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1
00:00:06,789 --> 00:00:08,878
Let's go, Sam!
We don't have all day!
2
00:00:08,921 --> 00:00:11,707
- Okay, you. - literally have eternity.
- Oh, that's right.
3
00:00:11,750 --> 00:00:14,971
Thank you for reminding me
of my endless purgatory.
4
00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:16,755
Morning, Sam.
5
00:00:16,799 --> 00:00:19,149
Oh. Hey! Who's this
cute little guy?
6
00:00:19,193 --> 00:00:20,977
This is my son David.
Uh, hope it's okay.
7
00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:22,346
My wife's out of town
for a few days.
8
00:00:22,370 --> 00:00:25,503
Ugh. Why are the good ones
always married?
9
00:00:25,547 --> 00:00:26,678
And alive?
10
00:00:26,722 --> 00:00:28,071
Hurtful.
11
00:00:28,115 --> 00:00:29,570
Well, we're very happy
to have you, David.
12
00:00:29,594 --> 00:00:30,682
Welcome to the team.
13
00:00:30,726 --> 00:00:31,901
Should I put him on my crew?
14
00:00:31,944 --> 00:00:33,139
Think he's too young
to hold a hammer?
15
00:00:33,163 --> 00:00:34,643
Are you mad?
Children under seven
16
00:00:34,686 --> 00:00:36,079
aren't suitable for hard labor.
17
00:00:36,123 --> 00:00:38,123
Pirate!
18
00:00:38,123 --> 00:00:38,473
Pirate?
19
00:00:38,516 --> 00:00:41,084
I was a delegate of
the Second Continental Congress.
20
00:00:41,128 --> 00:00:44,653
- Pirate!
- Damn my ruffled colonial garb.
21
00:00:44,696 --> 00:00:46,307
Uh, there's
nothing there, buddy,
22
00:00:46,350 --> 00:00:47,830
but I love your imagination.
23
00:00:47,873 --> 00:00:49,092
And he's off.
24
00:00:50,572 --> 00:00:52,617
Hang on, that kid can see you?
25
00:00:52,661 --> 00:00:54,315
Yeah, it's rare.
But, occasionally,
26
00:00:54,358 --> 00:00:56,056
young children can see ghosts.
27
00:00:56,099 --> 00:00:58,145
Sometimes, when child
has imaginary friend,
28
00:00:58,188 --> 00:00:59,363
is actual ghost.
29
00:00:59,407 --> 00:01:01,148
Other times, kid just crazy.
30
00:01:01,191 --> 00:01:03,193
Once, a sweet
little girl saw my arrow
31
00:01:03,237 --> 00:01:04,455
and called me a monster.
32
00:01:04,499 --> 00:01:05,717
- Oh.
- But it's okay.
33
00:01:05,761 --> 00:01:07,761
What am I gonna do?
34
00:01:07,761 --> 00:01:08,198
Cry myself to sleep?
35
00:01:08,242 --> 00:01:10,242
For weeks?
36
00:01:10,242 --> 00:01:10,722
- Got him.
- Oh, great.
37
00:01:10,766 --> 00:01:12,028
Well, we'll be back soon.
38
00:01:12,072 --> 00:01:13,136
We're just gonna take
a quick walk.
39
00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:14,726
- We?
- Yes.
40
00:01:14,770 --> 00:01:16,337
As in the royal we.
41
00:01:16,380 --> 00:01:17,555
Here we go,
42
00:01:17,599 --> 00:01:20,602
and we are going outside.
43
00:01:29,306 --> 00:01:32,048
How many of those steps
did we get today, Sam?
44
00:01:32,092 --> 00:01:33,571
Only 3,000.
45
00:01:33,615 --> 00:01:35,245
Not pointing any fingers,
but Hetty was really dragging.
46
00:01:35,269 --> 00:01:37,575
Well, excuse me
for dying in heels.
47
00:01:37,619 --> 00:01:40,404
Plus, I did not sleep. You
know I suffer from nerves.
48
00:01:40,448 --> 00:01:42,295
At least when I was alive,
I could take laudanum.
49
00:01:42,319 --> 00:01:43,712
What's laudanum?
50
00:01:43,755 --> 00:01:45,627
It's a simple mixture
of alcohol and morphine.
51
00:01:45,670 --> 00:01:47,324
You should try it, Samantha.
52
00:01:47,368 --> 00:01:49,476
Oh, sure, I'll pick some up
next time I'm at the alchemist.
53
00:01:49,500 --> 00:01:52,547
Well, I didn't always require
such elixirs.
54
00:01:52,590 --> 00:01:54,157
When I was a little girl,
55
00:01:54,201 --> 00:01:57,552
an angel-voiced servant
would sing me to sleep.
56
00:01:57,595 --> 00:01:58,944
Some footman or butler.
57
00:01:58,988 --> 00:02:00,424
His name was Gordon.
58
00:02:00,468 --> 00:02:01,817
I was there, as ghost.
59
00:02:01,860 --> 00:02:04,559
I think you're right.
It may have been Gordon.
60
00:02:04,602 --> 00:02:05,951
I don't know. We paid them
61
00:02:05,995 --> 00:02:07,190
so we didn't have to
remember their names.
62
00:02:07,214 --> 00:02:08,302
Hey!
63
00:02:08,345 --> 00:02:10,347
There's a strange jalopy
in the driveway.
64
00:02:10,391 --> 00:02:12,391
Who's that?
65
00:02:12,391 --> 00:02:13,392
Land ship!
66
00:02:13,392 --> 00:02:13,524
All right.
67
00:02:13,568 --> 00:02:15,091
We know, baby.
68
00:02:15,135 --> 00:02:16,832
We know.
69
00:02:18,486 --> 00:02:19,704
Hey, Sam.
70
00:02:19,748 --> 00:02:21,141
This is Todd Pearlman,
71
00:02:21,184 --> 00:02:23,534
and he's, uh...
he's some kind of historian.
72
00:02:23,578 --> 00:02:25,101
Historian?
73
00:02:25,145 --> 00:02:28,452
Well, I think we know
where this is going.
74
00:02:28,496 --> 00:02:31,063
Welcome, Todd. What
brings you to our house?
75
00:02:31,107 --> 00:02:33,631
Uh, have you ever heard
of Alberta Haynes?
76
00:02:33,675 --> 00:02:35,416
- What?
- Step aside, Isaac.
77
00:02:35,459 --> 00:02:37,374
The name rings a bell.
78
00:02:37,418 --> 00:02:39,418
Alberta Haynes was a singer,
79
00:02:39,418 --> 00:02:39,898
a wonderful singer.
80
00:02:39,942 --> 00:02:41,813
Tell us something we don't know.
81
00:02:41,857 --> 00:02:42,945
Believe it or not,
82
00:02:42,988 --> 00:02:44,642
she died right here
in this house.
83
00:02:44,686 --> 00:02:46,470
Someone died in this house?
84
00:02:46,514 --> 00:02:47,602
I'm shocked.
85
00:02:47,645 --> 00:02:48,709
I'm actually writing a book
86
00:02:48,733 --> 00:02:50,735
on Alberta's life and career.
87
00:02:50,779 --> 00:02:52,824
What? A book about me?
88
00:02:52,868 --> 00:02:54,652
Did you hear that, Isaac?
89
00:02:54,696 --> 00:02:55,958
Well, come on in and sit down.
90
00:02:56,001 --> 00:02:57,873
Oh, sorry for the mess.
91
00:02:57,916 --> 00:02:59,155
We're in the middle
of turning the house
92
00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:00,310
into a bed-and-breakfast.
93
00:03:00,354 --> 00:03:02,530
Sam, stay on topic. Me.
94
00:03:02,573 --> 00:03:05,837
So, uh, you study singers?
95
00:03:05,881 --> 00:03:07,187
Jazz musicians, yes.
96
00:03:07,230 --> 00:03:09,232
But Alberta is my specialty.
97
00:03:09,276 --> 00:03:12,714
I'm actually the head curator
of the Alberta Haynes Museum
98
00:03:12,757 --> 00:03:14,324
in Altoona, Pennsylvania.
99
00:03:14,368 --> 00:03:16,718
- Wow, there's a whole museum.
- about you, Alberta. - Oh!
100
00:03:16,761 --> 00:03:18,633
Died. I just died again.
101
00:03:18,676 --> 00:03:22,245
- Who's the nerd?
- He is historian who's not here to study Isaac.
102
00:03:22,289 --> 00:03:23,290
Thank you, Thor!
103
00:03:23,333 --> 00:03:25,205
Her life story is
an inspiration.
104
00:03:25,248 --> 00:03:27,946
I mean, born in Tulsa
to Jamaican parents...
105
00:03:27,990 --> 00:03:29,121
Mm, tell it.
106
00:03:29,165 --> 00:03:30,534
As a young woman,
she came to Harlem
107
00:03:30,558 --> 00:03:31,776
during the Great Migration
108
00:03:31,820 --> 00:03:33,343
with nothing
but a dream in her heart
109
00:03:33,387 --> 00:03:35,519
and a boatload of talent.
110
00:03:35,563 --> 00:03:38,087
Can we record this? Whip out
that damn iPhone, Sam.
111
00:03:38,130 --> 00:03:40,568
Oh, she sounds like
an incredible person.
112
00:03:40,611 --> 00:03:41,917
Sam, ask him about my murder.
113
00:03:41,960 --> 00:03:43,527
Oh, no, not this again.
114
00:03:43,571 --> 00:03:45,486
How exactly did Alberta die?
115
00:03:45,529 --> 00:03:49,141
Oh, her death is hotly debated
amongst academics.
116
00:03:49,185 --> 00:03:51,709
I mean, the official cause
was a cardiac event,
117
00:03:51,753 --> 00:03:54,146
but, between you and me,
118
00:03:54,190 --> 00:03:55,887
I've always suspected foul play.
119
00:03:57,237 --> 00:03:59,237
I told you all
I was too important
120
00:03:59,237 --> 00:03:59,543
to die of a heart attack.
121
00:03:59,587 --> 00:04:00,955
Well, if you're excited
about being murdered,
122
00:04:00,979 --> 00:04:02,198
I am excited for you.
123
00:04:02,242 --> 00:04:03,678
Who would want to kill her?
124
00:04:03,721 --> 00:04:04,896
Mm, it's hard to say.
125
00:04:04,940 --> 00:04:06,550
I mean, someone as
126
00:04:06,594 --> 00:04:08,073
beautiful and as talented
127
00:04:08,117 --> 00:04:09,684
as Alberta... Oh.
128
00:04:09,727 --> 00:04:11,555
would attract many rivals.
129
00:04:11,599 --> 00:04:12,817
Genius. Mwah!
130
00:04:12,861 --> 00:04:14,861
This man is a genius.
131
00:04:14,861 --> 00:04:15,385
Oh, Sam, tell Todd
132
00:04:15,429 --> 00:04:18,127
my old trunk's upstairs
if he wants to look at it.
133
00:04:18,170 --> 00:04:20,912
You know,
I-I just remembered something.
134
00:04:20,956 --> 00:04:22,262
Upstairs,
135
00:04:22,305 --> 00:04:24,220
there's this trunk.
It's full of stuff
136
00:04:24,264 --> 00:04:26,135
that seems
like it's from the '20s.
137
00:04:26,178 --> 00:04:27,919
So maybe that could belong
138
00:04:27,963 --> 00:04:30,008
to this Alberta person.
139
00:04:30,052 --> 00:04:31,923
"This Alberta person"?
140
00:04:31,967 --> 00:04:33,577
Girl, like we ain't besties.
141
00:04:34,665 --> 00:04:36,406
Ooh, you so good.
142
00:04:37,973 --> 00:04:39,496
Wow.
143
00:04:39,540 --> 00:04:40,845
Sheet music, letters,
144
00:04:40,889 --> 00:04:42,543
moonshine, a mink scarf.
145
00:04:42,586 --> 00:04:43,848
That is
146
00:04:43,892 --> 00:04:45,546
a handsome trunk.
147
00:04:45,589 --> 00:04:46,808
Handsome and heavy.
148
00:04:46,851 --> 00:04:48,133
I remember
lugging that thing over
149
00:04:48,157 --> 00:04:49,767
from the motel
the night I performed.
150
00:04:49,811 --> 00:04:51,900
- You didn't. - stay here?
- Oh, no, wasn't allowed,
151
00:04:51,943 --> 00:04:53,423
'cause, you know, racism.
152
00:04:53,467 --> 00:04:55,904
- Ah.
- Well, if it helps, I don't see color.
153
00:04:55,947 --> 00:04:58,515
Literally. It cost me
several games of Risk.
154
00:04:59,951 --> 00:05:01,301
This is a treasure trove.
155
00:05:01,344 --> 00:05:02,780
I'm gonna need
a good amount of time
156
00:05:02,824 --> 00:05:04,216
to get through these materials.
157
00:05:04,260 --> 00:05:06,100
Well, uh, uh, take
all the time you need, Todd.
158
00:05:06,131 --> 00:05:08,003
I don't want to impose, but
159
00:05:08,046 --> 00:05:10,788
would you consider
allowing me to stay the night?
160
00:05:10,832 --> 00:05:13,443
You said this place
was a B&B, correct?
161
00:05:13,487 --> 00:05:16,141
Well, yeah, but it's-it's not
exactly open yet.
162
00:05:16,185 --> 00:05:17,665
Well, I could be
your first guest.
163
00:05:17,708 --> 00:05:19,991
You know what, Todd, uh, the
rooms, they're not really ready.
164
00:05:20,015 --> 00:05:21,514
Uh, we haven't
even started picking out
165
00:05:21,538 --> 00:05:22,844
those tiny little soaps.
166
00:05:22,887 --> 00:05:24,802
I don't need
any of that fancy stuff.
167
00:05:24,846 --> 00:05:27,152
I mean, this room is fine.
168
00:05:27,196 --> 00:05:28,216
Wait, hold up. This is my room.
169
00:05:28,240 --> 00:05:29,851
I can give you $500.
170
00:05:30,634 --> 00:05:33,333
Welcome to
the Woodstone Bed-and-Breakfast.
171
00:05:35,117 --> 00:05:36,901
Time for afternoon walk!
172
00:05:38,512 --> 00:05:40,818
Oh, hadn't you heard?
Afternoon walk's been canceled.
173
00:05:40,862 --> 00:05:42,037
- Why?
- Well,
174
00:05:42,080 --> 00:05:44,474
apparently, this
bearded historian fellow
175
00:05:44,518 --> 00:05:45,693
is spending the night.
176
00:05:45,736 --> 00:05:47,956
Samantha and Alberta
are busy tending to him.
177
00:05:47,999 --> 00:05:50,828
Okay, so we go together.
Just the two of us.
178
00:05:50,872 --> 00:05:52,221
You and me? Alone?
179
00:05:52,264 --> 00:05:54,745
- Yes!
- Yes, but th
180
00:05:54,789 --> 00:05:57,269
that wouldn't be the
walking crew, now would it?
181
00:05:57,313 --> 00:05:59,315
Give us a chance to catch up.
We never talk.
182
00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:01,752
Right. We never do. That is
a true thing you're saying.
183
00:06:01,796 --> 00:06:03,188
I am free, you are free.
184
00:06:03,232 --> 00:06:04,712
We both love walking.
185
00:06:04,755 --> 00:06:05,974
Also true statements.
186
00:06:06,017 --> 00:06:07,497
So really no reason
not to proceed.
187
00:06:07,541 --> 00:06:09,456
Yes, I-I'm having
trouble thinking of one.
188
00:06:09,499 --> 00:06:11,499
Will be fun.
189
00:06:11,499 --> 00:06:11,501
- Okay!
- Yes!
190
00:06:11,545 --> 00:06:13,545
Let's go!
191
00:06:13,545 --> 00:06:13,938
- Together!
- Oh, God.
192
00:06:13,982 --> 00:06:16,680
Friendship!
193
00:06:16,724 --> 00:06:18,769
We have a stranger in our house,
194
00:06:18,813 --> 00:06:20,554
and-and I think it feels weird.
195
00:06:20,597 --> 00:06:22,860
Jay, that's sort of what
running a B&B is.
196
00:06:22,904 --> 00:06:24,272
I mean, I understand it,
theoretically.
197
00:06:24,296 --> 00:06:25,733
But now
that-that it's happening,
198
00:06:25,776 --> 00:06:26,995
it just... it feels weird.
199
00:06:27,038 --> 00:06:28,649
Well, I think it's gonna be fun.
200
00:06:28,692 --> 00:06:30,128
It's a dry run.
201
00:06:30,172 --> 00:06:31,671
This is a chance for us
to prove to ourselves
202
00:06:31,695 --> 00:06:32,696
we can do this.
203
00:06:32,740 --> 00:06:34,740
You guys are gonna be great.
204
00:06:34,740 --> 00:06:35,046
The mainthing is
205
00:06:35,090 --> 00:06:36,502
you want to get in good
with the travel agents.
206
00:06:36,526 --> 00:06:38,093
We basically run
207
00:06:38,136 --> 00:06:39,573
the whole hospitality game.
208
00:06:39,616 --> 00:06:42,097
Pete, travel agents
don't really exist anymore.
209
00:06:42,140 --> 00:06:43,664
- What?
- Yeah, people just kind of book
210
00:06:43,707 --> 00:06:45,013
their own travel now.
211
00:06:45,056 --> 00:06:46,164
But they don't have
the contacts,
212
00:06:46,188 --> 00:06:47,885
the personal relationships.
213
00:06:47,929 --> 00:06:50,322
They don't know who to fax.
214
00:06:51,106 --> 00:06:54,675
Hey. I didn't pack
for an overnight, obviously.
215
00:06:54,718 --> 00:06:56,067
So, would I be able
216
00:06:56,111 --> 00:06:57,460
to borrow some pajamas?
217
00:06:57,504 --> 00:06:59,462
Sure. Yeah. Jay can lend you
218
00:06:59,506 --> 00:07:01,464
a T-shirt
and some pajama bottoms.
219
00:07:01,508 --> 00:07:02,900
- What?
- Cool.
220
00:07:02,944 --> 00:07:04,944
Oh, and, also,
221
00:07:04,944 --> 00:07:05,120
if I don't eat soon
222
00:07:05,163 --> 00:07:07,035
we're gonna have a problem.
223
00:07:07,078 --> 00:07:08,558
I-I'm hypoglycemic,
224
00:07:08,602 --> 00:07:10,342
so it's kind of urgent.
225
00:07:10,386 --> 00:07:12,432
We will definitely fix
something up for you.
226
00:07:12,475 --> 00:07:13,868
Thanks.
227
00:07:13,911 --> 00:07:17,306
He wants to put
his junk in my jam-jams?
228
00:07:17,349 --> 00:07:18,916
Jay, this is running a B&B.
229
00:07:18,960 --> 00:07:20,981
This is what separates us
from the hotels of the world.
230
00:07:21,005 --> 00:07:23,094
People expect a personal touch.
231
00:07:23,138 --> 00:07:24,978
Something personal's
getting touched all right.
232
00:07:25,009 --> 00:07:28,186
Can you focus? What do we
have that we can cook Todd?
233
00:07:28,230 --> 00:07:29,642
There's nothing in the fridge.
We got to go to the market.
234
00:07:29,666 --> 00:07:32,843
We don't have time
for that. Uh, just...
235
00:07:32,887 --> 00:07:34,497
Here.
236
00:07:34,541 --> 00:07:35,629
Cook him this.
237
00:07:37,021 --> 00:07:38,719
This chicken expires today.
238
00:07:38,762 --> 00:07:40,285
Those dates
239
00:07:40,329 --> 00:07:42,263
are just to make you throw
stuff away and buy more.
240
00:07:42,287 --> 00:07:43,811
I wrote a whole article on this.
241
00:07:43,854 --> 00:07:45,377
It's a scam by big chicken.
242
00:07:45,421 --> 00:07:47,684
- Big chicken?
- Yeah. So stop acting like one
243
00:07:47,728 --> 00:07:48,946
and just cook it.
244
00:07:48,990 --> 00:07:51,514
Damn, girl.
I love that wordplay.
245
00:07:51,558 --> 00:07:52,994
Okay, there's weather in Chicago
246
00:07:53,037 --> 00:07:54,188
and you need a same-day change
247
00:07:54,212 --> 00:07:55,538
to a plane ticket...
What do you do?
248
00:07:55,562 --> 00:07:57,607
It's a button on your phone.
I'm sorry, Pete.
249
00:07:57,651 --> 00:07:58,782
Jiminy.
250
00:08:03,265 --> 00:08:04,527
You know, it sort of feel
251
00:08:04,571 --> 00:08:06,398
like Thor doing
all the work in conversation.
252
00:08:06,442 --> 00:08:09,184
I tell seal story.
I tell salmon story.
253
00:08:09,227 --> 00:08:10,968
I tell other salmon story...
254
00:08:11,012 --> 00:08:13,623
I'm gonna level
with you, Thorfinn.
255
00:08:13,667 --> 00:08:14,668
You and I,
256
00:08:14,711 --> 00:08:16,711
we get along fine,
257
00:08:16,711 --> 00:08:17,192
but we are not
258
00:08:17,235 --> 00:08:19,083
"hang out alone together
outside the group" type friends.
259
00:08:19,107 --> 00:08:21,109
And that's okay.
260
00:08:22,153 --> 00:08:24,329
But we used to be closer.
261
00:08:24,373 --> 00:08:26,375
What are you talking about?
262
00:08:26,418 --> 00:08:28,420
Nothing.
263
00:08:28,464 --> 00:08:31,598
Nothing at all. Just
264
00:08:31,641 --> 00:08:33,338
return home in silence.
265
00:08:33,382 --> 00:08:35,384
That is a good idea.
266
00:08:35,427 --> 00:08:38,082
Sort of like salmon
returning home
267
00:08:38,126 --> 00:08:40,345
to spawning ground
in springtime.
268
00:08:40,389 --> 00:08:42,434
Which reminds me
of third salmon story.
269
00:08:42,478 --> 00:08:44,219
Maybe we can walk
a little faster.
270
00:08:44,262 --> 00:08:46,961
There was a bear and a badger...
271
00:08:50,704 --> 00:08:53,184
Okay, that's, like, the fifth
time he's sniffed your coat.
272
00:08:53,228 --> 00:08:54,292
Clearly, there's something off
273
00:08:54,316 --> 00:08:55,883
- about this fellow.
- The man
274
00:08:55,926 --> 00:08:56,971
is an academic.
275
00:08:57,014 --> 00:08:58,363
He's just looking for clues.
276
00:08:58,407 --> 00:09:01,410
See, this is how you connect
with history.
277
00:09:01,453 --> 00:09:02,672
Hey, Todd, uh, we brought you
278
00:09:02,716 --> 00:09:04,716
a fresh towel.
279
00:09:04,716 --> 00:09:05,196
And some regular-sized soap.
280
00:09:05,240 --> 00:09:06,633
I'm so sorry about that.
281
00:09:06,676 --> 00:09:08,722
Thank you
for that delicious chicken.
282
00:09:08,765 --> 00:09:10,114
- Hmm.
- Did you know
283
00:09:10,158 --> 00:09:12,203
that Alberta's father
was actually a chef, too?
284
00:09:12,247 --> 00:09:13,509
Yeah, her family lived
285
00:09:13,553 --> 00:09:15,293
above the restaurant
he worked in.
286
00:09:15,337 --> 00:09:17,426
Ah, Daddy could slay the stove.
287
00:09:17,469 --> 00:09:18,949
He should've had
his own restaurant,
288
00:09:18,993 --> 00:09:20,734
but, again, racism.
289
00:09:20,777 --> 00:09:22,518
Thank you for letting me stay.
It's
290
00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:24,041
it's, like, a six-hour drive
291
00:09:24,085 --> 00:09:25,434
- back to Altoona.
- What made you
292
00:09:25,477 --> 00:09:27,915
choose Altoona as the
location for the museum?
293
00:09:27,958 --> 00:09:29,220
Must be a new music city.
294
00:09:29,264 --> 00:09:31,396
A 21st century
New Orleans, no doubt.
295
00:09:31,440 --> 00:09:32,746
Well, uh, actually,
296
00:09:32,789 --> 00:09:34,356
the museum is in my garage.
297
00:09:34,399 --> 00:09:35,879
Ah, as all
298
00:09:35,923 --> 00:09:37,054
the best museums are.
299
00:09:37,098 --> 00:09:39,143
Technically, it's...
my mom's garage.
300
00:09:39,187 --> 00:09:41,189
Oh, you live with your mom.
301
00:09:41,232 --> 00:09:43,104
- That makes sense.
- Well, academics
302
00:09:43,147 --> 00:09:45,019
are often underpaid.
303
00:09:45,062 --> 00:09:47,062
Just wait
304
00:09:47,062 --> 00:09:47,151
till his book comes out.
305
00:09:47,195 --> 00:09:48,631
So when does your book come out?
306
00:09:48,675 --> 00:09:51,155
Oh, it's planned
for a summer release.
307
00:09:51,199 --> 00:09:53,244
But, really, whenever.
308
00:09:53,288 --> 00:09:55,029
That's the beauty
of self-publishing.
309
00:09:55,072 --> 00:09:56,310
Bro, that's not even
a real book.
310
00:09:56,334 --> 00:09:57,640
Come on, Todd.
311
00:09:57,684 --> 00:10:00,295
Hey, do you want to see
something from my, uh
312
00:10:00,338 --> 00:10:02,036
personal Alberta collection?
313
00:10:02,079 --> 00:10:04,079
Yes.
314
00:10:04,079 --> 00:10:04,212
I carry it with me
315
00:10:04,255 --> 00:10:05,909
everywhere.
316
00:10:05,953 --> 00:10:07,998
It's my most prized possession.
317
00:10:08,042 --> 00:10:09,304
Oh, God, what is this gonna be?
318
00:10:09,347 --> 00:10:11,219
Voilà.
319
00:10:11,262 --> 00:10:13,264
Sorry, what am I
looking at here, Todd?
320
00:10:13,308 --> 00:10:15,440
It's Alberta's toenail.
321
00:10:16,441 --> 00:10:18,748
Oh, hell no! Uh-uh!
322
00:10:18,792 --> 00:10:20,750
Out of my room.
I want him out of my room.
323
00:10:20,794 --> 00:10:21,969
Why do you have that?
324
00:10:22,012 --> 00:10:23,405
What is wrong with you, Todd?
325
00:10:23,448 --> 00:10:25,668
I got it online.
326
00:10:25,712 --> 00:10:27,888
Really nothing you can't get
on there.
327
00:10:27,931 --> 00:10:29,977
- Still, why?
- You know,
328
00:10:30,020 --> 00:10:32,327
in Jurassic Park, when they
clone all those dinosaurs
329
00:10:32,370 --> 00:10:33,720
from just a little bit of blood?
330
00:10:33,763 --> 00:10:36,461
Well, maybe I could, one day,
331
00:10:36,505 --> 00:10:39,769
make an Alberta from
just a little bit of nail.
332
00:10:39,813 --> 00:10:41,292
Dare to dream, Todd.
333
00:10:41,336 --> 00:10:43,773
Who knows? Maybe
we'd end up together.
334
00:10:43,817 --> 00:10:45,817
No, we would not!
335
00:10:45,817 --> 00:10:46,776
Oh, God. The hell we would.
336
00:10:46,820 --> 00:10:47,908
Well...
337
00:10:47,951 --> 00:10:49,951
Oh.
338
00:10:50,432 --> 00:10:52,956
Time to hit the shower.
339
00:10:54,784 --> 00:10:55,872
Oh!
340
00:10:55,916 --> 00:10:57,091
My... God!
341
00:10:57,134 --> 00:10:59,789
Oh. No!
342
00:10:59,833 --> 00:11:01,443
No. Oh, God.
343
00:11:01,486 --> 00:11:04,141
No. Oh, don't make me
hate my own face.
344
00:11:04,185 --> 00:11:05,447
Todd, you creepy nut.
345
00:11:10,147 --> 00:11:11,777
Well, look at it this way,
from here on out,
346
00:11:11,801 --> 00:11:13,736
all our other guests are
gonna seem normal in comparison.
347
00:11:13,760 --> 00:11:16,284
I don't think I can handle
any other guests after Todd.
348
00:11:16,327 --> 00:11:18,373
I mean, do you really think
we're cut out for this?
349
00:11:18,416 --> 00:11:19,461
Not with that attitude.
350
00:11:19,504 --> 00:11:20,767
Are you serious?
351
00:11:20,810 --> 00:11:22,856
We turned our entire lives
upside down,
352
00:11:22,899 --> 00:11:25,467
and you want to bail
after one difficult guest?
353
00:11:25,510 --> 00:11:26,729
One difficult guest?
354
00:11:26,773 --> 00:11:28,773
That's like saying
Charles Manson
355
00:11:28,773 --> 00:11:29,036
was one difficult neighbor.
356
00:11:29,079 --> 00:11:30,864
Look, he's not dangerous.
He's just weird.
357
00:11:30,907 --> 00:11:33,083
And he's only gonna be here
for another couple hours.
358
00:11:33,127 --> 00:11:35,129
We need to find a better
way to vet our guests.
359
00:11:35,172 --> 00:11:38,262
Oh, like some sort of licensed
go-between, perhaps?
360
00:11:38,306 --> 00:11:39,655
Oh, if he could hear me,
361
00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:41,339
that would have been
a powerful rejoinder.
362
00:11:42,353 --> 00:11:43,528
Sam,
363
00:11:43,572 --> 00:11:45,487
I couldn't sleep
a wink last night.
364
00:11:45,530 --> 00:11:47,794
Just haunted by my own face.
365
00:11:47,837 --> 00:11:50,013
Oh, Alberta, I'm
sorry. It's awful.
366
00:11:50,057 --> 00:11:51,667
Nobody is happy about it.
367
00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:53,711
Good morning,
368
00:11:53,711 --> 00:11:53,887
everyone!
369
00:11:53,930 --> 00:11:55,715
Greetings and salutations.
370
00:11:55,758 --> 00:11:57,934
Almost nobody.
371
00:11:57,978 --> 00:11:58,979
Alberta,
372
00:11:59,022 --> 00:12:00,720
you're down here.
I could've sworn
373
00:12:00,763 --> 00:12:02,330
I just saw you upstairs.
374
00:12:02,373 --> 00:12:03,723
Ha-ha. I get it, Isaac.
375
00:12:03,766 --> 00:12:07,422
No, I'm sorry, that
was merely your visage
376
00:12:07,465 --> 00:12:10,512
on a 35-year-old man's back.
377
00:12:10,555 --> 00:12:12,775
My mistake!
378
00:12:12,819 --> 00:12:14,734
I said I get it!
379
00:12:15,560 --> 00:12:16,736
You happy now?
380
00:12:20,565 --> 00:12:22,350
Shh, shh.
381
00:12:22,393 --> 00:12:24,134
Nap time, little one.
382
00:12:25,222 --> 00:12:26,528
Shh.
383
00:12:26,571 --> 00:12:28,835
Is okay.
384
00:12:28,878 --> 00:12:31,533
♪ Sweet little baby
385
00:12:31,576 --> 00:12:33,796
♪ Drift off to sleep
386
00:12:33,840 --> 00:12:35,842
♪ Dream of stabbing Danish men
387
00:12:35,885 --> 00:12:38,018
♪ Laughing while they weep
388
00:12:38,061 --> 00:12:39,889
♪ When you are a warrior
389
00:12:39,933 --> 00:12:41,978
♪ You'll be strong and tall ♪
390
00:12:42,022 --> 00:12:43,197
♪ You'll pillage
391
00:12:43,240 --> 00:12:44,851
♪ Villages, slit men's throats ♪
392
00:12:44,894 --> 00:12:45,982
♪ And bash their heads ♪
393
00:12:46,026 --> 00:12:49,116
♪ Against the wall.
394
00:12:49,899 --> 00:12:51,422
There you go, Hetty.
395
00:12:51,466 --> 00:12:53,207
There you go.
396
00:12:53,250 --> 00:12:55,209
Yes.
397
00:12:55,252 --> 00:12:56,514
There you go,
398
00:12:56,558 --> 00:12:57,689
David.
399
00:12:57,733 --> 00:12:59,822
Drift off into the Netherlands,
400
00:12:59,866 --> 00:13:01,606
into the dream realms,
401
00:13:01,650 --> 00:13:03,695
burning ships,
402
00:13:03,739 --> 00:13:05,785
sieging villages.
403
00:13:11,573 --> 00:13:13,967
Listen, uh,
I was just having fun.
404
00:13:14,010 --> 00:13:15,533
I apologize.
405
00:13:15,577 --> 00:13:17,753
- I'm sorry.
- Yeah, well, I probably had it coming.
406
00:13:17,797 --> 00:13:21,452
Look, I know
I wasn't famous in my day,
407
00:13:21,496 --> 00:13:24,673
but when Todd showed up,
for a second, I thought,
408
00:13:24,716 --> 00:13:28,895
"Wow, the world remembers
Alberta Haynes."
409
00:13:28,938 --> 00:13:31,027
But the truth is, the
only one who remembers me
410
00:13:31,071 --> 00:13:34,422
is some creepy weirdo with
a jar full of toenails.
411
00:13:34,465 --> 00:13:36,598
Child, that's my legacy.
412
00:13:36,641 --> 00:13:40,123
To be fair,
it was just the one toenail.
413
00:13:40,167 --> 00:13:43,735
It's not just about Todd.
414
00:13:43,779 --> 00:13:45,539
You know, my daddy
couldn't achieve his dreams
415
00:13:45,563 --> 00:13:48,218
because the world held him back.
416
00:13:48,262 --> 00:13:51,047
But he always told me I could.
417
00:13:51,091 --> 00:13:52,744
That's why I wanted
to be a star,
418
00:13:52,788 --> 00:13:55,573
so that his struggle
would have been worth it.
419
00:13:56,313 --> 00:13:58,141
I guess I failed him.
420
00:14:00,448 --> 00:14:03,059
Hi. Uh, have you guys seen Sam?
421
00:14:03,103 --> 00:14:04,887
It's Todd. I think he's dying.
422
00:14:06,280 --> 00:14:07,498
Oh, my God.
423
00:14:07,542 --> 00:14:09,542
What is happening?
424
00:14:09,542 --> 00:14:09,805
Did anybody see anything?
425
00:14:09,849 --> 00:14:11,391
That-That's E. Coli face.
That's the chicken.
426
00:14:11,415 --> 00:14:12,721
Can you not? Call 911.
427
00:14:12,764 --> 00:14:13,896
What is he talking about?
428
00:14:13,940 --> 00:14:15,071
- The chicken?
- Look,
429
00:14:15,115 --> 00:14:16,222
we fed him some chicken
that was
430
00:14:16,246 --> 00:14:17,552
at its expiration date.
431
00:14:17,595 --> 00:14:19,597
Sam, those dates are
on there for a reason.
432
00:14:19,641 --> 00:14:21,556
Guys, he looks really sick.
433
00:14:21,599 --> 00:14:23,775
If he dies,
he could become a ghost,
434
00:14:23,819 --> 00:14:26,256
and I'm not spending eternity
with my stalker.
435
00:14:26,300 --> 00:14:27,538
Yeah, and I'm not sharing
a room with him.
436
00:14:27,562 --> 00:14:28,824
We're doing a rotation thing.
437
00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:30,260
W-Wait. Okay, wait.
438
00:14:30,304 --> 00:14:32,480
What percentage of people
who die become ghosts?
439
00:14:32,523 --> 00:14:34,003
It's actually fairly
low. I would say,
440
00:14:34,047 --> 00:14:35,787
mm, like, maybe five percent?
441
00:14:35,831 --> 00:14:37,940
- That's not that high.
- Are you willing to take that risk, Sam?
442
00:14:37,964 --> 00:14:39,855
'Cause, remember, he's gonna
become your problem, too.
443
00:14:39,879 --> 00:14:41,682
- What do we do?
- We need to get him off the property.
444
00:14:41,706 --> 00:14:43,795
Okay! I called an ambulance.
They're on their way.
445
00:14:43,839 --> 00:14:45,275
Jay, you're not gonna like this,
446
00:14:45,319 --> 00:14:46,383
but we have to drag him
off the property.
447
00:14:46,407 --> 00:14:47,582
- What?
- Mm-hmm.
448
00:14:47,625 --> 00:14:49,625
W-We cannot let him die here.
449
00:14:49,625 --> 00:14:49,889
He could become a ghost
450
00:14:49,932 --> 00:14:51,412
and we'd be stuck
with him forever.
451
00:14:51,455 --> 00:14:52,868
You mean invisible Todd,
roaming the hallways,
452
00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:54,652
collecting everyone's toenails?
I do not like that.
453
00:14:54,676 --> 00:14:55,696
- None of us do.
- Okay, okay, okay,
454
00:14:55,720 --> 00:14:57,113
but-but how are the two of us
455
00:14:57,157 --> 00:14:58,723
gonna carry him?
456
00:15:03,598 --> 00:15:05,513
I did not sign up for this.
457
00:15:05,556 --> 00:15:07,863
I-I need a break.
This is too hard.
458
00:15:07,907 --> 00:15:09,647
Uh-uh! Come on! No breaks!
459
00:15:09,691 --> 00:15:11,214
You'll sleep when you're dead.
460
00:15:11,258 --> 00:15:12,433
Why do we sleep?
461
00:15:12,476 --> 00:15:13,889
- We just do!
- We just do! Let's go!
462
00:15:13,913 --> 00:15:15,784
Let's move this body.
463
00:15:15,827 --> 00:15:17,917
Well, he's not technically
a body yet.
464
00:15:17,960 --> 00:15:20,528
You're gonna be okay, Todd.
The paramedics are here.
465
00:15:21,442 --> 00:15:23,009
- Hey.
- Why is he out here?
466
00:15:23,052 --> 00:15:24,314
You're not supposed to move him.
467
00:15:24,358 --> 00:15:26,360
Sorry. We were
just trying to help.
468
00:15:27,535 --> 00:15:28,928
You're gonna be fine, Todd.
469
00:15:28,971 --> 00:15:30,451
Ooh!
470
00:15:32,540 --> 00:15:34,585
I really hope
we didn't kill him.
471
00:15:34,629 --> 00:15:36,629
What?
472
00:15:36,629 --> 00:15:37,369
Nothing.
473
00:15:43,029 --> 00:15:44,421
It was you.
474
00:15:45,770 --> 00:15:46,989
You sang to me.
475
00:15:47,033 --> 00:15:49,644
Yes. Uh, tried to teach you
to say "Thorfinn,"
476
00:15:49,687 --> 00:15:54,388
but eventually decide
"Gordon" pretty cute.
477
00:15:56,042 --> 00:15:57,521
All these years,
478
00:15:57,565 --> 00:15:59,045
why didn't you say something?
479
00:15:59,088 --> 00:16:03,179
Well, I always assume,
after you die, you remember me.
480
00:16:03,223 --> 00:16:05,573
Excited to say hi,
catch up, old times.
481
00:16:05,616 --> 00:16:09,620
But instead it seem
you more have terror
482
00:16:09,664 --> 00:16:13,842
of Thor and a lot of saying
my pelts smell bad.
483
00:16:17,411 --> 00:16:19,674
You were so sweet to me,
484
00:16:19,717 --> 00:16:22,807
and I have just been awful.
485
00:16:22,851 --> 00:16:23,895
Thor get it.
486
00:16:23,939 --> 00:16:25,549
Pelts do smell.
487
00:16:25,593 --> 00:16:29,031
Used to soak them in wolf urine
to ward off bear.
488
00:16:29,075 --> 00:16:32,730
You were there for me
when no one else was.
489
00:16:32,774 --> 00:16:34,471
Thank you.
490
00:16:34,515 --> 00:16:37,344
Gordon miss Hetty.
491
00:16:37,387 --> 00:16:40,042
Welcome back.
492
00:16:40,086 --> 00:16:41,478
Mmm.
493
00:16:41,522 --> 00:16:43,828
Oh. Yeah, that is quite pungent.
494
00:16:45,091 --> 00:16:47,484
I just got off the phone
with the hospital.
495
00:16:47,528 --> 00:16:48,746
He's gonna be okay.
496
00:16:48,790 --> 00:16:51,401
Oh, we didn't kill
our first guest.
497
00:16:51,445 --> 00:16:52,837
How 'bout those Livings,
498
00:16:52,881 --> 00:16:55,449
trying to carry that creepy Todd
out on that blanket?
499
00:16:55,492 --> 00:16:57,492
Hey, hey,
500
00:16:57,492 --> 00:16:57,494
who-who am I?
501
00:16:57,538 --> 00:16:58,626
"Oh, no, this is too heavy.
502
00:16:58,669 --> 00:16:59,888
I need to take a nap."
503
00:16:59,931 --> 00:17:01,150
I didn't say that!
504
00:17:01,194 --> 00:17:02,717
- Yes.
- Yes, you did.
505
00:17:02,760 --> 00:17:03,935
"Expiration dates are a hoax."
506
00:17:03,979 --> 00:17:05,546
Oh, very funny.
507
00:17:05,589 --> 00:17:07,722
Y'all, stop trying to make
me laugh. I'm still upset.
508
00:17:07,765 --> 00:17:09,506
Sam, be honest...
Would it help my chances
509
00:17:09,550 --> 00:17:11,247
if I got your face
tattooed on my back?
510
00:17:11,291 --> 00:17:13,467
- Please don't do that.
- Ah. See?
511
00:17:13,510 --> 00:17:15,512
This right here,
this is what it's all about.
512
00:17:15,556 --> 00:17:16,948
These little moments.
513
00:17:16,992 --> 00:17:19,081
These are the things
we're all gonna remember.
514
00:17:19,125 --> 00:17:20,648
Shut up, Pete...
515
00:17:20,691 --> 00:17:22,302
- You ruined it.
- Womp!
516
00:17:23,651 --> 00:17:25,087
What is going on?
517
00:17:25,131 --> 00:17:27,829
Oh, the ghosts are throwing
down some newfound wisdom.
518
00:17:27,872 --> 00:17:29,439
Oh, boy. Last time
that happened,
519
00:17:29,483 --> 00:17:31,006
our gazebo burned down.
520
00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:33,095
They're saying the moments
you really remember
521
00:17:33,139 --> 00:17:35,880
are the ones you spend
with the people you love.
522
00:17:35,924 --> 00:17:37,969
Look, running the B&B
will be hard,
523
00:17:38,013 --> 00:17:40,233
but at least we get
to do it together.
524
00:17:40,276 --> 00:17:41,732
Remember, when we were back
in the city,
525
00:17:41,756 --> 00:17:44,411
we worked so many hours,
we barely saw each other.
526
00:17:44,454 --> 00:17:46,630
I know. We're really
lucky to get to do this.
527
00:17:46,674 --> 00:17:48,415
And I'm sorry. I just...
528
00:17:48,458 --> 00:17:50,286
I kind of freaked out a little.
529
00:17:50,330 --> 00:17:51,418
Was it the toenail?
530
00:17:51,461 --> 00:17:53,811
It wasn't not the toenail.
531
00:17:53,855 --> 00:17:55,335
Right.
532
00:17:56,640 --> 00:17:58,773
My buddy Neal just
sent me a link.
533
00:17:58,816 --> 00:18:01,341
Woodstone Mansion is blowing up.
534
00:18:01,384 --> 00:18:02,603
Currently? Oh!
535
00:18:02,646 --> 00:18:03,841
- Run for your lives!
- To the cholera pit!
536
00:18:03,865 --> 00:18:05,301
It's the safest place!
537
00:18:05,345 --> 00:18:06,650
Just relax, everybody.
538
00:18:06,694 --> 00:18:08,130
That's an Internet term.
539
00:18:08,174 --> 00:18:09,610
It sometimes is a good thing.
540
00:18:09,653 --> 00:18:11,829
Oh. Never mind.
541
00:18:11,873 --> 00:18:15,616
Oh, please be a good thing.
Please be a good thing.
542
00:18:15,659 --> 00:18:17,879
Oh, my God, it's Todd.
543
00:18:17,922 --> 00:18:20,186
An exciting morning here
at Hudson Valley Memorial,
544
00:18:20,229 --> 00:18:23,058
where a visiting jazz historian
nearly died
545
00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:24,320
after being poisoned.
546
00:18:24,364 --> 00:18:25,843
Can you tell us what happened?
547
00:18:25,887 --> 00:18:28,672
Well, I was staying at the
Woodstone Bed-and-Breakfast...
548
00:18:28,716 --> 00:18:30,935
- Oh, no.
- We're finished.
549
00:18:30,979 --> 00:18:34,025
when I discovered
a very old bottle of moonshine.
550
00:18:34,069 --> 00:18:36,069
So I drank from it.
551
00:18:36,069 --> 00:18:36,854
Why would you do that?
552
00:18:36,898 --> 00:18:38,180
I'm a curator and collector
of all things
553
00:18:38,204 --> 00:18:40,641
relating to jazz legend
Alberta Haynes,
554
00:18:40,684 --> 00:18:42,121
and I have reason to believe
555
00:18:42,164 --> 00:18:45,167
that she was the very last
person to drink from it.
556
00:18:45,211 --> 00:18:48,039
And I wanted to put my lips
where hers had been.
557
00:18:48,083 --> 00:18:49,432
Okay.
558
00:18:49,476 --> 00:18:52,174
So it turns out the
bottle had poison in it?
559
00:18:52,218 --> 00:18:54,524
Yes, I spoke to the doctors,
and they informed me
560
00:18:54,568 --> 00:18:55,917
they believe it was strychnine.
561
00:18:55,960 --> 00:18:57,962
I've often assumed
that Alberta was murdered
562
00:18:58,006 --> 00:18:59,703
by a jealous rival.
563
00:18:59,747 --> 00:19:01,072
And now I know
I was probably right.
564
00:19:01,096 --> 00:19:02,184
Back to you, Jerry.
565
00:19:02,228 --> 00:19:03,403
You know what this means?
566
00:19:03,446 --> 00:19:05,187
This means
we didn't almost kill Todd.
567
00:19:05,231 --> 00:19:06,754
Todd almost killed Todd.
568
00:19:06,797 --> 00:19:08,408
You know what this also means?
569
00:19:08,451 --> 00:19:10,105
I was murdered.
570
00:19:10,149 --> 00:19:11,628
Oh, yeah, look at you.
571
00:19:11,672 --> 00:19:12,977
Hey, babe? Babe, look at this.
572
00:19:13,021 --> 00:19:15,110
This has, like,
50,000 views already.
573
00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:16,546
W-Wait, 50,000?
574
00:19:16,590 --> 00:19:18,200
What-what do you mean, "views"?
575
00:19:18,244 --> 00:19:19,984
What is views? Is that people?
576
00:19:20,028 --> 00:19:21,899
- Yeah.
- Check out these comments.
577
00:19:21,943 --> 00:19:23,727
A lot of "This guy's
a creep," but, also,
578
00:19:23,771 --> 00:19:25,314
there's a ton of people
just saying really nice things
579
00:19:25,338 --> 00:19:27,992
about Alberta."Just listened
to her album.
580
00:19:28,036 --> 00:19:29,690
"She's incredible.
581
00:19:29,733 --> 00:19:31,605
How did I never hear
of her before?"
582
00:19:33,563 --> 00:19:35,435
Daddy would be proud.
583
00:19:36,566 --> 00:19:41,180
♪ Because I'm famous!
584
00:19:41,223 --> 00:19:42,920
Ooh!
585
00:19:42,964 --> 00:19:44,531
Look at them numbers going up!
586
00:19:44,574 --> 00:19:46,097
55,000.
587
00:19:46,141 --> 00:19:47,708
Ooh! 56,000!
588
00:19:47,751 --> 00:19:50,406
Oh, child,
I could watch this all day!
589
00:19:50,450 --> 00:19:52,234
Ooh, ooh, ooh. Sam, Sam, Sam.
590
00:19:52,278 --> 00:19:55,019
What's the record? Is it me?
591
00:19:56,195 --> 00:19:57,413
Oh, God, Todd, I love you,
592
00:19:57,457 --> 00:19:58,980
you freaky bastard!
593
00:19:59,023 --> 00:20:00,111
You did it!
594
00:20:00,155 --> 00:20:01,765
Ha-ha!
595
00:20:01,809 --> 00:20:04,246
- And she's back. - Mm-hmm.
- Yeah! Alberta Haynes, honey!
596
00:20:04,290 --> 00:20:05,378
Ma Rainey who?
597
00:20:05,421 --> 00:20:06,553
Billie Holiday where?
598
00:20:06,596 --> 00:20:07,858
Buster Smith what?
599
00:20:07,902 --> 00:20:11,253
It's about Alber-ta Haynes!
600
00:20:11,297 --> 00:20:14,125
Ha-ha!
601
00:20:18,304 --> 00:20:20,958
♪ Sweet little baby,
drift off to sleep ♪
602
00:20:21,002 --> 00:20:22,960
♪ Dream of stabbing Danish men ♪
603
00:20:23,004 --> 00:20:24,571
♪ Laughing while they weep. ♪
604
00:20:24,614 --> 00:20:26,399
No, it's creepy at this age.
605
00:20:26,442 --> 00:20:29,750
Thor feel it, too.
Very weird, yeah.
42054
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