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1
00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:08,008
[heavy gate rolling]
2
00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:11,637
- There it is.
- Every last piece.
3
00:00:11,721 --> 00:00:13,764
- The couch.
- Your dining room chairs.
4
00:00:13,848 --> 00:00:15,349
- The TV.
- Your orgy lamps.
5
00:00:15,391 --> 00:00:17,143
Orgy lamps?
6
00:00:17,143 --> 00:00:18,853
These are not orgy lamps.
7
00:00:18,853 --> 00:00:20,438
Well, what are those people
on them doing?
8
00:00:20,438 --> 00:00:23,065
They're...
Well, she's a teacher,
9
00:00:23,190 --> 00:00:26,527
and these are her nubile pupils, and...
10
00:00:26,527 --> 00:00:28,279
- This is dirty.
- [Imogene] Yeah.
11
00:00:28,279 --> 00:00:30,197
Like, what is she teaching them?
French?
12
00:00:30,281 --> 00:00:31,407
Well, they're pretty,
and I still like them.
13
00:00:31,407 --> 00:00:33,033
What are you thinking, Antonio?
14
00:00:33,117 --> 00:00:35,327
It's gonna take us a while to
unload everything, Mrs. Maisel.
15
00:00:35,411 --> 00:00:38,122
Great. I've got a few errands
to run. Take over, Imogene?
16
00:00:38,122 --> 00:00:39,498
Will do.
17
00:00:39,582 --> 00:00:42,168
All right, guys, get to work!
18
00:00:42,293 --> 00:00:44,879
- [♪ The Pajama Game Ensemble: "Racing with the Clock"]
- Sorry. I get bossy. Sorry.
19
00:00:44,879 --> 00:00:46,464
- Be safe, guys.
- [clattering]
20
00:00:46,464 --> 00:00:48,382
Careful with the orgy lamps.
21
00:00:48,466 --> 00:00:50,634
Oil's tough, but I'll see
what I can do, Mrs. Marshall.
22
00:00:50,718 --> 00:00:52,178
You're the best, Herman.
Have a good day.
23
00:00:52,178 --> 00:00:54,096
[singsongy]
Herman.
24
00:00:54,180 --> 00:00:56,766
- Mrs. Maisel.
- How's things? How's Marilyn?
25
00:00:56,766 --> 00:00:59,101
Just celebrated
our 30-year anniversary.
26
00:00:59,185 --> 00:01:00,936
Mazel tov.
I'm back in the neighborhood,
27
00:01:01,020 --> 00:01:03,189
and there's mountains
of cleaning heading your way.
28
00:01:03,189 --> 00:01:05,441
I'll turn 'em around for you
nice and quick.
29
00:01:05,441 --> 00:01:08,486
- And my tab's still good?
- Uh, of course.
30
00:01:08,486 --> 00:01:10,446
- What was it, 15 bucks?
- Something like that.
31
00:01:10,446 --> 00:01:13,491
But I thought you'd give me
a higher limit on that tab.
32
00:01:13,616 --> 00:01:15,951
- A higher limit?
- Like, say, 30 bucks?
33
00:01:16,035 --> 00:01:18,037
See, I haven't washed a thing
since I left you.
34
00:01:18,037 --> 00:01:19,997
There's so much business
coming your way,
35
00:01:19,997 --> 00:01:21,248
a higher tab would be convenient
36
00:01:21,290 --> 00:01:22,625
for you and me.
Know what I mean?
37
00:01:22,625 --> 00:01:23,793
I think I can make that work.
38
00:01:23,793 --> 00:01:25,044
You're a doll.
39
00:01:25,044 --> 00:01:27,004
Gonna give one of these
to everyone I know.
40
00:01:27,004 --> 00:01:29,632
- Marketing, Herman.
- Thanks, Mrs. Maisel.
41
00:01:29,632 --> 00:01:31,342
Hurry up ♪
42
00:01:31,342 --> 00:01:32,802
- Hurry up ♪
- ♪ Can't waste time...
43
00:01:32,802 --> 00:01:35,429
And 63 cents is your change.
Thank you. Come again.
44
00:01:35,513 --> 00:01:37,973
- [singsongy] Eli.
- Mrs. Maisel.
45
00:01:38,057 --> 00:01:39,266
You still have the best buns
in town?
46
00:01:39,350 --> 00:01:41,060
I like to think.
You back in the neighborhood?
47
00:01:41,060 --> 00:01:43,979
As of today. And ready
to restart that tab of mine.
48
00:01:44,063 --> 00:01:45,648
Sure. What was it, uh, ten?
49
00:01:45,648 --> 00:01:48,400
Back in the day. But
I'm thinking double that now.
50
00:01:48,484 --> 00:01:50,486
- Double?
- Or triple. You should see how my kids eat.
51
00:01:50,486 --> 00:01:52,029
Well, you should know,
what with six.
52
00:01:52,029 --> 00:01:54,615
So a higher tab's a real
convenience. For you and for me.
53
00:01:54,615 --> 00:01:56,700
- I guess.
- You know Herman the dry cleaner?
54
00:01:56,784 --> 00:01:59,537
Practically begged me to raise
my tab. He was a little pushy.
55
00:01:59,537 --> 00:02:01,914
- I'll see what I can do.
- You're a doll.
56
00:02:01,914 --> 00:02:03,207
If I don't come home
with a couple of these,
57
00:02:03,207 --> 00:02:05,417
those damn kids'll eat me.
Put 'em on my tab?
58
00:02:05,501 --> 00:02:07,378
- You got it.
- Gonna give one of these
59
00:02:07,378 --> 00:02:09,380
to everyone I know.
Marketing, Eli!
60
00:02:09,380 --> 00:02:11,006
Thanks, Mrs. Maisel.
61
00:02:11,090 --> 00:02:13,217
- Hurry up ♪
- ♪ Can't waste time...
62
00:02:13,217 --> 00:02:15,803
[singsongy]
Johann.
63
00:02:15,803 --> 00:02:17,221
New uniform, huh?
64
00:02:17,221 --> 00:02:19,014
You should have heard
the dry cleaner and the baker
65
00:02:19,098 --> 00:02:20,766
practically begging me
to raise my tab.
66
00:02:20,850 --> 00:02:22,351
- Grown men, begging.
- That's something.
67
00:02:22,351 --> 00:02:23,769
Not for nothing,
but a higher tab
68
00:02:23,853 --> 00:02:24,979
benefits you more than me.
69
00:02:24,979 --> 00:02:26,146
I'll have to check
with the office.
70
00:02:26,230 --> 00:02:27,439
Tell them about Herman and Eli?
71
00:02:27,523 --> 00:02:28,899
Here's their cards
if your boss wants to chat.
72
00:02:28,983 --> 00:02:31,610
- Sure thing, Mrs. Maisel.
- You're a doll, Johann.
73
00:02:31,694 --> 00:02:34,238
- [singsongy] Randy.
- Hey, Mrs. Maisel.
74
00:02:34,238 --> 00:02:35,739
Who's got
the best melons around?
75
00:02:35,823 --> 00:02:37,324
- I do.
- I'm insulted.
76
00:02:37,408 --> 00:02:38,784
Listen,
I'm back in the neighborhood,
77
00:02:38,868 --> 00:02:40,911
- and I want to talk about my tab.
- Your tab?
78
00:02:40,995 --> 00:02:44,915
Racing with the clock ♪♪
79
00:02:44,999 --> 00:02:46,959
You ever see a milkman beg,
Walter?
80
00:02:46,959 --> 00:02:48,168
No, I'm serious.
81
00:02:48,252 --> 00:02:50,170
He was begging me
to raise my tab.
82
00:02:50,254 --> 00:02:52,339
Kept talking about how
it benefits him more than me.
83
00:02:52,423 --> 00:02:55,301
- Ha!
- Not there. Somewhere else.
- But it's kitchen stuff.
84
00:02:55,301 --> 00:02:57,428
- I'm organizing, Antonio. This is my process.
- Walter, I'm a woman. I don't
85
00:02:57,428 --> 00:02:58,971
- have a mind for business. Ask the milkman.
- Leave me to my process.
86
00:02:58,971 --> 00:03:00,973
Be nicer, Imogene.
We like Antonio.
87
00:03:00,973 --> 00:03:02,641
Sorry.
It's my Nordic grandmother.
88
00:03:02,725 --> 00:03:04,977
- I inherited her chilly rage.
- [Midge] Yes, but what with him
89
00:03:04,977 --> 00:03:06,729
and the baker and the grocer
and the dry cleaner
90
00:03:06,729 --> 00:03:08,022
all raising my tab like that,
91
00:03:08,022 --> 00:03:09,481
it just makes sense
to let you in on the deal.
92
00:03:09,565 --> 00:03:12,902
I mean,
I'd hate to switch pharmacies.
93
00:03:12,902 --> 00:03:16,447
Twenty-five is great.
And I'm gonna tell everyone
94
00:03:16,447 --> 00:03:18,532
you are the best drug dealer
in the neighborhood.
95
00:03:18,616 --> 00:03:20,034
Uh, you know what I mean.
96
00:03:20,034 --> 00:03:22,036
Marketing, Walter. Bye.
97
00:03:22,036 --> 00:03:25,080
Oh, the bastard put up a fight.
98
00:03:25,164 --> 00:03:28,334
- What are you doing?
- Solving my cash flow problem.
99
00:03:28,334 --> 00:03:29,835
Last week, I dealt with Moishe.
100
00:03:29,919 --> 00:03:32,588
Had to get him to agree to delay
the loan payment on this place.
101
00:03:32,588 --> 00:03:34,089
Brought Esther.
102
00:03:34,173 --> 00:03:35,424
- Uh-oh.
- [Midge] Held her in my lap,
103
00:03:35,424 --> 00:03:37,593
barefoot, a little dirty,
104
00:03:37,593 --> 00:03:39,386
holding her one-armed doll.
105
00:03:39,470 --> 00:03:41,931
- You didn't.
- I talked about her needing new shoes.
106
00:03:41,931 --> 00:03:44,016
I couldn't tear up, but then
Esther cried right on cue.
107
00:03:44,016 --> 00:03:45,392
I may have given her a pinch.
108
00:03:45,476 --> 00:03:47,353
- Shameless.
- But it worked.
109
00:03:47,353 --> 00:03:49,229
And now if I can just hold off
paying the milk bill,
110
00:03:49,313 --> 00:03:50,272
the laundry bill,
the grocery bill,
111
00:03:50,356 --> 00:03:51,523
the butcher bill,
the bakery bill
112
00:03:51,607 --> 00:03:52,775
and the pharmacy bill
for just a few months,
113
00:03:52,775 --> 00:03:54,568
I can possibly catch up.
114
00:03:55,611 --> 00:03:58,614
Hello, old friend.
115
00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:03,410
Your place of honor awaits.
116
00:04:03,494 --> 00:04:06,538
[Imogene] [gasps] Oh,
this shelf is complete.
117
00:04:06,622 --> 00:04:08,207
Oh, come with me.
118
00:04:08,207 --> 00:04:10,417
I need an opinion.
119
00:04:15,631 --> 00:04:17,091
What do you think?
120
00:04:17,091 --> 00:04:19,009
Is this cubist or...?
121
00:04:19,093 --> 00:04:21,178
No, seriously.
What do you think?
122
00:04:21,178 --> 00:04:22,429
Seriously, it's insane.
123
00:04:22,513 --> 00:04:23,514
At first glance, yes.
124
00:04:23,514 --> 00:04:25,224
But hear me out. Ouch.
125
00:04:25,224 --> 00:04:26,517
- Midge.
- Okay.
126
00:04:26,517 --> 00:04:29,645
[exhales]
Old place, new life. Right?
127
00:04:29,645 --> 00:04:31,939
- Sure.
- New vistas. Interior vistas.
128
00:04:31,939 --> 00:04:33,565
- Okay.
- Now, clearly, the living room couch
129
00:04:33,649 --> 00:04:35,109
has to go where it goes.
Can't make a change there.
130
00:04:35,150 --> 00:04:36,318
- It was built for that room.
- Yep.
131
00:04:36,402 --> 00:04:38,362
And the TV has to go
across from the couch.
132
00:04:38,362 --> 00:04:39,446
- Et cetera, et cetera.
- I agree.
133
00:04:39,530 --> 00:04:40,447
The kitchen's the kitchen.
134
00:04:40,531 --> 00:04:41,782
Can't do anything
with the foyer.
135
00:04:41,782 --> 00:04:44,118
Where can I create
something new in my apartment?
136
00:04:44,118 --> 00:04:47,788
Something splashy.
Something that's just me.
137
00:04:47,788 --> 00:04:49,081
Bedroom.
138
00:04:49,081 --> 00:04:50,374
Ow!
139
00:04:50,374 --> 00:04:51,375
- Maybe you shouldn't...
- [Midge groans]
140
00:04:51,375 --> 00:04:52,376
- Give me a second.
- ...move.
141
00:04:52,376 --> 00:04:54,253
Who says it has to be arranged
142
00:04:54,253 --> 00:04:56,797
exactly the way Joel and I had
it even though it made sense.
143
00:04:56,797 --> 00:04:57,881
Joel and I made sense,
144
00:04:57,965 --> 00:04:59,299
and we all know
how that ended up.
145
00:04:59,383 --> 00:05:00,843
I want to walk into this bedroom
146
00:05:00,843 --> 00:05:02,469
and feel
like this is my bedroom.
147
00:05:02,553 --> 00:05:04,596
I don't want to feel
like this is where Joel and I
148
00:05:04,680 --> 00:05:07,599
kind of often... you know.
149
00:05:07,683 --> 00:05:09,226
- I know.
- Plus, he dumped me here.
150
00:05:09,226 --> 00:05:11,061
He stood right there.
I stood here.
151
00:05:11,145 --> 00:05:12,187
Now it's all different,
152
00:05:12,271 --> 00:05:13,647
because where he stood
when he dumped me is now
153
00:05:13,731 --> 00:05:14,940
where the dresser is,
and where I stood
154
00:05:15,024 --> 00:05:16,275
when he dumped me
is where part of the bed is,
155
00:05:16,275 --> 00:05:17,484
which is a great comfort to me.
156
00:05:17,568 --> 00:05:18,777
So...
157
00:05:18,861 --> 00:05:20,487
what do you think?
158
00:05:20,571 --> 00:05:21,822
I think you should put it back
the way it was
159
00:05:21,864 --> 00:05:23,991
because this
is clinically insane.
160
00:05:23,991 --> 00:05:25,284
Imogene, I was hurt here.
161
00:05:25,284 --> 00:05:26,869
I know, twice. Shin, toe.
162
00:05:26,869 --> 00:05:28,829
- By Joel.
- I know.
163
00:05:28,829 --> 00:05:31,457
But put it all back
exactly the way it was.
164
00:05:31,457 --> 00:05:33,667
Nice and pretty.
And the new thing?
165
00:05:33,751 --> 00:05:34,918
Now when you're here,
you're alone.
166
00:05:35,002 --> 00:05:36,295
And you get both closets.
167
00:05:36,295 --> 00:05:38,172
No. I'm gonna live with this
for a while
168
00:05:38,172 --> 00:05:39,256
and see how it feels.
169
00:05:39,256 --> 00:05:40,883
Shit-fuck.
170
00:05:40,883 --> 00:05:42,009
How'd that feel?
171
00:05:42,009 --> 00:05:45,220
[exhales]
I've got to go call the butcher.
172
00:05:45,262 --> 00:05:47,556
Okay. Oh!
173
00:05:49,558 --> 00:05:51,185
- [phone rings]
- [Gabe] Don't get your knickers in a twist, Jerry.
174
00:05:51,185 --> 00:05:52,519
- [man] Village Voice. Hello.
- [Jerry] My sources are good.
175
00:05:52,603 --> 00:05:54,104
- Sanitation's going out.
- [Gabe] Garbagemen
176
00:05:54,188 --> 00:05:55,689
- are not going on strike.
- [Jerry] Says who?
177
00:05:55,773 --> 00:05:58,067
[Gabe] Me. I just said it.
Sudden astigmatism, Jerry?
178
00:05:58,067 --> 00:06:00,194
- [Jerry] I stand corrected. I'm a piece of shit.
- [Kev] When are they gonna
179
00:06:00,194 --> 00:06:01,987
- empty the garbage here?
- [Jerry] And that relates how?
180
00:06:02,071 --> 00:06:04,114
- [Kev] It's still about sanitation.
- [Terrence] Kev is right.
181
00:06:04,198 --> 00:06:06,158
Bernie threw half an avocado out
last week,
182
00:06:06,158 --> 00:06:07,534
and it's still sitting there.
183
00:06:07,618 --> 00:06:09,161
Abe Weissman! There you are.
184
00:06:09,161 --> 00:06:11,663
I'm sorry, am I late?
I-I was told
185
00:06:11,747 --> 00:06:13,957
- the meeting started at 10:00.
- [Gabe] You are not late.
186
00:06:14,041 --> 00:06:15,125
Three of us
slept here last night,
187
00:06:15,209 --> 00:06:16,960
two of us
not because their wives
188
00:06:17,044 --> 00:06:18,253
- kicked them out.
- She didn't kick me out.
189
00:06:18,337 --> 00:06:20,172
She just wouldn't let me in.
190
00:06:20,172 --> 00:06:22,007
And when we woke up, the meeting
informally commenced.
191
00:06:22,091 --> 00:06:24,718
Everyone, this is
the notorious Abe Weissman,
192
00:06:24,802 --> 00:06:27,721
- the Terror of Broadway. And now our Terror.
- Good morning.
193
00:06:27,805 --> 00:06:29,098
- Hi, Abe.
- How you doing, Abe?
- Good to see you.
194
00:06:29,098 --> 00:06:30,557
You know your arts editor, Terrence.
195
00:06:30,641 --> 00:06:33,143
Bernie's news.
Jerry's city desk.
196
00:06:33,227 --> 00:06:35,437
Leonard's opinion,
and he occasionally has one.
197
00:06:35,521 --> 00:06:38,732
- Our photographer, Kal-El, from the planet Krypton.
- I made the mistake
198
00:06:38,816 --> 00:06:40,776
of showing them my collection
of Superman comics.
199
00:06:40,776 --> 00:06:41,860
It's Gilbert.
200
00:06:41,944 --> 00:06:43,112
[Gabe] Jules is our doodler,
201
00:06:43,112 --> 00:06:45,030
and Kev... What are you again?
202
00:06:45,114 --> 00:06:46,490
- Fuck you.
- Our resident poet.
203
00:06:46,490 --> 00:06:48,784
And that is the masthead
in the flesh.
204
00:06:48,784 --> 00:06:50,119
Sit, sit.
205
00:06:50,119 --> 00:06:51,870
Is this smoke
bothering you, Abe?
206
00:06:51,954 --> 00:06:54,123
[chuckles]
Oh. Oh, no.
207
00:06:54,123 --> 00:06:56,750
- No, I smoke a pipe, myself.
- [Gilbert] [chuckles] Yeah,
208
00:06:56,834 --> 00:06:59,086
what you're smoking
isn't exactly what I'm smoking.
209
00:06:59,086 --> 00:07:01,046
- [Abe chuckles softly]
- [Jerry] Dig the duds, Weissman.
210
00:07:01,130 --> 00:07:03,715
- Boss Tweed.
- Stop it, Jer. Dress any way you like. Hell,
211
00:07:03,799 --> 00:07:06,135
- Mailer once showed up in his underwear.
- [Kev] I'm sorry,
212
00:07:06,135 --> 00:07:07,928
why'd he stab his wife again?
She seemed nice.
213
00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:09,847
Plimpton says
it's because she told Norman
214
00:07:09,847 --> 00:07:10,931
he's not as good as Dostoyevsky.
215
00:07:10,931 --> 00:07:12,015
[Bernie] I had
a long conversation
216
00:07:12,099 --> 00:07:13,642
with his wife
at a book party once.
217
00:07:13,642 --> 00:07:16,228
- She may have had it coming.
- Some of us have places to go.
218
00:07:16,228 --> 00:07:18,605
All right, let's resume.
Check your sources at the union.
219
00:07:18,689 --> 00:07:19,940
If it's real, we will run it.
220
00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:21,150
- Will do.
- [Terrence] Abe, I hate
221
00:07:21,150 --> 00:07:22,734
to do this,
but I've got three things
222
00:07:22,818 --> 00:07:24,319
- for you to review next week.
- Three?
223
00:07:24,403 --> 00:07:26,196
- I-I know it's a lot.
- No.
224
00:07:26,280 --> 00:07:28,323
Actually, the Voice has averaged
225
00:07:28,407 --> 00:07:30,534
three and a quarter
theater reviews since issue one,
226
00:07:30,534 --> 00:07:33,036
so it's par for the course.
227
00:07:33,120 --> 00:07:34,788
And how did you come
to that figure?
228
00:07:34,872 --> 00:07:37,833
I read the back issues.
At the library on 42nd.
229
00:07:37,833 --> 00:07:39,751
Took me a couple of weeks.
230
00:07:39,835 --> 00:07:41,461
Seriously?
You read every back issue?
231
00:07:41,545 --> 00:07:43,255
All but November 13 of '57.
232
00:07:43,255 --> 00:07:44,923
Someone must have stolen
that one.
233
00:07:45,007 --> 00:07:47,926
I would love to plug that hole
one day.
234
00:07:49,428 --> 00:07:50,554
[chuckles softly]
235
00:07:50,554 --> 00:07:52,806
I feel like I just showed you
236
00:07:52,890 --> 00:07:54,433
my Superman comics.
237
00:07:54,433 --> 00:07:56,685
No, no, no, no, we applaud
your thoroughness, Mr. Weissman.
238
00:07:56,685 --> 00:07:59,229
[Jerry] While questioning
your mental fitness.
239
00:07:59,313 --> 00:08:01,023
- [all chuckle]
- Carol,
240
00:08:01,023 --> 00:08:03,817
dig out November 13, 1957 issue
for Abe.
241
00:08:03,901 --> 00:08:05,569
Let's plug that hole now.
242
00:08:05,569 --> 00:08:07,112
I heard from the ad department.
They wanted you
243
00:08:07,196 --> 00:08:08,864
to know that last week's
front page made their lives
244
00:08:08,864 --> 00:08:11,074
- a living hell.
- [Gabe] Mission accomplished. What else?
245
00:08:11,158 --> 00:08:13,660
[Kev] Can we talk about how much
I hate the ad department?
246
00:08:13,744 --> 00:08:16,330
[♪ Blossom Dearie: "Always True
to You in My Fashion"]
247
00:08:17,956 --> 00:08:19,583
[door closes]
248
00:08:19,583 --> 00:08:22,169
- [Abe] Miriam? We're here.
- [Rose] We didn't knock.
249
00:08:22,169 --> 00:08:24,838
[Abe] There was debate,
but that's where we landed.
250
00:08:24,922 --> 00:08:26,340
Hello, you two.
251
00:08:26,340 --> 00:08:29,301
Remarkable.
Like we traveled back in time.
252
00:08:29,301 --> 00:08:30,761
Such a strange feeling.
253
00:08:30,761 --> 00:08:32,554
Like something
out of that show of yours, Abe,
254
00:08:32,638 --> 00:08:33,889
- The Twilight Zone.
- Oh, yeah.
255
00:08:33,889 --> 00:08:35,682
This last one of theirs
was a real beaut.
256
00:08:35,766 --> 00:08:37,226
- How about a tour?
- Please.
257
00:08:37,226 --> 00:08:39,394
There was this advertising exec.
258
00:08:39,478 --> 00:08:41,480
Overworked, harried.
259
00:08:41,480 --> 00:08:43,899
Clearly a stand-in
for Rod Serling.
260
00:08:43,899 --> 00:08:45,859
Gorgeous. And that view.
261
00:08:45,943 --> 00:08:47,527
- I got my river back.
- [Rose sighs]
262
00:08:47,611 --> 00:08:49,488
He had this boss
always yelling at him.
263
00:08:49,488 --> 00:08:50,656
"Push, push, push, Williams."
264
00:08:50,656 --> 00:08:52,407
- Dining room.
- "Push, push, push!"
265
00:08:52,491 --> 00:08:55,827
Then he falls asleep
on the train ride home.
266
00:08:55,911 --> 00:08:58,205
All your dishes. And a piano.
267
00:08:58,205 --> 00:09:00,249
And he wakes up
in an idyllic town
268
00:09:00,249 --> 00:09:02,084
- called Willoughby.
- Shall we continue?
269
00:09:02,084 --> 00:09:03,460
- [Rose] Mm-hmm.
- And in a different century.
270
00:09:03,460 --> 00:09:05,420
There's horse-drawn buggies
and a brass band,
271
00:09:05,545 --> 00:09:07,506
and I'm talking to myself.
272
00:09:07,506 --> 00:09:09,508
Oh, I've always loved
those chairs.
273
00:09:09,508 --> 00:09:11,927
- Me, too.
- So perfect for the room.
274
00:09:11,927 --> 00:09:14,388
- Mm.
- [Midge] This way, please.
275
00:09:14,388 --> 00:09:16,974
- On to the master.
- Have we done the kitchen?
276
00:09:18,016 --> 00:09:19,893
- Girls!
- Huh.
277
00:09:19,977 --> 00:09:22,229
- I needed something different.
- [Abe] Are you back there?
278
00:09:22,229 --> 00:09:24,982
It's still...
technically a bedroom.
279
00:09:24,982 --> 00:09:27,025
- [Abe] Answer me, please!
- Let me show you the guest room.
280
00:09:27,109 --> 00:09:29,403
- Made a change there, too.
- Oh, fun.
281
00:09:29,403 --> 00:09:31,280
[Abe] Hey, wait.
282
00:09:31,280 --> 00:09:34,241
Have we done the bedroom?
283
00:09:34,241 --> 00:09:36,827
You're going too fast.
284
00:09:36,827 --> 00:09:38,787
What do you think?
285
00:09:38,787 --> 00:09:40,664
These are our things.
286
00:09:40,664 --> 00:09:42,791
- I know.
- What are they doing here?
287
00:09:42,791 --> 00:09:44,251
These are our things.
288
00:09:44,251 --> 00:09:46,336
- I know.
- What are they doing here?
289
00:09:46,420 --> 00:09:48,422
This is why I invited you over.
290
00:09:48,422 --> 00:09:50,674
- To make you an offer.
- What offer?
291
00:09:50,674 --> 00:09:52,592
I thought it might be wonderful
292
00:09:52,676 --> 00:09:54,511
for you two
293
00:09:54,511 --> 00:09:56,888
to move in here with me.
294
00:09:57,931 --> 00:09:59,349
And the kids.
295
00:09:59,433 --> 00:10:00,767
And, of course, Zelda.
296
00:10:00,851 --> 00:10:02,602
The whole Weissman clan
297
00:10:02,686 --> 00:10:04,771
together again
in the original building,
298
00:10:04,855 --> 00:10:07,357
just a couple of floors down
from where you were.
299
00:10:07,441 --> 00:10:09,359
What do you think?
300
00:10:09,443 --> 00:10:11,069
- Absolutely not. What?
- Yes. What?
301
00:10:11,153 --> 00:10:12,904
- Put some thought into this, Rose.
- Think about it, Abe.
302
00:10:12,988 --> 00:10:14,448
- Oh, fine, but you, too.
- What's there to think about?
303
00:10:14,448 --> 00:10:15,866
Papa, do not have one of your
knee-jerk reactions to this.
304
00:10:15,866 --> 00:10:17,868
This is not
a knee-jerk reaction.
305
00:10:17,868 --> 00:10:20,287
I heard your offer, and I
instantly knew it was stupid.
306
00:10:20,287 --> 00:10:21,747
Papa, please.
307
00:10:21,747 --> 00:10:23,749
This would put you back
in your beloved neighborhood
308
00:10:23,749 --> 00:10:25,834
with your newsstand,
your Zabar's,
309
00:10:25,834 --> 00:10:28,086
your synagogue,
the little place that you get
310
00:10:28,170 --> 00:10:30,255
that afternoon jelly doughnut at
that you don't tell Mama about.
311
00:10:30,339 --> 00:10:31,381
- Jelly doughnuts?
- All of that
312
00:10:31,465 --> 00:10:33,091
is perfectly accessible
on the subway.
313
00:10:33,175 --> 00:10:34,468
Tell me you're happy
living in Queens.
314
00:10:34,468 --> 00:10:36,011
Go on, tell me.
315
00:10:36,011 --> 00:10:38,096
Well, look whose hobby
is being snobby.
316
00:10:38,180 --> 00:10:39,765
- I like this idea.
- You like...?
317
00:10:39,765 --> 00:10:41,224
She has us in the guest room.
318
00:10:41,308 --> 00:10:42,601
- So?
- [Abe] So,
319
00:10:42,601 --> 00:10:44,478
when you have guests,
they'll sleep on top of us?
320
00:10:44,478 --> 00:10:45,604
If they're feeling frisky.
321
00:10:45,604 --> 00:10:47,606
And I suppose we get the
vomit bathroom.
322
00:10:47,606 --> 00:10:49,024
- Which one is that?
- [Abe] The one I watched
323
00:10:49,024 --> 00:10:51,610
Ethan throw up in two years ago voluminously.
324
00:10:51,610 --> 00:10:52,944
It's been cleaned.
325
00:10:53,028 --> 00:10:54,988
But take the one by my bedroom.
It's identical.
326
00:10:55,072 --> 00:10:57,783
- The overloaded Esther diaper poopy bathroom.
- Good grief.
327
00:10:57,783 --> 00:11:00,077
We'll share. The-the bathrooms
will be communal
328
00:11:00,077 --> 00:11:01,953
so we can all be revolted together.
329
00:11:02,037 --> 00:11:03,872
[chuckles]
Oh, you're a sneaky one.
330
00:11:03,872 --> 00:11:06,541
- You're a sneaky one!
- Papa.
- Abe.
331
00:11:06,625 --> 00:11:08,085
You thought you could
just bring us over here
332
00:11:08,085 --> 00:11:10,045
and play some music
and get us drunk,
333
00:11:10,045 --> 00:11:12,756
woo us with flowers
and a nice dinner
334
00:11:12,756 --> 00:11:13,924
and a cheap piano?
335
00:11:13,924 --> 00:11:15,717
That's probably not even
in tune.
336
00:11:15,801 --> 00:11:18,804
- [plays piano]
- Actually, it's perfectly in tune
337
00:11:18,804 --> 00:11:20,305
and has a nice, warm tone,
338
00:11:20,389 --> 00:11:21,723
but the rest of my point
is valid.
339
00:11:21,807 --> 00:11:24,059
I just want to take care
of you two. Pay you back
340
00:11:24,059 --> 00:11:25,936
for the whole "having me
and raising me" thing.
341
00:11:25,936 --> 00:11:28,438
You never should have bought
this place back, Miriam.
342
00:11:28,522 --> 00:11:30,399
I mean, what man
is going to want a woman
343
00:11:30,399 --> 00:11:32,818
- who owns her own apartment?
- He does have a point there.
344
00:11:32,818 --> 00:11:34,528
- It does make you less feminine.
- Sorry.
345
00:11:34,528 --> 00:11:37,155
Let me just hike up my shorts
and get in a good man scratch.
346
00:11:37,239 --> 00:11:39,533
- Now, what was that again?
- If we're going to eat,
347
00:11:39,533 --> 00:11:42,285
then let's eat. "Man scratch."
348
00:11:42,369 --> 00:11:44,079
- Hi, Grandpa.
- Your mother thinks we're schnorrers.
349
00:11:44,079 --> 00:11:45,956
- Hi, Grandma.
- Your grandfather's being stubborn.
350
00:11:45,956 --> 00:11:47,999
- Hi, Mommy.
- Go back to bed, Ethan.
351
00:11:48,083 --> 00:11:49,960
Papa,
living with Moishe and Shirley
352
00:11:49,960 --> 00:11:53,046
has been a nightmare for you.
They're nudists, for God's sake.
353
00:11:53,130 --> 00:11:55,048
- You get used to it.
- Think about it.
354
00:11:55,132 --> 00:11:56,466
This apartment,
this neighborhood.
355
00:11:56,550 --> 00:11:59,386
It's like your Willoughby,
right? From that program.
356
00:11:59,386 --> 00:12:00,971
Inviting, peaceful,
357
00:12:00,971 --> 00:12:03,348
- idyllic, home.
- [Abe] Willoughby
358
00:12:03,432 --> 00:12:04,641
was the name of the funeral home
359
00:12:04,641 --> 00:12:06,268
the "push, push, push" guy
ended up in.
360
00:12:06,268 --> 00:12:07,644
He was dead at the end,
361
00:12:07,644 --> 00:12:09,563
- Miriam. He jumped off the train.
- [Midge sighs]
362
00:12:09,563 --> 00:12:11,773
You would know that
if you listened!
363
00:12:11,857 --> 00:12:13,900
You know, this Twilight Zone
sounds stupid.
364
00:12:13,984 --> 00:12:15,110
Excuse me?
365
00:12:15,110 --> 00:12:16,403
- Miriam.
- [Midge] Either everyone's dead
366
00:12:16,403 --> 00:12:17,612
and they don't know it,
or they think
367
00:12:17,696 --> 00:12:19,072
they're dead
but they're actually alive,
368
00:12:19,156 --> 00:12:21,241
or they're from outer space
and they don't know it,
369
00:12:21,241 --> 00:12:22,701
or they think they're dead
but they're from outer space
370
00:12:22,701 --> 00:12:24,161
- and they don't know it.
- [Abe] Wrong.
371
00:12:24,161 --> 00:12:26,288
Some people live
in alternate realities.
372
00:12:26,288 --> 00:12:27,914
Okay, stop. Just stop!
Both of you.
373
00:12:27,998 --> 00:12:29,499
Now, Abe, you listen to me.
374
00:12:29,583 --> 00:12:31,126
We can't live
with Moishe and Shirley anymore.
375
00:12:31,126 --> 00:12:32,836
We're losing
what sanity we have left.
376
00:12:32,836 --> 00:12:33,879
- Hmm.
- [Rose] And no matter what you say,
377
00:12:33,879 --> 00:12:35,464
you want to
be back in this building.
378
00:12:35,464 --> 00:12:37,382
- I know you do, and I do, too.
- [Abe sighs]
379
00:12:37,466 --> 00:12:38,508
- Thank you.
- But we can't have
380
00:12:38,592 --> 00:12:39,718
the neighbors think we're
charity cases,
381
00:12:39,718 --> 00:12:41,636
Miriam. We need to agree
on a cover story.
382
00:12:41,720 --> 00:12:43,346
- A cover story?
- We can't tell people
383
00:12:43,430 --> 00:12:45,807
- our daughter's supporting us.
- It would be humiliating.
384
00:12:45,891 --> 00:12:47,976
And it wasn't humiliating to
move in with Moishe and Shirley?
385
00:12:47,976 --> 00:12:49,603
No, because
we had a cover story.
386
00:12:49,603 --> 00:12:51,688
- Love to hear it.
- We told people we were
387
00:12:51,688 --> 00:12:54,149
moving out of our old apartment
due to Abe leaving Columbia
388
00:12:54,149 --> 00:12:55,484
and that the fabulous apartment
389
00:12:55,484 --> 00:12:56,943
we rented to replace it
fell through,
390
00:12:57,027 --> 00:12:58,945
and we were in litigation
with the seedy landlord
391
00:12:59,029 --> 00:13:01,072
to get our deposit check back.
Mr. Crink.
392
00:13:01,156 --> 00:13:03,533
- Who?
- The seedy landlord. You don't listen.
393
00:13:03,617 --> 00:13:04,784
You gave
the fake seedy landlord a name?
394
00:13:04,868 --> 00:13:06,286
[Rose] And we didn't want
to lease another place
395
00:13:06,286 --> 00:13:08,580
until the lawsuit was settled,
so we temporarily moved in
396
00:13:08,580 --> 00:13:10,749
with Moishe and Shirley.
We have a court case next week.
397
00:13:10,749 --> 00:13:12,000
- For what?
- [Abe] Are you not listening?
398
00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:14,544
To get the deposit back
from Mr. Crink.
399
00:13:14,628 --> 00:13:16,087
- Mr. Crink is not real.
- [Rose] Now,
400
00:13:16,171 --> 00:13:17,672
the logical cover story
for moving in here
401
00:13:17,756 --> 00:13:19,674
is that Abe and I
bought the place back for you.
402
00:13:19,758 --> 00:13:22,219
- What?
- That works for me.
403
00:13:22,219 --> 00:13:23,553
So I did all of this for you,
and you want
404
00:13:23,637 --> 00:13:25,472
to tell the whole world
that you did it for me?
405
00:13:25,472 --> 00:13:27,307
That's not right.
406
00:13:27,307 --> 00:13:29,643
- I didn't realize this was a contest.
- It's not.
407
00:13:29,643 --> 00:13:31,353
I thought this was just an
altruistic thing you were doing
408
00:13:31,353 --> 00:13:33,230
- for us. Then we're agreed.
- It is. On what?
409
00:13:33,230 --> 00:13:34,523
That you're moving in here
with us. Right, Abe?
410
00:13:34,523 --> 00:13:36,191
- It's done.
- Good.
411
00:13:36,191 --> 00:13:38,485
I'm getting a drink.
412
00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:45,742
Thanks for blowing
the doughnut thing, by the way.
413
00:13:50,455 --> 00:13:52,499
She's in a severely
fragile state,
414
00:13:52,499 --> 00:13:54,709
so speak softly
and no sudden movements.
415
00:13:54,793 --> 00:13:56,294
- Right.
- Common rules.
416
00:13:56,378 --> 00:13:58,880
No passing of contraband,
meaning drugs of any kind,
417
00:13:58,964 --> 00:14:02,008
- weapons, or anything that can be weaponized.
- [Susie] Okay.
418
00:14:02,092 --> 00:14:03,635
- Hold it, Lucille!
- That includes pens, pencils,
419
00:14:03,635 --> 00:14:05,554
tools large or small,
shoelaces, twine,
420
00:14:05,554 --> 00:14:07,430
nail files, bottle openers,
et cetera.
421
00:14:07,514 --> 00:14:09,975
- Got it.
- Address only the patient you are here to see.
422
00:14:09,975 --> 00:14:12,310
Do not open windows.
Do not close doors.
423
00:14:12,394 --> 00:14:14,646
- Are you following?
- Uh, yeah. Yeah, I'm following.
424
00:14:14,646 --> 00:14:17,524
Over the weeks, we've curated
a list of specific things
425
00:14:17,524 --> 00:14:19,401
that set her off
and are not to be mentioned.
426
00:14:19,401 --> 00:14:22,571
Most seem to be the names
of past paramours.
427
00:14:22,571 --> 00:14:23,947
They include the following:
428
00:14:23,947 --> 00:14:26,032
"Vincent Price,
Edgar G. Robinson,
429
00:14:26,116 --> 00:14:28,702
Jan from Jan and Dean,
Dean from Jan and Dean,
430
00:14:28,702 --> 00:14:31,371
Howlin' Wolf, Salvador Dalí,
Cubby O'Brien..."
431
00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:32,914
- From The Mickey Mouse Club?
- "Fess Parker,
432
00:14:32,998 --> 00:14:34,749
Igor Stravinsky,
Adlai Stevenson..."
433
00:14:34,833 --> 00:14:36,543
I'll leave the list.
It's not short.
434
00:14:36,543 --> 00:14:39,296
Finally, don't mention
the city of Cleveland
435
00:14:39,296 --> 00:14:41,548
or use the word "moist."
436
00:14:41,548 --> 00:14:43,425
That last one I get.
437
00:14:43,425 --> 00:14:45,343
Straight ahead.
438
00:14:45,427 --> 00:14:47,721
[Susie clears throat]
439
00:14:55,312 --> 00:14:56,396
Sophie?
440
00:14:56,396 --> 00:14:59,649
[gasps]
Mercy. Susie, you're here.
441
00:14:59,733 --> 00:15:01,276
And of your own volition.
442
00:15:01,276 --> 00:15:04,029
Oh, that makes it special.
443
00:15:04,029 --> 00:15:05,614
You called me a dozen times.
444
00:15:05,614 --> 00:15:07,866
I did?
Oh, everything's so cloudy.
445
00:15:07,866 --> 00:15:10,660
And the clouds.
They're all shaped like fruit.
446
00:15:10,744 --> 00:15:12,662
There's a banana.
447
00:15:12,746 --> 00:15:14,372
There's a kumquat.
448
00:15:14,456 --> 00:15:15,749
Sit, sit.
449
00:15:15,749 --> 00:15:18,835
- [Susie clears throat]
- Mm.
450
00:15:18,835 --> 00:15:22,130
So... How did you end up here?
451
00:15:22,130 --> 00:15:24,716
Oh, Susie,
I've been through such hell.
452
00:15:24,716 --> 00:15:28,345
After Miss Julie,
I just spiraled downward.
453
00:15:28,345 --> 00:15:31,890
Darkness enveloped me
like an old mink coat.
454
00:15:31,890 --> 00:15:33,516
I needed help.
455
00:15:33,600 --> 00:15:35,185
So I met with my lawyer,
456
00:15:35,185 --> 00:15:37,103
my press agent,
my business manager
457
00:15:37,187 --> 00:15:40,440
and my investment broker,
and we all decided
458
00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:43,485
that I should have
a nervous breakdown.
459
00:15:43,485 --> 00:15:45,362
Did you?
460
00:15:45,362 --> 00:15:47,155
[laughing loudly]
461
00:15:47,155 --> 00:15:50,241
[man laughs]
462
00:15:50,325 --> 00:15:51,660
[woman chuckles]
463
00:15:51,660 --> 00:15:54,704
[gasps] Oh, here's
my dear Helen. Hello, Helen.
464
00:15:54,788 --> 00:15:57,123
- Hello, Sophie.
- [Sophie] Just meeting
465
00:15:57,207 --> 00:15:59,793
with my manager. [chuckles]
How's Leslie?
466
00:15:59,793 --> 00:16:02,962
Still on the ventilator.
Somebody opened her window.
467
00:16:03,046 --> 00:16:04,214
Well, that's against the rules.
468
00:16:04,214 --> 00:16:05,757
- They're looking into it.
- [Sophie] Mm.
469
00:16:05,757 --> 00:16:06,758
Ta, now.
470
00:16:06,758 --> 00:16:09,010
See you at shuffleboard.
[chuckles]
471
00:16:09,094 --> 00:16:11,054
- [woman screams]
- Holy fuck!
472
00:16:11,054 --> 00:16:12,555
You get used to it.
473
00:16:12,639 --> 00:16:15,100
Look at us.
474
00:16:15,100 --> 00:16:18,895
Mm. A couple of birdies
in the cuckoo's nest.
475
00:16:18,895 --> 00:16:21,398
So, Sophie, I'm visiting, yes,
476
00:16:21,398 --> 00:16:23,483
- but there's another reason I'm here.
- Dawes?
477
00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:26,236
- Yes, ma'am.
- I believe it's time for my pills.
478
00:16:26,236 --> 00:16:29,406
Your timing is impeccable,
ma'am, as always.
479
00:16:29,406 --> 00:16:31,074
It is.
480
00:16:35,078 --> 00:16:36,830
[Susie] Look, Sophie,
481
00:16:36,830 --> 00:16:39,249
you seem like you're doing well,
and I'm happy about that.
482
00:16:39,249 --> 00:16:40,625
Would you like
one of the yellow ones?
483
00:16:40,709 --> 00:16:42,293
I don't like the yellow ones.
484
00:16:42,377 --> 00:16:44,212
We have a piece of business
we need to do.
485
00:16:44,212 --> 00:16:46,548
Uh, it's something
for you to sign.
486
00:16:46,548 --> 00:16:48,216
Mm, you want my autograph?
487
00:16:48,216 --> 00:16:50,927
Kind of. It's...
[clears throat]
488
00:16:50,927 --> 00:16:52,595
just a document that says
489
00:16:52,679 --> 00:16:55,098
we're no longer in any kind
of business together.
490
00:16:55,098 --> 00:16:56,725
A lawyer looked it over
and everything.
491
00:16:56,725 --> 00:16:58,685
Um, it's kind of a formality
492
00:16:58,685 --> 00:17:00,603
since, you know,
we're never gonna have
493
00:17:00,687 --> 00:17:02,522
anything to do with each other
ever again.
494
00:17:02,522 --> 00:17:04,023
But you're my manager.
495
00:17:04,107 --> 00:17:05,525
[woman screams]
496
00:17:05,525 --> 00:17:07,152
I'm not your manager.
497
00:17:07,152 --> 00:17:08,653
You got me on Broadway.
498
00:17:08,737 --> 00:17:10,530
My manager did that.
499
00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:12,240
- I'm not your manager.
- [Sophie] So many adventures
500
00:17:12,240 --> 00:17:13,616
before us.
501
00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:16,453
Me and my manager.
502
00:17:16,453 --> 00:17:18,246
I am not your manager.
503
00:17:18,246 --> 00:17:19,873
- You are.
- I'm not.
504
00:17:23,376 --> 00:17:25,378
Read this.
505
00:17:28,798 --> 00:17:30,216
Well?
506
00:17:30,300 --> 00:17:32,302
It's a dissolution
of your partnership,
507
00:17:32,302 --> 00:17:37,140
- ma'am.
- Is this really what you want?
508
00:17:37,140 --> 00:17:38,475
Yes.
509
00:17:38,475 --> 00:17:39,559
Fine.
510
00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:41,644
[woman whistles, shouts]
511
00:17:53,323 --> 00:17:55,325
[woman screams]
512
00:17:55,325 --> 00:17:57,410
It's time for my soapy bath.
513
00:18:11,216 --> 00:18:13,593
[man] Lucille!
514
00:18:13,593 --> 00:18:16,054
Hold it, Lucille!
515
00:18:16,054 --> 00:18:18,139
[typewriter clacking]
516
00:18:23,686 --> 00:18:25,230
[carriage returns, bell dings]
517
00:18:25,230 --> 00:18:26,898
[clacking continues]
518
00:18:26,898 --> 00:18:28,566
- [thud]
- [Midge] Ow!
519
00:18:32,070 --> 00:18:34,989
Miriam. Knock, please.
It's a bathroom.
520
00:18:35,073 --> 00:18:36,074
My bathroom.
521
00:18:36,074 --> 00:18:37,659
You said
the bathrooms were communal.
522
00:18:37,659 --> 00:18:39,035
Is that no longer the case?
523
00:18:39,035 --> 00:18:41,329
Yes, but why are you working
in my... the...
524
00:18:41,329 --> 00:18:43,122
- our bathroom?
- Miriam,
525
00:18:43,206 --> 00:18:45,291
I have no study,
and I need a writing space.
526
00:18:45,375 --> 00:18:47,961
And it needs to be cozy because
I'm creative when I'm cozy.
527
00:18:47,961 --> 00:18:51,005
But your... our other bathroom
is the same size.
528
00:18:51,089 --> 00:18:53,758
But too close to the room where
your mother is trying to sleep.
529
00:18:53,842 --> 00:18:56,177
This would wake her up,
and that would be rude.
530
00:18:56,261 --> 00:18:58,263
Yes, you wouldn't
want to be rude.
531
00:19:00,932 --> 00:19:03,101
You have no red pens.
532
00:19:04,435 --> 00:19:06,521
Anything else?
533
00:19:08,773 --> 00:19:09,816
Door!
534
00:19:09,816 --> 00:19:11,901
[typewriter clacking]
535
00:19:13,528 --> 00:19:15,446
[dishes clattering]
536
00:19:15,530 --> 00:19:17,448
[sighs]
537
00:19:17,532 --> 00:19:19,450
[TV playing indistinctly]
538
00:19:19,534 --> 00:19:21,202
Mama. You're up.
539
00:19:21,286 --> 00:19:23,037
And reorganizing my kitchen.
540
00:19:23,121 --> 00:19:26,040
Everything was jammed
onto freakishly low shelves
541
00:19:26,124 --> 00:19:27,542
because your
vertically challenged friend
542
00:19:27,542 --> 00:19:30,044
- organized it that way.
- I thought the layout worked.
543
00:19:30,128 --> 00:19:32,547
For Tom Thumb, yes,
or the Lollipop Guild,
544
00:19:32,547 --> 00:19:34,966
- but not for normal-sized people.
- Got it.
545
00:19:34,966 --> 00:19:37,302
- Isobel?
- Imogene.
546
00:19:37,302 --> 00:19:39,554
Papa! Mama's up!
547
00:19:39,554 --> 00:19:42,223
[TV announcer] ...all kinds
of new toys to play with.
548
00:19:42,307 --> 00:19:44,976
Monkey Sticks!
Ask for 'em by name.
549
00:19:44,976 --> 00:19:48,354
Monkey Sticks!
Only 98 cents.
550
00:19:48,438 --> 00:19:49,689
Monkey Sticks...
551
00:19:49,689 --> 00:19:51,316
What do you want
for breakfast, Ethan?
552
00:19:51,316 --> 00:19:52,734
Cereal.
553
00:19:52,734 --> 00:19:55,403
You're consistent.
I like that about you.
554
00:19:56,404 --> 00:19:58,031
[Deborah] Welcome back,
everyone.
555
00:19:58,031 --> 00:20:00,116
[Harris] If you're here
in New York, you can get...
556
00:20:00,116 --> 00:20:01,993
- [door creaks] - ...along with a legion of champion divers,
557
00:20:01,993 --> 00:20:03,536
gorgeous mermaids
and aqua-maniacs...
558
00:20:03,620 --> 00:20:05,038
Mama?
559
00:20:05,038 --> 00:20:07,832
- Did you bring the milk in?
- [Rose] I did not!
560
00:20:07,916 --> 00:20:10,460
- [Deborah] Lots of fun for the whole family.
- Shit.
561
00:20:10,460 --> 00:20:12,003
[Harris] You know a great way
to beat the heat and the traffic
562
00:20:12,003 --> 00:20:14,923
this holiday weekend,
no matter where you live?
563
00:20:16,966 --> 00:20:18,927
- [elevator bell chimes]
- [elevator door opens]
564
00:20:18,927 --> 00:20:20,386
- [Julie] Miriam.
- [Midge] Oh!
565
00:20:20,470 --> 00:20:22,639
Jesus Christ!
Sneaking up on me, huh?
566
00:20:22,639 --> 00:20:24,223
We just went for a walk.
567
00:20:24,307 --> 00:20:25,934
Ah.
568
00:20:25,934 --> 00:20:27,101
[elevator door closes]
569
00:20:27,185 --> 00:20:28,686
This.
570
00:20:28,770 --> 00:20:31,606
I was afraid it would spoil
if it was out here much longer,
571
00:20:31,606 --> 00:20:33,900
so I was just gonna pop it
in my fridge till you got back.
572
00:20:33,900 --> 00:20:35,735
I was gonna do that
for everybody on the floor.
573
00:20:35,735 --> 00:20:37,695
I'm like the Milk Fairy.
But you're back.
574
00:20:37,779 --> 00:20:40,531
So no need to do that.
575
00:20:40,615 --> 00:20:42,200
Here you go.
576
00:20:43,701 --> 00:20:46,621
- Enjoy your milk.
- Nice to see you. [chuckles]
577
00:20:46,621 --> 00:20:51,042
Oh, and so nice your parents
bought your place back for you.
578
00:20:51,042 --> 00:20:52,502
[door closes]
579
00:20:52,502 --> 00:20:54,170
[line rings]
580
00:20:54,170 --> 00:20:55,880
[Gus] Anson Farms. Gus speaking.
581
00:20:55,964 --> 00:20:58,716
Hi, Gus. This is Miriam Maisel
at 385 Riverside.
582
00:20:58,800 --> 00:21:01,469
Something happened with
our milk delivery this morning.
583
00:21:01,469 --> 00:21:03,346
Yes. Maisel, 385 Riverside.
584
00:21:03,346 --> 00:21:05,139
I was gonna call you
about your account.
585
00:21:05,223 --> 00:21:07,976
- What about it?
- Says here you have no credit history with us.
586
00:21:07,976 --> 00:21:09,852
But that's not right. We had an
account with you for five years.
587
00:21:09,936 --> 00:21:12,063
But it's your husband
who had the account. Uh,
588
00:21:12,063 --> 00:21:14,232
Joel Maisel. That's
who we had the account with.
589
00:21:14,232 --> 00:21:18,111
Right. And I'm Mrs. Joel Maisel.
His wife at the time.
590
00:21:18,111 --> 00:21:20,321
Well, he paid the tab,
so it was his credit.
591
00:21:20,405 --> 00:21:21,739
It was our credit.
592
00:21:21,823 --> 00:21:23,449
And you're basically starting
from scratch,
593
00:21:23,533 --> 00:21:24,951
so we need some cash up front.
594
00:21:24,951 --> 00:21:27,120
- Sorry.
- I can't pour "sorry" on cereal.
595
00:21:27,120 --> 00:21:29,747
Gus, just deliver me
some goddam milk.
596
00:21:29,831 --> 00:21:31,749
- Miriam.
- Ma'am, it's company policy.
597
00:21:31,833 --> 00:21:33,292
There's nothing I can do
about it.
598
00:21:33,376 --> 00:21:36,629
Well, that's very nice. Gus.
599
00:21:36,713 --> 00:21:38,798
Do you want to know something,
Gus?
600
00:21:38,798 --> 00:21:41,759
Your milk
is really not that delicious.
601
00:21:41,843 --> 00:21:43,886
- I'm sorry to hear that.
- Kind of tastes like cow piss.
602
00:21:43,970 --> 00:21:45,888
- Miriam.
- And your butter has a chemical stink.
603
00:21:45,972 --> 00:21:48,182
- Ma'am.
- You just have some inferior cows, Gus.
604
00:21:48,266 --> 00:21:51,269
- Ma'am, I...
- Just one ex-customer's opinion, Gus.
605
00:21:51,269 --> 00:21:52,770
Ma'am, there's no...
606
00:21:53,980 --> 00:21:55,982
[TV announcer] But think of the
picture you'll get in your home.
607
00:21:55,982 --> 00:21:57,775
Even on a difficult reception...
608
00:21:57,859 --> 00:22:00,153
It's toast or a banana, kid. Pick.
609
00:22:00,153 --> 00:22:02,030
[Ethan] No!
610
00:22:02,030 --> 00:22:04,615
I don't want toast!
611
00:22:04,699 --> 00:22:07,618
[TV announcer] ...picture tubes.
As low as $139.95.
612
00:22:07,702 --> 00:22:10,246
See them
at your RCA Victor dealer's.
613
00:22:10,246 --> 00:22:12,081
[Harris] Welcome back, everyone.
614
00:22:12,165 --> 00:22:14,083
- Some big news just crossed the wires.
- [Esther] One.
615
00:22:14,167 --> 00:22:16,085
It's a fucking man's world, sweetie.
616
00:22:16,169 --> 00:22:17,295
- [Esther] Okay. - International singing sensation
617
00:22:17,295 --> 00:22:19,088
and proud son of Harlem
Shy Baldwin
618
00:22:19,172 --> 00:22:21,090
is getting married.
619
00:22:21,174 --> 00:22:23,676
[Deborah] So many
brokenhearted ladies out there.
620
00:22:23,760 --> 00:22:25,344
[Harris] Shy surprised
his longtime girlfriend,
621
00:22:25,428 --> 00:22:27,764
Monica Johnson, by inviting her
onstage in Paris,
622
00:22:27,764 --> 00:22:30,391
getting down on one knee,
and popping the question
623
00:22:30,475 --> 00:22:32,101
in front of 3,000 rabid fans.
624
00:22:32,185 --> 00:22:33,394
[Deborah] Très romantique.
625
00:22:33,478 --> 00:22:34,812
[Harris] The nuptials
are said to be happening
626
00:22:34,896 --> 00:22:36,814
here in New York City
when Shy gets a break
627
00:22:36,898 --> 00:22:38,274
from his European tour dates.
628
00:22:38,274 --> 00:22:40,485
We'll let you know
when we get more details.
629
00:22:40,485 --> 00:22:42,028
[Deborah] In the meantime,
congratulations
630
00:22:42,028 --> 00:22:43,696
to the happy couple.
631
00:22:43,780 --> 00:22:45,782
[Harris] Guess it's a good thing
she said yes with 3,000
632
00:22:45,782 --> 00:22:47,450
- fans and witnesses.
- [footsteps approaching]
633
00:22:47,450 --> 00:22:49,911
[Deborah] As if anyone would
turn down Shy Baldwin.
634
00:22:49,911 --> 00:22:51,954
[loud bang]
635
00:22:55,291 --> 00:22:57,293
[panting]
636
00:23:06,594 --> 00:23:08,221
[typewriter clacking]
637
00:23:08,221 --> 00:23:10,306
[crying]
638
00:23:12,683 --> 00:23:14,685
[phone ringing]
639
00:23:17,688 --> 00:23:20,108
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
640
00:23:20,108 --> 00:23:22,193
- Hello? - [Tess] Hey, sis.
641
00:23:22,193 --> 00:23:23,778
- Good news.
- Good news?
642
00:23:23,778 --> 00:23:25,780
- What, the check? - They're cutting it today.
643
00:23:25,780 --> 00:23:28,282
That's business talk.
When they write checks,
644
00:23:28,366 --> 00:23:29,534
they don't say
they're writing them.
645
00:23:29,534 --> 00:23:30,785
They say they're cutting them.
646
00:23:30,785 --> 00:23:32,286
You're a fucking miracle worker.
647
00:23:32,370 --> 00:23:34,539
Thank you.
And, hey, I have a new job.
648
00:23:34,539 --> 00:23:35,832
Wow. Where?
649
00:23:35,832 --> 00:23:38,334
Here. At the insurance office.
Hi, Marcie.
650
00:23:38,334 --> 00:23:39,919
- [Marcie] Hi. - What insurance office?
651
00:23:39,919 --> 00:23:42,338
Our insurance office, dope.
652
00:23:42,338 --> 00:23:44,966
Tess, how is it you're working
at our insurance office?
653
00:23:44,966 --> 00:23:46,759
- Mr. B hired me. - To do what?
654
00:23:46,843 --> 00:23:48,678
To be a secretary person.
655
00:23:48,678 --> 00:23:51,222
- Impossible. - Look, I did what you said.
656
00:23:51,222 --> 00:23:52,974
I slept with Mr. B,
and he was like,
657
00:23:52,974 --> 00:23:54,392
"Okay, the check's yours.
658
00:23:54,392 --> 00:23:55,893
You'll have it Friday.
Let's do it again."
659
00:23:55,977 --> 00:23:56,978
Okay, for the record,
660
00:23:56,978 --> 00:23:58,396
I did not tell you
to sleep with him.
661
00:23:58,396 --> 00:23:59,647
I thought you did.
662
00:23:59,647 --> 00:24:01,983
I said "flirt."
I didn't say "sleep."
663
00:24:01,983 --> 00:24:03,943
Anyway,
now we're seeing each other,
664
00:24:03,943 --> 00:24:05,444
so he was like,
"You want a job?"
665
00:24:05,528 --> 00:24:08,072
And I said, "Yeah, as long as
I don't have to work that hard."
666
00:24:08,156 --> 00:24:10,741
And he said, "No problem."
I just need to do stuff to him
667
00:24:10,825 --> 00:24:12,493
in the bathroom
during lunch sometimes,
668
00:24:12,577 --> 00:24:13,744
but I'm good with that.
669
00:24:13,828 --> 00:24:15,246
I'm sorry,
let me get this straight.
670
00:24:15,246 --> 00:24:17,874
You are working at the insurance
office that we defrauded
671
00:24:17,874 --> 00:24:20,334
and occasionally doing stuff
to the insurance agent
672
00:24:20,418 --> 00:24:22,420
who's now technically
in on the fraud?
673
00:24:22,420 --> 00:24:24,672
That's what happens sometimes
when you sleep with guys.
674
00:24:24,672 --> 00:24:26,549
I did not tell you
to sleep with the guy!
675
00:24:26,549 --> 00:24:29,260
Don't yell. Come on,
you started the whole thing
676
00:24:29,260 --> 00:24:30,803
when you stole
your client's money.
677
00:24:30,887 --> 00:24:33,055
I didn't steal it.
I borrowed it.
678
00:24:33,139 --> 00:24:35,600
But if you borrow it
without telling someone,
679
00:24:35,600 --> 00:24:36,976
isn't that stealing?
680
00:24:36,976 --> 00:24:38,060
Are you at the office now
681
00:24:38,144 --> 00:24:39,103
where people can hear you?
682
00:24:39,187 --> 00:24:40,855
Yeah. What's shaking, Kyle?
683
00:24:40,855 --> 00:24:42,148
Then shut the fuck up!
684
00:24:42,148 --> 00:24:43,357
What a hothead.
685
00:24:43,441 --> 00:24:45,276
I got to go.
Say hello to your husband.
686
00:24:45,276 --> 00:24:47,612
Oh, sure.
He's thrilled I got a job.
687
00:24:47,612 --> 00:24:50,114
Just get me that check pronto.
688
00:24:51,115 --> 00:24:53,117
[phone rings]
689
00:24:54,702 --> 00:24:56,037
Hello?
690
00:24:56,037 --> 00:24:57,663
[Midge] It's me.
691
00:24:57,747 --> 00:24:59,707
Miriam? You sound weird.
692
00:24:59,707 --> 00:25:01,709
They wouldn't increase
my milk tab.
693
00:25:01,709 --> 00:25:03,502
- Your what?
- My milk tab.
694
00:25:03,586 --> 00:25:05,338
They'd increase it for Joel
but not for me
695
00:25:05,338 --> 00:25:07,006
because the original credit
wasn't under my name.
696
00:25:07,006 --> 00:25:08,758
So now to get milk,
I have to pay money,
697
00:25:08,758 --> 00:25:12,053
and I don't know why I'm
taking it so badly, but I am.
698
00:25:12,053 --> 00:25:14,222
I'm sorry, they let you get milk
without paying for it?
699
00:25:14,222 --> 00:25:15,806
How the fuck
did I not know about this?
700
00:25:15,890 --> 00:25:17,016
I don't know. Susie, yesterday,
701
00:25:17,016 --> 00:25:18,559
I was feeling
on top of the world,
702
00:25:18,643 --> 00:25:20,937
and right now I'm feeling
like nothing is gonna work out.
703
00:25:20,937 --> 00:25:22,980
I was fucking insane
to take this apartment,
704
00:25:23,064 --> 00:25:25,441
and my mother's
turning my kitchen upside down,
705
00:25:25,441 --> 00:25:29,028
and my father's in the bathroom,
topless, using my lipstick.
706
00:25:29,028 --> 00:25:31,364
- Wait, what? - Why did I buy this apartment?
707
00:25:31,364 --> 00:25:33,783
Correction. I didn't buy it.
My parents bought it,
708
00:25:33,783 --> 00:25:36,035
which makes me the schnorrer,
and I don't even get credit.
709
00:25:36,035 --> 00:25:37,703
Any kind of credit.
710
00:25:37,787 --> 00:25:39,789
And I pinched my daughter.
I should be up on charges.
711
00:25:39,789 --> 00:25:40,998
You want me to come over?
712
00:25:41,082 --> 00:25:42,792
Oh, and you know L. Roy Dunham
713
00:25:42,792 --> 00:25:44,585
slammed me in his column again?
714
00:25:44,669 --> 00:25:47,004
- Yeah, I saw it. - He was raving
715
00:25:47,088 --> 00:25:48,839
about some comic at the Copa
and said the guy's act
716
00:25:48,923 --> 00:25:51,175
was unlike
the unfunny meanderings
717
00:25:51,259 --> 00:25:53,427
of no one's favorite
Mrs. Maisel.
718
00:25:53,511 --> 00:25:54,553
He writes about me
719
00:25:54,637 --> 00:25:56,264
even when he's not writing
about me.
720
00:25:56,264 --> 00:25:58,891
Actually, he said,
"The deeply unfunny meanderings
721
00:25:58,975 --> 00:26:00,768
of no one's favorite
Mrs. Maisel."
722
00:26:00,768 --> 00:26:02,770
- You memorized it?
- No, I have the paper.
723
00:26:02,770 --> 00:26:04,605
Look, the guy's a dickhead.
Just forget about him.
724
00:26:04,689 --> 00:26:06,732
Wait till he hears
I can't afford milk for my kids.
725
00:26:06,816 --> 00:26:10,319
They'll be short and arthritic,
and Imogene will come
726
00:26:10,403 --> 00:26:12,989
and arrange their kitchens
for them and the Lollipop Guild,
727
00:26:12,989 --> 00:26:15,074
and Ethan's gonna get made fun
of every day of his life
728
00:26:15,074 --> 00:26:16,826
because I couldn't get him milk
for his cereal.
729
00:26:16,826 --> 00:26:20,162
That's what's happening.
That is my life.
730
00:26:20,246 --> 00:26:22,164
- [grunts, panting]
- Why are you grunting?
731
00:26:22,248 --> 00:26:23,833
I put my bed
732
00:26:23,833 --> 00:26:25,251
in a different place,
but, of course,
733
00:26:25,251 --> 00:26:26,627
it doesn't work there.
It's got to go
734
00:26:26,711 --> 00:26:28,921
back where it was when Joel,
who's got
735
00:26:29,005 --> 00:26:31,549
this phenomenal credit history
with the milk company,
736
00:26:31,549 --> 00:26:33,134
lived here,
which wasn't the point.
737
00:26:33,134 --> 00:26:36,053
And I-I really burned a bridge
with Gus.
738
00:26:36,137 --> 00:26:37,888
"Cow piss."
739
00:26:37,972 --> 00:26:39,223
I'm a monster.
740
00:26:39,307 --> 00:26:40,808
You know what's gonna happen,
don't you?
741
00:26:40,808 --> 00:26:42,560
- What? - I'm either gonna wind up
742
00:26:42,560 --> 00:26:44,353
married to Joel again,
although I don't know
743
00:26:44,437 --> 00:26:45,855
how his girlfriend's gonna feel
about that,
744
00:26:45,855 --> 00:26:47,148
or I better start
trolling hospitals
745
00:26:47,148 --> 00:26:48,858
for a nice doctor right now,
746
00:26:48,858 --> 00:26:51,694
because this is not good.
747
00:26:51,694 --> 00:26:54,280
I got some milk here. I can
bring it. It's only a week old.
748
00:26:54,280 --> 00:26:55,489
No, thank you.
749
00:26:55,573 --> 00:26:57,033
Because I should
get off the phone
750
00:26:57,033 --> 00:27:00,369
and go force-feed my son
some dry toast.
751
00:27:00,453 --> 00:27:02,038
- [line disconnects]
- Miriam.
752
00:27:11,005 --> 00:27:13,424
Thanks, Sal.
753
00:27:23,434 --> 00:27:25,561
Thought your wife didn't want
you eating those things.
754
00:27:25,561 --> 00:27:27,271
Called them
heart attacks on a stick.
755
00:27:27,355 --> 00:27:29,523
- I'm between wives.
- That's too bad.
756
00:27:29,607 --> 00:27:31,692
What's that make it now?
Four? Five?
757
00:27:31,776 --> 00:27:33,861
- Let's see, the first one was Susan.
- Sandra.
758
00:27:33,861 --> 00:27:35,404
Thought the last one was Sandra.
759
00:27:35,488 --> 00:27:37,114
I married two Sandras.
760
00:27:37,198 --> 00:27:38,407
You're making it difficult.
761
00:27:38,491 --> 00:27:40,826
The first Sandra
was a dope fiend.
762
00:27:40,910 --> 00:27:43,412
Then Dotty.
She left you for Hal Roach.
763
00:27:43,496 --> 00:27:46,082
Then you went international
with the flamenco dancer,
764
00:27:46,082 --> 00:27:48,125
Conchita what's-her-name.
765
00:27:48,209 --> 00:27:49,627
She also left you for Hal Roach.
766
00:27:49,627 --> 00:27:52,129
Then the second Sandra
with the bouncing bazoombas.
767
00:27:52,213 --> 00:27:54,298
Now, was there one
between Dotty and Conchita?
768
00:27:54,382 --> 00:27:56,425
Look, Susie,
if-if you want to walk with me,
769
00:27:56,509 --> 00:27:58,719
walk with me, all right?
Don't fucking stalk me.
770
00:27:58,803 --> 00:28:00,721
Okay.
771
00:28:00,805 --> 00:28:04,100
So, talk to me.
Why are you here?
772
00:28:04,100 --> 00:28:05,518
It's Sophie.
773
00:28:05,518 --> 00:28:07,853
Oh. Color me shocked.
774
00:28:07,937 --> 00:28:09,688
[sighs] Man, she's snapped
or something, Harry.
775
00:28:09,772 --> 00:28:10,981
Worse than ever.
776
00:28:11,065 --> 00:28:13,109
We're talking
full-on Frances Farmer.
777
00:28:13,109 --> 00:28:15,194
She at that nut farm of hers?
778
00:28:15,194 --> 00:28:16,529
Yeah,
I went to see her up there.
779
00:28:16,529 --> 00:28:18,197
Tried to get her to sign
a release form.
780
00:28:18,197 --> 00:28:20,116
Something legal.
She won't do it.
781
00:28:20,116 --> 00:28:22,576
Oh. Just-just run out the clock.
782
00:28:22,660 --> 00:28:24,954
She's flamed out.
It's over for her.
783
00:28:24,954 --> 00:28:26,497
Boy. Cold.
784
00:28:26,497 --> 00:28:28,165
Hey, it's a cold biz, baby.
785
00:28:28,249 --> 00:28:30,668
[sighs] I should've listened
to you, Harry. You were right.
786
00:28:30,668 --> 00:28:32,920
I'm always right.
Don't you know that by now?
787
00:28:32,920 --> 00:28:34,422
In your own fucked-up way,
788
00:28:34,422 --> 00:28:36,340
you tried to warn me off
getting into business with her.
789
00:28:36,424 --> 00:28:38,217
Yeah. Well,
you got to go through
790
00:28:38,217 --> 00:28:39,718
what you got to go through.
791
00:28:39,802 --> 00:28:41,429
Oh, here's my bench.
792
00:28:47,059 --> 00:28:48,436
You like my bench?
793
00:28:48,436 --> 00:28:51,480
- How is this your bench?
- Read the plaque.
794
00:28:51,564 --> 00:28:54,650
"Harry Drake, how sweet it is."
795
00:28:54,650 --> 00:28:56,152
A gift from Gleason.
796
00:28:56,152 --> 00:28:58,779
And look at this view.
It's beautiful, isn't it?
797
00:28:58,863 --> 00:29:00,781
I can see two
of the three penthouses
798
00:29:00,865 --> 00:29:03,033
I lost to wives from here.
799
00:29:05,744 --> 00:29:07,163
What?
800
00:29:07,163 --> 00:29:08,747
You got her on Broadway.
801
00:29:08,831 --> 00:29:11,750
But it was a disaster.
The Hindenburg times six.
802
00:29:11,834 --> 00:29:14,044
But if Sophie
was a little less crazy
803
00:29:14,128 --> 00:29:16,422
and if you had just gotten her
past opening night,
804
00:29:16,422 --> 00:29:18,632
- you'd be a fucking legend.
- Wasn't meant to be.
805
00:29:18,716 --> 00:29:20,593
And then I'd be stalking you
in the park.
806
00:29:20,593 --> 00:29:22,678
[chuckles]
I got ten Broadway investors
807
00:29:22,678 --> 00:29:25,097
- threatening to sue me.
- Oh, piss in a pot.
808
00:29:25,181 --> 00:29:26,932
What week am I not being sued?
809
00:29:27,016 --> 00:29:30,269
Look, this is the most
goddamn litigious business
810
00:29:30,269 --> 00:29:32,313
in the most
goddamn litigious city
811
00:29:32,313 --> 00:29:35,107
in the most goddamn
litigious country in the world.
812
00:29:35,191 --> 00:29:37,318
It's America.
813
00:29:37,318 --> 00:29:40,613
- So, how's your girl doing?
- Well, that's my other problem.
814
00:29:40,613 --> 00:29:42,281
I don't know
what the hell to do with her.
815
00:29:42,281 --> 00:29:44,074
Oh, yeah, the Shy Baldwin thing.
816
00:29:44,158 --> 00:29:45,868
That's rough, kid.
That-That's rough.
817
00:29:45,868 --> 00:29:48,120
Well, now she's got this idea
of how she wants to go forward,
818
00:29:48,204 --> 00:29:50,956
this whole master plan
I can't make heads or tails of.
819
00:29:51,040 --> 00:29:52,500
- We're stuck.
- Well,
820
00:29:52,500 --> 00:29:53,876
- then dump her.
- What?
821
00:29:53,876 --> 00:29:56,337
Dump her. Move on.
Find someone new.
822
00:29:56,337 --> 00:29:57,838
Not gonna dump her, Harry.
823
00:29:57,922 --> 00:30:00,424
Still believe in her.
More than ever.
824
00:30:00,508 --> 00:30:02,676
She's got something. I know it.
825
00:30:02,760 --> 00:30:04,887
She's just
so fucking headstrong.
826
00:30:04,887 --> 00:30:06,096
But if you're not gonna
dump her,
827
00:30:06,180 --> 00:30:08,933
then get her ass
back out on stage now.
828
00:30:08,933 --> 00:30:11,894
But she's being so picky.
She likes basket houses.
829
00:30:11,894 --> 00:30:13,812
Oh, no booze, no money.
830
00:30:13,896 --> 00:30:16,398
- You don't have to tell me.
- Don't listen to her, Susie.
831
00:30:16,482 --> 00:30:18,317
Look, comedians are crazy.
832
00:30:18,317 --> 00:30:20,486
Every last fucking one of them.
833
00:30:20,486 --> 00:30:21,779
They make idiotic decisions.
834
00:30:21,779 --> 00:30:23,739
They miss the forest
for the trees.
835
00:30:23,739 --> 00:30:26,116
So, she's pouted.
She's vented. You listened.
836
00:30:26,200 --> 00:30:28,536
Now go get her
back out on stage.
837
00:30:28,536 --> 00:30:29,912
Yeah. You're right.
838
00:30:29,912 --> 00:30:32,164
- And start diversifying.
- Huh?
839
00:30:32,248 --> 00:30:34,166
Get yourself some more clients.
840
00:30:34,250 --> 00:30:36,585
Listen, I-I got to go.
841
00:30:36,669 --> 00:30:38,254
You know, I leave the office
for five minutes,
842
00:30:38,254 --> 00:30:39,505
a dozen fires break out.
843
00:30:39,505 --> 00:30:42,049
Hey, thanks, Harry.
Really. Thanks.
844
00:30:42,049 --> 00:30:44,301
And those Broadway guys?
I'm gonna make some calls.
845
00:30:44,385 --> 00:30:46,387
The suing will stop.
846
00:30:46,387 --> 00:30:49,598
- Really?
- People are talking about you, Susie.
847
00:30:49,682 --> 00:30:51,433
- [chuckles] Nothing good.
- Hey,
848
00:30:51,517 --> 00:30:52,810
it doesn't matter
what they're saying
849
00:30:52,810 --> 00:30:55,062
as long as they're saying it.
850
00:30:56,480 --> 00:30:58,857
The San Remo. Twelve rooms,
851
00:30:58,941 --> 00:31:01,485
seven bathrooms,
maids' quarters.
852
00:31:01,569 --> 00:31:04,196
That's the one that hurt.
853
00:31:04,280 --> 00:31:07,283
- I'll see you.
- See you.
854
00:31:08,951 --> 00:31:10,953
[knocking on door]
855
00:31:11,954 --> 00:31:13,956
Coming!
856
00:31:15,958 --> 00:31:17,209
- Let's go.
- What?
857
00:31:17,293 --> 00:31:18,669
Right now. Let's go.
We're going out.
858
00:31:18,669 --> 00:31:20,337
- Out where?
- Don't think.
859
00:31:20,421 --> 00:31:21,630
Don't talk. Just walk.
860
00:31:21,714 --> 00:31:23,882
Uh... Okay, fine.
861
00:31:23,966 --> 00:31:25,342
I'll be right back.
862
00:31:25,426 --> 00:31:26,927
Wrong way. Where you going?
863
00:31:27,011 --> 00:31:28,345
- To grab a hat.
- No, don't,
864
00:31:28,429 --> 00:31:30,180
- 'cause it won't be just a hat.
- Yes, it will.
865
00:31:30,264 --> 00:31:32,516
Do not change your wardrobe.
It's fine!
866
00:31:32,600 --> 00:31:34,685
- [Midge] Just a hat!
- It's never just a hat!
867
00:31:34,685 --> 00:31:36,729
[♪ The Rat Pack:
"We Open in Venice"]
868
00:31:38,355 --> 00:31:40,608
We open in Venice ♪
869
00:31:40,608 --> 00:31:42,610
We next play Verona ♪
870
00:31:42,610 --> 00:31:44,653
Then on to Cremona ♪
871
00:31:44,737 --> 00:31:47,072
♪ Lots of laughs in Cremona,
eh, boy ♪
872
00:31:47,156 --> 00:31:49,199
Our next jump in Parma ♪
873
00:31:49,283 --> 00:31:51,035
♪ That dopey, mopey menace...
874
00:31:51,035 --> 00:31:52,828
- Come on.
- I didn't know
875
00:31:52,828 --> 00:31:54,038
this is
where you were taking me.
876
00:31:54,038 --> 00:31:55,539
Where'd you think,
Howard Johnson's
877
00:31:55,623 --> 00:31:57,708
- for some fucking clams?
- I could go for some clams.
878
00:31:57,708 --> 00:31:59,043
- Get out.
- I like clams.
879
00:31:59,043 --> 00:32:01,545
- I will force you out.
- You're being so bossy.
880
00:32:01,629 --> 00:32:03,172
Get out and get in there.
881
00:32:03,172 --> 00:32:05,883
♪ Lots of bars in Cremona,
our next jump...
882
00:32:05,883 --> 00:32:07,926
- Under protest.
- Noted.
883
00:32:08,010 --> 00:32:09,470
♪ That tearless,
fearless menace...
884
00:32:09,470 --> 00:32:11,388
Thank God
you changed your outfit.
885
00:32:11,472 --> 00:32:13,057
- Really. - [audience laughing]
886
00:32:13,057 --> 00:32:15,392
Yeah, think about guys' names
on the Yankees, huh?
887
00:32:15,476 --> 00:32:18,312
Wouldn't it be something
if Whitey Ford drove a Chevy?
888
00:32:18,312 --> 00:32:21,690
Or if Mickey Mantle
had nowhere to put awards?
889
00:32:21,774 --> 00:32:23,484
Do you think Jim Coates
gets cold in the wintertime?
890
00:32:23,484 --> 00:32:24,652
Bobby, hey!
891
00:32:24,652 --> 00:32:26,320
- Yeah?
- [Susie] I brought my girl.
892
00:32:26,320 --> 00:32:28,405
- You make a cute couple.
- For a set.
893
00:32:28,489 --> 00:32:30,199
- Sorry, slots are gone.
- [Susie] So?
894
00:32:30,199 --> 00:32:31,241
- [Bobby] So?
- Bump someone.
895
00:32:31,325 --> 00:32:33,369
- [Bobby] Why?
- Are you serious?
896
00:32:33,369 --> 00:32:34,662
I had a girl comic here
last week.
897
00:32:34,662 --> 00:32:36,330
- Not this girl comic.
- Let's just go.
898
00:32:36,330 --> 00:32:38,082
Bobby, you know she kills.
899
00:32:38,082 --> 00:32:40,334
Even with an ass
full of Shy Baldwin shrapnel?
900
00:32:40,334 --> 00:32:42,294
- Fuck you.
- Oh, okay, now I'll give her a slot.
901
00:32:42,378 --> 00:32:43,420
- Really?
- [Bobby] No.
902
00:32:43,504 --> 00:32:44,922
But tell you what,
I'll be a sport.
903
00:32:44,922 --> 00:32:46,048
You can still come in
if you want.
904
00:32:46,048 --> 00:32:47,758
I'll even waive the cover.
Just drink.
905
00:32:47,758 --> 00:32:49,218
[David] ...this new pitcher
the Yankees just got...
906
00:32:49,218 --> 00:32:51,637
- Okay, that pisses me off.
- Pisses me off.
907
00:32:51,637 --> 00:32:54,056
- You want a drink?
- I need a drink.
908
00:32:54,056 --> 00:32:55,557
- Me, too.
- [David] ...but one hell of an arm.
909
00:32:55,641 --> 00:32:57,142
[audience laughs]
910
00:32:57,226 --> 00:33:00,104
Hey, any of you hear about
this big new book by Harper Lee?
911
00:33:00,104 --> 00:33:02,231
- [scattered cheers]
- Beer.
- Martini. Olives.
912
00:33:02,231 --> 00:33:03,649
Guess what
her favorite drink is.
913
00:33:03,649 --> 00:33:05,109
Tequila Mockingbird.
914
00:33:05,109 --> 00:33:07,236
- [audience laughs]
- Turns out we did go out for clams.
915
00:33:07,236 --> 00:33:08,821
[David] Okay, enough of me.
916
00:33:08,821 --> 00:33:10,656
Time to introduce
this very funny man
917
00:33:10,656 --> 00:33:12,866
all the way from Crown Heights.
918
00:33:12,950 --> 00:33:15,327
He even showered
before coming over. Here he is,
919
00:33:15,411 --> 00:33:17,538
the big guy, Noah Birnbaum.
920
00:33:17,538 --> 00:33:19,873
- [cheering and applause]
- Noah Birnbaum?
- [David] Come on out, Baum.
921
00:33:19,957 --> 00:33:23,419
- Noah Birnbaum.
- I'm sorry, Bobby wouldn't bump Noah Birnbaum for me?
922
00:33:23,419 --> 00:33:25,212
Have I fallen that far?
923
00:33:25,212 --> 00:33:28,132
No, Bobby's just being a fucking
little bunghole sissy-prick.
924
00:33:28,132 --> 00:33:29,842
You are what you eat.
925
00:33:29,842 --> 00:33:31,802
- Such a hack.
- Such a hack.
926
00:33:31,802 --> 00:33:34,346
- Hello, everybody. How you doing?
- [scattered replies]
927
00:33:34,430 --> 00:33:36,724
How does he choose
which generic salutation
928
00:33:36,724 --> 00:33:38,225
to pull out of his sack of hack?
929
00:33:38,225 --> 00:33:39,685
- Hack.
- Hack.
930
00:33:39,685 --> 00:33:41,437
- Everyone got your drinks, yeah?
- [man] Yeah!
931
00:33:41,437 --> 00:33:43,605
You know, a gentile's
favorite wine is cabernet.
932
00:33:43,689 --> 00:33:44,857
- Am I right?
- Oh, I know where this is going.
933
00:33:44,857 --> 00:33:46,400
A Jew's favorite whine is,
934
00:33:46,400 --> 00:33:48,360
- "It's too cold in here."
- "It's too cold in here." Hack.
935
00:33:48,444 --> 00:33:49,611
- [audience laughs]
- Hack.
- Hack.
936
00:33:49,695 --> 00:33:51,613
[Noah] I was walking by a church
with my friend Sid.
937
00:33:51,697 --> 00:33:54,491
There was a sign that said, "50
bucks if you become a Catholic."
938
00:33:54,575 --> 00:33:56,160
Sid's like, "I need some cash.
I'm going in."
939
00:33:56,160 --> 00:33:57,619
Fifteen minutes later,
940
00:33:57,703 --> 00:33:59,413
he comes back out,
and I say to him, "Sid,
941
00:33:59,413 --> 00:34:01,039
Sid, did you get the 50 bucks?"
942
00:34:01,123 --> 00:34:03,584
He looks at me,
shakes his head and says...
943
00:34:03,584 --> 00:34:05,502
[Noah and Midge] "You Jews. All
you ever think about is money."
944
00:34:05,586 --> 00:34:07,588
- [audience laughs]
- Ha ha ha, I'm Jewish.
945
00:34:07,588 --> 00:34:09,840
- Shh!
- [chuckles] That was loud.
946
00:34:09,840 --> 00:34:11,258
- Like I care a fuck. Another.
- [Noah] Okay.
947
00:34:11,258 --> 00:34:12,968
Moving on.
Kid comes home from school,
948
00:34:12,968 --> 00:34:14,970
tells his mom he got a part
in the school play.
949
00:34:14,970 --> 00:34:17,306
- She says, "What role did you get?"
- Behind my back.
950
00:34:17,306 --> 00:34:19,433
The kid says, "Jewish husband."
The mother says...
951
00:34:19,433 --> 00:34:21,351
[Noah and Midge] "You go back
and tell the teacher
952
00:34:21,435 --> 00:34:22,811
you want a speaking role."
953
00:34:22,895 --> 00:34:24,563
- [audience laughs]
- Nice.
954
00:34:24,563 --> 00:34:25,898
- [man] You think this is funny?
- Huh.
955
00:34:25,898 --> 00:34:27,900
Sounds like we got
a mockingbird in the audience.
956
00:34:27,900 --> 00:34:30,527
- What the fuck are you doing?
- Oh, we're having a little fun, Bobby-Boy.
957
00:34:30,611 --> 00:34:31,945
- Well, don't.
- [Noah] Wasn't a fair fight.
958
00:34:32,029 --> 00:34:33,781
Stewie, one more word,
and you throw them out.
959
00:34:33,781 --> 00:34:35,282
- [audience laughs]
- Killjoy.
960
00:34:35,282 --> 00:34:37,326
[Noah] I feel bad
for Moses having to lead
961
00:34:37,326 --> 00:34:39,912
a bunch of Jews through
the desert. What a headache.
962
00:34:39,912 --> 00:34:41,747
[Noah and Midge] No wonder
God gave him two tablets.
963
00:34:41,747 --> 00:34:44,333
[audience laughs]
964
00:34:44,333 --> 00:34:46,960
Ma? Pop? It's me!
965
00:34:47,044 --> 00:34:50,172
Joely! Oh, look at you
and your lazy man's load.
966
00:34:50,172 --> 00:34:51,632
Pop wanted five years
of returns.
967
00:34:51,632 --> 00:34:53,550
And your system
of two separate books
968
00:34:53,634 --> 00:34:54,885
makes it bulkier than I thought.
969
00:34:54,885 --> 00:34:56,929
Put those down. Put those down.
970
00:34:56,929 --> 00:34:58,889
You'll stay
and have something to eat.
971
00:34:58,889 --> 00:35:01,141
- Nah, I should bolt.
- That's not a question.
972
00:35:01,225 --> 00:35:03,185
That's an order.
You're too skinny.
973
00:35:03,185 --> 00:35:05,103
Uh, okay.
Maybe a little something.
974
00:35:05,187 --> 00:35:06,939
Smells good.
975
00:35:06,939 --> 00:35:08,982
Oh, yes.
I made all of your favorites.
976
00:35:10,901 --> 00:35:12,319
Oh, I totally forgot.
977
00:35:12,319 --> 00:35:16,156
Joely, this is Lena Brofmann
from up the street.
978
00:35:16,240 --> 00:35:18,283
She's a teacher at P.S. 144.
979
00:35:19,326 --> 00:35:21,328
- Say hi.
- Hi, Lena.
980
00:35:21,328 --> 00:35:23,247
- Hi, Joel.
- Sweetie, what do you teach again?
981
00:35:23,247 --> 00:35:25,332
Music. Harmony and composition.
982
00:35:25,332 --> 00:35:27,417
And I'm a classical flautist.
983
00:35:27,501 --> 00:35:28,710
- I was going to say.
- Hey, Ma...
984
00:35:28,794 --> 00:35:30,337
Joel owns a music club,
985
00:35:30,337 --> 00:35:32,631
so the two of you
have a lot in common.
986
00:35:32,631 --> 00:35:34,132
Isn't that wonderful?
987
00:35:34,216 --> 00:35:35,968
Come on, both of you.
988
00:35:35,968 --> 00:35:37,928
Sit, sit.
989
00:35:37,928 --> 00:35:39,596
Lena.
990
00:35:39,680 --> 00:35:41,473
- [Lena grunts softly]
- A little more?
991
00:35:41,557 --> 00:35:42,891
Yeah, a little more.
992
00:35:42,975 --> 00:35:44,601
- Joely, sit down.
- [Lena exhales]
993
00:35:44,685 --> 00:35:47,563
The two of you talk,
get to know each other.
994
00:35:47,563 --> 00:35:50,065
Dinner's almost out of the oven.
995
00:35:51,608 --> 00:35:55,070
- [classical music playing]
- Ow.
- You okay?
996
00:35:55,070 --> 00:35:58,615
Just someone saying,
"Hi, let me out."
997
00:35:58,699 --> 00:36:00,158
[both chuckle]
998
00:36:01,201 --> 00:36:02,911
Would you excuse me
for a second?
999
00:36:02,995 --> 00:36:04,037
Sure.
1000
00:36:08,458 --> 00:36:10,794
- Ma.
- Pretty, right?
1001
00:36:10,878 --> 00:36:12,880
You're out of your mind.
I'm not staying.
1002
00:36:12,880 --> 00:36:15,716
- Oh, you're staying.
- Why isn't there a back door in this place?
1003
00:36:15,716 --> 00:36:18,886
Two minutes ago, you could stay.
What changed?
1004
00:36:18,886 --> 00:36:20,596
- Lena Brofmann.
- What?
1005
00:36:20,596 --> 00:36:22,431
She's a pretty girl,
a talented musician.
1006
00:36:22,431 --> 00:36:25,017
- I wonder if she brought her flout.
- She's pregnant.
1007
00:36:25,017 --> 00:36:26,518
- Just a little.
- That kid
1008
00:36:26,602 --> 00:36:27,895
- is almost walking.
- Mm, needs salt.
1009
00:36:27,895 --> 00:36:29,354
I am not gonna date
a pregnant woman.
1010
00:36:29,438 --> 00:36:31,356
Oh, God, no,
there is no time to date.
1011
00:36:31,440 --> 00:36:32,733
I'll tell her I'm sick.
1012
00:36:32,733 --> 00:36:34,693
- And that you're nuts.
- Joel,
1013
00:36:34,693 --> 00:36:36,653
you're a divorced man
with two young children.
1014
00:36:36,737 --> 00:36:38,405
You own a nightclub
in Chinatown,
1015
00:36:38,405 --> 00:36:40,115
which is impossible to explain.
1016
00:36:40,115 --> 00:36:42,242
You can hardly afford
to be choosy.
1017
00:36:42,326 --> 00:36:44,286
- Ma...
- You need companionship.
1018
00:36:44,286 --> 00:36:47,456
Someone to be with.
A good woman makes a good man.
1019
00:36:47,456 --> 00:36:50,584
Where do you think
your father would be without me?
1020
00:36:50,584 --> 00:36:52,586
Watch it. Now,
you give me one good reason
1021
00:36:52,586 --> 00:36:53,837
why you cannot go out there
1022
00:36:53,921 --> 00:36:56,506
and have a nice meal
with that girl.
1023
00:36:57,549 --> 00:37:00,052
[sighs]
1024
00:37:06,892 --> 00:37:09,394
So...
1025
00:37:09,478 --> 00:37:12,105
- How do you like teaching?
- I love it.
1026
00:37:12,189 --> 00:37:14,066
Because I love kids.
1027
00:37:14,066 --> 00:37:16,777
[cheering and applause]
1028
00:37:16,777 --> 00:37:18,445
[David] All right,
everybody give it up
1029
00:37:18,445 --> 00:37:20,572
for a very funny man: me.
1030
00:37:20,656 --> 00:37:22,282
- [audience laughs]
- But give a little something
1031
00:37:22,366 --> 00:37:23,867
to my buddy Frankie Borden, too.
1032
00:37:23,951 --> 00:37:26,036
- Nice job, Frankie.
- [cheering and applause]
1033
00:37:26,036 --> 00:37:29,081
Frankie Borden should be drawn,
quartered, raped by a zebra.
1034
00:37:29,081 --> 00:37:32,292
- Frankie Borden, we hit bottom.
- [David] I've got
1035
00:37:32,376 --> 00:37:33,752
a very funny man coming up next.
1036
00:37:33,752 --> 00:37:36,296
Goes by the name of Billy Jones.
1037
00:37:36,380 --> 00:37:38,423
[cheering and applause]
1038
00:37:38,507 --> 00:37:41,093
Thank you. I did not birth him,
but I'll take it.
1039
00:37:41,093 --> 00:37:43,053
- [audience laughs]
- Billy Jones?
- Holy shit.
1040
00:37:43,053 --> 00:37:45,138
They've hit the bottom
of the bottom. Billy Jones.
1041
00:37:45,222 --> 00:37:46,556
But before he comes on,
let me fill you in
1042
00:37:46,640 --> 00:37:47,808
on some upcoming shows.
1043
00:37:47,808 --> 00:37:49,184
There he is.
1044
00:37:49,184 --> 00:37:50,727
[Susie] Oh,
he even stands like a hack.
1045
00:37:50,811 --> 00:37:52,396
[David] First off,
1046
00:37:52,396 --> 00:37:54,982
one night only.
We've got a real treat for you.
1047
00:37:54,982 --> 00:37:56,942
- Big Dave is headlining...
- [Midge] Even Billy's
1048
00:37:56,942 --> 00:37:58,652
- walking out on his act.
- [Susie chuckles]
1049
00:37:58,652 --> 00:38:00,779
Ugh, his terrible act.
1050
00:38:00,779 --> 00:38:02,948
- I hear it in my nightmares.
- [David] Catch him before he sneaks out to L.A.
1051
00:38:02,948 --> 00:38:04,700
- and out on his tab.
- [audience laughs]
1052
00:38:04,700 --> 00:38:06,368
I'll be right back.
1053
00:38:06,368 --> 00:38:08,245
- Wait, where are you going?
- [David] Back with us at 9:00
1054
00:38:08,245 --> 00:38:10,163
every night this week,
our house favorite,
1055
00:38:10,247 --> 00:38:12,124
Jess Clayton, returns
1056
00:38:12,124 --> 00:38:14,710
from his latest round
on the Vegas circuit.
1057
00:38:14,710 --> 00:38:17,462
If you like
an international contingent,
1058
00:38:17,546 --> 00:38:19,548
Wednesday, Thursday, Friday,
1059
00:38:19,548 --> 00:38:21,550
- headlining our 7:30 and 9:00 p.m. shows...
- [Susie clears throat]
1060
00:38:21,550 --> 00:38:23,135
What's with the grin?
1061
00:38:23,135 --> 00:38:25,178
Well, Billy Jones
stepped outside to smoke.
1062
00:38:25,262 --> 00:38:26,805
Now, I figure
we got a good ten minutes
1063
00:38:26,805 --> 00:38:28,932
before he figures the fuck out
how to walk around the building
1064
00:38:29,016 --> 00:38:30,434
- and come back in.
- What?
1065
00:38:30,434 --> 00:38:32,519
I locked him out.
[laughs]
1066
00:38:32,519 --> 00:38:34,229
You are a little stinker.
1067
00:38:34,229 --> 00:38:36,064
- Yeah.
- [David] So, here he comes.
1068
00:38:36,148 --> 00:38:37,816
He just got back
from a world tour
1069
00:38:37,816 --> 00:38:39,901
if you call the world Scranton.
1070
00:38:39,985 --> 00:38:41,945
- [audience laughs]
- Everybody's favorite
1071
00:38:42,029 --> 00:38:44,322
except for that wife of his,
Billy Jones!
1072
00:38:44,406 --> 00:38:46,783
[cheering and applause]
1073
00:38:50,579 --> 00:38:53,123
[chuckles]
Where are you, Billy?
1074
00:38:53,123 --> 00:38:54,791
Why you grinning?
1075
00:38:54,875 --> 00:38:56,376
[David] Billy Jones!
1076
00:38:56,460 --> 00:38:59,212
[cheering and applause continue]
1077
00:38:59,296 --> 00:39:01,381
- Thank you, thank you.
- [man] Come on, Billy!
1078
00:39:01,465 --> 00:39:04,217
- [woman] Yeah, Billy!
- [man 2] Is this Billy?
- [Midge] Whew!
1079
00:39:04,301 --> 00:39:07,220
- [man 3] Where's Billy?
- Rough week. Women, huh?
1080
00:39:07,304 --> 00:39:08,805
You can't live with 'em,
you can't...
1081
00:39:08,889 --> 00:39:10,057
Well, that pretty much
sums it up.
1082
00:39:10,057 --> 00:39:11,183
You can't live with 'em.
1083
00:39:11,183 --> 00:39:14,394
- [woman laughs]
- Huh?
1084
00:39:14,478 --> 00:39:17,022
My wife. Oh, brother.
She saw a psychic who told her
1085
00:39:17,022 --> 00:39:19,691
that in a past life,
she was Mary, Queen of Scots.
1086
00:39:19,775 --> 00:39:21,443
I said, "Well,
hope you had a good time,
1087
00:39:21,443 --> 00:39:24,237
honey, 'cause in this life,
you're Mary, Clean My Socks."
1088
00:39:24,321 --> 00:39:26,239
[audience laughs]
1089
00:39:26,323 --> 00:39:28,700
- My wife is...
- [man] What the hell?
1090
00:39:28,784 --> 00:39:31,036
- She says she wants a job. Can you believe that?
- You think this is funny?
1091
00:39:31,036 --> 00:39:32,788
I says to her, "Sweetie,
you got two jobs already
1092
00:39:32,788 --> 00:39:35,540
that you never show up for:
hand and blow."
1093
00:39:35,624 --> 00:39:37,667
- [women laugh]
- [men grumble, boo]
1094
00:39:37,751 --> 00:39:40,295
I dedicate that one
to my man Bobby.
1095
00:39:40,295 --> 00:39:42,589
Cut her mic! Cut the spotlight
1096
00:39:42,589 --> 00:39:44,007
- and get her off the stage.
- I got to go. Hey, why is it
1097
00:39:44,091 --> 00:39:45,675
that my wife always wants to
talk to me during the ball game?
1098
00:39:45,759 --> 00:39:47,177
- Oh, shit.
- It's like, honey, if I wanted you to ruin
1099
00:39:47,177 --> 00:39:48,887
something enjoyable,
I'd take you to the bedroom.
1100
00:39:48,887 --> 00:39:50,347
- [women laugh]
- [woman] Come on!
1101
00:39:50,347 --> 00:39:52,349
You didn't bump Birnbaum.
You didn't bump Borden.
1102
00:39:52,349 --> 00:39:54,434
- What the fuck is wrong with you?
- Get up and do your act, Billy.
1103
00:39:54,518 --> 00:39:56,686
- She just did it!
- But better. And in heels!
1104
00:39:56,770 --> 00:39:58,396
[women laugh]
1105
00:39:58,480 --> 00:40:00,649
- [Midge chuckles]
- Banned for life.
1106
00:40:00,649 --> 00:40:02,109
- The both of you.
- Let go.
1107
00:40:02,109 --> 00:40:04,027
You were funny once,
you know that? What happened?
1108
00:40:04,111 --> 00:40:05,195
- [Susie laughs]
- What's the matter, Bob?
1109
00:40:05,195 --> 00:40:06,947
You like these crap jokes
when Billy does them.
1110
00:40:06,947 --> 00:40:09,032
This is a business
of entertainment. You get that?
1111
00:40:09,116 --> 00:40:11,618
Our customers don't come here
to watch you make fun of it.
1112
00:40:11,618 --> 00:40:13,036
- [Susie blows raspberry]
- They come to have a good time.
1113
00:40:13,120 --> 00:40:14,412
- Well, that's all I was doing, Bobby.
- Hey.
1114
00:40:14,496 --> 00:40:15,997
Just trying to show people
a good time.
1115
00:40:16,081 --> 00:40:17,582
Hey. Hey, buddy.
Save your two bucks.
1116
00:40:17,666 --> 00:40:19,709
For a buck 50, I'll give you
a good time right here!
1117
00:40:19,793 --> 00:40:22,254
Hey! Come on.
Who here wants a good time?
1118
00:40:22,254 --> 00:40:23,588
- Huh?
- Whoa, whoa, what are you doing
1119
00:40:23,672 --> 00:40:25,340
- west of 3rd Avenue, honey?
- Oh! What?
1120
00:40:25,340 --> 00:40:27,134
- Come on.
- Hey, wait! Wait!
1121
00:40:27,134 --> 00:40:29,427
- She's a comedian!
- Yeah, she's hysterical.
1122
00:40:29,511 --> 00:40:30,887
[Midge] Hey, wait. Ow!
1123
00:40:30,971 --> 00:40:33,849
Fucking here
we fucking go again.
1124
00:40:38,270 --> 00:40:39,688
- [Gabe shouts]
- [woman screams]
1125
00:40:39,688 --> 00:40:42,691
- Was that a good scream?
- That was a good scream.
1126
00:40:42,691 --> 00:40:44,526
- Very good.
- An exhilarating read.
1127
00:40:44,526 --> 00:40:46,278
I had to look up
a couple of words here or there.
1128
00:40:46,278 --> 00:40:48,029
[chuckles] I was top of my class
at Princeton, Abe.
1129
00:40:48,113 --> 00:40:49,823
- I usually know words.
- I can change them.
1130
00:40:49,823 --> 00:40:51,324
Let our readers dust off
their dictionaries.
1131
00:40:51,408 --> 00:40:52,826
It'll be good for them.
I red-penciled
1132
00:40:52,826 --> 00:40:54,661
a couple of tiny things.
No need to stay.
1133
00:40:54,661 --> 00:40:56,121
[chuckles]
Great. I'm happy.
1134
00:40:56,121 --> 00:40:57,747
Well, this will make you
even happier.
1135
00:40:57,831 --> 00:40:59,791
And save us a stamp.
1136
00:40:59,875 --> 00:41:02,002
- What is it?
- Your first paycheck.
1137
00:41:02,002 --> 00:41:04,838
[chuckles]
My first paycheck. Wonderful.
1138
00:41:04,838 --> 00:41:06,506
You want the stamp?
I'll let you have the stamp.
1139
00:41:06,590 --> 00:41:08,341
No, I'll skip the stamp.
Thank you, Gabe.
1140
00:41:08,425 --> 00:41:10,010
Thank you, Abe.
1141
00:41:15,182 --> 00:41:17,100
[Midge] Everything we say to men
1142
00:41:17,184 --> 00:41:20,312
goes through some cockeyed
man filter that we don't have.
1143
00:41:20,312 --> 00:41:22,606
We say "no," they hear "yes."
1144
00:41:22,606 --> 00:41:25,233
We say "stop," they hear "go."
We say,
1145
00:41:25,317 --> 00:41:26,443
"You want to have a good time?"
1146
00:41:26,443 --> 00:41:27,694
they hear,
"You want to have a good time?"
1147
00:41:27,694 --> 00:41:28,862
- [women laugh]
- Same thing, I know,
1148
00:41:28,862 --> 00:41:30,572
but they took it
out of fucking context.
1149
00:41:30,572 --> 00:41:32,949
- [cop bangs on cell]
- Language, I know.
1150
00:41:33,033 --> 00:41:35,160
With me,
it's always about language.
1151
00:41:35,160 --> 00:41:38,205
Tonight, I said something,
and I got busted.
1152
00:41:38,205 --> 00:41:39,915
But, you see,
it's not about what you say.
1153
00:41:39,915 --> 00:41:41,875
It's about
where you happen to be
1154
00:41:41,875 --> 00:41:43,543
- when you say what you happen to say.
- [woman] Right on.
1155
00:41:43,627 --> 00:41:45,086
And who happens to be around
1156
00:41:45,170 --> 00:41:46,671
when you say what you happen
to say where you happen to be.
1157
00:41:46,755 --> 00:41:48,048
- You know what I'm saying?
- [Rhonda] Cocaine?
1158
00:41:48,048 --> 00:41:49,132
Huh?
1159
00:41:49,216 --> 00:41:50,425
What you're in for.
1160
00:41:50,425 --> 00:41:52,302
Solicitation.
1161
00:41:52,302 --> 00:41:53,386
- In that dress?
- [women chuckle]
1162
00:41:53,470 --> 00:41:54,596
Actually, what I'm in for
1163
00:41:54,596 --> 00:41:56,223
is daring to say certain words
1164
00:41:56,223 --> 00:41:58,934
within earshot
of one Officer fucking Krupke.
1165
00:41:58,934 --> 00:42:01,728
Language, I know.
1166
00:42:01,728 --> 00:42:03,063
Need a light?
1167
00:42:03,063 --> 00:42:05,023
Huh? Thanks, sweetie.
1168
00:42:05,023 --> 00:42:06,066
[woman] That girl
need to take, like,
1169
00:42:06,066 --> 00:42:07,275
a week's sleep or something.
1170
00:42:07,359 --> 00:42:09,402
This your first time?
1171
00:42:09,486 --> 00:42:11,446
In jail? God, no.
1172
00:42:11,446 --> 00:42:13,114
- You?
- Yeah.
1173
00:42:13,198 --> 00:42:14,366
You'll get the hang of it.
1174
00:42:14,366 --> 00:42:16,409
I didn't mean...
1175
00:42:16,493 --> 00:42:18,286
Never mind.
1176
00:42:18,370 --> 00:42:19,871
So, where was I?
1177
00:42:19,955 --> 00:42:22,123
Oh, yeah,
did we talk about Bobby yet?
1178
00:42:22,207 --> 00:42:23,250
Just Billy Jones.
1179
00:42:23,250 --> 00:42:24,960
- And Noah Birnbaum.
- [Midge] Oh,
1180
00:42:24,960 --> 00:42:26,711
then I saved the best for last.
1181
00:42:26,795 --> 00:42:28,421
- [cop] Miriam Maisel!
- [Midge] Mm.
1182
00:42:28,505 --> 00:42:31,883
- You made bail.
- Just give me a second to finish up here.
1183
00:42:31,967 --> 00:42:33,343
Bobby.
1184
00:42:33,343 --> 00:42:36,263
I mean,
that can't be his fucking hair.
1185
00:42:36,263 --> 00:42:37,681
- [bangs on cell]
- [women laugh]
1186
00:42:40,725 --> 00:42:41,977
I know it's above and beyond.
1187
00:42:41,977 --> 00:42:43,561
It's way the fuck above
and beyond.
1188
00:42:43,645 --> 00:42:44,604
You're getting it back.
1189
00:42:44,688 --> 00:42:45,981
Or we're walking into an ambush.
1190
00:42:45,981 --> 00:42:48,566
It's not an ambush.
She's a sweet, youthful girl,
1191
00:42:48,650 --> 00:42:50,151
and she didn't want to call
her parents.
1192
00:42:50,235 --> 00:42:52,237
I mean, it's one thing burning
through cash bailing you out,
1193
00:42:52,237 --> 00:42:53,863
but bailing out a hooker
I don't even know?
1194
00:42:53,947 --> 00:42:55,365
- I'm not a hooker.
- Right,
1195
00:42:55,365 --> 00:42:57,117
you're Miss Turnstile 1959.
1196
00:42:57,117 --> 00:42:59,828
Oh, I'm glad you said "right."
Make a right on 6th.
1197
00:42:59,828 --> 00:43:01,496
I believe her.
1198
00:43:01,496 --> 00:43:03,540
She's not wearing underwear.
1199
00:43:03,540 --> 00:43:05,959
- Sometimes you got to let things breathe.
- Hey, are we going in circles?
1200
00:43:05,959 --> 00:43:08,128
Just two blocks more, 46th.
1201
00:43:08,128 --> 00:43:11,298
I actually had a better time
in jail than at that hacky club.
1202
00:43:11,298 --> 00:43:12,424
Better lighting, too.
1203
00:43:12,424 --> 00:43:14,467
Bobby is a dick.
That club is dead to us.
1204
00:43:14,551 --> 00:43:17,220
That's my point, Susie.
I don't want to play the game.
1205
00:43:17,304 --> 00:43:19,514
- I'm too old.
- You're not even 30.
1206
00:43:19,514 --> 00:43:21,182
I feel ancient.
1207
00:43:21,266 --> 00:43:22,559
I just want to stick
to the Gaslight
1208
00:43:22,559 --> 00:43:23,601
or the other clubs
in the Village.
1209
00:43:23,685 --> 00:43:26,730
Places I can talk. Be me.
1210
00:43:26,730 --> 00:43:28,189
Sure.
1211
00:43:28,273 --> 00:43:30,567
Stick to the Village,
stick to the basket houses,
1212
00:43:30,567 --> 00:43:32,110
but try making a living.
1213
00:43:32,110 --> 00:43:34,279
Moneymaking clubs
make their money off alcohol.
1214
00:43:34,279 --> 00:43:35,864
I know. I ran the Gaslight.
1215
00:43:35,864 --> 00:43:37,699
Without alcohol,
there's no money.
1216
00:43:37,699 --> 00:43:40,618
I'll play three shows a night.
Four. Five.
1217
00:43:40,702 --> 00:43:42,620
Nothing times five
is still nothing.
1218
00:43:42,704 --> 00:43:44,956
Without alcohol,
there's no money.
1219
00:43:45,040 --> 00:43:47,542
For either one of us.
1220
00:43:47,542 --> 00:43:49,586
- Yeah.
- [Gloria] Hey,
1221
00:43:49,586 --> 00:43:50,795
we passed it.
1222
00:43:50,879 --> 00:43:52,630
Oy fucking vey.
1223
00:43:52,714 --> 00:43:54,466
I always take the subway.
When you get off the A train,
1224
00:43:54,466 --> 00:43:56,718
it's two blocks up and one over.
1225
00:43:56,718 --> 00:43:58,595
Does that help?
1226
00:43:59,596 --> 00:44:01,514
- [jazz music playing]
- [indistinct chatter]
1227
00:44:01,598 --> 00:44:03,808
Hey, Mikey.
1228
00:44:03,892 --> 00:44:07,103
- [door closes]
- I'll be two shakes of a lamb's tail.
1229
00:44:07,187 --> 00:44:10,231
Hey, Bunny. I got arrested!
1230
00:44:10,315 --> 00:44:12,859
[Bunny] Good for you.
1231
00:44:12,859 --> 00:44:14,819
Coffee. You want some coffee?
1232
00:44:14,903 --> 00:44:18,323
- I need some goddamn coffee.
- I'm okay.
1233
00:44:19,908 --> 00:44:21,659
[Gloria] Does anybody have a 20?
1234
00:44:21,743 --> 00:44:23,661
[woman] Twenty?
What am I, fucking Rockefeller?
1235
00:44:23,745 --> 00:44:25,121
[woman 2] Honey,
we're all broke.
1236
00:44:25,205 --> 00:44:26,247
[Gloria] I'm two dollars short,
1237
00:44:26,331 --> 00:44:28,249
but I've got it all
besides that.
1238
00:44:28,333 --> 00:44:30,251
I should've warned you
about the coffee.
1239
00:44:30,335 --> 00:44:32,879
[Susie] How would you put it
into words?
1240
00:44:32,879 --> 00:44:35,256
[busy chatter]
1241
00:44:35,340 --> 00:44:37,217
[woman] Let me borrow
your lipstick.
1242
00:44:37,217 --> 00:44:39,803
That color looks better
on me anyway.
1243
00:44:41,930 --> 00:44:43,848
- [men whooping]
- [applause]
1244
00:44:43,932 --> 00:44:45,934
[music growing louder]
1245
00:45:05,328 --> 00:45:07,330
[cheering]
1246
00:45:10,291 --> 00:45:12,168
♪ ♪
1247
00:45:17,215 --> 00:45:19,217
- [music ends]
- [cheering and applause]
1248
00:45:23,221 --> 00:45:24,806
[man whoops]
1249
00:45:27,434 --> 00:45:29,352
- You new?
- [man] Hey, yeah!
1250
00:45:29,436 --> 00:45:33,398
Let's have a round of applause
for Lana LaRue!
1251
00:45:33,398 --> 00:45:35,400
[cheering and applause]
1252
00:45:35,400 --> 00:45:38,862
A nice, patriotic young girl.
1253
00:45:38,862 --> 00:45:42,240
- I can see that a bunch of you guys are still saluting.
- [drum sting]
1254
00:45:42,240 --> 00:45:44,200
- Hey, yeah!
- [man 2] Keep the change, sweetie.
1255
00:45:44,284 --> 00:45:46,953
- And keep them coming.
- [man] Hey, nice suit.
1256
00:45:46,953 --> 00:45:48,663
Must be a naked cadaver
1257
00:45:48,663 --> 00:45:50,790
- in a morgue somewhere.
- [drum sting]
- [men chuckle]
1258
00:45:50,874 --> 00:45:53,751
Speaking of cadavers,
you've heard of rigor mortis?
1259
00:45:53,835 --> 00:45:56,087
I'd kill to be young,
1260
00:45:56,171 --> 00:45:57,881
but I didn't know
I'd have to die
1261
00:45:57,881 --> 00:46:00,008
- to stay stiff.
- [drum sting]
1262
00:46:00,008 --> 00:46:02,427
- [men laugh]
- So, this is my last night
1263
00:46:02,427 --> 00:46:03,970
here at the Wolford.
1264
00:46:03,970 --> 00:46:05,346
Don't everyone congratulate me
1265
00:46:05,430 --> 00:46:06,973
- at once.
- [man 3] Happy retirement!
1266
00:46:06,973 --> 00:46:08,725
[man] I'm too in demand
to retire, buddy.
1267
00:46:08,725 --> 00:46:10,685
I got a better gig.
1268
00:46:10,685 --> 00:46:13,188
- ♪ You'll miss me when I'm gone ♪
- [men groaning]
1269
00:46:13,188 --> 00:46:16,316
♪ Oh, you're gonna
miss me so much ♪
1270
00:46:16,316 --> 00:46:18,693
Eh, your loss.
1271
00:46:18,693 --> 00:46:22,071
So, old Cliff wanted me to stay.
1272
00:46:22,155 --> 00:46:24,532
Said he had a plan
to bring in more cash.
1273
00:46:24,616 --> 00:46:27,243
A family-friendly night.
Bring the kiddies.
1274
00:46:27,327 --> 00:46:29,287
- It's a two-milk minimum.
- [drum sting]
1275
00:46:29,287 --> 00:46:31,789
- [men laugh]
- Hey, it's not a bad idea.
1276
00:46:31,873 --> 00:46:34,792
- We already got the udders.
- [drum sting]
1277
00:46:34,876 --> 00:46:37,629
- [men groan]
- So, I'm looking forward to my next gig.
1278
00:46:37,629 --> 00:46:39,797
Crowd's a little more sophisticated.
1279
00:46:39,881 --> 00:46:41,883
Little more mature.
1280
00:46:41,883 --> 00:46:43,968
[footsteps approaching]
1281
00:46:49,390 --> 00:46:51,893
[Joel exhales]
1282
00:46:51,893 --> 00:46:54,312
We got to tell my parents
about us.
1283
00:46:54,312 --> 00:46:56,314
[Mei snoring]
1284
00:46:56,314 --> 00:46:58,816
I put it off as long as I can.
1285
00:47:00,401 --> 00:47:02,737
Does the name Lena Brofmann
mean anything to you?
1286
00:47:02,737 --> 00:47:06,032
- [Susie] Hey.
- Whoa, stop.
1287
00:47:07,075 --> 00:47:08,576
How the hell did you get in?
1288
00:47:08,660 --> 00:47:11,246
I don't know,
complete lack of security?
1289
00:47:13,456 --> 00:47:15,667
- What's this?
- The money you lent me
1290
00:47:15,667 --> 00:47:17,544
to reimburse the money
I was holding for Midge
1291
00:47:17,544 --> 00:47:19,963
- that I kind of... misplaced.
- Gambled away.
1292
00:47:19,963 --> 00:47:22,048
What about that guy
at the insurance company?
1293
00:47:22,048 --> 00:47:24,717
- He still coming after you?
- Oh, my sister's blowing him
1294
00:47:24,801 --> 00:47:26,844
in the office bathroom every day
at lunch, so we're good.
1295
00:47:26,928 --> 00:47:30,348
So, that's it.
We are squared away. Hmm?
1296
00:47:30,348 --> 00:47:33,142
I am back to square one.
Less than that
1297
00:47:33,226 --> 00:47:35,353
after posting bail
for Miriam and that hooker.
1298
00:47:35,353 --> 00:47:37,438
Every sentence you speak
is worse than the last one.
1299
00:47:39,065 --> 00:47:40,817
Wait.
1300
00:47:43,861 --> 00:47:46,281
Don't you ever--
and I mean ever--
1301
00:47:46,281 --> 00:47:48,783
do something shifty
with my wife's money again.
1302
00:47:48,783 --> 00:47:50,994
- Ex-wife.
- Don't.
1303
00:47:59,252 --> 00:48:00,587
[TV playing indistinctly]
1304
00:48:00,587 --> 00:48:02,589
[dishes clattering]
1305
00:48:02,589 --> 00:48:04,465
[man] Can I help you?
1306
00:48:04,549 --> 00:48:06,092
[man 2] I'd like to see
the man in charge.
1307
00:48:06,092 --> 00:48:07,594
[Midge] Mama?
1308
00:48:10,597 --> 00:48:12,348
Everything's
on the too high shelf.
1309
00:48:12,432 --> 00:48:15,435
I'm not a giraffe. I need
my kitchen the way it should be.
1310
00:48:16,477 --> 00:48:18,396
Carry on.
1311
00:48:18,396 --> 00:48:19,981
[man] Where
was this murder committed?
1312
00:48:19,981 --> 00:48:22,358
[man 2] San Francisco
last night.
1313
00:48:22,442 --> 00:48:23,776
[man] Who was murdered?
1314
00:48:23,860 --> 00:48:25,778
[man 2] I was.
1315
00:48:25,862 --> 00:48:27,071
Papa?
1316
00:48:27,155 --> 00:48:28,656
Miriam. Hello.
1317
00:48:28,740 --> 00:48:30,700
- How was your night?
- Fine.
1318
00:48:30,700 --> 00:48:32,368
I got arrested for prostitution.
1319
00:48:32,452 --> 00:48:33,953
[chuckles]
Ah, that's nice.
1320
00:48:34,037 --> 00:48:36,414
Everything okay?
1321
00:48:36,414 --> 00:48:38,541
Oh, sure. Everything's fine.
1322
00:48:38,625 --> 00:48:42,045
Although I do have
a very serious thing
1323
00:48:42,045 --> 00:48:44,505
I'd like to discuss
with you. Sit.
1324
00:48:44,589 --> 00:48:47,091
- Sit, sit.
- [patting floor]
1325
00:48:47,175 --> 00:48:48,551
[slurs] Miriam.
1326
00:48:48,635 --> 00:48:50,803
That is not your first glass.
1327
00:48:50,887 --> 00:48:53,598
I think it's wrong
1328
00:48:53,598 --> 00:48:55,642
that a man should be supported
by his daughter.
1329
00:48:55,642 --> 00:48:59,937
It's against the laws
of father-daughter-daughter-dom.
1330
00:49:00,021 --> 00:49:03,191
- Okay.
- I got my first paycheck
1331
00:49:03,191 --> 00:49:05,068
from the Voice today,
1332
00:49:05,068 --> 00:49:08,321
and I'm giving it to you--
the whole thing--
1333
00:49:08,321 --> 00:49:10,281
to cover
some household expenses.
1334
00:49:10,365 --> 00:49:12,492
- Take it. Take it.
- Papa, really, I...
1335
00:49:12,492 --> 00:49:14,786
[Midge exhales]
1336
00:49:15,787 --> 00:49:18,998
- This is a full week?
- Yes.
1337
00:49:19,082 --> 00:49:20,625
What will it cover?
1338
00:49:20,625 --> 00:49:22,085
Honestly?
1339
00:49:22,085 --> 00:49:23,753
I insist on full honesty.
1340
00:49:23,753 --> 00:49:25,338
An egg?
1341
00:49:25,338 --> 00:49:27,965
Eggs are good. So, one egg?
1342
00:49:28,049 --> 00:49:29,384
Maybe two.
1343
00:49:29,384 --> 00:49:30,760
One short of an omelet.
1344
00:49:30,760 --> 00:49:32,887
It could also cover
a certain quantity of salt.
1345
00:49:32,887 --> 00:49:34,806
- Half a carrot.
- [chuckles]
1346
00:49:34,806 --> 00:49:36,766
You're sure this is a full week?
1347
00:49:36,766 --> 00:49:40,395
That is my weekly paycheck, Miriam.
1348
00:49:40,395 --> 00:49:43,773
Did they tell you it was gonna
be this small an amount?
1349
00:49:43,773 --> 00:49:46,359
I think so.
I was just so excited
1350
00:49:46,359 --> 00:49:50,029
when they hired me,
I may not have been listening.
1351
00:49:50,113 --> 00:49:51,739
I should've taken that stamp.
1352
00:49:51,823 --> 00:49:54,367
- That what?
- Nothing.
1353
00:49:54,367 --> 00:49:56,035
Join me.
1354
00:49:57,453 --> 00:50:01,040
- You know what the irony is about this whole thing?
- Mm.
1355
00:50:01,124 --> 00:50:03,543
The job.
1356
00:50:04,961 --> 00:50:07,964
It's great. I mean...
1357
00:50:07,964 --> 00:50:11,050
it's really great.
1358
00:50:11,134 --> 00:50:13,052
I like these people.
1359
00:50:13,136 --> 00:50:16,931
They're different.
Smart but... looser.
1360
00:50:16,931 --> 00:50:19,142
And it's the funniest thing.
1361
00:50:19,142 --> 00:50:21,144
Yeah?
1362
00:50:21,144 --> 00:50:23,146
They seem to like me.
1363
00:50:23,146 --> 00:50:25,440
Everyone likes you.
1364
00:50:25,440 --> 00:50:28,609
No one at Columbia liked me.
1365
00:50:28,693 --> 00:50:31,279
Oh, look at this.
1366
00:50:32,572 --> 00:50:35,032
- Wow. It's you! Frame that.
- [chuckles]
1367
00:50:35,116 --> 00:50:38,161
No. I can't afford framing.
1368
00:50:38,161 --> 00:50:40,204
It'll buy more than enough.
1369
00:50:40,288 --> 00:50:42,749
I was joking.
1370
00:50:42,749 --> 00:50:45,585
But what can the government buy
with the...
1371
00:50:45,585 --> 00:50:49,088
96 cents of taxes
they withheld, huh?
1372
00:50:49,172 --> 00:50:52,008
Let's see. A fighter jet?
1373
00:50:52,008 --> 00:50:54,343
Nah. They're, like,
a buck something.
1374
00:50:54,427 --> 00:50:57,221
- Some staples.
- But not the stapler.
1375
00:50:57,305 --> 00:51:00,183
- That's gonna take a while longer. [laughing]
- [chuckles]
1376
00:51:02,643 --> 00:51:04,812
Okay, Papa,
I know this is a shock,
1377
00:51:04,896 --> 00:51:06,647
but look at it this way.
1378
00:51:06,731 --> 00:51:09,817
You are doing something
that you love.
1379
00:51:09,901 --> 00:51:12,153
Yeah.
1380
00:51:12,153 --> 00:51:15,990
The both of us.
Pursuing our art.
1381
00:51:15,990 --> 00:51:18,659
Although
one of us pursuing banking
1382
00:51:18,743 --> 00:51:20,620
- would've been smart.
- Hmm.
1383
00:51:20,620 --> 00:51:22,079
Mm-hmm.
1384
00:51:24,081 --> 00:51:28,669
Are you sure
you can handle all this?
1385
00:51:32,298 --> 00:51:33,674
To art.
1386
00:51:35,301 --> 00:51:37,303
To art.
1387
00:51:40,723 --> 00:51:42,725
[♪ 10cc: "Art for Art's Sake"]
1388
00:52:00,743 --> 00:52:03,538
{\an8}Gimme your body ♪
1389
00:52:04,747 --> 00:52:07,542
{\an8}Gimme your mind ♪
1390
00:52:08,751 --> 00:52:11,337
{\an8}Open your heart ♪
1391
00:52:12,338 --> 00:52:15,341
{\an8}Pull down your blind ♪
1392
00:52:16,342 --> 00:52:18,261
{\an8}Gimme your love ♪
1393
00:52:18,261 --> 00:52:20,263
{\an8}Gimme it all ♪
1394
00:52:20,263 --> 00:52:23,891
{\an8}♪ Gimme in the kitchen,
gimme in the hall ♪
1395
00:52:23,975 --> 00:52:26,561
{\an8}Art for art's sake ♪
1396
00:52:27,979 --> 00:52:31,691
{\an8}Money for God's sake ♪
1397
00:52:31,691 --> 00:52:34,360
{\an8}Art for art's sake ♪
1398
00:52:35,778 --> 00:52:39,907
{\an8}Money for God's sake ♪
1399
00:52:39,991 --> 00:52:43,494
{\an8}Money talks, so listen to it ♪
1400
00:52:43,578 --> 00:52:47,081
{\an8}Money talks to me ♪
1401
00:52:47,081 --> 00:52:51,085
{\an8}Anyone can understand it ♪
1402
00:52:51,085 --> 00:52:54,505
{\an8}Money can't be beat ♪
1403
00:52:54,589 --> 00:52:58,593
{\an8}Oh, no ♪
1404
00:53:03,180 --> 00:53:05,141
{\an8}♪ When you get down,
down to the root ♪
1405
00:53:05,141 --> 00:53:07,018
{\an8}♪ Don't give a damn,
don't give a hoot ♪
1406
00:53:07,018 --> 00:53:08,936
{\an8}♪ Still gotta keep makin'
the loot ♪
1407
00:53:09,020 --> 00:53:12,607
{\an8}Chauffeur driven ♪
1408
00:53:18,195 --> 00:53:20,031
{\an8}♪ Gotta make her
quick as you can ♪
1409
00:53:20,031 --> 00:53:22,241
{\an8}♪ Give her lovin',
make you a man ♪
1410
00:53:22,325 --> 00:53:23,868
{\an8}♪ Get her in the palm
of your hand ♪
1411
00:53:23,868 --> 00:53:27,538
{\an8}Bread from heaven ♪
1412
00:53:55,107 --> 00:53:58,903
{\an8}♪ Keep me in exile
the rest of my days ♪
1413
00:53:58,903 --> 00:54:02,657
{\an8}♪ Burn me in hell
but as long as it pays ♪
1414
00:54:02,657 --> 00:54:04,700
{\an8}Art for art's sake ♪
1415
00:54:06,160 --> 00:54:10,414
{\an8}Money for God's sake ♪
1416
00:54:10,498 --> 00:54:12,583
{\an8}Art for art's sake ♪
1417
00:54:13,793 --> 00:54:18,923
{\an8}Money for God's sake ♪♪
103563
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