All language subtitles for Theatre Macabre. s01e14.The.Canterville.Ghost.eng

(suspenseful music)

- How do you do?

I'm Christopher Lee.

Most people don't believe in ghosts,

but they'd rather see than be one.

A lot of people saw the Canterville Ghost.

According to Oscar Wilde,
he had a very special problem.

Try as he might, he couldn't
make anyone afraid of him.

He used all the traditional methods

of scaring away his
unwanted tenants,

but the poor phantom
didn't seem to have

a ghost of a chance.

So, Simon Canterville lived
in a fine, old castle.

He even died there, in the
same haunted chamber

which was assigned to
the beautiful Virginia.

The butler told her there
was nothing to worry about,

as one of the former occupants

had actually managed to get
down to breakfast alive.

This didn't alarm Virginia at all.

She didn't eat breakfast anyway.

Shall we join the spirits?

(haunting music)

- [Mr. Otis]
When was this old shack built?

- [Lord Canterville]
In 1523.

- I guess you'd call it a real antique.

- Indeed you could.

That I can guarantee.

Come this way and I'll show
you the rest of the castle.

- When will we be able to move in?

- Any time you wish.

No one but our old butler
George lives here now.

4O years ago there was
an unfortunate incident.

My great-grand aunt,
Mary Canterville,

mother to the Lord Admiral,
was very frightened,

and fell dead with a heart attack.

Tragic death.

- [Mrs. Otis]
What scared her?

- It was two hands of a skeleton.

They gripped her by the shoulders.

- Two hands? Seems normal
enough to me.

There would've been
reason enough for dying.

If the skeleton had, say,
four hands or even three.

- [Lord Canterville]
Mr. Otis.

- Speak UP-

- I know you bought this castle,
but I would like to suggest

that you have second
thoughts about occupying it.

The ghost of Canterville is not
a figment of my imagination.

He does exist, sir.

He could easily be
standing here with us.

- I can't see him.

- Nor me.
Tell us where he is.

- Are you by any chance
trying to call off the deal?

If so, you must have a reason.

Have you gone and got
a better offer?

- [Lord Canterville]
But madam, aren't you afraid?

- Afraid? Why, my husband
is a real live Texan.

When he proposed to me,

three of his rivals were
standing right there,

and guess what?

He had only two bullets in his gun.

As my husband is going to
represent our government

in your country for some time--

I mean, of course,
in business affairs--

You must understand how
essential it is

to have an appropriate residence

to entertain our guests, My Lord.

I'm sorry, ghost or no
ghost, this house is for us.

- Well, that's it. I'm afraid
that's our position, My Lord.

Well, this is about the finest house

a man could hope to rent.

Especially if there is
a ghost in it, as well.

You know, I hope that one day

I shall be able to invite my aunt here.

I'd be able to arrange it
so that she'd be so scared,

I might get the money back
she owes me.

We just come straight from
New York City

where there is just
everything that money can buy.

Your scientists, your
artists, your products,

the best of prima donnas,

and the pick of Oscar-winning stars.

And I reckon if there was such a thing

as a ghost in this country of yours,

it wouldn't be long before
we had it on the road.

A great show in stressing
friendly relations

between the governments
of your country and mine.

Yeah, but if I'm gonna be perfectly

straightforward about it,
Your Lordship,

I'm afraid that it wouldn't
rate a plug nickel.

Believe me,
you wouldn't take a cent.

- I'm quite sure you
are right, Mr. Otis.

Yet I must warn you
of the powers inherent

in the spirit from the
supernatural we have here.

It pays a special visit

just before the death of
a Canterville.

- Well, in America, that
function belongs to the doctor.

(haunting piano music)

- Please get her away from there.
She mustn't play it.

- Why not? She's pretty good,
you know.

- You shouldn't play
that organ, I warn you.

- It's out of tune.

- It infuriates him.

- The ghost? No.

(organ music)

(scream)

- Virginia, what is it?

- I seem to feel something.

- What?

- It was something cold.

- Oh, it's an old house,
dear, it's full of drafts.

- No, it was the ghost.

- You must be kidding us,
Lord Canterville.

There are no such things as ghosts.

Oh, people get a kooky idea

and after a while the idea
becomes reality.

I guess if you believe
enough, maybe it can happen.

I remember old Mrs. Upjohn, who
thought somebody was hidden

in her ice box and never dared to use it.

- I'm quite sure I felt something.

- Perhaps you... Virginia?

- I never supposed that Lord Cant...

Your pardon, My Lord,
but was it?

- I'm afraid the ghost is to blame.

- Everything's okay then.

We all seem to get a
little bit over-excited.

At your age, my dear Virginia,
it's quite understandable.

- Don't be frivolous.

_ why not?

- He gets very angry if
anyone plays on that organ.

Especially music of his
favorite period, 16th century.

- Angry? Therefore we mustn't
play on the organ?

Well now, come on,
just listen to me.

(organ music playing)

- I wonder if your famous
Lord Canterville

looks at all like you?
It would be nice.

I hope he doesn't disappoint us.

- I'm sure he's at least bit
attractive, Virginia.

You're quite sure?

- Bet he's handsome.

(piano music playing)

(loud crash)

- I thought the place was empty,

but there must be somebody around.

Anybody there?

(footsteps)

It's smashed.

- I'm afraid that there'll
even be worse signs

of his dislike of us.

- Look, down on the floor.

(5P00ky music)

It looks like some kind of stain.

- You're right, Virginia,
but what is it?

- A curse. Immovable.

It marks the spot where
Simon de Canterville,

murdered his wife Elanore,
and since that time

he haunts this castle
in permanent torment.

This floorboard bears the
stain of murder,

and nothing will remove it.

- That stain of yours...

Now, I know that it's been
upsetting you, would it help you

if that stain were made to,
say, completely vanish

by me with a certain amount of help?

Since time immemorial,
all you'd find

is families worshiping the
name of Pinkerton and Company.

- It's a waste of time.

- You better look at it, sir.

My product will remove
anything you like

and everybody swears by it, sir.

Now, lookee here,
your Lordship.

(music playing)

What'd I say? The name
of Pinkerton never fails.

It's infallible.

(thunderstorm rumble)

This monstrous climate
in this country of yours,

worse than Alaska.

(5P00ky music)

(haunting music)

Patricia.

Patricia!

- What is it dearest?

- Now, you were there when
I wiped up that floor stain

with that Pinkerton detergent of ours?

- And James Pinkerton
is universal, after all.

- And it's supposed to
be infallible, my dear.

Well, you come up here
at once. Come on.

Here, you see that?
The darn thing's back again.

(5P00ky music)

(haunting music)

(clock ringing)

(clock ringing continues)

(scary noises)
(spooky music)

Now, what in blazes--? Don't you know
that noise is most disturbing?

You've got to lubricate
those chains of yours.

As I presume that your
working hours obviously

are somewhat different from mine,

I must insist-- not to
be impolite or anything--

but try to keep your chains
in better condition, sir.

I present you with the lubricator,
Pinkerton easy oil.

A product known to remove all
rust in a matter of seconds.

Trv it!

(moaning)

(moaning)

- Lord Simon's ghost. You seem
to have a stomach-ache badly.

Yes? I suffer myself.
Most terrible indigestion.

You'll have to try something for it.

I find these help: the pure,
infallible Pinkerton's potion.

They never fail. Try them.
Be well.

(smash)

(wailing)

- Got him!

(wailing)

Come on,
let's get him!

(music)

(laughs)

Hey! Get him. Get him!

Come on, get him.
(wailing)

' BOyS!

You should be so ashamed.
Now, you stop it.

How you can attack
that poor pathetic creature...

Now, go to bed and stay there.

(wailing)

(wailing continues)
(sad music)

- I wouldn't like to
have to punish you boys,

but it was irresponsible
and rude showing no credit

for the upbringing we gave you.

Throwing pillows at an old ghost

who's been living here
for the past 400 years.

- More than irresponsible.
It was cruel of them.

- And great results.
Boy, did he beat it.

- Don't use those vulgar words.
Your father

and I did what we could
to bring you up

like decent American boys.

I can't say I care for these
annoying things either,

but I still hope I behave like a lady.

- But, mom, what's wrong
with "beat it"?

- If you boys don't stop
that vulgar talk of yours

in my presence, I--
- Madam.

George, what is it?

- Perhaps, madam,
you'd better come.

- I'll lay you money that's
Lady Catherine's blood

back again, right where
her husband murdered her.

Yeah, that's what it is again.
I'll bet anything.

- It's become a splendid
shade of blue, I see.

Well, of course it is.

After all, the Lady was one
of them there aristocrats.

Wasn't she?

Oh, let's see.
This oughta do it.

(energetic music)

Not even a trace left of it,

whether it's blue or not,
my dear.

My detergent cannot be surpassed.

- That's it, my Lord.
That's it.

(organ music)

(organ music continues)

(metallic footsteps)

(gunshots)

- How could you destroy
beautiful armor like that?

(slow music)

(organ music)

I guess you'll be sad
to leave your beautiful

and happy home.

It's so full of atmosphere.

The lovely ghost that you made
up, I almost believe in him.

On that manuscript,

I found that someone
had written a few lines

from a poem.

- I know.
"When a golden girl can win

a Prayer from out the lips of sin,

the little child drops the tears--

- And when the barren
almond tree bears fruit...

- Then shall peace at
Canterville descend."

- The prophecy, I suppose.

Well, as you can see, the
golden girl's already here,

but I...

There wasn't any ghosts for me.

- But there is.

- Is there? Where?

(phone ringing)

Hello? Hello, Canterville castle.

Who do you want to speak to?

This is Virginia.
Who is speaking, please?

Who? Lord Ca nterville.

He's here with me.

But Lord Canterville is here
in this room.

Yes, he is.

I just don't understand.

- Nothing to be puzzled about.
That is old Canterville.

- You must be joking.
Please be serious.

- Now, how can I possibly do that?

I'm condemned to live on,
and must make the best of it.

I must frighten
you with rattling armor

or fueled by night...
Charm you a little?

That is my fate.

- My dear Lord Canterville,
you mustn't joke like this.

- I wouldn't joke with you.

- In my book,
ghosts don't exist,

and most people think the same.

How are you going to make
me believe you're a ghost?

- Why, by just vanishing.

That there is the prophecy
come to fulfillment.

For other four centuries,

I've been waiting for
my golden girl.

A long wait,
yet now I got you.

Very humbly, for I'm afraid
I'm a bad proposition.

Why do I suppose my ghostly sentence

might interest somebody special,
as special as you,

yet it might.

Perhaps you'll give me--

- You want to take
Pinkerton sleeping pills.

They'll make you sleep like a baby.

- It's more.
That's what I've been saying.

It's my most special prayer
to be happy

and sleep at last

and free from my endless vigil,
at peace in death.

My own happy torment forgotten,

to sleep in peace for eternity.

It's my belief that you are the one,

who might at last release my soul.

In your love I shall find
my requiem.

- Nobody's been rude so before this.

- Your answer.

(slow romantic music)

I haven't phoned the police
about her disappearance.

We can only wait.

- You must do something now!

- Nothing to worry about,
my dear.

I remember you ran away only a few days

before we were to get married.

- Our marriage is different.
She hasn't even thought of that.

- There's something I have to say.

I should perhaps explain.

Ever since meeting your...

The day I phoned, I meant to...

Well, obviously my intention
was to speak to you both...

But in making Virginia's acquaintance--

But of course I only met her once.

I mean to say--

- You want to marry Virginia?

Fine, but you can't propose to her.

That girl can be almost any place.

- Must you be so flippant?
Have you no feeling for her?

My little girl Virginia, how could she?

My only suspicion is a terrible
fear that she's being held

for ransom.

- She'll do all right.
Whiskey.

- Have you had the lake searched?

She could be drowning.

- The lake, the park, cellars,
attics, even the fireplace.

Yes, sir. You name it,
we looked.

- But you can't just sit here and wait.

- Well, running around
ain't going to do no good.

(clock chiming)

(wind gust)

(footsteps)

I hope everyone's fine.

- I must be seeing things.

Tell me where you've been.

- It's my secret, where I was.

Thank you very much,
Lord Canterville.

You looked after me quite beautifully.

.I?

- Virginia, where were you?
Tell me child.

- Oh come on.

Stop fussing.

She's all right.

Nothing else matters,
my dear.

Virginia, you best know
that Lord Canterville here

has got some kind of
notion of marrying you.

- You have?

- If you would do me the honor.

- I should be delighted.

- Isn't that exciting?
A Lady. My darling children.

(organ music)

(organ music continues)

- A haunting tale.

Should you ever wish to
purchase a castle,

make sure that the resident
ghost is well-trained,

and fond of travel.

(SP00ky music)