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1
00:00:05,671 --> 00:00:08,757
[Japanese Breakfast's
"Be Sweet"]
2
00:00:08,842 --> 00:00:15,932
♪ ♪
3
00:00:21,896 --> 00:00:26,275
♪ Tell the men I'm coming ♪
4
00:00:26,359 --> 00:00:30,446
♪ Tell them count the days ♪
5
00:00:30,530 --> 00:00:33,615
♪ I can feel
the night passing by ♪
6
00:00:33,700 --> 00:00:35,659
[phone rings]
7
00:00:37,579 --> 00:00:44,668
♪ ♪
8
00:00:53,302 --> 00:00:54,679
Is that your phone?
9
00:00:54,762 --> 00:00:56,472
- Um, no it's an Amber Alert.
It's nothing.
10
00:00:56,555 --> 00:00:57,890
Oh.
11
00:00:57,973 --> 00:00:59,808
[groans]
12
00:00:59,893 --> 00:01:01,351
[yawns]
13
00:01:03,188 --> 00:01:05,272
Morning.
- Hello.
14
00:01:05,355 --> 00:01:07,692
I did not expect
last night to happen.
15
00:01:07,775 --> 00:01:09,652
Me neither.
16
00:01:10,903 --> 00:01:12,864
But, like, you wanted it
to happen, right?
17
00:01:12,947 --> 00:01:14,156
I had your consent?
18
00:01:14,239 --> 00:01:17,409
- Yes, you had my consent.
- Okay.
19
00:01:18,703 --> 00:01:21,164
That wasn't
your first time, was it?
20
00:01:21,246 --> 00:01:24,793
- Me? God, no.
No, I've sexed a lot.
21
00:01:24,876 --> 00:01:26,628
Was it yours?
22
00:01:26,710 --> 00:01:28,337
I hoped you could tell
it wasn't.
23
00:01:28,420 --> 00:01:29,838
Totally, totally.
24
00:01:29,923 --> 00:01:31,716
Hey, if it's cool,
I think we shouldn't
25
00:01:31,799 --> 00:01:32,841
tell Leighton about this.
26
00:01:32,926 --> 00:01:34,843
Oh, definitely not.
27
00:01:34,927 --> 00:01:36,888
One time Bela made a comment
on your hot bod
28
00:01:36,971 --> 00:01:39,765
and Leighton got so mad,
she snapped a pen in half.
29
00:01:39,848 --> 00:01:44,938
- Well, then, it's settled.
We won't mention last night.
30
00:01:46,438 --> 00:01:49,067
Or this morning.
- This morning? I don't...
31
00:01:49,150 --> 00:01:52,110
Oh, yes. Yes.
I'm a yes for this morning.
32
00:01:52,194 --> 00:01:53,530
Giddy up.
- [moans]
33
00:01:53,612 --> 00:01:55,281
I don't know why I said that.
34
00:01:55,365 --> 00:01:57,115
♪ You know the vibes
you know the vibes ♪
35
00:01:57,200 --> 00:01:58,867
♪ Switch up the ride
switch up the ride ♪
36
00:01:58,951 --> 00:02:00,370
♪ Don't take the price
don't take ♪
37
00:02:00,453 --> 00:02:01,995
Okay, tell us
every single detail.
38
00:02:02,079 --> 00:02:03,414
Leave out nothing.
39
00:02:03,498 --> 00:02:05,016
- I'm not gonna kiss and tell.
That's tacky.
40
00:02:05,040 --> 00:02:06,477
- You're right.
Act it out with your food.
41
00:02:06,501 --> 00:02:08,061
He's the sausage,
you're the tater tots.
42
00:02:08,086 --> 00:02:09,670
All I'll share is this,
43
00:02:09,753 --> 00:02:12,715
it is crazy how much better
sex is with Nico,
44
00:02:12,799 --> 00:02:16,093
a guy I just met, than
with a guy I loved like Max.
45
00:02:16,176 --> 00:02:17,719
That's not crazy.
46
00:02:17,804 --> 00:02:19,949
One's hot and one brought
a light saber when he visited.
47
00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:22,015
So you're really not
gonna tell us anything?
48
00:02:23,475 --> 00:02:26,896
His sex is amazing and
I can't stop thinking about it.
49
00:02:26,979 --> 00:02:28,230
- Boom.
- [squeals]
50
00:02:28,313 --> 00:02:29,691
That's my girl.
51
00:02:29,774 --> 00:02:31,025
Now, describe his penis so
52
00:02:31,109 --> 00:02:32,461
I can draw it out
like a sketch artist.
53
00:02:32,485 --> 00:02:33,902
You really like him, don't you?
54
00:02:33,986 --> 00:02:36,239
Yeah, I mean, he's nice
and funny and smart.
55
00:02:36,322 --> 00:02:41,076
And, I don't know,
he, like, surprises me.
56
00:02:41,161 --> 00:02:42,412
Who surprises you?
57
00:02:42,495 --> 00:02:44,747
No, it's just this
cute meteorologist
58
00:02:44,831 --> 00:02:46,832
on my local news channel
back home.
59
00:02:46,915 --> 00:02:49,085
Your meteorologist
surprises you?
60
00:02:49,168 --> 00:02:51,253
Yeah, like,
with his tie choices.
61
00:02:51,336 --> 00:02:53,882
- Morning, besties.
I need a favor.
62
00:02:53,965 --> 00:02:56,151
So you know how I didn't get
into any of the acapella groups
63
00:02:56,175 --> 00:02:57,926
because they're all
super jealous of me.
64
00:02:58,010 --> 00:03:01,764
Well, hold on to your labes
because I started my own group.
65
00:03:01,848 --> 00:03:03,599
And we're having a concert...
66
00:03:03,682 --> 00:03:06,436
♪ Tomorrow ♪
67
00:03:06,519 --> 00:03:08,979
Travis, I will never go
to an acapella show.
68
00:03:09,062 --> 00:03:12,275
Well, you'll be at this one
because you wouldn't want
69
00:03:12,358 --> 00:03:14,776
your intersectionality
to be called into question.
70
00:03:14,860 --> 00:03:17,405
Would you?
Okay, I'll see you there.
71
00:03:17,487 --> 00:03:22,159
♪ ♪
72
00:03:22,242 --> 00:03:23,620
[knock on door]
73
00:03:23,703 --> 00:03:26,288
Hi, you have some
old workout jackets, right?
74
00:03:26,372 --> 00:03:27,831
The women's center
is volunteering at
75
00:03:27,915 --> 00:03:29,727
a horse rehab farm and
I'm not about to have one
76
00:03:29,751 --> 00:03:31,711
of them nibble on
my Gucci quarter zips.
77
00:03:31,794 --> 00:03:33,354
Oh, so you want to
give them one of mine?
78
00:03:33,378 --> 00:03:35,632
Sure. Take the red one.
It's in the closet.
79
00:03:35,715 --> 00:03:37,341
Thank you.
80
00:03:47,060 --> 00:03:48,144
What is this?
81
00:03:48,227 --> 00:03:49,603
Hey, babe...
Oh!
82
00:03:49,687 --> 00:03:50,979
That's like a team nickname.
83
00:03:51,063 --> 00:03:52,649
They just call
me babe sometimes.
84
00:03:52,731 --> 00:03:54,692
"You looked hot out there
today. Love, Dalton."
85
00:03:54,776 --> 00:03:57,319
Isn't Dalton
one of your coaches?
86
00:03:59,572 --> 00:04:02,532
Leighton, I swear to God,
you cannot tell anyone.
87
00:04:02,616 --> 00:04:06,454
Okay, but I may have
had an affair
88
00:04:06,537 --> 00:04:08,122
with my married assistant coach.
89
00:04:08,997 --> 00:04:10,625
- Okay.
- Look, it was a mistake
90
00:04:10,707 --> 00:04:13,294
and it's in the past.
Okay, but I need you to give me
91
00:04:13,377 --> 00:04:14,836
your solemn word that you're not
92
00:04:14,920 --> 00:04:17,173
gonna say anything to anyone.
- My solemn word?
93
00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:19,675
Dude, while I'm sure this
is considered some juicy stuff
94
00:04:19,759 --> 00:04:22,302
where you're from, I went
to a New York prep school.
95
00:04:22,387 --> 00:04:23,656
I've been making out
with bartenders
96
00:04:23,680 --> 00:04:24,721
since I was, like, 14.
97
00:04:24,805 --> 00:04:26,975
That's disturbing,
98
00:04:27,057 --> 00:04:29,935
but it does make me feel
a little bit better.
99
00:04:30,019 --> 00:04:32,814
I don't know,
I've honestly been low key
100
00:04:32,896 --> 00:04:35,108
depressed about this
for the past couple weeks.
101
00:04:35,191 --> 00:04:38,026
Do you want to hang out
and talk about it?
102
00:04:38,110 --> 00:04:40,071
I can bail on this
women's center thing right now.
103
00:04:40,112 --> 00:04:42,615
Oh, no, that's nice of you
but you don't have to do that.
104
00:04:42,699 --> 00:04:43,865
Ah, it's too late.
105
00:04:43,949 --> 00:04:45,492
I already used you as an excuse.
106
00:04:45,576 --> 00:04:48,454
I told them my BIPOC roommate
was in crisis.
107
00:04:48,538 --> 00:04:50,122
- Okay.
[laughter]
108
00:04:50,206 --> 00:04:52,709
♪ Time stops,
do you feel the rhythm ♪
109
00:04:52,792 --> 00:04:56,129
♪ ♪
110
00:04:56,211 --> 00:04:57,672
Hey, can you think of something
111
00:04:57,754 --> 00:04:59,548
that rhymes with
Ansel Elgort's thick thighs?
112
00:04:59,632 --> 00:05:01,425
I don't think I can.
113
00:05:01,509 --> 00:05:04,220
I'm so in my head about this
final Catullan submission.
114
00:05:04,302 --> 00:05:06,805
Not to be dramatic, but the six
pieces I submit tomorrow
115
00:05:06,889 --> 00:05:09,934
will determine the rest
of my entire comedy career.
116
00:05:10,018 --> 00:05:12,853
Bela, your packet is so funny.
117
00:05:12,937 --> 00:05:14,271
I liked every single piece.
118
00:05:14,355 --> 00:05:16,274
Even the ones
I didn't understand.
119
00:05:16,356 --> 00:05:17,442
[phone chimes]
120
00:05:18,483 --> 00:05:21,069
Damn, you and Nico
are texting non-stop.
121
00:05:21,153 --> 00:05:23,740
Yeah, but I have to put
my phone away and focus.
122
00:05:23,822 --> 00:05:25,992
I have a six hour shift at Sips
123
00:05:26,074 --> 00:05:27,994
and so much homework
to catch up on.
124
00:05:28,076 --> 00:05:29,495
For the rest of the day,
125
00:05:29,579 --> 00:05:30,973
I'm tuning him out
and I'm getting things done.
126
00:05:30,997 --> 00:05:32,540
I'm sure you will.
127
00:05:32,622 --> 00:05:35,918
♪ ♪
128
00:05:36,002 --> 00:05:38,838
[moaning]
129
00:05:38,920 --> 00:05:41,923
♪ ♪
130
00:05:42,007 --> 00:05:44,343
- I'm sorry I'm late.
I got locked out of my room.
131
00:05:44,427 --> 00:05:45,927
[phone chimes]
132
00:05:46,012 --> 00:05:47,555
And I forgot to lock it again.
133
00:05:47,637 --> 00:05:49,389
I'll be back in 20 minutes.
134
00:05:49,473 --> 00:05:50,516
♪ ♪
135
00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:52,601
The fuck?
136
00:05:52,685 --> 00:05:53,978
[moaning]
137
00:05:54,062 --> 00:05:56,689
♪ So baby ♪
138
00:05:56,773 --> 00:05:58,608
I have to help a friend
with something.
139
00:05:58,691 --> 00:06:01,276
I'll be back in 14 minutes.
140
00:06:01,360 --> 00:06:03,071
♪ ♪
141
00:06:03,153 --> 00:06:06,490
[moaning]
142
00:06:06,574 --> 00:06:07,742
♪ ♪
143
00:06:07,824 --> 00:06:09,451
My dorm is having an emergency.
144
00:06:09,535 --> 00:06:12,038
I'll be back in eight
in a half minutes.
145
00:06:12,120 --> 00:06:14,874
♪ ♪
146
00:06:14,956 --> 00:06:20,713
[moaning]
147
00:06:20,797 --> 00:06:21,713
Oh, shit.
148
00:06:21,798 --> 00:06:23,173
♪ ♪
149
00:06:23,257 --> 00:06:25,069
- Are you kidding me?
When it comes to Chrises,
150
00:06:25,093 --> 00:06:28,930
it goes Pine, Hemsworth,
Evans, and hello?
151
00:06:29,012 --> 00:06:33,100
- Oh, sorry.
Do you see that guy over there?
152
00:06:34,351 --> 00:06:36,937
His name's Canaan.
We kind of hooked up.
153
00:06:38,396 --> 00:06:41,483
Whitney, that guy is so hot.
154
00:06:41,567 --> 00:06:44,403
Okay, that is the kind of guy
that you need to be going for.
155
00:06:44,487 --> 00:06:46,572
Not some townie doofus
who peaked in high school.
156
00:06:46,656 --> 00:06:48,949
He works at Sips with Kimberly.
157
00:06:49,033 --> 00:06:50,283
Kimberly works at Sips?
158
00:06:50,367 --> 00:06:51,827
I could've sworn
she was a janitor.
159
00:06:51,911 --> 00:06:54,247
Okay, look,
he's sitting down to eat.
160
00:06:55,163 --> 00:06:57,125
Well, what are you waiting for?
Go talk to him.
161
00:06:57,207 --> 00:06:58,750
I don't know.
162
00:06:58,834 --> 00:07:00,502
I feel like
I might need to take a beat
163
00:07:00,586 --> 00:07:02,088
before jumping into someone new.
164
00:07:02,170 --> 00:07:03,713
No, no, no, okay rookie mistake.
165
00:07:03,798 --> 00:07:05,341
The best way to get over
somebody is
166
00:07:05,423 --> 00:07:08,886
to whore out with someone
hotter right away, like him.
167
00:07:10,221 --> 00:07:11,430
Okay.
168
00:07:13,723 --> 00:07:15,184
- Mm?
- Yeah.
169
00:07:15,268 --> 00:07:16,351
[clears throat]
170
00:07:19,021 --> 00:07:21,356
Hey.
- Whitney.
171
00:07:21,439 --> 00:07:24,485
It's been a minute.
Want to sit?
172
00:07:24,569 --> 00:07:26,278
Yeah. Yeah.
173
00:07:26,362 --> 00:07:27,697
Okay, but you will have to leave
174
00:07:27,779 --> 00:07:29,115
when my cooler friends get here.
175
00:07:29,197 --> 00:07:30,824
[laughs]
176
00:07:30,908 --> 00:07:32,909
I can only submit six pieces,
177
00:07:32,994 --> 00:07:34,536
so I need to pick
the absolute best.
178
00:07:34,620 --> 00:07:35,872
Uh-huh.
179
00:07:35,954 --> 00:07:37,348
That's why I need
your honest opinion.
180
00:07:37,372 --> 00:07:39,709
Don't go easy on me.
- Uh-huh. Yup.
181
00:07:39,792 --> 00:07:41,310
Hey, do you think we
should take a break
182
00:07:41,334 --> 00:07:42,728
so you can give my packet
your full focus?
183
00:07:42,752 --> 00:07:44,213
Are you kidding me?
184
00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:45,882
I want to do both
at the same time.
185
00:07:45,965 --> 00:07:47,800
You're so funny.
It makes me so hard.
186
00:07:47,884 --> 00:07:49,552
All right, get back down there.
187
00:07:49,634 --> 00:07:50,720
Do your thing.
188
00:07:50,802 --> 00:07:52,721
♪ Touch in the moonlight ♪
189
00:07:52,805 --> 00:07:55,891
♪ ♪
190
00:07:55,975 --> 00:08:00,605
♪ Oh, oh ♪
191
00:08:00,687 --> 00:08:03,232
Kimberly Edie Finkel,
late again.
192
00:08:03,315 --> 00:08:04,567
I'm very sorry.
193
00:08:04,649 --> 00:08:06,235
Wait, how do you know
my middle name?
194
00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:07,879
Payroll purposes,
but don't change the subject.
195
00:08:07,903 --> 00:08:09,863
All right, you are on thin ice,
young lady.
196
00:08:09,947 --> 00:08:11,740
Now grab that mop,
some of the theater kids
197
00:08:11,824 --> 00:08:13,242
have been practicing spit takes.
198
00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:14,911
And you're gonna clean it up.
199
00:08:14,994 --> 00:08:16,245
Okay.
200
00:08:16,329 --> 00:08:19,247
So, um, why do you
keep on being late? Hmm?
201
00:08:19,331 --> 00:08:22,125
I've kind of been,
like, with someone.
202
00:08:22,209 --> 00:08:23,586
[squeals]
203
00:08:23,668 --> 00:08:26,797
I knew it was because
you was fucking somebody.
204
00:08:26,880 --> 00:08:28,591
Uh, sorry. Can I order?
205
00:08:28,673 --> 00:08:30,593
Excuse me, we're gabbing here.
206
00:08:32,177 --> 00:08:33,386
Is it who I think it is?
207
00:08:34,221 --> 00:08:36,097
Is his dick made out of gold?
208
00:08:36,182 --> 00:08:38,475
Yeah, it's Nico
and it's amazing.
209
00:08:38,558 --> 00:08:40,144
But it's all I can think about.
210
00:08:40,227 --> 00:08:42,104
And yesterday,
I skipped all my classes.
211
00:08:42,187 --> 00:08:44,440
And I'm barely holding on
to a C in Econ.
212
00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:46,192
- Econ with Professor Bennett?
- Yeah.
213
00:08:46,274 --> 00:08:47,336
Just ask him for extra credit.
214
00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:48,945
That's what I did last year.
215
00:08:49,028 --> 00:08:50,713
And my B plus went to an A.
And I'm not just saying it
216
00:08:50,738 --> 00:08:53,533
to brag about my grades,
although I'm quite bright.
217
00:08:53,615 --> 00:08:55,451
- Really?
That would be so huge.
218
00:08:55,533 --> 00:08:57,077
I'll ask him about it today.
219
00:08:57,161 --> 00:09:00,498
Does anyone
have an iPhone 4 charger?
220
00:09:00,581 --> 00:09:03,375
- I'm sorry.
- No.
221
00:09:03,458 --> 00:09:04,710
♪ ♪
222
00:09:04,793 --> 00:09:06,187
Great job getting
your submission in
223
00:09:06,211 --> 00:09:07,797
two minutes before
the deadline, Jeff.
224
00:09:07,879 --> 00:09:09,130
I'll be reading it last.
225
00:09:09,215 --> 00:09:10,442
Hopefully your take on Baby Yoda
226
00:09:10,466 --> 00:09:12,134
is still fresh when I get to it.
227
00:09:12,217 --> 00:09:15,346
- Baby Yoda.
That shit is so played out.
228
00:09:15,428 --> 00:09:16,639
Totally.
229
00:09:16,721 --> 00:09:18,241
I wrote a piece
about Baby Shark, though.
230
00:09:18,265 --> 00:09:19,933
And it's pretty biting.
231
00:09:21,059 --> 00:09:22,436
All right, everyone.
232
00:09:22,519 --> 00:09:23,980
Final submissions
are now closed.
233
00:09:24,062 --> 00:09:25,456
If anyone's late,
they're out of luck.
234
00:09:25,480 --> 00:09:27,149
Thank you all
for your hard work.
235
00:09:27,232 --> 00:09:29,043
Eric, the board, and I
are really looking forward
236
00:09:29,067 --> 00:09:30,443
to reading
what you came up with.
237
00:09:30,528 --> 00:09:32,446
And if we choose
any new members,
238
00:09:32,529 --> 00:09:33,739
tonight is gonna be tap night.
239
00:09:33,822 --> 00:09:35,323
We'll come find you
in your rooms
240
00:09:35,408 --> 00:09:37,493
and whisk you away
for hours of traditions
241
00:09:37,576 --> 00:09:39,912
that you cannot share
with anyone, ever.
242
00:09:39,995 --> 00:09:41,496
Including future spouses.
243
00:09:41,580 --> 00:09:43,957
But, again, we probably
won't pick anyone.
244
00:09:44,040 --> 00:09:46,586
We'll probably pick
between two and four people.
245
00:09:46,668 --> 00:09:48,837
Evangeline, could you not...
[sighs]
246
00:09:48,921 --> 00:09:51,173
I will now take the submissions
and hold onto them
247
00:09:51,256 --> 00:09:53,384
until the board can reconvene
to review them.
248
00:09:53,466 --> 00:09:56,136
But straight off the bat,
I see some insane
249
00:09:56,220 --> 00:09:59,014
and embarrassing font choices.
So way to go.
250
00:10:02,934 --> 00:10:04,519
Hey, um, if we get picked,
251
00:10:04,602 --> 00:10:06,772
can we finally see
the upstairs rooms?
252
00:10:06,855 --> 00:10:09,524
Want me to sneak you up
right now?
253
00:10:09,607 --> 00:10:11,067
Oh, shit yes. Yes.
254
00:10:11,152 --> 00:10:12,671
Wait, you don't think
we'll get in trouble?
255
00:10:12,695 --> 00:10:14,322
No one's coming back
till 8:00.
256
00:10:14,404 --> 00:10:15,740
Come on. Let's go.
257
00:10:15,822 --> 00:10:22,913
♪ ♪
258
00:10:31,922 --> 00:10:33,006
[phone chimes]
259
00:10:35,301 --> 00:10:37,260
I feel like it's
a compliment to get catfished.
260
00:10:37,345 --> 00:10:39,179
It means he must
really like you.
261
00:10:39,263 --> 00:10:41,057
I just don't understand
262
00:10:41,139 --> 00:10:43,142
how you got catfished
by your cousin, again.
263
00:10:43,225 --> 00:10:45,436
He just writes
such beautiful sonnets.
264
00:10:45,519 --> 00:10:47,312
Ginger, we've talked about this.
265
00:10:47,395 --> 00:10:50,857
You need to set boundaries
with Randy, your cousin.
266
00:10:51,649 --> 00:10:52,817
Sorry I'm late.
267
00:10:54,320 --> 00:10:55,571
You okay, Tova?
268
00:10:55,653 --> 00:10:57,530
It's over between me and Beth.
269
00:10:57,615 --> 00:10:58,948
What? What happened?
270
00:10:59,033 --> 00:11:00,743
You two were such a cute couple.
271
00:11:00,826 --> 00:11:02,846
We were supposed to go over
to her house for Thanksgiving,
272
00:11:02,870 --> 00:11:05,014
and while her parents were cool
with her being a lesbian,
273
00:11:05,038 --> 00:11:07,124
she thought that I might be
too much for them.
274
00:11:07,207 --> 00:11:08,958
What? What would be too much?
275
00:11:09,043 --> 00:11:11,586
I guess they've never met
someone who's non-binary,
276
00:11:11,669 --> 00:11:15,341
so Beth wanted me to fem it up.
- Oh, fuck that.
277
00:11:15,423 --> 00:11:18,094
Hey, you might quickly want
278
00:11:18,177 --> 00:11:20,096
to let us know
what side you're on.
279
00:11:20,178 --> 00:11:22,264
Tova's obviously.
280
00:11:22,347 --> 00:11:24,307
Look, when I first
had to come here,
281
00:11:24,392 --> 00:11:25,558
I'll be real with you,
282
00:11:25,643 --> 00:11:27,394
I kind of thought
you all sucked.
283
00:11:27,477 --> 00:11:30,398
Not for any identity reasons,
just personalities, you know?
284
00:11:30,480 --> 00:11:32,607
- Mm-hmm.
- But then I got to know you.
285
00:11:32,692 --> 00:11:35,110
And Tova,
I think you're pretty great.
286
00:11:35,193 --> 00:11:38,114
You are almost too cool
to be here but, yet,
287
00:11:38,197 --> 00:11:40,323
you still come here.
Which kind of makes you cooler.
288
00:11:40,408 --> 00:11:42,576
So this is Beth's loss.
289
00:11:43,369 --> 00:11:44,452
Thank you, Leighton.
290
00:11:45,203 --> 00:11:46,913
Uh, Leighton, quick question.
291
00:11:46,996 --> 00:11:49,834
You pointed at me when you were
talking about personalities.
292
00:11:49,917 --> 00:11:52,293
- No, no. No, I didn't.
It just looked that way.
293
00:11:52,378 --> 00:11:54,504
Oh, okay. Great.
294
00:11:54,587 --> 00:11:58,134
♪ ♪
295
00:11:58,216 --> 00:12:00,219
I would be happy
to offer extra credit
296
00:12:00,302 --> 00:12:01,803
for helping me with my research.
297
00:12:01,886 --> 00:12:03,639
It's actually
pretty exciting stuff.
298
00:12:03,721 --> 00:12:05,724
Here, take a look.
299
00:12:07,058 --> 00:12:09,769
Oh, I love all this data.
300
00:12:09,854 --> 00:12:12,565
So many columns
with information in them.
301
00:12:12,648 --> 00:12:15,567
Yeah, this looks so cool.
302
00:12:15,650 --> 00:12:17,986
Okay, well basically,
I just need help
303
00:12:18,070 --> 00:12:20,947
with data calculations using
the blue binder's raw data.
304
00:12:21,030 --> 00:12:22,490
The formula's in the green one.
305
00:12:22,575 --> 00:12:24,701
- The blue one, the green one.
Totally get it.
306
00:12:24,784 --> 00:12:26,828
Well, I have a meeting
for the next few hours,
307
00:12:26,912 --> 00:12:29,164
but when I get back I'll tell
you how my data forecast
308
00:12:29,248 --> 00:12:31,583
changes in the oat milk
industry over the next decade.
309
00:12:31,667 --> 00:12:34,753
If you'd like that.
- Sir, I would love that.
310
00:12:34,836 --> 00:12:37,005
[chuckles]
311
00:12:37,088 --> 00:12:38,548
Have fun with that data.
312
00:12:39,758 --> 00:12:42,886
What the fuck am I looking at?
313
00:12:42,970 --> 00:12:44,053
[phone chimes]
314
00:12:44,138 --> 00:12:51,227
♪ ♪
315
00:12:56,609 --> 00:13:00,196
- Whoa, cool portrait.
Is that, uh, Rob Schneider?
316
00:13:00,278 --> 00:13:02,655
- Are you kidding me?
That's Sid Caesar.
317
00:13:02,740 --> 00:13:04,866
He basically created TV comedy.
318
00:13:04,950 --> 00:13:06,826
- Nice.
I'm surprised you know that.
319
00:13:07,785 --> 00:13:10,663
Holy shit, is that
a real cue card from SNL?
320
00:13:10,748 --> 00:13:12,374
Jude Law hosted that one.
321
00:13:12,457 --> 00:13:14,101
I can name the host
and musical guest pairing
322
00:13:14,125 --> 00:13:16,294
of every episode of SNL
since the year 2000.
323
00:13:16,378 --> 00:13:18,463
Okay, prove it.
324
00:13:18,547 --> 00:13:20,006
Musical guest, Korn.
325
00:13:20,090 --> 00:13:21,549
Eva Longoria hosted.
326
00:13:21,634 --> 00:13:23,427
- Ludacris.
- You trying to trick me?
327
00:13:23,510 --> 00:13:26,054
Ludacris? He hosted
and he was the musical guest.
328
00:13:26,138 --> 00:13:28,640
- Okay.
Who was the musical guest
329
00:13:28,724 --> 00:13:31,726
when the Rock hosted?
- My boy Dwayne,
330
00:13:31,809 --> 00:13:34,312
AKA Maui the demi-god,
AKA the tooth fairy
331
00:13:34,395 --> 00:13:36,398
has hosted five times
with musical guest,
332
00:13:36,481 --> 00:13:39,235
George Ezra, Ray LaMontagne,
Andrew WK,
333
00:13:39,317 --> 00:13:41,986
AC/DC, and Katy Perry.
334
00:13:43,614 --> 00:13:45,573
I can do a good Stewie voice.
335
00:13:46,866 --> 00:13:48,994
[as Stewie]
If you want to hear it.
336
00:13:51,330 --> 00:13:53,499
[normal voice]
I think I'm gonna head out.
337
00:13:53,581 --> 00:13:55,668
Uh, thanks for
bringing us up here.
338
00:13:55,750 --> 00:13:57,378
Yup.
339
00:13:58,671 --> 00:13:59,837
[laughs]
340
00:13:59,922 --> 00:14:01,631
♪ ♪
341
00:14:01,715 --> 00:14:03,442
♪ You only live once
better turn it, turn it up ♪
342
00:14:03,466 --> 00:14:05,927
♪ It's showtime
that's all we know ♪
343
00:14:06,010 --> 00:14:09,264
- Yo, everyone.
This is Whitney.
344
00:14:09,347 --> 00:14:12,308
Baby senator. Welcome back.
345
00:14:12,393 --> 00:14:15,437
The last time she was here,
she stood in the corner so long
346
00:14:15,520 --> 00:14:18,023
I thought she was
her mother's secret service.
347
00:14:18,106 --> 00:14:19,649
That's Jayla.
348
00:14:19,732 --> 00:14:22,068
Who apparently woke up this
morning and chose violence.
349
00:14:22,152 --> 00:14:24,279
Can your mom introduce me
to Travis Scott?
350
00:14:24,363 --> 00:14:26,948
- Honestly, yeah.
She probably could.
351
00:14:27,032 --> 00:14:28,200
Sick.
352
00:14:28,283 --> 00:14:29,802
- Can I get you a drink?
- Yes, please.
353
00:14:29,826 --> 00:14:30,952
Okay.
354
00:14:31,036 --> 00:14:32,580
Let's see what they left for us.
355
00:14:32,663 --> 00:14:35,456
- Okay.
- Oh, this is wild.
356
00:14:35,540 --> 00:14:38,876
Is this Canaan with a girl
in broad daylight?
357
00:14:38,961 --> 00:14:42,380
Yeah, you should know, this guy
never introduces us to girls.
358
00:14:42,463 --> 00:14:44,024
He just sneaks them
into his room at night
359
00:14:44,048 --> 00:14:45,634
like some kind of sex Batman.
360
00:14:45,717 --> 00:14:48,136
Really? You're a sex Batman?
361
00:14:48,220 --> 00:14:51,222
- No, no. That's not true.
- It is though.
362
00:14:51,307 --> 00:14:54,143
What the fuck?
Who's playing a slow jam?
363
00:14:54,225 --> 00:14:56,519
I thought this was a turn up,
not a wind down.
364
00:14:56,604 --> 00:14:58,480
Yo, Nate, what's up
with the music?
365
00:14:58,563 --> 00:15:00,649
Are you staying for dinner?
366
00:15:00,732 --> 00:15:02,013
Because we're doing a nacho bar.
367
00:15:02,067 --> 00:15:03,485
And I don't mean to brag,
368
00:15:03,568 --> 00:15:05,046
but we go pretty hard
with the toppings station.
369
00:15:05,070 --> 00:15:06,322
- Mm-hmm.
- Oh, no.
370
00:15:06,404 --> 00:15:07,740
I actually have
to leave in a bit
371
00:15:07,822 --> 00:15:10,241
to go to an acapella show.
- [laughs]
372
00:15:10,326 --> 00:15:11,951
Oh, wait. Are you serious?
373
00:15:12,035 --> 00:15:15,331
Yeah, no one should ever
have to go to an acapella show.
374
00:15:15,413 --> 00:15:17,457
Unless you, like, love acapella.
375
00:15:17,541 --> 00:15:19,876
Okay. I can tell
I misrepresented
376
00:15:19,960 --> 00:15:22,421
myself this morning,
and while I am
377
00:15:22,504 --> 00:15:24,065
somewhat okay with
being known as the girl with
378
00:15:24,088 --> 00:15:26,716
the senator mom,
I am not okay as being known
379
00:15:26,799 --> 00:15:28,092
as the girl who likes acapella.
380
00:15:28,177 --> 00:15:31,179
I'm going against my will.
- [laughs]
381
00:15:31,263 --> 00:15:32,722
♪ ♪
382
00:15:32,806 --> 00:15:35,058
Holy shit,
this autograph wall is insane.
383
00:15:35,142 --> 00:15:37,436
Oh, my God.
Julia Louis-Dreyfus.
384
00:15:37,519 --> 00:15:39,020
Are you kidding me?
385
00:15:39,104 --> 00:15:40,648
I love this place so much.
386
00:15:40,730 --> 00:15:42,024
Well, by midnight tonight
387
00:15:42,106 --> 00:15:43,250
you'll know if you're in or not.
388
00:15:43,274 --> 00:15:44,777
[sighs] Don't remind me.
389
00:15:44,860 --> 00:15:48,029
Look, the deliberations
can get crazy.
390
00:15:48,113 --> 00:15:50,698
But I'll just tell you,
I'm gonna vote for you.
391
00:15:52,951 --> 00:15:54,702
I'm not sure Eric
likes me enough.
392
00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:57,163
Eric doesn't like anyone.
393
00:15:57,246 --> 00:15:58,706
I'm his roommate and best friend
394
00:15:58,790 --> 00:16:00,875
and he regularly calls me
a talentless hack.
395
00:16:00,958 --> 00:16:04,129
- You are though, right?
- [chuckles]
396
00:16:04,212 --> 00:16:05,630
Don't worry about Eric.
397
00:16:05,714 --> 00:16:07,674
I'll convince him
you're worth a shot.
398
00:16:09,259 --> 00:16:12,261
- Holy shit.
Is that Elaine Stritch?
399
00:16:12,346 --> 00:16:13,764
She's the greatest of all time.
400
00:16:13,846 --> 00:16:15,527
When did she come here?
Was it during her..
401
00:16:20,812 --> 00:16:23,649
Hey, um, I don't, um...
402
00:16:23,731 --> 00:16:25,109
It's okay. Everybody's gone.
403
00:16:25,192 --> 00:16:27,403
No, I don't want
to do whatever this is.
404
00:16:27,485 --> 00:16:29,488
Seriously?
405
00:16:29,571 --> 00:16:31,030
Yeah, I just...
406
00:16:31,115 --> 00:16:32,365
Are we cool?
407
00:16:33,158 --> 00:16:36,036
- Yeah, yeah, I guess. Yeah.
- Okay.
408
00:16:36,120 --> 00:16:38,330
Great. Cool. Well, I'll see ya.
409
00:16:38,413 --> 00:16:40,832
Thanks, thanks for
the wall and stuff.
410
00:16:44,836 --> 00:16:46,212
[moaning]
411
00:16:46,296 --> 00:16:47,798
You sure about this?
412
00:16:47,880 --> 00:16:49,192
Yeah, he said he'd
be gone for hours.
413
00:16:49,216 --> 00:16:52,302
♪ Show me love ♪
414
00:16:52,385 --> 00:16:53,511
♪ Show me love ♪
415
00:16:53,595 --> 00:16:55,806
This is hot.
416
00:16:55,889 --> 00:16:57,640
Oh, my God.
417
00:16:58,517 --> 00:16:59,684
Kimberly.
418
00:17:02,062 --> 00:17:05,190
Sir, this is my fault and
I take full responsibility.
419
00:17:05,273 --> 00:17:09,403
If you want to report anyone,
report me, Chad Mickland.
420
00:17:09,486 --> 00:17:11,113
Wait, is Nico a nickname?
421
00:17:11,821 --> 00:17:12,990
[gasps] Oh.
422
00:17:13,531 --> 00:17:14,825
Professor Bennett, I realize
423
00:17:14,907 --> 00:17:16,785
this was a horrible lapse
in judgement.
424
00:17:16,868 --> 00:17:19,078
But I'm having a really hard
time in your class
425
00:17:19,163 --> 00:17:20,748
and I'm so far behind.
426
00:17:20,830 --> 00:17:22,182
So if you please could
just give me one more chance.
427
00:17:22,207 --> 00:17:23,834
You've had plenty of chances.
428
00:17:23,916 --> 00:17:26,377
You've arrived late to class,
you've missed assignments.
429
00:17:26,461 --> 00:17:28,963
Now you made love on my desk.
- We were only kissing.
430
00:17:29,048 --> 00:17:30,507
He never took it out. Tell him.
431
00:17:30,590 --> 00:17:31,967
I don't think that's gonna help,
432
00:17:32,049 --> 00:17:33,509
but it's true,
it wasn't out yet.
433
00:17:33,594 --> 00:17:34,886
It does not help.
434
00:17:36,012 --> 00:17:37,388
Get out of here.
435
00:17:37,472 --> 00:17:38,807
Oh, okay. I'm going.
436
00:17:39,599 --> 00:17:41,769
I would still love
to hear your thoughts
437
00:17:41,852 --> 00:17:43,269
on oat milk futures, though.
438
00:17:43,353 --> 00:17:45,230
Then you can listen
to my TED Talk.
439
00:17:45,314 --> 00:17:46,565
Got it.
440
00:17:46,647 --> 00:17:53,113
♪ ♪
441
00:17:53,197 --> 00:17:54,323
Hey.
- Hey.
442
00:17:54,405 --> 00:17:56,032
How's it going
with you know who?
443
00:17:56,115 --> 00:17:58,219
Actually, I kind of wanted
to talk to you about that.
444
00:17:58,242 --> 00:17:59,994
I think I might be a sex addict.
445
00:18:00,077 --> 00:18:03,332
- I promise you, you are not.
- We had sex six times today.
446
00:18:03,414 --> 00:18:06,042
- Okay, that's a lot.
- And it was almost seven,
447
00:18:06,125 --> 00:18:07,669
but then a professor
walked in on us.
448
00:18:07,752 --> 00:18:09,587
I'm sorry, what?
449
00:18:09,671 --> 00:18:12,215
Everything I see makes me
think of having sex with him.
450
00:18:12,298 --> 00:18:14,343
Like, have you noticed
how phallic
451
00:18:14,425 --> 00:18:16,053
the lampposts
on this campus are?
452
00:18:16,135 --> 00:18:17,637
I have not.
453
00:18:17,721 --> 00:18:19,347
Okay, I'm here.
454
00:18:19,431 --> 00:18:20,909
Can we take a quick photo for
proof and then we can leave?
455
00:18:20,932 --> 00:18:22,726
I was thinking we would
cheer really loud
456
00:18:22,809 --> 00:18:24,685
in the first song
and then just scurry out.
457
00:18:24,769 --> 00:18:26,939
- I can do that.
- Hey, guys.
458
00:18:27,021 --> 00:18:29,191
Hey, did you turn in
your submission?
459
00:18:29,273 --> 00:18:30,651
Yeah, it's in.
460
00:18:30,733 --> 00:18:32,170
- Is everything okay?
You don't seem excited.
461
00:18:32,193 --> 00:18:33,528
I don't know.
462
00:18:33,612 --> 00:18:35,089
I'm just... I'm pretty sure
I'm not getting in.
463
00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:36,758
You're probably just
being tough on yourself.
464
00:18:36,781 --> 00:18:39,242
- No, but it's fine.
Maybe it's even for the best.
465
00:18:39,326 --> 00:18:44,623
- Hello, everyone.
We are the AcaFellas.
466
00:18:44,705 --> 00:18:47,542
And we are ready to rock you.
467
00:18:47,625 --> 00:18:51,212
Oh, though, to be clear,
we only do pop covers.
468
00:18:51,296 --> 00:18:53,173
Three, four.
469
00:18:53,257 --> 00:18:57,134
[all vocalizing]
470
00:18:57,219 --> 00:18:59,387
♪ Havana, ooh, na na ♪
471
00:18:59,471 --> 00:19:03,057
♪ Half of my heart
is in Havana, ooh, na na ♪
472
00:19:03,141 --> 00:19:04,934
- Whoo!
- Yes!
473
00:19:05,018 --> 00:19:06,019
[all cheering]
474
00:19:06,103 --> 00:19:07,895
♪ Havana, na na na ♪
475
00:19:07,980 --> 00:19:09,772
- Okay, he saw us.
Now we can leave.
476
00:19:09,856 --> 00:19:13,109
None of you ever let me do
anything this embarrassing.
477
00:19:13,192 --> 00:19:14,778
♪ Havana ♪
478
00:19:14,862 --> 00:19:17,154
♪ He didn't walk up
with the how you doin' ♪
479
00:19:17,239 --> 00:19:20,616
Okay, Whitney is meeting up
with Canaan again tonight.
480
00:19:20,701 --> 00:19:21,951
God, I love this.
481
00:19:22,035 --> 00:19:23,452
I'm sorry.
482
00:19:23,537 --> 00:19:25,390
Are you invested in
the happiness of someone else?
483
00:19:25,413 --> 00:19:27,415
I do not know how
to process this information.
484
00:19:27,499 --> 00:19:29,250
She's kind of cool.
485
00:19:29,334 --> 00:19:30,614
And of the three
of my roommates,
486
00:19:30,669 --> 00:19:32,378
she's definitely
the most normal.
487
00:19:32,461 --> 00:19:36,090
And it turns out, I am pretty
good at giving dating advice.
488
00:19:36,173 --> 00:19:38,926
You are for someone
who introduced me
489
00:19:39,010 --> 00:19:41,430
as a business acquaintance
to a cashier.
490
00:19:41,512 --> 00:19:43,557
Okay, look,
I'm not a showy person.
491
00:19:43,640 --> 00:19:45,601
I don't need to put on
a rainbow bathing suit
492
00:19:45,683 --> 00:19:47,352
and run down
the street screaming,
493
00:19:47,435 --> 00:19:49,479
"I have a girlfriend."
494
00:19:49,563 --> 00:19:52,441
Oh, you have a girlfriend.
495
00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:54,483
Yeah.
496
00:19:55,611 --> 00:19:58,697
No, I mean... I don't know.
497
00:19:58,779 --> 00:20:01,616
[soft acoustic music]
498
00:20:01,700 --> 00:20:02,784
Do I?
499
00:20:02,867 --> 00:20:06,788
Yeah, you do.
500
00:20:06,872 --> 00:20:08,832
Come here.
501
00:20:08,915 --> 00:20:11,792
♪ Going so fast
every thought we had ♪
502
00:20:11,876 --> 00:20:14,671
♪ Is coming undone ♪
503
00:20:14,755 --> 00:20:18,008
♪ Falling behind
with everything we left ♪
504
00:20:19,050 --> 00:20:22,846
- Oh, shit.
Baby senator's back, y'all.
505
00:20:22,930 --> 00:20:24,138
Uh-uh, we're gonna have to
506
00:20:24,221 --> 00:20:25,807
work on that nickname,
loud girl.
507
00:20:25,891 --> 00:20:28,977
Loud girl? Excuse me?
508
00:20:29,060 --> 00:20:30,938
You know, actually,
I love that. I am loud.
509
00:20:31,020 --> 00:20:33,981
- You are loud.
- Glad you came back.
510
00:20:34,066 --> 00:20:35,567
Of course I did.
511
00:20:35,651 --> 00:20:37,736
I spent the last two hours
thinking about one thing.
512
00:20:37,818 --> 00:20:41,114
- Ditching Canaan for me?
- What? No.
513
00:20:41,198 --> 00:20:42,490
Nachos.
514
00:20:42,574 --> 00:20:45,076
Darius, no one
would pick you over Canaan.
515
00:20:45,160 --> 00:20:46,286
That's insane.
516
00:20:50,039 --> 00:20:51,083
[sighs]
517
00:20:58,798 --> 00:21:00,634
[knocking on door]
518
00:21:00,717 --> 00:21:02,719
[chanting]
Bela! Bela! Bela!
519
00:21:02,803 --> 00:21:06,013
Bela! Bela! Bela!
- Bela Malhotra,
520
00:21:06,097 --> 00:21:07,458
you've been tapped
by the Catullan.
521
00:21:07,516 --> 00:21:10,059
Do you accept?
- Yes. Yes, I do.
522
00:21:10,143 --> 00:21:11,853
- Congratulations.
- You so deserve this.
523
00:21:11,936 --> 00:21:15,147
Your packet was amazing.
[cheering]
524
00:21:15,231 --> 00:21:17,817
I was dying reading your stuff.
525
00:21:17,901 --> 00:21:20,528
You are an absolute genius.
526
00:21:20,612 --> 00:21:22,364
We're so proud of you.
527
00:21:22,446 --> 00:21:24,449
Yes!
528
00:21:24,532 --> 00:21:27,326
♪ ♪
529
00:21:27,411 --> 00:21:30,038
♪ Shine ♪
530
00:21:30,122 --> 00:21:32,039
Hey, let's not have sex tonight.
531
00:21:32,749 --> 00:21:35,001
Okay, I was gonna say
the same thing.
532
00:21:35,085 --> 00:21:37,003
- Really?
- No.
533
00:21:37,086 --> 00:21:39,006
- Oh.
- It's all good.
534
00:21:39,088 --> 00:21:42,884
Okay, other options.
We can watch TV.
535
00:21:42,968 --> 00:21:45,052
- TV sounds good.
- Okay.
536
00:21:45,136 --> 00:21:46,387
I can't stay late, though.
537
00:21:46,471 --> 00:21:48,472
I have to study
since I public sexed
538
00:21:48,557 --> 00:21:50,767
my way out of an Econ credit.
- [sighs]
539
00:21:50,851 --> 00:21:53,394
If you need help with
that Econ grade, I can help.
540
00:21:54,479 --> 00:21:57,773
Theta keeps copies
of midterms and finals
541
00:21:57,857 --> 00:21:59,817
that lazy professors
recycle year after year.
542
00:21:59,901 --> 00:22:01,862
So if you want to know
what's on Bennett's test,
543
00:22:01,944 --> 00:22:03,238
it's right here.
544
00:22:03,320 --> 00:22:04,823
You could borrow it if you want.
545
00:22:04,905 --> 00:22:06,950
No, no, I can't do that.
546
00:22:07,034 --> 00:22:08,868
Cheating is, sort of,
the antithesis
547
00:22:08,951 --> 00:22:10,453
of everything I believe in.
548
00:22:11,454 --> 00:22:13,914
All right. Whatever you want.
549
00:22:14,708 --> 00:22:17,961
What I want is to go
back to your room, please.
550
00:22:19,003 --> 00:22:20,756
There's this new documentary on
551
00:22:20,838 --> 00:22:22,357
factory farming
I really want to watch.
552
00:22:22,382 --> 00:22:25,926
Wow. First no sex
and now a farming doc.
553
00:22:26,010 --> 00:22:28,055
This night just keeps getting
hotter and hotter.
554
00:22:31,182 --> 00:22:32,433
[groans]
555
00:22:32,517 --> 00:22:34,603
I'm one glass away
from getting Asian flush.
556
00:22:34,685 --> 00:22:37,396
- You haven't had any yet.
- Exactly.
557
00:22:37,480 --> 00:22:39,691
[laughs] [phone rings]
558
00:22:42,693 --> 00:22:45,197
Um, girlfriend, should I ask why
559
00:22:45,279 --> 00:22:47,449
a girl named Maya
is calling you at 1:00 a.m.?
560
00:22:47,531 --> 00:22:49,867
- Oh, my God, chill.
She's just a friend.
561
00:22:49,951 --> 00:22:52,162
She's actually coming to visit
in town this weekend.
562
00:22:52,244 --> 00:22:53,954
To visit your vagina?
563
00:22:54,038 --> 00:22:57,209
- Maya is not a threat to you.
Okay?
564
00:22:57,291 --> 00:22:59,336
She's my brother, Nico's,
girlfriend.
565
00:22:59,419 --> 00:23:02,380
[funky upbeat music]
566
00:23:02,463 --> 00:23:09,554
♪ ♪
567
00:24:22,126 --> 00:24:23,252
Go to bed.
40940
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