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♪ My name is Cleveland Brown
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00:00:04,772 --> 00:00:07,112
♪ And I am proud to be
3
00:00:07,108 --> 00:00:09,228
♪ Right back
In my hometown ♪
4
00:00:09,227 --> 00:00:11,807
♪ With my new family
5
00:00:11,812 --> 00:00:14,252
♪ There's old friends
And new friends ♪
6
00:00:14,248 --> 00:00:15,948
♪ And even a bear
7
00:00:15,950 --> 00:00:18,650
♪ Through good times
And bad times ♪
8
00:00:18,653 --> 00:00:20,393
♪ It's true love we share
9
00:00:20,388 --> 00:00:22,548
♪ And so I found a place
10
00:00:22,556 --> 00:00:24,856
♪ Where everyone will know
11
00:00:24,859 --> 00:00:27,089
♪ My happy mustache face
12
00:00:27,094 --> 00:00:29,144
♪ This is The Cleveland Show ♪
13
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[LAUGHS]
14
00:00:31,348 --> 00:00:33,498
[♪]
15
00:00:33,501 --> 00:00:34,671
Sorry I'm late, guys.
16
00:00:34,669 --> 00:00:37,719
I was at that
Joseph Gordon-Levitt movie.
17
00:00:37,722 --> 00:00:40,392
I wonder if I urinated
on the floor
18
00:00:40,390 --> 00:00:43,090
if it would make it all the way
down to the front.
19
00:00:47,130 --> 00:00:48,560
Hey!
20
00:00:48,566 --> 00:00:51,966
So how's our new
drag race machine thing looking?
21
00:00:51,970 --> 00:00:53,400
She's ready.
22
00:00:53,404 --> 00:00:54,624
No thanks to you.
23
00:00:54,622 --> 00:00:56,492
I'll fire her up.
24
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[ENGINE REVVING]
25
00:01:02,095 --> 00:01:03,295
All right!
Yeah!
26
00:01:03,298 --> 00:01:04,998
Go Greased Lightning!
27
00:01:04,999 --> 00:01:07,279
With me at the wheel,
we're gonna win that race
28
00:01:07,284 --> 00:01:10,724
and raise thousands of dollars
for feline diabetes.
29
00:01:10,721 --> 00:01:11,751
You at the wheel?
30
00:01:11,756 --> 00:01:14,286
[CHUCKLES]
You ain't driving. I'm driving.
31
00:01:14,291 --> 00:01:16,491
What do you know
about the sport of racing?
32
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I'm pretty sure I can handle it
33
00:01:18,412 --> 00:01:22,482
seeing as I've been driving
since I was 29 years old.
34
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This is drag racing.
35
00:01:24,218 --> 00:01:25,898
Then I'll dress up like a woman.
36
00:01:25,903 --> 00:01:27,873
[ALL LAUGHING]
37
00:01:27,872 --> 00:01:29,202
But I did all the work.
38
00:01:29,206 --> 00:01:31,566
Built this car
with parts from my yard.
39
00:01:31,575 --> 00:01:33,875
Hell, the wheels are
off my mother's house.
40
00:01:33,878 --> 00:01:35,128
Let's put it to a vote.
41
00:01:35,129 --> 00:01:36,529
I vote me.
42
00:01:36,530 --> 00:01:37,650
Uh, Cleveland.
43
00:01:37,648 --> 00:01:39,078
I'd drive but I'm grounded.
44
00:01:39,083 --> 00:01:41,923
Left a wet towel on the carpet.
So Cleveland.
45
00:01:41,919 --> 00:01:42,919
Hurrah!
46
00:01:42,920 --> 00:01:44,750
I'm the driver!
47
00:01:44,755 --> 00:01:47,255
Damn it. A black guy can't drive
a race car.
48
00:01:47,257 --> 00:01:49,017
Driving a race car requires--
49
00:01:49,026 --> 00:01:50,476
Whoa, whoa, whoa, write it down
50
00:01:50,478 --> 00:01:53,078
and I'll tell you
if you can say it.
51
00:01:53,080 --> 00:01:54,750
No, you can't say that.
52
00:01:54,749 --> 00:01:57,179
[♪]
53
00:01:57,184 --> 00:02:00,194
CLEVELAND:
So it's the bottom of the eighth and I'm in a rundown.
54
00:02:00,187 --> 00:02:02,547
I run toward third, then home,
55
00:02:02,556 --> 00:02:06,486
then third, then home,
third, home, third, home.
56
00:02:06,494 --> 00:02:08,594
This happens 42 times.
57
00:02:08,596 --> 00:02:11,056
Wow.
Unbe-freaking-lievable.
58
00:02:11,064 --> 00:02:13,304
Coach McFall called
it the greatest rundown
59
00:02:13,301 --> 00:02:14,801
he'd ever seen in his life.
60
00:02:14,802 --> 00:02:18,872
You know, Cleveland, I'd rather
hear a dry fart from a wet dog
61
00:02:18,872 --> 00:02:21,072
than another one
of your baseball stories.
62
00:02:21,075 --> 00:02:24,735
You're just jealous because
you never played a real sport.
63
00:02:24,745 --> 00:02:25,635
Oh...
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00:02:25,646 --> 00:02:26,806
Uh, snack.
65
00:02:26,814 --> 00:02:28,014
Baseball ain't a sport.
66
00:02:28,015 --> 00:02:31,715
Not a sport? You, sir,
are an ignoramus.
67
00:02:31,719 --> 00:02:34,149
And you wouldn't know
a grand slam
68
00:02:34,155 --> 00:02:35,755
from an admittedly delicious
69
00:02:35,757 --> 00:02:38,657
and horrifically salty
Denny's meal.
70
00:02:38,660 --> 00:02:40,530
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
71
00:02:40,528 --> 00:02:42,948
You think so?
I know so.
72
00:02:42,947 --> 00:02:46,717
Why, you rooting, tooting.
I bet I could strike you out.
73
00:02:46,717 --> 00:02:49,677
Ha-ha. Wha--? Strike me out?
74
00:02:49,686 --> 00:02:52,496
You heard me.
Tomorrow at the field.
75
00:02:52,506 --> 00:02:53,666
You're on.
76
00:02:53,674 --> 00:02:55,214
I'll whiff you so bad
77
00:02:55,209 --> 00:02:57,279
they'll feel the breeze
in Cooper County.
78
00:02:57,277 --> 00:02:59,077
That's very far away.
79
00:02:59,079 --> 00:03:03,399
Or maybe I'll hit a home run
that lands in Cartwright County.
80
00:03:03,401 --> 00:03:05,251
Wow, that's even farther.
81
00:03:05,252 --> 00:03:07,552
Okay, guys. Closing time.
82
00:03:07,555 --> 00:03:09,185
[BOTH GRUNTING]
83
00:03:12,759 --> 00:03:14,729
[♪]
84
00:03:30,310 --> 00:03:31,310
[SNORING]
85
00:03:33,213 --> 00:03:34,713
[BALL HITTING DOOR IN DISTANCE]
86
00:03:44,424 --> 00:03:45,764
Ugh.
87
00:03:46,926 --> 00:03:48,126
[GROANS]
88
00:03:53,900 --> 00:03:55,150
Oh, man.
89
00:03:55,153 --> 00:03:58,593
This is going worse than
Paul Giamatti's last physical.
90
00:03:58,589 --> 00:04:02,439
Yeah, you're gonna
wanna get this replaced.
91
00:04:02,443 --> 00:04:04,493
[♪]
92
00:04:04,494 --> 00:04:06,954
Well, Gord-o, good thing
we woke up here this morning.
93
00:04:06,947 --> 00:04:09,517
Otherwise, we would've missed
this epic battle.
94
00:04:09,517 --> 00:04:10,877
You said it, Angus.
95
00:04:10,885 --> 00:04:14,315
Local buck-toothed disgrace
Lester Krinklesac has bet
96
00:04:14,321 --> 00:04:15,791
he can strike out former
97
00:04:15,790 --> 00:04:18,160
Stoolbend High School
baseball legend
98
00:04:18,158 --> 00:04:21,728
and current non-union cable
installer, Cleveland Brown.
99
00:04:26,032 --> 00:04:28,932
First Kendra, now this.
100
00:04:28,936 --> 00:04:30,836
Thanks a lot, beer.
101
00:04:30,837 --> 00:04:32,097
ANGUS:
Well, here we go.
102
00:04:32,106 --> 00:04:34,266
Brown steps inand adjusts himself.
103
00:04:34,275 --> 00:04:36,935
Crotch arrangementvery important in baseball.
104
00:04:36,944 --> 00:04:38,444
GORD-O:
You can't say that enough.
105
00:04:38,445 --> 00:04:42,105
Both players today goingwith the left pant leg.
106
00:04:51,374 --> 00:04:54,214
ANGUS:
And it lookslike Krinklesac's ready.
107
00:04:58,498 --> 00:05:00,668
Ball!
108
00:05:00,667 --> 00:05:02,197
Somebody call the cops,
109
00:05:02,203 --> 00:05:05,343
this man's trying
to murder all the worms.
110
00:05:05,339 --> 00:05:06,709
[LAUGHING]
111
00:05:06,707 --> 00:05:08,537
[GROANS]
112
00:05:10,443 --> 00:05:12,853
Ball!
113
00:05:12,847 --> 00:05:16,847
Great throw.
Does your husband also pitch?
114
00:05:16,851 --> 00:05:18,321
[LAUGHING]
115
00:05:18,319 --> 00:05:20,799
Who am I, everybody?
116
00:05:22,622 --> 00:05:24,162
He's Lester.
117
00:05:24,158 --> 00:05:26,908
[LAUGHING]
118
00:05:28,310 --> 00:05:30,000
Here, I'll give you this one.
119
00:05:31,614 --> 00:05:32,454
Ow!
120
00:05:32,449 --> 00:05:33,949
Doodle balls!
121
00:05:34,934 --> 00:05:36,204
Ball!
122
00:05:37,153 --> 00:05:39,323
Oh, three and oh already?
123
00:05:39,323 --> 00:05:41,363
I don't wanna go back
to work yet.
124
00:05:41,359 --> 00:05:43,859
Tell you what,
I'll swing at anything.
125
00:05:46,930 --> 00:05:49,300
Strike!
126
00:05:50,400 --> 00:05:52,230
You call that a pitch?
127
00:05:52,236 --> 00:05:53,666
Here's a pitch:
128
00:05:53,670 --> 00:05:56,020
it's I Am Legend
meets Maid in Manhattan.
129
00:05:56,023 --> 00:05:58,463
Put Ryan Reynolds in there
and call it a day.
130
00:05:58,459 --> 00:05:59,919
All right, let's go.
131
00:05:59,926 --> 00:06:02,576
[♪]
132
00:06:02,579 --> 00:06:04,399
[CROWD GASPS]
ANGUS: Foul ball.
133
00:06:04,398 --> 00:06:06,098
Damn!
134
00:06:06,100 --> 00:06:08,270
Strike two!
135
00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:12,813
Oh, no, strike two.
136
00:06:12,807 --> 00:06:15,867
Hey, Lester, they should
call you Larry King's chair,
137
00:06:15,876 --> 00:06:17,236
because you stink.
138
00:06:17,244 --> 00:06:19,814
[ALL LAUGHING]
Lester stinks!
139
00:06:19,814 --> 00:06:26,404
Lester stinks! Lester stinks!Lester stinks!
140
00:06:26,404 --> 00:06:28,044
[LAUGHING]
141
00:06:29,271 --> 00:06:30,441
[GRUNTING]
142
00:06:30,440 --> 00:06:33,810
Shut up, shut up, shut up.
143
00:06:35,979 --> 00:06:36,979
[WHIMPERING]
144
00:06:36,981 --> 00:06:40,221
Move it, pudge, I'm taking over.
145
00:06:40,217 --> 00:06:42,217
[♪]
146
00:06:44,654 --> 00:06:46,154
Kendra, what are you doing?
147
00:06:46,156 --> 00:06:49,156
Lester, you can do this.
148
00:06:49,159 --> 00:06:52,689
Remember the winter
we had to survive on skunks
149
00:06:52,696 --> 00:06:56,796
and we covered Ernie with skunk
urine to attract skunks
150
00:06:56,800 --> 00:06:59,800
which you'd kill
by throwing rocks at the skunks
151
00:06:59,803 --> 00:07:03,143
and you killed those skunks
without hitting Ernie
152
00:07:03,140 --> 00:07:06,880
because you knew if he was hurt
we'd lose our skunk bait?
153
00:07:06,877 --> 00:07:08,377
Vaguely.
154
00:07:08,378 --> 00:07:10,148
What's your point, big'un?
155
00:07:10,147 --> 00:07:14,277
Well, the baseball is the rock,
this mitt is the skunk
156
00:07:14,284 --> 00:07:16,584
and Cleveland is Ernie.
157
00:07:16,586 --> 00:07:19,046
I don't know. I just don't.
158
00:07:19,056 --> 00:07:24,156
You do this
and I'll let you suck my toes.
159
00:07:24,161 --> 00:07:28,231
A wide miss, Kendra.
A wide miss.
160
00:07:29,365 --> 00:07:30,995
But I appreciate the sentiment.
161
00:07:31,001 --> 00:07:33,651
Now, I've got a job to do.
162
00:07:35,922 --> 00:07:39,162
Come on. Right down the middle.
It's tater time.
163
00:07:45,147 --> 00:07:47,747
[♪]
164
00:08:00,096 --> 00:08:01,826
Strike three!
165
00:08:01,832 --> 00:08:04,302
Ay-ay-ay-ay!
166
00:08:04,301 --> 00:08:08,591
ANGUS:
And down goes Brown.Down goes Brown.
167
00:08:08,589 --> 00:08:10,689
I don't believewhat I just saw.
168
00:08:10,691 --> 00:08:12,881
Do you believein miracles? Yes.
169
00:08:12,877 --> 00:08:15,537
President Reagan has been shot.
170
00:08:15,545 --> 00:08:17,645
Soylent Green is people.
171
00:08:17,648 --> 00:08:20,778
[SPEAKING GERMAN]
172
00:08:20,784 --> 00:08:22,924
Kendra. Kendra.
173
00:08:22,920 --> 00:08:24,540
Lester.
174
00:08:24,538 --> 00:08:25,698
[GRUNTS]
175
00:08:26,906 --> 00:08:29,056
[♪]
176
00:08:29,059 --> 00:08:33,059
"And there is no joy
in Stoolbend
177
00:08:33,063 --> 00:08:36,633
mighty Cleveland
has struck out."
178
00:08:44,174 --> 00:08:45,374
[CRIES OUT]
179
00:08:45,376 --> 00:08:46,606
[GRUNTS]
180
00:08:49,745 --> 00:08:52,005
[♪]
181
00:08:52,015 --> 00:08:54,215
Stick with me, fellas.
You'll learn a lot.
182
00:08:54,218 --> 00:08:55,978
Uh, Lester, you're in my seat.
183
00:08:55,986 --> 00:08:57,416
Not just about baseball
184
00:08:57,421 --> 00:08:59,591
but about politics,
home remedies,
185
00:08:59,590 --> 00:09:01,690
the black experience
in the American South.
186
00:09:01,692 --> 00:09:04,532
I would take this one,
but your feet are on it.
187
00:09:04,528 --> 00:09:08,378
MADtv sketches, rust,
living with obesity.
188
00:09:11,501 --> 00:09:13,541
There were no other chairs
available
189
00:09:13,537 --> 00:09:16,767
so as long as no one wants
to play "Pac-Man".
190
00:09:16,774 --> 00:09:20,444
Well, looking forward to winning
that drag race for our team.
191
00:09:20,444 --> 00:09:24,184
Yeah, me too, which is more
relevant since I'll be driving.
192
00:09:24,181 --> 00:09:28,251
Yeah, Cleveland, w-we decided
to, uh, make Lester the driver
193
00:09:28,251 --> 00:09:32,651
since he is, you know,
better than you at baseball.
194
00:09:32,656 --> 00:09:34,456
What? Is this all
just because I--
195
00:09:34,458 --> 00:09:37,058
MAN:
Hey, I wanna play "Miss Pac-Man."
196
00:09:37,060 --> 00:09:38,090
[GROANS]
197
00:09:38,095 --> 00:09:39,955
Be-we-we-we-wop-wop
198
00:09:39,963 --> 00:09:41,233
[♪]
199
00:09:43,166 --> 00:09:45,326
[SIGHS]
200
00:09:45,336 --> 00:09:46,596
[SIGHS]
201
00:09:46,603 --> 00:09:48,473
[SOFTLY]
Depressed.
202
00:09:50,406 --> 00:09:52,506
Is something wrong, Cleveland?
203
00:09:52,509 --> 00:09:54,239
No.
204
00:09:54,244 --> 00:09:55,144
[SIGHS]
205
00:09:55,145 --> 00:09:56,335
Yes.
206
00:09:56,346 --> 00:09:57,996
What is it, Cleveland?
207
00:09:57,998 --> 00:10:00,448
You know Lester
and Tim and Holt?
208
00:10:00,451 --> 00:10:02,351
Yes, I know them.
209
00:10:02,353 --> 00:10:07,493
Ever since I struck out,
they don't think I'm cool.
210
00:10:07,491 --> 00:10:09,561
Oh, poor baby.
211
00:10:09,560 --> 00:10:11,090
Well, you don't need them.
212
00:10:11,094 --> 00:10:13,964
Maybe it's time to find
yourself some new friends.
213
00:10:13,964 --> 00:10:16,734
Fine. I'll go out and get drunk.
214
00:10:16,734 --> 00:10:20,074
You make dinner and put the kids
to bed and fold my laundry
215
00:10:20,070 --> 00:10:23,770
and then take the bus to the bar
and drive me home.
216
00:10:23,774 --> 00:10:26,214
[♪]
217
00:10:27,293 --> 00:10:29,093
Hear ye, hear ye.
218
00:10:29,096 --> 00:10:31,596
We have a new friend
joining us tonight.
219
00:10:31,598 --> 00:10:34,518
So let's all raise our glasses.
220
00:10:34,518 --> 00:10:35,648
[LAUGHING]
221
00:10:35,653 --> 00:10:38,893
I'm kidding. Drinking glasses.
222
00:10:38,889 --> 00:10:40,419
I'd like to propose a toast.
223
00:10:40,424 --> 00:10:41,964
Wish I had some butter.
224
00:10:41,958 --> 00:10:43,908
[LAUGHING]
Not that kind of toast.
225
00:10:43,911 --> 00:10:46,511
To our new fourth musketeer
226
00:10:46,513 --> 00:10:48,783
[LAUGHING]
Toledo Blue.
227
00:10:48,782 --> 00:10:51,252
Wait, wait, that's not right.
228
00:10:51,251 --> 00:10:55,391
Oh, here it is, Cleveland Brown.
229
00:10:55,388 --> 00:10:57,218
TIM:
Yay.
230
00:10:58,074 --> 00:11:00,614
So, uh--
231
00:11:00,611 --> 00:11:04,011
So you guys watching
some football this weekend?
232
00:11:04,014 --> 00:11:05,654
I do not own a television.
233
00:11:05,649 --> 00:11:08,249
However, I do rent
one every four years
234
00:11:08,252 --> 00:11:09,652
for the Winter Olympics.
235
00:11:09,653 --> 00:11:11,093
Oh.
236
00:11:11,088 --> 00:11:12,818
[LAUGHING]
237
00:11:12,823 --> 00:11:15,143
Oh, they ordered
a pizza to the bar?
238
00:11:15,142 --> 00:11:16,942
That's so cool.
239
00:11:16,944 --> 00:11:19,064
Did somebody say pizza?
240
00:11:19,063 --> 00:11:21,433
That's Italian. Muah.
241
00:11:21,431 --> 00:11:23,831
♪ When the...
242
00:11:23,834 --> 00:11:27,104
ALL:
♪ Moon hits your eye Like a big pizza pie ♪
243
00:11:27,104 --> 00:11:29,074
♪ That's amore ♪
244
00:11:29,073 --> 00:11:32,013
Yeah, yeah. Amore, yeah.
245
00:11:32,009 --> 00:11:35,039
This has been the worst
40 minutes of my life.
246
00:11:36,713 --> 00:11:38,383
[SIGHS]
247
00:11:38,381 --> 00:11:39,661
[♪]
248
00:11:44,587 --> 00:11:46,587
If you've come
for the urine jars,
249
00:11:46,590 --> 00:11:47,820
they're under the bed.
250
00:11:47,824 --> 00:11:49,594
No, Mom just wanted to see
251
00:11:49,593 --> 00:11:51,433
if you're coming down
for dinner tonight.
252
00:11:51,428 --> 00:11:52,808
Dinner?
253
00:11:52,812 --> 00:11:57,322
What use is food for a man
whose life has no meaning?
254
00:11:57,317 --> 00:11:59,347
So you're not coming
down to dinner.
255
00:11:59,353 --> 00:12:00,923
Will you sign my report card?
256
00:12:00,921 --> 00:12:03,191
Well, let's see how you did.
257
00:12:03,190 --> 00:12:07,030
"A, A-minus, A, A, A-minu--"
258
00:12:07,027 --> 00:12:10,957
Three tardies?
No, I will not sign this.
259
00:12:10,964 --> 00:12:15,634
If you're going downstairs,
take a urine ja-- Uh-- Uh--
260
00:12:15,636 --> 00:12:16,796
She's gone.
261
00:12:16,803 --> 00:12:17,873
I got it. I got it.
262
00:12:17,871 --> 00:12:20,841
Wee! Wee! Wee!
263
00:12:20,841 --> 00:12:22,311
All the way home.
264
00:12:22,309 --> 00:12:24,079
[LAUGHING]
265
00:12:24,077 --> 00:12:25,407
Huh.
266
00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:29,552
That's just the kind of thing
that usually cheers me up too.
267
00:12:29,550 --> 00:12:31,400
[SIGHS]
268
00:12:31,401 --> 00:12:32,851
MAN:
We now return to
269
00:12:32,852 --> 00:12:35,552
Quinton "Rampage" Jacksonand Michael Cera
270
00:12:35,555 --> 00:12:38,785
in Roots 2: Reparations.
271
00:12:38,792 --> 00:12:40,012
[GUNSHOTS]
272
00:12:40,009 --> 00:12:41,489
Go, go, go!
273
00:12:42,828 --> 00:12:44,758
Um, Kunta, is it?
274
00:12:44,764 --> 00:12:46,464
Okay, Kunta?
275
00:12:46,466 --> 00:12:49,896
Um, it's no biggie, but I made
you a mix tape for the ride, so.
276
00:12:49,903 --> 00:12:51,373
Shut up, quirky.
[GRUNTS]
277
00:12:51,371 --> 00:12:54,141
I'm taking my people
back to Africa.
278
00:12:54,141 --> 00:12:56,261
Back to our roots.
279
00:12:57,343 --> 00:13:00,093
My name
is Kunta Kinte 9000.
280
00:13:00,096 --> 00:13:02,696
And you can Kunta kiss my ass.
281
00:13:02,699 --> 00:13:03,699
[WHIRRING]
282
00:13:05,818 --> 00:13:08,338
[♪]
283
00:13:11,440 --> 00:13:14,540
Roots. That's it. Donna.
284
00:13:14,544 --> 00:13:17,834
No time for the stairs.
I'll take the dumbwaiter.
285
00:13:19,798 --> 00:13:21,648
[BUBBLING]
286
00:13:21,651 --> 00:13:22,821
[SIGHS]
287
00:13:22,820 --> 00:13:25,790
At least the jackass
is out of bed.
288
00:13:25,789 --> 00:13:27,759
Donna. Are you sitting down?
289
00:13:27,758 --> 00:13:29,928
Cleveland, I'm standing
in front of you.
290
00:13:29,927 --> 00:13:32,487
Good, you'll wanna
be standing for this.
291
00:13:32,495 --> 00:13:34,855
Oh, are we done
acting like a child?
292
00:13:34,865 --> 00:13:38,325
Because I've figured out
how to get my mojo back.
293
00:13:38,335 --> 00:13:40,295
I need to reconnect to my roots
294
00:13:40,303 --> 00:13:43,643
by going to Africa.
295
00:13:43,640 --> 00:13:47,040
Well, you know what? I actually
think that's a great idea.
296
00:13:47,044 --> 00:13:48,314
For all of us.
297
00:13:48,311 --> 00:13:51,751
Oh, okay. Yeah. Sure.
Everybody should come.
298
00:13:51,749 --> 00:13:53,049
Even the kids?
299
00:13:53,050 --> 00:13:56,580
I mean, of course the kids.
We'll make it a family trip.
300
00:13:56,586 --> 00:13:58,416
Pack up the urine jars.
301
00:13:58,421 --> 00:14:01,191
The Browns are going to Africa.
302
00:14:01,191 --> 00:14:02,191
[♪]
303
00:14:02,192 --> 00:14:03,932
ALL:
Yay!
304
00:14:07,647 --> 00:14:10,467
It's always been a dream of mine
to go to Africa.
305
00:14:10,467 --> 00:14:12,627
I can't thank you enough, Brown.
306
00:14:12,635 --> 00:14:15,465
I hope you find
what you're looking for, man.
307
00:14:15,472 --> 00:14:19,272
Thank you. Would you like
to hear some of my poetry?
308
00:14:19,276 --> 00:14:23,356
Africa, AfricaBring me some laugh-rica
309
00:14:23,363 --> 00:14:26,673
Gilded stone of yore,Bequeath unto me
310
00:14:26,667 --> 00:14:28,767
Your vast swaths of being
311
00:14:28,769 --> 00:14:32,569
I, like an okapi,Run back to the womb
312
00:14:32,572 --> 00:14:37,082
Doom, gloom, boom, boom, boom
313
00:14:37,077 --> 00:14:41,007
Silence and all is night
314
00:14:41,014 --> 00:14:42,884
May I have that?
315
00:14:44,951 --> 00:14:46,481
My odes!
316
00:14:46,486 --> 00:14:48,516
I'm gonna take a nap.
317
00:14:50,940 --> 00:14:54,140
Junior, you're gonna learn
about your heritage too.
318
00:14:54,144 --> 00:14:57,054
Did you know that our ancestors
came from Africa?
319
00:14:57,047 --> 00:14:58,877
No, I thought we were Scottish.
320
00:14:58,882 --> 00:15:02,082
What the hell's wrong
with you, Dad? I'm 14.
321
00:15:02,085 --> 00:15:05,515
MAN:
Ladies and gentlemen,this is your captain speaking.
322
00:15:05,522 --> 00:15:07,512
Captain. Sounds weird.
323
00:15:07,507 --> 00:15:09,407
Last weekI was a baggage handler.
324
00:15:09,409 --> 00:15:11,409
Anyway, please fastenyour seat belts
325
00:15:11,411 --> 00:15:12,981
as we begin our initial descent
326
00:15:12,980 --> 00:15:15,480
for our layover in Hawaii.
327
00:15:15,482 --> 00:15:17,952
If anybody wantsto do peyote buttons,
328
00:15:17,951 --> 00:15:19,251
meet me at baggage claim.
329
00:15:19,253 --> 00:15:21,723
I'm going to see my guy.
330
00:15:21,721 --> 00:15:23,571
[♪]
331
00:15:32,247 --> 00:15:34,047
This place is beautiful.
332
00:15:34,050 --> 00:15:36,420
Screw Africa.
Let's just stay here.
333
00:15:36,419 --> 00:15:39,249
What about getting in touch
with our heritage?
334
00:15:39,255 --> 00:15:42,115
Pork our heritage.
This place has mai tais.
335
00:15:42,125 --> 00:15:44,955
Besides, Africa isn't going
anywhere.
336
00:15:44,961 --> 00:15:46,981
And Hawaii's important too.
337
00:15:46,980 --> 00:15:49,010
The island provides
puka shell necklaces
338
00:15:49,015 --> 00:15:51,175
for sunburned idiots
all over the world.
339
00:15:51,184 --> 00:15:54,604
True. But Rallo was so excited
to go to Africa.
340
00:15:54,604 --> 00:15:56,974
What are we supposed
to tell him?
341
00:15:58,391 --> 00:16:01,431
Welcome to Africa.
342
00:16:05,030 --> 00:16:06,630
This is Africa?
343
00:16:06,633 --> 00:16:08,483
Yep. This is Africa.
344
00:16:08,485 --> 00:16:10,835
Let's go sightseeing.
345
00:16:10,838 --> 00:16:12,518
[TOTO'S "AFRICA" PLAYING]
346
00:16:21,030 --> 00:16:26,280
♪ It's gonna take a lotTo drag me away from you ♪
347
00:16:26,286 --> 00:16:29,186
♪ There's nothing thatA hundred men or more ♪
348
00:16:29,189 --> 00:16:31,419
♪ Could ever do
349
00:16:31,425 --> 00:16:36,895
♪ I bless the rainsDown in Africa ♪
350
00:16:36,897 --> 00:16:42,527
♪ Gonna take some timeTo do the things we never had ♪
351
00:16:42,536 --> 00:16:43,736
[CLICKS]
352
00:16:48,073 --> 00:16:49,213
[RETCHING]
353
00:16:55,214 --> 00:16:56,754
What a week, Donna.
354
00:16:56,749 --> 00:16:58,579
Thank God for credit cards.
355
00:16:58,584 --> 00:17:01,854
Why did I care so much
about that stupid strikeout?
356
00:17:01,855 --> 00:17:03,815
Remember that?
Lester struck me out.
357
00:17:03,824 --> 00:17:05,164
We had that bet and everything.
358
00:17:05,158 --> 00:17:06,888
Funny umpire and whatnot.
359
00:17:06,893 --> 00:17:08,793
That stuff's not important.
360
00:17:08,795 --> 00:17:12,725
All it takes to make me happy
is an ocean-front infinity pool
361
00:17:12,732 --> 00:17:14,302
with a swim-up bar.
362
00:17:14,301 --> 00:17:16,631
You know, the simple things.
363
00:17:16,636 --> 00:17:18,886
[BURPS]
Well--
364
00:17:18,889 --> 00:17:20,289
You all right?
365
00:17:20,290 --> 00:17:23,490
There's so much in my life
I was taking for granted.
366
00:17:23,493 --> 00:17:26,593
My wife, two great kids.
Three.
367
00:17:26,596 --> 00:17:28,876
Yep. This is what I needed.
368
00:17:28,881 --> 00:17:31,021
No, wait. There she is.
369
00:17:31,017 --> 00:17:32,247
This is what I needed.
370
00:17:32,252 --> 00:17:33,522
[LAUGHING]
371
00:17:33,520 --> 00:17:36,720
Oh, it's good to see you back
to yourself again.
372
00:17:36,723 --> 00:17:38,793
What's that?
I said it's good to see you
373
00:17:38,791 --> 00:17:40,161
back to yourself again.
374
00:17:40,160 --> 00:17:41,360
Oh, yeah.
375
00:17:41,361 --> 00:17:44,231
I love you.
I love you too.
376
00:17:44,231 --> 00:17:46,331
And I love Africa.
377
00:17:46,333 --> 00:17:48,553
Thought there'd be
more black people, though.
378
00:17:48,551 --> 00:17:51,171
[♪]
379
00:17:51,171 --> 00:17:54,541
WOMAN:
We're now landing at Stoolbend International Airport.
380
00:17:54,541 --> 00:17:56,241
We apologize ahead of time
381
00:17:56,242 --> 00:17:58,012
if you had a petin the cargo bay.
382
00:17:58,011 --> 00:17:59,241
They're frozen.
383
00:17:59,245 --> 00:18:01,045
Here's a tip for next time
384
00:18:01,048 --> 00:18:02,878
don't bringyour pet on vacation.
385
00:18:02,883 --> 00:18:04,653
They don't know the difference.
386
00:18:04,651 --> 00:18:07,391
The local time is 2:44.
387
00:18:07,387 --> 00:18:09,917
Oh, Donna, I feel so much better
388
00:18:09,923 --> 00:18:13,323
but I bet my former friends
didn't even notice I was gone.
389
00:18:13,326 --> 00:18:16,626
[TIRES SCREECHING]
No way. Look.
390
00:18:16,629 --> 00:18:19,079
What happened to our street?
391
00:18:21,349 --> 00:18:23,229
[WOLVES HOWLING]
392
00:18:23,236 --> 00:18:26,166
Hey, Cleveland.
What a cluster fudge, huh?
393
00:18:26,172 --> 00:18:29,212
Cleveland, boy,
are we glad to see you.
394
00:18:29,208 --> 00:18:32,508
C-Bro, bad news.
Forgot to water your plants.
395
00:18:32,512 --> 00:18:35,352
Would somebody tell me
what the H happened?
396
00:18:35,348 --> 00:18:37,818
Turns out years
of inbreeding, in this case,
397
00:18:37,818 --> 00:18:40,448
did not make me
a good racecar driver.
398
00:18:40,454 --> 00:18:44,694
I crashed and broke 95 percent
of my skeleton bones.
399
00:18:44,691 --> 00:18:46,691
Yeah, he-- He couldn't pay
the medical bills
400
00:18:46,693 --> 00:18:49,763
so Holt and I tried to raise
the money with a car wash.
401
00:18:49,763 --> 00:18:52,133
I tore open the fire hydrant
so we--
402
00:18:52,131 --> 00:18:53,501
So we would have enough water.
403
00:18:53,500 --> 00:18:55,070
Dumbass didn't know how
to close it.
404
00:18:55,067 --> 00:18:57,367
Katrina'ed my place.
Made a sinkhole.
405
00:18:57,370 --> 00:18:59,500
House fell in.
Don't tell my mom.
406
00:18:59,506 --> 00:19:02,366
Pulled the power lines with it
and we lost all our power.
407
00:19:02,375 --> 00:19:04,835
Meat was gonna spoil,
so alls we could do
408
00:19:04,844 --> 00:19:07,114
was throw a big block
party barbecue.
409
00:19:07,113 --> 00:19:08,633
I-- I offered to be grill master
410
00:19:08,632 --> 00:19:11,502
but because of my big,
clumsy bear hands,
411
00:19:11,501 --> 00:19:13,541
I, uh, caught myself on fire.
412
00:19:13,537 --> 00:19:15,967
So I stopped, dropped and rolled
413
00:19:15,972 --> 00:19:18,312
right into a pile
of dirty tires.
414
00:19:18,307 --> 00:19:20,807
Anyway, w-while they were
trying to put me out
415
00:19:20,810 --> 00:19:23,380
we forgot about the meat,
and now we got wolves.
416
00:19:23,379 --> 00:19:24,509
[GROWLS]
417
00:19:24,513 --> 00:19:25,403
I tell you, Cleveland,
418
00:19:25,398 --> 00:19:26,758
none of this would have happened
419
00:19:26,766 --> 00:19:29,366
if we had let you drive
the car in the drag race.
420
00:19:29,369 --> 00:19:32,349
See, Cleveland?
These guys do look up to you.
421
00:19:32,355 --> 00:19:33,685
They're lost without you.
422
00:19:33,689 --> 00:19:38,129
You know what? I guess they do
and are, respectively.
423
00:19:38,128 --> 00:19:40,758
Hey, what about that blimp?
424
00:19:40,764 --> 00:19:45,104
I honestly did not see that
until now.
425
00:19:45,102 --> 00:19:47,552
[♪]
426
00:19:47,554 --> 00:19:52,024
Welcome parents, second wives
and Central American nannies.
427
00:19:52,025 --> 00:19:54,125
Today, the kindergarten class
428
00:19:54,127 --> 00:19:56,487
will present their
very first oral reports
429
00:19:56,496 --> 00:19:59,456
on a subject matter
of their own choosing.
430
00:19:59,466 --> 00:20:02,396
First up,
an adorable little pisher
431
00:20:02,402 --> 00:20:04,042
with the cutest little punum.
432
00:20:04,037 --> 00:20:06,897
Rallo Tubbs.
[AUDIENCE CLAPPING]
433
00:20:06,906 --> 00:20:10,906
Welcome to my report,
"My Journey to Africa."
434
00:20:10,910 --> 00:20:12,640
When did Rallo go to Afric--?
435
00:20:12,646 --> 00:20:14,476
Oh.
436
00:20:14,481 --> 00:20:16,711
Africa, a tropical paradise
437
00:20:16,716 --> 00:20:20,716
with white sandy beaches
and PGA-rated golf courses.
438
00:20:20,721 --> 00:20:23,251
Africa's major exports
are pineapples,
439
00:20:23,256 --> 00:20:26,556
macadamia nuts and Jack Johnson.
440
00:20:26,560 --> 00:20:29,110
Each morning when you wake up,
they leave a copy
441
00:20:29,112 --> 00:20:32,912
of Africa's number one
newspaper, Oosa Today.
442
00:20:32,916 --> 00:20:36,126
And after several of what are
called grown-up drinks
443
00:20:36,135 --> 00:20:40,235
it is customary for the elders
to sleep half-naked until 3:00
444
00:20:40,239 --> 00:20:43,809
and let you swim
in the ocean alone.
445
00:20:43,810 --> 00:20:46,860
So in conclusion,
I would like to say thank you.
446
00:20:46,863 --> 00:20:48,833
Or as they say in Africa:
447
00:20:48,832 --> 00:20:52,702
"Mahalo for coming
to the Mauna Kea Four Seasons."
448
00:20:52,702 --> 00:20:56,422
Hey, what a cool dad.
Took his kid to Hawaii.
449
00:20:56,422 --> 00:20:58,362
Bye, bye.
450
00:21:00,409 --> 00:21:02,409
[♪]
451
00:21:33,442 --> 00:21:36,412
[English - US - Line 21]
452
00:21:36,462 --> 00:21:41,012
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