All language subtitles for Def Comedy Jam s08e07.eng

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:16,233 --> 00:00:18,333 ( theme music playing ) 2 00:00:18,333 --> 00:00:19,673 Kid Capri: IT'S THE ONE AND ONLY 3 00:00:19,667 --> 00:00:22,167 "RUSSELL SIMMONS' DEF COMEDY JAM!" 4 00:00:22,166 --> 00:00:25,326 WITH YOUR HOST MIKE EPPS! 5 00:00:25,333 --> 00:00:28,403 TONIGHT'S GUESTS-- ALEX THOMAS, 6 00:00:28,400 --> 00:00:30,100 ROZ, 7 00:00:30,100 --> 00:00:32,230 AND DON "D.C." CURRY. 8 00:00:34,934 --> 00:00:37,074 I'M YOUR MAN, THE WORLD'S GREATEST DJ, 9 00:00:37,066 --> 00:00:39,066 THE KID CAPRI. 10 00:00:39,066 --> 00:00:41,466 AND WE ARE BACK! 11 00:00:42,633 --> 00:00:44,673 AND NOW THE HOST, 12 00:00:44,667 --> 00:00:47,067 MIKE EPPS! 13 00:00:56,667 --> 00:00:58,167 YEAH! 14 00:00:59,066 --> 00:01:00,796 YEAH! 15 00:01:00,800 --> 00:01:03,300 ONE MORE TIME FOR KID CAPRI, 16 00:01:03,300 --> 00:01:05,470 THE BADDEST DJ IN THE MOTHERFUCK-- 17 00:01:05,467 --> 00:01:06,727 KID CAPRI! 18 00:01:08,033 --> 00:01:10,373 I LOVE YOU. 19 00:01:11,767 --> 00:01:14,397 WHAT'S HAPPENING, L.A.? 20 00:01:17,200 --> 00:01:19,330 Y'ALL NIGGAS HAD YOUR OUTFITS 21 00:01:19,333 --> 00:01:21,503 LAID ON THE BED ALL NIGHT. 22 00:01:22,700 --> 00:01:24,770 Y'ALL BEEN WAITING ON THIS SHIT TO COME OUT! 23 00:01:24,767 --> 00:01:28,367 LOOK AT THIS NIGGA, GOT A GREEN "JOLLY RANCHER" HOODIE ON! 24 00:01:31,633 --> 00:01:34,433 THIS NIGGA GOT A BAG OF PENNY CANDY. GOD DAMN! 25 00:01:34,433 --> 00:01:37,903 LOOK AT-- ( laughs ) 26 00:01:37,900 --> 00:01:39,770 IS THAT A NIG-- COME HERE, NIGGA, COME HERE! 27 00:01:39,767 --> 00:01:42,367 RIGHT HERE. YEAH, STAND UP. STAND UP! 28 00:01:42,367 --> 00:01:44,227 LOOK AT THIS! 29 00:01:44,233 --> 00:01:47,333 COME HERE. STAND ON THE STAGE. WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS? 30 00:01:48,500 --> 00:01:50,830 COME HERE, NIGGA. COME ON. COME UP HERE. 31 00:01:50,834 --> 00:01:53,634 GET UP HERE. WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS? 32 00:02:00,133 --> 00:02:03,273 GO AND SIT BACK DOWN. GO ON, SIT DOWN! 33 00:02:04,400 --> 00:02:07,900 YOU GOT SOME GOOD PUSSY UP UNDER THERE? 34 00:02:07,900 --> 00:02:10,930 GET YOUR PUNK-ASS OFF THE STAGE! 35 00:02:12,667 --> 00:02:14,927 - ( record scratching ) - BITCH! 36 00:02:14,934 --> 00:02:17,934 HIT IT AGAIN! HIT IT AGAIN! HIT IT AGAIN! 37 00:02:17,934 --> 00:02:19,904 HIT IT AGAIN! HIT IT AGAIN! 38 00:02:19,900 --> 00:02:22,030 BI-- BI-- BITCH! 39 00:02:24,367 --> 00:02:27,397 MAN, WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THESE NIGGAS? 40 00:02:28,633 --> 00:02:31,673 YOU LOOKING TO GET FONDLED WITH THIS NIGHT?! 41 00:02:32,934 --> 00:02:35,834 THIS NIGGA CAME UP HERE WITH A DRESS ON. 42 00:02:35,834 --> 00:02:37,804 I GUESS YOU SAID, "FUCK YOU, KANYE WEST, 43 00:02:37,800 --> 00:02:40,230 I'M GONNA STEAL AND FUCK ALL YOUR SHIT UP." 44 00:02:42,000 --> 00:02:44,200 ALL THESE MOTHERFUCKING BEAUTIFUL WOMEN IN HERE, 45 00:02:44,200 --> 00:02:47,100 Y'ALL BEEN USING YOUR NEUTROGENA SOAP. 46 00:02:51,000 --> 00:02:52,930 WOMAN'LL PROMISE YOU SOME PUSSY 47 00:02:52,934 --> 00:02:55,034 AND FALL ASLEEP, HUH, FELLAS. YOU EVER-- 48 00:02:56,367 --> 00:02:59,667 "I'M GONNA GIVE YOU SOME PUSSY LATER ON TONIGHT." 49 00:02:59,667 --> 00:03:02,127 NIGGA HAPPY MOVING SHIT WHEN HE USUALLY DON'T WORK-- 50 00:03:02,133 --> 00:03:04,533 "YOU WANT ME TO GET THEM BOXES AND SHIT? YOU WANT ME-- ?" 51 00:03:06,567 --> 00:03:09,627 GET HOME, SHE'S ASLEEP-- ( snores ) 52 00:03:09,633 --> 00:03:12,533 "HUH-UH, DON'T DO THAT TO US. WAKE UP. DON'T DO THAT!" 53 00:03:14,266 --> 00:03:16,166 "I'M SLEEPY, BUT YOU CAN STILL HIT IT." 54 00:03:16,166 --> 00:03:18,096 "I DON'T WANT NO DEAD PUSSY! WASH YOUR FACE OFF 55 00:03:18,100 --> 00:03:21,470 AND DRINK A RED BULL AND GET IN THERE AND GET NAKED." 56 00:03:24,767 --> 00:03:27,167 LITTLE KIDS TELL THE TRUTH TOO MUCH. 57 00:03:27,166 --> 00:03:30,196 I GOT A BUDDY THAT GOT A KELOID HANGING OFF HIS EAR. 58 00:03:31,734 --> 00:03:34,734 MY LITTLE GIRL WAS LIKE, "IS THAT A LEATHER HEARING-AID CASE?" 59 00:03:34,734 --> 00:03:36,874 I WAS LIKE, "GET-- " 60 00:03:36,867 --> 00:03:40,027 WHO THE FUCK MAKES A LEATHER HEARING-AID CASE? 61 00:03:41,500 --> 00:03:44,970 YOU EVER SEEN A PHAT FARM LEATHER HEARING-AID CASE? 62 00:03:47,266 --> 00:03:49,696 Y'ALL READY FOR THE FIRST COMIC? PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER! 63 00:03:54,233 --> 00:03:56,233 OH YEAH. THIS IS HOW WE GONNA DO IT. 64 00:03:56,233 --> 00:03:57,703 THIS IS HOW WE GONNA DO IT. 65 00:03:57,700 --> 00:03:59,370 COMING STRAIGHT OUT OF SOUTH CENTRAL, 66 00:03:59,367 --> 00:04:01,827 FOR HIS FOURTH APPEARANCE ON "DEF COMEDY JAM," 67 00:04:01,834 --> 00:04:03,934 Y'ALL KNOW THIS MAN ALL OVER THE CITY. 68 00:04:03,934 --> 00:04:05,874 Y'ALL GONNA LOVE HIM. PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER 69 00:04:05,867 --> 00:04:09,327 FOR L.A.'S OWN ALEX THOMAS, Y'ALL. PUT YOUR HANDS-- 70 00:04:24,367 --> 00:04:27,167 WHAT UP, L.A.? 71 00:04:27,166 --> 00:04:29,766 I SAID WHAT UP, L.A.? 72 00:04:29,767 --> 00:04:33,367 THE FUCK I'M TALK ABOUT. AIN'T NOTHING BUT WOMEN UP IN HERE. 73 00:04:33,367 --> 00:04:35,267 ALL THE LADIES MAKE SOME NOISE. 74 00:04:38,200 --> 00:04:41,070 ALL THE LADIES THAT WATCH "OPRAH" MAKE SOME NOISE. 75 00:04:43,367 --> 00:04:45,997 I'M WATCHING THAT SHIT NOW. 76 00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:47,800 YEAH, NIGGAS, FELLAS. 77 00:04:47,800 --> 00:04:49,630 I SAID I'M WATCHING "OPRAH" NOW, NIGGA. 78 00:04:49,633 --> 00:04:53,073 THEY GOT SOME AMAZING TOPICS ON "OPRAH." 79 00:04:53,066 --> 00:04:55,596 MY FAVORITE SHIT THIS YEAR 80 00:04:55,600 --> 00:04:57,700 IS WHEN SHE HAD FUCKING WHAT'S-HIS-NAME-- 81 00:04:57,700 --> 00:05:00,500 TERRY MCMILLAN WAS ON THE SHOW. 82 00:05:02,166 --> 00:05:04,226 LADIES, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT, RIGHT? 83 00:05:04,233 --> 00:05:07,403 SHE MARRIED A GAY NIGGA. 84 00:05:07,400 --> 00:05:09,970 SAID SHE DIDN'T KNOW THE NIGGA WAS GAY. 85 00:05:11,333 --> 00:05:14,573 THIS NIGGA LOOK SWEETER THAN THREE CUPS OF SUGAR. 86 00:05:16,433 --> 00:05:19,873 STEVIE WONDER COULD SEE THAT THIS NIGGA WAS GAY. 87 00:05:22,433 --> 00:05:25,573 LADIES, THERE'S SIGNS IF YOUR MAN IS GAY. 88 00:05:25,567 --> 00:05:28,697 LADIES, YOU WANNA KNOW SIGNS IF YOUR MAN IS GAY? 89 00:05:28,700 --> 00:05:31,800 I SAID, DO YOU WANNA KNOW SIGNS IF YOUR MAN IS GAY? 90 00:05:32,900 --> 00:05:35,570 IF THE NIGGA'S EYEBROWS ARE ARCHED... 91 00:05:36,967 --> 00:05:39,097 YOUR MAN MIGHT BE GAY. 92 00:05:40,166 --> 00:05:42,966 OKAY, IF YOUR MAN GOT A TOE RING... 93 00:05:46,266 --> 00:05:48,326 THE NIGGA MIGHT BE GAY. 94 00:05:48,333 --> 00:05:50,503 IF YOU FIND PICTURES OF YOUR MAN-- 95 00:05:50,500 --> 00:05:52,700 I DON'T GIVE A FUCK WHAT YEAR IT WAS-- 96 00:05:52,700 --> 00:05:55,300 AND THE NIGGA WAS DOING THE SPLITS... 97 00:06:01,266 --> 00:06:02,896 THE NIGGA MIGHT BE GAY. 98 00:06:02,900 --> 00:06:04,570 IF YOU HOP IN YOUR MAN'S RIDE 99 00:06:04,567 --> 00:06:07,797 AND THAT NIGGA WAS BUMPING TEVIN CAMPBELL'S GREATEST HITS... 100 00:06:09,600 --> 00:06:11,570 YOU'RE GAY. 101 00:06:11,567 --> 00:06:13,727 I'M A HIP HOP HEAD. I LOVE HIP HOP. 102 00:06:13,734 --> 00:06:15,874 IF YOU LOVE HIP HOP, MAKE SOME NOISE. 103 00:06:20,633 --> 00:06:23,273 I THINK THE THUG SHIT HAS GONE A LITTLE TOO FAR. 104 00:06:23,266 --> 00:06:25,596 YOU THINK THE THUG SHIT HAS GONE A LITTLE TOO FAR? 105 00:06:28,700 --> 00:06:30,370 TO PROVE HOW FAR THE THUG SHIT-- 106 00:06:30,367 --> 00:06:33,067 I GOT A BUDDY, RIGHT? THE NIGGA WORKS FOR INTERSCOPE RECORDS. 107 00:06:33,066 --> 00:06:35,126 YOU KNOW INTERSCOPE? Y'ALL KNOW 50 CENT, 108 00:06:35,133 --> 00:06:36,873 YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN? DR. DRE? 109 00:06:36,867 --> 00:06:39,127 YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING, EMINEM, YOU KNOW? 110 00:06:39,133 --> 00:06:42,033 I DON'T KNOW IF YOU KNOW THIS, BUT ON THE BACK OF EVERY CD 111 00:06:42,033 --> 00:06:43,933 THEY GOT THE ACTUAL NUMBER 112 00:06:43,934 --> 00:06:47,474 TO THE ACTUAL RECORD LABEL. 113 00:06:47,467 --> 00:06:49,527 AND YOU GOT NIGGAS ALL OVER AMERICA 114 00:06:49,533 --> 00:06:52,033 THINKING THEY COULD JUST CALL THAT NUMBER, 115 00:06:52,033 --> 00:06:54,003 LEAVE A MESSAGE, 116 00:06:54,000 --> 00:06:56,570 AND GET A DEAL OVER THE PHONE. 117 00:06:56,567 --> 00:06:58,997 THIS DUDE'S LIKE, "NIGGA, YOU GOT TO HEAR 118 00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:02,030 THE ANSWER MACHINE OF THESE THUG MOTHERFUCKERS 119 00:07:02,033 --> 00:07:03,733 CALLING FROM ALL OVER AMERICA. IT'S LIKE-- 120 00:07:03,734 --> 00:07:05,834 ( mimics tone ) "WHAT UP Y'ALL, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYIN'? 121 00:07:05,834 --> 00:07:07,704 THIS IS INTERSCOPE RECORDS, LEAVE A NUMBER, 122 00:07:07,700 --> 00:07:09,270 THE NAME OF YOUR RAP GROUP, 123 00:07:09,266 --> 00:07:11,996 WE'LL GET BACK TO YOU AS SOON AS POSSIBLE." ( mimics tone ) 124 00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:14,030 "WHAT UP DAWG! NIGGA I'M THE HOTTEST NIGGA 125 00:07:14,033 --> 00:07:16,303 ON THE MOTHERFUCKING EAST COAST, SON! 126 00:07:16,300 --> 00:07:19,170 NIGGA 50 ONLY GOT SHIT NINE TIMES, NIGGA! 127 00:07:19,166 --> 00:07:21,266 I DONE BEEN SHOT 15 TIMES, NIGGA! 128 00:07:21,266 --> 00:07:22,666 I DONE DIED AND CAME BACK. 129 00:07:22,667 --> 00:07:25,027 HOLLA AT YOUR BOY!" ( mimics tone ) 130 00:07:28,533 --> 00:07:30,333 THAT'S NOTHING! 131 00:07:30,333 --> 00:07:31,873 THEY HAD A NIGGA CALL FROM THE SOUTH, 132 00:07:31,867 --> 00:07:34,127 ( mimics tone ) "WHAT UP, DIRTY? 133 00:07:34,133 --> 00:07:36,603 NIGGA, I'M THE HOTTEST NIGGA IN THE SO--" 134 00:07:36,600 --> 00:07:39,970 POP POP POP POP! POP POP! 135 00:07:39,967 --> 00:07:42,867 "NIGGA, I'M GETTING SHOT RIGHT NOW. 136 00:07:48,800 --> 00:07:52,600 HOLLA BACK QUICK." ( mimics flatline tone ) 137 00:07:59,467 --> 00:08:01,467 I LOVE HIP HOP. I LOVE HIP HOP. 138 00:08:01,467 --> 00:08:03,827 YOU KNOW WHO MY FAVORITE DUDE IS RIGHT NOW? 139 00:08:03,834 --> 00:08:05,474 I DON'T GIVE A FUCK WHAT ANYBODY SAYS, 140 00:08:05,467 --> 00:08:08,497 MY FAVORITE NIGGA ON THE PLANET RIGHT NOW-- 141 00:08:08,500 --> 00:08:11,200 MOTHERFUCKING LIL JON. I LIKE LIL JON. 142 00:08:12,367 --> 00:08:13,967 I LIKE LIL JON, 143 00:08:13,967 --> 00:08:16,227 'CAUSE I FIGURED THE DUDE OUT. 144 00:08:16,233 --> 00:08:18,273 THE NIGGA IS NOT A RAPPER. 145 00:08:18,266 --> 00:08:22,066 HE'S A HYPE-MAN THAT MADE IT. 146 00:08:23,600 --> 00:08:26,100 H¡S A HYPE-MAN THAT MADE IT! 147 00:08:26,100 --> 00:08:28,300 THIS NIGGA JUST SPECIALIZES 148 00:08:28,300 --> 00:08:30,800 IN CUSSING OVER BEATS. 149 00:08:32,100 --> 00:08:34,000 YOU HEARD HIS ALBUM. YOU TURN ON THAT MOTHERFUCKER, 150 00:08:34,000 --> 00:08:36,900 "MOTHERFUCKER WHAT! MOTHERFUCKER WHAT! 151 00:08:36,900 --> 00:08:40,070 Y'ALL NIGGAS AIN'T NOTHING BUT HO'S, BITCH! 152 00:08:40,066 --> 00:08:42,826 Y'ALL NIGGAS AIN'T NOTHING BUT HO'S, BITCH!" 153 00:08:42,834 --> 00:08:44,934 AND I'M IN THE CAR LIKE THIS, NIGGA! 154 00:08:50,633 --> 00:08:52,233 YOU'D DO ANYTHING THAT NIGGA SAID. 155 00:08:52,233 --> 00:08:55,473 "PULL YOUR DICK OUT. NIGGA, PULL YOUR DICK OUT!" 156 00:09:11,066 --> 00:09:12,966 LIKE, "NIGGA, DID I JUST PULL MY DICK OUT?" 157 00:09:14,300 --> 00:09:16,930 "NIGGA, JON SAID PULL YOUR DICK OUT." 158 00:09:20,467 --> 00:09:22,997 BUT THE CRAZIEST SHIT EVER-- 159 00:09:23,000 --> 00:09:24,770 I SAW THE MOST SICKEST SHIT EVER. 160 00:09:24,767 --> 00:09:29,167 THEY SHOWED THE MAKING OF LIL JON'S ALBUM. 161 00:09:29,166 --> 00:09:31,696 I DON'T KNOW IF YOU GUYS SAW THIS SHIT ON MTV. 162 00:09:31,700 --> 00:09:34,570 THEY HAD THIS NIGGA IN THE STUDIO 163 00:09:34,567 --> 00:09:37,497 WITH A NOTEPAD. 164 00:09:38,767 --> 00:09:41,027 I WAS LIKE, 165 00:09:41,033 --> 00:09:43,533 "THIS NIGGA WRITES THIS SHIT?" 166 00:09:46,333 --> 00:09:48,773 THIS NIGGA WAS IN THE BOOTH, LIKE... 167 00:09:48,767 --> 00:09:50,897 ( music playing ) 168 00:09:55,266 --> 00:09:58,626 MOTHERFUCKER WHAT! MOTHERFUCKER WHAT! 169 00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:04,700 SNAP YOUR FINGERS, HO! SNAP YOUR FINGERS, HO! 170 00:10:10,333 --> 00:10:12,773 YEAH-YUH! 171 00:10:12,767 --> 00:10:14,667 I'M OUTTA HERE, Y'ALL! 172 00:10:14,667 --> 00:10:16,767 ALEX THOMAS! 173 00:10:20,266 --> 00:10:22,396 I LOVE Y'ALL! 174 00:10:31,800 --> 00:10:34,300 HEY, THAT'S HOW THEM CRUNK DANCERS GO. 175 00:10:39,233 --> 00:10:42,073 Y'ALL READY FOR THE NEXT COMIC? COME ON, PUT YOUR HANDS TOGETHER! 176 00:10:46,800 --> 00:10:48,470 COMING TO THE STAGE-- 177 00:10:48,467 --> 00:10:51,397 I'M TELLING Y'ALL, THIS GIRL RIGHT HERE IS STRAIGHT OUT OF JERSEY, 178 00:10:51,400 --> 00:10:53,500 FUNNY AS HELL-- ROZ! 179 00:10:53,500 --> 00:10:55,370 COME ON Y'ALL! 180 00:11:02,200 --> 00:11:04,070 WHAZZUP, HOW Y'ALL DOING? 181 00:11:05,033 --> 00:11:07,003 ALL RIGHT! 182 00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:09,000 GOOD TO BE IN LOS ANGELES AGAIN. 183 00:11:09,000 --> 00:11:11,830 ALL THE BEAUTIFUL LADIES. WHERE ALL THE SINGLE LADIES AT? 184 00:11:11,834 --> 00:11:13,504 SINGLE LADIES MAKE SOME NOISE! 185 00:11:16,467 --> 00:11:19,027 HOW ABOUT YOU NOT SURE? YOU FUCKING AND YOU DON'T KNOW 186 00:11:19,033 --> 00:11:22,233 WHERE YOU STAND IN A RELATIONSHIP. 187 00:11:22,233 --> 00:11:24,103 'CAUSE YOU KNOW, LADIES, WE GO WITH GUYS 188 00:11:24,100 --> 00:11:26,700 AND THEY DON'T GO BACK WITH US. 189 00:11:26,700 --> 00:11:30,100 "YOU FUCK ME GOOD, NIGGA, WE GO TOGETHER!" 190 00:11:32,066 --> 00:11:35,326 "I WISH YOU WOULD LEAVE. I'LL BEAT YOUR ASS!" 191 00:11:36,633 --> 00:11:40,173 I'M AN OLDER WOMAN. I LIKE TO FIGHT AND HAVE SEX. 192 00:11:40,166 --> 00:11:42,026 THAT'S THE BEST SEX. 193 00:11:42,033 --> 00:11:43,933 SOMETIME I PICK A FIGHT WITH A NIGGA 194 00:11:43,934 --> 00:11:46,704 SO HE CAN FUCK ME GOOD. 195 00:11:46,700 --> 00:11:48,400 HE COME IN THE HOUSE, I PUNCH HIM 196 00:11:48,400 --> 00:11:50,830 RIGHT IN HIS DAMN FACE! 197 00:11:50,834 --> 00:11:52,874 I'LL BE LIKE, "DROP YOUR DRAWERS, PLAYER. 198 00:11:52,867 --> 00:11:54,767 YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS!" 199 00:11:56,367 --> 00:11:59,467 AND I'M AN OLDER WOMAN, AND I GOT A THING FOR THE YOUNG BROTHERS. 200 00:11:59,467 --> 00:12:02,827 AND I GOT TO LEAVE THEM ALONE. I LEFT THEM ALONE 2005, 201 00:12:02,834 --> 00:12:05,504 'CAUSE SEE, THE YOUNG BROTHERS, Y'ALL CRAZY AS SHIT! 202 00:12:05,500 --> 00:12:07,800 Y'ALL BE WANTING TO HAVE SEX 203 00:12:07,800 --> 00:12:10,870 AT 3:30, 4:00 IN THE DAMN MORNING? 204 00:12:10,867 --> 00:12:13,167 I'D BE LIKE, "NIGGA, DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS? 205 00:12:13,166 --> 00:12:15,826 MY MEDICATION DONE KICKED IN!" 206 00:12:17,834 --> 00:12:20,204 I'M SLEEPIER THAN A MOTHERFUCKER! 207 00:12:20,200 --> 00:12:22,830 YOU BETTER HIT THIS PUSSY BEFORE MIDNIGHT. 208 00:12:22,834 --> 00:12:25,304 THIS SHIT DONE RAN OUT OF MINUTES!" 209 00:12:27,266 --> 00:12:29,866 AND I'M GONNA TELL Y'ALL NOW, I AIN'T GOT NO JOKES. 210 00:12:29,867 --> 00:12:32,067 I GOT FUCKING PROBLEMS. 211 00:12:32,066 --> 00:12:34,466 FAT MEN ALWAYS TRYING TO TALK TO ME. 212 00:12:34,467 --> 00:12:37,527 FAT NIGGAS ALWAYS HOLLERING AT ME. "WHAT'S UP, MA?" 213 00:12:37,533 --> 00:12:40,603 "NOT YOU, YOU FAT MOTHERFUCKER!" 214 00:12:41,567 --> 00:12:43,097 WHAT TWO FAT PEOPLE GONNA DO, 215 00:12:43,100 --> 00:12:46,000 HAVE A WORLD WRESTING FEDERATION MATCH? 216 00:12:47,133 --> 00:12:48,933 WE'D BE LAYING IN THE BED 217 00:12:48,934 --> 00:12:50,974 LOOKING LIKE TWO WRESTLERS AND SHIT! 218 00:12:50,967 --> 00:12:53,027 I LIKE SKINNY MEN, 219 00:12:53,033 --> 00:12:55,133 SKINNY MEN THAT SMOKE WEED 220 00:12:55,133 --> 00:12:58,733 SO WHEN HE GET THE MUNCHIES, WE ON THE SAME PAGE. 221 00:13:00,834 --> 00:13:03,104 HOLLER BACK AT ME, NIGGA! 222 00:13:04,300 --> 00:13:06,030 GET AT ME, DAWG! 223 00:13:06,033 --> 00:13:08,803 SOME TIMES, FELLAS, WHEN YOU WANNA GET WITH A WOMAN, 224 00:13:08,800 --> 00:13:12,070 SHUT THE FUCK UP AND BE QUIET. 225 00:13:12,066 --> 00:13:14,366 JUST NOD YOUR HEAD ALL NIGHT, DON'T SAY SHIT. 226 00:13:14,367 --> 00:13:16,567 HOW MANY TIMES, LADIES, YOU AT THE CLUB 227 00:13:16,567 --> 00:13:18,867 AND YOU ONLY KNOWN A NIGGA TWO RECORDS, 228 00:13:18,867 --> 00:13:21,467 AND HE GO UP IN YOUR EAR AND ASK YOU SOME DUMB SHIT? 229 00:13:23,033 --> 00:13:25,903 ( mumbling ) ...WANNA SUCK MY DICK? YOU WANNA SUCK A NIGGA DICK? 230 00:13:27,266 --> 00:13:29,996 LADIES, THE NEXT TIME A MAN ASKS YOU TO GO DOWNTOWN 231 00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:31,700 AND YOU DON'T KNOW HIM LIKE THAT-- 232 00:13:31,700 --> 00:13:33,370 HE BE LIKE, "YOU GO DOWNTOWN?" 233 00:13:33,367 --> 00:13:34,967 SAY "UH-HUH!" 234 00:13:34,967 --> 00:13:37,097 GO ON DOWN THERE LADIES, GO ON DOWN THERE. 235 00:13:37,100 --> 00:13:39,600 BUT WHEN YOU GET DOWN THERE JUST LOOK AROUND. 236 00:13:40,767 --> 00:13:42,367 HE GONNA BE LIKE, "BITCH, WHAT YOU DOING?" 237 00:13:42,367 --> 00:13:44,297 SAY, "NIGGA, THIS WHAT I DO 238 00:13:44,300 --> 00:13:47,030 WHEN I GO DOWNTOWN AND AIN'T GOT NO MONEY. 239 00:13:47,033 --> 00:13:49,303 I'M JUST WINDOW SHOPPING! 240 00:13:52,166 --> 00:13:54,926 NIGGA, I'M JUST LOOKING AROUND! 241 00:13:57,967 --> 00:14:01,527 AND WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME YOUR SHIT WAS 50% OFF? 242 00:14:06,367 --> 00:14:09,497 GOD DAMN, IT'S A CLEARANCE SALE OUT THIS BITCH. 243 00:14:09,500 --> 00:14:11,200 EVERYTHING MUST GO." 244 00:14:11,200 --> 00:14:13,270 NOW THE YOUNG LADIES-- Y'ALL A LOTTA YOUNG LADIES, 245 00:14:13,266 --> 00:14:15,426 Y'ALL BE LIKE, "I NEED A MAN THAT'S HOLDING. 246 00:14:15,433 --> 00:14:17,373 HE GOTTA HAVE IT ALL HANGING DOWN HERE." 247 00:14:17,367 --> 00:14:18,967 I'M TOO OLD FOR THAT SHIT! 248 00:14:18,967 --> 00:14:21,027 I DON'T WANT NO MAN WITH NO BIG OLD DICK 249 00:14:21,033 --> 00:14:23,633 FUCKING ME IN MY SPLEEN AND MY TORSO! 250 00:14:25,333 --> 00:14:28,673 NOW HE DONE BUSTED MY KIDNEYS AND I'M ON DIALYSIS. 251 00:14:29,567 --> 00:14:31,697 THREE DAYS A FUCKING WEEK! 252 00:14:31,700 --> 00:14:34,570 MY MAIN MAN IS MY OB-GYN, Y'ALL. 253 00:14:34,567 --> 00:14:36,427 I LOVE HIM. HE'S BEEN IN MY LIFE 254 00:14:36,433 --> 00:14:37,933 OVER 40-SOMETHING YEARS. 255 00:14:37,934 --> 00:14:40,304 HE 82 YEARS OLD, 256 00:14:40,300 --> 00:14:42,630 AND HE GOT PARKINSON'S DISEASE, Y'ALL. 257 00:14:42,633 --> 00:14:44,473 AND WHEN HE BE EXAMINING ME, 258 00:14:44,467 --> 00:14:46,897 HE JUST BE SHAKING AND SHIT! 259 00:14:48,700 --> 00:14:51,770 I'LL BE LIKE, "WAIT, I NEED TO SEE MY DOCTOR. MY PUSSY DON'T FEEL RIGHT. 260 00:14:51,767 --> 00:14:54,727 MY PUSSY DON'T FEEL RIGHT." 261 00:14:54,734 --> 00:14:56,534 AND I HAVE BEEN THROUGH A WHOLE LOTTA SHIT IN MY LIFE, 262 00:14:56,533 --> 00:14:59,103 JUST CELEBRATING 17 YEARS CLEAN, Y'ALL. 263 00:14:59,100 --> 00:15:01,370 USED TO BE A CRACKHEAD! 264 00:15:02,400 --> 00:15:04,100 HELL, YEAH! 265 00:15:05,633 --> 00:15:07,933 LOTTA PEOPLE DON'T BELIEVE THAT SHIT! 266 00:15:07,934 --> 00:15:10,804 THEY BE LIKE, "HOW YOU WAS ON CRACK AND YOU WAS FAT?" 267 00:15:12,433 --> 00:15:16,033 I WAS SMOKING THAT SHIT. I DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY CUT MY CRACK WITH. 268 00:15:16,033 --> 00:15:18,103 THEY MUST HAVE CUT MY SHIT WITH CRISCO, 269 00:15:18,100 --> 00:15:20,530 BETTY CROCKER AND DUNCAN HINES. 270 00:15:20,533 --> 00:15:23,803 AND I TRIED TO BE A PROSTITUTE WHEN I WAS ON CRACK. 271 00:15:23,800 --> 00:15:26,800 IT'S HARD TO SELL PUSSY WHEN YOU FEET BE FUCKED UP. 272 00:15:26,800 --> 00:15:29,270 BUT I GAVE BACK TO MY COMMUNITY 273 00:15:29,266 --> 00:15:32,196 AND I STARTED HELPING THEM HO'S GET THEIR LIVES TOGETHER. 274 00:15:32,200 --> 00:15:35,430 I SAT THEM HO'S DOWN-- I WAS A COUNSELOR IN THE REHAB. 275 00:15:35,433 --> 00:15:39,103 I SAT THEM BITCHES DOWN, I SAID, "LET ME TELL YOU HOOKERS SOMETHING. 276 00:15:39,100 --> 00:15:41,970 PROSTITUTES ARE ENTREPRENEURS." 277 00:15:41,967 --> 00:15:44,897 THEY'D BE LIKE, "BUT ROZ, WHAT WE GONNA PUT ON OUR RESUME?" 278 00:15:44,900 --> 00:15:47,700 I SAID, "WHAT THE FUCK YOU DID, BITCH. 279 00:15:47,700 --> 00:15:51,830 A PROSTITUTE AIN'T NOTHING BUT A CUSTOMER SERVICE REPRESENTATIVE. 280 00:15:53,133 --> 00:15:55,273 YOUR JOB IS TO SERVICE THE CUSTOMER." 281 00:15:55,266 --> 00:15:57,526 THEY SAID, "YOU GONNA HELP US WITH OUR RESUME?" 282 00:15:57,533 --> 00:16:00,473 I SAID, "HELL YEAH!" THEY SAID, "WHAT YOU GONNA PUT ON THERE?" 283 00:16:00,467 --> 00:16:03,967 I SAID, "HAVE YOU EVER SLEPT WITH MORE THAN ONE NIGGA AT THE SAME TIME?" 284 00:16:03,967 --> 00:16:05,697 THEY SAID, "HELL YEAH!" 285 00:16:05,700 --> 00:16:07,400 I SAID, "YOU WORK WELL WITH OTHERS. 286 00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:09,600 YOU'S A TEAM PLAYER, BITCH! 287 00:16:12,066 --> 00:16:14,396 RIGHT THAT SHIT DOWN." 288 00:16:14,400 --> 00:16:16,070 I SAID, "HAVE YOU EVER SLEPT WITH A MAN, 289 00:16:16,066 --> 00:16:17,766 AND YOU DIDN'T GET YOUR MONEY?" 290 00:16:17,767 --> 00:16:19,197 THEY SAID, "ABSOLUTELY!" 291 00:16:19,200 --> 00:16:22,200 I SAID, "THAT'S VOLUNTEER WORK, COMMUNITY SERVICE." 292 00:16:23,500 --> 00:16:26,000 I SAID, "BITCH, YOUR RESUME LOOKING REAL GOOD." 293 00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:29,700 I SAID, "WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE SEXUAL POSITION?" THEY SAID, "ALL OF 'EM." 294 00:16:29,700 --> 00:16:31,570 I SAID, "BITCH, YOU FLEXIBLE. 295 00:16:31,567 --> 00:16:33,667 THEY CAN PUT YOUR ASS IN ANY POSITION. 296 00:16:35,367 --> 00:16:39,027 HAVE YOU EVER SUCKED A DICK AND BEEN POKED IN THE ASS AT THE SAME TIME?" 297 00:16:39,033 --> 00:16:40,703 THEY SAID, "ABSOLUTELY." 298 00:16:40,700 --> 00:16:43,500 I SAID, "YOU MULTITASKING, BITCH! 299 00:16:44,900 --> 00:16:47,770 YOU CAN PERFORM A VARIETY OF TASKS SIMULTANEOUSLY 300 00:16:47,767 --> 00:16:49,597 IN A HIGH-ENERGY ENVIRONMENT." 301 00:16:49,600 --> 00:16:51,970 I SAID, "HAVE YOU EVER SLEPT WITH A MAN 302 00:16:51,967 --> 00:16:53,867 AND IT WAS OVER JUST LIKE THAT?" 303 00:16:53,867 --> 00:16:55,427 THEY SAID, "ALL THE TIME." 304 00:16:55,433 --> 00:16:57,173 I SAID, "YOU HAVE THE ABILITY 305 00:16:57,166 --> 00:17:00,366 TO GET THE JOB DONE IN A TIMELY MANNER." 306 00:17:01,667 --> 00:17:04,197 I SAID, "BITCH, YOUR RESUME LOOKING GOOD AS SHIT!" 307 00:17:04,200 --> 00:17:07,770 SHE SAID, "WHAT AM I PUT ON THERE WHEN THEY ASK ME FOR MY REFERENCES?" 308 00:17:07,767 --> 00:17:11,597 I SAID, "NAME SOME OF THEM NIGGAS YOU WERE SLEEPING WITH." 309 00:17:11,600 --> 00:17:14,000 SHE SAID, "I HAD TWO WI THE SAME LAST NAME." 310 00:17:14,000 --> 00:17:16,570 "WHAT WAS HIS LAST NAME?" "MR. JOHNSON." 311 00:17:16,567 --> 00:17:18,567 "BITCH, YOU WORKED FOR A MAJOR COMPANY. 312 00:17:18,567 --> 00:17:20,767 YOU WORKED FOR JOHNSON & JOHNSON!" 313 00:17:20,767 --> 00:17:23,397 MY NAME IS ROZ, Y'ALL. PEACE AND LOVE! 314 00:17:37,133 --> 00:17:39,933 ONE MORE TIME FOR ROZ, Y'ALL. COME ON! 315 00:17:42,900 --> 00:17:46,000 OH, SHE IS A FUCKING FOOL RIGHT THERE. 316 00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:48,400 Y'ALL HAVING A GOOD TIME? Y'ALL HAVING A GOOD TIME? 317 00:17:50,000 --> 00:17:52,300 WE GONNA KEEP THIS PARTY TRAIN ROLLING. 318 00:17:52,300 --> 00:17:53,870 MY MAN COMING TO THE STAGE-- 319 00:17:53,867 --> 00:17:55,497 Y'ALL KNOW HIM, Y'ALL SEEN HIM. 320 00:17:55,500 --> 00:17:56,970 HE NEEDS NO INTRODUCTION. 321 00:17:56,967 --> 00:17:58,727 STRAIGHT OUT OF ATLANTA, GIVE IT UP FOR 322 00:17:58,734 --> 00:18:01,104 DON "D.C." CURRY! 323 00:18:12,767 --> 00:18:15,197 ALL RIGHT! 324 00:18:15,200 --> 00:18:17,970 DEF JAM! WHAT'S HAPPENING, Y'ALL? 325 00:18:17,967 --> 00:18:21,027 DAMN, IT'S GOOD TO BE HERE. GOOD TO BE BACK! 326 00:18:21,033 --> 00:18:23,133 GOOD TO BE ALIVE, AIN'T IT? 327 00:18:23,133 --> 00:18:25,103 I KNOW THE WORLD IS FUCKED UP, 328 00:18:25,100 --> 00:18:26,830 BUT IF YOU WANNA COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS, 329 00:18:26,834 --> 00:18:28,704 YOU CAN START WITH THAT SHIT RIGHT THERE. 330 00:18:28,700 --> 00:18:30,570 RYBODY IN HERE EV HAS SURVIVED, 331 00:18:30,567 --> 00:18:32,597 SO MY ASS IS GLAD THAT THEY BE HERE. 332 00:18:32,600 --> 00:18:34,400 I WOULDN'T TAKE NOTHING FOR THIS SHIT. 333 00:18:34,400 --> 00:18:35,970 I AIN'T MAD AT GOD. 334 00:18:35,967 --> 00:18:38,367 I AIN'T MAD AT GOD-- 335 00:18:38,367 --> 00:18:41,127 I KNOW SHIT SEEM TO BE FUCKED UP RIGHT NOW. 336 00:18:41,133 --> 00:18:42,633 FOLKS STILL DYING, THOUGH? 337 00:18:42,633 --> 00:18:45,173 SO I'M COUNTING MY BLESSINGS, 'CAUSE MY ASS IS ALIVE. 338 00:18:45,166 --> 00:18:47,866 AND IT LOOK LIKE THE WRONG DAMN FOLK IS DYING. 339 00:18:47,867 --> 00:18:50,267 FOLK DYING THAT AIN'T DONE SHIT. 340 00:18:50,266 --> 00:18:53,596 AND YOUR SORRY ASS IS STILL AROUND THIS MOTHERFUCKER. 341 00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:55,400 IT DON'T SEEM RIGHT! 342 00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:56,900 I BE QUESTIONING GOD. 343 00:18:56,900 --> 00:18:59,330 WHY WOULD YOU TAKE RICHARD PRYOR? 344 00:18:59,333 --> 00:19:00,833 BADDEST MAN THAT EVER LIVED. 345 00:19:00,834 --> 00:19:02,674 WHAT WOULD YOU TAKE RICHARD PRYOR 346 00:19:02,667 --> 00:19:05,227 AND LEAVE LITTLE RICHARD'S SISSY ASS? 347 00:19:11,567 --> 00:19:14,327 SOMETIME HE BE PICKING UP FOLK IN GROUPS. 348 00:19:14,333 --> 00:19:15,773 HE TRYING TO SAVE GAS. 349 00:19:15,767 --> 00:19:18,627 JUST PICK UP A GROUP OF MOTHERFUCKERS AT ONE TIME. 350 00:19:18,633 --> 00:19:21,173 ALL THEM JOHNNIES WAS DYING AT ONE TIME-- 351 00:19:21,166 --> 00:19:23,196 JOHNNY CARSON, JOHNNIE COCHRAN, 352 00:19:23,200 --> 00:19:25,330 JOHNNY "GUITAR" WATSON, 353 00:19:25,333 --> 00:19:27,303 JOHNNY CASH, JOHNNIE TAYLOR-- 354 00:19:27,300 --> 00:19:30,100 GOD DAMN, I'M GLAD MY NAME AIN'T JOHNNY. 355 00:19:30,100 --> 00:19:32,170 THEM MOTHERFUCKERS CHECKING OUT! 356 00:19:33,367 --> 00:19:36,027 WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT JOHNNIE COCHRAN BE DEAD? 357 00:19:36,033 --> 00:19:38,203 AND OJ'S IGNORANT ASS STILL RIDING AROUND 358 00:19:38,200 --> 00:19:41,100 SLAPPING THE SHIT OUT OF WHITE FOLK AT TRAFFIC LIGHTS. 359 00:19:42,600 --> 00:19:45,270 WHY WOULD YOU TAKE BARRY WHITE? 360 00:19:45,266 --> 00:19:47,466 BAD CROONER, AIN'T BOTHERED NOBODY, 361 00:19:47,467 --> 00:19:49,597 AIN'T NOBODY FUCKED WITH HIM. 362 00:19:49,600 --> 00:19:51,230 WHY BARRY WHITE DEAD 363 00:19:51,233 --> 00:19:53,903 IF 50 CENT STILL ALIVE, GET SHOT 87 TIMES? 364 00:19:55,066 --> 00:19:58,126 MOTHERFUCKER JUST REFUSED TO DIE. OUCH! 365 00:19:59,166 --> 00:20:02,396 WHY WOULD YOU TAKE LUTHER VANDROSS? 366 00:20:02,400 --> 00:20:04,930 BADDEST BALLADEER THAT EVER LIVED. 367 00:20:04,934 --> 00:20:07,934 "SECRET LOVE," SO AMAZING. 368 00:20:07,934 --> 00:20:10,704 "DANCE WITH MY FATHER," "HOUSE IS NOT A HOME." 369 00:20:10,700 --> 00:20:12,700 WHY WOULD YOU TAKE LUTHER FROM US 370 00:20:12,700 --> 00:20:15,800 AND LEAVE US WITH BOBBY BROWN? 371 00:20:23,567 --> 00:20:25,667 I KNOW Y'ALL SEEN THE SHOW. 372 00:20:25,667 --> 00:20:27,667 "BEING BOBBY BROWN." THAT'S THE DUMBEST SHIT 373 00:20:27,667 --> 00:20:29,227 I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY GODDAMN-- 374 00:20:29,233 --> 00:20:31,133 THAT'S THE DUMBEST GROUP OF MOTHERFUCKERS 375 00:20:31,133 --> 00:20:33,403 I'VE SEEN IN A LONG GODDAMN TIME. 376 00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:36,170 TOOK A TOLL ON YOUR ASS, DIDN'T IT? 377 00:20:36,166 --> 00:20:39,666 'CAUSE YOU DIDN'T WANNA BELIEVE WHITNEY'S ASS WAS ON THAT SHIT. 378 00:20:39,667 --> 00:20:42,527 YOUR ASS BEEN IN DENIAL. YOU BETTER COME TO GRIPS WITH REALITY. 379 00:20:42,533 --> 00:20:44,173 SOMETHING WRONG WITH THAT HEIFER. 380 00:20:44,166 --> 00:20:46,096 I LOVE HER MUSIC TOO, BUT GODDAMN IT, 381 00:20:46,100 --> 00:20:47,900 SHE AIN'T WRAPPED TOO MOTHERFUCKING TIGHT. 382 00:20:47,900 --> 00:20:50,270 THAT'S THE REALITY BLACK FOLK GOT TO FACE. 383 00:20:50,266 --> 00:20:53,396 WE NEED TO STOP DAMN SUPPORTING THE WRONG SHIT. 384 00:20:53,400 --> 00:20:55,730 FACE REALITY. THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG WITH MICHAEL JACKSON. 385 00:20:55,734 --> 00:20:57,934 I DON'T GIVE A SHIT IF HE THE BADDEST ENTERTAINER THAT EVER LIVED. 386 00:20:57,934 --> 00:21:00,674 MOTHERFUCKER'S 48 YEARS OLD. TALKING ABOUT THERE AIN'T NOTHING WRONG 387 00:21:00,667 --> 00:21:03,597 WITH SLEEPING WITH YOUR CHILDREN. GOT CHILDREN OF HIS OWN, 388 00:21:03,600 --> 00:21:06,100 HE DON'T EVER INVITE THEM MOTHERFUCKERS TO THE PARTY. 389 00:21:06,100 --> 00:21:08,300 DON'T EVEN WANT US TO LOOK AT THEM. 390 00:21:08,300 --> 00:21:11,400 THEY COME OUT IN PUBLIC, GOT MASKS ON AND UMBRELLAS AND SHIT. 391 00:21:11,400 --> 00:21:13,070 BUT IT'S ALL RIGHT FOR YOU TO SLEEP-- 392 00:21:13,066 --> 00:21:15,826 WELL, I DON'T FEEL BAD 'CAUSE HE GOT OFF IN THE TRIAL. 393 00:21:15,834 --> 00:21:17,974 'CAUSE THE WOMAN THAT LET HER CHILD 394 00:21:17,967 --> 00:21:20,527 GO STAY WITH MICHAEL JACKSON NEED HER ASS LOCKED UP. 395 00:21:20,533 --> 00:21:22,633 I JUST FEEL BAD FOR THE CHILDREN. 396 00:21:24,166 --> 00:21:25,796 I FEEL BAD FOR THE CHILDREN. 397 00:21:25,800 --> 00:21:28,570 I FEEL BAD FOR THEM ANIMALS AT NEVERLAND AND SHIT. 398 00:21:28,567 --> 00:21:31,927 AIN'T NO TELLING WHAT THE FUCK HE DONE DONE TO THEM. 399 00:21:31,934 --> 00:21:34,704 BACKED THAT GIRAFFE'S ASS RIGHT UP TO THAT FERRIS WHEEL, 400 00:21:34,700 --> 00:21:37,200 AND TATTOOED THAT MOTHERFUCKER! 401 00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:39,200 THAT'S WHY HE HAD THEM LITTLE POLKA DOTS ON HIS DICK AND SHIT 402 00:21:39,200 --> 00:21:40,730 WHEN HE TOOK THE PICTURE AND SHIT! 403 00:21:43,567 --> 00:21:46,667 BLACK FOLK NEED TO FACE REALITY. 404 00:21:46,667 --> 00:21:48,727 WHITE FOLK NEED TO FACE SOME SHIT TOO NOW. 405 00:21:48,734 --> 00:21:50,404 WHITE FOLK, FACE IT, CHICKEN IS GOOD. 406 00:21:50,400 --> 00:21:52,270 YOU PUTTING IT IN CHICKEN POT PIES AND SHIT, 407 00:21:52,266 --> 00:21:54,796 TRYING TO COVER IT UP. YOU LIKE CHICKEN. 408 00:21:54,800 --> 00:21:58,130 DALE EARNHARDT DIED 'CAUSE HE WAS A RACE CAR DRIVER. 409 00:21:58,133 --> 00:22:00,303 THAT SHIT IS MOTHERFUCKING DANGEROUS. 410 00:22:00,300 --> 00:22:03,230 YOU SPENDING $15 MILLION TRYING TO FIGURE OUT 411 00:22:03,233 --> 00:22:05,073 WHAT KILLED DALE EARNHARDT? 412 00:22:05,066 --> 00:22:06,726 200 MILES A GODDAMN HOUR, 413 00:22:06,734 --> 00:22:08,234 THAT'S WHAT KILLED HIS ASS. 414 00:22:08,233 --> 00:22:10,773 ALL THEM FUCKING LEFT-HANDED TURNS-- 415 00:22:10,767 --> 00:22:13,127 THAT'D KILL YOUR ASS SOONER OR LATER. 416 00:22:13,133 --> 00:22:16,603 WHITE FOLK, YOU CAN'T USE "NIGGA" LIKE BLACK FOLK. THAT'S THE BOTTOM LINE. 417 00:22:16,600 --> 00:22:19,200 STOP DEBATING ABOUT IT, STOP ASKING ME WHY. 418 00:22:19,200 --> 00:22:21,900 THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT GODDAMN IS. 419 00:22:21,900 --> 00:22:23,930 AIN'T NO WHY. 420 00:22:23,934 --> 00:22:26,374 WHY CAN BLACK FOLK USE IT AND WHITE FOLK CAN'T USE-- 421 00:22:26,367 --> 00:22:28,367 THAT'S THE WAY IT FUCKING IS! 422 00:22:28,367 --> 00:22:30,097 AIN'T NO FUCKING WHY. 423 00:22:30,100 --> 00:22:32,270 YOU EVEN GOT SOME BLACK FOLK TRIPPING ON ME. 424 00:22:32,266 --> 00:22:34,596 "D.C., YOU OUGHT TO STOP USING NIGGA." 425 00:22:34,600 --> 00:22:36,830 WELL, TO ALL THOSE FOLK THAT I'VE OFFENDED, 426 00:22:36,834 --> 00:22:40,104 I'D LIKE TO SAY, "NIGGA, PLEASE." 427 00:22:43,266 --> 00:22:46,066 I DON'T OWE NOBODY NO EXPLANATION FOR USING IT. 428 00:22:46,066 --> 00:22:47,766 BLACK FOLK USE IT. THAT'S THE BOTTOM LINE. 429 00:22:47,767 --> 00:22:50,167 WHITE FOLK CAN'T USE IT LIKE WE USE IT, 430 00:22:50,166 --> 00:22:52,426 THAT'S JUST THE WAY THE SHIT IS. 431 00:22:52,433 --> 00:22:53,873 GET OVER THIS SHIT! 432 00:22:53,867 --> 00:22:57,067 AND SOME SHIT, THE ONLY WAY TO RESPOND TO THE SHIT 433 00:22:57,066 --> 00:23:00,896 IS "NIGGA, PLEASE." YOU CUT OUT A WHOLE LOT OF EXPLANATIONS AND SHIT. 434 00:23:00,900 --> 00:23:04,270 AIN'T GOT TIME TO EXPLAIN THIS SHIT TO YOU. 435 00:23:04,266 --> 00:23:06,526 WHY'S THIS MOTHERFUCKER RIDICULOUS? 436 00:23:06,533 --> 00:23:09,503 JUST SAY, "NIGGA, PLEASE." 437 00:23:09,500 --> 00:23:11,270 COME ON, Y'ALL, SAY IT WITH ME ONE TIME. 438 00:23:11,266 --> 00:23:13,366 - NIGGA-- - All: PLEASE! 439 00:23:13,367 --> 00:23:16,667 COME ON, WHITE FOLK, THIS YOUR CHANCE. NOW COOPERATE! 440 00:23:28,133 --> 00:23:31,003 THAT'S RIGHT. SOMETIMES WHEN SHIT GO DOWN, 441 00:23:31,000 --> 00:23:32,700 THAT'S ALL YOUR ASS CAN SAY. 442 00:23:32,700 --> 00:23:34,330 THOUGH IT SOUND A LITTLE FUCKED UP, 443 00:23:34,333 --> 00:23:37,573 BUT THERE'S NO BETTER EXPLANATION FOR SOME RIDICULOUS SHIT. 444 00:23:37,567 --> 00:23:39,567 WHEN MICHAEL IRVIN GOT CAUGHT 445 00:23:39,567 --> 00:23:42,227 WITH THE CRACK AND THE PIPE IN THE CAR, 446 00:23:42,233 --> 00:23:44,903 HE SAID, "I WANNA HAVE A PRESS CONFERENCE. 447 00:23:44,900 --> 00:23:46,500 I GOT AN EXPLANATION RIGHT AWAY." 448 00:23:46,500 --> 00:23:48,600 I WHISPERED TO MYSELF, "NIGGA, WHAT?" 449 00:23:51,533 --> 00:23:54,533 IT SOUND LIKE SOME CRACKHEAD SHIT HERE! 450 00:23:54,533 --> 00:23:57,773 BADDEST RECEIVER THAT EVER LIVED, HIM AND JERRY RICE. 451 00:23:57,767 --> 00:23:59,467 BUT YOU GOT A EXPLANATION OF WHY 452 00:23:59,467 --> 00:24:02,297 THE CRACK AND THE CRACK PIPE WAS UP UNDER YOUR SEAT? 453 00:24:02,300 --> 00:24:04,570 MICHAEL IRVING SAID, "IT WAS THANKSGIVING 454 00:24:04,567 --> 00:24:07,067 AND I WAS FEELING THANKS-GIVEE. 455 00:24:08,900 --> 00:24:11,470 SO I WENT TO PICK UP MY CRACKHEAD BUDDY IN THE 'HOOD, 456 00:24:11,467 --> 00:24:13,167 BROUGHT HIM BACK TO THE MANSION. 457 00:24:13,166 --> 00:24:14,796 BUT BEFORE I TOOK HIM IN, 458 00:24:14,800 --> 00:24:17,830 I SEARCHED HIM TO SEE DID HE HAVE ANY CRACK PARAPHERNALIA ON HIM. 459 00:24:17,834 --> 00:24:21,174 AND I FOUND A CRACK PIPE AND SOME CRACK." 460 00:24:21,166 --> 00:24:23,726 NO! ON A CRACKHEAD? REALLY? 461 00:24:25,934 --> 00:24:28,704 "I TOOK THE SHIT OUT AND HE HID IT UP UNDER THE SEAT 462 00:24:28,700 --> 00:24:31,430 'CAUSE I DIDN'T WANNA TAKE IT IN MY HOUSE AND THROW IT IN THE TRASH 463 00:24:31,433 --> 00:24:34,073 'CAUSE PEOPLE BE GOING THROUGH MY TRASH." 464 00:24:34,066 --> 00:24:37,066 RIGHT THERE I SAID, "NIGGA, WHAT? 465 00:24:37,066 --> 00:24:38,966 NIGGA, PLEASE!" 466 00:24:38,967 --> 00:24:41,097 "THEN THE CRACKHEAD-- BROUGHT HIM BACK OUT THE HOUSE, 467 00:24:41,100 --> 00:24:43,570 PUT HIM IN THE CAR, TOOK HIM HOME, 468 00:24:43,567 --> 00:24:48,167 AND FORGOT THE CRACK AND THE CRACK PIPE 469 00:24:48,166 --> 00:24:50,426 WAS IN MY CAR." 470 00:24:50,433 --> 00:24:54,403 NOW YOU MAY TAKE A CRACKHEAD'S CRACK AND PIPE AND HIDE IT. 471 00:24:54,400 --> 00:24:56,870 YOU MAY DROP THE CRACKHEAD OFF. 472 00:24:56,867 --> 00:25:00,097 YOU MAY FORGET THE CRACK AND THE CRACK PIPE 473 00:25:00,100 --> 00:25:02,000 IS IN YOUR GODDAMN CAR. 474 00:25:02,000 --> 00:25:04,000 BUT YOU WANT ME TO BELIEVE 475 00:25:04,000 --> 00:25:05,700 THAT THE CRACKHEAD... 476 00:25:07,133 --> 00:25:09,903 FORGOT THE CRACK AND THE PIPE 477 00:25:09,900 --> 00:25:13,170 WAS UP UNDER YOUR GODDAMN SEAT? 478 00:25:13,166 --> 00:25:15,666 - NIGGA! - All: PLEASE! 479 00:25:15,667 --> 00:25:18,027 I'M D.C. CURRY. 480 00:25:19,400 --> 00:25:21,970 Epps: DON "D.C." CURRY! 481 00:25:25,400 --> 00:25:27,230 RUSSELL SIMMONS, Y'ALL! 482 00:25:35,867 --> 00:25:39,467 THANK YOU FOR COMING OUT. GOD BLESS YOU, GOOD NIGHT! 483 00:25:43,500 --> 00:25:45,600 ( theme music playing ) 484 00:25:45,650 --> 00:25:50,200 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0 37656

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