All language subtitles for The.Sex.Lives.of.College.Girls.S01E04.720p.HMAX.WEBRip.x264-GalaxyTV

[knock on door]

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

Uh, did you just get
a mysterious envelope

and casually toss it aside
without even opening it?

- Mm-hmm.
- Fuck, you're cool.

Okay, I already know
what's inside.

It's my invite to
Kappa's pre-rush brunch

later this afternoon.
- How can you be sure?

Because as a future Kappa,
I know how Kappas think.

And I also might've
heard two girls

in my Lit seminar talking
about the envelope color.

"Mykonos sky blue."

- Interesting.
I think of it as more of

a "Sonic the Hedgehog" blue.

- Wait, Kappa invited you, too?
- Sure did.

Got it last night. What?
Are you surprised?

- Of course I'm surprised.
You wear sneakers with dresses.

Leighton, I'm gonna tell you
what I told Whitney.

That sororities
have a long history

of exclusionary behavior
that promote

this kind of
woman-on-woman warfare.

And that's why I will be
abstaining from Greek life.

- Yeah, absolutely. Preach.
I'm totally on the same page.

- Did you get an envelope?
- No, I did not.

Me neither.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

Hey, can I give you
some unsolicited feedback

on what you're wearing?

- Oh, my God, of course.
I love when people do that.

It's just Kappa is the most
exclusive sorority on campus.

And this rush brunch
is your first opportunity

to show them that you fit in.

Okay, so what's wrong
with what I'm wearing?

It's jeans and sneakers.

And that is such a cute outfit

for, like, grocery shopping.

I'm just saying there's still
time to run home and change.

- Oh, my God.
Maybe you should change.

I look good.

You look like the perfume lady
at Bloomingdale's.

That is the meanest thing
you could've said to me.

I just... I think
you're overthinking it.

The invite said to dress casual.

[upbeat pop music]

This is what Kappa means
by casual.

♪ ♪

Yeah, this is some "Get Out"
shit right here.

♪ Turn up heat,
turn up fire ♪

♪ Turn up heat, turn up fire ♪

Hey, Mr. G,
I think you need to

chugga chugga,
chugga chugga chill out.

[laughter]

- That's so funny, right?
- I love that catchphrase.

Chugga chugga chill out.

No, the sketch is about
how catchphrases are lame.

No one would actually laugh
at someone saying

chugga chugga chill out.
- [laughs]

Forget it. Look, this guy,
Danny Marawitz,

he's a comedy legend.
He's also a "Catullan" alum,

and he's going to be at
this big alumni dinner

they're throwing tonight.

I want to chat him up

and convince him
to be my mentor.

Oh, Bela, I'm sure he'd love
to be your mentor.

You're the funniest person
I know.

It's like I live
with Bugs Bunny.

I know you mean that
as a compliment, so thank you.

Hey, wait, actually,
do you want to

come with me as my plus one?
- Uh, yeah. I'd love to.

Okay, cool.

So if people like
this Danny guy are going,

it's probably going to be
pretty fancy, right?

- [sighs] Fancy as shit.
- Oh, so like pantyhose fancy.

Kimberly, nothing
is ever pantyhose fancy.

Okay, well, I only brought
one dress with me to college.

- I'm sure it's fine.
Is it black?

It's mustard.

Maybe we just go shopping.

♪ Way too cool ♪

Okay, fresh rosemary sprig
in my drink.

I can get on board with this.

See? Kappa's living up
to the hype.

Oh, do you see that blonde girl?

[laughter]
- That's super creative.

There's like 15 blonde girls
over there.

Okay, first off,
half of them are bronde.

No, I am talking about that
one right there, Quinn Cannon.

She went to Spence.
She was like three years

above me, and now
she's president of Kappa

and queen of the entire
Essex social scene.

Quinn Cannon is exactly who
I want to be in three years.

Okay, I am going to go mingle.
Are you good on your own?

- I most definitely am not.
- You'll be fine.

All right,
I can text you details

about who you're talking to,
if you need.

I've done extensive research
on every single girl here.

And if you need any help,

just start talking
about celery juice.

♪ Baby I am low like
everywhere I go I will ♪

- [laughs]
- Hey, you're Maura, right?

Yeah. You must be
Nico's sister, Leighton.

How you liking Essex?

I've been busy
balancing schoolwork

and extracurriculars
and finding ways

to apply the knowledge
I gained last summer

while interning for
Dahlia Lithwick at Slate.

[chuckles]
- Wow.

I feel like I'm interviewing
you for a job.

Did you rehearse this?
- [laughs] No.

Wait, your name is Ashley, too?

I just met an Ashley.

Yeah, but I spell it
A-S-H-L-E-E.

I know.
What were my parents smoking?

[laughs]

Allie VanLandingham.

You were the senior
social chair at Choate, right?

- Um, yeah.
How did you know that?

I mean there's only
three Choate Kappas.

You, Madison, and Sheridan.
It's all on the website.

Stalker much?

It... it's public information.

Yeah, but I spell it
A-S-H-L-E-I-G-H.

A-S-H-L-E-Y-E.

- I spell it A-S-H-L-I-E.
[laughs]

Do you like celery juice?

I have it every single morning.

Oh, my God.

Kappa girls are we
and everywhere we are.

We wear the sacred letters,
K-B-R.

Go, Kappa Beta Rho!
- [sighs]

Oh, my God, there's such good
stuff in the Kappa hashtag.

- Mm.
- Would it be crazy

if we made one together?
- [laughs] Uh...

Hey, sorry. I got to go.

- Yeah, no, of course.
I'll see... I'll see you later.

♪ ♪

[laughter]

Your sneakers are so cool.

And you actually
play a varsity sport?

That's so impressive.

Whitney,
what's your phone number?

We want to add you
to our Kappa memes chain.

This has been so great,
but I have a team bus to catch.

It was nice meeting you,
and I look forward to

seeing you all on
"Selling Sunset" one day.

[laughter]
- She's so fun.

♪ You only wish
you could be ♪

Oh, this one's so pretty.

This looks like something
Shania Twain would wear.

- Kimberly, no.
Please let me fix you.

I'm trying so hard.
- Okay.

So, have you met up
with hot-ass Nico

for any more French lessons yet?

No. Not since he bailed
on me last time.

I'm not sure it'll be
an ongoing thing.

But did you text him?

- It's fine.
I don't want to bother him.

- Wait, wait, wait, wait.
This is the dress.

- [gasp]
- Fire emoji.

Head exploding emoji.
Tongue hanging out emoji.

You got to try this one out.
- This is beautiful.

[gasp]
Oh, it's way too expensive.

Kimberly, if you don't wrap
your beautiful body

in this dress, it will be
a slap in the face

of hot feminists everywhere.
- I can't afford this.

This will use up way too much

of my "for emergencies only"
credit card.

So, just leave the tags on
and return it tomorrow.

♪ ♪

♪ I got style ♪

♪ Hey, hey, hey yeah ♪

♪ I got my estimate
hey, hey, hey yeah ♪

Look at my big tits.

♪ Hey, hey, hey, yeah ♪

- [laughs]
- Hey, over here.

Hey.

♪ ♪

Hey, my God.

I am so excited to get
out of town with you.

- Me too.
I kind of love hotels.

Aw, that's so cute
but you're not going to

like this one.
It's pretty gross.

Well, I'm sure
you'll like it more than

crashing on your couch
for another night.

It's got to be so weird
for you being around Michelle

since you told her
you're leaving her.

Let's not think
about that right now.

Let's just think about
all the hot hotel sex

we'll be having tonight.
- Mm. [laughs]

Okay, okay. Bus is ready.
We got to go.

And hide your boner.
Damn, bro.

Wait, let me carry your bag
in front of it.

Just tuck it up
behind your belt.

♪ ♪

Come on.

- All right, everybody.
Let's get on the bus.

♪ Keep me unavailable
keep me unavailable ♪

♪ More than I can tell
your friends ♪

Leighton Murray.

We're you leaving
without even saying hi to me?

Oh, yeah, sorry. I just...

Well, I knew you were
really busy and I...

I was really vibing
with the other girls. So...

Yeah, I saw.

Look, everyone here
is equally obsessed with Kappa.

They're just better
at hiding it.

Let's go inside and get a drink.

So, you might major in math?
Wow.

- I know it's lame.
- No, it's refreshing.

If I had to talk to another
fucking marketing major,

I was going to rip my ears off.
- [laughs]

Hey, do you Cory in Theta?

- Uh, yeah.
Nico got Covid from him. Why?

Well, according to my boyfriend,

he has a huge crush on you.

- Yes, I have heard that.
- Would you be into him?

- Yeah, no, 100%.
He's... he's so cute.

I knew it.

I'm texting him right now
that you like him.

♪ I love it, I love it ♪

♪ I can feel it in my heart ♪

♪ I love it, I love it ♪

♪ Talk to me, talk to me ♪

♪ I am here.
I love it, I love it ♪

♪ Ready for your love ♪
- What's up?

Once we get to the hotel
you're gonna want to eat

some crackers or something,

'cause the team's
going out hard tonight.

But don't we
have a game tomorrow?

It's fine. The team
we're playing is awful.

I'm telling you,

tonight's the best team bonding
night of the year.

You're gonna love it.

- All right, ladies.
I need to speak with you.

So, all eyes on me.
- Way ahead of you, handsome.

[laughter]

Coach Woods and I know
that there was a lot

of sneaking out
last year after curfew.

And I just want to
make it clear that

that's not gonna
happen again, okay?

- I have a question.
- Okay, what is it?

- How'd you get so fine?
[laughter]

Okay, I get it.

There's some weird jokes
among you girls

that I'm, like,
attractive or whatever,

but I am your coach,
and I deserve respect. Okay?

All right, so when we
get to the hotel...

- Take your shirt off!
[laughter]

No, I'm not going
to take my shirt off.

And you can't
talk to me like that, okay?

- Okay, Daddy.
- No, do not call me Daddy.

I'm not your sexy Daddy.
[laughter]

- Put me to bed, Daddy.
- Oh, come on.

[laughter]

♪ ♪

♪ Movin' I can see that ♪

♪ I can see that ♪

Oh, man. So many "Catullan"
alums showed up.

Oh, my gosh there's
a helium balloon arch.

I've always wanted
to walk under one.

- Me too.
- Can you take a picture

of me with it?
- Yeah, sure.

♪ Movin' I can't see it ♪

Yes, girl. Yes.
[camera clicks]

So hot. Oh, my God,
you look so fucking hot.

[jazz music]

♪ ♪

[gasp]

♪ ♪

Hey, uh, so that's Ryan,
the nice editor.

And that's Eric,
the mean editor.

Oh, and that's Peter Cook,
class of '84.

He wrote like all of
Greg's funny lines

on "Dharma and Greg,"
just in case you talk to him

and that comes up.
- He's good at Greg, got it.

Oh, hey, isn't that
the chugga chugga guy?

Yeah.

Hey, do you mind mingling with
the other plus ones for a bit?

I'm going to go talk to him

and I don't want you watching
as I make love to his ego.

Of course, don't worry about me.

I'm gonna hobnob
like it's my hob job.

- Yeah, please don't.
- I won't try to be funny.

I'll just, like,
talk to old ladies

about recent "Jeopardy!"
episodes.

Perfect. Okay.

[sighs]

♪ ♪

Oh, thank you.

♪ ♪

Lila, Canaan.
Hey, how are you guys?

- Uh, Kimberly?
- How cool is this?

Have you guys seen
the seafood tower?

It has three tiers.
- Wait, so you're a guest here?

And we're, like, serving you?
- Yeah, that's weird.

- Oh, no, no.
I'm barely a guest.

I'm my roommate's plus one,

and I'm just here
on a technicality.

Those look good.

Would you like
one of my coconut shrimp?

- I'm good.
I just had something.

And do you want to put your
little stick on my trash tray?

No. I'm going to
hold on to it for a bit.

I'm gonna take a lap.

♪ ♪

Excuse me,
you're Danny Marawitz, right?

- Mm-hmm.
- I'm Bela Malhotra.

I'm a "Catullan" hopeful.

I'm jealous.

I'm just here
admiring pictures of myself

without a receding hairline.
- [laughs]

Well, if it's more hair
you want,

I waxed my arms this morning.

So there's basically
an Elvis wig in my garbage can.

I'm sorry, that was gross.

I'm just nervous to talk to you.

[laughs] That's really funny.

What's your name again?
- Uh, Bela Malhotra.

Well, good luck, Bela.

Gentlemen, don't hit
me up for money please.

[soft laugh]

Leighton?

Did you buy a chair?

Yes. If I'm going to be here
for 100 hours,

I'm not spending them on
a couch that's older than I am.

Oh, my God,
you know, you can't...

And before you jump on my dick,

my shift is over in ten minutes
and I've done a bunch of work.

I restocked the tampons
in the bathroom.

I restocked the tampons
in the couch room.

And I even gave
a girl a pamphlet

on the prison
industrial complex.

Okay, um, if you want
to shave off some hours,

I could really
use your help tonight.

It's a panel on
the ABCs of the LGBTs.

You'll hate it.
- Yeah, I can't.

I have a... I have a thing.

- A date?
- Yes.

- Ooh, this'll be so much fun.
Okay, let me guess your type.

His name, Gareth.
His dad, the "Monopoly" man.

And his hobbies,
they include sailing

and benefiting from
generational wealth?

You forgot
belittling waiters, but yes.

Otherwise, that's about right.

Well, that sounds like
my personal nightmare.

- Mm.
- Condoms on your way out

if you want them.
- Yeah, no thank you.

I do not hook up
on the first date.

Whatever you say.

♪ ♪

- Hey.
- Hey.

I know I was being weird before,

but that was
because of something else.

And I'd love a Sprite, please.
- Okay, sure.

One Sprite.

♪ ♪

What are you doing?

- Oh, sorry.
Is that not enough?

Fine, here.

What the hell is wrong with you?

It's a Sprite.

- I'm sorry.
I don't know what to do.

- Don't worry about it.
Keep your money.

No one else here
is tipping anyway, so...

Hold on, I have an idea.

Wow, a bartender
on full scholarship,

and he makes a mean martini!

Here is a 20.

- What the hell?
- When people know

we're on financial aid,
they tip more.

Okay, I get that
you're trying to help,

but there's no way
that's going to work, so...

- I'll take a martini.
- Hmm.

Coming right up.

And Kappa's basically
Theta's sister sorority, so...

You know, it would be great
if Nico and me...

Yeah.

- [clears throat]
I'm sorry, am I boring you?

Hey, I got to ask you,
what is this?

What do you mean?

When I saw you this summer,
and then with your brother

a couple weeks ago, you know,
you kind of seemed into me.

And then, I don't know, whenever

I'd try to hit you up,
you ghost me.

And then all of a sudden
you want to go to dinner?

Something just kind of
seems off with you.

I... I just got to school
like a month ago.

I'm sorry I don't hit you up
to dry hump me every night.

Whoa, whoa, whoa,
that's not what I meant at all.

- No, I know. I'm sorry.
I just... I'm sorry.

Look, Cory, I really like you.

- Do you, Leighton?
'Cause sometimes I think...

Should we go back to your place?

I could talk
about Kappa some more.

I would love that.

It was great chatting
with you, too.

- You as well.
- Thank you.

My pleasure.

Dude, I am networking
my hot little ass off.

[tapping]

Excuse me? Can I
have your attention please?

Oh, that's Danny.

I am gonna get in his eyeline
and laugh really hard.

Uh, my time at "The Catullan"
changed my life.

And I've spent the last 20
years trying to change it back.

[laughs]

But seriously,
there is no better place

to launch a comedy career.

With the skills
you'll learn here

and the connections you'll make,

soon you'll be working
in writer's rooms with

other funny guys and their
marginally funny girlfriends

they've hired through nepotism.
[laughter]

But jokes aside,

I think it's great that there
are some female writers now.

Like this girl right here.

I had the chance
to chat with her earlier,

and I honestly think
that people like her

are the future of comedy.
[applause]

A young Indian woman?

Soon she'll be
the only one of us

who can sell a television show.

Let me guess,
about a quirky ethnic woman

trying to balance
her love life and her career.

Yeah, that's compelling.

[laughter and murmurs]

[muffled music]

[loud dance music]

- Hey, hey.
- You want? Oh, shoot.

♪ ♪

- Wait, wait you need one.
You need one.

Go, go.

[screaming and laughing]

Okay, okay, where are we going?

A mini-golf course that shares

a parking lot with a McDonald's.

God damn, that sounds amazing.

♪ ♪

Okay. Thank you.

♪ ♪

[screaming]

- Hump that dino.
- Yo, babe.

Yeah, baby.
- Yeah, I got it.

This is 1000% going
on my Tinder profile.

Okay, look.

- Okay, it's lit.
- Uh-huh.

- Okay, all right.
- Thank you.

- What was that?
- What? Nothing.

Oh, shit.

You're hooking up
with Coach Dalton.

[jazz music]

He may have hilarious
catchphrases,

but that guy was such a jerk.

I really hated
everything he said.

Hey, thanks
for being a good sport.

Anything for the laugh, right?

You're an asshole.

- [laughs]
Easy, honey. Don't get upset.

I promise you,
it's not a good look.

I used to look up to you,

but now
I don't even remember why.

You haven't worked in,
like, ten years

and you know why?

Because you're not funny
anymore.

You're like toxic podcast
funny, at best.

So, chugga chugga,
chugga chugga eat shit.

You can forget about
my donation check.

- Wait, w... what are you... wait.
Hey, Danny, wait.

I think it's crazy you
haven't worked in ten years.

[laughs] You don't need
his money anyway, right?

[sighs]

[laughter]
- I have so many questions.

When did this start?

Is he as good at sex
as he looks?

And bitch are you crazy?
Answer the sex one first.

- I know. I know it's insane.
Okay?

But I can't help myself.
I... I think I, like, love him.

- You love him?
- Willow.

Please keep your voice down.
Okay, no one can find out.

This whole team
is full of secrets,

and I never share them.

Last spring,
Jena ran over a dog.

- You just shared one.
Willow, please.

Okay, this could
ruin Dalton's career.

And with my mom being a senator,

it would be
this whole big thing.

Okay, you really
can't say anything.

- Say anything about what?
- Hey, Jena.

Uh, Willow and I
are actually in the middle

of an important,
private conversation.

- About what?
- News and current events.

What the fuck do you care?
Go ahead, go.

Okay, chill. Geez.

Can we just get out of here?

Can we stop at the McDonalds
on the way home?

- Yes.
- All right.

Well, they're definitely
fucking.

♪ I'm a little late ♪

♪ Ah ah ♪

♪ Get you water
for the wait ♪

♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪

♪ Doubling the pace... ♪

You down?

Yeah, I'm fine.

♪ I skinny-dipped
and did it ♪

♪ I should've known better ♪

♪ But I didn't overthink it ♪

♪ And I probably would've
floated but I sank it ♪

♪ Took a dive
in the deep end ♪

♪ Forgot to move ♪

♪ Swam with the fish
till my kiss turned blue ♪

♪ I aired out my sheets
'cause they smell like you ♪

♪ I cleaned out the salt
in my wounds ♪

♪ And I'm a little late ♪

♪ Ah ah ah ah ♪

♪ Get you water for the wait ♪

Bela, I... I really think
you overreacted.

Danny can't be sexist.

He only hires female assistants.

- She's right.
I told him my name,

and he said
he'd just call me Ali Wong.

- [groans]
- He's rude,

and I'm glad
Bela said something.

It'll be okay.

- Maybe we should just go.
- I'll go get our coats.

- Bela, right?
The roast master herself.

Yeah, now might not be the time.

I overheard
what you said to Danny.

And I want to thank you.

Danny Marawitz is and always
has been a total shit.

He and I were tapped
in the same year,

and his favorite "joke"
was to call me gay.

And I am gay, so... that sucked.

He made "The Catullan"
a living hell

for everyone on staff
for four years.

But until tonight, I've never
seen anyone go back at him.

I'd be happy to write a check
to replace his donation.

He said he was donating
20 grand.

I'd be happy to write a check
to replace half his donation.

Thank you so much.

[laughs]

♪ ♪

Thanks.

♪ ♪

Hey, Kimberly.

We wanted to give this to you.
It's all of your fake tips

and then a cut of
everything else that we made.

What? No. I can't take that.

We thought it was only fair
and he was reluctant at first,

but I convinced him.

It was definitely
the other way around.

- That's a lie.
An impossible to prove lie.

It's really nice
of you guys but...

Oh, my God, just take it.

It's like a real small
percentage of what we made.

- Very small.
- We wouldn't have made

anything without your help.
- Thanks.

You're welcome.

- [clears throat]
- Oh, yes. Of course.

- Oh, no, no.
That's not how this works.

Help does not tip help.

Willow, you swear
you won't tell anyone?

Whitney, I know this may be
tough for you to believe,

given all the men's hoodies
I wear,

but I was closeted once.
I can keep a secret.

Okay.

Now, go have gross, straight
sex with our coach.

And do not wake me up
when you get back.

- Okay. Hey.
- Hmm?

- You're a good friend.
- [scoffs]

Drink water.

[Claud's "Soft Spot" plays]

♪ ♪

♪ This sounds kind of
strange ♪

♪ I thought I saw you
at a party ♪

♪ But I finally got close
it wasn't you ♪

Hey.

- I'm so sorry I'm late.
I feel terrible.

We had plans and
I just lost track of time.

It's all good.

Tonight I get to fall asleep
next to you for the first time.

♪ ♪

Well don't fall asleep, yet.

♪ But you're the one
I think about ♪

♪ So now I don't know
what the hell to do ♪

♪ 'Cause I've got ♪

[phone rings]
♪ A soft spot ♪

♪ I've got ♪

♪ It for you ♪

♪ ♪

♪ It for you ♪

♪ ♪

♪ We used to lie in bed
and talk for hours ♪

♪ About everything ♪

♪ And anything you
said you wanted to ♪

♪ Pull the covers over
our short hair ♪

♪ Pretend like the city
wasn't there ♪

♪ Like it was only
just us two ♪

♪ ♪

♪ You told me
that it's over now ♪

♪ But I can't help
that I think about ♪

♪ All the things
that we used to do ♪

♪ 'Cause I've got ♪

♪ A soft spot ♪

♪ I've got ♪

♪ It for you ♪

♪ ♪

♪ It for you ♪

♪ ♪

♪ I wish I left all
my things ♪

♪ At your place
so I could come get them ♪

♪ We do things
we might regret ♪

♪ And say that we could
make exceptions ♪

♪ I just can't
take the rejection ♪

♪ Maybe I'm just
second guessing ♪

♪ ♪

♪ 'Cause I've got ♪

♪ A soft spot ♪

♪ I've got ♪

♪ It for you ♪

♪ ♪

♪ It for you ♪

♪ ♪

♪ It for you ♪

♪ ♪

♪ It for you ♪

♪ ♪

Go to bed.