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00:00:01,281 --> 00:00:03,537
ADULT ADAM: Back in the '80s,
everyone was getting physical.
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00:00:03,621 --> 00:00:05,656
Walks were powered,
bodies were Jaked,
3
00:00:05,789 --> 00:00:08,570
and Richard Simmons made sure
oldies were sweated to.
4
00:00:08,655 --> 00:00:12,054
No one liked moving their body
more than my mom.
5
00:00:12,211 --> 00:00:13,054
(GASPS)
6
00:00:13,187 --> 00:00:14,804
Thank you, Richard Simmons.
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00:00:14,889 --> 00:00:18,437
Your naggy nudginess continues
to challenge and inspire.
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00:00:18,522 --> 00:00:21,109
Is it weird that it's his job
to constantly work out,
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00:00:21,194 --> 00:00:23,396
but yet his body looks like
mine after Thanksgiving?
10
00:00:23,481 --> 00:00:26,156
He is ripped and shredded
with enthusiasm.
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00:00:26,241 --> 00:00:28,422
You're just defending him
because you share the same
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00:00:28,507 --> 00:00:29,469
tank-top glitter-er.
13
00:00:29,554 --> 00:00:32,357
I wish. All my sparkle
comes from these hands.
14
00:00:32,442 --> 00:00:33,789
And that smile.
15
00:00:33,922 --> 00:00:34,719
(CHUCKLES)
16
00:00:34,890 --> 00:00:36,086
I have an adult friend!
17
00:00:36,171 --> 00:00:37,840
Who's ready for the best news
in the world?
18
00:00:37,924 --> 00:00:39,291
Did Giuseppe's
change their policy
19
00:00:39,376 --> 00:00:40,911
and are now accepting
parties of one?
20
00:00:40,996 --> 00:00:42,164
New Year's Eve,
here I come.
21
00:00:42,249 --> 00:00:43,148
No, and wow.
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00:00:43,233 --> 00:00:44,977
The actual good news
is that P.E. was cancel led
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00:00:45,061 --> 00:00:46,398
for the rest
of senior year.
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00:00:46,500 --> 00:00:47,993
We would high-five,
but that would require
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00:00:48,077 --> 00:00:50,859
a level of dexterity we're no longer
interested in achieving.
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00:00:50,944 --> 00:00:52,750
Squishy, you need to
continue to mold
27
00:00:52,835 --> 00:00:54,704
your perfectly formed
child's body
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00:00:54,789 --> 00:00:58,078
into the sculpted adult statue
it's destined to become!
29
00:00:58,163 --> 00:00:59,611
No, no, no, I don't!
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00:00:59,696 --> 00:01:01,498
Coach Mellor popped
a massive hernia
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00:01:01,583 --> 00:01:03,040
lifting the front end
of a Pontiac Sun bird.
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00:01:03,124 --> 00:01:04,336
Was he trying
to save a child?
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00:01:04,447 --> 00:01:05,916
Apparently, he was trying
to impress a child.
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00:01:06,000 --> 00:01:07,569
- Been there.
- The giant hole in his insides
35
00:01:07,653 --> 00:01:09,090
means he's out
for the rest of the year,
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00:01:09,174 --> 00:01:11,259
and Principal Ball decided
it's not worth replacing him.
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00:01:11,343 --> 00:01:13,541
So P.E. has turned
into rest hour.
38
00:01:13,698 --> 00:01:15,166
No pain, much gain!
39
00:01:15,251 --> 00:01:18,060
Principal Ball made that kind of decision
without consulting me?
40
00:01:18,145 --> 00:01:21,096
I'm his right hand.
I'm the Hooch to his Turner.
41
00:01:21,181 --> 00:01:22,783
This is wholly
unacceptable.
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00:01:22,868 --> 00:01:25,541
And yet, we're all accepting it
without reflection.
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00:01:25,626 --> 00:01:27,572
At the holiday party,
Principal Ball told me
44
00:01:27,657 --> 00:01:29,205
that he valued my input.
45
00:01:29,290 --> 00:01:30,588
But then
he called me Dennis.
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00:01:30,673 --> 00:01:34,049
No child of mine is gonna sit around
and become a lazy lump.
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00:01:34,134 --> 00:01:35,436
Don't bother.
He's pretty dug in.
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00:01:35,521 --> 00:01:36,784
He tried to make me
carry him home.
49
00:01:36,868 --> 00:01:40,346
No, I asked you to pull me home
in a red wagon.
50
00:01:40,446 --> 00:01:41,781
Your version
makes me look bad.
51
00:01:41,866 --> 00:01:44,569
I'm always pestering Ball
every waking hour
52
00:01:44,654 --> 00:01:45,990
to keep me involved.
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00:01:46,075 --> 00:01:47,710
Is it possible he's not
responding to that?
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00:01:47,794 --> 00:01:50,630
Exercise is the heartbeat
of the Goldberg family!
55
00:01:50,715 --> 00:01:53,064
Please, Dad stops and sits
on the way from the couch
56
00:01:53,149 --> 00:01:54,692
to the fridge
to break up the trip.
57
00:01:54,776 --> 00:01:57,604
You are not gonna become
your dear but inert father.
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00:01:57,689 --> 00:01:59,113
John, cue Richard.
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00:01:59,246 --> 00:02:02,249
You're needed again,
tireless curly-haired oddball.
60
00:02:02,334 --> 00:02:04,502
Left, left and right.
Nope, not gonna happen.
61
00:02:04,587 --> 00:02:06,291
Gaah! Leave me alone!
62
00:02:06,376 --> 00:02:07,979
- We're moving!
- Dave Kim, look away!
63
00:02:08,064 --> 00:02:09,182
Not a chance.
64
00:02:09,274 --> 00:02:12,219
- No hustle, no muscle! Knees up!
- Whoo!
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00:02:12,500 --> 00:02:14,267
♪♪ I'm twisted up inside
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00:02:14,352 --> 00:02:17,039
♪♪ But nonetheless, I feel the need to say
*THE GOLDBERGS (2013)*
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00:02:17,123 --> 00:02:18,641
*THE GOLDBERGS (2013)*
Season 09 Episode 18
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00:02:18,726 --> 00:02:20,217
Episode Title: "School-ercise"
Aired on: April 13, 2022.
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00:02:20,301 --> 00:02:21,869
♪♪ I don't know the future
70
00:02:22,003 --> 00:02:25,117
♪♪ But the past keeps getting
clearer every day ♪♪
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00:02:25,239 --> 00:02:27,308
ADULT ADAM: It was April 13th,
1980-something,
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00:02:27,393 --> 00:02:29,094
and Barry was
on top of the world,
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00:02:29,179 --> 00:02:31,298
as was his best friend
and new brother-in-law, Geoff.
74
00:02:31,383 --> 00:02:32,703
There's my bro!
75
00:02:32,914 --> 00:02:34,081
There's my bro!
76
00:02:34,215 --> 00:02:36,158
Isn't it so cool now that
I'm married to your sister,
77
00:02:36,242 --> 00:02:37,821
when I call you "bro,"
it's, like, a fact?
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00:02:37,905 --> 00:02:39,642
Totally! I used to
toss around "bro"
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00:02:39,727 --> 00:02:40,954
like it meant nothing.
80
00:02:41,039 --> 00:02:42,158
Like when someone
gets mad at you
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00:02:42,242 --> 00:02:43,479
for cutting them
off in traffic,
82
00:02:43,563 --> 00:02:44,930
"Enh! The hell, bro?"
83
00:02:45,064 --> 00:02:46,984
Or like when it's a guy
you kinda know,
84
00:02:47,069 --> 00:02:48,705
even slept at his house
once as a kid,
85
00:02:48,790 --> 00:02:51,225
but you can't remember
if his name is Greg or Craig?
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00:02:51,310 --> 00:02:52,712
"Hey, bro!"
87
00:02:52,797 --> 00:02:55,063
No more.
I hereby declare "bro"
88
00:02:55,148 --> 00:02:56,149
a sacred term
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00:02:56,234 --> 00:02:57,582
reserved for our
special brotherhood.
90
00:02:57,666 --> 00:02:59,067
And I will always
honor that, bro.
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00:02:59,152 --> 00:03:00,992
Unless I run into
Greg/Craig.
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00:03:01,077 --> 00:03:03,063
His dad lent me boxers
to sleep in once.
93
00:03:03,148 --> 00:03:04,665
I remember his name
was Dwayne.
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00:03:04,750 --> 00:03:06,334
I'd love to keep bro'ing it up,
but I got a thing.
95
00:03:06,418 --> 00:03:08,220
I got a thing, too, bro!
Bro you later?
96
00:03:08,353 --> 00:03:09,625
Later, bro.
97
00:03:09,710 --> 00:03:10,871
Wait. Are you
going left here?
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00:03:10,956 --> 00:03:12,648
- Sure am.
- Huh. Me too!
99
00:03:12,733 --> 00:03:13,918
ADULT ADAM: But
the same direction
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00:03:14,002 --> 00:03:16,076
wasn't all these bros
had in common.
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00:03:16,161 --> 00:03:17,492
Suite 510?
102
00:03:17,960 --> 00:03:20,063
Wait. Barry,
you weren't selected
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00:03:20,179 --> 00:03:21,447
as a finalist
for an internship
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00:03:21,532 --> 00:03:23,626
with renowned surgeon
Dr. Andrew Sol it, were you?
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00:03:23,711 --> 00:03:24,563
How'd you guess?
106
00:03:24,648 --> 00:03:26,416
Brothers know.
Brothers do know.
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00:03:26,538 --> 00:03:28,539
A summer with Dr. Sol it
would look amazing
108
00:03:28,641 --> 00:03:29,575
on a medical-school app.
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00:03:29,660 --> 00:03:30,761
I heard last year's interns
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00:03:30,846 --> 00:03:31,931
all got into
their first choice,
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00:03:32,015 --> 00:03:33,149
except one guy
who got caught
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00:03:33,234 --> 00:03:34,907
switching out urine samples
with his own.
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00:03:34,992 --> 00:03:37,041
- What's the thrill there?
- Coupla bros going for
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00:03:37,125 --> 00:03:38,150
the same internship.
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00:03:38,283 --> 00:03:40,016
Well, if you think about it,
bro, it's...
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00:03:40,101 --> 00:03:41,836
Great. So great... bro.
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00:03:41,921 --> 00:03:43,322
This is so not great.
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00:03:43,407 --> 00:03:45,173
Barry and I applied
for the same internship.
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00:03:45,258 --> 00:03:47,059
So? You'll definitely get it.
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00:03:47,192 --> 00:03:48,242
Why do you assume that?
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00:03:48,327 --> 00:03:51,406
I love my brother,
but you have better grades,
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00:03:51,491 --> 00:03:54,461
you're more responsible, personable,
and you're super cute.
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00:03:54,546 --> 00:03:55,479
You really think
it's mine?
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00:03:55,564 --> 00:03:56,765
I know it, babe.
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00:03:56,850 --> 00:03:59,516
Look, I love my brother,
but you're smarter,
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00:03:59,601 --> 00:04:01,734
way more passionate
and alpha.
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00:04:01,819 --> 00:04:04,133
Plus, you're smoking hot
in a way that sneaks up on you.
128
00:04:04,249 --> 00:04:05,350
I do sneak up on you.
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00:04:05,515 --> 00:04:07,039
- Although...
- Although, what?
130
00:04:07,124 --> 00:04:08,805
Barry's crazy competitive.
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00:04:08,890 --> 00:04:10,805
There's no way he could handle
losing to you.
132
00:04:10,890 --> 00:04:12,525
But Geoff is so...
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00:04:12,610 --> 00:04:14,789
Sensitive.
Like, emotionally fragile
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00:04:14,874 --> 00:04:16,110
in a way that's always
alarmed our parents,
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00:04:16,194 --> 00:04:16,980
neighbors, and rabbi.
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00:04:17,099 --> 00:04:20,169
If I won, it'd be like
the pudding incident all over again.
137
00:04:20,254 --> 00:04:21,305
We were freshmen.
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00:04:21,390 --> 00:04:23,292
There was one pudding left
in the cafeteria,
139
00:04:23,377 --> 00:04:24,795
and we both reached for it
at the same time,
140
00:04:24,879 --> 00:04:27,049
and, knowing how he'd react,
I let him have it.
141
00:04:27,134 --> 00:04:28,344
I took what was mine.
142
00:04:28,429 --> 00:04:30,098
With an air of emotional
and physical recklessness
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00:04:30,182 --> 00:04:31,297
that he couldn't deal with.
144
00:04:31,382 --> 00:04:32,820
Oh, baby, no one can.
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00:04:32,905 --> 00:04:34,741
He then accuses me
of being selfish
146
00:04:34,790 --> 00:04:36,692
'cause I brought my lunch
and he forgot his.
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00:04:36,777 --> 00:04:37,984
He didn't talk to me
for days.
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00:04:38,069 --> 00:04:39,744
Lunch has always been
Barry's favorite meal.
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00:04:39,828 --> 00:04:41,227
Right after breakfast,
dinner,
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00:04:41,312 --> 00:04:42,821
and something he calls
"midnight madness."
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00:04:42,905 --> 00:04:44,224
Maybe things would be
different now.
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00:04:44,308 --> 00:04:45,641
'Cause we're brothers.
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00:04:45,742 --> 00:04:46,930
Like, real brothers.
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00:04:47,015 --> 00:04:48,816
It's by marriage,
which is meaningless,
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00:04:48,901 --> 00:04:50,313
but a bro is a bro.
156
00:04:50,398 --> 00:04:53,134
He's lived in your jacked shadow
your whole lives.
157
00:04:53,266 --> 00:04:54,790
Maybe there's another
internship out there.
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00:04:54,874 --> 00:04:56,308
There's gotta be
another summer gig.
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00:04:56,393 --> 00:04:57,414
You're right.
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00:04:57,499 --> 00:04:58,983
I wouldn't wanna hurt Barry
for anything.
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00:04:59,067 --> 00:05:01,370
It's the right thing to do.
For family.
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00:05:01,455 --> 00:05:03,189
- It's what you do for family.
- Proud of you, babe.
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00:05:03,273 --> 00:05:04,773
I'm so proud of you, hon.
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00:05:04,858 --> 00:05:06,742
Let's celebrate with you
giving me a foot rub.
165
00:05:06,827 --> 00:05:08,515
ADULT ADAM: As Geoff
and Barry made their minds up
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00:05:08,599 --> 00:05:09,546
about the summer internship,
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00:05:09,631 --> 00:05:11,898
my mom was determined
not to take the cancellation
168
00:05:11,983 --> 00:05:13,313
of P.E. sitting down.
169
00:05:13,398 --> 00:05:14,578
How could you, Earl?
170
00:05:14,663 --> 00:05:16,798
This isn't some silly thing
that they're never gonna use
171
00:05:16,882 --> 00:05:18,047
like Spanish.
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00:05:18,132 --> 00:05:20,071
This is physical education!
173
00:05:20,156 --> 00:05:22,442
Oh. A meeting
with a concerned parent.
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00:05:22,527 --> 00:05:24,161
Was this on the books
or impromptu?
175
00:05:24,246 --> 00:05:26,102
Either way, I'm here.
We can begin.
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00:05:26,187 --> 00:05:27,406
We've already begun.
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00:05:27,491 --> 00:05:29,777
Mrs. Goldberg wants us
to rethink the decision
178
00:05:29,861 --> 00:05:31,602
to pull the plug on P.E.
179
00:05:31,687 --> 00:05:32,705
GLASCOTT: I'll handle this.
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00:05:32,789 --> 00:05:34,438
Beverly, I'm so sorry.
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00:05:34,523 --> 00:05:36,438
Our personal relationship
notwithstanding,
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00:05:36,532 --> 00:05:38,300
that ain't gon' happen.
(CHUCKLES)
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00:05:38,385 --> 00:05:40,250
See, you can
delegate to me.
184
00:05:40,335 --> 00:05:42,671
A-And she's twisting my arm!
Literally!
185
00:05:42,863 --> 00:05:44,297
Earl, as Quaker Warden,
186
00:05:44,382 --> 00:05:45,917
I feel a sense
of responsibility
187
00:05:46,002 --> 00:05:47,399
to send these kids
out into the world
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00:05:47,483 --> 00:05:48,851
with healthy habits
for life.
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00:05:48,936 --> 00:05:50,969
That's all great
and weird,
190
00:05:51,054 --> 00:05:53,424
but we got
no P.E. teacher here.
191
00:05:53,509 --> 00:05:56,133
Then I will personally teach
an exercise class.
192
00:05:56,218 --> 00:05:58,320
- You?
- I was gonna say, "You?"
193
00:05:58,471 --> 00:06:00,373
Based on my relentless input,
194
00:06:00,458 --> 00:06:03,361
Aubrey, who teaches over at
Jenkintown Shape 'n' Sculpt,
195
00:06:03,446 --> 00:06:05,248
has often asked,
"Uh, Beverly,
196
00:06:05,333 --> 00:06:07,068
"would you like to
lead the class?"
197
00:06:07,153 --> 00:06:09,805
Um, Beverly,
it's sadly naive of you
198
00:06:09,890 --> 00:06:11,375
to think that you can
just saunter in here
199
00:06:11,459 --> 00:06:12,611
and appoint yourself
to teach P.E.
200
00:06:12,695 --> 00:06:13,696
You know what, Bev?
201
00:06:13,781 --> 00:06:15,805
You've worn me down.
Go for it.
202
00:06:15,890 --> 00:06:18,039
On the other hand,
we'll allow it just this once.
203
00:06:18,124 --> 00:06:21,688
I'm gonna teach Jazzercise
to the lazy seniors. Whoo!
204
00:06:21,773 --> 00:06:24,141
ADULT ADAM: The only problem was,
my mom had no idea
205
00:06:24,226 --> 00:06:25,884
just how lazy we'd become.
206
00:06:25,969 --> 00:06:28,775
I never thought P.E.
was a class I'd actually look forward to.
207
00:06:28,860 --> 00:06:29,759
I know.
208
00:06:29,844 --> 00:06:32,361
I finally found a good use
for a badminton racket.
209
00:06:32,750 --> 00:06:33,884
Ahh.
210
00:06:33,969 --> 00:06:35,204
This is why
we take the field.
211
00:06:35,394 --> 00:06:37,062
Who's ready
to get physical?
212
00:06:37,154 --> 00:06:38,088
Whoo!
213
00:06:38,201 --> 00:06:39,548
Oh, balls.
214
00:06:39,641 --> 00:06:41,551
Goldberg, why does your
mom look like Liza Minnelli
215
00:06:41,635 --> 00:06:42,814
ready to take a jog?
216
00:06:42,899 --> 00:06:44,048
Mother, a word?
217
00:06:44,133 --> 00:06:46,221
Schmoo, I told you I was gonna
make you move your body.
218
00:06:46,305 --> 00:06:47,806
She did say that
back at home.
219
00:06:47,891 --> 00:06:50,696
We have a personal friendship
outside of these walls.
220
00:06:50,781 --> 00:06:53,250
Anyway, I'm your new
P.E. teacher. Yay!
221
00:06:53,335 --> 00:06:54,603
Are you kidding me?
222
00:06:54,688 --> 00:06:56,289
I only have five weeks
left in school,
223
00:06:56,374 --> 00:06:58,523
and my social runway's cleared
for a smooth landing.
224
00:06:58,608 --> 00:06:59,508
And now this?
225
00:06:59,593 --> 00:07:00,726
I just think
it's important
226
00:07:00,811 --> 00:07:02,712
that children
remain active.
227
00:07:02,797 --> 00:07:04,332
Well, I'm not doing it.
228
00:07:04,417 --> 00:07:06,180
Okay. Well, then you're not
gonna get your P.E. credit,
229
00:07:06,264 --> 00:07:07,719
and you're not
gonna graduate.
230
00:07:07,804 --> 00:07:09,839
Fine. I'll give up
all my hopes and dreams
231
00:07:09,924 --> 00:07:11,291
before I let
my demented mother
232
00:07:11,376 --> 00:07:12,789
make me Jazzercise
with my friends.
233
00:07:12,874 --> 00:07:15,644
Actually, I'm gonna call it
"School-ercise."
234
00:07:15,729 --> 00:07:18,031
I don't care what it's called.
I'm out.
235
00:07:18,116 --> 00:07:20,547
Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm gonna go lay down
236
00:07:20,632 --> 00:07:23,002
in the hammock I made out of
jump ropes and Nerf balls.
237
00:07:23,087 --> 00:07:27,984
- I guess it's over.
- Oh, it is far from over.
238
00:07:28,069 --> 00:07:30,737
That's too ominous for a school setting
involving children,
239
00:07:30,822 --> 00:07:32,656
but, hey, I'm along
for the ride.
240
00:07:32,741 --> 00:07:35,153
ADULT ADAM: While my mom
wasn't gonna go down without a fight,
241
00:07:35,237 --> 00:07:37,203
Geoff was prepared
to give up his internship
242
00:07:37,287 --> 00:07:38,750
to his number-one bro.
243
00:07:38,835 --> 00:07:40,656
Yo, Brobi-Wan Kenobi.
244
00:07:40,741 --> 00:07:43,211
My man
Dominique Bro-ilkins.
245
00:07:43,296 --> 00:07:44,531
Some work better
than others.
246
00:07:44,670 --> 00:07:46,304
So, look,
I've been thinking.
247
00:07:46,389 --> 00:07:48,258
About that internship
with Dr. Sol it?
248
00:07:48,343 --> 00:07:49,544
I don't think
I'm gonna do it.
249
00:07:49,628 --> 00:07:51,630
Me neither.
You've got to. You're a shoo-in.
250
00:07:51,715 --> 00:07:53,951
If anyone's shoes are in,
it's you.
251
00:07:54,036 --> 00:07:55,303
That's not
the expression.
252
00:07:55,388 --> 00:07:56,940
Barry, there's no way
I could go for this thing
253
00:07:57,024 --> 00:07:58,375
knowing that
you're up for it, too.
254
00:07:58,459 --> 00:08:00,180
There's no way I can go for it
knowing you are.
255
00:08:00,264 --> 00:08:01,523
- Aww.
- So much aww.
256
00:08:01,608 --> 00:08:03,820
So, what're we saying?
That I should do it?
257
00:08:03,905 --> 00:08:04,836
Do it up.
Totally.
258
00:08:04,921 --> 00:08:06,586
By "do it up," does that mean
backing out
259
00:08:06,671 --> 00:08:07,671
or not backing out?
260
00:08:07,756 --> 00:08:09,406
It's backing out
of backing out.
261
00:08:09,491 --> 00:08:11,794
And I insist, because now
the path is clear.
262
00:08:11,886 --> 00:08:13,436
- The path is clear?
- Exactly.
263
00:08:13,521 --> 00:08:15,094
For me?
Uh-huh. My pleasure.
264
00:08:15,179 --> 00:08:16,422
What exactly
is your pleasure?
265
00:08:16,507 --> 00:08:17,842
Clearing a path.
For you.
266
00:08:17,927 --> 00:08:19,362
Oh. Okay.
267
00:08:19,447 --> 00:08:21,265
- Well, thanks.
- Anytime.
268
00:08:21,350 --> 00:08:22,812
Have fun on your rocket ride,
269
00:08:22,897 --> 00:08:24,134
and remember
to mention me in your speech
270
00:08:24,218 --> 00:08:25,797
at the Medical Hall of Fame.
271
00:08:27,385 --> 00:08:29,021
It's just,
I gotta ask, are...
272
00:08:29,188 --> 00:08:31,197
Are you backing out because
you think you'd beat me?
273
00:08:31,281 --> 00:08:32,742
What? No.
274
00:08:32,827 --> 00:08:35,266
Well, not like beat beat,
but I think it's obvious
275
00:08:35,351 --> 00:08:36,509
I'd have a slight edge.
276
00:08:36,594 --> 00:08:37,964
- An edge?
- A slight huge edge.
277
00:08:38,081 --> 00:08:39,649
Wait. Why were
you gonna back out?
278
00:08:39,798 --> 00:08:40,882
Because I know
I'd get it.
279
00:08:40,967 --> 00:08:43,165
Oh, you know?
Well, what if I got it?
280
00:08:43,250 --> 00:08:44,524
Like how I got
the pudding?
281
00:08:44,609 --> 00:08:45,704
I let you have
that pudding.
282
00:08:45,837 --> 00:08:49,508
Or I took that pudding with
my indomitable will and brawn.
283
00:08:49,641 --> 00:08:52,244
Or I knew that baby Barry
would throw a tantrum
284
00:08:52,378 --> 00:08:53,658
if he didn't have
his Snack Pack.
285
00:08:53,743 --> 00:08:55,634
- Because I'm smarter than you.
- Oh, yeah?
286
00:08:55,719 --> 00:08:57,676
How many fingers
am I holding behind my back?
287
00:08:57,761 --> 00:08:59,312
Is it one
and it's the middle?
288
00:08:59,986 --> 00:09:01,384
Mmpf! Don't care.
289
00:09:01,469 --> 00:09:02,602
I'm still getting
that internship.
290
00:09:02,686 --> 00:09:05,109
The hell you are,
because now I'm not backing down.
291
00:09:05,224 --> 00:09:07,526
Then it's on.
It's on like Donkey Kong.
292
00:09:07,611 --> 00:09:09,211
Isn't Donkey Kong the loser
in that game?
293
00:09:09,295 --> 00:09:11,763
Everyone's the hero
of their own story.
294
00:09:11,897 --> 00:09:14,166
Dammit!
Find your own way to storm off.
295
00:09:14,300 --> 00:09:15,767
You find your own way
to storm off!
296
00:09:15,877 --> 00:09:17,743
ADULT ADAM: As Barry and Geoff
were ready to go to war,
297
00:09:17,827 --> 00:09:19,906
I was still riding high
on defeating my mom.
298
00:09:19,991 --> 00:09:20,992
Or so I thought.
299
00:09:21,077 --> 00:09:22,898
Gaah! I mean, "Gah."
300
00:09:22,983 --> 00:09:25,938
Well, hello, Adam.
Or should I say pupil? (CHUCKLES)
301
00:09:26,023 --> 00:09:27,352
Because I am a teacher...
302
00:09:27,437 --> 00:09:29,390
A teacher
of the physical arts.
303
00:09:29,475 --> 00:09:32,633
No. You are nothing
because you have no students to instruct.
304
00:09:32,718 --> 00:09:35,587
Au contraire,
fruit of my 26-hour labor.
305
00:09:35,672 --> 00:09:38,207
I have plenty of eager bodies
to shape.
306
00:09:38,292 --> 00:09:40,554
In fact, here comes
my star scholar now.
307
00:09:40,639 --> 00:09:42,741
Ready for class.
Brea, what is this?
308
00:09:42,826 --> 00:09:44,045
I'm School-ercising
with your mom.
309
00:09:44,129 --> 00:09:45,297
How did she get to you?
310
00:09:45,382 --> 00:09:47,437
It's our pantry, isn't it?
311
00:09:47,522 --> 00:09:48,601
It's loaded,
312
00:09:48,686 --> 00:09:50,687
and your mom hasn't bought
a bag of chips in years.
313
00:09:50,772 --> 00:09:51,562
We have chips.
314
00:09:51,647 --> 00:09:53,164
Yeah, homemade banana chips.
315
00:09:53,289 --> 00:09:54,781
That might as well
be deviled eggs.
316
00:09:54,866 --> 00:09:57,401
Adam, I like P.E.
And aerobics seems fun.
317
00:09:57,486 --> 00:09:58,738
That's why Mariel's
doing it, too.
318
00:09:58,822 --> 00:10:00,226
I forgot
my workout clothes.
319
00:10:00,311 --> 00:10:01,922
Is it cool
if I just wear my bikini?
320
00:10:02,007 --> 00:10:05,039
Well, keep all the obvious
hot zones covered,
and we're good.
321
00:10:05,231 --> 00:10:06,599
You thinking
what I'm thinking?
322
00:10:06,684 --> 00:10:09,375
You know, I'd like to continue
my education in P.E., too.
323
00:10:09,460 --> 00:10:11,328
All are welcome!
324
00:10:11,413 --> 00:10:12,714
(CHUCKLES)
Oh, look, Adam,
325
00:10:12,799 --> 00:10:14,896
all your peers want to get physical
with your mama.
326
00:10:14,981 --> 00:10:16,759
ADULT ADAM: Yeah,
there was no version of that phrase
327
00:10:16,843 --> 00:10:18,511
that brought me joy,
but to my horror,
328
00:10:18,596 --> 00:10:20,098
with the popular kids
on board,
329
00:10:20,183 --> 00:10:22,078
School-ercise was taking off.
330
00:10:22,163 --> 00:10:24,531
We're gonna do
some pelvic loops, okay?
331
00:10:24,616 --> 00:10:26,980
Pretend there's a crayon
tied to your hips,
332
00:10:27,074 --> 00:10:29,097
and you're gonna
just do big circles.
333
00:10:29,182 --> 00:10:31,342
This is the worst thing
that's ever happened to anyone.
334
00:10:32,221 --> 00:10:34,699
Not you, too,
Dave Kim?
335
00:10:34,784 --> 00:10:37,321
Sorry. Mariel's here.
Dave Kim needs this.
336
00:10:37,502 --> 00:10:40,438
Just go.
I never wasn't gonna.
337
00:10:40,543 --> 00:10:42,359
PEPPY MUSIC PLAYING...
338
00:10:43,131 --> 00:10:45,722
Pretty soon, everyone
will be joining in.
339
00:10:46,956 --> 00:10:48,214
Everyone.
340
00:10:48,299 --> 00:10:50,753
ADULT ADAM: And by "everyone,"
she clearly meant me.
341
00:10:51,103 --> 00:10:52,231
ADULT ADAM:
Geoff was determined
342
00:10:52,315 --> 00:10:54,117
to win the internship
away from Barry.
343
00:10:54,202 --> 00:10:56,339
Only one problem...
Geoff was Geoff.
344
00:10:56,424 --> 00:10:58,226
Oh, thank goodness,
strawberry Quik.
345
00:10:58,311 --> 00:10:59,947
I really need
to take the edge off.
346
00:11:00,032 --> 00:11:02,428
Well, it's over now, baby.
The internship's Barry's.
347
00:11:02,513 --> 00:11:04,128
What?
I'm the superior candidate.
348
00:11:04,212 --> 00:11:05,261
You just said so yourself.
349
00:11:05,346 --> 00:11:06,514
And you are.
350
00:11:06,599 --> 00:11:07,902
But thinking about it,
351
00:11:07,987 --> 00:11:10,074
Barry's got something
that you'll never have.
352
00:11:10,339 --> 00:11:12,674
The irrational, aggressive
intensity of a lunatic.
353
00:11:12,759 --> 00:11:14,595
- But that's a bad thing.
- Most of the time.
354
00:11:14,680 --> 00:11:15,855
But this is a competition,
355
00:11:15,949 --> 00:11:18,068
and the person who's willing
to be the boldest always wins.
356
00:11:18,152 --> 00:11:19,654
- That's not true.
- Isn't it, though?
357
00:11:19,739 --> 00:11:21,892
By the way, I made a reservation
at Bombay Palace tonight.
358
00:11:21,976 --> 00:11:23,450
What? You know I can't
eat Indian food.
359
00:11:23,534 --> 00:11:25,066
Their spices are
too vibrant for me.
360
00:11:25,151 --> 00:11:26,847
Sorry, bud,
Mama's in a hurry for curry.
361
00:11:26,932 --> 00:11:29,092
My neck is already sweaty,
but it is my husbandly duty.
362
00:11:29,212 --> 00:11:30,313
And point made.
363
00:11:30,398 --> 00:11:31,582
Oh, you were just
trying to prove
364
00:11:31,666 --> 00:11:33,068
that I can't stand up
for myself?
365
00:11:33,153 --> 00:11:35,188
You folded faster than
the laundry I make you do.
366
00:11:35,273 --> 00:11:36,261
How do I win
this internship?
367
00:11:36,346 --> 00:11:38,015
There's only one way,
out-Barry Barry.
368
00:11:38,100 --> 00:11:40,816
Done. I will be the most
irrational, confrontational,
369
00:11:40,901 --> 00:11:42,702
not-so-nice fella
the world has ever known.
370
00:11:42,787 --> 00:11:44,105
You're in the game, kid.
371
00:11:44,190 --> 00:11:46,347
Yes! And even better,
I don't have to eat Indian food.
372
00:11:46,478 --> 00:11:47,785
Nah, grab your jacket.
373
00:11:47,947 --> 00:11:49,996
That little scenario gave me
a taste for tandoori.
374
00:11:50,081 --> 00:11:52,660
ADULT ADAM: And so
Geoff harnessed his inner Barry.
375
00:11:52,754 --> 00:11:55,543
Gentlemen, while the internship
is mostly clerical,
376
00:11:55,642 --> 00:11:57,857
I expect you to have basic
knowledge of medicine
377
00:11:57,942 --> 00:11:58,813
at your fingertips.
378
00:11:58,898 --> 00:12:00,902
My fingers are jacked.
Surgeon's hands, yo!
379
00:12:00,987 --> 00:12:02,222
Playing God
with my mitts!
380
00:12:02,421 --> 00:12:03,756
O-kay.
381
00:12:03,881 --> 00:12:05,675
Mr. Goldberg, question...
382
00:12:05,760 --> 00:12:07,361
What are red blood cells
shaped like?
383
00:12:07,446 --> 00:12:09,503
Doughnuts!
They're shaped
like doughnuts.
384
00:12:09,588 --> 00:12:11,800
(CHUCKLES) Cream-filled.
Maple bacon. Glazed.
385
00:12:11,885 --> 00:12:12,746
Cake for breakfast, y'all.
386
00:12:12,831 --> 00:12:13,714
Huh.
What are you doing?
387
00:12:13,799 --> 00:12:15,691
While that is basically correct,
I have to say
388
00:12:15,776 --> 00:12:19,012
the ensuing outburst
was embarrassing, at best.
389
00:12:19,097 --> 00:12:20,957
You said best.
And that's what I am.
390
00:12:21,127 --> 00:12:23,195
Buh-buh-buh-buh-buh-best!
391
00:12:23,280 --> 00:12:25,583
I'm just gonna continue
heading this way.
392
00:12:25,929 --> 00:12:27,675
What are you doing,
dude?
393
00:12:27,777 --> 00:12:29,949
Say hello
to Dr. Big Tasty, MD.
394
00:12:30,034 --> 00:12:31,832
That's right,
I've taken your rap name,
395
00:12:31,917 --> 00:12:33,519
just like I'm taking
this internship.
396
00:12:33,604 --> 00:12:35,539
Well, good luck,
fellow qualified candidate.
397
00:12:35,624 --> 00:12:37,308
What's going on?
Why are you being so gracious
398
00:12:37,392 --> 00:12:39,043
and not attacking me
with words and fists?
399
00:12:39,128 --> 00:12:40,563
I had a little chat
with Joanne,
400
00:12:40,648 --> 00:12:42,644
and she suggested
there's no way I'd win
401
00:12:42,729 --> 00:12:45,050
'cause you're too nice,
so I'm out-Geoffing you.
402
00:12:45,135 --> 00:12:47,171
Y-You can't out-me me.
I'm out-youing you.
403
00:12:47,256 --> 00:12:49,091
I don't know where you got
that terrible idea,
404
00:12:49,176 --> 00:12:51,136
but neat-o mosquito.
405
00:12:51,221 --> 00:12:52,756
- Is that supposed to be me?
- Yeppers.
406
00:12:52,841 --> 00:12:54,475
Oh, no.
You're disarmingly innocent.
407
00:12:54,560 --> 00:12:55,800
Wait! Dr. Sol it!
408
00:12:55,885 --> 00:12:57,441
I'm the kinda guy
who says "yeppers."
409
00:12:57,526 --> 00:12:59,379
ADULT ADAM: While Geoff
was losing ground to Barry,
410
00:12:59,463 --> 00:13:02,121
my mom's aerobics class was
taking the school by storm.
411
00:13:02,206 --> 00:13:03,238
Wow.
412
00:13:03,323 --> 00:13:05,777
You look like Alyssa Milano
in Teen Steam.
413
00:13:05,862 --> 00:13:07,462
I only know that
because Barry rented it.
414
00:13:07,547 --> 00:13:10,371
We watched it in dead silence
and went our separate ways.
415
00:13:10,456 --> 00:13:11,121
Ignoring all that.
416
00:13:11,206 --> 00:13:13,122
Your mom is teaching during lunch since
the other class filled up.
417
00:13:13,206 --> 00:13:15,097
Neat. Now none of my peers
have to miss out
418
00:13:15,182 --> 00:13:16,964
on watching her glisten
like Kathleen Turner
419
00:13:17,049 --> 00:13:18,761
in the erotic thriller
Body Heat.
420
00:13:18,846 --> 00:13:20,948
- Barry rented that, too.
- I get it. She's your mom.
421
00:13:21,033 --> 00:13:23,910
But to the rest of us,
she's just this fun, hilarious lady
422
00:13:23,995 --> 00:13:25,414
who, honestly, really knows
how to move her body.
423
00:13:25,498 --> 00:13:27,099
You did it.
It's all okay now.
424
00:13:27,184 --> 00:13:29,066
Come on.
The entire senior class
425
00:13:29,151 --> 00:13:30,105
is having a blast.
426
00:13:30,190 --> 00:13:33,191
I admit, when I stare through
the gym-door window in horror,
427
00:13:33,276 --> 00:13:35,214
everyone does look
kinda sorta happy.
428
00:13:35,299 --> 00:13:36,333
Because we are.
429
00:13:36,418 --> 00:13:37,686
Give it a try. Please?
430
00:13:37,771 --> 00:13:39,308
For me?
Let's get to the gym.
431
00:13:39,393 --> 00:13:41,786
ADULT ADAM: Who was I
to argue with my girlfriend in a leotard?
432
00:13:41,870 --> 00:13:44,543
So I suited up and gave
School-ercise a shot.
433
00:13:44,628 --> 00:13:47,050
Your thighs, neck,
and tushy want this.
434
00:13:47,135 --> 00:13:48,488
What does that even mean?
435
00:13:48,573 --> 00:13:49,621
Come on.
Just go with it.
436
00:13:49,706 --> 00:13:52,011
I took Brea's advice,
and to my surprise,
437
00:13:52,096 --> 00:13:54,753
grooving with my mom
wasn't that bad.
438
00:13:54,947 --> 00:13:57,660
PEPPY MUSIC PLAYING...
439
00:13:57,745 --> 00:14:00,444
I'm feeling loose.
How 'bout you guys?
440
00:14:00,529 --> 00:14:02,427
Until this.
(FARTS)
441
00:14:02,512 --> 00:14:05,949
(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS)
442
00:14:07,306 --> 00:14:09,077
Yep, in a high school career
443
00:14:09,162 --> 00:14:10,573
filled with
embarrassing moments,
444
00:14:10,658 --> 00:14:12,478
this one topped them all.
445
00:14:12,633 --> 00:14:14,170
And not just for me.
446
00:14:16,260 --> 00:14:18,409
As my day couldn't have
gotten any worse,
447
00:14:18,494 --> 00:14:19,674
Geoff's stunk, as well.
448
00:14:19,759 --> 00:14:20,759
There you are.
449
00:14:20,844 --> 00:14:22,010
Your advice was terrible.
450
00:14:22,095 --> 00:14:24,354
I was rude and obnoxious,
and Barry was a saint.
451
00:14:24,439 --> 00:14:27,026
Hello, my dear and loving husband.
How are you today?
452
00:14:27,111 --> 00:14:28,913
No pleasantries.
I am reeling here.
453
00:14:28,998 --> 00:14:31,160
And not to mention,
the Indian food is not sitting well.
454
00:14:31,244 --> 00:14:32,763
The bus trip home was
a white-knuckler.
455
00:14:32,847 --> 00:14:33,965
Okay. We'll figure this out.
456
00:14:34,049 --> 00:14:35,206
What's there to figure?
457
00:14:35,291 --> 00:14:38,049
I'm doomed to be a beloved
but average country doctor
458
00:14:38,134 --> 00:14:40,169
who treats his simple patients
with folksy wisdom.
459
00:14:40,254 --> 00:14:42,370
Your worst-case scenarios
are always so charming.
460
00:14:42,455 --> 00:14:45,291
But this isn't over.
We can still hit Barry back.
461
00:14:45,376 --> 00:14:47,744
How? He's stolen
my delightful persona.
462
00:14:47,829 --> 00:14:49,472
He said that laughter
was the best medicine
463
00:14:49,556 --> 00:14:51,393
and then gave everyone
several doses.
464
00:14:51,478 --> 00:14:53,679
We'll just force
the real Barry out of him
465
00:14:53,764 --> 00:14:55,413
with the one thing
that he can't resist.
466
00:14:55,498 --> 00:14:56,866
All the buttons
in an elevator?
467
00:14:56,984 --> 00:14:58,679
His incredibly fragile ego.
468
00:14:58,764 --> 00:15:00,446
ADULT ADAM: Erica was right.
If there was one thing
469
00:15:00,530 --> 00:15:01,601
Barry hated the most,
470
00:15:01,686 --> 00:15:03,287
it was someone else
being the best.
471
00:15:03,372 --> 00:15:04,656
Dr. Sol it says
he'll join us
472
00:15:04,741 --> 00:15:06,610
- as soon as he wraps up with a patient.
- Thanks, Raj.
473
00:15:06,694 --> 00:15:07,585
Say, Raj,
474
00:15:07,670 --> 00:15:09,976
I understand that
you're a world-class fencer?
475
00:15:10,061 --> 00:15:11,996
Not world-class,
but I did do it
476
00:15:12,081 --> 00:15:13,266
for a few years
in high school.
477
00:15:13,350 --> 00:15:14,500
Wow. Well, that would
definitely make you
478
00:15:14,584 --> 00:15:16,110
the best person
with a sword around here.
479
00:15:16,194 --> 00:15:17,194
Wouldn't you say, Bar?
480
00:15:17,279 --> 00:15:18,382
I don't know
about that.
481
00:15:18,467 --> 00:15:20,635
No, no.
Raj is the best. Clearly.
482
00:15:20,720 --> 00:15:22,788
Even with a katana,
which is the blade of a ninja.
483
00:15:22,873 --> 00:15:24,101
Samurai.
484
00:15:24,186 --> 00:15:25,663
I'm sorry.
Did you say something?
485
00:15:25,748 --> 00:15:27,115
Because this is
all about Raj
486
00:15:27,200 --> 00:15:29,906
and how he dominates with all
hand-to-hand combat weapons.
487
00:15:29,991 --> 00:15:31,054
That's an exaggeration...
488
00:15:31,139 --> 00:15:34,175
Oh, and so humble despite
your clear top-dog status.
489
00:15:34,396 --> 00:15:36,031
I challenge you, Raj.
490
00:15:36,343 --> 00:15:38,813
Cage match
or elimination chamber?
491
00:15:38,898 --> 00:15:40,648
Those are the same thing,
and, no, Barry.
492
00:15:40,733 --> 00:15:42,726
Raj is clearly
the exceptional blades man.
493
00:15:42,811 --> 00:15:44,480
Falsehood!
Choose your weapon.
494
00:15:44,565 --> 00:15:46,827
I was just hoping to enjoy
this three-bean stew.
495
00:15:46,912 --> 00:15:48,447
Raj chooses bread.
496
00:15:48,532 --> 00:15:49,601
Take your garde.
497
00:15:49,837 --> 00:15:52,239
Yeah, I refuse on the grounds that
this is incredibly stupid.
498
00:15:52,324 --> 00:15:54,644
Ouch, Bar. Are you just gonna
let Raj talk to you that way?
499
00:15:54,810 --> 00:15:56,412
Never!
500
00:15:56,512 --> 00:15:58,410
Please don't.
You're getting crumbs on my jacket.
501
00:15:58,494 --> 00:15:59,843
What is happening
right now?
502
00:15:59,928 --> 00:16:00,962
I'll field this one.
503
00:16:01,247 --> 00:16:02,598
Barry is emotionally
out-of-control
504
00:16:02,682 --> 00:16:04,171
and attacked Raj
with bread.
505
00:16:04,256 --> 00:16:06,101
Raj goaded me into it
506
00:16:06,353 --> 00:16:07,664
by having limited
success in his past.
507
00:16:07,748 --> 00:16:09,550
Okay, I'm ready
to pick my intern.
508
00:16:09,635 --> 00:16:11,320
I-It's Raj.
Come with me.
509
00:16:12,209 --> 00:16:15,212
Huh. Well, that didn't go
the way I thought it would.
510
00:16:15,297 --> 00:16:16,531
What the hell, dude?
511
00:16:16,616 --> 00:16:18,648
You let me
make a fool of myself!
512
00:16:18,733 --> 00:16:20,768
You did the same thing to me.
I hope you're happy.
513
00:16:20,853 --> 00:16:22,021
Why would I be happy?
514
00:16:22,106 --> 00:16:23,585
I didn't get the thing
I wanted!
515
00:16:23,711 --> 00:16:24,729
Well, I didn't
get it, either.
516
00:16:24,813 --> 00:16:26,349
Then you should
storm off.
517
00:16:26,434 --> 00:16:27,524
You storm off.
I have food here.
518
00:16:27,608 --> 00:16:29,010
I have food here, too.
519
00:16:29,095 --> 00:16:30,031
God!
520
00:16:30,116 --> 00:16:32,773
ADULT ADAM: While Barry
and Geoff were feeling less than brotherly,
521
00:16:32,858 --> 00:16:35,784
I had some familial issues
of my own.
522
00:16:37,049 --> 00:16:40,620
Uh, hey, so, what's the word
in the hallway, homebody?
523
00:16:40,839 --> 00:16:44,143
Has my, uh, little
aerobic miscue blown over?
524
00:16:44,228 --> 00:16:45,198
Miscue?
525
00:16:45,283 --> 00:16:47,953
Half the senior class
heard your two-cheek squeak.
526
00:16:48,038 --> 00:16:49,506
This thing has legs!
527
00:16:49,591 --> 00:16:50,721
Oh, my God.
528
00:16:50,806 --> 00:16:52,752
I only have a few weeks left
at this school,
529
00:16:52,837 --> 00:16:54,760
and you just couldn't help
but embarrass me?
530
00:16:54,845 --> 00:16:56,690
You think this is how
I want to be remembered?
531
00:16:56,775 --> 00:16:58,142
It's how you should
be remembered,
532
00:16:58,227 --> 00:16:59,879
as a complete embarrassment
to your children,
533
00:16:59,963 --> 00:17:01,151
family, and community.
534
00:17:03,702 --> 00:17:05,938
Is your mom hiding
in the custodial closet?
535
00:17:06,023 --> 00:17:08,659
Right by the lemon Pledge
and a little chair by a radio.
536
00:17:08,744 --> 00:17:09,901
She must feel terrible.
537
00:17:10,002 --> 00:17:12,338
Yeah, she's acting
like she's more embarrassed than me.
538
00:17:12,423 --> 00:17:14,023
Well, you're not the one
who canoonerred.
539
00:17:14,108 --> 00:17:15,369
It's my family's
word for it.
540
00:17:15,454 --> 00:17:18,057
Adorable,
but Beverly Goldberg's public explosions
541
00:17:18,142 --> 00:17:19,477
are nobody's fault but hers.
542
00:17:19,562 --> 00:17:21,047
Maybe you could at least
be sympathetic
543
00:17:21,131 --> 00:17:22,450
to the woman who tries
to give you everything?
544
00:17:22,534 --> 00:17:23,963
Hmm, let me think about it.
545
00:17:24,048 --> 00:17:24,588
No.
546
00:17:24,673 --> 00:17:26,687
Adam, all she wanted
was for you to be healthy.
547
00:17:26,772 --> 00:17:27,682
Just like I do.
548
00:17:27,767 --> 00:17:29,018
You care about me
that much?
549
00:17:29,103 --> 00:17:30,518
Almost as much
as she does.
550
00:17:30,603 --> 00:17:31,870
So you'll make it right?
551
00:17:31,955 --> 00:17:33,924
I'll consider it,
but I need a day.
552
00:17:34,009 --> 00:17:36,323
ADULT ADAM: Or possibly
the rest of my life. I
553
00:17:37,018 --> 00:17:38,590
ADULT ADAM: Even though
my mom had committed
554
00:17:38,674 --> 00:17:39,652
the ultimate embarrassment,
555
00:17:39,737 --> 00:17:41,238
the school day
rolled right on.
556
00:17:41,323 --> 00:17:43,776
It's Bike Safety Week,
seniors!
557
00:17:45,471 --> 00:17:47,573
Although most of you
drive cars
558
00:17:47,705 --> 00:17:49,776
and stopped learning things
weeks ago,
559
00:17:49,924 --> 00:17:52,521
let us not forget
our two-wheeled friends.
560
00:17:52,654 --> 00:17:55,284
Right. "Bicyclist"
is just "friend"
561
00:17:55,377 --> 00:17:57,378
spelled with
many different letters.
562
00:17:57,463 --> 00:17:58,878
Thank you, Principal Ball,
563
00:17:58,963 --> 00:18:00,404
for scheduling
this emergency meeting
564
00:18:00,495 --> 00:18:02,731
so that we can talk about
what happened yesterday.
565
00:18:02,865 --> 00:18:03,866
Crack attack!
566
00:18:03,999 --> 00:18:05,367
Thunder from Down Under.
567
00:18:05,500 --> 00:18:06,535
(COUGHS)
Colon bowlin'.
568
00:18:06,668 --> 00:18:08,037
(LAUGHTER)
569
00:18:08,170 --> 00:18:11,740
Stop! We are not
replacing Bike Week
570
00:18:11,825 --> 00:18:15,012
to have a discussion about
a faculty member's flatulence.
571
00:18:15,097 --> 00:18:16,232
I see.
572
00:18:18,037 --> 00:18:21,472
Well, I guess my time here
really has come to an end.
573
00:18:21,557 --> 00:18:23,487
I'm sorry it ended this way.
574
00:18:23,572 --> 00:18:25,971
ADULT ADAM: Turns out
I didn't want it to end this way, either.
575
00:18:26,055 --> 00:18:27,862
Wait. Mom...
576
00:18:28,073 --> 00:18:30,359
You made gym, a class I normally
577
00:18:30,443 --> 00:18:32,573
hate, into something fun.
578
00:18:32,694 --> 00:18:35,931
And not just for me
but for all the students here.
579
00:18:36,104 --> 00:18:37,760
(STUDENTS MURMURING)
580
00:18:38,585 --> 00:18:41,260
Why should one horrible,
life-scarring moment
581
00:18:41,344 --> 00:18:42,722
mean your time is done?
582
00:18:42,965 --> 00:18:45,089
Last week, my glasses
fell into the toilet,
583
00:18:45,174 --> 00:18:46,641
and I couldn't fish them out,
584
00:18:46,726 --> 00:18:48,728
which meant,
a whole day of...
585
00:18:48,911 --> 00:18:50,245
(STUDENTS EXCLAIM)
586
00:18:52,238 --> 00:18:55,642
I mean, who here hasn't done
something embarrassing?
587
00:18:55,970 --> 00:18:58,606
I barfed
on seventh-grade picture day,
588
00:18:58,691 --> 00:19:01,091
and they made me wear
the only T-shirt in the lost and found.
589
00:19:01,181 --> 00:19:04,377
So for the rest of the year,
I had a new nickname...
590
00:19:04,785 --> 00:19:06,479
(BLEEP) Last Resort.
591
00:19:07,786 --> 00:19:11,122
I may have once kissed the TV
when Wonder Woman was on.
592
00:19:11,293 --> 00:19:13,029
Also, it was more than once.
593
00:19:13,114 --> 00:19:15,441
I got one. I once paid
my girlfriend's rent
594
00:19:15,526 --> 00:19:16,979
in Florida for an entire year,
595
00:19:17,139 --> 00:19:20,175
even though I knew
she was cohabitating with our dog groomer.
596
00:19:20,309 --> 00:19:21,944
They went to St. Maarten
for a vacation.
597
00:19:22,077 --> 00:19:23,104
I paid for that, too.
598
00:19:23,189 --> 00:19:26,182
I agree with young Goldberg.
We all make mistakes.
599
00:19:26,281 --> 00:19:27,799
Like Bike Week.
600
00:19:28,229 --> 00:19:30,346
Why was this
a good idea?
601
00:19:30,552 --> 00:19:32,254
(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)
602
00:19:32,387 --> 00:19:33,768
Adam.
603
00:19:34,588 --> 00:19:36,199
So you're not
embarrassed of me?
604
00:19:36,284 --> 00:19:37,492
Always.
605
00:19:37,626 --> 00:19:40,195
But I can't have you being
embarrassed of yourself.
606
00:19:40,329 --> 00:19:41,663
You're Beverly Goldberg.
607
00:19:41,748 --> 00:19:44,585
(ROY ORBISON'S
YOU GOT IT PLAYS)
608
00:19:44,766 --> 00:19:46,188
ADULT ADAM: As my mom
cleared the air,
609
00:19:46,272 --> 00:19:49,009
tensions still lingered
between Barry and Geoff.
610
00:19:49,190 --> 00:19:51,178
What? No. I'm not
going anywhere he is.
611
00:19:51,263 --> 00:19:52,924
Good.
'Cause there's a huge world
612
00:19:53,008 --> 00:19:54,059
out there for you to explore,
613
00:19:54,143 --> 00:19:55,710
most of which
doesn't have me in it.
614
00:19:55,851 --> 00:19:58,854
But stay away from Australia
and the Americas.
615
00:19:58,939 --> 00:20:00,065
Guys, stop.
616
00:20:00,150 --> 00:20:02,267
Joanne and I talked about it,
and we're to blame, as well.
617
00:20:02,351 --> 00:20:03,276
It's true.
618
00:20:03,361 --> 00:20:05,321
We should've just encouraged you
to be yourselves.
619
00:20:05,479 --> 00:20:08,016
You're brothers. You'd do
anything for each other.
620
00:20:08,101 --> 00:20:09,589
Even giving up something
that you want more
621
00:20:09,673 --> 00:20:11,174
than anything in the world.
622
00:20:11,259 --> 00:20:13,077
I really did
want you to get it.
623
00:20:13,162 --> 00:20:14,429
Me too.
624
00:20:14,563 --> 00:20:16,698
- ♪♪ Anything you need, you got it...
- Bro.
625
00:20:16,807 --> 00:20:17,875
Bro.
626
00:20:18,016 --> 00:20:19,073
♪♪ Anything at all...
627
00:20:19,158 --> 00:20:20,585
ADULT ADAM: That's the thing
about family.
628
00:20:20,669 --> 00:20:22,053
Sometimes there can be
disagreements,
629
00:20:22,137 --> 00:20:23,588
even embarrassments,
630
00:20:23,673 --> 00:20:24,974
but eventually,
631
00:20:25,059 --> 00:20:28,095
if you find yourselves in step
with the people you love,
632
00:20:28,180 --> 00:20:31,730
there's no telling
the great places you might go.
633
00:20:31,815 --> 00:20:36,074
♪♪ Baby, you got it ♪♪
634
00:20:37,004 --> 00:20:39,940
ADAM: I've added some sound effects
to old home movies.
635
00:20:40,073 --> 00:20:42,754
- (FARTS)
- Stop videotaping!
636
00:20:42,839 --> 00:20:45,193
Adam, what the hell?
I'm gonna crimp your face!
637
00:20:45,294 --> 00:20:46,246
(FARTS)
638
00:20:46,331 --> 00:20:47,966
I quit!
(FARTING RAPIDLY)
639
00:20:48,051 --> 00:20:49,809
We're called the Dropouts
because...
640
00:20:49,894 --> 00:20:51,762
- We dropped out of college.
- (FARTS)
641
00:20:51,985 --> 00:20:53,545
(FARTING)
642
00:20:53,630 --> 00:20:55,694
(ALL FARTING)
643
00:20:56,053 --> 00:20:59,428
Ha! Classic bathroom humor
never disappoints, am I right?
644
00:20:59,513 --> 00:21:00,616
When it's classy.
645
00:21:00,701 --> 00:21:02,367
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