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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:27,820 --> 00:00:30,460 I should have continued learning music. 2 00:00:30,484 --> 00:00:32,903 The only thing I used to like. 3 00:00:35,059 --> 00:00:36,996 It was all a big mess… 4 00:00:40,700 --> 00:00:43,076 Our Lebanon... 5 00:00:43,740 --> 00:00:46,556 is 10452 km² 6 00:00:46,740 --> 00:00:49,116 and this is the area we want! 7 00:00:50,899 --> 00:00:53,011 What lies North of Lebanon? 8 00:00:53,460 --> 00:00:55,176 Syria. 9 00:00:55,299 --> 00:00:57,724 And at the Southern border? Israel. 10 00:00:57,980 --> 00:01:00,135 Israelies sent us the Palestinians. 11 00:01:00,180 --> 00:01:02,160 With their big camps in Lebanon 12 00:01:02,219 --> 00:01:03,891 they want to swallow us up! 13 00:01:04,500 --> 00:01:06,920 From the other side, the Syrians came. 14 00:01:07,379 --> 00:01:09,932 They ate up what's left of the country. 15 00:01:10,700 --> 00:01:13,340 Another big threat is coming from inside Lebanon! 16 00:01:13,580 --> 00:01:15,868 The other Lebanese who are encircling us. 17 00:01:15,980 --> 00:01:19,103 They all want to exterminate us and throw us in the sea. 18 00:01:19,299 --> 00:01:21,455 Our church bells will stop ringing! 19 00:01:21,819 --> 00:01:25,251 - You! Which area are you from? - Deir Al Qamar. 20 00:01:25,580 --> 00:01:27,556 You are surrounded by the Druze! 21 00:01:27,580 --> 00:01:30,703 They ate all of Mount Lebanon! They're are going to devour you! 22 00:01:31,020 --> 00:01:32,339 I am from Sin El Fil. 23 00:01:32,419 --> 00:01:34,795 Enemies will soon reach your area and totally erase it! 24 00:01:35,219 --> 00:01:36,672 Wake up boys! 25 00:01:37,620 --> 00:01:39,292 What about you? 26 00:01:40,660 --> 00:01:42,816 Where is the Jelelaty family from? 27 00:01:44,219 --> 00:01:45,891 And where is your mother from? 28 00:01:48,700 --> 00:01:51,208 Your mother, where is she from? 29 00:01:52,219 --> 00:01:53,935 This land is for us. 30 00:01:54,140 --> 00:01:56,427 No Palestinian or Syrian 31 00:01:56,580 --> 00:01:58,515 will dare take it from us... 32 00:02:14,500 --> 00:02:16,391 When were you born? 33 00:02:17,980 --> 00:02:19,828 31 October 34 00:02:20,419 --> 00:02:22,136 1994. 35 00:02:22,980 --> 00:02:24,696 Liar! 36 00:02:27,620 --> 00:02:30,392 That was the day I got to Barcelona 37 00:02:32,219 --> 00:02:34,507 18 September 1963. 38 00:02:35,620 --> 00:02:36,851 You're old! 39 00:02:36,859 --> 00:02:38,312 Fuck you! 40 00:03:15,100 --> 00:03:17,388 I just love the sea. 41 00:03:17,980 --> 00:03:20,180 It is tender like you 42 00:03:20,299 --> 00:03:22,587 and sometimes crazy, like you. 43 00:03:23,060 --> 00:03:25,567 It immigrates and travels. 44 00:03:27,700 --> 00:03:29,591 Where are we going? 45 00:03:32,419 --> 00:03:35,996 I want to get rid of you and drop you off to the airport. 46 00:03:36,020 --> 00:03:38,836 To be frank, that would be great! 47 00:03:39,180 --> 00:03:42,171 I'd be delighted to take the plane now. 48 00:03:43,460 --> 00:03:47,860 I never imagined it would be like this. 49 00:03:48,419 --> 00:03:52,687 I didn't expect this film to be like this! 50 00:03:55,299 --> 00:03:57,852 I thought I would be comfortable and cool 51 00:03:58,500 --> 00:04:00,788 and just sit and talk. But no... 52 00:04:01,180 --> 00:04:03,820 I'm paralysed and afraid. 53 00:04:04,379 --> 00:04:06,800 I just want to go back home and sleep. 54 00:04:08,259 --> 00:04:10,284 When you first told me your story 55 00:04:10,540 --> 00:04:12,475 you were really enjoying it! 56 00:04:12,580 --> 00:04:14,780 You were almost putting on a show! 57 00:04:14,899 --> 00:04:17,760 You gave me the impression that you wanted to talk. 58 00:04:19,700 --> 00:04:22,471 In fact I was putting on a show... 59 00:04:23,060 --> 00:04:25,611 The sea is tender like you 60 00:04:26,140 --> 00:04:28,427 and often crazy like you. 61 00:04:28,859 --> 00:04:31,675 It immigrates and travels. 62 00:04:32,060 --> 00:04:34,744 It's sometimes confused, like you 63 00:04:35,419 --> 00:04:37,752 and often sad, like you. 64 00:04:38,700 --> 00:04:42,703 It can be full of patience, I just love the sea. 65 00:04:53,419 --> 00:04:56,059 These turns and alleyways 66 00:04:57,620 --> 00:04:58,764 like here. 67 00:04:58,939 --> 00:05:00,744 It's like old Damascus. 68 00:05:08,180 --> 00:05:10,820 That's the most beautiful neighborhood in Seville. 69 00:05:15,410 --> 00:05:18,138 Hello... I'm talking from Spain. 70 00:05:19,189 --> 00:05:21,740 It's Michel Jelelaty. 71 00:05:22,980 --> 00:05:26,631 I want to talk to Takla Could you call her please? 72 00:05:28,020 --> 00:05:29,736 She is... 73 00:05:30,062 --> 00:05:32,203 Ok..I'll wait. 74 00:05:33,899 --> 00:05:35,704 They are calling her... 75 00:05:35,899 --> 00:05:37,704 Put the speaker on. 76 00:05:38,500 --> 00:05:40,304 I don't want to. 77 00:05:40,580 --> 00:05:42,912 I didn't hear anyone talking to you! 78 00:05:43,660 --> 00:05:46,079 Because there's nobody on the phone! 79 00:05:46,580 --> 00:05:48,996 I'm lying to you, I can't talk to Takla. 80 00:05:49,020 --> 00:05:50,780 Why are you lying to me? 81 00:05:50,805 --> 00:05:52,740 I don't know anything about Takla! 82 00:05:53,100 --> 00:05:56,047 She must be in Saidnaya, Syria... There's no phone there. 83 00:05:56,460 --> 00:05:59,011 She fled from Damascus... It's chaos there. 84 00:05:59,259 --> 00:06:01,812 - Did you at least try to reach out? - No. 85 00:06:01,980 --> 00:06:04,928 You said she was as important as your mother! 86 00:06:05,379 --> 00:06:07,272 I didn't try to reach out to her. 87 00:06:08,180 --> 00:06:10,995 Maybe because I'm a shitty person. 88 00:06:16,939 --> 00:06:18,832 I don't miss anyone! 89 00:06:18,939 --> 00:06:21,139 Go fuck yourselves, all of you! 90 00:06:40,540 --> 00:06:42,300 Why did they call you Michel? 91 00:06:42,700 --> 00:06:44,459 Who is Michel? 92 00:06:44,899 --> 00:06:48,420 He's the archangel who kills the devil with his sword. 93 00:06:55,939 --> 00:06:58,360 Are you Michel or Miguel? 94 00:07:09,500 --> 00:07:12,360 What a horrible bitch. 95 00:07:28,899 --> 00:07:32,067 The biggest effort I did in my life 96 00:07:32,540 --> 00:07:34,755 was to forget who I was 97 00:07:34,779 --> 00:07:37,816 and to eradicate Michel Jelelaty. 98 00:07:38,620 --> 00:07:42,116 I moved heaven and earth to erase Michel Jelelaty. 99 00:07:42,140 --> 00:07:44,252 You can't imagine the effort I did. 100 00:07:45,540 --> 00:07:48,840 In the first years after my move to Madrid. 101 00:07:48,899 --> 00:07:53,436 People would ask for my name and I would answer: Miguel Alonso. 102 00:07:53,460 --> 00:07:55,352 My dream was to be a Spaniard 103 00:07:55,419 --> 00:07:57,619 and forget about Lebanon. 104 00:08:07,779 --> 00:08:10,332 I truly believed I was Miguel Alonso. 105 00:08:10,700 --> 00:08:12,284 I really lived it. 106 00:08:12,540 --> 00:08:14,563 I acted like a real Spaniard 107 00:08:14,700 --> 00:08:17,912 I am carefree and happy with myself. 108 00:08:22,580 --> 00:08:24,516 During my life in Madrid 109 00:08:24,700 --> 00:08:26,943 we used to fuck on the street! 110 00:08:28,340 --> 00:08:32,167 People would piss on each other and they'd screw everywhere... 111 00:08:32,500 --> 00:08:33,863 Gays. 112 00:08:33,939 --> 00:08:36,755 Straight, all mixed. 113 00:08:36,779 --> 00:08:40,035 Sexual chaos, orgies... I lived all this! 114 00:08:40,139 --> 00:08:41,943 I was fucked in front of 1000 people... 115 00:08:45,540 --> 00:08:49,543 I feel that ever since we met in Barcelona. 116 00:08:51,460 --> 00:08:55,287 It's like I hit your Play button and the tape started rolling. 117 00:08:55,500 --> 00:08:58,227 Why did you tell me your story? 118 00:09:00,979 --> 00:09:04,896 I am growing old, probably... When one grows old 119 00:09:05,099 --> 00:09:06,991 one needs to resolve 120 00:09:07,340 --> 00:09:10,508 the basic issues and rest... 121 00:09:10,580 --> 00:09:12,912 I told you my story to spit things out 122 00:09:12,979 --> 00:09:15,796 throw up everything and let up. 123 00:09:16,380 --> 00:09:20,339 Are there any red lines? Or shall we vomit up everything? 124 00:09:21,540 --> 00:09:26,291 When you edit this film, don't put sentences where I'm angry. 125 00:09:26,739 --> 00:09:30,435 I might say things that seem full of hate, but it's not the case. 126 00:09:30,660 --> 00:09:32,816 It's not about hate anymore... 127 00:09:33,179 --> 00:09:34,632 I overcame this feeling. 128 00:09:35,660 --> 00:09:37,640 I just want to accept my roots 129 00:09:37,779 --> 00:09:40,596 and explain to my roots what they've done to me. 130 00:09:49,300 --> 00:09:51,720 How was Michel as a child? 131 00:09:52,340 --> 00:09:53,748 Tortured. 132 00:09:55,260 --> 00:09:59,131 Crushed by his inferiority complex. 133 00:10:00,099 --> 00:10:03,752 Michel the child wished he had never existed. 134 00:10:05,979 --> 00:10:10,115 At school, they often sent to my parents warnings in French: ''Your son is slow''. 135 00:10:10,139 --> 00:10:13,219 Since then, everybody called me ''slow''. 136 00:10:15,099 --> 00:10:17,784 Indeed, I was a slow child. 137 00:10:25,819 --> 00:10:28,812 Who are the characters of your story? 138 00:10:33,420 --> 00:10:34,740 Me. 139 00:10:35,819 --> 00:10:38,107 My mother. 140 00:10:44,939 --> 00:10:47,888 Me and my mother, only! 141 00:10:50,979 --> 00:10:52,784 Oedipus won again! 142 00:10:53,099 --> 00:10:56,223 Yes, but I didn't turn out the way she wanted! 143 00:11:07,139 --> 00:11:08,899 What a silence... 144 00:11:09,260 --> 00:11:11,019 It's scary. 145 00:11:13,500 --> 00:11:15,480 Who else is in the story? 146 00:11:19,019 --> 00:11:20,736 Who else... 147 00:11:24,340 --> 00:11:26,143 Which characters... 148 00:11:27,460 --> 00:11:30,672 A very important person in my story is Maria. 149 00:11:31,340 --> 00:11:33,804 Men are stupid. 150 00:11:34,300 --> 00:11:37,203 They are so full of themselves, when they are intellectual. 151 00:11:37,500 --> 00:11:39,656 They don't give a shit about others. 152 00:11:40,580 --> 00:11:43,968 - She comes later, in your Spanish chapter. - Yes. 153 00:11:45,019 --> 00:11:48,716 The son of my Godparents was also a character! 154 00:11:48,739 --> 00:11:51,276 He comes in the porn part of the film. 155 00:11:51,300 --> 00:11:52,400 Indeed... 156 00:11:55,779 --> 00:11:57,979 And with whom did you betray your mother? 157 00:11:59,859 --> 00:12:00,959 With the guys! 158 00:12:01,580 --> 00:12:04,219 The Lebanese forces militia and the Phalangist fighters! 159 00:12:06,380 --> 00:12:08,668 Really, have you ever used a gun? 160 00:12:08,899 --> 00:12:10,748 You fired a bullet? 161 00:12:11,139 --> 00:12:14,263 - What are their names? - I just remember Tony. 162 00:12:16,899 --> 00:12:19,011 There's also Elie? 163 00:12:19,979 --> 00:12:22,047 Elie, for sure... 164 00:12:22,739 --> 00:12:24,412 My brother 165 00:12:25,540 --> 00:12:27,123 and... 166 00:12:28,019 --> 00:12:30,924 Can we interview your brother for the film? 167 00:12:32,099 --> 00:12:33,684 That's very complicated! 168 00:12:35,979 --> 00:12:38,576 He was better at everything! 169 00:12:38,620 --> 00:12:40,995 He was smarter, stronger and faster than me 170 00:12:41,380 --> 00:12:42,832 he was even wittier. 171 00:12:43,340 --> 00:12:45,892 Mom was totally in love with him. 172 00:12:46,739 --> 00:12:50,259 I lived my whole life with that rage 173 00:12:50,700 --> 00:12:53,868 of seeing in mom's eyes that Elie was her favorite. 174 00:12:54,059 --> 00:12:56,832 He was strong and started to play Karate. 175 00:12:57,700 --> 00:13:00,912 I hated him and dreamed of killing him. 176 00:13:02,939 --> 00:13:06,436 That's why when the Lebanese Forces militia asked us. 177 00:13:06,460 --> 00:13:08,924 ''Who wants to fight in the mountain?'' 178 00:13:09,059 --> 00:13:12,007 I instantly agreed to join the battle. 179 00:13:12,660 --> 00:13:15,343 You think I am a pussy? Well I am not! 180 00:13:15,859 --> 00:13:18,808 I'm going to carry a Kalashnikov and shoot! 181 00:13:21,580 --> 00:13:24,155 What did you feel when you pressed the trigger? 182 00:13:24,179 --> 00:13:26,071 And when you heard the bullet? 183 00:13:27,979 --> 00:13:30,179 Wait! Before we talk about the war... 184 00:13:30,580 --> 00:13:32,560 Let's recall your life in Beirut before. 185 00:13:34,460 --> 00:13:36,660 How beautiful was old Beirut... 186 00:13:37,580 --> 00:13:38,724 It was just... 187 00:13:41,139 --> 00:13:42,724 Oh the smells! 188 00:13:43,460 --> 00:13:45,748 The smells of food and sweets was everywhere. 189 00:13:48,859 --> 00:13:53,523 The Meghleh dessert still makes my heart beat faster. 190 00:13:54,939 --> 00:13:56,524 Its smell and taste... 191 00:13:56,899 --> 00:13:59,452 These were very happy moments. 192 00:14:04,019 --> 00:14:05,999 That's Cinema Pigalle, right? 193 00:14:07,139 --> 00:14:09,295 There's no national archive center here. 194 00:14:09,939 --> 00:14:11,963 I gathered images from here and there. 195 00:14:12,500 --> 00:14:13,556 Shots from films 196 00:14:13,580 --> 00:14:16,219 and footage from foreign press... 197 00:14:27,580 --> 00:14:29,780 We used to go by bus 198 00:14:30,099 --> 00:14:32,123 to the souks. 199 00:14:33,979 --> 00:14:36,972 At each corner, there were Egyptians selling peanuts. 200 00:14:38,779 --> 00:14:40,892 With whom did you go to the souks? 201 00:14:50,179 --> 00:14:51,720 Takla. 202 00:14:52,859 --> 00:14:54,664 Who's Takla? 203 00:14:55,019 --> 00:14:58,143 The woman who cared for us when we were children. 204 00:14:59,460 --> 00:15:01,836 - The Syrian nanny? - Yes. 205 00:15:07,340 --> 00:15:10,992 I love the sea, it is tender like you and often crazy like you. 206 00:15:11,939 --> 00:15:14,051 Oh! This is St Georges resort. 207 00:15:15,099 --> 00:15:17,123 - You used to like the sea? - A lot! 208 00:15:19,099 --> 00:15:21,123 Now you don't like it anymore! 209 00:15:23,620 --> 00:15:26,524 Why you don't like the sea anymore? 210 00:15:33,620 --> 00:15:35,732 So where's the sea? 211 00:15:36,099 --> 00:15:38,123 Behind. No, it's there... 212 00:15:39,739 --> 00:15:41,015 Here. 213 00:15:43,500 --> 00:15:46,271 This the Shouf mountain, over Jiyeh. 214 00:15:46,340 --> 00:15:48,408 Really? It's that close? 215 00:15:48,739 --> 00:15:50,676 That's Jiyeh there? 216 00:15:51,500 --> 00:15:53,392 Where was your house? 217 00:15:53,420 --> 00:15:54,915 Towards the Tayouneh roundabout. 218 00:15:55,179 --> 00:15:57,027 Behind the church was our house. 219 00:15:57,300 --> 00:15:59,147 Can we go visit your house? 220 00:15:59,700 --> 00:16:00,843 No. 221 00:16:01,819 --> 00:16:04,107 Why should we go there? There's nothing left. 222 00:16:04,420 --> 00:16:06,444 Everything has changed. 223 00:16:12,979 --> 00:16:16,499 Didn't the war start next to your house in 1975? 224 00:16:18,700 --> 00:16:21,912 We heard shots fired next to the house. 225 00:16:22,340 --> 00:16:26,676 We were told that Palestinians and Phalangists were fighting against each other 226 00:16:26,700 --> 00:16:29,604 and that Palestinian fighters were nearby. 227 00:16:29,779 --> 00:16:33,299 We saw them from the balcony, we were really scared. 228 00:16:35,179 --> 00:16:39,095 At the same time, Phalangists were making sand barricades behind the house. 229 00:16:39,580 --> 00:16:41,780 They asked us to leave immediately. 230 00:16:41,979 --> 00:16:45,279 My parents were confused... They took some stuff and decided to leave. 231 00:16:45,660 --> 00:16:48,079 As we were leaving, our house was hit. 232 00:16:48,500 --> 00:16:51,359 Three missiles landed in the living room. 233 00:16:52,739 --> 00:16:56,795 I was still at home, looking for a book by ''Countess de Ségur'' 234 00:16:56,819 --> 00:16:58,448 that I was reading. 235 00:16:58,779 --> 00:17:00,143 I fainted. 236 00:17:00,500 --> 00:17:03,579 Takla came back to rescue me. My mother was shouting downstairs. 237 00:17:03,580 --> 00:17:05,692 The smell of gunpowder was everywhere. 238 00:17:09,540 --> 00:17:11,784 Your own war started that day? 239 00:17:13,899 --> 00:17:17,199 That day my life stopped, my war started before. 240 00:17:24,420 --> 00:17:27,191 What's the Countess de Ségur story you were reading? 241 00:17:27,580 --> 00:17:29,736 Several stupid stories 242 00:17:29,739 --> 00:17:32,755 of bourgeois people living in a castle 243 00:17:32,779 --> 00:17:35,596 I was fond of them and totally immersed in their world 244 00:17:35,620 --> 00:17:37,071 I read them continuously. 245 00:17:40,220 --> 00:17:43,343 - You refused your own reality? - Yes. 246 00:17:44,540 --> 00:17:46,520 What did you wish to be? 247 00:17:46,540 --> 00:17:47,903 A countess. 248 00:17:55,580 --> 00:17:58,792 I will look like a cooking pot! The camera angle is not right! 249 00:18:00,179 --> 00:18:01,852 What's this dialect you're using? 250 00:18:02,700 --> 00:18:04,327 It's Jordanian 251 00:18:04,460 --> 00:18:06,704 but there, they don't recognize it as such. 252 00:18:07,819 --> 00:18:11,956 I have the mixed Palestinian accent of the cities. 253 00:18:12,580 --> 00:18:14,824 Basically, the Palestinians of Amman. 254 00:18:14,859 --> 00:18:16,752 So we are searching for a woman 255 00:18:16,939 --> 00:18:19,396 to play the character of Michel's mother... 256 00:18:19,420 --> 00:18:21,355 Do I look like your mother? 257 00:18:22,220 --> 00:18:24,464 The body language, a little bit 258 00:18:24,979 --> 00:18:26,915 and maybe some similar mixed accent... 259 00:18:26,939 --> 00:18:29,976 - Like mine? - She was from Damascus. 260 00:18:30,220 --> 00:18:34,091 - She stretches her vowels? - Not that much. 261 00:18:34,220 --> 00:18:36,155 More of a mixed dialect, like you. 262 00:18:37,099 --> 00:18:39,343 So... Your son is Michel 263 00:18:39,939 --> 00:18:42,800 and he torments you... - He torments me? 264 00:18:42,819 --> 00:18:46,648 He is ashamed of your Syrian accent... He wants you to hide it. 265 00:18:50,660 --> 00:18:51,995 Pull yourself together! 266 00:18:52,019 --> 00:18:53,955 Why are you so vulnerable? 267 00:18:54,099 --> 00:18:55,396 Who's better than you? 268 00:18:55,420 --> 00:18:58,279 She'd repeat that tune continuously and I would go crazy! 269 00:18:58,340 --> 00:19:00,452 Ok, I'll do this the Palestinian way. 270 00:19:00,500 --> 00:19:04,476 ''Darling, when we had a cinema in Haifa, Lebanese were still riding donkeys!'' 271 00:19:04,500 --> 00:19:06,347 ''Stop being ashamed of yourself!'' 272 00:19:06,420 --> 00:19:09,588 Mom used to say the same when she compared Damascus to Mount Lebanon! 273 00:19:09,620 --> 00:19:11,424 “Lebanese are all peasants!” 274 00:19:11,460 --> 00:19:13,528 “They are the ones to blame for their war... 275 00:19:13,580 --> 00:19:15,648 ''They are stupid!'' ''Who do they think they are?'' 276 00:19:15,899 --> 00:19:18,716 Exactly! Lebanese are just peasants! 277 00:19:18,779 --> 00:19:21,992 You act like those peasants who think they are superior? 278 00:19:23,819 --> 00:19:25,712 I hated her for that tune! 279 00:19:36,420 --> 00:19:38,135 Did you love anyone? 280 00:19:38,580 --> 00:19:40,516 The Bionic man, Lee Majors. 281 00:19:41,460 --> 00:19:43,704 I used to dream I'd be sleeping with him... 282 00:19:43,859 --> 00:19:46,103 We wouldn't be screwing each other. 283 00:19:46,660 --> 00:19:49,035 He would just be hugging me. 284 00:19:50,739 --> 00:19:52,720 I was so innocent... 285 00:19:58,179 --> 00:20:01,039 I used to fall in love with all the strong men. 286 00:20:09,220 --> 00:20:11,464 Could we ask you to let your hair down? 287 00:20:11,660 --> 00:20:12,760 Sure. 288 00:20:14,620 --> 00:20:16,688 To the left or to the right? 289 00:20:16,859 --> 00:20:18,400 On both sides. 290 00:20:23,019 --> 00:20:25,087 - This is Jesus! - Jesus?? 291 00:20:26,500 --> 00:20:28,356 There's a toga for you inside. 292 00:20:28,380 --> 00:20:29,480 A toga? 293 00:20:43,580 --> 00:20:46,395 So the scene is with Jesus Christ. 294 00:20:46,540 --> 00:20:49,708 He's laying while having supper. 295 00:20:51,139 --> 00:20:53,692 Suddenly, Mary Magdalene comes in. 296 00:20:53,899 --> 00:20:56,848 She cries and kisses his feet. 297 00:20:57,859 --> 00:21:01,335 That's the scene that Eliane wants to shoot. 298 00:21:01,899 --> 00:21:04,556 - You will play Mary Magdalene? - He will! 299 00:21:04,580 --> 00:21:06,648 You are Mary Magdalene! 300 00:21:15,739 --> 00:21:19,832 When I used to watch the film about Jesus Christ's passion. 301 00:21:20,139 --> 00:21:22,119 I'd get aroused looking at Jesus. 302 00:21:22,139 --> 00:21:25,556 When Mary Magdalene would be all over him… 303 00:21:25,580 --> 00:21:28,704 I'd go crazy… I was nine years old. 304 00:21:28,779 --> 00:21:31,331 - She wants to re-enact this scene. - OK. 305 00:21:31,420 --> 00:21:34,191 - Do you have a problem? - With what? 306 00:21:34,580 --> 00:21:36,824 That I would jump on him? 307 00:21:41,819 --> 00:21:45,207 Depends if we'd cross the limits. 308 00:21:45,540 --> 00:21:49,356 No, the Magdalene doesn't sleep with Jesus. 309 00:21:49,380 --> 00:21:52,415 Also, Jesus is all about forgiveness. 310 00:21:59,059 --> 00:22:01,788 I was madly in love with Jesus Christ. 311 00:22:06,139 --> 00:22:09,219 And I was obsessed with this scene in the film. 312 00:22:10,099 --> 00:22:12,255 Once, I remember. 313 00:22:12,660 --> 00:22:15,828 We used to sleep in the living room, during the war 314 00:22:15,859 --> 00:22:19,423 we'd put mattresses on the floor, as it was the safest place. 315 00:22:20,939 --> 00:22:23,492 The sound of the bombs was very loud 316 00:22:23,540 --> 00:22:26,135 I woke up and saw... my father. 317 00:22:26,580 --> 00:22:30,495 His foot was dangling out of the sheets. 318 00:22:33,340 --> 00:22:36,155 I felt I needed to either touch it 319 00:22:36,220 --> 00:22:37,716 or I'd go crazy 320 00:22:37,819 --> 00:22:40,460 I knew I was doing something wrong. 321 00:22:40,620 --> 00:22:43,656 But I wanted to re-enact the scene of the Magdalene 322 00:22:43,859 --> 00:22:45,356 with my dad 323 00:22:45,500 --> 00:22:46,732 I kissed his foot. 324 00:22:47,300 --> 00:22:48,488 He instantly woke up 325 00:22:48,819 --> 00:22:50,580 “What are you doing!” 326 00:22:50,660 --> 00:22:51,979 Everybody woke up 327 00:22:52,059 --> 00:22:54,039 I was shivering and shouting: ''It's not me!'' 328 00:22:54,179 --> 00:22:56,688 My mother was screaming: ''What's going on?'' 329 00:23:01,260 --> 00:23:05,175 I had completely erased this story from my memory… 330 00:23:05,979 --> 00:23:07,959 I just remembered it. 331 00:23:10,500 --> 00:23:13,844 Did you ever have a therapist analyze this story? 332 00:23:14,300 --> 00:23:17,467 I always chose what to tell my therapists. 333 00:23:17,620 --> 00:23:19,776 I'd lead them where I want. 334 00:23:20,620 --> 00:23:22,600 Because I was ashamed. 335 00:23:22,739 --> 00:23:25,556 Stories like the one with the feet embarrassed me. 336 00:23:29,420 --> 00:23:32,455 - Can you sing Byzantine chants? - No. 337 00:23:32,540 --> 00:23:33,859 Yes you can. 338 00:23:36,660 --> 00:23:38,420 I don't want to. 339 00:23:38,620 --> 00:23:40,291 Why should I? Explain it to me. 340 00:23:40,660 --> 00:23:44,355 Convince me that I should sing Byzantine chants. 341 00:23:44,380 --> 00:23:46,183 Because this place is beautiful 342 00:23:47,739 --> 00:23:50,688 and your father grew up in this monastery 343 00:23:50,700 --> 00:23:53,031 and there's a nice spiritual feel. 344 00:23:57,220 --> 00:23:58,716 I'm not convinced. 345 00:23:59,819 --> 00:24:01,492 I don't want to chant! 346 00:24:11,979 --> 00:24:14,620 The wounded spirit 347 00:24:15,580 --> 00:24:19,451 of a sad parent 348 00:24:23,620 --> 00:24:27,580 was kept in the agony 349 00:24:28,179 --> 00:24:30,247 of shame 350 00:24:31,460 --> 00:24:34,716 and grief. 351 00:24:53,779 --> 00:24:58,575 Was kept in the agony 352 00:25:00,340 --> 00:25:05,575 of shame and grief. 353 00:25:08,620 --> 00:25:12,844 I still feel I'm screaming sometimes. 354 00:25:12,979 --> 00:25:15,311 How about singing in front of an audience? 355 00:25:16,300 --> 00:25:17,708 I will be mute. 356 00:25:18,179 --> 00:25:19,279 No! 357 00:25:19,460 --> 00:25:20,516 Really 358 00:25:20,540 --> 00:25:22,476 I believe you'd better give it a try. 359 00:25:23,899 --> 00:25:25,792 It really scares me. 360 00:25:26,220 --> 00:25:28,816 How people see me and their opinion of me. 361 00:25:29,220 --> 00:25:31,596 This is why I can't sing in public. 362 00:25:32,340 --> 00:25:35,199 Are you still feeling your parents' gaze? 363 00:25:35,739 --> 00:25:37,103 Yes... Probably. 364 00:25:37,939 --> 00:25:40,932 Indeed I'm still haunted by my parents' opinion. 365 00:25:41,380 --> 00:25:43,800 - That you would fail in in their eyes? - Yes. 366 00:25:47,220 --> 00:25:48,804 What a fool! 367 00:26:02,059 --> 00:26:04,171 Now you're 13-14-15 years old. 368 00:26:05,380 --> 00:26:07,051 Yes. 369 00:26:07,260 --> 00:26:08,844 What are you thinking about? 370 00:26:15,739 --> 00:26:19,479 There's something abnormal in me. 371 00:26:19,899 --> 00:26:23,111 I must get rid of it as soon as possible. 372 00:26:37,660 --> 00:26:40,960 How did you become more conscious of your sexual identity? 373 00:26:41,500 --> 00:26:43,612 We would go to the beach 374 00:26:43,739 --> 00:26:45,456 I would die. 375 00:26:47,660 --> 00:26:51,047 I wanted to touch men's bodies so badly. 376 00:26:52,099 --> 00:26:54,299 I used to like older men. 377 00:26:55,899 --> 00:26:59,155 I used to hitchhike a lot. 378 00:26:59,739 --> 00:27:02,476 Once a guy gave me a ride. 379 00:27:02,500 --> 00:27:04,699 He started flirting with me. 380 00:27:04,700 --> 00:27:07,780 He caressed my thigh and said: ''You like men?'' 381 00:27:07,859 --> 00:27:10,632 I shouted: ''No! I want to be a priest''. 382 00:27:10,779 --> 00:27:13,155 ''Stop your car, I want to go out!'' 383 00:27:13,779 --> 00:27:16,375 He laughed loudly: ''You do like men!'' 384 00:27:16,500 --> 00:27:18,744 He was the first one to say it clearly to me. 385 00:27:19,340 --> 00:27:21,452 Wasn't the word ''Homosexual'' common? 386 00:27:21,739 --> 00:27:23,235 No, not at all! 387 00:27:23,620 --> 00:27:26,612 I first heard the word ''Homosexual'' in Spain. 388 00:27:29,139 --> 00:27:32,043 - Did you ever try to tell your parents? - Once. 389 00:27:32,220 --> 00:27:36,531 I shouted: ''If you knew what I am living, you would commit suicide!'' 390 00:27:36,779 --> 00:27:40,035 I cried and said: ''I think I am into boys''. 391 00:27:42,979 --> 00:27:46,455 My mom was petrified! 392 00:27:47,260 --> 00:27:49,987 Forgive us Lord. 393 00:27:51,500 --> 00:27:54,227 We offended you. 394 00:27:56,460 --> 00:27:58,440 Forgive us... 395 00:27:59,460 --> 00:28:02,804 My father... He gave me this explanation. 396 00:28:03,059 --> 00:28:06,447 ''We are doomed to act like dirty animals.'' 397 00:28:06,739 --> 00:28:08,676 He meant the act of fucking. 398 00:28:08,779 --> 00:28:11,684 ''Procreation is the thing that saves us from this sin.'' 399 00:28:11,739 --> 00:28:13,983 ''Because God wants us to have children''. 400 00:28:15,939 --> 00:28:19,459 - So your parents' sex life... - I have my own theory about it! 401 00:28:19,700 --> 00:28:21,812 I believe they fucked 4 times only 402 00:28:21,899 --> 00:28:23,440 and had 4 children. 403 00:28:23,859 --> 00:28:26,059 I'm sure they prayed a lot before the act 404 00:28:26,580 --> 00:28:28,780 and asked God for forgiveness! 405 00:28:29,500 --> 00:28:31,876 Aren't you ashamed of saying this? 406 00:28:31,939 --> 00:28:33,480 No. 407 00:28:33,819 --> 00:28:37,075 I am not ashamed, God doesn't exist! 408 00:28:38,300 --> 00:28:41,556 And the priest you confessed to, what did he say? 409 00:28:41,580 --> 00:28:44,131 That the devil was in my body. 410 00:28:44,580 --> 00:28:48,495 He said: ''Fight the devil now before he gets your soul''. 411 00:28:50,739 --> 00:28:52,279 I started punishing myself. 412 00:28:52,939 --> 00:28:55,403 I started kneeling on lentil seeds 413 00:28:55,620 --> 00:28:57,776 and even chickpeas 414 00:28:57,979 --> 00:29:00,091 to torture myself even more. 415 00:29:00,899 --> 00:29:03,980 I would carry the Virgin Mary with me inside the shower 416 00:29:04,340 --> 00:29:08,079 so that she would prevent me from having erotic thoughts. 417 00:29:08,859 --> 00:29:12,236 It's so degrading, you'd want to jump off a cliff 418 00:29:12,260 --> 00:29:14,019 and be done with yourself. 419 00:29:16,739 --> 00:29:19,995 I often asked myself: Why am I so bad? 420 00:29:20,019 --> 00:29:22,528 What have I done to deserve this? 421 00:29:26,819 --> 00:29:29,415 And the devil won... 422 00:29:32,260 --> 00:29:35,251 In the end, we're all bad, aren't we? 423 00:29:39,220 --> 00:29:41,684 When I joined the Lebanese Forces 424 00:29:41,939 --> 00:29:45,283 the militiamen would touch my ass and laugh at me. 425 00:29:45,540 --> 00:29:49,455 I understood that I was losing my battle against the devil. 426 00:29:53,300 --> 00:29:55,728 That's when I started going crazy. 427 00:29:57,019 --> 00:29:58,560 Stand up! 428 00:29:58,979 --> 00:30:02,544 They used to tease me: “How soft you are!” 429 00:30:03,766 --> 00:30:07,639 I would come in my pants four times a day. 430 00:30:09,779 --> 00:30:11,055 He can be a character. 431 00:30:13,660 --> 00:30:15,904 Can you play the confident Macho? 432 00:30:17,460 --> 00:30:19,616 You can be violent? 433 00:30:20,979 --> 00:30:23,135 Unfortunately yes... 434 00:30:24,179 --> 00:30:27,039 - Let me pass first, I am hungry. - No, I am first. 435 00:30:27,500 --> 00:30:30,007 - Sweety let me pass... - No. 436 00:30:31,500 --> 00:30:34,007 Enough now! Let me pass! 437 00:30:35,779 --> 00:30:37,804 I'll get back to you in a while 438 00:30:37,939 --> 00:30:40,095 I was aroused day and night. 439 00:30:40,979 --> 00:30:44,896 I couldn't sleep at night... I was totally obsessed with them. 440 00:30:48,340 --> 00:30:51,948 This one... Could he be the rapist? 441 00:30:53,220 --> 00:30:55,199 Probably, yes... 442 00:30:55,580 --> 00:30:58,484 - Can't he be Tony? - Not at all! 443 00:31:01,099 --> 00:31:05,103 Can't you see the effort I am making not to beat you? 444 00:31:06,620 --> 00:31:08,512 People like you... 445 00:31:08,620 --> 00:31:10,600 they should be executed! 446 00:31:11,620 --> 00:31:15,051 The first time I realized that I wanted more 447 00:31:15,420 --> 00:31:18,896 was when I saw porn magazines at the barracks. 448 00:31:19,420 --> 00:31:22,367 I understood I wanted to play the woman role! 449 00:31:24,179 --> 00:31:28,624 A beautiful blond girl... I caught her and took her to the room. 450 00:31:39,500 --> 00:31:43,195 I envy you women, you can put make up everyday. 451 00:31:44,220 --> 00:31:45,979 That's fun. 452 00:31:50,340 --> 00:31:53,904 Since we still haven't found the lady who'll play your mom. 453 00:31:54,179 --> 00:31:55,939 You'll have to do that! 454 00:31:56,220 --> 00:31:59,564 But mom never put on so much eye shadow! 455 00:32:00,939 --> 00:32:03,403 And she was not bald. 456 00:32:05,540 --> 00:32:07,959 She had beautiful hair... 457 00:32:08,260 --> 00:32:11,276 She was sophisticated and had beautiful black hair. 458 00:32:11,300 --> 00:32:12,620 Just stunning. 459 00:32:13,779 --> 00:32:15,319 Can you put that shirt on? 460 00:32:15,380 --> 00:32:16,612 Yes. 461 00:32:17,099 --> 00:32:18,903 Are you ready for this? 462 00:32:24,260 --> 00:32:25,624 ''Michel...'' 463 00:32:26,059 --> 00:32:27,600 ''Walk straight''. 464 00:32:27,660 --> 00:32:28,804 ''Always walk straight''. 465 00:32:28,979 --> 00:32:30,696 ''Be worthy''. 466 00:32:30,739 --> 00:32:33,115 ''Look me in the eye. Be worthy''. 467 00:32:33,899 --> 00:32:36,980 That's all I remember from my mother. 468 00:32:37,300 --> 00:32:40,071 ''Look me in the eye. Be worthy''. 469 00:32:41,380 --> 00:32:42,788 Walk straight. 470 00:32:49,580 --> 00:32:52,572 Since then, my life has zigzagged. 471 00:32:54,580 --> 00:32:56,824 I was fucked by every guy I met. 472 00:32:57,380 --> 00:32:59,712 I stumbled into every hole. 473 00:32:59,939 --> 00:33:03,151 I fell into every possible garbage bin on my way. 474 00:33:05,739 --> 00:33:08,864 But I had fun at least... 475 00:33:11,139 --> 00:33:14,915 You once said that she told you: ''You can't be my son''. 476 00:33:14,939 --> 00:33:16,039 Yes. 477 00:33:16,099 --> 00:33:19,091 Tell me, how did she say that to you? 478 00:33:22,620 --> 00:33:25,215 These things, I cannot act. 479 00:33:28,460 --> 00:33:30,792 I can portray whatever you want me to 480 00:33:31,019 --> 00:33:34,584 but I can't act my mother saying: “You can't be my son”. 481 00:33:34,620 --> 00:33:36,864 Although she did say that. 482 00:33:37,660 --> 00:33:38,760 Cut! 483 00:33:41,739 --> 00:33:43,499 - That's it? - Yes. 484 00:33:43,500 --> 00:33:44,600 Cut. 485 00:33:45,660 --> 00:33:47,991 Do you think she can see me? 486 00:33:48,099 --> 00:33:49,947 From above? 487 00:34:26,580 --> 00:34:29,263 Here is a group of girl friends! How are you? 488 00:34:30,660 --> 00:34:33,476 You all look like you work in a beauty center. 489 00:34:34,099 --> 00:34:37,091 Or whores, because you are all so pimped out... 490 00:34:37,979 --> 00:34:39,123 Do you have a boyfriend? 491 00:34:39,540 --> 00:34:41,167 - Yes. - Where is he? 492 00:34:41,260 --> 00:34:42,668 In the United States. 493 00:34:44,620 --> 00:34:46,644 He sent me a bouquet of roses! 494 00:34:47,019 --> 00:34:49,836 He sent you roses, but he won't eat your pussy! 495 00:34:50,899 --> 00:34:52,923 What will you do tonight? 496 00:34:53,019 --> 00:34:55,219 Have sex with the bouquet! 497 00:34:56,979 --> 00:35:00,764 Don't remove the thorns! At least you will feel something! 498 00:35:01,099 --> 00:35:03,608 If someone gives me a bouquet of roses 499 00:35:03,620 --> 00:35:06,920 while I am alone, drunk, horny and willing to fuck. 500 00:35:07,220 --> 00:35:08,628 I'd go Ahhh!!! 501 00:35:09,220 --> 00:35:12,255 I'd also add a shell fish all over! 502 00:35:13,340 --> 00:35:15,804 Here, there aren't lot of pussies... 503 00:35:16,859 --> 00:35:19,103 This pussy has no hair! 504 00:35:19,340 --> 00:35:21,011 Such a bald pussy! 505 00:35:21,300 --> 00:35:23,940 A little bird told me it's your birthday. 506 00:35:24,139 --> 00:35:24,624 Yes. 507 00:35:24,779 --> 00:35:26,716 Don't say anything, it's not needed... 508 00:35:26,859 --> 00:35:30,732 Me, when my birthday gets closer, I start wearing black... 509 00:35:30,819 --> 00:35:31,963 Just in case... 510 00:35:32,979 --> 00:35:35,576 - I am 23 - 23! 511 00:35:37,660 --> 00:35:41,135 The woman there says no... She's so mean! 512 00:35:42,460 --> 00:35:44,835 If you want to deny this man's age. 513 00:35:44,859 --> 00:35:47,367 Say yours and show us your ID card! 514 00:35:48,260 --> 00:35:50,416 If not, shut up, bitch! 515 00:35:56,899 --> 00:35:59,892 Ruben, Miguel was translating your show for me. 516 00:35:59,899 --> 00:36:01,880 It's very vulgar! 517 00:36:02,139 --> 00:36:05,924 - Sorry? He said I am vulgar? - No! 518 00:36:06,260 --> 00:36:08,680 No, she is a bitch! 519 00:36:10,099 --> 00:36:13,708 She is your friend! You brought this bitch to my place! 520 00:36:14,620 --> 00:36:17,955 To think that people might find me vulgar or not... 521 00:36:17,979 --> 00:36:19,520 I don't give a shit about that! 522 00:36:19,939 --> 00:36:22,095 Miguel is vulgar as well... 523 00:36:22,300 --> 00:36:24,852 She really insists! That I am vulgar! 524 00:36:25,019 --> 00:36:27,968 - I am extremely vulgar. - For sure you are! 525 00:36:28,540 --> 00:36:30,476 So tell me about your fantasies 526 00:36:30,580 --> 00:36:32,251 I have many! 527 00:36:32,939 --> 00:36:36,356 - Consecutive fantasies? - Yes, with frenetic lovers. 528 00:36:36,380 --> 00:36:39,115 The ones who last between ten minutes and half an hour. 529 00:36:39,139 --> 00:36:41,207 How interesting! 530 00:36:42,899 --> 00:36:45,363 I am a woman for one man. 531 00:36:45,580 --> 00:36:47,736 Consecutively... 532 00:36:58,179 --> 00:37:02,008 Look at this one... His name is 23 cm. 533 00:37:05,500 --> 00:37:08,183 There is another one... Where is he? 534 00:37:13,139 --> 00:37:15,824 This guy sent me this picture. 535 00:37:17,580 --> 00:37:20,219 It was his hello. 536 00:37:20,420 --> 00:37:24,028 If I show you the pictures I send about myself... 537 00:37:24,819 --> 00:37:26,492 You'd be embarrassed! 538 00:37:26,500 --> 00:37:28,995 You said before that you acted in a porno... 539 00:37:29,019 --> 00:37:31,440 Yes and I can't find it! 540 00:37:34,779 --> 00:37:36,584 How many men have you met this way? 541 00:37:36,779 --> 00:37:37,967 A thousand. 542 00:37:38,179 --> 00:37:40,027 Most of them, I don't know their names. 543 00:37:40,580 --> 00:37:43,351 - You don't care about their names? - No. 544 00:37:43,620 --> 00:37:45,776 Or at least know what they do? 545 00:37:46,660 --> 00:37:49,696 Should I waste my time with a date around dinner? 546 00:37:50,179 --> 00:37:52,468 Or around cinema? 547 00:37:55,540 --> 00:37:58,179 I'm just looking for quick sex... 548 00:37:58,899 --> 00:38:01,892 Why is sex separate from love for you? 549 00:38:01,939 --> 00:38:07,176 If I knew the answer I wouldn't be still searching for it. 550 00:38:07,580 --> 00:38:11,231 - Are they that much separate? - Yes for sure. 551 00:38:15,700 --> 00:38:17,416 Syria. 552 00:38:19,260 --> 00:38:20,887 Lebanon. 553 00:38:22,580 --> 00:38:23,724 The Syrian troops entered. 554 00:38:24,179 --> 00:38:25,279 Lebanon! 555 00:38:26,260 --> 00:38:28,151 ''The Syrian troops entered Lebanon!'' 556 00:38:29,340 --> 00:38:31,055 ''What did the Syrians came to do?'' 557 00:38:32,739 --> 00:38:34,588 Who allowed the Syrians to violate us? 558 00:38:35,179 --> 00:38:36,324 We won't accept it! 559 00:38:39,580 --> 00:38:43,055 Other than your battle with the devil, what was your war about? 560 00:38:43,979 --> 00:38:48,644 I was always afraid someone would guess that mom is Syrian. 561 00:38:54,099 --> 00:38:57,179 Look at me, lift your head up. 562 00:38:57,580 --> 00:38:59,295 Look me in the eyes, now. 563 00:38:59,580 --> 00:39:01,119 I was ashamed of her! 564 00:39:01,700 --> 00:39:04,383 What triggered this shame? 565 00:39:05,779 --> 00:39:07,496 Lebanese people. 566 00:39:07,660 --> 00:39:09,199 School teachers. 567 00:39:09,739 --> 00:39:13,303 They were all stupidly racist against anything Syrian. 568 00:39:13,739 --> 00:39:15,764 So you want to be a pure Lebanese! 569 00:39:15,979 --> 00:39:17,740 Especially during the war 570 00:39:17,899 --> 00:39:19,748 when Bashir Gemayel was the leader. 571 00:39:21,700 --> 00:39:23,327 No, No! He can't be my son… 572 00:39:24,340 --> 00:39:25,676 He's not my son! 573 00:39:25,700 --> 00:39:26,800 Enough! 574 00:39:31,819 --> 00:39:35,604 What did your mom say about the Syrian army's presence in Lebanon? 575 00:39:36,500 --> 00:39:41,120 She used to brag: ''The Syrian army came to put some order''. 576 00:39:42,460 --> 00:39:44,484 I hated her for saying that! 577 00:39:48,859 --> 00:39:50,840 Hey you Syrian! 578 00:39:51,260 --> 00:39:55,795 Pack the fridges, tvs, carpets that you stole from here. 579 00:39:55,819 --> 00:39:57,800 Take everything but just LEAVE! 580 00:40:04,779 --> 00:40:07,155 Our Lebanon is 10452 km² 581 00:40:07,899 --> 00:40:10,319 and we won't accept any other area! 582 00:40:24,660 --> 00:40:26,684 Don't eat like pigs. 583 00:40:38,019 --> 00:40:39,251 Look at me. 584 00:40:40,340 --> 00:40:41,715 Stop these bad manners. 585 00:40:41,739 --> 00:40:42,839 Stop it! 586 00:40:43,859 --> 00:40:45,091 Stop making noise! 587 00:40:46,340 --> 00:40:48,143 What's this stupid dialect? 588 00:40:48,779 --> 00:40:50,496 You dare mock me! 589 00:40:51,660 --> 00:40:53,023 Enough! Leave me alone! 590 00:40:53,340 --> 00:40:54,528 Keep your voice down! 591 00:40:55,859 --> 00:40:56,959 I don't want to! 592 00:40:57,019 --> 00:40:58,119 Shut up! 593 00:40:59,139 --> 00:41:00,239 Stop it! 594 00:41:01,179 --> 00:41:03,776 Our Lebanon is10452 km² and this is the area we want! 595 00:41:09,700 --> 00:41:12,207 And you? You're just silent! 596 00:41:12,260 --> 00:41:14,504 You have nothing to say to your son Michel? 597 00:41:14,580 --> 00:41:15,943 Leave me alone! 598 00:41:17,540 --> 00:41:19,476 - Leave me alone. - Don't argue with me. 599 00:41:20,340 --> 00:41:22,187 - Lower your voice! - Leave me alone! 600 00:41:22,660 --> 00:41:24,420 Shut up! 601 00:41:29,700 --> 00:41:31,943 You dare to laugh! 602 00:41:33,260 --> 00:41:34,712 Put your hand down! 603 00:41:37,340 --> 00:41:39,187 Cut it... 604 00:41:42,620 --> 00:41:44,776 The play is over, right? 605 00:41:55,979 --> 00:41:58,532 You don't seem convinced... 606 00:41:59,540 --> 00:42:02,047 A little bit... 607 00:42:06,500 --> 00:42:09,624 Nobody is entitled to play your mother? 608 00:42:11,939 --> 00:42:15,900 Or you don't want your story to become the property of others? 609 00:42:17,059 --> 00:42:19,832 It's not that I don't want... I am afraid. 610 00:42:20,179 --> 00:42:21,544 I am terribly scared. 611 00:42:22,460 --> 00:42:25,716 What if there's a heaven... 612 00:42:26,099 --> 00:42:28,715 and my parents are looking at me from above? 613 00:42:28,739 --> 00:42:29,839 It freaks me out. 614 00:42:31,620 --> 00:42:34,127 And you? You're just silent! 615 00:42:35,220 --> 00:42:37,199 Your son is a loser. 616 00:42:37,899 --> 00:42:39,748 He doesn't resemble me. 617 00:42:39,899 --> 00:42:41,748 He drives me crazy! 618 00:42:42,019 --> 00:42:43,999 You also make me mad! 619 00:42:44,300 --> 00:42:46,103 You stay quiet like a mouse! 620 00:42:46,420 --> 00:42:49,059 You're just a rag, a wet rag! 621 00:42:53,700 --> 00:42:56,736 So she looks at you... And then what? 622 00:42:58,540 --> 00:43:01,796 Something big will happen when the film is out. 623 00:43:02,260 --> 00:43:03,404 A big thunder 624 00:43:03,500 --> 00:43:04,820 with a voice shouting. 625 00:43:05,859 --> 00:43:08,852 ''How dare you demean your mother like this?'' 626 00:43:14,819 --> 00:43:16,712 And your father? 627 00:43:17,739 --> 00:43:19,939 My dad... 628 00:43:24,739 --> 00:43:27,071 Do you love your dad? 629 00:43:48,979 --> 00:43:52,147 So now you're 17 years old... 630 00:43:53,220 --> 00:43:55,420 17, 18... 631 00:43:58,859 --> 00:44:00,752 I am dreaming 632 00:44:01,580 --> 00:44:05,231 of leaving Lebanon... I want to go away 633 00:44:05,460 --> 00:44:08,075 and forget this country and everything related to it. 634 00:44:08,099 --> 00:44:10,696 But in reality you can't leave... 635 00:44:10,700 --> 00:44:11,975 True. 636 00:44:13,819 --> 00:44:16,636 I created my own world. 637 00:44:21,099 --> 00:44:23,123 Which tape are you listening to? 638 00:44:23,139 --> 00:44:25,119 The crying tape. 639 00:44:25,819 --> 00:44:27,668 A Beethoven concert. 640 00:44:31,220 --> 00:44:34,387 I recorded it in a loop. 641 00:44:34,700 --> 00:44:36,987 So that I keep on crying. 642 00:44:53,220 --> 00:44:54,979 He can't be my son! 643 00:44:58,179 --> 00:44:59,939 He drives me crazy! 644 00:45:14,300 --> 00:45:17,467 I started dreaming there's an earthquake. 645 00:45:18,260 --> 00:45:21,427 Lebanon breaks away from Syria and the Arab world. 646 00:45:22,580 --> 00:45:24,207 It floats in the sea... 647 00:45:27,700 --> 00:45:30,604 My dream was to reach Italy and stay there. 648 00:45:50,899 --> 00:45:53,143 The problem in the dream's script 649 00:45:53,779 --> 00:45:56,287 was to find a solution 650 00:45:56,660 --> 00:46:00,004 so that only the Christians reach Italy? 651 00:46:02,939 --> 00:46:06,415 How could Muslims fall off of Lebanon while Christians remain on board? 652 00:46:07,739 --> 00:46:10,203 Let's finish with the Shi'a! 653 00:46:14,300 --> 00:46:18,127 And the Druze really screwed my plan! They were all over the Mountain 654 00:46:18,460 --> 00:46:20,967 but with Christians among them... What should I do? 655 00:46:21,859 --> 00:46:24,500 An earthquake followed by a volcano. 656 00:46:24,739 --> 00:46:26,632 It would surely kill them. 657 00:46:27,340 --> 00:46:31,784 A volcano with specific craters that would target Druze people! 658 00:46:32,059 --> 00:46:33,907 It was a difficult plan! 659 00:46:35,779 --> 00:46:39,916 And in this trip to Italy, what would you do with your mother? 660 00:46:40,460 --> 00:46:41,692 What shall I do with her? 661 00:46:42,099 --> 00:46:43,903 Where is your mother from? 662 00:46:44,099 --> 00:46:45,552 I am Lebanese! 663 00:46:45,899 --> 00:46:46,867 You're so low. 664 00:46:46,899 --> 00:46:48,087 Get out of my sight! 665 00:46:48,660 --> 00:46:49,891 I am purely Lebanese! 666 00:46:51,059 --> 00:46:53,171 National Anthem of Lebanon. 667 00:46:53,779 --> 00:46:55,892 Thank God you're half Syrian! 668 00:46:56,139 --> 00:46:58,868 All of your Lebanon is as big as one street in Damascus! 669 00:46:58,939 --> 00:47:00,832 Syrians and Palestinians OUT. 670 00:47:00,859 --> 00:47:03,764 Defend your land and your nation now! 671 00:47:04,220 --> 00:47:08,091 This land is for us... No Palestinians and no Syrians 672 00:47:08,420 --> 00:47:10,840 will dare steal it from us. 673 00:47:11,580 --> 00:47:14,395 And how did your dream end? 674 00:47:22,179 --> 00:47:24,379 I wanted to slaughter my mom. 675 00:47:24,979 --> 00:47:29,599 I dreamed everyday that I would grab a kitchen knife and kill her. 676 00:47:30,059 --> 00:47:32,568 While Syria would burn... 677 00:47:33,179 --> 00:47:36,127 and be totally wrecked, destroyed... in ruins. 678 00:47:57,260 --> 00:48:00,912 If I could change one thing in my life... 679 00:48:01,899 --> 00:48:04,936 I'd like to go back to when I was 17 680 00:48:05,260 --> 00:48:06,756 and meet someone... 681 00:48:07,260 --> 00:48:09,371 who'd take care of me. 682 00:48:30,179 --> 00:48:32,203 Why are you crying? 683 00:48:37,380 --> 00:48:40,636 Because I am in my fifties and I never loved anyone. 684 00:48:43,179 --> 00:48:46,964 I've been fucked by 2000 men and I didn't love anyone... 685 00:48:48,899 --> 00:48:50,967 because of all of them... 686 00:48:52,660 --> 00:48:55,075 What are you scared of? 687 00:48:55,099 --> 00:48:56,464 Up! 688 00:48:58,580 --> 00:49:00,692 Stand up, you pussy! 689 00:49:01,739 --> 00:49:03,103 Pull yourself together! 690 00:49:18,220 --> 00:49:23,499 A fighter in the 1983 Mountain war... There were 5000 kind of fighters! 691 00:49:24,179 --> 00:49:27,476 Was it during the battles of Shahar or Bhamdoun? 692 00:49:27,500 --> 00:49:28,776 I don't know. 693 00:49:29,540 --> 00:49:32,003 - Which battles? - I don't know. 694 00:49:32,420 --> 00:49:35,720 - Any specific region? - I don't know. 695 00:49:37,859 --> 00:49:40,235 - Which battles did you fight? - I don't know. 696 00:49:40,739 --> 00:49:44,479 I don't mean to make this tougher on you... 697 00:49:45,540 --> 00:49:48,091 - How come you don't know? - I swear I don't know… 698 00:49:48,179 --> 00:49:50,864 I can fabricate the fighter you want. 699 00:49:53,979 --> 00:49:56,223 - Jiyeh battle! - Jiyeh... 700 00:49:57,220 --> 00:50:01,004 Here's a story that will make you feel heroic. 701 00:50:02,179 --> 00:50:05,215 Let me tell you the great things I did. 702 00:50:05,260 --> 00:50:06,360 Listen! 703 00:50:11,939 --> 00:50:15,592 I guess you want to take me to Jiyeh? 704 00:50:18,859 --> 00:50:20,356 You don't want to go to Jiyeh? 705 00:50:21,019 --> 00:50:22,911 I don't remember anything there! 706 00:50:23,220 --> 00:50:26,211 You don't remember or you don't want to remember? 707 00:50:29,660 --> 00:50:32,211 I don't remember anything. 708 00:50:35,420 --> 00:50:38,940 This is the port of Jiyeh's power plant... 709 00:50:40,979 --> 00:50:43,840 This is where the real war started for you? 710 00:50:44,139 --> 00:50:46,736 Yes, I came here in a boat with Tony. 711 00:50:47,139 --> 00:50:49,516 We came many times and transported people. 712 00:50:50,019 --> 00:50:51,472 Or wasn't it here? 713 00:50:51,779 --> 00:50:53,055 It was here. 714 00:50:53,620 --> 00:50:54,895 Yes, here... 715 00:50:58,540 --> 00:51:00,388 There was a hill up there. 716 00:51:04,260 --> 00:51:06,107 I remember these hills 717 00:51:06,380 --> 00:51:09,768 because on our last day here when we were fleeing in boats. 718 00:51:09,819 --> 00:51:13,912 The Syrian tanks fired rockets on our cruiser from the hills. 719 00:51:14,300 --> 00:51:18,303 The shells were exploding in the water all around us. 720 00:51:18,700 --> 00:51:24,507 I remember praying that the cruiser would leave. 721 00:51:25,019 --> 00:51:29,556 I couldn't care less about the dead bodies and the injured people. 722 00:51:29,580 --> 00:51:33,259 - Who were those people? - They were emptying Jiyeh from its people. 723 00:51:33,260 --> 00:51:34,492 Who? 724 00:51:35,979 --> 00:51:39,544 Young men and other people who were evacuated. 725 00:51:39,580 --> 00:51:42,880 Who was against whom in the Mountain War? 726 00:51:43,580 --> 00:51:47,436 I had no clue… I was with the Lebanese Forces Christian militia 727 00:51:47,460 --> 00:51:50,672 I thought that we were fighting the Shi'a Muslims. 728 00:51:50,779 --> 00:51:53,992 Lately I found out that we were fighting the Druze! 729 00:51:54,739 --> 00:51:56,632 I have a line here 730 00:51:56,819 --> 00:51:59,548 I'm thinking about filling it with Botox. 731 00:52:02,460 --> 00:52:04,528 - Did you take part in the war? - Sure. 732 00:52:04,939 --> 00:52:06,700 In 1983, where were you? 733 00:52:07,300 --> 00:52:08,840 I was in the Mountain. 734 00:52:09,380 --> 00:52:13,912 The war was between the Lebanese Forces militia 735 00:52:14,220 --> 00:52:17,123 and the Progressive Socialist Party (Druze faction) 736 00:52:17,700 --> 00:52:20,824 The Israelis were still occupying Lebanon. 737 00:52:21,300 --> 00:52:24,027 We received orders to defend our villages. 738 00:52:24,340 --> 00:52:27,860 I trained to fight under the Progressive Socialist Party. 739 00:52:28,979 --> 00:52:31,003 It was hilarious. 740 00:52:31,939 --> 00:52:35,107 The guy who was training us was cross-eyed! 741 00:52:41,660 --> 00:52:46,367 3 months in the Mountain War, without knowing who your enemy was? 742 00:52:46,500 --> 00:52:48,676 I didn't do battles! 743 00:52:48,700 --> 00:52:52,792 Do I really look like a warrior? Do I look like Rambo? 744 00:52:53,580 --> 00:52:56,835 But you had a warrior's beard! I saw it in the photo. 745 00:52:56,859 --> 00:52:59,367 Because we couldn't shave every morning. 746 00:52:59,460 --> 00:53:01,704 But you looked like a real militiaman! 747 00:53:01,779 --> 00:53:04,199 Now you're acting like a victim. 748 00:53:04,540 --> 00:53:06,959 I was not a victim. 749 00:53:07,220 --> 00:53:10,431 But I was not the one attacking. 750 00:53:10,819 --> 00:53:15,924 I was just handing the others ammunition... - Did you kill people? 751 00:53:17,819 --> 00:53:21,427 Heading to kill someone like that? No, I didn't do it. 752 00:53:21,899 --> 00:53:24,231 No I didn't kill. 753 00:53:26,819 --> 00:53:30,075 You would have liked me to kill people? 754 00:53:32,700 --> 00:53:34,107 So... 755 00:53:34,620 --> 00:53:36,995 Shall I fill here with Botox? 756 00:53:39,460 --> 00:53:42,540 Who's this guy wearing glasses next to you? 757 00:53:43,260 --> 00:53:45,460 What is his role? 758 00:53:47,220 --> 00:53:49,991 This silent man is also a former fighter. 759 00:53:50,179 --> 00:53:51,544 Ah. 760 00:53:53,260 --> 00:53:54,844 An ex-fighter... 761 00:53:55,099 --> 00:53:57,299 can't be fixed with Botox. 762 00:53:58,620 --> 00:54:01,171 There's a real damage inside him... 763 00:54:04,580 --> 00:54:06,912 You see, the war was beautiful… 764 00:54:08,380 --> 00:54:11,371 Really beautiful… 765 00:54:13,979 --> 00:54:15,784 In Shatila. 766 00:54:16,139 --> 00:54:18,428 After I slaughtered a whole family. 767 00:54:18,899 --> 00:54:22,419 I saw a girl running on the other side. 768 00:54:23,139 --> 00:54:26,836 A beautiful young blond girl, I caught her… 769 00:54:29,660 --> 00:54:33,636 You said to me that the war drove you crazy. 770 00:54:33,660 --> 00:54:36,155 Indeed... Do I have to kill to lose my mind? 771 00:54:36,179 --> 00:54:38,715 So what was the thing that drove you crazy? 772 00:54:38,739 --> 00:54:40,896 The crazy stories I heard here! 773 00:54:40,939 --> 00:54:44,151 Like that militiaman... - What about him? 774 00:54:45,779 --> 00:54:48,464 I don't even remember his name... 775 00:54:48,700 --> 00:54:50,592 It was here... 776 00:54:50,700 --> 00:54:52,987 I can't say where exactly, but here. 777 00:54:53,460 --> 00:54:56,231 He told me... 778 00:54:56,460 --> 00:54:58,924 ...how he raped. 779 00:54:59,660 --> 00:55:03,531 Palestinian girls at the Sabra and Shatila camps 780 00:55:04,779 --> 00:55:07,067 and how they died. 781 00:55:09,939 --> 00:55:12,844 - What else did he do? - He got aroused. 782 00:55:12,939 --> 00:55:15,007 He started playing with himself... 783 00:55:15,179 --> 00:55:18,039 - Something happened between you? - No. 784 00:55:18,979 --> 00:55:21,399 - Something happened... - No. 785 00:55:22,139 --> 00:55:23,768 - You had sex with him! - No! 786 00:55:23,819 --> 00:55:25,975 You told me this the first time we met. 787 00:55:26,220 --> 00:55:27,364 No! 788 00:55:27,420 --> 00:55:29,715 I told you this? I was wrong. 789 00:55:29,739 --> 00:55:33,259 You said your fist sexual experience was with this rapist. 790 00:55:34,019 --> 00:55:37,276 - No. It was only from my side... - What does that mean? 791 00:55:37,300 --> 00:55:40,732 That he got me excited. 792 00:55:41,620 --> 00:55:44,039 - Did he turn you on? - Yes. 793 00:55:44,340 --> 00:55:49,004 And I came, if you want to know the details... 794 00:55:53,660 --> 00:55:56,387 I came at hearing his shitty story... 795 00:56:08,300 --> 00:56:11,776 I caught the girl and took her to the room. 796 00:56:12,979 --> 00:56:16,499 I took my dick out and started to fuck her. 797 00:56:18,500 --> 00:56:22,063 My sperm was dripping all over her. 798 00:56:23,700 --> 00:56:27,307 She was crying, begging me to stop. 799 00:56:29,899 --> 00:56:34,080 I finished, tucked my dick back inside my pants 800 00:56:34,859 --> 00:56:37,720 then I took my gun and shot her. 801 00:56:44,859 --> 00:56:47,147 You like the story? 802 00:56:47,380 --> 00:56:49,888 Want to see my big cock? 803 00:56:54,500 --> 00:56:56,436 Then he laughed. 804 00:56:57,540 --> 00:56:59,740 He ordered me to sleep in his tent. 805 00:57:04,099 --> 00:57:06,079 And since then... 806 00:57:06,540 --> 00:57:08,255 I just want that. 807 00:57:09,059 --> 00:57:12,976 To be that little Palestinian girl who's covered in cum... 808 00:57:14,819 --> 00:57:18,163 And the dirtiest filthiest men on earth 809 00:57:18,220 --> 00:57:19,760 excite me. 810 00:57:21,260 --> 00:57:23,987 I'd continuously repeat that scene 811 00:57:24,540 --> 00:57:27,115 of rape I have went through... 812 00:57:27,139 --> 00:57:28,680 in Jiyeh. 813 00:57:30,136 --> 00:57:33,215 I'd be aroused by the act of being humiliated. 814 00:57:34,423 --> 00:57:39,154 That's the superiority within my inferiority complex. 815 00:57:39,179 --> 00:57:43,008 Like Jesus, I'd carry all the sins of the world. 816 00:58:17,380 --> 00:58:21,163 War is beautiful, It's not ugly my friend. 817 00:58:29,979 --> 00:58:32,840 The first time I saw my mother broken 818 00:58:33,300 --> 00:58:34,620 was at the barracks. 819 00:58:34,700 --> 00:58:37,383 The guard stopped her: ''Wait here!'' 820 00:58:37,420 --> 00:58:39,135 ''Where do you think you're going?'' 821 00:58:39,460 --> 00:58:42,451 Finally! Somebody was able to humiliate her! 822 00:58:42,580 --> 00:58:45,307 She replied in a low voice: ''I'm coming to see my son...'' 823 00:58:45,420 --> 00:58:48,191 I was so happy seeing her mortified! 824 00:58:48,859 --> 00:58:50,223 She looked at me 825 00:58:50,580 --> 00:58:52,251 and realized she was weak. 826 00:58:53,779 --> 00:58:56,816 She said: ''I don't know why you hate us so much''. 827 00:58:57,859 --> 00:59:01,027 ''Are you proud of yourself? Go see your father.'' 828 00:59:02,300 --> 00:59:05,027 ''He had a heart attack...'' 829 00:59:05,899 --> 00:59:08,363 ''You disappeared for 3 months!'' 830 00:59:09,380 --> 00:59:11,007 ''You are not my son!'' 831 00:59:11,420 --> 00:59:13,796 ''Stop saying this!'' I said. 832 00:59:14,819 --> 00:59:17,768 ''I am your son, as much as Elie!'' 833 00:59:18,340 --> 00:59:20,672 Suddenly Elie appeared... 834 00:59:22,420 --> 00:59:25,632 He threw me down, and punched me like crazy. 835 00:59:26,300 --> 00:59:29,115 It was the biggest beating of my life... 836 00:59:31,700 --> 00:59:34,912 Did your mother force you to go to Spain? 837 00:59:35,540 --> 00:59:38,047 She did not force me... 838 00:59:38,260 --> 00:59:41,560 I came back from the war feeling totally insane. 839 00:59:41,660 --> 00:59:45,516 I ran away and hid for many days. I just vanished. 840 00:59:45,540 --> 00:59:47,432 Who were you hiding from? 841 00:59:47,620 --> 00:59:49,644 They were constantly watching our house! 842 00:59:49,779 --> 00:59:51,935 - The militiamen? - Yes. 843 00:59:52,059 --> 00:59:54,171 Mom lied and told them I had left for Spain. 844 00:59:54,540 --> 00:59:58,191 ''He can't leave!'' they said. ''He is enrolled in our militia.'' 845 00:59:59,819 --> 01:00:03,163 If they had found me, they would have severely punished me. 846 01:00:06,099 --> 01:00:07,903 So how did you leave? 847 01:00:08,300 --> 01:00:09,840 One day, at dawn. 848 01:00:10,660 --> 01:00:13,356 My mother came in and woke me up. 849 01:00:13,380 --> 01:00:14,963 ''Put on your clothes!'' 850 01:00:15,420 --> 01:00:17,928 She gave me a passport and 2000 US Dollars 851 01:00:18,220 --> 01:00:20,067 and she quickly said goodbye. 852 01:00:20,340 --> 01:00:22,496 This is when I left for Spain. 853 01:00:24,939 --> 01:00:28,636 I adore the sky It's forgiving, like you 854 01:00:28,899 --> 01:00:31,319 filled with stars and happiness. 855 01:00:31,819 --> 01:00:34,636 Cherishfull and strange. 856 01:00:35,420 --> 01:00:39,159 It's distant like you and sometimes close, like you. 857 01:00:40,220 --> 01:00:44,487 With its musical eyes, that's the sky I adore. 858 01:00:58,620 --> 01:01:01,435 When did you arrive to Madrid? 859 01:01:01,779 --> 01:01:04,516 Right after Franco's dictatorship ended. 860 01:01:04,540 --> 01:01:07,664 They call it the Movida years, in the mid 80s. 861 01:01:09,979 --> 01:01:12,884 The people were crazy! Like in films 862 01:01:12,979 --> 01:01:14,784 I lived an Almodovar film! 863 01:01:15,059 --> 01:01:17,171 Everybody screwing everybody. 864 01:01:17,580 --> 01:01:21,143 Always high, pushing ourselves beyond limits. 865 01:01:21,620 --> 01:01:23,820 Sex and nudity everywhere... 866 01:01:25,059 --> 01:01:27,612 I lived all this to the extreme. 867 01:01:29,700 --> 01:01:30,931 I lost it! 868 01:01:35,939 --> 01:01:39,548 So Miguel Alonso, do you remember your first fuck in Madrid? 869 01:01:39,580 --> 01:01:40,416 Yes! 870 01:01:40,540 --> 01:01:42,596 Was it good? 871 01:01:42,620 --> 01:01:43,720 Yes! 872 01:01:45,300 --> 01:01:48,688 - I don't know what you mean... - My nickname was ''the sucker''. 873 01:01:48,899 --> 01:01:51,496 So if I go and research about ''Miguel Alonso''. 874 01:01:51,700 --> 01:01:54,031 People will tell: ''Oh! the sucker!'' 875 01:01:54,380 --> 01:01:56,476 In fact, I was obsessed with prostitution 876 01:01:56,500 --> 01:01:57,907 I wanted to be a whore 877 01:01:58,099 --> 01:01:59,947 I used to go to Legazpi neighbourhood. 878 01:02:00,660 --> 01:02:02,728 It was a rest area for trucks 879 01:02:03,099 --> 01:02:05,079 the drivers would rest there. 880 01:02:05,220 --> 01:02:07,199 It was filled with prostitutes 881 01:02:07,220 --> 01:02:10,520 and I used to walk between them, looking for some truck driver... 882 01:02:10,540 --> 01:02:13,664 The drivers would pretend to pee. 883 01:02:14,420 --> 01:02:17,808 I would approach them and stare at their... 884 01:02:18,260 --> 01:02:20,063 This is a full fantasy! 885 01:02:20,660 --> 01:02:23,387 Did you ask some money? Or did you forget? 886 01:02:23,500 --> 01:02:26,447 I forgot! I was ashamed to ask for money... 887 01:02:27,779 --> 01:02:30,111 You are a loser prostitute! 888 01:02:30,420 --> 01:02:33,276 - The female prostitutes didn't object? - Of course! 889 01:02:33,300 --> 01:02:35,147 They used to beat me and insult me. 890 01:02:35,260 --> 01:02:37,680 Go away faggot! 891 01:02:41,340 --> 01:02:42,660 Go away faggot! 892 01:03:03,580 --> 01:03:06,175 Maybe you should try it again... the prostitution. 893 01:03:07,139 --> 01:03:09,339 Now, with this big belly? 894 01:03:09,859 --> 01:03:11,223 No worries. 895 01:03:17,340 --> 01:03:19,978 Once, in early internet days 896 01:03:19,979 --> 01:03:22,236 I had a stomach ache 897 01:03:22,260 --> 01:03:25,316 I was at home, feeling awful and chatting at 3:00 am 898 01:03:25,340 --> 01:03:28,023 I was asking myself: What am I doing? 899 01:03:28,340 --> 01:03:31,344 A guy started turning me on. 900 01:03:31,369 --> 01:03:34,537 He told me to meet him at his house. 901 01:03:34,979 --> 01:03:37,399 The door to his flat was open 902 01:03:37,540 --> 01:03:40,959 I walked in, there was a hallway leading to a living room 903 01:03:40,984 --> 01:03:43,146 where a porn film was playing. 904 01:03:43,471 --> 01:03:47,045 And there he was, naked and hot 905 01:03:47,070 --> 01:03:50,303 he was jerking off loudly. 906 01:03:50,516 --> 01:03:51,835 He was on the couch. 907 01:03:52,153 --> 01:03:53,341 I thought: How lovely! 908 01:03:53,366 --> 01:03:56,014 I still had my jacket on 909 01:03:56,039 --> 01:03:58,303 ready to jump on his cock. 910 01:03:58,328 --> 01:04:00,850 But he suddenly brought my head to his dick 911 01:04:00,875 --> 01:04:04,068 I started vomiting on him! I couldn't stop. 912 01:04:04,500 --> 01:04:06,656 Didn't you move away from him? 913 01:04:07,220 --> 01:04:08,891 I didn't know what to do. 914 01:04:09,179 --> 01:04:12,259 I thought since I'm vomiting here, let's keep it in one place! 915 01:04:12,500 --> 01:04:13,907 You were vey rational! 916 01:04:13,939 --> 01:04:16,932 There was a carpet under, I vomited on it as well... 917 01:04:16,939 --> 01:04:18,436 I ruined the carpet too! 918 01:04:18,460 --> 01:04:19,648 He didn't kill you? 919 01:04:19,739 --> 01:04:21,983 ''Son of the bitch!'' he shouted. 920 01:04:23,580 --> 01:04:25,163 ''Son of a bitch!'' 921 01:04:26,681 --> 01:04:29,498 I ran like a madman through the streets. 922 01:04:30,139 --> 01:04:33,131 Suddenly I felt great... My stomach ache was totally gone! 923 01:04:34,739 --> 01:04:37,027 - What a relief! - It was just perfect! 924 01:04:38,220 --> 01:04:41,564 What an inspiring story to tell over Christmas dinner! 925 01:04:41,700 --> 01:04:45,263 - Very endearing. - Yes, when all the family is gathering. 926 01:04:45,543 --> 01:04:48,029 You can say it after the midnight mass. 927 01:05:00,819 --> 01:05:02,139 Another time... 928 01:05:02,700 --> 01:05:04,151 I was in Sevilla 929 01:05:04,500 --> 01:05:08,020 in the Murillo Gardens where I met a fantastic guy. 930 01:05:08,045 --> 01:05:09,409 Everything was perfect. 931 01:05:09,939 --> 01:05:12,051 We fucked there many times. 932 01:05:12,700 --> 01:05:15,119 We had great time. 933 01:05:22,859 --> 01:05:26,291 We stayed all the night fucking in the open air 934 01:05:27,019 --> 01:05:29,087 and we agreed to meet the next day. 935 01:05:30,700 --> 01:05:32,107 The next day... 936 01:05:32,580 --> 01:05:34,780 We passed in front of a church. 937 01:05:34,819 --> 01:05:38,427 He stopped and told me: ''Wait, I'm going to greet the Virgin''. 938 01:05:38,660 --> 01:05:40,772 I thought he was joking. 939 01:05:40,797 --> 01:05:44,668 I told him: ''How nice! Tell the Virgin to come with us''. 940 01:05:44,693 --> 01:05:48,630 ''You will fuck her from the front and me from behind''. 941 01:05:48,655 --> 01:05:50,474 He lost it. 942 01:05:50,779 --> 01:05:51,660 ''Son of a bitch!'' 943 01:05:51,739 --> 01:05:53,015 I ran across all of Seville. 944 01:05:53,139 --> 01:05:54,372 He was chasing me. 945 01:05:57,580 --> 01:05:59,163 You inspire me so much! 946 01:06:05,500 --> 01:06:07,788 - You like hardcore fun! - Yes. 947 01:06:13,300 --> 01:06:16,676 He never had a love story, with flowers and candles! 948 01:06:16,700 --> 01:06:17,755 No 949 01:06:17,779 --> 01:06:20,552 I think I am going to kill myself. 950 01:06:23,294 --> 01:06:24,702 Poor faggot! 951 01:06:27,500 --> 01:06:29,480 You tried to commit suicide? 952 01:06:35,139 --> 01:06:36,856 What time is it? 953 01:06:38,460 --> 01:06:40,351 - What time is it? - There's still time. 954 01:06:40,580 --> 01:06:41,768 Let's finish. 955 01:06:41,859 --> 01:06:44,676 You don't want to talk about your suicide? 956 01:06:46,540 --> 01:06:48,167 Let's cut. 957 01:06:57,540 --> 01:07:00,636 It became an addiction... I had to try more things 958 01:07:00,660 --> 01:07:02,728 I experimented with people peeing on me 959 01:07:02,779 --> 01:07:04,935 beating me and tying me up. 960 01:07:05,340 --> 01:07:08,728 Once the police found me 20 km outside Madrid 961 01:07:09,300 --> 01:07:11,367 the driver had ripped me to shreds 962 01:07:11,500 --> 01:07:13,347 and he raped me. 963 01:07:29,059 --> 01:07:33,591 Let me die. 964 01:07:39,500 --> 01:07:43,988 Let me die. 965 01:07:47,019 --> 01:07:50,055 It's good, just fix the ''die''. 966 01:07:52,260 --> 01:07:53,712 Repeat ''die'' only. 967 01:07:54,580 --> 01:07:57,660 To die. 968 01:08:02,660 --> 01:08:06,796 And who, do you think 969 01:08:08,179 --> 01:08:10,908 can comfort me? 970 01:08:11,540 --> 01:08:14,311 When I am in such bad state? 971 01:08:15,260 --> 01:08:17,548 So, shall I tell you about my trip? 972 01:08:17,899 --> 01:08:19,792 We rented a motorcycle in Hanoi. 973 01:08:20,500 --> 01:08:22,480 Tomato was driving. 974 01:08:23,179 --> 01:08:25,732 It was a disaster although we had a map. 975 01:08:26,500 --> 01:08:29,492 You know how men are with maps... 976 01:08:29,939 --> 01:08:32,888 We argued a lot, Tomato wanted to use his compass. 977 01:08:32,899 --> 01:08:35,848 He would say: ''My instinct tells me to go there''. 978 01:08:36,460 --> 01:08:40,287 We would go there and find landslides and no roads! 979 01:08:42,979 --> 01:08:45,576 And you? What did you do these two weeks? 980 01:08:46,420 --> 01:08:48,708 I went with Eliane 981 01:08:49,340 --> 01:08:51,804 to shoot again, and I felt... 982 01:08:51,899 --> 01:08:53,352 Knocked out? 983 01:08:53,779 --> 01:08:56,067 - It was hard, no? - Yes. 984 01:08:56,819 --> 01:08:59,327 But on the personal level, was it fruitful? 985 01:08:59,580 --> 01:09:01,251 I suppose yes... 986 01:09:01,620 --> 01:09:03,820 You don't seem convinced... 987 01:09:04,700 --> 01:09:08,175 I think it is ok. I believe it's an ongoing process 988 01:09:08,179 --> 01:09:09,852 and I have to finish it. 989 01:09:10,580 --> 01:09:13,880 It's a work of self-examination... 990 01:09:15,739 --> 01:09:18,203 How was Miguel when you met him? 991 01:09:18,620 --> 01:09:21,876 That was 22 years ago! I can't really remember. 992 01:09:22,859 --> 01:09:25,764 He told me very dark things about his life. 993 01:09:27,859 --> 01:09:30,147 Now he looks more rested. 994 01:09:31,019 --> 01:09:34,187 - We don't say ''rested'' in French? - Yes, why not. 995 01:09:34,899 --> 01:09:39,916 Before, he wanted to do things all the time, he was restless. 996 01:09:40,739 --> 01:09:43,688 He can look superficial sometimes... 997 01:09:44,019 --> 01:09:46,755 Oh yes, when Miguel is surrounded by people 998 01:09:46,779 --> 01:09:48,496 he likes to be theatrical. 999 01:09:48,939 --> 01:09:50,919 He puts on a show? 1000 01:09:52,099 --> 01:09:53,947 He likes to shock people. 1001 01:09:54,260 --> 01:09:56,195 And because this amuses people 1002 01:09:56,460 --> 01:09:59,187 they push Miguel to shock them even more. 1003 01:09:59,300 --> 01:10:01,323 It becomes like a game. 1004 01:10:01,859 --> 01:10:03,400 It's fun... Why not? 1005 01:10:13,260 --> 01:10:15,812 It's normally forbidden to film here. 1006 01:10:17,859 --> 01:10:20,456 But I really want to film this... 1007 01:10:22,779 --> 01:10:25,419 We're in the cathedral of Granada 1008 01:10:26,580 --> 01:10:29,660 and I'm looking for the column 1009 01:10:31,420 --> 01:10:34,411 where I did very nasty things... 1010 01:10:35,460 --> 01:10:38,143 It was the first year I worked as a tourist guide. 1011 01:10:39,260 --> 01:10:41,283 It was a Sunday morning 1012 01:10:41,380 --> 01:10:43,183 I met a guy on the street... 1013 01:10:43,540 --> 01:10:45,564 We came into the cathedral. 1014 01:10:45,859 --> 01:10:47,840 There was a priest here. 1015 01:10:48,420 --> 01:10:49,652 We came here. 1016 01:10:50,099 --> 01:10:52,432 We hid behind this column. 1017 01:10:52,660 --> 01:10:54,420 We started jerking off 1018 01:10:54,460 --> 01:10:55,824 and fondling with each other. 1019 01:10:57,420 --> 01:11:00,808 Doing it in this huge cathedral was so exciting! 1020 01:11:01,139 --> 01:11:03,119 With us hiding here 1021 01:11:03,420 --> 01:11:04,608 while people were praying. 1022 01:11:04,700 --> 01:11:06,019 All this was frightening... 1023 01:11:06,500 --> 01:11:08,963 - Did you enjoy it? - To the maximum! 1024 01:11:09,739 --> 01:11:11,795 And now... There will be a thunderbolt. 1025 01:11:11,819 --> 01:11:13,844 Film how it will strike me! 1026 01:11:43,179 --> 01:11:46,127 That day, I had achieved my decadence. 1027 01:11:46,179 --> 01:11:48,512 How much lower could I get? 1028 01:11:49,859 --> 01:11:53,291 Let me show you the maximum shit I could do! 1029 01:11:55,179 --> 01:11:58,524 Would you be aroused by a similar thing today? 1030 01:12:00,460 --> 01:12:02,616 No, I won't get aroused... 1031 01:12:02,899 --> 01:12:05,363 ever since my mother died... 1032 01:12:15,979 --> 01:12:17,388 Miguel Alonso... 1033 01:12:17,899 --> 01:12:19,219 is superficial 1034 01:12:19,899 --> 01:12:21,748 because I am not comfortable. 1035 01:12:23,059 --> 01:12:25,700 I don't feel at ease anywhere. 1036 01:12:28,540 --> 01:12:31,355 Being shallow makes people happy. 1037 01:12:31,779 --> 01:12:34,111 Happy with themselves and with life... 1038 01:12:34,540 --> 01:12:36,740 - In denial? - Yes! 1039 01:12:37,580 --> 01:12:39,912 All of Spain is in a state of denial! 1040 01:12:40,460 --> 01:12:43,672 - The Spanish are in denial about their... - About everything! 1041 01:12:43,859 --> 01:12:46,516 They can't define their identity or what they want. 1042 01:12:46,540 --> 01:12:49,047 Everyone is running from something... 1043 01:12:50,540 --> 01:12:53,928 - So Miguel Alonso is like them, running away? - Yes. 1044 01:12:55,139 --> 01:12:57,780 This is why I immersed myself in this film. 1045 01:12:58,387 --> 01:13:01,906 Should I decide to cut my ties to Lebanon 1046 01:13:02,540 --> 01:13:05,003 let it be a conscious decision. 1047 01:13:08,739 --> 01:13:12,171 I don't want to run away from Lebanon anymore... 1048 01:13:23,099 --> 01:13:25,828 So where are we going today? 1049 01:13:26,220 --> 01:13:28,508 Jiyeh round two. 1050 01:13:31,019 --> 01:13:32,955 But I really don't remember much... 1051 01:13:35,540 --> 01:13:38,532 There are some clear scenes in my head. 1052 01:13:39,139 --> 01:13:42,175 Like when I slept on Tony's thigh... 1053 01:13:42,179 --> 01:13:43,808 This is a clear image. 1054 01:13:48,500 --> 01:13:51,359 Did you participate in the civil war? 1055 01:13:51,580 --> 01:13:53,031 Yes. 1056 01:13:54,420 --> 01:13:56,400 In all its details. 1057 01:13:56,779 --> 01:13:59,155 You! Park your car to the right. 1058 01:13:59,979 --> 01:14:01,778 Get out of your car! 1059 01:14:01,779 --> 01:14:03,452 Show me your ID. 1060 01:14:04,460 --> 01:14:07,275 Where are you coming from? Where are you going? 1061 01:14:07,859 --> 01:14:10,015 Open the trunk of your car! Show me what's inside! 1062 01:14:11,139 --> 01:14:14,219 I hold all the power, nobody can argue with me! 1063 01:14:14,580 --> 01:14:16,955 I once stopped a cop, I wanted his gun. 1064 01:14:17,260 --> 01:14:20,692 He pleaded: ''I am a cop on duty'' I said: ''I don't care''. 1065 01:14:21,019 --> 01:14:24,495 I pointed my kalashnikov at him and took his gun. 1066 01:14:26,939 --> 01:14:29,659 Do you laugh or feel sad when you recall all this? 1067 01:14:29,660 --> 01:14:31,243 I laugh. 1068 01:14:32,099 --> 01:14:33,991 It was a lie... 1069 01:14:35,660 --> 01:14:38,167 One big charade! Seriously... 1070 01:14:41,099 --> 01:14:44,003 Could Tony have turned into that? 1071 01:14:44,660 --> 01:14:46,111 I don't know. 1072 01:14:47,859 --> 01:14:50,808 I hope Tony became something else... 1073 01:14:53,819 --> 01:14:55,668 What's the story of Tony? 1074 01:14:59,380 --> 01:15:02,768 He was the most manly man in the naval barracks. 1075 01:15:05,540 --> 01:15:08,155 He was taller and older than me 1076 01:15:08,179 --> 01:15:09,939 I remember his body. 1077 01:15:16,300 --> 01:15:18,015 He had moustaches? 1078 01:15:18,540 --> 01:15:20,211 You killed me with this question! 1079 01:15:20,420 --> 01:15:22,047 I can't remember... 1080 01:15:23,540 --> 01:15:25,211 But I remember his eyes. 1081 01:15:25,660 --> 01:15:27,684 - Did anything happen between you? - No. 1082 01:15:28,420 --> 01:15:29,959 I loved his story 1083 01:15:30,300 --> 01:15:32,500 and the film I lived with him 1084 01:15:32,620 --> 01:15:34,644 was very intense... 1085 01:15:36,540 --> 01:15:39,311 It was the end of the world... 1086 01:15:40,099 --> 01:15:42,387 We were all fleeing from Jiyeh. 1087 01:15:42,660 --> 01:15:44,904 We were escaping into the boat. 1088 01:15:45,099 --> 01:15:48,532 Many people were drowning, it was the apocalypse. 1089 01:15:48,660 --> 01:15:51,696 Tony and I were sleeping next to the boat's funnel. 1090 01:15:51,939 --> 01:15:54,271 I was freezing. 1091 01:15:55,739 --> 01:15:58,864 He took me in his arms ''You'll feel warm soon'' 1092 01:15:59,300 --> 01:16:02,115 then I fell asleep on his thigh. 1093 01:16:05,779 --> 01:16:09,035 And who, do you think can comfort me? 1094 01:16:09,819 --> 01:16:13,031 When I am in such a hard state? 1095 01:16:14,420 --> 01:16:18,291 And in such a great suffering? 1096 01:16:24,540 --> 01:16:27,355 Let me die. 1097 01:16:29,235 --> 01:16:33,833 I've relived this scene 7000 times in my head. 1098 01:16:47,125 --> 01:16:49,764 The purest love of my life... 1099 01:16:56,093 --> 01:16:59,569 I never felt such love again in my life. 1100 01:17:03,339 --> 01:17:07,168 I felt protected, I felt he was embracing me. 1101 01:17:07,859 --> 01:17:11,775 I still search for this person who will embrace me. 1102 01:17:12,153 --> 01:17:14,749 I don't have a problem. 1103 01:17:17,014 --> 01:17:18,950 I do kickboxing 1104 01:17:19,381 --> 01:17:23,266 and I do some street fight as well. 1105 01:17:27,300 --> 01:17:29,279 Love, just love. 1106 01:17:29,506 --> 01:17:32,542 I'd kiss his foot like Magdalene with Jesus. 1107 01:17:34,071 --> 01:17:36,754 My ultimate dream in life 1108 01:17:36,779 --> 01:17:39,419 would be to meet Tony again... 1109 01:17:39,740 --> 01:17:41,632 By the way, I found him! 1110 01:17:42,380 --> 01:17:44,359 No... Probably it's not him 1111 01:17:44,499 --> 01:17:46,480 - I found him! - No, it's not him! 1112 01:17:47,579 --> 01:17:50,716 You know nothing about him! Only his first name! 1113 01:17:50,740 --> 01:17:53,116 - I know his family name... - No way. 1114 01:17:53,779 --> 01:17:55,319 - It's not him! - It's him! 1115 01:17:56,499 --> 01:18:00,371 Why would I see him? He's probably married with kids. 1116 01:18:00,820 --> 01:18:03,395 And why would he come anyway? 1117 01:18:03,419 --> 01:18:06,455 What a strange request to ask him to meet in Jiyeh! 1118 01:18:16,540 --> 01:18:17,683 Are you Michel? 1119 01:18:17,740 --> 01:18:19,104 - Yes. - Yes? 1120 01:18:19,460 --> 01:18:20,999 - You're fine? - Yes. 1121 01:18:21,300 --> 01:18:23,015 Are you familiar with this place? 1122 01:18:23,220 --> 01:18:25,024 - Have you been here before? - I think so. 1123 01:18:25,820 --> 01:18:27,843 How did you come here? 1124 01:18:28,620 --> 01:18:30,028 In a boat. 1125 01:18:30,380 --> 01:18:32,095 With a guy named Tony. 1126 01:18:32,939 --> 01:18:34,876 Where did you come from? 1127 01:18:35,019 --> 01:18:37,352 From the naval barracks in Kaslik. 1128 01:18:39,099 --> 01:18:40,876 - You were affiliated there? - Yes. 1129 01:18:40,900 --> 01:18:42,880 So you often made the trip here... 1130 01:18:43,419 --> 01:18:45,576 But I don't remember all these structures. 1131 01:18:45,820 --> 01:18:47,712 This big boat was not here. 1132 01:18:48,140 --> 01:18:50,471 - There was a boat sinking there. - True. 1133 01:18:50,939 --> 01:18:52,876 We didn't access the port from this side 1134 01:18:52,980 --> 01:18:55,839 I especially recall the Syrian tanks! 1135 01:18:55,939 --> 01:18:59,108 - Syrian tanks, here?! - Or others... their tanks were over there! 1136 01:18:59,220 --> 01:19:02,256 They fired at the boats in the water. 1137 01:19:02,659 --> 01:19:05,431 Which year? An exact date? 1138 01:19:05,900 --> 01:19:08,012 - 1983... During the summer. - 1983? 1139 01:19:08,460 --> 01:19:10,396 Syrians? Here? 1140 01:19:12,339 --> 01:19:15,684 During the Mountain battles, who was your chief? 1141 01:19:15,900 --> 01:19:19,947 If you were on the ground, that means you were infantry. 1142 01:19:21,300 --> 01:19:23,148 No, we were... 1143 01:19:23,980 --> 01:19:27,555 the reserve group... - Ah, you were in the reserve! 1144 01:19:27,579 --> 01:19:31,144 The tougher ones between us were called ''Marines''. 1145 01:19:31,300 --> 01:19:32,400 Nice! 1146 01:19:32,579 --> 01:19:34,716 So where did you stay around here? 1147 01:19:34,740 --> 01:19:35,840 In Rmeileh? 1148 01:19:36,380 --> 01:19:38,007 There is a place I can't remember. 1149 01:19:38,339 --> 01:19:39,791 Wadi El Zineh? 1150 01:19:41,380 --> 01:19:44,064 I just remember the lamp there... Nothing more. 1151 01:19:44,499 --> 01:19:46,171 Somewhere nearby... 1152 01:19:46,300 --> 01:19:49,248 Where did you beat that woman, Michel? 1153 01:19:49,460 --> 01:19:51,527 The lady you told me about... 1154 01:19:51,779 --> 01:19:53,759 I didn't beat anyone! 1155 01:19:54,339 --> 01:19:56,584 There was a place filled with hostages. 1156 01:19:56,859 --> 01:19:59,196 A woman shouted at me. 1157 01:19:59,220 --> 01:20:01,111 ''Stop looking at me you fool!'' 1158 01:20:01,140 --> 01:20:03,428 She cursed me, I charged at her. 1159 01:20:03,900 --> 01:20:05,528 You wanted to play the tough guy... 1160 01:20:05,579 --> 01:20:07,555 I charged at her... the guys stopped me. 1161 01:20:07,579 --> 01:20:09,736 But I didn't beat her! 1162 01:20:12,380 --> 01:20:15,768 - Did you ever ride a cruiser? - Yes. 1163 01:20:16,419 --> 01:20:18,795 This was a very strong scene. 1164 01:20:19,419 --> 01:20:21,443 We took cruisers. 1165 01:20:21,659 --> 01:20:23,243 We circled around a boat. 1166 01:20:24,099 --> 01:20:25,992 We clambered on the boat. 1167 01:20:26,099 --> 01:20:28,018 Tony was pushing me up 1168 01:20:28,019 --> 01:20:29,647 I was afraid to fall. 1169 01:20:29,740 --> 01:20:31,720 - Tony what? - I can't tell! 1170 01:20:31,820 --> 01:20:33,403 It's very vague... 1171 01:20:33,859 --> 01:20:35,487 What did he look like? 1172 01:20:35,859 --> 01:20:37,135 Very tall... 1173 01:20:37,939 --> 01:20:39,436 As tall as him? 1174 01:20:39,900 --> 01:20:42,012 Please can you show him your eyes? 1175 01:20:48,140 --> 01:20:49,635 Why are you laughing? 1176 01:20:50,300 --> 01:20:51,840 I don't know why. 1177 01:20:59,779 --> 01:21:01,319 Have you seen me before? 1178 01:21:01,700 --> 01:21:03,636 Do you remember my face? 1179 01:21:06,019 --> 01:21:07,207 Come on! Get up! 1180 01:21:08,220 --> 01:21:09,320 Up! 1181 01:21:09,380 --> 01:21:10,480 More! 1182 01:21:10,779 --> 01:21:11,879 I can't anymore! 1183 01:21:12,460 --> 01:21:13,560 8 1184 01:21:13,740 --> 01:21:14,840 9 1185 01:21:15,179 --> 01:21:16,279 10. 1186 01:21:16,499 --> 01:21:18,392 Hold it longer! You're a hero! 1187 01:21:19,259 --> 01:21:22,119 - What was your role? - At that time? 1188 01:21:22,140 --> 01:21:25,923 The commander of the patrol that trained the reserve fighters. 1189 01:21:26,220 --> 01:21:29,080 So you'd know if he stayed in Jiyeh for 3 months... 1190 01:21:29,140 --> 01:21:32,000 Not even an hour! He has no clue about the events. 1191 01:21:32,140 --> 01:21:34,471 No Syrian tanks came here! 1192 01:21:34,499 --> 01:21:36,744 When we were defeated, the Lebanese army took over. 1193 01:21:37,259 --> 01:21:40,911 He doesn't know the hierarchy, not even the patrol he was with! 1194 01:21:40,980 --> 01:21:44,280 - But he talked about Tony... - Tony whom? Probably his friend! 1195 01:21:44,305 --> 01:21:45,801 Not a chief! 1196 01:21:47,259 --> 01:21:49,680 The war has been over for more than 30 years. 1197 01:21:50,579 --> 01:21:54,848 Many people claim that they fought on the ground. 1198 01:21:55,380 --> 01:21:58,899 And those who did fight rarely tell their stories. 1199 01:21:58,900 --> 01:22:02,243 - Like you... - I feel guilty I'm talking today. 1200 01:22:02,659 --> 01:22:06,224 I don't know what script he has in head! 1201 01:22:12,980 --> 01:22:15,135 This is not Tony! 1202 01:22:15,939 --> 01:22:19,460 This guy was in charge of training the reserve. 1203 01:22:21,700 --> 01:22:26,187 But he thinks you didn't spend more than one hour in Jiyeh. 1204 01:22:32,179 --> 01:22:35,260 One hour! 1205 01:22:35,939 --> 01:22:39,063 Maybe one hour... 1206 01:22:39,380 --> 01:22:42,064 But I am sure we came many times. 1207 01:22:45,700 --> 01:22:47,767 No way it was only one hour! 1208 01:22:47,980 --> 01:22:50,047 What is the matter? 1209 01:22:54,339 --> 01:22:57,068 I don't know what a psychologist would say. 1210 01:22:57,579 --> 01:23:02,420 Everything is blurry... And I am mixing many things. 1211 01:23:02,820 --> 01:23:06,436 Sometimes I say things, I am convinced they are true. 1212 01:23:06,460 --> 01:23:09,848 Then when you repeat them to me, I doubt myself... 1213 01:23:09,939 --> 01:23:12,008 I become scared I might be lying 1214 01:23:12,033 --> 01:23:14,673 and things happened differently... 1215 01:23:17,579 --> 01:23:20,220 If you were to lie... Why would you do it? 1216 01:23:21,460 --> 01:23:23,836 No I won't lie... 1217 01:23:28,164 --> 01:23:31,459 The guy who wrote a novel about you in Spain... 1218 01:23:31,484 --> 01:23:34,696 From where did he get the story that you killed people? 1219 01:23:35,080 --> 01:23:38,335 He invented it! He just fantasized about me! 1220 01:23:38,368 --> 01:23:41,264 He asked me if I participated in the war, I said yes. 1221 01:23:41,499 --> 01:23:44,095 He replied: “Oh, how strong you are!” 1222 01:23:44,259 --> 01:23:46,716 So you said you killed people to seduce him? 1223 01:23:46,740 --> 01:23:49,556 No! I didn't tell him I killed people! He made up stories! 1224 01:23:49,659 --> 01:23:52,956 He made me Rambo! Fighting in the ''Guardians of the Cedars'' militia 1225 01:23:52,980 --> 01:23:55,708 slaughtering people with a knife! 1226 01:23:56,820 --> 01:23:59,591 Were you with the ''Guardians of the Cedars'' - No! 1227 01:23:59,620 --> 01:24:02,568 I was only 12 when they were active 1228 01:24:02,620 --> 01:24:05,436 - 11 or 12... - On whose side did you fought? 1229 01:24:05,460 --> 01:24:07,396 The Lebanese forces. 1230 01:24:08,900 --> 01:24:12,595 - Maybe you mixed up stories you told him... - No, I didn't! 1231 01:24:12,659 --> 01:24:14,331 How many times should I say it? 1232 01:24:14,380 --> 01:24:16,580 You mixed up some stories with me as well. 1233 01:24:16,740 --> 01:24:19,436 Yes, but I wouldn't invent such stories for him! 1234 01:24:19,460 --> 01:24:22,995 How could I say I went to the 1975 battles? I was 11 years old! 1235 01:24:23,019 --> 01:24:25,219 Am I that crazy to say this? 1236 01:24:26,620 --> 01:24:30,183 And stop looking for silly things! 1237 01:24:34,540 --> 01:24:37,619 And if you go on like this, I'll pack up and leave! 1238 01:24:38,579 --> 01:24:41,484 I'll take the first plane! What's this stupidity... 1239 01:24:46,259 --> 01:24:48,988 - Let's try to recall things accurately. - Yes. 1240 01:25:23,540 --> 01:25:24,948 I looked for it. 1241 01:25:26,140 --> 01:25:28,823 - We saw it, go look again. - I didn't find it! 1242 01:25:29,019 --> 01:25:31,528 I'm telling you it's here! Go look. 1243 01:25:32,540 --> 01:25:34,519 I didn't find it! 1244 01:25:37,540 --> 01:25:39,740 Go look! 1245 01:26:15,779 --> 01:26:19,195 - What? - Enough please! 1246 01:26:19,220 --> 01:26:23,575 - You don't want to be here? - I don't see the point. 1247 01:26:26,019 --> 01:26:30,728 Do you think that you contributed to your father's death? 1248 01:26:31,970 --> 01:26:34,665 When you went to the war... 1249 01:26:36,224 --> 01:26:38,072 you caused him heart attacks? 1250 01:26:39,060 --> 01:26:41,567 Jleilaty family Joseph Jleilaty. 1251 01:26:42,620 --> 01:26:45,083 It's not entirely my fault... 1252 01:26:49,380 --> 01:26:52,723 But my acts affected him. 1253 01:27:09,179 --> 01:27:11,115 When did your father pass away? 1254 01:27:13,179 --> 01:27:14,631 In 1990. 1255 01:27:17,579 --> 01:27:19,251 When did the war end? 1256 01:27:20,820 --> 01:27:22,315 In 1990. 1257 01:27:22,859 --> 01:27:25,851 When the Syrian troops attacked East Beirut 1258 01:27:25,939 --> 01:27:28,184 and they took over everything... 1259 01:27:29,579 --> 01:27:32,615 Not all the Lebanese agree on this narrative... 1260 01:27:33,300 --> 01:27:37,743 They still haven't agreed on an official account of the Civil War. 1261 01:27:39,419 --> 01:27:42,676 And the ones on the ground fighting went silent 1262 01:27:42,740 --> 01:27:44,675 or left or disappeared 1263 01:27:46,820 --> 01:27:47,920 like you. 1264 01:27:54,859 --> 01:27:57,016 When were you born? 1265 01:28:00,579 --> 01:28:03,572 October 31, 1994. 1266 01:28:06,300 --> 01:28:08,807 That's the day I arrived in Barcelona. 1267 01:28:10,140 --> 01:28:13,659 I adore the road that's where we've met 1268 01:28:14,220 --> 01:28:17,080 where we had our happiness and sadness 1269 01:28:17,099 --> 01:28:22,468 our friends, our youth and the laughter of our tears. 1270 01:28:22,579 --> 01:28:24,736 I was dead then I was reborn 1271 01:28:24,779 --> 01:28:27,331 the day I got to Barcelona. 1272 01:28:28,859 --> 01:28:31,635 - It really looks like Beirut! - True. 1273 01:28:31,659 --> 01:28:34,167 But it's the opposite of Beirut... 1274 01:28:35,140 --> 01:28:38,915 This city allowed me to rise from the absolute bottom 1275 01:28:38,939 --> 01:28:42,327 I went up bit by bit and I'm still climbing up. 1276 01:28:55,779 --> 01:28:57,847 Happy birthday to you. 1277 01:28:58,579 --> 01:28:59,944 Congratulations. 1278 01:29:00,024 --> 01:29:02,376 - Will you take care of my boa until later? - Yes. 1279 01:29:02,444 --> 01:29:04,579 No give it back to her, faggot! 1280 01:29:04,939 --> 01:29:06,084 You are such a bitch! 1281 01:29:06,579 --> 01:29:08,867 Let's give a big round of applause for Miguel! 1282 01:29:13,099 --> 01:29:16,004 My darling dear. 1283 01:29:16,620 --> 01:29:19,611 At least believe me. 1284 01:29:20,099 --> 01:29:23,004 Without you. 1285 01:29:23,659 --> 01:29:26,652 My heart languishes. 1286 01:29:28,579 --> 01:29:31,572 My darling dear. 1287 01:29:32,700 --> 01:29:35,691 Without you. 1288 01:29:37,300 --> 01:29:40,203 My heart languishes. 1289 01:29:46,499 --> 01:29:48,304 - Do you like Abdul Wahab? - No. 1290 01:29:49,620 --> 01:29:51,908 That's a good one... But I don't know the lyrics. 1291 01:29:53,220 --> 01:29:55,375 Yarning could kill. 1292 01:29:59,540 --> 01:30:02,179 We burned ourselves... 1293 01:30:02,620 --> 01:30:06,316 You should learn Arabic songs, enough with opera! 1294 01:30:07,019 --> 01:30:09,616 Study Arabic music instead! 1295 01:30:09,980 --> 01:30:12,180 The thought of a Porn actor. 1296 01:30:13,380 --> 01:30:14,480 What is he saying? 1297 01:30:14,499 --> 01:30:18,592 ''Life is about scoring goals, the more balls you have, the better.'' 1298 01:30:20,339 --> 01:30:21,703 What a decadence! 1299 01:30:23,659 --> 01:30:25,024 Good evening. 1300 01:30:26,460 --> 01:30:28,263 Thank you for this introduction. 1301 01:30:29,300 --> 01:30:31,060 The Arab women's movement 1302 01:30:31,380 --> 01:30:33,140 began in the 20th century 1303 01:30:33,980 --> 01:30:35,784 with intellectual activities 1304 01:30:36,380 --> 01:30:38,272 and particularly their literary production. 1305 01:30:39,820 --> 01:30:42,503 We know that the Arab nation is a nation of poetry. 1306 01:30:43,740 --> 01:30:46,423 I always wondered when I was studying. 1307 01:30:48,140 --> 01:30:51,681 Why Arab poets were only men? 1308 01:30:55,820 --> 01:30:57,395 What's happening? I can't hear anything. 1309 01:30:57,419 --> 01:30:58,519 Take over for me. 1310 01:30:58,659 --> 01:31:01,235 - What was the last sentence? - Open the file. 1311 01:31:01,259 --> 01:31:02,447 What's the file called? 1312 01:31:06,579 --> 01:31:08,251 Thank you very much 1313 01:31:08,259 --> 01:31:10,944 because I believe that you are the essence of research 1314 01:31:10,969 --> 01:31:13,835 and to me you are the experts. 1315 01:31:15,300 --> 01:31:18,512 Today we are talking about the results 1316 01:31:18,537 --> 01:31:21,360 of the research project ''Divercity''. 1317 01:31:21,653 --> 01:31:24,028 But before starting actually. 1318 01:31:24,499 --> 01:31:28,152 I want to talk about the present situation we're living in Catalunya. 1319 01:31:28,460 --> 01:31:32,068 Because I believe that not doing it would be to normalize 1320 01:31:32,339 --> 01:31:34,936 a reality that is very exceptional. 1321 01:31:36,460 --> 01:31:39,056 We're just living difficult times 1322 01:31:39,499 --> 01:31:42,975 and we have democracy that is under threat 1323 01:31:43,419 --> 01:31:46,835 and we have a threat also and a violation of the fundemental principles 1324 01:31:46,859 --> 01:31:48,532 of human rights. 1325 01:31:48,700 --> 01:31:52,087 International right, intimidation and freedom of expression. 1326 01:31:56,300 --> 01:31:58,940 Today we have a debate that is very complex 1327 01:31:59,740 --> 01:32:01,983 because it has to do with our democracy. 1328 01:32:09,740 --> 01:32:12,247 Everyone is reading like crazy! 1329 01:32:12,579 --> 01:32:15,044 Did you receive any of the texts before? 1330 01:32:15,419 --> 01:32:17,883 No, the first text only 1331 01:32:18,019 --> 01:32:19,207 and yours as well. 1332 01:32:20,540 --> 01:32:22,388 So what's your image of yourself? 1333 01:32:22,779 --> 01:32:24,155 Nowadays? 1334 01:32:24,179 --> 01:32:25,896 I am very happy with myself. 1335 01:32:28,579 --> 01:32:31,879 In Europe, people consider me as Superman. 1336 01:32:32,620 --> 01:32:35,392 I speak many languages and I translate for presidents. 1337 01:32:35,659 --> 01:32:37,464 I have a great image. 1338 01:32:38,380 --> 01:32:40,976 - Do you know that I teach here? - Really? 1339 01:32:40,980 --> 01:32:43,180 - At the faculty of Blanquerna. - What do you teach? 1340 01:32:46,620 --> 01:32:47,819 A masters in protocole. 1341 01:32:47,820 --> 01:32:49,008 Really? 1342 01:32:49,300 --> 01:32:51,412 - Protocole of what? - The Arab world. 1343 01:32:51,460 --> 01:32:52,472 - Truly? - Yes. 1344 01:32:52,499 --> 01:32:53,599 How cool! 1345 01:32:56,339 --> 01:32:58,936 In the 19th century, a new era started. 1346 01:33:00,820 --> 01:33:04,032 An exchange with Europe began to take place. 1347 01:33:05,099 --> 01:33:08,663 The elites of the Arab world traveled to Europe. 1348 01:33:09,859 --> 01:33:12,984 In Iraq, in 1928. 1349 01:33:15,499 --> 01:33:19,152 Thousands of women became poets and writers. 1350 01:33:20,259 --> 01:33:24,596 Now if you have any questions, I will gladly answer them. 1351 01:33:24,620 --> 01:33:26,644 Thank you. 1352 01:33:28,179 --> 01:33:29,719 Nice. 1353 01:33:37,140 --> 01:33:39,076 How does it continue? 1354 01:33:40,259 --> 01:33:42,019 I'm very happy with myself. 1355 01:33:44,220 --> 01:33:46,948 I am happy and in love with who I am. 1356 01:33:48,060 --> 01:33:50,084 - This is not true! - Why? 1357 01:33:52,460 --> 01:33:55,496 You always say that you get bored. 1358 01:33:55,900 --> 01:33:58,100 Life in Europe is very easy. 1359 01:33:58,259 --> 01:34:00,944 You can predict your life for the next ten years. 1360 01:34:01,499 --> 01:34:02,952 It's boring... 1361 01:34:04,779 --> 01:34:08,519 I get bored so I look for excitement. 1362 01:34:24,179 --> 01:34:27,172 Aren't you excited about the independence of Catalunya? 1363 01:34:29,779 --> 01:34:31,540 Won't you participate in the protests? 1364 01:34:32,140 --> 01:34:33,811 I don't want to! 1365 01:34:34,820 --> 01:34:39,196 I don't relate to shitty nationalism Catalunyan, Spanish or Lebanese! 1366 01:34:39,220 --> 01:34:40,760 I'm none of these! 1367 01:34:41,259 --> 01:34:42,799 Freedom! Freedom! 1368 01:34:47,220 --> 01:34:50,123 So what do you belong to most? 1369 01:34:53,700 --> 01:34:56,251 To loneliness... 1370 01:35:05,019 --> 01:35:07,352 - You always talk about Tomato... - Yes. 1371 01:35:07,859 --> 01:35:10,016 - Is he the love of your life? - Yes I guess so. 1372 01:35:10,579 --> 01:35:12,999 Before him I had a hard time 1373 01:35:13,099 --> 01:35:15,520 building stable relationships with men. 1374 01:35:15,859 --> 01:35:18,763 But with him it's going very well, it's simple 1375 01:35:19,659 --> 01:35:21,376 except with Miguel. 1376 01:35:21,579 --> 01:35:22,987 Everything else is quite simple. 1377 01:35:26,499 --> 01:35:29,095 I am leaving for 15 days. 1378 01:35:29,259 --> 01:35:31,107 - Where to? - With Tomato. 1379 01:35:31,700 --> 01:35:34,163 Before, you were not absent that long. 1380 01:35:34,188 --> 01:35:36,970 I've been dating Tomato for 4 years. 1381 01:35:37,080 --> 01:35:40,564 Before that I spent 18 years at your disposal, no? 1382 01:35:41,179 --> 01:35:42,955 Yes, I am a bit selfish... 1383 01:35:42,980 --> 01:35:46,456 But because we get along so well, you and I 1384 01:35:46,540 --> 01:35:48,652 it filled all the rest. 1385 01:35:48,900 --> 01:35:51,935 We didn't feel the need to find other partners. 1386 01:35:52,179 --> 01:35:54,819 I find my sexual partners in the bars 1387 01:35:55,099 --> 01:35:56,772 and on the dating sites. 1388 01:35:56,939 --> 01:36:00,284 With the Grinder app you won't find anyone suitable. 1389 01:36:00,380 --> 01:36:01,656 Ah no, definitely not... 1390 01:36:01,900 --> 01:36:05,112 But I don't know where to find suitable guys... 1391 01:36:05,137 --> 01:36:07,337 How many acceptable guys are there? 1392 01:36:07,623 --> 01:36:11,708 Many friends introduced me to intellectual men. 1393 01:36:11,733 --> 01:36:14,529 They are fucking unbearable! 1394 01:36:14,860 --> 01:36:17,191 You need to do something new. 1395 01:36:17,216 --> 01:36:20,130 Change your negative attitude. 1396 01:36:20,155 --> 01:36:22,630 You need to open up! 1397 01:36:23,867 --> 01:36:26,474 I think it will be difficult... 1398 01:36:28,140 --> 01:36:29,240 Don't know... 1399 01:36:29,540 --> 01:36:31,343 We bought an apartment together. 1400 01:36:31,740 --> 01:36:33,587 We wanted to have a baby together. 1401 01:36:34,019 --> 01:36:35,823 We go on holiday together. 1402 01:36:35,848 --> 01:36:38,621 You know any male-female friends 1403 01:36:39,179 --> 01:36:41,291 who have done... ...all of this? 1404 01:36:41,460 --> 01:36:42,560 No. 1405 01:36:45,419 --> 01:36:48,148 So it's time to build a deep and stable relation 1406 01:36:48,259 --> 01:36:50,504 with someone other than me... 1407 01:36:52,700 --> 01:36:54,327 What's the baby story? 1408 01:36:54,554 --> 01:36:56,498 He wanted to have a baby. 1409 01:36:56,523 --> 01:37:00,482 He couldn't find anybody who'll have a baby with him. 1410 01:37:00,900 --> 01:37:03,540 And he thought it had to be me... 1411 01:37:03,565 --> 01:37:06,205 And one day, I was really weak. 1412 01:37:06,700 --> 01:37:08,418 And he convinced me, I said yes... 1413 01:37:08,419 --> 01:37:10,972 - We kind of tried... - It didn't work! 1414 01:37:11,740 --> 01:37:14,380 We couldn't even do this! 1415 01:37:54,740 --> 01:37:58,216 Will you ever get over your self-destructiveness... 1416 01:37:58,980 --> 01:38:01,004 and devastating relationships? 1417 01:38:01,700 --> 01:38:05,527 I still carry in me the complex that I am a bad person 1418 01:38:05,939 --> 01:38:07,788 so I have to be punished. 1419 01:38:10,499 --> 01:38:13,580 It's as if I don't deserve to be loved. 1420 01:38:15,540 --> 01:38:18,443 So we're destined to repeat with ourselves and our lovers 1421 01:38:18,499 --> 01:38:20,832 patterns we had with our parents? 1422 01:38:21,499 --> 01:38:23,699 This requires a session with Freud. 1423 01:38:34,740 --> 01:38:36,411 Did you cry over your mom? 1424 01:38:41,820 --> 01:38:42,920 No. 1425 01:38:43,820 --> 01:38:45,888 What did you feel when she died? 1426 01:38:48,099 --> 01:38:50,080 Like a great liberation 1427 01:38:55,220 --> 01:38:57,199 and a big sadness. 1428 01:39:02,460 --> 01:39:04,572 I can't really describe it. 1429 01:39:06,179 --> 01:39:08,952 - She passed away in Damascus? - Yes. 1430 01:39:09,700 --> 01:39:12,603 It was the beginning of the war in Syria. 1431 01:39:12,900 --> 01:39:14,307 - So it was 2011 - Yes. 1432 01:39:15,540 --> 01:39:16,771 What happened to her? 1433 01:39:16,859 --> 01:39:18,751 She fell down and broke her hip. 1434 01:39:18,859 --> 01:39:21,235 She was in Syria and couldn't come back to Lebanon. 1435 01:39:21,579 --> 01:39:23,251 Her health deteriorated quickly. 1436 01:39:25,939 --> 01:39:28,843 For many years I went to visit her in Syria. 1437 01:39:30,380 --> 01:39:33,899 I would go for the sake of my emotional balance. 1438 01:39:35,300 --> 01:39:38,291 I traveled there as often as my brother Elie 1439 01:39:38,339 --> 01:39:39,527 or even more! 1440 01:39:40,220 --> 01:39:42,903 During the last years of her life, she was going senile. 1441 01:39:43,019 --> 01:39:45,000 She no longer recognized me. 1442 01:39:45,579 --> 01:39:48,044 Elie and I both became Elie. 1443 01:39:54,859 --> 01:39:59,036 How did your mother describe her life in Damascus... 1444 01:39:59,060 --> 01:40:01,479 before she moved to Lebanon? 1445 01:40:03,540 --> 01:40:05,783 With a lot of nostalgia. 1446 01:40:06,939 --> 01:40:10,063 She grew up in one of those majestic old houses. 1447 01:40:11,339 --> 01:40:14,551 It had two stories, a fountain in the middle 1448 01:40:14,700 --> 01:40:16,196 and orange trees. 1449 01:40:17,380 --> 01:40:18,832 My grandfather was a noble man. 1450 01:40:20,380 --> 01:40:21,832 She always had servants. 1451 01:40:22,339 --> 01:40:24,936 She considered herself a princess. 1452 01:40:27,300 --> 01:40:31,567 There is no victor but God. 1453 01:40:36,060 --> 01:40:38,655 Mom lived in her own world, an idyllic one. 1454 01:40:40,060 --> 01:40:41,996 She wasn't in hurry to marry. 1455 01:40:42,380 --> 01:40:45,064 Her parents were worried and really wanted to marry her off. 1456 01:40:46,579 --> 01:40:48,603 My father was available. 1457 01:40:48,700 --> 01:40:51,208 He had freshly left the monastery. 1458 01:40:51,259 --> 01:40:53,739 A priest arranged the meeting with my mom. 1459 01:40:53,740 --> 01:40:55,983 Three months later they got married. 1460 01:40:59,220 --> 01:41:00,892 She never adapted 1461 01:41:01,259 --> 01:41:04,516 to her middle class life, after she moved to Lebanon. 1462 01:41:08,419 --> 01:41:12,600 If she were to witness Syria's war, what would her reaction be? 1463 01:41:12,740 --> 01:41:14,587 She would have went crazy. 1464 01:41:14,659 --> 01:41:16,728 She'd be in the nuthouse for sure. 1465 01:41:17,540 --> 01:41:21,543 She'd be worried about her prestige, she really adored Syria. 1466 01:41:26,939 --> 01:41:29,624 You like to come to Andalusia 1467 01:41:29,659 --> 01:41:32,036 because it reminds you of the Orient? 1468 01:41:33,540 --> 01:41:36,576 For 30 years I've been looking in Spain 1469 01:41:36,620 --> 01:41:39,435 for something that would make me feel home. 1470 01:41:39,659 --> 01:41:41,835 Even though there's an Arab feel to it... 1471 01:41:41,859 --> 01:41:43,928 ...I haven't found it... 1472 01:41:44,259 --> 01:41:46,856 My nostalgia is not visual. 1473 01:41:48,900 --> 01:41:53,519 My nostalgia is... the smells of jasmine in Damascus 1474 01:41:54,499 --> 01:41:55,864 certain foods. 1475 01:41:57,740 --> 01:42:01,480 There's a special memory with Takla in Saidnaya. 1476 01:42:01,620 --> 01:42:04,716 Drinking tea in the morning. 1477 01:42:04,740 --> 01:42:06,940 Eating fried eggs... 1478 01:42:07,060 --> 01:42:09,260 The smell of Sumac spices. 1479 01:42:21,499 --> 01:42:25,283 Why do you always cry when you talk about Takla? 1480 01:42:27,419 --> 01:42:30,367 None of us deserved her kindness. 1481 01:42:31,060 --> 01:42:33,391 She took care of us so well 1482 01:42:33,540 --> 01:42:35,871 and loved us if we were her own. 1483 01:42:37,820 --> 01:42:40,855 - Now she is living the war in Syria? - Yes. 1484 01:42:42,659 --> 01:42:45,652 You put them together in one picture. 1485 01:42:45,939 --> 01:42:49,151 Takla, the human being and Syria the country. 1486 01:42:50,740 --> 01:42:52,544 They are both jewels... 1487 01:42:52,820 --> 01:42:55,724 that human beings never truly valued 1488 01:42:56,220 --> 01:42:58,375 and they're gone... 1489 01:43:05,300 --> 01:43:07,412 When the turmoil started in Syria 1490 01:43:07,859 --> 01:43:12,875 and all the destruction I wished for Syria is happening. 1491 01:43:13,779 --> 01:43:16,904 You can't imagine how everything... 1492 01:43:17,140 --> 01:43:19,956 ...happening in Syria hurts me as if... 1493 01:43:23,499 --> 01:43:26,887 ...As if you burned it down? 1494 01:43:30,740 --> 01:43:35,051 It's mean of you... to insinuate that I acted like ISIS. 1495 01:43:35,380 --> 01:43:38,899 Shall I spend the rest of my life carrying my guilt around? 1496 01:43:39,019 --> 01:43:41,571 No, just say what you did! 1497 01:43:41,700 --> 01:43:44,032 Stop saying: ''I don't remember and I don't know''. 1498 01:43:44,579 --> 01:43:47,791 - I didn't do anything! - ''I hit the lady and I didn't!'' 1499 01:43:49,339 --> 01:43:52,287 Some things come and go I don't remember them. 1500 01:43:52,779 --> 01:43:56,036 Did you or did you not hit that woman? 1501 01:43:56,540 --> 01:43:59,395 No, I charged at her but I didn't hit her. 1502 01:43:59,419 --> 01:44:01,267 Are you sure? 1503 01:44:04,220 --> 01:44:07,915 What's the sentence you wrote in your text? 1504 01:44:08,179 --> 01:44:10,467 Please read it out loud. 1505 01:44:11,019 --> 01:44:14,012 - No! this is... - Read the part ''I had hit...'' 1506 01:44:15,939 --> 01:44:18,888 No, this has a figurative meaning... 1507 01:44:27,300 --> 01:44:28,884 What? 1508 01:44:43,460 --> 01:44:45,044 Yes... 1509 01:44:46,659 --> 01:44:48,991 Yes I did beat her... 1510 01:44:49,220 --> 01:44:52,123 She said: ''You are not my son'' so I beat her. 1511 01:44:52,140 --> 01:44:54,823 - Who? Your mother? - Yes. 1512 01:44:54,900 --> 01:44:58,507 - You have beaten her? - Right after the Mountain war. 1513 01:45:03,140 --> 01:45:05,647 ''Desencuentro''. 1514 01:45:05,700 --> 01:45:08,032 That's my story with my mother. 1515 01:45:08,380 --> 01:45:09,964 What does it mean? 1516 01:45:10,499 --> 01:45:12,523 The opposite of encounter. 1517 01:45:24,659 --> 01:45:26,507 That's my mom! 1518 01:45:27,700 --> 01:45:29,987 - I don't know why I'm here. - Me neither! 1519 01:45:30,339 --> 01:45:33,948 I asked Eliane what the casting is for, she said ''You'll find out later''. 1520 01:45:35,460 --> 01:45:38,496 - Next to me is Michel Jelelaty. - Nice meeting you. 1521 01:45:38,620 --> 01:45:40,468 - His father... - Joseph Jelelaty. 1522 01:45:40,779 --> 01:45:43,859 Wasn't he friends with your dad? Or I am wrong? 1523 01:45:44,140 --> 01:45:46,823 - They both went to study in Spain. - True. 1524 01:45:47,300 --> 01:45:48,578 How is he doing? 1525 01:45:48,579 --> 01:45:50,648 - He passed away. - God rest his soul. 1526 01:45:53,579 --> 01:45:55,999 - I also remember your mom... - Really? 1527 01:45:56,620 --> 01:45:58,116 - My mother Hayat? - Yes. 1528 01:45:58,419 --> 01:46:00,179 She was a beautiful lady! 1529 01:46:00,220 --> 01:46:01,584 Mom was very beautiful... 1530 01:46:01,620 --> 01:46:04,392 - She also passed away. - What a pity... 1531 01:46:06,259 --> 01:46:08,459 Do you have siblings? 1532 01:46:08,779 --> 01:46:09,967 I have a sister. 1533 01:46:10,300 --> 01:46:11,400 - Older than you? - Yes. 1534 01:46:11,900 --> 01:46:14,540 And my brother Elie, he's a year younger than me. 1535 01:46:14,779 --> 01:46:16,979 He has two daughters, he lives in France. 1536 01:46:19,339 --> 01:46:21,980 - And you? Did you get married? - No! 1537 01:46:22,419 --> 01:46:24,091 - You're still single! - Yes I am. 1538 01:46:24,740 --> 01:46:27,468 Why are you delaying getting married? 1539 01:46:29,140 --> 01:46:30,680 Just like Eliane there! 1540 01:46:31,900 --> 01:46:34,628 Hit her with the real story. 1541 01:46:35,140 --> 01:46:37,395 Well, because... In fact, no... 1542 01:46:37,419 --> 01:46:39,003 That's it, enough. 1543 01:46:43,220 --> 01:46:45,815 Michel's mother wasn't tender with him 1544 01:46:45,820 --> 01:46:48,415 so you have to compensate and give him affection! 1545 01:46:48,579 --> 01:46:50,999 Shall I sit in his lap? 1546 01:46:51,700 --> 01:46:54,516 (Song for children) This finger is called Bou Kassem. 1547 01:46:54,540 --> 01:46:56,740 This one is the ring finger. 1548 01:46:57,099 --> 01:46:59,235 They usually put the rings here. 1549 01:46:59,259 --> 01:47:01,811 The third one is tall but useless 1550 01:47:02,419 --> 01:47:05,060 and the elbow is for holding a basket. 1551 01:47:05,419 --> 01:47:08,367 - Shall I tickle you under your armpit? - No. 1552 01:47:11,380 --> 01:47:14,504 He's laughing with all his heart! I make him laugh. 1553 01:47:15,019 --> 01:47:17,747 But he seems cherished enough! 1554 01:47:18,019 --> 01:47:20,747 Spanish women are taking good care of him! 1555 01:47:22,540 --> 01:47:24,960 Spanish women are cute like the Lebanese ones! 1556 01:47:25,740 --> 01:47:28,468 My husband was engaged to a Spanish woman. 1557 01:47:28,659 --> 01:47:30,419 He wanted to marry her Really? 1558 01:47:30,620 --> 01:47:32,028 Her name was Paquita! 1559 01:47:37,259 --> 01:47:39,944 Let me find a clear picture of Paquita. 1560 01:47:43,419 --> 01:47:45,048 Is this Paquita? 1561 01:47:45,300 --> 01:47:47,015 No this was another girlfriend. 1562 01:47:47,380 --> 01:47:48,744 Nelly Martins. 1563 01:47:49,419 --> 01:47:51,048 A very beautiful photo! 1564 01:47:51,220 --> 01:47:53,023 Here is Paquita. 1565 01:47:53,460 --> 01:47:55,791 Wait... No that's not her. 1566 01:47:56,460 --> 01:47:58,703 That's a German one, Liselothe. 1567 01:47:59,620 --> 01:48:01,687 He was a real womanizer! 1568 01:48:03,460 --> 01:48:05,703 He was surrounded by ladies. 1569 01:48:06,220 --> 01:48:09,168 Then, he left them all and chose me! 1570 01:48:10,659 --> 01:48:14,048 - So it's not only you... - ...who had 14 Girlfriends at once? 1571 01:48:14,339 --> 01:48:17,023 14 at the same time! Don't you get confused? 1572 01:48:17,300 --> 01:48:18,840 This is the Spanish Paquita. 1573 01:48:18,939 --> 01:48:20,391 That's life! 1574 01:48:21,179 --> 01:48:22,631 So this is Paquita? 1575 01:48:33,939 --> 01:48:36,491 When I was a child, during the war. 1576 01:48:37,099 --> 01:48:39,960 Whenever you and I would get into big fights. 1577 01:48:40,380 --> 01:48:43,019 I would ask Dad to comfort me 1578 01:48:43,099 --> 01:48:45,915 and he'd tell me stories about Spain and Paquita. 1579 01:48:45,939 --> 01:48:47,127 Really? 1580 01:48:48,659 --> 01:48:51,036 We're confessing in front of everyone. 1581 01:48:51,620 --> 01:48:52,720 That's nice. 1582 01:48:55,300 --> 01:48:55,960 And? 1583 01:48:56,220 --> 01:48:58,684 So I decided, at the time, that this Paquita 1584 01:48:58,859 --> 01:49:01,147 should have been my mother... 1585 01:49:01,499 --> 01:49:02,952 Good one! 1586 01:49:03,380 --> 01:49:05,976 Why didn't you tell me this before? 1587 01:49:07,579 --> 01:49:09,867 Everything has its time. 1588 01:49:16,019 --> 01:49:18,595 Is that the only purpose of this film? 1589 01:49:18,620 --> 01:49:21,074 And how is it connected to Miguel? 1590 01:49:21,099 --> 01:49:22,815 He's a nice guy. 1591 01:49:24,305 --> 01:49:28,095 Miguel and I met randomly in Spain. 1592 01:49:29,580 --> 01:49:33,834 He translated the debate after the projection of my film in Barcelona. 1593 01:49:34,303 --> 01:49:37,560 I asked him to help me search for Paquita. 1594 01:49:37,585 --> 01:49:40,735 Paquita? Nobody will understand anything! 1595 01:49:41,574 --> 01:49:43,334 Which audience will see this film? 1596 01:49:44,660 --> 01:49:46,463 Some movie club! 1597 01:49:47,770 --> 01:49:49,222 In Krakow?! 1598 01:49:49,459 --> 01:49:51,043 Yes, Krakow! 1599 01:49:52,700 --> 01:49:55,119 There, there's no risk... 1600 01:49:56,020 --> 01:49:57,515 At 7:00 am! 1601 01:50:00,459 --> 01:50:02,967 We didn't find Paquita! 1602 01:50:03,379 --> 01:50:06,020 Instead, he told me the story of his life... 1603 01:50:07,420 --> 01:50:09,223 Really! 1604 01:50:12,620 --> 01:50:15,436 It's a pity... 1605 01:50:19,059 --> 01:50:22,888 By the way... I told Mom that you are gay. 1606 01:50:26,620 --> 01:50:29,348 But he can be both. 1607 01:50:29,659 --> 01:50:32,475 He can get married to a woman and be... 1608 01:50:33,100 --> 01:50:34,948 Isn't that possible? 1609 01:50:35,500 --> 01:50:38,008 He doesn't want to. 1610 01:50:46,340 --> 01:50:49,552 I think it's good you told her! 1611 01:50:49,860 --> 01:50:52,984 They need to understand that we exist... 1612 01:50:59,579 --> 01:51:05,255 If you could meet your mom one last time, what would you ask her? 1613 01:51:08,180 --> 01:51:12,271 Did I dream that she preferred Elie to me? 1614 01:51:12,979 --> 01:51:16,316 If we could have an honest dialog. 1615 01:51:16,340 --> 01:51:19,112 ''Go back to when we were kids''. 1616 01:51:19,700 --> 01:51:22,735 ''Did you truly love us the same way?'' 1617 01:51:24,139 --> 01:51:27,175 Let's assume she said she loved him more... 1618 01:51:27,540 --> 01:51:29,432 what would that change? 1619 01:51:29,860 --> 01:51:31,884 She would have confessed it! 1620 01:51:33,219 --> 01:51:35,419 For the sake of justice. 1621 01:51:37,059 --> 01:51:39,259 I don't want to die 1622 01:51:39,899 --> 01:51:42,099 without someone loving me... 1623 01:51:46,700 --> 01:51:48,900 I am filled with ugly things. 1624 01:51:49,579 --> 01:51:52,395 Very ugly and very humiliating. 1625 01:51:59,379 --> 01:52:01,579 I want to be like a flower. 1626 01:52:02,180 --> 01:52:06,007 Have somebody loving me, we'd wear white dresses and get married. 1627 01:52:06,700 --> 01:52:10,924 And forget all this crap... this bag full of shit that I am. 1628 01:52:15,659 --> 01:52:19,268 One cannot escape you, cameras are from both sides! 1629 01:52:27,659 --> 01:52:30,035 Who are you exactly? 1630 01:52:37,780 --> 01:52:39,275 Is this Tony or no? 1631 01:52:39,700 --> 01:52:42,735 No. I can't remember him like this... No. 1632 01:52:44,579 --> 01:52:47,440 Tony was different, he was much taller. 1633 01:52:48,379 --> 01:52:50,315 I am Tony. 1634 01:52:51,139 --> 01:52:54,703 You had a mustache and beautiful black hair - All gone. 1635 01:52:55,059 --> 01:52:56,952 Beautiful hair! 1636 01:52:57,700 --> 01:53:01,307 I trained you, when you arrived and divided you in groups. 1637 01:53:01,899 --> 01:53:04,320 I was the military chief of this barracks. 1638 01:53:05,819 --> 01:53:08,240 Let's sit. Are you going to keep on filming? 1639 01:53:08,459 --> 01:53:10,836 One moment, we're checking if you are Tony... 1640 01:53:11,340 --> 01:53:12,571 Is this Tony? 1641 01:53:13,579 --> 01:53:14,724 Yes. 1642 01:53:18,068 --> 01:53:19,881 I must have changed a lot! 1643 01:53:19,979 --> 01:53:21,652 You were really much taller! 1644 01:53:22,059 --> 01:53:25,279 I grew shorter... Maybe I used to wear high heels! 1645 01:53:27,131 --> 01:53:28,714 You remember me now? 1646 01:53:28,739 --> 01:53:31,420 Yes, I went with you to Jiyeh and... 1647 01:53:34,264 --> 01:53:36,772 What now? Shall we sit down? 1648 01:53:36,859 --> 01:53:38,865 Go ahead, we'll join you. 1649 01:53:45,515 --> 01:53:47,670 It's amazing... his smile. 1650 01:53:50,425 --> 01:53:51,965 Yes, he was like this... 1651 01:53:52,100 --> 01:53:53,815 So it's him, the love of your life? 1652 01:53:58,459 --> 01:54:01,188 Will you tell him that you loved him? 1653 01:54:02,100 --> 01:54:03,727 He doesn't even remember me! 1654 01:54:16,579 --> 01:54:20,596 Could you you have imagined sleeping on his lap 1655 01:54:20,620 --> 01:54:23,555 when you were fleeing Jiyeh? 1656 01:54:23,579 --> 01:54:25,340 I don't think so... 1657 01:54:25,940 --> 01:54:28,316 - It seems he was a big shot - Yes he was 1658 01:54:28,340 --> 01:54:31,316 I doubt he did let someone sleep on his lap! 1659 01:54:31,340 --> 01:54:34,419 Did I sleep on someone else's lap? 1660 01:54:34,674 --> 01:54:36,391 And I pasted this on Tony? 1661 01:54:37,519 --> 01:54:38,619 Shit! 1662 01:54:38,644 --> 01:54:40,889 The myth has fallen apart! 1663 01:54:41,780 --> 01:54:43,759 Tony's myth fell apart? 1664 01:54:43,860 --> 01:54:44,960 Yes. 1665 01:54:45,979 --> 01:54:48,576 I fabricated characters 1666 01:54:49,700 --> 01:54:51,943 and I am sweeping them out 1667 01:54:52,420 --> 01:54:54,268 and that's good... 1668 01:54:57,739 --> 01:55:00,951 - You described him as a protector - Yes. 1669 01:55:01,180 --> 01:55:04,480 What does the Tony character symbolize? 1670 01:55:07,739 --> 01:55:10,336 My father... 1671 01:55:18,940 --> 01:55:21,095 Did you ever like your father? 1672 01:55:21,659 --> 01:55:23,816 Or got close to him? 1673 01:55:24,500 --> 01:55:27,272 I got closer to him after I came to Barcelona. 1674 01:55:27,459 --> 01:55:29,528 I had seen a psychologist. 1675 01:55:29,579 --> 01:55:33,452 She discovered that I had erased my father from my memory. 1676 01:55:34,860 --> 01:55:37,588 I had almost forgotten his face. 1677 01:55:37,940 --> 01:55:40,931 She asked me: ''Do you have a photo of your father?'' 1678 01:55:41,260 --> 01:55:43,063 ''Talk to him''. 1679 01:55:43,340 --> 01:55:45,540 I found a passport photo of him 1680 01:55:45,620 --> 01:55:48,391 and I tried once to talk to his picture. 1681 01:55:51,340 --> 01:55:53,319 I just couldn't! 1682 01:55:55,540 --> 01:55:58,047 ''You stay a quiet as a mouse''. 1683 01:55:58,459 --> 01:56:00,528 ''You ARE a rag! A wet rag!'' 1684 01:56:02,899 --> 01:56:04,527 The only memory I have of Dad 1685 01:56:05,260 --> 01:56:06,932 is his weakness... 1686 01:56:09,739 --> 01:56:12,424 What did you want him to do? 1687 01:56:13,379 --> 01:56:15,756 To stop all the violence. 1688 01:56:19,940 --> 01:56:22,095 What's making you cry, Hassan? 1689 01:56:22,579 --> 01:56:23,900 Same story... 1690 01:56:25,139 --> 01:56:27,560 Everything he did was considered wrong 1691 01:56:28,020 --> 01:56:29,735 he was just peaceful. 1692 01:56:30,260 --> 01:56:32,768 He loved laughter and life. 1693 01:56:33,979 --> 01:56:35,784 He didn't like confrontation. 1694 01:56:36,420 --> 01:56:38,532 But she liked to show off. 1695 01:56:38,899 --> 01:56:40,968 - Your mother? - Yes. 1696 01:56:43,379 --> 01:56:45,756 - Did your father pass away? - Yes. 1697 01:56:47,780 --> 01:56:50,551 He stood up to her one day before his death. 1698 01:56:51,379 --> 01:56:53,712 He turned his face away from her. 1699 01:56:54,219 --> 01:56:57,036 It was the only time he revolted against her. 1700 01:56:58,020 --> 01:57:01,320 As if he was saying: ''Let me die in peace''. 1701 01:57:27,979 --> 01:57:29,476 Are you Michel? 1702 01:57:30,180 --> 01:57:31,632 Michel Jelelaty, yes. 1703 01:57:32,700 --> 01:57:35,647 You're the son of the late Joseph Jelelaty! 1704 01:57:35,819 --> 01:57:37,755 You look so much like him! 1705 01:57:39,299 --> 01:57:40,752 The same face! 1706 01:57:41,500 --> 01:57:46,163 Even if they hadn't told me I would have recognized you! 1707 01:57:47,579 --> 01:57:51,452 Do you want to know things about your late father? 1708 01:57:51,940 --> 01:57:53,040 Sure. 1709 01:57:54,139 --> 01:57:55,856 Shall we talk about Joseph now? 1710 01:57:55,979 --> 01:57:58,136 Let's show him some pictures. 1711 01:57:58,139 --> 01:58:00,163 Yes, the pictures. 1712 01:58:05,739 --> 01:58:06,839 Here. 1713 01:58:08,819 --> 01:58:10,183 Let me look. 1714 01:58:10,780 --> 01:58:12,232 Yes that's him. 1715 01:58:19,500 --> 01:58:21,084 - You recognize him? - Yes. 1716 01:58:25,940 --> 01:58:29,723 How old was your father when he passed away? 1717 01:58:31,139 --> 01:58:33,251 60 years old. 1718 01:58:33,899 --> 01:58:37,772 Can you tell him Joseph's story about turning 60? 1719 01:58:38,139 --> 01:58:41,263 - The story you narrated to me before? - Yes. 1720 01:58:42,379 --> 01:58:47,132 It was after our annual spiritual retreat. 1721 01:58:48,899 --> 01:58:52,947 We were young deacons, dressed in our religious outfits. 1722 01:58:53,379 --> 01:58:56,724 I was next to him, after we finished. 1723 01:58:58,455 --> 01:59:02,996 He said ''I wholeheartedly ask of God'' 1724 01:59:03,553 --> 01:59:06,668 at the end of this consecration 1725 01:59:07,041 --> 01:59:12,801 that when I turn 60... 1726 01:59:13,506 --> 01:59:15,794 ''I leave this earth!'' 1727 01:59:15,990 --> 01:59:18,102 And indeed that's what happened! 1728 01:59:18,984 --> 01:59:24,239 One day, I went to visit him by chance. 1729 01:59:24,379 --> 01:59:26,491 I saw his coffin. 1730 01:59:26,516 --> 01:59:28,628 I did the calculations. 1731 01:59:29,074 --> 01:59:32,598 It turned out he passed away at 60! 1732 01:59:33,299 --> 01:59:34,637 Exactly! 1733 01:59:52,459 --> 01:59:55,495 Is he making this story up? 1734 01:59:59,659 --> 02:00:01,287 I don't think so... 1735 02:00:03,379 --> 02:00:06,063 But it's a relieving story, isn't it? 1736 02:00:10,420 --> 02:00:13,235 At least he decided his destiny... 1737 02:00:13,620 --> 02:00:15,248 So it's not you... 1738 02:00:15,379 --> 02:00:17,712 No, I didn't kill him! 1739 02:00:32,020 --> 02:00:34,923 My darling dear. 1740 02:00:37,459 --> 02:00:40,452 At least believe me. 1741 02:00:46,340 --> 02:00:49,331 Without you. 1742 02:00:56,620 --> 02:00:59,612 My heart languishes. 1743 02:01:05,739 --> 02:01:07,455 Is this a love song? 1744 02:01:08,340 --> 02:01:09,836 Yes. 1745 02:01:25,139 --> 02:01:27,560 Yes I love my dad... 1746 02:01:38,260 --> 02:01:41,472 I adore the sky, it's forgiving like you. 1747 02:01:41,700 --> 02:01:44,207 It's full of happy stars. 1748 02:01:44,579 --> 02:01:47,747 It's cherishfull and strange. 1749 02:01:48,659 --> 02:01:51,828 It's distant like you and sometimes close, like you. 1750 02:01:53,139 --> 02:01:57,144 With its musical eyes, that's the sky I adore. 1751 02:02:14,459 --> 02:02:17,671 Where do you think the film should end? 1752 02:02:21,379 --> 02:02:24,503 At first I thought it should end in Barcelona. 1753 02:02:25,180 --> 02:02:27,599 But I am not sure anymore. 1754 02:02:29,540 --> 02:02:32,399 I thought it should end in the power plant 1755 02:02:33,059 --> 02:02:35,656 the port entry for the Mountain war. 1756 02:02:38,139 --> 02:02:41,263 I would like to end it in the middle of the sea. 1757 02:02:41,459 --> 02:02:43,836 In the heart of the Mediterranean sea. 1758 02:02:44,340 --> 02:02:47,507 - You would be swimming? - No just leaving 1759 02:02:48,059 --> 02:02:50,699 to somewhere new. 1760 02:02:56,700 --> 02:03:00,483 Before you leave, I have a final shot for you. 1761 02:03:47,379 --> 02:03:49,975 You seemed so tense when we took this shot! 1762 02:03:50,860 --> 02:03:52,884 It was completely mad! 1763 02:03:53,139 --> 02:03:55,648 I have desecrated so many churches... 1764 02:03:57,579 --> 02:04:00,704 But you told me later that it was cathartic. 1765 02:04:00,860 --> 02:04:04,643 Yes. Let them wash my foot, they owe me that. 1766 02:04:06,979 --> 02:04:09,091 Miguel you're still a believer... 1767 02:04:09,500 --> 02:04:10,600 Why? 1768 02:04:10,739 --> 02:04:12,588 This is my feeling. 1769 02:04:13,659 --> 02:04:16,608 Of course, I am the Magdalene! 1770 02:04:17,739 --> 02:04:20,467 I mean deep inside of you... 1771 02:04:22,379 --> 02:04:24,579 I don't know... 1772 02:05:30,379 --> 02:05:32,779 Hi Eliane 1773 02:05:32,780 --> 02:05:36,827 I don't have a phone number for Takla in Saidnaya (Syria) 1774 02:05:37,156 --> 02:05:41,167 But if you go ask for Shehadeh Zahr 1775 02:05:41,192 --> 02:05:43,915 or Habib Zahr, they are her brothers. 1776 02:05:43,940 --> 02:05:46,271 You may find her through them. 1777 02:05:49,899 --> 02:05:53,023 You have a special hello from... Michel. 1778 02:05:53,219 --> 02:05:54,848 God protect him... 1779 02:05:55,100 --> 02:05:57,431 He used to call me ''Takkoul''. 1780 02:05:57,700 --> 02:06:00,692 It's a pet name for my name Takla. 1781 02:06:01,286 --> 02:06:04,816 I'd really love to know how he's doing. 1782 02:06:08,191 --> 02:06:11,354 I'll give him your phone number for sure. 1783 02:06:11,379 --> 02:06:14,372 Hopefully he could visit you next summer 134402

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