Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,047 --> 00:00:04,252
Happily Divorced is shot
before a live audience.
2
00:00:05,191 --> 00:00:06,655
Fran, I wanna go home.
3
00:00:06,674 --> 00:00:08,805
We've been waiting for this guy's
autograph for like two hours.
4
00:00:08,812 --> 00:00:09,884
Why do you even need it?
5
00:00:09,903 --> 00:00:12,259
I waited for three hours online with you,
6
00:00:12,269 --> 00:00:15,300
when you wanted to get the Barefoot
Contessa to sign your oven mitt.
7
00:00:16,859 --> 00:00:19,703
Yeah, and then I came out, I ruined
your life, and now I owe you this.
8
00:00:20,848 --> 00:00:21,759
I didn't say that.
9
00:00:21,749 --> 00:00:23,438
Yeah, but it was a-comin'.
10
00:00:24,424 --> 00:00:25,794
Meanwhile, listen to this:
11
00:00:25,832 --> 00:00:28,113
"Gregory Sherwood came
to the United States
12
00:00:28,141 --> 00:00:30,172
and started a small home flower business
13
00:00:30,206 --> 00:00:31,674
with his then wife, Cecily,
14
00:00:31,708 --> 00:00:34,877
that blossomed into a
multimillion-dollar empire."
15
00:00:34,911 --> 00:00:36,845
That's the whole story.
16
00:00:36,880 --> 00:00:39,348
Bam!
17
00:00:39,382 --> 00:00:41,350
You just saved yourself 30 bucks.
18
00:00:41,384 --> 00:00:43,886
Can we go get free samples
at Hickory Farms now?
19
00:00:43,920 --> 00:00:45,421
No.
20
00:00:45,455 --> 00:00:47,356
I thought you were gonna
get rid of that app.
21
00:00:47,390 --> 00:00:49,358
I can't. I just love it.
22
00:00:49,392 --> 00:00:51,527
It tells me when a guy
who likes my profile
23
00:00:51,561 --> 00:00:53,729
is within 50 feet of me.
24
00:00:53,763 --> 00:00:57,566
It's a G.P.S.
Gay Positioning Satellite.
25
00:00:57,600 --> 00:00:59,201
[Laughing] Ooh, ooh.
26
00:00:59,235 --> 00:01:00,402
- What?
- Here comes one.
27
00:01:00,437 --> 00:01:01,570
- Where?
- 40 feet.
28
00:01:01,604 --> 00:01:02,805
Oh.
29
00:01:02,839 --> 00:01:05,140
30 feet.
30
00:01:05,175 --> 00:01:06,308
20 feet.
31
00:01:06,343 --> 00:01:08,644
10 feet.
32
00:01:08,678 --> 00:01:11,113
20 feet, 30 feet, 40 feet... what?
33
00:01:11,147 --> 00:01:14,149
He's running away from
me. Maybe he didn't see me.
34
00:01:14,184 --> 00:01:17,152
Sir, uh...
35
00:01:17,187 --> 00:01:18,654
- You're next.
- Okay, get the camera.
36
00:01:18,688 --> 00:01:20,823
Get the camera.
37
00:01:20,857 --> 00:01:24,326
Oh, Mr. Sherwood, this is so exciting.
38
00:01:24,361 --> 00:01:26,495
I've been a fan of yours so long,
39
00:01:26,529 --> 00:01:29,098
I feel like I already know you.
40
00:01:29,132 --> 00:01:31,567
[Chuckles] Thank you.
41
00:01:34,304 --> 00:01:35,504
And, uh...
42
00:01:35,538 --> 00:01:37,506
who shall I make it out to?
43
00:01:37,540 --> 00:01:39,074
Fran. Fine.
44
00:01:39,109 --> 00:01:40,876
Now.
45
00:01:42,879 --> 00:01:44,646
[Upbeat music]
46
00:01:44,681 --> 00:01:49,651
♪ She was certain that
he was her one and only
47
00:01:49,686 --> 00:01:54,823
♪ but their union always
seemed a little forced ?
48
00:01:54,858 --> 00:01:58,160
♪ she got married anyway
49
00:01:58,194 --> 00:02:00,162
♪ turns out that he was gay
50
00:02:00,196 --> 00:02:04,266
♪ they're still in love, but
now she's happily divorced
51
00:02:04,300 --> 00:02:06,135
Synced and corrected by chamallow
www.addic7ed.com
52
00:02:06,169 --> 00:02:09,805
I can't believe I'm standing
in front of Gregory Sherwood.
53
00:02:09,839 --> 00:02:12,508
And I got to tell you, you're
even better looking in person.
54
00:02:12,542 --> 00:02:15,444
I know. [Giggles]
55
00:02:15,598 --> 00:02:18,567
Oh, Mr. Sherwood, this
is my best friend, Judi.
56
00:02:18,601 --> 00:02:20,903
- Judi.
- Hi. Nice to meet you.
57
00:02:20,937 --> 00:02:23,705
I've read all your book jackets.
58
00:02:24,941 --> 00:02:26,575
But I've read all the insides.
59
00:02:26,609 --> 00:02:28,577
You know, I find it so riveting,
60
00:02:28,611 --> 00:02:30,579
especially that chapter when you talked
61
00:02:30,613 --> 00:02:32,514
about how you and your wife split up.
62
00:02:32,549 --> 00:02:33,715
Oh. I'm curious...
63
00:02:33,750 --> 00:02:36,184
did you ever find someone else?
64
00:02:36,219 --> 00:02:37,920
No, I'm afraid I'm still looking
65
00:02:37,954 --> 00:02:39,888
for that special someone.
66
00:02:39,923 --> 00:02:41,256
Hmm.
67
00:02:41,291 --> 00:02:43,559
Go to Hickory Farms, Judi.
68
00:02:43,593 --> 00:02:47,596
So, you were asking me if
I had a special someone.
69
00:02:47,830 --> 00:02:49,664
No, I do not.
70
00:02:49,699 --> 00:02:53,034
Well, I find that very hard to believe.
71
00:02:53,069 --> 00:02:55,470
Actually, I was married 18 years.
72
00:02:55,505 --> 00:02:58,173
It's kind of a long story. [Groans]
73
00:03:02,779 --> 00:03:05,413
But I've got it down to three sentences.
74
00:03:05,448 --> 00:03:07,415
He tells me he's gay. What?
75
00:03:07,450 --> 00:03:09,351
We get a divorce, can't sell the house.
76
00:03:09,385 --> 00:03:10,852
Now he lives in the den.
77
00:03:11,227 --> 00:03:14,996
You know, you get more
intriguing by the minute.
78
00:03:15,030 --> 00:03:17,065
And I would consider it an honor
79
00:03:17,099 --> 00:03:20,001
if a woman as stunning as
you joined me for lunch.
80
00:03:20,035 --> 00:03:24,706
Oh, Mr. Sherwood.
81
00:03:30,329 --> 00:03:32,663
[Gasps] Ta-da!
82
00:03:32,698 --> 00:03:35,633
Oh, Fran, what a beautiful shop.
83
00:03:35,667 --> 00:03:37,168
Isn't it?
84
00:03:37,202 --> 00:03:39,337
And you refinanced your
house to do all this?
85
00:03:39,371 --> 00:03:41,272
- Uh-huh.
- Isn't that, uh...
86
00:03:41,306 --> 00:03:43,174
Stupid?
87
00:03:43,208 --> 00:03:45,410
Actually, I was gonna say, "brave."
88
00:03:45,444 --> 00:03:47,211
[Chuckles] You know, I find a woman
89
00:03:47,246 --> 00:03:49,680
who's willing to take that
sort of risk very attractive.
90
00:03:49,715 --> 00:03:52,183
Oh, well, I'm $20,000 in credit card debt.
91
00:03:52,217 --> 00:03:54,152
What's that do for you?
92
00:03:54,186 --> 00:03:55,520
[Both chuckle]
93
00:03:55,554 --> 00:03:57,688
Fran, are you aware there's a man
94
00:03:57,723 --> 00:04:00,224
in your refrigerator staring at us?
95
00:04:00,259 --> 00:04:01,459
Oh.
96
00:04:01,493 --> 00:04:04,462
Come out of there, please.
97
00:04:04,496 --> 00:04:06,631
Oh, Mr. Gregory Sherwood...
98
00:04:06,665 --> 00:04:08,900
If my wife knew that I was meeting you,
99
00:04:08,934 --> 00:04:10,168
she would want your autograph.
100
00:04:10,202 --> 00:04:12,103
Oh, no problem. What's her name?
101
00:04:12,137 --> 00:04:14,639
Cesar.
102
00:04:14,673 --> 00:04:17,975
Cesar has been with me since day one.
103
00:04:18,010 --> 00:04:21,312
I couldn't do it without
him. He's like family.
104
00:04:21,346 --> 00:04:23,314
That is true. We are together forever.
105
00:04:23,348 --> 00:04:25,016
Mi familia. [Chuckles]
106
00:04:25,050 --> 00:04:27,318
Do your delivery vans have air-condition?
107
00:04:27,352 --> 00:04:29,454
Because I didn't sign anything.
108
00:04:30,656 --> 00:04:34,992
[Fran and Cesar laugh]
109
00:04:38,030 --> 00:04:40,164
Oh, hey, Peter. Where have you been?
110
00:04:40,199 --> 00:04:42,166
I haven't seen you since...
111
00:04:42,201 --> 00:04:45,136
[Gasps] Oh, my God. Did
I leave you at the mall?
112
00:04:45,170 --> 00:04:48,139
[Gasps mockingly] Oh... yes.
113
00:04:48,173 --> 00:04:50,341
How did you get home?
114
00:04:50,375 --> 00:04:52,009
I took the bus.
115
00:04:52,044 --> 00:04:53,444
Oh, I'm so sorry.
116
00:04:53,479 --> 00:04:55,313
- Was it awful?
- No, not at all.
117
00:04:55,347 --> 00:04:57,682
Actually, it was really clean,
comfortable... really nice people.
118
00:04:57,716 --> 00:04:59,650
There were screens on the
backs of all the chairs.
119
00:04:59,685 --> 00:05:03,154
- Really?
- No, it was horrible.
120
00:05:03,188 --> 00:05:04,489
It was 400 degrees.
121
00:05:04,523 --> 00:05:06,557
Everybody smelled like sweaty sardines.
122
00:05:06,592 --> 00:05:09,460
All right, you'll take
a bubble bath later.
123
00:05:09,495 --> 00:05:11,462
Come here.
124
00:05:11,497 --> 00:05:13,965
Say hello to Gregory Sherwood,
125
00:05:13,999 --> 00:05:16,033
- the Gregory Sherwood.
- [Chuckles] Please.
126
00:05:16,068 --> 00:05:18,469
I'd shake your hand, but I
have touched so many things
127
00:05:18,504 --> 00:05:20,905
that have touched so many things.
128
00:05:20,939 --> 00:05:22,640
[Chuckles] This is Peter, my ex-husband.
129
00:05:22,674 --> 00:05:25,142
Ah, yes, I suspected as much.
130
00:05:25,177 --> 00:05:27,144
Look, I hope you don't think I'm prying,
131
00:05:27,179 --> 00:05:30,414
but the writer in me finds
all of this quite fascinating.
132
00:05:30,449 --> 00:05:34,018
Tell me, when did you first
become aware of your situation?
133
00:05:34,052 --> 00:05:36,988
Oh, well, I looked all over the mall,
134
00:05:37,022 --> 00:05:39,490
and she wasn't at Mrs. Fields or Wetzel's
135
00:05:39,525 --> 00:05:41,192
or Potatoes, Potatoes, Potatoes,
136
00:05:41,226 --> 00:05:43,160
- so now I'm thinking...
- No, no, I'm sorry.
137
00:05:43,195 --> 00:05:46,564
I... I meant when did you first know.
138
00:05:46,598 --> 00:05:48,065
Know what?
139
00:05:50,536 --> 00:05:55,973
This is why it took him 18
years to connect the dots.
140
00:05:56,008 --> 00:05:57,675
Listen, I'd love to talk about this more,
141
00:05:57,709 --> 00:06:00,344
but I'm already late for a
meeting with my publicist.
142
00:06:00,379 --> 00:06:02,013
How about dinner tonight?
143
00:06:02,047 --> 00:06:04,282
Oh, there's a sexy wine bar that...
144
00:06:04,316 --> 00:06:06,517
What... what are you looking at him for?
145
00:06:06,552 --> 00:06:08,319
What are you looking at me for?
146
00:06:08,353 --> 00:06:09,954
'Cause I'm asking you out to dinner.
147
00:06:09,988 --> 00:06:11,322
- Him?
- Me?
148
00:06:11,356 --> 00:06:13,024
Well, yes, you're a fascinating man.
149
00:06:13,058 --> 00:06:14,692
- Me?
- Him?
150
00:06:16,261 --> 00:06:18,963
Uh, oh, sure. Okay.
151
00:06:18,997 --> 00:06:21,465
- Dinner sounds great.
- Oh, fantastic.
152
00:06:21,500 --> 00:06:24,302
Fran, thank you for joining me for lunch.
153
00:06:24,336 --> 00:06:27,638
And your shop is as beautiful
and captivating as you are.
154
00:06:27,673 --> 00:06:30,141
Yeah, well...
155
00:06:30,175 --> 00:06:32,343
And, Peter, I'll see you later.
156
00:06:32,377 --> 00:06:34,445
Uh, shall I have the car
pick you up around 8:00?
157
00:06:34,479 --> 00:06:38,983
[British accent] 8:00 would be
lovely. Thank you ever so much.
158
00:06:39,017 --> 00:06:41,986
What the hell just happened here?
159
00:06:42,020 --> 00:06:44,488
Apparently Gregory's asked
me out for a sumptuous...
160
00:06:44,523 --> 00:06:46,991
Stop talking like that.
161
00:06:47,025 --> 00:06:50,328
I brought him home for me.
I didn't know he was gay.
162
00:06:50,362 --> 00:06:52,330
[Normal voice] Oh, sweetie...
163
00:06:52,364 --> 00:06:55,032
you really are bad at this.
164
00:07:00,736 --> 00:07:02,704
[Crying]
165
00:07:02,738 --> 00:07:05,707
What's wrong with her?
166
00:07:05,741 --> 00:07:08,843
She fell in love with another gay man.
167
00:07:10,913 --> 00:07:12,722
Again?
168
00:07:12,723 --> 00:07:14,591
Leave her alone.
169
00:07:14,625 --> 00:07:16,526
I'm sorry, but come on, what are the odds?
170
00:07:16,560 --> 00:07:19,629
It's like getting a royal
flush with two queens.
171
00:07:21,065 --> 00:07:23,633
What's wrong with me?
172
00:07:23,667 --> 00:07:26,703
Being attracted to gay men isn't a choice.
173
00:07:26,737 --> 00:07:29,339
You were born that way.
174
00:07:31,509 --> 00:07:34,310
I just thought we looked
so perfect together.
175
00:07:34,345 --> 00:07:36,980
I was already picturing us married,
176
00:07:37,014 --> 00:07:39,315
living in a big mansion,
177
00:07:39,350 --> 00:07:42,318
three beautiful kids and a maid...
178
00:07:42,353 --> 00:07:46,489
no, no, a butler.
179
00:07:46,524 --> 00:07:47,824
Darling, wake up.
180
00:07:47,858 --> 00:07:49,492
This man isn't for you.
181
00:07:49,527 --> 00:07:50,994
Sometimes you'll get the man.
182
00:07:51,028 --> 00:07:54,297
Sometimes your husband will get the man.
183
00:07:54,331 --> 00:07:58,835
But I can't believe my
instincts would be so off.
184
00:07:58,869 --> 00:08:00,837
I thought he was attracted to me.
185
00:08:00,871 --> 00:08:03,039
I mean, I really felt it in my gut.
186
00:08:03,074 --> 00:08:04,841
The last time your gut had that feeling,
187
00:08:04,875 --> 00:08:07,777
it cost us 30 grand for the wedding.
188
00:08:07,812 --> 00:08:10,680
Sweetheart, do you not
want Peter to be happy?
189
00:08:10,714 --> 00:08:12,882
Of course I want him to be happy.
190
00:08:12,917 --> 00:08:15,018
Do you not want Peter out of your den?
191
00:08:15,052 --> 00:08:18,321
More than I want him to be happy.
192
00:08:18,355 --> 00:08:20,023
Well, then it's win-win.
193
00:08:20,057 --> 00:08:23,059
You just help him, nurture him.
194
00:08:23,094 --> 00:08:25,595
Someone in this family
should have a rich husband.
195
00:08:27,398 --> 00:08:29,365
Oh, maybe they'll go to Beijing
196
00:08:29,400 --> 00:08:32,669
and bring us back a grandchild.
197
00:08:32,703 --> 00:08:34,804
Wait a minute. I just had a thought.
198
00:08:34,839 --> 00:08:36,639
What if Peter and this guy get married?
199
00:08:36,674 --> 00:08:40,410
Whose family pays? Because
we're on a fixed income.
200
00:08:40,444 --> 00:08:42,812
Oh, no, Glen, we can
pay for another wedding.
201
00:08:42,847 --> 00:08:45,982
By the time that Fran
finally gets married,
202
00:08:46,016 --> 00:08:48,284
she can use our life insurance for money.
203
00:08:50,955 --> 00:08:52,822
Am I really an only child,
204
00:08:52,857 --> 00:08:55,725
or did the other ones
just kill themselves?
205
00:09:03,881 --> 00:09:05,549
God, I'm so nervous.
206
00:09:05,583 --> 00:09:07,250
You know, this is the first
real date I've had with a man.
207
00:09:07,285 --> 00:09:08,452
I mean, should I play hard to get?
208
00:09:08,486 --> 00:09:10,020
No too hard to get, sweetie.
209
00:09:10,054 --> 00:09:11,588
I mean, you're not getting any younger.
210
00:09:11,622 --> 00:09:14,624
And man boobs run in your family.
211
00:09:14,659 --> 00:09:16,993
You know, Fran, I know
this isn't easy for you.
212
00:09:17,028 --> 00:09:19,096
What do you mean... helping
my ex-husband get dressed
213
00:09:19,130 --> 00:09:20,597
to go out with my ex-boyfriend?
214
00:09:20,631 --> 00:09:22,265
Please.
215
00:09:22,300 --> 00:09:24,301
I just want you to know
that I appreciate it.
216
00:09:24,335 --> 00:09:26,103
Sweetie, I just want you to be happy.
217
00:09:26,137 --> 00:09:28,438
I want you to meet a
nice man, fall in love,
218
00:09:28,473 --> 00:09:31,274
move out of the den, a
pilates machine moves in.
219
00:09:31,309 --> 00:09:32,943
It's the circle of life.
220
00:09:32,977 --> 00:09:34,945
Hakuna matata. [Chuckles]
221
00:09:34,979 --> 00:09:36,446
If there's a lull in the conversation,
222
00:09:36,481 --> 00:09:38,115
- I was thinking...
- No.
223
00:09:38,149 --> 00:09:41,284
Do not tell the "Jimmy
Smits at Olive Garden" story.
224
00:09:41,319 --> 00:09:42,619
Why not? Everyone loves that...
225
00:09:42,653 --> 00:09:45,322
No, they don't. It's stupid.
226
00:09:45,356 --> 00:09:47,991
Well, now you're just tying my hands.
227
00:09:48,025 --> 00:09:49,626
[Doorbell rings] Ooh, that's him.
228
00:09:49,660 --> 00:09:51,061
Would you get the door?
229
00:09:51,095 --> 00:09:52,629
- Yeah.
- I want to make an entrance.
230
00:09:52,663 --> 00:09:55,465
Oh, I wish we had dry ice.
231
00:09:55,500 --> 00:09:57,634
Hi.
232
00:09:57,668 --> 00:09:58,969
Hello, Fran.
233
00:09:59,003 --> 00:10:01,271
Oh, don't you look smashing?
234
00:10:01,305 --> 00:10:04,407
Oh, apparently not smashing enough.
235
00:10:05,977 --> 00:10:07,911
So, where are you boys going tonight?
236
00:10:07,945 --> 00:10:10,147
Well, it would be hard
to top that fabulous lunch
237
00:10:10,181 --> 00:10:11,681
you and I had at Mr. Chow's.
238
00:10:11,716 --> 00:10:13,650
So I thought we'd take
a drive up the coast...
239
00:10:13,684 --> 00:10:16,153
sunset cocktails, lobster dinner at Nobu,
240
00:10:16,187 --> 00:10:18,989
and then maybe a crème
brûlée at the S.L.S.
241
00:10:19,023 --> 00:10:22,425
Yeah, I'm gonna nuke a potato.
242
00:10:22,460 --> 00:10:24,628
[Inhales sharply] So, is Peter ready yet?
243
00:10:24,662 --> 00:10:28,698
Oh, yeah, yeah. Uh, Peter, Gregory's here.
244
00:10:35,006 --> 00:10:38,542
Hello, Gregory.
245
00:10:38,576 --> 00:10:41,044
Hello, Peter.
246
00:10:41,078 --> 00:10:45,649
[Chuckles] This old thing? It's new.
247
00:10:45,683 --> 00:10:48,151
Listen and then respond.
248
00:10:48,186 --> 00:10:49,452
Let's take a picture, guys.
249
00:10:49,487 --> 00:10:50,954
Oh. [Chuckles]
250
00:10:50,988 --> 00:10:52,389
All right. [Chuckles]
251
00:10:52,423 --> 00:10:54,257
[Chuckles]
252
00:10:54,292 --> 00:10:57,227
Chin up, Peter.
253
00:10:57,261 --> 00:10:58,962
Suck in.
254
00:10:58,996 --> 00:11:02,199
Stop doing that thing with your eyes.
255
00:11:02,233 --> 00:11:04,634
Very good. Okay, have a good time.
256
00:11:04,669 --> 00:11:06,136
Good night, Fran. Bye.
257
00:11:06,170 --> 00:11:08,305
- Bye-bye. Good night.
- Bye.
258
00:11:08,339 --> 00:11:09,539
Oh. Shoot.
259
00:11:09,574 --> 00:11:11,308
What do I do if I need protection?
260
00:11:11,342 --> 00:11:13,310
Tell him the Olive Garden story.
261
00:11:19,094 --> 00:11:21,929
Oh, good morning, Miss Fran.
262
00:11:21,963 --> 00:11:23,631
Is Mr. Peter's date still going on?
263
00:11:23,665 --> 00:11:25,599
I don't know. I'm trying
to figure that out.
264
00:11:25,634 --> 00:11:28,435
I'm hearing some rustling... or wrestling.
265
00:11:28,470 --> 00:11:31,438
Who knows what two men do?
266
00:11:31,473 --> 00:11:34,108
Oh, miss Fran, why do you
torture yourself like this?
267
00:11:34,142 --> 00:11:36,443
If we stand at the window
by the built-in barbecue,
268
00:11:36,478 --> 00:11:38,846
the sound comes from the bathroom.
269
00:11:38,880 --> 00:11:41,582
Why are you so interested?
270
00:11:41,616 --> 00:11:44,451
Because if Mr. Peter
and Mr. Sherwood hook up,
271
00:11:44,486 --> 00:11:46,453
he might make us a franchise. [Chuckles]
272
00:11:46,488 --> 00:11:48,455
And that would mean more money for me.
273
00:11:48,490 --> 00:11:49,657
[Laughs]
274
00:11:49,691 --> 00:11:52,159
You, us, the whole familia wins.
275
00:11:52,194 --> 00:11:54,128
Good morning.
276
00:11:54,162 --> 00:11:55,963
All right, enough with the chitchat.
277
00:11:55,997 --> 00:11:57,464
- Is he in there?
- Who?
278
00:11:57,499 --> 00:11:59,200
"Who?" Pat Sajak.
279
00:12:00,202 --> 00:12:01,669
- Gregory.
- Oh, no.
280
00:12:01,703 --> 00:12:03,437
He dropped me off last night about 11:00.
281
00:12:03,471 --> 00:12:06,574
Oh, God, he told the Olive Garden story.
282
00:12:06,608 --> 00:12:08,676
- How did the date go?
- Oh, it was great.
283
00:12:08,710 --> 00:12:10,578
Well, did he make a move on you?
284
00:12:10,612 --> 00:12:11,812
Define "move."
285
00:12:11,846 --> 00:12:13,113
Physical contact.
286
00:12:13,148 --> 00:12:15,082
- He did touch my hand.
- When? Where?
287
00:12:15,116 --> 00:12:17,851
In the edamame bowl.
288
00:12:17,886 --> 00:12:20,087
Ay, dios mio. I'm gonna work here forever.
289
00:12:20,121 --> 00:12:24,058
Peter, that's your idea of a great date?
290
00:12:24,092 --> 00:12:25,693
Well, I'm sorry. I have
nothing to compare it to.
291
00:12:25,727 --> 00:12:27,061
Look, he picked me up.
292
00:12:27,095 --> 00:12:28,662
He paid for dinner, and he dropped me off.
293
00:12:28,697 --> 00:12:30,397
To me, that's a great date.
294
00:12:30,432 --> 00:12:32,366
Peter, when two men are
"attracted" to each other,
295
00:12:32,400 --> 00:12:33,934
they get into a stretch limo
296
00:12:33,969 --> 00:12:36,103
with a wet bar and blacked-out windows
297
00:12:36,137 --> 00:12:38,772
and the only physical contact
that they have with each other
298
00:12:38,807 --> 00:12:41,809
is in a bowl of beans...
299
00:12:43,812 --> 00:12:46,480
- Wait a minute.
- What?
300
00:12:46,514 --> 00:12:48,148
Maybe he is straight.
301
00:12:48,183 --> 00:12:50,784
He is not. Look, he didn't
do anything with you.
302
00:12:50,819 --> 00:12:52,553
He didn't do anything with you.
303
00:12:52,587 --> 00:12:54,455
- He took me to dinner.
- He took me to lunch.
304
00:12:54,489 --> 00:12:56,924
- He said I was intriguing.
- He said I was ravishing.
305
00:12:58,994 --> 00:13:00,928
He said I looked 45.
306
00:13:00,962 --> 00:13:02,997
You're 44.
307
00:13:10,872 --> 00:13:12,439
Thank you.
308
00:13:12,474 --> 00:13:15,009
Wow. Judi, look at
this tower of chocolate.
309
00:13:15,043 --> 00:13:18,345
[Chuckles] That's what I used
to call my last boyfriend.
310
00:13:18,380 --> 00:13:20,414
[Laughs]
311
00:13:20,448 --> 00:13:22,416
Oh, my God. Listen to this.
312
00:13:22,450 --> 00:13:25,753
"Fran, our time together
has been far too short.
313
00:13:25,787 --> 00:13:29,857
Have dinner with me
tonight at 8:00 at my hotel.
314
00:13:29,891 --> 00:13:32,393
Yours, Gregory."
315
00:13:32,427 --> 00:13:33,661
I knew it.
316
00:13:33,695 --> 00:13:36,864
I knew that he was into me and not...
317
00:13:36,898 --> 00:13:40,434
"Peter, our time together
has been far too short.
318
00:13:40,468 --> 00:13:44,071
Have dinner with me
tonight at 8:15 at my hotel.
319
00:13:44,105 --> 00:13:45,806
- Yours, Gregory."
- Yes!
320
00:13:45,840 --> 00:13:48,042
You threw your line
out, and you hooked him.
321
00:13:48,076 --> 00:13:50,377
I knew it.
322
00:13:50,412 --> 00:13:51,545
I felt it.
323
00:13:51,579 --> 00:13:53,981
Well, I didn't, but I knew it.
324
00:13:54,015 --> 00:13:56,784
What are the odds of me falling for...
325
00:13:56,818 --> 00:13:58,619
Two gay men?
326
00:13:58,653 --> 00:14:01,455
Fran falls for two gay men.
327
00:14:01,489 --> 00:14:04,058
This is why we cannot
tell her about this, Cesar.
328
00:14:04,092 --> 00:14:05,726
She will be crushed.
329
00:14:05,760 --> 00:14:07,928
I know. The poor woman is...
330
00:14:07,962 --> 00:14:12,733
A 44-year-old man
with no prospects.
331
00:14:12,767 --> 00:14:14,601
Oh, that's why we can't tell him.
332
00:14:14,636 --> 00:14:15,969
It'll just crush him.
333
00:14:16,004 --> 00:14:18,739
Oh, Judi, I'm so excited.
334
00:14:18,773 --> 00:14:21,575
I swear to God, I got
a feeling that tonight...
335
00:14:21,609 --> 00:14:23,077
Both: I'm going to be with the person
336
00:14:23,111 --> 00:14:26,947
I was meant to spend
the rest of my life with.
337
00:14:34,289 --> 00:14:35,889
Fran.
338
00:14:35,924 --> 00:14:37,824
Well, you look ravishing.
339
00:14:37,859 --> 00:14:40,994
Oh, and you're in a robe.
340
00:14:41,029 --> 00:14:43,730
- Please, come in.
- Okay.
341
00:14:43,765 --> 00:14:46,400
I, uh... I hope you don't
mind if we dine here.
342
00:14:46,434 --> 00:14:49,069
- It's just that, uh...
- You've been into room service
343
00:14:49,103 --> 00:14:50,837
ever since you were a little boy
344
00:14:50,872 --> 00:14:53,073
and your grandfather
took you to the Plaza...
345
00:14:53,107 --> 00:14:55,008
chapter 9, page 81.
346
00:14:55,043 --> 00:14:57,044
Well, apparently my life is an open book.
347
00:14:57,078 --> 00:15:01,381
Oh, gee, I could listen
to you talk all day long.
348
00:15:01,416 --> 00:15:03,417
[Chuckles] And I could listen to...
349
00:15:03,451 --> 00:15:05,786
Yeah. Champagne?
350
00:15:05,820 --> 00:15:07,421
Thank you.
351
00:15:07,455 --> 00:15:09,356
To the lady in red.
352
00:15:09,390 --> 00:15:11,358
Yeah.
353
00:15:20,969 --> 00:15:23,470
[Giggling] That's nice.
354
00:15:25,773 --> 00:15:27,941
You know, I, uh... I did order room service,
355
00:15:27,976 --> 00:15:29,943
but it won't be up for an hour.
356
00:15:29,978 --> 00:15:32,713
And I have a private pool on the terrace.
357
00:15:32,747 --> 00:15:34,715
Would you like to go for a swim?
358
00:15:34,749 --> 00:15:37,384
Oh, that sounds lovely, but...
359
00:15:37,418 --> 00:15:39,386
I didn't bring a bathing suit.
360
00:15:39,420 --> 00:15:42,055
I took the liberty of having
one sent up from the gift shop...
361
00:15:42,090 --> 00:15:43,991
Oh. Size 2, right?
362
00:15:44,025 --> 00:15:45,892
Oh, that's so sweet.
363
00:15:45,927 --> 00:15:48,028
Is the shop still open?
364
00:15:48,062 --> 00:15:50,731
[Both laugh]
365
00:15:50,765 --> 00:15:53,033
Bathroom's to the left, and
there's a robe behind the door.
366
00:15:53,067 --> 00:15:56,169
Oh, perfect. I'll be right out...
367
00:15:56,204 --> 00:15:58,739
as soon as I lose 23 pounds.
368
00:16:00,908 --> 00:16:02,743
[Door closes]
369
00:16:02,777 --> 00:16:05,712
[Knock at door]
370
00:16:07,949 --> 00:16:10,917
Peter, you look dashing.
371
00:16:10,952 --> 00:16:12,686
Thank you, Mr. Sherwood.
372
00:16:12,720 --> 00:16:15,055
Please, come in.
373
00:16:15,089 --> 00:16:17,057
I hope you don't mind if we dine here.
374
00:16:17,091 --> 00:16:18,892
The room service is superb.
375
00:16:18,926 --> 00:16:22,229
Oh, you have to try the
salmon with crème fraîche.
376
00:16:22,263 --> 00:16:23,897
Uh, does crème have cream in it?
377
00:16:23,931 --> 00:16:25,966
Because I'm lactose intolerant.
378
00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:28,402
I'm very particular about
what I put in my mouth.
379
00:16:28,436 --> 00:16:31,371
Well, there's where we differ. Champagne?
380
00:16:31,406 --> 00:16:33,006
Sure. Not too much.
381
00:16:33,041 --> 00:16:35,042
I'll never get home. [Both chuckle]
382
00:16:35,076 --> 00:16:37,244
Here's to not getting home.
383
00:16:37,278 --> 00:16:39,179
Why? Is the freeway closed again?
384
00:16:39,213 --> 00:16:40,680
It took me forever last time.
385
00:16:40,715 --> 00:16:43,116
I'm telling you, I had to go all the...
386
00:16:43,151 --> 00:16:45,018
Oh. [Chuckles]
387
00:16:45,053 --> 00:16:47,687
You are a wordsmith, sir. [Chuckles]
388
00:16:47,722 --> 00:16:50,357
Peter, do you like to swim?
389
00:16:50,391 --> 00:16:52,859
I have a pool on the terrace.
390
00:16:52,894 --> 00:16:54,094
Oh, sure. Yeah.
391
00:16:54,128 --> 00:16:56,029
Great cardio, easy on the joints.
392
00:16:56,064 --> 00:16:58,065
Unfortunately, I didn't bring a suit.
393
00:16:58,099 --> 00:16:59,866
Oh, well, that's all right.
394
00:16:59,901 --> 00:17:04,037
After all, we're both men, aren't we?
395
00:17:04,072 --> 00:17:05,872
Oh, right.
396
00:17:05,907 --> 00:17:07,707
I can just...
397
00:17:07,742 --> 00:17:10,077
borrow one of yours.
398
00:17:11,913 --> 00:17:14,714
Right. I have a spare
suit in the bathroom.
399
00:17:14,749 --> 00:17:16,716
Cool. I'll slip it on.
400
00:17:16,751 --> 00:17:18,085
Please don't be a Speedo.
Please don't be a Speedo.
401
00:17:18,119 --> 00:17:20,387
Please don't be a Speedo.
402
00:17:20,421 --> 00:17:23,890
Gregory, the bathing
suit that they sent up
403
00:17:23,925 --> 00:17:28,061
has a big rip right on the seam.
404
00:17:28,096 --> 00:17:30,430
Would you happen to have a sewing kit?
405
00:17:30,465 --> 00:17:32,365
I believe there's one
in the medicine cabinet.
406
00:17:32,400 --> 00:17:34,968
Oh, thank God. I mean, thank you.
407
00:17:37,638 --> 00:17:39,306
How does the Speedo fit?
408
00:17:39,340 --> 00:17:41,007
Fine.
409
00:17:41,042 --> 00:17:44,010
I think I pretty much
got everything in there.
410
00:17:46,180 --> 00:17:48,782
Oh, okay.
411
00:17:48,816 --> 00:17:52,385
I'll, uh, go fire up the hot tub.
412
00:18:15,910 --> 00:18:17,911
Oh.
413
00:18:22,416 --> 00:18:24,718
Oh.
414
00:18:24,752 --> 00:18:26,887
Mmm.
415
00:18:26,921 --> 00:18:29,923
[Chuckling]
416
00:18:34,428 --> 00:18:37,063
[Moans]
417
00:18:37,098 --> 00:18:40,066
Oh, you likey?
418
00:18:40,101 --> 00:18:42,402
- Fran?
- Peter?
419
00:18:42,436 --> 00:18:46,039
Both: Oh, my God! What are you doing here?
420
00:18:46,073 --> 00:18:48,408
- Gregory invited me.
- He invited me, too.
421
00:18:48,442 --> 00:18:50,110
- He's straight.
- He's gay.
422
00:18:50,144 --> 00:18:52,279
♪ He's both ♪
423
00:18:59,954 --> 00:19:02,822
[Sultry music plays]
424
00:19:14,268 --> 00:19:18,772
What a sick individual.
425
00:19:18,806 --> 00:19:19,773
Right?
426
00:19:19,807 --> 00:19:21,107
Luring us into his lair
427
00:19:21,142 --> 00:19:23,043
like some sort of bisexual spider.
428
00:19:23,077 --> 00:19:24,444
How could he possibly think
429
00:19:24,478 --> 00:19:26,279
we'd be interested in something like that?
430
00:19:26,314 --> 00:19:28,281
- We're very simple people.
- We're very simple.
431
00:19:28,316 --> 00:19:30,283
We're just a typical,
white-picket-fence,
432
00:19:30,318 --> 00:19:32,219
divorced, suburban, gay-straight couple.
433
00:19:32,253 --> 00:19:34,221
That's all.
434
00:19:34,255 --> 00:19:36,189
Well, at least the night
wasn't a total loss.
435
00:19:36,224 --> 00:19:37,390
These robes are beautiful.
436
00:19:37,425 --> 00:19:39,226
Aren't they? Three-ply Terry.
437
00:19:39,260 --> 00:19:41,895
Hey, should we give them to my
parents for their anniversary?
438
00:19:41,929 --> 00:19:43,196
Can we wear them until then?
439
00:19:43,231 --> 00:19:45,098
No. Take it off before you spill.
440
00:19:45,132 --> 00:19:47,234
- No, no, no, no.
- Why?
441
00:19:47,268 --> 00:19:48,335
I'm in the Speedo.
442
00:19:48,369 --> 00:19:52,005
[Laughing] Oh, really?
443
00:19:52,039 --> 00:19:54,407
- What are you in?
- A size 2.
444
00:19:54,442 --> 00:19:57,444
[Both laughing]
445
00:19:59,947 --> 00:20:01,948
I'll show you mine if you show me yours.
446
00:20:01,983 --> 00:20:03,783
Okay.
447
00:20:06,387 --> 00:20:08,255
You still look good in a thong.
448
00:20:08,289 --> 00:20:09,956
It didn't start out as a thong.
449
00:20:09,991 --> 00:20:14,261
[Both laughing]
450
00:20:14,295 --> 00:20:15,929
- Good night.
- Good night.
451
00:20:15,963 --> 00:20:17,964
Mwah.
452
00:20:17,965 --> 00:20:19,512
synced and corrected by chamallow
www.addic7ed.com
9999
00:00:0,500 --> 00:00:2,00
www.tvsubtitles.net
32342
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
