All language subtitles for Chickenhare.and.the.Hamster.of.Darkness.2022.WEBRip.x264-ION10.HI

[soft music]

[jungle animal cries]

Told you I'd find it.

But not if they found it first.

I doubt it.

It looks to me like that crocodile
won't have to feed for a while.

[laughs]

[mysterious music]

And to think you,

and everyone, doubted me.

I don't even know why
I let you come, Brother…

[grunts]

I'm sure you'll think of a reason.

[intriguing music]

[grunts]

The Hamster of Darkness.

Finally.

When I bring this back
to the kingdom,

nobody's going to be laughing
at my ear anymore.

No,

I'm going to be the one
who's laughing…

not at my ear of course.

But because I was right,

that the hamster is real.

[grunting]

Something does not feel right.

Oh hush,

let me enjoy
this glorious moment.

[triumphant laughter]

-[sinister laughter]
-Huh?

[grunting]

Twenty years ago my father
and his brother Lapin

almost found the greatest
artifact in the world.

I'm sorry, Lapin.

-This isn't happening.
-[baby crying]

-What the…?
-Over there.

But they found something else…

[cooing]

Me.

What is it?

The freak's pointing at my ear!

No, he's not.

He did it again!

Nonsense. He's adorable.

Hi there, little guy.

You're not taking him back with us?

I'm not leaving him.

Good thing I'm the older brother
and will be king someday,

because you're too soft!

Way too soft!

My uncle never found
the Hamster of Darkness.

And he was never named king.

But we'll get to that soon enough…

[adventurous music]

From the moment
my dad brought me home,

I was preparing for the day

when I would become
a great adventurer like him.

[cooing]

-[laughing]
-There you go.

Ow, ow!

Nice slap of the wrist.

-[crying]
-No, no!

Hm? Ah?

What do you think?

[joyful music]

My favorite days were the days

when my dad returned
from an adventure…

I don't see what the big deal is…

I mean, they just found old junk.

I find old junk in alleys
and nobody's throwing me a parade.

That's my turtle servant Abe.

He's a "glass-is-all-empty" kind of guy.

-Dad!
-Hi there, little guy.

Did you find the fork
from the last brunch?

And the knife!

But I couldn't find the spoon!

Of course, I found the spoon!
[laughs]

When I saw how everyone looked up
to adventurers like my dad,

there and then I decided
that's how I wanted them to see me.

And so there I was, 200 feet
above hare-eating crocodiles,

hanging from a cliff.

-And then what happened?
-And then…

you went to bed.

-[sighs]
-[chuckles]

Hey, that's why they call it
a cliffhanger, pal.

Good night,
my future royal adventurer.

[soft music]

I was obsessed with adventuring.

I stayed up every night reading.

[grunting]

Stupid feathers…

[cheerful music]

I devoured every book about adventuring
and spent hours in the royal library…

I could not get enough of it.
I knew the day would come.

Ah! I don't think heavy lifting
is in my job description.

The tryouts, let's go, Abe.

[soft panting]

[crowd cheering]

Every year I watched
the Royal Adventure Society tryouts,

determined to pick up tips
for when it was my turn.

[giggles]

Why'd you invite him to sit with us?

My dad made me
'cause his dad's the new king.

Why we gotta be seen
with that freak Chickenhare?

It could be worse.
We could be Chickenhare.

[laugh]

-Right?
-Oh man.

[crowd continues cheering]

[breathing heavily]

[crying]

[somber music]

[intriguing music]

[distant laughter]

That was a lot of fun.

What a crock,

the competitors are getting
better and better every year.

-Some world classic…
-Chickenhare?

What are you wearing?

[nervous laughter]
Like it? It's very in.

It's very now… now.

Boots that make you look like
you have hare feet are very now… now?

Style's changed a lot since
you were a kid, Dad.

Come on,
let's take that hat off so I can…

No!

Everybody laughs at me, Dad.

I know it's hard being different.

No, you don't know.
Nobody knows what it's like to be me.

Chickenhare,
now what have I always told you?

The things that make us different…

Are what make us special.

Yeah, I know, Dad.
But I don't wanna be special.

I just wanna be normal.

And wearing this,

I feel normal.

Maybe I'm not as up
on the fashion trends as I used to be.

[chuckles]
It's not just you, Dad!

It's all old people.

Oh! And check out
what I can do in my new boots.

[groaning]

Ow! I'm okay.

All good…

Little sore, but good.

It's just a phase.
He'll grow out of it.

[soft music]

[crowd cheering]

[intriguing music]

[crows]

This is it, Abe. Moment of truth.

The day all my dreams come true.

Remember my three keys to success?

Don't. Screw. Up.

In accordance with the laws
in the Royal Rulebook,

those applicants today
who reach the finish line

shall be considered for
the Royal Adventure Society for life.

First up, Chickenhare.

[crowd cheers]

[mocking laughter]

This should be interesting!

Come on!

-[both laugh]
-[groans]

[exasperated]
That's just slowing me down.

What are you doing?

[grunting]

[crowd shouting]

Ouch, that hurts.

[groans]

[nervous laughter]
Just getting my bearings.

Time to make up some ground.

[intriguing music]
[grunting]

Here we go.

-[crowd laughs]
-No!

-Ah!
-[crowd screams]

I'm okay, I'm okay.
Just go on.

Sorry!

[Chickenhare screaming]

[groans] Yes!

Hey, that's cheating!

[triumphant laughter]

[gasps]

Come on.

You're almost there.

All you have to do is get across
the Really-Really-Deep-

But-Not-Quite-Bottomless-Pit.

Careful, Son.

I can't watch,
but I can't look away.

[drumming]

Easy.

-Come here.
-Let it go!

[crowd screams]

No, no!

[screaming]

[croaks]

[sighs]

[groans]

-Well, there's always a plan B.
-I don't have a plan B.

You could become a stamp collector.

It's like an adventure
every time the mail comes.

And the mail comes every day.
That's a lot of adventures.

Ah, what's so great
about being a royal adventurer anyway?

Besides the fame and adulation?

Hey, Chickenhare, nice work today!

-Nothing but net!
-[laughs] Yeah!

Hey, what'd you expect?
He's mostly chicken.

Pfft. No, he's mostly hare.

-Chicken!
-Hare!

-Chicken!
-Hare!

You know, if you close your eyes
and take it out of context,

it sounds like
they're cheering for you.

Chicken! Hare! Chicken! Hare!

Chicken! Hare! Chicken…

[somber music]

[sighs]

Why can't I be like everyone else?

Chickenhare?

Geez, Dad,
think you could knock?

Sorry.

Thought you'd wanna talk
about what happened today.

Oh, that.
[nervous chuckling]

Just a minor setback is all.

Next year, I'm gonna focus
on doing more cardio.

Maybe some altitude training.

You do know you can't audition twice.

I figured since you're the King,
you could make an exception.

I can't break the rules
just because you're my son.

Come on, Dad.

All I need is one more shot.
I could crush it…

You need to put
your energies elsewhere.

I know it's difficult
to let go of your dream.

I… I just don't want
to see you get hurt again.

Is this because I embarrassed you?

Oh, Chickenhare.
You could never embarrass me.

When I look at you,
I wish you could see what I see.

Yeah, wish I could too.

All I see is that I got the worst parts
of a hare and a chicken.

Maybe you got the best parts.

Do you know

the greatest treasure I ever found?

The Fountain of Middle Age?

It was you.

Finding you when Uncle Lapin and I went
searching for the Hamster of Darkness

was the best thing
that ever happened to me.

Goodnight, Son.

-[crows]
-Oh, shut up!

I've studied adventuring

more than anybody, right?

So, I've just gotta figure out
the location of the one treasure

that every adventurer has been
searching for, but has never found…

-Woah!
-And when I figure that out,

he'll have to let me
into the Royal Adventurer Society.

[Abe panting]

What's the treasure?

Come on,
you know what I'm talking about.

The greatest
undiscovered treasure of all time…

Gotcha. The greatest
undiscovered treasure of all time.

I have no idea.

Arturo the Rodent King created it
to take over the world.

Doesn't ring a bell.

Then his brother Ramon
stole it and hid it

before Arturo could use it.

[annoyed groan]
It has the power of a million hamsters!

Oh!

Nope, still don't have it.

It rhymes
with the "Damster of Harkness"…

Shh!

[liturgical choir]

The Hamster of Darkness, Abe!
How could you not get that?

From where I'm sitting,
it was a problem with the clues.

According to the old legends,

"At the hour of 9
on a new day's dawn,

the constellation
of the hamster shall point

to The Temple
of the Hamster of Darkness."

Well, it's almost 9

which means I'm about
to make time-and-a-half. Cha-ching!

There's one problem.

You can't see a constellation
at 9 in the morning.

It's too bright out.

-We gotta be missing something.
-Yeah, breakfast.

-I'm starving!
-I need the original text.

[upbeat music]

[humming]

Erik the Literal's Volume 13

on the Hamster of Darkness
is checked out.

When's it due back?

Three months ago.

Fine, I'll go get it myself.
So, who's got it?

Your Uncle Lapin.

[gasps]

[thundering]

So, uh, how long has it been
since you've seen your uncle?

Not since he tried
to overthrow my father.

He wasn't happy that my grandfather
chose my dad as king and not him.

Talk about rich people's problems.

Ah, let's go.

Time has mellowed him.

Oh no.
My duties as your turtleservant

do not extend to accompanying you

to meet with your terrifying uncle
in his jail cell.

[muttering]

Nothing about meeting
with evil uncles in jail…

See, this is why you join a union.

Servants-and-Bed-Pan-Handlers Local 645.

Strength through numbers.

[intriguing music]

[snoring]

-What's he in for?
-Murder.

Tax evasion.

Ha! I murdered the tax code.
[laughs]

The prison that can hold Barry Goldfarb
hasn't been built!

Some rules to remember:

Do not pass Lapin anything
as he will turn it into a weapon,

even a carrot.

Don't approach the cell.
Don't touch the bars.

And don't reach through the bars.

The last guy to do that
spent a month in the hospital.

Granted that was for the flu.
But I'm sure he caught it from Lapin.

Huh?

You're not coming with me?

The union says I don't have to.
Thank goodness

for Prison-Guards-and-Haberdashers
Local 646.

Strength through numbers.

[screams]

Nephew?

What a pleasant surprise.

Hi, Uncle Lapin.

I was in the neighborhood
and, uh, thought it might be nice

to stop by and say "hi".

So, um…

Hi!

And oh yeah,

there's this book
that you got from the library.

It's actually long overdue.

Oh no.
What are they gonna do,

lock me up?

-[evil laughter]
-[nervous laughter]

Right.

That's funny because
you're already locked up

for trying to overthrow my father.

Well, I always did have a problem
with authority.

So, you're looking
for the Hamster of Darkness,

are you?

Oh, no, no.

I don't think it's real.

Really?

Every time I've requested
a book on adventuring

and it wasn't in,
it was because you had checked it out.

Somebody's been doing
their homework.

It's real. And we both know it.

It'd be quite a feather
in your cap to bring back

to the Royal Adventure Society,

wouldn't it?

-Maybe…
-[sighs]

Such a waste.

You see, when I find
the Hamster of Darkness,

I'm going to use it
to take over the kingdom.

[evil laughter]
I'm just joking.

Besides, I'm locked in this tower

that no one has ever escaped from.

You think I've been waiting

for your visit because
you were the final piece of my escape?

[evil laughter]
I wish I was that cunning. But now…

let me find that book for you.

Is this the one?

Oh yeah, that's the one.

So, uh, if you'd just toss it
on over here,

I'll get out of your way
and you can go back

to marking the days
on the wall with chalk.

I'm afraid my time in here
has weakened me.

Come over here.

Why not just give it a little toss?

Huh?

On second thought,

I… I'll come get it.

Oops.

[grunting]

Hold on.
I just remembered…

I'm not done with it.

[crashing]

Goodbye, Chickenhare.

Don't forget your hat.

[breathing heavily]

[suspenseful music]

[thundering]

Oh no…

"Dear Brother,
enjoy your last days as king.

All the best, Lapin."

I'm sorry, Dad.

You know you're not allowed
to visit Lapin!

What were you thinking?

He had this book I needed
about the Hamster of Darkness.

-See I figured…
-I told you to let it go.

Sir, it's a map!

"The Tomb of the Unknown Turtle"?

The old adventurer Frederic
the Extremely Short proposed that

as one of the locations
of the Hamster of Darkness.

That's where Lapin's going.

Ready my boat.
We leave immediately.

Dad, I know everything
about the Hamster of Darkness.

Bring me, I can help.

No. You've done enough already.

[somber music]

[door closes]

[sighs]

Hey, Boss, just came by
to see how you're doing.

Other than letting the most dangerous
criminal escape.

-I'm doing great.
-You are?

-Look what was behind the books.
-An abstract painting?

A map, Abe.

Oh.

Lapin's obsessed
with the Hamster of Darkness.

It doesn't make sense
that he'd think

the Temple would be
at the Tomb of the Unknown Turtle.

That's been searched many times.
[bell rings]

It's a minute before 9,

something's missing.

The moths are gonna be
the only ones to miss Lapin.

It's winter.

There are no moths.
[gasps]

It's the constellation!

Coincidence.

It's not, Abe.

Lapin has been on this quest for years.

It's not a blanket,
it's a curtain, give me that.

[bell rings]

You see, total coincidence.

I'm not so sure.

Let me clear the floor.

Yes, that's it!

The book.

"At the hour of 9
on a new day's dawn,

the constellation shall point

to The Temple
of the Hamster of Darkness."

[enchanting music]

Bingo.

Where's the "X"? Don't maps need
an "X" to mark the spot?

Oh, darn tropes.

[panting]

Dad! Wait!

You're going the wrong way!

We need to get a boat ready.

We have to beat Lapin
to the Hamster of Darkness.

Oh no, forget about it.
I am not an adventurer.

And you're…
How do I put this delicately?

You're… you.

Maybe I'm not much of an adventurer,

but we're the only ones
who can do this now.

And if we don't,

Lapin's gonna come back
and take over the kingdom.

Well, unemployment is kinda high.

And your dad's been king for what?
15 years?

This is serious, Abe.
And it's all my fault.

Not all. Only like 90%.

I'm going.
And I want you to come with me.

I'm your servant.
I'm legally bound to go with you.

No. I'm not asking as your master.

I'm asking you as a friend.

Well, that makes it an easy decision.
[chuckles]

Actually, that makes it
an incredibly difficult decision.

Can you be friends with your boss?

Isn't the relationship completely skewed
by the power dynamic?

What?

These are deep questions.

I, for one, find them
intellectually invigorating.

Wait, wait.

Actually, sorry, keep going.

Wait. [sighs]

I'm coming…

friend.

But be prepared
for a lot of "I told you so's."

[intriguing music]

I have been at sea
for 12 long minutes.

The heat is unbearable.

Thirst is a constant companion.

And as for hunger,

I may be developing
a taste for chicken and hare.

Not too late to turn around.

I always wanted an adventure.

I just hope we can pull it off.

I'm sure we will.

[nervous laughter]

I have no confidence
in our chances.

If you're reading this,
I've either been crushed,

impaled, pole-axed, harpooned,

eaten alive by carnivorous beetles,

drowned in a sea full of sharks,

killed by birds
pecking at my every being.

[buzzing]

[gasping for air]

So, so parched.

Ow!

Water?

Oh, that goes down nice.
Oh yeah.

So, parched.

That jet stream gets me every time.

Well?

Huh? Oh, yeah uh…

The King took the bait.
All's going like we planned.

Like we planned?

Well, yeah, okay.

Technically it was your plan,
but I agreed it was a great plan.

-[nervous laughter]
-No, it's the perfect plan.

Well, not quite perfect.

-What?
-Uh… it's your nephew.

The freak?

He knows where the hamster is.

And he and his little turtle friend
are following us.

Hey, I figured we could wait for them,

then flank them
and engage them in a nautical battle.

[laughs] I've always wanted
to be in a nautical battle.

Please remember you're here
because of your wings, not your brain.

I can't waste valuable time
on the off chance

that the freak actually makes it
across the ocean.

No,

we'll subcontract this one out.

And I have just the animal
for the job.

Luther,

the last member of our team.

The most ruthless animal

I've ever had the pleasure
of working with.

He's so mean,

he once killed an animal

just for snoring.

Oh!

[nervous laughter]
I, um… I have sleep apnea.

And it's… It's pretty bad.

Can we get separate rooms?

-Lapin, it's been too long.
-[baby crying]

[chuckles]
It's okay, little guy…

Coo coo coo!

[exotic music]

This is where Alexander the Sweaty
discovered the Mustache of Destiny.

Isn't this place great?

Yeah. Great place to get murdered.
Why are we here anyway?

Follow me.

This very tavern

is where Hector the Lost
hired the legless sherpa

who led him to the Atheist's Temple.

I never thought I'd see it
with my own eyes.

I think you and I have
very different bucket lists.

With any luck,
this is where we'll find our guide.

Or at least a communicable disease.

Hey. You need a guide?

I'm your gal.

I know that jungle
like the back of my tail.

Don't do it, kid. She's bad news.

Only a fool without a snout
would hire a skunk.

The guy you want's over there.

Uh, excuse me?

I'm looking for a guide.

Well, fellow hare,

you've come to the right rat.

The name's Rusty,
but my sense of direction's not.

Come on, let's go talk in the back,
away from prying ears.

Yup.
I think we can totally trust this guy.

Not suspicious at all.

-So Rusty, we gotta go to…
-I already know where you're going.

You do?

Wow.
No wonder you're a guide.

You're going with him.

-[laughs]
-[snarls]

[nervous laughter]
He's joking, right?

[laughs]

Tell me we've stumbled
into a very messed-up daycare.

Uh… Rusty?

Is this guide humor?

You didn't tell me this guy was looking
for the Hamster of Darkness.

You lose your manners
along with that eye?

Stay out of this, skunk!

Yeah, it's me,
I'm Meg by the way.

I don't care.
Now give me that map.

Over our dead bodies.

So, Mr. Gorilla, just to be clear,

Meg was speaking metaphorically
about dead bodies.

Uh-oh, he's a literalist.

[Meg laughs]

[mariachi music]

Take this!

-Yeah, my kind of girl!
-[Luther grunting]

We're in a bar fight!

-Woah!
-[laughs]

[grunting]

Our map! He's getting away.

-Or not. [grunts]
-[laughs]

[Meg] Yeah, come on,
is that all you got?

[grunts]

-[laughs]
-Meg, you're amazing.

I assume you're not going
with Rusty as your guide

because of the whole betrayal thing.

You're hired!

This should be a lesson,
don't judge a book by its cover,

'cause you might end up
reading a really bad book.

[gasping]

[growls]

Uh…

I'm really, really sorry.

Meg? We've got a problem…

And I've got the solution.

Guys, put these on.

Now.

[suspenseful music]

[all] Ah!

[disgusted shrieking]

What a blast!

I'm gonna keep this if that's okay.

[giggling]

Oh darn,
I need to change your diaper.

[mysterious music]

Hold up. This sweat is chaffing me
like there's no tomorrow…

Which there probably isn't.

Ah…

That's better.

A little hot in that jacket?

Not at all. [nervous chuckle]
I'm actually a little cold.

Okay… So, I know
we haven't talked compensation,

but I have a proposal.

I'll take you to wherever
you wanna go for free.

What's the catch?

I've been on a number
of adventures myself,

exclusively solo expeditions
'cause of the skunk thing.

And the truth is,
it's been kind of lonely.

Meg, you can stay
with us as long as you like.

-Really?
-Really?

You are not going to regret this.
No sirree.

I gotta say, I think we're on the cusp
of something great.

Something epic,
something unprecedented.

Ah!

[impressed whistle]
Hamster of Darkness. That's the Big One.

When we find it,
they'll put us on the cover

of Adventure Weekly
and Adventure Monthly.

And Chickenhare,
if they put your name first,

I'm totally fine with that,
just happy to be part of the team.

You think she brought anything
to plug my ears?

Hey, what kind of name
is Chickenhare anyway?

Is that part Yukinarian?

Uh… I actually don't know.

Really? No clue?
Because it is such a unique name.

Well, it's very unusual.

Because I see the hare,
but I don't see the chicken.

I'm gonna figure this out,
I'm great at puzzles.

Well, that's too bad.
Looks like we'll have to head back.

Follow me.

[grunts] Your turn.

[sighs]
Why can't I meet anyone

who shares my pessimism?

Ow!

If you take off that jacket,
it might help with your follow-through.

Just a suggestion.
What do I know, I'm just a skunk.

No, no. I'm good!
Third time's a charm!

Oops.

Now what?

Stay put and don't try
anything foolish.

[ominous music]

I expected more from you, Luther.

-I won't tolerate another mistake.
-[baby crying]

And why is this thing even here,

why isn't he at home with your wife?
What has happened to you?

See, Lapin,
me and my wife have 2-3 jobs.

It's hard, you know,
providing for the baby.

See, I can't afford
the cost of diapers and…

Enough!

Has the entire criminal underworld
gone soft since I've been locked up?

[clears throat]

Do me a favor,
go back to your wife.

Go!

-Woah!
-Oh good, the duck's back.

Please tell me
something positive.

Chickenhare made it through
the Desert of Death.

What? Impossible!

Well, technically improbable
since he did make it through.

He's a couple clicks behind us.

What are clicks?

I hear that term on missions like this,
but I don't know what they are.

Destroy the bridge.

It will take them a week
to get around the quicksand.

By then, I'll have Featherbeard
completely under my control.

[evil laughter]
Our control.

Huh?

Your control… obviously.

[suspenseful music]

Ugh. We'll have to go around,
that's gonna take at least a week.

We don't have a week.

My Uncle Lapin'll already have
the hamster by then.

We can cross it.

Sure, for a couple of feet.
But then we'd die!

Because this is quicksand!
It sucks you under until you die!

That's what it does,
its reason for existing!

Chickenhare is right, we should try.
The quicksand is only in a few spots.

If we avoid them,
we'll have a solid path.

Do you know where that path is?

Follow in my footsteps
and you'll be okay.

I'll go last.

[mysterious music]

Who's this Uncle Lapin?

Oh, he's just a genius adventurer

with grandiose plans most likely
covering a deep-seeded insecurity.

Sounds like someone else I know.

-Chickenhare!
-Oh no!

-Chickenhare!
-Abe, help!

Grab onto me.
Darn, I'm a goner too.

Hey, watch the shell!

Hold on, Chickenhare.

[groaning]

Woah!

Meg! I'm going down!

Stay still, don't move.

[groans]

-Woah!
-What are you doing?

Grab the whip!

With your hands!
Isn't that kind of implied?

[grunting] Just pull!

-[Meg] Help, Abe! Hurry!
-[gasps]

Use your hands!

Isn't it a pretty simple concept
he's failing to grasp? Abe!

Ah!

Oh, my gosh!
I'm pulling him out of his skin!

[screaming]

[breathing heavily]

Wait, are those… chicken legs?

Woah, woah!

Hold on a second.
Chickenhare… Oh, lightning bolt!

That's where the name
comes from!

Told you I was great at puzzles!
Those are chicken feet.

Woah! You're part chicken,
part hare, aren't you?

[grunting]

Hello, what about me?

Hey, a little help here, guys,
I'm stuck.

[cheerful music]

-Do you have other chicken parts?
-No.

[coughs]

-Hey!
-Wow!

That is… awesome!

What else? [gasps]
Do you have wings?

You have wings under that jacket!

Nope. You've seen the top-shelf stuff.
Just feathers under there.

-Lemme see 'em.
-No!

-Are there other chickenhares?
-Not that I know of.

You're your own species!
How awesome is that?

You're automatically endangered.

-It's not awesome!
-So like what you can do?

Oh my gosh, you can fly!

I can't fly.
Chickens can't even fly.

Uh, technically they can over
very short distances.

Oh come on,
but you're only part chicken.

How many flying hares
have you ever seen?

Well, none.

But I've also never seen a hare
with such gigantic floppy ears.

-I mean, on an elephant.
-I can't fly! [screams]

You can fly!

[all groan]

See, I can't fly.

I can't clear a bar
with my scent like you Meg.

There's nothing good
about being me, okay?

Oh… You've got a "me" problem.

Uh…

I think we got a "we" problem.

[gasps] Oh no!

[upbeat music]

[Abe] Ow.

[Chickenhare] Pigmies?

Oh!

Woah! Heya!
We come in peace.

For the record,
I didn't wanna come at all.

Blast 'em. Blast 'em all.

Hold on, I can't,
I haven't recharged yet.

"Haven't recharged!"
What happened to being special?

[laughs]

Hey! That tickles!

Behold! Ooo.

The Chickenhare!

God of the land and sky!

Flyer over short distances!
[crows]

Part chicken, part hare.

Almighty!

[all] Woah.

[tribal music]

You are a god?

Uh…

Sure?

That's good enough for me.

Prepare the feast!

See, "me" problem.

Tonight,

we shall ply
the almighty Chickenhare

and his strange helpers

with our finest banquet!

And then, tomorrow at first light,

we shall take them to our volcano,

and sacrifice the god Chickenhare

to our god…
Santoro the Stoic!

I think you're just the thing

to finally put a smile
on Santoro's face.

Just to be clear,

Chickenhare's the only one
going in the volcano, right?

[intriguing music]

[huffing]

Nom, nom.
Wow. That meal was incredible.

These guys know how
to throw a sacrifice.

See, Meg, this is what happens
when I'm myself.

Maybe we could take a break
from the pity party?

Let me tell you
about a little skunk named…

I don't know… "Peg."

Oh, I love a good story,
especially after a meal like that.

Growing up, nobody wanted
a play date with "Peg,"

on account of her being a skunk.

Even when she got cool new dolls,
and had goody bags for her birthday,

nobody came.

She bathed twice a day,
didn't matter.

So… she corked herself.

[all] Ouch!

Ouch is right.

But that didn't work either.

So naturally, "Peg" got angry…

Her parents had her channel
that anger into positivity.

So, she got a black belt in karate…

and Kung Fu…

and Kendo…

and seven other martial arts.

But that didn't help either.
She was still angry.

Deep down, "Peg" still wished
she was anything but a skunk.

Until the day she went
on a field trip to the Royal Treasury,

and then Billy Goat Jones,
the jerk who teased "Peg" the most,

shut the door behind us.

The treasurer was
the only one with the combination.

What happens
when a skunk fears for her life?

Well, "Peg" was a skunk
who feared for her life

and had been corked for 3 years.

"Peg" saved everyone that day.

[Chickenhare] You were a hero
and everyone loved you, Meg.

Uh, I mean "Peg".

No, they treated me worse than ever.

But for the first time,
I didn't care.

I realized the thing that I was corking,
wasn't something to be ashamed of.

No, it's what made me special.

Chickenhare, you're a corker.

Until you blow open your treasury vault,
you won't know what makes you special.

[yawns] Nice story, Meg,

and I liked the way
you changed your name

to make it feel more universal.

But when the volcano turns us to ash,

it isn't gonna discriminate
between the corkers and the non-corkers.

True. But they're not gonna
throw us in that volcano.

Uh…

-They're not?
-Nope.

Because you're gonna break us out.

[snoring]

-Are you sure about this?
-Trust me.

[suspenseful music]

[sneezes]

[Pigmies snoring]

[triumphant music]

[Pigmies sneezing]

[snoring]

[intriguing music]

[snoring continues]

[whispering] Chickenhare.

[calm music]

[whispering] I'll be right back.

No. [sighs]

[grunts]

Really? [sighs]

[thrilling music]

[grunting]

Chickenhare, don't.

You don't need those.

[sighs]

[signals transmitting]

[intriguing music]

[gasps]

[gasp]

[signals continuing transmitting]

Well, you know,

I always felt waiting
'til first light was a bit arbitrary.

Take them to the volcano now!

Put down your weapons,

or your god gets it!

Abe?

Come on, guys, hurry up.

Look how Santoro maintains his stoicism,

even with a spear at his throat.

Let's see how he maintains
his stoicism rolling down a hill!

Now they'll all follow him
as we make our escape…

-Or not.
-Get them!

[upbeat music]
[panting]

Oh great Santoro,

your revenge is at hand!

Watch out!

[Abe] This isn't worth
perpetual three-day weekends!

No, come here!

Woah!

[sighs]

Tell me you've recharged!

I'm trying! Almost there.

[screams]

I'm starting to think
you're not special at all,

you just have an enormous ego!

There we go, I'm back.

Fire in the hole!

[slowed down music]

Ow!

[breathing heavily]

Chickenhare!

[intriguing music]

-Chickenhare! This way!
-Coming!

[growls]

[triumphant music]

[gasp]

Woah!

[growls]

Chickenhare!
Your moves have moves.

Good work, Chickenhare.

Did you see that?

[shrieks]

[war cry]

Let's go.

Look!

[Chickenhare]
Woah, the mountain!

[rumbling]

[thrilling music]

Incoming!

-Meg, get us across!
-I can't do it.

I can't do it.
Last time I tried…

Last time your jacket
was holding your arm back.

You're almost here, Chickenhare.

-Wow, I did it! Hang on!
-Here we go!

[Abe laughs]

Woohoo!

[Abe] Oh, please. No!

You couldn't have brought
the large whip,

could you, Meg?

I hate adventuring!

[scream]

Hey! It's even further than I thought.

[screaming]

[breathing heavily]

According to the map,
the temple's at the top of the mountain.

We need a plan. Lapin is probably
halfway up there already.

I have a plan!

If we take the Nearly Impassable Pass,

by the time the trails merge,
we should be ahead of them…

Sounds like a genius plan to me.

We might actually get
that Hamster of Darkness after all.

What do you mean "might"?
Lapin's gonna eat our feather dust.

Uh… Abe?

This mud's actually very nutrient-rich.

Uh, let's go.

Hey, I wanna stop Lapin
as much as you,

well maybe 10% as much as you,

but can't we look good doing it?

[soft music]

[ominous music]

[Barry screams]

Here I am. You won't believe it.

Chickenhare's heading up
the Nearly Impassable Pass!

What? Impossible!

Huh? No, again I think
it's more improbable than impossible.

You know, I tell you what,
the way he's going,

the Three Deadly Trials
won't be a problem for Chickenhare.

Get the dynamite.

Come on, Abe!

We're closing in on them.

Hello, I'm a turtle!

Are you completely unaware
of my species' role in fables?

[grunting]

[explosion]

You idiots!

The avalanche was supposed
to take out Chickenhare, not us!

[distant screaming]

It really is difficult
to find good help these days.

[echoing] Lapin! Lapin!

Look, Lapin's a goner.

-I guess there's nothing we can do.
-Yeah there is.

You're right,
nothing we can do.

Oh, let's go.

Sorry, guys.

[calm music]

According to the legend,

we're looking for a hamster face
etched in the ice.

[Meg] I got it!

This way!

Alright, we're going in.

You read my mind, partner.

Wait. Lapin's dead and buried.

Probably not in that order.

We saved the kingdom.
We're done here. Let's go home.

Abe, if I can bring back
the Hamster of Darkness,

my dad will let me join
the Royal Adventure Society.

Isn't it enough
that you made it this far?

And who's gonna believe me?

I need the hamster as proof.

Now the only thing
standing between us and it

are the Three Deadly Trials.

Abe, if you wanna stay behind,
fine, but…

I'm in! [grunts]

[sighs]
I've always been a follower.

I want every other Thursday off too!

[mysterious music]

"In order to enter
the Temple of the Hamster of Darkness,

one must pass the Three Deadly Trials."

Why's it always three?
Why can't it ever be two trials?

What's the first one?

"We hamsters may be small of stature,

but we are cool under pressure.

We never lose our heads,

even when confronted
by imminent death."

"Imminent death"!
That's how we start?

Sadistic little rodents, aren't they?

"Small of stature"…

Ah!

"Cool under pressure"…

[Abe screams]

Hey!

A secret passage!

-Well done!
-Let's get out of here!

[breathes heavily]
Woah!

[groaning]

[enchanting music]

[Meg] What's the second trial?

"Though we hamsters may not be so fleet
of foot to outrun our Destiny,

we do have the courage to face it."

Enough with this fake
self-deprecating routine.

Why couldn't these hamsters
hire shrinks like us?

[suspenseful music]

Run!

[breathing heavily]

Look, that's Ramon's wife!

It's wonderful
that you admire the female form…

His wife Destiny.
We have to stand here facing Destiny.

Oh yeah! Or… we can run!

Meg, if you're gonna side with me
once before I die,

you have 10 seconds.
9…

I'm with Chickenhare.

Uh-oh, miscalculated!
7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1…

[scream]

[ice breaking]

[all] Woah!

[calm music]

Oh!

Think these hamsters
had issues with being short?

[Abe] Do I even wanna ask
what the third trial is?

-All the legend says, is: "Do this."
-Do what?

[childish music]

That can't be it. Could it?

[childish music stops]

[hesitant music]

[Abe shrieks]

[Abe] Man, these hamsters
keep you off-balance.

The scepter…

[Chickenhare] We made it!

I'm taking you home.

[breathes heavily]

Ah.

[Lapin] The Hamster of Darkness.

[Meg & Abe shriek]

-But you…
-Were buried in that avalanche?

Or did I make you think I was?

See, I asked myself:

Why should I try to pass
the Three Deadly Trials

when my very eager nephew
would do it for me?

Give me that scepter.

[Meg] Don't give it to him!

You're smart, Chickenhare.
I could use someone like you.

You could be in charge
of my adventure society.

We'll show everyone who laughs at us,

take our revenge on those who'd shun us
because we're different.

We're so alike, you and I.

I'm nothing like you.

But you are.
Because Chickenhare…

I'm your father.

I'm just kidding.
I'm not your father!

But wouldn't it
have been crazy if I was,

right?

Give me that scepter or…

One more step
and I'll throw it over the edge.

Do it and I'll throw your friends over.

Give it to him! Post haste.

Do not call his bluff.

Prisoners play a lot of poker!
A lot!

If I give it to you,
you'll let them go?

I'll let you all go.

I swear it.

[Meg] No, he's lying. Ow!

Do you know the final piece
of the legend, Chickenhare?

"He who releases the Hamster of Darkness

shall be followed for all of his days."

-That's right, little freak.
-[both grunt]

[clears throat]

I, Lapin the IX,

call upon you

to bring the darkness.

[intense music]

[whimpering]

What have I done?

[evil laughter]

What do you say
we go take back my kingdom?

- What about the freak and his friends?
- I promised I'd let them go.

So, let them go… over the edge.

Darn semantics…

[all scream]
[clatter]

[Lapin groans]
I have good news and bad news.

The bad news is that
you should freeze to death

in about… 12 hours.

Really?
I think it's gonna be quicker.

What's the good news?

Please be that they're sending
a rope down for us.

The good news is you'll outlive
your father, Chickenhare.

I wouldn't call that good news.

-Maybe slightly better news…
-[Lapin's evil laughter]

[sighs] We found nothing.

It was just another
of my brother's tricks.

Hope for the best,
prepare for the worst.

If Lapin got the scepter,
things could get rough.

Go and take shelter in the dungeon.

Dad, I've gone to stop Lapin.

I know I'm not an Adventurer like you,
but I'll try my best.

I'm sorry for all this.

I love you, Chickenhare.

[grunting]

This is all my fault.

Know what? You're right!

It is all your fault! 100%!

We could've gone home now, but no,

you had to find
the Hamster of Darkness.

-So everyone would forget you're…
-A freak?

I thought bringing it back
would make them accept me.

[sighs]
It's not all your fault.

It's Meg's fault too.
She's a bad influence.

And I wasn't gonna say "freak."
I was gonna say "Chickenhare."

-Same thing.
-No, they're not.

Look at me!
Why couldn't I just be normal?

Lapin never would've escaped,
and I wouldn't've come here.

Because you're not normal!
Pretending you were only made it worse.

But when you got rid of that costume
and became you…

You found the hamster.

The treasure no adventurer
could find for thousands of years.

Lapin never would've found it
without you.

I'm trying to let it go,
but I can't.

All of us are born with things
that make us different.

The only choice we have
is how we see those things.

So, we can either be ashamed of them
or we can embrace them

and see that our differences
make us…

Special.

-No!
-Chickenhare!

[intriguing music]

[Abe cheers & laughs]

Whoop-de-doo!

[Abe] Woohoo!

Really? [sighs]

-[Ape pants]
-Come on, Abe.

They're too far ahead.

When we get to your kingdom,
it'll be too late.

We've come too far.
There's gotta be a way.

-I have a plan.
-You have a plan?

I have my moments.

My secret shame.

I was born without a shell.

This one's my Uncle Herb's…
Love you Uncle Herbie!

Woah!

What? It's not like I got feathers
growing out of my head.

It's not that.

It's just that, uh…

you're really pale.

Eww. That is unattractive.

Eh, anyway, who's ready to ride?

[screaming]

-Should've used less wax!
-Get down!

-[Abe] Ow!
-[Chickenhare] Watch out!

[groan]

[Meg] Woohoo!

Alright!

-We're gonna catch Lapin.
-Or not.

[screaming]

[Lapin hums]

[Abe] I hate adventuring.

[panting]

Sir, Lapin's at the gate.

He requests to see you.

Let's settle this!

[Lapin hums]

Not another step forward, Brother,
until you tell me where my son is.

You mean that worthless
little half-breed freak?

He's not coming back.

I made quite sure of that.

[roar]

Hold it.

Brother, please. Where is my son?

[laughs]

I assume he froze to death on the side
of the cliff I threw him over.

No!

The scepter?

That's right! I found it.

Ah, technically Chickenhare found…

Enough talk. Hamsters, attack!

[all] Ah!

[Lapin's evil laughter]

[frantic commotion]

Sounds like a lost cause.

My favorite kind.

Meg, I'll need your whip.

-Thought you'd never ask.
-[sighs]

[rebellious music]

We can sneak up on Lapin.

That's a terrible plan,
he's got a million hamsters.

Lance, Whitey!

Chickenhare!
We thought you were dead.

Nope. Alive and kicking with these.

So, where do we stand?

[Lance] It looks pretty hopeless.

We gotta get down there.

We gotta find a way
to get past those million hamsters.

With big tails.

What? I was born without a shell.

A dose of skepticism
has been essential to my survival.

That's how we sneak up on Lapin!

-With my skepticism?
-No, with your shell.

Well, at least we know your plan's
not the worst one, Whitey.

Mine, at long last.

[laughs] Oh!

Perfect fit.

Actually, I'll need
to have it taken in a little

because you have
such a big fat head, Brother.

Maybe you're not so perfect
after all.

[glorious music]

[groans]

What?

Peg, say hello
to my little smelly friend!

[suffocating]

Hey, Chickenhare's plan worked!

Woah!

Chickenhare!

You?

Hamsters, I command you to fight no more
and return to the scepter.

I mean it.

I'm serious.

I command you!

[weakly] Please…

[evil laughter]
Fool!

That scepter is nothing without me.

"For he who releases
the Hamster of Darkness

shall be followed for all of his days."

The power's already mine.

That's not true. Without the scepter,

he will lose his power.

Then I'll get rid of it.

Hamsters…

[Lance & Whitey] Run, Chickenhare!

Attack!

Argh. [evil laughter]

[screaming]

Oops. Now what?

What are you waiting for?
Break that wall!

[breathing heavily]

[evil laughter]

[explosion]
[gasps]

Get the scepter, now,
before he throws it in the pit!

[grunts]

Hamsters, the wheel!

[grunts]

Okay, Chickenhare,
that's how you want to play it,

then let's do it my way.

[shrieks]

[Barry] Ow!

How does it look?

That wasn't there before.

[squeaky chuckling]

[grunts]

[crows]

Hey rodents,
come and get us if you dare!

-[Abe] Hi there.
-[groan]

[grunting]

[grunting]

[screaming]

[hamsters squealing]

Woah! Look at him!

Get me the scepter
if you want to fly another day.

Woah!

[Barry grunts]

-Come on!
-[Barry laughs]

-[grunting]
-Huh?

Woah, woah, woah!

[screams]

Game over, Lapin.

No it's not,
we're just about to get started.

[intense music]

[grunting]

[groans]

[gasps]

[sighs]

[laughing]

[cheering]

Catch me if you can!
[laughs]

-Let's finish this, Brother.
-Not so fast.

Huh?

Argh!

Hamsters, charge!

Finish him, Chickenhare's mine.

[grunting]

[crying out in pain]

-[groans]
-[gasps]

[screaming]

[screaming]

[growls]

[suspenseful music]

Give me that!

[Chickenhare grunting]

-[screams]
-[laughs] Good riddance.

[exhales in relief]

[both grunting]

[evil laughter]

Uncle!

[screaming]

Uncle!

-[groans]
-[grunts]

[gasps]

I got you, come on.

Huh? [screaming]

[screams] Chickenhare, no!

Fly chicken, fly.

Oh!

[screaming]

[screaming]

[screaming]

[evil laughter] If I'm going down,
at least I'm taking you with me.

What?

Impossible!

[all] Woah!

[soft music]

[pant]

Woohoo!

[joyous music]

[laughs]

Hey, guys, I'm back!

Alright, you did it!

Did you see that? I can fly!

Nah. I wouldn't call that flying,
more like gliding.

Ugh. Abe, cork it, will you?

Chickenhare,

you found it.

Yeah, but Lapin took it and…

Not the Hamster of Darkness,
Chickenhare.

You.

You found you.

I'm glad.

Me too, Dad.

Woah.

A hare who can fly.

How cool is this?

What are you talking about?
He can fly because he's a chicken.

What? He's a hare.

-Chicken.
-Hare.

-Chicken.
-Hare.

-Chicken.
-Hare.

So what'd I miss?

Huh? Oh… oh.

Hey! Hey!

What do you want from me?
I just…

Chickenhare?

Chickenhare.

[gasps] I knew it.

[soft music]

Chickenhare, what are you doing?

Guys, I just discovered the location
of the holy spork!

We leave in 5 minutes.

But they're just about to start
bringing out the hors d'oeuvres.

But what about your induction?

This is what you've wanted
your whole life.

Sorry, don't have time.

Hold on, Chickenhare.
You can't leave…

without this.

[gasps]

Woah!

Your golden machete.

You really mean this?

I love you, Dad.

Now, go get that holy spork.

[cheerful music]

[sighs] What are the odds
both of my best friends are masochists?

Hey!

Subtitling TITRAFILM