All language subtitles for Gordita.Chronicles.S01E09.720p.WEB.h264-KOGi

- There's a saying in Spanish:

"El hombre propene
y la mujer dispone,"

which means, "the man suggests
and the woman decides."

And I had already decided.

Yoshy Hernández was the
Marielito of my dreams.

And I had been waiting for him
to suggest a movie, ice cream,

heck, I'd have settled
for a french fry,

ever since his dreamy
brown eyes first met mine.

- Cucu, were you imagining
Yoshy in slow motion again?

- You got me.
- Mm-hmm.

- I just can't wait any
longer for that sweet piece

of Cuban flan to make his move.

- Why don't you just ask
him to Sadie Hawkins?

- What is that?

- It's a dance where the
girls invite the boys.

- You can do that here?
- Mm-hmm.

- How do I ask him?

Pop out of a cake? Get
a singing telegram?

Have a plane write
his name in the sky?

- Calm down, Casanova.
Just write him a note.

That's how everyone does it.

- A note? With pen and paper?

- Yeah.
- This isn't a grocery list.

We're talking about
Yoshy, my one true love.

- I know, but boys are
delicate, little people.

And you don't wanna
scare them away

with some grand,
romantic gesture.

- Ugh, fine. I'll
skip the calligrapher,

but I'm going heavy on the
glitter and the stickers.

- Amor, we are all
set for tonight.

I picked the perfect
place for our anniversary.

A seafood restaurant on the pier

where they give you little
crackers to feed the seagulls.

- Yo, Víc. Think fast.

- Do you mind? I am
talking to my wife.

- Not at all. Tell
her I said hola.

- Okay.

Amor, I'll call you back.

So what can I do for you, Craig?

- You ever had a mo-gi-toe?

It's a Spanish-y drink
with rum and lime and mint.

- Ah, a mojito.

- Yeah, I'm not sure that's
how you pronounce it.

I had one the other
night on a date.

Hot date. I'm talking
mucho caliente.

- Oh.

I'm sorry. I have to take this.

I'm expecting a
call from Mr. Frank.

- Oh, yeah, yeah. Interception!

Hey, Mr. Frank.
No, Víc's not here.

But there's a boring
people convention in town

and he's the keynote speaker.

- Okay.

- I am so sorry, Mr. Frank.

I... yes, that was a
funny joke by Craig.

Yes, sir, he got me.

- Touchdown! Pew!

- Thanks to Sadie and
my gorgeous penmanship,

my wait to go on a date with
Yoshy would soon be over.

- Oh, uh, don't forget to
put his name on the top.

- Oh, yes, you're right.

Do you think initials are okay?

- Definitely.

- Okay.

Hey.

Do you think you could
pass this to Yoshy please?

The technology was
slower, but the rush

of sending a big ask into
the ether was the same.

Yoshy, hey.

Read any good notes lately?

- How'd you know? I got
the best note ever today.

- Really?
- Yeah.

I got asked to join
the computer club.

We're getting a Macintosh.

I'm gonna go get
my floppies ready.

See ya.
- Yeah. See ya.

- Cucu Castelli. What
took you so long?

- Hmm?
- I hope you like circles

and underlines.

Yasiel Franco was a math
whiz in my geometry class.

- And that's why all rhombuses
are parallelograms...

- He was a perfectly nice boy...

- But not all parallelograms
are rhombuses.

- But he was no Yoshy.

I don't know what to say.

- I'd love to go to
the dance with you.

I sensed you had a thing for
me when you said "bless you"

after I sneezed in October.

I can't wait.

See you later, denominator.

- I couldn't believe it.

What kind of horrible
love triangle

had I gotten myself into?

- Congratulations.
You've all been selected

to be a part of the
most important event

in Miami history...

My quinceañera!

All the information and more

is in your dama
orientation packets,

including your rehearsal
dates, dress fittings,

and suggested diets.

- Oh, my God, I've never
been a quince court before.

All my cousins in
the DR are boys.

- Lucky.
- One for you.

- It's gonna be super fancy.

Her dad is the Shutter
King of Hialeah.

Every time there's a
hurricane, he makes,

like, a million dollars.

- Mm-hmm.

- One for you, one for you,

and one for you.

- Wow. These are our dresses?

- Now, please welcome

the best dance instructor
in South Florida.

He has choreographed for bar
mitzvahs, dinner theater,

and one member of Menudo.

Please welcome Lázaro.

- Hey.

- Don't worry,
the choreographies

are very easy to learn.

- It's a delicious buffet
of dance featuring salsa,

champeta, bachata,

rumba, mambo,

and The Worm.

- Emilia should
have been excited,

but she was terrified.

Despite the Dominican blood
coursing through her veins,

she carried a deep, dark secret.

My sister couldn't dance.

- Whoop,
whoop! Dance police.

You're under arrest
for killing the rhythm.

- Well, I'd like to see you try.

- Okay.

- Ooh, Castelli dance party.

- Why am I the only one in
the family that can't dance?

Was I adopted?
- That would explain so much.

- Ugh.

- We should get going, amor.

We have a night
of romance ahead,

and those seagulls are not
going to feed themselves.

- Mm, so exciting.

- Not in front of
the children. Ugh.

- Bye-bye.

- Oh. Oh, Valerie.
What's wrong?

- Did you look through the
window and see Emilia dancing?

- Go to your room
please. Let's go.

- But...
- Go, go, go. Go.

Valerie, what's the matter?

What happened?

- My ex got engaged.

- Oh.
- Aww.

- Ay, to who?

- Some busty, blonde
realtor from Jacksonville.

- Okay, somebody's got a type.

You look nice.
Are you going out?

- Actually, we are...
- Not.

We always dress this way.

Let me make you some of my
mother's heartbreak tea.

It's mostly rum.
- Thank you.

Let me just go freshen up
and wash away my tears.

- Okay.

- Oh.

- You guys are
such good friends.

- You can just... here, get in.

- It's our anniversary, Adela.

I had a list of romantic
gestures planned.

Candy, seagulls,

a Spanish guitarist that
charges by the minute.

- I know, but Valerie's hurting

and she needs a
friend right now.

Besides, we can't go
rubbing our perfect marriage

in her divorced face.

- Look, I like
Valerie too, okay?

But she's over
here all the time.

- I... yeah.

- Papi had a point.

Valerie kept showing
up unannounced,

and it was getting a little
too close for comfort.

-

- This show is so romantic.
- So romantic.

- I don't understand
what they're saying,

but it still fires
up my furnace.

- Oh, yes.

-

- Oh, I hope you don't mind.

It's just so soft. And
look, V for Valerie.

- Yes, that's what
it stands for.

- Can we watch one of
your Spanish soap operas?

I can really relate to
that lonely old maid

who got dumped by
the ghost and then

died of a broken heart.

- Ay, no. Valerie,
no. Don't say that.

You're a far better
catch than Dolores.

You're smart, you're beautiful,

and I just know you're
gonna find someone

whose soul isn't trapped
in a haunted mirror.

- Mm.

- I did meet a
guy the other day.

He gave me his number.
- Oh!

What are you waiting for?
Go home and call him.

Give love a chance.

- You know what?
I think I will.

Right after this "Lágrimas
y Machetes" marathon.

- Okay.

- Oh, God, this
show's so romantic.

I'm gonna die alone.

- So in conclusion, I'm
nearly five feet tall,

I'm afraid of lasagna,
and I know all the words

to "Bohemian Rhapsody,"
even the crazy ones.

- Who can say no to that?

- But just out of curiosity,

how many boys have
you asked so far?

- It's called the
law of probability.

The more I ask,
the higher my odds.

- Scientific. You're
totally getting a date.

And I'm getting out of
one. I wrote him a note.

- Look, there's Yasiel.

Be strong, yet tender.

- Yasiel, I wanna
give this to you.

- Is it about the
dance on Friday?

I'm so excited to be going with

a smart, gorgeous,
passionate young woman.

- Smart, gorgeous,
and passionate?

- Look, I haven't
told anyone this,

but you're gonna
be my first date.

I'll remember it forever.

Anyway, I brought you flowers...

- Oh.

- Candy...

and hash browns.

- I have to get to English,

but until we meet
again, mi amor.

- Looks like he took that well.

Is that a
chocolate-covered pony?

- Mm-hmm.
- Does he have a brother?

- Focus, Ashley! I couldn't
go through with it.

He's the nicest
person I've ever met.

I can't break his heart.
- What are you gonna do?

- I saw the same thing on
a triple wedding episode

of "Lágrimas y Machetes."

If I can't dump him, I'm
gonna make him dump me.

After we eat this
chocolate pony.

- Yes, I call the tail.

- As much as Emilia
wanted to be part of

the coolest quince ever,

she couldn't embarrass herself
in front of everyone she knew.

So she turned to her
favorite backup plan: lying.

- Cari, I can't dance.

- At your quince.

My family goes to a
conservative church

and the pastor's son
died in a car accident

after a night out dancing.

So no more dancing for us.

- Wait, isn't that what
happens in "Footloose"?

- Uh, uh, yeah.

I-it's based on an
extremely true story.

- But Mili, I need you.

None of my cousins are hot
enough to be in my court.

My stupid aunts married badly.

- Ay, so many tragedies today.

- This is the quince
of the century.

It's way too important to
be listening to some pastor.

Trust a higher authority... me.

- Rigo, I have a problem.

- Okay, let me guess... Cari
asked you to kill someone

in order to prove your
loyalty to the Bubblegum mob?

- Not exactly.
It's her quince.

Do you know how to dance?

- What kind of dance?
Jazz, tap, moonwalk, disco?

- Just like, regular,
non-embarrassing,

blend-into-the-crowd dancing.

- Okay, so Bubblegum
wants to learn some moves.

Okay, I got ya.

Meet me in the drama
room tomorrow at lunch.

- Really? Thank you, thank you!

Sorry, I got a
little excited there.

- At least
you're getting better.

- Really?
- No.

Emilia, let me
ask you something.

Boys constantly lose
interest in you.

What's your secret?

- Shut up and help
me fix this lamp.

- No thanks.

I'm trying to get this guy
to fall out of love with me.

I was thinking of
doing a "make-under."

Frumpy clothes, no
makeup, bad hair.

- Oh, it's totally gonna
work. You look terrible.

- Um, I haven't started yet.

Anyways, Yasiel likes me

because I'm smart,
passionate, and gorgeous.

- Well, sounds like he's
a liar and he's gotta go.

- Here's what you do.

Think about what he
likes most about you,

then show him the opposite.

- That's brilliant.

Thanks for your help.
It's really nice.

Mami, Emilia broke the lamp!

While Emilia and I were bonding,

our parents were giving their
lost anniversary another try.

- Amor, the seagull restaurant
is closed for power-washing,

but Yandra told me about a
dance club called Casanova,

so I got us a table for Friday.

- Oh! Perfect.
Anniversary take two.

We are going to wow
this whole new city

with our merengue moves.

- That's right.

- Don't answer that.

- Babe, we don't know who it is.

- Oh, we know who it is.

And she's gonna want
to come over now.

- Okay, fine. We'll
just... we'll let it go.

We'll let it go.
- Okay. Okay.

- Hello? Oh, hi, Ms. Valerie.

Yeah, they're here.

- It's Ms. Valerie.

- Hi, Valerie.

Oh, you called the guy?
Oh, you're going out!

Oh, that's wonderful.

That's wonderful. We're
going out dancing.

- Oh! No, no, don't
tell her that.

- Uh, oh, double date?

- No. Say no.
- I can't say no.

- Well then, I'll say it.

- Yep, pero...
- No.

- Yeah, okay, bye.

- Did she hear me?

- Yeah, she did.
- Okay.

- And her last question was

"Do you mind if we tag along?"

- Hey, Mari. Do you
have any cafécito?

- Ay, chica.

I just got another F in English,

but, like, who cares?

I'll just marry a drug dealer!

- Is that my lip gloss?

And why are you dressed
like... Like me?

- Emilia, I took your advice.

And Yasiel likes me
because I'm smart,

and the opposite of smart
is a Bubblegum girl.

- Are you crazy? You
stole my clothes.

- Oh my god, Mili,
take a chill pill.

And let's go paint our nails

and say the same exact
things as each other.

Both: Ugh, stop
it! I hate you!

- Eh?

- Hey, Cucu.

You look... different.

- Do you hate
it? Am I hideous?

Do I look like Miami trash?

- No, no, no, no.

You look so stylish
and fashionable.

- Oh, don't use big words.
They, like, hurt my brain.

- I find this very insulting.

- This is my sister.
- Hi.

- Meeting family already?
This is getting serious.

- Ugh, I'm seriously leaving.

- Uh, did you listen
to my mixtape?

- No, like, the VCR
wouldn't play it.

Or like, the toaster.

- I'll bring you my
Walkman tomorrow.

I have to get to math,
but I love your new look.

See you later, my
little fashionista.

- Unique? Are you kidding me?

There's like 20 of
me at this school.

- Hey, Mari. Besitos.

- Thanks for doing this, Rigo.
You're totally saving my life.

- Wouldn't want my scene
partner to drop dead

of embarrassment.

Let's get started.
Show me what you got.

It's all in the hips, right?

Just do what I do.

-

- Okay, you got the deer in
the headlights thing down.

Now try moving your feet.

- Rigo wasn't the
greatest salsa dancer,

but he had way more
moves than my sister.

- I can't believe
I keep doing that.

I suck at this.
- Hey, it's okay.

I think this music
is too advanced.

I'm gonna grab another
tape from my locker.

You keep practicing.

I knew it! You're
not a bad dancer.

You just can't dance
when people are watching.

What are you afraid of?
- Oh, I don't know.

Being the only Latina in
the world that can't dance?

Being laughed at by the
coolest kids in Miami?

- They're not the coolest.

They're just the
richest and loudest.

Don't worry, I have an idea.

Friday night, meet
me at the bus stop.

- So Yosh, have any
plans for the weekend?

- There's the dance on Friday,
but no one's asked me yet.

- You hang in there.
I'm sure someone special

will ask as soon as they get
out of a prior engagement.

- I got my first maybe today.

Derek from Earth Science
says, "Maybe when we're 40."

That's not nothing.
- It's better than me.

I'm gonna go check
my locker for notes.

- Besitos.

I mean, see ya.

The clock is ticking.

Yoshy could get
snapped up by anyone

and it's not gonna be
by me because of Yasiel.

Stupid, thoughtful... ugh,
incredibly kind Yasiel.

Maybe I should just tell him

that I wanna go to
the dance with Yoshy.

- You mean tell a boy the truth?

Has that ever been done before?

- I don't think so, but
this is Sadie Hawkins.

I'm just gonna have
to do this myself.

- Okay.

- Ash, write me a speech.

Since I could no longer trust
myself or Sadie Hawkins,

I leaned on Ashley.

And in conclusion,
despite your charm

and great taste in women,
my heart belongs to Yoshy,

and I can't go to the
dance without him.

- I understand, Cucu.

I'm not the kind of man
to get in the way of love.

- Really? Even if
it means losing

your gorgeous,
passionate first date?

- Yeah.

I like you, and liking someone
means wanting them to be happy.

- Wow. You're like,
a really good guy.

- Thanks.

And if things don't
work out in the future

with you and Yoshy, maybe...

- They will.
- Probably.

But, you know, just
in case they don't,

I'll always...
- Thanks, but they will.

I'm gonna go ask him
to the dance right now.

Wow, I feel like a
burden has been lifted.

Not that you're a burden.

- Go get your man, Cucu.

- I was finally free to
ask Yoshy to the dance,

but then my corazoncito broke...

- Sure, Isabel, I'll go
to the dance with you!

- As I watched some mime
girl ask him instead.

And with a mimed
note? Who does that?

I had no words.

Oh, the irony.

- Castelli, party of four.

- The rest of your group is
already seated. This way.

- Amor, I know a double
date isn't exactly

what we had in mind
for our anniversary,

but it's what we wanted...
For Valerie to meet someone.

- Yeah, you're right.

This man could be the one who
sweeps Valerie off her feet

and off of our hands.

- I'm so excited. She said
he's such a gentleman.

- Hmm.
- Hey!

- Well, this has
been fun. Time to go.

- Wait, what? Wait. Wait.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Where are you going?

- Home.
- Why?

- That's Craig from work.
- Oh, yeah.

They met at the softball
game. Qué romántico, hmm?

- No. Not romántico.

May I remind you that that man
is a human thorn in my side?

- Oh, my God.

- Always making me
look bad to Mr. Frank,

buzzing into my office
like a giant mosquito,

and butchering the
Spanish language.

- Come on over! Catch up!

I'm already four
drinks ahead of you.

Mo-gi-toes!
- Ah, mo-gi... come on.

- Mojitos!

- I'm sorry, Cucu.
- My whole future is ruined.

Who am I supposed to have seven
beautiful children with now?

- At least you had a date.

What are the odds the entire
debate club would say no to me?

They're supposed
to debate it first.

- And love is so confusing.

Latinos say, "Wait
for the boy to ask."

Then Americans say,
"Ask the boy yourself,

but don't be too
excited about it."

- Yeah, and the
debate clubs says,

"Don't ask out seven guys
at once." I don't know.

- I for one am tired of
being told how to act.

It's my love life, and I'm
a strong, vibrant woman

who won't be held
back by tradition.

- That's beautiful.

- I read it on a box of tampons.

- You're right, Cucu. We
should do things your way.

Be yourself and do
what feels right.

- It's a little late
to get a skywriter,

but maybe there's still a chance

I can win Yoshy over.

- Hmm, you've still got an
hour till the dance starts.

- Watch out, Yoshy,
'cause I'm about to

grand-gesture the
heck out of you.

- I'll get the eyeshadow.

- As I got ready
to follow my heart,

Emilia followed
Rigo's dancing feet

to the same club
my parents were at.

- What are we doing
at a dance club?

We're not old enough
to be in here.

- Don't worry, okay? My
cousin's the bouncer.

As long as we don't get in any
bar fights, no one will care.

- I care. This is
my worst nightmare.

- I told you I'd help
you get over your fear.

What better way than dancing

in front of a bunch
of middle-aged dorks?

Come on.

- Víctor, I am so glad that
you convinced me to call Craig.

- Yeah, buddy. Thanks
again for setting me up

with this hot, buttered biscuit.

Someday, I will
return the favor.

- Not till you're dead
or divorced, though.

- That's funny.
That's funny, that's funny.

- Mm-hmm, yeah, that's funny.

- Come on, I'll
show you my moves.

My vertical moves, for now. Eh?

- Ooh.
- Oh, good, alcohol.

- I'm going to need this
to make it through tonight.

- Interception!

Cha cha cha.
- Cha cha...

Yeah, you're gonna
need this more than me.

- Let's go dance!

- Why don't we wait
for a slower song?

You know, one with more
of a beginner beat.

- Emilia, you gotta
stop worrying about

what other people think of you.

No one here cares
about your dancing.

Come on, Bubblegum.

- Emilia wasn't sure if it
was the music, the adrenaline,

or her very charming
dance partner,

but all of a sudden,

she forgot to care about
what other people thought.

- Is this a good, stiff
drink or is that Emilia?

- Don't be silly.
That girl can dance.

- Ah, good point.

Talented bartender.

Víctor, you have been
glaring at him more than

you've been looking at me,
and it's our anniversary.

- You're right, mi
vida. I'm sorry.

I shouldn't let anything get
in the way of celebrating us.

The 16 happiest
years of my life.

Happy anniversary, mi amor.

- You're sweet.

Ay, eso. It's our
song! Come on!

-

- It's easy to
forget about Craig

when your favorite
song is playing

and you have a beautiful
woman in your arms.

- Ay...

- So we have a special request.

This one comes from Señor Craig!

- Whoo! I love this song!
I'm cutting in, amigos.

Swapsies!

- No, no, don't. Don't... ahh.

- Excuse me for just a second.

Hey...
- Oye!

What you doing, man? You
ruined my silk shirt!

- I'm sorry, I don't
want a problem.

- Qué sorry ni qué sorry.

- Interception!
- Oh!

- Craig!

- Whoa.

- Oh, my God,
Craig. Are you okay?

- Of all the romantic gestures
I thought I'd see tonight,

I did not expect that one.
- Does anyone have ice?

- Guess these middle-aged
dorks do get rowdy.

- That middle-aged
dork is my dad.

Let's get out of here.

- As Emilia and Rigo
ran out of the club,

I pedaled madly to Yoshy's.

I didn't care about the rules

of Dominican or American romance

or that Yoshy already had a date

with some mime he barely knew.

I was ready to pour
my heart out to him.

Until...

- Yoshy looked so happy.

Yasiel's words
echoed in my head.

"Liking someone means
wanting them to be happy."

So like Isabel the
mime, I said nothing.

Besides, it was just one dance.

It's not like they were
going out or anything.

- Fun night, huh?

How you feeling, amigo?

- Yeah, I feel like I
should be asking you.

- Oh, this? It's nothing.

I get punched in the
face all the time.

Plus, I made a real
impression on Valerie,

if you know what I'm saying.

- Yeah.

Uh, Craig, I have to ask you,

why did you take
that punch for me?

- Are you kidding?
That's what friends do.

Plus, I owed you one for
setting me up with Valerie.

She is, as your people
say, a hot tamale.

- Hold on a second.
Um, we're friends?

- Obviously.

Why do you think I'm
always razzing you at work,

putting salt in your drink?

- Ha! Classic.

- So when you come into
my office to interrupt me

or un-alphabetize my files

when I'm in the bathroom,
or tell Mr. Frank

that I left work to go to...

Hooters, that's because...

you're being friendly?
- Duh.

Hey, what do you say
we take the ladies out

to a fancy dinner next week?

I heard of a great
place where you can

chuck bread at seagulls.

- Uh...
- Hmm?

- When you're adjusting
to life in a new country,

building new relationships
can be challenging.

But when you find
that connection...

- Or take a friendship
to a new level...

- What else did he do?

Mm!

That's a little bit
too much information,

pero thank you for sharing.

- You feel a little more in sync

with the rhythm
of your new home.

- Now, that's the bar.

I expect you to be
just as good as me.

- And your heart.
- Now back to work.

- Okay.

- And as for me,

I learned that love means
wanting the best for someone,

no matter what it means for you.

And with the dance
out of the way,

the path was clear for me
and Yoshy to finally...

Qué qué?