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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:46,171 --> 00:00:49,716 My name is Ash, and I'm a slave. 2 00:00:53,095 --> 00:00:55,806 Close as I can figure it, the year is 1300 A.D... 3 00:00:55,931 --> 00:00:58,517 and I'm being dragged to my death. 4 00:00:58,642 --> 00:01:00,978 It wasn't always like this. 5 00:01:01,561 --> 00:01:04,356 I had a real life once. 6 00:01:05,565 --> 00:01:07,401 A job. 7 00:01:08,568 --> 00:01:10,737 Ash to price check four. 8 00:01:12,698 --> 00:01:15,200 Hardware, aisle 12. 9 00:01:15,325 --> 00:01:17,327 Shop smart, shop S-mart. 10 00:01:17,452 --> 00:01:20,914 I had a wonderful girlfriend: Linda. 11 00:01:23,750 --> 00:01:27,337 Together, we drove to a small cabin in the mountains. 12 00:01:30,966 --> 00:01:33,844 It seems an archaeologist had come to this remote place... 13 00:01:33,969 --> 00:01:36,888 to translate and study his latest find: 14 00:01:37,764 --> 00:01:42,728 Necronomicon Ex Mortis, the Book of the Dead. 15 00:01:44,521 --> 00:01:47,899 Bound in human flesh and inked in blood... 16 00:01:48,024 --> 00:01:52,487 this ancient Sumerian text contained bizarre burial rites... 17 00:01:52,612 --> 00:01:57,451 funerary incantations and demon resurrection passages. 18 00:01:58,493 --> 00:02:01,079 It was never meant for the world of the living. 19 00:02:01,663 --> 00:02:05,250 The book awoke something dark in the woods. 20 00:02:11,465 --> 00:02:13,717 It took Linda. 21 00:02:13,842 --> 00:02:16,762 And then it came for me. 22 00:02:17,637 --> 00:02:19,973 It got into my hand and it went bad. 23 00:02:20,098 --> 00:02:23,310 So I lopped it off at the wrist. 24 00:02:28,690 --> 00:02:31,485 But that didn't stop it. It came back. 25 00:02:34,154 --> 00:02:35,989 Big time. 26 00:02:52,631 --> 00:02:54,090 Oh, my God! 27 00:02:54,216 --> 00:02:56,176 How do you stop it? 28 00:04:07,580 --> 00:04:10,667 Where in the hell...? 29 00:04:17,716 --> 00:04:20,301 Stand fast, hellhound! 30 00:04:20,969 --> 00:04:23,430 No, no... Easy now, chief. 31 00:04:24,389 --> 00:04:30,937 I don't know how I got here... and I'm not looking for any trouble. 32 00:04:32,981 --> 00:04:34,774 What a piece of armor this is! 33 00:04:36,401 --> 00:04:40,989 - Wise man! - Fall back! Back on your horses. Come on! 34 00:04:43,199 --> 00:04:46,953 My Lord, I believe he is the one written of in the Necronomicon. 35 00:04:47,078 --> 00:04:49,622 He who's prophesied to fall from the heavens... 36 00:04:49,748 --> 00:04:52,459 and deliver us from the terrors of the Deadites. 37 00:04:52,584 --> 00:04:54,252 What? That buffoon? 38 00:04:54,377 --> 00:04:59,215 Likely... he's one of Henry's men! 39 00:04:59,841 --> 00:05:02,761 Kneel, rapscallions! 40 00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:05,847 I say to the pit with him! 41 00:05:05,972 --> 00:05:10,059 You shall soon learn the horrors of the pit. 42 00:05:10,185 --> 00:05:13,646 - To the pit! - You miserable bast... 43 00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:17,275 - Get him! - Get off of me! 44 00:05:19,194 --> 00:05:22,280 - Let me go! - Chain him! 45 00:05:24,657 --> 00:05:27,994 Ah, you're gonna have a little bit of wee fun, mate. 46 00:05:29,370 --> 00:05:31,331 To the castle! 47 00:05:34,250 --> 00:05:37,796 Pick up your feet! Stop draggin' your feet! Come on! 48 00:05:37,921 --> 00:05:40,840 Move along! Come on, now. 49 00:05:41,508 --> 00:05:45,053 Come on, pick it up. Have a taste of this! 50 00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:55,021 You men got something to look forward to... 51 00:05:55,146 --> 00:05:57,857 when you get back to the castle. 52 00:05:58,566 --> 00:06:02,987 Lord Arthur approaches! Raise the portcullis! 53 00:06:04,280 --> 00:06:08,993 Lord Arthur! Lord Arthur approaches 54 00:06:14,791 --> 00:06:19,087 You miserable dogs! Don't drag thy feet! 55 00:06:21,130 --> 00:06:24,509 That's lovely, isn't it? Move it in. 56 00:06:24,634 --> 00:06:26,928 You worthless bastards! 57 00:06:57,750 --> 00:07:02,463 Lord Arthur, where is my brother? Did he not ride with you? 58 00:07:02,588 --> 00:07:04,632 Aye, and fought valiantly. 59 00:07:04,757 --> 00:07:08,303 But last night he fell in battle to Duke Henry's men. 60 00:07:09,053 --> 00:07:10,513 I'm sorry, Sheila. 61 00:07:11,848 --> 00:07:14,058 - Come on. - You cretins! 62 00:07:14,934 --> 00:07:17,437 - Stop it, you bastards! - Come on! 63 00:07:17,562 --> 00:07:19,522 You barbarian! 64 00:07:21,107 --> 00:07:25,445 Oh, no! Stop it! Stop it! Get outta here, you little brats! 65 00:07:29,198 --> 00:07:30,908 Foul thing! 66 00:07:31,701 --> 00:07:34,454 A pox on you, brute! Thou art a murderer! 67 00:07:34,579 --> 00:07:36,497 A black murderer! 68 00:07:41,586 --> 00:07:44,672 My brother's death shall be avenged! 69 00:07:58,186 --> 00:08:00,772 Company, halt! 70 00:08:04,400 --> 00:08:06,694 Get that yoke off him! 71 00:08:08,321 --> 00:08:10,281 Kill them! 72 00:08:11,991 --> 00:08:13,201 Into the pit! 73 00:08:19,957 --> 00:08:23,544 You, sir, are not one of my vassals. 74 00:08:24,629 --> 00:08:26,422 Who are you? 75 00:08:27,048 --> 00:08:28,633 Who wants to know? 76 00:08:29,717 --> 00:08:31,677 I am Henry the Red... 77 00:08:31,803 --> 00:08:36,265 Duke of Shael, Lord of the Northlands and leader of its peoples. 78 00:08:37,099 --> 00:08:41,646 Well, hello, Mr. Fancy Pants. I got news for you, pal. 79 00:08:41,771 --> 00:08:45,107 You ain't leadin' but two things right now: Jack and shit. 80 00:08:45,233 --> 00:08:46,692 And Jack left town. 81 00:08:46,818 --> 00:08:51,364 - Shut your bleedin' hole! - Gentlemen, Lord Arthur! 82 00:08:59,539 --> 00:09:03,042 There is an evil awakened in this land. 83 00:09:03,167 --> 00:09:06,838 And while my people fight for their very souls against it... 84 00:09:06,963 --> 00:09:09,841 you, Henry the Red, wage war on us! 85 00:09:09,966 --> 00:09:12,051 Charlatan! 86 00:09:14,011 --> 00:09:16,889 It was you who first turned your swords on us! 87 00:09:17,014 --> 00:09:20,059 And this evil has befouled my people as well! 88 00:09:20,184 --> 00:09:23,229 Your people are no better than the foul corruption... 89 00:09:23,354 --> 00:09:27,608 - ...that lies in the bowels of that pit. - Right, you're no better. 90 00:09:27,733 --> 00:09:30,695 May God have mercy upon your souls. 91 00:09:45,209 --> 00:09:49,505 God's name! What hell-spawned thing lurks there? 92 00:09:53,968 --> 00:09:57,722 Into the pit with those bloodthirsty sons of whores! 93 00:09:57,847 --> 00:09:59,181 No! 94 00:09:59,932 --> 00:10:01,350 No! 95 00:10:02,226 --> 00:10:04,020 No! No! 96 00:10:33,215 --> 00:10:35,634 Heavenly God! 97 00:10:38,596 --> 00:10:40,598 He's escaping! 98 00:10:40,723 --> 00:10:42,892 Hold him! 99 00:11:12,922 --> 00:11:15,299 - Who's next? - It's him. 100 00:11:15,424 --> 00:11:16,967 He trembles! 101 00:11:17,551 --> 00:11:21,847 - They don't look so clever now, do they? - He's frightened! 102 00:11:21,972 --> 00:11:24,391 He's frightened white! 103 00:11:27,144 --> 00:11:28,687 Wait a minute. 104 00:11:29,230 --> 00:11:34,235 Wait a minute. You gotta understand, man. 105 00:11:34,360 --> 00:11:38,155 I never even saw these assholes before. 106 00:11:38,280 --> 00:11:41,283 - He trembles! - He's begging! 107 00:11:41,408 --> 00:11:43,452 What are you waitin' for? 108 00:11:43,577 --> 00:11:46,497 Henry, you gotta tell him you don't know me. 109 00:11:46,622 --> 00:11:48,666 We never met. Tell him. 110 00:11:51,252 --> 00:11:53,963 I do not think he'll listen, lad. 111 00:11:55,422 --> 00:11:59,760 Look... I'm tellin' you, you got the wrong guy. 112 00:12:09,812 --> 00:12:14,024 I'm tellin' you, you got the wrong guy. 113 00:13:09,038 --> 00:13:11,874 How do you like the pit? Isn't the pit wonderful? 114 00:13:29,266 --> 00:13:30,851 Why, you... 115 00:13:35,689 --> 00:13:37,441 Spikes. 116 00:13:37,566 --> 00:13:41,278 Hey, he says, "spikes". Give him spikes! 117 00:13:54,666 --> 00:13:56,585 Make way! 118 00:13:56,710 --> 00:13:58,504 Strange one! 119 00:14:09,348 --> 00:14:10,349 Strange one! 120 00:14:17,314 --> 00:14:18,315 Yes! 121 00:14:35,707 --> 00:14:38,168 Damn you. Damn you! 122 00:16:02,794 --> 00:16:05,213 You know, your shoelace is untied. 123 00:16:16,308 --> 00:16:17,976 Alright. 124 00:16:19,436 --> 00:16:21,813 Who wants some? 125 00:16:21,938 --> 00:16:23,899 Who's next? 126 00:16:24,024 --> 00:16:26,902 Huh...? How 'bout it? 127 00:16:27,819 --> 00:16:30,113 Who wants some? Huh? 128 00:16:30,238 --> 00:16:32,658 Who wants to have a little? 129 00:16:36,995 --> 00:16:38,705 You. 130 00:16:41,041 --> 00:16:43,627 You want some more? 131 00:16:48,173 --> 00:16:50,258 You want a little? 132 00:16:52,177 --> 00:16:53,887 Do ya? 133 00:16:54,012 --> 00:16:56,723 Do ya want some more? Huh? 134 00:17:11,571 --> 00:17:15,742 Now get on those horses and get outta here. 135 00:17:18,286 --> 00:17:20,247 Let 'em go! 136 00:17:42,477 --> 00:17:44,062 Halt! 137 00:17:45,564 --> 00:17:48,817 Thank you, generous hosts! 138 00:17:48,942 --> 00:17:50,902 Sword boy! 139 00:17:58,660 --> 00:18:03,123 For that arrogance, I shall see you dead. 140 00:18:13,049 --> 00:18:14,634 Yeah... 141 00:18:15,218 --> 00:18:19,097 Alright, you primitive screwheads, listen up. 142 00:18:19,222 --> 00:18:21,057 See this? 143 00:18:21,641 --> 00:18:25,854 This... is my boom stick! 144 00:18:26,605 --> 00:18:30,984 It's a 12-gauge, double-barreled Remington. S-mart's top of the line. 145 00:18:31,109 --> 00:18:34,154 You can find this in the sporting goods department. 146 00:18:34,821 --> 00:18:37,657 That's right. This sweet baby was made in Grand Rapids, Michigan. 147 00:18:38,408 --> 00:18:41,202 Retails for about $109.95. 148 00:18:41,328 --> 00:18:46,541 It's got a walnut stock, cobalt blue steel and a hair trigger. 149 00:18:46,666 --> 00:18:52,088 That's right. Shop smart, shop S-mart. 150 00:18:52,213 --> 00:18:54,674 - You got that? - Yes, sir. Right. 151 00:18:54,799 --> 00:18:57,010 Now I swear... 152 00:18:57,135 --> 00:19:00,388 the next one of you primates... 153 00:19:00,513 --> 00:19:03,350 even touches me... 154 00:19:32,253 --> 00:19:36,841 Now, let's talk about how I get back home. 155 00:20:07,872 --> 00:20:10,542 I prithee to forgive me, my Lord. 156 00:20:10,667 --> 00:20:13,336 I believed thee one of Henry's men. 157 00:20:13,461 --> 00:20:16,798 First you wanna kill me, now you wanna kiss me... 158 00:20:18,216 --> 00:20:19,926 Blow. 159 00:20:23,430 --> 00:20:26,266 So what's the deal? Can you send me back or not? 160 00:20:26,391 --> 00:20:28,518 Only the Necronomicon has the power. 161 00:20:28,643 --> 00:20:30,854 An unholy book which we also require. 162 00:20:30,979 --> 00:20:35,108 Within its pages are passages that can send you back to your time. 163 00:20:35,233 --> 00:20:39,028 Only you, The Promised One, can quest for it. 164 00:20:39,154 --> 00:20:42,073 I don't want your book. I don't want your bullshit. 165 00:20:42,198 --> 00:20:45,910 Just send me back to my own time. Pronto, today, chop... 166 00:20:55,545 --> 00:20:58,590 You shall die! 167 00:21:04,137 --> 00:21:07,974 You shall never obtain the Necronomicon! 168 00:21:08,099 --> 00:21:12,937 We shall feast upon your souls! 169 00:21:35,251 --> 00:21:38,087 It's a trick. Get an axe. 170 00:21:44,636 --> 00:21:48,389 Guards, stop it! Catch the witch! 171 00:21:48,514 --> 00:21:51,100 - Death to the witch! Death to...! - Have some porridge! 172 00:21:51,226 --> 00:21:55,230 My eyes! I'm blind! Oh, God, I'm blind! 173 00:22:03,154 --> 00:22:05,365 Yo, she-bitch. 174 00:22:06,449 --> 00:22:08,159 Let's go. 175 00:22:30,306 --> 00:22:32,600 If the Necronomicon fell into the hands of the Deadites... 176 00:22:32,725 --> 00:22:35,728 all mankind will be consumed by this evil. 177 00:22:35,853 --> 00:22:38,898 Now will thou quest for the book? 178 00:22:51,744 --> 00:22:53,329 That one. 179 00:23:20,648 --> 00:23:22,483 Groovy. 180 00:23:35,371 --> 00:23:38,541 What's the matter? You raised in a barn? Shut the door. 181 00:23:38,666 --> 00:23:42,128 Probably was raised in a barn, with all the other primitives. 182 00:23:51,053 --> 00:23:54,098 The wise men say that thou art The Promised One. 183 00:23:57,894 --> 00:24:01,147 'Tis said that thou wilt journey for the book to help us... 184 00:24:01,272 --> 00:24:03,524 and that thou wilt lead our people against the evil. 185 00:24:03,649 --> 00:24:07,695 The only reason I'm going to get the book is to get home. 186 00:24:13,451 --> 00:24:17,038 - I believe thou wilt be leaving in the morning. - Don't touch that, please! 187 00:24:17,163 --> 00:24:20,875 Your primitive intellect wouldn't understand alloys and compositions... 188 00:24:21,000 --> 00:24:23,586 and things with molecular structures in the... 189 00:24:26,839 --> 00:24:28,883 What are you doin' here anyway? 190 00:24:29,717 --> 00:24:34,096 I wanted to say that all of my hopes and prayers go with you. 191 00:24:34,222 --> 00:24:36,807 And I made this for thee. 192 00:24:37,433 --> 00:24:40,353 Good, I could use a horse blanket. 193 00:25:02,291 --> 00:25:04,627 Gimme some sugar, baby. 194 00:26:09,400 --> 00:26:11,193 Come on, boy! 195 00:26:32,423 --> 00:26:33,883 Steady now. Whoa. 196 00:26:39,597 --> 00:26:41,223 What? What is it? 197 00:26:41,348 --> 00:26:45,978 This path will lead you to an unholy place, a cemetery. 198 00:26:46,103 --> 00:26:49,148 There, the Necronomicon awaits. 199 00:26:52,026 --> 00:26:55,571 When thou retrievest the book from its cradle, you must recite the words: 200 00:26:55,696 --> 00:26:58,908 Klaatu barada nikto. 201 00:26:59,033 --> 00:27:02,495 Klaatu... barada... nikto. Okay. 202 00:27:02,620 --> 00:27:04,663 Well, repeat them. 203 00:27:04,788 --> 00:27:07,291 Klaatu barada nikto. 204 00:27:07,416 --> 00:27:09,793 - Again! - I got it, I got it! 205 00:27:09,919 --> 00:27:14,298 I know your damn words, alright? Now you get this straight, the both of you. 206 00:27:14,423 --> 00:27:17,343 If I get that book, you send me back. 207 00:27:17,468 --> 00:27:19,887 After that, I'm history. 208 00:28:23,450 --> 00:28:25,369 What is it, boy? 209 00:28:48,851 --> 00:28:50,519 Come on! 210 00:29:19,673 --> 00:29:21,133 Come on, you! 211 00:32:37,996 --> 00:32:40,457 Ramming speed! 212 00:32:48,465 --> 00:32:49,758 - Ready. - Aim. 213 00:32:49,883 --> 00:32:51,009 Fire! 214 00:32:51,968 --> 00:32:53,970 Get away! 215 00:32:56,835 --> 00:32:58,545 You lousy little... 216 00:33:01,756 --> 00:33:03,466 Oh, hold on! 217 00:33:05,176 --> 00:33:06,720 Oh, you... 218 00:33:23,319 --> 00:33:24,988 Oh, you little bastards! 219 00:33:36,291 --> 00:33:37,751 Wait a minute... 220 00:33:37,876 --> 00:33:39,919 Oh, God. 221 00:33:40,712 --> 00:33:42,505 I can't move! 222 00:33:43,465 --> 00:33:45,300 You got me? 223 00:33:47,594 --> 00:33:50,305 - And go! - Geronimo! 224 00:33:54,017 --> 00:33:55,602 Hooray! 225 00:34:13,328 --> 00:34:15,747 Okay, little fella. 226 00:34:15,872 --> 00:34:18,875 How about some hot chocolate, huh? 227 00:34:28,301 --> 00:34:32,430 How'd you like the taste of that, huh? How'd you like the...? 228 00:34:50,698 --> 00:34:53,910 Oh, dear God, it's growing bigger! 229 00:35:15,848 --> 00:35:19,519 - Hey! What's the big idea takin'...? - Hey! What's the big idea takin'...? 230 00:35:19,644 --> 00:35:21,562 - Why, you... - Why, you... 231 00:35:24,983 --> 00:35:28,027 Oh, I'm blind! I'm blind! 232 00:35:38,287 --> 00:35:40,581 Where are you takin' me? 233 00:35:40,707 --> 00:35:44,502 Oh, Susanna, don't you cry for me! 234 00:35:44,627 --> 00:35:49,048 I've come from Alabama with a banjo on my knee. 235 00:36:02,478 --> 00:36:04,272 What are you? 236 00:36:04,397 --> 00:36:06,024 Are you me? 237 00:36:06,149 --> 00:36:08,609 "What are you? Are you me?" 238 00:36:10,194 --> 00:36:11,863 You sound like a jerk! 239 00:36:11,988 --> 00:36:14,115 - Why are you doing this? - Oh, you wanna know? 240 00:36:14,240 --> 00:36:16,451 'Cause the answers easy: 241 00:36:16,576 --> 00:36:20,329 I'm bad Ash, and you're good Ash. 242 00:36:20,455 --> 00:36:22,248 You're goody little two-shoes. 243 00:36:22,373 --> 00:36:26,002 You're goody little two-shoes, goody little two-shoes. 244 00:36:26,544 --> 00:36:29,213 Little goody two-shoes. Little goody two-shoes. 245 00:36:29,338 --> 00:36:31,799 Little goody two-shoes. Little goody two-shoes! 246 00:36:31,924 --> 00:36:35,219 Little goody two-shoes! Little goody two-shoes! 247 00:36:39,474 --> 00:36:41,476 Little goody two-shoes! 248 00:36:53,571 --> 00:36:55,698 I ain't that good. 249 00:38:08,813 --> 00:38:11,190 Now you see what's what. 250 00:38:12,191 --> 00:38:15,861 A man's body is his own personal property. 251 00:38:16,562 --> 00:38:19,523 Don't let anybody try and take that away from me. 252 00:38:21,484 --> 00:38:25,613 That'll teach you. Yeah, that'll teach you. 253 00:38:27,823 --> 00:38:30,284 You shall never retrieve the Necronomicon! 254 00:38:30,409 --> 00:38:33,579 You'll die in the graveyard before you get it! 255 00:38:33,704 --> 00:38:37,458 Hey... What's that you got on your face? 256 00:38:39,627 --> 00:38:43,547 - See how that works? - I'll come back for you! 257 00:38:43,673 --> 00:38:45,049 I... 258 00:39:02,441 --> 00:39:04,402 Come on, boy! 259 00:39:18,916 --> 00:39:20,251 Come on! 260 00:40:38,412 --> 00:40:39,538 Three books? 261 00:40:44,168 --> 00:40:46,545 Wait a minute. Hold it. 262 00:40:46,670 --> 00:40:50,132 Nobody said anything about three books. 263 00:40:50,799 --> 00:40:53,719 Ooh, that stinkin' wise man! He was so busy... 264 00:40:53,844 --> 00:40:57,056 filling me full of his secret little words, his phrases and his bullshit... 265 00:40:57,181 --> 00:41:00,226 that he never said anything about this! 266 00:41:00,726 --> 00:41:05,648 What am I supposed to do? Take one book, or all books, or... 267 00:41:05,773 --> 00:41:07,733 or what? 268 00:41:10,319 --> 00:41:12,029 Well... 269 00:42:10,546 --> 00:42:13,382 Whoa... Wrong book. 270 00:43:16,820 --> 00:43:18,655 Oh, you... 271 00:43:18,781 --> 00:43:20,949 I'll get back to you. 272 00:43:22,534 --> 00:43:24,119 Well... 273 00:43:25,537 --> 00:43:28,123 Seems fairly obvious. 274 00:43:31,543 --> 00:43:33,587 Oh! Wait a minute. 275 00:43:33,712 --> 00:43:36,131 The words. Alright, alright, alright. 276 00:43:36,256 --> 00:43:38,509 Say the words... 277 00:43:41,804 --> 00:43:43,180 Klaatu... 278 00:43:43,305 --> 00:43:44,932 barada... 279 00:43:45,057 --> 00:43:46,642 n... 280 00:43:53,524 --> 00:43:55,025 Necktie. 281 00:43:55,150 --> 00:43:56,652 Nectar. 282 00:43:56,777 --> 00:43:58,320 Nickel. 283 00:43:58,445 --> 00:44:00,113 Noodle. 284 00:44:00,239 --> 00:44:03,825 It's an "N" word. It's definitely an "N" word. 285 00:44:06,119 --> 00:44:08,956 It's definitely an "N" word. 286 00:44:20,133 --> 00:44:23,387 Klaatu... barada... 287 00:44:23,512 --> 00:44:25,389 n... 288 00:44:38,860 --> 00:44:40,571 Okay, then! 289 00:44:41,530 --> 00:44:43,532 That's it. 290 00:44:53,500 --> 00:44:54,835 Hey! 291 00:44:55,294 --> 00:44:58,338 Wait a minute. Everything's cool! 292 00:44:58,463 --> 00:45:01,383 I said the words. I did! 293 00:45:02,592 --> 00:45:04,636 No, wait! 294 00:45:18,567 --> 00:45:22,446 You people, seek cover! To the parapet! 295 00:45:23,071 --> 00:45:25,657 Seek your children! 296 00:45:26,783 --> 00:45:28,869 Steady the horses! 297 00:45:28,994 --> 00:45:32,080 Something's wrong. Something's amiss. 298 00:46:04,446 --> 00:46:06,823 Where'd you go? Where'd you... 299 00:46:42,484 --> 00:46:45,153 I'll crush ya! I'll mash ya into paste, you bony crea... 300 00:46:54,996 --> 00:46:58,375 Keep your damn filthy bones out of my mouth. 301 00:47:23,149 --> 00:47:25,527 I'm through being their garbage boy. 302 00:47:25,652 --> 00:47:28,238 I did my part. Now I want back... 303 00:47:28,363 --> 00:47:30,532 like in the deal! 304 00:47:44,296 --> 00:47:47,966 I... live... 305 00:47:49,676 --> 00:47:51,928 again. 306 00:48:01,563 --> 00:48:05,400 There! The Promised One! The Promised One's returned! 307 00:48:05,525 --> 00:48:08,111 Raise the portcullis! 308 00:48:13,783 --> 00:48:16,745 Welcome home! 309 00:48:16,870 --> 00:48:19,347 We're saved! 310 00:48:19,447 --> 00:48:23,535 - The Necronomicon! - Truly he is The Promised One! 311 00:48:23,660 --> 00:48:25,912 - He's brought the Necronomicon! - How are ya? 312 00:48:26,037 --> 00:48:28,206 - He's brought the book! - Yeah, great, great. 313 00:48:28,331 --> 00:48:31,835 - Good boy! - Get the fuck outta my face! 314 00:48:37,882 --> 00:48:42,178 The Necronomicon, quickly. Did you bring the Necronomicon? 315 00:48:42,846 --> 00:48:45,390 - Yeah, it's, it's just that... - Just what? 316 00:48:46,933 --> 00:48:49,185 Nothin'. Here. 317 00:48:55,900 --> 00:48:58,653 Now send me back. Like in the deal. 318 00:48:58,778 --> 00:49:01,156 When you removed the Necronomicon from the cradle... 319 00:49:01,281 --> 00:49:03,742 did you speak the words? 320 00:49:03,867 --> 00:49:06,870 - Yeah, basically. - Did you speak the exact words? 321 00:49:06,995 --> 00:49:09,831 Look, maybe I didn't say every single, little tiny syllable, no... 322 00:49:09,956 --> 00:49:12,500 - ...but basically I said 'em, yeah. - Dung-eating fool! 323 00:49:12,625 --> 00:49:14,836 Thou hast doomed us all! 324 00:49:14,961 --> 00:49:18,423 When thou misspoke the words, the army of the dead awoke! 325 00:49:18,548 --> 00:49:20,925 Now, whoa, whoa, right there, spinach chin. 326 00:49:21,051 --> 00:49:24,095 You said you could clean this mess up once you got that book. 327 00:49:24,220 --> 00:49:27,849 You said there was a passage that could get rid of this thing and send me back. 328 00:49:27,974 --> 00:49:30,643 It's true, the book still possesses the power to send you back... 329 00:49:30,769 --> 00:49:32,395 but to us it is useless! 330 00:49:32,520 --> 00:49:35,106 The evil has a terrible hunger for the Necronomicon... 331 00:49:35,231 --> 00:49:38,109 and it will come here to get it. 332 00:49:38,234 --> 00:49:40,904 We had a deal. 333 00:49:41,029 --> 00:49:43,865 You wanted the damn book, I got it for ya. 334 00:49:43,990 --> 00:49:45,992 I did my part, now you send me back. 335 00:49:46,117 --> 00:49:52,832 Very well. As we are men of our word, we shall honor our bargain. 336 00:49:52,957 --> 00:49:55,877 The wise men shall return you to your own time. 337 00:49:56,920 --> 00:49:58,755 Yeah? 338 00:49:58,880 --> 00:50:03,134 - I thought he was the one. - Yeah, right, 'cause that was the deal. 339 00:50:03,259 --> 00:50:08,181 So when do you think we can start with all the... 340 00:50:08,306 --> 00:50:11,810 - ...thing and the... - He's nothin' but a traitor, he is! 341 00:50:11,935 --> 00:50:16,439 When do you think we can start... with all the ceremony and... 342 00:50:16,564 --> 00:50:18,316 You know, like... 343 00:50:18,441 --> 00:50:22,821 You know, 'cause... sooner is always better than later, right? 344 00:50:23,988 --> 00:50:26,407 Wretched excuse for a man! 345 00:50:26,533 --> 00:50:29,494 The wise men were fools to trust in you. 346 00:50:30,662 --> 00:50:35,416 - I knew he couldn't be trusted. - We put our trust in him. 347 00:50:35,542 --> 00:50:38,586 I still believe that thou wilt help us. 348 00:50:38,711 --> 00:50:42,423 Oh, Sheila, don't you get it? It's over. 349 00:50:44,050 --> 00:50:46,386 I didn't have what it took. 350 00:50:48,471 --> 00:50:50,515 So long. 351 00:50:55,019 --> 00:50:56,938 You would leave me? 352 00:50:57,063 --> 00:51:00,275 Cripes, I don't belong here. 353 00:51:01,317 --> 00:51:03,236 I got a chance to go back, and I'm takin' it. 354 00:51:03,361 --> 00:51:05,780 But what of the things we've shared? 355 00:51:05,905 --> 00:51:08,575 What of all the sweet words that you spoke in private? 356 00:51:08,700 --> 00:51:10,493 Aw, well... 357 00:51:11,452 --> 00:51:15,498 Well, that's just what we call pillow talk, baby. That's all. 358 00:51:15,623 --> 00:51:18,167 It was more than that. 359 00:51:19,586 --> 00:51:22,213 I still have faith in thee. 360 00:51:22,338 --> 00:51:25,675 I still believe that thou wilt stay and save us. 361 00:51:31,264 --> 00:51:33,099 Coward! 362 00:51:36,644 --> 00:51:38,771 Look there! A demon! 363 00:51:39,731 --> 00:51:42,483 Draw, lads, for Lord and castle! 364 00:51:51,200 --> 00:51:52,910 Let's get out of here! 365 00:51:54,579 --> 00:51:57,457 Ash, help me! 366 00:51:57,582 --> 00:51:58,750 Sheila! 367 00:52:12,513 --> 00:52:15,266 Hold your arms! You'll hit the girl! 368 00:52:19,729 --> 00:52:21,689 Me sword! 369 00:52:26,402 --> 00:52:28,821 Damn you! 370 00:52:46,005 --> 00:52:49,133 Dig, damn you! 371 00:52:49,258 --> 00:52:51,219 Dig faster! 372 00:52:51,344 --> 00:52:55,890 I shall command every worm-infested son-of-a-bitch that ever died in battle! 373 00:52:56,015 --> 00:52:58,309 - You there, handsomely now. - Aye, my liege. 374 00:52:58,434 --> 00:53:00,937 We shall storm their castle and get my book. 375 00:53:01,062 --> 00:53:04,315 Hoist, you damnable varlets! 376 00:53:08,653 --> 00:53:12,365 Welcome back to the land of the living. 377 00:53:12,490 --> 00:53:15,576 Now pick up a shovel and get digging! 378 00:53:17,286 --> 00:53:19,330 Bring on the wench! 379 00:53:30,925 --> 00:53:32,885 Gimme some sugar, baby. 380 00:53:38,850 --> 00:53:43,437 Now, ain't you a sweet little thing? 381 00:53:46,357 --> 00:53:49,485 Don't touch me, you foul thing! 382 00:54:00,955 --> 00:54:03,207 Come on. 383 00:54:03,332 --> 00:54:05,626 That's it. 384 00:54:18,514 --> 00:54:21,767 We got plans for you, girly-girl. Move! 385 00:54:23,269 --> 00:54:28,190 Have you lost your bones, you decomposed gobs? Get thee hence! 386 00:54:36,490 --> 00:54:39,035 A scout approaches! 387 00:54:45,082 --> 00:54:47,418 Hey, get his horse. 388 00:54:48,085 --> 00:54:49,337 Arise. 389 00:54:49,462 --> 00:54:52,923 An army of the dead gather in the wilderness. They approach the castle. 390 00:54:53,049 --> 00:54:55,426 - How far from here? - But two days' ride. 391 00:54:55,551 --> 00:54:57,470 These winged ones are only the first of them. 392 00:54:57,595 --> 00:55:00,306 - Perhaps we should leave as soon as possible. - We could be safe in the mountains. 393 00:55:00,431 --> 00:55:02,016 Yes, yes, the mountains! We must flee! 394 00:55:02,141 --> 00:55:04,852 - It is written, Arthur. It has been foretold. - They'll take our souls. 395 00:55:04,977 --> 00:55:08,189 - I'm afraid! I don't want to die! - They'll swallow our souls. 396 00:55:09,982 --> 00:55:11,901 That's it. 397 00:55:12,568 --> 00:55:14,362 Go ahead and run. 398 00:55:14,487 --> 00:55:17,907 Run home and cry to mama! 399 00:55:18,032 --> 00:55:19,992 Me? 400 00:55:20,117 --> 00:55:22,703 I'm through runnin'! 401 00:55:23,454 --> 00:55:26,707 I say we stay here and fight it out. 402 00:55:26,832 --> 00:55:31,420 Are all men from the future loudmouthed braggarts? 403 00:55:31,545 --> 00:55:33,172 Nope. 404 00:55:33,297 --> 00:55:36,425 Just me, baby. Just me. 405 00:55:37,134 --> 00:55:41,097 How will we fight an army of the dead at our castle walls? 406 00:55:41,222 --> 00:55:44,016 How will you fight that? More words? 407 00:55:44,141 --> 00:55:48,646 Most of our people have already fled. We are but 60 men. 408 00:55:48,771 --> 00:55:52,233 Then we'll get Henry the Red and his men to fight with us. 409 00:55:55,653 --> 00:55:59,698 Now... who's with me? 410 00:56:13,879 --> 00:56:16,257 I'll stand by ya. 411 00:56:17,883 --> 00:56:20,386 You can count on my steel. 412 00:56:20,511 --> 00:56:24,431 - I'll offer up my courage. - Me sword's by his side. 413 00:56:24,557 --> 00:56:28,060 - I'm with you! - I'll bend my bow to your will, sir. 414 00:56:28,185 --> 00:56:29,812 And mine! 415 00:56:31,522 --> 00:56:35,025 - We'll stay! - Hail! Hail! 416 00:56:35,150 --> 00:56:43,075 Hail! Hail! 417 00:56:52,793 --> 00:56:57,590 Well, my dear, say hello to the boys. 418 00:57:02,720 --> 00:57:06,682 There's a sight for sore bones. 419 00:57:10,227 --> 00:57:16,108 I may be bad, but I feel... good. 420 00:57:16,233 --> 00:57:18,944 - Who rules? - You, my Lord! 421 00:57:19,069 --> 00:57:22,615 - You, sir! To the castle! - To the castle! 422 00:57:22,740 --> 00:57:26,201 - But the men are afraid! - Has Duke Henry not answered us yet? 423 00:57:26,327 --> 00:57:28,787 Quit your belly-aching! 424 00:57:28,912 --> 00:57:31,290 I know you're scared. 425 00:57:32,041 --> 00:57:34,126 We're all scared. 426 00:57:34,752 --> 00:57:37,713 But that doesn't mean we're cowards. 427 00:57:37,838 --> 00:57:40,966 We can take these Deadites, we can take 'em! 428 00:57:42,343 --> 00:57:44,511 With science. 429 00:57:48,891 --> 00:57:53,270 - Come to it! Come! - Come on, fellas! Push! 430 00:58:43,862 --> 00:58:47,241 Come on! Come on! Tilt! Tilt! Tilt! 431 00:58:47,741 --> 00:58:48,992 Okay, in, in! 432 00:59:31,368 --> 00:59:32,995 Yeah! 433 00:59:34,872 --> 00:59:39,001 They're coming! The Deadites approach! 434 00:59:44,047 --> 00:59:47,509 Quickly now, you worthless fools! They'll be on us anon! 435 00:59:47,634 --> 00:59:51,722 - Come on, guys! - Archers to the back! 436 00:59:53,348 --> 00:59:57,686 The moment of truth is almost here. You men better not fail me now. 437 01:00:13,827 --> 01:00:16,330 There's so damned many of them! 438 01:00:29,635 --> 01:00:31,887 I need more men. 439 01:01:13,970 --> 01:01:18,433 Battle stations! Get those rocks up, mister, on the double! 440 01:01:18,558 --> 01:01:22,979 Ready the catapults! By God, let's give 'em what for. 441 01:01:30,821 --> 01:01:35,075 - And halt! - Company, halt! 442 01:01:35,200 --> 01:01:37,411 Company, halt! 443 01:01:44,751 --> 01:01:47,546 I'll rip his balls off. 444 01:02:38,013 --> 01:02:41,224 - Looking glass! - Aye, sire. 445 01:02:48,607 --> 01:02:51,443 Once I possess the Necronomicon... 446 01:02:51,568 --> 01:02:57,616 I shall rule, and you shall be my queen. 447 01:03:11,671 --> 01:03:14,382 My Lord, we are positioned on both fronts. 448 01:03:14,507 --> 01:03:17,928 Fine, fine, fine. Where are they keeping my book? 449 01:03:18,053 --> 01:03:20,931 There, my Lord, beyond the drawbridge in the second wall. 450 01:03:21,056 --> 01:03:23,350 That would be the safest place. 451 01:03:23,475 --> 01:03:28,897 I will not allow anything to keep me from possessing that Necronomicon. 452 01:03:29,940 --> 01:03:34,319 Now, bring me forth into that castle. 453 01:03:34,444 --> 01:03:37,572 - Forward! - Forward! 454 01:03:37,697 --> 01:03:42,118 Cry havoc, and let loose the dogs of war! 455 01:03:42,243 --> 01:03:45,038 To the castle! 456 01:03:49,292 --> 01:03:50,627 Excellent. 457 01:03:53,546 --> 01:03:56,132 Death to the mortals! 458 01:03:59,386 --> 01:04:00,387 Arrows! 459 01:04:01,054 --> 01:04:02,722 Bows! 460 01:04:02,847 --> 01:04:04,474 Load! 461 01:04:05,684 --> 01:04:07,560 Draw! 462 01:04:16,861 --> 01:04:19,239 Torch boy! 463 01:05:01,156 --> 01:05:02,323 Steady. 464 01:05:09,122 --> 01:05:10,457 Fire! 465 01:05:13,084 --> 01:05:15,628 Advance, you demons! Advance! 466 01:05:31,728 --> 01:05:34,481 Yeah, baby! 467 01:05:39,319 --> 01:05:40,945 Alright! 468 01:05:43,615 --> 01:05:47,076 Sire, there's a second division approaching from the south. 469 01:05:48,036 --> 01:05:50,997 Ram the gate! 470 01:05:55,335 --> 01:05:56,836 Catapults. 471 01:05:56,961 --> 01:05:59,172 Catapults south! 472 01:05:59,297 --> 01:06:02,634 Come on, men! Move it! Turn it around! 473 01:06:02,759 --> 01:06:04,844 Right! Heave-ho! 474 01:06:07,288 --> 01:06:08,289 Yeah! 475 01:06:09,749 --> 01:06:11,626 Fire! 476 01:06:27,976 --> 01:06:28,977 Yeah! 477 01:06:31,354 --> 01:06:33,273 Seek cover! 478 01:06:33,398 --> 01:06:36,067 - Watch out! - Make way! 479 01:06:45,702 --> 01:06:48,538 Oh, you miserable bags of bones! 480 01:06:48,663 --> 01:06:52,458 Pick yourselves up and sally f... 481 01:06:53,334 --> 01:06:55,003 Sally f... 482 01:06:55,879 --> 01:06:57,839 Sally forth! 483 01:06:59,924 --> 01:07:01,593 Come on, guys! 484 01:07:03,386 --> 01:07:05,013 Lower! 485 01:07:05,138 --> 01:07:06,806 Heave! 486 01:07:12,896 --> 01:07:14,606 Forward! 487 01:07:16,774 --> 01:07:19,611 Buttress the door, now! 488 01:07:31,497 --> 01:07:32,707 Hold fast! 489 01:07:36,002 --> 01:07:38,504 - Rocks! - Stone these creatures! 490 01:07:38,630 --> 01:07:40,256 Damn you! 491 01:07:43,509 --> 01:07:45,595 Ooh, that's gotta hurt. 492 01:07:45,720 --> 01:07:48,473 Go, you cretins! Arrows! 493 01:07:48,598 --> 01:07:51,100 Load! Fire! 494 01:07:56,689 --> 01:07:59,442 We'll ram it down the bastard's throat! 495 01:08:01,194 --> 01:08:03,613 We've broken through! The castle is ours! 496 01:08:08,910 --> 01:08:12,080 Kill the mortals! 497 01:08:47,323 --> 01:08:50,284 Pull back! Man the parapet! 498 01:08:50,410 --> 01:08:53,204 - Protect the book. - Retreat! 499 01:08:53,329 --> 01:08:54,872 God save us all. 500 01:08:59,710 --> 01:09:02,880 Say hello to the 21st century. Yeah! 501 01:09:15,560 --> 01:09:17,812 Come on! I got plenty for everybody! 502 01:09:18,688 --> 01:09:19,897 Look out! 503 01:09:26,904 --> 01:09:29,240 - How do you like this? - Play dead! 504 01:09:32,285 --> 01:09:35,621 It's the one in the cart we want. Get him! 505 01:10:09,947 --> 01:10:11,699 Sheila. 506 01:10:36,724 --> 01:10:40,061 - We've secured the courtyard, my Lord. - Excellent. 507 01:10:53,532 --> 01:10:55,743 Hey! Look out! 508 01:11:02,667 --> 01:11:06,587 - Hey, you're mine, sweetie. - Get off of her! 509 01:11:11,217 --> 01:11:13,010 Gotcha! 510 01:11:13,135 --> 01:11:15,054 Damn you! 511 01:11:18,057 --> 01:11:20,976 - My Lord! - Stay with the book. 512 01:11:21,102 --> 01:11:23,521 The book's where we are. 513 01:11:26,982 --> 01:11:30,861 The Red! The Red! Duke Henry and his men have come! 514 01:11:30,986 --> 01:11:33,739 For king and castle! 515 01:11:34,365 --> 01:11:39,370 Blows, blood, and death! 516 01:11:42,790 --> 01:11:45,209 We are saved! 517 01:11:55,469 --> 01:11:59,056 Onward, valiant cousins! Their ranks are broke! 518 01:12:06,480 --> 01:12:07,773 Oops! 519 01:12:09,817 --> 01:12:11,819 Hello friends! 520 01:12:20,911 --> 01:12:22,955 The book is mine. 521 01:12:30,880 --> 01:12:33,132 I'll cut your gizzard out. 522 01:12:33,757 --> 01:12:36,051 Hey! Where'd he go? Hey! 523 01:12:46,604 --> 01:12:47,771 Come to papa. 524 01:12:49,398 --> 01:12:50,941 Get him! 525 01:13:17,885 --> 01:13:20,095 Oh, you crazy bitch, get off of me! 526 01:13:26,518 --> 01:13:28,270 Right. 527 01:13:34,944 --> 01:13:37,237 You found me beautiful once. 528 01:13:37,363 --> 01:13:40,658 Honey, you got real ugly. 529 01:13:57,967 --> 01:13:59,551 There we are. 530 01:14:08,260 --> 01:14:11,889 So you wanna play rough, eh? Okay! 531 01:14:20,814 --> 01:14:22,650 Alright, alright. 532 01:14:41,585 --> 01:14:43,295 You're going down! 533 01:14:44,672 --> 01:14:47,841 - I'm goin' up. - I'm comin' for ya. 534 01:14:55,808 --> 01:14:57,685 Come on! 535 01:15:11,532 --> 01:15:14,618 - Oops. Excuse me. - Come on. 536 01:15:14,743 --> 01:15:16,370 Alright! 537 01:15:17,538 --> 01:15:21,917 You're pissin' me off, you ugly son of a bitch! 538 01:15:39,176 --> 01:15:42,679 I'll spoil those good looks. 539 01:15:44,098 --> 01:15:46,517 Back-stabber! 540 01:15:50,687 --> 01:15:52,272 Hold still! 541 01:16:03,275 --> 01:16:04,735 Tally-ho! 542 01:16:09,598 --> 01:16:14,520 - We can't hold the battlements! - We will hold! We must protect the book! 543 01:16:29,618 --> 01:16:32,538 I got a bone to pick with you. 544 01:16:32,663 --> 01:16:34,248 Come on. 545 01:16:40,838 --> 01:16:43,382 Slice that gizzard open. 546 01:16:59,189 --> 01:17:02,276 Now you're mine. Let's go! 547 01:17:22,004 --> 01:17:24,131 At last, the book. 548 01:17:29,845 --> 01:17:32,097 I possess the Necronomicon. 549 01:17:32,222 --> 01:17:33,891 I've crushed your pathetic army. 550 01:17:34,016 --> 01:17:35,809 Now I'll have my vengeance. 551 01:17:35,934 --> 01:17:39,730 Buckle up, bonehead, 'cause you're goin' for a ride. 552 01:17:55,078 --> 01:17:57,164 Victory's ours! 553 01:17:58,916 --> 01:18:02,586 - Retreat! Retreat! - Let's get the hell out of here! 554 01:18:29,897 --> 01:18:32,900 - Tricky ones, they are. - If it's a fight you want... 555 01:18:33,942 --> 01:18:36,612 Watch 'em, lads. They're an untrustworthy lot. 556 01:18:36,737 --> 01:18:40,240 If it's a fight they're looking for, they can get it! 557 01:19:23,951 --> 01:19:25,535 Move yourself, lad! 558 01:19:26,069 --> 01:19:28,030 - Your hand, man. Godspeed! - Hey, Henry. 559 01:19:28,155 --> 01:19:29,448 - You had us going. - My Lady. 560 01:19:29,573 --> 01:19:31,992 - Arthur. - Well won, my friend. 561 01:19:32,117 --> 01:19:34,536 We've won the day. Yeah! 562 01:19:34,661 --> 01:19:36,705 Yeah! 563 01:19:40,208 --> 01:19:44,630 We're brothers! And a new kingdom shall be born! 564 01:19:47,215 --> 01:19:50,344 The book tells us that once you drink this liquid... 565 01:19:50,469 --> 01:19:54,222 and recite the words, Klaatu barada nikto"... 566 01:19:54,348 --> 01:19:57,601 thou shalt awaken in thine own time. 567 01:19:59,728 --> 01:20:04,316 Remember... you must recite the words exactly. 568 01:20:56,451 --> 01:20:58,328 I thought about staying. 569 01:20:58,453 --> 01:21:01,623 They offered me the chance to lead them, to teach them, to... 570 01:21:01,748 --> 01:21:03,917 to be king. 571 01:21:04,918 --> 01:21:07,462 But my place is here, so... 572 01:21:07,587 --> 01:21:10,132 I swallowed the juice, said the words and here I am. 573 01:21:10,257 --> 01:21:13,218 Did you say the words right this time? 574 01:21:13,969 --> 01:21:16,721 Well, maybe I didn't say every single, tiny little syllable, no... 575 01:21:16,847 --> 01:21:19,224 but basically I said 'em, yeah. 576 01:21:21,059 --> 01:21:22,769 Basically? 577 01:21:25,730 --> 01:21:28,316 You know that story about how you could've been king... 578 01:21:29,151 --> 01:21:31,486 I think it's kind of cute. 579 01:21:32,737 --> 01:21:34,489 Yeah... 580 01:21:52,924 --> 01:21:54,301 Die! 581 01:22:08,398 --> 01:22:11,776 Lady, I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you to leave the store. 582 01:22:11,902 --> 01:22:16,239 - Who the hell are you? - Name's Ash. 583 01:22:18,116 --> 01:22:19,284 Housewares. 584 01:22:40,180 --> 01:22:42,474 I'll swallow your soul. 585 01:22:42,599 --> 01:22:44,100 Come get some. 586 01:23:04,454 --> 01:23:07,832 Sure, I could've stayed in the past. 587 01:23:09,000 --> 01:23:11,586 Could've even been king. 588 01:23:12,754 --> 01:23:15,215 But in my own way... 589 01:23:15,340 --> 01:23:17,342 I am king. 590 01:23:18,468 --> 01:23:20,804 Hail to the king, baby. 41629

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