All language subtitles for The Cleveland Show s02e04 Its the Great Pancake.eng

♪ My name is Cleveland Brown

♪ And I am proud to be

♪ Right back
In my hometown ♪

♪ With my new family

♪ There's old friends
And new friends ♪

♪ And even a bear

♪ Through good times
And bad times ♪

♪ It's true love we share ♪

♪ And so I found a place

♪ Where everyone will know

♪ My happy mustache face

♪ This is The Cleveland Show ♪

[LAUGHS]

[♪]

♪ This is how we do it

♪ Oh, I'm buzzin' because ♪

♪ This is how we do it

Oh, yeah. I'd eat me.

This is my best
Halloween costume

since that time I went
as Al Sharpton back in Quahog.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Trick or treat.

Take two.

Take three.

Take four.

That's enough.
Happy Halloween.

[CACKLING]

And then the ghost
looked into the child's eyes.

[WHIMPERING]

And he said, "Boo!"

[SCREAMS]

Ow! Bitch!

Breakfast anyone?

[LAUGHS]

What restaurant
is that from?

IHOP-because-diabetes-
took-one-of-my-legs.

Ain't nothing
but something to wear.

Why the hell
are you dressed

like a damn
buttery flapjack?

This is my
Halloween costume.

It's what I'm gonna wear
trick-or-treating.

Trick-or-treating?
You're 14.

You're too old to be
trick-or-treating.

You go out
looking like that,

the other kids will eat you
for breakfast.

Breakfast?
[BOTH LAUGH]

But this is
no laughing matter.

Grow up and get out
of that costume.

You're more embarrassing
than the time

that solicitor
came to the door.

Hi, I'm collecting money
for the children's hospital.

Is Cleveland Brown home?

I'm sorry, there's no one
here by that name.

[PHONE RINGS]

CLEVELAND [ON MACHINE]:
Hey, hey, it's Cleveland Brown.

I have a mustache and a yellow
shirt and I talk like this.

Leave a message.
[MACHINE BEEPS]

Me not speaky English.

[♪]

What the Halloween?

Check it out, Junior.

I'm the late baseball hall
of famer, Willie Stargell.

And Donna's Michelle Obama
with Oprah's arms.

Hey.

But, Pops, you said I was
too old to dress up.

You are.
And you're too young.

What?

See, you're at that awkward age
where dressing up is lame.

Donna and I can do it
because we're adults,

and for all people know,
these are our regular clothes.

And Rallo can do it because
he's just a dumb little kid.

Ow! Bitch!
Donna, the frozen peas?

But what about Roberta?
She's my age.

Everybody knows
Halloween is just a free pass

for teenage girls
to dress like sluts.

They just have to call it
a costume.

So who are you
supposed to be?

I don't know. A ghost?

Man, everybody gets to dress up
but poor old Cleveland Brown Jr.

That's the breaks.

[SIGHS]

Now, Junior,
don't be sad.

You get to have fun
on Halloween too.

You get to stay home
and hand out candy

to the trick-or-treaters.

Which is a big job for you,
big boy.

What? You're leaving a fat kid
alone with a bunch of candy?

No way, Hervé.

I've assigned a serial number
to each piece.

Junior, you'll need
to get a signature

from every kid
that comes by

so I can verify
that the candy went to them

and not into the old

[VOICE ECHOES]
ancient corn dog burial ground here.

[LAUGHS]

[IN NORMAL VOICE]
Okay, have fun.

Cleveland, peas.
Oh.

Junior, you can have these
for dinner.

They're thawed
and unusual-smelling.

[♪]

MAN [ON TV]:
We now return to Undercover Boss.

I never wash my hands after
I go to the bathroom. Do you?

Why would I?
Ah-ha! You're fired.

I'm tired of these gross
trouser peas.

You're right, Larry the Leopard.
Why am I eating them?

[DOORBELL RINGS]

I hope it's someone with a gun
who will just blow my head off.

Trick or treat.

Gee, who are you
supposed to be?

I'm Harry Potter.

I was being sarcastic.

I've only seen
that cheap drugstore costume

a million times tonight.

Sorry, mister.

Our family is kind of poor.

Yeah, well, imagination
doesn't cost anything,

but whatever.

I'll need you to sign here.

Thumb print here.

Enjoy your damn candy.

This is crazy, Larry.

All I want is to dress up once
a year and get some free candy,

and I can't even do that?

You're right, Larry. But don't
talk with your mouth full.

I'm taking back
Halloween!

♪ This is how we do it

♪ Oh, I'm buzzin' because ♪

♪ This is how we do it

[TIRES SCREECH]

Hey, guys,
look at the big gay pancake.

[CHUCKLES]

Say, man, your mommy
dress you up like that?

No, she's dead.

Are you guys
trick-or-treating too?

[ALL LAUGH]

Sure we are, pancake.

And you're about
to have a side of--

Let's throw eggs at him.

[GRUNTING]

[SCREAMING]

We can enjoy this

because we're all wearing
our safety belts.

[JUNIOR WHIMPERING]

Ha-ha! I got a huge sack...

[LAUGHS]
...of candy.

Oh.

You sure scored big tonight,
Rallo.

But remember,
you're only allowed

one piece of candy a day.

I don't want you
rotting your teeth out.

At least my teeth ain't got wine
stains at 5 in the afternoon.

What was that?

I said you've got
a drinking problem.

Just because I enjoy--

Sweet candy
and Jessica Tandy!

Ha! Some jerk
got his house wrecked.

I love Halloween.

Cleveland,
that's our house.

In the middle of our street?
That's madness.

Why would anyone do this?

I saw it.

I saw it all.

It was because
of Cleveland Ju--

[COUGHS]

Junior.

Avenge me, Cleveland.

[♪]

Are you happy, son?

Does anything about my body
language look like I'm happy?

Well, just to make sure
you don't miss the point

of what happened here tonight,
let's review.

Okay, this melon will be you.

Wouldn't it make more sense
if I were the pancake?

I'm gonna put the pancake
on the melon, just hold on.

Okay, now give me
your glasses.

Hold this.
Okay.

That's what happened to you
tonight. You got hit by eggs.

No, duh, I was there.

Junior, you can't dress up
like a pancake at your age.

The only good thing
about it is it's a break

from that stupid red shirt
that shows your stomach.

Roberta gets to show
her stomach.

Again, that's because
she's a slut.

[WAILING]

[♪]

Well, Mama said
one piece a night.

But she didn't say
how big a piece.

[♪]

Really? All right.

Hey, cool.
I'm Cap'n Crunch.

Cleveland, come with me.
I wanna show you something.

If Cap'n Crunch is out there,
I'm gonna flip out.

Time for me to grow up.
Goodbye, big crayon.

I had fun playing with you

and pretending
an evil wizard shrunk me.

Goodbye, Easy-Bake Oven.

I had fun making
tiny cakes with you

and pretending an evil wizard
turned me into a giant.

Well, Larry,
I guess this is it.

I'll never forget you.
I love you.

Shh.

It's okay. It's okay.

It's okay.
Let go, Larry. Let go.

Oh, my God.

I know.

He's devastated
about last night.

You have to stop him.

Stop him?

Do you know how long I've waited
for this day to come?

You can't let your son

throw away everything
that defines him.

Donna, he's a teenage boy
who talks to stuffed animals.

And worse,
listens to them.

And then changes his opinion
based on what they've told him.

[SIGHS]

Look, I'll make this work.

Just like I made
that time machine work.

Hey, younger me.

Hey, older me.

Raiders are gonna
win tomorrow.

Yes! Cha-ching!

But think twice
before using the winnings

for swashbuckling lessons.

Yeah, yeah, sure, sure.

I'm gonna get swashbuckling
lessons.

[GROANING]

Oh, man, I cannot
eat like that anymore.

It was fine when I was 4,

but the old metabolism
ain't what it used to be.

All right, a bonus piece
of Tuffy Taffy.

Aah! My tooth.

Oh! Oh, no! Mama was right!
My teeth are rotting out!

Oh, she's gonna kill me!

Oh, great.

Now I look like workplace
predator David Letterman.

[GROWLING]

Have sex with me.

[GROWLING]

Now, this is starting to look
like a bedroom. You like it?

I don't know. It looks nice
but it's not really me.

Oh, don't worry.

It will be as soon
as we change everything

about the way you look,
think and act.

I don't wanna do that.

So I guess now
I do wanna do that.

Thattaboy.

CLEVELAND:
Donna, get in here.

Allow me to present,

as you've never
seen him before,

the all new
Cleveland Brown Jr.

'Sup?

Well, this is quite
a transformation.

What exactly
did you two do today?

Nothing. Guy stuff.
You wouldn't get it.

Like if I said,
"Boobies, 12 o'clock."

That would just confuse you
because you aren't a guy.

By the way, Dad,
boobies, 12 o'clock.

Look, Junior,
the big hand's on the two.

[LAUGHS]
All right, then.

I'm gonna go take a poop
like a man.

Standing up.

Real.

Fourteen years ago
I created a child.

But now,
I've created a son.

I don't know, Cleveland.

Like my cousin, Ernestine,
always used to say:

"A frog doesn't look good
in a fur coat."

Uh-huh. Why doesn't
she say it anymore?

She finally found one that did
look good in a fur coat.

Then she took her life.
Mm.

The point is, Cleveland,

I'm not convinced
that Junior's happy.

Well, I'm not convinced the lump
on my testicle is benign,

but you don't see me
running off to the doctor.

[WHIMPERS]

[JUNIOR SNIFFLING]

I miss me.

[♪]

Hey, Mama,
you know what would be fun?

If you put this food
in a blender for me

and I drank it with a straw.

Wouldn't that be fun?

Oh, I want my food
in a blender too.

No blenders!
Everybody eat your damn food!

CLEVELAND & RALLO:
Shoot. Can't eat smoothie in my own house.

Mom, I need a late
curfew tonight.

Oliver Wilkerson's
having a party.

Oh, a cool kids party?

What are we talking,
a house party? Pool party?

Kegger? Rave? Toga party?

Pajama jammy-jam? Pub crawl?
Tea party?

Reggae sunsplash?
Stag party?

Afterparty? Lemon party?

White elephant? Sadie Hawkins?
Quinceañera?

Nah, just a party.

Ha-ha!
I love parties.

Well, guess what, Dad?

I'm gonna hit up
Oliver's party too,

now that I'm cool
and think parties are cool.

That's my boy.

When you go in the bathroom
at the party,

just know there will
be pee everywhere.

It's not your job
to clean it up.

Right, it's my pleasure.

No!
I mean, I'm not gonna clean it.

I'm gonna pee
all over the place.

Donna, may I pee
all over our bathroom?

No.

Oh. In the yard?

If you finish
your vegetables.

[♪]

Well, boys,
guess whose son

is out partying
with the most popular

and most sexually active kid
at Stoolbend High?

Junior's hanging out
with Roberta?

No, Oliver Wilkerson.

Wow, not too--
Not too shaggy there.

The Junior's finally hanging out
with the cool kids.

I hung out with the cool kids
last week. Bought them beer.

Tried to drink with them.
Told me to get lost.

Asked them to pay me back
for the booze. Kicked my ass.

Called their school.

Got them banned
from the eighth grade formal.

Who's the cool kid now?

Uh, you.

I'm gonna head over to that
party and see my boy in action.

Gus, can I have
the rest of this to go?

Sure thing,
favorite patron of mine.

Thanks, Gus.

[GURGLING]

[♪]

Oh, I gotta hide this tooth

somewhere Mama
will never find it.

Under the pillow.

Oh, I'm far too fretful
to fall asleep.

May as well call
into Sports Chat.

MAN [OVER PHONE]:
Hello, caller.

Welcome to Sports Chat.

I'm Dwayne Meighan,
host of Sports Chat,

and you are caller.

Don't try to listen to yourself
on the radio

while we're on the phone,

because there was all sort
of problems with this.

Be this understood,
go ahead, caller.

Thank you for calling.

I'm Dwayne Meighan
and you're on Sports Chat.

Now you say.

Hello? Am I on the air?

Caller, you are on the air.

You are not trying to listen
to yourself, were you?

No.
Go ahead, caller.

I'm Dwayne Meighan.
Now you say.

Uh, yeah.
How about the Yankees?

Jeter, A-Rod,
all those guys...

[FEEDBACK WAILS]

I'm sorry, caller.
I miss what you had said

on account of I couldn't resist
turning on my radio

here at the station.

Hm. Talking baseball.

[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING
OVER SPEAKERS]

[ALL CHATTERING]

There's my party boy.

Lots of righteous babes here,
eh, dude?

With their nipples
and whatnot.

You're gay, gay pancake.

Here, how about a drink?

[ALL LAUGH]

Okay, my turn.

[ALL LAUGH]

So you just stood there
and watched?

You didn't stop
those boys?

Oh, yeah, Donna, the gay pancake
needs his daddy to save him.

That would've looked
real cool.

Man, what a party.
It was sick.

I hung out with my new friends,
had some drinks, some laughs,

and I definitely was not
duct-taped to a male mannequin

and put up on the roof and
laughed at by helicopter police.

He's covering.
That did happen.

I should've
changed him better.

Cleveland, you can't force
a sweet, round peg like Junior

into a stupid, beer-chugging,
sports-loving square hole.

Girl, you did not just tell me
how to raise my children.

That child has stamped out
everything

that makes him unique,
and for what?

All for the approval
of a couple of bullies

and his father.

You're right.
What have I done to my boy?

I've ruined him

just like I ruined
David Carradine's funeral.

David Carradine
brought pleasure to millions,

but none more so
than himself.

[SNICKERING, CLEARS THROAT]

When David had a particularly
meaty part,

he would roll up his sleeves

and milk it
for all it was worth.

[SNICKERING]

[CLEARS THROAT]

But David was at his best when
he was just hanging around,

spurting enthusiastically
to friends

till he was blue in the face.

[LAUGHING]

I'm sorry.

No, it's okay.

Stand up.
Stand up, would you?

Go ahead. David would have
wanted you to laugh.

The guy died of autoerotic
asphyxiation, for God's sake.

You can die from that?

[CRYING]

[SIGHS]

What up, bro?

Junior, there's someone here
who wants to see you.

Larry, you're alive!

No, he's not.
He's a stuffed animal.

But I went and dug him out
of a dumpster,

wrung out
the garbage juice

and rubbed him down
with a Bounce sheet

because I want you
to be who you really are.

We're going out.
We're making our own Halloween.

Hey, you got a coconuts
in your head?

Everyone's gonna pick on me
even worse

if I'm the only one
in costume.

Who said you'd be
the only one?

I'm toast.

I'm honey.

I'm Angela Lansbury's
left breast.

Fried egg.

And I'm bacon.
And together...

ALL:
We're all part of this balanced breakfast!

Wow, how did you get
those costumes so fast?

I had them at home.

Kendra and I do
a little role-playing.

It gets her hot
when I dress up as big food.

[CELL PHONE RINGS]
Hello?

Can the toast make out
with the bacon?

[♪]

Huh?

[SCREAMING]

[LAUGHING AND CHATTERING]

[DANCE MUSIC
PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]

[MUSIC STOPS]

♪ You let me violate you

♪ You let me desecrate you

Dude, there's some kind
of performance artists

in your front yard.

What?

[♪]

Trick or treat, bitches.

Aah! The world is dark
and quiet.

Eggkake!

[♪]

[ALL GROANING]

Coach Cleveland?

Hey, Oliver, don't forget
about practice tomorrow.

Okay, coach. See you there.

Thanks, Dad. I'm gonna remember
this Halloween forever.

I'm glad you had fun,
Junior,

because God only knows
what they're gonna do to you

at school tomorrow.

I can't really
protect you from that.

[♪]

[RALLO SNORING]

[GRUNTS]

[GASPS AND SCREAMS]

Rallo, what is it?

Mama, I ate a bunch of candy

and I lost my tooth
just like you said.

And now my tooth
turned into a quarter.

And the world is scary and
my young mind is so confused.

[SCREAMS]

Oh, baby,
I know you lost a tooth.

Don't worry.
The tooth fairy took it

and brought you
that quarter.

The tooth fairy?
Who's that?

Well, Rallo, he's a fairy
who comes into your room

while you're sleeping,
takes your tooth, leaves money.

And what is in it
for this gentleman?

I guess he likes baby teeth.

Whoa, I reckon it don't get
any weirder than that.

[LESTER SCREAMS]

I forgot the safe word!

[♪]

[English - US - Line 21]

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