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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:11,341 --> 00:00:12,501 Be strong. 2 00:00:13,381 --> 00:00:14,781 Be nice to your friends. 3 00:00:16,981 --> 00:00:19,301 You always love it when you do a nice thing, don't you? 4 00:00:19,381 --> 00:00:21,741 [Lisa] I mean... you know, admittedly,  5 00:00:21,821 --> 00:00:24,301 it's usually to apologize for having said something awful, but... 6 00:00:25,021 --> 00:00:26,781 Well, not awful, but too honest. 7 00:00:27,821 --> 00:00:29,341 Not always the best policy. 8 00:00:29,781 --> 00:00:31,581 [dog whining] 9 00:00:32,341 --> 00:00:33,581 You want your breakfast? 10 00:00:34,861 --> 00:00:36,061 -Yeah? -[Brandy whining] 11 00:00:37,181 --> 00:00:38,181 Come on, then. 12 00:00:38,501 --> 00:00:41,021 ["Top of the World" by the Carpenters plays] 13 00:00:55,061 --> 00:00:59,261 ♪ Such a feeling's coming over me ♪ 14 00:00:59,821 --> 00:01:04,621 ♪ There is wonder In most everything I see ♪ 15 00:01:05,101 --> 00:01:07,861 ♪ Not a cloud in the sky ♪ 16 00:01:07,941 --> 00:01:10,301 ♪ Got the sun in my eyes ♪ 17 00:01:10,381 --> 00:01:15,261 ♪ And I won't be surprised If it's a dream ♪ 18 00:01:15,821 --> 00:01:20,261 ♪ Everything I want the world to be ♪ 19 00:01:20,541 --> 00:01:25,581 ♪ Is now coming true Especially for me ♪ 20 00:01:25,941 --> 00:01:28,581 ♪ And the reason is clear ♪ 21 00:01:28,661 --> 00:01:31,261 ♪ It's because you are here ♪ 22 00:01:31,341 --> 00:01:35,941 ♪ You're the nearest thing to heaven That I've seen ♪ 23 00:01:36,021 --> 00:01:41,461 ♪ I'm on the top of the world Lookin' down on creation ♪ 24 00:01:41,541 --> 00:01:46,221 ♪ And the only explanation I can find ♪ 25 00:01:46,621 --> 00:01:51,541 ♪ Is the love that I've found Ever since you've been around ♪ 26 00:01:51,781 --> 00:01:56,661 ♪ Your love's put me At the top of the world ♪ 27 00:02:02,781 --> 00:02:07,221 ♪ Something in the wind Has learned my name ♪ 28 00:02:07,501 --> 00:02:12,341 ♪ And it's telling me That things are not the same ♪ 29 00:02:12,701 --> 00:02:17,981 ♪ In the leaves on the trees And the touch of the breeze ♪ 30 00:02:18,061 --> 00:02:22,821 ♪ There's a pleasin' sense of happiness For me ♪ 31 00:02:23,781 --> 00:02:27,981 ♪ There is only one wish On my mind ♪ 32 00:02:28,341 --> 00:02:33,101 ♪ When this day is through I hope that I will find ♪ 33 00:02:33,461 --> 00:02:38,741 ♪ That tomorrow will be Just the same for you and me ♪ 34 00:02:38,821 --> 00:02:43,541 ♪ All I need will be mine If you are here ♪ 35 00:02:43,621 --> 00:02:49,021 ♪ I'm on the top of the world Lookin' down on creation ♪ 36 00:02:49,101 --> 00:02:53,741 ♪And the only explanation I can find ♪ 37 00:02:54,261 --> 00:02:59,101 ♪ Is the love that I've found Ever since you've been around ♪ 38 00:02:59,421 --> 00:03:03,901 ♪ Your love's put me At the top of the world ♪ 39 00:03:04,221 --> 00:03:09,661 ♪ I'm on the top of the world Looking down on creation ♪ 40 00:03:09,741 --> 00:03:14,381 ♪ And the only explanation I can find ♪ 41 00:03:14,821 --> 00:03:19,661 ♪ Is the love that I've found Ever since you've been around ♪ 42 00:03:19,941 --> 00:03:24,741 ♪ Your love's put me At the top of the world ♪ 43 00:03:32,421 --> 00:03:33,781 [doorbell ringing] 44 00:03:35,141 --> 00:03:36,301 -All right? -[Tony] Yeah. 45 00:03:41,541 --> 00:03:42,661 [Tony sighs] 46 00:03:45,981 --> 00:03:47,181 That's from last night. 47 00:03:47,581 --> 00:03:49,701 And that's the last one in the house, so... 48 00:03:50,141 --> 00:03:52,341 Got to sort myself out. Get better. 49 00:03:53,021 --> 00:03:54,141 What we doing today? 50 00:03:54,221 --> 00:03:56,421 -"Tambury's Oldest Woman." -Right. How old is she? 51 00:03:56,501 --> 00:03:58,701 Hundred. She's got a telegram from the Queen. 52 00:03:59,861 --> 00:04:01,381 -Are you all right? -Huh? Yeah. 53 00:04:02,861 --> 00:04:05,981 [sighs] Just... feeling a bit low. 54 00:04:06,061 --> 00:04:09,301 -Come on, mate. You were doing so well. -[Tony] Just feeling sorry for myself. 55 00:04:09,381 --> 00:04:10,781 And guilty about that. 56 00:04:10,861 --> 00:04:13,661 I meet people every day with worse lives than me, 57 00:04:14,261 --> 00:04:15,501 and they get on with it. 58 00:04:16,941 --> 00:04:18,501 I'm gonna try and be more zen. 59 00:04:19,901 --> 00:04:21,861 I'm not going to let cunts wind me up. 60 00:04:22,381 --> 00:04:23,541 Is that a Buddha quote? 61 00:04:25,021 --> 00:04:25,901 Exactly. 62 00:04:27,661 --> 00:04:29,181 How's it going with the nurse? 63 00:04:29,261 --> 00:04:30,261 Oh, um... 64 00:04:30,861 --> 00:04:32,221 We're just friends, so... 65 00:04:32,661 --> 00:04:34,101 -Oh. -[Tony] No, it's fine. 66 00:04:34,821 --> 00:04:36,381 She said I wasn't over Lisa. 67 00:04:37,301 --> 00:04:38,341 She's right. 68 00:04:38,421 --> 00:04:41,221 Well, don't miss the boat. She won't wait forever. 69 00:04:42,861 --> 00:04:43,981 I still miss Lisa. 70 00:04:45,861 --> 00:04:46,941 All the time. 71 00:04:47,341 --> 00:04:50,741 But she wouldn't want me to, not like this. Not in this much pain. 72 00:04:51,221 --> 00:04:52,061 I'm... 73 00:04:53,221 --> 00:04:54,901 getting a bit better every day. 74 00:04:58,221 --> 00:04:59,221 Come on. 75 00:05:02,981 --> 00:05:04,941 [Tony] How did you feel when you got the telegram? 76 00:05:05,981 --> 00:05:06,901 What? 77 00:05:06,981 --> 00:05:09,901 [raises voice] How did you feel when you got the telegram from the Queen? 78 00:05:10,301 --> 00:05:12,341 Same as I feel every other day. 79 00:05:12,741 --> 00:05:16,181 Dreadful. In pain. Wishing I hadn't lived through the night. 80 00:05:17,021 --> 00:05:18,061 The Queen, though? 81 00:05:18,821 --> 00:05:20,261 Some butler sent this. 82 00:05:21,021 --> 00:05:24,701 What advice would you give to someone to have a long life like yours? 83 00:05:25,061 --> 00:05:26,061 Don't. 84 00:05:26,501 --> 00:05:27,941 It's fucking awful. 85 00:05:28,381 --> 00:05:30,021 It hurts just to be alive. 86 00:05:30,901 --> 00:05:32,581 Here's my typical month: 87 00:05:33,341 --> 00:05:35,141 first week, diarrhea. 88 00:05:35,661 --> 00:05:37,341 The next three weeks? 89 00:05:37,741 --> 00:05:39,141 I can't shit at all! 90 00:05:40,461 --> 00:05:43,101 You must've seen a lot, though? A hundred years. 91 00:05:43,181 --> 00:05:47,781 I was born in Tambury. I'll die in Tambury - very soon, I hope. 92 00:05:47,861 --> 00:05:49,501 I've seen fuck-all! 93 00:05:49,901 --> 00:05:51,501 I may as well have been a tree. 94 00:05:52,861 --> 00:05:54,621 What do your family think of this? 95 00:05:55,461 --> 00:05:57,701 I haven't got a family, they all died. 96 00:05:58,301 --> 00:06:00,861 Right... Your friends here, though? 97 00:06:00,941 --> 00:06:03,021 [exasperated sigh] They're not friends. 98 00:06:03,581 --> 00:06:04,901 They're cunts. 99 00:06:05,341 --> 00:06:06,341 All of them. 100 00:06:06,421 --> 00:06:09,181 I hate every single one of them. 101 00:06:09,261 --> 00:06:12,341 -[distant coughing] -And when I outlive one of them, 102 00:06:12,661 --> 00:06:15,421 they bring a new cunt in to take their place. 103 00:06:16,541 --> 00:06:17,461 Cunts! 104 00:06:20,581 --> 00:06:23,061 -Good. Take a picture. -[Lenny] Yeah! 105 00:06:26,181 --> 00:06:27,221 Er, smile. 106 00:06:28,541 --> 00:06:29,901 -Bollocks. -[camera clicks] 107 00:06:30,301 --> 00:06:31,301 [Lenny] Great. 108 00:06:34,901 --> 00:06:36,941 -[shaver whirs] -[knocking on door] 109 00:06:38,541 --> 00:06:41,141 -[Matt] You all right? -Hey. Is it all right if I...? 110 00:06:41,581 --> 00:06:45,141 Just a mad rush getting out of the house this morning, you know. 111 00:06:46,381 --> 00:06:48,061 I know you've been sleeping here. 112 00:06:50,141 --> 00:06:50,981 Right. 113 00:06:51,061 --> 00:06:53,261 Look, I'm shacked up with June now, 114 00:06:53,781 --> 00:06:56,221 so my flat is just sitting there empty. 115 00:06:56,901 --> 00:06:59,261 And it's council, so I don't want to give that up. 116 00:06:59,341 --> 00:07:01,421 Well, you're welcome to stay there as long as you need. 117 00:07:01,981 --> 00:07:03,581 That means a lot. Thanks, Lenny. 118 00:07:05,021 --> 00:07:06,181 What happened, anyway? 119 00:07:06,661 --> 00:07:09,021 [Matt] I don't think anything happened, like, specific. 120 00:07:09,421 --> 00:07:12,261 I think she just needed a moment to take a deep breath and... 121 00:07:13,341 --> 00:07:15,221 figure it all out, and, uh, yeah... 122 00:07:16,141 --> 00:07:17,621 I'm giving her that moment. 123 00:07:19,421 --> 00:07:21,421 -A favor for a favor? -Mm-hmm. 124 00:07:21,501 --> 00:07:25,421 Getting a bit of pressure from June to get her kid some work experience. 125 00:07:25,501 --> 00:07:27,461 Uh... um, we can't afford it. 126 00:07:27,541 --> 00:07:29,901 -I'm sorry. -No, just work experience, no money. 127 00:07:30,341 --> 00:07:32,261 She just wants him out of the house, I think. 128 00:07:32,341 --> 00:07:33,181 Right. 129 00:07:33,661 --> 00:07:34,621 Uh... 130 00:07:35,061 --> 00:07:36,861 Yes, of course. 131 00:07:36,941 --> 00:07:37,941 -Great. -[Matt] Yeah. 132 00:07:38,021 --> 00:07:40,341 I'll tell June. Thanks, Matt. 133 00:07:40,421 --> 00:07:41,741 Thank you, Lenny, yeah. 134 00:07:47,701 --> 00:07:48,581 Hiya. 135 00:07:48,661 --> 00:07:49,861 -[Matt] Hi. -You busy? 136 00:07:50,341 --> 00:07:51,381 No, come in. 137 00:08:00,261 --> 00:08:02,741 Sorry to hear about your marriage ending and all that. 138 00:08:03,821 --> 00:08:04,821 Thanks, yeah. 139 00:08:06,741 --> 00:08:08,581 You're a very lovely man, though. 140 00:08:10,621 --> 00:08:13,541 -Sorry, what...? -Kind. Intelligent. 141 00:08:14,261 --> 00:08:15,221 Smart. 142 00:08:16,301 --> 00:08:17,221 'Andsome. 143 00:08:17,861 --> 00:08:18,701 Perfect. 144 00:08:18,941 --> 00:08:20,861 [splutters] Thanks. 145 00:08:20,941 --> 00:08:23,741 We've kept this relationship completely professional until now, 146 00:08:23,821 --> 00:08:25,101 and I appreciate that, 147 00:08:25,821 --> 00:08:28,821 but I just want you to know that if you ever did make a move, I-- 148 00:08:28,901 --> 00:08:29,941 A move? 149 00:08:31,701 --> 00:08:32,861 [Kath] Yeah, you know. 150 00:08:33,901 --> 00:08:35,061 I've always liked you. 151 00:08:36,981 --> 00:08:39,541 So, you know, if ever you wanted to, um... 152 00:08:40,581 --> 00:08:41,581 meet up... 153 00:08:42,541 --> 00:08:43,581 outside of work... 154 00:08:45,181 --> 00:08:46,341 you know, for some fun? 155 00:08:49,701 --> 00:08:51,421 Then... I'm up for it. 156 00:08:51,901 --> 00:08:52,901 Are you? 157 00:09:00,221 --> 00:09:01,261 See you later. 158 00:09:14,221 --> 00:09:15,661 [Tony] Don't sit in my chair. 159 00:09:24,141 --> 00:09:24,981 You all right? 160 00:09:26,221 --> 00:09:27,941 Kath just said she likes me. 161 00:09:29,061 --> 00:09:29,981 Good. 162 00:09:30,061 --> 00:09:31,821 -No, like, she fancies me. -[sniggers] 163 00:09:32,821 --> 00:09:33,821 What, are you 13? 164 00:09:34,221 --> 00:09:35,301 It's awkward. 165 00:09:36,061 --> 00:09:37,181 Don't worry about it. 166 00:09:39,141 --> 00:09:40,141 All right. 167 00:09:40,981 --> 00:09:42,141 What about you, you OK? 168 00:09:42,221 --> 00:09:44,461 Yeah, I'm just trying to be more zen. 169 00:09:45,581 --> 00:09:47,421 Wow... OK. 170 00:09:48,301 --> 00:09:49,741 Um... Well, I tell you what, 171 00:09:49,821 --> 00:09:52,501 you should come to the meditation class I go to after work. 172 00:09:52,581 --> 00:09:53,661 Every Tuesday. 173 00:09:54,021 --> 00:09:55,221 It's a bit of yoga, 174 00:09:55,621 --> 00:09:58,221 a bit of... Don't shake your head, you haven't heard what it is yet. 175 00:09:58,301 --> 00:09:59,981 -Yoga, a bit of philosophy... -Mm. 176 00:10:00,061 --> 00:10:01,741 -...which you like, don't you? -Yeah. 177 00:10:01,821 --> 00:10:03,061 Right. So, what do you think? 178 00:10:03,141 --> 00:10:04,141 -Don't just-- -No. 179 00:10:05,461 --> 00:10:06,581 Come on, please? 180 00:10:07,061 --> 00:10:08,821 I'm having a shit time as well, OK? 181 00:10:08,901 --> 00:10:11,861 I'm alone. I'm sleeping on a floor. 182 00:10:11,941 --> 00:10:12,941 [Tony] That's zen. 183 00:10:13,781 --> 00:10:16,341 -Uh... -Like Mr. Miyagi. They love a floor. 184 00:10:17,061 --> 00:10:18,661 "They"? You... [frustrated sigh] 185 00:10:19,021 --> 00:10:19,901 Right. 186 00:10:22,141 --> 00:10:24,101 -Please? -Oh, for fuck's sake. 187 00:10:26,021 --> 00:10:26,981 All right. 188 00:10:27,381 --> 00:10:28,541 -Thank you. -Is that it? 189 00:10:28,621 --> 00:10:30,581 Yeah. Yes, that's... 190 00:10:31,101 --> 00:10:31,941 -fine. -Good. 191 00:10:32,781 --> 00:10:34,701 Don't tell anyone about... Kath. 192 00:10:34,781 --> 00:10:36,141 I'd already forgotten that. 193 00:10:36,221 --> 00:10:37,261 -Perfect. -All right? 194 00:10:37,341 --> 00:10:38,981 -Yeah, good. I'm... Yeah. -Good. 195 00:10:41,461 --> 00:10:42,941 Don't tell anyone? 196 00:10:50,061 --> 00:10:50,981 [sighs] 197 00:10:58,101 --> 00:10:59,741 See, all respectable again. 198 00:11:00,781 --> 00:11:03,461 -Had a bit of bed head in the back there. -[Tony] Hiya. 199 00:11:03,781 --> 00:11:05,301 -Hi. -Hi, Dad. 200 00:11:07,421 --> 00:11:08,461 [Tony sighs] 201 00:11:09,061 --> 00:11:12,101 I, uh... just interviewed a hundred-year-old woman. 202 00:11:12,181 --> 00:11:13,461 -Oh, yeah? -Funny. 203 00:11:14,941 --> 00:11:15,781 And, uh... 204 00:11:17,101 --> 00:11:20,181 Lenny asked me how it was going with the nurse. 205 00:11:21,661 --> 00:11:24,501 I said, uh... we're just friends 'cause... 206 00:11:26,221 --> 00:11:29,381 you'd said I wasn't over... Lisa. 207 00:11:29,461 --> 00:11:31,581 And did you say you agreed? 208 00:11:32,781 --> 00:11:33,781 Yeah, course. Yeah. 209 00:11:34,981 --> 00:11:36,021 What did he say? 210 00:11:36,101 --> 00:11:39,501 He said I shouldn't wait around forever or I'll miss the boat. [chuckles] 211 00:11:40,621 --> 00:11:41,461 Mm... 212 00:11:42,101 --> 00:11:43,101 [Tony] So... 213 00:11:45,941 --> 00:11:47,501 Have you not told him my name? 214 00:11:48,101 --> 00:11:48,981 What do you mean? 215 00:11:49,061 --> 00:11:51,261 He said, "How's it going with the nurse?" 216 00:11:51,661 --> 00:11:52,581 [Tony] Uh... 217 00:11:52,661 --> 00:11:55,941 Yeah, I'm sure I have. That wasn't really the point of the story. 218 00:11:56,501 --> 00:11:57,781 -[grunts] -Joe? 219 00:11:58,141 --> 00:11:58,981 What? 220 00:11:59,061 --> 00:12:00,061 You're Joe. 221 00:12:01,381 --> 00:12:02,381 Joe, your brother? 222 00:12:02,461 --> 00:12:03,661 Hello, mate. 223 00:12:05,501 --> 00:12:09,261 I do look a bit like him. I mean, he's been dead ten years, but still... 224 00:12:09,821 --> 00:12:10,981 What, Joe's dead? 225 00:12:11,061 --> 00:12:12,141 [Tony sighs] 226 00:12:12,581 --> 00:12:15,701 Oh, that's right, yeah. Joe's dead. Yeah. Lovely fella. 227 00:12:17,061 --> 00:12:19,621 So, you're Joe's boy? 228 00:12:20,621 --> 00:12:21,701 I'm your boy, Dad. 229 00:12:22,941 --> 00:12:24,021 Am I Joe? 230 00:12:24,101 --> 00:12:25,141 Fuck me. 231 00:12:25,221 --> 00:12:29,021 And just for the record, I didn't declare that we would just be friends. 232 00:12:29,101 --> 00:12:31,261 When I said I didn't think you were over your wife, 233 00:12:31,341 --> 00:12:34,701 I just thought it might, I don't know, gee you up a bit to be ready. 234 00:12:34,781 --> 00:12:36,101 Not just say, "Do you know what? 235 00:12:36,181 --> 00:12:38,181 That's all right. Let's just be friends, eh?" 236 00:12:38,261 --> 00:12:41,061 Well, all I was doing was agreeing with your observation 237 00:12:41,141 --> 00:12:42,221 that I wasn't over Lisa-- 238 00:12:42,301 --> 00:12:44,501 Do you know what? It's fine. Just don't worry about it. 239 00:12:44,581 --> 00:12:45,701 -Right. -[nurse] You know. 240 00:12:45,781 --> 00:12:47,461 -All right, gorgeous? -[nurse] Oh! 241 00:12:47,981 --> 00:12:49,061 Hiya. 242 00:12:49,141 --> 00:12:51,581 -[man] Where is she? -[nurse ]She's in her room. 243 00:12:52,181 --> 00:12:54,941 -All right. See you later, babe. -[nurse chuckles] 244 00:12:57,501 --> 00:12:58,461 Who's that? 245 00:12:58,541 --> 00:13:01,221 Simon. He's the son of one of the new residents. 246 00:13:01,301 --> 00:13:02,141 Right. 247 00:13:02,821 --> 00:13:04,021 He's nice. 248 00:13:04,941 --> 00:13:05,941 He winked. 249 00:13:06,781 --> 00:13:09,421 He said, "See you later, babe," and winked. 250 00:13:10,501 --> 00:13:11,341 So? 251 00:13:11,861 --> 00:13:13,141 So... [chuckles] 252 00:13:14,821 --> 00:13:15,861 Right. Anyway... 253 00:13:16,861 --> 00:13:17,861 I'd better get on. 254 00:13:19,301 --> 00:13:20,421 See you later, babe. 255 00:13:25,181 --> 00:13:27,101 [Tony] I feel... panicked 256 00:13:27,901 --> 00:13:28,901 all the time. 257 00:13:29,541 --> 00:13:32,101 Like... I'm going to do the wrong thing. 258 00:13:32,181 --> 00:13:34,701 So... I don't do anything. 259 00:13:36,821 --> 00:13:40,221 And that's why I think I'm going to blow it with the nurse, but... 260 00:13:41,501 --> 00:13:43,821 Concentrate on getting better. She'll wait. 261 00:13:44,581 --> 00:13:45,701 If you want her to. 262 00:13:46,101 --> 00:13:47,541 I'm not sure I'm worth... 263 00:13:48,301 --> 00:13:50,261 waiting for. I'm embarrassed... 264 00:13:50,981 --> 00:13:52,781 that I ever acted the way I did. 265 00:13:53,741 --> 00:13:55,061 Whatever gets you better. 266 00:13:56,381 --> 00:13:58,381 Yeah. I'm not better, but... 267 00:13:59,301 --> 00:14:01,101 I'm not gonna stick my head in the oven. 268 00:14:02,541 --> 00:14:04,341 I doubt you know where the oven is. 269 00:14:06,621 --> 00:14:08,141 -Good one! -[Anne chuckles] 270 00:14:08,821 --> 00:14:10,021 You were in pain. 271 00:14:12,181 --> 00:14:14,261 Yeah, that's what I'm embarrassed about, really. 272 00:14:14,661 --> 00:14:15,701 Dying of cancer, 273 00:14:16,781 --> 00:14:17,901 that's being in pain. 274 00:14:18,381 --> 00:14:19,381 Actual pain. 275 00:14:19,821 --> 00:14:21,301 I felt a bit sorry for myself. 276 00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:22,861 I still do. 277 00:14:23,541 --> 00:14:24,541 But, uh... 278 00:14:25,501 --> 00:14:26,541 I realized that... 279 00:14:27,541 --> 00:14:29,341 death will come soon enough, so... 280 00:14:30,301 --> 00:14:33,101 And there's nothing to fear about it because... 281 00:14:35,221 --> 00:14:37,101 you know, no feelings to worry about. 282 00:14:37,861 --> 00:14:40,021 Not mine, anyway. Just... 283 00:14:42,101 --> 00:14:43,541 you know, peace and quiet. 284 00:14:45,021 --> 00:14:48,901 I am trying to work out if there's a way I can still carry on annoying people, 285 00:14:48,981 --> 00:14:50,461 after I die, but I haven't... 286 00:14:50,541 --> 00:14:52,101 -[Anne laughs] -I haven't cracked it yet. 287 00:14:52,181 --> 00:14:55,181 So, I'm just gonna have to make the most of that when I'm alive. 288 00:14:55,741 --> 00:14:57,221 -It's a hobby. -Yeah. 289 00:14:58,901 --> 00:14:59,821 Exactly. 290 00:15:00,181 --> 00:15:02,061 Just to arseholes, though. That's... 291 00:15:02,741 --> 00:15:04,941 you know, I'm trying to be nice to the people... 292 00:15:05,981 --> 00:15:07,461 who are nice to me, at least. 293 00:15:09,261 --> 00:15:11,021 I realized that everyone's struggling, 294 00:15:11,101 --> 00:15:13,621 and, um, I feel that I should help the people... 295 00:15:14,661 --> 00:15:15,701 who helped me. 296 00:15:16,941 --> 00:15:21,541 I'm actually going to a meditation... yoga... thing tonight. 297 00:15:22,381 --> 00:15:23,381 It's a favor... 298 00:15:24,221 --> 00:15:25,861 for my brother-in-law, who... 299 00:15:26,821 --> 00:15:29,261 is separated from his wife, and... 300 00:15:30,901 --> 00:15:32,701 he could do with the company, so... 301 00:15:33,741 --> 00:15:34,661 you know. 302 00:15:36,061 --> 00:15:36,941 Lovely. 303 00:15:38,301 --> 00:15:39,221 Mm. 304 00:15:43,981 --> 00:15:45,101 [door opens] 305 00:15:45,621 --> 00:15:46,541 Oh... 306 00:15:46,821 --> 00:15:48,661 Coffee. I am gasping. 307 00:15:50,901 --> 00:15:52,181 -Come in. -[Roxy] What? 308 00:15:52,821 --> 00:15:53,701 Nothing. 309 00:15:54,341 --> 00:15:56,501 -What, me just letting myself in? -Well, 310 00:15:56,581 --> 00:15:58,821 some would've knocked. I could've been naked. 311 00:15:59,461 --> 00:16:01,741 Uh... I could see through the door you weren't naked. 312 00:16:02,461 --> 00:16:03,981 Well, that doesn't make any sense. 313 00:16:04,101 --> 00:16:07,901 If I had have been naked, you'd look through the door and see me naked. 314 00:16:07,981 --> 00:16:09,661 Yeah, and I wouldn't have come in. 315 00:16:10,421 --> 00:16:11,941 But you'd have seen me naked. 316 00:16:12,021 --> 00:16:13,581 [chuckles] Wouldn't have bothered me. 317 00:16:14,421 --> 00:16:16,701 That's all right, then. What would you have done? 318 00:16:17,461 --> 00:16:19,581 -What do you mean? -You come to the door, 319 00:16:19,661 --> 00:16:21,861 you see me naked, you don't come in, 320 00:16:22,981 --> 00:16:23,821 what then? 321 00:16:24,341 --> 00:16:25,381 I'd have knocked. 322 00:16:25,821 --> 00:16:27,901 So, now, I'm here naked, 323 00:16:28,501 --> 00:16:32,141 I hear a knock, I look up, I see you looking through at me, 324 00:16:32,221 --> 00:16:33,861 what do you do, fucking wave? 325 00:16:34,701 --> 00:16:36,181 [chuckling] I don't know! 326 00:16:36,261 --> 00:16:38,821 Maybe I wouldn't knock, maybe I'd just sneak off. 327 00:16:39,861 --> 00:16:41,101 Anyway... 328 00:16:41,181 --> 00:16:45,301 why are you sat at a table naked like some weird Monty Python sketch? 329 00:16:45,381 --> 00:16:46,741 That's my business. 330 00:16:46,821 --> 00:16:48,301 My house, my rules. 331 00:16:49,901 --> 00:16:51,861 -Do you sit at the table naked, then? -No. 332 00:16:51,941 --> 00:16:54,701 I've got a dog. I don't want her seeing that. [sniggers] 333 00:16:59,741 --> 00:17:01,501 What do you miss about her, though? 334 00:17:02,461 --> 00:17:04,101 Everything. You know, I... 335 00:17:04,861 --> 00:17:07,021 I miss her liking me. 336 00:17:07,901 --> 00:17:08,861 Um... 337 00:17:09,381 --> 00:17:11,501 I hate to think I've upset her in some way. 338 00:17:12,181 --> 00:17:14,181 Or that she just doesn't love me anymore. 339 00:17:16,141 --> 00:17:17,061 Um... 340 00:17:19,741 --> 00:17:20,861 Don't worry about it. 341 00:17:24,021 --> 00:17:25,701 What do you mean? 342 00:17:26,221 --> 00:17:27,501 Is that advice? 343 00:17:27,581 --> 00:17:28,541 Yeah. 344 00:17:29,221 --> 00:17:30,861 Just don't worry about it, mate. 345 00:17:32,981 --> 00:17:35,621 Yeah... Just not that easy, though, is it? [chuckles] 346 00:17:35,701 --> 00:17:39,141 You know, it's like saying, "Don't worry that you're bleeding." 347 00:17:39,541 --> 00:17:41,501 You know, just by saying that, it doesn't go away. 348 00:17:41,581 --> 00:17:44,421 I was bleeding from the anus for a month last year 349 00:17:44,501 --> 00:17:45,941 and I never went to the doctor. 350 00:17:47,341 --> 00:17:48,181 Right. 351 00:17:50,221 --> 00:17:51,301 It just went away. 352 00:17:54,941 --> 00:17:56,901 But, I mean, you're the doctor in this, aren't you? 353 00:17:56,981 --> 00:17:58,501 So are you saying I shouldn't go to you? 354 00:17:58,581 --> 00:18:01,181 No, of course not. What I'm saying is you've got to ignore 355 00:18:01,261 --> 00:18:03,621 worrying about her and start doing stuff. 356 00:18:03,701 --> 00:18:04,741 [Matt] Yeah. 357 00:18:04,821 --> 00:18:07,061 You should come out with me, Ratty, and the Nonce. 358 00:18:07,501 --> 00:18:09,741 -The Nonce? -Real name Ian Trouton, 359 00:18:10,421 --> 00:18:13,061 but we call him "the Nonce" or "Pedo Ian." 360 00:18:14,301 --> 00:18:17,741 I mean, he's not a real kiddy fiddler. It's a... it's an in-joke. 361 00:18:17,821 --> 00:18:18,821 Oh. [chuckles] 362 00:18:19,461 --> 00:18:21,821 He fucked a dwarf once when he was off his head. 363 00:18:22,821 --> 00:18:23,901 [laughs] 364 00:18:24,461 --> 00:18:26,301 He said it was like fucking a child. 365 00:18:27,741 --> 00:18:30,861 But legal. Although, should it be? Urgh. 366 00:18:34,821 --> 00:18:38,061 Um... I would go to the doctor about your anus, by the way. 367 00:18:41,541 --> 00:18:44,021 Hiya. Could I just use your bathroom? 368 00:18:44,101 --> 00:18:47,141 -[sighs] All right. Upstairs. -Ta. 369 00:18:50,941 --> 00:18:52,061 [Brandy whines] 370 00:18:53,261 --> 00:18:54,381 [snaps fingers] 371 00:18:55,901 --> 00:18:58,061 All right. Come here, I want to show you something. 372 00:18:58,141 --> 00:19:00,701 Tony, do you want to explain what this is, please? 373 00:19:00,821 --> 00:19:02,341 Oh, um... 374 00:19:02,421 --> 00:19:06,661 I'm holding a sweepstake on how long the marriage will last, 375 00:19:06,741 --> 00:19:08,261 so you can bet on what you think. 376 00:19:08,341 --> 00:19:11,101 Choices are: "under a month," "one to six months," 377 00:19:11,181 --> 00:19:12,461 "six months to a year," 378 00:19:12,541 --> 00:19:15,781 "one to two years," "two to four years," or "four to ten years." 379 00:19:15,861 --> 00:19:17,541 -I put "four to ten years." -Oh, thanks. 380 00:19:17,621 --> 00:19:18,701 -You're welcome. -Yeah. 381 00:19:19,661 --> 00:19:21,181 I'll go "two to four" myself. 382 00:19:21,261 --> 00:19:22,661 [guffawing] 383 00:19:22,741 --> 00:19:25,541 -[Tony] Fivers. Give us your fiver. -[Matt] "Under a month," that's mine. 384 00:19:29,861 --> 00:19:30,701 [Tony] Right... 385 00:19:32,101 --> 00:19:33,101 What's he doing? 386 00:19:34,101 --> 00:19:35,101 Good girl. 387 00:19:40,941 --> 00:19:43,021 Mate, I've got to go out. 388 00:19:43,101 --> 00:19:45,421 [Pat] All right, see you later. I'll lock up. 389 00:19:45,781 --> 00:19:47,541 No, you won't. Get out. 390 00:19:48,381 --> 00:19:50,541 -[water sloshing] -[Tony] What the fuck? 391 00:19:54,581 --> 00:19:57,261 Fuck me! I thought you were having a piss. 392 00:19:57,341 --> 00:20:00,301 No, I've got to go out after, so I thought I'd have a wash. 393 00:20:00,381 --> 00:20:01,461 [Tony] Unbelievable! 394 00:20:01,981 --> 00:20:02,981 Get out. 395 00:20:04,261 --> 00:20:05,181 Out! 396 00:20:06,341 --> 00:20:07,621 Well, turn round, then! 397 00:20:08,781 --> 00:20:09,901 Fucking hell! 398 00:20:11,141 --> 00:20:12,141 All clean! 399 00:20:12,821 --> 00:20:16,101 Do you know how fucking mental it is, a postman having a bath on his round? 400 00:20:16,501 --> 00:20:18,141 -Why? -It just is. 401 00:20:18,221 --> 00:20:20,741 There's nothing weird about helping out a mate. 402 00:20:20,821 --> 00:20:24,301 I need to see a potential flat share later, don't I? I've been homeless. 403 00:20:24,381 --> 00:20:26,181 Been sleeping in the depot. 404 00:20:26,261 --> 00:20:29,301 I didn't want to turn up all scruffy, did I, stinking of BO? 405 00:20:29,381 --> 00:20:32,501 Oh, this is typical. I try and be more chilled. 406 00:20:32,581 --> 00:20:35,221 The reason I'm in a hurry is that I've got a meditation class tonight 407 00:20:35,301 --> 00:20:36,661 to try and be more zen, 408 00:20:36,741 --> 00:20:39,541 and then shit like this happens to wind me the fuck up again. 409 00:20:39,621 --> 00:20:41,781 Don't think the Dalai Lama'd be like that, would he? 410 00:20:41,861 --> 00:20:43,541 Let's see, shall we? Go to his house tomorrow 411 00:20:43,621 --> 00:20:46,701 and start washing your fucking arse in his sink, see what he does. 412 00:20:46,781 --> 00:20:48,901 -Is that my aftershave? -Yeah. Nice, innit? 413 00:20:48,981 --> 00:20:50,261 -Fuckin' hell. -Expensive. 414 00:20:51,661 --> 00:20:52,501 Out. 415 00:20:54,021 --> 00:20:55,021 See ya, mate. 416 00:20:56,581 --> 00:20:57,501 Prat. 417 00:21:00,741 --> 00:21:02,181 Just wiggle it. 418 00:21:03,021 --> 00:21:05,461 And if you want to get into your positions, please. 419 00:21:05,741 --> 00:21:06,621 [Matt] Hey. 420 00:21:07,021 --> 00:21:08,821 Hi, Matt. Hi. 421 00:21:09,341 --> 00:21:11,221 -Simon, this is Tony. He's-- -Welcome. 422 00:21:11,301 --> 00:21:13,541 He's not done this before, so go easy on him. 423 00:21:14,861 --> 00:21:17,621 Nothing to be scared of. We're a very friendly tribe. 424 00:21:18,621 --> 00:21:20,101 -OK. -All right. 425 00:21:21,861 --> 00:21:22,901 Where's your mind? 426 00:21:23,461 --> 00:21:25,181 -Where's my...? -Where's your mind? 427 00:21:25,261 --> 00:21:27,341 Don't think about it too much, just answer. 428 00:21:27,421 --> 00:21:29,261 Uh... in my brain. 429 00:21:30,261 --> 00:21:31,341 -No. -[Tony] No? 430 00:21:31,821 --> 00:21:32,821 In my gut. 431 00:21:34,581 --> 00:21:36,421 -No. -I don't know. Where's my mind? 432 00:21:36,821 --> 00:21:37,901 It's in... 433 00:21:38,541 --> 00:21:40,301 every cell of your body. 434 00:21:42,741 --> 00:21:43,701 OK. 435 00:21:44,661 --> 00:21:46,741 I want you to really think about that. 436 00:21:48,781 --> 00:21:49,901 On all fours. 437 00:21:50,421 --> 00:21:52,221 -Please. -OK. 438 00:21:52,861 --> 00:21:53,941 -Shoes off, Tony. -No. 439 00:21:54,501 --> 00:21:55,741 -No? -No. 440 00:21:57,741 --> 00:21:59,501 -[Tony sighs] -[chimes tinkling] 441 00:22:04,741 --> 00:22:06,581 So, let's start with a deep breath. 442 00:22:06,661 --> 00:22:07,821 [inhales deeply] 443 00:22:07,901 --> 00:22:09,381 Inhale. 444 00:22:09,461 --> 00:22:11,221 [class inhales] 445 00:22:11,301 --> 00:22:12,621 Lift your tailbone. 446 00:22:13,101 --> 00:22:14,861 Heart out, push away the floor. 447 00:22:15,781 --> 00:22:19,181 -And exhale, sigh out the pain. -[loud exhaling] 448 00:22:20,741 --> 00:22:22,661 And shine your heart forward. 449 00:22:23,261 --> 00:22:25,141 And gaze into your pelvis. 450 00:22:25,941 --> 00:22:27,901 And look out of your third eye. [sniffs] 451 00:22:28,581 --> 00:22:29,821 -You hear that? -Yeah, just... 452 00:22:29,901 --> 00:22:31,701 Let's do that ten times. [Simon sniffs] 453 00:22:36,621 --> 00:22:39,581 [Simon slurps] Ah! 454 00:22:39,701 --> 00:22:40,661 Are you joking? 455 00:22:40,981 --> 00:22:42,621 [slurping] Mm. 456 00:22:43,461 --> 00:22:45,581 Green tea. Delicious. 457 00:22:45,661 --> 00:22:47,301 -Sounds it! -Shh! Tony... 458 00:22:47,741 --> 00:22:48,701 [slurping] 459 00:22:49,141 --> 00:22:50,141 [sniffing] 460 00:22:50,221 --> 00:22:51,221 Fucking hell. 461 00:22:51,701 --> 00:22:52,581 You OK, Tony? 462 00:22:52,661 --> 00:22:53,701 -Yep. -[Simon] Yeah? 463 00:22:54,381 --> 00:22:55,381 OK, good. 464 00:22:55,901 --> 00:22:56,861 [sniffs, snorts] 465 00:22:56,941 --> 00:22:58,101 Oh, fuck! 466 00:22:58,181 --> 00:23:00,661 -Just don't listen to it. -[Simon] And keep going, guys. 467 00:23:00,781 --> 00:23:01,861 -[sniffs] -Got a little cold? 468 00:23:03,021 --> 00:23:04,581 Never. No. 469 00:23:04,661 --> 00:23:07,141 -Oh! -[Simon] Illness is a state of mind. 470 00:23:07,581 --> 00:23:10,461 I don't want to feel ill, I don't want to feel pain. 471 00:23:10,901 --> 00:23:13,461 [sarcastic laugh] You're going about it the wrong way. 472 00:23:13,541 --> 00:23:16,381 -Please don't. -Any bad things that have happened to you, 473 00:23:16,861 --> 00:23:18,021 you must've welcomed them in. 474 00:23:18,101 --> 00:23:19,901 No. No way. 475 00:23:19,981 --> 00:23:21,341 We have a choice. [sniffs] 476 00:23:21,421 --> 00:23:22,341 Fuck that! 477 00:23:22,421 --> 00:23:24,301 -Please. -[Tony] That's ridiculous. 478 00:23:24,381 --> 00:23:28,581 Wind chimes? Slurping? Sniffing? How is that relaxing? 479 00:23:28,661 --> 00:23:29,701 It's disgusting. 480 00:23:30,701 --> 00:23:33,541 I'm off to get pissed out of my mind in every cell of my body. 481 00:23:35,381 --> 00:23:36,341 See you next Tuesday. 482 00:23:36,421 --> 00:23:39,181 You're not wrong there, you fucking snot-curdling cunt! 483 00:23:41,901 --> 00:23:43,261 OK. Um... 484 00:23:44,061 --> 00:23:46,501 -Everyone into plank, please. -[Matt] Great. 485 00:23:47,181 --> 00:23:49,901 Thank you. What was that, about two minutes? 486 00:23:49,981 --> 00:23:51,301 I don't know, I couldn't. 487 00:23:51,741 --> 00:23:53,301 I thought you were feeling better. 488 00:23:54,581 --> 00:23:55,581 I am now. 489 00:23:57,101 --> 00:23:59,061 ["These Days" by Jackson Browne plays] 490 00:24:10,581 --> 00:24:14,021 ♪ Well, I've been out walkin' ♪ 491 00:24:17,261 --> 00:24:23,901 ♪ I don't do that much talkin' These days ♪ 492 00:24:24,341 --> 00:24:31,141 ♪ These days ♪ 493 00:24:31,781 --> 00:24:34,941 ♪These days, I seem to think a lot ♪ 494 00:24:35,661 --> 00:24:41,861 ♪ About the things that I forgot to do ♪ 495 00:24:42,141 --> 00:24:45,461 ♪ For you ♪ 496 00:24:45,781 --> 00:24:51,181 ♪And all the times I had the chance to... ♪ 497 00:24:51,261 --> 00:24:54,101 [Tony] Fucking hell, look at that! Pissed again! 498 00:24:54,341 --> 00:24:56,181 -Pfft! -[Lisa laughs] 499 00:24:56,341 --> 00:24:59,781 -Oh, like you're sober? Don't. -[Tony] Yeah, but I can hold my drink. 500 00:25:00,981 --> 00:25:04,221 [slurring] Yeah, but you're a man, you've got a bigger liver! 501 00:25:04,501 --> 00:25:06,701 -[Tony chuckles] "Lidver..." -[Lisa giggles] 502 00:25:07,221 --> 00:25:09,901 [Lisa] When we get through two bottles of wine a night, 503 00:25:09,981 --> 00:25:12,061 it's killing me quicker than it's killing you! 504 00:25:12,141 --> 00:25:14,021 [Tony] Well, one of us has got to die first. 505 00:25:15,021 --> 00:25:18,021 -What, so it might as well be me? -[Tony] I'll drink to that! 506 00:25:18,101 --> 00:25:21,301 Oh, right. OK. Cheers. This is to me dying first. 507 00:25:21,381 --> 00:25:23,821 -[Tony] Cheers! -Cheers. [Lisa laughs] 508 00:25:28,461 --> 00:25:29,501 [sniffles] 35210

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