01:06,550 --> 00:01:08,480
CLEVELAND:
Release the beasts.
30
00:01:08,486 --> 00:01:10,186
[TIGER GROWLS
THEN ROBERTA CHEERS]
31
00:01:10,187 --> 00:01:13,217
Ooh, there was a needy man
and a homosexual tree
32
00:01:13,223 --> 00:01:16,163
that never had the guts to make
its move, the end.
33
00:01:16,160 --> 00:01:18,030
Oh, man.
34
00:01:18,028 --> 00:01:20,308
CLEVELAND:
Look, the dragon's sprouting wings.
35
00:01:20,314 --> 00:01:21,814
So's the tiger.
36
00:01:21,816 --> 00:01:26,636
Hop on, Junior,
we're flying to the moon.
37
00:01:26,637 --> 00:01:27,967
JUNIOR:
Yay!
38
00:01:31,607 --> 00:01:34,177
♪ My name is Cleveland Brown
39
00:01:34,178 --> 00:01:36,498
♪ And I am proud to be
40
00:01:36,497 --> 00:01:38,847
♪ Right back
In my hometown ♪
41
00:01:38,849 --> 00:01:41,249
♪ With my new family
42
00:01:41,252 --> 00:01:43,592
♪ There's old friends
And new friends ♪
43
00:01:43,587 --> 00:01:45,867
♪ And even a bear
44
00:01:45,873 --> 00:01:47,963
♪ Through good times
And bad times ♪
45
00:01:47,958 --> 00:01:49,658
♪ It's true love we share ♪
46
00:01:49,660 --> 00:01:52,040
♪ And so I found a place
47
00:01:52,045 --> 00:01:54,075
♪ Where everyone will know
48
00:01:54,081 --> 00:01:56,101
♪ My happy mustache face
49
00:01:56,100 --> 00:01:58,520
♪ This is The Cleveland Show ♪
50
00:01:58,518 --> 00:02:00,718
[LAUGHS]
51
00:02:00,721 --> 00:02:02,961
[♪]
52
00:02:04,356 --> 00:02:06,236
Hey, hey, boss man.
53
00:02:06,243 --> 00:02:07,213
You wanted to see me?
54
00:02:07,211 --> 00:02:09,681
Please, Cleveland, sit down.
55
00:02:11,247 --> 00:02:12,977
Hmm.
56
00:02:12,983 --> 00:02:14,483
Unh...
57
00:02:14,484 --> 00:02:16,054
Hmm.
58
00:02:17,086 --> 00:02:18,886
Oh.
59
00:02:18,889 --> 00:02:21,659
Hmm. Unh!
60
00:02:21,658 --> 00:02:23,888
Cleveland, you're black,
aren't you?
61
00:02:23,894 --> 00:02:25,064
Yes, uh-huh.
62
00:02:25,062 --> 00:02:27,182
Well, I don't want
to sound racist,
63
00:02:27,180 --> 00:02:29,550
but the company got two
courtside tickets
64
00:02:29,550 --> 00:02:32,580
to the NBA All-Star Game
in Los Angeles
65
00:02:32,586 --> 00:02:36,046
and I'd like
to give them to you.
66
00:02:36,056 --> 00:02:38,786
Is there sodomy involved?
67
00:02:38,792 --> 00:02:39,932
No.
68
00:02:39,927 --> 00:02:41,957
I just thought someone
of your hue
69
00:02:41,962 --> 00:02:44,162
would enjoy watching
some basketball.
70
00:02:44,165 --> 00:02:46,005
Well, you've got that right.
71
00:02:46,016 --> 00:02:49,216
Thanks, you racist
son of a bitch.
72
00:02:49,220 --> 00:02:55,590
♪ All-Stars, Hollywood
Courtside, courtside ♪
73
00:02:55,593 --> 00:02:57,633
Going to a ball game.
74
00:02:57,628 --> 00:02:59,338
Florence, send in Jose.
75
00:02:59,346 --> 00:03:01,576
I want to give him
a Datsun pickup truck
76
00:03:01,582 --> 00:03:03,452
filled with alley furniture.
77
00:03:03,450 --> 00:03:06,400
[♪]
78
00:03:06,403 --> 00:03:07,703
Hop up.
79
00:03:07,705 --> 00:03:10,455
No way, I'm not getting in here.
I'm a growing-ass man.
80
00:03:10,457 --> 00:03:12,607
Come on, get in the cart.
You get in the cart.
81
00:03:12,609 --> 00:03:13,779
These people don't know me.
82
00:03:13,777 --> 00:03:15,677
Stranger danger,
Amber Alert, child abuse.
83
00:03:15,679 --> 00:03:18,079
I will hit you, get in. Fine.
84
00:03:18,081 --> 00:03:20,081
I'm gonna do my own shopping.
85
00:03:20,083 --> 00:03:21,953
Get some name brands.
86
00:03:25,889 --> 00:03:27,889
How bad you want it?
87
00:03:27,892 --> 00:03:30,492
Ha, ha. Tough guy, huh?
Keep it.
88
00:03:30,494 --> 00:03:33,404
Typical. They only got
one small cart left.
89
00:03:33,397 --> 00:03:36,327
Why? Because nobody gives a crap
about us little people.
90
00:03:36,333 --> 00:03:39,773
I hear you, man, just take mine,
I don't got no money anyway.
91
00:03:39,770 --> 00:03:42,700
Thanks, slick,
the name's Marty, Marty Body.
92
00:03:42,706 --> 00:03:45,866
Montclair Tubbs.
But everybody calls me Rallo.
93
00:03:45,876 --> 00:03:48,206
Walk with me, Rallo.
94
00:03:49,829 --> 00:03:51,259
You're allowed to drink?
95
00:03:51,265 --> 00:03:53,195
Of course. Why wouldn't I be?
96
00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:54,370
Because you're little.
97
00:03:54,368 --> 00:03:57,098
Shoot, my old lady won't let
me do anything.
98
00:03:57,104 --> 00:03:58,524
What a disgrace.
99
00:03:58,522 --> 00:04:02,392
No one should tell one of us
guys what we can or can't do.
100
00:04:02,392 --> 00:04:06,362
Okay, Marty, I got the menthols,
pudding and condoms. Let's go.
101
00:04:06,363 --> 00:04:09,033
Damn, Marty,
you got it going on.
102
00:04:09,032 --> 00:04:13,372
Hey, you can too, Rallo.
Call me some time.
103
00:04:13,370 --> 00:04:15,370
[♪]
104
00:04:19,058 --> 00:04:20,078
There you are.
105
00:04:20,077 --> 00:04:22,537
How many times have I told you
not to go wandering off?
106
00:04:22,546 --> 00:04:24,206
You're not the boss of me.
107
00:04:24,214 --> 00:04:26,114
The hell I'm not.
108
00:04:26,116 --> 00:04:29,046
Don't you make me spill my wine.
109
00:04:31,671 --> 00:04:33,741
I wonder if I can smoke in here.
110
00:04:33,741 --> 00:04:35,011
[BURPS]
111
00:04:35,009 --> 00:04:36,939
[♪]
112
00:04:39,546 --> 00:04:41,306
Oh, nightgown?
113
00:04:41,314 --> 00:04:43,784
Like I'm sleeping with Gargamel.
114
00:04:43,784 --> 00:04:46,194
What are you doing?
Not you, Dumbledore.
115
00:04:46,187 --> 00:04:48,987
Check this out,
got a little competition going.
116
00:04:48,989 --> 00:04:50,959
I had each of the guys
make a video
117
00:04:50,958 --> 00:04:52,588
about why I should pick them
118
00:04:52,593 --> 00:04:55,563
to come with me
to the NBA All-Star Game.
119
00:04:55,562 --> 00:04:58,732
Why should you take meto the NBA All-Star Game?
120
00:04:58,732 --> 00:05:02,582
Because some white mencan jump.
121
00:05:02,586 --> 00:05:05,946
[YELPS THEN GRUNTS]
122
00:05:05,955 --> 00:05:09,385
HOLT [ON TV]:
And now, from Stoolbend JuniorCollege,
123
00:05:09,393 --> 00:05:13,533
at 5'3" and a half, Holt--
124
00:05:13,530 --> 00:05:15,450
Screw this, next.
125
00:05:15,449 --> 00:05:18,399
Hey, Cleveland,you should take me to the game.
126
00:05:18,402 --> 00:05:20,042
But don't take it from me.
127
00:05:20,037 --> 00:05:24,837
Take it from number-oneLaker fan, Jack Nicholson.
128
00:05:24,841 --> 00:05:29,641
You can't handle, uh,the truth. Here's Johnny.
129
00:05:29,646 --> 00:05:32,476
I am an aging iconwho at this point
130
00:05:32,483 --> 00:05:35,423
is more tolerated than admired.
131
00:05:35,419 --> 00:05:37,619
Hold up, you got
two free tickets
132
00:05:37,621 --> 00:05:40,761
to the All-Star Game
in Los Angeles?
133
00:05:40,757 --> 00:05:43,327
I've decided
on my own to take Donna.
134
00:05:43,327 --> 00:05:44,927
Oh, Cleveland.
135
00:05:44,928 --> 00:05:48,358
You're worse than one of Ben
Franklin's non-famous sayings.
136
00:05:48,365 --> 00:05:52,375
If you put your penis
on something, it's yours.
137
00:05:52,386 --> 00:05:55,516
No one else can eat it.
138
00:05:57,190 --> 00:06:00,360
Go on, write it down.
139
00:06:00,361 --> 00:06:03,091
And because he was a rat,
he's sleeping with the fishes.
140
00:06:03,096 --> 00:06:04,296
[LAUGHS]
141
00:06:04,297 --> 00:06:06,897
Rat sleeping with
the fishes, that's crazy.
142
00:06:06,900 --> 00:06:08,630
Ain't got no cheese underwater.
143
00:06:08,635 --> 00:06:10,465
[BOTH LAUGH]
144
00:06:10,470 --> 00:06:13,040
So, what do you wanna do?
You ever play the ponies?
145
00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:16,880
I used to play the ponies,
I'm more into dinosaurs now.
146
00:06:16,877 --> 00:06:19,477
You're a real screwball,
you know that, Rallo?
147
00:06:19,479 --> 00:06:20,359
You wanna drive?
148
00:06:20,364 --> 00:06:23,134
I didn't think people
like us could drive.
149
00:06:23,133 --> 00:06:26,543
Rallo, people like us
can do anything we want.
150
00:06:26,537 --> 00:06:30,237
Here, you drive.
All right.
151
00:06:30,240 --> 00:06:31,460
[ENGINE REVS]
152
00:06:31,458 --> 00:06:33,288
[TIRES SCREECH]
153
00:06:33,293 --> 00:06:34,863
[MARTY AND RALLO LAUGHING]
154
00:06:37,096 --> 00:06:38,926
MARTY:
All right, all right, Rallo.
155
00:06:39,916 --> 00:06:41,646
Rallo's driving?
156
00:06:41,651 --> 00:06:43,321
That's just crazy.
157
00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:46,250
Arise, Cameron.
158
00:06:49,659 --> 00:06:52,589
[♪]
159
00:06:52,596 --> 00:06:54,906
You guys are going to Hollywood?
160
00:06:54,915 --> 00:06:56,575
Can I--?
No.
161
00:06:56,584 --> 00:06:59,384
I made you this locket
so you don't forget me.
162
00:07:00,670 --> 00:07:02,970
When you close it
our faces touch.
163
00:07:02,973 --> 00:07:05,643
[WHISPERS]
And kiss each other on the cheek.
164
00:07:05,643 --> 00:07:07,883
[SOBS]
165
00:07:07,878 --> 00:07:09,908
[IN NORMAL VOICE]
I'll write you every day.
166
00:07:09,913 --> 00:07:12,213
Junior, we're back
the day after tomorrow.
167
00:07:12,215 --> 00:07:15,145
[WAILS]
168
00:07:15,152 --> 00:07:16,622
Hmm.
169
00:07:16,620 --> 00:07:18,940
Reminds me of you at that age.
170
00:07:18,939 --> 00:07:20,049
When are you coming back?
171
00:07:20,056 --> 00:07:22,356
What day is it?
Tuesday.
172
00:07:22,359 --> 00:07:24,629
Never.
173
00:07:24,628 --> 00:07:27,878
[BUGLE PLAYS]
174
00:07:27,881 --> 00:07:30,131
Go, six. Go, go, go.
Go, six. Come on, six.
175
00:07:30,134 --> 00:07:32,274
Daddy needs a new pair of Crocs.
176
00:07:34,287 --> 00:07:36,567
[CROWD CHEERING]
177
00:07:36,573 --> 00:07:38,843
[RANDY NEWMAN'S
"SHORT PEOPLE" PLAYING]
178
00:07:46,549 --> 00:07:50,449
♪ Short people got no reason
179
00:07:50,453 --> 00:07:54,563
♪ Short people got no reason
180
00:07:54,558 --> 00:07:59,808
♪ Short peopleGot no reason to live♪
181
00:08:01,447 --> 00:08:06,367
♪ They got little handsLittle eyes ♪
182
00:08:06,370 --> 00:08:09,840
♪ They walk aroundTellin' great big lies ♪
183
00:08:09,840 --> 00:08:13,460
♪ They got little nosesAnd tiny little teeth ♪
184
00:08:13,460 --> 00:08:15,660
♪ They wear platform shoes
Ha, ha.
185
00:08:15,662 --> 00:08:17,302
♪ On their nasty little feet
186
00:08:17,297 --> 00:08:22,867
♪ Well, I don't wantNo short people ♪
187
00:08:22,869 --> 00:08:26,739
♪ Don't want no short people ♪
188
00:08:26,739 --> 00:08:28,669
[TIRES SCREECH]
189
00:08:28,675 --> 00:08:29,785
Thanks for the day, Marty.
190
00:08:29,793 --> 00:08:32,233
Should we go back and check
on that guy I ran over?
191
00:08:32,228 --> 00:08:34,298
His sign said
he was in Vietnam.
192
00:08:34,297 --> 00:08:36,027
I'm pretty sure
he can handle it.
193
00:08:36,033 --> 00:08:37,483
[BOTH LAUGH]
194
00:08:37,484 --> 00:08:40,694
Oh, man, for a little person
you sure live large.
195
00:08:40,687 --> 00:08:42,687
I still live with my mother.
196
00:08:42,689 --> 00:08:45,569
You know what? You and your mom
sound way too close.
197
00:08:45,576 --> 00:08:47,776
You need another lady
in your life.
198
00:08:47,778 --> 00:08:49,908
How's about you go on a date
with my sister?
199
00:08:49,913 --> 00:08:51,353
What's she look like?
200
00:08:51,347 --> 00:08:54,227
You'd be doing
me a personal favor.
201
00:08:54,234 --> 00:08:57,044
I'll pay for it,
any restaurant you choose.
202
00:08:57,037 --> 00:08:58,447
Cheese E. Charlie's.
203
00:08:58,455 --> 00:09:01,735
Ha, ha. Rallo, you're a riot.
Meet her there at 6.
204
00:09:01,741 --> 00:09:03,941
You don't mind if I take her
in the ball pit, do you?
205
00:09:03,944 --> 00:09:05,084
[LAUGHS]
206
00:09:05,078 --> 00:09:06,778
I call it that too.
207
00:09:06,780 --> 00:09:09,560
CLEVELAND:
California, here we are.
208
00:09:10,616 --> 00:09:12,216
[PASSENGERS SCREAMING]
209
00:09:12,219 --> 00:09:13,469
[SCREECHING]
210
00:09:15,370 --> 00:09:16,640
[BOOMS]
211
00:09:17,973 --> 00:09:20,143
[SPLASHES]
212
00:09:23,378 --> 00:09:24,878
Only survivors.
213
00:09:24,881 --> 00:09:27,281
Hey, look, a palm tree.
214
00:09:27,283 --> 00:09:29,433
[♪]
215
00:09:29,436 --> 00:09:32,836
Hollywood is gross. Hi.
216
00:09:32,840 --> 00:09:36,110
Well, the book says
downtown is the new hot spot.
217
00:09:36,109 --> 00:09:39,229
[HONKING]
218
00:09:40,496 --> 00:09:43,756
This is just one overpriced
restaurant
219
00:09:43,766 --> 00:09:46,946
surrounded by thousands
of drug-using bums.
220
00:09:46,953 --> 00:09:49,343
[GRUNTS]
221
00:09:49,339 --> 00:09:52,209
How about we try
Beverly Hills?
222
00:09:52,208 --> 00:09:54,378
[HONKING]
223
00:09:54,377 --> 00:09:58,957
This is all stupid Iranians
and botched plastic surgeries.
224
00:09:58,966 --> 00:10:00,666
Let's try the beach.
225
00:10:00,667 --> 00:10:02,897
[HONKING]
226
00:10:02,903 --> 00:10:07,663
CLEVELAND:
There's raw sewage running directly into the water.
227
00:10:07,658 --> 00:10:10,178
And everyone's swimming
in their dungarees.
228
00:10:10,177 --> 00:10:15,747
How about we try one of L.A.'s
thousands of marijuana stores.
229
00:10:15,749 --> 00:10:18,879
This is the greatest
city in the world.
230
00:10:20,052 --> 00:10:21,292
[POLICE SIREN WAILS]
231
00:10:21,288 --> 00:10:22,948
WOMAN:
Earthquake!
232
00:10:22,956 --> 00:10:24,886
MAN:
Mudslide!
233
00:10:24,891 --> 00:10:27,531
I love L.A.
234
00:10:27,528 --> 00:10:29,188
ALL:
We love it.
235
00:10:31,664 --> 00:10:33,404
Marty said you were cute,
236
00:10:33,399 --> 00:10:36,369
but he didn't tell me
you were drop-dead gorge.
237
00:10:36,369 --> 00:10:39,369
Marty suggested by his silence
that you were not attractive,
238
00:10:39,373 --> 00:10:40,613
but you're all right.
239
00:10:40,607 --> 00:10:42,067
[LAUGHS]
240
00:10:42,075 --> 00:10:44,035
I'm LOL'ing so much.
241
00:10:44,043 --> 00:10:46,613
I haven't LOL'ed
this much in a while.
242
00:10:46,613 --> 00:10:49,863
Oh, it feels so good to LOL.
243
00:10:49,866 --> 00:10:50,816
You guys ready to order?
244
00:10:50,817 --> 00:10:53,017
I'll have three glasses
of chardonnay.
245
00:10:53,019 --> 00:10:54,819
Uh, chocolate pizza.
246
00:10:54,821 --> 00:10:56,991
So, what do you do?
247
00:10:56,990 --> 00:10:58,220
I go to school.
248
00:10:58,225 --> 00:10:59,485
A student. Huh!
249
00:10:59,493 --> 00:11:02,463
Marty usually hangs out
with guys in waste management.
250
00:11:02,463 --> 00:11:03,903
Real apes.
251
00:11:03,897 --> 00:11:05,957
Hey, how'd you like
to visit the ball pit?
252
00:11:05,966 --> 00:11:07,996
I don't know, it looks like
a lot of people
253
00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:09,071
been in there today.
254
00:11:09,069 --> 00:11:10,999
[LAUGHS]
255
00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:12,274
You're right.
256
00:11:12,272 --> 00:11:14,942
[MUSIC PLAYING
OVER SPEAKERS]
257
00:11:18,260 --> 00:11:20,460
Cool, we're getting here
in the third quarter
258
00:11:20,464 --> 00:11:22,434
just like real L.A. fans.
259
00:11:22,432 --> 00:11:24,672
And look at
all these celebrities.
260
00:11:24,668 --> 00:11:27,768
There's that hottie
Anna Torv from Fringe.
261
00:11:27,771 --> 00:11:30,711
Friday's at 9 on Fox, Fringe.
262
00:11:30,707 --> 00:11:34,077
It's about space or something.
263
00:11:34,077 --> 00:11:34,877
[GASPS]
264
00:11:34,878 --> 00:11:36,878
There's Denzel Washington.
265
00:11:36,880 --> 00:11:40,880
Ooh, I'm gonna give
him some tonight.
266
00:11:40,884 --> 00:11:43,184
Get in line.
267
00:11:52,728 --> 00:11:54,528
Anybody else tired
of always having
268
00:11:54,530 --> 00:11:56,130
to dribble whenever
you want to move?
269
00:11:56,132 --> 00:11:57,432
Man, I hate dribbling.
270
00:11:57,433 --> 00:11:59,103
And it can't be good
for the floor.
271
00:11:59,102 --> 00:12:00,532
Shaq's right.
272
00:12:00,536 --> 00:12:03,166
If we get together and say we're
not gonna dribble anymore,
273
00:12:03,172 --> 00:12:04,342
what are they gonna do?
274
00:12:04,340 --> 00:12:05,840
And why can't we play
in the morning
275
00:12:05,842 --> 00:12:07,812
and then just
get on with our day?
276
00:12:07,811 --> 00:12:11,711
I have a garden.
Flowers, tomatoes, nectarines.
277
00:12:11,715 --> 00:12:12,945
[HORN WAILS]
278
00:12:12,949 --> 00:12:15,079
[CROWD CHEERING]
279
00:12:15,084 --> 00:12:16,404
I like dribbling.
280
00:12:18,070 --> 00:12:20,240
I love NBA games.
281
00:12:20,240 --> 00:12:23,410
It's the only place where you
can get drunk on light beer
282
00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:26,440
and yell at millionaire
giants, watch.
283
00:12:26,446 --> 00:12:30,526
Hey, Dork Nowitzki.
284
00:12:30,533 --> 00:12:32,353
English is not
my first language.
285
00:12:32,352 --> 00:12:34,422
What is this dork?
286
00:12:34,421 --> 00:12:36,121
Uh, it means handsome.
287
00:12:36,122 --> 00:12:38,322
Oh, thank you.
288
00:12:41,293 --> 00:12:42,643
[HORN WAILS]
289
00:12:42,645 --> 00:12:44,175
[CROWD CHEERING]
290
00:12:46,581 --> 00:12:48,721
Hey, Kevin Garnett.
291
00:12:48,718 --> 00:12:51,138
Smooth move going straight
to the NBA
292
00:12:51,137 --> 00:12:52,767
instead of going to college.
293
00:12:52,772 --> 00:12:55,742
Good luck getting into
grad school, chump.
294
00:12:55,742 --> 00:12:58,842
Oh, no, you do not talk
to my son like that.
295
00:12:58,845 --> 00:13:01,475
Well, your son is shooting
three for 15.
296
00:13:01,481 --> 00:13:03,511
What percentage is that, Kevin?
297
00:13:03,516 --> 00:13:06,416
He doesn't know
because he didn't go to college.
298
00:13:06,419 --> 00:13:09,289
Do you know what
percentage that is?
299
00:13:09,289 --> 00:13:11,619
I was a ceramics major.
300
00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:13,524
Sit down and keep
your mouth shut,
301
00:13:13,526 --> 00:13:16,656
you Stanley-From- The Office
-Looking-Dope. Unh.
302
00:13:16,662 --> 00:13:20,472
Hey, Mom, why's Stanley
from The Office yelling at you?
303
00:13:20,467 --> 00:13:24,217
I do not look like
Stanley from The Office.
304
00:13:24,220 --> 00:13:30,020
Seriously, I do not look like
Stanley from The Office.
305
00:13:30,026 --> 00:13:31,536
You know, Stanley
from The Office
306
00:13:31,545 --> 00:13:33,445
looks like our fat son.
307
00:13:33,447 --> 00:13:34,977
I hate this show now.
308
00:13:34,981 --> 00:13:36,181
[DOOR CLOSES]
309
00:13:36,182 --> 00:13:37,522
Hi, Rallo.
310
00:13:37,517 --> 00:13:39,917
How was your little date
at Cheese E. Charlie's?
311
00:13:39,920 --> 00:13:42,220
You have fun with
your girlfriend?
312
00:13:42,221 --> 00:13:43,871
Yeah, we're getting married.
313
00:13:43,873 --> 00:13:44,823
Don't.
314
00:13:44,824 --> 00:13:47,364
Oh, that is the cutest thing
I've ever heard.
315
00:13:47,360 --> 00:13:49,490
You are quite
the little gentleman.
316
00:13:49,496 --> 00:13:51,806
Well, she kept saying all
her friends are getting married.
317
00:13:51,815 --> 00:13:53,715
Something about
her eggs drying up,
318
00:13:53,717 --> 00:13:56,577
plus, she's got big boobs
for a 5-year-old, so I said:
319
00:13:56,586 --> 00:13:58,616
"Whatever, I'll marry
you tomorrow."
320
00:13:58,621 --> 00:14:00,921
What's her ass like?
321
00:14:00,924 --> 00:14:02,144
It's important.
322
00:14:02,142 --> 00:14:06,062
[CROWD CHEERING]
323
00:14:06,062 --> 00:14:07,382
You're all terrible.
324
00:14:07,380 --> 00:14:10,510
Ever hear of something
called defense?
325
00:14:10,516 --> 00:14:12,816
[HORN WAILS]
326
00:14:12,819 --> 00:14:15,789
Cleveland Brown,
representing the 555,
327
00:14:15,788 --> 00:14:17,418
Stoolbend, Virginia, y'all.
328
00:14:17,424 --> 00:14:19,194
I'm out.
329
00:14:19,192 --> 00:14:22,132
The 555, y'all.
330
00:14:22,128 --> 00:14:23,598
I know we won
but it's hard to enjoy it
331
00:14:23,597 --> 00:14:25,997
after that guy
called me Steve Trash.
332
00:14:25,999 --> 00:14:28,399
He called me Dwight Coward.
333
00:14:28,401 --> 00:14:31,101
I know because I thought
he said my name.
334
00:14:31,104 --> 00:14:35,244
But when I waved to him as I do
whenever anyone says my name,
335
00:14:35,241 --> 00:14:37,141
he enunciated it more clearly.
336
00:14:37,143 --> 00:14:40,283
And this time I realized,
I'd been insulted.
337
00:14:40,280 --> 00:14:43,680
You know what? I'm gonna banish
that guy to Jerk Island.
338
00:14:43,684 --> 00:14:45,334
Jerk Island? What's that?
339
00:14:45,335 --> 00:14:47,965
It's just a place in my mind
where I send unkind people.
340
00:14:47,971 --> 00:14:51,071
Don't you understand, LeBron?
He insulted my mother.
341
00:14:51,074 --> 00:14:53,694
Before I was a seven-foot
millionaire NBA star,
342
00:14:53,693 --> 00:14:56,493
I was just a scared
six-foot-tall first-grader
343
00:14:56,496 --> 00:14:57,926
who could barely dunk.
344
00:14:57,931 --> 00:15:01,271
But that didn't matter to Mom.
She believed in me.
345
00:15:01,267 --> 00:15:02,517
[SOBS]
346
00:15:02,518 --> 00:15:04,688
I-- I just wish I could get
through one All-Star Game
347
00:15:04,687 --> 00:15:05,687
without crying.
348
00:15:05,688 --> 00:15:07,018
Come on now, LeBron.
349
00:15:07,023 --> 00:15:08,263
We wouldn't be All-Stars
350
00:15:08,258 --> 00:15:10,228
if we couldn't access
our emotions.
351
00:15:10,227 --> 00:15:12,957
Come here, give me a hug.
352
00:15:12,963 --> 00:15:14,483
We're going to Virginia.
353
00:15:14,481 --> 00:15:16,611
We're gonna set
Cleveland Brown straight.
354
00:15:16,616 --> 00:15:20,416
Hey, let's hope the ref
don't call us for travelling.
355
00:15:20,420 --> 00:15:23,220
[LAUGHING]
356
00:15:25,891 --> 00:15:28,891
Oh, my God, Shaq,
travelling.
357
00:15:28,895 --> 00:15:31,295
Travelling, he says.
358
00:15:35,601 --> 00:15:37,721
[DOORBELL RINGS]
359
00:15:37,720 --> 00:15:40,560
What's up, Rallo,
what you doing today?
360
00:15:40,557 --> 00:15:43,557
What's up, Bernard. What's it
look like? I'm getting married.
361
00:15:43,560 --> 00:15:46,330
Married? Is she black?
362
00:15:46,329 --> 00:15:47,429
No.
Oh.
363
00:15:47,430 --> 00:15:49,030
Of course.
All right.
364
00:15:49,032 --> 00:15:51,372
Well,
it's too bad you're busy,
365
00:15:51,367 --> 00:15:56,067
because we just found ourselves
a breast augmentation pamphlet.
366
00:15:56,072 --> 00:15:59,272
We thought we'd drive
our Matchboxes over some boobs.
367
00:15:59,275 --> 00:16:01,535
Well,
why didn't you say so?
368
00:16:01,544 --> 00:16:03,714
Come in, gentlemen.
369
00:16:03,713 --> 00:16:06,033
[♪]
370
00:16:09,385 --> 00:16:11,415
[SOBS]
371
00:16:11,420 --> 00:16:14,120
I put a wedding together
on a day's notice
372
00:16:14,124 --> 00:16:15,824
and this bastard doesn't show?
373
00:16:15,825 --> 00:16:17,825
Of course he left.
374
00:16:17,827 --> 00:16:19,237
They always leave.
375
00:16:19,245 --> 00:16:21,875
Nobody wants
to be Mr. Trish Body.
376
00:16:21,882 --> 00:16:24,052
I'm hideous.
377
00:16:24,050 --> 00:16:26,980
Don't you say that.
You're a solid five.
378
00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:28,786
Let's go, fellas.
379
00:16:28,788 --> 00:16:30,498
We're gonna kill Rallo Tubbs.
380
00:16:30,506 --> 00:16:31,566
[HAWK SCREECHES]
381
00:16:31,574 --> 00:16:32,714
[TONY GRUNTS]
382
00:16:32,708 --> 00:16:34,888
MARTY: Tony.
TONY: Whoa!
383
00:16:38,063 --> 00:16:39,303
Damn hawks.
384
00:16:39,298 --> 00:16:42,178
All right, everybody
lock arms for safety.
385
00:16:42,185 --> 00:16:44,185
[♪]
386
00:16:48,874 --> 00:16:50,144
What a great trip.
387
00:16:50,143 --> 00:16:52,813
Cleveland, you have to write
Mr. Waterman a thank-you note.
388
00:16:52,812 --> 00:16:55,512
Ah. Now it seems not worth it.
389
00:16:56,798 --> 00:16:58,348
[SOBBING]
390
00:16:58,351 --> 00:17:02,291
I want Rallo to suffer,
Marty.
391
00:17:02,289 --> 00:17:05,859
Make him feel the pain
I'm feeling now.
392
00:17:05,858 --> 00:17:09,458
I'm gonna go at Tubbs
with all the muscle I can get.
393
00:17:10,812 --> 00:17:13,512
[BLOWING]
394
00:17:19,705 --> 00:17:21,865
[♪]
395
00:17:21,875 --> 00:17:23,665
[CHEERING]
396
00:17:23,676 --> 00:17:24,836
[SHUDDERING]
397
00:17:24,845 --> 00:17:26,075
[HAWK SCREECHES]
398
00:17:31,349 --> 00:17:32,499
Where to?
399
00:17:32,501 --> 00:17:34,351
Can you drop us off
at Cleveland Brown's?
400
00:17:34,354 --> 00:17:37,344
Sure, I know exactly
where that is.
401
00:17:40,175 --> 00:17:45,145
And remember, driver carries
less than $20 in change.
402
00:17:45,148 --> 00:17:46,908
And I got family.
403
00:17:46,916 --> 00:17:48,666
[TIRES SCREECH]
404
00:17:48,668 --> 00:17:50,398
[♪]
405
00:18:02,498 --> 00:18:04,748
Step aside, little man.
I was here first.
406
00:18:04,751 --> 00:18:06,121
Who you calling little?
407
00:18:06,118 --> 00:18:07,498
[WHISTLES]
408
00:18:07,503 --> 00:18:08,743
[GRUNTING]
409
00:18:12,624 --> 00:18:14,944
Hello. Unh!
410
00:18:14,944 --> 00:18:16,084
Shaq's in trouble.
411
00:18:16,079 --> 00:18:18,149
Shaq, wish yourself
out of there.
412
00:18:18,148 --> 00:18:21,278
For the last time, Dirk,
Kazaam was not real.
413
00:18:21,284 --> 00:18:23,084
But it seemed so real.
414
00:18:23,086 --> 00:18:26,096
Come on, you Chatty Kathys,
we gotta help him.
415
00:18:26,105 --> 00:18:27,965
Ha-ha-ha. You're tickling me.
416
00:18:27,973 --> 00:18:30,073
Oh, hey, hey. Oh, hey, get off.
Unh, unh, unh!
417
00:18:30,076 --> 00:18:31,836
Get this guy off me,
LeBron, help me.
418
00:18:31,844 --> 00:18:33,784
Here you go, buddy, right there.
419
00:18:33,780 --> 00:18:35,200
[GRUNTING]
420
00:18:39,300 --> 00:18:41,390
Hey, come on, now, get off me.
421
00:18:43,655 --> 00:18:44,805
[YELPS]
422
00:18:44,807 --> 00:18:46,507
[THUDDING AND GRUNTING]
423
00:18:47,909 --> 00:18:50,009
Ha! You're not gonna
believe this.
424
00:18:50,013 --> 00:18:52,153
There's a bunch of elves
in tuxedos
425
00:18:52,148 --> 00:18:55,018
attacking NBA All-Stars
on our lawn.
426
00:18:55,018 --> 00:18:57,918
This is the best day ever.
427
00:18:59,571 --> 00:19:02,141
There he is, get him.
428
00:19:02,142 --> 00:19:03,722
[SCREAMS]
429
00:19:09,514 --> 00:19:14,754
You thought you could leave
my gross sister at the altar?
430
00:19:14,754 --> 00:19:18,164
Wait, no.
Five is too young to die.
431
00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:19,867
Wait, what?
432
00:19:19,875 --> 00:19:22,175
[♪]
433
00:19:23,579 --> 00:19:26,199
You're just a kid.
Aren't you?
434
00:19:26,199 --> 00:19:29,499
I can't believe I made
this mistake again.
435
00:19:29,502 --> 00:19:32,802
No, Rallo. Trish and I are
little people.
436
00:19:32,806 --> 00:19:34,906
Yeah,
I'm a little person too.
437
00:19:34,908 --> 00:19:37,738
No, little people means
we're adults
438
00:19:37,743 --> 00:19:39,343
who are the size of children.
439
00:19:39,346 --> 00:19:40,806
Oh, you mean midgets?
440
00:19:40,814 --> 00:19:41,864
We don't like that word.
441
00:19:41,865 --> 00:19:43,125
Yeah, but you say midget,
442
00:19:43,132 --> 00:19:45,232
at least people know
what you're talking about.
443
00:19:45,234 --> 00:19:47,294
You know, you got a point.
444
00:19:47,287 --> 00:19:48,587
[LAUGHS]
445
00:19:48,587 --> 00:19:49,917
Oh, Rallo.
446
00:19:49,923 --> 00:19:53,723
I tell you something,
you dodged a bullet with Trish.
447
00:19:57,696 --> 00:20:00,826
Ugh. Where's that hawk
when you need him?
448
00:20:00,833 --> 00:20:03,033
Come on, sis.
449
00:20:04,152 --> 00:20:06,292
I'll wait for you.
450
00:20:06,289 --> 00:20:07,989
Don't.
451
00:20:07,990 --> 00:20:09,140
Please don't hurt me.
452
00:20:09,142 --> 00:20:10,942
I didn't mean what
I said at the game.
453
00:20:10,943 --> 00:20:14,383
I had eaten six pounds
of medicinal peanut brittle.
454
00:20:14,380 --> 00:20:15,600
We don't wanna hurt you.
455
00:20:15,598 --> 00:20:18,878
Neither the NBA nor its
affiliates condones violence,
456
00:20:18,885 --> 00:20:20,885
as a solution to any problem.
457
00:20:20,887 --> 00:20:22,097
But you did make fun
of my mother
458
00:20:22,104 --> 00:20:23,674
and I can't let that slide.
459
00:20:23,673 --> 00:20:26,143
Where's your mother?
She's right here.
460
00:20:26,142 --> 00:20:28,442
Well, your momma's so ugly--
[DOOR BANGS]
461
00:20:28,444 --> 00:20:29,744
Kevin.
Mom.
462
00:20:29,746 --> 00:20:31,046
What are you doing here?
463
00:20:31,047 --> 00:20:35,717
Someone forgot to call
his mother when he landed.
464
00:20:35,718 --> 00:20:38,368
And someone also forgot
his manners. Unh.
465
00:20:38,371 --> 00:20:40,671
Apologize to this nice lady.
466
00:20:40,674 --> 00:20:43,374
Sorry, Ms. Brown.
Ha-ha-ha.
467
00:20:43,376 --> 00:20:45,856
Oh, I'm sure my son
did something to deserve it.
468
00:20:45,862 --> 00:20:49,262
Cleveland, is there something
you want to say?
469
00:20:49,265 --> 00:20:50,555
No. Ow, ow, ow!
470
00:20:50,566 --> 00:20:53,526
Okay, okay, sorry for real.
471
00:20:53,535 --> 00:20:54,695
Friends?
472
00:20:54,704 --> 00:20:56,604
Oh, come here, you.
473
00:20:58,823 --> 00:21:02,343
See? LeBron James
does care about Cleveland.
474
00:21:02,345 --> 00:21:03,675
CLEVELAND:
Ha!
475
00:21:05,714 --> 00:21:07,724
[♪]
476
00:21:38,747 --> 00:21:41,717
[English - US - Line 21]
477
00:21:41,767 --> 00:21:46,317
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