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1
00:00:17,552 --> 00:00:19,262
if it's something you do
with every girl.
2
00:00:20,887 --> 00:00:25,308
Every girl? No, no.
I am strictly a one-woman guy.
3
00:00:25,434 --> 00:00:27,519
Well, I don't want to end up
all over the Internet.
4
00:00:27,602 --> 00:00:29,688
I pride myself on keeping a low profile.
5
00:00:29,896 --> 00:00:32,274
My private life is private.
Hm.
6
00:00:33,525 --> 00:00:37,487
Wait. I thought you never did this
before. What are all these?
7
00:00:37,529 --> 00:00:40,365
Oh, uh, just some movies I rented.
8
00:00:41,074 --> 00:00:42,075
"Me and Brandy, Missionary"?
9
00:00:42,284 --> 00:00:44,911
A tale of two girls who become nuns.
10
00:00:45,245 --> 00:00:47,164
What are all those?
11
00:00:47,289 --> 00:00:48,582
Oh, that's just your standard
12
00:00:48,749 --> 00:00:51,001
home security setup.
Basic run-of-the mill.
13
00:00:51,126 --> 00:00:53,587
No big deal, nothing too elaborate.
Everybody has them.
14
00:00:53,795 --> 00:00:56,340
And why do you need security cameras
pointing at your bed?
15
00:00:56,506 --> 00:00:58,759
In case a burglar tries
to steal my sex tapes.
16
00:00:58,800 --> 00:01:00,010
Now, let's get into bed.
17
00:01:00,177 --> 00:01:02,637
Let's just make this quick.
I have a court hearing in the morning.
18
00:01:02,804 --> 00:01:05,557
Judge Henderson?
No. I wish. Thompson.
19
00:01:05,599 --> 00:01:07,601
Mm. That's going to suck for you.
20
00:01:07,726 --> 00:01:10,103
It was a driving mishap thingy.
21
00:01:10,145 --> 00:01:12,105
Do me a favor.
Promise me you won't drive.
22
00:01:12,147 --> 00:01:13,982
That's sweet.
You're worried about me driving.
23
00:01:14,149 --> 00:01:17,152
Mm-mm. I'm worried about me.
I'm a pedestrian.
24
00:01:18,320 --> 00:01:19,738
Ow!
25
00:01:19,905 --> 00:01:22,199
Sorry. That's my sobriety monitor.
26
00:01:23,950 --> 00:01:24,910
Ow!
27
00:01:25,077 --> 00:01:26,995
Sorry. Sorry.
28
00:01:27,120 --> 00:01:28,705
Ankle. Tracking bracelet.
29
00:01:35,045 --> 00:01:37,673
What are you doing?
Huh?
30
00:01:38,840 --> 00:01:41,802
Just... warming up.
31
00:01:44,012 --> 00:01:46,473
You sure we're alone here? Feels like
there's somebody else in this house.
32
00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:48,975
Did you hear that?
33
00:01:49,184 --> 00:01:51,311
That's nothing.
34
00:01:51,561 --> 00:01:52,479
OK, what is that?
35
00:01:52,729 --> 00:01:54,898
Just... unraveling the old hose.
36
00:01:55,732 --> 00:01:57,609
Save it for tomorrow, Raul.
37
00:01:57,734 --> 00:01:59,277
Si, senor.
38
00:02:57,336 --> 00:02:59,087
Wow. That was amazing.
39
00:03:01,465 --> 00:03:04,593
Wow.
Get out of here, Emilio.
40
00:03:07,471 --> 00:03:09,097
Charlie, I'm scared.
41
00:03:09,222 --> 00:03:11,099
Lindsay, sweetie,
there's nothing to be afraid of.
42
00:03:16,229 --> 00:03:18,231
Hey, I got the stuff.
I got to call you back, man.
43
00:03:19,149 --> 00:03:20,817
Ow!
44
00:03:28,867 --> 00:03:30,327
I think I better go.
45
00:03:31,119 --> 00:03:32,788
Really? How about tomorrow? You busy?
46
00:03:36,833 --> 00:03:39,461
I'm going to blow you
across the room.
47
00:03:39,628 --> 00:03:40,921
Sounds awesome.
48
00:04:11,118 --> 00:04:13,995
And thus our story begins.
49
00:04:14,162 --> 00:04:17,416
The large reward offered
for the rescue of Charlie's kids
50
00:04:17,582 --> 00:04:20,210
drew the attention of police,
private detectives
51
00:04:20,252 --> 00:04:22,629
and Red Cross volunteers.
52
00:04:22,754 --> 00:04:25,632
Everyone was on high alert
for these children,
53
00:04:25,757 --> 00:04:27,634
except these two guys.
54
00:04:27,759 --> 00:04:31,054
No, man, Obamacare gives senior citizens
access to cheaper drugs,
55
00:04:31,221 --> 00:04:35,142
free preventative care, and it closes
the Medicare Part D loophole.
56
00:04:35,392 --> 00:04:37,853
And how does that help if I get
shampoo in my dick hole?
57
00:04:38,020 --> 00:04:39,479
What?
Mean to tell me you ain't never got
58
00:04:39,730 --> 00:04:41,231
shampoo in your pee hole?
OK.
59
00:04:41,356 --> 00:04:42,816
Maybe like once or twice.
Yeah, once or twice
60
00:04:42,983 --> 00:04:44,484
when you was playing with yourself.
61
00:04:44,693 --> 00:04:46,319
No, I wasn't playing with myself.
62
00:04:46,486 --> 00:04:48,572
I was showering,
and crazy got up in there.
63
00:04:48,739 --> 00:04:51,491
Bullshit. Cam Newton's
law of gravity is:
64
00:04:52,826 --> 00:04:55,537
Well, either way,
that shit stings like hell.
65
00:04:55,662 --> 00:04:58,206
Sting like a mother, man, it feel
like it's a hornet up in there.
66
00:04:58,623 --> 00:05:00,417
Exactly.
I don't understand why
67
00:05:00,625 --> 00:05:02,210
the shampoo company
can't fix that, man.
68
00:05:02,419 --> 00:05:03,962
They got "No More Tears."
69
00:05:04,087 --> 00:05:05,797
Why they can't make no more
hornets in your dick?
70
00:05:05,881 --> 00:05:09,551
I don't really think they expect you
to use the No More Tears on your dick.
71
00:05:09,718 --> 00:05:11,219
Well, why they call it
Johnson & Johnson?
72
00:05:11,428 --> 00:05:13,722
I got a better question, man.
What the hell are two stoners doing
73
00:05:13,972 --> 00:05:15,557
wandering around
these spooky-ass woods?
74
00:05:15,724 --> 00:05:18,935
Look, it's going to be worth it.
I told you... this is Humboldt County.
75
00:05:19,186 --> 00:05:22,105
This is where all the growers
grow their bomb-ass shit.
76
00:05:22,189 --> 00:05:24,149
You think they're gonna be cool
with us just helping ourselves?
77
00:05:24,316 --> 00:05:25,776
Look, man, we ain't taking no plants.
78
00:05:25,901 --> 00:05:27,778
We're gonna snip a few buds.
You know what I'm saying?
79
00:05:27,903 --> 00:05:29,488
It's gonna grow back
just like a lobster paw.
80
00:05:29,738 --> 00:05:30,906
You know, that's how nature do.
81
00:05:31,073 --> 00:05:32,657
I don't know, man.
Just doesn't feel right.
82
00:05:32,699 --> 00:05:34,868
Man, they ain't gonna care.
Look, man, we're gonna be cool.
83
00:05:35,077 --> 00:05:37,454
We're gonna roll one blunt,
then we're gonna get up out of here.
84
00:05:37,662 --> 00:05:39,539
Just one?
Just one.
85
00:05:40,832 --> 00:05:42,834
They won't care, huh?
Man, just keep running.
86
00:05:42,876 --> 00:05:45,921
Holy shit. Is that a drone? They're
going all Zero Dark Thirty on our ass.
87
00:05:50,759 --> 00:05:52,469
Yo, I think they gone.
88
00:05:54,805 --> 00:05:59,142
Oh, whoa. It's a cabin in the woods.
We need to go hide over in there.
89
00:05:59,309 --> 00:06:00,602
Nah, man, I'm not going in there.
90
00:06:00,769 --> 00:06:01,978
It reminds me of a horror movie
I once saw.
91
00:06:02,020 --> 00:06:05,148
What horror movie?
The one with the cabin in the woods.
92
00:06:05,232 --> 00:06:06,775
Friday the 13th?
No.
93
00:06:06,817 --> 00:06:08,360
The one with the cabin in the woods.
94
00:06:08,527 --> 00:06:09,778
Texas Chain Saw Massacre?
95
00:06:09,945 --> 00:06:11,863
No, the one with the cabin
in the woods.
96
00:06:12,030 --> 00:06:13,365
The Ring.
Uh-uh.
97
00:06:13,448 --> 00:06:16,034
The one with the cabin in the woods.
Blair Witch Project.
98
00:06:16,159 --> 00:06:18,328
No, man, the one
with the cabin in the woods.
99
00:06:18,495 --> 00:06:20,122
The Munsters.
That wasn't in the woods.
100
00:06:20,247 --> 00:06:21,999
They wasn't even a damn movie.
Look, man,
101
00:06:22,249 --> 00:06:23,750
we ain't got time
for this shit right now.
102
00:06:23,875 --> 00:06:25,669
We need to get to that cabin
in the woods.
103
00:06:40,475 --> 00:06:42,477
What the hell is that sound?
104
00:06:42,602 --> 00:06:45,188
Sound like the house settling.
It looked new.
105
00:06:45,397 --> 00:06:47,024
I'm gonna take a look around.
Go ahead.
106
00:06:50,360 --> 00:06:51,319
Ah! What is that?
107
00:06:57,743 --> 00:06:59,161
Ah!
Oh!
108
00:06:59,703 --> 00:07:02,372
Where we shooting?
There.
109
00:07:02,497 --> 00:07:03,749
Where?
The dark!
110
00:07:03,915 --> 00:07:05,292
There?
No, this dark.
111
00:07:06,001 --> 00:07:06,960
Over there.
112
00:07:10,297 --> 00:07:11,840
Dude, what the hell was that?
113
00:07:11,923 --> 00:07:14,468
Big-ass Alaskan king crab
just ran up on me, man.
114
00:07:14,718 --> 00:07:16,261
Crab? Cuz, we banging?
Ja'Marcus,
115
00:07:16,428 --> 00:07:18,472
put the guns down, man.
Put yours down first, homey.
116
00:07:18,680 --> 00:07:21,808
All right, on three. One, two, three.
117
00:07:23,018 --> 00:07:24,519
Damn.
You want to try it again?
118
00:07:24,603 --> 00:07:27,647
Sure. One, two, three.
119
00:07:29,816 --> 00:07:31,318
One, two, three.
120
00:07:33,403 --> 00:07:37,074
Uno, dos, tres.
121
00:07:37,199 --> 00:07:39,201
Man, we could do this shit all day.
122
00:07:39,409 --> 00:07:40,994
Truce?
Truce.
123
00:07:42,245 --> 00:07:45,374
Hey, yo, D'Andre. Look, homey.
It's two little girls.
124
00:07:45,749 --> 00:07:47,626
They're little racist girls, man.
125
00:07:47,751 --> 00:07:50,921
Wearing blackface. Cool with that?
126
00:07:51,463 --> 00:07:54,299
Hey, little girl, what's your name?
127
00:07:57,511 --> 00:07:59,054
What'd she say?
She said, "I wonder what your leg
128
00:07:59,096 --> 00:08:00,389
tastes like."
What? Ah, man!
129
00:08:00,555 --> 00:08:01,848
Little spider girl bit me.
130
00:08:02,015 --> 00:08:03,100
Maybe you're going to get superpowers.
131
00:08:03,350 --> 00:08:05,060
Ain't no black superheroes.
I'm on it.
132
00:08:05,268 --> 00:08:06,687
' Hi-ya!
133
00:08:09,314 --> 00:08:12,859
Yo. D'Andre, I think they're
the missing kids from the news.
134
00:08:12,901 --> 00:08:14,236
How can you be so sure?
Look.
135
00:08:15,445 --> 00:08:17,447
I don't know, man.
Well, if it is the missing kids,
136
00:08:17,656 --> 00:08:19,533
I'm gonna take that reward money,
and I'm gonna buy me
137
00:08:19,700 --> 00:08:22,619
a yacht, fill it with cash,
bitches and a shark.
138
00:08:22,744 --> 00:08:23,995
Why would you want to buy a shark?
139
00:08:24,204 --> 00:08:25,998
Trust me... we're gonna need a shark.
140
00:08:30,585 --> 00:08:33,171
No, this can't be right.
141
00:08:46,268 --> 00:08:47,602
Hi, Mom.
142
00:08:48,520 --> 00:08:50,105
I got to call you back.
143
00:08:51,106 --> 00:08:53,108
No baby, no baby, no baby, no baby.
144
00:08:54,359 --> 00:08:55,527
You're pregnant...
No!
145
00:08:55,694 --> 00:08:59,489
...with anticipation over
the outcome of this iPregnancy test,
146
00:08:59,656 --> 00:09:02,451
which has determined that you are...
147
00:09:02,701 --> 00:09:03,952
You got to be kidding me.
148
00:09:05,662 --> 00:09:06,663
Oh, no.
149
00:09:06,913 --> 00:09:08,332
Not pregnant.
150
00:09:08,498 --> 00:09:10,334
You dodged a bullet, you lucky slut.
151
00:09:10,459 --> 00:09:13,211
Thank you, God. Sweet!
152
00:09:14,379 --> 00:09:17,466
Great news:
They found my brother's kids.
153
00:09:17,591 --> 00:09:18,800
Oh, crap.
154
00:09:19,009 --> 00:09:21,428
We're very fortunate
the older one, Kathy, has retained
155
00:09:21,595 --> 00:09:23,013
most of her vocabulary.
156
00:09:23,138 --> 00:09:25,140
The baby hasn't actually said a word.
157
00:09:25,349 --> 00:09:28,477
Why not?
Because he's a baby.
158
00:09:28,643 --> 00:09:31,938
They've been alone here
over three long months.
159
00:09:32,105 --> 00:09:36,485
I need to warn both of you
that this is not going to be easy.
160
00:09:36,651 --> 00:09:38,695
I'm ready for it.
161
00:09:38,945 --> 00:09:41,323
Hello.
No, no. Wrong window.
162
00:09:41,490 --> 00:09:43,909
Here's where the children are.
163
00:09:48,288 --> 00:09:50,290
- What is she doing?
- In order to survive
164
00:09:50,457 --> 00:09:53,710
their extreme isolation, the girls
created an imaginary guardian,
165
00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:57,923
a parent figure to feed them,
sing to them. They call her Mama.
166
00:09:58,090 --> 00:10:00,634
But these may help you break through.
167
00:10:00,842 --> 00:10:02,427
And the Ritalin may help, as well.
168
00:10:02,594 --> 00:10:04,638
The proper dosage
for someone their age is...
169
00:10:04,888 --> 00:10:06,181
Wish me luck.
170
00:10:10,477 --> 00:10:11,937
Hey, Lily.
171
00:10:17,693 --> 00:10:19,277
Oh, how cute.
172
00:10:21,697 --> 00:10:24,741
OK.
Kathy.
173
00:10:25,367 --> 00:10:27,744
It's OK, Kathy. Remember these?
174
00:10:27,953 --> 00:10:30,539
You used to wear them
to help you see better.
175
00:10:36,753 --> 00:10:38,296
No, no, no!
176
00:10:39,297 --> 00:10:42,300
Maybe we should get her
some contacts... the soft kind.
177
00:10:45,804 --> 00:10:47,222
Daddy?
178
00:10:48,056 --> 00:10:50,434
No, sweetheart. Not Daddy.
179
00:10:50,600 --> 00:10:52,185
I'm your Uncle Dan. Remember?
180
00:10:52,227 --> 00:10:53,603
And this is Jody.
181
00:10:53,770 --> 00:10:55,689
Jo...
182
00:10:55,856 --> 00:10:58,608
Jody.
No pause between "Jo" and "dy."
183
00:10:58,734 --> 00:11:00,569
Jo...
184
00:11:00,736 --> 00:11:03,155
Dan, we're at an impasse.
I see constant conflict.
185
00:11:03,196 --> 00:11:05,198
It's fine. They'll warm up to you.
186
00:11:05,323 --> 00:11:06,742
Oh!
187
00:11:06,783 --> 00:11:09,244
Hey, hey, hey, little lady,
that's not how...
188
00:11:09,369 --> 00:11:10,996
You little mother...!
189
00:11:14,541 --> 00:11:17,919
Well, everything checks out.
They seem like good kids, Doc.
190
00:11:18,128 --> 00:11:19,338
Just validate our parking.
We'll take them home.
191
00:11:19,463 --> 00:11:21,631
Folks, I wish it were that easy.
You don't validate?
192
00:11:21,798 --> 00:11:23,925
I'm saying the kids
are not yours to take.
193
00:11:24,092 --> 00:11:25,927
Well, you can't win them all.
Let's skedaddle.
194
00:11:26,094 --> 00:11:30,015
That's not fair. They're my brother
Charlie's kids. We deserve them.
195
00:11:30,098 --> 00:11:33,268
Do you? Your wife plays in a punk rock
band, staying out all night long,
196
00:11:33,518 --> 00:11:36,063
high on drugs, sleeping with
a different man every night.
197
00:11:36,229 --> 00:11:38,815
I don't think the courts
are gonna look upon that too favorably.
198
00:11:39,024 --> 00:11:40,233
But...
I was just messing with you.
199
00:11:40,442 --> 00:11:41,651
The kids are yours.
They are?
200
00:11:41,777 --> 00:11:43,153
Did you hear that, honey? They're ours!
201
00:11:43,278 --> 00:11:46,782
On one condition. This house is owned
by the Institute for Case Studies.
202
00:11:46,865 --> 00:11:48,784
Every room is fully wired with cameras.
203
00:11:49,034 --> 00:11:51,536
If you move into the house,
you get the kids.
204
00:11:51,578 --> 00:11:54,414
Can't we just sell the house and put
the kids in a high-end orphanage?
205
00:11:54,581 --> 00:11:56,792
Jody, do you really think
you're out out to be a mom?
206
00:11:56,833 --> 00:11:57,793
Mm-mm. Mm-mm.
207
00:11:57,959 --> 00:11:59,169
Of course she is.
Dan!
208
00:11:59,336 --> 00:12:02,130
Now, no more rock band,
no more silly wig.
209
00:12:02,297 --> 00:12:04,257
It's not silly. It's all a part of me.
210
00:12:04,424 --> 00:12:06,176
And no more tattoos.
What are you doing?
211
00:12:06,343 --> 00:12:08,845
What I had to.
We're a perfect suburban couple.
212
00:12:09,096 --> 00:12:13,642
And so Dan and Jody headed to
their new house with their new children.
213
00:12:13,684 --> 00:12:16,895
But, like a slutty sorority girl
returning from spring break,
214
00:12:17,062 --> 00:12:21,358
they were also bringing home
a hidden evil.
215
00:12:22,693 --> 00:12:25,237
All right, kids,
here's our new house.
216
00:12:25,278 --> 00:12:26,822
And here's Uncle Dan.
217
00:12:27,030 --> 00:12:30,075
Hi. Don't forget about mommy!
218
00:12:30,158 --> 00:12:33,829
Dan, I'm not their mommy.
They can call me Aunt Jody.
219
00:12:33,996 --> 00:12:36,164
Or Jodes, J-Mom, Mrs. Sanders.
220
00:12:36,331 --> 00:12:37,916
Or, if they really want
to call me... Garage!
221
00:12:40,210 --> 00:12:41,628
Here comes Jody and Aidan,
222
00:12:41,878 --> 00:12:43,422
entering the house
for the very first time.
223
00:12:43,588 --> 00:12:46,967
This is where we're going to protect you
and make sure nothing bad...
224
00:12:47,175 --> 00:12:48,677
Oh, my God, Aidan!
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.
225
00:12:48,760 --> 00:12:50,554
Maybe we should put him in the carrier.
226
00:12:50,762 --> 00:12:54,725
There, see, that's better.
Come on, Aidan. What, what, what?
227
00:12:54,933 --> 00:12:57,060
Relax, it's OK.
Oh, my gosh.
228
00:12:57,227 --> 00:12:58,979
Dan, I lost the baby!
What?
229
00:12:59,104 --> 00:13:01,857
Oh, my gosh, Aidan!
Aidan, where are you?!
230
00:13:01,940 --> 00:13:03,066
- Aidan!
- Where did you go?
231
00:13:03,233 --> 00:13:07,279
Oh, there he is, OK.
232
00:13:07,362 --> 00:13:09,281
Here's your sister Kathy.
233
00:13:09,364 --> 00:13:10,657
Oh, Aidan, it's OK.
234
00:13:10,824 --> 00:13:12,409
You've just got to talk
in a baby voice.
235
00:13:12,659 --> 00:13:15,662
It doesn't even matter what you say.
OK.
236
00:13:15,829 --> 00:13:17,831
I'm your stepmommy.
237
00:13:19,291 --> 00:13:21,626
I'm not your fricking mommy.
238
00:13:21,793 --> 00:13:23,837
There you go, you're a natural.
239
00:13:24,087 --> 00:13:26,131
What's that smell?
240
00:13:27,799 --> 00:13:30,427
Oh, my God, what do I do?
Oh, oh! Here, this, hold on!
241
00:13:30,677 --> 00:13:33,555
' Uncle Dan!
242
00:13:33,722 --> 00:13:37,184
' Kathy! Oh, sorry, Ow!
243
00:13:37,309 --> 00:13:40,771
All right, there you go, sweetie.
244
00:13:40,937 --> 00:13:44,107
Is it chilly in here? I felt it
as soon as I entered the room.
245
00:13:44,149 --> 00:13:46,151
Feels fine. Hey, what are these?
246
00:13:46,318 --> 00:13:48,904
This is interesting. What is this?
247
00:13:49,071 --> 00:13:51,531
I don't know, Mama drew that one.
248
00:13:51,740 --> 00:13:54,284
Look, we drew this picture for Aidan.
249
00:13:54,451 --> 00:13:57,454
See? It's Aidan
on a rocket to the moon.
250
00:13:57,621 --> 00:14:01,458
Oh. Sitting on a rocket.
Where's Lily?
251
00:14:04,961 --> 00:14:06,963
Oh, no, sweetie, the other end.
252
00:14:07,839 --> 00:14:09,257
Ooh!
253
00:14:10,425 --> 00:14:12,594
Let's go introduce Aidan
to the rest of the family.
254
00:14:16,348 --> 00:14:17,599
Oh, and there's
our furry family member.
255
00:14:17,808 --> 00:14:20,268
- Yes, Maria.
- No, Dan, Artie.
256
00:14:20,352 --> 00:14:22,270
Oh, yes, of course, our dog Artie.
257
00:14:22,396 --> 00:14:25,232
Ay, the new baby. I make blessing.
Oh.
258
00:14:31,863 --> 00:14:33,699
OK, OK, that's good, Maria.
259
00:14:34,950 --> 00:14:36,326
Oh, my gosh.
260
00:14:38,245 --> 00:14:40,122
With three new kids
to care for,
261
00:14:40,247 --> 00:14:42,958
Dan really needed
to start performing at work.
262
00:14:43,125 --> 00:14:46,712
Unfortunately he was having
some issues with a colleague.
263
00:14:46,878 --> 00:14:50,257
OK, Caesar, this is
the one, I can feel it.
264
00:14:52,259 --> 00:14:55,429
Eighty-one seconds? Oh, Caesar.
265
00:14:55,679 --> 00:14:57,723
That's your worst time yet.
266
00:14:57,848 --> 00:15:00,267
You're doing even worse
on your creativity test.
267
00:15:00,475 --> 00:15:03,812
I mean, look at all the imaginative
things I made out of blocks.
268
00:15:04,021 --> 00:15:05,397
Like this awesome plane.
269
00:15:10,819 --> 00:15:13,780
Dan, do you have any results yet?
270
00:15:13,989 --> 00:15:16,491
Oh, well, I've been injecting
the primates twice a day
271
00:15:16,658 --> 00:15:20,370
with the I-13 intelligence drug.
I'm hoping in a week or so...
272
00:15:20,495 --> 00:15:23,290
I hope Caesar is not just
a big waste of time and money.
273
00:15:23,498 --> 00:15:26,960
I'm the one responsible to the board.
Just show me one thing positive.
274
00:15:27,919 --> 00:15:30,505
Look. They still throw their shit.
275
00:15:30,547 --> 00:15:32,716
But now they can keep score.
276
00:15:35,260 --> 00:15:37,846
We have to kick-start this thing.
When can we go to human trials?
277
00:15:37,929 --> 00:15:39,598
We're close, but there's
an intermediate step.
278
00:15:39,848 --> 00:15:43,101
If the I-13 works
on these reality wives...
279
00:15:43,310 --> 00:15:46,188
You better check that shit.
Who gonna check me, boo?
280
00:15:54,488 --> 00:15:56,656
We're pinning the future
of our lab on wild beasts.
281
00:15:56,823 --> 00:15:58,617
They're not beasts.
282
00:15:58,742 --> 00:16:01,036
They have feelings, they have families.
283
00:16:01,161 --> 00:16:03,872
Males pee standing up,
females pee sitting down.
284
00:16:03,997 --> 00:16:05,999
These apes are just like you.
285
00:16:06,166 --> 00:16:08,960
And me... you and me, blacks and whites.
286
00:16:09,044 --> 00:16:12,339
More like whites, of course.
We whites are a lighter shade of ape
287
00:16:12,506 --> 00:16:15,092
whereas you are bla... dder infection,
we're all at risk.
288
00:16:15,342 --> 00:16:17,344
So, what were we talking
about again? Vaginas.
289
00:16:17,511 --> 00:16:18,887
Shut up.
Yes, of course.
290
00:16:19,054 --> 00:16:21,306
Caesar has got to show some human
intelligence at that board meeting...
291
00:16:21,473 --> 00:16:24,559
Caesar's probably smarter
than half of those board members.
292
00:16:24,643 --> 00:16:25,852
Dan...
I know what you're going to say.
293
00:16:26,061 --> 00:16:28,605
"If he's so smart,
why is he in a cage?"
294
00:16:29,398 --> 00:16:30,440
You're in the cage.
295
00:16:44,413 --> 00:16:45,831
What?
296
00:16:46,790 --> 00:16:48,417
Oh, you're looking for this?
Uh-huh.
297
00:16:48,583 --> 00:16:49,543
It's my ballerina doll.
298
00:16:50,419 --> 00:16:51,795
You made this?
Mama did,
299
00:16:51,962 --> 00:16:55,966
using twigs, moss, spiderwebs,
sparrow bones, lizard eyes,
300
00:16:56,008 --> 00:16:58,885
all held together with rat droppings.
Oh, geez.
301
00:17:46,933 --> 00:17:49,686
Ah, ah, ah. What... what are you doing?
302
00:17:49,728 --> 00:17:52,147
I just can't deal with these kids.
They're creepy.
303
00:17:52,356 --> 00:17:53,440
We should just take 'em back.
304
00:17:53,607 --> 00:17:56,693
Maybe you guys just need
to find some common ground.
305
00:17:56,943 --> 00:17:59,071
What about that ballerina doll
Kathy's always playing with?
306
00:17:59,946 --> 00:18:01,740
I don't want to talk about the ballet.
307
00:18:02,949 --> 00:18:04,910
I saw what the ballet did to my mom.
308
00:18:05,702 --> 00:18:07,496
She became obsessed.
309
00:18:07,621 --> 00:18:11,083
She even danced the swan
while she was pregnant with me.
310
00:18:14,878 --> 00:18:17,047
Boo, ray, boo!
Shh!
311
00:18:17,255 --> 00:18:20,175
Shh. Hell. You better sit back
before I punch you in your damn throat.
312
00:18:20,342 --> 00:18:21,301
We're trying to enjoy the show.
313
00:18:21,426 --> 00:18:25,055
You go on... shh... shh me again.
I double-dog dare you, hell.
314
00:18:25,180 --> 00:18:27,057
Better ask somebody who I am.
315
00:18:37,150 --> 00:18:38,735
Whoa!
316
00:18:39,528 --> 00:18:41,988
Got it.
317
00:18:43,782 --> 00:18:45,325
Mom was never the same.
318
00:18:46,743 --> 00:18:49,955
That's unlikely
to ever happen again, ever.
319
00:18:50,122 --> 00:18:53,250
Just give it a shot.
Look what I found earlier.
320
00:18:53,500 --> 00:18:54,835
I mean, I know
it's just a local production.
321
00:18:55,002 --> 00:18:59,506
But could be something for you
and Kathy to talk about, could be fun.
322
00:18:59,548 --> 00:19:02,092
You really think so?
Yes.
323
00:19:02,300 --> 00:19:05,429
Well, I suppose I could check it out.
324
00:19:05,637 --> 00:19:08,473
OK. But the minute it becomes
too difficult, I'm giving up.
325
00:19:09,307 --> 00:19:10,434
That's the spirit.
326
00:19:23,405 --> 00:19:25,741
Even though Jody
only returned to the ballet
327
00:19:25,949 --> 00:19:27,326
to connect with the girls,
328
00:19:27,534 --> 00:19:31,330
as she got closer she couldn't help
but get excited at the prospect
329
00:19:31,371 --> 00:19:34,541
of becoming the Swan Queen.
330
00:19:34,583 --> 00:19:36,752
This season we open with "Swan Lake."
331
00:19:36,918 --> 00:19:38,837
As you all know, this piece
has the most challenging
332
00:19:38,962 --> 00:19:42,924
and demanding role in all
of ballet... the Swan Queen.
333
00:19:43,091 --> 00:19:44,593
Sizing up her competition,
334
00:19:44,718 --> 00:19:47,262
Jody knew the battle
would be a tough one.
335
00:19:47,512 --> 00:19:49,389
The white and the black.
336
00:19:49,639 --> 00:19:52,434
Fortunately we have with us
prima ballerina and the lead
337
00:19:52,601 --> 00:19:56,480
in my last 146 productions...
Heather Darcy.
338
00:19:58,648 --> 00:20:01,401
Ah, the seasoned professional.
339
00:20:01,443 --> 00:20:03,779
The still brilliant,
crusty, old, weathered,
340
00:20:03,987 --> 00:20:07,991
leather-faced elder statesman of ballet
to whom these young girls,
341
00:20:08,200 --> 00:20:10,786
less experienced,
more beautiful and delicious,
342
00:20:11,036 --> 00:20:14,665
but still very raw ballerina hopefuls,
look up.
343
00:20:14,831 --> 00:20:18,293
Show these far more desirable children
how it's done, huh?
344
00:20:19,211 --> 00:20:21,338
Music!
345
00:20:27,135 --> 00:20:28,512
Try that thing where you are skipping
346
00:20:28,679 --> 00:20:30,681
and you hop and you spread
your legs a little bit.
347
00:20:34,017 --> 00:20:36,311
Look at that form,
that technique.
348
00:20:36,478 --> 00:20:38,021
I'll never be that good.
349
00:20:39,272 --> 00:20:40,691
I'm Jody, by the way.
350
00:20:40,816 --> 00:20:42,693
Kendra.
351
00:20:44,069 --> 00:20:46,488
Are you going to try out?
Me?
352
00:20:46,613 --> 00:20:49,825
Oh, I don't know.
I mean, I like to dance, but I just...
353
00:20:50,033 --> 00:20:51,660
I don't like to be the
center of attention.
354
00:20:52,327 --> 00:20:54,621
OK, who's next?
Oh, food.
355
00:20:54,788 --> 00:20:56,164
Huh?
356
00:21:10,387 --> 00:21:13,306
It is as if I am seeing ballet
for the first time.
357
00:21:13,932 --> 00:21:15,225
That's not ballet.
358
00:21:20,313 --> 00:21:22,524
The passion, the sensuality.
359
00:21:25,068 --> 00:21:27,279
I can show passion.
360
00:21:28,071 --> 00:21:29,239
Oh, yeah.
361
00:21:30,490 --> 00:21:32,743
Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, oh.
362
00:21:32,868 --> 00:21:35,662
Jody certainly had
her work cut out for her.
363
00:21:36,204 --> 00:21:38,623
That Kendra chick was smokin'.
364
00:21:38,874 --> 00:21:40,417
Do you accept euros?
365
00:22:09,112 --> 00:22:12,282
Kathy, Lily, Aidan?
366
00:22:25,504 --> 00:22:26,463
Jody? Ah!
367
00:22:26,713 --> 00:22:28,090
Oh, sweetie, I'm so sorry.
368
00:22:28,715 --> 00:22:30,342
I'm so sorry.
I'm fine.
369
00:22:30,509 --> 00:22:31,802
It was on the floor.
370
00:22:31,843 --> 00:22:35,013
Ah, probably a screw loose.
I'll fix it.
371
00:22:37,057 --> 00:22:38,517
I feel like there's
something in this house.
372
00:22:38,684 --> 00:22:39,601
Like what?
373
00:22:39,810 --> 00:22:43,480
Like I feel hot, clammy,
foul-smelling breath on my neck.
374
00:22:45,232 --> 00:22:48,527
You need call psychic.
Kill bad spirits.
375
00:22:48,568 --> 00:22:51,571
Ugh.
No, Maria, enough of this stuff.
376
00:22:51,697 --> 00:22:54,658
OK, then I do blessing,
I protect house.
377
00:22:57,369 --> 00:22:59,621
Honey, you really need to relax.
378
00:23:00,414 --> 00:23:02,249
You're just stressed out
about the children.
379
00:23:02,332 --> 00:23:05,085
No, it's this house. I... I feel it.
380
00:23:05,252 --> 00:23:08,422
And Maria's a little off. I mean,
honestly do you really trust her?
381
00:23:08,547 --> 00:23:11,758
Oh, honey, don't worry,
she couldn't hurt a fly.
382
00:23:11,883 --> 00:23:13,635
Look, you have a big day
ahead of you tomorrow.
383
00:23:13,760 --> 00:23:16,054
Let's just get you some sleep, OK?
384
00:23:17,723 --> 00:23:18,849
Love you.
385
00:23:23,020 --> 00:23:25,397
I don't believe this...
our whole house ransacked.
386
00:23:25,439 --> 00:23:27,816
You leave the house unattended
with the doors unlocked
387
00:23:27,858 --> 00:23:29,151
and look what happens.
388
00:23:29,317 --> 00:23:31,945
They didn't take anything.
It's just vandalism.
389
00:23:32,029 --> 00:23:34,156
Every room except
the kids' rooms was trashed.
390
00:23:34,364 --> 00:23:35,324
So you suspect the kids?
391
00:23:35,449 --> 00:23:37,617
It was Mama. Mama did it.
392
00:23:37,743 --> 00:23:40,954
She hates this house.
She hates you.
393
00:23:43,206 --> 00:23:46,793
OK, Maria, this is camera.
Necesito filming.
394
00:23:46,960 --> 00:23:48,795
Thank you for helping me
clean up, sweetie.
395
00:23:48,920 --> 00:23:51,631
Oh, hey, been looking
all over for this thing.
396
00:23:51,882 --> 00:23:53,467
Still got it...
397
00:23:53,508 --> 00:23:55,927
I'm sorry! God, help, honey!
398
00:23:56,053 --> 00:23:59,598
Maria, honey, help! Geez!
Maria, put the camera...
399
00:23:59,681 --> 00:24:02,309
Oh, look at this.
400
00:24:02,434 --> 00:24:04,644
Mom coaching me
when I was a little girl.
401
00:24:04,853 --> 00:24:08,190
Aw...
Always applying the guilt trip.
402
00:24:08,357 --> 00:24:10,067
That got me the lead.
403
00:24:11,651 --> 00:24:13,195
Look, Maria.
404
00:24:13,403 --> 00:24:15,614
Maria, look what I found. What is this?
405
00:24:15,822 --> 00:24:20,369
Oh, uh, that's... a new type
of electric toothbrush.
406
00:24:23,038 --> 00:24:25,540
Graffiti!
407
00:24:25,707 --> 00:24:27,709
Did you see this?
408
00:24:27,876 --> 00:24:30,921
Who does that?
What are we...? Maria.
409
00:24:31,046 --> 00:24:34,800
Maria, por favor.
410
00:24:34,925 --> 00:24:38,387
Miss Jody, Miss Jody,
you call this man... Mr. Blaine.
411
00:24:38,553 --> 00:24:40,514
He helped my sister.
412
00:24:40,639 --> 00:24:42,891
This is a psychic.
Si, he'll help you.
413
00:24:43,058 --> 00:24:44,810
No, what we really need
are more security cameras.
414
00:26:18,528 --> 00:26:19,738
You're still awake?
415
00:26:20,989 --> 00:26:22,199
All right, listen, guys, it's just us
416
00:26:22,282 --> 00:26:23,950
until Uncle Dan comes back
from the hospital.
417
00:26:24,076 --> 00:26:26,286
I don't like it,
you don't like it, I don't like it.
418
00:26:26,495 --> 00:26:28,747
Now go to sleep. I have to be up
early for ballet tomorrow.
419
00:26:34,628 --> 00:26:37,923
You really like ballet, don't you?
Yeah, but I don't want you to go.
420
00:26:38,090 --> 00:26:39,049
Why?
421
00:26:39,257 --> 00:26:41,301
Mama says you're going
to have an accident.
422
00:26:41,426 --> 00:26:45,430
Oh, OK. Is this the same Mama
who trashed the house?
423
00:26:45,597 --> 00:26:47,432
Basically, yes.
424
00:26:53,397 --> 00:26:54,731
Don't go in there.
425
00:26:55,691 --> 00:26:56,525
I wasn't going to.
426
00:26:56,775 --> 00:26:57,984
Just don't.
427
00:26:58,151 --> 00:27:00,737
It's my house, I can if I want.
428
00:27:00,904 --> 00:27:01,988
I wouldn't.
429
00:27:02,155 --> 00:27:03,782
Would.
Wouldn't.
430
00:27:03,949 --> 00:27:05,742
Would, too.
Would not.
431
00:27:05,867 --> 00:27:08,745
You know what? I'm the adult.
You're not the boss of me.
432
00:27:08,954 --> 00:27:09,871
Don't.
433
00:27:30,642 --> 00:27:34,730
I told you
not to let anyone in!
434
00:27:41,403 --> 00:27:43,030
And so Jody was...
435
00:27:43,196 --> 00:27:45,532
Oh, my God, I just smelled that.
436
00:27:45,699 --> 00:27:47,534
It just got to me, yeah.
437
00:27:47,743 --> 00:27:49,328
And so Jody was...
438
00:27:49,494 --> 00:27:51,330
Oh, no, I... I'm sorry,
you have to excuse me.
439
00:27:51,580 --> 00:27:52,581
I got to get some fresh air.
440
00:27:52,789 --> 00:27:54,666
The next section
should explain itself.
441
00:28:08,680 --> 00:28:10,265
All right, attention.
442
00:28:10,474 --> 00:28:12,017
I do not wish to repeat myself.
443
00:28:12,184 --> 00:28:14,644
I repeat, I do not wish
to repeat myself.
444
00:28:14,853 --> 00:28:16,897
I require the sweater
I wear as a scarf.
445
00:28:19,441 --> 00:28:22,069
Ah. Comfortable, huh?
446
00:28:23,779 --> 00:28:26,573
Mm... Mother, please, I am working.
447
00:28:26,615 --> 00:28:29,993
All right, because Heather Darcy
is so old, this season
448
00:28:30,202 --> 00:28:31,953
we will have a new Swan Queen,
449
00:28:32,079 --> 00:28:35,624
and that person is Jody Sanders.
450
00:28:39,961 --> 00:28:43,340
Now, Jody, show us your routine.
451
00:28:43,465 --> 00:28:46,134
No, I'm the Swan Queen.
452
00:28:46,968 --> 00:28:49,721
Watch me. Ah...!
453
00:28:49,888 --> 00:28:52,516
As I was saying, my choice for new...
454
00:28:52,683 --> 00:28:54,685
Her?! Anyone but her!
455
00:28:54,810 --> 00:28:58,271
You might just as well
have picked the janitor!
456
00:28:58,438 --> 00:29:00,982
Me?
457
00:29:08,198 --> 00:29:10,617
Ira, please, not now. OK.
What?
458
00:29:10,826 --> 00:29:12,744
Yes, it was a difficult decision,
459
00:29:12,869 --> 00:29:15,580
but I have always been
attracted to Jody.
460
00:29:15,789 --> 00:29:17,582
How could I not? She has
the body of a fifth-grade boy.
461
00:29:17,791 --> 00:29:20,585
But in the event that she
is unable to dance,
462
00:29:20,752 --> 00:29:24,589
I am naming as her
understudy Kendra Brooks.
463
00:29:28,760 --> 00:29:30,762
All right, that's lunch.
464
00:29:44,568 --> 00:29:47,279
Ooh, this is a nice house.
I'm gonna go find the girls.
465
00:29:49,364 --> 00:29:52,159
Kathy, how did you know I was going to
have an accident today at the ballet?
466
00:29:52,409 --> 00:29:53,493
Mama told me.
467
00:29:53,618 --> 00:29:56,830
OK, well, how did Mama know
I was going to have an accident?
468
00:30:00,417 --> 00:30:03,420
Oh, there you are.
I found this bandage on my head.
469
00:30:03,587 --> 00:30:06,506
Dan, please. I think there is something
going on in this house,
470
00:30:06,673 --> 00:30:07,883
something about this Mama.
471
00:30:08,008 --> 00:30:09,718
I'm gonna call the psychic
Maria told us about.
472
00:30:09,885 --> 00:30:11,428
Jody, do you really
think we need a psychic?
473
00:30:11,636 --> 00:30:12,637
Uncle Dan, come here.
474
00:30:12,763 --> 00:30:14,431
Coming.
I want to show you something.
475
00:30:15,974 --> 00:30:19,561
Uncle Dan, Mama taught me some tricks.
Look what I can do.
476
00:30:20,771 --> 00:30:22,981
- Oh, wow, that's really good, honey.
- Dada.
477
00:30:23,190 --> 00:30:25,734
Good Lord.
478
00:30:25,776 --> 00:30:28,904
Uncle Dan, look at me.
Evil spirits.
479
00:30:29,071 --> 00:30:30,322
Look, Mr. Dan, look.
480
00:30:30,530 --> 00:30:33,116
Isn't that one of Jody's bathing suits?
481
00:30:33,325 --> 00:30:36,286
You're facing something our
human minds cannot imagine.
482
00:30:36,328 --> 00:30:38,830
Mama.
483
00:30:39,665 --> 00:30:41,625
Let's get you in a robe.
484
00:30:42,834 --> 00:30:44,086
Do you want to hear
about the ballet today?
485
00:30:45,212 --> 00:30:48,632
Mama's helping us get ready.
Oh, OK, I'll brush, too.
486
00:30:51,718 --> 00:30:54,221
Hm. Where did my toothbrush go?
487
00:31:00,268 --> 00:31:02,604
Hey, we don't lick our balls
in this house.
488
00:31:02,771 --> 00:31:05,065
Sorry, won't happen again.
489
00:31:06,566 --> 00:31:07,984
Try as she might,
490
00:31:08,110 --> 00:31:11,154
Jody just couldn't seem
to connect with those kids.
491
00:31:11,321 --> 00:31:13,865
Or get the taste of that
toothbrush out of her mouth.
492
00:31:13,907 --> 00:31:16,535
Was it just eight-year-old teen angst,
493
00:31:16,660 --> 00:31:19,913
or were there otherworldly
forces at work here?
494
00:32:31,401 --> 00:32:32,611
Baby.
Hm?
495
00:32:32,736 --> 00:32:33,862
Babe, I heard something.
What?
496
00:32:33,987 --> 00:32:35,072
I think there's someone in the kitchen.
497
00:32:35,197 --> 00:32:37,824
See? There's nobody down here.
498
00:32:37,949 --> 00:32:39,993
There it is again!
Right there. Go look.
499
00:32:40,118 --> 00:32:43,997
Jody, calm down. See, there's nothing
to worry about. It's just...
500
00:32:44,164 --> 00:32:45,999
Oh, God! Geez!
501
00:32:48,543 --> 00:32:50,087
Dan, I'm calling the psychic!
502
00:32:50,337 --> 00:32:51,296
Ah! Make the call!
503
00:32:53,215 --> 00:32:54,966
Blaine Fulda, professional psychic.
504
00:32:55,092 --> 00:32:56,426
Hi, I'm Jody.
505
00:32:56,551 --> 00:32:58,887
Indeed you are.
Yes. And this is my husband Dan.
506
00:32:59,054 --> 00:33:01,723
Your payment as requested.
$500 in unmarked bills.
507
00:33:01,848 --> 00:33:03,517
And of course, you know Maria.
508
00:33:03,767 --> 00:33:06,269
Hola, Mr. Blaine.
Hi, Maria. How's your sister?
509
00:33:06,311 --> 00:33:08,480
Dead. Demon kill her.
510
00:33:08,605 --> 00:33:10,440
Well, that explains
the unreturned phone calls.
511
00:33:10,482 --> 00:33:12,901
I'm sensing evil.
512
00:33:13,110 --> 00:33:15,862
I'm gonna have to get some of
your personal belongings here,
513
00:33:16,071 --> 00:33:18,615
just so I can check for
demon and ghost residue.
514
00:33:18,657 --> 00:33:19,866
I'm not gonna be able
to lift all those monitors,
515
00:33:20,033 --> 00:33:23,036
but I'll send my cousin tomorrow with
the white van. He can get them in there.
516
00:33:23,245 --> 00:33:24,997
Dan was attacked
by the kitchen last night.
517
00:33:25,038 --> 00:33:27,457
We think it might be Mama.
Kitchen attack?
518
00:33:27,582 --> 00:33:29,042
You could've said that earlier.
519
00:33:29,209 --> 00:33:31,962
If a room turns on you,
it's either a ghost or a demon.
520
00:33:32,004 --> 00:33:36,341
Can a demon take over someone?
Like, live within them?
521
00:33:36,383 --> 00:33:37,759
Damn, that's some scary shit.
522
00:33:37,968 --> 00:33:39,970
So a demon is about
the worst thing you can have?
523
00:33:40,095 --> 00:33:42,764
No, ma'am, an STD is the
worst thing that you can have.
524
00:33:42,889 --> 00:33:46,268
Who do you know who wants to hurt you?
Do you have a jealous colleague at work?
525
00:33:46,393 --> 00:33:48,270
A Facebook friend
you might have ignored?
526
00:33:48,395 --> 00:33:51,440
Maybe you adopted a small
African child named Ikatababwe,
527
00:33:51,523 --> 00:33:53,483
promising to feed
this nigga for 25 cents a day.
528
00:33:53,734 --> 00:33:55,110
But then he needs something to drink!
529
00:33:56,028 --> 00:33:58,280
Anyway, let's begin.
OK.
530
00:33:58,447 --> 00:34:00,699
This is the evil communicator.
531
00:34:00,866 --> 00:34:03,660
When I put this on, I'll be able
to cross over to the other side
532
00:34:03,785 --> 00:34:06,038
and confront the entity.
That will immediately trigger
533
00:34:06,079 --> 00:34:10,584
the final $350 payment of
child support to Tisha Fulda.
534
00:34:10,751 --> 00:34:13,837
And if you guys would just join hands,
close eyes and concentrate.
535
00:34:14,004 --> 00:34:17,049
Empty your mind of all
the thoughts of today's troubles.
536
00:34:18,258 --> 00:34:20,594
Everything that went on,
get that out of your mind.
537
00:34:20,761 --> 00:34:22,804
This is all about the spirit world here.
538
00:34:23,013 --> 00:34:27,059
And three, two and one.
539
00:34:32,898 --> 00:34:35,317
What's happening? Things are starting
to move all by itself!
540
00:34:37,110 --> 00:34:38,654
Breathe! Breathe!
541
00:34:38,779 --> 00:34:40,572
- Wait, I don't think he can breathe!
- He's a pro!
542
00:34:40,697 --> 00:34:43,492
A sophisticated piece of equipment
like that? Of course he can breathe.
543
00:34:43,659 --> 00:34:45,911
Shit, I couldn't breathe.
544
00:34:46,036 --> 00:34:48,705
Almost killed myself.
All right, I communicated.
545
00:34:48,830 --> 00:34:51,083
It was definitely a demon.
Oh, my God.
546
00:34:52,292 --> 00:34:54,628
Wait a minute. I was wrong.
It's a ghost.
547
00:34:54,878 --> 00:34:56,254
So strong.
548
00:34:57,005 --> 00:34:58,090
Ow!
549
00:34:58,882 --> 00:35:00,050
Help, it's got me!
Dan!
550
00:35:00,175 --> 00:35:01,635
Dan, wake up!
Ma'am, you got to
551
00:35:01,802 --> 00:35:05,013
get out of here. It's evil!
It's pure evil! It's Mama!
552
00:35:24,741 --> 00:35:26,451
Now do you believe
that something's going on?
553
00:35:26,576 --> 00:35:28,745
He got dragged away,
yelling out, "Mama."
554
00:35:28,996 --> 00:35:30,956
He got dragged away?
I don't remember that.
555
00:35:31,081 --> 00:35:34,167
Dan, you were unconscious.
I don't remember that, either.
556
00:35:34,292 --> 00:35:35,794
Look, honey, I don't want to argue.
557
00:35:35,919 --> 00:35:37,879
The important thing is,
we love each other, OK?
558
00:35:37,921 --> 00:35:40,298
No, the important thing is that
this Mama thing could be real
559
00:35:40,424 --> 00:35:41,925
and she might be trying to kill us.
560
00:35:42,092 --> 00:35:44,886
Jod, that guy was a fraud
and that's it. OK?
561
00:35:54,479 --> 00:35:56,606
What's that?
My penis.
562
00:35:56,732 --> 00:35:58,233
No.
Yes.
563
00:35:59,776 --> 00:36:02,904
There, right now, there.
I know. I'm trying.
564
00:36:03,030 --> 00:36:06,158
What the hell is that?
My penis?
565
00:36:07,034 --> 00:36:09,286
What's making that sound?
566
00:37:10,681 --> 00:37:12,933
Dan, what is that?
567
00:37:14,685 --> 00:37:16,061
My penis.
568
00:37:48,927 --> 00:37:51,722
Is that smoke?
569
00:37:55,642 --> 00:37:59,354
Maria! What are you doing?!
You're gonna burn down the house!
570
00:37:59,479 --> 00:38:01,523
Kill bad spirits!
571
00:38:01,732 --> 00:38:05,068
What is going on?
Maria almost burned the house down.
572
00:38:05,110 --> 00:38:06,194
What?
That's it, she's got...
573
00:38:07,487 --> 00:38:11,867
Enough! This is getting out of hand.
You're scaring everybody.
574
00:38:12,034 --> 00:38:13,910
You can't fire her. I mean,
she's been with us for years.
575
00:38:14,077 --> 00:38:15,370
I don't know what to do.
576
00:38:15,412 --> 00:38:17,414
That's discrimination.
OK, now what the hell?
577
00:38:17,664 --> 00:38:20,876
This is completely insane!
It's what she believes in, honey!
578
00:38:20,959 --> 00:38:22,085
Give me that!
579
00:38:22,210 --> 00:38:24,963
You're gonna let me go?!
Your family is not safe!
580
00:38:25,130 --> 00:38:27,215
I'm sorry, Maria,
it's just not working out.
581
00:38:27,424 --> 00:38:29,968
I'll give you a recommendation,
just nothing involving kids
582
00:38:30,135 --> 00:38:32,763
or within a mile of anyone's house.
583
00:38:34,139 --> 00:38:37,601
I can't do this anymore.
I got to go to work.
584
00:38:37,768 --> 00:38:39,353
I don't even understand
what you're saying!
585
00:39:12,260 --> 00:39:14,221
Ow!
586
00:39:14,262 --> 00:39:15,847
Ladies and gentlemen,
587
00:39:16,014 --> 00:39:18,684
for the past two years,
our own Dan Sanders has been
588
00:39:18,809 --> 00:39:21,395
testing the I-13 compound on 30 apes.
589
00:39:21,561 --> 00:39:23,730
Unfortunately, 29 of them turned into
590
00:39:23,855 --> 00:39:26,358
insane, aggressive,
deviant sexual predators.
591
00:39:26,400 --> 00:39:28,402
But one, Caesar,
592
00:39:28,568 --> 00:39:31,571
has experienced a huge leap
in intelligence.
593
00:39:31,697 --> 00:39:33,782
Here he plays three opponents.
594
00:39:33,907 --> 00:39:35,325
Of course, they're apes.
595
00:39:35,367 --> 00:39:39,997
But Caesar's superior capabilities
are the work of one man.
596
00:39:40,163 --> 00:39:43,500
The brains behind
the I-13 project, Dan San...
597
00:39:43,667 --> 00:39:44,960
Are you OK?
I'm fine, Martin.
598
00:39:45,127 --> 00:39:48,422
Ladies and gentlemen,
I'd like to introduce you to Caesar...
599
00:39:48,547 --> 00:39:49,756
You're not getting away from me!
600
00:39:49,881 --> 00:39:51,675
Oof!
601
00:39:55,762 --> 00:39:57,973
Oh, no!
602
00:40:15,949 --> 00:40:17,993
Traffic is backed up
on the Broad Street Bridge,
603
00:40:18,160 --> 00:40:21,580
where apparently police are battling
dozens of apes in a running gunfight.
604
00:40:21,705 --> 00:40:24,583
Our reports indicate that
a scientist at a research laboratory
605
00:40:24,708 --> 00:40:27,502
gave these apes an experimental
intelligence drug.
606
00:40:27,711 --> 00:40:31,048
I'm being told that all available
officers are now on the scene.
607
00:40:31,214 --> 00:40:36,053
But at this time, we are advising all
our viewers to find alternate routes.
608
00:40:36,303 --> 00:40:38,972
I'm now being told
we have the actual 911 call
609
00:40:39,097 --> 00:40:41,224
that first alerted the police
to the situation.
610
00:40:41,350 --> 00:40:43,560
911, what's your emergency?
611
00:40:43,685 --> 00:40:46,188
Oh, my God!
Apes are inside the house!
612
00:40:46,355 --> 00:40:48,440
Calm down, ma'am. What happened?
613
00:40:48,607 --> 00:40:50,442
We were making love and...
Oh, my God!
614
00:40:50,609 --> 00:40:52,444
- They're attacking him!
- Who are they attacking, ma'am?
615
00:40:52,611 --> 00:40:56,114
Carl! Oh, my God!
Please, help him!
616
00:40:56,239 --> 00:40:58,367
- Where is your husband right now?
- Carl's not my husband.
617
00:40:58,492 --> 00:41:01,995
My husband's the anchor for
Channel 12 News. He can't know about it.
618
00:41:02,204 --> 00:41:03,705
- OK, ma'am, but we need to...
- Hurry!
619
00:41:03,872 --> 00:41:05,749
Send help while my husband's
still on the air!
620
00:41:05,957 --> 00:41:08,168
Ma'am, that's not important.
Your life is.
621
00:41:08,377 --> 00:41:10,337
Yeah, you're right.
Why should he care?
622
00:41:10,504 --> 00:41:13,590
I mean, I'm pretty sure he's been
sleeping with his co-anchor, that bitch!
623
00:41:13,757 --> 00:41:14,925
Oh, I'm gonna rip her...
624
00:41:19,346 --> 00:41:21,223
Congratulations, girl.
625
00:41:21,348 --> 00:41:24,643
I knew it was gonna be you.
You're just so perfect, so mechanical.
626
00:41:24,810 --> 00:41:27,270
Watching you dance
is like watching a robot.
627
00:41:27,479 --> 00:41:28,563
Thanks.
628
00:41:30,732 --> 00:41:32,317
So hungry.
629
00:41:34,736 --> 00:41:35,696
Mm.
630
00:41:35,862 --> 00:41:38,115
Is that all?
Pierre has a weight limit.
631
00:41:38,240 --> 00:41:40,993
I'm too heavy. Look at Mara.
632
00:41:41,159 --> 00:41:43,412
She looks great.
633
00:41:44,913 --> 00:41:45,998
Look, are you sure you're OK?
634
00:41:47,040 --> 00:41:48,500
Weird things have been
happening at home.
635
00:41:48,667 --> 00:41:50,752
Kathy said there was
going to be an accident.
636
00:41:50,919 --> 00:41:54,673
Then it happened to Heather.
That's some serious shit.
637
00:41:54,798 --> 00:41:56,883
You should talk to those kids.
638
00:41:57,134 --> 00:41:58,552
Whoa, pizza.
639
00:42:01,722 --> 00:42:06,393
I eat and eat and eat,
and I don't gain a pound.
640
00:42:30,834 --> 00:42:32,461
Heather!
641
00:42:33,587 --> 00:42:35,130
You think you can replace me?
642
00:42:35,297 --> 00:42:39,718
Well, we'll see how you like it
once the swan consumes you!
643
00:42:49,853 --> 00:42:51,688
Damn it!
644
00:42:52,230 --> 00:42:53,482
Door!
645
00:42:54,691 --> 00:42:56,568
Son of a bitch!
646
00:42:59,112 --> 00:43:02,157
Oh, I didn't know
you were such a good builder.
647
00:43:03,408 --> 00:43:04,743
Wow.
648
00:43:05,911 --> 00:43:08,830
Kathy, I want you
to tell me about Mama.
649
00:43:08,997 --> 00:43:11,875
Mama doesn't like it
when you talk about her.
650
00:43:12,042 --> 00:43:13,001
Who is Mama?
651
00:43:13,126 --> 00:43:15,295
She was a woman who
read from an evil book.
652
00:43:15,462 --> 00:43:18,632
Sometimes she comes to us in a dream.
653
00:43:18,840 --> 00:43:20,634
In a dream?
654
00:43:20,842 --> 00:43:22,886
In your dreams, of course.
655
00:43:23,053 --> 00:43:24,805
I wish I could see
what's inside your dreams.
656
00:43:26,515 --> 00:43:29,559
To extract what's in your dreams.
To perform an inception.
657
00:43:30,727 --> 00:43:33,063
Will you drop that?
That's my birth tuba.
658
00:43:35,983 --> 00:43:39,945
Hello. I'm Dom Kolb.
You called about a dream extraction?
659
00:43:40,112 --> 00:43:42,364
Yes. I need to find
out about an evil book.
660
00:43:42,489 --> 00:43:43,615
Mm-hm.
661
00:43:43,740 --> 00:43:46,326
This machine will allow us
access to the dream world.
662
00:43:46,535 --> 00:43:47,786
Let's begin.
663
00:43:51,957 --> 00:43:53,500
So when do we start dreaming?
664
00:43:53,625 --> 00:43:56,169
You never really remember
the beginning of a dream,
665
00:43:56,294 --> 00:43:57,504
do you?
I guess.
666
00:43:57,671 --> 00:43:59,548
OK, then,
667
00:43:59,673 --> 00:44:03,218
this is your first lesson
in shared dreaming. Stay calm.
668
00:44:03,301 --> 00:44:05,846
Sorry. I dropped my phone in there.
669
00:44:06,972 --> 00:44:10,225
You need to clear your subconscious.
And watch what you think about.
670
00:44:10,350 --> 00:44:12,602
Nothing crazy.
Right.
671
00:44:12,644 --> 00:44:15,188
Like having your crotch
burst into flames.
672
00:44:24,948 --> 00:44:27,993
What does that
have to do with Ma...?
673
00:44:28,160 --> 00:44:30,620
Hey!
Oh.
674
00:44:31,580 --> 00:44:34,750
Let's start over.
675
00:44:39,546 --> 00:44:41,381
I'm Jody Sanders.
676
00:44:41,548 --> 00:44:43,550
Yes, my dear. I've been expecting you.
677
00:44:43,675 --> 00:44:45,469
Please, come in.
678
00:44:45,635 --> 00:44:47,137
They call me Christian Grey.
679
00:44:51,224 --> 00:44:52,976
How do you like my blue room?
680
00:44:53,143 --> 00:44:55,937
It's red.
Oh. I'm color-blind.
681
00:44:56,104 --> 00:44:58,231
My decorator assured me that...
Never mind.
682
00:45:00,984 --> 00:45:02,569
Champagne?
Mm.
683
00:45:09,534 --> 00:45:12,746
Hey, Christian, man, golly, man!
I'd like to thank you a lot, man,
684
00:45:12,871 --> 00:45:15,123
for working on my prostrate
like it was a speed bag.
685
00:45:15,290 --> 00:45:18,126
Yes, Michael, I must admit, I was
surprised at your performance, as well.
686
00:45:18,377 --> 00:45:21,463
Not bad for a washed-up, overweight,
facially tattooed...
687
00:45:23,173 --> 00:45:24,132
Do it again.
688
00:45:26,677 --> 00:45:28,136
Oh...!
689
00:45:33,100 --> 00:45:35,519
I have no idea what that one was.
690
00:45:36,269 --> 00:45:38,188
Me neither.
691
00:45:39,940 --> 00:45:42,025
Mama, are you here?
692
00:45:42,067 --> 00:45:45,612
Dom, is that you?
Oh, shit.
693
00:45:45,696 --> 00:45:48,865
You said you'd had a dream
that we'd grow old together.
694
00:45:49,032 --> 00:45:50,617
Right. And we will.
695
00:45:50,826 --> 00:45:53,787
What are you doing here?
Hi.
696
00:45:53,829 --> 00:45:55,831
How could you bring her here?
What about our children?
697
00:45:55,998 --> 00:45:59,418
They're not real.
Yes, they are. Watch.
698
00:45:59,584 --> 00:46:01,586
James, Phillippa!
699
00:46:03,380 --> 00:46:04,172
Ew.
700
00:46:09,886 --> 00:46:12,389
You're not gonna jump, are you?
701
00:46:12,514 --> 00:46:15,142
I hadn't thought about that.
Thank you.
702
00:46:18,020 --> 00:46:19,062
OK, we're not getting anywhere.
703
00:46:19,146 --> 00:46:20,564
What does any of this
have to do with Kathy?
704
00:46:20,731 --> 00:46:22,441
Kathy? I thought you were Kathy.
705
00:46:25,694 --> 00:46:26,820
Oh.
706
00:46:40,042 --> 00:46:44,880
"Gort Klaatu Barada Nikto."
707
00:47:01,772 --> 00:47:03,940
What's happening to me?!
708
00:47:05,609 --> 00:47:08,570
That must have been her.
Mama.
709
00:47:09,738 --> 00:47:11,323
She wants to take us home to the cliff.
710
00:47:12,741 --> 00:47:14,451
What does that mean?
I don't know.
711
00:47:15,535 --> 00:47:17,287
But I trust you'll give me
a favorable Yelp review?
712
00:47:24,336 --> 00:47:25,671
Jody's mission was clear.
713
00:47:25,837 --> 00:47:27,673
The evil book that created Mama
714
00:47:27,839 --> 00:47:31,218
was located in the cellar
of a cabin, in the woods.
715
00:47:31,426 --> 00:47:35,430
If she could find that cabin,
maybe she could find some answers.
716
00:47:35,555 --> 00:47:38,517
If we can find that cabin,
maybe we can find some answers.
717
00:47:38,684 --> 00:47:40,435
OK, calm down. I'm gonna come over.
718
00:47:42,104 --> 00:47:43,397
Kendra?
What?
719
00:47:45,148 --> 00:47:46,984
OK, wait, what's going on now?
720
00:47:47,150 --> 00:47:49,361
I think she's out there!
721
00:47:50,821 --> 00:47:52,823
OK, OK, just... you stay calm!
722
00:47:52,948 --> 00:47:54,032
Front door open.
723
00:47:54,157 --> 00:47:56,159
She's in the house!
Front door open.
724
00:47:56,326 --> 00:47:58,412
OK, stay...
Front door open.
725
00:47:58,578 --> 00:47:59,913
Shut the hell up!
726
00:48:00,122 --> 00:48:01,707
No need for that, bitch.
727
00:48:01,873 --> 00:48:03,625
Bitch?!
Front door open.
728
00:48:03,750 --> 00:48:05,877
No, you did not just call me a bitch!
Front door open...
729
00:48:08,964 --> 00:48:10,424
Honey?
Dan?!
730
00:48:10,465 --> 00:48:14,302
I am so sorry. I didn't know
who you were and...
731
00:48:14,469 --> 00:48:18,056
It's OK, honey, it was an accident.
Right, Caesar?
732
00:48:18,265 --> 00:48:20,851
And of course he can stay here.
733
00:48:23,854 --> 00:48:26,023
Look at that. Caesar wants to help out
around the house.
734
00:48:26,231 --> 00:48:27,149
Aw.
735
00:48:27,691 --> 00:48:29,943
Hey...
736
00:48:35,615 --> 00:48:37,743
I'm sorry, I see an ape,
I come out swinging.
737
00:48:37,993 --> 00:48:40,954
That's understandable.
738
00:48:41,163 --> 00:48:42,581
Here you go.
739
00:48:42,748 --> 00:48:45,500
I am so glad you're OK,
but tonight was a wake-up call.
740
00:48:45,751 --> 00:48:49,379
I think we've got to find that cabin.
OK. I got an idea.
741
00:48:49,504 --> 00:48:52,799
Wait, we fired Maria.
Who's gonna watch the kids?
742
00:48:52,966 --> 00:48:55,344
I already took care of it.
743
00:48:56,678 --> 00:48:59,264
Naughty Nanny's here.
Nice to meet you, Naughty.
744
00:48:59,473 --> 00:49:02,434
This is my wife Jody.
Threesome? That costs extra.
745
00:49:03,393 --> 00:49:06,063
Oh, Jesus. Monkey, too?
746
00:49:06,104 --> 00:49:09,858
Oh, you people are freaks,
but for an extra $100.
747
00:49:10,067 --> 00:49:11,401
What agency did you call?
748
00:49:11,568 --> 00:49:13,987
Oh, they have nurses
and cheerleaders and nannies.
749
00:49:14,196 --> 00:49:16,365
Dan, you called an escort service.
750
00:49:16,406 --> 00:49:19,076
I used the same agency
to book a Santa for Christmas.
751
00:49:19,201 --> 00:49:20,827
Someone called for Santa?
752
00:49:21,953 --> 00:49:24,122
Ho,ho,ho.
753
00:49:25,999 --> 00:49:28,001
Dan, you're watching the kids.
754
00:49:33,340 --> 00:49:37,511
Jody was nervous
about what she might find at the cabin,
755
00:49:37,719 --> 00:49:39,221
but she was comforted by the fact
756
00:49:39,346 --> 00:49:42,641
that Caesar and the girls
were in good hands.
757
00:50:07,457 --> 00:50:09,793
Who do you work for?
758
00:50:11,003 --> 00:50:12,921
Kendra, this isn't
the cabin I was talking about.
759
00:50:13,005 --> 00:50:15,966
I know, I just
thought you needed to relax.
760
00:50:16,008 --> 00:50:17,050
Take one of these.
761
00:50:17,843 --> 00:50:20,387
Um, I don't know.
762
00:50:20,554 --> 00:50:23,223
Oh, come on, they'll only last
a couple of hours, tops.
763
00:50:23,348 --> 00:50:26,393
Kendra, I don't need drugs to have fun.
764
00:50:30,564 --> 00:50:31,606
Let me take a picture.
OK.
765
00:50:31,773 --> 00:50:32,899
Oh, that's so hot!
766
00:50:33,066 --> 00:50:34,693
Yeah!
767
00:50:36,278 --> 00:50:38,739
Yeah, ride it, yeah, yeah!
768
00:50:52,502 --> 00:50:55,047
A dollar will make me holler,
honey boo boo child.
769
00:52:05,742 --> 00:52:09,079
Oh, my God,
rehearsal. I'm late.
770
00:52:09,371 --> 00:52:13,709
Oh, no, oh, my God, oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
771
00:52:28,724 --> 00:52:31,935
Stop, stop!
Oh, Jody, thank God you're here, girl.
772
00:52:32,102 --> 00:52:33,437
I was just dancing and kissing him
773
00:52:33,520 --> 00:52:34,980
'cause I didn't want him
to think about you being late.
774
00:52:35,147 --> 00:52:37,190
Well, I'm the dancer, so I'll do
the kissing around here.
775
00:52:37,441 --> 00:52:39,026
That was amazing.
776
00:52:41,945 --> 00:52:43,030
I want you to have my children.
777
00:52:43,196 --> 00:52:45,532
But, Papa, please,
we want to stay with you.
778
00:52:45,574 --> 00:52:47,743
Back in the car, Gaston.
Aw...
779
00:52:47,993 --> 00:52:49,536
She can't make you forget about me.
780
00:52:49,745 --> 00:52:51,788
I overslept because you
just took off this morning.
781
00:52:51,997 --> 00:52:53,373
This morning?
Yeah, you slept over.
782
00:52:53,540 --> 00:52:56,168
What? Wait a minute, did you have
some kind of lezzo dream fantasy
783
00:52:56,293 --> 00:52:58,170
about me?
Don't act like you weren't there.
784
00:52:58,337 --> 00:53:01,089
We had something special.
We made love last night for hours.
785
00:53:01,340 --> 00:53:02,924
What?
Oh, and now you're gonna tell me
786
00:53:03,091 --> 00:53:04,343
Tiger Woods didn't
come out of my vagina?
787
00:53:07,929 --> 00:53:10,891
Jody.
788
00:53:11,099 --> 00:53:12,851
What?!
789
00:53:13,101 --> 00:53:15,020
Oh, yeah, yeah.
790
00:53:15,228 --> 00:53:17,272
Well, that explains the poison ivy.
791
00:53:17,439 --> 00:53:18,815
Jody?
792
00:53:19,816 --> 00:53:22,027
There you are.
Kendra?
793
00:53:22,194 --> 00:53:23,779
Oh, the door was open
so I let myself in.
794
00:53:23,820 --> 00:53:26,406
It's OK. Look, I'm so sorry.
795
00:53:26,573 --> 00:53:29,034
I really believed something happened
between us last night.
796
00:53:29,201 --> 00:53:32,204
I must have dreamt the whole thing.
Oh, no, we had sex.
797
00:53:32,329 --> 00:53:33,789
But this morning at rehearsal,
you said...
798
00:53:33,997 --> 00:53:35,749
I can't have the whole cast
knowing my business.
799
00:53:35,957 --> 00:53:37,334
I'm already doing half of 'em,
800
00:53:37,584 --> 00:53:39,336
and besides, me and Pierre...
we have this little thing...
801
00:53:39,378 --> 00:53:40,587
Wait, then, what's this?
802
00:53:41,963 --> 00:53:43,632
Beats me... must have
happened after I left.
803
00:53:43,799 --> 00:53:46,927
Oh, yeah!
Girl, you are freaky.
804
00:53:48,720 --> 00:53:50,347
Oh, yeah.
805
00:53:50,597 --> 00:53:52,683
Oh, yeah, get it. Oh, my God.
806
00:53:54,976 --> 00:53:56,687
Oh, shit!
807
00:53:56,812 --> 00:53:59,648
See, I knew she was real.
808
00:54:01,692 --> 00:54:03,652
All right, let's find out
where this cabin is.
809
00:54:04,987 --> 00:54:06,613
Ugh!
810
00:54:20,627 --> 00:54:23,088
What in the hell?
811
00:54:23,171 --> 00:54:25,215
Bad girl.
812
00:54:26,758 --> 00:54:27,634
Oh, what is this?
813
00:54:27,759 --> 00:54:31,221
Oh, my God, it's the same
cabin from the dream. Of course.
814
00:54:32,681 --> 00:54:34,307
So, what are we gonna do
if we find that book?
815
00:54:34,558 --> 00:54:37,144
I don't know, if that's the book
that turned Mama into what she is,
816
00:54:37,227 --> 00:54:39,730
maybe it could
somehow reverse the curse.
817
00:54:39,896 --> 00:54:41,315
OK, we're almost there.
818
00:54:42,524 --> 00:54:45,527
Hey, I'm not going in there.
We have to go inside.
819
00:54:45,694 --> 00:54:48,822
The book is the key
to the nightmare I'm living.
820
00:54:48,989 --> 00:54:52,409
Oh, my gosh, who are you?
I'm Jody and this is Kendra.
821
00:54:52,492 --> 00:54:54,161
We're looking for something
very important.
822
00:54:54,411 --> 00:54:56,496
We all are. Come on in.
823
00:55:01,626 --> 00:55:04,629
♪ Go tell it on the mountain
824
00:55:04,796 --> 00:55:08,800
♪ Over the hills and everywhere
Go...
825
00:55:09,009 --> 00:55:11,428
Everybody, this is Jody and Kendra.
826
00:55:11,553 --> 00:55:13,221
Hello, Jody and Kendra.
Hi.
827
00:55:13,430 --> 00:55:14,556
Pardon me for not standing,
828
00:55:14,765 --> 00:55:17,184
but I'm mending the wing of this bird
that we found in the woods.
829
00:55:17,309 --> 00:55:19,978
OK. Hi, we're in a hurry.
830
00:55:20,103 --> 00:55:21,730
We're actually looking for
a book that could save lives.
831
00:55:21,980 --> 00:55:24,191
Yes, I've got it right here.
Oh, thank God.
832
00:55:24,316 --> 00:55:28,320
Thank him indeed. The Bible.
Here, let me read to you.
833
00:55:28,403 --> 00:55:31,073
Oh, no, no, see,
we're actually looking for...
834
00:55:31,239 --> 00:55:34,868
...the book of evil.
I know evil all too well.
835
00:55:35,077 --> 00:55:36,870
You do?
This weekend's devoted to Mia.
836
00:55:37,079 --> 00:55:38,288
It's a detox weekend.
837
00:55:39,539 --> 00:55:41,667
She's hooked on energy shots.
838
00:55:41,875 --> 00:55:43,418
Oh, yeah, that's a real struggle.
839
00:55:43,627 --> 00:55:45,212
OK, listen,
we're looking for another book
840
00:55:45,253 --> 00:55:47,839
somewhere in this cabin.
Hm. We haven't seen anything.
841
00:55:48,006 --> 00:55:49,675
We gave it a shot,
let's get out of here.
842
00:55:49,758 --> 00:55:51,635
OK, wait.
843
00:55:51,760 --> 00:55:54,680
- Is there a cellar?
- Great.
844
00:55:59,226 --> 00:56:01,228
There it is.
Oh!
845
00:56:17,202 --> 00:56:18,537
OK, I don't care what it says.
846
00:56:19,871 --> 00:56:21,498
"The curse begins with four words.
847
00:56:21,748 --> 00:56:24,960
Gort Klaatu Barada Nikto."
848
00:56:36,221 --> 00:56:37,639
You're all going to die tonight.
849
00:56:40,851 --> 00:56:42,519
You're all going to die tonight.
850
00:56:56,283 --> 00:56:57,868
"The curse ends with one word.
851
00:56:57,993 --> 00:56:59,578
Adunda."
852
00:57:02,122 --> 00:57:03,332
What the heck?
853
00:57:03,582 --> 00:57:06,793
Why?
I don't have an arm.
854
00:57:08,128 --> 00:57:10,672
For some reason
I cut my tongue in half.
855
00:57:10,797 --> 00:57:14,009
OK, well, let's at least finish
the song. Everyone hold hands.
856
00:57:14,259 --> 00:57:17,262
Except for Eric.
Damn.
857
00:57:17,512 --> 00:57:21,350
♪ Go tell it on the mountain
858
00:57:21,516 --> 00:57:25,562
♪ Over the hills and everywhere
859
00:57:25,687 --> 00:57:28,065
Well, maybe we didn't do it right.
860
00:57:28,273 --> 00:57:30,859
"Gort Klaatu Barada Nikto."
861
00:57:43,038 --> 00:57:45,040
"Adunda."
862
00:57:45,207 --> 00:57:47,751
Why does this keep happening?
Where's my arm?
863
00:57:47,959 --> 00:57:50,253
Is this yours?
That's a left.
864
00:57:50,420 --> 00:57:51,838
That's mine.
Could you hand it to me, please?
865
00:57:52,005 --> 00:57:54,508
I need a right.
Eric chainsawed it off.
866
00:57:54,549 --> 00:57:56,802
Look, I'm sorry.
My... My leg?
867
00:57:56,927 --> 00:57:59,221
No, that's black. It's not mine.
868
00:57:59,346 --> 00:58:01,848
Oh, shit.
I don't know what I'm gonna do.
869
00:58:02,015 --> 00:58:04,726
Oh, cry me a river.
870
00:58:04,851 --> 00:58:06,812
I'm gonna need a little help.
I have to go to the bathroom.
871
00:58:08,063 --> 00:58:11,650
My penis is in the corner.
This is fucked up.
872
00:58:11,692 --> 00:58:13,235
Let me try.
873
00:58:14,903 --> 00:58:19,658
"Gort Klaatu Barada Nikto."
874
00:58:22,369 --> 00:58:23,286
Nothing again.
875
00:58:26,623 --> 00:58:28,208
You know what? Let's go.
Wait, there's a door right here.
876
00:58:28,333 --> 00:58:29,584
Let's go out this way.
877
00:58:29,793 --> 00:58:32,087
OK, cool, we can avoid
the weirdos upstairs.
878
00:58:32,254 --> 00:58:35,590
♪ We're gonna get you
879
00:58:35,757 --> 00:58:38,385
3 Not another peep
880
00:58:40,387 --> 00:58:46,101
Gort Klaatu Barada Nikto.
Gort Klaatu Barada Nikto.
881
00:58:46,310 --> 00:58:48,562
Kendra and I recited
the Latin words over and over
882
00:58:48,812 --> 00:58:50,814
at the cabin and on the way home.
883
00:58:50,939 --> 00:58:53,608
We must have said it a hundred times,
but nothing happened.
884
00:58:53,859 --> 00:58:54,860
What if it isn't the right book?
885
00:58:55,110 --> 00:58:57,279
Maybe the curse
has somehow been lifted.
886
00:58:59,281 --> 00:59:02,451
Luckily for Dan and Jody,
there was someone in the house
887
00:59:02,701 --> 00:59:04,911
who, thanks to the I-13 formula,
888
00:59:05,037 --> 00:59:08,665
had increased intelligence
and superior cognitive ability.
889
00:59:08,832 --> 00:59:11,251
His analytical problem-solving skills
allowed him...
890
00:59:11,460 --> 00:59:14,087
...to ascertain crucial information.
891
00:59:14,254 --> 00:59:19,009
A marvel of modern-day science,
his IQ had surpassed even the most...
892
00:59:19,134 --> 00:59:20,385
Aw, hell.
893
00:59:50,040 --> 00:59:51,958
Why did I think
you could be intelligent?
894
00:59:52,042 --> 00:59:54,044
You're nothing but a dumb animal.
895
00:59:54,086 --> 00:59:55,462
Ow!
896
00:59:55,629 --> 00:59:57,297
Idiot!
897
00:59:59,675 --> 01:00:01,802
- I can talk.
- Hey, Caesar.
898
01:00:03,428 --> 01:00:06,264
Steve?
899
01:00:06,515 --> 01:00:07,974
Dan's got a mad demon in his house.
900
01:00:08,725 --> 01:00:11,812
Matt Damon's in his house?
No, a mad demon.
901
01:00:11,937 --> 01:00:15,857
I love Matt Damon. Jason Bourne.
902
01:00:15,983 --> 01:00:17,192
Oy.
903
01:00:19,695 --> 01:00:22,739
I should have known not to bring
a wild animal into the house.
904
01:00:22,906 --> 01:00:24,491
I'm... I'm so sorry.
905
01:00:24,533 --> 01:00:26,535
But I believed in Caesar.
I thought he was different.
906
01:00:26,743 --> 01:00:27,786
There's something more to this.
907
01:00:27,953 --> 01:00:31,123
I can feel it.
No, he just... went crazy.
908
01:00:31,331 --> 01:00:34,501
Forget it. But I still think Mama
could be in this house.
909
01:00:34,751 --> 01:00:36,336
But don't you...
We just had a whole night go on
910
01:00:36,503 --> 01:00:40,090
without a single sign of anything.
I guess.
911
01:00:41,091 --> 01:00:42,884
I was just so scared
last night for the kids.
912
01:00:43,093 --> 01:00:44,469
You're coming around.
913
01:00:46,054 --> 01:00:49,307
Am I getting attached to them?
914
01:01:28,847 --> 01:01:30,599
It's the cliff from the dream.
915
01:01:31,224 --> 01:01:33,852
Get in the car now.
Don't make me yell!
916
01:01:34,019 --> 01:01:36,480
Unto thee, Satan,
I sacrifice these children.
917
01:01:36,647 --> 01:01:39,024
Return home to the cliff of...
Holy shit!
918
01:01:40,817 --> 01:01:43,278
Home is at the cliff.
Oh, my God. Girls!
919
01:01:44,196 --> 01:01:47,532
Kathy. It's OK. I saw the cliff.
I know what "home" means.
920
01:01:58,377 --> 01:01:59,961
Whoa!
921
01:02:01,880 --> 01:02:03,340
Come on, girls. Let's go get Aidan.
922
01:02:03,382 --> 01:02:05,133
That's cool.
923
01:02:05,342 --> 01:02:07,636
Lily! Come on.
924
01:02:09,471 --> 01:02:11,223
Aidan! Are you OK?
925
01:02:19,898 --> 01:02:21,483
Uncle Dan! Uncle Dan!
926
01:02:21,650 --> 01:02:23,068
Mama! Mama! Mama!
927
01:02:23,235 --> 01:02:24,236
She's here!
928
01:02:24,444 --> 01:02:27,239
Whoa. Girls, girls, girls.
One at a time. Lily, you first.
929
01:02:30,325 --> 01:02:31,618
Got it. Now Kathy.
930
01:02:31,785 --> 01:02:34,079
Mama! Mama! She's here!
She's gonna kill us!
931
01:02:34,162 --> 01:02:36,581
How many times do I have to tell
everyone there's no such thing as...
932
01:03:01,481 --> 01:03:02,566
Ow!
933
01:03:21,418 --> 01:03:22,961
Maria? What are you doing here?
934
01:03:23,211 --> 01:03:25,839
I was angry you fire me,
so I bake you this.
935
01:03:27,174 --> 01:03:30,218
A shit pie?
936
01:03:30,385 --> 01:03:33,305
Uh, thanks, but...
Hot dog?
937
01:03:34,973 --> 01:03:37,976
No, that's still shit with mustard.
938
01:03:38,185 --> 01:03:42,189
Maybe just a banana, then?
Very much potassium.
939
01:03:42,439 --> 01:03:44,816
So bueno, Mr. Dan.
940
01:03:44,983 --> 01:03:47,110
No, I... I'm sorry.
I should have listened to you...
941
01:03:47,319 --> 01:03:51,531
Mr. Dan, we have our problems,
but I always love you.
942
01:03:51,740 --> 01:03:53,075
So much.
943
01:03:58,413 --> 01:04:01,083
When I see you, I see my father.
944
01:04:03,460 --> 01:04:04,836
Dan. Dan, we have to...
945
01:04:05,837 --> 01:04:08,715
Wait. What's going on here?
I can explain.
946
01:04:09,633 --> 01:04:11,635
There's no time. Mama has the girls.
I know where she took them.
947
01:04:12,719 --> 01:04:14,429
Got to go.
948
01:04:14,596 --> 01:04:15,972
You remind me of my father.
949
01:04:16,223 --> 01:04:17,808
Dan!
950
01:04:20,602 --> 01:04:22,437
Knowing the girls
were in danger,
951
01:04:22,604 --> 01:04:25,607
Dan and Jody sped off,
racing to get to the cliff they...
952
01:04:25,774 --> 01:04:27,985
Oh, my God. What happened to the car?
953
01:04:28,110 --> 01:04:29,486
Where...? Oh, there it is.
954
01:04:29,611 --> 01:04:33,782
They were no longer able to sit idly by
and let a ghost jump off a cliff,
955
01:04:33,907 --> 01:04:35,367
- sacrificing their children with her.
- Kathy! Lily!
956
01:04:35,534 --> 01:04:38,120
Oh, my God. There they are.
Kathy, Lily, stop!
957
01:04:40,914 --> 01:04:42,916
What do we do now?
Um, I'll just...
958
01:04:43,083 --> 01:04:44,668
...read from this
and change her back to human.
959
01:04:53,218 --> 01:04:55,429
Girls, run! Run! No.
960
01:04:55,679 --> 01:04:57,222
No, not that way. Away from the cliff!
961
01:04:59,558 --> 01:05:00,642
I'm not going to let Mama
take you away again.
962
01:05:00,851 --> 01:05:03,020
Hm?
963
01:05:07,024 --> 01:05:10,777
Lily, stop! Come on.
Come on. Here, girl. Come on, Lily.
964
01:05:12,029 --> 01:05:15,574
Come on. Look. Oh, look. Yeah.
965
01:05:20,912 --> 01:05:24,499
Come on. Look. Oh, yeah. Lily.
966
01:05:24,666 --> 01:05:27,377
Oh, wow. Yeah.
967
01:05:28,545 --> 01:05:29,880
Oh, come on.
968
01:05:30,797 --> 01:05:33,467
Enough! This is crazy.
969
01:05:33,633 --> 01:05:36,053
Lily's not a dog.
970
01:05:36,261 --> 01:05:38,680
She's a beautiful little girl
who I've grown to love.
971
01:05:38,805 --> 01:05:42,059
I love all these children, Mama,
even if they don't all love me.
972
01:05:42,267 --> 01:05:46,355
Lily loves you, too, Jody.
973
01:05:46,521 --> 01:05:48,065
And they belong in this world
with me and Dan.
974
01:05:48,106 --> 01:05:50,609
Because they deserve parents
who aren't decomposing.
975
01:05:51,568 --> 01:05:53,070
Good girl.
976
01:05:53,278 --> 01:05:56,239
All right, enough.
977
01:05:57,199 --> 01:05:59,201
Where's the page?
Damn it, I can't find it.
978
01:05:59,409 --> 01:06:00,744
Forget it.
979
01:06:00,911 --> 01:06:02,788
There, that worked. Maybe not.
980
01:06:21,098 --> 01:06:23,517
Man, we need to stop smoking this shit.
981
01:06:27,479 --> 01:06:29,523
Told you that shark
was going to come in handy.
982
01:06:29,648 --> 01:06:31,900
Thank you. Lily.
983
01:06:32,693 --> 01:06:34,611
Honey, thank God you're all right.
984
01:06:46,790 --> 01:06:49,543
Your cue is coming up.
Oh, Kendra.
985
01:06:52,087 --> 01:06:54,339
Look, it's OK, girl.
Let's forget about what happened.
986
01:06:54,423 --> 01:06:58,385
You are the Black Swan.
No. It's you.
987
01:06:58,552 --> 01:07:02,389
Throwing Mama off the cliff has really
made me reevaluate my priorities.
988
01:07:02,556 --> 01:07:05,517
My family comes first.
You dance the Black Swan.
989
01:07:06,643 --> 01:07:09,104
Because sometimes in life...
OK.
990
01:07:10,647 --> 01:07:15,110
Introducing our new Swan Queen,
Miss Kendra Brooks.
991
01:07:36,006 --> 01:07:39,134
This is not ballet.
No, it the hell ain't.
992
01:07:41,011 --> 01:07:42,637
This some bullshit.
993
01:07:51,146 --> 01:07:53,899
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
994
01:07:54,107 --> 01:07:56,902
That's what I'm talking about!
Right? Right?
995
01:07:56,943 --> 01:07:58,320
You know that shit, right?
996
01:07:58,487 --> 01:08:01,406
And so our story ends.
997
01:08:01,531 --> 01:08:03,659
If anything is to be learned from this,
998
01:08:03,784 --> 01:08:06,703
it's that mankind is a pathetic race
999
01:08:06,745 --> 01:08:10,040
and apes need to take over this planet.
1000
01:08:10,082 --> 01:08:13,460
Enjoy Earth while you still got it.
1001
01:08:51,748 --> 01:08:55,127
Well, we'll see how you like it
once the swan consumes you!
1002
01:09:15,772 --> 01:09:18,775
I cannot hold it that long.
It's, like... it's so long.
1003
01:09:51,475 --> 01:09:53,101
We're kissing.
1004
01:09:57,773 --> 01:09:59,775
' Cut! Cut!
1005
01:10:01,401 --> 01:10:02,819
Cut!
1006
01:10:06,323 --> 01:10:07,282
We're kissing.
1007
01:10:25,801 --> 01:10:28,845
Cut!
1008
01:10:41,650 --> 01:10:43,944
- What happened?
- Guy was in the shot.
1009
01:10:44,069 --> 01:10:46,488
- Ah.
- Cut!
1010
01:10:46,613 --> 01:10:47,948
But was he dressed like a demon?
1011
01:10:50,993 --> 01:10:52,619
Do the second "my penis"
as a question.
1012
01:10:52,828 --> 01:10:54,788
OK. And then "my other penis"
is a question also?
1013
01:10:54,997 --> 01:10:55,998
Yeah.
OK.
1014
01:10:56,164 --> 01:10:58,000
But remember, you're jumping
to "What the hell is that?"
1015
01:10:58,166 --> 01:11:00,168
I know. I don't know why.
You're jumping... Yeah.
1016
01:11:00,335 --> 01:11:02,004
There's just so many penises.
1017
01:11:02,170 --> 01:11:04,423
Welcome to Hollywood.
1018
01:11:07,384 --> 01:11:09,720
I'm ready for it.
Hey.
1019
01:11:09,761 --> 01:11:11,346
I'm OK with this.
1020
01:11:11,388 --> 01:11:14,182
That's the temporary nurses' shower.
1021
01:11:14,308 --> 01:11:16,184
And we're painting it.
Cut.
1022
01:11:16,310 --> 01:11:19,313
That's the... temporary nurses' shower.
1023
01:11:19,396 --> 01:11:20,981
I'm OK with this.
1024
01:11:24,860 --> 01:11:26,695
Sorry, you guys. I...
1025
01:11:30,032 --> 01:11:31,241
I'm OK with this.
1026
01:11:31,366 --> 01:11:34,619
That's the nurses'
temporary locker room,
1027
01:11:34,870 --> 01:11:36,413
and we're repainting it.
1028
01:11:38,040 --> 01:11:39,249
' Cut.
1029
01:11:45,839 --> 01:11:49,009
Ouch. Hello here!
1030
01:11:51,970 --> 01:11:53,013
B mark!
1031
01:11:53,221 --> 01:11:54,973
- And background.
- Action!
1032
01:11:57,726 --> 01:11:59,353
Oh!
1033
01:12:04,691 --> 01:12:07,736
Jody! Thank God I caught you.
1034
01:12:08,570 --> 01:12:11,323
I forgot to tell you, now that
you are the Swan Queen...
1035
01:12:15,118 --> 01:12:16,328
Suck my...
1036
01:12:18,872 --> 01:12:20,874
I'll save you, Snoop Dogg.
1037
01:12:21,083 --> 01:12:24,086
My name ain't Snoop Dogg
in this... movie, man!
1038
01:12:29,132 --> 01:12:31,218
Well, I mean, I...
Sh...
1039
01:12:41,019 --> 01:12:41,979
Stop it!
1040
01:12:42,104 --> 01:12:43,981
We're good. We're good.
1041
01:12:46,900 --> 01:12:49,987
Now prepare for a night
of unparalleled passion.
1042
01:12:50,153 --> 01:12:52,781
Oh, wait, wait, Mr. Grey...
The safe word is "deeper."
1043
01:12:52,906 --> 01:12:53,782
What?
1044
01:13:00,539 --> 01:13:01,707
Damn! Ow!
1045
01:13:01,873 --> 01:13:03,083
Whoa!
1046
01:13:06,962 --> 01:13:08,839
What does all this
have to do with the ballet?
1047
01:13:08,880 --> 01:13:12,259
Ballet?
Yes. Aren't you donating millions?
1048
01:13:12,467 --> 01:13:14,052
Millions? What...? I'm broke.
1049
01:13:14,219 --> 01:13:16,221
Every cent I have
has been put into this room.
1050
01:13:20,600 --> 01:13:23,020
I don't know what I'm going to do.
1051
01:13:23,145 --> 01:13:25,564
Oh, cry me a river.
1052
01:13:25,814 --> 01:13:30,027
I'm going to need a little help.
I don't have a penis.
1053
01:13:47,461 --> 01:13:48,920
It does not come off.
1054
01:13:49,046 --> 01:13:51,048
It does not come off. I'm sorry.
1055
01:13:54,009 --> 01:13:55,844
I'm getting tired of talking
about this...
1056
01:13:56,011 --> 01:13:57,929
In the woods with this man.
1057
01:13:58,055 --> 01:14:01,516
...man, we keep going in
circles, talking about a... man.
1058
01:14:01,600 --> 01:14:02,851
Let's talk about a... man,
1059
01:14:03,060 --> 01:14:04,603
- or getting some...
- getting some...
1060
01:14:04,853 --> 01:14:06,855
Talking about...
these two dudes in the woods.
1061
01:14:06,897 --> 01:14:10,901
If we had a... here, she could
wash our... off right now.
1062
01:14:11,068 --> 01:14:13,403
You understand me?
That's the way I would say it.
1063
01:14:16,365 --> 01:14:18,116
Hey, babe, check out
this psychic's book for a clue.
1064
01:14:18,200 --> 01:14:20,911
It really freaks me out.
Come on, there's nothing to be...
1065
01:14:21,078 --> 01:14:22,746
Nuh!
1066
01:14:22,913 --> 01:14:25,540
These books are all...
1067
01:14:25,624 --> 01:14:28,001
There's nothing to be scared...
1068
01:14:33,048 --> 01:14:36,093
...to be scared...
1069
01:14:37,302 --> 01:14:38,553
Oh, there's nothing to be scared...
1070
01:14:38,720 --> 01:14:40,514
Oh, wrong animal.
1071
01:14:41,765 --> 01:14:44,810
...be scared... A dinosaur?
1072
01:14:48,855 --> 01:14:50,691
What does this have to do with...?
1073
01:14:54,903 --> 01:14:55,862
I know. Sorry.
1074
01:14:57,656 --> 01:14:59,658
And... action!
1075
01:14:59,783 --> 01:15:03,245
- What does this have to do with...?
- Sorry.
1076
01:15:06,790 --> 01:15:10,419
You just keep cupping your boobs.
OK, sorry.
1077
01:15:27,769 --> 01:15:29,688
OK, how do we know who's a witch?
1078
01:15:32,274 --> 01:15:34,318
Do they have a broom?
1079
01:15:34,401 --> 01:15:35,861
Do they have a pointy nose?
1080
01:15:41,950 --> 01:15:45,829
I'm... I'm going to pee my pants!
1081
01:15:53,253 --> 01:15:54,588
So, what, I didn't get the part?
1082
01:15:54,629 --> 01:15:56,590
Where's everybody going?
1083
01:21:51,069 --> 01:21:53,196
I just had the most bizarro dream.
1084
01:21:53,405 --> 01:21:55,449
Demons, apes, a ballet.
1085
01:21:55,615 --> 01:21:57,784
You have a very active subconscious.
1086
01:21:58,035 --> 01:22:00,120
Anyway, the idea took hold.
1087
01:22:00,245 --> 01:22:02,956
Lindsay Lohan's coming over
to spend the night with you.
1088
01:22:03,123 --> 01:22:04,958
Awesome!
1089
01:22:11,882 --> 01:22:12,966
You were driving.
82682
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