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WEBVTT
Kind: captions
Language: en
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[Music]
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[Music]
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he<00:00:55.120> is<00:00:55.520> so<00:00:56.239> cute<00:00:56.640> you<00:00:56.800> guys
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he is so cute you guys
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he is so cute you guys
okay<00:00:59.039> you<00:00:59.199> think<00:00:59.440> timothy<00:00:59.920> shalom<00:01:00.399> is<00:01:00.559> cute
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okay you think timothy shalom is cute
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okay you think timothy shalom is cute
he<00:01:01.920> is<00:01:02.640> case<00:01:02.960> in<00:01:03.120> point<00:01:03.440> you<00:01:03.600> two<00:01:03.760> have<00:01:04.239> bad
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he is case in point you two have bad
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he is case in point you two have bad
taste<00:01:05.280> you're<00:01:05.519> too<00:01:05.760> picky
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taste you're too picky
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taste you're too picky
at<00:01:06.880> some<00:01:07.119> point<00:01:07.360> you're<00:01:07.520> just<00:01:07.760> gonna<00:01:07.920> have<00:01:08.080> to
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at some point you're just gonna have to
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at some point you're just gonna have to
settle<00:01:09.040> on<00:01:09.200> a<00:01:09.280> guy<00:01:09.680> you<00:01:09.840> know<00:01:10.400> okay<00:01:10.720> that's<00:01:10.960> a
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settle on a guy you know okay that's a
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settle on a guy you know okay that's a
depressing<00:01:11.520> thought<00:01:12.240> and<00:01:13.119> eric<00:01:13.520> has<00:01:13.680> a<00:01:13.840> cute
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depressing thought and eric has a cute
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depressing thought and eric has a cute
friend<00:01:15.040> very
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friend very
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friend very
femme<00:01:17.040> looking<00:01:17.840> perfect<00:01:18.479> for<00:01:18.720> you<00:01:19.040> vic<00:01:19.520> no<00:01:19.920> no
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femme looking perfect for you vic no no
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femme looking perfect for you vic no no
i<00:01:20.560> i'm<00:01:20.960> thanks<00:01:21.280> i<00:01:21.520> i'm<00:01:21.920> good
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i i'm thanks i i'm good
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i i'm thanks i i'm good
here
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here
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here
alone
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alone
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alone
without<00:01:25.439> a<00:01:25.520> man<00:01:26.000> best<00:01:26.240> part<00:01:26.560> is
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without a man best part is
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without a man best part is
he<00:01:27.680> cooks<00:01:28.880> that's<00:01:29.119> advanced<00:01:29.520> for<00:01:29.680> a<00:01:29.840> guy<00:01:30.000> his
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he cooks that's advanced for a guy his
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he cooks that's advanced for a guy his
age<00:01:30.880> so<00:01:31.200> cool<00:01:31.520> he<00:01:31.680> has<00:01:32.000> basic<00:01:32.400> life<00:01:32.640> skills<00:01:33.200> i
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age so cool he has basic life skills i
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age so cool he has basic life skills i
got<00:01:33.600> you<00:01:33.920> girl<00:01:34.240> i'm<00:01:34.560> setting<00:01:34.880> up<00:01:35.040> a<00:01:35.200> date
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got you girl i'm setting up a date
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got you girl i'm setting up a date
right
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right
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right
now
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now
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now
gray<00:01:40.240> i<00:01:40.400> just<00:01:40.560> heard<00:01:40.799> myself<00:01:41.200> agree<00:01:41.680> the
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gray i just heard myself agree the
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gray i just heard myself agree the
entire<00:01:42.240> time
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entire time
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entire time
okay<00:01:43.600> why<00:01:43.840> not<00:01:44.159> just<00:01:44.399> tell<00:01:44.640> them<00:01:44.799> the<00:01:45.040> truth
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okay why not just tell them the truth
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okay why not just tell them the truth
what<00:01:47.360> that<00:01:47.520> i'm<00:01:47.680> a<00:01:47.840> raging<00:01:48.240> lesbian<00:01:48.720> who'd
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what that i'm a raging lesbian who'd
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what that i'm a raging lesbian who'd
rather<00:01:49.040> give<00:01:49.200> herself<00:01:49.520> a<00:01:49.600> sriracha<00:01:50.000> enema
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rather give herself a sriracha enema
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rather give herself a sriracha enema
than<00:01:50.399> date<00:01:50.640> a<00:01:50.720> man<00:01:51.119> exactly
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than date a man exactly
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than date a man exactly
tone<00:01:52.720> it<00:01:52.799> down<00:01:53.040> for<00:01:53.200> the<00:01:53.360> straights<00:01:53.840> though
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tone it down for the straights though
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tone it down for the straights though
you<00:01:54.320> know<00:01:54.560> less<00:01:54.960> raging<00:01:55.600> more
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you know less raging more
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you know less raging more
mildly<00:01:57.920> peeved<00:01:58.960> coming<00:01:59.439> out<00:01:59.680> is<00:01:59.759> just<00:02:00.079> it's<00:02:00.479> so
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mildly peeved coming out is just it's so
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mildly peeved coming out is just it's so
exhausting
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exhausting
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exhausting
like<00:02:02.399> first<00:02:02.640> i<00:02:02.799> have<00:02:02.880> to<00:02:02.960> show<00:02:03.280> my<00:02:03.520> thoughts
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like first i have to show my thoughts
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like first i have to show my thoughts
and<00:02:03.840> feelings<00:02:04.159> right<00:02:04.719> and<00:02:04.799> then<00:02:04.960> i<00:02:05.040> have<00:02:05.119> to
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and feelings right and then i have to
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and feelings right and then i have to
deal<00:02:05.360> with<00:02:05.520> everyone<00:02:05.759> else's<00:02:06.000> thoughts<00:02:06.240> and
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deal with everyone else's thoughts and
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deal with everyone else's thoughts and
feelings<00:02:06.880> yeah<00:02:07.520> pass<00:02:07.920> maybe<00:02:08.239> it<00:02:08.319> won't<00:02:08.479> be<00:02:08.720> so
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feelings yeah pass maybe it won't be so
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feelings yeah pass maybe it won't be so
bad<00:02:09.440> come<00:02:09.679> on<00:02:09.840> ruth<00:02:10.239> we<00:02:10.479> both<00:02:10.800> know<00:02:11.360> how
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bad come on ruth we both know how
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bad come on ruth we both know how
straight<00:02:11.920> women<00:02:12.239> deal<00:02:12.400> with<00:02:12.480> these<00:02:12.720> things
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straight women deal with these things
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straight women deal with these things
gay
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gay
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gay
straight
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straight
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straight
a<00:02:16.000> unicorn<00:02:16.800> it<00:02:17.200> doesn't<00:02:17.520> matter<00:02:17.760> to<00:02:17.920> me
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a unicorn it doesn't matter to me
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a unicorn it doesn't matter to me
you<00:02:19.120> know
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you know
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you know
i've<00:02:20.640> thought<00:02:20.879> about<00:02:21.120> kissing<00:02:21.440> a<00:02:21.520> woman
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i've thought about kissing a woman
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i've thought about kissing a woman
no
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no
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no
well
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well
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well
i'm<00:02:24.959> cool<00:02:25.599> with<00:02:25.879> lesbians<00:02:26.959> just<00:02:27.200> as<00:02:27.360> long<00:02:27.599> as
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i'm cool with lesbians just as long as
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i'm cool with lesbians just as long as
they<00:02:27.920> don't<00:02:28.400> hit<00:02:28.720> on<00:02:28.879> me<00:02:29.360> of<00:02:29.520> course<00:02:29.920> at<00:02:30.080> some
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they don't hit on me of course at some
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they don't hit on me of course at some
point<00:02:30.640> they're<00:02:30.800> gonna<00:02:30.959> remind<00:02:31.280> me<00:02:31.440> that
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point they're gonna remind me that
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point they're gonna remind me that
they're<00:02:31.680> straight<00:02:32.000> just<00:02:32.160> in<00:02:32.239> case<00:02:32.560> i<00:02:32.640> forget
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they're straight just in case i forget
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they're straight just in case i forget
their<00:02:33.120> life's<00:02:33.440> greatest<00:02:33.840> tragedy
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their life's greatest tragedy
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their life's greatest tragedy
maybe<00:02:35.680> you<00:02:35.920> can<00:02:36.160> find
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maybe you can find
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maybe you can find
new<00:02:37.760> friends
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new friends
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new friends
gay<00:02:39.840> friends
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gay friends
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gay friends
no
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no
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no
listen<00:02:42.080> i<00:02:42.239> already<00:02:42.480> tried<00:02:42.720> joining<00:02:42.959> the
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listen i already tried joining the
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listen i already tried joining the
softball<00:02:43.519> team
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softball team
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softball team
plus
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plus
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plus
i<00:02:46.080> don't<00:02:46.160> know<00:02:46.560> i<00:02:46.879> mean<00:02:47.040> i<00:02:47.120> kind<00:02:47.280> of<00:02:47.360> like<00:02:47.519> these
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i don't know i mean i kind of like these
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well<00:02:49.280> then<00:02:49.920> you<00:02:50.080> know<00:02:50.640> what<00:02:50.800> you<00:02:50.959> have<00:02:51.120> to<00:02:51.200> do
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well then you know what you have to do
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well then you know what you have to do
vic
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vic
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vic
act<00:02:52.800> increasingly<00:02:53.599> gay<00:02:54.080> until<00:02:54.400> they<00:02:54.560> figure
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act increasingly gay until they figure
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act increasingly gay until they figure
it<00:02:54.959> out
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it out
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it out
no<00:02:56.720> yes<00:02:56.959> stupid
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no yes stupid
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no yes stupid
hi<00:02:58.560> guys
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are<00:03:01.040> you<00:03:01.200> okay
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are you okay
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are you okay
why<00:03:02.879> are<00:03:02.959> you<00:03:03.040> sitting<00:03:03.280> like<00:03:03.519> that<00:03:03.840> he's
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why are you sitting like that he's
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why are you sitting like that he's
getting<00:03:04.319> comfortable
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getting comfortable
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getting comfortable
just
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just
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just
it<00:03:06.720> is<00:03:07.040> so<00:03:07.760> hard<00:03:08.319> being<00:03:08.640> straight<00:03:09.360> you<00:03:09.519> know
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it is so hard being straight you know
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it is so hard being straight you know
what<00:03:09.920> i'm<00:03:10.080> saying
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what i'm saying
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what i'm saying
i<00:03:12.159> i<00:03:12.400> meant<00:03:12.560> to<00:03:12.720> sit<00:03:12.959> up<00:03:13.280> to<00:03:13.440> sit<00:03:13.680> up<00:03:13.920> straight
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i i meant to sit up to sit up straight
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i i meant to sit up to sit up straight
you<00:03:14.800> should<00:03:15.040> see<00:03:15.200> a<00:03:15.360> chiropractor<00:03:16.800> what<00:03:17.440> i'll
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you should see a chiropractor what i'll
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you should see a chiropractor what i'll
give<00:03:17.760> you<00:03:17.840> dr<00:03:18.159> mahone's<00:03:18.720> number<00:03:19.519> it's<00:03:19.680> a<00:03:20.000> sexy
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give you dr mahone's number it's a sexy
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give you dr mahone's number it's a sexy
strength<00:03:21.120> my<00:03:21.280> pride<00:03:21.599> is<00:03:21.680> wounded<00:03:22.080> but<00:03:22.319> thanks
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strength my pride is wounded but thanks
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strength my pride is wounded but thanks
to<00:03:22.640> doctor<00:03:22.879> marvel<00:03:23.200> and<00:03:23.280> my<00:03:23.440> neck<00:03:23.680> is
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to doctor marvel and my neck is
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to doctor marvel and my neck is
straighter<00:03:24.480> than<00:03:24.879> ever<00:03:25.599> and<00:03:26.080> do<00:03:26.400> kylie<00:03:26.959> and
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straighter than ever and do kylie and
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straighter than ever and do kylie and
jen<00:03:27.920> think<00:03:28.239> you're<00:03:28.720> straighter<00:03:29.200> than<00:03:29.360> ever
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jen think you're straighter than ever
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jen think you're straighter than ever
unfortunately
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unfortunately
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unfortunately
yeah
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yeah
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yeah
what<00:03:34.319> listen<00:03:35.040> i<00:03:35.360> wore<00:03:35.760> my<00:03:36.159> tallest<00:03:36.720> pair<00:03:37.040> of
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what listen i wore my tallest pair of
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what listen i wore my tallest pair of
dog<00:03:37.280> apartments<00:03:37.760> like<00:03:38.239> what<00:03:38.400> more<00:03:38.640> can<00:03:38.799> i<00:03:38.879> do
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dog apartments like what more can i do
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dog apartments like what more can i do
you<00:03:39.519> know<00:03:40.000> tell<00:03:40.239> them
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you know tell them
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you know tell them
no
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no
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no
i'm<00:03:42.959> gonna<00:03:43.200> go
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i'm gonna go
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i'm gonna go
full<00:03:44.239> less
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full less
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full less
yep<00:03:46.239> clearly<00:03:46.799> nothing<00:03:47.280> i<00:03:47.519> do<00:03:47.920> or<00:03:48.159> say<00:03:48.640> is<00:03:48.799> going
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yep clearly nothing i do or say is going
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yep clearly nothing i do or say is going
to<00:03:49.280> change<00:03:49.599> your<00:03:49.680> mind<00:03:50.080> i<00:03:50.159> have<00:03:50.400> outfits
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to change your mind i have outfits
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to change your mind i have outfits
they're<00:03:51.360> not<00:03:51.519> going<00:03:51.599> to<00:03:51.680> go<00:03:51.760> away<00:03:52.159> okay
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i<00:03:55.920> am<00:03:56.239> right<00:03:56.640> it'll<00:03:56.879> be<00:03:57.040> great
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i am right it'll be great
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i am right it'll be great
we<00:03:58.640> literally<00:03:59.120> just<00:03:59.439> moved<00:03:59.760> in<00:03:59.920> together
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we literally just moved in together
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we literally just moved in together
after<00:04:01.200> like<00:04:01.760> two<00:04:02.000> weeks<00:04:02.319> of<00:04:02.560> dating
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after like two weeks of dating
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after like two weeks of dating
who<00:04:04.159> does<00:04:04.400> that
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who does that
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who does that
seem<00:04:06.400> normal<00:04:06.720> to<00:04:06.799> me<00:04:07.120> dude<00:04:07.519> and<00:04:07.680> she's<00:04:08.000> six
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seem normal to me dude and she's six
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seem normal to me dude and she's six
three<00:04:08.640> so<00:04:08.799> you<00:04:08.959> know<00:04:09.120> she's<00:04:09.360> a<00:04:09.439> great
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three so you know she's a great
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three so you know she's a great
rebounder
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rebounder
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rebounder
wait<00:04:11.040> there<00:04:11.360> there's<00:04:11.599> a<00:04:11.680> girl<00:04:11.920> on<00:04:12.000> your<00:04:12.080> team
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wait there there's a girl on your team
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wait there there's a girl on your team
that's<00:04:12.480> six<00:04:12.720> three<00:04:14.000> probably<00:04:14.319> closer<00:04:14.640> to<00:04:14.720> six
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that's six three probably closer to six
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that's six three probably closer to six
four<00:04:15.200> but<00:04:15.439> okay<00:04:15.680> you<00:04:15.840> have<00:04:16.000> to<00:04:16.160> introduce<00:04:16.639> me
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four but okay you have to introduce me
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four but okay you have to introduce me
they're<00:04:17.680> not<00:04:17.919> the<00:04:18.079> worst<00:04:18.880> they<00:04:19.120> really<00:04:19.440> are
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they're not the worst they really are
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they're not the worst they really are
can't<00:04:20.079> live<00:04:20.320> with<00:04:20.560> them
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can't live with them
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can't live with them
can't<00:04:21.680> live<00:04:21.840> without<00:04:22.320> them
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can't live without them
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can't live without them
one<00:04:23.680> woman
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one woman
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one woman
that<00:04:24.960> you<00:04:25.040> would<00:04:25.199> hook<00:04:25.440> up<00:04:25.600> with
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that you would hook up with
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that you would hook up with
go
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go
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go
tessa<00:04:28.560> thompson<00:04:29.520> definitely
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tessa thompson definitely
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tessa thompson definitely
she's<00:04:30.960> my<00:04:31.199> woman<00:04:31.520> crush<00:04:32.240> every<00:04:32.800> day
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she's my woman crush every day
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she's my woman crush every day
yeah<00:04:34.000> i<00:04:34.240> would<00:04:34.560> take<00:04:34.800> her<00:04:35.040> in<00:04:35.199> apartment<00:04:36.320> too
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yeah i would take her in apartment too
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yeah i would take her in apartment too
bad<00:04:37.199> you<00:04:37.360> can't<00:04:37.600> just<00:04:37.840> date<00:04:38.160> women
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you<00:04:40.800> can<00:04:41.440> you<00:04:41.600> can<00:04:41.759> date<00:04:42.080> women
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you can you can date women
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you can you can date women
women<00:04:44.240> dating<00:04:45.120> women
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women dating women
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women dating women
it's<00:04:47.199> a<00:04:47.280> thing
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it's a thing
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it's a thing
he<00:04:48.800> actually<00:04:49.600> owns<00:04:50.240> fabric<00:04:50.720> softener<00:04:51.759> it's
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he actually owns fabric softener it's
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he actually owns fabric softener it's
unopened<00:04:53.040> but<00:04:53.360> still<00:04:54.400> dude<00:04:54.800> he's<00:04:55.120> a<00:04:55.199> keeper
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unopened but still dude he's a keeper
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unopened but still dude he's a keeper
great<00:04:57.680> news<00:04:58.160> vic<00:04:58.639> eric's<00:04:59.040> friend<00:04:59.360> agreed<00:04:59.600> to
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great news vic eric's friend agreed to
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great news vic eric's friend agreed to
go<00:04:59.919> out<00:05:00.000> with<00:05:00.240> you
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go out with you
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go out with you
listen<00:05:02.320> the<00:05:02.479> man's<00:05:03.120> clearly<00:05:03.520> got<00:05:03.680> taste<00:05:04.240> but
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listen the man's clearly got taste but
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listen the man's clearly got taste but
uh<00:05:04.960> i'm<00:05:05.280> i'm<00:05:05.440> gonna<00:05:05.680> pass<00:05:06.160> your<00:05:06.800> must<00:05:06.960> be
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uh i'm i'm gonna pass your must be
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uh i'm i'm gonna pass your must be
drier<00:05:07.440> than<00:05:07.600> a<00:05:07.680> mummy's<00:05:08.080> cooch<00:05:08.400> by<00:05:08.639> now<00:05:09.039> go<00:05:09.360> out
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drier than a mummy's cooch by now go out
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drier than a mummy's cooch by now go out
with<00:05:09.600> him<00:05:10.000> no<00:05:10.160> one's<00:05:10.400> saying<00:05:10.560> you<00:05:10.720> have<00:05:10.800> to
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with him no one's saying you have to
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with him no one's saying you have to
marry<00:05:11.360> the<00:05:11.520> guy<00:05:11.840> just<00:05:12.080> give<00:05:12.320> him<00:05:12.479> a<00:05:12.560> chance
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marry the guy just give him a chance
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marry the guy just give him a chance
i'll<00:05:13.440> tell<00:05:13.600> him<00:05:13.759> friday<00:05:14.160> night<00:05:14.320> works<00:05:14.720> no<00:05:14.880> no
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i'll tell him friday night works no no
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i'll tell him friday night works no no
no<00:05:15.360> no<00:05:15.520> no<00:05:15.680> no<00:05:15.919> no<00:05:16.160> no<00:05:16.560> i'm<00:05:16.800> a<00:05:16.880> lesbian<00:05:17.840> okay
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no no no no no no i'm a lesbian okay
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no no no no no no i'm a lesbian okay
i<00:05:20.400> i<00:05:20.720> i<00:05:20.960> enjoy<00:05:21.600> lesbianing<00:05:22.479> i<00:05:23.120> i<00:05:23.360> am
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i i i enjoy lesbianing i i am
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i i i enjoy lesbianing i i am
lesbalicious<00:05:24.479> you<00:05:24.560> know<00:05:24.639> i<00:05:24.800> am
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lesbalicious you know i am
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lesbalicious you know i am
supercalifragilistic<00:05:26.280> lesbialidocious<00:05:27.360> i
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supercalifragilistic lesbialidocious i
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supercalifragilistic lesbialidocious i
love<00:05:27.919> women<00:05:28.400> yeah
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love women yeah
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love women yeah
we<00:05:29.440> know
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we know
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we know
what<00:05:31.840> it<00:05:31.919> was<00:05:32.160> super<00:05:32.560> obvious
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what it was super obvious
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what it was super obvious
you<00:05:34.080> once<00:05:34.560> talked<00:05:34.880> about<00:05:35.120> serena<00:05:35.520> williams
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you once talked about serena williams
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you once talked about serena williams
biceps<00:05:36.560> for<00:05:36.800> 20<00:05:37.120> minutes<00:05:38.080> i<00:05:38.240> knew<00:05:38.479> what<00:05:38.880> hi<00:05:39.120> i'm
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biceps for 20 minutes i knew what hi i'm
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biceps for 20 minutes i knew what hi i'm
vic
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okay
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sorry
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we<00:05:50.320> knew<00:05:50.479> you<00:05:50.639> liked<00:05:50.880> women<00:05:51.919> we<00:05:52.400> just<00:05:52.960> weren't
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we knew you liked women we just weren't
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we knew you liked women we just weren't
sure<00:05:53.680> if<00:05:53.919> you<00:05:54.080> were<00:05:54.479> pan<00:05:55.120> or<00:05:55.600> bi<00:05:56.160> like<00:05:56.479> me
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sure if you were pan or bi like me
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sure if you were pan or bi like me
you're<00:05:57.199> bi
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you're bi
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you're bi
wait<00:05:59.759> did<00:05:59.919> you<00:06:00.080> assume<00:06:00.400> i<00:06:00.479> was<00:06:00.639> straight
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wait did you assume i was straight
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wait did you assume i was straight
no<00:06:02.319> no<00:06:02.479> no<00:06:02.639> no
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no no no no
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no no no no
i<00:06:03.759> i<00:06:04.080> knew<00:06:04.240> you<00:06:04.400> were<00:06:04.639> bi<00:06:05.120> and<00:06:05.360> it's<00:06:05.520> great<00:06:05.840> that
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i i knew you were bi and it's great that
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i i knew you were bi and it's great that
you<00:06:06.080> love<00:06:06.240> all<00:06:06.400> genders<00:06:06.800> even<00:06:06.960> though<00:06:07.039> one<00:06:07.280> is
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you love all genders even though one is
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you love all genders even though one is
clearly<00:06:07.759> the<00:06:07.840> worst
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clearly the worst
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clearly the worst
right
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right
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right
okay<00:06:11.039> fine<00:06:11.759> i'm<00:06:11.919> sorry<00:06:12.319> i<00:06:12.560> i<00:06:12.960> i<00:06:13.120> didn't<00:06:13.600> know
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okay fine i'm sorry i i i didn't know
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okay fine i'm sorry i i i didn't know
but<00:06:15.199> why<00:06:15.440> didn't<00:06:15.600> you<00:06:15.759> tell<00:06:15.919> me
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i<00:06:18.720> know<00:06:19.120> i<00:06:19.280> know<00:06:19.520> i<00:06:19.600> know
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i know i know i know
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i know i know i know
i'm<00:06:21.120> a<00:06:21.199> lesbian<00:06:21.759> and<00:06:21.919> a<00:06:22.000> hypocrite<00:06:22.560> just<00:06:22.800> the
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i'm a lesbian and a hypocrite just the
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i'm a lesbian and a hypocrite just the
total<00:06:23.600> package<00:06:24.160> coming<00:06:24.479> out<00:06:24.639> as<00:06:24.800> bi<00:06:25.199> sucks
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total package coming out as bi sucks
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total package coming out as bi sucks
gay<00:06:26.720> people<00:06:26.960> don't<00:06:27.199> get<00:06:27.360> us<00:06:27.919> straight<00:06:28.319> people
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gay people don't get us straight people
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gay people don't get us straight people
don't<00:06:28.720> get<00:06:28.880> us<00:06:29.360> and<00:06:29.840> making<00:06:30.160> sure<00:06:30.319> that
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don't get us and making sure that
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don't get us and making sure that
everyone<00:06:30.880> else<00:06:31.039> is<00:06:31.199> comfortable<00:06:31.680> after<00:06:32.000> you
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everyone else is comfortable after you
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everyone else is comfortable after you
come<00:06:32.479> out<00:06:32.840> is
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come out is
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come out is
exhausting
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exhausting
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exhausting
yes
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i<00:06:40.880> also<00:06:41.440> have<00:06:41.600> an<00:06:41.759> announcement
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guys
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guys
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guys
i<00:06:47.120> am<00:06:47.280> straight
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we're<00:06:51.520> here<00:06:51.840> for<00:06:52.080> you
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we're here for you
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we're here for you
yeah<00:06:53.199> you're<00:06:53.520> so<00:06:53.919> brave<00:06:54.240> for<00:06:54.479> sharing
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[Laughter]
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no<00:07:12.240> no<00:07:12.400> no
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no no no
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no no no
the<00:07:13.280> single<00:07:13.599> gram's<00:07:13.919> cancelled
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the single gram's cancelled
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the single gram's cancelled
i<00:07:15.759> came<00:07:16.000> out
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[Music]
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[Music]
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you
44211
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