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1
00:00:09,352 --> 00:00:12,255
‐ Previously
on "Resident Alien"... This is what is left
of my spaceship.
2
00:00:12,255 --> 00:00:14,224
‐ This happened to you
because you went to space.
3
00:00:14,224 --> 00:00:15,792
‐ I don't think
that's how space works.
4
00:00:15,792 --> 00:00:19,129
‐ What else could it be?
‐ I have no idea.
5
00:00:19,129 --> 00:00:20,597
‐ That little shit pocket.
6
00:00:20,597 --> 00:00:24,534
I forgot to tell you, my people
are coming to kill everyone.
7
00:00:24,534 --> 00:00:26,603
‐ You're an alien,
you know, phone home.
8
00:00:26,603 --> 00:00:28,471
Call them and tell them
not to come.
9
00:00:28,471 --> 00:00:31,374
‐ I will try to build a radio
and contact my people.
10
00:00:31,374 --> 00:00:33,176
‐ The government is after him.
11
00:00:33,176 --> 00:00:35,111
They know
that I know who he is.
12
00:00:35,111 --> 00:00:36,246
‐ What?
13
00:00:36,246 --> 00:00:37,647
‐ And they went back
to their base,
14
00:00:37,647 --> 00:00:39,449
and now they're driving around
searching for him.
15
00:00:39,449 --> 00:00:41,251
‐ How do you know
where their base is?
16
00:00:41,251 --> 00:00:43,086
‐ We have our ways.
17
00:00:43,086 --> 00:00:44,387
‐ Hello, Asta.
We need to speak
18
00:00:44,387 --> 00:00:46,456
with Dr. Vanderspeigle
about that severed foot.
19
00:00:46,456 --> 00:00:47,557
Well, I'll be.
20
00:00:47,557 --> 00:00:49,492
Botulinum toxin‐‐
the murder weapon.
21
00:00:49,492 --> 00:00:52,062
‐ Oh, no.
‐ Where is he, Asta?
22
00:00:52,062 --> 00:00:53,530
‐ He went to hide
in the cellar.
23
00:00:53,530 --> 00:00:54,631
‐ Dr. Vanderspeigle!
24
00:00:54,631 --> 00:00:57,701
‐ Whoa, what's with the guns?
‐ Asta?
25
00:00:57,701 --> 00:01:00,103
‐ What in holy hell?
26
00:01:02,172 --> 00:01:05,108
‐ [groaning]
27
00:01:05,108 --> 00:01:07,811
[dramatic music]
28
00:01:07,811 --> 00:01:11,281
♪ ♪
29
00:01:11,281 --> 00:01:15,452
‐ That faint one there is Mars,
30
00:01:15,452 --> 00:01:17,254
the god of war.
31
00:01:17,254 --> 00:01:22,158
And over there is Venus,
the goddess of fertility.
32
00:01:22,158 --> 00:01:25,195
‐ Venus rhymes with penis.
‐ [laughs]
33
00:01:25,195 --> 00:01:27,664
‐ D'arcy, Judy,
that's not funny.
34
00:01:27,664 --> 00:01:29,399
‐ Is there a girl hero?
35
00:01:29,399 --> 00:01:32,335
‐ Olivia Baker, did we raise
our hand before we spoke?
36
00:01:32,335 --> 00:01:34,404
‐ Ben didn't raise his hand.
37
00:01:34,404 --> 00:01:37,274
‐ Ben is working
on being more assertive,
38
00:01:37,274 --> 00:01:39,609
so it's okay for him.
39
00:01:39,609 --> 00:01:41,611
[whooshing]
40
00:01:41,611 --> 00:01:44,514
‐ Wow, what's that?
41
00:01:44,514 --> 00:01:47,551
‐ Let's go!
Asta, Kayla, come on!
42
00:01:47,551 --> 00:01:49,219
‐ Cool!
‐ Wait up!
43
00:01:49,219 --> 00:01:52,389
‐ Hey, hey!
Never leave a fire unattended.
44
00:01:52,389 --> 00:01:55,125
‐ I'll stay.
[children shouting excitedly]
45
00:01:55,125 --> 00:02:00,163
♪ ♪
46
00:02:00,163 --> 00:02:02,832
‐ Wait for me, kids.
Hey, you can't go alone!
47
00:02:02,832 --> 00:02:10,106
♪ ♪
48
00:02:14,177 --> 00:02:16,213
‐ I looked,
but there was nothing.
49
00:02:16,213 --> 00:02:18,582
I didn't see anything.
‐ I did. I saw something.
50
00:02:18,582 --> 00:02:22,352
‐ Olivia Baker, you know
the rules about lying.
51
00:02:22,352 --> 00:02:24,821
♪ ♪
52
00:02:24,821 --> 00:02:27,057
‐ Did you really see something?
53
00:02:29,793 --> 00:02:31,394
‐ No.
54
00:02:31,394 --> 00:02:37,834
♪ ♪
55
00:02:37,834 --> 00:02:41,104
[laidback acoustic strumming]
56
00:02:41,104 --> 00:02:47,777
♪ ♪
57
00:02:48,712 --> 00:02:51,114
[suspenseful music]
58
00:02:51,114 --> 00:02:53,216
‐ Dr. Vanderspeigle!
59
00:02:53,216 --> 00:02:54,351
Dr. V!
60
00:02:56,052 --> 00:02:58,521
Where the hell is he?
Oh, shit!
61
00:02:58,521 --> 00:03:00,557
Put your hands
above your head right now.
62
00:03:00,557 --> 00:03:03,059
You're under arrest
for the murder of Sam Hodges.
63
00:03:03,059 --> 00:03:04,728
‐ What?
Harry, what's going on?
64
00:03:04,728 --> 00:03:07,831
♪ ♪
65
00:03:07,831 --> 00:03:11,167
‐ You're going to
have to catch me first.
66
00:03:11,167 --> 00:03:13,770
‐ Oh, shit!
Oh, shit!
67
00:03:13,770 --> 00:03:16,273
Deputy, we got
ourselves a werewolf!
68
00:03:16,273 --> 00:03:17,807
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
Hey! Hey!
69
00:03:17,807 --> 00:03:19,643
[gunshot]
‐ Don't shoot him!
70
00:03:19,643 --> 00:03:21,278
‐ Him?
That's a goddamn it!
71
00:03:21,278 --> 00:03:22,779
You need a silver bullet
in your ass,
72
00:03:22,779 --> 00:03:24,281
you albino‐ass werewolf
mother‐‐
73
00:03:24,281 --> 00:03:25,382
[shouts]
74
00:03:25,382 --> 00:03:28,151
[gunshots]
75
00:03:28,151 --> 00:03:30,253
‐ No, he won't hurt you
if you don't hurt him!
76
00:03:30,253 --> 00:03:32,088
He's an alien!
77
00:03:32,088 --> 00:03:34,524
‐ I knew they existed.
78
00:03:34,524 --> 00:03:37,594
♪ ♪
79
00:03:37,594 --> 00:03:42,532
‐ ♪ Love and affection
is all that you lack ♪
80
00:03:42,532 --> 00:03:44,401
‐ You know what?
81
00:03:44,401 --> 00:03:46,169
I think we deserve a toast
with our toast.
82
00:03:46,169 --> 00:03:48,271
Good work on the
Severed Foot Killer, Deputy.
83
00:03:48,271 --> 00:03:50,240
It's gonna be nice to move on
to something else.
84
00:03:50,240 --> 00:03:52,409
‐ Thank you, sir.
You too.
85
00:03:52,409 --> 00:03:54,711
‐ Mmm.
‐ Mmm.
86
00:03:56,112 --> 00:03:58,248
I don't want to put my "foot"
87
00:03:58,248 --> 00:04:00,283
in my mouth...
‐ [laughs]
88
00:04:00,283 --> 00:04:04,654
‐ But I think we deserve
to have more of this bacon.
89
00:04:04,654 --> 00:04:06,556
And maybe even a raise!
90
00:04:06,556 --> 00:04:08,391
‐ Ha! You know what?
91
00:04:08,391 --> 00:04:11,061
Now that I think about it,
you're absolutely right.
92
00:04:11,061 --> 00:04:14,698
I mean, now's the time,
and you've certainly earned it.
93
00:04:14,698 --> 00:04:16,800
Let's get some more
of that bacon.
94
00:04:16,800 --> 00:04:20,070
[chuckles]
[door opens, bells jingle]
95
00:04:20,070 --> 00:04:21,571
[door closes, bells jingle]
96
00:04:21,571 --> 00:04:24,574
[dramatic music]
97
00:04:24,574 --> 00:04:26,810
♪ ♪
98
00:04:26,810 --> 00:04:29,412
Morning, Dr. V.
99
00:04:29,412 --> 00:04:31,548
‐ Howdy.
100
00:04:31,548 --> 00:04:35,085
‐ How...dy.
101
00:04:35,085 --> 00:04:37,520
‐ Wow, I guess it worked.
102
00:04:37,520 --> 00:04:39,322
‐ I am an alien.
103
00:04:39,322 --> 00:04:42,325
We are very good
at changing peoples' memories
104
00:04:42,325 --> 00:04:43,827
to suit our purposes.
105
00:04:43,827 --> 00:04:46,496
They will not be
a problem anymore.
106
00:04:46,496 --> 00:04:49,599
[suspenseful music]
107
00:04:49,599 --> 00:04:53,270
♪ ♪
108
00:04:53,270 --> 00:04:54,804
‐ Deputy, let's get
into the car
109
00:04:54,804 --> 00:04:56,740
and drive out
to Dr. Vanderspeigle's house.
110
00:04:56,740 --> 00:04:59,809
We need to talk to him
about some murder stuff.
111
00:04:59,809 --> 00:05:03,079
[tires screech]
112
00:05:05,348 --> 00:05:08,652
‐ Sheriff Michael Thompson,
Deputy Olivia Baker,
113
00:05:08,652 --> 00:05:12,622
Special Agent Fisher, FBI.
114
00:05:12,622 --> 00:05:14,157
We're tracking down
the Dead Foot Killer.
115
00:05:14,157 --> 00:05:15,659
We've been following
your movements
116
00:05:15,659 --> 00:05:17,160
for quite some time now,
117
00:05:17,160 --> 00:05:20,497
and I have to say,
you two do excellent work.
118
00:05:20,497 --> 00:05:23,233
‐ Thank you. You've made me
feel good about myself,
119
00:05:23,233 --> 00:05:25,335
so I'm open to what
you're going to say next.
120
00:05:25,335 --> 00:05:28,305
‐ We wouldn't be where we are
if it wasn't for you both.
121
00:05:28,305 --> 00:05:30,674
But the time has come for us
to take over this case.
122
00:05:30,674 --> 00:05:32,375
‐ Well, if you're taking over,
123
00:05:32,375 --> 00:05:35,111
we should stop
looking into the crime.
124
00:05:35,111 --> 00:05:38,114
‐ Exactly. I can only tell you
one thing about the case.
125
00:05:38,114 --> 00:05:42,352
The murderer is not
Harry Vanderspeigle.
126
00:05:43,687 --> 00:05:46,122
‐ Well, you're lucky
they bought that.
127
00:05:46,122 --> 00:05:47,691
You know, when we were
in the crevasse,
128
00:05:47,691 --> 00:05:49,192
I saw you were an alien.
129
00:05:49,192 --> 00:05:51,561
Why didn't you replace
my memory?
130
00:05:51,561 --> 00:05:53,763
‐ Because I am not alone
anymore.
131
00:05:55,732 --> 00:05:57,667
You can thank me if you want.
132
00:05:57,667 --> 00:05:59,703
‐ For what?
133
00:05:59,703 --> 00:06:03,273
‐ I killed the man who killed
your friend Sam.
134
00:06:03,273 --> 00:06:05,809
You are welcome.
135
00:06:05,809 --> 00:06:07,477
‐ Okay, Harry...
‐ Hmm?
136
00:06:07,477 --> 00:06:09,246
‐ You're still a murderer.
137
00:06:09,246 --> 00:06:13,483
‐ No. I am a murderer murderer.
It's very different.
138
00:06:13,483 --> 00:06:17,554
‐ You can rationalize your
murderer murder all damn day.
139
00:06:17,554 --> 00:06:19,289
[whispering]
But guess what.
140
00:06:19,289 --> 00:06:22,092
Abigail Hodges is still accused
of a murder she didn't commit.
141
00:06:22,092 --> 00:06:24,728
‐ So what?
You do not even like her.
142
00:06:24,728 --> 00:06:26,663
‐ What is wrong with you?
143
00:06:26,663 --> 00:06:28,798
Do you really have
no empathy whatsoever?
144
00:06:28,798 --> 00:06:30,533
‐ That is not
what is wrong with me.
145
00:06:30,533 --> 00:06:32,269
That is what is right with me.
146
00:06:32,269 --> 00:06:33,236
‐ Maybe you should try
147
00:06:33,236 --> 00:06:35,338
putting yourself
in other people's shoes.
148
00:06:35,338 --> 00:06:40,343
‐ Ugh! Other people's shoes
smell like other people's feet.
149
00:06:40,343 --> 00:06:42,646
‐ Hi, I'm Ben Hawthorne,
150
00:06:42,646 --> 00:06:45,615
Mayor of peaceful
Patience, Colorado,
151
00:06:45,615 --> 00:06:47,651
where sometimes
bad things happen
152
00:06:47,651 --> 00:06:49,653
that are totally unrelated.
153
00:06:49,653 --> 00:06:51,588
Some of the highest peaks
in Colorado
154
00:06:51,588 --> 00:06:55,225
are right here in Patience,
but you know what's really low?
155
00:06:55,225 --> 00:06:57,661
Our mortality rate.
156
00:06:57,661 --> 00:06:59,529
‐ I don't think
you should say "mortality."
157
00:06:59,529 --> 00:07:01,131
‐ No?
‐ No.
158
00:07:01,131 --> 00:07:03,133
‐ No good? You're right,
it's a little too dark.
159
00:07:03,133 --> 00:07:05,502
‐ Mm‐hmm.
‐ Yeah. Uh, Alexa?
160
00:07:05,502 --> 00:07:09,239
What is another word
for "mortality"?
161
00:07:09,239 --> 00:07:12,075
‐ Synonyms for "mortality"
meaning "death"
162
00:07:12,075 --> 00:07:15,345
include "fatality,"
"bloodshed," or "dying."
163
00:07:15,345 --> 00:07:17,113
‐ Alexa, stop.
164
00:07:17,113 --> 00:07:18,348
Uh, you know what?
165
00:07:18,348 --> 00:07:20,817
Let's just lose the whole,
you know, death theme.
166
00:07:20,817 --> 00:07:22,752
‐ Yeah.
‐ Yeah. Keep it positive.
167
00:07:22,752 --> 00:07:24,588
‐ Yeah, keep it light.
‐ Keep it loose.
168
00:07:24,588 --> 00:07:25,822
‐ Yeah.
‐ Okay, let me, uh‐‐
169
00:07:25,822 --> 00:07:27,224
let me just try some of these.
170
00:07:27,224 --> 00:07:29,492
[exhales sharply]
Come on down to Patience.
171
00:07:29,492 --> 00:07:31,428
We still have
a working phone booth.
172
00:07:31,428 --> 00:07:33,263
We have a pretty good dentist.
173
00:07:33,263 --> 00:07:35,665
Our meth hospitalizations
have been way down
174
00:07:35,665 --> 00:07:37,200
since we legalized marijuana.
175
00:07:37,200 --> 00:07:38,335
So come to Patience
176
00:07:38,335 --> 00:07:41,338
for some good, clean
family fun, you hear?
177
00:07:41,338 --> 00:07:42,806
‐ Oh! Oops
178
00:07:42,806 --> 00:07:45,742
How'd that get in there?
[chuckles]
179
00:07:45,742 --> 00:07:47,777
‐ See, honey, this is‐‐
this is why I said not to use
180
00:07:47,777 --> 00:07:49,546
the cloud for these‐‐
it's not safe.
181
00:07:49,546 --> 00:07:50,780
‐ Oh, don't be so uptight.
182
00:07:50,780 --> 00:07:52,549
What's the worst
that happens, huh?
183
00:07:52,549 --> 00:07:54,517
Somebody hacks into our account
184
00:07:54,517 --> 00:07:57,153
and sees pictures
of our BDSM kink play?
185
00:07:57,153 --> 00:08:00,490
‐ What's BDSM kink play?
‐ It's‐‐uh, it's‐‐
186
00:08:00,490 --> 00:08:01,725
‐ Did we get a new game?
‐ It's nothing.
187
00:08:01,725 --> 00:08:03,393
It's nothing.
No, we did not, okay?
188
00:08:03,393 --> 00:08:05,161
Go clean your room‐‐my cousin
Carlyn's coming for the night.
189
00:08:05,161 --> 00:08:06,730
‐ Can I play kink play
with you and your cousin?
190
00:08:06,730 --> 00:08:08,265
both: No!
191
00:08:08,265 --> 00:08:09,799
‐ Uh, because
she and I are going hiking.
192
00:08:09,799 --> 00:08:12,135
You go clean your room.
‐ [sighs]
193
00:08:12,135 --> 00:08:15,272
‐ So how long will building
this radio take?
194
00:08:15,272 --> 00:08:18,275
Can I help?
‐ Ha! Ha!
195
00:08:18,275 --> 00:08:22,679
I don't know. Can a newborn pig
help perform cardiac surgery?
196
00:08:22,679 --> 00:08:24,614
‐ All right, you might want
to think of another metaphor
197
00:08:24,614 --> 00:08:26,683
before I push you into traffic.
198
00:08:26,683 --> 00:08:29,119
I'm just trying to save
the human race here.
199
00:08:29,119 --> 00:08:31,821
‐ My problem is I do not have
a lot of time to build it,
200
00:08:31,821 --> 00:08:36,660
and human technology
is very limited.
201
00:08:36,660 --> 00:08:38,795
‐ I don't know
what to tell you, Harry.
202
00:08:38,795 --> 00:08:40,063
Get creative.
203
00:08:40,063 --> 00:08:42,332
You know, E. T. used
a freakin' Speak & Spell.
204
00:08:42,332 --> 00:08:45,335
‐ E. T. was an idiot.
205
00:08:45,335 --> 00:08:48,271
Obviously, sexy.
206
00:08:48,271 --> 00:08:50,273
Very attractive...
207
00:08:50,273 --> 00:08:52,576
but so dumb.
208
00:08:52,576 --> 00:08:54,811
‐ Well, at least we have
fewer distractions
209
00:08:54,811 --> 00:08:57,514
now that your criminal past
is taken care of.
210
00:08:57,514 --> 00:09:00,584
‐ Almost taken care of.
211
00:09:02,152 --> 00:09:04,287
Now it is taken care of.
‐ Are you serious?
212
00:09:04,287 --> 00:09:06,156
Maybe don't throw
a deadly toxin
213
00:09:06,156 --> 00:09:07,824
where any kid can just grab it.
‐ Mm.
214
00:09:07,824 --> 00:09:09,626
‐ Have you not watched enough
"Law & Order" to know
215
00:09:09,626 --> 00:09:12,562
you don't just throw evidence
into a trash can?
216
00:09:12,562 --> 00:09:14,698
Who's the idiot now?
217
00:09:14,698 --> 00:09:16,833
‐ Still E. T.
218
00:09:16,833 --> 00:09:19,436
Beautiful moron.
219
00:09:19,436 --> 00:09:22,405
[dramatic music]
220
00:09:22,405 --> 00:09:25,542
♪ ♪
221
00:09:25,542 --> 00:09:27,510
[knock at door]
222
00:09:27,510 --> 00:09:34,384
♪ ♪
223
00:09:38,788 --> 00:09:40,123
What?
224
00:09:40,123 --> 00:09:42,592
‐ Dr. Vanderspeigle,
I am so glad you're home.
225
00:09:42,592 --> 00:09:44,127
This is my cousin Carlyn.
226
00:09:44,127 --> 00:09:45,662
‐ Hi. Sorry.
227
00:09:45,662 --> 00:09:47,764
‐ We were out hiking, and she
tripped and cut her knee open.
228
00:09:47,764 --> 00:09:50,267
I was hoping you could help.
‐ And she's dying?
229
00:09:50,267 --> 00:09:52,502
‐ Oh, no. [chuckles]
It just needs to be looked at.
230
00:09:52,502 --> 00:09:54,437
‐ I was gonna take her
into town,
231
00:09:54,437 --> 00:09:56,206
but Dr. Smallwood is...
232
00:09:56,206 --> 00:09:58,842
Well, Susan Brown went in
with a broken wrist
233
00:09:58,842 --> 00:10:01,244
and came out
with a cast on her ankle.
234
00:10:01,244 --> 00:10:03,380
‐ If I fix it...
235
00:10:03,380 --> 00:10:05,048
you'll leave?
236
00:10:05,048 --> 00:10:07,117
‐ Uh, yes.
237
00:10:07,117 --> 00:10:08,385
‐ Mm.
238
00:10:08,385 --> 00:10:11,254
‐ Oh, this looks like
a ring resonator.
239
00:10:11,254 --> 00:10:13,557
Are you‐‐
are you building a laser?
240
00:10:13,557 --> 00:10:16,126
‐ Are you a talking ham?
241
00:10:16,126 --> 00:10:18,395
‐ Carlyn works in a lab
at New Mexico Tech.
242
00:10:18,395 --> 00:10:21,131
She's one smart lady.
‐ I'm impressed.
243
00:10:21,131 --> 00:10:25,068
For a layman,
this is really quite advanced.
244
00:10:25,068 --> 00:10:26,403
‐ It is software‐based
245
00:10:26,403 --> 00:10:30,073
radio‐telemetry‐transceiver
technology,
246
00:10:30,073 --> 00:10:32,542
but the inside‐out
potato chip bag
247
00:10:32,542 --> 00:10:36,246
that I'm using as
a diffuser keeps melting.
248
00:10:36,246 --> 00:10:37,681
‐ Wow.
249
00:10:37,681 --> 00:10:39,816
I've never known a guy
who was into SDR
250
00:10:39,816 --> 00:10:42,719
who wasn't also,
like, you know, a troll.
251
00:10:42,719 --> 00:10:45,422
[chuckles]
‐ Trolls live under bridges.
252
00:10:45,422 --> 00:10:46,623
I am not one of them.
253
00:10:46,623 --> 00:10:49,326
‐ It means she thinks
you're handsome.
254
00:10:49,326 --> 00:10:51,561
♪ ♪
255
00:10:51,561 --> 00:10:55,532
‐ I have a handsome human face.
256
00:10:55,532 --> 00:10:58,235
And my skin tone is the same
as a dead soldier
257
00:10:58,235 --> 00:11:00,570
in a Renaissance painting.
258
00:11:08,511 --> 00:11:10,380
chimes]
‐ ♪ I'm just messin' around ♪
259
00:11:10,380 --> 00:11:11,648
[cell phone chimes]
260
00:11:11,648 --> 00:11:14,618
♪ I'm just messin' around,
around ♪
261
00:11:14,618 --> 00:11:16,052
♪ I'm just messin' around ♪
262
00:11:16,052 --> 00:11:17,821
[cell phone vibrates]
263
00:11:17,821 --> 00:11:20,357
‐ Oh. Yes.
264
00:11:20,357 --> 00:11:24,094
‐ ♪ Around,
and I like it ♪
265
00:11:24,094 --> 00:11:26,796
‐ Just, whatever you do,
don't eat the snacks.
266
00:11:26,796 --> 00:11:29,432
‐ Benny. Kate.
267
00:11:29,432 --> 00:11:32,235
Long time, no see‐‐
well, together anyway.
268
00:11:32,235 --> 00:11:34,771
I saw you up close
and personal the other night.
269
00:11:34,771 --> 00:11:37,574
‐ What other night?
270
00:11:37,574 --> 00:11:40,076
‐ Poker.
271
00:11:40,076 --> 00:11:42,312
Why? What night did you think
I was talking about?
272
00:11:42,312 --> 00:11:44,614
‐ Hi, I'm Carlyn.
‐ Hey. D'arcy.
273
00:11:44,614 --> 00:11:47,050
So can I get you guys
some sliders?
274
00:11:47,050 --> 00:11:50,353
Day‐old buns help disguise
the week‐old meat.
275
00:11:50,353 --> 00:11:51,821
‐ We'll just‐‐
we'll stick to liquids.
276
00:11:51,821 --> 00:11:54,824
‐ We just wanted to show Carlyn
the town, and now we have.
277
00:11:54,824 --> 00:11:56,526
It took about nine minutes.
278
00:11:56,526 --> 00:11:58,395
‐ Well, if you're here tonight,
279
00:11:58,395 --> 00:12:00,363
my friend Kayla
just called a GN59.
280
00:12:00,363 --> 00:12:03,066
It's, like, a party but with
a decent chance of prison time.
281
00:12:03,066 --> 00:12:04,467
‐ Sounds fun.
282
00:12:04,467 --> 00:12:06,102
‐ Yeah. Yeah.
283
00:12:06,102 --> 00:12:08,271
When anything stressful
or shitty happens,
284
00:12:08,271 --> 00:12:10,373
anyone in our friend group
can call a GN59.
285
00:12:10,373 --> 00:12:11,641
You have to drop everything
286
00:12:11,641 --> 00:12:14,277
and go tits out
on a huge girls' night.
287
00:12:14,277 --> 00:12:15,779
Yeah, it's really fun.
You should come.
288
00:12:15,779 --> 00:12:17,781
‐ Well, can't tonight.
We have dinner plans.
289
00:12:17,781 --> 00:12:20,183
But, uh, wouldn't mind ordering
a few drinks, though,
290
00:12:20,183 --> 00:12:22,152
if you can just find
that bartender.
291
00:12:22,152 --> 00:12:23,453
‐ Oh, come on, Kate‐o.
292
00:12:23,453 --> 00:12:25,655
You just said you'd seen
everything in the town.
293
00:12:25,655 --> 00:12:27,324
‐ Yeah, we should
totally do it.
294
00:12:27,324 --> 00:12:28,491
I mean, when's the last time
295
00:12:28,491 --> 00:12:30,794
you let Kendra out
to play, huh?
296
00:12:30,794 --> 00:12:32,128
‐ Who's Kendra?
297
00:12:32,128 --> 00:12:34,264
‐ Kendra was her alter ego
when she drank too much.
298
00:12:34,264 --> 00:12:37,133
Oh, yeah, she brought her out
at a family reunion once‐‐
299
00:12:37,133 --> 00:12:38,535
real wild child.
300
00:12:38,535 --> 00:12:40,570
Oh, I'm sad.
You've never met Kendra.
301
00:12:40,570 --> 00:12:43,073
‐ Yeah. News to me.
‐ I'm sad, too.
302
00:12:43,073 --> 00:12:45,275
‐ Uh, I'll have a pilsner,
what would you ladies like?
303
00:12:45,275 --> 00:12:47,811
‐ Come on.
304
00:12:47,811 --> 00:12:49,079
‐ Okay.
305
00:12:49,079 --> 00:12:50,814
Okay. Let's do it.
306
00:12:50,814 --> 00:12:51,781
‐ Oh.
‐ We'll do it.
307
00:12:51,781 --> 00:12:53,550
‐ Oh, but, hon,
we already got a sitter.
308
00:12:53,550 --> 00:12:57,254
‐ Perfect. Call a friend.
You can go out, too.
309
00:12:57,254 --> 00:12:59,789
Ugh! Yes!
310
00:12:59,789 --> 00:13:02,259
[grunts] Can we get
some service around here?
311
00:13:02,259 --> 00:13:03,526
‐ [chuckles]
312
00:13:06,229 --> 00:13:08,398
‐ Hey, Sahar, I need your help.
313
00:13:08,398 --> 00:13:11,201
Wait, when did you get a dog?
314
00:13:11,201 --> 00:13:12,636
‐ I'm not allowed
to have a dog.
315
00:13:12,636 --> 00:13:15,305
I walk Cinnamon
for my neighbors.
316
00:13:15,305 --> 00:13:16,706
She hasn't pooped
in three days.
317
00:13:16,706 --> 00:13:18,275
‐ Why not?
318
00:13:18,275 --> 00:13:20,277
‐ She swallowed
a whole avocado.
319
00:13:20,277 --> 00:13:22,445
I don't walk
behind her anymore.
320
00:13:22,445 --> 00:13:23,780
‐ Ew!
321
00:13:23,780 --> 00:13:25,815
You got to help me shave again.
322
00:13:25,815 --> 00:13:27,384
‐ Your face looks fine.
323
00:13:27,384 --> 00:13:29,252
‐ It's not my face.
324
00:13:29,252 --> 00:13:33,089
[dramatic music]
325
00:13:33,089 --> 00:13:35,525
‐ Oh. What?
‐ What?
326
00:13:35,525 --> 00:13:38,695
‐ I need a lawnmower for that!
‐ What do I do?
327
00:13:38,695 --> 00:13:39,696
‐ I can help you,
328
00:13:39,696 --> 00:13:42,299
but we're gonna need
some privacy.
329
00:13:45,135 --> 00:13:47,103
I found it last week.
330
00:13:47,103 --> 00:13:50,106
Your mom's phone
still had battery.
331
00:13:50,106 --> 00:13:51,808
They just...
332
00:13:51,808 --> 00:13:54,077
left it here.
333
00:13:54,077 --> 00:13:55,779
‐ Cool.
334
00:13:55,779 --> 00:13:58,748
♪ ♪
335
00:13:58,748 --> 00:14:01,685
[bird squawking]
336
00:14:01,685 --> 00:14:04,654
♪ ♪
337
00:14:04,654 --> 00:14:08,191
[radio squealing]
338
00:14:08,191 --> 00:14:10,393
‐ Okay.
339
00:14:10,393 --> 00:14:12,529
All right,
where are we going, General?
340
00:14:12,529 --> 00:14:15,098
♪ ♪
341
00:14:15,098 --> 00:14:16,533
[static whirs]
No.
342
00:14:16,533 --> 00:14:19,436
No, no, no.
No, don't die on me now.
343
00:14:19,436 --> 00:14:20,670
Come on.
344
00:14:20,670 --> 00:14:22,072
Come on.
345
00:14:22,072 --> 00:14:24,641
♪ ♪
346
00:14:24,641 --> 00:14:27,344
[whirring stops]
347
00:14:27,344 --> 00:14:30,247
Damn it!
[sighs]
348
00:14:30,247 --> 00:14:32,816
Where the hell
am I gonna find a new dish?
349
00:14:32,816 --> 00:14:34,784
[sighs]
350
00:14:34,784 --> 00:14:37,053
♪ ♪
351
00:14:37,053 --> 00:14:39,055
‐ I feel bad doing this.
352
00:14:39,055 --> 00:14:41,157
♪ ♪
353
00:14:41,157 --> 00:14:42,592
‐ Why aren't you looking?
354
00:14:42,592 --> 00:14:44,661
‐ It's against my religion
to look at the naked back
355
00:14:44,661 --> 00:14:47,597
of a man who's not my relative
or my husband.
356
00:14:47,597 --> 00:14:49,799
Plus, it's disgusting.
357
00:14:49,799 --> 00:14:51,668
‐ Is it gonna hurt?
358
00:14:51,668 --> 00:14:53,703
‐ My mom says when she waxes
her legs,
359
00:14:53,703 --> 00:14:57,474
it feels like being stung
by a thousand hornets.
360
00:14:57,474 --> 00:14:59,309
‐ Then why does she do it?
361
00:14:59,309 --> 00:15:01,411
‐ Because as soon
as we hit puberty,
362
00:15:01,411 --> 00:15:04,614
Western culture tells women
we're not okay as we are.
363
00:15:04,614 --> 00:15:07,517
We must rip out stuff
that's supposed to be there,
364
00:15:07,517 --> 00:15:09,653
insert stuff that's not
supposed to be there,
365
00:15:09,653 --> 00:15:13,456
and bleach everything visible
to the naked eye.
366
00:15:13,456 --> 00:15:15,625
‐ Hey, being a man
is hard, too.
367
00:15:15,625 --> 00:15:18,228
I have to brush
my teeth sometimes.
368
00:15:19,629 --> 00:15:22,399
‐ I take it back.
I don't feel bad anymore.
369
00:15:22,399 --> 00:15:26,369
[strip tears]
‐ [echoing] Aah!
370
00:15:29,506 --> 00:15:31,408
‐ Miguel...
371
00:15:31,408 --> 00:15:33,643
my belle.
372
00:15:33,643 --> 00:15:35,445
‐ What the hell did you
just call me?
373
00:15:35,445 --> 00:15:36,613
‐ No, nothing, bro‐ham.
374
00:15:36,613 --> 00:15:40,150
Just, uh, taking
a little breaky, you know?
375
00:15:40,150 --> 00:15:42,285
A little break‐a‐rindo.
376
00:15:42,285 --> 00:15:44,254
[object squeaks]
377
00:15:44,254 --> 00:15:45,522
Dog toy.
378
00:15:45,522 --> 00:15:47,457
Oh, you got one
of those, uh, Zen gardens.
379
00:15:47,457 --> 00:15:49,159
I love these things.
380
00:15:49,159 --> 00:15:51,461
May I?
[chuckles]
381
00:15:52,762 --> 00:15:56,700
Yep. Yeah, more, uh,
relaxed already.
382
00:15:56,700 --> 00:15:59,636
So, um, I was just wondering‐‐
383
00:16:02,172 --> 00:16:04,808
I'll‐‐I'll get that.
384
00:16:04,808 --> 00:16:07,377
Hey, uh, you ever tried
those wheat beers?
385
00:16:07,377 --> 00:16:09,479
You know, the one where
you put the lemon in there?
386
00:16:09,479 --> 00:16:11,214
I hear they're, uh‐‐
they're pretty tasty.
387
00:16:11,214 --> 00:16:12,382
‐ What do you want, bro‐ham?
388
00:16:12,382 --> 00:16:15,252
What, are you asking me out
on a date or something?
389
00:16:15,252 --> 00:16:17,787
‐ No, no.
Uh, well, yeah.
390
00:16:17,787 --> 00:16:20,457
Uh, but a guy date‐‐
guy hang, you know?
391
00:16:20,457 --> 00:16:23,493
Just a couple brews,
mano a mano,
392
00:16:23,493 --> 00:16:26,129
"caliente accione."
393
00:16:26,129 --> 00:16:27,664
‐ Look, I ain't got time
for that, okay?
394
00:16:27,664 --> 00:16:29,266
I take care of
my father at home.
395
00:16:29,266 --> 00:16:30,600
‐ Sure.
396
00:16:30,600 --> 00:16:32,068
‐ Now, I need you to clean up
all this damn sand
397
00:16:32,068 --> 00:16:33,403
'cause I need 30 minutes
of raking every day
398
00:16:33,403 --> 00:16:34,604
so I can relax.
399
00:16:34,604 --> 00:16:36,606
‐ I happen to know
that Lewis would love
400
00:16:36,606 --> 00:16:38,708
to get out of the house
and have a beer.
401
00:16:42,145 --> 00:16:44,080
‐ I'll think about it.
How about that?
402
00:16:44,080 --> 00:16:46,583
I'll‐‐I'll think about it.
‐ He'll definitely be there.
403
00:16:46,583 --> 00:16:49,653
‐ ♪ I've got you stuck
in my head ♪
404
00:16:49,653 --> 00:16:51,588
‐ Thanks for letting us crash
your party.
405
00:16:51,588 --> 00:16:53,390
‐ The more, the merrier.
406
00:16:53,390 --> 00:16:55,559
You know, a few GN59s ago,
407
00:16:55,559 --> 00:16:57,661
we actually needed
a few extra people
408
00:16:57,661 --> 00:17:00,430
and a wheelbarrow
to carry D'arcy home.
409
00:17:00,430 --> 00:17:01,798
‐ Oh, wait. No.
‐ [chuckles]
410
00:17:01,798 --> 00:17:04,267
‐ Yeah. [grunts]
I came prepared this time.
411
00:17:04,267 --> 00:17:06,670
I might need to make
a quick getaway, so...
412
00:17:06,670 --> 00:17:09,205
Hey. Hi.
‐ [gasps] Hi.
413
00:17:09,205 --> 00:17:10,640
[both smooch]
414
00:17:10,640 --> 00:17:12,475
‐ Hi.
‐ Hi, this is my cousin Carlyn.
415
00:17:12,475 --> 00:17:13,810
‐ Hi. Kayla.
‐ Hey.
416
00:17:13,810 --> 00:17:15,612
‐ Nice to meet you.
‐ Are you okay? What happened?
417
00:17:15,612 --> 00:17:17,113
‐ Yeah, is everything okay
with Shane?
418
00:17:17,113 --> 00:17:18,281
‐ Yes. Yeah, he's fine.
419
00:17:18,281 --> 00:17:19,482
I just needed
to get out of the house.
420
00:17:19,482 --> 00:17:21,551
‐ Oh, okay, I was worried.
421
00:17:21,551 --> 00:17:24,187
‐ Can I just say‐‐
as a mom, I'm with you.
422
00:17:24,187 --> 00:17:27,257
Sometimes needing to get out
of the house is an emergency.
423
00:17:27,257 --> 00:17:28,625
‐ Yes. Yes, thank you.
424
00:17:28,625 --> 00:17:31,328
You know, you just need
a kid‐ and a man‐free zone.
425
00:17:31,328 --> 00:17:32,762
‐ Mm‐hmm.
‐ Amen to that.
426
00:17:32,762 --> 00:17:34,764
I mean, I don't have a kid
or a man,
427
00:17:34,764 --> 00:17:38,635
but, you know, anecdotal
evidence would support that.
428
00:17:38,635 --> 00:17:41,171
The town I live in,
all the men really suck.
429
00:17:41,171 --> 00:17:43,440
My lab supervisor thinks
grabbing my buttocks
430
00:17:43,440 --> 00:17:44,574
is one of his job perks.
431
00:17:44,574 --> 00:17:46,142
‐ Ew.
‐ I was really beginning
432
00:17:46,142 --> 00:17:48,211
to think I was never gonna meet
a nice guy.
433
00:17:48,211 --> 00:17:49,646
Till today, that is.
434
00:17:49,646 --> 00:17:51,548
‐ Wait, you met a guy here?
‐ Mm‐hmm.
435
00:17:51,548 --> 00:17:53,216
‐ Today?
‐ In Patience?
436
00:17:53,216 --> 00:17:55,452
‐ Mm‐hmm.
‐ No way. Who?
437
00:17:55,452 --> 00:17:59,122
[upbeat jazzy music]
438
00:17:59,122 --> 00:18:00,523
‐ Jesus God.
‐ Oh.
439
00:18:00,523 --> 00:18:06,796
♪ ♪
440
00:18:14,638 --> 00:18:18,074
‐ ♪ I've got you stuck
in my head ♪ [upbeat jazzy music]
441
00:18:18,074 --> 00:18:19,676
‐ What are you doing here?
442
00:18:19,676 --> 00:18:21,645
You told me that every minute
you're not working on the radio
443
00:18:21,645 --> 00:18:25,181
is a minute we all come closer
to certain death.
444
00:18:25,181 --> 00:18:27,250
‐ I am working on the radio,
445
00:18:27,250 --> 00:18:30,120
but without a diffuser,
it will never work.
446
00:18:30,120 --> 00:18:32,822
The pony‐haired one's cousin
447
00:18:32,822 --> 00:18:36,059
is a scientist in a lab...
448
00:18:36,059 --> 00:18:38,495
that uses portable diffusers.
449
00:18:38,495 --> 00:18:40,363
‐ So what?
450
00:18:40,363 --> 00:18:43,733
‐ I know that I am not
as pretty as E. T.
451
00:18:43,733 --> 00:18:45,335
‐ [chuckles]
452
00:18:45,335 --> 00:18:47,437
‐ I do not have
his bulbous football head
453
00:18:47,437 --> 00:18:50,807
or his squat corgi legs
or his...
454
00:18:50,807 --> 00:18:53,143
platypus feet,
455
00:18:53,143 --> 00:18:56,580
but I can be a charming alien
456
00:18:56,580 --> 00:18:59,282
when I need to be.
457
00:18:59,282 --> 00:19:00,483
Mm, mm, mm.
458
00:19:00,483 --> 00:19:03,420
‐ ♪ When you were here
before ♪
459
00:19:03,420 --> 00:19:05,622
[soft music]
460
00:19:05,622 --> 00:19:07,624
‐ So do you come here a lot?
461
00:19:07,624 --> 00:19:10,293
♪ ♪
462
00:19:10,293 --> 00:19:12,128
‐ Mm.
463
00:19:12,128 --> 00:19:14,397
Of all the gin joints
in all the world,
464
00:19:14,397 --> 00:19:16,666
this one is closest
to my house.
465
00:19:16,666 --> 00:19:18,602
‐ [laughing]
466
00:19:18,602 --> 00:19:20,670
‐ [laughing awkwardly]
467
00:19:20,670 --> 00:19:25,375
♪ ♪
468
00:19:25,375 --> 00:19:29,646
‐ ♪ I wish I was special ♪
469
00:19:29,646 --> 00:19:31,381
♪ You're so very... ♪
470
00:19:31,381 --> 00:19:33,617
‐ What is that perfume?
471
00:19:33,617 --> 00:19:37,153
‐ Jergens Intense
Moisture Therapy.
472
00:19:37,153 --> 00:19:40,490
I did a BM earlier,
so I had to wash them.
473
00:19:40,490 --> 00:19:41,725
I get acute dermatitis
474
00:19:41,725 --> 00:19:43,660
'cause I scrub them so often
in the lab,
475
00:19:43,660 --> 00:19:46,162
so I carry it in my purse.
476
00:19:46,162 --> 00:19:50,367
‐ Mm. I don't wash my hands
after I urinate.
477
00:19:52,068 --> 00:19:56,172
The skin on my penis
is very clean.
478
00:19:56,172 --> 00:20:02,445
‐ ♪ I don't belong here ♪
479
00:20:02,445 --> 00:20:07,684
♪ ♪
480
00:20:07,684 --> 00:20:09,252
‐ Gram keeps asking
about Harry.
481
00:20:09,252 --> 00:20:11,721
‐ Uh‐huh.
‐ I think she likes him.
482
00:20:11,721 --> 00:20:13,690
I think she wants you
to have his baby.
483
00:20:13,690 --> 00:20:15,625
‐ Ew! Gross! Shut up!
‐ [chuckles]
484
00:20:15,625 --> 00:20:17,460
You shut up.
485
00:20:17,460 --> 00:20:18,662
‐ Hey, actually, can I ask
486
00:20:18,662 --> 00:20:20,564
your professional opinion
about something?
487
00:20:20,564 --> 00:20:22,165
‐ Mm‐hmm.
488
00:20:22,165 --> 00:20:24,134
‐ What do you think is gonna
happen to Abigail Hodges?
489
00:20:24,134 --> 00:20:25,302
You know, Sam's wife?
490
00:20:25,302 --> 00:20:27,571
Um, you think
she's gonna go to jail?
491
00:20:27,571 --> 00:20:29,573
‐ You know, criminal law
isn't really my area,
492
00:20:29,573 --> 00:20:31,174
but from what I've read,
493
00:20:31,174 --> 00:20:32,609
I don't think
they're gonna get a conviction.
494
00:20:32,609 --> 00:20:34,511
‐ Oh.
‐ Yeah, sorry.
495
00:20:34,511 --> 00:20:36,146
‐ No, that's good.
‐ Oh.
496
00:20:36,146 --> 00:20:38,448
‐ Um, you know, I mean,
if she‐‐if she didn't do it.
497
00:20:38,448 --> 00:20:40,784
‐ Oh, but she probably did.
I mean, it's always the spouse.
498
00:20:40,784 --> 00:20:42,052
I'm a lawyer, too.
499
00:20:42,052 --> 00:20:43,520
‐ No way.
Where do you practice?
500
00:20:43,520 --> 00:20:45,188
‐ I don't.
501
00:20:45,188 --> 00:20:48,391
I gave up my dream to be a mom
and live in this tiny town.
502
00:20:48,391 --> 00:20:50,093
Now I'm happy. Shots?
503
00:20:50,093 --> 00:20:53,163
♪ ♪
504
00:20:53,163 --> 00:20:55,632
‐ I would like to...
505
00:20:55,632 --> 00:20:58,368
go by your work.
506
00:20:58,368 --> 00:21:00,604
Maybe you could give me
a tour of your lab.
507
00:21:00,604 --> 00:21:02,138
‐ Oh.
‐ Mm‐hmm.
508
00:21:02,138 --> 00:21:03,506
‐ I love
that you're interested.
509
00:21:03,506 --> 00:21:05,475
That's very flattering,
but I can't.
510
00:21:05,475 --> 00:21:07,077
‐ Oh.
511
00:21:07,077 --> 00:21:11,081
‐ Security is so tight,
not dissimilar to my vagina.
512
00:21:11,081 --> 00:21:13,116
‐ Your vagina is like a lab?
513
00:21:13,116 --> 00:21:17,454
‐ Yeah, it's‐‐
it's tough to get in.
514
00:21:17,454 --> 00:21:18,688
‐ It is?
515
00:21:18,688 --> 00:21:21,124
‐ Lots of neat stuff
once you're there.
516
00:21:21,124 --> 00:21:24,160
‐ Are there monkeys in cages?
‐ No.
517
00:21:25,195 --> 00:21:27,731
‐ Maybe it would be funny...
518
00:21:27,731 --> 00:21:29,132
Ha ha ha!
519
00:21:29,132 --> 00:21:31,668
A big joke if you stole
520
00:21:31,668 --> 00:21:35,405
a telemetry diffuser...
‐ [laughs]
521
00:21:35,405 --> 00:21:37,474
‐ And gave it to me.
522
00:21:37,474 --> 00:21:40,243
[both laughing]
‐ They would freak out.
523
00:21:40,243 --> 00:21:43,513
‐ They would freak out.
You could be so funny.
524
00:21:43,513 --> 00:21:46,283
You're a kidder.
‐ [laughs]
525
00:21:46,283 --> 00:21:48,652
‐ You should do it.
526
00:21:48,652 --> 00:21:50,754
‐ Oh, my God.
‐ Do it!
527
00:21:50,754 --> 00:21:53,523
‐ [laughs] No.
‐ Do it.
528
00:21:53,523 --> 00:21:56,259
‐ But you are so sweet to ask.
529
00:21:56,259 --> 00:21:58,328
♪ ♪
530
00:21:58,328 --> 00:22:00,330
[clears throat]
531
00:22:00,330 --> 00:22:05,635
♪ ♪
532
00:22:05,635 --> 00:22:08,138
Oh.
[objects clatter]
533
00:22:08,138 --> 00:22:10,273
[indistinct chatter]
534
00:22:10,273 --> 00:22:12,208
[rock music]
535
00:22:12,208 --> 00:22:15,111
[cell phone chimes]
‐ [sighs] Hey, is that Liv?
536
00:22:15,111 --> 00:22:16,813
Tell her to hurry up.
She's late.
537
00:22:16,813 --> 00:22:19,516
‐ Uh, no, it's just Jay.
Just guy drama.
538
00:22:19,516 --> 00:22:22,652
‐ Oh. Wow, you‐‐you guys text?
539
00:22:22,652 --> 00:22:25,355
‐ Yeah, mostly emojis.
Mostly eggplants.
540
00:22:25,355 --> 00:22:28,258
‐ Wow, that's cool.
You guys are buddies now.
541
00:22:28,258 --> 00:22:30,527
‐ Hey, GN59rs.
542
00:22:30,527 --> 00:22:32,062
all: Hey!
‐ Sorry, I'm late!
543
00:22:32,062 --> 00:22:34,097
Trixie wouldn't start.
I had to jump her again.
544
00:22:34,097 --> 00:22:35,532
‐ Thank God
you're finally here.
545
00:22:35,532 --> 00:22:37,667
‐ Hey‐o! Sorry!
I'm late, too.
546
00:22:37,667 --> 00:22:41,137
But I'm here, though,
finally, right?
547
00:22:41,137 --> 00:22:43,773
Ooh, thank you.
I could use that.
548
00:22:43,773 --> 00:22:46,543
‐ That's‐‐
Never mind.
549
00:22:46,543 --> 00:22:48,111
‐ Ugh, what is that?
550
00:22:48,111 --> 00:22:49,646
‐ It's a gin and tonic.
551
00:22:49,646 --> 00:22:51,348
‐ [spits]
both: Oh.
552
00:22:51,348 --> 00:22:53,316
‐ Ugh, it's, like, fancy.
553
00:22:53,316 --> 00:22:55,652
Okay, I got to piss.
I'll be back.
554
00:22:55,652 --> 00:22:57,721
[scattered laughter]
555
00:22:57,721 --> 00:22:59,456
‐ You text her?
‐ No!
556
00:22:59,456 --> 00:23:02,525
How does she always know?
‐ She always knows.
557
00:23:02,525 --> 00:23:05,262
♪ ♪
558
00:23:05,262 --> 00:23:07,063
‐ All right.
559
00:23:07,063 --> 00:23:09,199
All right, this is great.
560
00:23:09,199 --> 00:23:11,201
Nope, wife in the corner.
We're out of here.
561
00:23:11,201 --> 00:23:12,769
‐ Where else do you plan
to go, son?
562
00:23:12,769 --> 00:23:15,405
This isn't New York City.
563
00:23:15,405 --> 00:23:17,674
‐ Hey! Benny!
564
00:23:17,674 --> 00:23:19,809
Your girl's
safe with me, okay?
565
00:23:19,809 --> 00:23:22,512
But am I safe with her?
‐ Oh.
566
00:23:22,512 --> 00:23:24,681
‐ [mouthing words]
567
00:23:24,681 --> 00:23:27,017
‐ Do you have any beer
with rat poison in it?
568
00:23:28,685 --> 00:23:30,587
‐ [speaks indistinctly]
‐ [clears throat]
569
00:23:30,587 --> 00:23:32,689
‐ ♪ Swing, little darling ♪
570
00:23:32,689 --> 00:23:34,758
♪ Swing until your daddy
come home ♪
571
00:23:34,758 --> 00:23:36,393
‐ Kate, you did good.
572
00:23:36,393 --> 00:23:39,396
It was so nice of Ben to take
the Sheriff out for a drink.
573
00:23:39,396 --> 00:23:41,064
‐ Ben is so sweet.
574
00:23:41,064 --> 00:23:43,667
‐ No, he's not.
He's a dirty little bitch.
575
00:23:43,667 --> 00:23:45,669
‐ Hmm.
‐ I'm sorry?
576
00:23:45,669 --> 00:23:48,705
‐ [chuckles]
Gird your loins, ladies.
577
00:23:48,705 --> 00:23:50,574
I think Kendra has arrived.
‐ Oh, yeah.
578
00:23:50,574 --> 00:23:53,843
The mayor is
a nasty piece of work.
579
00:23:53,843 --> 00:23:56,046
I cannot wait to get home
580
00:23:56,046 --> 00:23:57,781
and let him slap
a puppy hood on me
581
00:23:57,781 --> 00:23:59,416
and jam a ball gag in my mouth.
582
00:23:59,416 --> 00:24:00,684
‐ Oh, what?
583
00:24:00,684 --> 00:24:03,653
‐ Ben‐‐
the one who makes candles?
584
00:24:03,653 --> 00:24:06,256
‐ Uh, the wax he has
isn't just for candles.
585
00:24:06,256 --> 00:24:08,825
I have a nine‐inch ice dildo
in my freezer
586
00:24:08,825 --> 00:24:10,794
that Max thinks is
for my water bottles.
587
00:24:10,794 --> 00:24:13,630
[laughter]
588
00:24:13,630 --> 00:24:15,498
‐ Oh, God,
this is my favorite night.
589
00:24:15,498 --> 00:24:17,634
This is the best night
of my life.
590
00:24:17,634 --> 00:24:20,070
‐ Can you please stop looking
at your wife?
591
00:24:20,070 --> 00:24:21,838
It's weird.
‐ Look, I, uh‐‐
592
00:24:21,838 --> 00:24:23,707
I got to talk to you
about something.
593
00:24:23,707 --> 00:24:25,709
It's driving me crazy.
594
00:24:25,709 --> 00:24:28,211
Okay, so, about a week ago,
595
00:24:28,211 --> 00:24:30,714
D'arcy sort of...
596
00:24:30,714 --> 00:24:33,416
kissed me.
‐ [chuckles]
597
00:24:33,416 --> 00:24:36,219
It was a drive‐by.
Not my fault.
598
00:24:36,219 --> 00:24:38,521
No tongue.
599
00:24:38,521 --> 00:24:40,156
Some tongue.
600
00:24:40,156 --> 00:24:42,659
I just‐‐I really think
that I should tell Kate.
601
00:24:42,659 --> 00:24:44,628
‐ Have you‐‐
have you lost your mind?
602
00:24:44,628 --> 00:24:46,363
You don't ever tell, never.
603
00:24:46,363 --> 00:24:48,698
‐ Now, hold on a minute‐‐the
man said he didn't reciprocate.
604
00:24:48,698 --> 00:24:50,267
‐ It don't matter.
605
00:24:50,267 --> 00:24:51,835
This is something you take
to your grave, okay?
606
00:24:51,835 --> 00:24:53,703
‐ Well, maybe I could, um‐‐
607
00:24:53,703 --> 00:24:55,071
I could write her a note,
608
00:24:55,071 --> 00:24:56,773
you know,
explaining what happened.
609
00:24:56,773 --> 00:24:58,408
‐ You want to‐‐
you want to write her a note?
610
00:24:58,408 --> 00:25:00,544
Okay. All right, look,
here's what I want you to do.
611
00:25:00,544 --> 00:25:01,811
Here go $5.
612
00:25:01,811 --> 00:25:03,713
Now, I want you to go down
to the mall.
613
00:25:03,713 --> 00:25:05,415
All right, you know that kiosk
614
00:25:05,415 --> 00:25:07,217
where they'll write your name
on a grain of rice?
615
00:25:07,217 --> 00:25:08,652
Right, you're gonna give
that guy that $5.
616
00:25:08,652 --> 00:25:10,587
He gonna write your note
on the end of a bullet, right?
617
00:25:10,587 --> 00:25:12,155
Now, I want you
to take that bullet.
618
00:25:12,155 --> 00:25:13,557
I want you to put it in a gun
and go home
619
00:25:13,557 --> 00:25:14,824
and stand in your bathtub.
620
00:25:14,824 --> 00:25:16,393
Now, you also gonna need
a phone book‐‐
621
00:25:16,393 --> 00:25:17,761
not something thin
like Patience,
622
00:25:17,761 --> 00:25:20,397
something with some girth
like‐‐like Denver, right?
623
00:25:20,397 --> 00:25:21,631
And you gonna put
that phone book
624
00:25:21,631 --> 00:25:22,799
up against one side
of your head,
625
00:25:22,799 --> 00:25:24,200
and you gonna take that gun
626
00:25:24,200 --> 00:25:25,769
and put it
against the other side, right?
627
00:25:25,769 --> 00:25:27,504
And then you're gonna shoot you
right in the head,
628
00:25:27,504 --> 00:25:29,806
and that bullet's gonna fly
right through and lodge itself
629
00:25:29,806 --> 00:25:32,742
right around the D's,
for dumbass.
630
00:25:32,742 --> 00:25:34,377
And she'll get your note.
631
00:25:34,377 --> 00:25:37,080
♪ ♪
632
00:25:37,080 --> 00:25:38,114
‐ But I'm dead.
633
00:25:38,114 --> 00:25:40,217
‐ You tell her,
you dead anyway.
634
00:25:40,217 --> 00:25:43,053
[laughter]
635
00:25:43,053 --> 00:25:46,523
‐ You guys, what the hell
is happening over there?
636
00:25:46,523 --> 00:25:49,726
‐ Ooh, I think we know
what's going to happen.
637
00:25:49,726 --> 00:25:52,629
all: Oh...
‐ I don't‐‐I don't trust him.
638
00:25:52,629 --> 00:25:55,465
‐ Your pulse is quickening.
639
00:25:55,465 --> 00:25:58,401
Your upper sternum
is becoming flushed.
640
00:25:58,401 --> 00:26:00,770
You are becoming aroused.
641
00:26:00,770 --> 00:26:02,672
‐ I am now.
‐ Hey, Harry.
642
00:26:02,672 --> 00:26:04,608
Can I please talk to you
for a second?
643
00:26:04,608 --> 00:26:07,577
‐ I am so busy.
‐ Now.
644
00:26:07,577 --> 00:26:10,213
♪ ♪
645
00:26:10,213 --> 00:26:11,514
‐ Don't go changing.
646
00:26:11,514 --> 00:26:15,285
♪ ♪
647
00:26:15,285 --> 00:26:16,753
What is it?
648
00:26:16,753 --> 00:26:20,523
She is about to present
like an engorged macaque.
649
00:26:20,523 --> 00:26:23,126
‐ You are preying
on this woman.
650
00:26:23,126 --> 00:26:24,361
‐ I am not preying on her.
651
00:26:24,361 --> 00:26:27,230
I am seducing her so
I can steal her security badge,
652
00:26:27,230 --> 00:26:31,534
then I can break into the lab
and steal a diffuser,
653
00:26:31,534 --> 00:26:34,271
and then finish my radio.
654
00:26:34,271 --> 00:26:35,472
‐ That's a terrible plan.
655
00:26:35,472 --> 00:26:37,540
You're gonna swipe her badge
656
00:26:37,540 --> 00:26:39,776
and‐‐and just use it
at some high‐security lab
657
00:26:39,776 --> 00:26:41,411
and think no one will notice?
658
00:26:41,411 --> 00:26:42,779
More importantly,
659
00:26:42,779 --> 00:26:45,348
you‐‐you can't just use people
like that.
660
00:26:45,348 --> 00:26:47,250
It's cruel.
661
00:26:47,250 --> 00:26:49,386
‐ I am giving her compliments.
662
00:26:49,386 --> 00:26:52,489
She is happy like a baby,
663
00:26:52,489 --> 00:26:55,358
like a stupid, happy baby.
664
00:26:55,358 --> 00:27:00,230
‐ You'll just never understand
what it's like to be a woman.
665
00:27:00,230 --> 00:27:02,065
‐ That is true.
666
00:27:02,065 --> 00:27:05,602
♪ ♪
667
00:27:05,602 --> 00:27:07,737
I am going to leave now.
668
00:27:09,673 --> 00:27:11,508
Good night!
669
00:27:12,809 --> 00:27:15,478
‐ Wait, what just happened?
‐ Uh...
670
00:27:15,478 --> 00:27:18,481
‐ What‐‐what did I do?
‐ Nothing. I'm sorry.
671
00:27:18,481 --> 00:27:21,518
[sighs] All the men
in this town suck, too.
672
00:27:21,518 --> 00:27:24,621
♪ ♪
673
00:27:34,431 --> 00:27:38,768
[excited chatter,
dance music playing] ♪ ♪
674
00:27:38,768 --> 00:27:40,203
‐ Don't sweat it, Carly Q.
675
00:27:40,203 --> 00:27:41,805
It's supposed to be
a girls' night anyway.
676
00:27:41,805 --> 00:27:43,373
‐ Yeah, that's easy
for you to say.
677
00:27:43,373 --> 00:27:45,175
I saw that ice dildo
in your freezer.
678
00:27:45,175 --> 00:27:47,377
‐ Whoo!
‐ Okay, all right.
679
00:27:47,377 --> 00:27:49,112
Okay, uh, Judy's clothes
are coming off.
680
00:27:49,112 --> 00:27:51,047
Time to go to the yacht spot.
Come on.
681
00:27:51,047 --> 00:27:52,582
‐ Ooh, we're going on a boat?
682
00:27:52,582 --> 00:27:54,384
‐ Uh, no, Asta used to have
this station wagon
683
00:27:54,384 --> 00:27:56,253
we called "The Yacht,"
and we'd drive it
684
00:27:56,253 --> 00:27:58,822
to the middle of the woods
and drink and sing like idiots.
685
00:27:58,822 --> 00:28:00,523
‐ And, plus,
it's where I usually barf,
686
00:28:00,523 --> 00:28:02,259
so it's kind of like a boat
in that way.
687
00:28:02,259 --> 00:28:03,526
‐ Oh.
‐ I should go.
688
00:28:03,526 --> 00:28:05,562
You know, I got to get up early
and drive, so...
689
00:28:05,562 --> 00:28:06,796
all: No.
690
00:28:06,796 --> 00:28:08,331
‐ Okay.
Well, I'll come with you.
691
00:28:08,331 --> 00:28:09,799
‐ No, no, no, you stay.
I'm fine.
692
00:28:09,799 --> 00:28:12,235
‐ You sure?
‐ Uh, she's sure.
693
00:28:12,235 --> 00:28:14,137
When you brought ice dildos
into this conversation,
694
00:28:14,137 --> 00:28:15,672
you made a commitment
to this night.
695
00:28:15,672 --> 00:28:17,173
[laughter]
696
00:28:17,173 --> 00:28:19,542
‐ This takes me back, man.
You want to go back?
697
00:28:19,542 --> 00:28:21,811
[chuckles]
698
00:28:21,811 --> 00:28:25,148
What?
Oh, Jesus Christ.
699
00:28:25,148 --> 00:28:28,151
‐ You feel it, Sheriff?
‐ Ah...
700
00:28:28,151 --> 00:28:31,187
‐ You want to feel it?
‐ Oh, Lord, have mercy.
701
00:28:31,187 --> 00:28:32,722
‐ Aw, come on.
Dance with the girl.
702
00:28:32,722 --> 00:28:33,823
‐ Is that what you call it?
703
00:28:33,823 --> 00:28:36,192
Hey, don't be pushing me
off the stool.
704
00:28:36,192 --> 00:28:39,095
What's wrong with you? Okay.
All right, yeah, go ahead.
705
00:28:39,095 --> 00:28:41,598
‐ Hey, hon, you, uh‐‐you
heading home to pay the sitter?
706
00:28:41,598 --> 00:28:45,268
‐ Nope, you pay her.
We are going to the yacht spot.
707
00:28:45,268 --> 00:28:47,804
‐ [chuckles]
‐ Ooh.
708
00:28:47,804 --> 00:28:51,141
‐ I cannot wait
for the re‐election campaign.
709
00:28:51,141 --> 00:28:53,443
It's‐‐Respect, okay?
710
00:28:53,443 --> 00:28:55,312
‐ We're so proud of you.
‐ I'm really proud of you.
711
00:28:55,312 --> 00:28:57,647
‐ Do you need‐‐do you need ice
in that drink?
712
00:28:57,647 --> 00:29:00,483
‐ Oh, yeah.
[laughing]
713
00:29:00,483 --> 00:29:04,120
‐ Tell me more about the guy
who does the rice thing.
714
00:29:04,120 --> 00:29:07,557
[upbeat hip‐hop music]
715
00:29:07,557 --> 00:29:14,631
♪ ♪
716
00:29:25,609 --> 00:29:29,679
[reggae music]
717
00:29:29,679 --> 00:29:36,786
♪ ♪
718
00:29:36,786 --> 00:29:39,489
‐ You remember
class camping trips out here?
719
00:29:39,489 --> 00:29:41,391
‐ [chuckles] Yes.
720
00:29:41,391 --> 00:29:44,628
Third grade,
D'arcy rolling in poison ivy...
721
00:29:44,628 --> 00:29:46,663
on a dare.
‐ [chuckles]
722
00:29:46,663 --> 00:29:48,665
We had to take turns
itching her.
723
00:29:48,665 --> 00:29:51,368
[laughter]
‐ Oh, my God.
724
00:29:51,368 --> 00:29:53,503
Oh.
725
00:29:53,503 --> 00:29:56,373
She's always been so her.
726
00:29:56,373 --> 00:29:58,441
She's free.
727
00:29:58,441 --> 00:30:00,710
Not everyone can be like that.
728
00:30:02,078 --> 00:30:05,048
‐ Everyone loves her.
729
00:30:05,048 --> 00:30:07,751
It's a superpower...
730
00:30:07,751 --> 00:30:10,687
not caring what anyone thinks.
731
00:30:12,522 --> 00:30:14,257
‐ Everyone loves you, too.
732
00:30:14,257 --> 00:30:17,627
‐ Yes, but it's only
because I'm nice.
733
00:30:17,627 --> 00:30:19,129
‐ [scoffs]
734
00:30:19,129 --> 00:30:21,131
You gave me a ticket once
735
00:30:21,131 --> 00:30:23,133
for locking my bike
to a stop sign.
736
00:30:23,133 --> 00:30:25,835
You're not that nice.
[both chuckle]
737
00:30:25,835 --> 00:30:29,539
♪ ♪
738
00:30:29,539 --> 00:30:32,509
[both trilling tongue goofily]
739
00:30:32,509 --> 00:30:35,111
♪ ♪
740
00:30:35,111 --> 00:30:37,581
[music skipping]
‐ Oh, Christ on a cracker!
741
00:30:37,581 --> 00:30:39,115
‐ What?
‐ No!
742
00:30:39,115 --> 00:30:40,250
‐ No!
[all groan]
743
00:30:40,250 --> 00:30:42,686
‐ Oh, relax,
you complete degenerates.
744
00:30:42,686 --> 00:30:45,789
I keep a battery charger
in my trunk!
745
00:30:45,789 --> 00:30:48,491
[all booing]
‐ Poop car! Poop car!
746
00:30:48,491 --> 00:30:52,095
‐ Oh, Liv, I can't believe you
still drive this death trap.
747
00:30:52,095 --> 00:30:54,464
‐ Oh, it's fine.
I'm used to it.
748
00:30:54,464 --> 00:30:57,467
‐ You know, I read recently
that they make new cars now.
749
00:30:57,467 --> 00:31:01,638
‐ [chuckles] John wants
a new riding mower,
750
00:31:01,638 --> 00:31:04,140
and we have money
set aside for that, so...
751
00:31:04,140 --> 00:31:05,809
‐ John's getting
a new riding mower
752
00:31:05,809 --> 00:31:07,644
before you get a car
that actually works?
753
00:31:07,644 --> 00:31:09,112
‐ Well, it was my idea.
754
00:31:09,112 --> 00:31:10,780
He makes more than I do,
so it's fair.
755
00:31:10,780 --> 00:31:13,416
‐ Hold up.
John makes more than you?
756
00:31:13,416 --> 00:31:15,185
I do what John does.
757
00:31:15,185 --> 00:31:17,153
You put your life
on the line every day.
758
00:31:17,153 --> 00:31:20,557
When‐‐when's the last time
you got a raise?
759
00:31:20,557 --> 00:31:22,726
‐ I've never gotten a raise.
760
00:31:22,726 --> 00:31:24,494
‐ What?
all: Oh.
761
00:31:24,494 --> 00:31:27,197
‐ Okay, no, no.
‐ Wow.
762
00:31:27,197 --> 00:31:29,466
‐ [whispering] I'm not sure
this is a good idea.
763
00:31:29,466 --> 00:31:32,102
‐ Oh, it's not,
but we're doing it anyway.
764
00:31:32,102 --> 00:31:33,370
‐ As a city employee,
765
00:31:33,370 --> 00:31:35,372
your salary is part
of the town's budget.
766
00:31:35,372 --> 00:31:38,208
So we got to figure out
how big is this pie
767
00:31:38,208 --> 00:31:40,243
and why is your piece
so goddamn small.
768
00:31:40,243 --> 00:31:43,179
‐ [gasps] Especially when
you're a freakin' Picasso.
769
00:31:43,179 --> 00:31:45,649
[person gasps]
Did you draw this picture?
770
00:31:45,649 --> 00:31:48,385
‐ Yeah, I draw police
composites of criminals,
771
00:31:48,385 --> 00:31:49,653
which we are now.
772
00:31:49,653 --> 00:31:52,822
‐ Hey! This is my
husband's office, okay?
773
00:31:52,822 --> 00:31:54,624
We can be wherever we want.
774
00:31:54,624 --> 00:31:57,394
‐ We didn't technically
break in, because we had a key.
775
00:31:57,394 --> 00:31:59,095
[liquid splashing]
776
00:31:59,095 --> 00:32:00,363
‐ Judy!
‐ Judy!
777
00:32:00,363 --> 00:32:03,199
‐ Shh! Stop!
778
00:32:03,199 --> 00:32:04,534
‐ Wait, found it, found it,
found it.
779
00:32:04,534 --> 00:32:08,071
"Civic Payroll for the Town
of Patience, Colorado."
780
00:32:08,071 --> 00:32:09,372
‐ No one's gonna know.
781
00:32:09,372 --> 00:32:10,607
‐ As a woman in this world,
782
00:32:10,607 --> 00:32:13,577
you need to fight
for what you deserve.
783
00:32:13,577 --> 00:32:17,347
And you deserve
a goddamn raise.
784
00:32:17,347 --> 00:32:21,051
Ugh. Jesus Christ!
Who's Peter Jignac?
785
00:32:21,051 --> 00:32:23,453
‐ I think he's, um,
a crossing guard, I think.
786
00:32:23,453 --> 00:32:25,388
‐ He makes enough for a new
riding mower and a new car.
787
00:32:25,388 --> 00:32:26,690
‐ What?
788
00:32:26,690 --> 00:32:29,125
‐ Who's Brandon Touter?
‐ Oh.
789
00:32:29,125 --> 00:32:30,694
He's the new science teacher.
790
00:32:30,694 --> 00:32:32,629
He's actually
a really nice guy.
791
00:32:32,629 --> 00:32:34,397
‐ Well, he makes twice
what you do.
792
00:32:34,397 --> 00:32:36,600
‐ [gasps]
‐ Prick.
793
00:32:36,600 --> 00:32:38,535
‐ What? Weren't you a lawyer?
794
00:32:38,535 --> 00:32:41,371
‐ I have a JD/PhD.
What the ‐‐‐‐?
795
00:32:41,371 --> 00:32:44,507
‐ Who the hell is in charge
of this budget?
796
00:32:44,507 --> 00:32:46,309
‐ I know who.
797
00:32:46,309 --> 00:32:48,478
He lives in my goddamn house.
‐ [gasps]
798
00:32:48,478 --> 00:32:51,681
‐ ♪ For all the ones
who bum me out ♪
799
00:32:51,681 --> 00:32:53,416
‐ ♪ Shit list ♪
800
00:32:53,416 --> 00:32:55,752
‐ ♪ For all the ones who fill
my head with doubt ♪
801
00:32:55,752 --> 00:32:57,320
‐ ♪ Shit list ♪
802
00:32:57,320 --> 00:32:59,489
‐ ♪ For all the squares
who get me pissed ♪
803
00:32:59,489 --> 00:33:00,657
‐ ♪ Shit list ♪
804
00:33:00,657 --> 00:33:03,360
‐ ♪ You've made my shit list ♪
805
00:33:03,360 --> 00:33:08,498
♪ Shit list ♪
806
00:33:08,498 --> 00:33:13,336
♪ ♪
807
00:33:13,336 --> 00:33:14,437
‐ [inhales sharply]
808
00:33:14,437 --> 00:33:16,840
[shouts] Kidnappers!
809
00:33:16,840 --> 00:33:19,309
[person chuckles]
‐ Oh, no. Oh, no. Nope.
810
00:33:19,309 --> 00:33:20,777
‐ Wake up.
811
00:33:20,777 --> 00:33:22,746
‐ You're not having
a nightmare, Ben. We are.
812
00:33:22,746 --> 00:33:24,247
‐ You know what's a nightmare?
813
00:33:24,247 --> 00:33:26,816
Getting paid 76 cents
on the dollar.
814
00:33:26,816 --> 00:33:27,717
‐ What?
815
00:33:27,717 --> 00:33:29,252
‐ Yeah, there is
a blatant pay gap
816
00:33:29,252 --> 00:33:31,655
between the male and female
employees of this town.
817
00:33:31,655 --> 00:33:34,624
‐ What? No, a‐a‐as mayor,
I only sign off on budgets‐‐
818
00:33:34,624 --> 00:33:36,826
‐ A‐a‐as mayor,
you need to fix this!
819
00:33:36,826 --> 00:33:38,128
‐ Mm‐hmm.
820
00:33:38,128 --> 00:33:39,629
‐ Yeah, the blatant sexism
makes me sick.
821
00:33:39,629 --> 00:33:41,231
‐ Yeah, damn right.
‐ Sick.
822
00:33:41,231 --> 00:33:42,532
‐ Oh, honey.
‐ It's really gross.
823
00:33:42,532 --> 00:33:43,600
‐ Sick to my stomach.
‐ No, no.
824
00:33:43,600 --> 00:33:45,735
‐ Oh.
‐ Oh, God, no.
825
00:33:45,735 --> 00:33:48,438
‐ [retching]
‐ Oh.
826
00:33:48,438 --> 00:33:50,140
‐ You're my best friend.
827
00:33:50,140 --> 00:33:51,708
‐ That's right.
‐ I love you.
828
00:33:51,708 --> 00:33:53,410
‐ You see that?
‐ It's coming up.
829
00:33:53,410 --> 00:33:55,712
[coughing]
830
00:33:55,712 --> 00:33:57,280
‐ [groans]
‐ It hurts.
831
00:33:59,516 --> 00:34:01,318
[knock at door]
832
00:34:01,318 --> 00:34:03,119
‐ Harry.
833
00:34:03,119 --> 00:34:05,121
I brought coffee.
834
00:34:05,121 --> 00:34:06,656
[groans]
835
00:34:06,656 --> 00:34:09,359
We're gonna need to make a plan
about that radio‐‐
836
00:34:09,359 --> 00:34:11,127
Oh, God!
837
00:34:11,127 --> 00:34:13,396
No! Don't tell me
you hooked up with Harry.
838
00:34:13,396 --> 00:34:15,432
‐ Okay, I will not.
839
00:34:20,403 --> 00:34:22,138
‐ Wait.
840
00:34:22,138 --> 00:34:25,141
[quirky music]
841
00:34:25,141 --> 00:34:32,082
♪ ♪
842
00:34:33,516 --> 00:34:35,452
Harry?
‐ Hi, Asta.
843
00:34:35,452 --> 00:34:38,121
‐ Oh, God! Shit!
844
00:34:38,121 --> 00:34:39,823
‐ You have to come with me
to New Mexico,
845
00:34:39,823 --> 00:34:42,225
but, first, can you teach me
how to pee?
846
00:34:55,739 --> 00:34:58,708
‐ She hasn't blinked
the entire trip. [dramatic music]
847
00:34:58,708 --> 00:35:00,844
♪ ♪
848
00:35:00,844 --> 00:35:03,813
Oh, this is wrong, Harry.
849
00:35:03,813 --> 00:35:07,150
♪ ♪
850
00:35:07,150 --> 00:35:08,652
Ooh.
851
00:35:08,652 --> 00:35:11,087
Ah!
Wrong and super weird.
852
00:35:11,087 --> 00:35:13,256
‐ It was your idea for me
to become her.
853
00:35:13,256 --> 00:35:16,059
‐ No, no, no, no, no,
do not put this on me.
854
00:35:16,059 --> 00:35:17,827
I would never tell you
to take over a woman's body
855
00:35:17,827 --> 00:35:19,529
without her consent.
856
00:35:19,529 --> 00:35:21,731
‐ She wanted me to take over
her body last night
857
00:35:21,731 --> 00:35:24,668
with my penis,
but I did not do that.
858
00:35:24,668 --> 00:35:26,736
‐ Oh, God, no.
859
00:35:26,736 --> 00:35:29,673
It's not just
about her body, okay?
860
00:35:29,673 --> 00:35:32,108
It's a whole life
we're invading.
861
00:35:32,108 --> 00:35:34,211
There has to be a better way.
862
00:35:34,211 --> 00:35:36,746
‐ To access a microsatellite
network in time
863
00:35:36,746 --> 00:35:39,115
to tell my people
not to come here
864
00:35:39,115 --> 00:35:43,119
and melt you all like crayons
in a hot car?
865
00:35:43,119 --> 00:35:44,521
I'll wait.
866
00:35:44,521 --> 00:35:46,623
‐ [sighs]
Shit.
867
00:35:46,623 --> 00:35:49,593
Shit. Shit.
868
00:35:49,593 --> 00:35:52,562
‐ Right here?
‐ No, no, Harry.
869
00:35:52,562 --> 00:35:54,798
Let's just get this over with.
870
00:35:54,798 --> 00:35:56,399
That's what you were wearing
last night,
871
00:35:56,399 --> 00:35:58,501
so you have to go change
before you get to the lab.
872
00:35:58,501 --> 00:36:01,204
‐ This body is quite stout.
873
00:36:01,204 --> 00:36:02,672
‐ Hurry.
874
00:36:02,672 --> 00:36:04,507
‐ Fine.
875
00:36:04,507 --> 00:36:06,309
‐ This doesn't make any sense.
876
00:36:06,309 --> 00:36:07,611
This says plasma levels
877
00:36:07,611 --> 00:36:10,247
of testosterone
and triiodothyronine
878
00:36:10,247 --> 00:36:12,282
were diminished
after space flight,
879
00:36:12,282 --> 00:36:14,618
but it seems like
your testosterone levels
880
00:36:14,618 --> 00:36:16,486
are getting higher.
881
00:36:16,486 --> 00:36:17,787
What am I missing?
882
00:36:17,787 --> 00:36:21,658
I mean, do you feel like
it's accelerating?
883
00:36:21,658 --> 00:36:24,628
[smooth music]
884
00:36:24,628 --> 00:36:28,498
♪ ♪
885
00:36:28,498 --> 00:36:30,767
Why are you looking
at me like that?
886
00:36:30,767 --> 00:36:33,036
‐ Hello, pretty lady.
887
00:36:34,204 --> 00:36:36,539
‐ Oh, no!
888
00:36:36,539 --> 00:36:38,408
‐ So is this it now?
889
00:36:38,408 --> 00:36:40,510
You're just gonna change
into different people
890
00:36:40,510 --> 00:36:41,645
whenever you want?
891
00:36:41,645 --> 00:36:43,680
‐ Under normal circumstances,
892
00:36:43,680 --> 00:36:46,249
it is too difficult
to do often,
893
00:36:46,249 --> 00:36:48,618
but the energy balls
from my ship
894
00:36:48,618 --> 00:36:51,087
make it effortless,
895
00:36:51,087 --> 00:36:54,724
and they work on the organic
matter in clothing as well.
896
00:36:54,724 --> 00:36:57,060
Except I think it got
my bra size wrong.
897
00:36:57,060 --> 00:36:59,829
The wire leaves dents
in my skin.
898
00:36:59,829 --> 00:37:03,233
‐ Yeah, well, wait until
you put on a thong.
899
00:37:03,233 --> 00:37:06,236
[dramatic music]
900
00:37:06,236 --> 00:37:09,573
♪ ♪
901
00:37:09,573 --> 00:37:13,443
[device beeping]
902
00:37:13,443 --> 00:37:20,517
♪ ♪
903
00:37:25,155 --> 00:37:27,157
[device beeps]
904
00:37:27,157 --> 00:37:34,130
♪ ♪
905
00:37:40,403 --> 00:37:42,672
‐ Oh, yes.
906
00:37:42,672 --> 00:37:47,777
♪ ♪
907
00:37:47,777 --> 00:37:51,681
‐ Working late,
Carlyn, my darlin'?
908
00:37:53,483 --> 00:37:56,086
‐ I'm just trying to...
909
00:37:56,086 --> 00:37:59,256
bring home
the salt‐cured pork slices.
910
00:37:59,256 --> 00:38:01,057
[grunts]
911
00:38:01,057 --> 00:38:02,792
Good night.
912
00:38:02,792 --> 00:38:07,230
‐ Why don't you stick around
for a bit?
913
00:38:07,230 --> 00:38:10,433
[Diplomats of Solid Sound's
"No Man"]
914
00:38:10,433 --> 00:38:14,371
‐ ♪ I think you got it all
figured out ♪
915
00:38:14,371 --> 00:38:19,542
‐ [choking]
‐ ♪ But you ain't got a clue ♪
916
00:38:19,542 --> 00:38:22,245
‐ Aah!
917
00:38:22,245 --> 00:38:26,082
[screaming]
918
00:38:26,082 --> 00:38:29,085
‐ ♪ When's gonna be the time
I say enough is enough? ♪
919
00:38:29,085 --> 00:38:30,720
‐ [screaming]
920
00:38:30,720 --> 00:38:32,822
‐ ♪ I ain't nobody's sucker ♪
921
00:38:32,822 --> 00:38:36,126
♪ Nobody's gonna stand
in my way ♪
922
00:38:42,465 --> 00:38:49,439
sic]
♪ ♪
923
00:38:49,439 --> 00:38:51,641
‐ Are you sure she's not
gonna feel any different?
924
00:38:51,641 --> 00:38:53,276
‐ [sighs]
925
00:38:53,276 --> 00:38:55,045
‐ I mean, what does she think
happened to her
926
00:38:55,045 --> 00:38:56,246
in the last 24 hours?
927
00:38:56,246 --> 00:38:58,481
‐ She will remember
going to sleep
928
00:38:58,481 --> 00:39:02,118
at Mayor Snowflake's house,
driving home in the morning,
929
00:39:02,118 --> 00:39:04,354
and then having a pleasant nap
on the couch.
930
00:39:04,354 --> 00:39:07,057
‐ Long nap.
931
00:39:07,057 --> 00:39:09,392
‐ She likes long naps.
932
00:39:09,392 --> 00:39:12,629
And it is better than being
awake for her real life.
933
00:39:12,629 --> 00:39:15,699
Her boss is a bad man.
934
00:39:15,699 --> 00:39:17,534
‐ Yeah, she said
something about that.
935
00:39:17,534 --> 00:39:21,705
‐ Mm.
He will not bother her again.
936
00:39:21,705 --> 00:39:23,206
‐ What did you do?
937
00:39:23,206 --> 00:39:25,542
‐ The same thing
you would have done...
938
00:39:25,542 --> 00:39:28,712
if you had
the strength of six gorillas.
939
00:39:28,712 --> 00:39:31,047
I am glad
to be out of her body.
940
00:39:31,047 --> 00:39:33,617
People treated it
like break‐room yogurt.
941
00:39:33,617 --> 00:39:34,784
‐ [scoffs]
942
00:39:34,784 --> 00:39:37,053
‐ Even though her name
was on it,
943
00:39:37,053 --> 00:39:38,788
they felt comfortable
molesting it
944
00:39:38,788 --> 00:39:41,391
when they were hungry.
945
00:39:41,391 --> 00:39:43,426
It is awful being short.
946
00:39:43,426 --> 00:39:46,096
‐ Harry, that's not
because she's short.
947
00:39:46,096 --> 00:39:49,599
That's being a woman.
Welcome to our world.
948
00:39:49,599 --> 00:39:54,604
‐ You mean you all feel
the eyes hunting you
949
00:39:54,604 --> 00:39:57,774
like a baby deer in the woods,
just walking down the street?
950
00:39:57,774 --> 00:39:59,509
‐ Yeah. I tried to tell you.
951
00:39:59,509 --> 00:40:03,813
You know, next time a woman
tries to tell you something,
952
00:40:03,813 --> 00:40:06,449
sit down, shut up, and listen.
953
00:40:06,449 --> 00:40:08,685
And if you feel the need
to say anything,
954
00:40:08,685 --> 00:40:12,088
all it needs
to be is, "Yes, ma'am."
955
00:40:12,088 --> 00:40:15,091
[steady music]
956
00:40:15,091 --> 00:40:22,198
♪ ♪
957
00:40:32,676 --> 00:40:36,246
‐ Yes. Yes.
958
00:40:36,246 --> 00:40:38,515
Mm.
959
00:40:38,515 --> 00:40:40,116
Yes!
960
00:40:40,116 --> 00:40:43,119
[knock at door]
961
00:40:43,119 --> 00:40:46,556
[dramatic music]
962
00:40:46,556 --> 00:40:53,563
♪ ♪
963
00:40:53,563 --> 00:40:56,132
‐ Sit down, space man.
964
00:40:56,132 --> 00:41:02,105
♪ ♪
965
00:41:04,374 --> 00:41:05,775
Sit!
966
00:41:07,377 --> 00:41:09,145
I know all about
your silver balls.
967
00:41:09,145 --> 00:41:11,248
I know Max stole one,
and that's why he's been acting
968
00:41:11,248 --> 00:41:13,450
like springtime lions
in those nature videos,
969
00:41:13,450 --> 00:41:16,519
but I also know
you knew he had a ball
970
00:41:16,519 --> 00:41:18,388
and did nothing to stop him.
971
00:41:18,388 --> 00:41:20,824
Guess what. You're not getting
your ball back.
972
00:41:20,824 --> 00:41:22,792
I've hidden it
where you'll never find it,
973
00:41:22,792 --> 00:41:24,594
and I'm guessing now
that it's gone,
974
00:41:24,594 --> 00:41:26,496
Max will go back to normal.
975
00:41:26,496 --> 00:41:30,767
And if he doesn't,
you are going to hear from me.
976
00:41:30,767 --> 00:41:32,235
Do you understand?
977
00:41:34,371 --> 00:41:35,739
‐ Yes, ma'am.
978
00:41:35,739 --> 00:41:40,343
♪ ♪
979
00:41:40,343 --> 00:41:42,512
‐ Good.
980
00:41:42,512 --> 00:41:46,483
‐ Humans believe they
all deserve certain rights‐‐
981
00:41:46,483 --> 00:41:50,754
the right to be heard,
the right to be respected.
982
00:41:50,754 --> 00:41:54,424
Asking for what you deserve
in life should not be so hard,
983
00:41:54,424 --> 00:41:55,725
but for others,
984
00:41:55,725 --> 00:41:58,728
asking for what they deserve
can be very difficult.
985
00:41:58,728 --> 00:42:01,264
♪ ♪
986
00:42:01,264 --> 00:42:04,234
[horn honks]
‐ Hey, D'arce!
987
00:42:04,234 --> 00:42:06,269
‐ Okay!
Yes, girl!
988
00:42:06,269 --> 00:42:08,705
‐ What do you think?
‐ Wow, very fancy, girl!
989
00:42:08,705 --> 00:42:10,073
Get your things!
990
00:42:10,073 --> 00:42:11,675
‐ Thank you!
‐ Okay.
991
00:42:11,675 --> 00:42:13,810
[chuckles]
992
00:42:15,545 --> 00:42:20,217
‐ Posting flyers is against
Patience civil code 1‐8‐22.
993
00:42:20,217 --> 00:42:21,384
‐ [scoffs]
994
00:42:21,384 --> 00:42:23,253
‐ And actually getting
what they deserve
995
00:42:23,253 --> 00:42:26,323
sometimes requires
an act of heroism.
996
00:42:28,391 --> 00:42:31,461
[Ahmad Jamal's
"Suicide is Painless"]
997
00:42:31,461 --> 00:42:38,401
♪ ♪
998
00:42:44,541 --> 00:42:47,244
‐ Whoo! Ha!
999
00:42:47,244 --> 00:42:49,813
‐ Women of Patience,
have patience no more!
1000
00:42:49,813 --> 00:42:52,549
We demand equal pay!
1001
00:42:52,549 --> 00:42:54,818
[people cheering]
1002
00:42:54,818 --> 00:42:58,355
Way to go, D'arce!
1003
00:42:58,355 --> 00:43:05,295
♪ ♪
1004
00:43:09,799 --> 00:43:11,401
‐ [chuckles]
1005
00:43:11,401 --> 00:43:13,637
Wow, it's D'arcy.
1006
00:43:13,637 --> 00:43:17,607
♪ ♪
1007
00:43:17,607 --> 00:43:20,810
God, she is incredible,
don't you think?
1008
00:43:20,810 --> 00:43:23,513
‐ Honey, there's something
I got to tell you.
1009
00:43:23,513 --> 00:43:27,517
♪ ♪
1010
00:43:27,517 --> 00:43:29,252
‐ What is it?
1011
00:43:29,252 --> 00:43:31,655
♪ ♪
1012
00:43:31,655 --> 00:43:33,723
‐ I'm gonna have a word
with the town assembly
1013
00:43:33,723 --> 00:43:36,393
and fix this pay gap.
1014
00:43:36,393 --> 00:43:38,495
‐ Yeah, you are.
1015
00:43:38,495 --> 00:43:40,130
Wow.
1016
00:43:40,130 --> 00:43:43,400
Way to be assertive, honey.
1017
00:43:43,400 --> 00:43:44,768
It's very sexy.
1018
00:43:44,768 --> 00:43:52,108
♪ ♪
73066
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