All language subtitles for The.Love.Boat.S04E16

[Theme music playing]

(Singing) Love,
exciting and new.

Come aboard.

We're expecting you.

And love, life's
sweetest reward.

Let it flow.

It floats back to you.

The love boat soon will
be making another run.

The love boat promises
something for everyone.

Set a course for adventure,
your mind on a new romance.

And love won't hurt anymore.

It's an open smile
on a friendly shore.

It's love.

Welcome aboard.

It's love.

[Music playing]

I do not think
this is funny, guys.

Gopher, we had no
idea it'd go this far.

We're really sorry.
- Yeah.

Come on, gopher.

It was supposed to
be a little joke.

Little joke?

Sending phony love letters
to some love-starved pen pal

and signing my name--
that's a little joke?

Gopher, we had
no idea she'd come

here all the way from Quebec.

Well, when she gets
here, she's going to be

your problem and not mine.

You wrote the letter.

You do the explaining.

Woman: Excuse me.

I'm looking for gopher.

Both: We're gopher.

Wait a minute.

I'm gopher.

Oh, I'm Nicole Robert.

How do you do?

I'm fine.

I've just been standing
here waiting for you.

I was afraid you'd
miss the boat.

Well, forgive me for arriving
on short notice like this,

but the tone of your
letters was getting serious.

So I thought it
would be best if we

met and got to know each other.

I did the right
thing, n'est-ce pas?

Oh, yes.

Oui-- Oui, Oui, we should
get to know one another.

[Throats clearing]

Oh, Nicole, these are
two friends of mine,

Dr. Bricker, Isaac Washington.

It's really won--

doc, do you mind?

This is our first meeting.

Why don't I just
show you to my--

uh, to your cabin.

Sure.

Hello.

Jack Clayton.

Welcome aboard.

You get a lot of people
on here, don't you?

Oh, we've been
sold out for months.

Let's see, Mr. Clayton.

Oh, you're on the
fiesta deck, cabin 132.

Right.

And I'm Helen mann.

Well, welcome
aboard, miss mann.

Let's see.

Your cabin is--

I'll show her.

That's funny.

How would he know?

[Phone ringing]

Simple.

She's in his cabin.

Be sure the coco Chanel
article is on my desk

before I get back.

I'll finish the article
on divorce without pain.

I'll phone that
in from the boat.

Oh, be sure to call
[Inaudible] in Paris.

He always works
better under pressure.

Oh, uh, excuse me?

Yes, may I help you?

We're the beachams.

Well, welcome aboard,
Mrs. Beacham, Mr. Beacham.

That's not Mr. Beacham.

This is.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Um, your cabin is through
those doors and to the left.

Thank you.

Well, that's about it, Jason.

Just be sure that they
leave enough space

in the next issue for a
double spread on femininity

and women's [inaudible].

See you when we get back.

Uh, might I [inaudible]?

I certainly hope this cruise
will be a wonderful vacation

for you both.

Well, if you're betting
on me, I'm about even money.

But you better give pretty
big odds on my roommate.

Hi, I'm Kay tindal.

Hello.

Let's see.

Tindal-- yes, you're on the
promenade deck, cabin 350.

And you're traveling
alone, right?

Afraid so.

Oh, not for long.

Let's hope you're right.

Thanks.

Oh.

Very nice.

Oh, it's lovely.

We're going to
have a lot of fun.

Where's your cabin?

I'm really glad you
agreed to come on a cruise.

Is it on this deck?

Mm-hmm.

Across the hall?

It's closer.

Next door?

It's closer.

Oh, isn't that your bag?

Uh-huh.

Well, I wonder why they
didn't put it in your room.

They did.

I thought that you
said that this was--

you're in this cabin?

Mm-hmm.

With me?

When I invited you, I
thought you understood.

Understood?

We have known each other
for exactly two weeks.

When you asked me to
come on this cruise,

I never dreamed that you were
thinking of playing house.

I'm awfully sorry, but--

I'm going home.

Well, you can't.

We're at sea.

Well, then, you're leaving.

To go where?

There are no other
cabins available.

You heard the captain.

The ship is sold out.

That's your problem.

Out.

Helen, be reasonable.

I--

out.

Ned, this is all
too distracting.

I can't concentrate.

I've got to go
back to the cabin.

Margo, this is supposed
to be a vacation.

Darling, I have
to finish this.

Can't it wait?

You know I'm on
a deadline, ned.

Why don't you get
yourself a drink,

and I'll be back before you
finish your first pina colada?

I don't drink pina coladas.

Oh, don't be such a snob.

It's, uh, tiny, isn't it?

Oh, well, yeah.

We'll be crowded in here.

Won't we?

Oui.

[Knocking on door]

Champagne to
welcome you aboard.

Merci.

- Merci beaucoup.
- Sure.

Ok.

Um, Nicole, to you and to
getting to know each other.

Could I see you
just for a minute?

Gopher, you cannot
keep her here.

You know the regulations.

If the captain ever finds
out, he'll bounce both of you

right off of this ship.

I'll risk it.

Are you crazy?

Have you lost your mind?

At least get her a job as
a chambermaid or something.

That way, she'll have
her own quarters,

a job, and you two
can see each other

without getting into trouble.

I'll sleep on it.

You're both nuts.

Sorry, doc, we're
not receiving--

oh, you turned her
over to me, remember?

Welcome aboard the
love boat, Nicole.

Oh, you're so kind.

Thanks, doc.

But like I said, we're
not receiving company.

- Problem, gentlemen?
- No.

No problem.

No problem at all.

Would I be prying if
I asked who that is?

- Who?
- Where?

Her, there.

Oh, her.

Who is she, doc?

That's Nicole
Robert from Quebec.

Oh.

And what is she doing here?

What is she doing here?

Uh, gopher?

She's the new chambermaid.

Then I suggest you direct
her to the staff quarters

and report to your stations.

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir.

Chambermaid?

I don't know a thing
about being a maid.

Believe me, it's
a very simple job.

Nothing no it.

[Clears throat]

Excuse me, sir, but is there
something wrong with bathroom

in your cabin?

Hm-mm.

You do have a cabin?

Mm-hmm.

Then why are you
shaving in here?

My girlfriend is
very shy about changing

in the same room.

There, nothing to it.

Now that was easy, wasn't it?

Very.

Well, now let's see.

We've made the bed.

Done the vacuuming.

- I should do something.
- Oh, no, no.

Here, let me take this.
It's much too heavy for you.

Plenty of time for that.

You'll be soloing soon enough.

And now let me show you
the rest of the ship.

Hey, no, doc.

Now wait, wait.

Don't you have any
office hours or patients

or medical responsibilities?

Me?

Yes.

You, doc.

I was looking for
you in your office.

I was just leaving.

I kept trying to tell him
the duty comes first, sir.

- Then what are you doing here?
- Me?

I was just leaving.

Can I get you
something from the bar?

Yes, one of everything.

You want that in a
glass or a salad bowl?

[Laughs] I want
something exotic.

Are we still talking
about the drink?

- Yes.
- Huh?

- What?
- You?

No.

Yeah, sure.

Mai Tai, scorpion-- whatever.

Right.

Uh, excuse me, is there any
reason that you're carrying

your luggage around with you?

Phobia.

I'm afraid of being robbed.

I like to be close to my shorts.

Well, if it'll make
you feel any easier,

I've been working
here for years,

and no one has ever
ripped off any underwear.

Isaac, are many of these
girls traveling alone?

Yeah, quite a few.

Oh, really?

Mm-hmm.

Why do you ask?

My landlady kicked me out.

And I was wondering
if one of these girls

might be interested in
taking in a boarder.

Medic?

Medic?

Another casualty, Mr. Beacham?

Yes, and so young.

War is hell.

I better find you
another replacement.

I hope I'm not
intruding on your grief.

But I thought I should
pay my last respects.

That's very kind.

Are you related to the deceased?

No, not exactly.

But I, uh--

I'm acquainted with
some of his relatives.

Do you two know each other?

Not officially.

This lady is one
of the mourners.

Mr. Beacham, Mrs. Tindal.

Ned.

Kay.

Did he say "Mrs."?

Don't you just
hate a big mouth?

Actually, I'm a widow lady.

And what about you,
she said hopefully.

Oh, I am an old married man.

That figures.

The good ones are
never free to play.

I may be a lot freer
than I had planned on.

And what about your homework?

Finished, including
my French and algebra.

Ok.

Then you can stay at
the dance till 10:30 pm.

Excuse me.

You go ahead, Vicki.

I'll catch up with you later.

Still shy?

She wouldn't come out from
under the bed till I left.

Strange.

Excuse me.

You'd make a lousy ad
for a fun-filled cruise.

Hello, Kay.

Far be it for me to pry,
but I can't wait to find out

why an attractive
male-type fellow like

you is having dinner alone.

Wife seasick?

Wife working.

On a cruise?

Wife's very busy executive.

She doesn't have
time to get seasick.

[Sighs] Sounds like the
flip-side of my late husband.

Two workaholics-- they'd have
made a great set of bookends.

Well, actually, i'm
not really complaining.

Margo's about the best thing
that ever happened to me.

But--

ned, now I'm so sorry.

Darling.

I didn't realize
how late it was.

Kay, I'd like you to
meet my wife, margo.

This is Kay tindal.

Hi, Kay.

Hello, margo.

Honey, I got so involved, I
just lost all track of time.

Guess we should have
booked the late sitting.

Yes.

Well, I think it's
about time that I

put on my drinking shoes.

Please, don't go.

I wish you'd stay and
keep ned company, 'cause

I've got to go back to work.

You what?

Honey, I can't help it.

The office just called.

Amelia's sick.

I have to do the editorial.

There's no one else.

You haven't even
had your dinner.

Well, I'll have a sandwich
sent up to my cabin.

Thanks for helping out.

Have fun, you two.

You heard the lady.

Let's-- let's go for it.

Oh, gopher, thank you
so much for this dress.

It's the most beautiful
gift I ever had.

But I can't keep it--

so expensive.

Oh, no, no, no.

I insist, Nicole.

You look fantastique.

Besides, it makes up for you
being stuck as a chambermaid.

But that wasn't
your fault, gopher.

I shouldn't have come on
short notice like this.

But then i--

I couldn't resist your
sweet, tender letters.

Letters?

Oh, the letters-- right.

Uh-huh.

Especially last one, remember?

Sure, how could I forget?

You wrote, "how
do I love thee?

Let me count the ways.

I love thee"-- how
does it go after that?

Well, uh, how do I love
thee, let me count the ways--

want a hint?

No, I don't want a hint.

Let me count the ways.

Good evening, Nicole.

Hi.

You look absolutely
stunning tonight.

Oh, thank you, doctor.

We're just talking
about gopher's letters.

Oh, I can't wait to
hear gopher quote them.

They're personal.

Let me count the
ways [inaudible]..

They're beautiful.

Gopher is so romantic.

And he hides it so well.

Counting the
ways, there's, uh--

I'm not interrupting
anything, am I?

Not anymore.

We're going dancing.

Great idea.

Let's do it.

Oh.

I love it.

All this attention
from two men--

it's so, um-- so--

what's the word I'm looking for?

Crowded.

[Soft jazz music playing]

Hi, Helen.

Would you reconsider
and let me come back?

If I have to sleep on
deck, I'll freeze to death.

Good.

You don't really mean that.

You do really mean that.

Good night, Mr. Clayton.

Mr.--

oh, pleasant dreams.

Excuse me.

I don't have a place
to sleep tonight.

And I was wondering if you
had a place in your heart,

and your cabin, for a lonely--

is she with you?

Have a nice evening.

Oh, you'd have liked Peter.

Most men did.

He sounds like a man
who enjoyed his work.

I'm not sure "enjoyed"
is the right word.

But whatever it was that
drove him, he couldn't quit.

So I finally gave him a choice--

work or me.

And?

Well, he agreed,
reluctantly, that it

might be time to get
out of the rat race

and start enjoying life.

His timing was a little off.

Three weeks later, I buried him.

I'm sorry to hear that, Kay.

He did leave me very
well-fixed, though.

I'm one of the rich
kids on the block.

And I'd swap it all for a pair
of warm feet on a cold night.

Well have you tried
the yellow pages?

Not yet.

Any other suggestions?

Sorry, I'm taken.

Are you?

[Laughs]

Merci.

Would you like a drink?

Can I get you a drink?

Oh, that would be nice.

Something exotic, please.

Both: I'll get it.

Isaac, make me a double
Hawaiian hula Hummer

with plenty of crushed
ice and an umbrella.

Give me a triple
tropical passion

punch with plenty of pineapple
and papaya and a peeled peach.

Make mine a
quadruple with four

umbrellas and six cherries.

Double whatever he has,
and then triple what I have.

And I want an olive,
an avocado-- and you

know what else I'd like?
- A stomach pump.

Excuse me, would
you care to dance?

Oh, I guess it
would be all right.

[Music playing]

Where is she?

Straight off your port bow.

Nice going, gopher.

You scared her off.

I scared her off?

You're the one that's been
coming on like a sailor.

Oh, come on now.

I acted like a
perfect gentleman.

Well, she's not interested
in perfect gentlemen.

She likes me.

Is that so?

Yeah, that's so.

Wait a minute, gopher.

This is silly.

Why don't we stop acting
like a couple of kids

and let Nicole choose
between us on her own?

We'll just be ourselves--
no trickery, no lobbying.

And whoever she
picks, she picks.

Deal?

Hmm?

Deal.

Ok.

May the best man win.

What time do you think we'll
be getting into mazatl n?

Oh, about 10:30
tomorrow morning.

Do all those cute
sailors go ashore?

No.

No, most of them stay on board.

Good.

What about you?

Um, I have my duty.

Excuse me.

She's a very slow dresser.

You on board alone?

So far.

Oh, well, do you believe
in love at first sight?

Well, it depends on the sight.

Well, how would you feel about
renting out half your cabin?

It's possible.

But I wouldn't know
what to charge you.

What are you willing to give me?

What do you want?

I'll pay it.

Cruise director
(On loudspeaker):

Attention, all passengers.

We'll be arriving in
mazatl n in 15 minutes.

For those passengers
going on the tour,

buses will be
waiting at the dock.

Oh, ole, amigo.

You ready for the taco tour?

As soon as I can drag
margo from that phone.

Good luck.
See you on the dock.

Right.

Harry, don't tell
me your problems.

I have enough of my own.

Margo, come on, darling.

We're getting into port.

It's Harry Wheeler.

Exactly what I need right
now-- another headache.

Now wait a minute.

You put that phone down.

You get your tail into gear.

Come on.

Harry, just a moment.

Honey, I can't go.

It's impossible.

After I get off the phone,
I've got an article to get out.

Then I have these notes
to try and decipher.

Why did you even bother
to come on this cruise?

[Chatter on phone]

Yes, Harry.
I'm still here.

Go ahead.

Nice going, doc.

I thought we had a deal.

And you're cheating.

I'm cheating?

And what are you, a
float in the Rose parade?

Doc, now look, to you, Nicole
is just another conquest.

I really like her.

You're not serious.

Doc, I know it
started as a bad joke.

But i'm-- well, uh--

you are serious.

As a friend, I would
like you to step aside.

Goph, I had no idea.

Here.

Take it.

All the best.

Nicole.

Gopher.

Here.

For you.
- Oh, more gifts?

Mm-hmm.

Thank you.

Look, I'm off duty right now.

You want to go for a swim?

Oh, I'd like that.

But I have a lot
more room to clean.

Oh.

Well, I'll tell you what--

I'll do it.

You run down to your
cabin and get changed.

I'll meet you on
deck in half an hour.

But can I help?

There are at least
a dozen rooms to do.

Oh, no, no, no.

I can handle this, really.

You're sweet.

Thank you.

Bye.

Au revoir.

I still don't understand
why you're dispossessing me.

Well, you never know, I
might find a better tenant.

But keep in touch, just in case
I don't rent out your room.

Yeah.

Have a nice day.

Thanks.

Good morning.

For some people.

Did you really sleep here?

Do you really care?

You really did sleep here?

What choice did I have?

Jack, you must have frozen.

No, it-- it really
wasn't that bad.

[Coughing]

I'm sorry.

I hope you understand
how I feel.

It's just that
I'm old-fashioned.

And I don't believe in
an instant roommate.

Of course I understand it.

And don't worry, really.

[Coughs] Whatever
happens, I deserve it.

And I do have hospitalization.

[Coughing]

Well, you are a
speedy little devil.

Good luck in your new location.

What was that all about?

Well, I had the
chair in the shade.

And it got chilly, so I brought
it to a sunnier location.

There really are no
other cabins available?

Not a one.

Well, I guess i'd
better hurry if i'm

going to catch that tour.

Are you going?

No, I can't.

I'm afraid they'll
rent out my room.

I'll see you.

Stop by anytime, now
that you know where I live.

Oh, I wish we
could've stayed longer.

Are you kidding?

If we'd stayed any
longer, you'd have turned

into an enchilada junkie.

I know.

Isn't it awful?

I just love Mexican food.

Where do you put it?

It doesn't show.

Oh, well, at last, i'm
making some progress.

You aren't touching, but
at least you're looking.

[Sighs]

You know, this is the most
fun day I've had since--

well, in a long time.

Well, I'm glad.

I enjoyed it, too.

I hope you mean that.

Of course I do.

You're fun to be with,
and you're pretty.

More, more.

And you laugh at all my
jokes, even the old ones.

We do go well
together, don't we?

Like frijoles and beans.

Frijoles are beans.

And you're not going to joke
your way out of this one.

Starting to sound
a little serious.

Ned, I was beginning to
feel that days like today

would never happen for me again.

This is the most
comfortable I've

ever felt with anybody since--

since Peter died.

Kay, slow down.

No, let me finish.

Most people never get one
shot at the brass ring.

If there's a second chance for
me, I don't want to blow it.

Kay, I'm married.

And in spite of the
problems we're having now,

happily married.

In fact, today is our
25th wedding anniversary.

I hear you.

I'm not asking you
to get UN-married.

I'm not even asking
you to leave margo.

All I want is more days like
today and some of the night.

No.

You're not being
fair to yourself.

Hey, who said anything
about being fair?

Fair doesn't get you a shoulder
to cry on when you need

it or somebody to talk to
when you're lonely enough

to start climbing the walls.

Ned-- ned, let me
worry about being fair.

Kay, I don't want
to mislead you.

Then don't worry
about misleading me.

Just think about what I said.

If there's any misleading
to be done, I'll do it.

Cruise director (on
loudspeaker): We hope you

enjoyed your day at mazatl n.

Hi.

Gopher, are you all right?

You took so long.

Oh, I shouldn't left
you doing all the work.

No, problem.

I'm a tiger.

It's such a nice day.

Yeah, it sure is.

Going to have a lot of fun.

Bonjour, Nicole.

Hi, frank.

I really enjoyed
our dance last night.

Oh, thank you.

I did, too.

Say, I understand they've
discovered a lot more ocean

on the other side of the boat.

Oh.

Would you like
to go for a walk?

Oh, I can't.

I'm here with go--

I don't think he'd mind.

I'll ask him.

Gopher?

Gopher, do you mind?

He hasn't answered.

I guess it's all right.

Mind.

And I feel guilty
about locking him out.

You really didn't know you
were supposed to share a cabin?

Julie, I wouldn't have come.

I know I'm some
kind of a dinosaur.

But those are my values.

Well, I think you
should stick to them.

On the other hand, he
is paying for the cabin.

He should be able
to sleep there.

Well, do you like him?

I thought I did
until this happened.

Well, he really should have
told you what was going on.

But I guess in today's world,
that's sort of assumed.

What would you do?

Oh.

Well, I'd consider
how I felt about him

and the possibility
of a relationship,

and then how i'd
feel about that.

Mm-hmm.

Then I'd think about
the way he invited me.

And then?

Then I think i'd
be mad as hell.

Well, that's exactly
where I am right now.

But I can't help
thinking about it.

Well, you should take
your time with that.

Remember, you've got the bed.

You were right.

I'm glad we came on this cruise.

It is perfect.

And it'll even be more fun
if you don't get that phone

stuck in your ear again.

You resent it that much--

my working, I mean?

I think I resent
what it's doing to us.

We don't have any
time together anymore.

I seem to remember
those same words

coming out of me about you.

Sure.

But we had a good
reason back then.

We had children to
raise, bills to pay.

I never blamed you, ned.

It's just that, when
the kids were gone,

there were all those
empty days to fill.

So I had a choice
of three things--

become an alcoholic, get
a job, or have an affair.

Since I don't really
like the taste

of booze and I
always was and always

will be a one-man woman--

I know.

And that's fine.

But darling, now
that I am retired

and I have time to play, you
have picked up my old habit.

What's happening?

Ladies and gentlemen,
please join us

in wishing margo and
ned beacham a very

happy 25th wedding anniversary.

[Applause]

Well, darling, blow out
the candles before you

set the ship on fire.

Congratulations.

I hope you're with us on
your 50th anniversary.

Thank you very much.

Oh, ned.

Darling, happy anniversary.

I realize silver
goes with 25 years,

but you know how
expensive that's gotten.

So I'm afraid you're going to
have to settle for diamonds.

Oh, ned.

I'm just-- I'm sorry, I forgot.

Are you angry?

No.

No.

But margo, we do have a problem.

I had hoped this
cruise would give us

enough time to talk about it.

We have time.

Let's talk.

All right.

You know, it took me 35 years
to realize there's more to life

than succeeding at work--

35 years.

And then I quit.

Now we have enough
to travel, to play,

to do anything we want to do.

And fortunately, we're still
young enough to enjoy it.

But you, with this new career,
you've become the old me.

And sweetheart, if
it's going to take you

35 years to come to
the same conclusion,

the ball game is over.

Darling, I want to share
my life with someone.

I hope it'll be you.

All right.

My turn.

Excuse me.

There's a phone call
for you, Mrs. Beacham.

It's from New York.

They said it was important.

[Sighs]

Thank you.

Ned, can we pick this up later?

Sure.

Sure.

[Theme music playing]

Hi.

Hi, Helen.

I didn't see you at dinner.

No, I was late.

Took me a while to get dressed.

I had company in my bathroom.

Been uncomfortable, hasn't it?

No, I'm adjusting.

And if I ever want
to be a stowaway--

look, I've been thinking.

This whole thing isn't fair.

You've paid for the cabin.

It's rightfully yours.

You should be there.

Are you saying
I can come home?

I don't think it's
right to ask you to sleep

out on deck for the whole trip.

You won't be sorry.

- Well, I know.
- That's fine.

Have them radio this
ahead to the port.

Oh, excuse me.

Oh, captain.

Yes.

I won't need this anymore.

On second thought, I've got
a new location for that sign.

As I was saying,
please have them

send them out to [inaudible].

Man: Yes, sir.

Hey, Isaac.

Hey, doc.

The usual?

Yeah, please.

How's it going, goph?

I can't sleep.

I can't eat.

I can't function.

I'm tortured.

It's Nicole, right?

I'm hooked, doc.

I'm thinking of proposing.

No more drinking for you.

It's starting to
affect your mind.

Marriage is a very
serious decision.

I'd think about
that if I were you.

I have, doc.

Thought about it a lot, and
she's what I want, I think.

Well, go for it.

Yeah.

Nicole would be
lucky to get you.

Ok.

Wish me luck?
- Good luck.

Good luck, gopher.

Go for it.

Go out there and get her, man.

Congratulations.

Yes.

I sure hope that's
not contagious.

I'll drink to that.

Helen?

Helen: I'll be out in a minute.

I'm almost done.

Take your time.

Take your time.

Ah.

Yeah.

Helen: All set.

Great.

Why are you wearing that?

Oh, it gets cold
up on that deck.

What are you talking about?

I said you could
have your cabin back.

And I have to sleep someplace.

Yeah, well, you don't
have to sleep there.

You can--

oh, no, that's
really sweet of you.

But I couldn't
put you out again.

Fair's fair.
I'll see you in the morning.

Good night.

But Helen--

You know, Nicole, when
you came on board, there was

no real commitment between us.

That's true.

I came here all on my own.

But this ship does
funny things to people.

Most unlikely people, they
meet, and they fall in love.

I know.

And it's almost insane the
way you can know somebody

for so short a time,
and yet feel that deep

down inside, it's right.

It can even happened to an
old, hardened sea dog, like me.

I know what you mean.

The same thing has
happened to me.

Well, that's wonderful.

You're not upset?

Upset?

Why should I be upset?

I came on board to meet you,
and now I've fallen in love.

I couldn't help it.

Don't fight it.

Such wonderful man--

warm, considerate, thoughtful.

It's true.

It's all true.

So tall and handsome.

Well, one out of
two-- not too bad.

Frank and I are so grateful
to you for bringing us together.

Oh, well, Nicole, really, it--

frank?

If I had not come to meet
you, I never would have met him.

And we're getting married.

And we owe it all to you,
dear gopher, for everything.

Hey, goph, when's the wedding?

Ask frank.

- Frank?
- Frank.

Who's frank?

Frank is a guy who has
the one thing that I need

to make my marriage a success--

Nicole.

Helen?

You awake?

It's too cold to sleep.

What are you doing here?

I can't let you do this.

Go on back to the cabin.

I'll stay here.

It's cold.

I guess I deserve to freeze.

I was wrong in asking you on
this cruise the way I did.

And you were right to
react the way you did.

Take the bed.

You sure?

You know, you're really
sweet to do this.

I'd never go to sleep
knowing you were out here.

Well, good night.

Good night.

Um, Jack?

Come on.

You sure?

Who wants to sleep anyway?

Ned?

I've been looking
all over for you.

I had a lot of thinking to do.

I know.

So did I.

I made a decision.

Well, if it's not too
late, I've made one, too.

No matter what happens,
that damn thing is never

going to come between us again.

I quit.

But I did it in 32
years less than you did.

Are you sure?

I've never been more certain
of anything in my life.

And when we get back,
I'm going to find you

the best anniversary
present you ever saw.

Uh-uh.

You already gave it to me.

[Theme music playing]

For a trip that had such
a bad start, it ended great.

Yeah.

I'm just sorry we wasted
that first night you

slept up on deck.

I didn't sleep on deck.

You didn't?

Where did you find an empty bed?

Well, it wasn't empty.

Oh.

Well, you can file that
memory away for your old age,

because that is the
last bed you're going

to share with anyone but me.

You bet I do.

Excuse me, there's a telephone
call for you, Mr. Beacham.

For me?

You sure it's not
for Mrs. Beacham?

No, it's for you.

Thank you.

Hello?

Hi.

This is your wife--

your full-time wife.

Where are you?

Right behind you.

I just wanted to
tell you, I love you.

Thanks for sailing with us.

Well, it's time
to say goodbye.

Well, listen, you two, I
wish you the best of luck.

Thank you very much.

Thank you, gopher,
for everything.

I'll never forget you.

Bye.

- Bye-bye.
- See ya.

Bye-bye.

So long.

Why him when she
could have had me?

Ah, well, at least I won't
have to clean more cabins.

Wasn't that the maid?

She's leaving, marrying
one of the passengers.

Really?

Cabins on her deck have
never been cleaner.

We'll just get
a new chambermaid.

No, don't bother.

Gopher has done the job
so well, I think I'll

let him keep right on doing it.

Wait, um--

[Theme music playing]