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♪ It seems today that all you see ♪
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00:00:04,839 --> 00:00:07,748
♪ Is violence in movies and sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:07,900 --> 00:00:11,677
♪ But where are those good old-fashioned values ♪
4
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♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
5
00:00:14,831 --> 00:00:18,075
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
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00:00:18,093 --> 00:00:21,411
♪ Lucky there's a man who positively can do ♪
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♪ All the things that make us ♪
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♪ Laugh and cry ♪
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♪ He's... a... Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
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Boy, oh, boy.
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-Is it Friday yet?
-Tomorrow.
12
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And actually, in Tasmania,
it's already Friday.
13
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I thought you'd be more fun.
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00:00:44,528 --> 00:00:46,378
Griffin, you'll be
very happy to know
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00:00:46,530 --> 00:00:47,454
I've finished conducting
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00:00:47,606 --> 00:00:49,715
my employee productivity
evaluations.
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00:00:49,866 --> 00:00:51,124
I used a system called
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00:00:51,277 --> 00:00:52,626
the Determining Employee
Advancement,
19
00:00:52,795 --> 00:00:56,037
Duties, Work-Engagement,
Intelligence-Gains Hourly Test,
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00:00:56,131 --> 00:00:57,556
or DEADWEIGHT.
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00:00:57,707 --> 00:00:58,949
And my results show you
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00:00:59,042 --> 00:01:01,134
to be the brewery's
least productive employee.
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00:01:01,287 --> 00:01:03,804
-So, pack your bags.
-I'm fired?
24
00:01:03,956 --> 00:01:07,066
No, you're going on a business
trip with me as my assistant,
25
00:01:07,217 --> 00:01:09,050
since you won't be missed
at the office.
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00:01:09,128 --> 00:01:10,718
We're meeting with
our New Jersey distributor
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00:01:10,738 --> 00:01:11,737
in Atlantic City.
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Everyone,
I'll be away on business
29
00:01:13,999 --> 00:01:15,240
for a few days
starting tomorrow,
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00:01:15,467 --> 00:01:17,076
so we're bringing in
a substitute boss.
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I hope he's a hard-ass.
32
00:01:18,971 --> 00:01:20,579
But what if he's wearing jeans?
33
00:01:20,806 --> 00:01:22,973
Hey, guys, my first name is Dan,
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00:01:23,066 --> 00:01:25,084
which is what
you'll all call me.
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00:01:25,235 --> 00:01:28,328
Now, who wants to watch
Ratatouille?
36
00:01:37,414 --> 00:01:40,157
Sorry, that guy over there
tripped me.
37
00:01:40,175 --> 00:01:41,934
Mr. Edwards,
the guidance counselor?
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00:01:42,085 --> 00:01:44,103
Yeah, the bullying
in this school has gotten
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00:01:44,330 --> 00:01:45,753
a little out of hand.
40
00:01:45,773 --> 00:01:47,180
You must be Heather,
the new girl.
41
00:01:47,333 --> 00:01:48,756
How'd you know I was new?
42
00:01:48,851 --> 00:01:50,792
I'm Quahog's
number three Realtor.
43
00:01:50,794 --> 00:01:52,853
I really wanted to sell
that house to your folks,
44
00:01:53,005 --> 00:01:56,031
but you're in great hands
with Gil.
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What's this?
46
00:01:59,845 --> 00:02:01,102
Principal Shepherd is directing
47
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an adaptation of Baz Luhrmann's
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William Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet.
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00:02:04,516 --> 00:02:06,867
The local Ruth's Chris
Steak House is sponsoring it.
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I'm playing Juliet.
51
00:02:08,704 --> 00:02:10,295
Wow. You're Juliet
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00:02:10,372 --> 00:02:12,189
in Ruth's Chris's
Principal Shepherd's
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00:02:12,282 --> 00:02:14,115
Baz Luhrmann's
William Shakespeare's
54
00:02:14,135 --> 00:02:15,801
Romeo and Juliet?
55
00:02:16,028 --> 00:02:17,210
Yes, it's great,
56
00:02:17,304 --> 00:02:19,363
but we're auditioning
for a new Romeo.
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00:02:19,381 --> 00:02:20,973
The parents of
the boy we cast said
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00:02:21,124 --> 00:02:23,066
he needed
emergency conversion therapy.
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00:02:23,126 --> 00:02:24,626
Anyway, nice to meet you, Chris.
60
00:02:33,061 --> 00:02:35,687
I have to be in that play.
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00:02:35,839 --> 00:02:37,156
Nice hat, dork!
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00:02:37,383 --> 00:02:41,243
That's not nice, Mrs. Danneman,
the elderly school nurse.
63
00:02:44,147 --> 00:02:45,889
Peter, is something wrong?
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00:02:45,908 --> 00:02:46,981
We've been here an hour,
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and you've hardly touched
your penis.
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00:02:48,560 --> 00:02:50,076
It's not like you.
It's getting cold.
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00:02:50,229 --> 00:02:51,336
Sorry, guys.
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00:02:51,488 --> 00:02:53,246
I just found out
I have to meet my stupid boss
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00:02:53,399 --> 00:02:55,507
in Atlantic City
for a business trip.
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00:02:55,734 --> 00:02:57,342
Peter, business trips are great.
71
00:02:57,494 --> 00:03:00,070
Yeah, haven't you seen
Cedar Rapids with Ed Helms?
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00:03:00,163 --> 00:03:02,255
He plays a salesman
who goes to a conference
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00:03:02,349 --> 00:03:03,498
in the titular city.
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00:03:03,592 --> 00:03:05,575
There, he encounters
three repeat attendees
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00:03:05,669 --> 00:03:08,094
who lead him
on a profound weekend journey,
76
00:03:08,247 --> 00:03:11,765
equal parts hope
and self-discovery.
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00:03:12,768 --> 00:03:15,585
I memorize Rotten Tomatoes
movie descriptions.
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00:03:15,604 --> 00:03:17,587
You'll have one meeting,
and then the rest of the time
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00:03:17,606 --> 00:03:19,923
-you just party.
-Party with Preston?
80
00:03:20,016 --> 00:03:21,608
But he doesn't drink.
81
00:03:21,760 --> 00:03:23,443
I wish you guys could come.
82
00:03:23,537 --> 00:03:25,204
Wait a minute. Why not?
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00:03:25,355 --> 00:03:26,763
You guys should drive down
with me.
84
00:03:26,782 --> 00:03:28,189
-All right!
-Let's do it!
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00:03:28,283 --> 00:03:30,116
Cedar Rapids,
rated R for drug use
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00:03:30,211 --> 00:03:32,211
and mild sexual content!
87
00:03:32,362 --> 00:03:33,954
I've never been
to Atlantic City.
88
00:03:34,106 --> 00:03:36,882
Let's just watch this ad
from their tourism department.
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00:03:37,033 --> 00:03:38,700
Welcome to Atlantic City,
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00:03:38,719 --> 00:03:41,945
the inspiration for Bruce Springsteen's saddest song.
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00:03:41,964 --> 00:03:45,206
Want to see brown ocean waterstained with gasoline rainbows?
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00:03:45,226 --> 00:03:46,950
Come on down to Atlantic City!
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00:03:46,969 --> 00:03:50,287
Love to watch guys with no noses fight women with trach holes?
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00:03:50,305 --> 00:03:51,713
You're in luck!
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00:03:51,732 --> 00:03:53,974
And if you're wondering where Taylor Hicks has been,
96
00:03:54,068 --> 00:03:55,292
he's here!
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00:03:55,385 --> 00:03:57,827
In a small lounge with a low stage.
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Atlantic City!
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00:03:59,222 --> 00:04:02,157
Come flick a lit cigarette at a dealer today!
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00:04:06,472 --> 00:04:09,306
"Published by
the Samuel French Company,
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00:04:09,399 --> 00:04:12,567
"New York, copyright this ed.
102
00:04:12,661 --> 00:04:15,570
MCMLXX."
103
00:04:15,589 --> 00:04:17,923
- What are you doing?
- -Reading Romeo and Juliet.
104
00:04:18,116 --> 00:04:19,316
We're doing it at school,
105
00:04:19,334 --> 00:04:22,002
and this girl I like
is playing Juliet.
106
00:04:22,154 --> 00:04:24,654
I'm going to audition for Romeo.
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00:04:24,823 --> 00:04:26,372
There's kissing.
108
00:04:26,525 --> 00:04:28,100
Chris, listen,
acting isn't easy.
109
00:04:28,327 --> 00:04:29,977
You're going to need some help.
110
00:04:31,939 --> 00:04:35,256
See what I'm doing?
Scarf, a high stool?
111
00:04:35,276 --> 00:04:37,684
One leg up,
hands clasped over knee?
112
00:04:37,836 --> 00:04:39,185
Engaged and in the moment.
113
00:04:39,280 --> 00:04:40,337
Do you know what this means?
114
00:04:40,430 --> 00:04:42,839
-You're gay...
-An acting coach, yes.
115
00:04:42,841 --> 00:04:45,008
What does a baby
know about acting?
116
00:04:45,027 --> 00:04:46,860
Yes, I'm a baby.
117
00:04:47,012 --> 00:04:48,287
It's hard being youngest,
118
00:04:48,438 --> 00:04:50,622
always looking for a way
to distinguish myself,
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00:04:50,774 --> 00:04:52,532
to contribute.
120
00:04:55,796 --> 00:04:57,704
Stewie, I-I didn't mean it.
121
00:04:57,873 --> 00:05:00,190
Neither did I.
That was acting, Chris.
122
00:05:00,208 --> 00:05:02,025
Wow. You're amazing.
123
00:05:02,044 --> 00:05:04,027
Do you think you can give me
some pointers?
124
00:05:04,046 --> 00:05:06,120
It will be my great honor.
125
00:05:06,140 --> 00:05:08,056
That was also acting.
126
00:05:12,128 --> 00:05:13,145
Thought I'd swing by work first
127
00:05:13,296 --> 00:05:14,813
and pick up a case of beer
for the road.
128
00:05:14,890 --> 00:05:17,482
Then we're off.
129
00:05:20,050 --> 00:05:21,220
Hear him breathe?
130
00:05:21,310 --> 00:05:23,480
AC's on full blast,
and he's covered in sweat.
131
00:05:23,630 --> 00:05:25,210
Lois'll be a widow soon, right?
132
00:05:25,230 --> 00:05:26,720
Yeah, he's circling the drain.
133
00:05:26,880 --> 00:05:29,210
And let me guess--
no estate planning?
134
00:05:29,230 --> 00:05:31,800
Would you guys tell me
if my car smelled this bad?
135
00:05:31,820 --> 00:05:34,720
Everywhere I look,
I see another stray french fry.
136
00:05:34,730 --> 00:05:37,160
Hey, guys? I know
I'm new to the group,
137
00:05:37,310 --> 00:05:38,740
but Peter's not here
to defend himself,
138
00:05:38,830 --> 00:05:41,410
so I don't think it's right for
us to talk about him like this.
139
00:05:50,010 --> 00:05:51,720
Griffin?
What are you doing here?
140
00:05:52,510 --> 00:05:54,070
Oh, hey, Preston.
141
00:05:54,090 --> 00:05:56,000
Why do you have a case of beer?
142
00:05:56,090 --> 00:05:59,000
Oh. Oh, this?
Um, uh, samples.
143
00:05:59,090 --> 00:06:01,260
-For clients.
-Excellent idea.
144
00:06:01,350 --> 00:06:03,910
Say, why don't you
just drive me?
145
00:06:03,910 --> 00:06:06,510
That way I can be productive
the entire trip.
146
00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:09,340
It'll be like Green Book,
a movie I only saw
147
00:06:09,440 --> 00:06:10,750
because I believed it
to be a book.
148
00:06:10,750 --> 00:06:12,600
Oh, yeah, you know,
I once tried to read Jaws
149
00:06:12,760 --> 00:06:14,030
'cause I thought
it was the movie.
150
00:06:14,180 --> 00:06:16,440
Couldn't go into a library
for years after that.
151
00:06:16,870 --> 00:06:19,350
Guys, listen,
Preston wants to drive with me.
152
00:06:19,440 --> 00:06:22,180
He can't know you're all coming,
so everyone in the way back.
153
00:06:22,280 --> 00:06:23,930
I'm not hiding
in the back of your car.
154
00:06:24,020 --> 00:06:26,860
Why? There's nothing in there
except for Lois' jog bras.
155
00:06:26,930 --> 00:06:28,920
All right, you heard the man!
Everyone in!
156
00:06:30,940 --> 00:06:32,210
These are Meg's!
We've been duped!
157
00:06:32,440 --> 00:06:33,770
Hop in, boss.
158
00:06:33,790 --> 00:06:35,620
If I speed, we can make it
in four hours.
159
00:06:35,720 --> 00:06:37,880
You'll do a steady
55 miles per hour,
160
00:06:38,050 --> 00:06:40,050
and we will stop
to read historical markers
161
00:06:40,280 --> 00:06:42,130
- along the way.
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00:06:42,220 --> 00:06:43,370
Starting with the Museum
163
00:06:43,450 --> 00:06:44,970
- of Black Guy Mustaches.
- Oh!
164
00:06:57,130 --> 00:06:57,740
Some hotel.
165
00:06:57,960 --> 00:06:59,410
They only had smoking rooms
166
00:06:59,560 --> 00:07:00,890
and very smoking rooms.
167
00:07:00,980 --> 00:07:03,910
Check it out, a stack of
prewritten suicide notes.
168
00:07:03,990 --> 00:07:06,400
All you have to do is
sign your name.
169
00:07:06,410 --> 00:07:08,140
This place has everything.
170
00:07:08,230 --> 00:07:10,400
I wish there were
more than two beds.
171
00:07:10,490 --> 00:07:11,980
I'll just sleep in my chair.
172
00:07:11,990 --> 00:07:13,480
You sleep sitting up, Joe?
173
00:07:13,570 --> 00:07:15,450
Yeah, Bonnie puts
a falcon hood on me,
174
00:07:15,450 --> 00:07:16,740
and I go right out.
175
00:07:17,820 --> 00:07:20,990
I'm calm and no longer
motivated by prey.
176
00:07:21,990 --> 00:07:23,170
Griffin, open up.
177
00:07:23,320 --> 00:07:24,850
Guys, hide in the shower.
178
00:07:26,990 --> 00:07:28,750
Hello, Griffin.
I'm right next door
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00:07:28,770 --> 00:07:30,340
in a slightly larger room.
180
00:07:30,440 --> 00:07:31,940
Seems like
an unnecessary detail.
181
00:07:32,090 --> 00:07:33,770
Here is
this weekend's itinerary.
182
00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:35,610
We're working all weekend?!
183
00:07:35,760 --> 00:07:38,520
Griffin, our New Jersey
distributor is threatening
184
00:07:38,670 --> 00:07:41,190
to drop our beer
in favor of hard seltzer,
185
00:07:41,340 --> 00:07:42,690
because... New Jersey.
186
00:07:42,780 --> 00:07:44,070
I need to convince them
187
00:07:44,180 --> 00:07:46,530
that we are the best
scumbag beverage around.
188
00:07:46,680 --> 00:07:49,180
If we lose this account,
we lose the brewery.
189
00:07:49,270 --> 00:07:51,530
And then it's time
to cast open the windows
190
00:07:51,680 --> 00:07:53,530
and drop to
the freedom of the pavement.
191
00:07:53,610 --> 00:07:56,370
I read that in a stack of
suicide notes in my room.
192
00:07:56,520 --> 00:07:58,860
See you at 1800 hours, Peter.
193
00:07:58,950 --> 00:08:00,540
I better shower
because I have no idea
194
00:08:00,640 --> 00:08:02,800
how soon or late that is.
195
00:08:04,790 --> 00:08:05,950
Hey!
Ah!
196
00:08:05,970 --> 00:08:07,530
- What the hell?!
- Sorry, I forgot.
197
00:08:07,630 --> 00:08:09,030
Why are you at half-mast?
198
00:08:09,130 --> 00:08:11,980
I'm 45, Joe. That's full mast.
199
00:08:16,650 --> 00:08:18,390
Chris, any good acting coach
will tell you
200
00:08:18,540 --> 00:08:21,710
that before your audition,
it's important to warm up.
201
00:08:21,730 --> 00:08:23,490
Now let's improv.
Give me a location.
202
00:08:23,640 --> 00:08:24,730
Stewie's bedroom.
203
00:08:24,880 --> 00:08:26,730
Okay, maybe just spend
another second on...
204
00:08:26,890 --> 00:08:28,330
Stewie's bedroom!
205
00:08:28,550 --> 00:08:30,160
Okay, fine. And a profession?
206
00:08:30,390 --> 00:08:31,500
Acting teacher.
207
00:08:31,650 --> 00:08:32,670
Again, maybe just give it
one more...
208
00:08:32,820 --> 00:08:33,910
Failed actor?
209
00:08:34,000 --> 00:08:35,560
I got tired of
playing their game!
210
00:08:35,560 --> 00:08:36,740
It's okay, Stewie.
211
00:08:36,840 --> 00:08:38,820
After a few noes,
these young Brandos
212
00:08:38,990 --> 00:08:40,320
lose a little of their vinegar.
213
00:08:40,420 --> 00:08:43,340
Tell you what, let's improv
as Romeo and Juliet.
214
00:08:43,490 --> 00:08:45,850
You be he, I'll be she.
215
00:08:46,070 --> 00:08:47,250
Get in. Let's get in.
216
00:08:47,410 --> 00:08:49,570
I'd like permission
to go inside, Juliet.
217
00:08:49,670 --> 00:08:50,830
Hi, Juliet!
218
00:08:50,930 --> 00:08:52,830
I'm not--
I'm not there just yet.
219
00:08:52,850 --> 00:08:54,600
All right, Juliet is
eluding me a little.
220
00:08:54,690 --> 00:08:56,760
My transformation
is not yet complete.
221
00:09:02,700 --> 00:09:03,700
Hi, Juliet!
222
00:09:03,920 --> 00:09:05,030
Damn it, Chris! I'm not ready!
223
00:09:05,260 --> 00:09:07,350
But you were standing
like a girl.
224
00:09:07,370 --> 00:09:08,930
My bodywork was perfect, yes,
225
00:09:08,950 --> 00:09:10,700
but I still hadn't
touched the soul.
226
00:09:10,930 --> 00:09:12,210
All right, all right,
even though you're off
227
00:09:12,430 --> 00:09:13,760
to a rough start, it's okay.
228
00:09:13,780 --> 00:09:17,030
Even Michelangelo wasn't
appreciated until later in life.
229
00:09:17,050 --> 00:09:18,940
-Hey, how's Jakey doing?
-He's good.
230
00:09:19,110 --> 00:09:20,880
They got him building arches
over at the Coliseum.
231
00:09:21,030 --> 00:09:23,370
Big construction job.
How about Mikey?
232
00:09:23,380 --> 00:09:24,870
Yeah, he's, um...
233
00:09:24,890 --> 00:09:26,960
he's been carving dongs
out of marble.
234
00:09:27,110 --> 00:09:28,640
You know, something different.
235
00:09:36,560 --> 00:09:39,070
Wow. This place is... sad.
236
00:09:39,220 --> 00:09:41,050
I'm one of
the skinniest guys here.
237
00:09:41,070 --> 00:09:43,640
Guys, Preston's coming. Beat it.
238
00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:45,050
I'm 11 seconds late.
239
00:09:45,070 --> 00:09:47,470
I'll credit you the time
in our two-minute break
240
00:09:47,480 --> 00:09:48,910
in 180 minutes.
241
00:09:49,140 --> 00:09:50,200
Let's work.
242
00:09:51,230 --> 00:09:53,320
"Pawtucket Patriot Ale:
243
00:09:53,470 --> 00:09:56,490
"The Best Carbonated
Fermented Alcoholic Beverage
244
00:09:56,580 --> 00:09:59,900
Made from Malted Cereal Grain
for the New Jersey Market."
245
00:09:59,920 --> 00:10:01,980
-Zing.
-That's not very catchy.
246
00:10:02,070 --> 00:10:04,070
I didn't bring you
for your opinions, Griffin.
247
00:10:04,090 --> 00:10:05,590
I brought you for your width.
248
00:10:05,740 --> 00:10:08,890
Now, stand up while I project
my presentation on your back.
249
00:10:12,750 --> 00:10:14,160
This is humiliating.
250
00:10:14,180 --> 00:10:15,840
I got to figure out a way
to escape Preston
251
00:10:16,000 --> 00:10:17,010
and join the guys.
252
00:10:17,160 --> 00:10:19,110
"Which is why our beer is
the best beer
253
00:10:19,260 --> 00:10:20,500
for the Garden State."
254
00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:23,650
And now for a restorative
60-second power nap.
255
00:10:33,530 --> 00:10:35,440
You'll nail this audition,
Chris.
256
00:10:35,460 --> 00:10:36,860
Behind you, fellas.
257
00:10:37,020 --> 00:10:38,870
-Oh, hi, Meg.
-That's not her.
258
00:10:39,020 --> 00:10:42,250
All high school theater
tech girls just look like Meg.
259
00:10:44,800 --> 00:10:47,190
Chris Griffin to the stage,
please.
260
00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:49,090
Okay, Chris. Go time.
261
00:10:51,620 --> 00:10:55,030
Curtain rises, lights up,
a story begins.
262
00:10:55,050 --> 00:10:57,980
And today our story is
about a rising star
263
00:10:58,130 --> 00:11:01,890
in Constellation Showbiz Major:
Chris Griffin.
264
00:11:01,980 --> 00:11:03,710
At the Stewie Griffin Workshop,
265
00:11:03,730 --> 00:11:05,230
he's studied
Commercial Technique
266
00:11:05,390 --> 00:11:06,730
and Acting for Camera,
267
00:11:06,880 --> 00:11:09,080
and will soon be seen
in a local news story
268
00:11:09,080 --> 00:11:11,230
about kids
who throw stuff at birds.
269
00:11:11,330 --> 00:11:14,050
Enter... Chris.
270
00:11:14,050 --> 00:11:16,740
"She doth teach the torches
to burn..."
271
00:11:16,890 --> 00:11:19,560
Great! It's fine, Chris.
The part's yours.
272
00:11:19,580 --> 00:11:21,560
I got my first-ever response
on Tinder,
273
00:11:21,580 --> 00:11:23,340
and I got to make
this happen now.
274
00:11:23,490 --> 00:11:25,150
"Are you sure you're not
275
00:11:25,290 --> 00:11:30,580
a baby pretending to be
a middle-aged divorcée?"
276
00:11:30,680 --> 00:11:35,160
"Would a baby be wearing a sheer
chemise from Lane Bryant?"
277
00:11:35,180 --> 00:11:37,020
Chris, congratulations!
278
00:11:37,170 --> 00:11:38,520
We did it, Stewie.
279
00:11:38,740 --> 00:11:42,170
Oh, my God,
I'm going to kiss Heather!
280
00:11:42,190 --> 00:11:43,670
Thanks again for all your help.
281
00:11:43,770 --> 00:11:45,690
Dear boy,
I'm not going anywhere.
282
00:11:45,800 --> 00:11:47,530
My coaching will continue.
283
00:11:47,750 --> 00:11:50,180
Today's lesson:
Acting teachers are weirdos
284
00:11:50,270 --> 00:11:52,420
who always grab your hands
like this,
285
00:11:52,440 --> 00:11:54,850
and you can't do
anything about it.
286
00:11:54,940 --> 00:11:56,370
No! No.
287
00:11:57,540 --> 00:11:59,080
No.
288
00:12:04,030 --> 00:12:05,040
This is awesome.
289
00:12:05,200 --> 00:12:07,450
Here's to us,
doing what we normally do,
290
00:12:07,550 --> 00:12:08,960
but in a different place.
291
00:12:09,960 --> 00:12:13,130
Griffin. I knew
I'd find you in a bar.
292
00:12:13,280 --> 00:12:15,280
I am furious.
293
00:12:15,300 --> 00:12:16,720
But that doesn't mean
you shouldn't introduce me
294
00:12:16,950 --> 00:12:18,620
to your friends
as a common courtesy.
295
00:12:18,710 --> 00:12:20,950
Oh, yeah. Uh, Quagmire,
Cleveland, Joe.
296
00:12:21,040 --> 00:12:24,050
Want to see Sebastian Maniscalco
with us in the Stardust Room?
297
00:12:24,140 --> 00:12:25,970
He's that comedian
who's always startled
298
00:12:26,130 --> 00:12:28,150
by the pasta
he takes pictures with.
299
00:12:29,980 --> 00:12:33,130
No. I'm too busy
trying to save our jobs.
300
00:12:33,150 --> 00:12:34,410
Go home, Griffin.
301
00:12:34,560 --> 00:12:36,800
You are useless to me
and the brewery.
302
00:12:36,820 --> 00:12:39,060
You will never amount
to anything at work.
303
00:12:39,080 --> 00:12:41,910
Oh, yeah? Well, you'll never
amount to anything at life.
304
00:12:42,140 --> 00:12:44,140
You don't know how to
make friends or have fun.
305
00:12:44,160 --> 00:12:46,490
You never even tasted
the beer you sell.
306
00:12:46,590 --> 00:12:48,710
At least I know
why it's special.
307
00:12:49,650 --> 00:12:50,660
Maybe you're right.
308
00:12:50,820 --> 00:12:52,670
I don't quite understand
its appeal.
309
00:12:52,820 --> 00:12:54,260
Well, here's your chance.
310
00:13:01,770 --> 00:13:04,400
♪ La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la ♪
311
00:13:05,500 --> 00:13:07,270
♪ La, la, la, la, la, la, la ♪
312
00:13:07,420 --> 00:13:10,670
♪ La, la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la... ♪
313
00:13:10,690 --> 00:13:14,030
For the record,
I've never seen this movie.
314
00:13:16,510 --> 00:13:18,520
Actors onstage.
315
00:13:18,670 --> 00:13:21,600
I think you mean,
company, positions!
316
00:13:21,620 --> 00:13:25,450
Now, this is the scene
where Mercutio warns Romeo
317
00:13:25,610 --> 00:13:28,520
about Juliet's angry brother
Tybalt.
318
00:13:28,610 --> 00:13:29,850
Who's playing Mercutio?
319
00:13:29,870 --> 00:13:31,520
A ten-ounce bone-in rib eye.
320
00:13:33,720 --> 00:13:36,280
Man, Ruth's Chris really has
their hooks in this thing.
321
00:13:36,300 --> 00:13:38,450
Okay, Chris, move to the right.
322
00:13:38,470 --> 00:13:40,210
-Stage left.
-Heather, come forward.
323
00:13:40,300 --> 00:13:42,200
-Downstage.
-And to the right.
324
00:13:42,210 --> 00:13:43,790
-Stage left.
-Back up, Chris.
325
00:13:43,880 --> 00:13:44,840
Upstage, Chris.
326
00:13:44,990 --> 00:13:46,120
-Stop.
-Stage go.
327
00:13:46,220 --> 00:13:47,720
Am I scared of Tybalt?
328
00:13:47,810 --> 00:13:50,050
Yes, but Juliet can't know.
329
00:13:50,150 --> 00:13:51,370
I'm gonna build on that,
if I may.
330
00:13:51,390 --> 00:13:52,650
Ignore that direction, Chris.
331
00:13:52,800 --> 00:13:56,060
No, Chris, follow the emotion
and take it further.
332
00:13:56,210 --> 00:13:57,970
Great note. Chris,
don't listen to the note.
333
00:13:58,060 --> 00:13:59,230
Take it further.
334
00:13:59,320 --> 00:14:00,970
Of course,
absolutely take it further
335
00:14:00,990 --> 00:14:02,070
but in the opposite direction.
336
00:14:02,220 --> 00:14:03,230
Who's in charge here?
337
00:14:03,390 --> 00:14:04,990
I'm starting to wonder
that myself.
338
00:14:05,220 --> 00:14:07,810
If you're trying to drive me
out of my own production,
339
00:14:07,830 --> 00:14:09,370
- you've got another...
340
00:14:10,480 --> 00:14:12,480
Oh, my first response
on Farmers Only.
341
00:14:12,500 --> 00:14:14,390
A divorcée in Ohio
wants to show me
342
00:14:14,410 --> 00:14:17,080
her sheer Lane Bryant teddy.
343
00:14:17,230 --> 00:14:18,380
Fine. The show's yours.
344
00:14:26,080 --> 00:14:28,680
Oh, man, my head is killing me.
345
00:14:30,350 --> 00:14:33,360
Did... did we do
something bad last night?
346
00:14:33,520 --> 00:14:34,930
Something really bad?
347
00:14:35,080 --> 00:14:37,480
Preston texted me at 2:00 a.m.
348
00:14:39,030 --> 00:14:40,180
What do we do?
349
00:14:40,270 --> 00:14:41,700
If Preston isn't
at that presentation,
350
00:14:41,850 --> 00:14:43,440
the brewery's gonna go under!
351
00:14:46,760 --> 00:14:48,430
Hotel cribs are always so comfy.
352
00:14:48,450 --> 00:14:50,690
I wish I knew where to get
one of these puppies.
353
00:14:50,710 --> 00:14:53,210
Guys, Preston's missing!
We got to find him!
354
00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:56,130
That hooker in the bathroom
was dead when I found her!
355
00:15:10,800 --> 00:15:13,210
Okay, Preston's
not answering texts,
356
00:15:13,230 --> 00:15:14,950
and the presentation's
in three hours.
357
00:15:15,040 --> 00:15:17,040
We got to retrace our steps.
358
00:15:22,810 --> 00:15:24,960
We've been to
every strip joint in town
359
00:15:25,050 --> 00:15:26,550
and can't find Preston anywhere.
360
00:15:26,570 --> 00:15:28,560
We hit Uggoz, with a "Z"
at the end.
361
00:15:28,580 --> 00:15:30,730
Jersey Girlz,
with a "Z" on the end.
362
00:15:30,740 --> 00:15:32,650
C Sectionz, with a "Z"
on the end.
363
00:15:32,800 --> 00:15:35,470
I think we can all agree
that the "Z" on the end
364
00:15:35,490 --> 00:15:37,250
takes sexy to the next level.
365
00:15:37,480 --> 00:15:39,920
And when the "Z" is a little
tilted on the sign,
366
00:15:40,070 --> 00:15:42,400
ooh-la-la.
367
00:15:43,480 --> 00:15:45,070
Hey, do you remember seeing us
last night
368
00:15:45,170 --> 00:15:46,820
with a dignified Black man?
369
00:15:46,840 --> 00:15:49,340
Getting a little tired of you
punching that word.
370
00:15:49,490 --> 00:15:50,990
No, just you four.
371
00:15:51,010 --> 00:15:53,320
But that pilot there said
he'd pay for my college.
372
00:15:53,340 --> 00:15:54,490
That doesn't sound like me.
373
00:15:54,630 --> 00:15:55,920
Two-year community college?
374
00:15:56,010 --> 00:15:58,850
Oh, yeah, that--
Yeah, that sounds like me.
375
00:16:02,280 --> 00:16:04,930
I really like working with you,
Heather.
376
00:16:04,950 --> 00:16:06,110
Me, too, Chris.
377
00:16:06,260 --> 00:16:07,430
By the way,
378
00:16:07,600 --> 00:16:09,840
if you want to go in
for a real kiss today,
379
00:16:09,860 --> 00:16:11,430
I won't stop you.
380
00:16:11,530 --> 00:16:12,600
Places, everyone.
381
00:16:12,620 --> 00:16:14,510
And I want to see acting today.
382
00:16:14,530 --> 00:16:16,500
No more amateur hour.
383
00:16:18,610 --> 00:16:20,110
- Oh, Romeo.
- I don't believe you.
384
00:16:20,200 --> 00:16:21,460
-Again.
-Oh, Romeo.
385
00:16:21,610 --> 00:16:23,020
-Bring it down.
-Oh, Romeo.
386
00:16:23,040 --> 00:16:24,350
-Bring it up.
-Oh, Romeo!
387
00:16:24,450 --> 00:16:26,370
Can we get a sip of water
for our actress?
388
00:16:26,530 --> 00:16:29,190
- She's sounding a little...
- "smacky."
389
00:16:29,210 --> 00:16:30,540
That's it! I quit!
390
00:16:30,640 --> 00:16:32,800
I am too pretty and rich
to put up with this.
391
00:16:33,790 --> 00:16:35,380
She is rich.
Her dad owns a bunch of
392
00:16:35,520 --> 00:16:36,700
Ruth's Chris Steak Houses.
393
00:16:36,720 --> 00:16:39,310
Stewie, you ruined everything.
394
00:16:39,460 --> 00:16:42,720
I was finally going to kiss
a beautiful, nice girl.
395
00:16:42,870 --> 00:16:45,560
She had my heart
and I had hers.
396
00:16:45,650 --> 00:16:48,900
Why must dark forces conspire
397
00:16:49,050 --> 00:16:51,910
to extinguish love's light?
398
00:16:55,400 --> 00:16:58,310
Everyone,
we finally have our Romeo.
399
00:17:01,980 --> 00:17:03,480
Thanks, Stewie.
400
00:17:03,500 --> 00:17:05,000
But what about Juliet?
401
00:17:05,150 --> 00:17:06,340
Don't you worry.
402
00:17:06,570 --> 00:17:09,170
Ruth's Chris's Stewie Griffin's
Principal Shepherd's
403
00:17:09,330 --> 00:17:10,420
Baz Luhrmann's
William Shakespeare's
404
00:17:10,510 --> 00:17:12,900
Romeo and Juliet...
405
00:17:13,000 --> 00:17:15,850
-What was the question?
-I-I don't remember.
406
00:17:21,250 --> 00:17:23,170
Hello, I lost my boss,
407
00:17:23,260 --> 00:17:25,580
so I'll be
your substitute presenter today.
408
00:17:25,680 --> 00:17:28,030
But, uh,
no watching Ratatouille.
409
00:17:28,180 --> 00:17:29,770
We don't get that joke
410
00:17:29,920 --> 00:17:31,650
which references something
from earlier.
411
00:17:33,760 --> 00:17:36,200
"The Importance of Pawtucket
Patriot Ale Products
412
00:17:36,350 --> 00:17:38,600
"in Relation to
the Greater New Jersey Market,
413
00:17:38,690 --> 00:17:40,960
as Prepared by Preston Lloyd."
414
00:17:46,290 --> 00:17:47,620
I've already lost 'em.
415
00:17:47,710 --> 00:17:48,710
What can I do?
416
00:17:48,940 --> 00:17:50,550
I need a beer.
417
00:17:51,890 --> 00:17:54,030
Ah... much better.
418
00:17:54,050 --> 00:17:55,800
Wait a minute. That's it!
419
00:17:55,950 --> 00:17:58,130
Look,
you're not gonna understand beer
420
00:17:58,280 --> 00:17:59,780
with numbers or PowerPoints.
421
00:17:59,800 --> 00:18:01,890
Beer is good
because it makes you feel better
422
00:18:01,970 --> 00:18:04,710
and do awesome things
you wouldn't normally do.
423
00:18:04,730 --> 00:18:07,230
Beer makes memories
that will last...
424
00:18:07,400 --> 00:18:08,790
until you black out.
425
00:18:08,810 --> 00:18:12,490
And when you forget,
there are no regrets.
426
00:18:14,470 --> 00:18:15,910
Beer is courage--
427
00:18:16,130 --> 00:18:19,320
the courage to moon people
from a not-moving car.
428
00:18:19,410 --> 00:18:21,730
Beer helps you
achieve new heights,
429
00:18:21,750 --> 00:18:24,160
atop the shoulders
of unwilling strangers
430
00:18:24,310 --> 00:18:25,480
in a chicken fight.
431
00:18:25,490 --> 00:18:27,660
Beer makes you grab
the brass ring,
432
00:18:27,750 --> 00:18:29,960
or the taser
of a casino security guy.
433
00:18:31,500 --> 00:18:32,830
But if you won't listen to me,
434
00:18:32,930 --> 00:18:35,930
listen to Supreme Court Justice
Brett Kavanaugh.
435
00:18:36,080 --> 00:18:38,490
I liked beer.
Still like beer.
436
00:18:38,580 --> 00:18:41,510
Beer is great
because life is hard.
437
00:18:41,660 --> 00:18:44,080
Don't make it harder
with seltzer.
438
00:18:46,160 --> 00:18:48,110
Oh, my God. You're cheering me.
439
00:18:48,330 --> 00:18:49,920
No, we just saw
a picture of Bon Jovi
440
00:18:49,940 --> 00:18:51,330
on the wall behind you.
441
00:18:51,430 --> 00:18:52,610
But you still won us over.
442
00:18:52,760 --> 00:18:54,340
Pawtucket Patriot Ale will stay
443
00:18:54,360 --> 00:18:56,760
the choice of
New Jersey alcoholics.
444
00:19:06,350 --> 00:19:07,960
Preston! You're alive!
445
00:19:08,110 --> 00:19:10,460
Yes. And thanks to you,
so is our company.
446
00:19:10,610 --> 00:19:12,210
But how are you even standing?
447
00:19:12,300 --> 00:19:15,360
Peter, I had one sip,
found it disgusting,
448
00:19:15,450 --> 00:19:17,140
then watched you get
totally annihilated
449
00:19:17,360 --> 00:19:18,640
in three minutes flat.
450
00:19:18,790 --> 00:19:21,790
I realized only a true drunk
could save the brewery.
451
00:19:21,880 --> 00:19:24,200
That's why I sent you
that text last night.
452
00:19:24,220 --> 00:19:25,540
I spent the morning enjoying
453
00:19:25,630 --> 00:19:27,460
all four Monopoly
railroad properties.
454
00:19:27,480 --> 00:19:28,960
I love trains.
455
00:19:29,040 --> 00:19:30,210
I'm on the spectrum.
456
00:19:30,300 --> 00:19:31,680
Why didn't you respond to texts?
457
00:19:31,760 --> 00:19:34,210
Looking at trains. Love trains.
458
00:19:34,380 --> 00:19:36,560
I also love watching
an employee go
459
00:19:36,720 --> 00:19:39,870
from least productive to...
well, kind of productive.
460
00:19:41,660 --> 00:19:44,000
Thanks for believing in me,
Preston.
461
00:19:44,160 --> 00:19:45,720
Hey, you want to go
down to the pier
462
00:19:45,740 --> 00:19:47,410
and watch the bodies float in?
463
00:19:47,560 --> 00:19:48,830
I'd like that.
464
00:19:53,010 --> 00:19:54,510
Ooh, there's one.
465
00:19:54,670 --> 00:19:57,320
Oh, that bird is going to town
on him.
466
00:19:57,340 --> 00:19:59,340
Oh, there's another one
with no hands and no feet.
467
00:19:59,510 --> 00:20:01,010
What do you think it is,
Russians?
468
00:20:01,090 --> 00:20:02,350
Always the Russians.
469
00:20:02,520 --> 00:20:05,170
How come the bodies
are all so fat?
470
00:20:05,190 --> 00:20:06,850
They're full of water, Peter.
471
00:20:07,000 --> 00:20:08,340
Is that why I'm so big?
472
00:20:08,500 --> 00:20:09,690
On account of the water?
473
00:20:09,760 --> 00:20:12,340
No, Peter.
You are aggressively obese.
474
00:20:12,360 --> 00:20:14,100
You have no self-control.
475
00:20:14,250 --> 00:20:15,420
If you don't change your ways,
476
00:20:15,510 --> 00:20:17,340
you are going to die
prematurely.
477
00:20:19,680 --> 00:20:21,370
Oh, look, a lady!
478
00:20:21,520 --> 00:20:24,580
Yes, Peter. A lady.
479
00:20:32,600 --> 00:20:34,300
Here's to my love.
480
00:20:35,270 --> 00:20:37,380
Oh, true apothecary,
481
00:20:37,610 --> 00:20:39,220
thy drugs are quick.
482
00:20:39,370 --> 00:20:42,050
Thus, with a kiss...
483
00:20:42,200 --> 00:20:45,310
I die.
484
00:20:47,290 --> 00:20:49,290
Oh, no, Romeo's dead.
485
00:20:49,300 --> 00:20:51,620
Now he can't enjoy
Ruth's Chris Steak House's
486
00:20:51,640 --> 00:20:53,770
Surf-and-Turf
Two-for-One Fridays.
487
00:20:57,720 --> 00:20:59,240
He did it.
488
00:20:59,390 --> 00:21:01,820
The son of a bitch did it.
36109
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